The Cockleshell Heroes

HORN TOOTS

-Hello, Hugh!

-Well, of all things! How are you?

-Roped you in again, have they?

-Certainly have!

Up! Down!

Up! Down! Up! Down!

Come on, men, get your backs into it!

-Up to your standard?

-They're pretty fair. Are they mine?

-Er, no.

-Tell me, this, er, this Major Stringer...

-Forget what you've heard.

-I haven't heard anything. I'm open-minded.

You'll need to stay that way.

This officer claims he's a major of Marines.

He was arrested by the patrol boat canoeing in a restricted area.

Sergeant, I'm Major Stringer, under orders to report for duty.

I believe a Captain Thompson is my administrative officer.

No doubt he could set your mind at rest about me.

Yes, "sir"...

That's correct, sir.

Oh, I see, sir.

Very well, sir. I'll send the guard over with Major Stringer.

Sorry, sir.

Sorry, sir. Would you come this way, please, sir?

BUGLE PLAYS, DRILL SERGEANT SHOUTS

Close order!

-Who are you?

-Hello! I'm Stringer. You must be Thompson.

How do you do, sir?

I'm afraid my arrival was rather informal.

I was stopped by the patrol boat, actually.

-I'll get an orderly to take your kit to your quarters.

-No, this is stuff I want here.

I see.

Er, which is my desk?

Here.

I suppose I shouldn't have come by kayak, really,

but there I was, just up the river,

and what with the flood tide setting up and the wind south of west,

it seemed the obvious thing to do.

Look, would you like to smoke? I'm afraid I...

No, thank you.

How long have you been in the service?

I joined in February 1918.

-But good heavens, you're only...

-I've been a captain for 11 years.

Well, I hope this isn't going to be too embarrassing for both of us.

You see, I'm only playing at being a Marine.

Actually, I joined up in a fit of boyish enthusiasm,

and they're rash enough to make me an acting major

-and put me in charge of this unit.

-Jolly good.

What I'm trying to say is,

isn't it going to be difficult to get used to taking orders from me?

No, no. I'm quite used to the normal service chain of command.

Good. Now, how much do you know about all this?

I don't know anything, sir.

Well, in that case - this is all most secret, of course -

it seems German ships are running in and out of Bordeaux,

getting past our blockade

and bringing vital raw materials to the German war machine.

No-one else seems to be able to do anything about it,

so our job is to get all the way up there

and blow up those ships in the docks.

How do you propose to get there?

By canoes.

We'd be travelling at night and hiding in the day.

We'll be dropped out here, somewhere outside the minefield,

75 miles to the target.

-Should be able to make it in three or four nights of paddling.

-Interesting.

I sent in this scheme some time ago, and it was thrown out.

Now it's boiled up again, and here we are.

It's rather a long way to paddle, isn't it?

Yes.

I've never really thought of a canoe as being particularly invisible.

Neither have I. I'm only hoping the Germans won't notice us.

On the theory that the only time a German looks down

is to see if his boots are properly polished?

You're not bubbling over with enthusiasm for this.

I'm afraid I'm not qualified to comment

on the technical possibilities of your plan.

-Well, what's the next step?

-43 men are due in the morning for training.

-What sort of men?

-Volunteers for hazardous service.

-Should be good chaps.

-Probably deadbeats.

Good men are never encouraged to volunteer.

Right! Fall in in three ranks facing me!

Party, 'shun!

My name's Sergeant Craig.

I've had the misfortune to be put in charge of you lot.

You might as well know that I've got a suspicious nature.

I suspect all volunteers. Happens to be a little weakness of mine.

Right! Party, stand at ease!

Answer out when your name's called.

-Corporal Stevens.

-Sergeant.

-Marine Bradley.

-Here, Sergeant.

-Marine Wilby.

-Here, Sergeant.

-Marine Clarke.

-Here, Sergeant.

-Don't I know you?

-I believe we have had the pleasure, yes, Sergeant.

-2nd Battalion.

-Yes, Sergeant.

-I remember you.

-I remember you, too, Sergeant.

I'm a sergeant now. That makes a big difference,

-doesn't it?

-It certainly does...Sergeant.

What's the matter with your cap badge?

Er...the wind blew me beret off this morning. It went under a...bicycle.

Yes?

You're coming back to me like a song, you are.

You stand fast when the rest dismiss. We'll have a little talk.

Yes, Sergeant.

(Bighead!)

-Marine Newville.

-Here, Sergeant.

-Marine Steadman.

-Here, Sergeant.

-Marine Vanner.

-Sergeant.

-Marine Hodgson.

-Sergeant.

-Marine Dodds.

-Here, Sergeant.

Party, 'shun!

-Carry on.

-Very good, sir. Stand at...ease!

-Good morning!

-Good morning, sir.

-I see the men have arrived.

-Yes.

I'm going through their conduct sheets, and Sergeant Craig is drilling them.

-We should be able to separate the sheep from the goats.

-Quite.

I think I shall want to interview the men myself.

I've got a pretty good idea of the sort of chaps I need.

-Let's have them in one at a time, shall we?

-Very good, sir.

Marine Bellamy!

Stand easy. Why did you volunteer for hazardous service, Bellamy?

To see some action, sir.

Wouldn't you have got that if you'd stayed in 40 Commando?

It's just that I like a change of scenery, sir.

-Were you on the Dieppe raid?

-No. I was sorry to miss that, sir.

They kept me back. I was an instructor at the time.

-Just my luck! I've always wanted to have a crack, sir.

-Right. Thank you.

Left turn!

Quick march! Wait outside.

-Marine Lomas.

-Marine Lomas!

Why did you volunteer for hazardous service?

Kids, sir. I need the extra money.

I wasn't getting enough exercise.

My mother died in an air raid, sir.

I didn't know what I was signing, sir.

Well, sir, with me coming from a long line of natural-born fighting men,

I said to meself, "Cooney..."

It's funny you should ask me that, sir.

Yes, well, er...

I'm not quite sure of the meaning of the word "volunteer", sir.

Here! Here, George, you know what he said to me?

He said, "I'm curious to know why you volunteered."

HE'S curious? I'M curious!

Why DID I volunteer?

What did you say?

Well, I said, "I believe the good die young, sir,

"and I don't want to disappoint anybody."

If you just tell me which men you've selected,

I'll start licking them into some sort of shape for you.

Aside from the obvious rejects, I haven't quite made up my mind.

You see, I'm looking for a special sort of man,

an individualist, one who can think for himself,

who'll do the job for its own sake

rather than because some sergeant is shouting at him.

And while we're on the subject, I'm not sure that I want you

"licking them into shape", as you put it.

Try to force them into a mould

and you destroy the very qualities I'm looking for.

I think I'll just dream up a little test for these men,

see what sort of stuff they're made of.

Gentlemen, as you can see, our ranks have thinned since our first meeting.

Before I make my final selection,

I want to put you all to a practical test,

and it's a difficult one.

Tonight, we will be dropped by parachute up here.

That's 380 miles away.

And our task will be to get back to these barracks within 48 hours.

We will be dressed as German soldiers

and carry no money, no identification.

The Home Guard haven't been informed, so watch out.

-He's barmy!

-Don't break the law unless you have to,

and if you have to, don't get caught.

Any questions?

Right. See you in the aircraft.

Party, 'shun!

Fall in outside.

I think we've got a good lot of boys there.

Some of them may be good material.

Even so, it's not customary to call them gentlemen.

Do you mean to imply that only an officer can be a gentleman?

I mean to imply that in the service,

one does not address the rank and file as gentlemen,

even if they ARE gentlemen.

I stand corrected.

800 feet this time, skipper. Twenty men in one stick.

-Nearly there. Better get ready for action.

-Roger.

Who does that Stringer think we are, an aerial circus?

You could be right there. If you ask me, he's nuts.

Stand up and hook up!

'Ere, Ted, two days' pay I'll beat you in.

I'm not a betting man.

I'll take you on.

Bless you, Paddy, darlin'.

-Nine OK.

-Eight OK.

-Seven OK.

-Six OK.

-Five OK.

-Four OK.

-Three OK.

-Two OK.

One OK. Stick OK.

-Action stations.

-Action stations!

-Red on. Stand in the door.

-Sure you don't want to come along?

Green on. Go!

Change my next of kin from Clarke to Churchill!

-Go!

-What would be the German for "me parachute didn't open"?

-Go!

Trust the RAF to drop you in it!

Nob! Paddy!

Nob! Paddy!

THEY LAUGH

What are you laughing at? Cut me down!

What are you doing up there?

What does it look like? Bird-watching? Go on, do us a favour.

I'd help you, but I've got a train to catch! >

-Good luck to you!

-Innit marvellous? You wait till I get back to barracks!

DOG BARKS

TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS

-Going far?

-I'm terribly sorry, I don't speak English.

Pity. Neither do I.

DOG BARKS

-Will you give us a lift, mate?

-Sure! Hop in.

I've hitch-hiked all the great way from your fine city of Liverpool

and hope and pray that I'll soon be proudly wearing the King's uniform.

What's that uniform you're wearing just now?

Irish Salvation Army.

Oh, course! I should have known. Very smart. Very smart!

-Lovely morning.

-Morning.

KNOCK ON DOOR

-Who is it?

-Surprise!

-You beast!

-B-B-But, Myrtle, I...

Get out of here, you lousy bum!

You're not a gentleman,

so don't think you can come here any time you happen to be passing

-and think you can take up where you left off.

-Myrtle!

I've learnt things since you was last here,

and I don't want to see your dirty face looking around my door again!

I don't have to go with you perishing Marines any more.

I'm a respectable working girl. Don't you forget it!

So you can just get right back to Queen's Street.

That's the sort of girl you need!

Only they're too good for you, you dirty, stinkin',

rotten, double-faced sidekick!

That's what you are!

So you can get out of here, otherwise I'll come for you,

I really will.

-Queer-looking customer.

-Yes, I was just thinking the same thing.

WHISTLE BLOWS

Get a wriggle on!

HE SNIFFS

HE SNIFFS

All tickets, please.

Get your tickets ready, please.

Your tickets, please.

All tickets, there, please.

-Just a moment.

-Pass it under the door, then, sir, would you?

Thank you!

Next stop Portsmouth. >

Well, this is the end of the line.

It's been an exhilarating experience meeting you.

I always say physical fitness is the first bastion of democracy.

My husband wouldn't agree with me on that.

He was a slugger, and he died in his bed.

Well, Godspeed.

I only wish I was breasting the tape with you!

Any reports, Sergeant?

Not yet, sir. But I've got my fingers crossed.

Hm.

-One moment, please.

-I'm afraid it's me again, Sergeant.

-Very good, sir.

Yes, sir.

Sergeant?

Major Stringer's back. Give me full details of the others as they arrive.

Very good, sir. I'll go and tick off the stormtroopers as they come in.

Aye-aye, what's going on here? You boys delivering or collecting?

-Delivering, Sergeant. Marine Lomas.

-Marine Lomas?

He was dead before he left here. What's he got?

Well, it's what he hasn't got. Sign here, please, will you?

-Apparently, he gave four pints of blood and he passed out.

-Yeah?

How many does that leave him? Because I'm going to do a bit of extracting now.

LOMAS!

COME 'ERE!

-I want you back in 15 minutes. Dressed!

-Yes, Sergeant.

-Carry on.

-Yes, Sergeant.

-Keep the change.

-Thank you, sir!

-Good day, Sergeant.

-Good day(!) And who do you think you are?

10934, Marine Bradley, Sergeant.

-Travelling incognito?

-Carrying out orders, Sergeant.

Now you can carry out another one.

You can get dressed and report back here in 15 minutes.

And then write out a statement for me.

That wouldn't be asking too much, would it...sir?

Not at all, Sergeant. I'm quite familiar with statements.

-Is here the garrison Kommandant?

-CLARKE!

Come here!

-So you like to play at soldiers, do you?

-Yes, Sergeant! I...

Get that uniform off, come back in ten minutes' time in full marching kit

and we'll both have a little game. 'Shun! Quick march!

And get your hair cut!

Quick march!

Good evening, Sergeant.

Some of you mugs'll be late for your own funeral.

-I made it!

-You're not finished yet, Jesse Owen.

Come on, double up. Pick 'em up. Up, two, three, four! Pick 'em up!

PICK 'EM UP! Up, two, three, four, up, two, three, four, pick 'em up!

Close order...march!

Stand at...ease!

Stand easy!

Pay attention. You've taken quite a few liberties during the past few days.

From now onwards, you're under King's regulations, and don't forget it.

If you do, I'll read the riot act

in a language that'd make a bishop kick a hole in a stained-glass window.

I've got me eye on some of you.

Bet he picks on you.

I'm looking at you, Ruddock.

He's looking at you, Ruddock.

Stop talking. You're going in for a lecture now, so pin your ears back.

SQUAD! SQUAD...

Wait for it! 'SHUN!

-Good morning.

-Good morning, sir.

-Come along and let me have the latest reports, would you?

-Yes, sir.

Eleven captured by the Home Guard,

-three with gunshot wounds, one serious.

-Bad luck.

Two placed under arrest by military police,

one drunk in charge, one married,

six still unaccounted for.

I received complaints from the police of five counties,

a considerable quantity of equipment has been lost

and we shall almost certainly be faced with a court of inquiry.

Do I detect a faint note of disapproval?

It may interest you to know that this ridiculous exercise,

which seems to have given you much satisfaction,

has caused me more trouble than five years' ordinary service.

All right, Thompson, let's clear the air a little.

Ever since we met, you've given me a hard time.

Now, just what the hell is eating you?

It's just that I'm a professional Marine.

I don't like temporary officers.

I don't like volunteers for hazardous service.

I don't like musical-comedy operations

designed to win the Victoria Cross for somebody.

I suppose I just don't like heroes.

Well, I hope that makes you feel better.

Party...'shun!

-Party present, sir.

-Thank you. Let them sit down.

Stand at ease!

Stand easy!

Sit down.

Now then, of the original group who volunteered for this job,

you are the final selection.

Together with Sergeant Craig and me, you are the operational team.

You have been selected for your initiative and because you gave every indication

of being men who would think for themselves. This is what I was looking for.

We are now going to start intensive training on the job itself.

I think you will find it interesting.

To begin with, let me introduce you to the two-man canoe.

I've never seen such an appalling exhibition. I'm going to the office.

Very good, sir.

Watch it, fellas, watch it! Shh!

Watch my heels, Jock.

Party...halt!

Corporal Stevens?

Do you usually let your men slouch about in that fashion?

-No, sir. We've just finished...

-I'm not interested in what you've finished.

-Sergeant Craig?

-Sir!

-Smarten these men up.

-Get them into battle dress and give them an hour's drill.

-Very good, sir.

Left, right, left, right, left!

Right!

Turn! Turn, pause, swing!

Clarke! If you could tell your left from your right, you'd be a good marine!

Right!

Turn! Turn, pause, swing!

Lift up! Hold your heads up!

Left!

Turn!

Left!

Turn, turn, pause, pause, swing.

Keep your arms swinging!

Left, right, left, right, left!

-Sergeant Craig?

-Squad, halt!

Just in time.

-Yes, sir?

-What are you doing?

-Close-order drill, sir.

-Close-order drill wasn't on my training programme.

-No, sir.

-Why close-order drill?

-Captain Thompson's order, sir.

-I see. Dismiss the men.

-Very good, sir.

Squad...dismiss!

Come into my office, please.

You ordered Sergeant Craig to give the men close-order drill.

-Yes, sir, I did.

-Why?

I ordered it because I think they need it.

Presenting arms and advancing in columns of threes

won't help these men

at the docks of Bordeaux in canoes full of high explosives.

Your men appear to be an ill-disciplined rabble.

They'll never get to Bordeaux that way.

Thompson, I'm training these men, not you.

I'm responsible for the success or the failure of this project,

so we'll do it my way.

It may not be the right way or the Marine way or the professional way,

but it is my way, the way I want it. Is that clear?

Now, understand this,

in future, no disciplinary action is to be taken in this unit

by anybody except me.

We'll go through this narrow channel and then up the river.

Canoes will proceed independently

and try to get to the objective up here, Deptford.

All the defences have been alerted, so if you're challenged,

reply with the code word Waterbabies and give yourselves up.

I'm confident you won't have to do this.

This is our big chance to prove that we can penetrate

a heavily defended river,

but Combined Operations headquarters will be keeping an eye on us,

so our entire future may depend on the outcome.

I know you won't let me down.

Carry on, Sergeant Craig.

Halt! Who goes there?

Halt, or I'll fire!

Hey, what are you doing?

Paddle towards us. And don't try anything.

We know what we're doing. Waterbabies.

I don't know anything about that. Do as you're told!

Halt! Who goes there?

Waterbabies.

Waterbabies, eh?

-That's right.

-We've been waiting for you. Come on.

Hello? This is Stringer checking in. Got any news for me?

I'm afraid you've had it.

Your other four canoes were arrested before midnight.

Your entire force is wiped out.

I see. Right, thanks very much. We'd better call the whole thing of.

"Waterbabies"!

Well, it's my turn to listen to you, for a change.

What do you mean by that?

I mean let me have it. What did I do wrong?

You did everything wrong.

You made just about every mistake it's possible to make.

You're a rotten leader. In fact, you're no leader at all.

You don't begin to understand your men. You think they're enthusiasts.

They're not. They're not in the least bit interested in all this.

They're like schoolboys with a lenient master,

pretending to lap it all up but not doing any work at all.

From the day you started, they've been laughing at you behind your back.

-So now what do I do?

-What do you do?

You become an officer.

You take this sloppy lot and you whip them into a team,

pitch into them until they learn to do exactly as they're told,

whether they like it or not.

You told me once that I was a military machine

with no feeling for the men.

Well, you've just killed the whole lot off.

Not a man would have survived.

Not a man would have reached his objective

if this exercise had been the real thing.

That's where your kindness has got you. They despise you for it.

Well...that tells me what I want to know.

And there's just one more thing.

It concerns me.

I'm not accustomed to being associated with this kind of a mess.

I want you to know that I'm thoroughly ashamed

to be a member of your unit.

Every one of you is guilty of most of the faults which I have listed here.

This wasn't just a small exercise gone slightly wrong,

this is a prize example of complete and total bog-up.

We not only failed to reach our objective,

theoretically we were wiped out a few hours after we started to paddle.

I blame myself. I failed you just as surely as you failed me.

I gave you credit for having some intelligence,

so I treated you with kindness,

and you let me down.

I'm not going to fail you again, and you're not going to let me down.

Any man guilty of committing the slightest breach of any nature

will be brought on a charge.

Who does he think he is?

Clarke, Lomas?

Stand up.

Straighten up there.

When I am talking, I want your undivided attention.

-Sergeant Craig?

-Sir!

These two men are to be given one hour's close-order drill

-after working hours this evening.

-Sir.

-Sit down.

We're going to start training again,

and this time we're going to do it right.

You're going to work and think twice as hard as you ever did.

Get moving! The last man up buys a round, and I'm thirsty!

Now I'll show you the quickest way down bar one.

Rows, 'shun!

Quick march!

Pick up canoes!

Quick march!

This is the limpet mine.

Four powerful magnets are attached to the outer frame

so that with a steel plate such as this...

Our job will be to attach these bombs

to the hull of ships below the water line, like this.

The mine is detonated by this fuse, which goes in like this.

To start the fuse, you...

Here you are, Sergeant. Pass it round.

By the way, that's not a dummy.

I wanted you to get used to the feel of the real thing.

We'll dispose of it at sea. It's set for 15 minutes,

-so we've plenty of time.

-Clarke, hang on to this for 15 minutes.

Thank you, Sergeant.

I hope your clock's right, sir!

Go on, take it!

Hey, steady!

You hold it. I've seen it.

He's mad.

Sergeant, just a little token of our respect and admiration.

You've got just 12 minutes to get rid of that thing, Cooney.

HALT!

Let's go!

Clarke, you again?!

Ooh!

MARCHING BAND PLAYS

Kneeling position!

Targets!

One...two...

-Catch it!

-Nobby!

Fire!

HALT!

We've only got a minute to go, boys!

Right, Clarke, give it to me!

I bet you nothing happens.

-I'll take you on a dollar.

-Your dollar, and up two.

-This man's plumb crazy!

-I'm getting out of this lot.

Urgent, Sergeant.

Confidential, sir.

Sir.

Well...

..let's get drunk.

All Marines, our family, right back to the 18th century.

My father was a general, and so was his father.

When I was a boy, I just couldn't wait to get into action,

to show I was as good as any of them.

In 1918, I was with the 1st Battalion.

We got up to the front line in time for the Battle of Cambrai.

I was a brand-new officer in a brand-new uniform

with a platoon of trusting young men behind me.

When the big advance started, I was ordered to capture

what I was told was an isolated German machine-gun post

on the right flank.

The fog lifted early that day, and we hadn't got halfway there

before we began to get pasted good and proper.

It suddenly dawned on me that my intelligence was all wrong

and that the Boche position was far too strong

to be taken by my platoon alone.

We were just getting wiped out without doing any good.

The funny thing was, I...

I wasn't really frightened.

I knew that the job I'd been given was...impossible,

so I used my common sense, got my men down behind cover

and sent a runner to headquarters with a report on the situation.

That's when everything went wrong.

My runner got hit, and the message never got there.

My company commander didn't like me much.

When he got hauled over the coals for not reaching his objective,

he managed to pass most of the blame on to me...

..said I should have pressed on regardless of casualties.

"You don't seem to realise that in the Royal Marines

"we don't grovel the moment someone points a rifle at you."

Hm! Well, what was I to say? For all I knew, he was right.

I couldn't tell.

All I knew was that the next time,

I wouldn't stop for anything,

no matter what they put me up against.

But there never was a next time.

They pulled me out of the battalion

and then suddenly the war was over and it was too late.

I was just Lieutenant Thompson,

the promising young officer who couldn't be trusted under fire.

That was 22 years ago.

Since then, I've been promoted just once.

I've been handed every lousy administrative job in the corps.

And I've done them as well as they can be done.

Now it's too late for me to have a second chance.

Well, perhaps just as well.

Probably wouldn't know what to do with it if I did.

In a way, I suppose I should hate you

for having something which I no longer can have.

In another way, I'm trying to say good luck to you.

This is your chance.

It doesn't come to all men, but it's come to you.

Don't fail yourself.

Come along, hero.

# Deep in my heart I keep recalling

# The London I love

# Small, cosy bars and cheerful greeting

# Long line of cars and lovers meeting

# Under the stars, her heart is beating

# The London I love

# Breathless and fast, the crowd hurries past

# There's a glow in the London sky

# Velvety dark, the trees in the park

# Touch my heart, and I don't know why... #

If she touched me, I'd know what, eh, George?

-What's the matter with your friend?

-Don't worry about him. He's in love.

# Chiming of bells, the river gleaming

# You're my dream I'm always dreaming

# The London I love

# Bright-coloured lights, Palladium nights

# And a world that is always gay

# All you have been will stay evergreen

# In my heart till another day

# Taxis that hoot and costers crying

# World that awakes when daylight's dying

# You're my dream from which I'm sighing

# The London I love. #

CHEERING

All right, if you Marines were responsible

for getting half the ruddy Army out of Dunkirk, what are you doing here?

You should be somewhere getting covered in glory.

We're on a special mission.

What's that? Chaperoning the Free French?

If you must satisfy your idle curiosity, we're the boom patrol.

The boom patrol? You're one of the jokers who paddle round the harbour

looking like the Swiss navy.

Hey, listen, everybody, we've got the mermaids with us!

-Hey, mister, what's your name?

-Claridge. Why?

I never hit strangers.

Up the Marines!

Hey, watch it!

WOMAN SCREAMS

WOMAN SHRIEKS

'Ere, take him home. It's past his bedtime.

< Go and get 'em, boys.

WOMEN SCREAM

Now, on this glorious occasion

of the splendid defeat and complete victory over the Royal Navy

by Stringer's canned... I mean carefree canoeists,

we are gathered here to say a farewell

to some of our fellow Marines

before they depart for, er, foreign shores.

I want the Marines to step forward when I call their names.

Marine Bradley.

Sir!

Marine Cooney, who came to us from the IRA.

Sir!

Marine...Lomas.

-Sir.

-Order of the Belch.

-Marine Innes.

-Sir!

-Our member for West Glasgow.

Marine Ruddock, better know as Atlas because of his mighty fr...

I say again, Marine Ruddock.

Gor blimey, where's Ruddock? He's ruining me act!

He's blown. Gone. Absent without leave.

Stand by your beds!

'Shun!

Well, one of you must have some idea.

-Where's Stevens?

-Here, sir.

-Stevens, you were his friend, weren't you?

-I said you were his friend.

-Yes, sir.

-Where's he gone?

I don't know, sir.

-Bradley, do you know anything?

-No, sir.

You realise what this means, don't you?

All the training, the planning and the sweat will all go for nothing.

We're not only fighting a war, we're fighting time.

Now, one of you must have some idea where he's gone, and I want to know.

I've reason to believe he's got trouble at home, sir.

Oh, you have "reason to believe". Don't you KNOW?

You fight a private war with the Navy, but you can't look after your own kind.

-Sergeant Craig?

-Sir!

-These men are confined to barracks.

-See that they have an escort to and from the mess hall.

-Very good, sir.

Stand easy.

Sergeant?

I'm not going to mince matters,

because you and I talk the same language.

We both know we have a commanding officer

who doesn't know King's Regulations from the telephone book.

I've tried my best, but I can't be everywhere.

It was up to you to get wind of anything like this.

It's a big enough bog-up already.

I shall go after Ruddock. I want you to cover for me.

I don't want anything like this again.

If there's a single button missing from any man when I get back,

-I'll carve you up.

-There won't be, sir.

Get down to Transport, grab me a car. Tell them I'll drive myself.

Very good, sir.

DOORBELL RINGS

-Yes?

-Has he been here?

-You can't come in here!

-Where is he?

-Where's who? I don't know what you're talking about!

Don't let's waste each other's time. Have you seen your husband in the last 24 hours?

My husband? Well, of course not, he's not on leave.

I don't need you to tell me that.

Look, if you don't get out of here, I'm going to call the police.

-I'm waiting.

-What do you want to know for, soldier?

-What business is it of yours?

-Don't say anything. Keep quiet.

Oh, I'm not in the Army. I don't have to take orders.

We don't know nothing. Why don't you go away?

Satisfied, soldier?

You make me sick. Both of you.

If he's deserted, I shall have to turn him in.

-I'm a good citizen.

-Relax, he's probably in some pub getting stinking.

That captain's got a nerve, coming here like that.

-Anyone would think there was a war on.

-You'll tear my dress!

So what? I paid for it, didn't I?

Good evening. Whisky, please. Large one.

-No whisky. I can manage you a gin.

-That'll do.

-You home for long?

-Not long. Got a spot of special leave.

-Got to clear up some business.

-Neither one thing nor the other, is it?

-Er, 3/6, please, sir.

-Good evening, Ruddock.

-Good evening, sir.

-Would you care to join me?

-Yes, sir.

-Well, Ruddock...

-Well, sir. It's a bit of a liberty, I know,

but there's a celebration on at home, a big family do,

what you might call a free-for-all.

I dropped in to get a couple of bottles so I didn't go empty-handed.

It's my grandmother's golden wedding. I should have said. Forget me own name next!

I didn't want to miss it because she thinks a lot of me and I do of her.

And you never know in wartime, do you?

After the do the other night, it seemed we'd be splitting up,

so I thought maybe I could chance it. Well, I chanced it. Took a chance.

Yes, well, that's me lot, isn't it?

It's not quite your "lot", as you put it.

I know why you're here, Ruddock. I've been home before you.

-I'm not going to stop you.

-I beg your pardon, sir?

I said I'm not going to stop you.

This sort of situation is not uncommon, you know.

It once happened to me. Not that that's of any consolation to you.

-How long will you need?

-About three minutes, sir.

That's not long enough. I'll give you 15 minutes when we get there.

And make a good job of it. That's an order.

-Very generous, sir.

-Have a drink?

-No, I don't need a drink, sir.

Let's go, then.

-Have you got your key?

-Yes, sir.

-Then what are you waiting for?

Oh, and give my regards to Maurice.

-Good evening, Officer.

-PUNCHING >

WOMAN SCREAMS

What's going on in there?

Oh, one of my men's having a little trouble with the lodger.

Pity to break it up too soon.

He's, er... acting under orders, I take it.

Oh, yes, strictly under orders.

What I mean to say is, er, he can't possibly disobey orders, can he?

No, that would be very tricky.

COMMOTION

No way of hurrying him, I suppose?

No... No, I suppose not.

Well, can't stop here chatting with you all night.

-Time for me to check in at the station.

-Anything doing tonight?

No, very quiet.

Well, he won't be such a popular boy with the girls for a while.

-Feeling better, Ruddock?

-Yes.

But it doesn't solve anything, does it, sir? But I feel better.

All ready, sir.

All right, boys, all out.

Come on, hurry it up, now.

SHIP'S HOOTER BLASTS THREE TIMES

-How do you do? I'm Stringer.

-How are you? I'm Grieves.

This is Lieutenant McClory.

This is Captain Thompson, my admin officer. He's come to see us safely off.

Right, let's have it.

At the moment, we are passing Land's End.

We have left our escort. From now on, we will be on our own.

We will be diving during daylight to avoid enemy air reconnaissance.

The submarine will drop us here, right at the edge of the minefield.

It's roughly 75 miles from there to the Bordeaux docks.

This is a lighthouse at the mouth of the river.

As far as we know, they only switch it on to let ships go in and out of the harbour.

We expect rough water about here caused by the tide running over the shallows.

It's called a tide race.

Just like the rapids in a river, really, but be prepared for it.

Each canoe will carry six limpets.

One on each enemy ship is enough if you attach it in the right place.

Now, about this thing. Each canoe will carry one of these.

I call it Little Nell. It goes off 15 seconds after you start the fuse.

It has to be fast, because its purpose

is to blow up the canoe and its cargo if capture becomes inevitable.

Now, 15 seconds will give you time to get clear of the explosion,

so don't imagine that I'm suggesting

that anyone commit suicide, because I'm not.

After it's all over,

we will withdraw to a quiet part of the river around here

and make our escape in pairs,

travelling across country north-east towards Ruffec.

The French resistance know to expect us

and will pick us up, I hope. They'll know the best way of getting us home.

Now, there's just one more thing.

Any canoe getting itself into trouble

will have to work out its own salvation.

The other canoes will not stop for it.

They will press straight on up the river.

Only one thing matters on this job - blowing up enemy ships.

That's what we've come here to do.

Action stations! SIREN BLARES

What's up? No idea, chum.

Shut off for depth-charge attack.

Shut off for depth-charge attack.

Coming in fast, sir.

-Silent routine.

-Silent routine.

All compartments shut off for depth-charge attack, sir.

Schnell, schnell, laden die Kanonen!

Achtung, achtung!

Feuer!

Better sit down before you get knocked down.

RUMBLING APPROACHING

RUMBLING RECEDES

-For'ard, sir, getting fainter.

-Good.

Coming in on the port beam, sir.

Feuer!

-How is he?

-I'm afraid he's no use to us, sir.

Right, that's over. Prepare to surface.

Canoe launching must be completed in 15 minutes.

Ruddock can't manage alone in his canoe.

We'll have to leave Coalfish behind. The rest of you, get ready.

Four canoes instead of five...

-Let me take his place.

-What?

-Let me take Lomas's place.

-It's out of the question.

-May I ask why?

-You haven't been trained for this job.

-I could pick it up easily.

I'd be in Ruddock's canoe. He could carry me along.

We can't afford to lose a canoe now, before we even start.

I'm prepared to sit behind Ruddock and take my orders from him.

-Ruddock?

-Sir!

Get Lomas's gear ready for Captain Thompson.

-He's going along as your number two.

-Yes, sir.

-Stand by to surface.

-Stand by to surface.

Check main vents, open numbers one, two, three and five.

-Glad you're coming along, sir. I hope you enjoy the trip.

-Thank you!

-Allen?

-We're now in launching position. We'd better start.

-OK.

-Right.

Open hatch.

Up canoes.

Conger crew away!

Crayfish crew away.

Cuttlefish crew away.

Coalfish crew away.

-Goodbye, Jeffrey. Very best of luck.

-Thanks, Allen.

Swim to another canoe!

-Ee'll have to let you go here.

-Sorry we've made a mess of it, sir.

-God bless you.

-Good luck, sir!

-Good luck.

-How's it going?

-Fine, thanks, sir.

-Craig?

-We're all right, sir.

-Cooney?

-It's OK, sir.

-Todd?

-All right, sir.

-Good.

I'll take the first watch. The rest of you try and get some sleep.

Aufstehen, Schweinhunde!

Woher kommt ihr?

Herein, Englander.

Who are you?

I ask you again, who are you?

How many were you?

I should like to remind you, you can be treated as saboteurs

and, as such, executed in front of a firing squad.

Now, do you still refuse to answer my questions?

But I was forgetting, it isn't done, is it,

for an Englishman to split in front of his friends?

I have here a questionnaire.

You will each be conducted to a separate room,

where, in complete privacy, you can fill in these forms.

I give you my word, no man shall know what the other man has written.

That's fair play, is it not?

In return for this co-operation, I shall give instructions

that you are to be treated as bona fide prisoners of war.

Take your time. There's no hurry.

We are winning the war.

Take them out.

DOG BARKS

-I'm going over there. Cover me, just in case.

-OK.

Je suis un officier anglais. Nous sommes les amis de la France.

On vous demand de ne pas nous trahir.

Promettez-nous de ne pas nous trahir.

Je te dis que je ne crois pas. C'est encore des Allemands.

-I wonder what he's saying.

-He's telling them not to give us away.

Anglais ou allemand, on a tort, de toute facon.

On fera de son mieux, mais on ne peut rien promettre.

Viens.

All right.

They'll be all right.

Keep your fingers crossed.

MORSE CODE

-Here are the questionnaires, sir.

-Ah!

Fools!

-OK. Craig?

-All right, sir.

-Ruddock, Cooney?

-Right, sir.

-OK, sir.

-Let's go.

When the tide went out, someone forgot to put the plug in!

-I'll go through first. Craig, you bring up the rear.

-Right, sir.

Single paddle.

Away you go.

Come on, come on.

Halt! Halt!

Halt!

SIREN WAILS

Halt!

Here's a present for you!

Achtung! Explosiv!

Let's go.

I'm glad we're in the balcony.

Now you know why they called you Waterbabies!

Down, sir!

Do you think he's looking for us, sir?

Yes, they're looking for us, all right.

Cooney and Todd, you go first. We'll follow at five-minute intervals.

I'll come along last in case of complications. See you soon.

Right, sir.

Halt! >

If they get the others, the whole thing goes up the spout.

-Start your Little Nell and we'll make a dash for it.

-OK.

Halt!

Come on!

Yes, sir, at once.

Mueller, Hoffmann!

I want the search intensified at once. Saturate the area!

They must be after those ships lying in the inner basin,

the ones carrying the secret radar equipment.

We must stop them at all costs!

SHIP'S HOOTER BLARES

Hallo da!

Hallo da!

-Hast du was Verdaechtiges gesehen?

-Nein! Nein.

-Schau dich gut um!

-Ja, ja...

Drop dead, Adolf.

All clear. Come on. Over here, come on.

Hurry up. This is where you change into your frogman suits.

Fuse your limpets.

Start your fuses.

They should go off at 7am.

-Sir?

-Yes?

-Urgent message from area Kommandant.

"British frogmen must be taken alive."

SHIP'S HOOTER BLARES

SIRENS WAIL

Gewehre vom Patrouillenboot ausnutzen!

Look. There's a juicy, fat cargo boat.

-We'll follow that through the lock into the basin.

-Right.

Achtung!

Halt! Halt!

GUNFIRE

Captain Thompson, I have warned you.

If you do not tell me the facts of what you and your men were doing,

you will be shot with the others at 7am.

But if you give me a complete statement, your lives will be spared.

Halt!

Halt! Halt!

Good luck!

Bon voyage, mes amis!

Captain Thompson, I am sorry you will not co-operate.

Do you wish to change your mind?

Firing squad, present!

Keep the line straight, boys.

Aim!

Fire!

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