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Megamind: The Button of Doom

Megamind: The Button of Doom

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Citizens of Metro City,

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long have I waited to give you your just desserts.

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Prepare to face the unbridled wrath of...

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my fantastic bargains!

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MEGAMIND LAUGHS

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Welcome, welcome, citizens of Metro City,

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to the Evil Lair Yard Sale.

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As you know, this is my first day as defender of Metro City.

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Now that I'm no longer evil,

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I no longer need things that do evil.

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A Terror Teddy - awesome!

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Excellent choice.

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Now, let the browsing commence!

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Minion,

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we're going to need more petty cash.

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What's behind there, Minion?

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-Nothing.

-Aha! I knew it.

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Please, please, please - can we just keep the Spiderbot?

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Minion, heroes don't drive around in creepy Spiderbots.

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SPIDERBOT WHIMPERS

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See? Now you've hurt its feelings.

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Spiderbot, come here...

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-Pyow, pyow...

-Damien, we do not play with laser guns.

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Come on, Mom...

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-Put it back, this instant.

-Madame, he's merely expressing himself.

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DAMIEN BLOWS RASPBERRY

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MEGAMIND CHUCKLES

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Besides, it's not a laser gun, it's a dehydration...

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Oops.

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..gun.

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Er... Just soak her in some water - not the toilet.

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-She'll be fine.

-That is so cool...

-Yes, er...

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Free doughnuts with every billion-dollar purchase!

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Piece of junk? This satellite death ray goes up to 900 million volts

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and has its own GPS.

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Ahem. Let me handle this, Minion.

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For insurance purposes,

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I have to tell you to only use it for barbecuing, not for evil.

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-I don't like barbecues.

-"I don't like barbecues".

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Shall we start the bidding?

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Boot Wheel of Death - sold to the soccer mom.

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Can I get seven for the flame-thrower? Sold to the chef.

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Excellent for creme brulee.

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Do I hear ten bucks for the Disguise Generator?

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Sold to the woman with the beautiful moustache. Sold to you, sir...

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Sold... Sold...

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# Sold! #

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Fantastic. The place is already looking less evil.

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Sir, now that we've gotten rid of all your evil things,

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how are we going to protect Metro City?

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Way ahead of you, Minion.

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MEGAMIND LAUGHS

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What are you wearing?

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My new super-secret superhero super-suit.

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I designed it myself, to copy all of Metro Man's powers.

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Super boots, super-strength...

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and super X-ray-laser vision.

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Um...

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Yeah, I'm not sure if it's really...you.

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Au contraire, filet mignon.

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This is perfect for when we go on our first patrol of the city.

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What's that?

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It's the only thing I couldn't sell - other than the death ray.

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Just a box with a button on it. I don't even remember what it does.

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But it must do something. Maybe it opens a garage door?

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DEVICE BEEPS

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-Whoops!

-Oh, dear...

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Greetings, hero!

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You've just unleashed an unspeakable evil upon Metro City

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and you're really, really not going to like it!

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LAUGHTER

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-Where did it go?

-I don't know.

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Bwa-ha-ha!

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Unspeakable evil activated!

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Sir, what was the "unspeakable evil"?

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-I've had a lot of evil plans over the years...

-Oh, you forgot.

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-You should have catalogued them, so I wouldn't have to remember.

-What?

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-This is actually your fault.

-My fault? How is this my fault?

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Shh, I'm thinking. It could be anything.

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-Remember the Forget-Me Bomb?

-Yes... No.

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Well, what about the Encyclopaedia Bombica?

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Oh - Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Kittens?

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Oh, they were as cute as they were deadly.

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The Destructo-saur...

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Wait, it's something beginning with "M"...

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Oh, "M"? That really narrows it down.

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ELECTRICITY HUMS

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-Um...

-Don't move. I think I remembered what it is.

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It's my favourite!

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-It's the Mega-Megamind!

-Oh, no!

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I transferred my evil personality into a giant robot.

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Man, I do good work.

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Really terrific stuff, but we should probably turn it off.

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-IN MEGAMIND'S VOICE:

-White suit, white cape -

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if it isn't my old friend, Metro Man.

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Ha-ha... He thinks you're Metro Man.

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Well, I am defender of Metro City, now.

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This is the perfect time for me to debut my super-suit.

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-Er...

-Activate super-strength!

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Whoa...

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Whoo! Ha-ha!

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Augh!

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Gross! I just stepped in a pile of hero.

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Oh! Activate super-boots.

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MEGAMIND YELPS

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Sir?

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Ole!

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Right, I forgot about that.

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MEGAMIND SCREAMS

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HE GROANS

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Time-out!

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Oh, no!

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-Activate super-laser vision!

-CRASH

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Ow!

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Wh... Where is he?

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Oh... THUD

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Sir?

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Sir, are you in the invisible car?

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-No.

-Are you a chicken?

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Bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk!

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Get in!

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Oh, we're in trouble, Minion.

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I programmed it to never stop, until it eliminated the hero.

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Ew!

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It's out there, searching for me.

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Where are you, hero?

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Is it searching for me too?

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And your mysterious friend -

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who is dressed up as Minion, for some reason.

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MINION WHIMPERS

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But don't worry, we can live in here from now on.

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The Brainbots can bring snacks.

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Sir, that is crazy.

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We're going to have to face this thing, eventually.

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Did you miss what happened out there?

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The new me is an utter failure.

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Well, it's clear you're no Metro man...

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I know I'm not Metro Man.

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THUD MEGAMIND GASPS

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I just mean... Maybe you should stop trying to be him and just be you?

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Really?

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Is that possible?

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But I sold all my evil stuff.

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Well...

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Not everything. SPIDERBOT PANTS

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Ah! Spiderbot!

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I don't understand. I thought everything was gone.

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I just couldn't part with our Spiderbot, sir.

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I was thinking, maybe we could still use him to patrol...

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heroically.

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Minion, you sentimental simian, you.

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Aww. THUD

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Now I just need a plan.

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Wait a minute - ah, boingo!

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I think you mean "bingo", sir.

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That's what I said -

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boingo!

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MEGAMIND CHUCKLES

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Anyone home? Come out, so I can squish you.

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Hey, Betamax!

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MEGAMIND LAUGHS

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Ready for round two, hero?

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MEGAMIND CACKLES

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Yoo-hoo!

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Are you in the mood for a slice of hero pie?

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Only if it comes a la explode.

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Where'd you go?

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Do you feel the taunting power of my eyebrow?

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How dare you brow me!

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ROBOT GROWLS

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Ho-ho, yes!

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MEGAMIND LAUGHS

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Missed again.

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That's right, metal face - follow me to your doom.

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OK, Minion -

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ready the death ray!

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Yes, sir.

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MINION GASPS

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Prepare to meet your maker -

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me.

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Say bye-bye, Metro Man.

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Fire, Minion!

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Minion, fire!

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-Slight problem here, sir.

-Slight problem? How slight?

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Er, your super-suit smashed the death ray controls.

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ROBOT LAUGHS

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What the...? Impossible!

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(Minion, find the remote!)

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Oh, right. You know, we should really mark these.

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Do you remember what it looked like?

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No, I don't remember what it looked like. Try the...

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Well, it's not that one.

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-ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

-Minion, turn it off!

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Aha! Peekaboo!

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Oh...

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You can crawl, but you can't hide.

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What about this one?

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KARAOKE RECORDING PLAYS

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No, no. Ew.

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Talk about a crushing defeat!

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The old evil me is so annoying.

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-CRACKLE

-Ow!

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Hurry, Minion!

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Whoa...

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I can't keep this up.

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ROBOT GROWLS

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Minion, what are you doing?

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Aha! I've got it, sir.

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DEVICE POWERS UP

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OK, Minion. On my Marco.

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I hate spiders.

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Marco!

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Polo!

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Oh, no!

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MEGAMIND LAUGHS

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Goodbye, old me.

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We did it, we did it!

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Yes, we did, Minion.

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Now, let's go get the rest of our evil stuff back.

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SPIDERBOT PANTS

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LOUD MUSIC PLAYS

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KIDS WHOOP AND CHEER

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-No more school!

-We're free!

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-No parents!

-Freedom!

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-Booger!

-HE CHUCKLES

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With our parents dehydrated, we can rule Metro City!

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Yes!

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MUSIC STOPS ALL GASP

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Not today - or any other day,

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my sugar-fuelled friend.

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-Oh, my goodness.

-I'll take that, thank you very much.

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I'd normally cart your heinies downtown,

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but I have a feeling your parents will offer you

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a far more severe punishment.

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A glass of water, Minion, if you please.

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KIDS GASP

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-SLOW MOTION:

-No!

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Well, sir, the weapons of justice are back where they belong.

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Let's just hope the city is ready for me.

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I'd say it is, sir.

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Look!

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They made me my own signal.

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Us - they made us our own signal.

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MINION SOBS

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Pull yourself together, Minion!

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Now, make a note - it needs to be a lot bigger.

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Yes, sir.

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Let's go patrol - heroically.

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BOTH: Yay!

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ENGINE ROARS

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MEGAMIND LAUGHS

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Oh, what fun!

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