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That's it. | 0:00:51 | 0:00:52 | |
Backs straight. | 0:00:52 | 0:00:54 | |
Heads up. Keep your feet dainty. | 0:00:55 | 0:00:57 | |
Dainty, Martha. | 0:00:57 | 0:00:59 | |
You look like a wounded Heffalump with a wooden leg. | 0:00:59 | 0:01:01 | |
Smile, Connie, smile. | 0:01:03 | 0:01:06 | |
You will never get yourself a good husband | 0:01:06 | 0:01:07 | |
until you learn to smile and be pretty. | 0:01:07 | 0:01:10 | |
-SHE STOMPS -Ah! | 0:01:10 | 0:01:13 | |
I won't. I simply won't. | 0:01:13 | 0:01:15 | |
It's silly and pointless. | 0:01:15 | 0:01:16 | |
Deportment is not silly and pointless, Connie. | 0:01:16 | 0:01:19 | |
I want to learn proper things. | 0:01:19 | 0:01:20 | |
I want to learn science and maths and civil engineering. | 0:01:20 | 0:01:23 | |
There is no point in teaching girls science and maths | 0:01:23 | 0:01:26 | |
and civil engineering. | 0:01:26 | 0:01:27 | |
All you need to learn to snare a husband is cooking and sewing | 0:01:27 | 0:01:32 | |
and being nice | 0:01:32 | 0:01:34 | |
I don't want a stupid husband. | 0:01:34 | 0:01:36 | |
I don't want to be nice. | 0:01:37 | 0:01:38 | |
I want to do great things. | 0:01:38 | 0:01:40 | |
I want to make medicine that saves millions of lives. | 0:01:40 | 0:01:43 | |
I want to build hydroelectric dams and rockets that will fly to the moon. | 0:01:43 | 0:01:46 | |
-MISS BLITHERINGTON LAUGHS -Don't be so ridiculous, Connie! | 0:01:46 | 0:01:48 | |
A GIRL will never do things like that. | 0:01:48 | 0:01:51 | |
-Now, carry on with your lesson. -I won't. | 0:01:51 | 0:01:53 | |
Then I'm sending you home, until you learn how to behave. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:56 | |
-I won't. -Your mother will not be pleased. | 0:01:56 | 0:01:58 | |
If only your father were still around to discipline you properly! | 0:01:58 | 0:02:02 | |
Well, he's not around any more, is he? | 0:02:02 | 0:02:04 | |
But if he was I bet he would come in here right now | 0:02:04 | 0:02:06 | |
and tell you off for not teaching me useful things. | 0:02:06 | 0:02:09 | |
Hello, Connie. | 0:02:20 | 0:02:22 | |
-DOG BARKS -Whoa! Oh! | 0:02:23 | 0:02:26 | |
Hello, Connie. | 0:02:32 | 0:02:34 | |
I wonder if I might tell you about my scheme to send | 0:02:34 | 0:02:36 | |
-hand-knitted waistcoats to the citizens of... -Oh! | 0:02:36 | 0:02:38 | |
Ow! Ow! | 0:02:38 | 0:02:40 | |
Watch where you're going, you young hooligan, | 0:02:40 | 0:02:42 | |
you nearly knocked me over. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:43 | |
Come along, Angelica. | 0:02:43 | 0:02:45 | |
-Is she all right? -Of course she's all right. | 0:02:45 | 0:02:47 | |
We're the injured parties here. | 0:02:47 | 0:02:49 | |
I've a good mind to sue her. | 0:02:49 | 0:02:52 | |
Ah, hello, Mr Bullimore. | 0:02:52 | 0:02:54 | |
I wonder if I might tell you about my scheme to send | 0:02:54 | 0:02:57 | |
hand-knitted waistcoats to the citizens of South Crashbania? | 0:02:57 | 0:03:01 | |
Oh, good day. | 0:03:01 | 0:03:03 | |
Connie? What are you doing home from school so early? | 0:03:21 | 0:03:24 | |
Is everything all right, lovey? | 0:03:24 | 0:03:25 | |
No, everything is NOT all right. | 0:03:25 | 0:03:28 | |
School is stupid, and the lessons are stupid and the other girls | 0:03:28 | 0:03:31 | |
are stupid and Miss Blitherington is especially stupid. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:34 | |
Oh, dear. You haven't been arguing about your lessons again, have you? | 0:03:34 | 0:03:38 | |
I might have been. | 0:03:38 | 0:03:39 | |
I want to learn stuff, Mum. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:41 | |
Useful stuff. | 0:03:41 | 0:03:42 | |
Oh, lovey, whatever are we going to do with you? | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
CLOCK CHIMES | 0:03:44 | 0:03:46 | |
And what are we going to do with this clock? | 0:03:46 | 0:03:49 | |
That blooming Branestawm man was supposed to have fixed it. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:53 | |
-You never went to see the professor? -It was your Aunt Maggie's idea. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:55 | |
She thought he might get it working again. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:58 | |
Nothing's right in the world. | 0:03:58 | 0:03:59 | |
Here, Connie, I've got an idea. | 0:03:59 | 0:04:03 | |
Seeing as you're not at school, | 0:04:03 | 0:04:05 | |
you can make yourself busy and run an errand for me. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:07 | |
Oh! | 0:04:07 | 0:04:09 | |
Would you take this clock back to the professor? | 0:04:09 | 0:04:13 | |
Really? | 0:04:13 | 0:04:14 | |
Really truly? | 0:04:14 | 0:04:16 | |
-You'll let me visit the professor? -Just this once. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:19 | |
If it'll cheer you up. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:21 | |
But you've always said it would be too dangerous for me. | 0:04:21 | 0:04:23 | |
Are you bothered? | 0:04:23 | 0:04:25 | |
Connie, you've still got your books on your head, love. | 0:04:30 | 0:04:32 | |
Oh. | 0:04:32 | 0:04:34 | |
That's clever. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:35 | |
Now, you be careful and hurry straight back. | 0:04:35 | 0:04:38 | |
Professor Branestawm, you have a visitor! | 0:04:58 | 0:05:01 | |
Argh! | 0:05:01 | 0:05:03 | |
Ouch! Please enter. | 0:05:03 | 0:05:05 | |
EXPLOSION | 0:05:15 | 0:05:17 | |
Argh! | 0:05:17 | 0:05:18 | |
Oomph! | 0:05:18 | 0:05:20 | |
Hello. | 0:05:24 | 0:05:26 | |
Hello? | 0:05:26 | 0:05:27 | |
Hello?! | 0:05:27 | 0:05:28 | |
Hello. | 0:05:28 | 0:05:30 | |
-Are you all right. -Quite all right, thank you for asking. | 0:05:30 | 0:05:33 | |
Only you just flew out a window. | 0:05:33 | 0:05:35 | |
I'm doing some spring cleaning. | 0:05:35 | 0:05:37 | |
-Oh. -Spring cleaning is a silly, messy, tiresome, | 0:05:37 | 0:05:39 | |
time-consuming business and my housekeeper, Mrs Flittersnoop, | 0:05:39 | 0:05:42 | |
doesn't enjoy it one bit, which is why I've invented a machine | 0:05:42 | 0:05:45 | |
to do it for her - the Professor Branestawm House Cleaning Machine! | 0:05:45 | 0:05:48 | |
-How does it work? -Well, it's quite simple, really, collects up all | 0:05:48 | 0:05:51 | |
the rubbish and whatnot and wherefore and why on Earth, | 0:05:51 | 0:05:54 | |
-and throws it out! -That's clever. -Yes. Isn't it? | 0:05:54 | 0:05:56 | |
It throws out everything - dust, dirt, | 0:05:56 | 0:05:59 | |
fluff... | 0:05:59 | 0:06:00 | |
..chairs... | 0:06:02 | 0:06:03 | |
..wardrobes... | 0:06:05 | 0:06:06 | |
MEOW! | 0:06:06 | 0:06:07 | |
Hmm, that looks like a cat... | 0:06:07 | 0:06:09 | |
A WOMAN SCREAMS | 0:06:09 | 0:06:11 | |
..and people. | 0:06:11 | 0:06:12 | |
I think I might have the cleaning level set rather too high. | 0:06:12 | 0:06:15 | |
The machine's getting a little carried away. | 0:06:15 | 0:06:17 | |
Do you have some paper? | 0:06:17 | 0:06:18 | |
Yes... | 0:06:18 | 0:06:20 | |
So, if the apex of the triangle ABC bisects the line DE... | 0:06:20 | 0:06:23 | |
Just as I thought! | 0:06:23 | 0:06:25 | |
Left to its own devices it might destroy the whole house. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:27 | |
Interesting. | 0:06:27 | 0:06:29 | |
I can only hope that it... | 0:06:29 | 0:06:30 | |
SQUEALING | 0:06:30 | 0:06:33 | |
There we go. It's thrown itself out. | 0:06:33 | 0:06:35 | |
Oh! Ah! | 0:06:35 | 0:06:37 | |
Ah, Mrs Flittersnoop! | 0:06:37 | 0:06:40 | |
Hello, Auntie Maggie. | 0:06:42 | 0:06:44 | |
-Is it dangerous? -Highly. | 0:06:49 | 0:06:51 | |
Don't you think we ought to stop it? | 0:06:51 | 0:06:53 | |
Most probably. Which is why I've called for Colonel Dedshott. | 0:06:53 | 0:06:55 | |
Who's Colonel Dedshott? | 0:06:55 | 0:06:57 | |
Who's Colonel Dedshott? Who is Colonel Dedshott? | 0:06:57 | 0:06:59 | |
Great heavens! | 0:07:02 | 0:07:04 | |
Oh, my goodness me, and all that. | 0:07:04 | 0:07:06 | |
That is Colonel Dedshott of the Catapult Cavaliers. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:08 | |
What has happened? And why? And how? | 0:07:08 | 0:07:10 | |
Accident? Explosion? | 0:07:10 | 0:07:12 | |
-Insurrection? -Spring cleaning. | 0:07:12 | 0:07:14 | |
This is more serious than I thought! Battle stations! | 0:07:14 | 0:07:17 | |
Man the catapults! | 0:07:18 | 0:07:20 | |
-Charge! -The colonel has never missed a train, an enemy, | 0:07:20 | 0:07:23 | |
or an opportunity of getting into danger! | 0:07:23 | 0:07:25 | |
Ooh! | 0:07:25 | 0:07:26 | |
Ah! | 0:07:26 | 0:07:27 | |
CLATTERING AND CRASHING | 0:07:27 | 0:07:30 | |
I really think we ought to do something. | 0:07:30 | 0:07:32 | |
-Hmm. We could have tea, I suppose. -Oh! | 0:07:32 | 0:07:34 | |
-What was that? -I think it was a vase. | 0:07:34 | 0:07:36 | |
Yes, Ming dynasty, early 15th century... | 0:07:36 | 0:07:39 | |
No, Woolworths. | 0:07:39 | 0:07:41 | |
Why do you have so many pairs of glasses? | 0:07:42 | 0:07:44 | |
Oh, well, these are for reading, these are for writing, | 0:07:44 | 0:07:48 | |
these are for looking at things very close up. | 0:07:48 | 0:07:50 | |
Good lord, a little girl! | 0:07:50 | 0:07:52 | |
These are for looking at things very far away. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:55 | |
Hm, somebody in Germany is setting fire to their trousers. | 0:07:56 | 0:07:59 | |
These are for looking at you over the top of. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:02 | |
Hm, another little girl. Are you twins? Interesting. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:05 | |
These are for outdoors. | 0:08:05 | 0:08:07 | |
And these... | 0:08:07 | 0:08:09 | |
Hm, these aren't mine. Don't know how they got in there. | 0:08:09 | 0:08:11 | |
And these... Ah! | 0:08:11 | 0:08:14 | |
-These are the most valuable pair! -What are they for? | 0:08:14 | 0:08:16 | |
They're for looking for the others when I can't find them. | 0:08:16 | 0:08:18 | |
Glasses have a nasty habit of hiding from you. | 0:08:18 | 0:08:21 | |
-Ooooh! -Come back here, you coward! | 0:08:21 | 0:08:23 | |
Hello, Auntie! | 0:08:23 | 0:08:25 | |
Stop that man! | 0:08:25 | 0:08:27 | |
SHOUTING AND CRASHING | 0:08:27 | 0:08:30 | |
Get this thing off me! | 0:08:30 | 0:08:32 | |
Ah, well done, that man! | 0:08:39 | 0:08:41 | |
I'm glad I had the foresight to invent an off switch for my device. | 0:08:41 | 0:08:44 | |
I really am too clever for my own good sometimes. | 0:08:44 | 0:08:47 | |
Really, this is intolerable! | 0:08:47 | 0:08:49 | |
CRASHING, MACHINE POWERS DOWN | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
-Oh! -I couldn't agree more. Spring cleaning. Bad business. | 0:08:51 | 0:08:55 | |
Miss Silt, I want you to keep a complete record of proceedings. | 0:08:55 | 0:08:58 | |
-Take down everything I say. -Yes, Mr Haggerstone, sir. | 0:08:58 | 0:09:01 | |
Now, you, I presume, are Professor Branestawm. | 0:09:01 | 0:09:05 | |
I am he. Yes, I am. Marmalade? | 0:09:05 | 0:09:09 | |
He am. He is. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:11 | |
I can vouch for he...for him. | 0:09:11 | 0:09:13 | |
The man is a phenomenon, absolute genius. | 0:09:13 | 0:09:16 | |
I can't understand half the things he says. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:18 | |
In fact, to tell you the truth, I don't understand a word of it. | 0:09:18 | 0:09:21 | |
Much too brainy for me. Makes my head go round and round. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:25 | |
Hm. | 0:09:25 | 0:09:26 | |
I am Councillor Harold Haggerstone, of the Pagwell Town Council, | 0:09:26 | 0:09:30 | |
and I am here to tell you that there have been complaints, Professor. | 0:09:30 | 0:09:34 | |
-Complaints? -Complaints? | 0:09:34 | 0:09:35 | |
-Complaints. -Complaints. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:37 | |
-What sort of complaints? -Complaints? -Complaints. | 0:09:37 | 0:09:39 | |
Of noise, and mess and, I don't know, | 0:09:39 | 0:09:42 | |
explosions and general disruption, that sort of thing. | 0:09:42 | 0:09:46 | |
That sort of thing. | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
I've not met General Disruption. I know a Colonel Dedshott. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:51 | |
In fact, there he is! Standing right there. What a coincidence. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
Colonel, we were just talking about you. | 0:09:53 | 0:09:55 | |
-Pleased to meet you, Mr Horrid Hag. -Haggerstone. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:57 | |
-Haggerstone. -If you say so. | 0:09:57 | 0:10:00 | |
I have reason to believe, Professor, | 0:10:00 | 0:10:01 | |
that you have constructed an unlicensed workshop | 0:10:01 | 0:10:04 | |
in your garden that poses a threat to health and safety, | 0:10:04 | 0:10:07 | |
and I have orders for it to be torn down. | 0:10:07 | 0:10:10 | |
There must be some mistake. The professor has permission | 0:10:13 | 0:10:15 | |
to build his laboratory from the council. I'm quite sure of it. | 0:10:15 | 0:10:18 | |
It says here in very small writing, | 0:10:19 | 0:10:21 | |
that if you want to protest against the council's decision, | 0:10:21 | 0:10:23 | |
you can go to the town hall meeting on Friday morning. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:26 | |
Well, there's no need for that. The professor has a permit. | 0:10:26 | 0:10:28 | |
I remember it arrived on my birthday. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:30 | |
And I remember it was my birthday because the professor gave me | 0:10:30 | 0:10:33 | |
-a brand-new camera... -Happy birthday, by the way. | 0:10:33 | 0:10:35 | |
Oh, thank you very much. It was a few years ago now. | 0:10:35 | 0:10:38 | |
You can attend the meeting if you wish, | 0:10:38 | 0:10:40 | |
-but, I'm warning you, Branestawm... -No, I am warning you | 0:10:40 | 0:10:42 | |
-Argh! -Is that with three or four As, sir? | 0:10:42 | 0:10:45 | |
No-one threatens my professor, Mr Harrid Hog! | 0:10:45 | 0:10:47 | |
-Haggerstone. -I'll be the judge of that! | 0:10:47 | 0:10:50 | |
-Do you have a licence for that catapult? -A licence? | 0:10:50 | 0:10:53 | |
I'll have you know, sir, I won catapulting gold | 0:10:53 | 0:10:55 | |
at the Commonwealth Games! | 0:10:55 | 0:10:57 | |
Hm. Good day to you gentlemen, madam. | 0:10:57 | 0:11:00 | |
Mmm. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:03 | |
I'll get him! | 0:11:07 | 0:11:08 | |
Ah! Oh! | 0:11:08 | 0:11:10 | |
Ah! Agh! | 0:11:10 | 0:11:12 | |
Who on Earth was that? | 0:11:14 | 0:11:15 | |
-Fella by the name of Hobbit Hole. -Haggerstone. | 0:11:15 | 0:11:17 | |
Not to be trusted - shifty type, | 0:11:17 | 0:11:19 | |
-keeps changing his name. -Doesn't like toast. -Precisely! | 0:11:19 | 0:11:22 | |
I'm not one to complain, but this is one of those days. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:25 | |
First your cleaning machine turns the house upside down | 0:11:25 | 0:11:28 | |
and inside out, and then comes at me like a wild thing, | 0:11:28 | 0:11:31 | |
so it does, and then the council comes nosing around with | 0:11:31 | 0:11:33 | |
paperwork and warnings and I don't know what. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:36 | |
-Are you all right, Auntie? -I'm all a flutter, so I am, | 0:11:36 | 0:11:38 | |
and me turned 40 - ahem! - this twelvemonth. | 0:11:38 | 0:11:40 | |
It's a shame, that's what it is. | 0:11:40 | 0:11:42 | |
I shall need a lie down. | 0:11:42 | 0:11:44 | |
Ee, Connie, what are you doing here? | 0:11:44 | 0:11:46 | |
I brought the clock back that the professor mended for my mum. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:48 | |
Oh, don't tell me. It's not quite right. | 0:11:48 | 0:11:50 | |
No, it's not right. It's all quite wrong. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:53 | |
Mum was wondering if you could take another look at it? | 0:11:53 | 0:11:55 | |
Follow me! | 0:11:55 | 0:11:56 | |
This is my Inventory, where I do all my inventing and suchlike. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:02 | |
We'll have your clock fixed in three shakes of a lamb's jiffy. | 0:12:02 | 0:12:06 | |
This is brilliant! | 0:12:18 | 0:12:20 | |
Look at all this stuff. | 0:12:20 | 0:12:22 | |
What's this? | 0:12:24 | 0:12:25 | |
That is a machine for herding cats. | 0:12:25 | 0:12:27 | |
And this? What's this? | 0:12:29 | 0:12:30 | |
One of my latest inventions. | 0:12:30 | 0:12:32 | |
A portable telephone, imagine that! | 0:12:32 | 0:12:35 | |
A telephone that you can always have with you. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:37 | |
-That would be amazing. -Then prepare to be amazed | 0:12:37 | 0:12:39 | |
by the Professor Branestawm Portable Telephone Device Thing! | 0:12:39 | 0:12:43 | |
BELL DINGS | 0:12:49 | 0:12:51 | |
-Ah. -BELL DINGS | 0:12:55 | 0:12:58 | |
Touch. | 0:12:58 | 0:12:59 | |
Hello? | 0:13:01 | 0:13:03 | |
Hello, could you get me Lower Pagwell 232, please? Thank you. | 0:13:03 | 0:13:07 | |
Hello? Who is this? | 0:13:08 | 0:13:09 | |
What do you mean I called you? | 0:13:09 | 0:13:10 | |
I'm very busy demonstrating my new telephone, | 0:13:10 | 0:13:13 | |
I don't have time to be making phone calls. | 0:13:13 | 0:13:15 | |
Stop bothering me or I shall report you to the police, | 0:13:15 | 0:13:18 | |
the Army, the Navy and the RSPCA! | 0:13:18 | 0:13:21 | |
I call it a mobile telephone! | 0:13:23 | 0:13:25 | |
I am working on a similar device for the police. | 0:13:25 | 0:13:28 | |
So they can call the station when they're out chasing burglars | 0:13:28 | 0:13:30 | |
and smugglers and female impersonators and the like. | 0:13:30 | 0:13:34 | |
Imagine that! A police box that you could travel around in? | 0:13:34 | 0:13:37 | |
POLICE BOX THRUMS | 0:13:37 | 0:13:39 | |
Now, who were you again, and what is it you want? | 0:13:39 | 0:13:41 | |
I'm Mrs Flittersnoop's sister Aggie's little girl, Connie, | 0:13:41 | 0:13:44 | |
-and I've brought Mum's clock back. -Ah, yes, mmm, I remember this. | 0:13:44 | 0:13:48 | |
I made some adjustments to it to improve its workings. | 0:13:48 | 0:13:53 | |
It'll never run down and never need winding up ever again. | 0:13:53 | 0:13:57 | |
But it's striking too many times. | 0:13:57 | 0:13:58 | |
How so? How so? How so? How so? | 0:13:58 | 0:14:00 | |
Well, at six o'clock in the evening it struck 18 times, | 0:14:00 | 0:14:03 | |
-and at midnight it struck 24. -That's not a mistake. No, no, no, no, no. | 0:14:03 | 0:14:06 | |
It's a 24-hour clock, my dear, it's the modern way. | 0:14:06 | 0:14:09 | |
Yes, but at one o'clock in the morning it struck 25 and woke | 0:14:09 | 0:14:12 | |
the cat. And at two o'clock in the morning it struck 26, and so on. | 0:14:12 | 0:14:15 | |
Mmm, that's not right. It must be adding a chime every hour. | 0:14:15 | 0:14:18 | |
Look, it's coming up to four o'clock. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:20 | |
Hm, by my calculations, it should strike...40 times. | 0:14:20 | 0:14:24 | |
CLOCK STARTS TO STRIKE | 0:14:24 | 0:14:26 | |
Yes, I see the problem. | 0:14:26 | 0:14:28 | |
There is a simple way to fix it, however. | 0:14:28 | 0:14:31 | |
-Really. -Yes. | 0:14:31 | 0:14:32 | |
There. Tell your mother it'll never wake the cat ever again. | 0:14:45 | 0:14:49 | |
-But how are we going to tell the time? -Ah... | 0:14:49 | 0:14:52 | |
-How's your end, Colonel? -Be careful. | 0:14:54 | 0:14:57 | |
Mind your backs. | 0:14:57 | 0:14:58 | |
I'm much better going forwards. I'm not one to retreat. | 0:14:58 | 0:15:02 | |
I don't know how your mother let it get to this stage! | 0:15:08 | 0:15:10 | |
You really should have brought it to me sooner. | 0:15:10 | 0:15:12 | |
Could you pass me that screwdriver, please? | 0:15:12 | 0:15:14 | |
Thank you. | 0:15:14 | 0:15:15 | |
I wish I could be like you. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:18 | |
Inventing things in my own Inventory. | 0:15:18 | 0:15:20 | |
But all they teach me at school is how to find a nice husband | 0:15:20 | 0:15:23 | |
and make tea for him and give him his slippers | 0:15:23 | 0:15:25 | |
-when he comes home from work. -Slippers? Tea? Husbands? Otters? | 0:15:25 | 0:15:28 | |
-I never said otters. -Quite right, too. | 0:15:28 | 0:15:29 | |
Otters have no place in this conversation. | 0:15:29 | 0:15:31 | |
Leave otters out of it! | 0:15:31 | 0:15:33 | |
But this won't do, this won't do at all. | 0:15:33 | 0:15:35 | |
Science is a wonderful thing. | 0:15:35 | 0:15:37 | |
I shall teach you everything I know about it. | 0:15:37 | 0:15:40 | |
Really? Are you sure? | 0:15:40 | 0:15:42 | |
That'd be fantastic. | 0:15:42 | 0:15:44 | |
Tell me, what sort of an experiment would you like to start off with? | 0:15:44 | 0:15:47 | |
An explosion? | 0:15:48 | 0:15:49 | |
My favourite sort! | 0:15:49 | 0:15:51 | |
Bandits! Saboteurs! | 0:15:53 | 0:15:55 | |
Female impersonators! | 0:15:55 | 0:15:57 | |
We're under attack, Mrs Flittersnoop! | 0:15:57 | 0:15:59 | |
That went very well, I thought. Very well indeed. | 0:16:07 | 0:16:09 | |
Mrs Flittersnoop, time for tea. | 0:16:09 | 0:16:12 | |
After all, the clock has just struck 40. | 0:16:12 | 0:16:14 | |
Oh, what have you done now? | 0:16:14 | 0:16:16 | |
Look at the state of you both. | 0:16:16 | 0:16:18 | |
My sister Aggie will have a purple fit. | 0:16:18 | 0:16:20 | |
I have been giving this small person, whoever she is, | 0:16:20 | 0:16:22 | |
possibly some kind of pygmy, science lessons. | 0:16:22 | 0:16:26 | |
But you won't be able to give me any more if the council comes | 0:16:26 | 0:16:29 | |
and closes down your Inventory and stops your experiments. | 0:16:29 | 0:16:31 | |
Hmm. | 0:16:31 | 0:16:33 | |
You must make sure you go to the meeting on Friday. | 0:16:33 | 0:16:36 | |
Tell them all about the amazing stuff you've invented, | 0:16:36 | 0:16:39 | |
like the mobile telephone, and the cat herder. | 0:16:39 | 0:16:41 | |
The cat herder doesn't actually work. | 0:16:41 | 0:16:43 | |
And then they'll understand, | 0:16:43 | 0:16:44 | |
and they won't make you close down your Inventory. | 0:16:44 | 0:16:47 | |
Not sure the telephone does, either. | 0:16:47 | 0:16:49 | |
FIZZING | 0:16:49 | 0:16:50 | |
CLATTERING | 0:16:50 | 0:16:52 | |
Or that. | 0:16:52 | 0:16:53 | |
# Oh, the factories may be roaring | 0:16:53 | 0:16:56 | |
# With a boom-a-lacka zoom-a-lacka wee | 0:16:56 | 0:16:59 | |
# But there isn't any roar when the clock strikes four | 0:16:59 | 0:17:02 | |
# Everything stops for tea | 0:17:02 | 0:17:04 | |
# Oh, a lawyer in a courtroom | 0:17:04 | 0:17:07 | |
# In the middle of an alimony plea | 0:17:07 | 0:17:10 | |
# Has to stop and help them pour when the clock strikes four... # | 0:17:10 | 0:17:14 | |
Stop that! | 0:17:14 | 0:17:15 | |
# Everything stops for tea | 0:17:15 | 0:17:18 | |
# It's a very good English custom | 0:17:18 | 0:17:21 | |
# And a stimulant for the brain | 0:17:21 | 0:17:23 | |
# When you feel a little weary | 0:17:23 | 0:17:25 | |
# A cup will make you cheery | 0:17:25 | 0:17:27 | |
# And it's cheaper than champagne... # | 0:17:27 | 0:17:29 | |
Oh, ah! | 0:17:29 | 0:17:31 | |
# Now I know just why Franz Schubert | 0:17:31 | 0:17:33 | |
# Didn't finish his unfinished symphony... # | 0:17:33 | 0:17:35 | |
Oh! | 0:17:35 | 0:17:36 | |
# He might have written more, but the clock struck four | 0:17:36 | 0:17:39 | |
# And everything stops for tea. # | 0:17:39 | 0:17:42 | |
Hurry up, Professor, the council meeting is at ten o'clock! | 0:17:42 | 0:17:45 | |
As you can see, it will provide a huge boost to the economy | 0:17:48 | 0:17:52 | |
of Pagwell - indeed, the entire area of Upper Pagwell, Lower Pagwell, | 0:17:52 | 0:17:56 | |
Great Pagwell, Pagwell Green and Pagwell-Under-Water. | 0:17:56 | 0:17:59 | |
Which is why I am urging you, ladies and gentlemen, | 0:17:59 | 0:18:02 | |
to allow me to build... | 0:18:02 | 0:18:04 | |
(The model, Angelica, the model!) | 0:18:05 | 0:18:07 | |
..a giant munitions factory right in the middle of town. | 0:18:08 | 0:18:12 | |
Yes, Pagwell shall be famous for its munitions! | 0:18:13 | 0:18:17 | |
Missiles, shells, grenades of all shapes and sizes, | 0:18:17 | 0:18:20 | |
bombs, bullets, bazookas, | 0:18:20 | 0:18:23 | |
ballistic boomerangs, | 0:18:23 | 0:18:25 | |
brickbats, blockbusters, | 0:18:25 | 0:18:27 | |
maybe even some of those Japanese throwing star things, hmm? | 0:18:27 | 0:18:31 | |
Lovely, lovely munitions. | 0:18:31 | 0:18:33 | |
Thank you, Mr Bullimore, for a most informative presentation. | 0:18:35 | 0:18:38 | |
I think we can all agree that having a giant munitions factory | 0:18:38 | 0:18:42 | |
right in the middle of town will benefit all of us | 0:18:42 | 0:18:45 | |
greatly and really put Pagwell on the map. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:48 | |
So, all those in favour of building a giant munitions factory | 0:18:48 | 0:18:52 | |
right in the middle of town, please, raise your hands. | 0:18:52 | 0:18:56 | |
SNORING | 0:18:59 | 0:19:00 | |
What's the matter with you all? | 0:19:00 | 0:19:02 | |
Don't you want a giant munitions factory right in the middle of town? | 0:19:02 | 0:19:06 | |
-Won't it be rather... -What? | 0:19:06 | 0:19:07 | |
Well, dirty and noisy and, well, dangerous? | 0:19:07 | 0:19:12 | |
Oh, don't worry about any of that. | 0:19:12 | 0:19:14 | |
I've only ever had two of my factories blow up | 0:19:14 | 0:19:17 | |
and demolish the entire area. | 0:19:17 | 0:19:18 | |
But what about hazardous waste? Poisonous chemicals? | 0:19:18 | 0:19:21 | |
All that sort of thing? | 0:19:21 | 0:19:23 | |
All the poisonous waste will be safely pumped into the River Pag. | 0:19:23 | 0:19:27 | |
Ah! | 0:19:27 | 0:19:28 | |
Gentlemen! This giant munitions factory right in the middle of town | 0:19:28 | 0:19:32 | |
will establish Pagwell as a leading industrial centre, | 0:19:32 | 0:19:36 | |
and announce your town to the world with a BANG! | 0:19:36 | 0:19:39 | |
Oh, for Pete's sake! | 0:19:39 | 0:19:41 | |
Thank you! | 0:19:41 | 0:19:43 | |
Er... What, what? What's going on? | 0:19:43 | 0:19:46 | |
What did he say? | 0:19:46 | 0:19:47 | |
Mr Bullimore wants to build a giant munitions factory | 0:19:47 | 0:19:50 | |
right in the middle of town. | 0:19:50 | 0:19:52 | |
A giant munitions factory right in the middle of town? | 0:19:52 | 0:19:56 | |
Out of the question. | 0:19:56 | 0:19:57 | |
But this is progress, Mr Mayor. | 0:19:57 | 0:19:59 | |
The people of Pagwell marching boldly into the future, | 0:19:59 | 0:20:03 | |
and only occasionally being blown up. | 0:20:03 | 0:20:06 | |
This land was given to the local people by Lord Pagwell | 0:20:06 | 0:20:10 | |
in 16...something or other and something else. | 0:20:10 | 0:20:14 | |
There have never been any factories in Pagwell and there never will be. | 0:20:14 | 0:20:18 | |
It is written... | 0:20:18 | 0:20:20 | |
FANFARE ..in the town charter, | 0:20:20 | 0:20:22 | |
guaranteed for all time, | 0:20:22 | 0:20:24 | |
that no building taller than the church spire | 0:20:24 | 0:20:27 | |
shall ever be built here in...in...in Pagwell. | 0:20:27 | 0:20:30 | |
I think we could at least debate the matter. | 0:20:30 | 0:20:33 | |
I don't. What's next? | 0:20:33 | 0:20:35 | |
The vicar would like to say a few words about his latest cause, | 0:20:35 | 0:20:40 | |
and then we are to rubber stamp | 0:20:40 | 0:20:42 | |
the closing down of Professor Branestawm's illegal laboratory. | 0:20:42 | 0:20:46 | |
What's that? | 0:20:46 | 0:20:48 | |
Ah yes, Professor Branestawm has an illegal workshop in his garden. | 0:20:48 | 0:20:52 | |
And he says he has a permit for it, but we can find no record. | 0:20:52 | 0:20:55 | |
As you know, most of our archives were destroyed | 0:20:55 | 0:20:57 | |
in the Great Pagwell Zoo Disaster, when an escaped lion ate everything. | 0:20:57 | 0:21:01 | |
(Shame that charter wasn't destroyed at the same time. | 0:21:01 | 0:21:04 | |
(Well...) | 0:21:04 | 0:21:05 | |
So, Branestawm says the council gave him permission to build a factory. | 0:21:05 | 0:21:09 | |
I suppose you could describe it as a factory, | 0:21:09 | 0:21:11 | |
but without the paperwork... | 0:21:11 | 0:21:13 | |
Yeah, yeah, come on, come on. Let's get on with it. | 0:21:13 | 0:21:16 | |
Vicar, you're up next, and don't be all day about it. | 0:21:16 | 0:21:19 | |
My dear friends, | 0:21:21 | 0:21:22 | |
I'd like to talk to you about a matter of great import... | 0:21:22 | 0:21:25 | |
Get on with it, man! It's nearly time for our tea break. | 0:21:25 | 0:21:28 | |
Yes, of course. | 0:21:28 | 0:21:29 | |
I'm raising money to buy hand-knitted waistcoats | 0:21:29 | 0:21:32 | |
for the poor natives of South Crashbania. | 0:21:32 | 0:21:35 | |
South Crashbania... | 0:21:35 | 0:21:36 | |
DOOR BANGS OPEN Look sprightly, chaps. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:38 | |
Ah. | 0:21:38 | 0:21:39 | |
That's it, careful now. | 0:21:39 | 0:21:40 | |
Mind you don't tip it over, and don't bash it into the doorframe, | 0:21:40 | 0:21:43 | |
you'll damage the whatshisname | 0:21:43 | 0:21:45 | |
-and bend the thingamajig. -Put it on the table. | 0:21:45 | 0:21:47 | |
Well, if it isn't the man with the little catapult. | 0:21:47 | 0:21:49 | |
Shot any sparrows lately with that toy of yours, Dedshott? | 0:21:49 | 0:21:53 | |
I'll have you know, sir, | 0:21:53 | 0:21:54 | |
I was personally decorated by the King for my catapult skills. | 0:21:54 | 0:21:58 | |
Ridiculous. | 0:21:58 | 0:21:59 | |
What the devil is that? | 0:21:59 | 0:22:02 | |
It's a self-activated camellia sinensis infusion device, | 0:22:02 | 0:22:06 | |
with multiple distributive facilities and a... | 0:22:06 | 0:22:08 | |
-It's a tea-making machine. -Ah! | 0:22:08 | 0:22:10 | |
It's a tea-making machine, yes. | 0:22:10 | 0:22:13 | |
And what exactly is that supposed to be, Connie? | 0:22:30 | 0:22:33 | |
A volcano. | 0:22:33 | 0:22:34 | |
You are supposed to be making fairy cakes. Not volcanoes. | 0:22:34 | 0:22:37 | |
I've been testing the combustible properties | 0:22:37 | 0:22:39 | |
of various common kitchen ingredients... | 0:22:39 | 0:22:40 | |
You've been testing my patience is what you've been doing. | 0:22:40 | 0:22:43 | |
Who taught you this? | 0:22:43 | 0:22:44 | |
-Professor Branestawm is giving me science lessons. -Is he? | 0:22:44 | 0:22:48 | |
That menace! | 0:22:48 | 0:22:49 | |
I've made complaints about him. | 0:22:49 | 0:22:51 | |
Listen to me. | 0:22:51 | 0:22:53 | |
When I was younger I wanted to be a scientist, just like you. | 0:22:53 | 0:22:57 | |
Yes. And you know what happened? | 0:22:57 | 0:23:00 | |
The boy I loved, the light of my life, | 0:23:00 | 0:23:02 | |
Arthur - tall and strong and manly. | 0:23:02 | 0:23:04 | |
He turned his back on me, | 0:23:04 | 0:23:07 | |
just walked away and married a photographer's model instead. | 0:23:07 | 0:23:10 | |
He didn't want a scientist for a wife. | 0:23:10 | 0:23:14 | |
Don't make the same mistakes I made or you will never be happy. | 0:23:14 | 0:23:18 | |
Now, | 0:23:18 | 0:23:20 | |
you will forget everything that Professor Branestawm has taught you. | 0:23:20 | 0:23:24 | |
You will get rid of this monstrosity | 0:23:24 | 0:23:27 | |
and you will follow the recipe properly, | 0:23:27 | 0:23:32 | |
like all the other good little girls. | 0:23:32 | 0:23:36 | |
I wouldn't poke it like that if I were you. | 0:23:36 | 0:23:38 | |
Oh, really? | 0:23:38 | 0:23:39 | |
-No. -Oh, why not? | 0:23:39 | 0:23:41 | |
That's why. | 0:23:43 | 0:23:45 | |
This is the last straw! | 0:23:45 | 0:23:47 | |
Connie, you are going to regret this! | 0:23:47 | 0:23:51 | |
Tea is the lifeblood of any meeting! | 0:23:51 | 0:23:54 | |
I knitted the tea bags myself, many of them V-neck. | 0:23:54 | 0:23:57 | |
Get that thing out of here. | 0:23:57 | 0:23:59 | |
You are disrupting the meeting and damaging a very valuable table. | 0:23:59 | 0:24:03 | |
Not so fast. I'm spitting feathers here, Haggerstone. | 0:24:03 | 0:24:06 | |
It's Hackerbone, actually. | 0:24:06 | 0:24:08 | |
I'm dying for a cuppa. | 0:24:08 | 0:24:09 | |
Does this thing do cake and biscuits as well as tea? | 0:24:09 | 0:24:13 | |
Of course! It will revolutionise tea time at the town hall. | 0:24:13 | 0:24:17 | |
Well, let's try it out, then. | 0:24:17 | 0:24:19 | |
You can stand down, Vicar. | 0:24:19 | 0:24:21 | |
-Yes, we'll, er... -Whoa! | 0:24:21 | 0:24:23 | |
..we'll get onto the natives of South Crashbangwallop later. | 0:24:23 | 0:24:27 | |
I'd recommend English Breakfast Tea. | 0:24:28 | 0:24:31 | |
They don't make an English Lunch Tea for some reason. | 0:24:31 | 0:24:34 | |
I'll make a note of that for later. | 0:24:34 | 0:24:36 | |
Ah, the water's coming nicely to the boil. | 0:24:36 | 0:24:39 | |
Before you interrupted us we were about to discuss | 0:24:39 | 0:24:41 | |
the matter of the illegal structure in your garden. | 0:24:41 | 0:24:44 | |
-That's why we're here, Mr Haggis-Head. -Haggerstone! | 0:24:44 | 0:24:47 | |
That's what I said. | 0:24:47 | 0:24:48 | |
It is not an illegal structure, it's an Inventory, | 0:24:48 | 0:24:51 | |
for inventing world-changing devices like this! | 0:24:51 | 0:24:54 | |
Tea in the hole! | 0:24:54 | 0:24:55 | |
Yes, but unless you have a written permit for the shed... | 0:24:55 | 0:24:58 | |
I do have a permit somewhere. I'm quite sure of it. | 0:24:58 | 0:25:01 | |
I'm just not very good at looking for things. | 0:25:01 | 0:25:03 | |
Well, unless you can find it, we can't allow... | 0:25:03 | 0:25:05 | |
-Ah. -Milk and sugar? | 0:25:05 | 0:25:08 | |
Please. As I was saying, without the proper permit... | 0:25:08 | 0:25:12 | |
-One lump or two? -Er, two. Two, please. | 0:25:12 | 0:25:14 | |
The, er, illegal structure is not only an eyesore but... | 0:25:14 | 0:25:17 | |
That was the colonel's idea. | 0:25:20 | 0:25:21 | |
Bravo. Well played. Shot, sir. | 0:25:21 | 0:25:24 | |
Plenty of milk and four sugars for me, please, Prof. | 0:25:24 | 0:25:27 | |
Ah! Splendid. | 0:25:29 | 0:25:31 | |
Oh! | 0:25:32 | 0:25:33 | |
Oh! | 0:25:33 | 0:25:34 | |
Without proper planning permission, | 0:25:40 | 0:25:42 | |
the structure cannot be allowed to stand. | 0:25:42 | 0:25:44 | |
Ha! Splendid. | 0:25:46 | 0:25:47 | |
-Ah, capital! -Mmmm. | 0:25:58 | 0:26:00 | |
Ooh! | 0:26:05 | 0:26:06 | |
Ah! | 0:26:08 | 0:26:09 | |
Ah! | 0:26:11 | 0:26:12 | |
Just say "when". | 0:26:13 | 0:26:14 | |
-When! -When! -When! | 0:26:14 | 0:26:16 | |
It's running a little fast. I just... | 0:26:19 | 0:26:21 | |
Clutch in. | 0:26:21 | 0:26:23 | |
As I was saying... | 0:26:27 | 0:26:29 | |
Argh! This is intolerable! | 0:26:31 | 0:26:32 | |
I agree, there won't be any left for anyone else. | 0:26:32 | 0:26:35 | |
I really must insist that... | 0:26:35 | 0:26:36 | |
MUFFLED PROTESTS | 0:26:36 | 0:26:38 | |
Somebody do something! | 0:27:08 | 0:27:10 | |
Shut it down! | 0:27:10 | 0:27:11 | |
I must have miscalculated the milk-to-tea ratio. | 0:27:18 | 0:27:22 | |
The main switch has temporarily come off in my hand | 0:27:27 | 0:27:30 | |
but I'm pleased to say I had the foresight to fit | 0:27:30 | 0:27:32 | |
an override button that... | 0:27:32 | 0:27:34 | |
Stop it, I say! | 0:27:34 | 0:27:37 | |
Connie, can you fetch my special hammer, please? | 0:27:39 | 0:27:42 | |
Connie? Connie? | 0:27:42 | 0:27:44 | |
If we don't put a stop to Professor Branestawm | 0:27:46 | 0:27:48 | |
he'll destroy this whole town! | 0:27:48 | 0:27:50 | |
We must impound this infernal machine, | 0:27:52 | 0:27:55 | |
and in the absence of any legal permit, | 0:27:55 | 0:27:58 | |
I move that the professor | 0:27:58 | 0:27:59 | |
be forbidden to invent anything, ever again! | 0:27:59 | 0:28:03 | |
All those in favour raise their hands. | 0:28:03 | 0:28:04 | |
Count them, Miss Silt. | 0:28:09 | 0:28:10 | |
Argh! | 0:28:10 | 0:28:12 | |
Oh! Whoa! | 0:28:13 | 0:28:15 | |
Well, that went very well, I thought, Dedshott. Very well indeed. | 0:28:21 | 0:28:25 | |
A few minor tweaks and adjustments, | 0:28:25 | 0:28:27 | |
but otherwise the machine was a triumph. | 0:28:27 | 0:28:29 | |
Not so sure about that, Professor. It nearly killed two people. | 0:28:29 | 0:28:32 | |
Three, actually, but we mustn't focus on minor details. | 0:28:32 | 0:28:35 | |
The quality of the tea was excellent. | 0:28:35 | 0:28:37 | |
Be that as it may, we shall have to search the house from top to bottom | 0:28:38 | 0:28:41 | |
and side to side to find that permit of yours, | 0:28:41 | 0:28:44 | |
or your inventing days in Pagwell will be over. | 0:28:44 | 0:28:46 | |
Ah, dear me. Yes, I should have to sell up and move away. | 0:28:46 | 0:28:49 | |
Ha! I don't remember leaving that window open. | 0:28:49 | 0:28:52 | |
I'm glad I did though, I forgot my key. | 0:28:52 | 0:28:56 | |
So, you reckon you keep all your important documents | 0:29:04 | 0:29:07 | |
in or around this desk, here. | 0:29:07 | 0:29:09 | |
Yes, indeed. Yes, everything in its place and a place for everything. | 0:29:09 | 0:29:13 | |
It'll be like looking for a needle in a large pile of needles. | 0:29:13 | 0:29:16 | |
Where shall we start? | 0:29:18 | 0:29:20 | |
She said that unless I stop seeing Professor Branestawm | 0:29:23 | 0:29:26 | |
she's going to expel me from the school. | 0:29:26 | 0:29:28 | |
Well, I think that's perfectly preponstrous. | 0:29:28 | 0:29:30 | |
The professor's not a bad influence! (Well, only a little bit.) | 0:29:30 | 0:29:33 | |
If you have to leave that school, Connie, I'd have to send you away | 0:29:33 | 0:29:36 | |
to Lady Tribade's Academy For Nice Young Girls Who Like Horses. | 0:29:36 | 0:29:40 | |
I am NOT going there. | 0:29:40 | 0:29:42 | |
They wear pink uniforms. | 0:29:42 | 0:29:44 | |
And they don't teach science. | 0:29:44 | 0:29:47 | |
-And I'd never see you. -Well, I can't teach you at home, Connie. | 0:29:47 | 0:29:50 | |
I don't know about all that stuff, science and maths and engineering - | 0:29:50 | 0:29:53 | |
not like your dad. | 0:29:53 | 0:29:55 | |
I wish I'd known him. | 0:29:58 | 0:29:59 | |
You were only a tiny baby when he died. | 0:29:59 | 0:30:02 | |
All I've ever known is you. | 0:30:02 | 0:30:05 | |
I don't want to go away, Mum. | 0:30:05 | 0:30:07 | |
And you won't, darling. | 0:30:07 | 0:30:09 | |
I'll explain to the professor about your lessons, Connie. | 0:30:11 | 0:30:14 | |
No, I'll do it myself. | 0:30:14 | 0:30:16 | |
I'd like to see him one last time. | 0:30:16 | 0:30:19 | |
Oh, mercy me! Whatever has occurred? | 0:30:23 | 0:30:25 | |
Have you been making an explosion again or suchlike, Professor? | 0:30:25 | 0:30:28 | |
I'm looking for the permit, Mrs Flittersnoop. If I can't find it, | 0:30:28 | 0:30:31 | |
we shall have to sell up and move to Lower Longbottom. | 0:30:31 | 0:30:33 | |
What's it look like? | 0:30:33 | 0:30:35 | |
It's a small town, with houses and a medieval market square. | 0:30:35 | 0:30:37 | |
-Not Lower Longbottom! What's your permit look like? -No idea. | 0:30:37 | 0:30:40 | |
It was a greenish-looking document. I only saw it the one time. | 0:30:40 | 0:30:43 | |
It was on my birthday. I remember it was my birthday | 0:30:43 | 0:30:45 | |
because you'd given me my camera, Professor, | 0:30:45 | 0:30:47 | |
and I remember taking a picture of you | 0:30:47 | 0:30:49 | |
as you came back from the council, | 0:30:49 | 0:30:51 | |
waving it in the air like you'd won the pools. | 0:30:51 | 0:30:52 | |
Happy birthday, by the way. | 0:30:52 | 0:30:54 | |
Oh, thank you. It was a couple of years ago now. | 0:30:54 | 0:30:56 | |
I'll have a proper look for it and a tidy up. | 0:30:56 | 0:30:58 | |
You should invent a document-finding machine. | 0:30:58 | 0:31:00 | |
Excellent idea. Yes. That's more like it. | 0:31:00 | 0:31:01 | |
We shall need some string and some otters. | 0:31:01 | 0:31:03 | |
-Otters? -Not otters, no. They tend to break. | 0:31:03 | 0:31:05 | |
Now, wait a minute, Branestawm. | 0:31:05 | 0:31:07 | |
The councillor said you're not allowed to invent anything new | 0:31:07 | 0:31:09 | |
until you've shown them the permit. | 0:31:09 | 0:31:11 | |
That's thrown a "spaniel" in the works. | 0:31:11 | 0:31:13 | |
Unless, what if it wasn't me doing the inventing? | 0:31:13 | 0:31:15 | |
What if it was this small...man? | 0:31:15 | 0:31:17 | |
Apologies, girl. | 0:31:18 | 0:31:20 | |
I need to talk to you about that. | 0:31:20 | 0:31:22 | |
-I won't be having any more lessons. -But I've almost perfected | 0:31:22 | 0:31:25 | |
-the photographic liquid we were working on. -I'm not allowed. | 0:31:25 | 0:31:28 | |
I'm sure you could have one last lesson, Connie. | 0:31:28 | 0:31:31 | |
I won't tell anyone, if you won't. | 0:31:31 | 0:31:33 | |
Enter! Oh, there's nobody there! | 0:31:37 | 0:31:40 | |
Excellent. | 0:31:40 | 0:31:41 | |
Now, we add 25 millilitres of whatchamacallit, | 0:31:41 | 0:31:44 | |
to 50 millilitres of whatever on Earth this stuff is | 0:31:44 | 0:31:48 | |
and we're ready to give it a try. | 0:31:48 | 0:31:50 | |
Oh. Are you all right? You don't seem your usual self. | 0:31:52 | 0:31:55 | |
I was just thinking how much I shall miss all this, | 0:31:55 | 0:31:58 | |
and how much I shall miss you. | 0:31:58 | 0:31:59 | |
I mean, you're dangerous, you're careless, you're forgetful, | 0:31:59 | 0:32:03 | |
-and everything you touch seems to break or explode... -Now, listen. | 0:32:03 | 0:32:06 | |
I've been thinking about you, what was your name again? | 0:32:06 | 0:32:08 | |
-Connie. -Connie! Yes. | 0:32:08 | 0:32:10 | |
Really? Well, Connie, | 0:32:10 | 0:32:12 | |
I know your father died a long time ago, | 0:32:12 | 0:32:15 | |
and you've never really had a father of your own. | 0:32:15 | 0:32:17 | |
You always wanted someone in your life to do the sort of things | 0:32:17 | 0:32:20 | |
-that a father does. -Well, yes. -Hm. | 0:32:20 | 0:32:22 | |
Well, here I am, stuck in here, | 0:32:22 | 0:32:25 | |
inventing things all by myself, | 0:32:25 | 0:32:28 | |
and I was wondering, what could I do about your situation? | 0:32:28 | 0:32:33 | |
Yes? | 0:32:33 | 0:32:34 | |
So I invented this. | 0:32:34 | 0:32:36 | |
-Hello, Connie. -It's a robot father! | 0:32:38 | 0:32:41 | |
Shall we do some maths together? | 0:32:41 | 0:32:44 | |
Um, OK. | 0:32:44 | 0:32:45 | |
Two plus two is three. | 0:32:45 | 0:32:47 | |
-No! -Six. -No! -Two. -No! | 0:32:47 | 0:32:48 | |
Four. | 0:32:48 | 0:32:50 | |
-There you go. -How about a game of football? | 0:32:50 | 0:32:53 | |
How about a game of football? | 0:32:53 | 0:32:55 | |
-How about a game of football? -Ow! Ow! Ow! | 0:32:55 | 0:32:58 | |
1-0 to me. To me. Let's go fishing. | 0:32:58 | 0:33:01 | |
Has anyone seen my newspaper? | 0:33:01 | 0:33:02 | |
Let me give you a hug. | 0:33:02 | 0:33:04 | |
-Let me give you a hug. -Ow! Get off me! | 0:33:04 | 0:33:06 | |
Let me give you a hug. | 0:33:06 | 0:33:07 | |
-Professor, stop him! -Let me give you a hug. -Get off me! | 0:33:07 | 0:33:10 | |
You make a start on the washing up, I just need to go to the loo. | 0:33:10 | 0:33:14 | |
Has anyone seen my newspaper? | 0:33:14 | 0:33:16 | |
Let's go fishing. | 0:33:16 | 0:33:17 | |
Give me a hug. | 0:33:17 | 0:33:18 | |
I'm just going to the pub. | 0:33:18 | 0:33:20 | |
Do you know the cricket score? | 0:33:20 | 0:33:22 | |
This government is an absolute shambles! | 0:33:22 | 0:33:25 | |
Has anyone seen my newspaper...? | 0:33:25 | 0:33:27 | |
I wonder if we'll ever see him again. | 0:33:27 | 0:33:29 | |
-KNOCK AT DOOR -Begging you pardon, Professor, sorry to interrupt you and all that, | 0:33:29 | 0:33:33 | |
and everything else besides, but I found this when I was tidying up. | 0:33:33 | 0:33:36 | |
-What is it? Is it dangerous? -No, sir. | 0:33:36 | 0:33:37 | |
It's your photograph album that we were looking for just the other day. | 0:33:37 | 0:33:40 | |
Auntie, look, you can be the first person to see our new invention. | 0:33:40 | 0:33:43 | |
That's it, just a tiny amount. | 0:33:43 | 0:33:45 | |
Yeah, very good, I'm sure, | 0:33:47 | 0:33:48 | |
but I really must be getting back to my tidying. | 0:33:48 | 0:33:50 | |
Wait, wait, wait, it takes time. Look! Look! | 0:33:50 | 0:33:53 | |
Oo-er, it's going all lumpy, like. | 0:33:53 | 0:33:56 | |
Oh, my. | 0:33:58 | 0:33:59 | |
Try one. | 0:33:59 | 0:34:01 | |
They're a little...papery-tasting. | 0:34:07 | 0:34:09 | |
-Better try another. -It's like eating a chocolate in a dream, | 0:34:09 | 0:34:12 | |
a chocolate that's not there at all but seems to be. | 0:34:12 | 0:34:15 | |
It's a pity that it costs more to make the liquid than it would | 0:34:15 | 0:34:17 | |
-to buy the chocolates. -You don't say. | 0:34:17 | 0:34:19 | |
And the things it brings to life will go back as they were | 0:34:19 | 0:34:21 | |
once the liquid has dried off, | 0:34:21 | 0:34:23 | |
-unless they're all eaten first. -It really is a marvel. | 0:34:23 | 0:34:26 | |
I certainly couldn't have done it without the help of this | 0:34:26 | 0:34:29 | |
clever little leprechaun. | 0:34:29 | 0:34:31 | |
I rather think you should be getting home, Connie, | 0:34:32 | 0:34:35 | |
-before anyone finds out about this. -I suppose so. | 0:34:35 | 0:34:38 | |
Get in, Haggerstone. | 0:34:45 | 0:34:47 | |
Erm, I'm quite happy walking, thank you, Mr Bullimore. | 0:34:47 | 0:34:50 | |
Oh, do shut up and get in. | 0:34:50 | 0:34:52 | |
That was a shambles earlier, Haggerstone. | 0:35:00 | 0:35:02 | |
You assured me you could swing the vote my way. | 0:35:02 | 0:35:05 | |
It's that blasted charter. | 0:35:05 | 0:35:07 | |
We can't do anything in this town as long as it exists. | 0:35:07 | 0:35:10 | |
I have a vision of a dynamic, modern Pagwell, | 0:35:10 | 0:35:13 | |
with factories and car parks, | 0:35:13 | 0:35:16 | |
roundabouts, hundreds of them, festooned with traffic lights, | 0:35:16 | 0:35:19 | |
a ring road, | 0:35:19 | 0:35:20 | |
two ring roads! | 0:35:20 | 0:35:22 | |
And shopping centres, miles out of town... | 0:35:22 | 0:35:24 | |
-Bollards. -Sorry? | 0:35:24 | 0:35:26 | |
You must have bollards. I love bollards. | 0:35:26 | 0:35:28 | |
Yes, and an army of traffic wardens. | 0:35:28 | 0:35:31 | |
Oh, put a sock in it, Haggerstone. | 0:35:31 | 0:35:32 | |
All I'm interested in is making lots of money. | 0:35:32 | 0:35:35 | |
Together, I think we can both achieve what we want - | 0:35:35 | 0:35:38 | |
you want Branestawm out of town, | 0:35:38 | 0:35:40 | |
and I want to build a huge great dangerous munitions factory. | 0:35:40 | 0:35:45 | |
Yes. | 0:35:45 | 0:35:46 | |
What if I were to tell you that Branestawm did have a permit | 0:35:46 | 0:35:50 | |
that allowed him to build a workshop in his garden? | 0:35:50 | 0:35:54 | |
That would be annoying. | 0:35:54 | 0:35:56 | |
I was rather hoping he was going to sell his house and move away. | 0:35:56 | 0:35:59 | |
Then prepare to be annoyed. | 0:35:59 | 0:36:01 | |
But I can make this document disappear. | 0:36:01 | 0:36:04 | |
And Branestawm, if he wants to carry on inventing, | 0:36:04 | 0:36:07 | |
will have to move elsewhere, allowing me to buy his house. | 0:36:07 | 0:36:10 | |
The perfect site on which to build a giant munitions factory. | 0:36:10 | 0:36:15 | |
Provided we have a permit to build. | 0:36:15 | 0:36:20 | |
I wouldn't want to do anything illegal, Mr Bullimore. | 0:36:22 | 0:36:26 | |
-Get out! -Argh! | 0:36:26 | 0:36:28 | |
Wait! Wait! | 0:36:30 | 0:36:34 | |
Demolish his workshop, get rid of Branestawm and I can start building. | 0:36:37 | 0:36:42 | |
It would have to be a very small factory, no taller than the church, | 0:36:42 | 0:36:46 | |
which has one of the shortest spires in England. | 0:36:46 | 0:36:48 | |
As long as that blessed charter exists | 0:36:48 | 0:36:50 | |
-I can't see anything ever happening in Pagwell. -You leave that to me. | 0:36:50 | 0:36:54 | |
Drive, Norman, drive. | 0:36:56 | 0:36:57 | |
How about a game of football? | 0:37:18 | 0:37:20 | |
Whoa! | 0:37:21 | 0:37:23 | |
-RADIO: -'Very good ladies. Now really lift those knees. | 0:37:26 | 0:37:29 | |
'Lift and stretch and lift and stretch...' | 0:37:29 | 0:37:33 | |
DOOR OPENS | 0:37:33 | 0:37:34 | |
'Lift and stretch and lift...' | 0:37:34 | 0:37:36 | |
-How did it go, dear? -All right. | 0:37:36 | 0:37:39 | |
'That's it. Now, running on the spot. | 0:37:39 | 0:37:41 | |
'Run, and run, and run, and run, and run. That's it!' | 0:37:41 | 0:37:47 | |
-Mum? -Yes, lovey? | 0:37:47 | 0:37:48 | |
Were you in love with Dad? | 0:37:48 | 0:37:50 | |
Oh, what a funny question. Of course I was. | 0:37:50 | 0:37:53 | |
Why ever would you ask such a thing? | 0:37:53 | 0:37:55 | |
It didn't matter to you that he was a bus driver? | 0:37:55 | 0:37:58 | |
No, lovey, not one bit. He was a lovely man, | 0:37:58 | 0:38:01 | |
-that's all that mattered to me. -And he didn't mind what you did? | 0:38:01 | 0:38:04 | |
No, lovey. I was working in a fishmonger's when we met, | 0:38:04 | 0:38:07 | |
I stank of halibut and hake. | 0:38:07 | 0:38:09 | |
But he didn't mind, not one bit. | 0:38:09 | 0:38:11 | |
When two people love each other it doesn't matter what you smell like. | 0:38:11 | 0:38:15 | |
I thought so. He looks nice in the photographs. | 0:38:15 | 0:38:17 | |
Oh, he was lovely. | 0:38:17 | 0:38:19 | |
A photograph! That's it, there might be a photograph! | 0:38:21 | 0:38:24 | |
What? | 0:38:24 | 0:38:26 | |
Connie, wait! | 0:38:26 | 0:38:27 | |
Delicious, Mrs Flittersnoop, did you knit the tea bags yourself? | 0:38:29 | 0:38:32 | |
They're from the corner shop. | 0:38:32 | 0:38:34 | |
The colonel took a photograph on his birthday | 0:38:34 | 0:38:37 | |
you with your permit. Maybe there's a picture of you in the album. | 0:38:37 | 0:38:40 | |
-Connie, what are you doing? -What? -What? | 0:38:40 | 0:38:42 | |
Oh, I'm sorry, she just came running over here, I couldn't stop her. | 0:38:42 | 0:38:45 | |
There might be photograph of you with your permit in the album. | 0:38:45 | 0:38:47 | |
That will be proof. | 0:38:47 | 0:38:49 | |
Great Scott and all his penguins! | 0:38:49 | 0:38:51 | |
She's right! | 0:38:51 | 0:38:53 | |
So, you're quite clear what needs to be done? | 0:39:08 | 0:39:11 | |
I think so. | 0:39:11 | 0:39:12 | |
"I think so" isn't good enough, Angelica. Are you quite sure? | 0:39:12 | 0:39:15 | |
-I think so. -Stop saying, "I think so". | 0:39:15 | 0:39:18 | |
What do you want me to say? | 0:39:18 | 0:39:19 | |
Just say yes, you infuriating little damp tissue of a woman. | 0:39:19 | 0:39:23 | |
-Yes. -Yes, what? | 0:39:23 | 0:39:24 | |
-Yes, I think so. -Argh! -Whatever you say, darling. | 0:39:24 | 0:39:28 | |
Give me strength. Repeat after me. | 0:39:28 | 0:39:30 | |
"I need to make it look like Branestawm's tea-making machine | 0:39:30 | 0:39:33 | |
"started a fire and accidentally destroyed the pesky Pagwell charter, | 0:39:33 | 0:39:36 | |
"thus cooking Branestawm's goose once and for all | 0:39:36 | 0:39:38 | |
"and allowing me to buy his house and build a factory on it." | 0:39:38 | 0:39:41 | |
Erm, I need to make it look like Branestawm's tea-making machine | 0:39:42 | 0:39:48 | |
has, erm... | 0:39:48 | 0:39:50 | |
made tea and... | 0:39:50 | 0:39:53 | |
-cooked a goose... -No! | 0:39:53 | 0:39:55 | |
-No, no, no, no, no. -Oooh! | 0:39:55 | 0:39:56 | |
Oh, you're confusing me. | 0:39:56 | 0:39:58 | |
Right, we'll start again. Listen very carefully. | 0:39:58 | 0:40:01 | |
Ha, ha. There's one of me as a baby. | 0:40:02 | 0:40:04 | |
And there's one of Mrs Flittersnoop on her way to a fancy dress party, | 0:40:06 | 0:40:10 | |
-as Atilla The Hun, I do believe. -Little Bo Peep. | 0:40:10 | 0:40:12 | |
Exactly. Oh, there's another one of her. | 0:40:12 | 0:40:15 | |
Out of focus, I'm afraid. | 0:40:15 | 0:40:16 | |
Oh, and that one's not much better either. | 0:40:16 | 0:40:19 | |
Only half of PC Peasey made it into shot. | 0:40:19 | 0:40:21 | |
You're going to be amazed and confounded, Aggie, | 0:40:21 | 0:40:24 | |
let's find a good picture. | 0:40:24 | 0:40:25 | |
And who's this? I recognise her. | 0:40:25 | 0:40:27 | |
Ah, Mrs Flittersnoop, do you recognise these young lovers? | 0:40:27 | 0:40:31 | |
Oh, that's your teacher, Connie, Miss Blitherington. | 0:40:31 | 0:40:33 | |
As I remember, she had a terrific crush on that young man. | 0:40:33 | 0:40:36 | |
-Wasn't she pretty? -She was. | 0:40:36 | 0:40:38 | |
-Will this one do? -Oh, let me see. | 0:40:38 | 0:40:41 | |
-Oh, you just watch this, Aggie. The cat will come to life. -Ooh! | 0:40:41 | 0:40:47 | |
I do hope it's not a scratchy sort of one. | 0:40:47 | 0:40:50 | |
It quite likely is, I'm afraid, Aggie. | 0:40:50 | 0:40:51 | |
Most of the professor's books are about wildish sort of animals. | 0:40:51 | 0:40:54 | |
Ah, now what's this? | 0:40:54 | 0:40:56 | |
Oh! | 0:40:56 | 0:40:57 | |
What's it doing? Why's it meowing over and over like that? | 0:40:57 | 0:41:01 | |
I don't like it, it's not natural. | 0:41:01 | 0:41:02 | |
It must have been meowing when the photograph was taken | 0:41:02 | 0:41:05 | |
and now it can't stop. Interesting. | 0:41:05 | 0:41:07 | |
-Oh! -Oh! | 0:41:07 | 0:41:09 | |
Oh, dear, I must have squirted too much liquid on | 0:41:09 | 0:41:12 | |
and it's soaked through to the picture underneath. | 0:41:12 | 0:41:14 | |
Oh, what shall we do? | 0:41:14 | 0:41:16 | |
-Oh! -This is giving me the heebie-jeebies, so it is! | 0:41:16 | 0:41:18 | |
Halt! Stop that cat. Come on, Connie! | 0:41:18 | 0:41:20 | |
-Not to mention the screaming ab-dabs! -Oh, my shredded nerves! | 0:41:20 | 0:41:22 | |
Come along, let's go back to yours and have some tea. | 0:41:22 | 0:41:25 | |
-I can't take all this kerfuffle! -Oh! Oh! Oh! | 0:41:25 | 0:41:27 | |
MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! | 0:42:04 | 0:42:08 | |
MEOW! | 0:42:10 | 0:42:13 | |
Interesting, very interesting. | 0:42:16 | 0:42:18 | |
It must have dried out and gone back to being a photograph. | 0:42:18 | 0:42:21 | |
Don't take it for a moment, I've got the sun in my eyes. | 0:42:24 | 0:42:27 | |
Don't take it for a moment, I've got the sun in my eyes. | 0:42:27 | 0:42:29 | |
Good after...noon. | 0:42:29 | 0:42:31 | |
Don't take it for a moment, I've got the sun in my eyes. | 0:42:31 | 0:42:34 | |
Ah. | 0:42:34 | 0:42:35 | |
I got my results, Mother, it's a first. | 0:42:35 | 0:42:37 | |
I got my results, Mother, it's a first. | 0:42:37 | 0:42:39 | |
Hurry up and take it, I must go in and get tea. | 0:42:39 | 0:42:41 | |
Hurry up and take it, I must go in and get tea. | 0:42:41 | 0:42:43 | |
-Hadn't I better take my hat off first? -What's going on? | 0:42:43 | 0:42:45 | |
The liquid must have spilled onto the photograph album. | 0:42:45 | 0:42:48 | |
They're all saying whatever they happened to be saying | 0:42:48 | 0:42:50 | |
-when the picture was taken. -How will my uniform come out? | 0:42:50 | 0:42:53 | |
I say, what a ripping camera, Just what I want for my birthday. | 0:42:53 | 0:42:57 | |
I say, what a ripping camera, just what I want for my birthday. | 0:42:57 | 0:43:00 | |
Baby want petty things. Baby want petty things. | 0:43:00 | 0:43:04 | |
-Terrible, terrible! -Pass along, pl... Pass along, pl... | 0:43:04 | 0:43:08 | |
Oh, dear, what if I get mixed up with all these | 0:43:08 | 0:43:11 | |
come-to-life-photo sort of people and forget which is really me, | 0:43:11 | 0:43:14 | |
and then dry out and become a photograph? | 0:43:14 | 0:43:17 | |
-That couldn't happen. -That couldn't happen, of course not, no. | 0:43:17 | 0:43:21 | |
EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE | 0:43:22 | 0:43:25 | |
LIGHTER STRIKES | 0:43:29 | 0:43:31 | |
Oh! | 0:43:35 | 0:43:37 | |
I say, Professor, any luck finding that permit, old chap? | 0:43:54 | 0:43:57 | |
Hold it perfectly still while you press the lever. | 0:43:57 | 0:43:59 | |
-What? -Hold it perfectly still while you press the lever. | 0:43:59 | 0:44:03 | |
Hold it perfectly still while you press the lever. | 0:44:03 | 0:44:05 | |
I heard you the first time, dear fellow. | 0:44:05 | 0:44:07 | |
Not sure I'm quite following you, but that's nothing new. | 0:44:07 | 0:44:10 | |
Oh, ploof wiff a woogle! | 0:44:10 | 0:44:12 | |
Yes, indeed. | 0:44:12 | 0:44:13 | |
I've had my results, Mother, it's a first. | 0:44:13 | 0:44:15 | |
-I've had my results, Mother, it's a first. -Most peculiar. | 0:44:15 | 0:44:18 | |
How will my uniform come out? How will my uniform come out? | 0:44:18 | 0:44:21 | |
What's this? Imposter! | 0:44:21 | 0:44:23 | |
Scoundrel! That's not me at all. | 0:44:23 | 0:44:26 | |
I'm me here! Imposter, I say! Wait till I catch you. | 0:44:26 | 0:44:29 | |
Police! Police! | 0:44:29 | 0:44:30 | |
Pass along, pl... Pass along, pl... Pass along, pl... | 0:44:30 | 0:44:34 | |
How will my uniform come out? How will my uniform come out? | 0:44:34 | 0:44:37 | |
Are you sure I don't look stupid in this? | 0:44:37 | 0:44:39 | |
Are you sure I don't look stupid in this? | 0:44:39 | 0:44:41 | |
Are you sure I don't look stupid in this? | 0:44:41 | 0:44:44 | |
How will my uniform come out? | 0:44:44 | 0:44:45 | |
Hold it perfectly still while you press the lever. | 0:44:45 | 0:44:47 | |
How will my uniform come out? | 0:44:47 | 0:44:49 | |
You again! Only you're not you, are you? You're another imposter. | 0:44:49 | 0:44:52 | |
What have you done with the real professor? | 0:44:52 | 0:44:54 | |
You don't fool me for one moment. You're just another photograph. | 0:44:54 | 0:44:58 | |
-Who are you calling a snapshot, you rotter? -Hm, | 0:44:58 | 0:45:00 | |
you're having a proper conversation with lots of words in it - | 0:45:00 | 0:45:03 | |
maybe it's me that's the photograph, not you. That's awkward. | 0:45:03 | 0:45:05 | |
You're talking like the real professor - in gibberish. | 0:45:05 | 0:45:08 | |
So that means you're the real Colonel Dedshott? | 0:45:08 | 0:45:11 | |
And you must be the real Branestawm. What's going on, Prof? | 0:45:11 | 0:45:14 | |
Don't take it for a moment, I've got the sun in my eyes. | 0:45:14 | 0:45:16 | |
Don't take it for a moment, I've got the sun in my eyes. | 0:45:16 | 0:45:19 | |
-But I love you, Arthur. -And I cannot love you, Verity, | 0:45:19 | 0:45:22 | |
as long as you persist with your silly idea of becoming a scientist. | 0:45:22 | 0:45:27 | |
You beast! If you really loved her, it wouldn't matter! | 0:45:27 | 0:45:30 | |
-But I love you, Arthur. -And I cannot love you, Verity, | 0:45:30 | 0:45:33 | |
as long as you persist with your silly idea of becoming a scientist. | 0:45:33 | 0:45:37 | |
Hurry up and take it, I must go in and get tea. | 0:45:37 | 0:45:39 | |
Had I better take my hat off first? | 0:45:39 | 0:45:41 | |
Hurry up and take it, I must go in and get tea. | 0:45:41 | 0:45:43 | |
Until the liquid dries out, these come-to-life-photo sort of people | 0:45:43 | 0:45:46 | |
-are going to run amok! -I understand. Except I don't. | 0:45:46 | 0:45:49 | |
My head is going round and round as usual. | 0:45:49 | 0:45:51 | |
Look, Colonel, I have the permit, I can build my Inventory after all! | 0:45:51 | 0:45:55 | |
-Professor! -The drying time depends... | 0:45:55 | 0:45:57 | |
Professor, Colonel, I found the photograph of you with the permit. | 0:45:57 | 0:46:00 | |
Look, Colonel! I have the permit, I can build my Inventory after all! | 0:46:00 | 0:46:04 | |
What? What? | 0:46:04 | 0:46:05 | |
We must catch it before it dries out and blows away! | 0:46:05 | 0:46:08 | |
Stop that photograph! | 0:46:08 | 0:46:09 | |
Catch him! | 0:46:09 | 0:46:11 | |
Halt! | 0:46:11 | 0:46:12 | |
..I can build my Inventory after all! | 0:46:12 | 0:46:15 | |
Stop! | 0:46:15 | 0:46:17 | |
Come back! | 0:46:17 | 0:46:19 | |
..I have the permit, I can build my Inventory after all. | 0:46:19 | 0:46:22 | |
Stop! | 0:46:27 | 0:46:29 | |
Are you sure I don't look stupid in this? | 0:46:29 | 0:46:31 | |
THEY ALL TALK AT ONCE | 0:46:31 | 0:46:34 | |
Connie, what are you doing? | 0:46:34 | 0:46:36 | |
Stop it! | 0:46:36 | 0:46:37 | |
And don't run in public. | 0:46:37 | 0:46:39 | |
Look! | 0:46:39 | 0:46:41 | |
..as long as you persist with your silly idea of becoming a scientist. | 0:46:41 | 0:46:45 | |
But I love you, Arthur. | 0:46:45 | 0:46:47 | |
And I cannot love you, Verity, | 0:46:47 | 0:46:49 | |
as long as you persist with your silly idea of becoming a scientist. | 0:46:49 | 0:46:54 | |
-Arthur? -But I love you, Arthur. | 0:46:54 | 0:46:56 | |
And I cannot love you, Verity, | 0:46:56 | 0:46:57 | |
as long as you persist with your silly... | 0:46:57 | 0:46:59 | |
POP! | 0:46:59 | 0:47:01 | |
Pass along, pl... Pass along, pl... | 0:47:11 | 0:47:14 | |
Pass along, pl... Pass along, pl... | 0:47:16 | 0:47:18 | |
Look, Colonel, I have the permit, I can build my Inventory after all! | 0:47:34 | 0:47:38 | |
Look, Colonel, I have the permit, I can build my Inventory after all! | 0:47:38 | 0:47:41 | |
I've got it! Proof you had the permit! | 0:47:41 | 0:47:43 | |
See, he was allowed to build his Inventory. | 0:47:43 | 0:47:45 | |
Never mind that, can't you see? The town hall is on fire! | 0:47:45 | 0:47:49 | |
It's Branestawm's infernal tea-making machine. | 0:47:49 | 0:47:51 | |
It must have gone wrong and started a blaze! | 0:47:51 | 0:47:53 | |
Yes! That must be it! | 0:47:53 | 0:47:55 | |
We should never have left it in there. | 0:47:55 | 0:47:57 | |
This is the last straw, Branestawm. You've had it. | 0:47:57 | 0:47:59 | |
If your machine burns down my lovely town hall | 0:47:59 | 0:48:03 | |
I will personally run you out of town, Branestawm! | 0:48:03 | 0:48:06 | |
Has anyone seen my wife? | 0:48:06 | 0:48:07 | |
-But it wasn't switched on. -Curious. | 0:48:07 | 0:48:10 | |
FIRE BELLS RING | 0:48:10 | 0:48:12 | |
MODEL PEOPLE SCREAM | 0:48:21 | 0:48:23 | |
The machine will still be full of milk and tea. | 0:48:23 | 0:48:26 | |
I wonder if there's a way we can switch it on from here? | 0:48:26 | 0:48:29 | |
Hmm. I may not be clever, | 0:48:29 | 0:48:31 | |
in fact I'm positively stupid, | 0:48:31 | 0:48:33 | |
I may not know about sums and algebra, | 0:48:33 | 0:48:35 | |
in fact I don't even know what algebra is... Is it a country? | 0:48:35 | 0:48:38 | |
..but I am the greatest catapult shot in England. | 0:48:38 | 0:48:41 | |
Oh, put that silly thing away. | 0:48:41 | 0:48:43 | |
Stand back, Hogwash-toad! | 0:48:43 | 0:48:45 | |
Window, light, mirror, | 0:48:46 | 0:48:48 | |
vase, switch. | 0:48:48 | 0:48:51 | |
Here goes! | 0:48:51 | 0:48:52 | |
CROWD APPLAUDS AND CHEERS | 0:49:07 | 0:49:10 | |
It may be an 'opeless tea-making machine, | 0:49:15 | 0:49:17 | |
but it's an excellent fire-putting-out machine. | 0:49:17 | 0:49:20 | |
Well, I always intended a dual purpose. | 0:49:20 | 0:49:22 | |
I just wasn't sure what the other one was. | 0:49:22 | 0:49:24 | |
Branestawm is the hero of the day. | 0:49:24 | 0:49:26 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:49:26 | 0:49:28 | |
You useless, rotten, feeble, | 0:49:38 | 0:49:41 | |
rotten excuse for a woman. | 0:49:41 | 0:49:43 | |
Can't you ever get anything right? | 0:49:43 | 0:49:46 | |
I should never have married you. | 0:49:46 | 0:49:48 | |
I'm sorry, Arthur, I tried. I really tried. | 0:49:48 | 0:49:51 | |
I did my best. | 0:49:51 | 0:49:54 | |
And your best just wasn't good enough, was it? | 0:49:54 | 0:49:57 | |
Arthur? | 0:49:57 | 0:49:58 | |
Verity! | 0:50:02 | 0:50:04 | |
You see, Angelica? | 0:50:04 | 0:50:06 | |
This, this is the woman I should have married. | 0:50:06 | 0:50:09 | |
She's strong, intelligent | 0:50:09 | 0:50:12 | |
and she wouldn't keep mucking everything up. | 0:50:12 | 0:50:16 | |
Well, quite frankly, Arthur, | 0:50:16 | 0:50:18 | |
I'm glad I didn't marry you. | 0:50:18 | 0:50:20 | |
The way you've turned out. | 0:50:20 | 0:50:22 | |
You're a rotter! | 0:50:22 | 0:50:24 | |
I should have done this a long time ago. | 0:50:26 | 0:50:28 | |
CROWD GASPS | 0:50:28 | 0:50:30 | |
You were right all along, Connie. | 0:50:35 | 0:50:38 | |
See, there is proof, you silly man. | 0:50:40 | 0:50:43 | |
A photograph is not evidence, my dear. | 0:50:46 | 0:50:49 | |
No, but this is! | 0:50:49 | 0:50:51 | |
Here, this belongs to you. | 0:50:54 | 0:50:57 | |
Yes! It's the real permit. | 0:51:01 | 0:51:02 | |
Hmph! | 0:51:05 | 0:51:07 | |
I don't care about this piece of paper. | 0:51:07 | 0:51:10 | |
If you have saved my lovely town hall | 0:51:10 | 0:51:12 | |
I personally give you permission to carry on inventing | 0:51:12 | 0:51:16 | |
here in Pagwell for as long as you like! | 0:51:16 | 0:51:18 | |
CROWD CHEERS | 0:51:18 | 0:51:20 | |
Let me give you a hug! | 0:51:20 | 0:51:22 | |
Hello, I wonder if I might talk to you about my scheme to send | 0:51:22 | 0:51:26 | |
hand-knitted waistcoats to the citizens of South Crashbania... | 0:51:26 | 0:51:29 | |
What is that thing? Do you have a licence for it? | 0:51:29 | 0:51:32 | |
-How about a game of football? -Ow! Ow! Ow! Get it off me! | 0:51:32 | 0:51:37 | |
1-0 to me. | 0:51:37 | 0:51:39 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:51:39 | 0:51:43 | |
Leave me alone! Stop it, you...! | 0:51:43 | 0:51:46 | |
Now, I must get back to my Inventory, | 0:51:46 | 0:51:50 | |
I'm positively buzzing with ideas for new inventions... | 0:51:50 | 0:51:53 | |
A camera that's also a telephone, a book that reads itself, | 0:51:53 | 0:51:56 | |
elasticated spaghetti, | 0:51:56 | 0:51:58 | |
unbreakable otters, singing toast, | 0:51:58 | 0:52:00 | |
a voice-activated picnic hamper, | 0:52:00 | 0:52:03 | |
-loom bands... -Oooh! | 0:52:03 | 0:52:05 | |
Ow, what are you doing? Leave me alone! | 0:52:05 | 0:52:08 | |
How about a game of football? | 0:52:08 | 0:52:11 | |
Will you stop kicking me! | 0:52:11 | 0:52:13 | |
Stop kicking me! | 0:52:13 | 0:52:15 | |
Right, ladies, | 0:52:16 | 0:52:17 | |
time for your first science lesson, | 0:52:17 | 0:52:21 | |
and we're going to start with a very important experiment. | 0:52:21 | 0:52:25 | |
We are going to make... | 0:52:25 | 0:52:27 | |
..an explosion! | 0:52:28 | 0:52:30 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:52:30 | 0:52:32 | |
BOOM! | 0:52:35 | 0:52:37 | |
HE CHUCKLES | 0:52:37 | 0:52:39 |