Underdog

UNDERDOG: 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is Simon Barsinister,

'the wickedest man in the world.

'He was evil and crazy.

'Simon and his wacky henchman Cad

'schemed to rule the universe,

'but each time, they were foiled by me,

'the greatest superhero who ever lived -

'Underdog!'

# When criminals in this world appear

# And break the laws that they should fear

# And frighten all who see and hear

# The cry goes up both far and near

# For Underdog

# Underdog

# Speed of lightning Roar of thunder

# Fighting all who rob and plunder

# Underdog

# Underdog

# There's no need to fear

# Underdog... #

Ladies and gentlemen,

I come to you this evening

to discuss the growing problem of crime in our city.

Here in front of me are files

of unsolved cases...

UNDERDOG: 'But we're getting ahead of ourselves.

'That's me in the uniform.

'I was raised since I was just a little puppy to fight crime.

'Never had a family or a place to call home.

'I was raised with one purpose and one purpose only -

'to help people,

'to keep them safe.

'Nothing was going to stand in my way.'

BARKS

..They represent so much more.

Come on. Come on. Easy, boy.

However, to the families involved...

Got something, boy? BARKS

What was that?

Alpha dog's got a lock on the stage.

I think it's the boxes.

BARKS ..And, uh, the criminals who do

should not be allowed to keep their own freedom.

HOWLS

Clear the building.

ALL TALK AT ONCE

Get SWAT out here now!

Everybody out!

MAN GROANS

ALL SHOUTING, UNDERDOG BARKS

CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS Go! Go! Move!

INDISTINCT SHOUTING

CLICKING

No radiation.

PHONE RINGS

No metal.

Tweezers. I'll lift.

Easy. Right down the side.

Yeah. Slowly.

And slide.

UNDERDOG: 'I bet you didn't know

'that a beagle's sense of smell

'is 55 times stronger than a human's.'

SNEEZES

'Well, mine's not.'

It's a gift from the American Pork Association.

LAUGHTER

I want a full debrief now.

BARKING

BARKING CONTINUES, DISTORTS

DOGS LAUGHING

Nice work, rookie.

You found an exploding ham.

Quiet. I smell a bomb.

You! DOGS LAUGH

You should just turn in your tags.

DOGS LAUGH

UNDERDOG: 'All right, I'll be honest with you.

'I wasn't exactly the best dog on the force.

'In fact, I was probably the worst.

'The ham was just the latest of my mistakes.

'Like the time I chewed that extension cord

'and it was still plugged in.

'Or when I met that cute poodle,

'and it turned out to be a guy.

'It's hard to feel destined for greatness

'when you keep messing up.

'But destiny's a funny thing.

'It'll creep up on you when you least expect it.'

Gotcha. Last one for tonight.

DOGS BARK

Uh, excuse me.

Uh? Ahem. There's been a big mistake.

Uh, I'm not a stray. I shouldn't be in the pound.

This ain't no pound, son.

This place makes the pound

look like the dog park.

Don't get me wrong. By day it's OK,

but at night, once everyone's left,

that's when the freaky stuff happens.

What kind of freaky stuff?

Wait, what'd they do to your hair?

Why? What's wrong with my hair?

Uh, nothing. Ahem. Nothing at all.

You were saying about the freaky stuff?

All I'm saying is when the guy in the white lab coat

pulls out the giant needle,

run!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

DISTANT SIREN

HE WHISTLES

Hey.

Welcome to the graveyard.

Yeah, nice and quiet, just like I like it.

Uh, sir, excuse me.

Uh, we're not open right now.

There's no access to the labs.

Oh, really?

Sorry.

That's all right. Don't worry about it.

Oh, wait. What's this?

What does this say?

Um, "All access".

Sorry.

It's OK.

You all make mistakes.

But I forgive you

because that's the kind of person I am -

humble.

A humble genius.

It's OK.

Let him in.

Please.

Again, I'm sorry, Dr Barsinister.

I'm terribly sorry. It's OK.

How are you to know that I am the most important scientist

this company has?

You couldn't have.

BELL DINGS

BARSINISTER: Who's the new hire?

Him? He used to be a cop.

I was thinking that maybe we should take it easy

on the after-hours stuff.

You know, clandestine.

A three-syllable word. I'm impressed.

DOGS BARK

I bought a, uh...

..thes-aurus.

Good for you.

But even if he is an ex-cop,

we don't have time to skulk about. Look.

Police dog training.

That's a great idea. Why didn't you think of that?

Because training is a fool's process.

I've met with the mayor,

and I told him how he could take this city to new heights

through genetic manipulation.

DOG MIAOWS

Oh, yeah, what did he say?

The fool actually laughed at me.

That happened to me once. I had my pants on inside out.

Nobody told me for the entire day.

Stop talking now.

Oh, right, right. I'll be the silent partner.

Just because you're the only one here, Cad,

does not make us partners.

Well...

Wow, a real-life mad scientist.

Yeah, and he ain't even mad yet.

All right, bring me the new dog.

DOG WHIMPERS

Your lucky day.

And now, the most important DNA.

UNDERDOG WHIMPERS

Oh, don't worry, little guy.

It will only hurt...

a lot.

OK, let's do it, partner.

MACHINE WHIRS

WHIMPERS

SNEEZES

Ugh!

Gross. Your mouth was open.

Just hold him.

BARKS Aah!

Oh, God! Ohh!

ELECTRICITY CRACKLES

HE GROANS

Ha ha ha ha!

Hey, Doc. Ha ha. Got him!

Let's get in the game, Doc. He's right there.

No, no! No, no!

No! My research!

ELECTRICITY CRACKLES

The serum.

CAD: He's going for the door.

Run, boy! Run, run!

Bring me a chew toy from the outside,

and maybe some hair gel.

CLANKS

It works.

- Aah! - Doc!

POLICE RADIO CHATTER

I'm pulling all the security tapes

and running a full computer sweep

of all of Dr Barsinister's research.

Dan, we'll handle it from here.

When there's a crime, they call a cop.

When someone wants to sign into the building, they call you.

LAUGHTER Right.

That's why you're the chief.

With a big filing cabinet marked "unsolved crimes"!

Huh. Hey, guys.

UNDERDOG: 'Yeah, that was some night.

'I was homeless and hungry.

'And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse,

'these numbskulls show up.'

Hey, runt. Huh?

You lost?

The name's Riff Raff. He's Riff Raff.

I've marked this territory. He marked this territory.

Look, I don't want any trouble, OK?

Well, then today's your lucky day, mutt.

I'd rip you to pieces,

but I don't want to get my paws dirty.

Yeah, you're not worth his time, fleabag.

Ho ho ho. Fleabag. Yes!

Get him!

Oh, sweet. We're going to get him.

Hey, come back here! Mutt dumped my trash.

Come on, get him, boys.

He thinks he's a greyhound.

Look at him go!

I'll eat that little runt for dinner.

DOGS BARK Dibs on leftovers!

Oh, speed bump.

Oof. What a way to go. Let's get out of here.

I'm with you, boss. Let's get out of here.

WHIMPERING

Hello?

WHIMPERS

Hey.

Hey, what... I thought I clipped you.

What are you doing? Ha ha ha!

You're a funny little dog.

Come here. Come here. Come here. Let me see.

Where's your collar? Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Is that a kiss? Where's your collar?

You don't have a home?

Why don't you come home with me? Huh?

We've got a nice home, just for you.

ENGINE STARTS

Hey, what are you doing out that window?

UNDERDOG: 'I know what you're thinking.

'He just hit me with his car, and I climb in the front seat?

'Look, I may not be able to smell a bomb,

'but I can smell a good person.'

"Please excuse Jack Unger from any and all activity

"because he has a bad cold..."

No, too simplistic!

"..he has shingles..."

No, I already used that!

Come on, Jack! Dig deep!

Got one!

Perfect!

Hey, Jack, you ready for school yet?

Yeah. Come on out back.

I can't. I'm busy.

Ah, come on! I got something to show you.

JACK GROANS Hey, I heard that!

Yeah, you're a good dog.

Come on, can you sit for me? UNDERDOG SNEEZES

Oh, God bless you.

Hey, Jack, look.

You bought a dog?

Well, no, I didn't buy him. I found him on the street.

He's cute, isn't he?

Thought maybe we could go for walks,

you know, take him on a hike.

Hikes? Oh, fun(!)

Hey, look at that.

I think we should call him...Shoeshine.

Well, considering all the other things he probably licks,

I think that's the best call.

Jack, I just thought he would be good for you, you know,

take your mind off a few things, that's all.

Listen, I'm telling you I'm fine, all right?

OK.

You don't have to keep doing this.

You've got plenty of other things to worry about.

Like being a prison guard to lab rats.

You know what?

I like the new job.

TELEPHONE RINGS

All right, fine. If you don't want the dog,

I'll take him to the pound this afternoon.

RINGING CONTINUES

DOOR OPENS

DOOR SHUTS

DAN: Hello?

No, no, no, I'll come back. All right.

Thanks.

I got to go back to work.

What about Shoelick?

Shoeshine.

Listen, do me a favour, keep an eye on him.

You know what?

Give him a chance.

You might even like him. I don't think so.

All he does is eat, sleep, and poop.

Well, then the two of you have a lot in common, don't you?

DOOR OPENS

DOOR CLOSES

BARSINISTER: I can isolate specific proteins strands

in animal DNA,

then combine them any way I want to.

This will give him the speed of a cheetah,

the ability to fly like an eagle,

or the strength of an animal 100 times his weight.

Forging a doctor's note, Jack - is this what it's come to?

I didn't forge it.

You expect me to believe that you have "monkey pox"?

HE COUGHS

It's pretty bad.

OK...I don't know what disappoints me more -

the fact that you did it

or that you did it so poorly

that you couldn't even fool a PE teacher.

Ahh, food.

SNIFFING

Yep, definitely smell food.

Hmm.

Well, that's not dog food,

but it's about to be.

Oh, no! They're going to blame this on me.

Oh, well. Bon appetit.

A-ha! Homo postales,

the great North American mailman,

natural enemy of the dog.

HE BARKS

Well, look, the Ungers got a new cat.

Come on.

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Come on, come on. Is that the best you got?

Come on. What, you want a piece of this, huh?

SHOESHINE BARKS, HE GASPS

Woah.

Ha ha ha! That's right.

Run, mailslinger, run.

And never come back here again.

CRASH! CAT SCREECHES

Great. Two for one.

Hey, is that a tennis ball?

Ha ha ha. This day just gets better and better.

HE GRUNTS

Woah!

Ohh! That couch tried to kill me.

There's something might peculiar going on here.

DOOR UNLOCKS Huh?

What did you do?!

WHIMPERS

Dad is going to kill you.

And then me.

Ohh...

I really hope this is chilli.

Give me a break. It was an accident.

Hello?

Dad?

Is that you?

Hello?

Come here, boy.

Did you hear something?

No, did you?

Did you just talk?

Huh? What? Hmm?

Woah, woah, woah.

Wait a minute. You can understand me?

Aah!

Aah!

BOTH SCREAM

Oh!

HE PANTS

OK, OK, deep breaths.

Get some fresh air to the brain.

You're just imagining this.

Wait! You!

Bad dog! Stop talking.

Wait. Stop!

Person, heel! Come on, who trained you?

Person, just wait!

What did you just call me?

Sorry. I... I just don't know your name.

Jack. Nothing. Stop talking to me.

Well, look, I can't stop talking to you, Jack Nothing,

because I'm freaking out here.

If we're going for a walk, you may want to get a poop bag.

What?

Hey, I'm just saying I have that special feeling.

Hey, maybe you're the problem.

A weirdo kid who can suddenly talk to dogs.

All right, how did you learn to speak English?

How should I know?

Can you speak other languages?

A little retriever, some shih-tzu.

My chihuahua's a little rusty, though.

OK, I mean other human languages.

Oh, so English isn't enough for you?

Jack?

Shh. That's Molly,

a reporter for the school paper.

Oh, she'll have a field day with you.

Just speak dog.

Arf. Arf.

Hey, how's it going? Good. Were you just talking to someone?

Just my dog.

I've got my dog too.

Polly!

# Lady

# When you're with me, I'm smiling... #

SHOESHINE SIGHS

# Give me

# Woah, woah, woah, your love... #

OK, here we go.

Uh, hello. I'm Shoeshine.

Oh, well, hello. I'm Polly.

Heh. DOGS BARK

I think she likes him.

I've never seen you here before. Are you new to this park?

Oh, yeah, I just relocated.

Uh, you smell wonderful.

Like a half-eaten pig's ear.

Excuse me, pig's ear?

Is that what passes for a pick-up line?

No, no, no, I, uh...

Well, I've got to get going.

Come on, Polly.

Master calls.

So, uh, will I see you again?

Look, you're a cute beagle and all,

but I want a little pizzazz in a relationship,

a guy who can sweep me off my feet, you know?

Hmm.

But we can be friends, OK?

See you later.

Yeah, see you later.

Friends? Friends?

I don't want to be friends.

I'm looking to settle down, to find Mrs Right.

Yeah, she could be Polly Shoeshine.

Or is it Polly Shine?

Or is it...

Hey, Frisbee!

What was that? It's my instincts.

I just can't help myself.

Whoo! What a rush.

OK, what else do you do?

Now, bury the bone.

Let's go. Good boy. Bury the bone.

Uh, excuse me.

Uh, you want to tell me why you're talking to me like that?

What? It's doggie talk.

Yeah, well, it's demeaning.

Give me the stick.

Hey, I think I struck oil.

Shoeshine, get out of there. Come on.

Ha ha.

I hope no-one saw that.

Hey, uh, what else do dogs do?

Oh, hey, they smell. How's your smelling?

Eh, my schnoz ain't too good.

Got me fired from my last job.

That's ridiculous. Come on, just try it.

Look, smelling makes me nervous.

And I-I-I... Ah-ah-ah...

Ah-choo! Ohh...

LEAVES RUSTLE

Woah.

Glad I didn't try to hold that one in.

Would have blew my brains out my ears.

OK, um, what are they saying?

INDISTINCT CHATTER

WOMAN: What if I die like that?

I'm not going to spend all my evenings...

OK? I know, we'll talk later. Bye.

OVERLAPPING VOICES

Catch the ball right in the web of the glove, OK?

Maybe we should see other people.

He thinks it would be better if they saw other people.

She says for all she cares,

he can go eat... Wait, people eat that too?

HE LAUGHS

DOG BARKS

Help!

Let me go! POLLY WHIMPERS

It's Polly!

And that girl who follows her around.

Molly.

She's with two other guys.

They're stealing her backpack.

This way.

Hey, wait!

Slow down! No, you speed up.

Use all four legs.

HORN HONKS, TYRES SCREECH

HORNS HONK

This is incredible.

I've never run this fast before.

It feels like my feet aren't even touching the g-ground!

Yow!

Whoo!

TYRES SCREECH

I can fly?

Hey!

HORNS HONK

Woah, look out!

Whoo!

Oh, this is way better than sticking your head out of a car!

HORN HONKS Oh!

Woah-ho!

Oh, no, I'm blind! I can't see! I can't...

Oh, no.

I don't want to see!

Sorry!

Excuse me. Pardon me.

Excuse me. Out of the way.

All right, I'm good.

Ah! Spicy mustard! All right, where are the brakes on this thing?

Got a camera. Hurry up.

Whoo!

Uhh!

Aah!

Huh? Uhh!

Ohh...uhh!

Hello, 911?

INDISTINCT CHATTER

HE CHUCKLES

..Uh-huh, and some one just swooped in and saved you?

Think you could describe him?

Yes.

He was...white...

Molly, hey. Um, are you all right?

Mm-hmm.

OK, so he's a Caucasian?

Actually, I think he was brown.

He was light brown with white spots

on his belly, paws, and tail.

He had black whiskers, brown eyes,

and a wet nose.

Like this?

(Huh?)

Shoeshine? Shoeshine.

Shoeshine, are you here?

SHOESHINE WHIMPERS

Sorry, Jack.

I didn't mean to break those cars or those garbage cans

or that building.

Shoeshine, you're a hero.

No, I don't want to be a hero. I'll screw it up.

Trust me on this one.

I just wanted a home.

A place where I belonged.

And look, just because I have these powers

doesn't make me a hero.

Shoeshine, it depends on what you do with them.

Maybe.

But promise me, no one can find out.

Not even your dad.

Oh, my dad.

Easy. Easy.

Hey, do you see a tennis ball anywhere?

DOORBELL RINGS

Just... Just put it in the corner.

You know, traditionally,

the dog makes the mess

and the human cleans it up.

I'm looking for my beagle.

He, uh, does tricks and stuff.

I'm... I'm sorry. I haven't seen him.

CLATTERING

What was that?

That was my, um... my grandpa.

You know, and... look, he's blind,

and we're just rearranging the furniture.

Are you all right in there, Gramps?

SHOESHINE: Who are you calling Gramps?

Now get back in here and help me move the couch.

Uhh! CRASH!

Hmm.

You're making your blind grandfather move a couch?

Yeah, well, it was either that

or repave the driveway.

His choice.

Good luck finding your dog.

Do you belong to that guy?

What? Me? No.

Then who was he?

How should I know? All you humans look alike.

Oh, that's my dad.

Oh, OK, I'm going to go out there and stall him,

and you just try and make things look as normal as possible in here.

Talking dog will try to make things normal. Check.

SHOESHINE GRUNTS

DOOR CLOSES

All clean.

Dad, Dad, hey.

Hey. How are you? What's up?

Do you need help? Yeah, sure. Yeah, thanks.

OK, wait. I'm going to go put these inside,

and then we're going to go for a walk.

A walk?

You and me are going to go for a walk?

Yeah. You know, just chill, talk.

Hang out.

OK, come on.

What happened there?

DOOR OPENS Dad, wait.

No, Jack.

GLASS CRUNCHES What?

Yeah.

Hang out.

Dad, look, I can explain.

Yeah, well, don't tell me the dog did it.

Look, we'll talk about it later.

Right now I'm going to take that dog back to the pound.

Dad, no! No, please.

I want to keep him.

You told me you didn't want the dog.

Me? No way.

I told you, I've wanted a dog since I was, like, eight.

SHOESHINE WHIMPERS

All right, but it's your responsibility, all right?

You got to feed it. You got to brush it.

You got to walk it. You got to train it.

Trust me, Dad.

This dog will do things that will blow your mind.

This better be chilli!

SHOESHINE WHIMPERS

RATS SQUEAK

Yes. Yes. Brilliant.

Oh. Already.

The flames of inspiration are licking at my brain.

Unencumbered.

And this, my new laboratory.

It kind of smells like a men's room.

So much the better.

It just seems like the wrong vibe for our work.

Seems a little precocious.

Perspicacious.

What?

Peppery.

Prim.

Most of my thesaurus burned up in the fire,

so all I've got left are the Ps.

Perfect.

Ooh, that's a good one.

Can I use that?

The material I require is going to be expensive.

We're going to need to find ways to subsidise my work.

I know some guys who just got out of the clink

who can help us.

Perhaps.

Bam! Ahh.

Nailed it. Ahh...

UNDERDOG: 'Jack and I became good buddies.

'For the first time in my life

'I really felt like man's best friend.'

Hot dogs! Hot dogs! Come on, folks, bite into a nice, juicy hot dog.

What... What?

Oh, my gosh! They're made of dog!

You people are crazy.

Shoeshine, come here.

It's not real dog.

Well, what is it, then?

It's just animal parts,

you know, like noses, hooves, intestines.

Oh, well, in that case,

I'll take two.

Hot dogs! Hot dogs! That's what I got.

Hot dogs! Hot dogs! Nice and hot.

Why's he talking like that? He's rhyming.

You know, it's a gimmick, to get people's attention.

That seems like a strange convention

for you to mention.

And this is where I'm bored out of my mind eight hours a day.

Whenever I'm bored, I just chase my tail.

If you're lucky, you throw up and bingo, lunch part two.

Nice(!)

What?

Sticks, balls and running in one game?

So clever, so inspired. Not our team.

We're always the underdogs. Oh.

Nope, never heard of that breed.

Is that a dog from Australia?

No!

Look, an underdog is...

is someone who's been counted out

and nobody expects them to win.

Yeah, I know the feeling.

CAT MIAOWS Huh?

There goes the neighbourhood.

Shoeshine, no.

SHOESHINE SIGHS

CAT MIAOWS Freak!

What?! See...?

Ah! So, what's the score?

I told you no!

But every molecule of me was screaming, "Yes".

It's time to teach you some manners.

Right, I'm going to learn manners

from a guy who pees in my white porcelain drinking bowl(!)

All right, basic commands.

Chapter one - sit.

Yeah, let's start with a tough one(!)

Chapter two - lie down.

Fine, I was going to do that anyway.

Chapter three - roll over.

Man, this book doesn't have much of a plot, does it?

And chapter four - speak.

Arf arf.

Come on, you can't be serious with this.

Four weeks of lessons in four seconds?

We're on a good pace.

Chapter five - return the book and get your money back.

I got you something.

Woah. Never had one of these before.

Now if you ever get lost, they'll know where to bring you home.

Home.

Wow, this is great.

Ohh. Eww.

Oh, that breath is horrible. What have you been eating?

Uh, not sure.

I dug it out from under the house.

UNDERDOG: 'Suddenly, I had a home and a family.

'I had all that I ever wanted.

'The only thing that could possibly mess this up

'was if a mad scientist bent on revenge

'was living underneath the city.

'Well, guess what.'

METAL CLANGS

Oh, the price I've paid.

So be it.

Hi. How's it going?

I'd love to, baby, but I'm busy.

Work out? Yeah, I work out.

You know, I think of my body as a Buddhist temple.

BARSINISTER: Cad, stop talking

to your imaginary friend and get in here!

BELL DINGS

BANGING

OVER RADIO: 'Dan, it's Cliff.

'Got a shipment in the loading docks.

'Can you buzz them in?'

All right, I'm on my way.

BELL DINGS

HE SIGHS

This thing going to help us make another super dog?

Oh, why settle for just one

when I can create a plethora?

That's a P-word.

I bet I have that one.

Oh, just pick it up, you ape.

Give the dog your food.

Give the dog your food. Give the dog your food.

You are in my power. You will do as I command.

Sorry, you didn't get the power of hypnotism.

A-ha! Not yet, I didn't.

Give the dog your food.

TOY SQUEAKS

SHOESHINE SNIFFS

Rubber?

What kind of sick joke is this?

WOMAN ON TV: '..demonstration will convince

'an international community of leaders

'that the Capitol City Canine Academy

'is the future for canine crime-fighters.

'I am Diana...'

Maybe I should sign you up.

I don't think that's a good idea.

You know, my dad used to be on the force.

He was twice decorated by the mayor for bravery.

He was a real hero.

What happened?

He quit.

That a big deal?

A big deal?

Yeah.

OK, he says he quit his job to spend time with me

after my mom died, and he's still never home.

MAN ON TV: 'We're interrupting with breaking news.

'One of our camera crews following the local police

'have stumbled upon a local jewellery store robbery.

'The thieves have taken several hostages.'

You know, you never see dogs hurting each other for money.

You never see people sniffing each other's butts.

Hmm. Touche.

'As you can see, it is a tense situation.

'Apparently, the thieves...'

Hey, you can stop it.

Like with Molly and Polly.

No, no. No way. Uh-uh.

That was an accident.

I had no idea what I was doing.

Well, maybe this is why you're here.

Look, I was just getting the hang of the whole pet thing.

I even chewed up your iPod.

You what?

Look, the truth is,

I just want to be a regular dog.

And I want to be a regular kid with a mom and a dad.

But you know what? Life doesn't always work out that way.

SHOESHINE SIGHS

All right, I'll do it.

For you.

But just this once.

There better be something pretty special

in that dog dish when I get back.

You can put the dog door there.

Woah!

JACK: Shoeshine, watch out for the fish kite.

What fish kite? FABRIC TEARS

Oh! Ahh! Ahh!

I'm good.

Man, I hope I don't look too ridiculous.

SIREN WAILS

Oh!

No! Come on.

Don't look at me.

If she hadn't pulled the silent alarm,

you two wouldn't be getting a time-out.

MAN GRUNTS

Got it.

We got it.

Good.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

DISPATCHER: 'Unit 31, unit 31, I hear you loud and clear.'

They got all the exits barricaded.

Can't get a man in there.

'Hold your positions. SWAT is on its way.

'ETA five minutes.'

Did you see that? I have no idea.

Woah!

Ow!

SHOESHINE GRUNTS

SHE GASPS, SHOESHINE GROANS

Dog fish.

Uh, excuse me.

Why do you people have pantyhose on your heads?

I'll get him.

I'm going to guess you're one of the bad guys.

Uhh!

Huh?

FEEDBACK

Cad, can you hear me? That's our dog.

'Get him.' CAD: OK.

Hey, you! Grab that dog.

Are you all right?

Are you OK? Can you hear me?

Come on, little buddy.

Breathe.

Hey, guys, back off. He needs some space.

I'll give you some space.

I said give me some space!

Uhh!

Hang tight, little buddy.

I'll get some help.

RADIO CHATTER, GUN CLICKS Evening, officers.

Woah, woah, hold your fire.

The jewels are safe,

there's a fox passed out on the floor,

and, yes, I'm dressed like a fish.

Keep up the good work!

MAN ON TV: 'While most of our city remains sceptical,

'the Post is standing by its story

'of a dog thwarting yesterday's jewellery robbery.

'According to eyewitnesses,

'the animal displayed uncommon strength,

'speed, and agility.' I knew it.

'The police have yet to comment on this strange report

'and the mayor's office has only said...'

My creation! Have they mentioned me?

Anything about a thief with amazing hair?

'If the reports of a super dog are true...'

You're a superhero. You're a hairy, four-legged superhero.

You know what? You're like Superman with a flea collar.

No, no. No, I'm not.

You saved those people.

I know, and it felt...good.

But I can't do this.

Someone's going to recognise me and take me back.

Take you back?

Uh, take me back to normal.

Turn you back to normal.

I know.

You ever read comic books?

Hmm?

Look, it's just a normal guy, and he puts on a cape,

takes off the glasses, and he's a superhero.

And people fall for that stuff?

Yeah.

Look, you're...you're a mild-mannered dog,

and that's your secret identity.

All you need is a costume.

Well, as long as I don't look ridiculous.

Am I standing?

I can't feel my legs.

JACK: You're Bumbledog.

Hey, woah. No stripes. They make me look fat.

Who am I supposed to be, Sherlock Bones?

Count Dogula?

OK, this is why dogs bite people.

Ah...

Hm.

It's perfect.

Underdog.

Underdog. Hmm.

I like it.

It's my dad's old college sweater.

But we'll need to make it work.

WHIRRING

But what do I do if your dad's around

and I've got to... you know, take off?

Bark three times. You know what? Yeah. OK.

That's going to be our code. You have to bark three times.

Wait, hang on. Do I bark three times

or say the word "bark" three times?

Right, dog bark. Got it.

DRYER BUZZES

Uh, you know, I think that was dry-clean only.

Ow! Watch the ears!

SHOESHINE GRUNTS

It's perfect! But we're still going to need something else

to get people's attention.

Yeah, you're right. A flying dog in a red sweater isn't enough(!)

You know, like a catchphrase.

Like... "Up, up, and away!"

Or, "It's clobberin' time!"

Hmm.

SHOESHINE GRUNTS

Mm-hmm.

WOMAN ON RADIO: 'Attention all patrol units.

'We're looking for a cat burglar...' HE YAWNS

'..last seen on Eighth Avenue.' WHOOSH!

Woah!

So, you're a cat burglar, huh?

Huh?

Well, I'm not really a cat person.

Woof.

POLICEMEN GASP

There's no need to worry! Underdog is furry!

Nah, that's not it.

Whoo-hoo! # There's no need to fear

# When in this world the headlines read

# Of those whose hearts are filled with greed... #

Police stations have been flooded with eyewitnesses reporting

miraculous feats by this phenomenon

who goes by the name Underdog. WHOOSH!

# Underdog... #

Woah!

There's no need for fright. Underdog's got bite.

That's not it either.

TYRES SQUEAL

Now, that dude knows how to chase a car.

Ready, set...go!

UNDERDOG BURPS Are you going to eat that?

Actually, I wanted to have Underdog on the show

but he's not allowed on the couch!

Phew!

Man, that kung pao chicken was good!

SIRENS BLARE, GLASS SHATTERS

CAT MIAOWS

All right. Now, look,

don't tell your cat buddies about this,

cos I have a reputation to uphold. Freak.

Yep. I thought that was you.

There's no need to fear! Underdog is here!

Hey. That's pretty good. I think I'll keep that one.

By executive order, I proclaim today

Underdog day in Capitol City.

I would also like to invite Underdog down to the Capitol,

provided he's, uh, housebroken, that is.

# Underdog, Underdog... #

Speak.

Speak!

What do you want me to say?

Not you!

Come on. Come on, I know you can do it.

WOOF!

Imbecile!

Oh!

DOG WHINES

Get rid of him.

That should be me on the front page,

not that stupid mutt!

I need a sample of his DNA.

Uh... How do you look in a dress?

Hmm.

HIGH-PITCHED: Somebody please help me! Aah!

Hey! Oh, my gosh!

What's going on up there?

Help me! Help me! I'm a clumsy old woman!

I thought my window was a door!

There's no need to fear!

Underdog is...

moving too fast! Ow!

"WOMAN" SCREAMS, CROWD GASPS

I seriously need to work on my landing.

Aah!

When old ladies are falling, I'm not slow!

Hip, hip, hip, and away I go!

CROWD CHATTER

CAD WHIMPERS Way to go, Underdog!

You're safe now, ma'am. And in the future,

try to stay away from open windows.

Lovely! I'm so grateful.

Here's a little treat for you... Little treat for you. Yes.

It's called a choke chain.

NORMAL VOICE: What's the matter, doggie, can't breathe?

Hey! It's you! Let's go.

UNDERDOG: 'As soon as I knew it was Cad,

'well, I took him for a little walk.'

Woah!

Aah!

Bark, bark! Heel, dog!

# When criminals in this world appear

# And break the laws that they should fear

# They fightin' all who see and hear

# The cry goes up both far and near

# For Under, Underdog

# Under, Underdog

# That's the superhero pup

# Crooks and bandits give it up... #

# There's no need to fear

# Underdog is here

# U-U-Underdog is here That's right

# Underdog is here. #

You slack-jawed, mouth-breathing imbecile!

I should have put strychnine in your chocolate milk

months ago.

Give me one good reason

why I shouldn't dispose of you right now!

Well, uh...

I got this.

UNDERDOG: 'My first collar ever,

'and I lose it to some guy in a dress.

'I sat there hoping Jack wouldn't ask about it.'

Where's your collar? My collar?

Yeah. Oh. Uh...

It must have fallen off.

Kicking butt and taking names, huh?

No, just barking at myself in a mirror.

I'll tell you, it never gets old.

All right, come on. We're going to go meet Molly and Polly

at the library. Cool, a double date.

Look, it's not exactly a date.

Whatever. But when I give you the look,

make yourself scarce so I can make my move.

Your move? You have a move?

Yeah, I use my front paws and drag my butt on the ground.

Chicks dig that.

OK.

Hey, nice beagle. Just like Underdog, huh?

Underdog. Him?

Oh, no, no. Um, only thing that's strong about this dog

is his breath. Hmm?

Sure looks like Underdog.

Hey. Sorry.

I think we need to work on your secret identity.

OK. As long as I don't look ridiculous.

I look ridiculous.

Well, it makes you look taller. That's a good thing.

Hey, speed bump, you survived.

Let me guess.

You went for satellite instead of cable.

Ha ha ha ha!

Oh, ha ha. Put a muzzle on it.

What's the matter, runt?

You let your girlfriend do the talking for you?

Maybe you can't hear me.

DOG BARKS, SHOESHINE WHIMPERS

So, uh, if you ever want to be with a real dog,

give me a sniff.

Yeah. You're a real player, boss.

Let's go, fellas. We showed him,

huh, boss? What do you mean "we"?

Shoeshine, come on.

You've got to stand up for yourself.

Would Underdog have backed down from that mongrel?

Underdog... Oh, the way his ears flop

when he flies, that shimmering coat...

Could you imagine me off-leash with Underdog?

Hmm.

There isn't a hose cold enough to break that up.

I wish I could meet him.

Well, you know, they say he answers every call for help.

Really?

POLLY: Help.

Oh, help.

Help, help.

Help! Hello.

Oh, my.

Where, oh, where, can my Underdog be?

Did somebody order a hero?

Uhh! Ah!

Uhh! Ow!

UNDERDOG GROANS

Underdog...

Why, oh, why, have you called for help?

I was flying by when I heard you yelp.

Oh. Um, help.

Right. I'm...

Uh, I'm out of food.

Your bowl is empty. That is true.

Might I have a date with you?

Ex... Excuse me. Do you only speak in rhyme?

My rhymes are merely said in fun...

OK, I'm done.

Ohh. Good.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

Yes, you are.

Uh, you are right about that.

Uh, moon? Stars? The art?

I'm sorry, what were we looking at again?

It must be so amazing to be you,

to be able to go where you want, whenever you want.

I have to always "sit", "stay",

"be a good dog".

Well, then, let's be bad dogs.

OK. You ready?

Ready for...

what?! Oh!

Don't worry. Aah!

You OK?

Yes.

Oh, I love the feeling of the wind in my fur.

Yeah. I thought you might.

I call it extreme off-leash.

Heh heh!

So, have you worked up an appetite?

Let's see, what's for dinner?

Oh, look - Italian.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

OK, hang on! Careful!

WHOOSH!

Aah! My doggie bag!

Here we go.

The perfect spot for dinner on the fly.

ITALIAN-STYLE MUSIC PLAYS

There's only one meatball. Why don't you have it.

Oh, no, thanks. I'm on a diet.

No, I-I insist.

Uh-oh.

FALLING MEATBALL WHISTLES

SPLAT, CAT SCREECHES

DAN: The sewers lead into this drainage into the complex.

So, if you have access to any of the sewer systems,

you can get anywhere in the city you want.

Even Dr Barsinister knows that.

SHOESHINE HUMS

Oh, hey, Jack. How's it goin'?

Where have you been all night?

I don't sniff and tell.

Hey, Shoeshine.

Uh, woof. Woof.

Hey, um, we're going to head to the park...

You know, teach him tricks, do some training.

Oh, cool. Mind if I come?

Um, you know, it's...

It's probably better if we went alone.

You know, cos it's good for his concentration.

Son...

You know, we've got to try here.

I've got to go.

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

That was really nice of your dad.

Why did you blow him off like that?

What? Your dad is reaching out to you

and you keep pushing him away.

I've been pushing everyone away.

Well, maybe it's time to stop.

You're right. I should talk to him about it.

How did you get so smart, anyway?

Genetic engineering. You should try it.

Oh, look. Dad is home.

Where's Jack?

Don't worry.

We haven't done anything to him...

yet.

DOORBELL RINGS

Hi. Hey.

So, did you dig anything up about the break-in?

Uh, yeah. I got a map from my dad.

Hey. How's it going?

You wouldn't believe the date I had last night.

It was so amazing.

Yeah, it was. What?

I mean, it was?

Um, can you keep a secret?

I went out with Underdog.

Really? Heh. I hear he's shorter in person.

He is not. He's quite strapping and...

such a charmer.

Hm.

A drainage pipe?

Yeah. They could have entered directly through the sewers.

BARSINISTER: I want him back.

I want his power.

My dog is not Underdog.

You seem to have a knack

for underestimating the exceptional.

You're insane.

I prefer the term visionary!

Call your dog

or I'll call mine.

Or I'll call mine.

Cad...

Oh, right. The dogs.

Simon says...

surround the sad ex-cop.

Simon says... convince.

DOGS BARK

All right. All right. All right. Shoeshine!

BARKING CONTINUES

Shoeshine!

Hey, um, I've got to go.

BARKS THREE TIMES

Hey, um, I've got to go.

But, Jack...

That is one strange beagle.

What? What is it?

It's your dad. He's in trouble.

The guy from the lab got him. You go to the police station

and wait for me. No. No.

He's my dad. You're not going to go without me.

All right. Fasten your seat belts.

It's going to be a bumpy ride.

Woah! Aah!

Aah!

Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

BARKING CONTINUES Shoeshine!

Shoeshine. Dad!

Easy, tiger. Jack! Jack! What's going on?

What's going on here?

Shoeshine, isn't it?

Or shall I address you by your nom de guerre...

Underdog?

It's Shoeshine.

He can talk?

UNDERDOG: 'Yep, Barsinister had me beat.

'There was no way I could save both of them.'

I'm sorry.

Look, do whatever you want to me. Just let them go.

Oh... Uh... Oh...

Wise decision.

Heh heh heh.

UNDERDOG: 'Turns out, Barsinister didn't want me,

'he wanted my DNA.

'He took away my superpowers

'and put them in a little blue pill.

'But that wasn't the worst of it.'

Ah. And in this pill...

there is the DNA of a regular beagle.

Shoeshine, don't do it! No!

You know what the saddest part is?

SHOESHINE WHIMPERS

You actually thought that they loved you.

They only love the power that I gave you.

No!

No! Shoeshine!

Jack! Aah! ELECTRONIC BUZZING

I didn't...want anyone...

to get...hurt!

GRUNTS AND BARKS

Shoeshine...

WHIMPERS

BARSINISTER: Cad...

Not so tough now, are we, little doggie? Let's go.

This city is going to pay for what they have done to me.

Their doubt. BARKS

Their blindness. BARKS

Their betrayal. BARKS

ELECTRONIC BUZZING

Simon says heel.

ALL: Yes sir!

UNDERDOG: 'All those powers, and I wound up jeopardising

'the only thing I cared about -

'my family.' WHIMPERS

'And while I was stuck down there feeling sorry for myself,

'Cad and Barsinister had returned to the Capitol.'

Help! Help us! HE GRUNTS

Jack, that's not going to help. You've got to get untied.

Uhh. Forget it.

Jack! Don't quit. Quit?

Yeah. Me?

What about you? You were the best cop in the city,

and you should be up there stopping Barsinister.

But you quit. You quit the force.

I did quit.

I quit, Jack.

I quit because I didn't want anything to happen to me.

I didn't want to leave you alone.

Jack...

We have to get untied.

Now, just back up.

Put your foot on that ledge.

All right, now, grab that rope and jump up.

There you go! Now, come over here and let me untie you.

Sit down.

BOTH GRUNT

These knots are tight.

The reason we're down here is me.

All I had to do was just tell you Shoeshine was Underdog.

I'll tell you what you should have told me.

That you gave my JV baseball sweater away to a superhero.

OK. OK.

Grab Shoeshine.

Come on, Shoeshine.

Come on, boy. WHIMPERS

All right, son, let's go.

There has been an overwhelming response, Mr Mayor.

Good. You've never had this much press.

Make sure they get a good view of the dogs.

BARSINISTER: Mr Mayor...