Midnight Snack Keith Richards' Lost Weekend

My mate made me the handcuffs just to remind me

not to get arrested again.

Guilty, your honour. DOOR SLAMS

Your relationship with the police. Is that...

Could you rephrase that? They have a relationship with me.

Is it something that's mellowed at all, or is it...

Because they were on your arse, weren't they? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I kind of got used to it. And I just considered them the enemy.

# We...

# Love "they"

# We want you to love "they" too... #

'At the same time, I know policemen

'and they are just ordinary blokes on the job.'

It depends the direction from above.

Boom. "He's a target," you know.

And for, you know, for quite a while I was the target.

# We don't care if you hound "we" and love is all around "we"

# Love can't get our minds off

# We love you, we love you... #

You kind of got used to it, you know what I mean.

I remember my son when he was about five years old

and he'd be looking at it. "Dad, the unmarked car's still there."

You know, er...

I was amazed at the amount of effort and time and taxpayers' money

they must have spent trying to bust a guitar player, you know.

To the point where they would, you know, plant me.

# We love you We love you

# You will never win "we" Your uniforms don't fit "we"

# We forget the place we're in Cos we love you

# We love you Of course we do... #

But at the same time I got a certain, like, thrill out of it.

I was like, Chelsea cops? Get out of here! You know.

I'll have yours, Constable Constable.

You know, I always knew I could beat them.

I would beat them in court, I'd beat them one way or another because...

..their hearts weren't really in it. They'd just been told to lean on me.

I'm an easy target. I mean, I asked for it, I got it.

And the rest of us, you know. I'm sure Mick would feel the same way.

# I love you

# And I hope that you won't prove wrong too... #

They just came in so heavy-handed,

trying to break a butterfly on a wheel, you know.

# We love "they"... #

After they'd given up trying to bust us, they put the money thing on us,

hence Exile On Main St.

We said, "We don't care. We'll leave the country. You know, bollocks.

"You're the losers. Not us."

And this is why we moved to France, you know,

which was a heavy-duty thing because they figured that would break us up.

They didn't quite know the spirit of the men they were dealing with.

Be right back.

# I'm gonna wait till the midnight hour

# That's when my love comes tumbling down

# I'm gonna wait till the midnight hour

# When there's no-one else around

# I'm gonna take you, girl and hold you

# And do all things I told you in the midnight hour

# Yes, I am Yes, I am

# One more thing I just wanna say right here

# I'm gonna wait till the stars come out

# And see them twinkle in your eyes

# I'm gonna wait till the midnight hour

# That's when my love begins to shine

# You're the only girl I know

# That can really love me so in the midnight hour

# Oh, yeah, in the midnight hour

# Yeah, all right Play it for me one time now... #

SHE SCREAMS

WOLF LAUGHS

Hey, wait a minute, Joe. Ain't we in the wrong picture?

That title don't say nothing about Little Red Riding Hood. See?

"Swing Shift Cinderella." Well, I'll be...

"Swing Shift Cinderella, huh?

Erm...now you run along, honey. I'll see you later. Yeah.

Cinderella, eh? Now, there's a babe I'd like to meet.

HE WHISTLES Hey, taxi!

Erm, beg your pardon, miss.

I was looking for that babe they call Swing Shift...

HE HYPERVENTILATES

Wow-woo!

Yoo-hoo!

Just call me Shorty.

Hello, Fairy Godmother. Oh, yes. Bless your heart. It's you, darling.

What's cooking, child?

Listen, Granny. If you're going to get me to that ball tonight, you'd better get over here.

There's a wolf in the house. A wolf? Yahoo!

Yahoo!

REVVING

Stick around, big boy. I'll be right back.

OK, dearie. Off you go to the ball.

HE WHISTLES

Why, Grandmother. You do wave a mean wand, don't you, old girl?

Have a good time, darling.

But remember, you must be home by 12 o'clock. Very well, Grandmother.

12 o'clock.

Come on, Superwolf.

Whoops. Go on and count to ten.

HE SCREAMS

ANNOUNCER: And now, that fascinating little fairy-tale fireball,

that super duper little pin-up princess,

Swing Shift Cinderella!

# All the chicks are crazy for a certain burly wolf

# A real sharp curly, curly wolf

# Whose line is oh so smooth when he spreads it on

# Sharp or smooth he's in the groove

# Where lovin' is a cinch

# And all the babes in town trail him around

# Just to hold his paw and say

# Oh, wolfie! Oh, wolfie! Ain't you the one?

# Oh, wolfie! Oh, wolfie! Ain't we got fun?

# You send the shivers up my spine

# And when you're near I just can't sit still a minute

# I'm so oh, wolfie! Oh, wolfie! Please tell me, do

# What makes me love you so?

# You're not rugged, it's true

# But when I look at you I just Oh, wolfie! Oh, wolfie!

# You're not rugged, it's true

# But when I look at you

# I just oh, wolfie

# Oh, wolfie

# Oh, wolfie... #

Uh-oh.

CLOCK CHIMES

Well, thank heavens. I finally got rid of that wolf.

Oh, yeah? That's what you think, sister!

THEY HOWL

I don't know about you but I'm feeling a bit peckish.

Fancy a midnight snack?

I'm just going to rustle something up next door.

This cat has got, you know, the real deal going about him.

I won't be long.

# I know someday, chucky your love will soon run out

# So stop from running up your mouth

# Cos I know this water is rough and in prison it's very tough

# And that's where you'll surely reach someday

# So don't you chuck it up, chuck it up

# All right, chuck it

# Cos you will surely go to jail

# So stop from rough it up, rough it up

# All right, all right

# Chucky

# Cos you won't really get no bail

# Cos chucky no lucky Oh, no

# Chucky bad lucky now

# That's the truth Chucky no lucky

# All right So throw away your bucky

# Sing again

# Chucky no lucky Oh, no

# Chucky bad lucky now

# All right Chucky no lucky

# So throw away your bucky

# I heard you going around till you've got your bucky for defence

# And last night I heard you jump too fas'

# So please stop wandering round

# And make innocent people feel sad, friend

# Cos you will surely get your pay

# So don't you chuck it up, chuck it up

# All right

# Chucky

# Cos you will surely go to jail

# So stop from rob it up, rob it up

# All right, all right

# Chucky

# Cos you won't really get no bail, yeah

# Cos chucky no lucky Oh, no

# Chucky bad lucky now All right

# Chucky no lucky Oh, no

# So throw away your bucky Sing again

# Chucky no lucky All right

# Chucky bad lucky Uh-huh

# Chucky no lucky Yeah, yeah

# All right So throw away your bucky

# Mm Chucky no lucky

# Where you gone? Chucky bad lucky now

# Got to run Chucky no lucky... #

Shepherd's pie. This is the all-time fave. Yeah.

Not complete without the HP Sauce.

It's more addictive than anything I know. Believe me.

I've always wondered how actors ate that crap.

Y'know, "Take 47!" You know.

The favourite's always been shepherd's pie

because you get to a show and you haven't eaten

and you don't want to eat, like, something really solid

and a shepherd's pie is like babyfood.

It's mush, you know, but at the same time it tastes great.

Basically shepherd's pie is pure fuel. Ask any shepherd.

Doris, me mum, used to make the odd one.

Gus, my grandfather, made a great one.

The best tip I can give anybody who knows anything about shepherd's pie

was told to me by my old late, great security man,

Big Joe Seabrook from Wembley.

Certain people around that area will know him damn well.

He told me that the real secret is to chop up a few onions...

Now, this is secret. This is top secret. I'm not kidding you. Yeah.

You know, a few more chopped onions

just before you put the spuds on top of the pie

and before you put it in the oven.

That's the tip. That does add zest to the whole thing.

Cos there's onions in there already, you see,

but they're already cooked so put some fresh ones in before it goes in the oven.

It was, I thought, a crowning glory on the shepherd's pie.

# Take me now, baby, here as I am

# Pull me close Try and understand

# Desirous hunger is the fire I breathe

# Love is a banquet on which we feed

# Come on now Try and understand

# The way I feel when I'm in your hands

# Take my hand Come undercover

# They can't hurt you now

# Can't hurt you now Can't hurt you now

# Because the night belongs to lovers

# Because tonight belongs to lust

# Because the night belongs to lovers

# Because the night belongs to us

# Have I doubt when I'm alone

# Love is a ring A telephone

# Love is an angel disguised as lust

# Here in my bed until the morning comes

# Come on now Try and understand

# The way I feel when I'm in your hands

# Take my hand as the sun descends

# They can't touch you now

# Can't touch you now Can't touch you now

# Because the night... Lovers

# Because the night Belongs to love

# Because the night Belongs to lovers

# Because the night Belongs to love

# With love we sleep

# We doubt the vicious circle burns and turns

# Without you, oh, I cannot live

# Forgive the yearning, burning

# I believe it's time to heal Be real

# Touch me now Touch me now

# Touch me now

# Because the night Belongs to lovers

# Because the night Belongs to love

# Because the night Belongs to lovers

# Because the night

# Because the night We believe in the night for lovers

# Because the night We believe in the night we trust

# Because the night Belongs to lovers

# Because the night Belongs to love. #

I stayed up for nine days in a row once,

which I think is pretty much a world record.

Don't try that at folks, home.

Perfect! Don't try that at home, folks.

It was an astounding thing in that, you know...

People would come by every day.

You know, friends and, you know, certain business

and I'd still be...

..there and up and I would see them and go, "Oh, you've changed."

You know, they'd changed clothes and everything and shaved

and all kinds of daily things that people do which, meanwhile,

I had just ploughed through because I'm playing music,

I'm listening to it and I'm trying to figure things out.

I don't recommend it really.

Don't try and stay up for nine nights really, you know.

After two days, three days, you go into a zone...

Don't try that in Folkestone.

Everything is heightened. Every sense is heightened.

Don't try that in Scunthorpe.

Hey, if you've never been there you'll never know.

Don't try that in Cardiff.

I suppose if you've been up for nine days in a row,

one could class yourself as an insomniac, right?

That's the boy. Come along.

I found it exciting to stay up for days.

I mean, then I thought that I was actually, like, living my life

instead of sleeping it away.

I'm doing something.

I felt I was... I was getting my money's worth.

You've only got one life, y'know.

I don't know. To some it's maybe just a maniac energy.

It's built into this particular creature.

Whatever I was doing, it was too interesting to crash out on.

Usually music, you know.

It might have been a book or maybe a movie or two.

Talking about movies, just for sheer fun and great music,

The Girl Can't Help It.

There's some great acts on there.

Little Richard's opening track is dynamite.

Jayne Mansfield walks through that thing, y'know, like she owns it.

There's Eddie Cochran in there, there's other cats.

Gene Vincent and the Blue Caps.

I mean, you've got an essential piece of early rock 'n' roll.

Check it out and let me have a kip, all right?

ORCHESTRA WARMS UP

Ladies and gentlemen.