Chicken Run

DOG PANTS

DOG GROWLS

Shush!

SHE WHIMPERS

(I'm stuck!)

SHE TUTS

SHE MOANS

-DOGS BARK

-Get back.

DOGS BARK FRANTICALLY

THEY SNARL

Mr Tweedy?

What is that chicken doing outside the fence?

Ooh! I don't know, luv, I...

Just deal with it. Now!

I'll teach you to make a fool out of me.

Ugh!

Let that be a lesson to you!

No chicken escapes from Tweedy's Farm!

CHICKEN SNORES

THEY ALL GASP

CONFUSED, MUFFLED SHOUTS

Stop!

SHE GASPS

Come on!

-SHE TUTS

-Oh!

SHE YELLS

DING DING

DOG SNARLS

CHICKEN SCREAMS

BOTH: Huh?

THEY ALL SCREAM

BANGING

GINGER GRUNTS

Morning, Ginger. Back from holiday?

I wasn't on holiday, Babs. I was in solitary confinement.

-It's nice to get time to yourself.

-BELL RINGS

-HE CLEARS THROAT

-Roll call! Come along. You'll be late for parade.

Pip pip. Quick march. Left right, left right!

-Come on, smarten up!

-Ow!

Discipline! In my RAF days,

when the senior officer called for a scramble,

you'd hop in the old crate and chocks away!

Give over, you fool! They just want to count us.

How dare you talk back to a senior officer? In my RAF days...

Fowler, they're coming. In line.

Right!

There'll be a reprimand for you. You're grounded.

Atten...tion!

-SCOTTISH ACCENT:

-(Welcome back. Is there a new plan?)

THEY ALL GULP

I thought we tried going under.

Ah, over. Right.

How's the egg count?

I laid five today.

-Well chuffed, I was.

-Shush!

< Oh, no.

-THEY ALL GASP

-< Edwina...

-Why didn't you give her some?

-I would have.

She didn't tell me. She didn't tell anyone.

SHE SQUAWKS

GATE CLOSES

Ooh! Is Edwina off on holiday?

THUD

DISTANT BIRD CALLS

SHE SIGHS

We've got to get out of here.

Ginger? Are we still on?

Oh, yes. Spread the word, Mac.

Meeting tonight in hut 17.

SHE KNOCKS AT DOOR

Oh!

-You called? Nick and...

-Fetcher.

..at your service.

DISTANT BARKING

Here.

-We need some more things.

-Right, miss.

-How about this hand-crafted tea set?

-Or this necklace and pendant?

Or this, all the rage in the chicken coops of Paris?

Simply pop it on, and as the French hens say, voila!

That is French.

Two hats in one, miss. For parties.

For weddings. Oh, Madame!

-You look like a vision, a dream.

-A duck.

No, thank you. We're making this. We need these things.

-Can you get them?

-Oh...

This is a big job, miss. Bigger than the others. This is gonna cost.

Same as always. One bag of seed.

-You call this pay?

-It's chicken feed.

-What else could we give you?

-Eggs.

-Our eggs are too valuable.

-And so are we.

After you, Fetcher.

-After I what?

-Move!

RADIO PLAYS

Hmm!

22 and nine.

14 shillings and thruppence.

Seven and sixpence times three.

Two and nine.

Fourpence ha'penny.

Oh! Stupid, worthless creatures!

I'm sick and tired of making minuscule profits.

Hmm...

Hmm!

Oh, yes.

Those chickens are up to summat.

Quiet. I'm onto something.

-They're organised, I know it.

-I said quiet.

That ginger one, she's their leader.

Mr Tweedy!

I may have found a way to make money, and what are you on about?

-Silly notions of escaping chickens.

-B-B-But...!

It's all in your head, Mr Tweedy. Say it.

It's all in me head.

You keep telling yourself that,

because I don't want to hear another word about it. Clear?

Yes, luv... But you know that ginger one...?

They're chickens!

Apart from you, they're the most stupid creatures alive.

They don't plot, they don't scheme, and they are not organised!

Order! Order!

Quiet, everyone!

Settle down.

I'd like to call to order... Oh, please!

Quiet there! Let's have some discipline, what, what?

-Thank you.

-In my RAF days,

we had no time for chitchat.

-Yes, thank you, Fowler.

-I...

-Right.

-HE CLEARS THROAT

Carry on.

Now, I know our last escape attempt was a bit of a fiasco.

But Mac and I have got a new plan.

Right. We tried going under the wire and that didnae work.

So the plan is, we go over it.

-CHICKENS MURMUR

-This is us, right?

We get in like this...

wind her up, and let her go!

THEY ALL SCREAM

Good grief! The turnip's bought it.

-The farmer's coming!

-DUCK CALL

THEY ALL SCREAM

Operation Cover-Up!

Ouch!

Huh?

CLUCKING

< Mr Tweedy!

Ooh! Ouch!

Where are you?

It's all in your head. It's all in your head.

Think, everyone, think. What haven't we tried yet?

-What about not trying to escape?

-Hmm. That might work.

What about Edwina?

How many more empty nests will it take?

Perhaps if she'd spent more time laying,

-and less time escaping...

-So, laying eggs,

-and getting roasted is fine for you?

-It's a living.

The problem is the fences aren't just outside, they're in your heads.

There's...a better place out there,

somewhere beyond that hill.

It has wide-open spaces and lots of trees.

And grass.

Can you imagine that?

Cool, green grass.

-Who feeds us?

-We feed ourselves.

-Where's the farm?

-There isn't one.

-Where does the farmer live?

-There is no farmer.

-Is he on holiday?

-He isn't anywhere. Don't you get it?

There's no egg count, farmers, dogs,

and keys, and no fences!

In all my life, I've never heard such a fantastic...load of tripe!

Face it, ducks. The chances of us getting out are a million to one.

Then there's still a chance.

CHICKEN YELPS

SHE SOBS

What am I doing? Who are you trying to fool? You can't lead these...

SHE GROANS

Heaven help us.

DISTANT RUMBLE

DISTANT YELL

Freedo-o-o-om!

GINGER LAUGHS

Aaargh...!

HE SPLUTTERS

Whoa!

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, you've been a wonderful audience.

-Ouch!

-By 'eck!

-SHE GASPS

-That's it!

-DOGS BARK

Get him inside, quickly!

DOGS SNARL

-This is our way out of here.

-We'll make posters?

What's on the poster, Babs? What's on the poster? We'll fly out.

He must be important to be on a poster. What does he do?

He's a professional flying rooster. He goes about giving demonstrations.

-Do you suppose?

-Absolutely.

Not in there. Get out! Got to get...

Uh! Eesh! Argh!

Who are you? Where am I? What's going on? Ouch!

-What happened to my wing?

-You fell.

Spraining a tendon.

I gave her a wee bit of a tweak jimmy and wrapped her up.

-Was that English?

-She fixed your wing.

-I made the bandage.

-I carried you in.

Whoa, whoa!

Whoa.

Let's start from the top. Where am I?

How rude of us. We're just exci...

-This is a chicken farm.

-And we're the chickens.

I'm with you so far.

I don't like him. His eyes are too close together.

-Fowler!

-And he's a Yank!

-Cockfighting's illegal in my country.

-Where is that exactly?

The land of the free and home of the brave.

Scotland!

No! America.

-ALL:

-Oooh, America!

Poppycock! Pushy Americans.

Always showing up late for every war. Overpaid, oversexed,

and over here!

What's eating Grandpa?

Don't mind him, Mr..?

Rocky. Rocky the Rhode Island Red. Rhodes for short.

-Rocky Rhodes?

-Catchy, ain't it?

Erm, Mr Rhodes, is this you?

Er, who wants to know?

A group of desperate chickens. If it is you,

you might be the answer to our prayers.

THEY GIGGLE

Then call me a miracle, doll face, because that's me.

-ALL:

-Ooh!

What brings you to England?

All the beautiful English chicks, of course.

Give over!

I'm a traveller by nature. I did that barnyard thing for a while,

but I couldn't get into it. Hi, how are you?

Nope. The open road is more my style.

Give me a backpack and point me where the wind blows.

GASPS OF ADMIRATION

Know what they call me back home? The Lone Free Ranger.

-HENS:

-Ooh!

-Isn't that great?

-I knew it was possible.

-It is.

We'll fly over that fence,

and Mr Rhodes will show us how. Right?

That's... Ooh, what?! Did you say fly?

-You can teach us.

-No, I can't.

Listen. Shh. You hear that? SILENCE

That's the open road calling my name. I have to answer that. Bye.

He must have very good hearing.

Where's the exit? This way.

Mr Rhodes, perhaps I didn't explain our situation properly.

We lay eggs, day in, day out,

and when we can't lay any more, they kill us.

It's a cruel world. Get used to it.

Which part of "kill us" do you not understand?

I got my own problems. This birdcage can't be hard to bust out of. Watch.

It's not so hard to get one chicken out, or even two.

But this is about all of us.

-All of you?

-I've been trying to tell you.

Let me get this straight. You want to get everyone out at the same time?

-Of course.

-You're certifiable!

You can't pull off a stunt like that.

-Where there's a will, there's a way.

-Right.

And I WILL be leaving that WAY.

-Mr Rhodes!

-# I'm the type of guy

# That likes to roam around... # MOTOR HORN SOUNDS

HE GASPS

So that's it! You're from the circus.

-Shh!

-You're on the run, aren't you?

Wanna keep it down? I'm trying to lay low.

-DOORBELL RINGS

-I should turn you in right now.

-You wouldn't. Would you?

-Give me one reason not to.

Because I'm...cute?

SHE CLUCKS

You crazy chick.

-Know what'll happen if he finds me?

-It's a cruel world.

I just decided I don't like you.

I don't care.

-Show us how to fly. Teach us.

-I can't. No!

SHE CLUCKS LOUDLY

He's valuable, you say?

-Sure.

-Get the torch.

I'm not going back to that life.

I'm a Lone Free Ranger, emphasis on "free".

That's what we want. Freedom.

HE GASPS

Fancy that. They're coming.

Oh, no! They're onto me!

Teach us to fly and we'll hide you.

And if I don't? SHE CLUCKS LOUDLY

Was your father a vulture?

Do we have a deal?

GATE OPENS

HE GASPS

Time to make good on that deal, doll.

The name is Ginger.

-Comfortable?

-Not really.

Maybe this'll help.

Ow! Nice hideout(!) I had more room in my egg.

Tomorrow, you hold up your end of the deal.

-What deal?

-Flying!

Right. Don't worry. I'll teach you everything I know.

Now, which bunk is mine?

-ALL:

-Me! Here!

Absolutely outrageous!

Asking a senior officer to share his quarters,

and with a non-commissioned Yank! Why, back in my day, I'd never...

You weren't my first choice, either.

Scoot over. Your wing's on my side.

Your side? The whole bunk is my side of the bunk!

What's that smell? Is that your breath?

Absolutely outrageous!

HENS CHATTER EXCITEDLY

So, you want to fly?

Well, it ain't gonna be easy. And it ain't gonna happen overnight.

Flying takes three things. Hard work,

perseverance, and...hard work.

You said "hard work" twice!

Because it takes twice as much work as perseverance.

-Codswallop!

-HENS LAUGH

Cocky Yanks think they know it all.

Now the most important thing is, we have to work as a team,

meaning you do everything I tell you.

MURMURS OF AGREEMENT

Right! Let's rock'n'roll!

Ooh!

-ALL:

-Ooh!

THEY ALL PANT

HE LAUGHS, EMBARRASSED

Ooh. Ow!

Mrs Tweedy! The chickens are...

THEY CLUCK

Pecking?

Left, two, three.

And right, two, three.

And stop right there. Oh, yeah. Down.

Yeah. Make little circles. That's it. Faster.

Faster... Oh, yes.

Perfect... Oh, that's the spot.

HE SIGHS CONTENTEDLY

-GINGER:

-Ahem!

-Ooh!

I thought you were teaching us how to fly.

That's what I'm doing.

Isn't flapping usually involved?

Hey! Do I tell you how to lay eggs?

Relax. We're making progress.

Really? I can't help feeling we're going round in circles.

Cut it out! You're making me dizzy.

-I think they're ready to fly.

-Good. Because they can't walk.

THEY ALL GROAN

Up and at 'em, gals. Let's flap.

Fetcher, let's see if old Attila the Hen has come to her senses.

SHE SCREAMS

ANOTHER HEN SCREAMS

It's raining hen!

What's this caper, luv?

-We're flying.

-Obviously!

-NICK:

-Flippin' hell. Look at this.

They'll kill themselves.

Want to watch?

Yeah, all right.

-NICK AND FETCHER:

-Ooh! Aah!

THUD

-Oi! Careful of those eggs!

-THEY LAUGH

HEN SCREAMS

-CLANG NICK:

-Sunny side up.

Now they're over easy!

-NICK:

-Definitely scrambled.

Go! Go! Go!

Go! Go! Go! Go!

Go!

-Poultry in motion!

-NICK LAUGHS

Birds of a feather flop together!

CRASH

Great work, ladies. The pain you're feeling is good.

Pain is your friend. It's positive.

Keep the faith, what was your name? Agnes.

Ducky, you flew four feet today.

Right, from the roof to the ground!

Part of the process. Don't worry. You cheesy little...

RUMBLING Woah!

That doesn't sound good. OK, the ground's shaking. Are we worried?

Are we worried?

The circus! Quick, hide me! Hide me!

Come on.

One isn't awarded a medal like this for flapping about like a lunatic.

This is an officer's quarters!

-In here.

-Out!

Give it a rest, Pops.

Out! I'll have you on a charge within the week.

Cheers, mate.

ALL WHISTLE INNOCENTLY

It's all in your head. It's all in your head.

Ooh.

What...What's all this, then?

This is our future, Mr Tweedy.

No more petty egg collection and minuscule profits.

No eggs? But we've always been egg farmers.

Me father, his father, their fathers. They was always...

Poor...worthless...nothings! But all that's about to change.

This will take Tweedy's Farm out of the Dark Ages

and into full-scale automated production.

HE GASPS

Melisha Tweedy will be poor no more.

Ooh!

I'll put it together then, shall I?

This isn't good, Mac. That's for us. And I don't think it's softer hay.

Aye. I hate to be the voice of doom, but I've been calculating,

and we're not built for flying.

But I saw him fly in over that fence.

I believe you.

But if we could just see it, it might answer some questions.

You're right. We've been at this all week and we're getting nowhere.

If his wing were better, he could... I'll have a word with him.

Where is he?

I didn't get a medal for being a Yank nanny.

"I don't know" would suffice.

Beware of that one, young Ginger.

That Yank is not to be trusted.

That Yank is our ticket out of here.

The pig says to the horse, "Hey, why the long face?"

THEY ALL LAUGH

Look, look, look.

-Cocktail!

-Give over!

Ah.

So, erm, anyway...

Remember those flying tips. They're important.

And keep thinking those flighty thoughts.

They're swell. Babs even made me a beak warmer.

MUFFLED: Isn't that cute?

And that Bunty, she really packs a pun...

-Is there a problem?

-Have we flown?

-Not quite.

-Then there's a problem.

-Patience, doll face.

-Ginger!

How long did you take?

-To do what?

-Learn to fly.

Apples and oranges. I'm gifted, they're not. You can't compare us.

-It takes time.

-Which we don't have.

-We haven't even lifted off. Why?

-Thrust.

I went over my calculations. What we're missing is thrust.

I didn't get a word of that.

Thrust! When ducks and geese take off, they have thrust.

She ain't using real words.

She said we need more thrust.

Oh. Of course we do.

Thrust and flying are like this. That's flying, that's thrust.

-Will you excuse us?

-Aye.

-The wing!

-If we don't see results by tomorrow,

the deal's off.

The farmers will find you, and it's back to the circus.

You're the first chick I ever met with the shell still on.

Sleep tight, angel face. The Rock's on the case.

Ginger!

Phew!

-FOWLER:

-Ahem! Cock-a-doodle-doo!

What, what?

-NICK:

-It was a beaut, guv'nor,

-if I say so meself.

-I say so meself, too.

I wish I'd seen it.

We slipped into the farmer's room.

-Like a fish.

-Yeah, and...

Like a fish? You stupid Norbert.

Anyway, guv, here it is.

El merchandiso.

What are these crooks doing here?

-So, you know each other?

-She don't think we're valuable.

You are the sneakiest, most light-fingered thieving parasites.

Oh, don't. Stop it.

I've gone bright red.

-So, how about them eggs?

-You didn't promise them...

Yep, every egg I lay this month.

When can we expect the first instalment?

I'm brewing one up now. I'll keep you posted.

Pleasure doing business with you, sir.

Sucker.

-What?

-You lied to them.

I didn't lie, doll face. I just omitted certain truths.

-I'll give them what I promised.

-Nothing.

-Which is what I'll give them.

-And what will you give us?

Thrust.

You OK, sweetheart? Good.

This will just get you going. It's a thrust exercise.

-The tension's killing me!

-It'll kill her.

Release!

Come on! Flap!

You can do it. Flap, flap, flap!

SHE SCREECHES

Yes!

Is that your first of-fence?

CRASH

THUD

Oops.

BELL RINGS

Roll call! I haven't laid any eggs.

-Hide me.

-Three days and not one. Oh, no!

-Why didn't you say?

-We've been busy with flying.

-They're coming!

-Hide me!

Hide yourself!

Oh!

SHE WHIMPERS

SHE GULPS

MRS TWEEDY SNIGGERS

Double their food rations.

I want them all as fat as this one.

SHE SIGHS

All of me life flashed before me eyes!

It was really boring.

Chicken feed! My favourite.

Wait. Wait.

Ooh!

No, wait!

Babs, please!

Stop it! Wait! Stop!

Stop it!

Something is wrong here. Can't you see that?

Strange boxes arrive. Babs stops laying,

but they don't take her to the chop. Now, extra food.

Don't you see? They're fattening us up.

They're going to kill us all!

THEY ALL GULP

Whoa! Heavy alert.

She didn't mean that, gals.

-Do you mind?

-Keep eating. Save some for me.

What are you doing? Let go of me!

I've met some hard-boiled eggs before, but you're about 20 minutes!

Meaning what?

Lighten up. In America our rule is,

if you want to motivate someone, don't mention death!

Funny. Here the rule is always tell the truth.

That's worked like a charm!

You gotta tell them what they want to hear.

-You mean lie.

-Here we go again.

You know what your problem is? You're...difficult!

Why? Because I'm honest? I care what happens to them.

The Lone Free Ranger wouldn't know about that.

Well, I hope you never care about me.

I never will.

-Good!

-Fine!

HE GASPS

MAC PLAYS MOURNFUL TUNE

HE SIGHS

RADIO CRACKLES

THEME FROM "The Archers"

-What's all this? HEN:

-Up your end.

Here she is. Ask and you shall receive.

That's biblical.

Real craftsmanship. Solid as a rock.

Oh!

It's supposed to do that.

It's perfect, guys.

How's that egg coming?

This is a double yolker.

RADIO CRACKLES

-BIG-BAND JAZZ PLAYS

-I don't see how this is...

You will. We've been working too hard.

Time to kick back and shake those tail feathers!

Look at him! Nellypodging around like...

What's happening?

That's a beat, sister. Feel it pulsing through your body?

Ooh, yes. Pulsing. Fancy that.

Then go with it, baby!

Oh! My!

Look, I'm going with it.

-Bunty, what's got into you?

-Same thing that's got into you.

-RADIO:

-# Flip, flop and fly, I don't care if I die! #

Go with the flow, girls. Let it go!

# I don't care if I die

# Don't ever leave me, don't ever say goodbye. #

-I don't recall authorising a hop.

-Oh, shut up and dance.

NICK SOBS

What are you sobbing about, you nancy?

Little moments like this, it's what makes the job all worthwhile.

Want a dance?

Yeah, all right.

# Give me one more kiss and hold it a long, long time

# Give me one more kiss and hold it a long, long time

# Love me, baby, till the feeling hits my head like wine

# Flip, flop and fly, I don't care if I die

# Flip, flop and fly, I don't care if I die

# Don't ever leave me, don't ever say goodbye

# Don't ever leave me, don't ever say goodbye

# Yeah, don't ever leave me, don't ever say goodbye! #

SHE SCREAMS

Did you see that? I flew!

Atta girl, Babsy! Atta girl.

Your wing. It's better!

-Well! How about that?

-Fantastic!

You can fly for us tomorrow.

Yeah, so it seems.

I flew!

I owe you an apology. I didn't think you cared about us,

but after all this, well, it...seems I was wrong.

Hey, easy, Miss Hard Boiled. I might think you're turning soft.

Er, listen.

There's something I gotta tell you. I...

RUMBLING

No. You'd better wait here.

DOGS BARK

DOGS CONTINUE TO BARK

MACHINE WHIRRS

Ooh! That's champion, that is. What is it?

It's a pie machine, you idiot. Chickens go in, pies come out.

Ooh. What kind of pies?

-Apple.

-My favourite!

Chicken pies, you great lummox!

Imagine! In less than a fortnight,

every grocer's in the county will be stocked with boxes

of Mrs Tweedy's home-made chicken pies.

-Just "Mrs"?

-Woman's touch.

Makes the public more comfortable.

Oh, right. How does it work?

Get me a chicken and I'll show you.

I know just the one.

DOG SNARLS

-I've got a score to settle with you.

-Bloomin' heck! They've got Ginger!

We mustn't panic. We mustn't panic!

EVERYONE PANICS

Quiet, I say! Let's have discipline, what, what?

The enemy has a prisoner. This calls for retaliation!

-Retaliation!

-What's going on?

They've got Ginger. They're taking her to the chop!

What are you waiting for? Fly over there. Save her!

Of course!... No. That's just what they'd expect.

I say we give them a surprise!

And catch Jerry with his trousers down. I like that. What's the plan?

The plan. The plan...

The plan! Babs.

Give me that. Bunty, give me a boost.

HE YELLS

Whoa! Look at the size of that thing.

Oh, no.

Chickens go in, pies come out.

Chicken pies. Not apple pies. Chicken.

GINGER GASPS

Great(!) Brilliant(!)

Yo, baby doll! I'm coming!

Rocky! Hurry!

I'm still coming!

Come on! Stop this thing!

I'm getting there.

-Oh, shoot!

-Rocky!

I'll be down before you can say... mixed vegetables?

HE SCREAMS

Whoa!

-D'oh! Get it? Dough.

-I'm stuck!

Nothing to it. Oops.

THEY SCREAM

Hang on.

Look out!

BOTH: Whoa!

Hey! A-ha!

Yes!

It's like an oven in here.

-Come on!

-Wait up! I'm com...

Don't leave! Get over to the...

The door! Come on.

She's gonna blow! Run!

Huh?

What did you do, you great pudding?

I didn't do owt!

-Turn it off!

-It won't turn off!

GINGER SCREAMS

-Ouch!

-We've got to show the others.

SHE SIGHS

Look! I fixed it... Huh?

CHICKENS GASP

-Chicken pies?

-CRIES OF HORROR

-Yes, but...

-I don't want to be a pie.

I don't like gravy.

Ladies, let's not lose our heads.

Lose our heads?

THEY ALL SCREAM

What I meant to say was,

Rocky sabotaged the machine and bought us time.

Better still, he'll fly for us tomorrow.

Once we've seen how it's done, we'll get it. So don't worry.

Tomorrow, everything will go much, much smoother.

ROCKY GASPS

HE GRUNTS

-All right, Pops, what'd I do now?

-A brave and honourable deed, sir.

-HE CLEARS THROAT

-In the light of your action tonight,

I admit that I have misjudged your character.

I present you with this medal for bravery.

And, I salute you.

In honour of the occasion,

I surrender the bunk entirely.

I shall sleep under the stars.

I await tomorrow's flying demonstration

with great anticipation.

You and me both, Pops.

-Sorry. Were you...?

-Oh, I'll go.

-No, since you're here...

-I'm glad you're here.

-You go first.

-You go ahead.

I just wanted to say I may have been a bit harsh at first.

Well, what I really mean is...

Thank you...for saving my life.

For saving OUR lives.

You know, I come up here every night,

and look at that hill, and imagine what's on the other side.

It's funny, I've...

I've never felt grass beneath my feet. I'm sorry.

I'm rambling on about grass, and you had something to say.

Er, yeah. Erm...

It's just that, you know,

life, as I've experienced it, you know, out there,

lone free ranging and stuff, it's full of disappointments.

Grass isn't all it's cracked up to be?

Grass. Exactly. Grass. It's always greener on the other side.

And then you get there and it's brown and prickly.

See what I'm trying to say?

What I'm trying to say is...

HE SIGHS You're welcome.

You know, that hill is looking closer tonight

than it ever has before.

Ooh.

Ahem. Well.

Good night, Rocky.

Good night, Ginger.

SHE SIGHS CONTENTEDLY

Company, atten...tion!

CHICKENS CHATTER

Today we're going to fly.

-I can feel it!

-THEY ALL CHEER

Finally, we'll see a professional in action.

Better warm up. I'll get him.

Rocky? Knock, knock.

Everyone's waiting, so I said to...

Rocky?

THUNDER RUMBLES

Oh, a cannon.

That would give you thrust.

I knew he was fake. In fact, I'm not even certain he was American.

So what's the next plan, hen?

Let's face it. The only way out of here is wrapped in pastry.

Perhaps he just went on holiday.

Yeah, to escape from your knitting!

CHICKENS GASP

You were always hitting him. See how you like it.

Don't push me, four-eyes! MAC YELLS

Quiet! Quiet, I say!

Dissension in the ranks, precisely what Jerry wants.

Divide and conquer! A proper squadron work together,

just like in my RAF days.

Jocko at the stick, Flappy at the map, Whizzbang at the tail.

Wing Co gave the call, hop in the old crate, chocks away!

That's how you get medals.

Will you shut up

about your stupid medals!

CHICKENS GASP

How dare you!

Madam, forgive me. As an officer, I offer my...

BUNTY YELLS

THEY SHOUT

Fowler?

Everyone, shut up!

SILENCE

-SHE CLEARS THROAT

-Fowler, what exactly is the RAF?

What do you mean, what is it?

The Royal Air Force is what.

Then what's the "old crate"?

-Ah, there she is.

-CHICKENS: Ooh!

Gorgeous, isn't she?

You mean, you flew? In one of these?

Beautifully built. There's a bit of a story to that.

We were out on a recce. We had the go-ahead, but the weather duffed up.

(Yes. Of course.)

(We might be able to pull this off.)

We're still flying out of here.

What, what?

-Fowler's provided the answer.

-I have?

Oh, yes, of course I have. How have I?

We'll make...a crate.

Mac, you'll handle the engineering. Babs, manufacturing.

Fowler will be chief aviation advisor. Bunty, eggs.

-Eggs?

-Eggs.

Like the ones that rooster was gonna lay.

Only roosters don't lay eggs.

-Don't they?

-No. It's a lady thing, apparently.

One egg per item. First payment in advance.

-BOTH:

-Right, when do we start?

-Come on!

-NICK:

-Oi!

Huh?

What the dickens?

Oh, gnomes now!

Voila!

-Yes!

-SHE SCREAMS

-Ooh!

-Right, come on.

SHE SQUEALS

-Eggs from heaven!

-No, from her bum!

THEY CHEER

PIE MACHINE CHUGS

ALARM SOUNDS

MRS TWEEDY: Idiot!

That was close. Too close.

We can't stop now. Go for it.

Really go for it. Go, go, go, go!

Mac, we need those calculations, quick.

Agnes, that has to be secure.

-Careful up there, Fowler!

-Roger.

Bunty, give him a hand. Well done, Babs. Keep it up.

No problem, doll face.

RADIO PLAYS

BICYCLE BELL

# Oh, I'm the type of guy That likes to roam around

# I'm never in one place I roam from town to town

# And when I find myself falling for some girl

# I hop right in the car... #

TYRES SCREECH

Oh, boy!

-ENGINE TURNS OVER

-Come on.

HE MOANS

Please.

ENGINE STARTS

Oh, no. He's fixed it!

HE LAUGHS

-THUNDER ROLLS

-Get the chickens.

Which ones?

All of them!

Me tools! Why, you thieving little buggers!

What's the plan?

-Attack!

-Huh?

Nice plan.

-Get him!

-Mrs Tweedy!

Mrs Tweedy, the chickens are revolting!

Finally, something we agree on.

Help! Mrs...

Under the hut.

-What have we done?

-This is it.

-We're escaping!

-What, now?

NOW! Listen.

But she's not ready...

We'll die free chickens or die trying.

THEY CHEER

Are those the only choices?

-Let's do it!

-Scramble!

This way!

-MUFFLED:

-Mrs Tweedy!

The exits are located here and here.

In the event of an emergency, put your head between your knees and...

Kiss your bum goodbye.

All right, Fowler. Ready for takeoff.

Behind you all the way.

But you're supposed to be up there. You're the pilot!

Don't be ridiculous. I can't fly this contraption.

Back in your day, the Royal Air Force?

644 Squadron, Poultry Division. We were the mascots.

You mean you never flew the plane?

Good heavens, no! I'm a chicken.

The RAF doesn't let chickens behind the controls of a complex aircraft.

-We're all gonna die.

-You have to fly it.

You always talk about "back in your day". Well, TODAY is your day.

You can do it, you old sausage.

Wing Commander TI Fowler, reporting for duty.

THEY CHEER

Come on! What are you waiting for? Let's get this crate off the ground!

Fowler, now!

Roger! Contact!

THEY GROAN

Cleared for takeoff!

Chocks away!

Chocks away!

Full throttle!

Full throttle!

More power!

I cannae work miracles. We're giving her all she's got!

-Gotcha!

-Hard right!

Ooh, Mother!

Turn around. I'll get the ramp.

Put the ramp down.

You are going to be a pie!

BICYCLE BELL RINGS

Ginge-e-e-er!

Rocky-y-y-y!

Heads up!

HE RINGS BELL

Look out! Clear the runway!

Ginger! Let's go!

We're flying!

-HE CRIES OUT

-That's for leaving.

And this is for coming back.

-Great Scott! What was that?

-A cling-on.

The engines can't take it!

My goodness... Babs, scissors!

Bingo!

Lower me down.

Just do it!

Increase velocity!

-What does that mean?

-Pedal your giblets out!

-Lower!

-I'm trying!

Fowler, look out!

Ginger!

Fire!

Oh, me eggs!

SHE GROWLS More ammo! Hurry!

We got no more eggs!

Ginger, look out!

No-o-o-o!

Oh!

Hnh?!

Bye-bye.

-SHE SCREAMS

-Bombs away!

Mr Tweedy!

THEY CHEER

Oh, that was good!

The old bird bought it!

Mrs Tweedy! Mrs Twee...

SHE SCREAMS

ALARM SOUNDS

I told you they was organised.

SHE ROARS

SHE SCREAMS

We did it, everyone!

THEY CHEER

ALL: Aaah... Aargh!

-FOWLER:

-Keep pedalling. We're not there yet.

You can't see paradise if you don't pedal.

Put your drumsticks into it.

-HE MAKES AEROPLANE NOISE

-That's what I told them, what, what.

We were losing altitude, and heading for a fearful prang.

This is a lovely holiday. I'll be sad to go back.

Safety at all times is imperative. Wind her up and...

-Whee!

-Let her go.

So, is it as good as you imagined?

-No.

-HE GASPS

It's better.

Come on. I'll show you how to play cricket.

Here's a thought. Let's get an egg and start our own chicken farm.

We'll have all the eggs we can eat.

Right. We'll need a chicken.

No, we need an egg first. That's where you get the chicken.

Cobblers. Without a chicken, where d'you get an egg?

From the chicken that comes from the egg.

You need an egg to have a chicken.

You get the chicken to get the egg.

Then you get the egg... the chicken out.

Hang on. Let's go over this again.

# When I get the blues Gonna get me a rockin' chair

# When I get the blues Gonna get me a rockin' chair

# When the blues overtake me Gonna rock on away from here

# Here comes my baby Flashing a new gold tooth

# Here comes my baby Flashing a new gold tooth

# She's so small She can rumba in a payphone booth

# That's the truth

# Flip, flop and fly I don't care if I die

# Flip, flop and fly I don't care if I die... #

-NICK:

-The egg. Rolling along, happy as Larry, then crack,

hatches into the first chicken.

-FETCHER:

-Where'd the egg come from?

What do you mean?

Egg rolling along.

It's wondering, where'd it come from?

Without a chicken, no egg to come rolling along.

Without an egg, you get no chicken

to lay the other egg that hatches into the chicken.

We got two eggs now?

No, we're still on the first egg.

What about the first chicken?

It's in the first egg.

ROCKY: Er, guys? I'm trying to enjoy paradise here.

-Sorry, guv.

-Beg your pardon.

-Won't happen again.

-Thanks.

-Gitface.

-Pillock.

Thinks he's a big shot cos he's got his name on a poster.

Showbiz folk are all the same.

The rats are the stars.

We do all the hard work. He gets all the credit.

He gets everything. You said it.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media

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