Jersey Girl

Line	From	To
Snooch to the nooch!	0:00:16	0:00:18
HE GASPS	0:00:18	0:00:20
This film contains some strong language.	0:00:20	0:00:25
HE WHISTLES	0:00:25	0:00:27
BELL RINGS	0:00:30	0:00:32
WOMAN: Everyone, please take your seats.	0:00:32	0:00:33
You heard the bell.	0:00:33	0:00:34
You know what it means. Last week,	0:00:34	0:00:37
the assignment was to write an essay about your family.	0:00:37	0:00:44
Who they... CLASS: Are!	0:00:44	0:00:47
And what they...	0:00:47	0:00:49
CLASS: Mean to us!	0:00:49	0:00:51
Excellent droning.	0:00:51	0:00:53
So I want everyone to take out their essays.	0:00:53	0:00:55
We're going to read them aloud to the class right up here.	0:00:55	0:00:59
My mom says that me and my dad have very healthy appetites.	0:00:59	0:01:07
My mom and dad are very religious.	0:01:07	0:01:10
When they're in their bedroom at night,	0:01:10	0:01:12
I always hear them yelling, "Jesus!"	0:01:12	0:01:15
My mom says my dad's eyes are brown because he is so full of sh...	0:01:15	0:01:21
< TEACHER: Brian!	0:01:21	0:01:23
My brother Jack is in eighth grade.	0:01:23	0:01:25
He told me to ask my dad who he voted for...	0:01:25	0:01:27
for...for president.	0:01:27	0:01:29
I did and my dad said he's a total Bush-man.	0:01:29	0:01:32
That made my brother laugh really hard.	0:01:32	0:01:36
Whenever my Uncle Stu comes over to play pool with my dad,	0:01:36	0:01:40
my mom says the basement smells like a Cheech and Chong movie.	0:01:40	0:01:45
Well...it's like this. My dog ate my paper.	0:01:45	0:01:50
I checked, but he didn't poop it out.	0:01:50	0:01:52
CLASS LAUGH	0:01:52	0:01:54
What a lovely sentiment, Mr Etheridge.	0:01:54	0:01:56
Maybe your dog can eat the zero you'll be receiving, too.	0:01:56	0:01:59
Aw, man! BOY: Harsh. >	0:01:59	0:02:03
Miss Trinke? It's your turn now.	0:02:03	0:02:06
My dad says life can be split into two categories...	0:02:18	0:02:21
New Jersey...and New York.	0:02:21	0:02:24
MUSIC PLAYS	0:02:32	0:02:34
GIRL: 'My dad was a Jersey boy who became the youngest	0:02:37	0:02:39
and most successful music publicist in New York City.	0:02:39	0:02:43
'By the time he was 27, he had 100 people working for him.	0:02:43	0:02:47
'And even though they all loved him, he loved them even more.'	0:02:47	0:02:51
My fellow flacks and spin doctors, salud.	0:02:51	0:02:57
GIRL: 'Daddy loved his job,	0:02:57	0:02:58
'but not as much as he loved my mom.	0:02:58	0:03:01
'Mommy was a book editor in New York City when her and Daddy met.	0:03:01	0:03:05
'Daddy said their jobs were kind of the same...	0:03:05	0:03:07
'They made slight corrections for their clients.'	0:03:07	0:03:10
Because George Michael is a pimp	0:03:10	0:03:12
who is all about the ladies, my friend.	0:03:12	0:03:16
Come on, "I want your sex"?	0:03:16	0:03:17
That sound like he's singing to a guy?	0:03:17	0:03:20
'Daddy worked so much that sometimes	0:03:20	0:03:22
'Mommy could only see him late at night.	0:03:22	0:03:25
'Daddy says that's why they both loved the city so much...	0:03:25	0:03:28
'It never went to sleep.	0:03:28	0:03:32
'And neither did him and Mommy.	0:03:32	0:03:35
'But after a year of romance in New York City,	0:03:35	0:03:37
'Daddy said it was time to show Mommy where he came from.	0:03:37	0:03:41
'So he took her home to New Jersey	0:03:41	0:03:44
'and put her through what he said	0:03:44	0:03:45
'was the biggest test their love would ever face -	0:03:45	0:03:49
' "introducing her to my pop." '	0:03:49	0:03:54
Hey, how are ya? How're ya doin'?	0:03:54	0:03:56
How're ya doin' yourself? This is Gertrude.	0:03:56	0:03:58
Hi. Merry Christmas.	0:03:58	0:04:01
And what do you do, Mr Trinke?	0:04:01	0:04:04
Easy on the "Mr Trinke". It's Bart.	0:04:04	0:04:06
I work for the borough for 30 years now.	0:04:06	0:04:08
He's the only man in Highlands	0:04:08	0:04:10
licensed to operate the street sweeper.	0:04:10	0:04:12
Oh, man, I always wanted to ride in one of those things.	0:04:12	0:04:15
Well, you continue seeing my son,	0:04:15	0:04:17
I can probably get you a turn at the wheel.	0:04:17	0:04:19
I was only gonna sleep with him a few more times and then dump him,	0:04:19	0:04:23
but now, after an offer like that...	0:04:23	0:04:24
Holy shit. Listen to the mouth on this one!	0:04:24	0:04:27
Oh, yeah, they don't make 'em like Mom any more, do they, Dad?	0:04:27	0:04:29
Now, listen, I'm goin' to the bar.	0:04:29	0:04:31
What a shock.	0:04:31	0:04:32
If you guys are gonna do anything while I'm gone,	0:04:32	0:04:34
stay the hell off of my bed.	0:04:34	0:04:36
You're going to a bar?	0:04:36	0:04:37
Didn't he tell ya? I'm an alcoholic.	0:04:37	0:04:40
Well, I wanna go to the bar, too.	0:04:40	0:04:42
Oh, no. You don't wanna go to this bar.	0:04:42	0:04:44
It's a bunch of old guys	0:04:44	0:04:45
talkin' about how good they had it under Kennedy.	0:04:45	0:04:47
The man was a goddamn saint.	0:04:47	0:04:49
I'm goin' to the bar with your dad.	0:04:49	0:04:51
You can come if you want.	0:04:51	0:04:53
No, that's OK. I'll stay here and do the dishes.	0:04:53	0:04:55
I only cooked. Why shouldn't I clean?	0:04:55	0:04:57
Suit yourself. But don't wash that pan.	0:04:57	0:04:59
I got a layer of juice built up for the pork roll,	0:04:59	0:05:02
and I don't want you scrubbin' it off.	0:05:02	0:05:04
That juice is called grease, Dad.	0:05:04	0:05:05
It's bad for you. It clogs your arteries.	0:05:05	0:05:08
It's called juice, and it greases a father's insides	0:05:08	0:05:11
so that he can better swallow	0:05:11	0:05:13
the shit his son feeds him twice a year	0:05:13	0:05:14
when he can be bothered coming to visit him.	0:05:14	0:05:17
GIRL: 'So that night, Daddy took Mommy to Pop's bar,	0:05:17	0:05:21
'where she got to meet pop's other children,	0:05:21	0:05:24
'his best friends Greenie and Block.'	0:05:24	0:05:27
Hey, your kid's cuttin' a rug.	0:05:27	0:05:30
Who are you, Connie Chung?	0:05:34	0:05:35
'Daddy said because Mommy survived her first trip to Jersey,	0:05:37	0:05:42
'he knew she was a keeper.	0:05:42	0:05:43
'He said they celebrated their engagement	0:05:48	0:05:52
'by going out for pizza.	0:05:52	0:05:55
'And that's how I got here.'	0:05:55	0:05:58
Do we have enough of these at home, or should I steal some?	0:05:58	0:06:00
If you're gonna steal something, steal some rubber gloves.	0:06:00	0:06:03
KNOCK AT THE DOOR	0:06:03	0:06:05
Thank you! You're welcome!	0:06:17	0:06:21
'And with that, everyone lived happily ever after.	0:06:21	0:06:25
'Almost.'	0:06:25	0:06:26
Look, you've got two minutes, and then we have to go, OK?	0:06:26	0:06:29
Or I'm gonna leave. Would you stop rushing me?	0:06:29	0:06:31
I don't understand how somebody	0:06:31	0:06:32
who had all day sitting around to get ready	0:06:32	0:06:34
waits till 20 minutes before we have to leave!	0:06:34	0:06:36
You try getting anything accomplished with this big gut in your way!	0:06:36	0:06:38
This is one of the few days of the year	0:06:38	0:06:40
that I can be fired for being late!	0:06:40	0:06:41
Anytime that you wanna carry this baby, Ollie, you let me know. OK?	0:06:41	0:06:46
I would be glad to go back to wearing regular dresses instead of this tent!	0:06:46	0:06:49
The dress looks fine. It's gorgeous, OK? It's beautiful.	0:06:49	0:06:52
Yeah, until I'm standing next to Janet Jackson or Sheryl Crow.	0:06:52	0:06:54
Then you'll see how not fine it looks.	0:06:54	0:06:56
Gertie, I asked you, please, to use your own brush, OK?	0:06:56	0:06:59
Can you just not use my brush? Don't start.	0:06:59	0:07:01
It's just that every time I wanna comb my hair	0:07:01	0:07:02
I spend 15 minutes taking these long bushy hairs out of my brush.	0:07:02	0:07:07
And I mean, you ask me to...	0:07:07	0:07:08
SHE CRIES	0:07:08	0:07:10
I'm sorry.	0:07:10	0:07:12
Baby, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.	0:07:12	0:07:15
You don't understand what it's like to be this fat!	0:07:15	0:07:18
I've always been thin, and now I'm a disgusting pig!	0:07:18	0:07:21
And it's my first time going to the video music awards	0:07:21	0:07:24
and all the other girls are gonna be skinny, and I'm gonna look like a whale!	0:07:24	0:07:29
Baby, baby, they're just skinny cos they're all coked-out whores.	0:07:29	0:07:33
I wanna be a coked-out whore!	0:07:33	0:07:35
OK, you can be a coked-out whore, too.	0:07:35	0:07:37
You can be a coked-out, coked-out whore.	0:07:37	0:07:40
I'm sorry.	0:07:40	0:07:42
I should be more sensitive. I'm sorry.	0:07:42	0:07:43
I should be more sensitive, honey. I know.	0:07:43	0:07:46
Yes. I know.	0:07:46	0:07:48
Baby, we have to go now, OK? OK.	0:07:48	0:07:51
I love you. We have to go now. OK.	0:07:51	0:07:53
I love you, too. All right, let's go. OK?	0:07:53	0:07:55
Just give me two minutes.	0:07:55	0:07:58
OLLIE: What time is it? MAN: 20 after.	0:07:58	0:08:00
She's gonna kill me!	0:08:00	0:08:01
I need the quote for the Madonna release.	0:08:01	0:08:04
OK. "Madonna trusts the public will judge for itself that...	0:08:04	0:08:09
"this latest in a long line of breakthrough music videos	0:08:09	0:08:12
"is not the tasteless sexploitation it's accused of being.	0:08:12	0:08:16
"It's artistic expression." Of what?	0:08:16	0:08:20
Of one woman's constant need to show the world...	0:08:20	0:08:24
Her labia.	0:08:24	0:08:25
Hey, can I use the word "labia" in a press release?	0:08:27	0:08:30
See you next week.	0:08:49	0:08:51
One of these days, I'll get me one of those husbands that show up for Lamaze.	0:08:53	0:08:57
I'm sorry, babe. It was Madonna.	0:08:57	0:09:00
So you were late because of another woman. That's nice.	0:09:00	0:09:03
Come on. I still gotta do my job.	0:09:03	0:09:04
And I still gotta do mine, too.	0:09:04	0:09:06
But I was at Lamaze on time.	0:09:06	0:09:11
Look, all I'm saying is	0:09:11	0:09:13
that guy who used to spend all night at the office	0:09:13	0:09:15
and barely live in his apartment...	0:09:15	0:09:17
That's not you any more.	0:09:17	0:09:19
Now you have to be the guy who's done by six	0:09:19	0:09:21
and comes home and hangs out with his family.	0:09:21	0:09:25
That's the only way we're gonna work.	0:09:25	0:09:29
OK?	0:09:29	0:09:31
OK.	0:09:33	0:09:34
OK. OK.	0:09:34	0:09:36
OK!	0:09:36	0:09:39
OK. OK.	0:09:40	0:09:42
HE PANTS	0:09:44	0:09:46
Can I help you? Yes.	0:09:46	0:09:49
My wife's water broke. She's gonna have a baby.	0:09:49	0:09:51
You're gonna have to check in, hon.	0:09:51	0:09:53
Check in?! Where, at the concierge desk?!	0:09:53	0:09:55
Why are you being so combative with me?!	0:09:55	0:09:58
First of all, take your hands off my uniform.	0:09:58	0:10:01
And second, I'm gonna need a patient here.	0:10:01	0:10:05
This is my wife. This is the belligerent nurse	0:10:08	0:10:10
that's being so difficult with me,	0:10:10	0:10:11
giving me such a hard time.	0:10:11	0:10:13
I'm sorry. He's a little panicky.	0:10:13	0:10:14
Can I get a wheelchair?	0:10:14	0:10:16
Let's get you up to delivery...	0:10:16	0:10:18
And let him fill out the paperwork.	0:10:18	0:10:19
OK. If we can trust him with a pen.	0:10:19	0:10:21
Here, sweetie.	0:10:21	0:10:23
OK, just relax, breathe. Remember, take it easy.	0:10:23	0:10:24
I love you. I'll be right there, OK? I love you.	0:10:24	0:10:26
I love you, too. OK, I love you.	0:10:26	0:10:29
We've practised this a thousand times.	0:10:29	0:10:30
It'll be great. How hard can it be?	0:10:30	0:10:32
SHE SCREAMS	0:10:32	0:10:34
Push. You're doing good.	0:10:34	0:10:36
DOCTOR: You're doing real good.	0:10:36	0:10:38
No, I can't! I can't do it!	0:10:38	0:10:39
DOCTOR: Take a breath.	0:10:39	0:10:41
It hurts! I know it hurts.	0:10:41	0:10:43
It's OK, baby. Push. You can do it.	0:10:43	0:10:46
Take a deep breath. In 5, 4...	0:10:46	0:10:49
OK. Here you go. ...3, 2, 1.	0:10:49	0:10:52
DOCTOR: Push. Push harder, Gertie. Push harder.	0:10:52	0:10:55
The baby's crowning. I can see her. I just need one more push.	0:10:55	0:10:57
Can you see her?	0:10:57	0:10:59
Holy shit! I can see the head!	0:10:59	0:11:00
DOCTOR: One more. Breathe.	0:11:00	0:11:02
Push! It's almost there, baby.	0:11:02	0:11:04
Push! You're doing it. Push!	0:11:04	0:11:06
Push!	0:11:06	0:11:06
DOCTOR: Here she comes! Here she comes!	0:11:10	0:11:12
Here she is.	0:11:12	0:11:14
Do you wanna cut the cord, Dad?	0:11:14	0:11:15
Yeah. Scissors, please.	0:11:15	0:11:18
Yes. And she's got all ten fingers, ten toes.	0:11:18	0:11:24
We'll get her all cleaned up and then we're gonna check...	0:11:24	0:11:28
Gertie?	0:11:28	0:11:29
OLLIE: Baby, look. Gertie?	0:11:29	0:11:32
Gertie!	0:11:32	0:11:34
Gertie, can you hear me?	0:11:34	0:11:36
She's OK. Sweetheart?	0:11:36	0:11:37
Nurse, get Dr Mortimer right away!	0:11:37	0:11:39
OLLIE: She's resting. Who's Dr Mortimer?	0:11:39	0:11:41
Dr Mortimer!	0:11:41	0:11:43
What's happening? She's unresponsive.	0:11:43	0:11:44
NURSE: Gertie! Gertie. Gertie!	0:11:44	0:11:46
Gertie, it's me! Gertie?	0:11:46	0:11:49
DOCTOR: Healthy baby. Unresponsive.	0:11:49	0:11:51
DOCTOR: Respiratory arrest.	0:11:51	0:11:52
NURSE: Turn it around!	0:11:52	0:11:54
What's happening to my wife?	0:11:54	0:11:55
Let's open that IV, please.	0:11:55	0:11:57
Baby, are you OK? Sweetheart, sweetheart, wake up!	0:11:57	0:12:01
Please, someone take Mr Trinke outside. Please!	0:12:01	0:12:04
I'm gonna have to intubate.	0:12:04	0:12:06
Gertie, wake up, my love. Wake up.	0:12:06	0:12:08
Gertie, please. Wake up.	0:12:08	0:12:11
Get off me. Gertie!	0:12:11	0:12:14
I wanna stay with my wife! Gertie. Gertie!	0:12:14	0:12:17
What's happening?!	0:12:17	0:12:19
Ollie...	0:12:38	0:12:40
If I don't get to go in there right now, I swear to God!	0:12:40	0:12:42
Ollie, calm down.	0:12:42	0:12:43
Fuck you, calm down! OK?!	0:12:43	0:12:45
I got dragged out of there, I haven't got to see my baby!	0:12:45	0:12:47
Your baby is fine. She's healthy, she's normal.	0:12:47	0:12:50
What's wrong with Gertie?	0:12:50	0:12:51
I need you to calm down before I...	0:12:51	0:12:54
Look, I'm calm! OK?!	0:12:54	0:12:56
HE SIGHS	0:12:56	0:13:00
I'm calm.	0:13:00	0:13:03
We think Gertie had an aneurysm.	0:13:03	0:13:08
Is she OK?	0:13:08	0:13:12
We lost her, Ollie.	0:13:12	0:13:16
The strain of the contractions	0:13:16	0:13:17
and the pushing caused the aneurysm to rupture.	0:13:17	0:13:21
There are rarely symptoms for aneurysms...	0:13:21	0:13:24
MUSIC: "That's How I Knew This Story Would Break My Heart" by Aimee Mann	0:13:24	0:13:28
# I drew a picture of you	0:13:28	0:13:32
# You and your anchor tattoo	0:13:36	0:13:40
# And saw the face that I knew	0:13:42	0:13:46
# Covered in shame	0:13:48	0:13:52
# You drew the bird that was here	0:13:56	0:14:00
# The kind of sweet chanticleer	0:14:03	0:14:08
# But with a terrible fear	0:14:10	0:14:15
# That the cage couldn't tame	0:14:16	0:14:21
# That's how I knew the story would break my heart	0:14:26	0:14:33
# When you're older	0:14:34	0:14:38
# That's how I knew the story would break my heart... #	0:14:40	0:14:48
OLLIE: You sure you're OK with this, Dad?	0:15:04	0:15:06
What, OK? She's my granddaughter.	0:15:06	0:15:09
Yeah, you can stay with me anytime, can't you?	0:15:09	0:15:13
Yes, you can.	0:15:13	0:15:15
Until you're a teenager, with the boys and a reefer.	0:15:15	0:15:18
Then I don't wanna know about you.	0:15:18	0:15:21
I wouldn't impose on you, you know.	0:15:21	0:15:24
I just got a lot of work... Piled up from before and...	0:15:24	0:15:30
I'll be back late tonight, OK?	0:15:30	0:15:32
Yeah, take your time.	0:15:32	0:15:34
Your daddy really misses your mommy, kid.	0:15:38	0:15:40
I miss her, too.	0:15:40	0:15:43
Especially right now.	0:15:43	0:15:45
BABY FARTS Oh, Jesus!	0:15:45	0:15:48
KNOCK AT THE DOOR	0:15:54	0:15:56
Yeah.	0:15:56	0:15:58
You wanted to see me, Ollie?	0:15:58	0:15:59
Yeah, come on in.	0:15:59	0:16:03
I didn't think you were gonna be in this week. How you doin'?	0:16:03	0:16:05
You all right? I'm fine.	0:16:05	0:16:07
Look, this piece in the post.	0:16:07	0:16:09
Why didn't you call me when this broke?	0:16:09	0:16:11
I had to read about it in New Jersey.	0:16:11	0:16:13
I covered it. It's cool. The nurse is a fan.	0:16:13	0:16:15
Will she still be a fan when the Enquirer	0:16:15	0:16:16
flashes a stack of 50s in her face?	0:16:16	0:16:18
Listen, something like this breaks, I'm not in the city,	0:16:18	0:16:21
you find me or you find another job.	0:16:21	0:16:24
Yeah, OK.	0:16:24	0:16:25
OK.	0:16:29	0:16:32
What else have we got?	0:16:32	0:16:34
Um, Will Smith.	0:16:34	0:16:36
Who? The Fresh Prince?	0:16:36	0:16:39
"DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince." Fresh Prince?	0:16:39	0:16:41
Yeah. > What about him?	0:16:41	0:16:43
You remember the first album,	0:16:43	0:16:44
the one with "girls ain't..."	0:16:44	0:16:46
Rock The House. Yeah?	0:16:46	0:16:48
Right. You remember on the cover of the album	0:16:48	0:16:50
Jazzy Jeff is holding a model of a house?	0:16:50	0:16:52
Vaguely.	0:16:52	0:16:54
Will Smith is donating that house to the Hard Rock Cafe.	0:16:54	0:16:57
Well, stop the presses. You put the word out yet?	0:16:57	0:16:59
Date pending, yeah. Anybody give a shit?	0:16:59	0:17:01
Every outlet wants in.	0:17:01	0:17:03
You're kidding me.	0:17:03	0:17:06
No. Even US News & World Report.	0:17:06	0:17:09
Why? It's an eight-year-old album.	0:17:09	0:17:11
Doesn't matter. Everyone loves that Fresh Prince TV show.	0:17:11	0:17:14
He's got that movie coming out in a couple of weeks,	0:17:14	0:17:16
Independence Day.	0:17:16	0:17:18
Let the film division handle it.	0:17:18	0:17:21
No, we can't. Will wants to keep	0:17:21	0:17:22
his music career separate from his movie career.	0:17:22	0:17:24
Like the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is ever gonna have a movie career.	0:17:24	0:17:29
Get me everything you can.	0:17:29	0:17:31
I'll put together a press kit on him, and we'll just do it.	0:17:31	0:17:33
OK. Patty, get me Kirsch.	0:17:33	0:17:35
PATTY: Sure, Ollie.	0:17:35	0:17:37
I can handle this Fresh Prince stuff	0:17:37	0:17:39
if you wanna take a couple of days...	0:17:39	0:17:41
Hey, Arthur, I can do my job.	0:17:41	0:17:43
I'm all set, OK? You do your job.	0:17:43	0:17:45
Go ahead. Patty, did you not hear me?	0:17:45	0:17:47
I asked you to please get Kirsch on the phone.	0:17:47	0:17:48
Ollie? PATTY: I'm trying.	0:17:48	0:17:49
What, man?	0:17:49	0:17:51
I know I told you at the funeral, but I'm really sorry...	0:17:51	0:17:54
I'm fine. OK, Arthur. I am fine!	0:17:54	0:17:55
Please go do what I asked you to do now.	0:17:55	0:17:58
Kirschner on one.	0:17:58	0:17:59
OK. Put him on the phone, then!	0:17:59	0:18:00
How's the baby?	0:18:00	0:18:01
The baby is fine, Arthur!	0:18:01	0:18:03
Forget about the baby! I just wanna do my job!	0:18:03	0:18:05
KIRSCH: Jesus Christ, Ollie!	0:18:05	0:18:07
What the hell you screamin' about?	0:18:07	0:18:09
Patty, was that...?	0:18:09	0:18:10
TURNS INTERCOM OFF	0:18:10	0:18:11
BABY CRIES	0:18:22	0:18:23
OLLIE: I'm working on that right now. Don't worry.	0:18:23	0:18:25
Just get there early and deal with the menu. OK?	0:18:25	0:18:27
Hey. Are you deaf? The kid is cryin' up there.	0:18:27	0:18:30
Can you deal with that?	0:18:30	0:18:32
I'm doing something important. OK. Thanks.	0:18:32	0:18:34
What the hell could be more important than your kid crying?	0:18:34	0:18:36
I have a memorabilia donation ceremony in the morning	0:18:36	0:18:38
that my company is treating like a royal wedding	0:18:38	0:18:41
cos apparently the client's	0:18:41	0:18:42
the most beloved American musician since Elvis.	0:18:42	0:18:44
The kid's been screaming for the last ten minutes.	0:18:44	0:18:47
If it bothers you so much, go up there and give her a bottle. OK?	0:18:47	0:18:50
Sorry. It's a nightmare trying to work at this house.	0:18:50	0:18:52
Jesus. Let me call you back, OK?	0:18:52	0:18:57
What, Dad?	0:18:57	0:18:58
Listen, kid. I lost a wife too, remember?	0:18:58	0:19:01
So I get how you're feeling. But come on.	0:19:01	0:19:03
You were married for what, 20 years? I got about 20 minutes.	0:19:03	0:19:06
So you don't "get" how I'm feeling at all, OK?	0:19:06	0:19:09
I'm sorry, Oliver, but that don't change the fact	0:19:09	0:19:11
that you're a goddamn father now	0:19:11	0:19:12
and you haven't acted like it since that kid got home from the hospital!	0:19:12	0:19:15
I been calling in sick for a month	0:19:15	0:19:17
to do the things you're supposed to be doin'!	0:19:17	0:19:19
Jesus Christ, if Gertie could see the shit you've been pulling...	0:19:19	0:19:23
Gertie doesn't see anything any more, Dad. She's dead.	0:19:23	0:19:27
Yeah, she's dead.	0:19:28	0:19:33
But you ain't. And neither is that kid.	0:19:33	0:19:36
BABY CONTINUES CRYING	0:19:36	0:19:39
HE DIALS	0:19:44	0:19:48
Yeah. It's nothin'. Uh...	0:19:48	0:19:52
All right, so I'm gonna do the kit. It's almost finished.	0:19:52	0:19:54
You can deal with the menu.	0:19:54	0:19:56
What time's Will getting there?	0:19:56	0:19:58
BABY CRIES	0:20:02	0:20:08
Dad, the baby's up!	0:20:08	0:20:10
CRYING CONTINUES	0:20:13	0:20:15
Dad, the baby needs to be fed!	0:20:15	0:20:18
Dad!	0:20:21	0:20:22
BART: What the hell...?!	0:20:30	0:20:32
Are you nuts? What, are you trying to get killed?!	0:20:34	0:20:36
What are you doing?	0:20:36	0:20:37
Searching for Christ. What's it look like?	0:20:37	0:20:39
It would have been nice	0:20:39	0:20:41
if you'd told me you were leaving the house!	0:20:41	0:20:42
That way, I could've given you the baby	0:20:42	0:20:44
instead of driving all the way down here! NOW I'm gonna hit traffic!	0:20:44	0:20:47
No, you ain't giving me the baby.	0:20:47	0:20:49
Hey. Excuse me?	0:20:53	0:20:56
I got uptown and downtown to do this morning.	0:20:56	0:20:58
You're on your own with the kid today.	0:20:58	0:20:59
What?! No. I have this press conference	0:20:59	0:21:02
I have to do this morning, Dad! You know that!	0:21:02	0:21:04
I got a job to do, too.	0:21:04	0:21:06
If I don't leave right now...	0:21:06	0:21:08
So leave! And do what with the baby?!	0:21:08	0:21:10
Take her with you! Goddamn it. I...	0:21:10	0:21:14
Look, I know I haven't been helping out that much with the baby...	0:21:14	0:21:17
Listen to you. "Helping out that much with the baby."	0:21:17	0:21:19
She's your daughter, for chrissake!	0:21:19	0:21:20
What am I supposed to do with her?!	0:21:20	0:21:23
Try acting like her father, shithead!	0:21:23	0:21:25
Goddamn it!	0:21:26	0:21:28
Folks, I'm sorry.	0:21:59	0:22:02
Sorry. Steve.	0:22:02	0:22:04
What the...?!	0:22:04	0:22:06
I ordered diapers. Did they get here yet?	0:22:06	0:22:07
You mean baby diapers?	0:22:07	0:22:09
Why didn't you start half an hour ago? You shouldn't have waited for me!	0:22:09	0:22:11
We're waiting for Will.	0:22:11	0:22:12
Will's not here?! No.	0:22:12	0:22:14
Are either of you guys... Trinket?	0:22:14	0:22:16
Close enough. Where is he? We're not sure.	0:22:16	0:22:18
Damn. That baby smells like shit. You know that, right?	0:22:18	0:22:20
ARTHUR: It's a good thing you finally showed up, man.	0:22:20	0:22:22
They're gettin' all rowdy out there.	0:22:22	0:22:23
Oh, mother of God!	0:22:23	0:22:25
What? Jesus... Ollie!	0:22:25	0:22:27
Ollie, the guy from Rolling Stone...	0:22:27	0:22:28
Holy shit! What is that smell?	0:22:28	0:22:31
Grow up, Susan! It's a dirty diaper.	0:22:31	0:22:32
What did the Rolling Stone guy say?	0:22:32	0:22:34
If we don't start in five minutes, they're leaving	0:22:34	0:22:36
to go cover the Blues Traveller signing at Tower.	0:22:36	0:22:38
Jesus Christ!	0:22:38	0:22:39
Hey, you're doing that wrong.	0:22:39	0:22:41
What?	0:22:41	0:22:42
You're doing that wrong.	0:22:42	0:22:43
You're supposed to wipe front to back.	0:22:43	0:22:45
You're wiping back to front.	0:22:45	0:22:46
You do that, you're just wiping the poop into her...	0:22:46	0:22:50
crevice.	0:22:50	0:22:51
Get outta here! Beat it!	0:22:51	0:22:54
Mark my words, you're gonna give her the crotch-rot.	0:22:54	0:22:56
Would one of you do...? You do this.	0:22:56	0:22:57
Oh, not me. No	0:22:57	0:22:58
Will you do this so I can go out there?	0:22:58	0:23:00
Why, because I'm a girl? I've never even seen a naked baby. No!	0:23:00	0:23:03
Fine. Thank you very much. I'm gonna remember this.	0:23:03	0:23:06
How much of this am I supposed to use?	0:23:06	0:23:07
Should I get that guy back?	0:23:07	0:23:08
He knew a lot about changing babies.	0:23:08	0:23:09
If it's for the smell, I suggest you use a lot.	0:23:09	0:23:12
Ooh. You gotta turn it. You gotta turn the top!	0:23:12	0:23:16
Oh. Direct it at the baby.	0:23:16	0:23:19
Thank you! Go out there, please,	0:23:19	0:23:20
and tell them we're about to start!	0:23:20	0:23:22
I'd say more.	0:23:28	0:23:30
That's a lot.	0:23:35	0:23:36
MUSIC PLAYS	0:23:36	0:23:39
All right, the Fresh Prince is almost here.	0:23:39	0:23:41
Is that blow on your shirt?	0:23:41	0:23:44
What do you think, Stretch? This is show business.	0:23:44	0:23:48
That was a joke, people.	0:23:48	0:23:50
Where's the Fresh Prince?	0:23:50	0:23:51
The Fresh Prince is on his way.	0:23:51	0:23:53
It's crying. Will you take it? No. No.	0:23:53	0:23:55
Is that Jazzy Jeff? ALL LAUGH	0:23:55	0:23:59
This is bullshit! Where's the Fresh Prince?	0:23:59	0:24:01
Will someone please shut that girl up?	0:24:01	0:24:03
Enough with the romper room! Bring out the Fresh Prince!	0:24:03	0:24:06
CHANTING: Fresh Prince! Fresh Prince!	0:24:06	0:24:09
Please take her.	0:24:09	0:24:10
I, er...	0:24:12	0:24:16
Goddamn it. Christ! Give her to me! Give me the baby.	0:24:16	0:24:21
CHANTING CONTINUES	0:24:21	0:24:24
Would you people just shut the hell up with the "Fresh Prince" already?!	0:24:31	0:24:35
He's a two-bit TV actor...	0:24:35	0:24:37
Who won't be around any longer than it takes for the ink to dry	0:24:37	0:24:39
on the pages of the worthless rags you jerk-offs write for!	0:24:39	0:24:44
SILENCE	0:24:44	0:24:48
Shit.	0:24:48	0:24:49
That guy's toast.	0:24:52	0:24:53
That's a hell of a quote.	0:24:53	0:24:54
MUSIC: "Swing Low Sweet Chariot" by George Jones	0:24:59	0:25:03
BABY CRIES	0:25:03	0:25:04
# Well, I looked over Jordan	0:25:04	0:25:06
# And what did I see? #	0:25:06	0:25:09
It's all right, Arthur.	0:25:09	0:25:10
# ..Comin' for to carry me home	0:25:10	0:25:18
# A band of angels	0:25:18	0:25:21
# Coming after me	0:25:21	0:25:25
# Coming for to carry me home	0:25:25	0:25:31
# Swing low, sweet chariot	0:25:34	0:25:41
# Coming for to carry me home	0:25:41	0:25:46
# Swing low, sweet chariot	0:25:46	0:25:53
# Coming for to carry me home	0:25:53	0:26:00
# Coming for to carry me home. #	0:26:00	0:26:07
we won't be here too long, Dad.	0:26:14	0:26:16
We'll be out of your hair as soon as I get another job.	0:26:16	0:26:19
I have some feelers out to the other firms right now.	0:26:19	0:26:22
As soon as this whole thing blows over...	0:26:22	0:26:25
It's OK to stay here as long as you need to,	0:26:25	0:26:28
till you get back on your feet.	0:26:28	0:26:29
I appreciate that.	0:26:29	0:26:31
On one condition.	0:26:31	0:26:32
Here we go.	0:26:32	0:26:33
You put the kid to bed every night.	0:26:33	0:26:36
That's it? For starters.	0:26:36	0:26:39
And no whores. I don't want no whores in my house.	0:26:39	0:26:43
I'm not really a whoremonger, Dad.	0:26:43	0:26:47
Here, the kid gets this.	0:26:47	0:26:48
That's cute. 8 o'clock - you both get a bottle.	0:26:48	0:26:52
Just shut the hell up and go be a father, would ya, please?	0:26:52	0:26:56
No?	0:27:19	0:27:20
HE CLEARS THROAT Yeah, this is only temporary, us...you know...	0:27:28	0:27:32
Living with your grandfather here.	0:27:32	0:27:36
So...	0:27:36	0:27:40
How about that Fresh Prince thing, huh?	0:27:40	0:27:43
It was quite a show.	0:27:43	0:27:46
Your dad's one big horse's ass.	0:27:46	0:27:50
Daddy's ex-bosses said the guys who did PR for Hitler	0:27:50	0:27:53
have a better chance of working in this business again than Daddy does.	0:27:53	0:27:56
So, OK...	0:28:00	0:28:04
How're you doin'?	0:28:04	0:28:06
Yeah. You know, you kinda look like your mom.	0:28:10	0:28:14
Like a squishier, balder version of your mom.	0:28:14	0:28:19
Man...	0:28:23	0:28:25
I just wish you could've gotten to meet your mom.	0:28:25	0:28:29
I know she wanted to meet you	0:28:29	0:28:32
in a big, bad way.	0:28:32	0:28:36
In a big, bad way.	0:28:37	0:28:40
Sometimes, Daddy wishes he'd have died instead of Mommy...	0:28:43	0:28:48
Because Mommy never would've...	0:28:48	0:28:51
let work get in the way of...getting to know you,	0:28:51	0:28:55
like Daddy has for the last...month or so.	0:28:55	0:29:02
It's just that Daddy... He didn't expect mommy...	0:29:02	0:29:08
HE SIGHS ..to leave the way she did.	0:29:08	0:29:13
It's just really hard on Daddy,	0:29:13	0:29:16
who's been trying to fill up his days with work,	0:29:16	0:29:18
so he wouldn't have to think about Mommy never being around again.	0:29:18	0:29:22
I just loved your mom so much. You know?	0:29:24	0:29:28
She really lit my world on fire.	0:29:30	0:29:35
When that happens...	0:29:35	0:29:38
You kinda think it'll go on like that	0:29:38	0:29:40
until one of you dies. You know?	0:29:40	0:29:44
You just don't expect...	0:29:44	0:29:47
I miss her so much. So, so much.	0:29:47	0:29:51
And you're a little piece of Mommy,	0:29:56	0:29:58
and that makes you really special to Daddy.	0:29:58	0:30:01
Just don't go anywhere,	0:30:13	0:30:15
cos you're the next best thing to Mommy,	0:30:15	0:30:18
and I love you so much, and I'll always be here for you,	0:30:18	0:30:21
and I'm sorry about the way I've been acting.	0:30:21	0:30:24
I promise you... I'll be better now.	0:30:24	0:30:28
I'm gonna be the best daddy in the world.	0:30:28	0:30:32
Cos that's what Mommy wanted. And that's what you deserve.	0:30:32	0:30:38
And that's all I am now.	0:30:38	0:30:41
I'm just your dad.	0:30:41	0:30:44
Your dad likes to run off at the mouth sometimes, you know.	0:31:01	0:31:05
BABY SNEEZES	0:31:05	0:31:06
Your mother wasn't a fan, either.	0:31:09	0:31:12
You wanna see a picture of your mom. I have one.	0:31:13	0:31:18
This was your mommy. She was really pretty.	0:31:18	0:31:22
OK. You can keep it.	0:31:22	0:31:26
Daddy's got a bunch.	0:31:26	0:31:28
There you go.	0:31:30	0:31:32
Goodnight, Gertie.	0:31:43	0:31:44
BELL RINGS	0:32:02	0:32:04
MUSIC: "Worlds They Rise And Fall" by Mike Heron	0:32:04	0:32:09
# Worlds...	0:32:09	0:32:13
# They rise and fall... #	0:32:13	0:32:17
OLLIE: Gertie!	0:32:17	0:32:18
# ..Within her eyes... #	0:32:18	0:32:21
Your chariot awaits, princess. Let's go!	0:32:21	0:32:25
We gotta go. Argh!	0:32:27	0:32:30
# ..To fly in the sky... #	0:32:30	0:32:33
How was school, good? Mm-hmm.	0:32:33	0:32:34
You have a nice time? Yep.	0:32:34	0:32:36
Remember to put your seat belt on. Know where to find it?	0:32:36	0:32:38
Yep.	0:32:38	0:32:39
Lock and load. Comin' around. Get ready.	0:32:39	0:32:44
Ready? Punch it, chewy!	0:32:53	0:32:55
Can we go see Cats?	0:32:59	0:33:00
Absolutely not. Why?	0:33:00	0:33:02
Cats was the second-worst thing	0:33:02	0:33:03
that ever happened to New York City.	0:33:03	0:33:05
Besides, Cats closed three years ago.	0:33:05	0:33:07
We never do anything cool.	0:33:07	0:33:09
You're ridin' in the Batmobile, aren't ya? How cool is that?	0:33:09	0:33:12
Oh, my God.	0:33:12	0:33:14
Look, no-one's more depressed than me	0:33:14	0:33:15
that driving the street sweeper	0:33:15	0:33:16
is considered the height of excitement in my life.	0:33:16	0:33:19
I used to live in New York City.	0:33:19	0:33:20
I could've gone to see Cats three times a day.	0:33:20	0:33:23
It's not like I ever ask for anything.	0:33:23	0:33:25
Oh-ho-ho!	0:33:25	0:33:26
"And the Oscar goes to Gertie Trinke,	0:33:26	0:33:29
"for her performance in Laying It On Thick For My Old Man."	0:33:29	0:33:33
What is it with you and Cats all of a sudden?	0:33:33	0:33:35
I wanna sing a Cats song in the big show like everybody else.	0:33:35	0:33:38
What big show?	0:33:38	0:33:39
There's gonna be this big show at school.	0:33:39	0:33:41
All the people have to sing a song	0:33:41	0:33:42
with people from their family.	0:33:42	0:33:44
Are you inviting me to this big show?	0:33:44	0:33:46
Duh. Yeah, you and Pop, too.	0:33:46	0:33:48
Oh-ho. I'm sure that'll go over huge with your pop.	0:33:48	0:33:51
Can Uncle Greenie and Uncle Block be in it, too?	0:33:51	0:33:53
Those men are not your uncles.	0:33:53	0:33:54
They're barely even your peers.	0:33:54	0:33:57
Pee-ers?	0:33:57	0:33:58
When is this big show?	0:33:58	0:33:59
Right before Thanksgiving break.	0:33:59	0:34:01
Does it have to be something from the Bible?	0:34:01	0:34:03
I don't think so. Is Cats in the Bible?	0:34:03	0:34:06
The Satanic Bible, yes.	0:34:06	0:34:07
What?	0:34:16	0:34:17
When you taking her to see the cats?	0:34:17	0:34:19
Jesus, you, too? Gertie!	0:34:19	0:34:23
Do you even know what Cats is, Dad?	0:34:25	0:34:27
What, I don't read the papers?	0:34:27	0:34:29
You don't read that paper.	0:34:29	0:34:31
What are you doing with a New York Times?	0:34:31	0:34:33
They ran out of the Ledger.	0:34:33	0:34:34
They don't have the jumble in the Times, Dad.	0:34:34	0:34:37
Shit.	0:34:37	0:34:38
Where were you?	0:34:40	0:34:40
I was in the bathroom.	0:34:40	0:34:42
Why didn't I hear the toilet flush?	0:34:42	0:34:43
Oh. I forgot.	0:34:43	0:34:45
OK, march your butt back upstairs and flush that toilet.	0:34:45	0:34:48
And when I say "no" about something,	0:34:48	0:34:49
like, I don't know, Cats, maybe, I mean no.	0:34:49	0:34:52
OK?	0:34:52	0:34:53
Pop, you were supposed to be subtle!	0:34:53	0:34:55
Why do you teach her words like that?	0:34:55	0:34:57
You're gonna have to mow the park for me tomorrow. I can't do it.	0:34:57	0:35:00
Why the hell not?	0:35:00	0:35:01
I have an appointment in the city at 11.00.	0:35:01	0:35:03
Jesus, kid, why do you keep doin' it to yourself?	0:35:03	0:35:05
How many of these interviews you gotta go on	0:35:05	0:35:07
before you get it through your thick head	0:35:07	0:35:09
they don't want you in that business any more?	0:35:09	0:35:11
For chrissake, you made fun of that Prince Charles guy.	0:35:11	0:35:14
TOILET FLUSHES Thank you!	0:35:14	0:35:16
First of all, Dad, I didn't "make fun" of anybody.	0:35:16	0:35:19
I made one remark about Will Smith, the Fresh Prince.	0:35:19	0:35:23
Sooner or later, everyone's gonna forget about that	0:35:23	0:35:25
and I'm gonna go back to doing what I'm really good at,	0:35:25	0:35:27
instead of sweeping streets	0:35:27	0:35:28
and ploughing snow and picking up garbage.	0:35:28	0:35:30
OK?	0:35:30	0:35:32
If you're going into the city anyway,	0:35:32	0:35:34
at least take the kid to see the cats.	0:35:34	0:35:36
OLLIE SIGHS	0:35:36	0:35:38
Oh, God...	0:35:38	0:35:39
I'll tell you what. Since there is no more Cats,	0:35:39	0:35:42
Gertie, why don't you come over here	0:35:42	0:35:44
and pick out another play that you wanna see?	0:35:44	0:35:47
Look through here. Anything you want. Go nuts.	0:35:47	0:35:51
The cats is a show?	0:35:51	0:35:53
Yeah, you read the papers.	0:35:53	0:35:57
You think you're slick, don't ya, young lady?	0:35:57	0:35:59
Next time you're lookin' for a partner in crime,	0:35:59	0:36:01
you're gonna have to aim higher than your grandfather.	0:36:01	0:36:03
(He's soft in the head.)	0:36:03	0:36:05
BART: I heard that! >	0:36:05	0:36:07
Here. Can we go see this show?	0:36:09	0:36:12
Sweeney Todd. Do you know that this has a lot of singing?	0:36:12	0:36:15
It's still a play.	0:36:15	0:36:16
OK. I'm just checking.	0:36:16	0:36:18
Your dad one time lost a bet with someone at his work,	0:36:18	0:36:21
and he had to go see a singing play,	0:36:21	0:36:23
done by people on roller skates.	0:36:23	0:36:25
Cool!	0:36:25	0:36:25
Your dad didn't think so.	0:36:25	0:36:27
OLLIE: I handled primarily recording artists,	0:36:27	0:36:30
but when I initially trained,	0:36:30	0:36:31
I trained in film PR, so I can do that, too.	0:36:31	0:36:34
I, er...took the last six or seven years off.	0:36:34	0:36:38
I was raising my daughter in New Jersey.	0:36:38	0:36:40
But I kept abreast, so... I'm pretty comfortable jumping back in.	0:36:40	0:36:44
What else can I tell you guys? Uh...	0:36:44	0:36:47
That's it. I can start, you know, right away.	0:36:47	0:36:49
You guys all right?	0:36:53	0:36:55
HE CLEARS THROAT	0:36:55	0:36:57
Are you THE Ollie Trinke?	0:36:59	0:37:02
The one who used to work at Mandel-Kirschner?	0:37:02	0:37:04
Yeah, that was me...	0:37:05	0:37:06
Son of a bitch! Yes!	0:37:06	0:37:08
I told you, Reynolds! Pay up!	0:37:08	0:37:10
REYNOLDS: I got it.	0:37:10	0:37:11
Am I missing something?	0:37:11	0:37:12
Nah, nah, he just bet me you were THE Ollie Trinke,	0:37:12	0:37:15
the one who pulled "the Fresh Prince."	0:37:15	0:37:17
They named it?	0:37:17	0:37:18
Of course. Are you kidding? You're a legend, man!	0:37:18	0:37:21
You did what every flack only dreams about doing!	0:37:21	0:37:24
Which was what?	0:37:24	0:37:25
You went apeshit!	0:37:25	0:37:26
You trashed your client back to the Stone Age.	0:37:26	0:37:28
Yeah.	0:37:28	0:37:29
We bow to you, man.	0:37:29	0:37:30
You're like a god around here.	0:37:30	0:37:31
Yep, exactly. >	0:37:31	0:37:33
God enough to get a job?	0:37:33	0:37:34
No. Ha ha ha!	0:37:34	0:37:36
What, are you insane?	0:37:36	0:37:37
No chance, Trinke! THEY LAUGH	0:37:37	0:37:39
Pop, I'm home!	0:37:41	0:37:42
BART: Yeah, like I give a shit.	0:37:42	0:37:44
You know, thanks a lot, Pop!	0:37:44	0:37:46
That's what it looks like?	0:37:53	0:37:55
I guess. What does yours look like?	0:37:55	0:37:58
Not like that.	0:37:58	0:37:59
Yeah. Let me see.	0:37:59	0:38:01
All right.	0:38:01	0:38:04
OLLIE: Gertie, it's time for Bryan to go home.	0:38:04	0:38:07
OK...	0:38:17	0:38:18
What are your intentions?	0:38:25	0:38:27
Huh?	0:38:27	0:38:28
What are your intentions with my daughter?	0:38:28	0:38:31
Do you plan on marrying her?	0:38:31	0:38:33
I don't know.	0:38:33	0:38:35
Well, only married boys and girls, ahem...	0:38:35	0:38:39
show each other their, er...	0:38:39	0:38:41
their, you know, er...	0:38:41	0:38:44
...parts. OK?	0:38:44	0:38:47
OK, Bryan, you can go now.	0:38:49	0:38:52
If you come back, come back with a ring.	0:38:52	0:38:54
Yes, Mr Trinke.	0:38:54	0:38:56
Bye, Gertie. Bye.	0:38:56	0:38:57
Goodbye, Bryan.	0:38:57	0:39:00
OK. Do you have any, er...	0:39:02	0:39:08
questions about what you...	0:39:08	0:39:12
you know...	0:39:12	0:39:15
you know, whatever, saw?	0:39:15	0:39:17
Do you have what Bryan has?	0:39:21	0:39:24
Yes, I have one...too.	0:39:27	0:39:32
Is yours as big as his?	0:39:32	0:39:37
Sadly, yes.	0:39:39	0:39:42
Can we rent a movie? Yes.	0:39:42	0:39:44
So they wouldn't give you a job, huh?	0:39:47	0:39:49
No. But apparently, Daddy's a legend.	0:39:49	0:39:51
You don't need that job anyway. You already got a job.	0:39:51	0:39:54
Yes, well, Daddy used to have a job	0:39:54	0:39:57
where a nightly shower was an option, not a necessity.	0:39:57	0:39:59
You know what job you should do?	0:39:59	0:40:01
What's that?	0:40:01	0:40:02
You should be a dance teacher, like Johnny in Dirty Dancing.	0:40:02	0:40:04
I should?	0:40:04	0:40:06
Should I say, "nobody puts baby in a corner"?	0:40:06	0:40:08
Oh, can we rent Dirty Dancing again?	0:40:08	0:40:10
Ohh...Dirty Dancing ranks one notch below Cats in my book.	0:40:10	0:40:14
Can you pick out something else?	0:40:14	0:40:15
Can we rent this?	0:40:18	0:40:20
Absolutely not.	0:40:20	0:40:22
Go pick out something from the children's section.	0:40:22	0:40:24
All those movies suck.	0:40:24	0:40:26
Watch your language.	0:40:26	0:40:28
Nah, that's...	0:40:55	0:40:57
No, I guess that's it. Yep, yep, that's it.	0:40:57	0:41:00
I'll just take this and whatever the kid's getting.	0:41:01	0:41:04
Just go ahead and put it in the bag. I'm all set. It's good.	0:41:04	0:41:09
"Bi-bi Guys - featuring Curious Jordie"?	0:41:12	0:41:17
Interesting choice.	0:41:17	0:41:19
Does the wife know you're looking into your options?	0:41:19	0:41:21
It's...I got the...	0:41:21	0:41:24
I got the wrong box by accident.	0:41:24	0:41:25
Oh, right.	0:41:25	0:41:26
Would you mind exchanging that for me for something...	0:41:26	0:41:29
Anything you can get your hands on that's, you know...	0:41:29	0:41:32
So, then you want something...	0:41:32	0:41:33
That's non-bi.	0:41:33	0:41:35
Can I have your membership card, please?	0:41:41	0:41:42
Yeah, sure.	0:41:42	0:41:44
Would you mind if I asked you a few questions	0:41:44	0:41:46
about your renting practices?	0:41:46	0:41:48
Uh...sure.	0:41:48	0:41:50
Really. Uh...	0:41:50	0:41:51
Do you always rent adult titles with your daughter in tow,	0:41:51	0:41:54
or is this the first time?	0:41:54	0:41:56
Excuse me?	0:41:56	0:41:57
When you rent porn, do you usually do it with family around,	0:41:57	0:42:00
or is this like a, you know, special occasion?	0:42:00	0:42:03
Do I have to answer this?	0:42:04	0:42:06
I'm a grad student writing a thesis paper...	0:42:06	0:42:09
"A Bird In The Hand -	0:42:09	0:42:10
"the family man and the pornographic fixation."	0:42:10	0:42:13
OK. I would rather not take part.	0:42:15	0:42:17
Really. Frank, is Bi-bi Guys a one or a two-night rental?	0:42:17	0:42:22
What are you getting, Daddy?	0:42:22	0:42:23
Yeah, Daddy. Let's just take a look.	0:42:23	0:42:26
Let's not, OK?	0:42:26	0:42:27
Would you mind not asking me those questions	0:42:31	0:42:33
when my daughter's with me?	0:42:33	0:42:34
How about when you bring these back?	0:42:34	0:42:37
That's...yeah.	0:42:37	0:42:39
In an effort to get honest feedback,	0:42:39	0:42:41
leave the kid and the wife at home.	0:42:41	0:42:44
My mom's dead. She died when I was born.	0:42:44	0:42:47
Oh, Jesus.	0:42:47	0:42:49
Man, I'm sorry. I didn't...	0:42:49	0:42:52
No, you didn't.	0:42:52	0:42:55
Let's go.	0:42:57	0:42:58
I'm sorry.	0:43:00	0:43:02
Do I have to?	0:43:02	0:43:05
Major Damage didn't have to go to bed	0:43:05	0:43:07
when he fought the Tiki Terrors!	0:43:07	0:43:10
MOM: Melvin! And do they...	0:43:10	0:43:12
KNOCK AT THE DOOR I'll get it.	0:43:12	0:43:13
You will not.	0:43:13	0:43:15
You're not even supposed to be up this late.	0:43:15	0:43:17
Watch your video.	0:43:17	0:43:19
MELVIN: But, Mom! MOM: say, "OK, Mom."	0:43:19	0:43:22
MELVIN: Ahh! MOM: Say, "OK, mom."	0:43:22	0:43:25
Hi.	0:43:25	0:43:27
Hey. You're the lady from the video store.	0:43:27	0:43:29
Let's not use that term too loosely, OK?	0:43:29	0:43:32
Go back and watch your video.	0:43:32	0:43:34
Yes?	0:43:36	0:43:38
I just wanted to come here and tell you	0:43:38	0:43:40
that I'm really sorry about earlier tonight.	0:43:40	0:43:43
I feel like shit about what I said	0:43:43	0:43:45
and your daughter and everything.	0:43:45	0:43:47
Well...you should.	0:43:47	0:43:50
You know that kid was crying in the car the whole way home?	0:43:50	0:43:52
Oh, no...	0:43:52	0:43:53
GERTIE: No, I wasn't.	0:43:53	0:43:55
Get back inside and watch your video!	0:43:55	0:43:57
Nice. Real nice.	0:43:57	0:43:59
See, now you have to let me interview you for my paper.	0:43:59	0:44:02
Is that why you're here?	0:44:02	0:44:04
I just think you'd make one hell of an interesting case study.	0:44:04	0:44:07
The sympathetic widower who doesn't have time to date	0:44:07	0:44:10
cos he's raising a kid, so he rents porn instead.	0:44:10	0:44:12
I mean, I think that's very interesting stuff.	0:44:12	0:44:14
Jesus Christ! You've got some nerve, lady.	0:44:14	0:44:17
And besides, I'd really like to make it up to you,	0:44:17	0:44:20
for what I said and for embarrassing you before that.	0:44:20	0:44:23
You're really having a banner evening.	0:44:23	0:44:25
You're batting a thousand tonight.	0:44:25	0:44:26
You're Ollie, right? I'm Maya Harding.	0:44:26	0:44:29
"Hi, Maya. Nice to meet you."	0:44:32	0:44:33
Hi.	0:44:33	0:44:35
Come on, why don't you let me take you	0:44:35	0:44:36
out one day this week? You do eat lunch when	0:44:36	0:44:39
you're not knee-deep in adult movies, right?	0:44:39	0:44:42
I appreciate it, but, er...no, thanks.	0:44:42	0:44:45
Ollie, come on, you're ruining my karma level here.	0:44:45	0:44:48
What, buying me one lunch is gonna square you with Krishna?	0:44:48	0:44:51
Hare hare!	0:44:51	0:44:54
Is Monday OK? Sound good?	0:44:54	0:44:57
I mean, I was thinking nothing fancy.	0:44:57	0:45:00
I was thinking maybe, like, the diner.	0:45:00	0:45:02
Around noon? No!	0:45:02	0:45:05
Noon it is!	0:45:07	0:45:08
Well...	0:45:08	0:45:10
See you there. Bye!	0:45:10	0:45:13
An incredibly strange woman.	0:45:15	0:45:17
HORN TOOTS	0:45:17	0:45:19
I did not hear the toilet flush.	0:45:26	0:45:29
Thank you.	0:45:34	0:45:35
Can we get popcorn?	0:45:38	0:45:40
This isn't the movies, sweetheart.	0:45:40	0:45:42
They don't sell popcorn here.	0:45:42	0:45:43
This is Broadway. This is class.	0:45:43	0:45:47
# And if you're beautiful	0:45:47	0:45:50
# What then with yellow hair like wheat	0:45:50	0:45:53
# I think we shall not meet again, my little dove	0:45:53	0:45:57
# My sweet Joanna	0:45:57	0:46:05
# Goodbye, Joanna	0:46:05	0:46:08
# You're gone and yet you're mine	0:46:08	0:46:10
# I'm fine, Joanna	0:46:10	0:46:13
# ..I'm fine... #	0:46:13	0:46:17
OLLIE: OK, now, you see that floor.	0:46:17	0:46:19
Now look three windows in from the right.	0:46:19	0:46:21
See that window?	0:46:21	0:46:22
That's where we used to live before we lived with Pop.	0:46:22	0:46:24
We'd still live there if we lived in the city.	0:46:24	0:46:27
If Mommy was still alive? Yep.	0:46:27	0:46:31
Dad? Yes?	0:46:31	0:46:32
Do you miss Mommy?	0:46:32	0:46:35
I do. Every day.	0:46:35	0:46:37
What was she like?	0:46:37	0:46:39
I've told you a million times what she was like.	0:46:39	0:46:42
I know, but I forget.	0:46:42	0:46:44
No, I don't think you forget.	0:46:44	0:46:45
I think you just like to hear me tell you.	0:46:45	0:46:46
Which is OK. It's all right.	0:46:46	0:46:48
You can ask about your mommy as much as you want.	0:46:48	0:46:49
So tell me already.	0:46:49	0:46:51
Well, she was pushy, like you were right there.	0:46:51	0:46:54
She was beautiful, like you are right now.	0:46:54	0:46:58
And she was...smart...	0:46:58	0:47:02
And strong, like you'll grow up to be one day.	0:47:02	0:47:05
I'm smart now.	0:47:05	0:47:07
I wasn't impugning your intelligence or anything.	0:47:07	0:47:09
What's "impugning" mean?	0:47:09	0:47:11
Oh, not so smart now, are you?	0:47:11	0:47:13
That's a big word.	0:47:13	0:47:14
Yes, you're right, it is.	0:47:14	0:47:16
Let's see. To impugn means to criticise.	0:47:16	0:47:18
So...pop's always impugning you, right?	0:47:18	0:47:23
Well, he thinks he is.	0:47:23	0:47:24
But he's just talking to make sure he's still alive.	0:47:24	0:47:27
Pop is a very, very old man.	0:47:27	0:47:31
What do you think? You like the city?	0:47:31	0:47:33
It's OK. But I like Highlands better.	0:47:33	0:47:36
You do? Yeah.	0:47:36	0:47:38
My school's there, and my friends...	0:47:38	0:47:40
And we can rent movies there.	0:47:40	0:47:41
Well, if memory serves,	0:47:41	0:47:43
you can rent movies here, too.	0:47:43	0:47:45
Yeah, but not from that pretty lady at the video store.	0:47:45	0:47:48
Oh, you think she's pretty, do you?	0:47:48	0:47:49
Don't you. Isn't that why you're taking her on a date?	0:47:49	0:47:52
It's not a date.	0:47:53	0:47:54
The only girl I take on dates is you, OK?	0:47:54	0:47:57
This is a date. We're on a date.	0:47:57	0:47:59
We are? Mm-hmm.	0:47:59	0:48:00
It doesn't feel like a date.	0:48:00	0:48:02
It doesn't?	0:48:02	0:48:04
Well, I can fix that.	0:48:04	0:48:07
Sir!	0:48:08	0:48:09
MAYA: So, er, question one...	0:48:27	0:48:28
How often do you rent adult movies?	0:48:28	0:48:31
Do I really have to do this?	0:48:32	0:48:33
You have nothing to be ashamed about.	0:48:33	0:48:35
Interest in adult film can be healthy,	0:48:35	0:48:37
as long as it's not habitual.	0:48:37	0:48:39
So come on, how often?	0:48:39	0:48:40
Three or four times a week.	0:48:40	0:48:43
OK, maybe I was wrong. You should be ashamed.	0:48:43	0:48:46
You have a real talent for making the subject	0:48:46	0:48:49
feel open and comfortable in a safe environment.	0:48:49	0:48:51
So you're renting it presumably to masturbate to, right?	0:48:51	0:48:53
Good God!	0:48:53	0:48:54
Come on, don't be such a tight-ass.	0:48:54	0:48:56
We're all adults here.	0:48:56	0:48:57
I know I'm an adult. How old are you, exactly?	0:48:57	0:48:59
I'll be 26 in March.	0:48:59	0:49:01
26. You still haven't learned	0:49:01	0:49:02
some things aren't polite to talk about in public?	0:49:02	0:49:04
If it makes you feel any better, I do it, like, twice a day.	0:49:04	0:49:08
Good God!	0:49:08	0:49:09
What can I tell ya? I get bored easily.	0:49:09	0:49:12
You're gonna get carpal tunnel syndrome.	0:49:12	0:49:14
Don't get all judgmental with me.	0:49:14	0:49:16
You're no slouch yourself.	0:49:16	0:49:17
Well, no, I...	0:49:17	0:49:19
I just have a healthy sexual appetite.	0:49:19	0:49:21
Why don't you go out and get yourself a boyfriend?	0:49:21	0:49:22
Why don't you just go out and get yourself a girlfriend?	0:49:22	0:49:25
I work all day, I hang out with my kid all night.	0:49:25	0:49:27
So you'd rather hang out with your kid than get laid?	0:49:27	0:49:29
Yeah.	0:49:29	0:49:30
Aw...that's kinda sweet.	0:49:30	0:49:35
I'm kinda crushing on you right now, Trinke.	0:49:35	0:49:37
OK. Can I go home now?	0:49:37	0:49:39
No. When was the last time you had sex?	0:49:39	0:49:44
I would rather not disclose that information.	0:49:44	0:49:46
Oh, come on, don't clam up on me now.	0:49:46	0:49:48
You're gonna remain anonymous in my paper.	0:49:48	0:49:50
Ha. Anonymity doesn't concern me. Embarrassment does.	0:49:50	0:49:54
Why would you be embarrassed?	0:49:54	0:49:55
Because it's been a long time.	0:49:55	0:49:57
How long? A long time.	0:49:57	0:50:00
Come on, champ. Own it. Just put it out there.	0:50:00	0:50:03
I swear I won't make any editorial cracks about it.	0:50:03	0:50:06
Not in front of you, at least.	0:50:06	0:50:09
Seven years.	0:50:11	0:50:13
Seven years?	0:50:13	0:50:15
Since my wife died, yeah.	0:50:15	0:50:19
You know, a dumbfounded, mouth-agape look of shock	0:50:19	0:50:22
might be construed by some as an editorial crack too.	0:50:22	0:50:25
I'm sorry.	0:50:25	0:50:27
It's OK. It's fine.	0:50:27	0:50:28
No, it's not. I mean, it's not at all.	0:50:28	0:50:31
With all due respect to your wife,	0:50:31	0:50:34
you've gotta get back on the horse, man.	0:50:34	0:50:35
No, I don't, actually.	0:50:35	0:50:37
Yes, you do.	0:50:37	0:50:38
No, I don't.	0:50:38	0:50:40
Yes, you...get up.	0:50:40	0:50:42
Are we done?	0:50:42	0:50:43
With this, for now. But come with me.	0:50:43	0:50:44
Lord have mercy.	0:50:44	0:50:47
Where are we going?	0:50:47	0:50:48
To your place. We're gonna have some sex.	0:50:48	0:50:52
What, did you forget something?	0:50:55	0:50:56
No. Look, I appreciate the offer.	0:50:56	0:51:00
I'm very flattered. But I can't do this.	0:51:00	0:51:04
What's the matter? Don't you think I'm cute?	0:51:04	0:51:06
Of course I think you're cute.	0:51:06	0:51:07
Well, then?	0:51:07	0:51:09
Look, I'm not just celibate because of my daughter.	0:51:09	0:51:12
There are a lot of emotional issues in it, too.	0:51:12	0:51:14
I mean, my wife may be dead.	0:51:14	0:51:16
I'm still very much in love with her.	0:51:16	0:51:18
Hey, I respect that.	0:51:18	0:51:20
I'm not telling you to fall in love with me here,	0:51:20	0:51:21
and I'm not trying to replace your wife.	0:51:21	0:51:23
I'm just talking about two consenting adults having some casual sex.	0:51:23	0:51:28
Probably some really short casual sex,	0:51:28	0:51:30
with you being a little out of practice.	0:51:30	0:51:32
I can't do it, I'm sorry.	0:51:32	0:51:34
What are you, a monk?	0:51:34	0:51:35
God. Let's look at this logically, OK?	0:51:35	0:51:38
You rent porn and touch yourself, right?	0:51:38	0:51:40
Would you lower your voice?	0:51:40	0:51:41
If you're not sweating how your wife would feel about you and porn,	0:51:41	0:51:44
then you shouldn't sweat what I'm proposing	0:51:44	0:51:47
cos it's the same thing.	0:51:47	0:51:49
Only somebody else is doing the touching	0:51:49	0:51:50
and you're saving a 2 rental fee.	0:51:50	0:51:54
Come on, stud.	0:51:54	0:51:56
Man cannot live on porn alone.	0:51:56	0:51:58
Oh, God...	0:52:15	0:52:17
I'm home!	0:52:18	0:52:19
GERTIE: Pop?!	0:52:20	0:52:21
Oh, my God... What do I do?	0:52:21	0:52:24
Get in the bathroom!	0:52:24	0:52:25
SHOWER RUNNING	0:52:38	0:52:41
GERTIE: Pop?	0:52:42	0:52:44
Uh, no, honey, it's me.	0:52:44	0:52:46
Daddy?	0:52:46	0:52:47
Why aren't you at work?	0:52:47	0:52:50
Because I had to come home and do, er...	0:52:50	0:52:52
I had to...come home and take a shower.	0:52:52	0:52:57
Can we rent a movie?	0:52:57	0:52:58
Yeah, sure, sure, sure.	0:52:58	0:53:00
Soon as I get done up here and dry off, I'll come down.	0:53:00	0:53:02
OK.	0:53:02	0:53:05
Oh, my God. That was so close.	0:53:06	0:53:09
What do we do now? I'm wet.	0:53:09	0:53:11
Sorry, Dad, I forgot again.	0:53:17	0:53:19
TOILET FLUSHES	0:53:19	0:53:20
THEY SCREAM	0:53:20	0:53:22
Shh!	0:53:22	0:53:24
Hi, honey. You remember Maya.	0:53:31	0:53:34
From the video store.	0:53:34	0:53:37
What are your intentions?	0:53:48	0:53:50
Excuse me?	0:53:50	0:53:52
What are your intentions with my father?	0:53:52	0:53:54
Like, do you plan on marrying him?	0:53:54	0:53:56
Uh...I don't...	0:53:56	0:53:58
Because I was taught that only married girls	0:53:58	0:54:00
show their girl parts to boys. Right, Daddy?	0:54:00	0:54:03
Uh...right. Yes.	0:54:03	0:54:07
Mm-hmm.	0:54:07	0:54:09
Can we rent all the movies we want for free?	0:54:09	0:54:12
What?	0:54:12	0:54:13
Can we rent all the movies we want for free?	0:54:13	0:54:16
Yes. Yes, yes. For God's sake, yes.	0:54:16	0:54:19
If it means we're not, you know,	0:54:19	0:54:21
that we're not in trouble any more.	0:54:21	0:54:23
And, er... Right, Maya. Yes!	0:54:23	0:54:24
Uh, whatever you want. It's on the house.	0:54:24	0:54:27
Even Dirty Dancing?	0:54:27	0:54:28
Yeah.	0:54:34	0:54:35
And we can do Sweeney Todd for the show at school?	0:54:35	0:54:38
What?	0:54:38	0:54:39
We can do Sweeney Todd for the show at school?	0:54:39	0:54:41
No, honey, that's too grown-up.	0:54:41	0:54:43
Really. Oh, man, what am I gonna tell Pop about you guys?	0:54:43	0:54:49
Fine.	0:54:53	0:54:54
We can do Sweeney Todd for the show at school.	0:54:54	0:54:56
OK!	0:54:56	0:54:58
Would you shut the hell up already?	0:54:58	0:55:00
Christ, Greenie, you're always...	0:55:00	0:55:01
Oh, Jesus. Oh!	0:55:01	0:55:03
Christ Almighty.	0:55:03	0:55:04
You wearin' a... wearin' a towel.	0:55:04	0:55:09
Just as long as you didn't do it on my bed.	0:55:09	0:55:11
Oh, Jesus Christ, it was one time in high school!	0:55:11	0:55:14
You wanna let it go already?	0:55:14	0:55:15
I banged a broad in my parents' bed once.	0:55:15	0:55:17
It was nice.	0:55:17	0:55:19
Terrific.	0:55:19	0:55:21
Just so you know, we didn't "bang".	0:55:21	0:55:24
Did ya get to third base?	0:55:24	0:55:26
Not that it's any of your business, but we didn't do anything.	0:55:26	0:55:28
We lost our heads for a second, then cooler heads prevailed	0:55:28	0:55:31
and we stopped before we did anything we'd both regret.	0:55:31	0:55:33
The kid busted in on 'em.	0:55:33	0:55:35
BOTH: Oh.	0:55:35	0:55:36
Let's talk about something else for a second,	0:55:36	0:55:37
like this water main.	0:55:37	0:55:38
How bad is it?	0:55:38	0:55:39
Definitely needs to be replaced.	0:55:39	0:55:41
Jesus Christ. If we gotta shut down Bay Avenue for that,	0:55:41	0:55:43
this town is gonna throw a shit fit.	0:55:43	0:55:45
I'm sure.	0:55:45	0:55:47
Hey, kid, you haven't had to inconvenience	0:55:47	0:55:48
the taxpayers on the job yet.	0:55:48	0:55:51
They get like animals. Remember back in '88?	0:55:51	0:55:53
South Peak Street.	0:55:53	0:55:55
Holy shit, I thought they were gonna crucify us upside down.	0:55:55	0:55:58
Like St Peter.	0:55:58	0:56:00
Who are you, the Holy Father?	0:56:00	0:56:02
Everybody knows I meant St Peter.	0:56:02	0:56:04
You don't have to explain my shit.	0:56:04	0:56:06
I'm just saying...	0:56:06	0:56:07
When I was down there, how many cars did you wave around?	0:56:07	0:56:09
Three or four.	0:56:09	0:56:11
Three or four cars for the whole half hour I was down there?	0:56:11	0:56:14
Well, it was rush hour.	0:56:14	0:56:15
Yeah, I don't think the legion of commuters	0:56:15	0:56:17
in the Highlands of New Jersey	0:56:17	0:56:19
are gonna object to us closing down	0:56:19	0:56:21
a small portion of Bay Avenue for a few days.	0:56:21	0:56:23
THEY SHOUT	0:56:23	0:56:25
MAN: One at a time, please! One at a time!	0:56:25	0:56:28
We're doing the best we can.	0:56:28	0:56:29
BART: You were saying?	0:56:29	0:56:31
Why doesn't somebody just go up there	0:56:31	0:56:33
and explain to them what's happening?	0:56:33	0:56:35
Why don't you do it, Daddy? Wasn't that your old job?	0:56:35	0:56:38
Making people like singers by saying nice things about 'em?	0:56:38	0:56:41
Yes, baby, but...	0:56:41	0:56:43
No, the kid's got a point there.	0:56:43	0:56:45
As a guy who used to sling bullshit for a living,	0:56:45	0:56:47
I nominate you to go up there and say something.	0:56:47	0:56:50
Oh, you do, huh?	0:56:50	0:56:52
Yeah. It can't hurt.	0:56:52	0:56:53
Go ahead.	0:56:53	0:56:55
Thanks, Pop.	0:56:56	0:56:58
SHOUTING CONTINUES	0:56:58	0:57:00
MAN: Control yourselves!	0:57:00	0:57:03
He's goin' up there.	0:57:03	0:57:05
Folks, one second. Please. Folks.	0:57:08	0:57:12
My name's Oliver Trinke and I'm with the borough.	0:57:12	0:57:15
So I guess that makes me the least popular guy in the room.	0:57:15	0:57:19
I want to assure you that, er...	0:57:24	0:57:27
This Bay Avenue job will be a very minimal inconvenience.	0:57:27	0:57:31
It'll only take three days at the most.	0:57:31	0:57:33
Bullshit. Bullshit!	0:57:33	0:57:36
MURMURS OF AGREEMENT	0:57:36	0:57:38
ANGRY SHOUTING	0:57:38	0:57:40
GAVEL BANGS	0:57:43	0:57:44
Folks, a little decorum! A little decorum!	0:57:44	0:57:48
# In all this wonderment	0:57:50	0:57:54
# In all this wonderment... #	0:57:56	0:57:58
Folks, one second.	0:57:58	0:58:00
I just have one more thing that I just want to add.	0:58:00	0:58:03
# Ba-da-da	0:58:05	0:58:06
# Ba-da	0:58:06	0:58:08
# La-da-da la-da-da	0:58:08	0:58:10
# La-da-da-da	0:58:10	0:58:12
# La-da-da... #	0:58:12	0:58:13
Look, I live in this town.	0:58:13	0:58:15
I see you guys headin' to work every day...	0:58:15	0:58:17
SONG CONTINUES	0:58:17	0:58:21
SPEECH INAUDIBLE	0:58:21	0:58:23
OLLIE: I'm telling you, it was amazing!	0:58:42	0:58:44
And I get up there, and I weave this web of bullshit	0:58:44	0:58:47
so profoundly mesmerising,	0:58:47	0:58:49
I turn the entire place around!	0:58:49	0:58:50
You silver-tongued devil, you.	0:58:50	0:58:52
Everything I was saying was just right on the money, you know?	0:58:52	0:58:55
Maybe that's cos you weren't actually slinging	0:58:55	0:58:58
as much bullshit as you thought.	0:58:58	0:58:59
"Get out there and play in the dirt"?	0:58:59	0:59:01
I mean, what... I made that up!	0:59:01	0:59:03
Sounds pretty good to me.	0:59:03	0:59:04
Hey, Gert. GERTIE: Hi.	0:59:04	0:59:06
The sad thing is, I had a greater sense of accomplishment	0:59:06	0:59:08
from this stupid water-main thing	0:59:08	0:59:10
than anything else I've done in the past seven years.	0:59:10	0:59:12
I get it. You set out to do something and you did it.	0:59:12	0:59:15
So you feel drunk with power now. Makes sense.	0:59:15	0:59:16
That's just it. I was the youngest flack	0:59:16	0:59:19
ever put in charge of an entire division...	0:59:19	0:59:20
BOTH: ..In the history of Mandel-Kirschner.	0:59:20	0:59:22
I know. That's an accomplishment.	0:59:22	0:59:24
Convincing a town to approve something	0:59:24	0:59:26
that's already in their best interest?	0:59:26	0:59:27
That's just delayed common sense.	0:59:27	0:59:29
Yeah, but that's your life now.	0:59:29	0:59:31
I mean, being the youngest flack	0:59:31	0:59:32
in the history of blah, blah, blah...	0:59:32	0:59:34
That's not you any more.	0:59:34	0:59:35
I mean, that might never have been you.	0:59:35	0:59:37
Oh, it was me. It was me with my own apartment,	0:59:37	0:59:40
me richer, me with more self-respect.	0:59:40	0:59:42
Like it or not, this is you.	0:59:42	0:59:44
I mean, forget about what you thought you were	0:59:44	0:59:46
and just accept who you are.	0:59:46	0:59:49
I guess I'll just get this.	0:59:49	0:59:51
Gert, what are you doing?	0:59:51	0:59:53
I distinctly remember your father telling you	0:59:53	0:59:55
you could get Dirty Dancing.	0:59:55	0:59:56
Oh, yeah. He did!	0:59:56	0:59:58
Yeah.	0:59:58	1:00:00
Thanks for that, by the way.	1:00:00	1:00:04
Incidentally, she's been asking me	1:00:04	1:00:05
when she's gonna grow boobies like yours.	1:00:05	1:00:07
Oh, my God! She's seven, OK?	1:00:07	1:00:10
If you want, I can give her the old "boobie" talk	1:00:10	1:00:12
my mom gave me when I was a kid.	1:00:12	1:00:14
Does that talk include using the word "knockers"?	1:00:14	1:00:17
I'm glad there's no, you know, awkwardness between us.	1:00:24	1:00:29
After the... Well, the thing that happened last week with...	1:00:29	1:00:34
Ollie, I was gonna give you a mercy jump.	1:00:34	1:00:37
The moment passed. It's no big deal.	1:00:37	1:00:41
Just friends, right?	1:00:41	1:00:42
Yeah, friends.	1:00:42	1:00:44
HE SIGHS	1:00:46	1:00:47
"Mercy jump." Stay away from my kid.	1:00:47	1:00:50
ELECTRIC SAW WHINES	1:00:54	1:00:58
No, that's too round. Shut up.	1:00:58	1:01:01
Shut up. Shut up! Just make it...	1:01:01	1:01:04
Would you shut the hell up?!	1:01:04	1:01:05
All right!	1:01:05	1:01:08
There's people gettin' their throats cut in this thing.	1:01:08	1:01:11
Yep.	1:01:11	1:01:12
And your father said you could do this for the show?	1:01:12	1:01:14
Yep.	1:01:14	1:01:16
Why the hell would he OK you singing this shit?	1:01:16	1:01:20
Because I saw him and Maya naked in the shower.	1:01:20	1:01:23
Oh, yeah.	1:01:23	1:01:25
Heh-heh! That'll do it.	1:01:25	1:01:27
OLLIE: Can I speak with an Arthur Brickman, please?	1:01:48	1:01:51
Ollie. Arthur.	1:02:02	1:02:04
Hey, man. How're you doin'?	1:02:04	1:02:06
Good. How are you?	1:02:06	1:02:07
Good. Good to see you.	1:02:07	1:02:09
You know, the town voted unanimously, approved the water main, so...	1:02:09	1:02:13
You were always great with a crowd.	1:02:13	1:02:15
Well, except that... That once, of course.	1:02:15	1:02:18
But that's it.	1:02:18	1:02:20
It was the polar opposite of the Fresh Prince incident.	1:02:20	1:02:22
It was like I was on the top of my game.	1:02:22	1:02:24
Which is why I wanted to see ya.	1:02:24	1:02:27
Uh, I wanna ask you a favour.	1:02:27	1:02:29
Anything, man. What?	1:02:29	1:02:31
Is there any way that you could get me	1:02:31	1:02:34
an interview with your firm?	1:02:34	1:02:35
You're serious?	1:02:39	1:02:41
I thought it was weird that you wanted to eat here.	1:02:41	1:02:44
Oh, I know it's gonna be tough...	1:02:44	1:02:45
Tough?	1:02:45	1:02:47
Ollie, you called a roomful of press a bunch of jerk-offs,	1:02:47	1:02:51
and trashed a client who's one of the biggest movie stars on the planet.	1:02:51	1:02:54
He wasn't big then.	1:02:54	1:02:55
No, but he is now. You wanna know how big?	1:02:55	1:02:57
When I left Mandel-Kirschner, there were some firms	1:02:57	1:03:00
that wouldn't even look at my resume because I...	1:03:00	1:03:02
No offence, but because I worked under you.	1:03:02	1:03:06
I've only been at Angellotti a year now...	1:03:06	1:03:10
You know what, man? Forget I asked.	1:03:10	1:03:12
Don't worry about it. Seriously.	1:03:12	1:03:13
It was stupid. I got carried away...	1:03:13	1:03:15
No, let me finish. What I was gonna say was...	1:03:15	1:03:19
I've been waiting years to be in a position	1:03:19	1:03:22
to be able to help you out, and now I am.	1:03:22	1:03:25
It's not gonna be an easy sell, but...	1:03:25	1:03:27
I think I can get you in a room with Angellotti himself.	1:03:27	1:03:31
Thank you so much. Of course.	1:03:32	1:03:34
You know, you're a lot more affectionate than I remember.	1:03:37	1:03:39
Ah, it's just... I miss it so much, you know?	1:03:39	1:03:43
It's the only thing I was ever any good at.	1:03:43	1:03:46
Oh, this is great. I can move back here...	1:03:46	1:03:48
I can put Gertie in a really good, expensive private school...	1:03:48	1:03:52
I can get her a nanny, you know?	1:03:52	1:03:55
It'll be like that whole Fresh Prince thing never even happened.	1:03:55	1:03:58
I'll work on the old man when I get back to the office	1:03:58	1:04:02
and I'll call you tonight if it's a go.	1:04:02	1:04:03
Oh, great.	1:04:03	1:04:05
PIANO PLAYS GERTIE: # Excuse me	1:04:05	1:04:07
# Dear, see to the customers	1:04:07	1:04:09
Psst! # Guess what's the...	1:04:09	1:04:11
Quick now! # My heart's a-flutter	1:04:11	1:04:13
PHONE RINGS # ..When I pound the floor	1:04:13	1:04:15
# It's a signal to show that I'm ready to go	1:04:15	1:04:16
# When I pound the floor... # I have to get the phone.	1:04:16	1:04:20
Come on, Pop! Do Dad's part.	1:04:20	1:04:23
Me? < Yeah.	1:04:23	1:04:24
You can do it.	1:04:24	1:04:26
Hello. Hey, Arthur.	1:04:27	1:04:30
You're kidding?	1:04:33	1:04:34
# I'll pound three times Three times... #	1:04:38	1:04:41
Why do I have to sing your dad's part?	1:04:41	1:04:43
I'm supposed to be the guy who gets clipped.	1:04:43	1:04:45
You are, but you're Dad's understudy, too.	1:04:45	1:04:47
What the hell is that?	1:04:47	1:04:49
It means if Daddy breaks a leg, then you do his part for him.	1:04:49	1:04:51
So, come on, try it again.	1:04:51	1:04:52
MAYA: You're doin' good.	1:04:52	1:04:54
# I'll pound three times...	1:04:54	1:04:56
# Three times! #	1:04:56	1:04:57
Wait, wait, wait! I'm supposed to be the understudy now.	1:04:57	1:05:00
I cannot work like this. I'm sorry.	1:05:00	1:05:02
This is no way to run a show.	1:05:02	1:05:03
You were good.	1:05:03	1:05:05
You can go back to waiting in the wings, Tommy Tune.	1:05:05	1:05:07
I'll be doin' my own singing henceforth.	1:05:07	1:05:10
Who's Tommy Tune?	1:05:10	1:05:11
Tommy Tune is a man that you can get a chance	1:05:11	1:05:13
to see live and on Broadway	1:05:13	1:05:15
when we move back to New York City!	1:05:15	1:05:19
What? What?	1:05:20	1:05:21
What? Yeah, what?	1:05:21	1:05:23
I was just on the phone with an old friend that I worked with	1:05:23	1:05:27
at Mandel-Kirschner. I had lunch with him and I asked him	1:05:27	1:05:29
if he'd get me an interview with his new firm.	1:05:29	1:05:31
Jesus, another interview, Ollie?	1:05:31	1:05:32
Come on, when are you gonna learn?	1:05:32	1:05:34
Well, smart guy, he just called me,	1:05:34	1:05:37
said he sat down with his boss,	1:05:37	1:05:39
sold me to his boss like I was the cure for cancer.	1:05:39	1:05:41
It just so happens that a little spot has opened up in their music department.	1:05:41	1:05:45
Boom. After six years of being a pariah,	1:05:45	1:05:48
I'm gonna get back in!	1:05:48	1:05:50
I'm talkin' about no more street sweeper,	1:05:50	1:05:51
no more picking up garbage, and no more water main!	1:05:51	1:05:54
I'm talking press lines, I'm talking about parties!	1:05:54	1:05:57
I'm talking about a Westside address,	1:05:57	1:05:59
I'm talkin' about a good school for Gertie!	1:05:59	1:06:01
But I already go to a good school.	1:06:01	1:06:03
Yes, honey, but you're gonna go	1:06:03	1:06:05
to a way, way better school in New York City.	1:06:05	1:06:08
You're gonna be able to take the subway to school. Won't that be fun?	1:06:08	1:06:10
But the subway's full of junkies and mole-men.	1:06:10	1:06:14
Well, they are.	1:06:15	1:06:16
Don't listen to Pop.	1:06:16	1:06:17
What do I tell you? He makes things up!	1:06:17	1:06:19
You'll see. The subways are great.	1:06:19	1:06:20
I don't wanna see.	1:06:20	1:06:21
I don't wanna go to a school up in the city.	1:06:21	1:06:23
I wanna go to my school.	1:06:23	1:06:25
Honey, it's too far of a drive for me to come back down here	1:06:25	1:06:27
to take you to school in New Jersey every morning.	1:06:27	1:06:29
So let's not move to the city.	1:06:29	1:06:30
Let's stay here with Pop.	1:06:30	1:06:32
Sweetheart, I'm too old to be living with my father.	1:06:32	1:06:36
I need to get my own place.	1:06:36	1:06:38
And Pop... I mean, look at him, he's a mad-dog.	1:06:38	1:06:40
He doesn't want us around here,	1:06:40	1:06:41
getting in his way, crampin' his style...	1:06:41	1:06:43
Do you, Pop?	1:06:43	1:06:44
That's all horse shit.	1:06:44	1:06:46
You know... Thanks, Pop.	1:06:46	1:06:48
I don't wanna move to the city. I like it here.	1:06:48	1:06:51
Pop says you can live here as long as you want.	1:06:51	1:06:53
Baby, remember when I took you to see Sweeney Todd?	1:06:53	1:06:56
How much fun was that? We had a good time, right?	1:06:56	1:06:59
I mean, if we move to New York City, we can do that every night!	1:06:59	1:07:01
Except for the nights you're working, of course.	1:07:01	1:07:03
Know what? Why don't you shut up for a second, OK?	1:07:03	1:07:05
I'm trying to talk to my daughter.	1:07:05	1:07:07
You love New York City. You told me you loved the city.	1:07:07	1:07:09
No, I didn't. Oh!	1:07:09	1:07:11
I said it was OK.	1:07:11	1:07:12
Jesus Christ!	1:07:12	1:07:13
I said I like Highlands better.	1:07:13	1:07:14
Why would you want some other job anyway, Dad?	1:07:14	1:07:17
You get to ride the Batmobile!	1:07:17	1:07:18
Baby, Daddy doesn't wanna drive the Batmobile!	1:07:18	1:07:21
Daddy wants to eat sushi! Daddy wants to hail cabs!	1:07:21	1:07:24
Daddy wants to have a doorman!	1:07:24	1:07:26
Daddy wants to lord it over magazine editors!	1:07:26	1:07:28
Daddy loved his old job, and he's missed it every day since he's been gone.	1:07:28	1:07:33
Daddy wants to do that job.	1:07:33	1:07:35
Daddy doesn't wanna pick up garbage forever!	1:07:35	1:07:37
But you told everybody at the meeting that your job's good	1:07:37	1:07:40
because you don't have to wear a suit.	1:07:40	1:07:42
Yes, but daddy was just saying that	1:07:42	1:07:44
to get them to say yes to a water main.	1:07:44	1:07:46
So you were just lying to everybody?	1:07:46	1:07:49
Look, OK, I'll tell you what.	1:07:49	1:07:52
I'll go to the meeting, all right?	1:07:52	1:07:53
If I don't like what the man says, then I won't take the job.	1:07:53	1:07:55
Now you're lying to me!	1:07:55	1:07:57
All right, look, young lady!	1:07:57	1:07:58
I'm going to this interview Monday whether you like it or not.	1:07:58	1:08:00
Wait, this Monday?	1:08:00	1:08:02
Yes.	1:08:02	1:08:02
Ollie, you can't go on Monday.	1:08:02	1:08:04
Why?	1:08:04	1:08:05
Because that's the day of my show!	1:08:05	1:08:09
Oh, shit. It is, isn't it?	1:08:09	1:08:14
Well, it's at four, so I can make it back in time.	1:08:14	1:08:17
But my show's at five!	1:08:17	1:08:19
On what planet are you gonna get back here by five	1:08:19	1:08:21
if you've got a meeting in the city at four?	1:08:21	1:08:23
Just lay off me for a second! I forgot about the show.	1:08:23	1:08:25
How could you forget? What, are you stupid?	1:08:25	1:08:27
Gertie, this job is very important to Daddy.	1:08:27	1:08:29
What about my show? Isn't that important to you?	1:08:29	1:08:31
Yes, honey, that's even more important to me.	1:08:31	1:08:33
Then don't go to your stupid meeting	1:08:33	1:08:35
about your stupid new job in the stupid city!	1:08:35	1:08:37
That's enough, young lady!	1:08:37	1:08:38
I don't even want you in the show!	1:08:38	1:08:40
You're not even a good Sweeney Todd anyway.	1:08:40	1:08:42
Pop's way better.	1:08:42	1:08:44
Even Uncle Greenie and Uncle Block are better than you.	1:08:44	1:08:45
Those men are not your uncles!	1:08:45	1:08:47
But we're good enough to build sets for her show, right?	1:08:47	1:08:50
Sorry, I didn't mean that. Where are you going?	1:08:50	1:08:52
I don't wanna be around you!	1:08:52	1:08:53
I don't even want you to come to the show to watch it.	1:08:53	1:08:55
Oh, come on!	1:08:55	1:08:56
I don't. I don't even like you any more!	1:08:56	1:09:00
Get back here, young lady! Hey. I'm talkin' to you!	1:09:00	1:09:03
Hey, young lady! Get back here, young lady!	1:09:03	1:09:06
No. You can't tell me what to do!	1:09:06	1:09:07
I don't have to do anything you say!	1:09:07	1:09:09
Yes, you do! Why?	1:09:09	1:09:10
Because I'm your father, that's why!	1:09:10	1:09:11
So what?	1:09:11	1:09:12
Don't you yell at me, Gertrude!	1:09:12	1:09:13
I'll yell at you all I want!	1:09:13	1:09:14
Blah. Blah. Blah. I'm not moving to the stupid city!	1:09:14	1:09:17
All right, that's it! You are moving to the city	1:09:17	1:09:18
and you're gonna like it, and that's the end!	1:09:18	1:09:20
I hate you! I wish you'd died, not Mommy!	1:09:20	1:09:22
I hate you right back, you little shit!	1:09:22	1:09:23
You and your mother took my life away, and I just want it back!	1:09:23	1:09:26
God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I didn't mean...	1:09:36	1:09:38
Get off me! I'm sorry...	1:09:38	1:09:39
Get off of me!	1:09:39	1:09:40
What the hell's the matter with you?	1:09:48	1:09:51
Huh?!	1:09:51	1:09:52
MUSIC: "Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac	1:10:01	1:10:03
# I took my love and I took it down	1:10:10	1:10:13
# I climbed a mountain and I turned around	1:10:16	1:10:21
# And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills	1:10:21	1:10:28
# Till the landslide brought me down	1:10:28	1:10:32
# Oh, mirror in the sky What is love?	1:10:34	1:10:39
# Can the child within my heart rise above?	1:10:40	1:10:46
# Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?	1:10:46	1:10:53
# Can I handle the seasons of my life?	1:10:53	1:11:00
# Hm-mm...I don't know	1:11:00	1:11:04
# Well, I've been afraid of changing	1:11:11	1:11:17
# Cos I've built my life around you	1:11:17	1:11:24
# But time makes you bolder	1:11:24	1:11:28
# Children get older	1:11:28	1:11:30
# And I'm getting older too... #	1:11:30	1:11:36
Hey. Hey.	1:11:44	1:11:47
What happened to you the other night?	1:11:47	1:11:48
You just sort of took off.	1:11:48	1:11:50
It looked to me like you guys needed a little privacy.	1:11:50	1:11:53
What I really needed was a little back-up.	1:11:53	1:11:55
She's a kid, Ollie. Kids don't weather change well.	1:11:55	1:11:58
I mean, in a few years, you won't be able to keep her out of Manhattan.	1:11:58	1:12:02
But for now, she just wants what she knows.	1:12:02	1:12:04
So do I.	1:12:04	1:12:05
Yeah, but is that even what you know any more?	1:12:05	1:12:08
Oh, Jesus. You, too?	1:12:08	1:12:10
You want your old life back.	1:12:10	1:12:11
Big-money job, out of your old man's house...	1:12:11	1:12:13
It's not like it doesn't make any sense.	1:12:13	1:12:16
Yeah. So?	1:12:16	1:12:18
That's your life that you want back, not theirs.	1:12:18	1:12:20
I mean, this is their life.	1:12:20	1:12:22
What you're sort of saying to everybody who loves you	1:12:22	1:12:24
is that what we have isn't good enough for you.	1:12:24	1:12:26
So it's just upsetting everybody, you know?	1:12:26	1:12:29
Everybody?	1:12:29	1:12:31
Oh...what, me? I mean, it's not like	1:12:31	1:12:34
we've got some big romance going on or anything.	1:12:34	1:12:36
We're just friends, right?	1:12:36	1:12:38
Did you ever wonder if... Maybe someday it might...	1:12:38	1:12:44
Be more than that?	1:12:44	1:12:47
For about two seconds,	1:12:47	1:12:50
before you had me hiding in the shower from your kid.	1:12:50	1:12:53
Look, Ollie, I like you, but...	1:12:53	1:12:55
I'm not gonna be all heartbroken cos you're leaving town.	1:12:55	1:12:58
I know.	1:12:58	1:13:00
Even if I took this job in the city,	1:13:00	1:13:02
I'd still come back down here and visit my old man.	1:13:02	1:13:06
And you.	1:13:06	1:13:08
Why. I mean, you think I'm gonna	1:13:08	1:13:10
stick around here for much longer?	1:13:10	1:13:13
Maya...	1:13:13	1:13:14
Ollie...	1:13:14	1:13:17
I gotta get back to work.	1:13:17	1:13:19
If...if I don't...if I don't see you at the show,	1:13:20	1:13:25
give me a call sometime when you get all settled up in the big city.	1:13:25	1:13:28
Come on...	1:13:28	1:13:29
Shit.	1:13:36	1:13:37
MUSIC: "My City Of Ruins" by Bruce Springsteen	1:13:41	1:13:44
# Now there's tears on the pillow	1:14:02	1:14:05
# Darling, where we slept	1:14:05	1:14:09
# And you took my heart when you left	1:14:09	1:14:14
# Without your sweet kiss my soul is lost, my friend	1:14:14	1:14:20
# Tell me how do I begin again?	1:14:20	1:14:26
# My city's in ruins	1:14:26	1:14:30
# My city's in ruins	1:14:32	1:14:37
# Now with these hands	1:14:40	1:14:43
# With these hands	1:14:43	1:14:46
# With these hands	1:14:46	1:14:49
# With these hands	1:14:49	1:14:51
# I pray, Lord	1:14:51	1:14:53
# With these hands	1:14:53	1:14:55
# With these hands	1:14:55	1:14:57
# I pray for the strength, Lord	1:14:57	1:14:59
# With these hands With these hands	1:14:59	1:15:03
# I pray for the faith, Lord... #	1:15:03	1:15:08
Hi, Daddy.	1:15:08	1:15:10
Hey, baby. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up.	1:15:10	1:15:13
It's OK.	1:15:13	1:15:15
Listen. I'm sorry for yelling at you the other night.	1:15:15	1:15:20
I was wrong.	1:15:20	1:15:21
And I didn't mean any of the things that I said.	1:15:21	1:15:25
I know. Neither did I.	1:15:25	1:15:28
Daddy?	1:15:30	1:15:31
Yeah?	1:15:31	1:15:33
Did Mommy like living in the city?	1:15:33	1:15:37
Yeah, she did. She loved it.	1:15:37	1:15:40
Then I guess I'll love it, too.	1:15:40	1:15:43
Thanks, sweetheart.	1:15:44	1:15:47
Thanks.	1:15:48	1:15:49
You know, I still might make it to your show tomorrow,	1:15:52	1:15:55
if the traffic's not too bad.	1:15:55	1:15:56
I won't be mad if you miss it. I understand.	1:15:56	1:16:01
OK, sweetie. Go back to sleep. I love you.	1:16:02	1:16:05
Good night, Daddy.	1:16:07	1:16:09
Good night.	1:16:11	1:16:13
# ..With these hands	1:16:13	1:16:15
# I pray for my strength, Lord	1:16:15	1:16:17
# With these hands With these hands	1:16:17	1:16:22
# Come on, rise up	1:16:22	1:16:25
# Come on, rise up	1:16:25	1:16:28
# Come on, rise up	1:16:28	1:16:31
# Come on, rise up	1:16:31	1:16:34
# Come on, rise up	1:16:34	1:16:37
# Come on, rise up	1:16:37	1:16:40
# Come on, rise up... #	1:16:40	1:16:48
George Clooney's office for Tony on line one.	1:16:48	1:16:51
The Angellotti Company. One moment, please.	1:16:51	1:16:54
Can I help you? Yes.	1:16:54	1:16:56
My name's Oliver Trinke, and I'm here	1:16:56	1:16:58
to see Arthur Brickman, er, and Mr Angellotti.	1:16:58	1:17:00
OK. Mr Trinke is here.	1:17:00	1:17:03
OK, I will.	1:17:03	1:17:05
They're gonna be about ten more minutes.	1:17:05	1:17:06
OK.	1:17:06	1:17:08
You can have a seat.	1:17:08	1:17:10
Right, right.	1:17:10	1:17:12
Hello.	1:17:17	1:17:18
Oh, my God. Hi!	1:17:18	1:17:21
I'm here to see Brad.	1:17:21	1:17:23
Yes! He's expecting you, sir.	1:17:23	1:17:26
He apologises, but he's stuck in traffic.	1:17:26	1:17:28
He's just a few blocks away.	1:17:28	1:17:29
Why don't you just have a seat,	1:17:29	1:17:31
and I'll let him know that you've arrived.	1:17:31	1:17:33
Well, thank you very much.	1:17:33	1:17:35
They love to keep you waiting, don't they?	1:17:47	1:17:50
Excuse me?	1:17:52	1:17:53
Oh, no, I was saying they love to keep you waiting.	1:17:53	1:17:56
Right. Yeah, yeah, they do.	1:17:56	1:17:58
I think they think it gives them	1:17:58	1:18:00
the psychological edge, you know?	1:18:00	1:18:02
Well, it's about to give 'em the edge of my ass,	1:18:02	1:18:05
cos that's all they're gonna see	1:18:05	1:18:07
when I'm walking' out that door.	1:18:07	1:18:08
You know anything about these guys?	1:18:08	1:18:10
Only that they're the fastest-growing...	1:18:10	1:18:13
"..Growing firm in the business."	1:18:13	1:18:15
Yes, I read that article, too.	1:18:15	1:18:16
All right, well, you know as much as I do.	1:18:16	1:18:19
I guess that means they know what they're doing.	1:18:19	1:18:21
I suppose. Unless these publicists hire other publicists	1:18:21	1:18:23
to get the word out for 'em.	1:18:23	1:18:25
And then those publicists hire their own publicists	1:18:25	1:18:28
to help spin the good publicity they created for these publicists.	1:18:28	1:18:32
Of course, knowing publicists,	1:18:32	1:18:33
they probably hire publicists	1:18:33	1:18:34
to promote the fact that they spun the publicity	1:18:34	1:18:36
that they hired the other publicists to spin. So...	1:18:36	1:18:40
Oh, man! So what do you do?	1:18:40	1:18:42
I'm a publicist.	1:18:42	1:18:45
I didn't realise I was sitting here talking to an Angellotti man.	1:18:45	1:18:48
Well, to tell you the truth, I'm not an Angellotti man.	1:18:48	1:18:52
At least not yet. I'm here trying to get a job.	1:18:52	1:18:54
These guys have been tryin' to steal me from my publicist	1:18:54	1:18:57
ever since my last flick came out.	1:18:57	1:18:59
Oh, the robot movie, right?	1:18:59	1:19:01
Oh, yeah, you saw it?	1:19:01	1:19:03
I haven't gotten around to it yet. I'm gonna...	1:19:03	1:19:04
Oh, yeah. Thanks a lot for the support, though, man.	1:19:04	1:19:07
I wanna see it...	1:19:07	1:19:08
You know what? It's not that good.	1:19:08	1:19:10
I have a kid. I don't get a chance to get out and see movies	1:19:10	1:19:13
unless they have singing crabs in 'em.	1:19:13	1:19:15
Singing crabs. I saw that one. That means you have a girl.	1:19:15	1:19:18
That's right.	1:19:18	1:19:19
How old is she? She's seven.	1:19:19	1:19:21
Yeah. Cool. I got a girl and two boys.	1:19:21	1:19:24
Three kids?	1:19:24	1:19:26
God. How do you find time to make all those blockbusters?	1:19:26	1:19:29
Shoot, if I didn't have all them damn kids,	1:19:29	1:19:30
I wouldn't have to make these blockbusters.	1:19:30	1:19:32
Right.	1:19:32	1:19:34
Oh, man.	1:19:34	1:19:36
It's cool, though, isn't it?	1:19:36	1:19:38
Making blockbusters? You tell me.	1:19:38	1:19:40
Bein' a parent, funny man.	1:19:40	1:19:44
It has its moments.	1:19:44	1:19:46
What's your daughter's name?	1:19:46	1:19:48
Gertrude.	1:19:48	1:19:49
Damn. Why'd you do that to that girl, man?	1:19:49	1:19:53
Did you lose a bet? No.	1:19:53	1:19:55
No, it was my wife's name.	1:19:55	1:19:56
"Was"? OK, let me guess.	1:19:56	1:19:59
She took you for half after she saddled the kid with the name Gert?	1:19:59	1:20:03
I can't blame it on her.	1:20:03	1:20:04
I saddled the kid with the name Gert.	1:20:04	1:20:06
She died in childbirth. So...	1:20:06	1:20:09
No, no, no, it's...	1:20:11	1:20:13
I feel like an asshole, man.	1:20:13	1:20:14
Don't worry about it.	1:20:14	1:20:15
No, listen, I'm really sorry about that.	1:20:15	1:20:17
I didn't see your movie, so we're even. Trust me.	1:20:17	1:20:21
This is exactly why people don't talk to each other	1:20:21	1:20:23
when they sittin' in waiting rooms, right?	1:20:23	1:20:25
Probably.	1:20:25	1:20:27
Although, I gotta tell ya, the simple fact	1:20:27	1:20:29
that the guy who wrote Parents Just Don't Understand	1:20:29	1:20:31
is now a parent himself I think completely makes up for it.	1:20:31	1:20:35
Oh, man. We don't, though, do we?	1:20:35	1:20:37
What's that? Understand.	1:20:37	1:20:39
I mean, these kids today.	1:20:39	1:20:41
From the door, man, they got it all over us.	1:20:41	1:20:44
My daughter has it all over me, I can tell you that.	1:20:44	1:20:47
Yeah, my middle one, my son?	1:20:47	1:20:49
Every time I walk out of the house in the morning,	1:20:49	1:20:51
he says, "Daddy, how far you love me?"	1:20:51	1:20:53
I always pick somewhere close. "I love you to that table, man."	1:20:53	1:20:56
"No, you don't.	1:20:56	1:20:58
"You love me all the way to the moon and back down to the dirt."	1:20:58	1:21:01
That's great.	1:21:01	1:21:03
It take everything I got to walk out of that house.	1:21:03	1:21:07
You get to spend time with them on the set though, right?	1:21:07	1:21:09
Oh, yeah. But if I was a smart man,	1:21:09	1:21:11
I wouldn't be sittin' here right now.	1:21:11	1:21:13
I'd be at home playing in the dirt with my kids.	1:21:13	1:21:18
But we all know that I'm not famous cos of my brains.	1:21:18	1:21:21
It's cosy's, like, strikingly handsome, crazy sexy.	1:21:21	1:21:26
And I'm, like, hung like it's ridiculous.	1:21:26	1:21:31
Oh, man!	1:21:31	1:21:32
But I'm definitely not the sharpest spoon in the shed.	1:21:32	1:21:36
You know...	1:21:38	1:21:40
It was really nice talking to you.	1:21:40	1:21:42
Oh, hey, you, too, man. You out?	1:21:42	1:21:44
I'm out. All right.	1:21:44	1:21:46
Hey, you, er, recommend these guys?	1:21:46	1:21:48
Only guy I can recommend is named Arthur Brickman.	1:21:48	1:21:52
Other than that, I can't vouch for anybody.	1:21:52	1:21:54
Whoa, whoa, hold up.	1:21:54	1:21:56
You Brickman?	1:21:56	1:21:57
No.	1:21:57	1:21:59
I'm just a guy who'd rather play in the dirt with his kid.	1:21:59	1:22:02
GERTIE: # Toby! Coming! Excuse me	1:22:15	1:22:19
# Ale there! Right, Mum!	1:22:19	1:22:21
# Quick now!	1:22:21	1:22:22
(MAYA AND GERTIE) # God, that's good! #	1:22:22	1:22:24
You want some rouge, or should I just pinch your cheeks?	1:22:24	1:22:26
Pinch my cheeks, Greenie,	1:22:26	1:22:28
kids show or not, I'll put you through the wall.	1:22:28	1:22:30
APPLAUSE	1:22:36	1:22:38
MUSIC: "High" by the Cure	1:22:38	1:22:42
I'd like to welcome everyone to Saint Maria Goretti's	1:22:42	1:22:46
student/family fall pageant.	1:22:46	1:22:48
This is a celebration of your children and their talents,	1:22:51	1:22:55
so we hope you enjoy the show.	1:22:55	1:22:57
Our first act is first-grader Cynthia Bodnar and her mother Jane,	1:22:57	1:23:02
performing the song Memory from the Broadway show, Cats.	1:23:02	1:23:08
And now Tracy Colelli, from Sister Ann's kindergarten class,	1:23:12	1:23:17
will perform with her parents Memory from Cats.	1:23:17	1:23:22
And now, first-grader Martin Tobias and his mother will perform...	1:23:34	1:23:40
Oh, boy, this is a popular song.	1:23:40	1:23:43
..Memory from Cats.	1:23:43	1:23:45
You gotta be kidding me!	1:23:57	1:23:59
You couldn't make it easy on me, could you, Gert?	1:24:15	1:24:17
Honey, it's gonna be OK.	1:24:37	1:24:40
You're next, Gertie. Break a leg.	1:24:40	1:24:43
And now, we have something not from Cats, thank God.	1:25:19	1:25:24
First-grader Gertrude Trinke and her father, Oliver...	1:25:24	1:25:28
Psst!	1:25:28	1:25:29
Just my grandfather. Oh.	1:25:33	1:25:36
I'm sorry. First-grader Gertrude Trinke and her grandfather	1:25:36	1:25:41
will be performing what I can only assume is a hymn,	1:25:41	1:25:44
entitled God, That's Good, from the musical Sweeney Todd.	1:25:44	1:25:50
MUSIC STARTS	1:25:50	1:25:53
# Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?	1:26:03	1:26:07
# Are your nostrils aquiver and tingling as well	1:26:08	1:26:10
# At that delicate, luscious, ambrosial smell?	1:26:10	1:26:14
# Yes, they are, I can tell	1:26:14	1:26:16
# Well, ladies and gentlemen That aroma enriching the breeze	1:26:16	1:26:20
# Is like nothing compared to its succulent source	1:26:20	1:26:22
# As the gourmets among you will tell you, of course	1:26:22	1:26:26
# Ladies and gentlemen You can't imagine the rapture in store	1:26:26	1:26:30
# Just inside of this door... #	1:26:30	1:26:34
LAUGHS	1:26:34	1:26:36
# There you'll sample Mrs Lovett's meat pies	1:26:36	1:26:40
# Savoury and sweet pies As you see	1:26:40	1:26:44
# You who eats pies Mrs Lovett's meat pies	1:26:44	1:26:48
# Conjure up the treat pies used to be	1:26:48	1:26:51
# Toby! # Coming! Excuse me...	1:26:51	1:26:54
# Ale there! # Right, Mum!	1:26:54	1:26:56
# Quick now! # God, that's good!	1:26:56	1:26:59
# Nice to see you, dearie	1:26:59	1:27:00
# How have you been keeping?	1:27:00	1:27:03
# Cor, me bones is weary Toby, one for the gentleman	1:27:03	1:27:06
# Hear the birdies cheeping? Helps to keep it cheery	1:27:06	1:27:10
# Toby, throw the old woman out!	1:27:10	1:27:12
GREENIE AND BLOCK: # God, that's good!	1:27:12	1:27:13
# What's your budget, dearie? No, we don't cut slices	1:27:13	1:27:18
Take this off!	1:27:18	1:27:21
# ...Me prices I'm a little leery	1:27:21	1:27:24
# Business couldn't be better, though	1:27:24	1:27:26
GREENIE AND BLOCK: # God, that's good!	1:27:26	1:27:28
# Knock on wood	1:27:28	1:27:30
Psst! # Excuse me	1:27:30	1:27:32
Psst! # Dear, see to the customers	1:27:32	1:27:34
Psst! # Yes, what, love?	1:27:34	1:27:36
# Quick now! # Me heart's a-flutter	1:27:44	1:27:46
# When I pound the floor... When you pound the floor	1:27:46	1:27:48
# It's a signal to show that I'm ready to go	1:27:48	1:27:50
# When I pound the floor... # When you pound the floor	1:27:50	1:27:51
# Will you trust me? I just want to be sure	1:27:51	1:27:54
# When I'm certain that you're in place	1:27:54	1:27:56
# I'll pound three times	1:27:56	1:27:59
# Three times	1:27:59	1:28:01
# And then you...	1:28:01	1:28:03
# Three times!	1:28:04	1:28:07
# If you...	1:28:07	1:28:09
# Exactly!	1:28:09	1:28:11
# More hot pies! God!	1:28:11	1:28:12
# More hot! Right!	1:28:12	1:28:13
ALL: # More pies. More!	1:28:13	1:28:16
# Wait!	1:28:16	1:28:17
ALL: # God, that's good! #	1:28:29	1:28:31
Shit.	1:28:43	1:28:45
I love you, Daddy.	1:29:07	1:29:09
I love you too.	1:29:09	1:29:10
I love you so much.	1:29:10	1:29:12
You were great. You too.	1:29:12	1:29:14
You...guys... were...great!	1:29:21	1:29:25
Ooh!	1:29:25	1:29:26
Oh, God!	1:29:27	1:29:29
Hey, Gertie! Come dance with me.	1:29:29	1:29:32
Bye, Uncle Greenie. Bye, Uncle Block.	1:29:32	1:29:34
Bye, sweetheart.	1:29:34	1:29:35
I'm startin' to like show business. Yeah.	1:29:37	1:29:39
Don't get caught up in the glory.	1:29:39	1:29:41
Tomorrow you're on shithouse duty.	1:29:41	1:29:44
You know, sometimes I just wanna... Uh-huh.	1:29:44	1:29:48
I'm so tired of being your little geisha.	1:29:49	1:29:53
You had me worried there for a minute.	1:29:53	1:29:55
Yeah, who knew all those years	1:29:55	1:29:56
you were nursing a case of stage fright.	1:29:56	1:29:59
Not about that, smart ass. About the other thing.	1:29:59	1:30:03
About moving away.	1:30:03	1:30:05
Come on, Dad.	1:30:05	1:30:07
Don't you wanna live alone again?	1:30:07	1:30:09
Not as much as I don't wanna die alone.	1:30:09	1:30:13
We're not going anywhere, pop.	1:30:22	1:30:23
MUSIC: "Let My Love Open The Door" by Pete Townshend	1:30:23	1:30:27
You wanna go over there and cheer up your pop?	1:30:31	1:30:33
He's devastated about missing his big singing debut.	1:30:33	1:30:37
Aw!	1:30:37	1:30:39
Pop!	1:30:39	1:30:40
Hey, princess!	1:30:43	1:30:46
Look at you. Mr Big Hero of the night.	1:30:46	1:30:49
Yeah, well, it might take me longer than some, but I, er...	1:30:49	1:30:54
May I? Uh...	1:30:54	1:30:56
OK.	1:30:56	1:30:57
I like to think I come around eventually.	1:30:59	1:31:03
Well, you showing up when you did like that?	1:31:03	1:31:05
That was just about the most romantic thing I've ever seen.	1:31:05	1:31:09
Honestly.	1:31:11	1:31:13
Well...stick around.	1:31:13	1:31:16
It may get even more romantic than that.	1:31:18	1:31:20
Really? Yeah.	1:31:20	1:31:23
See. How was that for romance?	1:31:26	1:31:29
I'll think about it.	1:31:33	1:31:34
Do that.	1:31:37	1:31:38
Ollie Trinke...	1:31:40	1:31:42
GREENIE: Hey...	1:32:05	1:32:07
Your kid's cuttin' a rug with that Maya.	1:32:07	1:32:10
Uh...	1:32:10	1:32:11
The sun even shines on a dog's ass some days.	1:32:15	1:32:19
You getting a dog?	1:32:19	1:32:21
Maya?	1:32:27	1:32:29
Can I dance with my dad now?	1:32:29	1:32:30
If you must.	1:32:30	1:32:32
Don't let him go, though, Gert. He's one of a kind.	1:32:32	1:32:36
I know.	1:32:37	1:32:38
Come here.	1:32:41	1:32:43
You wanna dance? So, no city?	1:32:43	1:32:46
No. No city.	1:32:46	1:32:49
We're staying here with Pop?	1:32:49	1:32:51
God help us, yes, we're staying with Pop.	1:32:51	1:32:54
And you're taking me to see Cats?	1:32:54	1:32:56
Oh-ho! Nice try, but no.	1:32:56	1:32:59
Thank you, Daddy.	1:32:59	1:33:02
Anything for you, Gert. You know why?	1:33:02	1:33:05
Why?	1:33:05	1:33:07
Cos you're the only thing I was ever really good at.	1:33:07	1:33:11
MUSIC: "Jersey Girl" by Bruce Springsteen	1:33:56	1:33:59
# I got no time for the corner boys	1:34:20	1:34:26
# Down in the street making all that noise	1:34:26	1:34:32
# Or the girls out on the avenue	1:34:32	1:34:37
# Cos tonight I wanna be with you	1:34:37	1:34:44
# Tonight I'm gonna take that ride	1:34:44	1:34:49
# Across the river to the Jersey side	1:34:49	1:34:55
# Take my baby to the carnival	1:34:55	1:35:00
# And I'll take her on all the rides	1:35:00	1:35:06
# Cos down the shore everything's all right... #	1:35:06	1:35:11

Jersey Girl

Similar Content

Drama

Films

Romance (love)

Unemployment

Transcript

Download Subtitles

SRT

ASS