Shrek 2


Shrek 2

Animated sequel following the grumpy ogre (voiced by Mike Myers) and his bride as they head off to meet her parents. The occasion is marred by a wicked fairy godmother.


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Transcript


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MAN: 'Once upon a time,

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'in a kingdom far, far away,

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'the king and queen were blessed

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'with a beautiful baby girl.

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'And throughout the land, everyone was happy.

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'Until the sun went down, and they saw that

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'their daughter was cursed with a frightful enchantment

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'that took hold each and every night.

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'Desperate, they sought the help of a fairy godmother,

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'who had them lock the young princess away in a tower,

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'there to await the kiss of the handsome Prince Charming.'

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HORSE WHINNIES

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'It was he who would chance the perilous journey

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'through blistering cold and scorching desert,

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'travelling for many days and nights,

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'risking life and limb to reach the dragon's keep.'

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For he was the bravest and most handsome...

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..in all the land.

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And it was destiny that his kiss...

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..would break the dreaded curse.

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He alone would climb to the highest room

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of the tallest tower,

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to enter the princess's chambers, cross the room to her sleeping silhouette,

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pull back the gossamer curtains to find her...

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HE GASPS What?

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Princess...Fiona?

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-No.

-Oh, thank heavens.

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Where is she?

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-She's on her honeymoon.

-Honeymoon?! With whom?

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MOVIE PROJECTOR WHIRS

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PRINCESS FIONA GIGGLES # So, she said What's the problem, baby?

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-# What's the problem? I don't know Well, maybe I'm in love

-Love

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# Think about it every time I think about it

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# Can't stop thinking 'bout it

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# How much longer will it take to cure this?

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# Just to cure it, cos I can't ignore it if it's love

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# Makes me wanna turn around and face me, but

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# I don't know nothing 'bout love, ah

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# Come on, come on Turn a little faster

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# Come on, come on The world will follow after

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# Come on, come on Everybody's after...love

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# So I said, I'm a snowball running

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# Running down into the spring that's coming

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# All this love Melting under blue skies

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# Belting out sunlight Shimmering love

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# Well, baby, I surrender to the strawberry ice cream

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# Never ever end of all this love

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# Well, I didn't mean to do it

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# But there's no escaping your love Aw

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# These lines of lightning

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# Mean we're never alone

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# Never alone, no, no... # MEN SHOUT

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# Come on, come on Jump a little higher

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# Come on, come on If you feel a little lighter

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# Come on, come on We were once upon a time in...love

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# We're accidentally in love

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# Accidentally in love

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# Accidentally in love BUBBLING

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# Accidentally in love BUBBLING

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# Accidentally in love

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# Accidentally in love

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# Accidentally I'm in love, I'm in love

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# I'm in love, I'm in love I'm in love, I'm in love

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# Accidentally in love

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# I'm in love, oh-oh, I'm in love. # THEY SIGH

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It's so good to be home.

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DONKEY: # One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do... # Just you and me and...

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DONKEY SNIFFS

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# Two can be as bad as one... #

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-Donkey?

-Shrek! Fiona!

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Well, aren't you two a sight for sore eyes!

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Give us a hug, Shrek. You old love machine!

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DONKEY LAUGHS And look at you, Mrs Shrek.

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How 'bout a side of sugar for the steed?

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-Donkey, what are you doing here?

-I was just taking care

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-of your love nest for you.

-Oh, you mean, like, sorting the mail,

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-and watering the plants?

-Yeah, and feeding the fish.

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I don't have any fish.

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You do now. I call that one Shrek, and the other Fiona.

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That Shrek is a rascally devil!

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MUMBLING

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Look at the time. I guess you'd better be going.

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Don't you want to tell me all about the trip?

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Or how 'bout a game of Parcheesi? HE GROANS

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Donkey, shouldn't you be getting home to Dragon?

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Oh, yeah, that.

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I don't know, she's been all moody and stuff lately.

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So I thought I'd move back in with you guys.

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Well, we're always happy to see you, Donkey...

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But Fiona and I are married now.

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We need a little time, you know, to be together.

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Just with each other.

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Alone.

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Say no more, say no more.

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You don't have to worry about a thing.

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-I will always be here to make sure NOBODY bothers you.

-Donkey.

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-Yes, roomie?

-You're bothering me.

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Oh, OK. All right.

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Cool, I guess, er,

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me and Pinocchio was just going to try

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to catch a tournament, anyway, so, er,

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maybe I'll see y'all Sunday for a barbecue or something.

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He'll be fine.

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Now, where were we?

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-Oh...

-GIGGLING

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I think I remember.

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-GIGGLING

-Donkey!

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I know, I know - alone.

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I'm going, I'm going.

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Hey, but what about these other guys?

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CREAKING

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FANFARE

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PLAYS "HAWAII FIVE-O" THEME

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Enough, Reggie.

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-CLEARS THROAT

-"Dearest Princess Fiona.

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"You are hereby

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"summoned to the kingdom of Far, Far Away

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"for a royal ball in celebration of your marriage,

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"at which time, the king will bestow his royal blessing

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"upon you and your..."

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Er... "..Prince Charming.

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"Love, the king and queen of Far, Far Away."

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AKA - Mom and Dad.

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-Mom and Dad?

-Prince Charming?

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-Royal ball?! Can I come?

-We're not going.

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-BOTH: What?

-I mean, don't you think

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they might be a bit shocked to see you like this?

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Well, they might be a bit surprised,

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but they're my parents, Shrek.

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They love me. And don't worry,

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they're going to love you, too.

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Yeah, right. I don't think I'll be welcome at the country club.

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Will you stop it? They're not like that.

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Then how do you explain Sergeant Pompous

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and the Fancy Pants Club Band?

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Oh, come on.

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You could at least give them a chance.

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Oh, to do what? Sharpen their pitchforks?

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No. They just want to give you their blessing.

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Oh, great.

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Now I need their blessing?

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Well, if you want to be a part of this family, yes.

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And who says I want to be part of this family?

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Uh, you did, when you married me.

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Well, there's some fine print for you.

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Oh, so that's it? You won't come?

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Trust me, it's a bad idea.

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We are not going, and that's final.

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Hey, come on, Shrek! We don't want to hit traffic.

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-GINGERBREAD MAN:

-Don't worry, we'll take care of everything.

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-CHEERING

-Hey, wait for me.

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GRUNTS

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PLATES BREAKING, SHREK SIGHS

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-MUSIC PLAYING

-Turn it up.

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Throw your hands up, throw your hands up.

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Yeah...

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DONKEY: All right, hit it.

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# Move 'em on head 'em up Head 'em up move 'em on

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# Head 'em on, move 'em down Rawhide

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# Move 'em on head 'em up, head 'em up

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# Head 'em up, rawhide

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# Ride 'em up move 'em on...

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# Head 'em up, head 'em up

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# Move 'em on, rawhide

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# Knock 'em out count 'em dead

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# Make 'em tea buy 'em drinks

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# Meet their mamas milk 'em hard, rawhide! #

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Yee-ha!

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BIRDS CHIRPING

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DONKEY: Are we there yet?

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-SHREK:

-No.

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THUNDER CRACKS

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Are we there yet?

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-FIONA:

-Not yet.

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OK, are we there yet?

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No.

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Are we there yet?

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No!

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Are we there yet?

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-Yes.

-Really?

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-No!

-Are we there yet?

-No!

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-Are we there yet?!

-No, we are not!

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-Are we there yet?!

-NO!

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BOTH: Are we there yet? Hey, that's not funny.

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BOTH: Hey, that's really immature.

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BOTH: See, this is why no-one likes ogres.

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BOTH: All right, your loss.

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-I'm going to just stop talking!

-Finally!

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But this is taking forever, Shrek,

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and there ain't no in-flight movie or nothing.

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The kingdom of Far, Far Away, Donkey,

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that's where we're going.

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Far, Far...

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Away.

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All right, all right, I get it.

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I'm just so darned bored.

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Well, find a way to entertain yourself.

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HE SIGHS

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HE SIGHS

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HE POPS HIS LIPS

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POPS

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-GROANS

-For five minutes,

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could you not be yourself?

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For five minutes!

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HE POPS, SHREK YELLS

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Are we there yet?!

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Yes.

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Oh, finally.

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TRIUMPHANT HORNS PLAY

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MUSIC: "Funkytown" by Lipps Inc

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Wow.

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It's going to be champagne wishes and caviar dreams from now on.

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Hey, good looking.

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We'll be back to pick you up later.

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Star maps! Get your star maps!

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# Gotta make a move to a town that's right for me #

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SHREK SIGHS

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We are definitely not in the swamp any more.

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WHISTLE BLOWING

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INDISTINCT TALKING

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# Well, I talk about it

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# Talk about it, talk about it, talk about it... #

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Ooh, look.

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MURMURING CROWD

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Hey, ladies. Nice day for a parade, huh?

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Yeah, you're working that hat.

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Swimming pools, movie stars.

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FANFARE

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CHEERING

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CHEERING

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HORNS PLAYING

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"Announcing the long-awaited return

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"of the beautiful Princess Fiona and her new husband."

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Oh, well, this is it.

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-This is it.

-This is it.

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-CHUCKLING:

-This is it.

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FANFARE

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FANFARE STOPS

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GASPING

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TWEETING, THUD!

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BABY CRYING

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Uh...why don't you guys go ahead?

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I'll park the car. NEIGHING

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-So...

-HE CHUCKLES

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You still think this was a good idea?

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Of course.

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Look, Mom and Dad look happy to see us.

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Who on earth are they?

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I think that's our little girl.

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That's not little, that's a really BIG problem.

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Wasn't she supposed to kiss Prince Charming

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and break the spell?

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Well, he's no Prince Charming,

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-but they do look...

-Happy now?

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We came, we saw them.

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Now, let's go before they light the torches.

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They're my parents.

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Hello - they locked you in a tower.

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Hey, that was for my own...

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Good. Now here's our chance. Let's go inside and pretend we're not home!

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Harold, we have to be...

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Quick, we can make a run for it.

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Shrek, stop it. Everything's going to be...

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A disaster. There is no way...

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-You can do this.

-But I really...

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-Really...

-Really...

-Don't...

-Want...

-To...

-Be...

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Here.

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Mom, Dad.

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I'd like you to meet my husband.

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Shrek.

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Well, um...

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it's easy to see where Fiona gets her good looks from.

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HE CHUCKLES

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Uh, eh...

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ELEGANT CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

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GULPS

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LOUD CRUNCH

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CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

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QUIET SLURPING

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GULPS

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BELCHES

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-Excuse me.

-LAUGHS

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SHREK CHUCKLES

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Better out than in, I always say, eh, Fiona?

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BOTH LAUGHING

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That's a good one.

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LAUGHTER WANES

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-I guess not.

-What do you mean, not on the list? >

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Don't tell me you don't know who I am! >

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What's happening, everybody?

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Thanks for waiting. I had the hardest time finding this place.

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-No, no! Bad Donkey! Bad! Down!

-No, no, no,

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Dad, Dad, it's all right, it's all right, he's with us.

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He helped rescue me from the dragon.

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Yep, that's me - the noble steed.

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Hey, waiter! How about a bowl for the steed?

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Oh, boy.

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SLURPS

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-Shrek?

-Yeah? Oh. Sorry.

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-Great soup, Mrs Q.

-CHUCKLES

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-Mmm...

-No, no, no.

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-WHISPERS:

-Darling.

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-Oh!

-NERVOUS CHUCKLING

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So, Fiona, tell us about where you live.

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Well...

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Shrek owns his own land.

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-NERVOUS LAUGH

-Don't you, honey?

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-Oh. Yes.

-NERVOUS LAUGH

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It's in an...enchanted forest,

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abundant in squirrels and...

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cute little duckies and...

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DONKEY: What?!

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LAUGHS I know you ain't talking about the swamp.

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-Donkey!

-An ogre from a swamp!

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Oh, how original.

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Well, I suppose that would be a fine place

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to raise the children.

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COUGHING AND CHOKING

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GAGGING

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COUGHS AND EXHALES

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NERVOUS GASPING AND CHUCKLING

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I-It's a bit early to be thinking about that, isn't it?

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Indeed. I just started eating.

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-Harold!

-What's that supposed to mean?

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-Dad, it's great, OK?

-Well, for his type, yes.

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My type?!

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I got to go to the bathroom.

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Dinner is served!

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Never mind. I can hold it.

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ORCHESTRA PLAYING INTRO

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WALTZ PLAYING

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Bon appetit!

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Oh, Mexican food! My favourite!

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Let's not just sit here with our tummies rumbling. Everybody dig in!

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Don't mind if I do, Lillian.

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So, I suppose any grandchildren

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I could expect from you would be...?

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Ogres. Yes.

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Not that there's anything wrong with that. Right, Harold?

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Oh, no! No, of course not!

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That is, assuming you don't eat your own young!

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-Dad!

-Oh, no, we usually prefer the ones

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who've been locked away in a tower.

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-Shrek, please!

-I did that because I love her!

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Daycare or dragon-guarded castle?

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You wouldn't understand - you're not her father!

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It's so nice to have the family together for dinner.

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BOTH GRUNT

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-LILLIAN:

-Harold!

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-Shrek!

-Fiona!

-Fiona!

-Mom!

0:17:310:17:33

-Harold!

-Donkey!

-WALTZ ENDS

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SHE SIGHS

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SHE SIGHS

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CRICKETS CHIRPING

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SHE SIGHS

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SOFT POPPING

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# Your fallen tears have called to me

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# So here comes my sweet remedy

0:18:380:18:43

# I know what every princess needs

0:18:430:18:47

# For her to live life happily. #

0:18:470:18:52

Oh! GASPS

0:18:520:18:54

Oh, my dear! Oh, look at you.

0:18:540:18:57

LAUGHS You're all, um...

0:18:570:18:58

..grown-up. LAUGHS

0:18:590:19:01

Um...who are you?

0:19:010:19:03

Oh! Sweet pea, I'm your fairy godmother.

0:19:030:19:07

-I have a fairy godmother?

-Shush, shush. Now, don't worry.

0:19:070:19:10

I'm here to make it all better.

0:19:100:19:13

With just a...

0:19:130:19:17

# Wave of my magic wand

0:19:170:19:19

# Your troubles will soon be gone

0:19:190:19:20

# With a flick of the wrist

0:19:200:19:22

# In just a flash, you'll land a prince

0:19:220:19:24

# With a ton of cash

0:19:240:19:26

# A high-priced dress made by mice, no less

0:19:260:19:27

# Some crystal glass pumps with no more stress

0:19:270:19:29

# Worries will vanish, your soul will cleanse

0:19:290:19:31

# Confide in your very own furniture friends

0:19:310:19:33

# We'll help you start A new fashion trend

0:19:330:19:36

# I'll make you fancy, I'll make you great

0:19:360:19:38

# The kind of gal the prince would date

0:19:380:19:40

# They'll write your name on the bathroom wall

0:19:400:19:43

# "For a happy ever after, give Fiona a call"

0:19:430:19:45

# A sporty carriage to ride in style

0:19:450:19:47

# A sexy man, my chauffeur Kyle

0:19:470:19:49

# Banish your blemishes, tooth decay

0:19:490:19:50

# Cellulite thighs will fade away

0:19:500:19:52

# Who will that be? a bichon frise

0:19:520:19:55

# Nip and tuck, here and there, to land the prince

0:19:550:19:57

# With the perfect hair

0:19:570:19:58

# Lipstick, liner, shadow, blush, to get that prince

0:19:580:20:01

# With a sexy tush

0:20:010:20:02

# Lucky day, a buffet

0:20:020:20:03

# You and your prince take a roll in the hay

0:20:030:20:05

# You can swoon on the moon

0:20:050:20:06

# With the prince to this tune

0:20:060:20:07

# Don't get drab, you'll be fab

0:20:070:20:09

# Your prince will have rock-hard abs

0:20:090:20:11

# Quiche, souffle, Valentine's day, have some

0:20:110:20:12

# Chicken fricassee, nip and tuck, here and there

0:20:120:20:14

# To land the prince with perfect hair... #

0:20:140:20:15

STOP!

0:20:150:20:16

SHE PANTS

0:20:160:20:17

-CHUCKLES

-Look...

0:20:170:20:19

Thank you very much, Fairy Godmother,

0:20:190:20:22

but...

0:20:220:20:23

I really don't need all this.

0:20:230:20:25

LOUD GASPING AND MURMURING

0:20:250:20:26

Fine, be that way.

0:20:260:20:29

KNOCKING, DOG BARKING

0:20:290:20:31

-SHREK:

-Fiona? Fiona!

0:20:310:20:32

GRUNTS, OTHERS GASP

0:20:320:20:35

BARKING

0:20:350:20:37

Oh, you got a puppy? All I got in my room was shampoo.

0:20:370:20:40

Oh, er...

0:20:400:20:41

-Fairy Godmother, furniture...

-NERVOUS CHUCKLE

0:20:410:20:44

..I'd like you to meet my husband, Shrek.

0:20:440:20:46

Your husband?! What?

0:20:460:20:48

What'd you say? When did this happen?

0:20:480:20:50

Shrek is the one who rescued me.

0:20:500:20:52

But that can't be right!

0:20:520:20:53

-SHREK:

-Oh, great.

0:20:530:20:54

More relatives.

0:20:540:20:56

She's just trying to help.

0:20:560:20:58

Good. She can help us pack. Get your coat, we're leaving.

0:20:580:21:01

-What?

-Leaving? I don't want to leave.

0:21:010:21:02

-When did you decide this?

-Shortly after arriving.

0:21:020:21:05

-Look, I-I'm sorry.

-No, no, no, that's all right.

0:21:050:21:08

I need to go anyway.

0:21:080:21:10

But remember, dear, if you should ever need me,

0:21:100:21:12

happiness... is just a teardrop away.

0:21:120:21:15

-SHREK:

-Thanks, but we've got all the happiness we need.

0:21:150:21:19

-Happy, happy, happy!

-So I see.

0:21:190:21:23

Let's go, Kyle.

0:21:230:21:24

Very nice, Shrek.

0:21:260:21:28

What? I told you coming here was a bad idea.

0:21:280:21:31

You could've at least tried to get along with my father.

0:21:310:21:34

You know, somehow, I don't think

0:21:340:21:36

I was going to get daddy's blessing even if I did want it.

0:21:360:21:38

Well, do you think it might be nice

0:21:380:21:40

if somebody asked me what I wanted?

0:21:400:21:42

Sure. Do you want me to pack for you?

0:21:420:21:44

You're unbelievable! You're behaving like a...

0:21:440:21:48

-DOG BARKING, SHE SIGHS

-Go on, say it.

0:21:480:21:51

-Like an ogre!

-Well, here's a newsflash.

0:21:510:21:53

Whether your parents like it or not,

0:21:530:21:55

-I am an ogre!

-BARKING

0:21:550:21:58

VICIOUS ROAR

0:21:580:22:00

And guess what, princess?

0:22:030:22:04

That's not about to change.

0:22:040:22:07

SOFT SIGH

0:22:070:22:08

I've made changes for you, Shrek.

0:22:110:22:14

Think about that.

0:22:140:22:17

That's real smooth, Shrek.

0:22:170:22:19

IMITATES SHREK: I'm an ogre!

0:22:190:22:22

Aaaargh!

0:22:220:22:24

CRYING SOFTLY

0:22:300:22:32

HE SIGHS

0:22:360:22:38

CRICKETS CHIRPING

0:22:440:22:46

I knew this would happen.

0:22:460:22:47

-LILLIAN:

-You should. You started it.

0:22:470:22:49

I can hardly believe that, Lillian.

0:22:490:22:51

I mean, really, he's the ogre, not me.

0:22:510:22:53

I think, Harold, you're taking this

0:22:530:22:55

a little too personally.

0:22:550:22:57

This is Fiona's choice.

0:22:570:23:00

Yes, she was supposed to choose the prince we picked for her!

0:23:000:23:02

I mean, you expect me to give my blessings

0:23:020:23:04

-to this...this...thing?

-Fiona does.

0:23:040:23:08

And she'll never forgive you if you don't.

0:23:080:23:10

I don't want to lose our daughter again, Harold.

0:23:100:23:14

HE GROANS

0:23:140:23:15

Oh, you act as if love is totally predictable.

0:23:150:23:17

Don't you remember when we were young,

0:23:170:23:20

and, oh, we used to walk down by the lily pond,

0:23:200:23:22

and they were in bloom?

0:23:220:23:24

Our first kiss.

0:23:240:23:26

It's not the same!

0:23:260:23:28

I don't think you realise that our daughter

0:23:280:23:30

has married a monster!

0:23:300:23:32

Oh, stop being such a drama king.

0:23:320:23:34

Fine! Pretend there's nothing wrong.

0:23:340:23:36

La, di-da, di-da, di-da, isn't it all wonderful.

0:23:360:23:39

I'd like to know how it could get any worse.

0:23:390:23:41

-Hello, Harold.

-HE SCREAMS

0:23:410:23:42

-What happened?

-Uh, n-nothing, nothing, dear.

0:23:420:23:45

Just the old, er, hunting wound playing up a bit.

0:23:450:23:47

FORCED CHUCKLE I'll, um... stretch out for a while.

0:23:470:23:51

You better get in. We need to talk.

0:23:510:23:54

Actually, Fairy Godmother, just off to bed.

0:23:540:23:56

FAKE YAWN Already taken my pills.

0:23:560:23:58

They tend to make a bit drowsy.

0:23:580:23:59

So, um, how about...

0:23:590:24:01

we-we make this a quick visit, what, what?

0:24:010:24:03

HAROLD GASPS

0:24:030:24:04

Oh, h-hello.

0:24:040:24:06

CHUCKLES

0:24:060:24:07

So, what's new?

0:24:090:24:11

You remember my son, Prince Charming?

0:24:110:24:13

HAROLD: Charming! Ah! is that you?

0:24:130:24:15

My gosh, it's been years.

0:24:150:24:17

Uh, when...when-when-when did you get back?

0:24:170:24:19

Oh, about five minutes ago, actually.

0:24:190:24:22

After I endured blistering winds,

0:24:220:24:25

scorching desert, I climbed to the highest room

0:24:250:24:27

in the tallest tower...

0:24:270:24:28

Mummy can handle this.

0:24:280:24:31

He endures blistering winds

0:24:310:24:33

and scorching desert!

0:24:330:24:35

He climbs to the highest bloody room

0:24:350:24:37

of the tallest bloody tower...

0:24:370:24:38

-But-but...

-..and what does he find?

0:24:380:24:40

Some gender-confused wolf telling him that his princess...

0:24:400:24:43

If I could just...

0:24:430:24:44

-..is already married!

-It wasn't my fault.

0:24:440:24:47

-He didn't get there in time.

-Stop the car!

0:24:470:24:50

-HAROLD GASPS

-Harold...

0:24:500:24:52

KNUCKLES CRACKING

0:24:520:24:55

You've forced me to do something

0:24:550:24:56

I really don't want to do.

0:24:560:24:58

GASPS Where are we?

0:24:580:25:00

Well, hi there, welcome. May I take your order?

0:25:000:25:03

My diet is ruined! I hope you're happy.

0:25:030:25:06

Uh, OK. Two renaissance wraps, no mayo, chilli rings...

0:25:060:25:09

I'll have the medieval meal.

0:25:090:25:11

Yeah, one medieval meal, and, Harold, curly fries?

0:25:110:25:14

Uh, no. No, thank you. No, really, I'm fine.

0:25:140:25:18

Your order, Fairy Godmother.

0:25:180:25:19

And this comes with the medieval meal.

0:25:190:25:21

Here you are, dear.

0:25:210:25:23

You see, we made a deal, Harold,

0:25:240:25:28

and I assume you don't want me to go back on my part.

0:25:280:25:31

SIGHS Indeed not.

0:25:310:25:32

So Fiona and Charming WILL be together.

0:25:320:25:36

-Yes.

-Oh, believe me, Harold, it's what's best.

0:25:360:25:39

Not only for your daughter...

0:25:390:25:41

CRUNCHING

0:25:410:25:43

-WITH MOUTH FULL:

-..but for your kingdom.

0:25:430:25:45

But what am I supposed to do about it?

0:25:500:25:52

GRUNTS

0:25:520:25:53

Use your imagination.

0:25:530:25:55

HORSE NEIGHS

0:26:160:26:19

HORSE HUFFING AND NEIGHING

0:26:210:26:23

Oh.

0:26:280:26:30

Uh, come on in, Your Majesty.

0:26:320:26:34

PIANO PLAYS TANGO-LIKE INTRO

0:26:340:26:36

# I like my town

0:26:390:26:42

# With a little drop of poison

0:26:440:26:48

# Nobody knows... #

0:26:480:26:50

BELCHES

0:26:510:26:52

CLEARS THROAT Excuse me?

0:26:520:26:54

-SEXY FEMININE VOICE:

-Do I know you?

0:26:540:26:57

Uh, no, you must be mistaking me for someone else.

0:26:570:26:59

Uh, excuse me? I-I-I'm looking

0:26:590:27:01

for the ugly stepsister.

0:27:010:27:04

Ah.

0:27:040:27:06

There you are. Right.

0:27:060:27:08

Uh, you see, I-I need to have someone...

0:27:080:27:11

..taken care of.

0:27:110:27:13

-MANLY VOICE:

-Who's the guy?

0:27:130:27:14

Well, he-he's not a guy per se.

0:27:140:27:16

WHISPERS: Um, he's...an ogre.

0:27:160:27:19

PIANO MISPLAYS, CONVERSATION STOPS

0:27:190:27:21

Hey, buddy, let me clue you in.

0:27:210:27:23

There's only one fella can handle a job like that,

0:27:230:27:26

and, frankly, he don't like to be disturbed.

0:27:260:27:29

Mm, where could I find him?

0:27:290:27:31

KNOCKING

0:27:310:27:33

DOOR CREAKS H-Hello?

0:27:330:27:36

-THICK SPANISH ACCENT:

-Who dares enter my room?

0:27:370:27:39

I-I hope I'm not interrupting,

0:27:390:27:41

but I'm told you're the one to talk to

0:27:410:27:43

about an... ogre problem?

0:27:430:27:45

You're told correct.

0:27:450:27:47

Hm, but for this, I charge a great deal of money.

0:27:470:27:51

Would...this be enough?

0:27:510:27:55

METAL CLANGS

0:27:550:27:58

CHUCKLES SOFTLY

0:27:580:27:59

You have engaged my valuable services, Your Majesty.

0:27:590:28:04

Just tell me where I can find this ogre.

0:28:040:28:08

SOFT SNORING

0:28:130:28:16

CLOCK CHIMING

0:28:220:28:24

# Everyone says

0:28:240:28:26

# I'm getting down too low... #

0:28:260:28:30

HE SIGHS

0:28:300:28:32

# ..Everyone says

0:28:320:28:35

# You just got to let it go

0:28:350:28:38

# You just got to let it go

0:28:390:28:42

# I need some sleep

0:28:500:28:54

# Time to put the old horse down

0:28:540:28:56

# I'm in too deep

0:28:580:29:00

# And the wheels keep spinning 'round

0:29:000:29:04

# Everyone says

0:29:040:29:08

# You just got to let it go... #

0:29:080:29:10

-FEMININE VOICE:

-Dear knight, I pray that

0:29:120:29:14

you take this favour as a token of my gratitude.

0:29:140:29:17

MUSIC PLAYS, THEN STOPS

0:29:260:29:29

MUSIC STARTS AND STOPS

0:29:330:29:35

-FIONA:

-"Dear diary,

0:29:380:29:40

"Sleeping Beauty is having a slumber party tomorrow

0:29:400:29:43

"but Dad says I can't go.

0:29:430:29:44

"He never lets me out after sunset.

0:29:440:29:47

"Dad says I'm going away for a while.

0:29:470:29:49

"Must be like some finishing school or something.

0:29:490:29:52

"Mom says that when I'm old enough,

0:29:520:29:55

"my handsome Prince Charming will rescue me from my tower

0:29:550:29:58

"and bring me back to my family,

0:29:580:30:00

"and we'll all live happily ever after.

0:30:000:30:03

-SLOWLY, SWEETLY:

-"Mrs Fiona Charming.

0:30:050:30:07

-MATTER-OF-FACTLY:

-"Mrs Fiona Charming.

0:30:080:30:10

-CASUALLY:

-"Mrs Fiona Charming.

0:30:100:30:12

-ECHOING:

-"Mrs Fiona Charming,

0:30:120:30:15

"Mrs Fiona Charming, Mrs Fiona Charming..."

0:30:150:30:17

KNOCKING

0:30:170:30:20

S-sorry. Uh, I hope I'm not interrupting anything.

0:30:230:30:26

No, no, no. I was just reading a, er...

0:30:260:30:29

a scary book.

0:30:290:30:32

I was hoping you'd let me apologise

0:30:320:30:34

for my despicable behaviour earlier.

0:30:340:30:37

-OK.

-I don't know what came over me.

0:30:370:30:39

Do you suppose we could just pretend

0:30:390:30:41

it never happened and start over?

0:30:410:30:43

Look, Your Majesty...

0:30:430:30:44

WHISPERS: Please, call me Dad.

0:30:440:30:46

Dad. We both acted like ogres.

0:30:460:30:50

Maybe we just need some time to get to know each other.

0:30:500:30:53

Excellent idea.

0:30:530:30:55

I was ACTUALLY hoping you might join me

0:30:550:30:57

for a morning hunt, a little father-son time?

0:30:570:30:59

I know it would mean the world to Fiona.

0:31:010:31:04

HE SIGHS

0:31:100:31:12

Shall we say... 7:30 by the old oak?

0:31:120:31:16

BIRDS CHIRPING

0:31:170:31:20

-SHREK:

-Face it, Donkey, we're lost.

-DONKEY: We can't be.

0:31:210:31:24

We followed the king's instructions exactly.

0:31:240:31:26

What did he say? "Head to the deepest,

0:31:260:31:28

"darkest part of the woods.

0:31:280:31:29

-"Pass the sinister trees with those scary branches."

-Check.

0:31:290:31:32

And there's that bush shaped like Shirley Bassey.

0:31:320:31:34

We've passed that bush three times already!

0:31:340:31:36

Hey, you said you didn't want to stop for directions.

0:31:360:31:39

Oh, great! My one chance

0:31:390:31:42

to fix things up with Fiona's dad,

0:31:420:31:43

and I end up lost in the woods with you!

0:31:430:31:45

All right, you don't have to get all huffy with me.

0:31:450:31:48

I know! I know.

0:31:480:31:51

SIGHS

0:31:510:31:52

-I'm sorry, all right?

-Hey, don't worry about it.

0:31:520:31:55

I just really need to make things work with this guy.

0:31:550:31:58

Yeah, sure. Now, let's go bond with Daddy.

0:31:580:32:00

SOFT PURRING

0:32:000:32:01

PURRING CONTINUES

0:32:040:32:06

Well, well, well, Donkey,

0:32:080:32:11

I know it was kind of a tender moment back there,

0:32:110:32:13

but the purring?

0:32:130:32:14

What are you talking about? I ain't purring.

0:32:140:32:16

Oh, sure. What's next, a hug?

0:32:160:32:18

Hey, Shrek, donkeys don't purr.

0:32:180:32:21

Ha-ha!

0:32:210:32:22

Fear me, if you dare.

0:32:220:32:24

HISSES

0:32:240:32:25

-Look - a little cat!

-Look out, Shrek!

0:32:250:32:28

It's a cat, Donkey.

0:32:280:32:29

Come here, little kitty, kitty, kitty.

0:32:290:32:31

Come on, little kitty, come here.

0:32:310:32:34

Oh, come here, little kitty.

0:32:340:32:36

CAT GROWLING

0:32:360:32:38

SHREK SCREAMS, CAT SNARLS

0:32:380:32:39

Oh! oh, come on! oh! get it off!

0:32:390:32:41

Oh! Get it off!

0:32:410:32:44

SHREK GROANS

0:32:440:32:46

Ooh, no!

0:32:460:32:47

SHREK SCREAMS

0:32:470:32:49

-CRYING

-Oh...get it off!

0:32:490:32:52

GRUNTS

0:32:520:32:54

GROANS Did I miss?

0:32:540:32:56

No. You got them.

0:32:560:32:59

Now, ye ogre,

0:33:010:33:03

pray for mercy from...

0:33:030:33:06

..Puss...in boots.

0:33:070:33:10

Ooh...! I'll kill that cat!

0:33:100:33:12

Ha!

0:33:120:33:13

GAGGING

0:33:130:33:16

LOUD COUGH

0:33:160:33:18

WHEEZING AND RETCHING

0:33:180:33:20

WHEEZING AND RETCHING CONTINUE

0:33:210:33:23

RETCHING

0:33:230:33:25

SPITTING UP

0:33:250:33:27

COUGHING

0:33:270:33:29

CHUCKLES Hair ball.

0:33:290:33:31

Ugh! That is nasty!

0:33:310:33:34

What do you reckon we should do with him?

0:33:340:33:35

I say we take the sword and neuter him right here.

0:33:350:33:38

Give him the Bob Barker treatment!

0:33:380:33:39

Oh, my, no, por favor!

0:33:390:33:41

Please, I implore you. It was nothing personal, senor.

0:33:410:33:44

I was doing it only for my family.

0:33:440:33:46

My mother, she's sick, and my father lives on the garbage.

0:33:460:33:49

The king offered me much in gold, and I have little brothers...

0:33:490:33:51

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

0:33:510:33:53

Fiona's father paid you to do this?

0:33:530:33:56

The rich king? Si.

0:33:560:33:58

MEOW

0:33:580:33:59

SIGHS

0:33:590:34:01

Well, so much for Dad's royal blessing.

0:34:010:34:04

Oh, come on, Shrek, don't feel bad.

0:34:040:34:06

Almost everybody that meets you wants to kill you.

0:34:060:34:08

Gee, thanks(!)

0:34:080:34:10

SIGHS

0:34:100:34:12

Maybe Fiona would have been better off

0:34:120:34:14

if I were some sort of Prince Charming.

0:34:140:34:17

Gee, that's what the king said.

0:34:170:34:18

Oh, er, sorry. I thought that question was directed at me.

0:34:190:34:23

Shrek, Fiona knows you'd do anything for her.

0:34:230:34:27

Well, it's not like I wouldn't change if I could.

0:34:270:34:30

I just... I just wish I could make her happy.

0:34:300:34:33

Hold the phone.

0:34:350:34:38

"Happiness.

0:34:380:34:41

"A tear drop away."

0:34:410:34:44

Donkey, think of the saddest thing

0:34:440:34:46

-that's ever happened to you.

-Oh, man, where do I begin?

0:34:460:34:49

There was the time that farmer tried to sell me for magic beans.

0:34:490:34:52

I ain't never got over that!

0:34:520:34:54

Then this fool went off and had a party

0:34:540:34:56

and he have all the guests try to pin the tail on me.

0:34:560:34:58

Then they all got drunk

0:34:580:35:00

and started beatin' me with a stick going, "Pinata, pinata!"

0:35:000:35:03

No, Donkey, I need you to cry.

0:35:030:35:05

Yeah, well, don't go projecting on me.

0:35:050:35:08

I know you're feeling bad but...

0:35:080:35:10

SCREAMS AND GROANS

0:35:100:35:12

You little hairy lickin' sack of...

0:35:120:35:15

What... Is it on? Is it on?

0:35:220:35:23

CLEARS THROAT

0:35:230:35:25

This is Fairy Godmother.

0:35:250:35:27

I'm either away from my desk or with a client.

0:35:270:35:29

But if you'd come by the office,

0:35:290:35:30

we'll be glad to make you a personal appointment.

0:35:300:35:33

Have a happy ever after.

0:35:330:35:34

Oh...are you up for a little quest, Donkey?

0:35:370:35:41

All right, that's more like it.

0:35:410:35:43

Shrek and Donkey on another whirlwind adventure.

0:35:430:35:45

# Ain't no stoppin' us now

0:35:450:35:47

# Whoo, we're on the move. #

0:35:470:35:49

-Stop, Ogre. I have misjudged you.

-Join the club! We have jackets.

0:35:490:35:52

On my honour, I am obliged to accompany you

0:35:520:35:55

until I have saved your life as you have spared me mine.

0:35:550:35:58

I'm sorry. The position of annoying talking animal

0:35:580:36:01

has already been taken. Let's go, Shrek.

0:36:010:36:03

Shrek?

0:36:030:36:04

Shrek!

0:36:130:36:14

Aw, come on, Donkey.

0:36:140:36:15

Look at him in his wee little boots.

0:36:150:36:18

You know, how many cats can wear boots? Honestly.

0:36:180:36:21

-Aw, let's keep him.

-Say what?

0:36:210:36:23

-GROANS

-Aw, listen, he's purring.

0:36:250:36:28

-Oh, so now it's cute.

-Aw, lighten up.

0:36:280:36:31

Lighten up? Oh, I should lighten up.

0:36:310:36:33

Looks who's telling who to lighten up.

0:36:330:36:35

-GIGGLES

-Shrek...

0:36:380:36:41

BARKS

0:36:410:36:43

Shrek?

0:36:440:36:46

They're both festive, aren't they?

0:36:560:36:58

What do you think, Harold?

0:36:580:37:00

Um...yes, yes, fine. Fine.

0:37:000:37:03

SIGHS

0:37:030:37:04

Try to at least pretend

0:37:040:37:05

that you're interested in your daughter's wedding ball.

0:37:050:37:08

Honestly, Lillian, I don't think it really matters.

0:37:080:37:11

How do we know there's even going to be a ball?

0:37:110:37:13

-Mom, Dad.

-Oh, hello, dear.

0:37:130:37:16

Um...w-what's that, Cedric? Right. Coming.

0:37:160:37:18

-Mom, have you seen Shrek?

-I haven't.

0:37:180:37:22

You should ask your father.

0:37:220:37:24

Be sure and use small words, dear.

0:37:240:37:26

He's a little slow this morning.

0:37:260:37:27

Can I help you, Your Majesty?

0:37:270:37:30

Ah, yes. Um...

0:37:300:37:31

Mm...exquisite. What do you call this dish?

0:37:310:37:34

That would be the dog's breakfast, Your Majesty.

0:37:340:37:37

Ah, yes. Very good, then. Carry on, Cedric.

0:37:370:37:41

Dad...

0:37:410:37:42

Dad, have you seen Shrek?

0:37:420:37:44

Uh, no, I haven't, dear. I-I'm sure he just went off

0:37:440:37:46

to look for a nice mud hole to cool down in.

0:37:460:37:48

You know, after your little spat last night.

0:37:480:37:51

Oh, you heard that, huh?

0:37:510:37:52

Darling, the whole kingdom heard you.

0:37:520:37:55

I mean, after all, it is in his nature to be,

0:37:550:37:58

well, a bit of a brute.

0:37:580:37:59

Him? You know, you didn't exactly roll out the welcome wagon.

0:37:590:38:02

Well, what did you expect?

0:38:020:38:04

Look at what he's done to you?

0:38:040:38:06

Shrek loves me for who I am.

0:38:060:38:10

I would think you'd be happy for me.

0:38:100:38:12

Darling, I'm just thinking about what's best for you.

0:38:120:38:16

Maybe you should do the same.

0:38:160:38:18

PUSS-IN-BOOTS WHISPERS

0:38:240:38:26

No. Really?

0:38:320:38:34

LAUGHING

0:38:340:38:37

Whoa...

0:38:390:38:41

FACTORY WHISTLE BLOWS

0:38:430:38:45

Oh, that's the Old Keebler place.

0:38:450:38:47

Let's just back away slowly.

0:38:470:38:48

That's the Fairy Godmother's cottage.

0:38:480:38:50

She's the largest producer of hexes and potions in the whole kingdom.

0:38:500:38:54

Then why don't we pop in there for a spell?

0:38:540:38:56

-CHUCKLES

-Spell!

0:38:560:38:57

PUSS-IN-BOOTS LAUGHS LOUDLY

0:38:570:39:02

Makes me laugh.

0:39:020:39:04

Hi.

0:39:070:39:09

I'm here to see the...

0:39:090:39:11

Fairy Godmother.

0:39:110:39:13

I'm sorry, she's not in.

0:39:130:39:14

-OVER INTERCOM:

-Jerome, coffee and a Monte Cristo. Now!

0:39:140:39:17

HE SIGHS

0:39:170:39:18

Yes, Fairy Godmother. Right away.

0:39:180:39:22

Look, she's not seeing any client today, OK?

0:39:220:39:24

That's OK, buddy. We're from the union.

0:39:240:39:26

The union?

0:39:260:39:27

We represent the workers in all magical industries

0:39:270:39:30

-both evil and benign.

-Oh...right.

0:39:300:39:33

Are you feeling at all degraded or repressed?

0:39:330:39:36

Uh...a little. We don't even have dental.

0:39:360:39:39

They don't even have dental.

0:39:390:39:42

OK, we're just going to have a look around.

0:39:420:39:44

Oh, by the way, I think it'd be better

0:39:440:39:46

if the Fairy Godmother didn't know we were here.

0:39:460:39:49

Know what I'm sayin'? Huh?

0:39:490:39:50

-Mmm?

-Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?

-Stop it.

0:39:500:39:53

Of course. Go right in.

0:39:530:39:55

GRATING AND RUMBLING

0:39:550:39:58

SOFT EXPLOSION

0:40:160:40:18

-GODMOTHER:

-Drop of desire.

0:40:230:40:26

-GIGGLING

-Oh, dear.

0:40:260:40:28

A pinch of passion.

0:40:280:40:30

LAUGHING

0:40:300:40:34

And just a hint of...

0:40:340:40:38

lust.

0:40:380:40:39

-Excuse me.

-SHE GASPS

0:40:420:40:44

Sorry to barge in like this, but, er...

0:40:440:40:45

What in Grimm's name are you doing here?

0:40:450:40:49

Well, it seems that Fiona's not exactly happy.

0:40:490:40:53

Oh...and there's some question as to why that is?

0:40:530:40:57

Well, let's explore that, shall we?

0:40:570:41:00

Ah, P-P-P-P-P.

0:41:020:41:04

Princess. "Cinderella."

0:41:040:41:06

Here we are. "Lived happily ever after."

0:41:060:41:08

Oh... No ogres.

0:41:080:41:11

Let's see, "Snow White."

0:41:110:41:13

"A handsome prince..."

0:41:130:41:15

Oh, no ogres.

0:41:150:41:16

"Sleeping Beauty." Oh...no ogres.

0:41:160:41:18

"Hansel and Gretel"? No.

0:41:180:41:21

"Thumbelina"? No.

0:41:210:41:23

"Pretty Woman"?

0:41:230:41:24

No, no, no, no, no!

0:41:240:41:27

You see, ogres don't live happily ever after.

0:41:270:41:31

All right, look, lady...

0:41:310:41:33

Don't you point those dirty green sausages at me.

0:41:330:41:36

Monte Cristo and co... Oh. Sorry.

0:41:390:41:42

Oh, that's OK.

0:41:420:41:44

We were just leaving.

0:41:440:41:45

Very sorry to have wasted your time, Miss Godmother.

0:41:450:41:48

Just...go.

0:41:480:41:50

Come on, guys.

0:41:500:41:52

WHISTLING

0:41:550:41:59

GROANS

0:42:000:42:02

TGIF, hey, buddy?

0:42:060:42:09

Working hard or hardly working, eh, Mac?

0:42:110:42:14

Oh!

0:42:200:42:22

Get your fine Corinthian footwear and your cat cheeks out of my face!

0:42:220:42:26

Well, you don't exactly smell like a basket of roses.

0:42:260:42:30

Well, one of these has got to help.

0:42:320:42:35

Ah, I was just concocting this very plan.

0:42:350:42:37

Already our minds are becoming one.

0:42:370:42:40

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, now.

0:42:400:42:41

If we need an expert on licking ourselves,

0:42:410:42:43

we'll give you a call. Shrek, this is a bad idea.

0:42:430:42:47

Look, make yourself useful and go keep watch.

0:42:470:42:50

Puss, do you think you could get to those on top?

0:42:500:42:53

No problema, boss. In one of my nine lives,

0:42:530:42:56

I was the great cat burglar of Santiago de Compostela.

0:42:560:42:58

LAUGHS Shrek, are you off your nut?

0:42:580:43:01

Donkey, keep watch.

0:43:010:43:03

Yeah, I'm going to keep watch. I'm going to watch that wicked

0:43:030:43:06

witch whammy-zammy a world of hurt up your backside.

0:43:060:43:08

I'm going to laugh, too, but you know, I'll be giggling to myself.

0:43:080:43:11

-What do you see?

-Toad stool softener.

0:43:110:43:14

Oh, yeah, you're right. I'm sure a nice BM

0:43:140:43:16

is the perfect solution for marital problems.

0:43:160:43:18

-Alfa seltzer?

-Uh-uh.

-Hex lax?

0:43:180:43:20

No. Try "handsome."

0:43:200:43:23

Sorry, no "handsome."

0:43:230:43:26

Hey, how about "happily ever after"?

0:43:260:43:30

Well, what does it do?

0:43:300:43:32

-It says, "beauty divine."

-You know, in some cultures,

0:43:320:43:36

Donkeys are revered as the wisest of all creatures,

0:43:360:43:39

especially us talking ones.

0:43:390:43:41

Donkey!

0:43:410:43:42

That'll have to do. We've got company.

0:43:440:43:47

Could we get on with this?

0:43:530:43:55

CLANKING

0:43:550:43:57

Hurry!

0:43:570:43:59

Nice catch, Donkey.

0:44:070:44:09

Finally, a use for your mouth.

0:44:090:44:13

ALARM BLARING

0:44:130:44:15

Come on!

0:44:150:44:18

# You spurn my natural emotions

0:44:210:44:24

# You make me feel like dirt

0:44:240:44:26

# And I'm hurt

0:44:260:44:28

# And if I start a commotion

0:44:320:44:34

# I run the risk of losing you

0:44:340:44:37

# And that's worse... #

0:44:370:44:38

SCREAMING AND LAUGHING

0:44:380:44:41

# ..Ever fallen in love with someone

0:44:410:44:44

# Ever fallen in love, in love with someone

0:44:440:44:46

# Ever fallen in love with someone

0:44:460:44:48

# You shouldn't've fallen in love with... #

0:44:480:44:51

SCREAMING

0:44:550:44:57

# ..Ever fallen in love with someone

0:44:570:44:59

# Ever fallen in

0:44:590:45:01

# Ever fallen in love, with someone

0:45:010:45:03

# You shouldn't've fallen in love with?

0:45:030:45:06

# Fallen in love with

0:45:060:45:09

# Ever fallen in love with someone

0:45:090:45:12

# You shouldn't've fallen in love with? #

0:45:120:45:15

-GODMOTHER:

-Look, I don't care whose fault it is.

0:45:150:45:17

Just get this place cleaned up.

0:45:170:45:19

And somebody bring me something

0:45:190:45:22

deep-fried and smothered in chocolate.

0:45:220:45:25

Mother.

0:45:250:45:26

Charming, sweetheart.

0:45:260:45:28

Well, this isn't a good time, pumpkin.

0:45:280:45:30

-Mama's working.

-Well, what happened here?

0:45:300:45:34

-The ogre, that's what.

-What? Where is he, Mom?

0:45:340:45:37

I shall rend his head from his shoulders.

0:45:370:45:40

I will smite him where he stands.

0:45:400:45:42

He will rue the very day he stole my kingdom from me!

0:45:420:45:46

Oh, put it away, junior. You're still going to be king.

0:45:460:45:50

We're just going to have to come up with something smarter.

0:45:500:45:53

Pardon. Um,

0:45:530:45:55

everything is accounted for, Fairy Godmother,

0:45:550:45:57

except for one potion.

0:45:570:45:59

What?

0:45:590:46:01

Oh...

0:46:010:46:02

I do believe we can make this work to our advantage.

0:46:020:46:05

Happily ever after potion.

0:46:070:46:09

Maximum strength.

0:46:090:46:11

"For you and your true love.

0:46:110:46:14

"If one of you drinks this, you both will be fine.

0:46:140:46:16

"Happiness, comfort and beauty divine."

0:46:160:46:19

"You both will be fine"?

0:46:190:46:21

I guess it means it'll affect Fiona, too.

0:46:210:46:23

Hey, man, this don't feel right.

0:46:230:46:25

My Donkey senses are tingling all over,

0:46:250:46:27

so why don't you just drop that jug of voodoo

0:46:270:46:29

-and let's get out of here.

-It says "beauty divine."

0:46:290:46:32

How bad can it be?

0:46:320:46:33

SNIFFS, SNEEZES

0:46:330:46:35

Ah-ha, see? you're allergic to that stuff. You're going to have a reaction.

0:46:350:46:38

And if you think that I'm going to be smearing Vaporub

0:46:380:46:41

all over your chest, think again.

0:46:410:46:43

Boss, just in case there is something wrong with the potion,

0:46:430:46:46

allow me to take the first sip.

0:46:460:46:48

It would be an honour to lay my life on the line for you.

0:46:480:46:51

Oh, no, no, no. I don't think so.

0:46:510:46:53

If there's any animal testing, I'm going to do it.

0:46:530:46:56

That's the best friend's job. Now, give me that bottle.

0:46:560:46:59

GULPING

0:46:590:47:02

SMACKING LIPS

0:47:020:47:04

How do you feel?

0:47:040:47:05

Uh, I don't feel any different.

0:47:050:47:08

-I look any different?

-You still look like an ass to me.

0:47:080:47:12

Maybe it doesn't work on donkeys.

0:47:120:47:15

Well...

0:47:150:47:18

Here's to us, Fiona.

0:47:180:47:19

-Shrek, you drink that, there's no going back.

-I know.

0:47:190:47:23

But no more wallowing in the mud?

0:47:230:47:24

-I know.

-But you love being an ogre.

0:47:240:47:27

I know! SIGHS

0:47:270:47:30

-But I love Fiona more.

-Shrek, no!

0:47:330:47:34

Wait!

0:47:360:47:37

SWALLOWS

0:47:380:47:40

BUBBLING

0:47:400:47:44

PASSES GAS

0:47:470:47:48

SNIFFING Ooh, oh, got to be.

0:47:480:47:50

Shrek, I think you grabbed a farty-ever-after potion.

0:47:500:47:53

Maybe it's a dud?

0:47:530:47:55

Or maybe Fiona and I were never meant to be.

0:47:550:47:58

THUNDER RUMBLES

0:47:580:48:00

Uh-oh, what did I tell you? I feel something coming on.

0:48:010:48:04

I don't want to die! I don't want to die!

0:48:040:48:07

THUNDER CRASHING I don't want to die.

0:48:070:48:09

Please, sister mother of mercy, I'm melting.

0:48:090:48:11

I'm melting!

0:48:110:48:13

It's just the rain, Donkey.

0:48:130:48:16

Oh...

0:48:160:48:17

CHUCKLES

0:48:170:48:20

THUNDER RUMBLING

0:48:300:48:33

Shrek, don't worry.

0:48:590:49:00

Things just seem bad cos it's dark and rainy

0:49:000:49:02

and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hit man to whack you.

0:49:020:49:05

HISSES

0:49:050:49:06

It'll be better in the morning. You'll see.

0:49:060:49:09

# The sun'll come out... tomorrow... #

0:49:090:49:14

SLURRING: # ..Bet your bottom... #

0:49:140:49:16

Bet my bottom?

0:49:160:49:18

I'm coming, Elizabeth.

0:49:180:49:19

Donkey?

0:49:190:49:20

Are...are you all right?

0:49:200:49:23

Hey, boss, let's shave him.

0:49:230:49:25

Don-Donkey...

0:49:250:49:27

GROANS

0:49:270:49:30

LOUD MEOW

0:49:300:49:33

There you are. We missed you at dinner.

0:49:360:49:40

What is it, darling?

0:49:400:49:42

Dad, I've been thinking about what you said

0:49:420:49:46

and I'm going to set things right.

0:49:460:49:48

Ah, excellent. That's my girl.

0:49:480:49:51

It was a mistake to bring Shrek here.

0:49:510:49:53

I'm going to go out and find him.

0:49:530:49:56

And then we're going to go back to the swamp where we belong.

0:49:560:49:59

Fiona, please...

0:50:020:50:04

Uh, let's not be rash, darling.

0:50:040:50:06

You can't go anywhere right now.

0:50:060:50:07

-Fiona!

-Fiona!

0:50:100:50:11

WOMEN SIMPER I told you he was here. Look, look.

0:50:510:50:53

Shh... Quiet, it's...

0:50:530:50:55

SHREK GROANING

0:50:550:50:57

Good morning, sleepy head. SHREK GASPING

0:50:570:50:59

-Good morning.

-Good morning.

0:50:590:51:01

-We love your kitty.

-Oh, my head.

0:51:010:51:04

Here, I fetched you a pail of water.

0:51:040:51:06

-Oh, thanks.

-GASPS

0:51:060:51:09

YELLS

0:51:110:51:12

Oh...

0:51:120:51:15

A cute button nose?

0:51:150:51:17

Thick wavy locks?

0:51:170:51:20

Taut round buttocks?

0:51:200:51:22

I'm... I'm...

0:51:220:51:25

-Gorgeous.

-I'll say.

-I'm Jill. What's your name?

0:51:250:51:28

-Um, Shrek.

-Shrek? Wow.

0:51:280:51:30

-Are you from Europe?

-Uh...

0:51:300:51:33

I want to rub his shoulders.

0:51:330:51:34

-I got it covered.

-Thanks.

-I don't have anything to rub.

0:51:340:51:36

Well, get in line.

0:51:360:51:38

H-have you ladies seen my donkey?

0:51:380:51:41

DONKEY: Who are you calling Donkey?

0:51:410:51:43

Donkey, you're a...

0:51:430:51:44

A stallion, baby.

0:51:440:51:46

I can whinny. WHINNIES

0:51:460:51:48

I can count.

0:51:480:51:49

Look at me, Shrek. I'm trotting.

0:51:490:51:53

That's some quality potion.

0:51:530:51:54

What's in that stuff?

0:51:540:51:56

Uh-oh, don't take the potion, Mr Boss, it's very bad.

0:51:560:51:59

SPITS

0:51:590:52:00

"WARNING: side effects may include burning, itching,

0:52:000:52:03

"oozing, weeping.

0:52:030:52:04

"Not intended for heart patients

0:52:040:52:06

"or those with nervous disorders."

0:52:060:52:08

I'm trotting, I'm trotting, I'm trotting in place. Yeah!

0:52:080:52:12

What?

0:52:120:52:14

Senor, "To make the effects of this potion permanent

0:52:140:52:17

"the drinker must obtain his true love's kiss

0:52:170:52:20

-"by midnight."

-Midnight?

0:52:200:52:22

Why is it always midnight?

0:52:220:52:24

-Oh, pick me. I'll be your true love.

-I'll be your true love.

0:52:240:52:26

I'll be true... enough.

0:52:260:52:29

NERVOUS CHUCKLE

0:52:290:52:30

Look, ladies, I already have a true love.

0:52:300:52:32

ALL GROAN

0:52:320:52:34

Take it from me, boss,

0:52:340:52:35

you're going to have one satisfied princess.

0:52:350:52:37

DONKEY: Let's face it, you are a lot easier on the eyes.

0:52:370:52:40

But inside you're still the same ol' mean, salty...

0:52:400:52:43

Easy. All right, then.

0:52:430:52:45

..foul, angry ogre you always been.

0:52:450:52:47

-And you're still the same annoying Donkey.

-Yeah.

0:52:470:52:50

SIGHS

0:52:500:52:51

Well...

0:52:510:52:53

look out, princess, here comes the new me.

0:52:530:52:56

DONKEY: Uh, first things first.

0:52:560:52:59

We need to get you out of those clothes.

0:52:590:53:00

ALL GASP

0:53:000:53:02

-Ready?

-BOTH: Ready!

0:53:050:53:07

YELLING

0:53:100:53:11

Driver, stop!

0:53:110:53:12

DONKEY: Oh, God! Help me, please!

0:53:120:53:14

My racing days are over!

0:53:140:53:15

I'm blind! Tell the truth.

0:53:150:53:17

Will I ever be able to play the violin again?

0:53:170:53:19

Oh, you poor creature!

0:53:190:53:20

Is there anything I can do for you?

0:53:200:53:23

Well, I guess there is one thing.

0:53:230:53:25

Take off the powdered wig, and step away from your drawers.

0:53:250:53:28

Not bad.

0:53:310:53:33

Not bad at all.

0:53:330:53:34

LAUGHING

0:53:360:53:41

-MAN:

-Father?

0:53:410:53:43

Is everything all right, Father?

0:53:430:53:45

Thank you, gentlemen.

0:53:500:53:51

Some day, I will repay you.

0:53:510:53:54

Unless, of course, I can't find you or if I forget.

0:53:540:53:56

DONKEY NEIGHS

0:53:560:53:58

PUSS CURSES IN SPANISH

0:53:580:54:01

POUNDING PIANO CHORDS PLAY

0:54:050:54:07

HONKING HORNS PLAY RIFF

0:54:070:54:09

MURMURING

0:54:090:54:10

# Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

0:54:130:54:15

# Turn and face the strange ch-ch-changes

0:54:150:54:19

# Don't want to be a richer one

0:54:190:54:22

# Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

0:54:220:54:24

# Turn and face the strange ch-ch-changes

0:54:240:54:28

# Just gonna have to be a different man

0:54:280:54:31

# Time may change me

0:54:310:54:34

# But I can't trace time... #

0:54:340:54:37

-Halt!

-Tell Princess Fiona

0:54:390:54:40

her husband, Sir Shrek, is here to see her.

0:54:400:54:43

# Still don't know what I was looking for

0:54:470:54:51

# And my time was running wild

0:54:510:54:53

# A million dead-end streets

0:54:540:54:56

# Every time I thought I'd got it made

0:54:560:54:59

# It seemed the taste was not so sweet

0:54:590:55:01

# Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

0:55:010:55:03

SCREAMS

0:55:030:55:04

-# Turn and face the strange... #

-Fiona!

-Shrek?

0:55:040:55:07

# Ch-ch-changes

0:55:070:55:08

# Don't want to be a richer one

0:55:080:55:10

Shrek!

0:55:100:55:12

# Time may change me

0:55:120:55:13

# But I can't trace time. #

0:55:130:55:15

Fiona!

0:55:150:55:17

Hello, handsome.

0:55:200:55:22

Shrek!

0:55:230:55:25

Princess!

0:55:250:55:26

-GASPS

-Donkey?

0:55:260:55:28

Wow, that potion worked on you, too, huh?

0:55:280:55:30

-What potion?

-Oh, it's kind of a long story,

0:55:300:55:33

but, see, Shrek and I took some magic potion.

0:55:330:55:35

And well, now, we're sexy!

0:55:350:55:37

Shrek?

0:55:380:55:40

For you, baby, I could be.

0:55:430:55:46

-Yeah, you wish.

-Donkey, where is Shrek?

0:55:460:55:49

He just went inside looking for you.

0:55:490:55:51

Shrek!

0:55:520:55:54

Fiona! Fiona!

0:55:540:55:57

You want to dance, pretty boy?

0:55:590:56:01

Are you going so soon? Well, don't you want to see your wife?

0:56:030:56:08

CHARMING: Fiona?

0:56:080:56:10

GASPS

0:56:100:56:12

Shrek?

0:56:120:56:13

Aye, Fiona, it is me.

0:56:130:56:16

What happened to your voice?

0:56:160:56:17

Oh, the potion changed a lot of things, Fiona.

0:56:170:56:21

But not the way I feel about you.

0:56:210:56:24

Fiona?

0:56:240:56:25

Charming?

0:56:250:56:28

Uh, do you think so...

0:56:280:56:29

CHUCKLING ..Dad?

0:56:290:56:31

I was so hoping you'd approve.

0:56:310:56:33

-Um...who are you?

-Mum, it's me, Shrek.

0:56:330:56:36

I know you never get a second chance

0:56:360:56:39

at a first impression,

0:56:390:56:40

but well, what do you think?

0:56:400:56:42

-SHREK FAINTLY:

-Fiona!

0:56:460:56:48

Fiona! Fiona!

0:56:500:56:54

Fiona, Fiona!

0:56:540:56:55

Oh, shoot!

0:56:550:56:57

I don't think they can hear us, pigeon.

0:56:570:56:59

SIGHS

0:56:590:57:01

Don't you think

0:57:020:57:03

you've already messed her life up enough?

0:57:030:57:06

I just wanted her to be happy.

0:57:060:57:09

And now she can be.

0:57:090:57:10

Oh, sweetheart, she's finally found

0:57:100:57:14

the prince of her dreams.

0:57:140:57:16

But look at me.

0:57:160:57:17

Look what I've done for her.

0:57:170:57:20

It's time you stopped living in a fairy tale, Shrek.

0:57:200:57:24

She's a princess, and you're an ogre.

0:57:240:57:27

That's something no amount of potion

0:57:270:57:30

is ever going to change.

0:57:300:57:32

But...

0:57:390:57:40

I love her.

0:57:400:57:41

If you really love her, you'll let her go.

0:57:410:57:47

MELANCHOLY PIANO PLAYS

0:57:470:57:51

DONKEY: Shrek?

0:57:510:57:52

-Senor?

-Hey, what's going on?

0:57:520:57:55

Where you going?

0:57:550:57:56

You wouldn't have had anything to do with this,

0:58:010:58:04

would you, Harold?

0:58:040:58:07

# People just ain't no good

0:58:110:58:14

# I think that's well understood... #

0:58:170:58:20

There you go, boys.

0:58:200:58:22

Just leave the bottle, buddy.

0:58:220:58:24

Hey, why the long face?

0:58:240:58:26

It was all just a stupid mistake.

0:58:260:58:30

I never should have rescued her

0:58:300:58:32

from that tower in the first place.

0:58:320:58:34

SLURPING

0:58:340:58:36

-SIGHS

-I hate Mondays.

0:58:360:58:38

I can't believe you're going to walk away

0:58:380:58:40

from the best thing that ever happened to you.

0:58:400:58:42

What choice do I have?

0:58:420:58:43

She loves that... pretty boy, Prince Charming.

0:58:430:58:46

Aw, come on, now. Is he really that good-looking?

0:58:460:58:49

-STEPSISTER:

-Are you kidding? He's gorgeous!

0:58:490:58:52

He has a face that looks like it was carved by angels.

0:58:520:58:54

Oh, he sounds dreamy.

0:58:540:58:57

You know, shockingly,

0:58:570:58:58

this isn't making me feel any better.

0:58:580:59:01

SIGHS

0:59:010:59:02

Look, guys, it's for the best.

0:59:020:59:06

Mom and Dad approve,

0:59:060:59:07

and Fiona gets the man she's always dreamed of.

0:59:070:59:11

Everybody wins.

0:59:110:59:14

Except for you.

0:59:140:59:15

I don't get it, Shrek.

0:59:150:59:18

You love Fiona.

0:59:180:59:19

Aye.

0:59:190:59:21

And that's why I have to let her go.

0:59:210:59:23

-KING HAROLD:

-Um, excuse me?

0:59:230:59:25

Is she here?

0:59:250:59:27

She's, er... in the back.

0:59:270:59:29

Oh, hello again.

0:59:310:59:32

CHUCKLES

0:59:320:59:33

Uh, Fairy Godmother, Charming...

0:59:350:59:38

Oh, you better have a good reason

0:59:380:59:40

for dragging us down here, Harold.

0:59:400:59:42

-STAMMERING

-Well...

0:59:420:59:43

I'm afraid Fiona isn't really warming up to Prince Charming.

0:59:430:59:48

Um, FYI - not my fault.

0:59:480:59:50

No, of course it's not, dear.

0:59:500:59:51

I mean, how charming can I be

0:59:510:59:53

when I have to pretend I'm that dreadful ogre?

0:59:530:59:56

No, no, it's nobody's fault. Um, perhaps it's best

0:59:560:59:59

-if we just call the whole thing off, OK?

-What?!

-What?!

0:59:591:00:02

I mean, you can't force someone to fall in love.

1:00:021:00:06

I beg to differ. I do it all the time.

1:00:061:00:09

Have Fiona drink this, and she'll fall in love

1:00:091:00:12

with the first man she kisses...

1:00:121:00:14

which will be Charming.

1:00:141:00:15

-Uh...no.

-What did you say?

1:00:151:00:19

-I-I can't! I won't do it.

-Oh, yes, you will!

1:00:191:00:22

If you remember, I helped you

1:00:221:00:24

with your happily ever after.

1:00:241:00:26

And I can take it away just as easily.

1:00:261:00:30

Is that what you want?

1:00:301:00:32

Is it?

1:00:321:00:33

-N...No.

-Good boy.

1:00:331:00:36

Now, we have to go.

1:00:361:00:38

I need to do Charming's hair before the ball. He's hopeless.

1:00:381:00:41

He can never get to the back.

1:00:411:00:43

You need someone to do the back of your hair.

1:00:431:00:45

Oh! Thank you, Mother.

1:00:451:00:47

DONKEY: Mother?!

1:00:471:00:48

Uh, Mary!

1:00:481:00:50

A talking horse!

1:00:501:00:52

The ogre!

1:00:521:00:53

Oh, stop them! Thieves!

1:00:541:00:57

Bandits! Stop them!

1:00:571:00:59

ANNOUNCER: Well, the abs are fab,

1:00:591:01:02

and it's gluteus to the maximus here

1:01:021:01:04

at tonight's Far Far Away royal ball blowout.

1:01:041:01:07

The coaches are lined up as the cream of the crop

1:01:071:01:09

pours out of them like Miss Muffet's curds and whey!

1:01:091:01:12

Everyone who's anyone has turned out

1:01:121:01:14

to honour Princess Fiona and Prince Shrek.

1:01:141:01:16

And oh, my!

1:01:161:01:17

The outfits look gorgeous.

1:01:171:01:19

Look! Hansel and Gretel.

1:01:191:01:20

Oh. What the heck are the crumbs for?

1:01:201:01:22

And right behind them, Tom Thumb and Thumbelina.

1:01:221:01:26

Oh, aren't they adorable?

1:01:261:01:27

Whoa! THUMBELINA SCREAMS

1:01:271:01:28

Here comes... Sleeping Beauty!

1:01:281:01:31

Oh! Tired old thing!

1:01:311:01:32

Oh! Who's this?

1:01:331:01:35

Who's this? Who is this?

1:01:351:01:37

Oh! It's the one... It's the only...

1:01:371:01:40

It's the Fairy Godmother!

1:01:401:01:41

CHEERING

1:01:411:01:42

Hello, Far Far Away.

1:01:421:01:46

Can I get a "whoop-whoop"?

1:01:461:01:48

CROWD: Whoop-whoop!

1:01:481:01:50

May all your endings be happy, and...

1:01:501:01:53

-LAUGHING:

-Well, you know the rest.

1:01:531:01:56

ANNOUNCER: We'll be right back

1:01:561:01:58

with the Royal Far Far Away ball after these messages.

1:01:581:02:01

I hate these ball shows. They bore me to tears.

1:02:011:02:04

Flip over to Wheel Of Torture.

1:02:041:02:06

I'm not flipping anywhere, sir,

1:02:061:02:08

until I see Shrek and Fiona.

1:02:081:02:09

Bah! Wizards on you guys.

1:02:091:02:11

Hey, mice, pass me a buffalo wing.

1:02:111:02:13

No, no, to your left.

1:02:131:02:15

Your left!

1:02:151:02:17

ANNOUNCER: Tonight, on "Knights."

1:02:181:02:20

SIREN BLARES

1:02:201:02:21

Ah! Now here's a good show.

1:02:211:02:22

We got a white bronco heading east

1:02:221:02:24

into the forest. Requesting backup.

1:02:241:02:26

It's time for the men in steel to teach these mammals

1:02:261:02:29

their attitude just won't fly.

1:02:291:02:30

All right! Freeze!

1:02:301:02:33

Let me go! Ow! Police brutality!

1:02:331:02:35

Come on. Stop struggling.

1:02:351:02:37

-I have to talk to Princess Fiona.

-I warned you...

1:02:371:02:40

GROANS Will they get away with it?

1:02:401:02:42

Or did someone let the cat out of the bag?

1:02:421:02:44

-You capitalist...

-YEOWLING

1:02:441:02:47

Oh! Oh! Get it off! Get it off!

1:02:471:02:49

-Catnip.

-That's not mine.

1:02:491:02:53

I have to find Princess Fiona.

1:02:531:02:55

-Come on, guy.

-Tell 'em! Shrek! I'm her husband, Shrek!

-Nice.

1:02:551:02:59

DOOR CLANGS Quick, rewind it!

1:02:591:03:03

Shrek! I'm her husband, Shrek! Ow! Ow!

1:03:031:03:05

KNOCKING

1:03:301:03:32

Darling?

1:03:321:03:34

Ah! I thought I might find you here.

1:03:341:03:36

How about a nice hot cup of tea before the ball?

1:03:361:03:40

-I'm not going.

-But-but the whole kingdom's turned out

1:03:401:03:43

-to celebrate your marriage.

-There's just one problem.

1:03:431:03:47

That's not my husband.

1:03:471:03:48

I mean, look at him!

1:03:501:03:52

Yes, he is a bit different,

1:03:531:03:55

but, er, people change for the ones they love.

1:03:551:03:58

You'd be surprised how much I changed for your mother.

1:03:581:04:01

Change?!

1:04:011:04:02

He's completely lost his mind.

1:04:021:04:05

Darling, why not come down to the ball

1:04:051:04:07

and give him another chance?

1:04:071:04:09

I mean, you might find you like this new Shrek.

1:04:091:04:11

But it's the old one I fell in love with, Dad.

1:04:111:04:16

I'd give anything to have him back.

1:04:161:04:18

Uh, darling, that's mine.

1:04:201:04:23

Decaf.

1:04:231:04:24

Otherwise, I'm up all night.

1:04:241:04:25

SHE SIGHS

1:04:311:04:32

Thanks.

1:04:321:04:34

FAINT SHOUTING

1:04:371:04:40

..And what about my Miranda rights?

1:04:401:04:42

You're supposed to say I have the right to remain silent.

1:04:421:04:44

Nobody said I have the right to remain silent.

1:04:441:04:46

Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.

1:04:461:04:50

What you lack is the capacity.

1:04:501:04:52

I must hold on before, I, too, go totally mad.

1:04:521:04:55

PINOCCHIO: Shrek?

1:04:551:04:56

Donkey?

1:04:561:04:58

Too late.

1:04:581:05:00

Gingey! Pinocchio!

1:05:001:05:01

Get us out of here!

1:05:011:05:03

GROANS

1:05:031:05:04

GRUNTS

1:05:041:05:06

Fire in the hole!

1:05:081:05:10

DULL EXPLOSION

1:05:101:05:12

MUSIC: Theme from "Mission: Impossible"

1:05:121:05:17

GRUNTS

1:05:241:05:26

SIGHS

1:05:271:05:28

Look out below!

1:05:281:05:31

Quick! Tell a lie!

1:05:311:05:34

-Uh...what should I say?

-Anything, but quick!

1:05:341:05:36

Say something crazy like, "I'm wearing ladies' underwear!"

1:05:361:05:39

I'm... I'm, er... wearing ladies' underwear.

1:05:391:05:42

MUSIC CRESCENDOS

1:05:421:05:45

Are you?

1:05:451:05:46

I most certainly am not!

1:05:461:05:48

It looks like you most certainly am are!

1:05:481:05:51

-I am not.

-What kind?

1:05:511:05:53

-They're briefs.

-Are not.

1:05:531:05:55

-Are, too.

-Are not!

-Are, too!

1:05:551:05:57

All right. Here we go. Hang tight.

1:05:571:06:00

SIGHS

1:06:001:06:01

DONKEY: Wait, wait, wait. Ow, ow. Hey, hey, hey!

1:06:031:06:05

GROANS Ow!

1:06:051:06:09

-MUFFLED VOICE: Excuse me?

-What? Puss!

1:06:091:06:11

-Hmm?

-Let me go?

-Sorry, boss.

1:06:111:06:14

Quit messing around. We've got to stop that kiss.

1:06:141:06:17

I thought you was going to let her go.

1:06:171:06:19

I was, but I can't let them do this to Fiona.

1:06:191:06:21

Boom! That's what I like to hear.

1:06:211:06:23

Look who's finally coming around!

1:06:231:06:25

But that's impossible. We'll never get in.

1:06:251:06:27

The castle is guarded, and there is a moat.

1:06:271:06:30

Well, folks, it looks like

1:06:301:06:31

we're up chocolate creek without a popsicle stick.

1:06:311:06:34

What?

1:06:381:06:40

Do you still know the muffin man?

1:06:401:06:42

Well, sure. He's down on Drury Lane. Why?

1:06:421:06:47

Because we're going to need flour... lots and lots of flour.

1:06:471:06:51

Gingey!

1:06:561:06:57

Fire up the ovens, Muffin Man.

1:06:571:07:00

We've got a big order to fill.

1:07:001:07:03

DEEP LAUGHTER

1:07:031:07:05

-GINGERBREAD MAN:

-It's alive!

1:07:051:07:07

RUMBLING

1:07:071:07:09

INDISTINCT TALKING

1:07:091:07:12

GASPING

1:07:121:07:13

Run, run, run! As fast as you can.

1:07:161:07:19

SCREAMING

1:07:211:07:23

DEEP LAUGHTER

1:07:231:07:25

Go, baby, go!

1:07:251:07:27

There it is, Mungo.

1:07:291:07:30

To the castle.

1:07:301:07:32

No, no, no, no, no, you great stupid pastry.

1:07:321:07:35

-Yum.

-Come on.

1:07:351:07:36

SCREAMING

1:07:361:07:39

GROANS

1:07:391:07:43

Mungo, down here. Look at the pony.

1:07:431:07:45

Oh, ah...

1:07:451:07:48

That's right, follow the pretty pony.

1:07:481:07:50

Pretty pony wants to play at the castle.

1:07:501:07:52

Pretty pony.

1:07:521:07:55

Ladies and gentlemen,

1:07:551:07:57

presenting Princess Fiona

1:07:571:08:00

and her new husband, Prince Shrek.

1:08:001:08:03

Shrek, what are you doing?

1:08:051:08:07

I'm just playing the part, Fiona.

1:08:071:08:09

Is that glitter on your lips?

1:08:091:08:12

Mm, cherry-flavoured. Want to taste?

1:08:121:08:14

Urgh!

1:08:141:08:15

-What is with you?

-But, muffin cake...

1:08:151:08:18

-SNAPS

-C minor, put it in C minor.

1:08:211:08:23

PLAYS SOFTLY

1:08:231:08:24

Ladies and gentlemen...

1:08:241:08:25

APPLAUDING

1:08:251:08:28

..I'd like to dedicate this song to...

1:08:281:08:31

Princess Fiona, and Prince Shrek.

1:08:311:08:35

Fiona, my princess,

1:08:351:08:36

will you honour me with a dance?

1:08:361:08:39

# Where have all the good men gone

1:08:391:08:44

-# And where are all the gods... #

-CROWD: Dance! Dance! Dance!

1:08:441:08:49

# Where's the streetwise Hercules

1:08:491:08:53

# To fight the rising odds... #

1:08:531:08:55

CHEERING

1:08:551:08:57

# ..Isn't there a white knight... #

1:08:571:08:59

-Since when do YOU dance?

-Fiona, my dearest.

1:08:591:09:01

If there's one thing I know,

1:09:011:09:03

it's that love is full of surprises.

1:09:031:09:06

# ..Late at night, I toss and I turn

1:09:061:09:09

# And I dream of what I need... #

1:09:091:09:15

Hit it!

1:09:151:09:16

# Oh!

1:09:161:09:19

# Ah!

1:09:191:09:20

# I need a hero... #

1:09:201:09:22

All right, big fella, let's crash this party.

1:09:221:09:25

-# He's gotta be strong... #

-Fire the catapult!

1:09:251:09:28

# And he's gotta be fast

1:09:281:09:30

# And he's gotta be fresh from the fight... #

1:09:301:09:32

-Brace yourselves.

-# ..I need a hero... #

1:09:321:09:34

Ooh, pretty.

1:09:341:09:35

# ..I'm holding out for a hero till the morning light

1:09:351:09:38

# He's gotta be sure and it's gotta be soon

1:09:381:09:40

# And he's gotta be

1:09:401:09:42

-# Larger than life... #

-Not the gumdrop button!

1:09:421:09:44

# Larger than life... #

1:09:441:09:47

YELLING

1:09:471:09:49

Incoming!

1:09:501:09:52

LAUGHS All right!

1:09:531:09:55

# ..Somewhere after midnight

1:09:581:09:59

# In my wildest fantasy... #

1:09:591:10:03

Go, Mungo! go!

1:10:031:10:05

# ..Somewhere just beyond my reach

1:10:051:10:06

# There's someone reaching back for me... #

1:10:061:10:08

Man the cauldron!

1:10:081:10:10

# ..Racing on the thunder

1:10:101:10:12

# And rising with the heat... #

1:10:121:10:15

After you, Mungo.

1:10:151:10:17

# ..It's gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet... #

1:10:171:10:20

That's it! Heave, ho!

1:10:201:10:23

Watch out.

1:10:231:10:24

GROANING

1:10:241:10:26

Shrek!

1:10:261:10:28

More heat, less foam.

1:10:311:10:33

# ..Up where the mountains meet the heavens above

1:10:331:10:36

# Out where the lightning splits the sea

1:10:361:10:39

# I could swear there was someone somewhere

1:10:391:10:41

-# Watching me... #

-GROWLING

1:10:411:10:43

Heave! Ho!

1:10:431:10:46

# ..Through the chill and the rain

1:10:461:10:48

# The storm and the flood

1:10:481:10:51

-# I can feel his approach... #

-No!

1:10:511:10:53

-# ..Like the fire in my blood... #

-No!

1:10:531:10:56

MUSIC CONTINUES

1:11:051:11:07

-WHISTLES

-Come on!

1:11:221:11:24

CHEERING

1:11:241:11:25

Oh, no!

1:11:251:11:26

Be...good.

1:11:261:11:30

GRUNTING

1:11:301:11:33

# ..I need a hero

1:11:331:11:35

# I'm holding out for a hero till the morning light

1:11:351:11:39

# And he's gotta be sure, and it's gotta be soon

1:11:391:11:42

# And he's gotta be larger than life... #

1:11:421:11:45

Puss!

1:11:471:11:48

Go, go. Your lady needs you. Go!

1:11:511:11:54

Today, I repay my debt.

1:11:571:11:59

SHOUTING

1:11:591:12:01

SHOUTING STOPS

1:12:011:12:03

-Oh...

-Ah...

1:12:041:12:06

-GROWLS

-En garde!

1:12:061:12:08

GRUNTING

1:12:081:12:11

# ..Oh, he's gotta be strong

1:12:111:12:14

# And he's gotta be fast

1:12:141:12:15

# And he's gotta be fresh from the fight

1:12:151:12:18

# I need a hero! #

1:12:181:12:20

Stop!

1:12:201:12:21

GASPING

1:12:211:12:22

NEIGHING

1:12:221:12:24

Hey, you.

1:12:261:12:27

Back away from my wife.

1:12:271:12:29

-Shrek?

-CROWD GASPING

1:12:291:12:31

You couldn't just go back

1:12:311:12:33

to your swamp and leave well enough alone.

1:12:331:12:36

-Now!

-Pigs on blanket.

1:12:361:12:38

I'm going to die!

1:12:391:12:40

Pinocchio, get the wand.

1:12:401:12:42

I see London, I see France...

1:12:421:12:44

YELLING

1:12:441:12:46

I'm a real boy!

1:12:481:12:49

GRUNTING

1:12:491:12:51

YELLING

1:12:511:12:52

BLOWING

1:12:521:12:54

GRUNTING

1:12:541:12:56

DONKEY: Pig!

1:12:581:13:00

-GINGERBREAD MAN:

-Donkey!

1:13:001:13:02

GRUNTING

1:13:021:13:04

I'm a real boy! ah!

1:13:051:13:07

Oh...

1:13:071:13:09

Ha!

1:13:101:13:12

That's mine! That's mine!

1:13:121:13:13

Pray for mercy from Puss.

1:13:171:13:19

And Donkey.

1:13:191:13:20

She's taken the potion. Kiss her now!

1:13:201:13:23

No!

1:13:261:13:29

Hi-yah!

1:13:441:13:46

GASPS

1:13:461:13:48

-Fiona...

-Shrek.

1:13:481:13:51

Harold! You were supposed to give her the potion.

1:13:511:13:55

Well, I guess I gave her the wrong tea.

1:13:551:13:59

-PRINCE CHARMING:

-Mommy!

-Mommy?

1:13:591:14:01

I told you -

1:14:021:14:04

ogres don't live

1:14:041:14:07

happily ever after!

1:14:071:14:11

-Harold!

-Shrek!

-No!

1:14:111:14:13

GASPS

1:14:161:14:17

Oh...

1:14:171:14:19

Ha!

1:14:191:14:21

FIONA SOBS

1:14:291:14:31

Oh... Dad.

1:14:311:14:33

CRYING

1:14:331:14:36

-Is he...?

-Yup.

1:14:361:14:38

RIBBIT!

1:14:381:14:40

He croaked.

1:14:401:14:42

-Harold?

-Dad?

1:14:431:14:46

I'd hoped you'd never see me like this.

1:14:461:14:49

Hey, and he gave you a hard time.

1:14:491:14:51

-Donkey...

-No, no, he's right. I'm sorry.

1:14:511:14:54

To both of you.

1:14:541:14:56

I only wanted what was best for Fiona.

1:14:561:14:59

But I can see now,

1:14:591:15:01

she already has it.

1:15:011:15:04

Shrek, Fiona...

1:15:041:15:06

will you accept an old frog's apologies,

1:15:061:15:10

and my blessing?

1:15:101:15:13

-Harold...

-I'm sorry, Lillian.

1:15:131:15:16

I just wish I could be the man you deserve.

1:15:161:15:19

You're more that man today than you ever were.

1:15:201:15:24

Warts and all.

1:15:241:15:25

RIBBIT!

1:15:251:15:27

BELL TOLLS

1:15:271:15:29

-Boss, the happily ever after potion.

-Midnight.

1:15:291:15:33

Fiona, is this what you want,

1:15:331:15:37

to be this way forever?

1:15:371:15:39

What?

1:15:391:15:40

Cos if you kiss me now, we can stay like this.

1:15:401:15:45

You'd do that... for me?

1:15:451:15:49

Yes.

1:15:491:15:50

BELL TOLLING

1:15:501:15:52

I want what any princess wants -

1:15:571:16:00

to live happily ever after.

1:16:001:16:03

With the ogre I married.

1:16:071:16:10

Whatever happens, I must not cry.

1:16:121:16:15

You cannot make me cry.

1:16:151:16:18

TOLLING MIDNIGHT

1:16:181:16:21

GASPING

1:16:381:16:40

No, no...help!

1:16:411:16:43

Ow!

1:16:431:16:44

Oh, no.

1:16:481:16:49

SIGHS

1:17:031:17:05

CHUCKLES

1:17:051:17:06

Hey, you still look like a noble steed to me.

1:17:061:17:09

SHE CHUCKLES

1:17:131:17:14

Now, where were we?

1:17:141:17:16

Oh, I remember.

1:17:161:17:18

GIGGLING

1:17:181:17:20

APPLAUSE

1:17:201:17:23

Hey, isn't we supposed to be having a fiesta?!

1:17:251:17:29

Uno, dos, quatro, hit it.

1:17:291:17:30

FIESTA MUSIC PLAYS

1:17:321:17:37

Puss and Donkey, y'all.

1:17:371:17:39

# She's into superstitions

1:17:391:17:41

# Black cats and voodoo dolls... #

1:17:411:17:43

Take it, puss!

1:17:431:17:45

# ..I feel a premonition

1:17:451:17:47

# That girl's going to make me fall... #

1:17:471:17:51

Here we go.

1:17:511:17:52

# ..She's into new sensations

1:17:521:17:54

# New kicks in the candlelight

1:17:541:17:57

# She's got a new addiction

1:17:571:18:00

# For every day and night

1:18:001:18:02

# She makes you take your clothes off

1:18:021:18:04

# And go dancing in the rain

1:18:041:18:07

# She'll make you live her crazy life

1:18:071:18:09

# But she'll take away your pain

1:18:091:18:13

# Like a bullet to the brain

1:18:131:18:15

# Upside inside out

1:18:151:18:18

# Livin' la vida loca

1:18:181:18:20

-# She'll push and pull down... #

-Hello, gorgeous.

1:18:201:18:23

# ..Livin' la vida loca

1:18:231:18:25

# Her lips are devil red

1:18:251:18:28

# And her skin's the colour of mocha

1:18:281:18:30

# She will wear you out

1:18:301:18:32

# Livin' la vida loca... # Oh, she's livin' la loca.

1:18:321:18:36

# Livin la vida loca... # Take it one more time now.

1:18:361:18:38

# Livin' la vida loca

1:18:381:18:40

# Oh... #

1:18:401:18:44

Ow!

1:18:441:18:46

-PUSS:

-Hey, Donkey, that's Spanish.

-DONKEY: Break it down!

1:18:461:18:49

# She'll push and pull you down

1:18:491:18:51

# Livin' la vida loca

1:18:511:18:54

# She will wear you out

1:18:541:18:56

# Livin' la vida loca

1:18:561:18:58

# Livin' la vida loca

1:18:581:19:02

# She'll push and pull you down

1:19:021:19:04

# Livin' la vida loca

1:19:041:19:07

# Her lips are devil red

1:19:071:19:09

# And her skin's the colour of mocha

1:19:091:19:11

# She will wear you out

1:19:111:19:14

# Livin' la vida loca

1:19:141:19:17

# Livin' la vida loca

1:19:171:19:19

# Livin' la vida loca... # Do it one more time now.

1:19:191:19:22

# ..Livin' la vida loca! #

1:19:221:19:26

DONKEY: # All by myself

1:20:401:20:42

# Don't want to be all by myself any more... #

1:20:421:20:48

Amigo, we are off to the Kit-kat club.

1:20:481:20:51

Come on, join us.

1:20:511:20:53

Oh, thanks, compadre.

1:20:531:20:54

-I'm... I'm just not in the mood.

-We'll cheer you up.

1:20:541:20:57

Find you a nice, er, burro.

1:20:571:21:00

DISTANT GROWLING

1:21:001:21:01

Hey, baby!

1:21:011:21:03

Whoo! Hey, that's my girl.

1:21:031:21:06

Yeah! All right.

1:21:061:21:08

Baby, where you been?

1:21:081:21:10

GROWLS

1:21:101:21:11

I'm sorry, too. I should have stayed, but Shrek had this thing he had

1:21:111:21:14

to do, and, er... What? Say it one more time.

1:21:141:21:16

What are you talking about? Are you serious? GASPS

1:21:161:21:19

LAUGHING

1:21:191:21:20

-Papa.

-SCREAMS

1:21:201:21:23

LAUGHING

1:21:231:21:26

Look at our little mutant babies.

1:21:291:21:32

I got to get a job!

1:21:331:21:36

Animated sequel following the grumpy ogre and his bride as they head for the land of Far Far Away to meet her parents. As Shrek contends with his new in-laws, the wicked Fairy Godmother sets in motion a dastardly scheme to scupper his marriage to Fiona. And will any of them survive at the hands of dandy assassin Puss in Boots?

Featuring the voices of Mike Myers (Shrek), Eddie Murphy (Donkey), Cameron Diaz (Princess Fiona), Antonio Banderas (Puss in Boots), Julie Andrews (Queen), John Cleese (King), Rupert Everett (Prince Charming), Jennifer Saunders (Fairy Godmother), Aron Warner (Wolf), Kelly Asbury (Page/Elf/Nobleman/Nobleman's Son), Cody Cameron (Pinocchio/Three Pigs) and Conrad Vernon (Gingerbread Man/Cedric/Announcer/Muffin Man).