Wishful Thinking

'I was once hypnotised by a spoon.

'I was alone in the kitchen

'and I pulled one out of the drawer and started staring at it.

'It was like it was speaking to me.

'I forgot who I was, what I was doing, everything.

'The damn thing had me in a trance.

'After a few minutes, when the spoon really had me,

'it told me to walk over to the trash can and pee in it.

'You can say I was a little confused at that moment.

'I saw a doctor, and he said people lose their senses like that all the time.

'You know what?

'It isn't just caused by spoons.'

Excuse me.

< I have some very, very good news.

The tests have come back... and they came in negative.

Mm-hm. Oh, um...

-Excuse me, if I could have your attention.

-Hold on.

-Thank you, miss.

Um, this dog, he's kind of hurt.

He's got a cut on his head here.

God, it looks like he's been beaten. Did you do this?

No, course not!

We really need the doctor to take a look at him, give him some stitches.

Oh, he's coming!

Who's he?

Er...

Um, you take him. Yeah, that's it. OK. Bye, dog.

Give it up, asshole, I warn you!

Stop him!

Well, well, well.

The hero.

Take it easy, mister.

The dog looked pretty bad.

I thought it needed m-m-medical attention.

OW! Oooh! Oh!

Oh, my God!

Are you OK?

-Are you OK?

-Did I kill him?

-No, he left.

-Did you give him the dog?

-No, I wouldn't give it to him.

I said I'd call the police. It's so great what you did.

-I don't feel so good.

-Let's get you inside.

-It's OK, I'm all right.

-Oh, my God! You've got a big cut up there.

-Come on.

-Actually, I could use a little...right here.

Am I delirious? Or are you kinda pretty?

You're very delirious.

-What's your name?

-Elizabeth.

-I'm Max.

Do you like movies?

On the weather front, it looks like summer is gasping its last breath.

It may be warm today, but the forecast is cold and rain.

Autumn's on its way folks.

-<

-Elizabeth, Max is here. He says he has a date with you.

I'll be right out.

Oh, my God! That's where that guy hit you.

-That was so good of you to...

-I'll be right out.

SHE LAUGHS

INAUDIBLE SPEECH

A model?! No...

-Hi, Max. Ready to go?

-Hi. You look beautiful.

ECSTATIC MOANS

Oh! Oh!

Stop! I just have to get some water.

OK, Ray.

Oh!

WHIRRING Oh!

-What is that?

-Vacuum cleaner.

She always cleans when we're in here.

We must be driving her crazy.

How long have you been in here?

I think if I stay here another two minutes...

I'm going to break a personal best.

Right, can we...?

LAUGHING AND GIGGLING

'..Expected to reach the high 90s. That's hot!'

You could just call your mother.

Is that the way you do it in Iowa?

Remember the rule. No knocking Iowa.

If I just call my mother on Mother's Day, she'd kill me.

I could at least take her out to brunch. She only lives an hour away.

I always just call my mother.

-Because she lives 2,000 miles away.

-But she's very close to my heart.

Normally I would, but this time I won't.

My mother called and said, since you moved in, I've only seen her once.

I haven't seem MY mother at all.

Can I help it if you're evil?

No, but would you really want to? Evil is so much more interesting.

That depends on if we're going to see my mother.

As long as I can get some evil in some time, I suppose I can swing it.

In that case, I'm ready to be possessed.

'I used to be...an idiot.'

Tada!

Oh, Max!

Oh!

Open it.

I can't believe it.

Go on, open it.

Oh.

A toothpick.

Yeah, it came this morning. Isn't it great?

Yeah, it's nice, it's just... a little small.

Oh, God!

I'm an idiot. I just realised how this looks.

-No...

-I'm sorry, I just wanted to surprise you.

-You know, I saw the box and I thought...

-Of course. I'm a stupid human being...

-I shouldn't...

I shouldn't bring it up. It's just, since my little sister got married,

I've been thinking that I'm the last one.

You know, the last in my family...

Yeah, me too. The same is true for me.

Well, have you thought about it?

Actually, I have, a lot.

And...I just...

need to feel in my chest that it's the right time for that.

You don't feel it in your chest?

No, I feel in my chest that I love you.

I love you.

I just need to feel in my chest that it's the right time for that.

OK?

Yeah.

You wanna try again?

Yeah, yeah.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Right, er...

-Tada!

-Oh, a surprise!

Wow! What is it?

Why, it's...it's a toothpick... with a floss attachment.

-Someone should market these to restaurants to make a lot of money.

-Excellent idea.

-God, what's that taste?

-What taste?

It tastes like ginger.

It's kind of strange.

I don't know.

Uh-huh, says right here! "Ginger flav."

Houston, we got a problem.

Serves you right.

'The problem with being an idiot is you can't stop doing it.

'You can't just decide you're no longer going to do idiotic things.

'It doesn't work that way.

'To quit doing idiotic things, you first have to recognise what they are.'

-STRANGE VOICE:

-'Tastes like ginger.

'Tastes like ginger.

'They taste like ginger.

'They taste like ginger. Taste like ginger.'

'I think I'm in trouble.

'I know that expression.

'She doesn't look at me. I'm really...'

# Oh

# I've got a feeling

# Somebody's trying to steal my man

# I've got a feeling

# Somebody's trying to steal my man

# Strange things are happening

# Things that I just can't understand... #

Christ, it tastes like a shrub.

You know, the floss thing does taste peculiar.

We're fixing the taste, but the floss part is the important part.

-Do you like the design?

-Did you design this?

Yeah, I had the idea, but...

-The manufacturer...

-The manufacturer in Hong Kong made it.

They turned it into a Chinese food dish - moo shu toothpick.

My favourite!

Well, it's not as original as opening the one millionth video store in Manhattan, but...

I think they could catch on. Don't you?

I'm on.

-Sorry, what's your name?

-Henry.

-Max.

-I went to college with Jack.

-I went to high school with Jack. Elizabeth.

Hi. The point is, what do YOU think of the toothpick?

I think they're great.

If they didn't taste like shit, what were you going to do with them?

-SHE MOUTHS

-I was... If they caught on, I'd try and sell them to a restaurant chain.

-And I'm taking time off to find time to write my...

-Book.

-..book.

-MUSIC STOPS

-Cool.

-Hey, what are you doing?

JAZZ MUSIC STARTS Putting on some quality.

Are you saying my party lacks quality?

Of course not, I love pigs in a blanket!

Blini wraps! Try one.

No, first I have to say hello to my favourite co-worker. Hi, Maxy.

-Have you tried one of these?

-No.

Mmm! Ginger.

-D'you like it?

-Uh-huh.

-They say it has restorative powers.

-Did you hear that?

-There you go.

-Elizabeth.

-Hi.

-Lena.

This is Henry.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

-It is?

-Mm-hm.

I told you, Henry, if I introduced you to these folks, you'd never forget it, especially Lena.

That's why I never dated you, Jack. You're so rude.

Trust me, Henry, once you get to know us, we're very nice people.

-Sorry.

-Excuse me.

-Are you all right?

-Fine.

Excuse me.

-Did you learn this in college?

-No, I saw in on the Discovery Channel.

-It's not really a stroke I'm worried about.

-What are you worried about?

Impure thoughts.

# Gonna take you

# Just gonna throw you down

# It's gonna make you feel

# Like you don't wanna feel

# Your life is gonna come

# It's gonna make you crack up

# Gonna make you forget about

# All those dreams you dreamed about

# How will you learn at last

# She's gone and won't be back

# Maybe you'll understand

# What made her go away

# One night while you're resting

# Was the night she packed to go

# One night in a thousand

# She picked to let you go

# She was up for leaving

# She had a pain

# She won't see the sunshine

# Aboard the money train

# Change gonna break you

# It's gonna blow you round

# And leave you're angry... #

It was innocent.

Jack was just being Jack.

He had his hands all over you. He practically did a cavity search!

Don't exaggerate. I know how it seemed, but that's not how it was.

All right?

Do you really believe I would do something like that?

Mm? I'm crazy about you.

-C'mon.

-All right, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was...

-You said you were sorry?

-Yes.

-You did?

-Yes.

It drives me crazy to see a man touch you like that.

-It makes me twitch.

-Maybe that's a good thing.

No, it's not. My doctor told me to cut down on twitching.

What did he say about your chest?

It had a relapse, but in time it would get better.

Warren.

GUNSHOT

Hi, don't I know you from someplace?

I know who you are. Everybody does.

Oh, that'll make it easier.

-I'm Vanessa.

-Want to dance?

All right.

Didn't you come with a girl?

-Have I got a girl?

-I knew it.

-Hm?

I said I knew it. All the girls know it. They've been wondering which one you're going to pick.

Are girls really like that?

-Are you shocked?

-No.

So who's it going to be?

You got my number, baby. You had it since the moment I laid eyes on you.

Oh, Jack.

You're my kind of man.

You always will be.

Not here.

JAZZ TRUMPET PLAYS

# There's a storm deep inside me

# Need someone who will guide me... #

'Hi, you've reached Max and Elizabeth so leave your number and we'll get back to you.'

# ..Close beside me

# In my world of confusion

# Where's the someone who'll show me

# Love is not an illusion? #

PHONE RINGS

Hello.

Er, no, she's not home yet.

OK.

Bye.

-STRANGE VOICE:

-'Where...is...she?

'Where...is...she?

'Where...is...she?

'Where...is...she?

'She's with him. She's with him. I know it. With Jack, right now.'

Hey, Lena.

Hi, Maxy.

Can I have the key to the booth?

Here.

Um, Elizabeth called

-and said she's sorry, she stayed at her mom's last night.

-Thanks.

Wanna talk about it?

Maybe later.

OK.

I'll come up later.

'There's nothing left of her any more.'

It's just what you see. And it's all yours.

You come in here dolled up like that.

I told you why I'm dolled up. Must you make me repeat it?

For some reason that I just can't think of, I happen to be in love with you.

But when the district attorney wanted me to give answers

that would put you in the electric chair, I just...stopped fighting.

Then I'll do it for you.

Are you turning me down?

-I'm not gonna make a moll out of you.

-Then you don't love me?

Of course I love you!

What's that got to do with anything?

You wanna be a moll, come to our parties, have me tear your clothes off, slap you, beat you?

Yes, because I want to be with you.

Yes, but don't you understand?

I'm everything you said I was, only worse.

I don't care.

You dumb broad.

You wonderful, dumb broad.

'Miss Lea came in with a snake she'd bought for her daughter,

-'only her daughter was tired of it.

-What did you do?'

I told her that her husband called and that he was tired of her.

And could we put her to sleep the same time we did the snake?

-Where's the bathroom?

-To the left.

Very nice...nice touch.

More water?

Please. Thank you, yes.

"Elizabeth. If you need anyone to talk to, I'm around.

"Just remember, it'll work out with Max or without him.

"Love, Jack."

So...how'd it go?

Same as always.

-Say, do you have any Blistex?

-What? Yeah.

-My lips are a little chapped.

Max, I'll look, I can do it.

What's this? Oh, a note. Who's it from?

Let's see, who's it from?

-Jack.

-I can't believe you opened this.

I'm sorry.

-Yeah.

-It just caught my eye.

-Yeah, I bet it did.

Something I should know about?

Er...it's just that ever since I told Jack you didn't want to get married,

he's been...concerned about me.

-Has he?

-Mm-hm.

Is there something going on between you two?

Listen to you, Max. You sound so paranoid.

Why don't you just...relax.

Because I can't when I think something is going on.

Max...you know I would never hurt you like that.

I have to tell you something.

The nice thing that worked the last time...

but I think I need you to tell me the truth.

What do you wanna hear?

The truth.

Are you listening?

I'm all ears.

Max, I'm absolutely not cheating on you.

Not with Jack or anybody else. All right?

All right.

-Was that enough?

-Yeah, that's enough.

Have you decided?

# You'll be sorry

# You ever let me down

# You'll be sorry

# Though I won't hang around

# Life must go on

# No matter how I feel

# Maybe some day

# I'll find a love that's real

# You'll be sorry

# For all you've done to me

# You'll be sorry

# Now just you wait and see

# The vows that you made

# Yes, every one you broke

# I'll make you pay... #

Liz?

Come on, Liz, wake up.

What's happening?

You were asleep.

I woke you.

I was sleeping?

Liz...

I've been thinking about us.

And I know...

I mean, I realise how important...

What I'm trying to say... is that I was wrong...

to say no to you.

And now I'm asking.

Asking what?

I'm asking you to marry me.

I've changed my mind.

What do you say? Is that great, or what?

It would have been about a month ago, when we talked about it.

But...things have changed since then.

I've changed.

Remember the way I used to push you so much?

I was wrong.

And all those things you said about how you feel in your chest...

..I think that you were right.

But my chest is sure now.

Mine's not.

Not any more.

It's not?

Who is it?

Who's who?

Whoever it is that you've been seeing.

Is it Jack?

Is Jack who?

You are my boyfriend, Max.

I know I'm your boyfriend. A lot of people have boyfriends.

It doesn't mean they don't have someone else.

-Why are you acting like this?

-Because it makes me feel so warm and creamy inside. Who is it?

What do you wanna know?

Every man I've spoken to since I met you? Is that what you want to know?

No, any of the ones you've had romantic, sexual, physical contact with since we started going out.

You.

OK? It's you.

All right, maybe I brushed up against a guy last week at work,

-but I swear I didn't enjoy it. Will that do?

-What about Jack?

I told you about Jack!

Jesus, I don't give you grief about how you and Lena hang around together but she WOULD have an affair!

-You're not answering my question.

-You're impossible.

-What difference does it make what I say? You won't believe me anyway.

-Cos you can't say it.

Well, I can say this. I am going out tonight and may not come home. How's that?

-If you explain it, I will believe you.

-I'll say it.

I SAID I WOULD BELIEVE YOU!

Oh! Damn!

Ohh!

That...hurt!

DOOR OPENS

What happened to your eye?

I hit it on the door in the kitchen.

I'm sorry.

About last night.

I am too.

Where did you go?

Coney Island.

Yeah?

With who?

Oh, by myself.

To hell with my sister!

?? don't you?

Put away the heat, kid.

I've seen the way you look at her. I got eyes in my head.

You ain't seen nothing, kid.

-Max, what are you doing here?

-Shut up!

-He's gone a little wild.

-Yeah? I'm going a little wild.

And the only thing that's gonna cure me is your blood, lots of it.

Max, put the gun down.

Oh!

He was all hopped up.

Oh, Jack.

PHONE RINGS

-Hello.

-'Max, it's Lena.'

Do you know something?

'They're there, in your place. You gotta go.'

'The time for thinking is over. I was finally going to find...

'..the truth.'

CREAKING

'With every step I took, the stairs called out to me.'

-STRANGE VOICE:

-'Ouch!

'Do it.

'Oh.

'Ahh.'

'Damn stairs. Why couldn't they mind their own business?

'Then I heard something else.

'I heard a voice.'

Elizabeth, it's me.

Open the door.

I know you two are in there. Now open the door!

-Hold on, just a second.

-No, I'm not going to hold on.

I know what's going on. There's no use in hiding it.

OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR!

Hold on just a second.

'As I burst into that room,

'I realised I had removed all doubt as to who I was.

'I was an idiot.'

'It all started the day that Jack had that party.

'I was babysitting Bonita.'

Does he talk about Jesus?

-Not that god.

-What other god is there?

The god I'm talking about is different than other gods.

-He doesn't talk about right and wrong.

-Why not?

Well, cos he talks to special people, like you and me.

-He knows we're not interested in that.

-He doesn't talk to me.

-He will.

-What does he do?

Well, mostly he just floats around and watches people.

But sometimes he chooses to let people know he's alive.

Oh, like a ghost?

Exactly.

-Hi, Mom!

-Hi, give your momma a big hug.

-I missed you.

-I missed you too.

-Did you sell any cards today?

-Some, not that many.

-Oh.

-Hey, you didn't tell me you were selling cards.

-There you are, new customer.

-What have you got?

-Some angel cards.

-Let me see.

Oh, I like those.

Can I buy the whole box?

Sure.

-Is this going to be enough?

-Wow!

-Thanks, Lena.

-Sure. Thank you.

-How is it, Lena?

-It's OK.

Come and sit. We'll find out what else is happening with you.

Thinking of what?

It's very interesting what's happening today in cards for you, Lena.

I think it has something to do with mystery in your life.

Do you have a mystery?

Maybe...a mystery man?

-Maybe.

-But you don't know everything about him, do you?

No.

Then it's definite.

This mean you got a mystery man.

Oh, no!

SHE SPEAKS IN SPANISH

Lena...

your mystery man...

he's hanging upside down.

There is something wrong here with you and mystery man. Is this true?

Yes.

Well, then, something is about to change.

He may become ex-mystery man and you don't see him no more.

Why not?

Because he's hanging upside down.

Oh.

Or...

maybe he can become ex-mystery...

and the mystery will disappear.

And you will know everything about him.

Either way, he will be ex-something.

An ex-man.

Yes. Ex-something man.

He going to have a big impact on you, Lena.

'It was the fortune I'd been waiting for.

'My destiny's finally doing what I wanted it to.

'All right, I'll fill you in.

'I knew I was in love with Max from when I first met him.

'It was like there was a halo around him or something.

'I just knew.

'He was the only person I knew with an X in his name.

'And now I was going to find out if he had an EX in his life.'

# I've got a feeling

# Somebody's trying to steal my man

# I've got a feeling... #

'God was going to give me a sign.'

# ..Somebody's trying to steal my man

# Strange things are happening... #

I told you, Henry, if I introduced you to these folks, you'd never forget it, especially Lena.

Jack, that's why I never went out with you. You're so rude.

-Excuse me.

-Sorry.

Excuse me.

'God had delivered.'

Have you ever watched this movie?

About a thousand times.

Watch it, it's good.

I've seen it, trust me.

Is something bothering you?

What makes you say that?

It's obvious.

Nothing is obvious.

You are to me.

Really?

Something's definitely wrong, or you wouldn't even let me say that.

Yeah, well...

I left all my body responses at home.

-Is that where you left what's bothering you?

-HE LAUGHS

Well, if you must know...

Elizabeth and I are not getting on that well right now.

-What's the fight about?

-It's not a fight.

It's that, well...

a couple of days ago...

she asked me to ask her to marry her.

And I said no.

No way!

Ever since then, things have been different.

Doesn't that mean it's over?

What are you talking about?

Well, it's just that...

once you rule out the idea of marriage, where is there to go?

Nobody ruled out the idea of marriage, it's just that I said

I wasn't going to get married right now. But eventually we will.

I mean, definitely we're going to get married...eventually.

-Oh.

-Just not right now.

OK.

Well, I'll bring a brownie up to the booth later, OK?

OK.

I'm really surprised you called me.

I had a really nice time with you at the party.

I did too with you. I'm sorry about spilling that wine on your dress.

I could have sworn that bottle was empty.

It's OK, I actually had a harder time getting the brie out.

You gotta admit, after a few drinks those things look like a sponge.

To new beginnings.

Yes.

Kampai!

'The truth was, I WAS looking for a new beginning.

'But only as a test. Before I put my plan into effect, I had to see if I could find someone else

'who made me feel the way Max did.'

Arigato.

Gracias.

Do you come here a lot?

Actually, I do. It's really healthy here

and, um...Max turned me on to it. I trust him for recommendations.

I think a lot of people say you should try this or do that,

and they think they know best.

They don't.

Are you OK?

No, yeah... I swear this just blinked at me.

The sea urchin? Try it, it's delicious.

What's the other thing?

A quail egg, it's good for your hair.

Who comes up with these combinations? It's like...

The Peanut Butter Cup situation - two guys walk together...bang, you got sea urchin and my quail egg

and they just... It's like a bacon cheeseburger. That's a combination.

Slice of pig, slice of cow, put it together, it's a delicious sandwich.

-But this...

-I don't know, I don't really eat meat.

Yeah, no...I don't either, it's just, er...

a friend of mine ran a ranch.

That's where a lot of that came from...

Yes, tea after a meal is very comforting.

-No fortune cookies?

-I think that's only in Chinese restaurants.

-Too bad. I like to add a phrase to the end of the fortune to make it funnier.

-Yeah.

Yeah, actually, Max likes to do that. He adds "in bed".

So it'd be like, "You will have great fortune and wealth...in bed."

That's a great one to add.

-What do you add?

-"And then you die."

That's kind of spooky.

Yeah... Not... I mean...

not that you're gonna die, more like it's a twist on the, er...

I hadn't heard the "in bed" one...

'The jury was still out, but I already knew the verdict.

'The thing about destiny is it doesn't always come true.

'I know it's definition says it should, but I think there's destiny and there's "potential destiny".

'Everyone's got about two or three potential destinies.

'Destiny usually decides which destiny comes true,

'but if you're clever, you know you have to give the destiny you want a little push.'

So what made you decide to stop by?

I bought you a present.

Huh! Thanks, but what for?

Well, two reasons.

First, I want to thank you for the party the other night.

Two, I thought I could help you improve on your manners.

You really think I'm rude?

Here.

-What are they?

-They're cards, silly!

So you can write people notes, like "Thank you," "Get well," "I miss you."

-Are you supposed to mail 'em?

-That's one way.

But it's also nice to give it in person.

Is this why you're here?

Yes.

That, and I want to rent a video.

All right. I'll fix you up. You've got anything you want at your disposal.

What's Lena's first Fame And Fortune video going to be?

Waited on by the president - wow!

I love getting back to the counter.

You've known Elizabeth a long time, right?

Yeah, so?

-I guess she's miserable ever since Max said he didn't want to marry her.

-Oh, yeah, I know.

Maybe you could help.

Maybe I'll send her a card.

There's hope for you yet.

-Thanks for this, OK?

-Sure.

-See you.

-Bye.

HORN BLASTS

Thanks a lot(!) Thank you so much(!)

You're so very kind(!)

-Excuse me.

-Oh, Lena.

-Hey.

That truck scared the shit out of me.

-I'm just on my lunch break.

-That truck just tried to run me over.

-What are you doing?

-I'm on my lunch break.

-Oh.

Actually, I probably have to get back to work now, so... I'm late.

-OK.

-Sorry. I was just taking a walk.

But I'm late, so...

-I'll see you later.

-Bye.

-Bye.

'What if it wasn't true?

'My plan had always been just to foster the idea.

'I knew that lack of trust would do the rest.

'But what if my manoeuvring had actually brought the two culprits together?

'I should be happy, right?'

-'General Hospital.'

-Hello, may I speak with Elizabeth Black, please?

'She has a doctor's appointment this afternoon. Can I take a message?'

No, thank you.

PHONE RINGS

Projection.

-'Max. I've got some bad news for you.'

-What?

I just saw Elizabeth and she's playing hooky from work.

What was she doing?

-SHE SIGHS

-Max, I don't want you to get upset.

'Lena, what is it?'

I saw her with someone.

Who?

Lena! Tell me who it was.

'It was destiny time.'

Jack. She was with Jack.

Goddamn it!

What were they doing?

'I don't know. Walking together closely.

-'Promise me you won't tell her I told you.'

-I can't believe it.

I can't believe it!

-'Where were they?'

-Downtown. Look, do you promise not to tell her?

'Yeah, I won't say anything, I promise.'

Oh...Lena?

If you hear anything else, call me immediately.

You're the only one I can trust.

'If I hear anything, I'll call you.'

OK, Max, I'll be there.

-She's having an affair.

-Are you sure?

Something's going on.

-Well, did you ask her about the other day?

-Yes.

She denied it, as usual.

But I have more proof than that.

-Remember the other night when I took her out to dinner?

-Yeah.

I found a card in her purse from Jack.

What kind of card?

It was your typical "Forget your loser boyfriend, let's fuck" card.

Well, er...what did it say?

"Forget your loser boyfriend, let's fuck."

-Come on.

-It said, um...

"If you need someone to cry to, I'm around. It'll work out with Max or without him."

Fucker!

Well...maybe he was just consoling her.

They've known each other a long time.

Yeah, there's always been sexual tension between those two.

-You saw 'em.

-Yeah, but... maybe it was just innocent.

Then why would she deny it?

I don't think I can handle this.

Yes, you can.

Lena, you don't understand. I've never felt like this before.

It's like someone else is in charge of my mind.

I'm helpless.

I'll help you.

You ARE helping me.

Lena!

Hey.

Hey.

Can I come up?

Yeah.

Sorry.

It's all right.

Maybe I should go over to Jack's right now.

What do you think?

No.

Remember what I said. It's all up to fate now.

So you might as well sit back and let it happen.

That sounds great.

Watching the football on TV.

Well, the more relaxed you are, the more relaxed she is.

And the more relaxed she is, the better your chances with her are.

What are you doing?

Eh? Oh, nothing.

Max...

..whatever happens between you and Elizabeth,

I don't want it to hurt you.

Too late.

Yes.

Well...let's make you feel better.

Put your head in my lap.

What are you going to do?

Nothing weird.

Come here.

OK.

I'm going to start an expression and I want you to finish it.

OK, I finish expressions.

Exactly.

Curiosity...

..killed the cat.

Look...

..but don't touch.

..before you leap.

Oh, I see.

It takes...

..one to know one.

You can't...

..always get what you want.

Now, what is it that you wish, Lena?

Tarot?

Maybe palm?

I just want some advice.

Advice?

Come.

Come and sit in my chair.

If you did...something wrong...

to someone that you loved,

but there was no way they'd ever find out,

would you tell them?

This person...

do you love him with your true heart?

Yes.

And if you don't tell him, he will never know?

Is this true?

Yes.

Will you?

What?

You will know.

Yes?

Of course.

Then I have a question for you.

How will your true heart...

ever love...

if it knows its love holds lies

and not kisses?

LENA SIGHS

PHONE RINGS

Sorry.

Hello?

'It's true, isn't it?'

-Who is this?

-'You tell me.'

You're cheating on him, aren't you?

'What?'

-How could you do it to him?

-'You don't know what you're talking about.'

Then what was going on at the movie theatre?

Oh! So you're the little bird. Somehow I just knew it.

You want to know what was "going on" at the theatre?

I was waiting for Jack so I could take him to the nearest hotel

'and fuck him. How's that?

'He betrayed me, I betrayed him.'

Now you'll probably go out with him and he'll betray you.

You're making this all up, aren't you?

My God! I think you might have just had a thought.

You're a fucking genius, Lena.

PHONE RINGS

-Hello?

-'Max, it's Lena.'

Do you know something?

-They're at your place, you gotta go.

-'Who?'

-Elizabeth is with him.

-I heard them. You gotta go fix it.

-'Are you sure?'

-I heard HIM.

Goddamn it!

They're both there?

Yes. Max, there's something I need to tell you.

-Something about me.

-'What?

'Lena, what?'

I don't have time for this!

I...

I lied about seeing Elizabeth with Jack.

'I pushed them together.'

I wanted you and Elizabeth to break up so I could be with you.

Max?

Max?

'Right then, I learned the only thing I've ever really learned.

'I didn't know anything.'

What difference does it make what I say? You won't believe me anyway.

-Cos you can't say it.

-I can say this. I'm going out tonight and I may not come home.

If you explain it, I will believe you.

If you explain, I'll believe you!

Oh!

That...hurt!

'I was having problems with my boyfriend.

'I knew he could be jealous, but somehow this went deeper.

'I've always believed there was goodness at the bottom of people.

'But now I was beginning to think that if you could strip away

'all the weakness and insecurity, underneath you'd only find MORE weakness and insecurity.'

Hey.

Oh. Hi. What are you doing?

Just more problems with you-know-who.

Oh. That's too bad.

Well, you were so nice to me about it at your party I thought maybe...

I don't know, maybe we could go for a coffee or something.

Er, yeah, definitely.

Um...

Listen, er...I'm just about to meet this woman who I met.

-Mm-hm.

-Why don't you come along?

I don't want to intrude or anything.

She won't mind if I bring along an old friend.

Yeah? I don't think so.

Come on, I just met her.

Why don't you join us?

Mm, I think I'll survive on my own. It's OK.

-Are you sure?

-Yes.

Yeah.

-I'm really sorry, I...

-It's OK.

Have fun.

Split pea. I'd have taken you for chicken noodle.

Maybe bean or... Henry?

Jack's party? Bossy guy.

-Elizabeth.

-Yeah.

-Hi.

-So...what are you doing up this late?

-I'm always up this late.

My time clock works a little differently from normal people.

-So...

-What do you mean?

Well, I sleep in shifts.

From four o'clock to eight o'clock. Four hours each, twice a day.

-Why?

-I get twice as many days as most people.

I have my "day" day, then I get a nap, then I have my "night" day.

I'm 64, yet remarkably supple.

-Do you mind if I sit down?

-No, go ahead.

Thanks.

The real question is,

what are YOU doing up here at one o'clock in the morning?

I didn't wanna go home.

Mmm...?

Actually, there was someone I didn't want to go home TO.

You didn't have to tell me. I saw the rest of it on Melrose Place.

-What happens?

-It's very moving...

until that bitch steals your baby.

-Stop it!

-How could she?!

Was it bad?

Bad enough.

-SHE LAUGHS

-That was a good one!

That was a good one. The next one is, um,

you have to do utter disdain,

all right? Utter disdain for a person who cuts in front of you in line.

All right? And he's bigger.

-That was it!

-NO! Come on!

-Person gets in front of me in line... Utter disdain, he's bigger than I am.

All right...

SHE LAUGHS

-That's good!

-Yeah?

-Yeah! You're good at this.

I spent years with Mum.

-So I learned my lesson. All right, here's one for you.

-OK.

You're on the phone, you're babysitting. You get a prank phone call,

when suddenly someone breaks in. It's coming from the basement.

That was very good(!)

That was really good(!)

-Did you like the high-pitched scream?

-I didn't know your mouth opened that wide!

-What about the scariest thing?

-I ever did? Um...

-Riding the Cyclone.

-What's that?

-The Cyclone?

Oh, man! A really old wooden roller coaster at Coney Island.

You know, I've never even been there.

-We should go!

-Now?!

-Yeah! Absolutely!

But isn't it closed now?

No, it's open late. And I don't have to be in bed for another two hours!

-OK!

-Yeah?

-Yeah, let's go!

MUSIC DROWNS OUT SPEECH

He used to be so...

much different... I don't know.

-Like those toothpicks, with the floss on the end...?

-Yeah.

It was a crazy idea, but I LIKED that he was coming up with wild ideas!

What happened?

Well, ever since I brought up the idea of marriage,

he lost his sense of humour.

And now, the only wild idea he has is that I'm not to be trusted.

-Wasn't he writing a book, or something?

-Yeah.

But that hasn't happened yet.

And what about you? What do you wanna do?

-You say you like wild ideas?

-Yeah.

I wasn't gonna tell you what I did, but...

-Elizabeth, I'm a hired assassin.

-SHE LAUGHS

I kill for money and enjoyment.

I was hired by a foreign government to kill you. I don't know what you did in Canada, but they're angry!

Come on!

I make prints for other photographers.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-Do you like it?

-It's all right.

It's not the kind of travel opportunities as killing for money...

When are you ever serious?

Just say the word.

DIALS PHONE

RINGING TONE

'You've reached the Black residence. We're not home right now, so please leave your name and number.'

BEEP!

Hi, Mom, it's me.

I was just calling to chat. Are you home?

I guess you already went to work. DOOR OPENS

Anyway, um, I should go. I just wish you were home. Love to Dad. Bye.

What?

PHONE RINGS Maybe you should just wait, and if you wanna talk to the doctor...

Excuse me. ..West Village Veterinary Hospital?

Hi!

I was hoping you would call.

No.

BEEPS HORN

Thanks a lot(!) Thank you so much(!)

So very kind(!)

-Excuse me.

-Lena!

-Hey!

'It's odd how you need someone else to make you feel guilty.

'If you were alone on an island,

'you'd never feel guilty because there'd be no-one else there to judge you.

'But the other requirement for guilt is you have to think it's wrong as well.

'It's a two-party contract, which is helpful,

'because if you don't THINK you're guilty, you don't have to waste your time feeling that way.'

Hey!

-Hi!

-Hi. Hold on to me.

-Why?

Elizabeth, where are we going?!

-Are you gonna mug me?!

-No! No!

What's going on?!

She saw me waiting for you. She saw me waiting for you.

I stammered so much, I'm sure I gave everything away.

-What do you think she thought?

-That I was crazy, that's what she thought!

Maybe you ARE a little bit.

I know - it's great, it's good. Yeah, I am, I think I am.

-It's OK.

-I've just never been in this kind of situation before.

I feel like I'm in some sort of weird... I don't know.

-I keep thinking that the murderer always leaves clues.

-Murderer?!

Yeah, the murderer... always leaves a clue

-at the scene of a crime.

-What did YOU leave behind?

-Well, yeah, I haven't left anything yet.

But I was thinking that... if I were really bad...

..then I probably would've left it at Coney Island.

-Did you want to leave it?

-Sure.

Your heart's beating so fast.

What about Max?

THEY BOTH GROAN I don't know about Max.

Can we just go to a different movie? Let's go to a different movie.

But no foreign films - it'll just be too depressing.

-I'm allergic to them.

-How convenient!

Subtitles give me a rash.

Max, can you...?

What?

I got my recommendation from Dr Heller.

It was great.

I...

-That's good.

-Yeah.

Congratulations. Really.

Thanks.

See ya.

PHONE RINGS

-Hello?

-I couldn't tell him.

-'How come?'

Well, I couldn't separate with him without telling him about you,

and I couldn't tell him about you

without crushing him...

and without me becoming a cheating slut...

-He's at work, right?

-'Yeah.'

I'm coming over.

What? DIALLING TONE No! Wait!

KNOCK AT DOOR

Hi.

Hi.

Can I come in?

You're not supposed to be here.

I know.

LOCKS DOOR

-It's fine.

-No, I'm sorry.

-You can sit here.

-Thanks.

I should...

What?

Tell him.

-I should go.

-What?

Should I go?

I don't know.

What do YOU want?

I just...I just want it to be over.

You know?

But I know that once...he knows...

..that it will be awful, and...

that it will probably...

go on forever.

I just don't wanna...

start so much...

ugliness.

I'm glad you're here, though.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

PHONE RINGS

I'm sorry.

Hello?

-LENA:

-'It's true, isn't it?'

-Who is this?

-'You can tell me.

-'You're cheating on him, aren't you?'

-You're a fucking genius, Lena(!)

Fuck!

Fuck!

Elizabeth! It's me!

I know you two are in here!

Open the door!

Just a second!

No, I'm not going to hold on!

-I know what you're up to! I know what you two are doing!

-Just a second!

Put this on.

Open the fucking door!

This isn't what I meant to do...

-Where is he?!

-What are you doing?

-It's a simple question. WHERE IS HE?!

-Don't yell at me!

It upsets me!

Elizabeth, explain what's going on! I don't care if it's a fucking lie!

Tell me what's going on! Look me in the eye!

I said look me in the eye.

I...

I was in the bathroom and I was going to take a shower.

-What's that on your neck?

-What?

-That mark - what is it?

-There isn't a mark.

He must be a big boy, all that weight pushing down on you.

-Was it just like a hug goodbye - something sweet like that?

-You're crazy.

Where did he go?

Which word DON'T you understand?!

-At least I know I'm not crazy.

-You ARE fucking crazy.

-SPEAKS SPANISH

-What the fuck are you doing up here?

-Will I see you?

-Sometime.

I'm sorry.

'At that moment, I became TWO Maxes.

'One was lying on the roof.

'While the other one - me - floated up into the sky.

'As I rose, I began to see what had happened...

'to see what I had done.'

SILENT

'And with that knowledge...

'I flew into the clouds.'

It was a mistake.

-I got a bad idea in my head.

-It wasn't a mistake, Max.

I need to be away from you for a while, so I can figure out what's going on with me.

So you can be with him?

I don't know what will happen with Henry.

I just wanna be on my own for a while.

-How long?

-I don't know.

Will we ever get back together?

I don't know, Max.

I don't know if things could be the same between us.

I wouldn't say never, but I wouldn't say maybe, either.

-But you...

-I wish it weren't true.

I wish everything in the world weren't true.

Me too, but it is.

I sold the toothpicks.

Where?

Chinatown.

Apparently they love the flavour.

Sold them to a chain. They ordered 100,000.

That's great, Max.

Congratulations.

Thanks.

Are you leaving?

Yeah.

I guess I should leave you alone.

Bye, Elizabeth.

Bye, Max.

That day, I started to hear a new voice.

One that didn't come from above.

You know, if you COULD strip away everything superficial from people,

really get to the bottom of them,

you wouldn't necessarily find weakness and insecurity,

you'd just find something else to strip away.

And behind that would be something else.

What's at the bottom of people? There is no bottom!

Then, I returned from the sky...

And the two Maxes were joined together.

I began to think of something that happened when I was floating in the sky.

I flew into a cloud.

And I heard a voice.

Quiet and clear.

It said, "Be careful where you tread

"for the world is full of angels."

Lena!

"You'll be very successful in business, and then you'll die."

"You are surrounded by true friends who are all going to die."

"One of your best friends will try to destroy your life

"by saying your girlfriend is cheating on you, and then you'll die."

-I said I was sorry for that.

-I'm just joking.

OK.

"You will find the one you truly want, and they'll forgive you... in bed."

And then you'll both die.

So what do you wanna do?

We should get out of here cos this is a dangerous area.

-I was mugged here.

-Really?

-Yeah. By the freak show, the bearded lady.

Never call her "scruffy".

-You don't believe me!

-No, I don't believe you any more!

I'm sorry. OK, what happened?

I called her scruffy...

-You know what they love, bearded ladies?

-No.

-Um, flowers

and air conditioning.