Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead

CHILDREN SING: # Cinderella dressed in yella

# Went upstairs to kiss her fella

# Made a mistake and kissed a snake

# How many doctors did it take?

# One, two, three,

# ..four, five, six, seven... #

CHILDREN PLAYING DROWNS OUT SINGING

This film contains very strong language and some violent scenes

# Cinderella dressed in yella

# Went upstairs

# To kiss her fella

# Made a mistake and kissed a snake

# How many doctors did it take?

# One, two, three, four,

# Five...

# Six...

# Seven...

# Eight...

# Nine...

# Ten...

# Eleven...

# Twelve...

# Thirteen...

# Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen...

# Cinderella

# Dressed in yella

# Went upstairs to kiss her... #

Hi.

What do you want, doofus?

SHE SCREAMS

< Hey! HEY!

CHILDREN CHANT: Loser, loser, loser!

SONG: "Jockey Full Of Bourbon" by Tom Waits

# Edna Million in a drop-dead suit

# Dutch Pink on a downtown train

# Two-dollar pistol but the gun won't shoot

# I'm in the corner on the pouring rain

# Sixteen men on a dead man's chest

# And I've been drinking from a broken cup

# Two pairs of pants and a mohair vest

# I'm full of bourbon, I can't stand up

# Hey, little bird, fly away home

# Your house is on fire, children are alone... #

In those days if you wanted some quim,

you knew where to go. You hit the spots with the big-noise guy.

Before you can say beef bayonets, you got a bangtail on your arm,

sweet as Dutch cheese.

Now you got fuckin' AIDS,

raised feminist consciousness, whatever the fuck that means,

and you got movements - a movement for this, for that.

Too many movements, if you ask me.

The only good movement is a fuckin' bowel movement!

Hey!

Look who's here!

Jimmy the Saint!

Hey, Malt!

What's it like, Jimmy?

What's going on, Joe?

You heard about fuckin' Bernard?

No. What happened?

OK, he's lunchy but... They got him at a school, fishin' for saplings!

No shit?

They oughta neuter that kid.

It's a brain thing with him, not a balls thing.

Oh, c'mon!

Anything that's a problem with a man is a balls thing.

Boat drinks.

Boat drinks.

Jimmy from Flatbush.

Went to seminary school but lost the calling.

But in his day...

the bitch's bastard!

SONG: "Jockey Full Of Bourbon" by Tom Waits

# "To the carnival," is what she said

# A hundred dollars makes it dark inside

# Edna Million in a drop-dead suit

# Dutch Pink on a downtown train

# Two-dollar pistol but the gun won't shoot

# I'm in the corner on the pouring rain... #

Because after you're gone, your money goes to somebody else,

another man comes along, marries your wife,

your kids fall in love with strangers.

But if you've been good, if you've been decent,

how you're remembered cannot be sullied.

Cannot be changed.

HE COUGHS

Very... Very nice, Mr Jergen.

Um, Barry,

could you get some water?

We're doing great. Why don't we take a break and continue later?

All right.

Good afternoon.

Here we have Mr Jergen.

He's doing his taping.

My associate, Mr Cuffland, follows a list of questions

which he poses to Mr Jergen,

which his loved ones can access once he's gone. Understand?

I'd like to introduce you to somebody. This way.

This is Stevie. His father passed away of pancreatic cancer

at a time in adolescence when Stevie needed him.

So if he needs advice from his dad, he goes back to see us. Understand?

Let me show you.

Hey, what's going on, Stevie?

Hey, Jimmy, how are you?

"Er, girls, I don't know.

"This is, er...

"Hey, if you chase a dog, it runs. Treat 'em like shit.

"I did that to your mother

"and she fell for me. Two months later we were married.

"Treat 'em like dirt and they come running."

< Thanks.

Your father has...? What was it?

Diabetes. But it's taken a turn for the worse.

Time is of the essence.

Yeah. Thanks.

Any grandchildren?

Eight altogether.

They'll benefit from a patriarch's advice.

Maybe not now, but some day soon.

Afternoon, Mr Jergen.

Hi.

Thank you.

Take our brochure. One for you, one for you.

And, please, give one to a friend.

On your way out there's a ledger to sign. It's our mailing list. Thanks.

Any luck?

He was into it but I thought she was gonna launch lunch over Mr Jergen!

We'll get the next one.

Happy hour at six. See you there.

OK.

BLUES BAND MUSIC

# My baby's a superstar!

# She's in a class by herself!

# I said, my-my baby's a superstar!

# She's in a class by herself... #

Hey.

Just picked it up.

The newspaper ad.

"Just because they're gone..."?

Who came up with that?

I did.

It's terrible.

Why?

It's clunky. It's fucking clunky.

What do you know about clunky?

I know about clunky and that's fuckin' clunky.

I thought you people were supposed to be good at this shit.

"You people"?

You people - homosexuals. You ARE one.

"You people..."

You people. Every fag is good at this shit and I get a clunky one!

-HE LAUGHS

-OK, Jimmy!

Well, the video leasing company called YOU people today and said

if they don't get a cheque they'll take the equipment.

# That woman

# Man, she is somethin'

# That woman

# She's like something you've never seen... #

Jimmy?

So what do we do?

Jimmy?

I dunno. Maybe we should let Julie go. It's not like the phone rings.

Or maybe we could dip into your boat fund.

You're never gonna buy a boat. You live in Denver.

Who has a boat in Denver?

Goodbye!

Hi.

Dagney? That's your name? Tremendous name.

My name is Jimmy. And I just have one simple impulsive question.

Are you in love?

What?

Are you in love?

Why?

If you are, I won't waste your time.

I won't impede another man's happiness.

However, if you're NOT in love, I'll continue my rap.

Because you are most definitely the bees' knees.

Does this rap ever work?

In the old days. Now I rarely get a chance to try it.

But answer my question.

I...forgot it.

Are you in love?

Well, there IS someone.

But?

I know his phone number but I won't use his toothbrush.

We're somewhere in between.

And he's crazy about me.

As he should be. You glide.

I glide?

An attractive quality.

Most girls merely plod along. But you glide.

Tell me about him. What's his name? Chip?

Alex.

Same thing. Does he...make you thump?

Define "thump".

If you think about him, you can't eat. If he smiles

you forget about man's inhumanity to man.

No-one can do that.

Girls who glide need guys who make them thump.

Girls who glide need guys who...

Have dinner with me.

Oh, the sultan of segue(!)

It's a beautiful month.

Will you make me thump?

Or die trying. Dinner.

Just dinner.

I'm gonna regret this.

Only if we're lucky.

Right here.

Oh, my lucky fuckin' day!

What?

Hello, boys.

Nice suit. Versace? Armani?

-No.

-Hugo Boss?

What's with this?

His PO said he needs a hobby.

Fashion is his hobby?

He tried making his own pasta.

It didn't move him.

Three-button vent-less. I like it. Classy!

Course, you gotta have the build for it.

What's up?

He wants to see ya.

What for?

What can I tell ya? He says, "Gus, I wanna see Jimmy the Saint."

I said, "Jimmy ain't mixin' it up no more."

He says, "Gus, I wanna see Jimmy the Saint."

Here we are.

The point of me arguing seemed...specious.

Gus is...

reading the dictionary.

When does he want to see me?

Now.

Now?

Anon.

DOGS BARK

You know the dance.

It's been a long time, huh, Jimmy?

Long time, Jimmy. You don't come round.

I've been busy. Working hard.

Right.

You're a citizen now. Legitimate businessman.

I heard about your endeavour.

Some kind of support-group thing for dying fags

or something.

Something.

I spend all my time with these two morons and my village-idiot son.

I miss my wife, Jimmy.

You remember Cynthia?

Beautiful lady.

Special.

Thank God she never had to see me like this.

Look at you.

Got a lady?

No.

That's cos you're hanging around with the virus breeders - VBs.

You into it? Biting the pillow?

No.

You will.

It's a liberal thing.

One day you're saving rain forests, the next you're chugging cock.

Talk to me, will ya?

I want peace.

I'm ass-fixed to this chair. I'm tired, old.

I shit in a bag,

I piss in another.

I got a nurse.

Call the nurse.

Nod to my friend Jimmy.

Hello.

How are ya?

Excuse us.

She's a ten.

Jimmy, she's a planet unto herself.

She can't nurse worth shit

but I keep her cos although I can't feel it,

I have erections in her presence.

I understand.

Good. Then you'll understand when I say this.

Bernard, my son, he's all that's left of my Cynthia.

He's crazy as a shithouse rat.

The other day they catch him in the elementary school playground,

grabbing itty-bitty titty. It was a mess.

The thing is, I understand the problem. Bernard's problem...

Do you remember Meg?

Yeah.

Meg was...

Bernard's high-school sweetheart.

'They kept it up through college.

'We thought they were gonna get hitched.

'Until she met this beat - Bruce.

'Studying to be an orthodontist.'

She busted up with Bernard, moved to LA.

'Bernard's never been the same.'

I understand part of this was inevitable.

Being the son of me, he lacks initiative.

But since this Meg thing, his behaviour has got...worse.

But now,

this thing in the schoolyard... is a fiasco.

My intelligence

tells me Bruce is coming to Denver to meet Meg's folks,

to ask permission to marry the little bangtail.

This can't happen.

Meg loved Bernard... for seven years.

She can learn to love him again.

What do you want done?

It's just an action, not a piece of work.

Catch the creep...

..on the highway before he gets to Meg's.

Brace him. Make it so he'd sooner fuck the fryolater than propose.

Why me?

Jimmy, you got a nice suit, you got a 70 haircut

but you are taking a dump in your video business.

I gotta call in the note.

I didn't take it off you. I took it off New Orleans Sal.

Off New Orleans Sal? Who d'you think New Orleans Sal took it off?

Hm, you ain't no entrepreneur, Jimmy.

OK.

I need a crew.

Maybe four.

I worship you.

I'm paying 50 Gs. It's just an action.

Split it any way you want.

You wanna throw the pathetic yuks some scratch,

I applaud your...sensitivity.

For Cynthia...do it.

For Cynthia.

May she rest in peace.

Do it!

For the old days.

Do it...

For your fag business. Just...do it.

Here's Ellie. He's brought you some seltzer.

Arr, I got ya! I got ya!

Arr, I got ya, too!

Ohh!

Oh, you bloody son of a...

Shit.

Things are different now, Slick. We're dug in here.

I'm managing the park now.

I do a few odd jobs, make some money.

Got free rent. Got a good situation.

I understand. It's a one-shot deal. We're in, we're out.

Give it a name. If it's easy, why d'you need a crew?

Safety in numbers.

Plus The Man wants to pay the freight. Who am I to argue?

I don't know, Jimmy. I got more than myself to think about now.

I understand.

I got Dodie. She's pregnant again.

Hey, put a harness on your tool.

Hey, give it a name.

I got her and the kids.

I know. Cute kids, man.

My last bit, man, locked down, this is all I thought about.

Ten large. Your call. It's not my call.

Ten large there.

Let's go say hello to Dodie.

Hey. How you doing?

Where you been?

Remember Jimmy the Saint?

Hello, Dodie.

Want a coke or something?

Sure.

How are you, Dodie?

Let me ask you somethin'.

You gonna go through with this thing, no matter what?

I got to. He's got me on the dangle.

I can't believe that Pieces is working in this joint.

Hey, Jimmy! You stake me for a cup of coffee?

Fuck off, cheese-breath.

Fuckin' Franchise. You're alive! I thought you were in County.

I escaped cos I was missing your nasty little pussy.

Jimmy, five bucks? I'll pay you tomorrow.

Your spread ain't sellin'? You ain't got good merchandise?

Hey, fuck you, Franchise!

No, thanks.

Jimmy knows I'm sweet on him, don't you?

That's my boy.

Clean?

Always.

Right.

That's my man! Ooh!

Me and Jimmy, one day we'll have a love child.

Whatever.

Ain't that right?

Right.

I gotta go. The pussy posse's rolling this neighbourhood.

Thanks for the money, baby.

Better stay clean!

SHE LAUGHS

She don't look good. You're contributing to her collapse.

Lucinda'll be dancing in the breeze after WE'RE taking the dirt nap.

Don't touch anything.

Whatever.

WOMAN ON FILM: 'I'm ready. Oh!'

You still got that disease, Pieces?

Cut the shit with that!

It's Olden. My name is Olden!

Always with this "Pieces" shit. Have a little respect.

Sorry. I didn't mean nothing. Did they find out what it is?

Nah. In fact, I lost a toe the other day. Believe that? A toe!

A croaker downtown diagnosed it as a circulatory problem.

Fuckin' circulatory problem!

I wanted to kill the bastard but I couldn't get my fingers around...

This is a bad beat, Olden.

Hey, give it a name.

You do your time,

you make an oath to go right and rigid, and this is how you end up!

Watchin' the raincoat types kick their gongs around

and losin' mother-fuckin' toes!

The Man...

mention me in particular?

Yes, he did.

I haven't seen him in years.

He likes you.

Yeah?

So, are you in?

Absolutely, Jimmy.

I'll use the dough to get me a legit croaker

to diagnose my malady on the up and up before I lose my dick!

Skull session tomorrow at the Thick n' Rich. Can you make it?

Aw...

I'm already there, baby.

See ya.

All right.

You're breaking my heart here, Frannie.

Good to see ya, Olden.

SEXUAL MOANS ON FILM

SONG: "Folsom Prison Blues" by Johnny Cash

# But that train keeps a-rollin' On down to San Antone

# When I was just a baby

# My momma told me, "Son,

# Always be a good boy, don't ever play with guns."

# But I shot a man in Reno

# Just to watch him die

# When I hear that whistle blowin',

# I hang my head and cry... #

Critical Bill, man. What the fuck are you doing?

Workin' out. It don't bother HIM much.

What's up with you? Show some respect for the dead!

I knew him when he was alive. He was a mammy-rammer.

Does Carlotti know about this?

Well...

He don't mind much.

Bill, uh, we're doing an action for The Man with the Plan.

Small time. One night. Ten large.

You want in?

Ten large?

Yeah.

Yeah.

OK.

I guess.

Good.

Critical Bill, you still crazy, man?

Cos if you are,

you stay here and beat up on your old friends. We don't need you.

Well, I am what I am. Back of beyond, right?

Same as always. I'm in the back of beyond.

Whatever.

-JOE:

-'They call him Critical Bill cos he never went up against a guy

'Bill didn't put him in a critical condition.'

But there never was a better wing man when things got dange.

The boy's got equal parts

of piss, pesticide and pure petroleum jelly in his veins.

The kid's coming in at 10pm on Highway 70.

Olden's gonna get us some uniforms and we got a car.

Olden and me pull the kid over.

Bill, you're with Jimmy and the moving van.

Bring the kid, scare him. That's it.

It is what it is.

We play Cupid to a silver-spooned, simpleton, child-molesting fuck.

That's what it is. But it's good for ten each. Nobody gets hurt.

Give it a name. Any questions?

Got somebody to keep the beat?

DOOR SQUEAKS

Funny you should say that.

Everybody knows Easy Wind!

Look at this! Look at this! The pig brothers from back in the days.

Jimmy the Saint!

Easy does it!

Big bad Franchise!

Brother from another mother!

Pieces Polymeros!

Nobody told me about this booyah!

Nobody told me I'd be humping with no inky-dink.

I can't go with this!

No fuckin' way!

You boys used to be close.

Till we ended up in jail. Homeboy was a faecal freak!

What?

He spent his time raping kids!

Better than being a faecal freak.

What?

Faecal freak! A brown boy!

A dookie taster!

Who the fuck do you think you are?!

Settle down, man!

I'm gonna fuck your brains out!

THEY ARGUE

Cut it out! Cut it out!

There are children here!

Sit down. Get down! We're in a goddamn malt shop!

Sorry, Malt.

Sit down.

It's OK, kids.

Part of the show.

Nice.

Real nice...

Fuckin' shit eater...

GLASS SMASHES

Motherfucker!

Old friends gettin' together.

Kinda brings a tear to the eye, don't it, fellas?

See you around, Slick. Stay cool, Bill.

What's up?

Jimmy, y'know, when we go out there on the highway and brace that kid,

I would... I would really like to be one...

I would like to be one of the cops.

I'm 41 fuckin' years old and they still call me Critical Bill.

I have CHANGED, man. How d'you think that makes me feel?

You're beating up on corpses.

That's the point. Doing it with them bodies keeps my powder dry!

Billy...

It keeps my powder dry!

I haven't touched a live person in years!

Not since I started my exercise programme.

Prison shrinks said I should find a healthy outlet. I found it!

I remember the things in the days. No.

Well, a person can't change?

Word is, YOU'VE changed in a big way. How come nobody else can?

What happened inside?

Oh, come on. Please let me.

C'mon, man, just once.

Olden does all the talking.

Let's get out of here. C'mon.

Thank you, Jimmy.

Yeah, OK. Let's go.

Thank you, Jimmy.

All right. Don't be late.

Thank you, Jimmy.

Why do you teach at Vail?

The clientele at Vail has more money,

so you make great tips on private lessons.

I'm sure you're a fabulous skier.

I get down the mountain.

I'm sure you do.

I've never skied before in my life.

The only "skis" in my neighbourhood were the Polish couple down the hall.

Jimmy!

Jimmy lo Santo Tosnia!

Giovanni!

Where you been? You find a better joint?

I've been a homebody, Sal.

Dagney, Salvatore d'Amago.

Piacere, bella.

Watch it.

Scusi. Torno Sorriento.

For the return of Jimmy the Saint. And the angel who brought him.

Grazie.

ACCORDION STRIKES UP

I'm getting some heavy Lady And The Tramp vibes.

I'll translate.

SINGS IN ITALIAN

Look at the sea. How beautiful.

It inspires such feeling.

Someone you're thinking about.

I don't know what that means.

You say you're leaving.

Far away from my heart.

From our land of love.

You have my heart but you won't return.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

'You didn't buy it, huh?'

No, I didn't!

The maitre d', Sally...? He called you Jimmy the Saint.

Ah, yes.

How come?

Cos I say 11 Our Fathers and a Hail Mary every time I go to bed.

And I never kiss on the first date.

Really?

Sad but true.

You want to come in?

More than I want the ascot to come back into style.

But not tonight. Rules are rules.

I could look at you here for ever. I wouldn't have to do anything else.

Just stand and look at you.

You're a thing to be amazed by.

Good night.

Night.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Hi.

On the way out I happened to notice the time.

It's now 12.04, so...a new day.

So, technically...

It is now our second date.

Rules are rules.

Yes.

-OLD WOMAN:

-'Beginnings are always the best.

'When you first start

'to explore each other, to learn.'

Call you later.

'When you watch the phone like it was the TV, waiting for it to ring.

'Oh, the insanity!'

That heartsick insanity.

It always fades eventually,

but, God, while it's happening

'there's nothing like it in the world.'

RADIO PLAYS

# I heard you leave me, baby

# Say you won't be back... #

'Talk to me, Big Man.'

The Big Man is getting older

'on his shoulder.'

Just hang tough.

Enjoy the scenery. It won't be long.

'What fuckin' scenery?'

Nothin' but cow shit and fruit flies.

'Then keep your mouth shut.'

DISTANT THUNDER

Where is this asshole?

ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO

# I might never be a king

# May never be a millionaire

# So, baby, I don't care! #

SIREN SCREECHES

Shit!

The orthodontist has landed.

Here we go.

OK, fellas, just stay cool.

'Just bring him down here.'

I'm buying at the Thick.

THUNDER RUMBLES

Nice.

THUNDER CRASHES

Ah, shit...

You don't say dick, all right? Not dick.

My lips are locked.

The key is in the river.

RADIO PLAYS

Licence and registration.

What was I doing wrong?

Licence and registration.

HE SWITCHES RADIO OFF

You want to step from the vehicle, son?

Why?

Step from the vehicle.

Can I see some ID, please?

Now, son...

I know my rights. And some guys impersonate cops, to rob people.

I'm from LA. I know. I know my rights. Let me see some ID.

That's...not the way we do things here.

I don't like how your uniforms fit.

You wanna take that bass out of your voice, boy.

I got this under control here.

Son, we need some co-operation.

Maybe I'm a complete asshole,

but doesn't the highway fall to the STATE police?

It does, doesn't it?

Well, what are a couple of

Denver police doing way out here?

It's early yet.

I got a bad feeling, Jimmy.

THUNDER ROLLS

How's it looking, Big Man?

They're havin' a little chat. Lookin' good.

What's your badge number?

Come on. Let's just be easy about this...

Cos it seems to me

on a night like this - it's just my opinion -

you'd have Department-issue raincoats, hat guards...

What's up? You couldn't steal those?

We're cops.

You're cops?

Listen, kid...

Whoa! Time out! What is up with your fingers, man?

Carpentry accident.

Carpentry accident?

OK, so tell me, Officer Leper, how are things...

You wanna see some ID?! I'll give you fuckin' ID!

Fuckin' ID!

Stop it, Billy!

I ain't a cop, am I?!

The kid's out of the van.

I'll make him fuckin' believe!

Billy! Billy!

You're goddamn right I will!

Billy, easy, easy!

Do you?! Do you, boy?!

OK, Billy, it's OK!

It's OK.

Let's go. Stop it!

You fuckin' faecal freak. Don't fuckin' do it!

Let's go! It's OK!

It's OK.

Let's go. Come on!

Dumb fuckin' cracker!

Put the knife down,

damnit!

What the fuck is that?!

Surprise... Billy tripped a brain wire(!)

Are you pointing a gun at me?!

Put the blade down!

I'll shoot you! I will shoot you!

We got a thing. Brown boy wants to do some wrecking.

Shit! Fuck! I knew it!

Get over there, Big Man.

'Right now.'

I'm not fuckin' believing this!

Earl, talk to me! Earl!

Fuck, man, we're fucked!

HE DROPS KNIFE

Stupid cunt.

Bill!

No!

What the fuck?!

Don't tell me. This is Meg.

Ohh!

They did it, J. They fucked it. They fucked it all!

'They're dead. Fuckin' dead! I'm standing here with dead bodies!

'They're kids. They're fuckin' kids!'

Two of 'em!

What the fuck did you do?!

How the hell did she go and sleep through this whole goddamn thing?

We gotta clean this shit up, man.

We gotta clean this shit up! C'mon, Pieces!

'The fuckin' booyah. The brown boy!'

He cut that kid's throat for no reason!

Hey, he called Pieces a leper!

We don't stand up for each other, we're gone!

You mudflaps are dying off cos you don't stand up for each other!

You crazy bitch!

< ARGUING CONTINUES

Sorry, Boris.

You know how this works. The intended decedent goes on top.

Your whacks go in the bottom.

The bereaved family never knows

their beloved is to spend eternity with a hit vic.

You putting one down tomorrow?

Thomas Donahue, dry cleaner.

You pulled a gun on me!

You're gonna be fuckin' dead!

INAUDIBLE

'I don't see how it's our fault.'

The Man's intelligence said she wouldn't be in the van.

How the fuck were we supposed to know?

This whole thing's been bullshit from the start.

-WOMAN:

-'Talk about what's compelling. About...

'..how one...

'visit to the doctor's can change your life. You can be thinking'

about two million things -

work or the man you're dating or your family or...

the latest Kevin Costner picture.

And all of a sudden you feel a lump.

And you go to the doctor's and...

..in the course of a single office visit, everything changes.

You tell me there's a worse word than "malignant".

I don't think so. I really...don't think so.

DIALLING

PHONE RINGS

-ANSWER MACHINE MESSAGE:

-'This is Dagney.

'Leave me a message and I'll call you back.'

SIREN BLARES

You remember Lieutenant Atwater, Jimmy?

Hello, Jimmy.

"An action. Not a piece of work." I said that.

Did I not say that?

Sir, if I can explain.

Don't "Sir" me, Jim!

You gonna beg?

Then get down on your knees in your pretty suit and beg.

Grovel!

You asked me back in.

I'm taking you out.

So that's it? These two will stab me in a crowded Italian restaurant,

garotte me in my sleep?

Never.

Not these two and not that way. We go back, me and you.

You lent the operation a modicum of class in the days. That's why.

The milk of human kindness I'm giving you. And out.

You got 48 hours. Put it in the wind.

Leave Denver.

Go to Rome, to the Vatican. Pray to the God you abandoned in Brooklyn.

Just put it in the fuckin' wind!

Or else I gotta do you, too.

What about the others?

Buckwheats.

It wasn't their fault. They followed my orders. I take responsibility.

Lovely...

You're not a human being, you're a waltz.

Buckwheats, Jim, for your miserable band of misfits.

Buck-fucking-wheats!

THEY GROAN

VICAR: ..Death is not something to be... >

Check it out.

Little Lord Homicide.

Any word?

Here it comes.

VICAR: ..Experience teaches us this affliction knows no bounds... >

I'm dying here, Jimmy.

Give it to us straight, Slick.

Buckwheats.

What?

Buckwheats.

Oh, my God...

He said that?

That's what he said. Buckwheats.

Let's take his fuckin' ass out.

Shut the fuck up! You got us in this shit in the first place.

It's impossible. Since he got shot, his security is insane.

Easier to get the President.

What do we do?

Leave town,

go under. I'm talking to some people. You'll be safe.

Buckwheats for all of us, Jimmy?

Even you?

All of us, Frannie. Even me.

-JOE:

-'Buckwheats is another animal.

'Guy orders a buckwheats, you don't just

'take the guy out. You take him out as painfully as possible.

'It means he should suffer.'

Typical buckwheat hit is to shoot a guy up the ass.

Yeah. Ba-bing!

Slug up the ass, you don't die, so much as contort for 15 minutes.

Then you die.

I imagine it's like crapping white-hot razor blades, y'know?

Urgh... Ooh.

You want to take care of business, you gotta do it in close.

You can't shit where you eat.

'Hear what I'm sayin'?

'I hear tell, Man with the Plan put it on front street.

'Called in a guy from El Paso, a Mr Shhh.

'They call him Mr Shhh cos he don't say much.

'Can't even see his face. Won't say five words unless you beg him.

'He's a turtle. Yeah, I would've called him that - the Turtle.

'He's a turtle.

'The most lethal contract killer west of the Mississippi.

'They say he's clipped over 200 believers.'

< GROANING

What's up, bro? What do you need?

What can I get for ya?

'Yes, sir, when Mr Shhh accepts your buckwheats paper,

you kiss the day goodbye and get cosy with eternity.'

You sure about this shit?

Yeah. I was by the Lazy Bird today. Baby Sinister is definitely

with the programme.

Baby Sinister hates my fuckin' guts.

He owes me. And the idea of getting The Man crossed up appeals to him.

He's bug-fuckin' crazy, man. All the way.

So is The Man with the Plan, Earl. They're all bug-fuckin' crazy.

How do you think they got to be big noises?

Baby inside?

Yeah.

Let me see him. I'm clean.

OK, we're cool. Let's go. C'mon.

Damn. When your saviours look like those motherfuckers,

you know you stepped in it one time too many.

When you was a kid, you'd spend the year waiting for summer vacation.

Then it'd come and fly by just like that.

Hm.

It's funny, Jimmy.

Life has a way of passing by faster than any old summer vacation.

It really fuckin' does.

Give me a squeeze, Big Man.

Give me some.

# I can drop ones and twos and threes and fours

# And still have something left for encores

# Once my mind locks in on a dope idea

# Motherfuckin' dutch

# She's stayin' clear

# Cos I'm gonna hit the top at point blank

# You'd better keep your shank

# Cos I got mine and I'm out on the solo creek

# Your face is concrete

# You wanna roll with the niggers that don't play... #

SONG: "Bittersweet" by Big Head Todd & the Monsters

# I have known in the breeze

# She can't see me watchin'... #

Four beers, please.

# I'm thinkin'

# Liar...

# Liar...

# Liar...

# Liar... #

Jimmy!

Where are you goin'?

Gotta meet a friend.

Oh.

Who's that, uh, good-looking fella you came in with? Is that Chip?

Alex.

He has a gameshow-host look to him.

Does he have his own gameshow?

Wanna go somewhere?

1988. It's a good year.

I think.

Is it the odd years or the even years?

I don't know.

You don't know? I thought you knew everything.

Uh-huh.

Still ticking?

Sorry.

Are you OK?

Timing is everything.

What?

You can go years without a Dagney.

You can be a man armed with only a fork in a land of soup.

And then one day you meet one.

You see one.

And then...

And then what?

Hm...

I gotta go.

Now?

Yeah, now.

Sorry.

Olden!

-<

-Hello, Jim!

Look at you.

Olden...

How are you?

I'm all right.

I can see that.

You seen Critical Bill? I can't find him anywhere.

Um, I haven't seen him.

Listen, I have something for you.

What's going on?

Charter flight in the morning. Lay over in Rome -

Ah, get outta here!

Greek Islands. Moussaka on Mykonos tomorrow night!

I don't think so, Jimmy.

No more porn, or guys stroking it around you. The blue Mediterranean.

Ah, Jimmy...

What?

I-I ain't gonna run.

What are you talking about, Olden?

I've been thinking...

Olden, listen to me.

I've been thinking about this guy -

my neighbour next door, a few years ago. A citizen.

Never married, no kids.

Just a sweet guy.

And he got a cancer. A bad one.

He was dyin'.

I've been thinking about him.

Thinkin' how if, in his last days

when he was...laying on the bed,

staring at the ceiling in his shitty little apartment,

knowin' he was gonna die...

..was he sorry he never did nothin'?

Was he sorry that he never did the foxtrot

with a 2,000-a-night hooker in a Paris nightclub?

Jimmy... WE did the things.

I appreciate what you're saying. But...

I need you on this island, man.

Jimmy, Jimmy...

I need you there.

I-I... I don't...

I don't have any regrets.

I'm not gonna stare up at the ceiling.

Maybe I coulda been a better old man to my kids.

Maybe I shouldn't have pulled as much time as I did.

But, shit, Jimmy...

We did the things.

Them days...

I had a snap-brim hat!

You walked into a joint...

Ah! Forget about it!

Olden, I want you to take this money, please.

Take it.

You keep it.

You do something good with it.

I'm all right.

This is what I wanted to tell ya, Jim.

You all right?

Ah...

I'm OK.

Well...

Olden!

Did you really do the foxtrot with a 2,000-a-night hooker

in a Paris nightclub?

What do you think, Jimmy?

Olden...

Boat drinks.

Boat drinks, Jimmy.

-JOE:

-'"Boat drinks." That's a common toast in prison - an ideal.

'At the end of a long, bad life, there you are.'

On a big cabin cruiser somewhere in the Florida Keys,

havin' boat drinks.

You seen Bill Dolittle around?

No, man, I ain't seen nobody.

I don't know where he is.

Where you runnin' to?

Nowhere.

Nowhere, huh? What's the matter with you?

What's the matter with YOU?

Turn around.

Why?

Turn around!

Jimmy!

Turn around!

There! OK?

Come here.

Come here. Let me see.

Man, what's it to you? Got a dollar for me?

Turn around. Let me see.

The other way. Don't fuck with me!

Fuck, Jimmy!

Let me see!

What happened?

Fuck, nothing, all right?! The same old fucking shit. A bad beat.

It was fuckin' uptown fuckin' motherfuckers.

He's a regular. He had a little party with a couple of beer bottles.

Oh, nice(!) Beer bottles?

I told him. "Lucinda doesn't take no shit that way."

Then he did what he wanted

and...he took me out back and he alley-whipped me. I'm fine.

Happy with yourself? Exciting life, eh?

Fuck you!

Get in the fuckin' car!

Fuck you! I don't need this shit!

Get in the fuckin' car!

Get in the car! Get in...!

Get in the fucking car!

One day I'm gonna fuckin' kill you!

Get in the fucking car! Shut the fuck up!

Fuck you!

What's his name?

What is his name?

WHAT is his name?

I don't know.

You know where he works but not his name?

I don't fuckin' know!

Where are the accounts, please?

Um...

The accountants. Where are they?

Er, they're down the hall.

Hey!

Jimmy, fuck you!

Is that him?

No!

..software package can be applicable to...

Point him out.

Point him out.

He's that guy over there. The blond guy.

You like it rough?

See that?

See her? Remember? You remember that girl?

Know what this maggot did?

SIT THE FUCK...! SIT DOWN!

Huh? You wanna tell 'em what you did?!

He took a bottle, not unlike this bottle,

and he put it in places where you're not supposed to put bottles.

How'd you like it if I did it to you?

You'd like that? How'd you like it if I put this bottle up your arse?!

To take a dump, you'd need a nickel deposit!

Come on, let's try it!

Jimmy! Jimmy!

He wouldn't charge, even though you dogged him out?

The alternative was nasty.

He had a wife, a kid AND a mistress.

Ooh! A wife and a mistress?

Those were the days, eh?

Oh, shit...

Mooncalf alert.

Hey, Jimmy.

Jimmy the Saint.

Hey, Jimmy, can I have a word with you for a minute?

What's up, Bernard?

I mean, in private, Jimmy.

No offence.

'I'm very upset, Jimmy.'

I know that. I heard about Meg.

Oh, it's unbelievably sad. It's a heartbreak.

She's missing. I don't know what to do.

My letters come back, "Return to sender".

I sent her flowers. They came back - dead.

Be patient.

She'll turn up.

Jimmy the Saint.

HE LAUGHS

Hey, look, I just need some advice, you know - to get on through it.

I mean, I love her, Jimmy.

I just want to talk to her. I just want to hear her say...

"Bernard, I'm happy now. I love this guy. But I'm happy now."

If I could hear her say that, I'd get on with the rest of my life.

You see, her happiness is more important to me than my happiness.

You understand?

I understand. It's very noble of you.

Thank you.

She'll turn up. And you can tell her how you feel.

Just be patient.

Yeah... You're right.

Thanks, Jimmy.

Y'know, I like that thing you said about being noble.

I could be noble.

I mean, you... YOU'RE noble.

Hey...

Hey...

You wanna go bowl a few strings with me some time?

Yeah.

Yeah? Diamond Mike Ettlers.

Yeah, I know it.

All Strike Lanes.

On Brownville.

OK. I'll call you. We'll bowl a few frames.

Great.

That's great.

OK.

Thanks again.

Jimmy the Saint.

I arranged this thing with Petey Weed for you guys to go to Canada.

I appreciate what you're doing, I really do,

but I got everything under control.

Now, get out of here yourself or you're gonna end up terminal.

Gotta find Bill first.

Yeah, whatever.

DOOR SQUEAKS

Come here.

Take this.

What's that? Your boat fund money?

Take the money.

I can't.

Please.

No, Jimmy, I can't.

WOMAN MOANS ON FILM

WOMAN ON FILM: 'Oh, baby, I love you!

'You're so good to me!

'You're so hard, you're so strong, you make me so wet.

'I love it...'

RUMBLING

CREAKING

Do it quickly.

SEXUAL MOANS ON FILM

GUNSHOT

GUNSHOT

SEXUAL MOANS ON FILM

FILM HISSES

Are we having an affair?

What do you mean?

You call me in the middle of the afternoon

and ask me to meet you at the Natural History Museum.

Thanks for coming.

LOUD RAP MUSIC

The fact of the matter is,

by the year 2,000 every city will be black.

Thanks to the fax, the modem,

the conference call, Federal Express,

the beast will conduct his business from his home in the white suburb,

leaving the city a war zone full of brothers.

Modem, fax, FTD.

What the fuck you talking about?

Gotta have flowers in a war zone.

Man here to see you.

Who's that?

A spooky-ass fuck.

Find out what he wants, House.

The man says he wants to see YOU.

You've definitely got some kind of double-life thing happening.

Are you a gangster?

A gangster? Do they still have gangsters?

Yes.

"Jimmy the Saint" sounds kind of gangsterish.

And you got slicked-back hair.

Always a dead giveaway.

Say, "You dirty rat."

What?

Say it. "You dirty rat."

You dirty rat.

Oh, no sale!

Boss.

I know you, Sylvester?

Turn this shit down.

MUSIC TURNED DOWN

I said, I know you?

No.

What the fuck you doin' coming here, dressed like THAT,

frontin' me for a piece of ear?

I'm looking for Earl Denton.

He lookin' for Earl Denton.

Earl Denton?

Aka Easy Wind.

Aka Easy Wind? What the fuck? You hear this boy?

Aka my dick, Uncle Salty!

Aka his dick, Uncle Salty!

I need to find Earl Denton.

What are you thinking about?

What are YOU thinking about?

I asked you first.

I'm thinking about getting married.

Alex...asked me to marry him.

He did?

He did.

What did you say?

I said I'd think about it.

Are you in love?

'Ladies and gentlemen, the museum will close in five minutes.

'Thank you for coming to the Natural History Museum.'

What d'you think?

Huh?

Think we just gonn' give him up?

Like I'm your house nigger?

He look like your house nigger?

Will you shut the fuck up for eleven seconds?!

Please, tell me where he is.

Co-operate...and no-one gets hurt.

Say goodbye, bitch.

Put-Put the gun down.

Shoot this motherfucker!

Don't.

Let that motherfucker go.

Get this motherfucker off me!

HE CHOKES

You tell me where he is.

Put the gun down!

Oh, no, no. See, that's not... You ain't... It's cool.

A choice. You can tell ME where Earl Denton is

or you can tell it to the worms.

Jimmy?

Hm?

I've been thinkin'. There's this course.

Massage therapy - a 12-week programme.

Then you're a registered masseuse.

Then I'm legit. I'm clean. Just like that.

Just like that?

Yeah, just like that.

So I'm a masseuse.

I'm a citizen.

And then I'm thinkin'...

Well, then, you never thought about being a dad, have you?

No.

Never?

Never.

You know... cos I think about being a mom a lot.

Y'know, I think that it could...

Maybe it could get me out of the life, y'know?

Maybe off the street, maybe out of Denver.

I could go someplace warm,

sunny all the time. That'd be so cool.

How are you gonna support the kid?

IBM's having a hiring freeze.

I just told you.

Massage therapy? You're gonna massage people?

Is it just me or are you being a prick to me?

I'm being a prick. Why me?

Why you?

Yeah.

I dunno.

You're different, Jimmy.

What you did today...

That was like... God...

I mean, you got some strength. You got decency.

You know?

And you got a...beautiful ass!

Who needs strength and decency when you have a nice ass?

Exactly!

So...I'm ovulating right now.

We could do it. We could make it work.

Right now... Here?

Right here if you want!

What do you think? Only got two days, though. Two days.

Then after, we gotta wait a whole other month.

What do you say, Jimmy?

Hey, Malt...

Lucinda wants my baby.

Should I give her the seed?

Just what the world needs -

the unholy offspring of you baggage smashers.

That kid'd be the antichrist, I tell you that. 666 all over his body.

What do YOU know? You're just a soda jerk, with the emphasis on "jerk".

That's a funny one! I never heard that one.

What are you still doing here?

They killed Olden.

When? What happened?

Tonight at the theatre. Put one in his heart.

He was dead before he hit the ground.

Shit!

What?

What?!

For a man with a buckwheats hit on him, you seem awfully relaxed.

What is that supposed to mean?

What are you saying, Frannie?

Nothing. It's none of my business.

Anyway, I gonna put it in the wind.

I gotta get out of here.

Good luck, man.

I gotta go, man.

Jimmy... Jimmy, where you going?

We had some pretty good times here.

It's a grievous error to still be here, Jim.

You're still here, Jimmy?

You're still in Denver?

Why don't you spit a green looey in my crippled face?

Cos you still being here is the equal of just that.

I'm leaving town. I want to talk about Francis Chyser.

What about him?

Slower!

Rub slower.

You gotta call your man off Chyser.

I gotta?

It'd be good to call him off.

He's got a family. Three kids. And he's got a wife.

He won't be in your face.

He'll disappear.

Disappear?

Like Easy Earl Denton?

What do you mean?

The niggers gave him up.

GUNSHOT

He was shot. Five bullets.

He's gone, Jimmy.

'First, Pieces. Now, Easy Wind.

'Took 20 minutes to die. He suffered like you would not fuckin' believe.

'You gonna stay here and die,'

like a fuckin' dog? Like Easy Wind?

Bullet up the ass - you don't die for 20 minutes.

I wanna talk about Francis. He's got kids.