Rory Bremner A Taste of My Life

Welcome to A Taste of My Life, dishing up famous lives on a plate.

Whether it's the nostalgic flavours of childhood, or the sweet taste of success,

everything we eat tells us something about who we are,

which is why I'm taking today's guest on a culinary trip back in time.

Now today's guest first came to our attention in the mid-1980s

with a guest spot on Wogan.

AS DAVID ATTENBOROUGH: Here is where it all started.

Some say it started with a big bang, others that it was just a quiet dinner party.

He then went on to make a name for himself by becoming one of our leading impersonators.

AS BARRY NORMAN: All of which brings me, and rather neatly I thought, to the world of films.

And why not? And a pretty disastrous crop we've got for you to look at this week.

But enough about my haircut and on to the films.

In more recent years he's become a satirical thorn in the side of almost all our politicians.

People of Turkey, I understand you may be thinking of launching some

kind of invasion against your neighbour, Iraq.

Well, let me give you a word of advice, don't.

Yes, today's guest is satirist and impersonator Rory Bremner.

And coming up on today's split personality of a show...

Rory's best buddy, Pink Floyd drummer Nick Mason, remembers dining in Bahrain.

He can actually do a better impression of Jackie Stewart than Jackie Stewart can.

Rory's missus recreates an aromatic and romantic dish.

It's always been known to us as the tagine of love.

And that's why I'm cooking it, because I want to give it back to you.

And one of Rory's victims, Chris Tarrant,

gets his own back with a fishy challenge.

Cook fish pie, one of my favourite dishes, in the style of me.

And don't you dare tee or hee once!

-Rory Bremner, welcome to A Taste of My Life.

-Thank you.

-Now you were born in Scotland, in Edinburgh.

-I was.

Is this sort of gritty Edinburgh?

No, I'm afraid it's Morningside, very posh.

They say "creche" was a car accident and that sort of stuff.

So it was slightly refined, I'm afraid.

I'm sure there are ladies from Jenners who went to see this film Trainspotting

thinking it was about Waverley Station,

and then said, "Oh, I've never seen that in Edinburgh!"

What were you like as a little boy?

Terrible. Really probably horrible.

I think I was hyperactive.

Nowadays it would be defined as full-blown ADHD, I'm sure.

My brother - it was only years later I realised this,

he went to boarding school five years before - he was five years older.

So from the age of three really until I was 19, I only ever saw my brother during the holidays.

-So it was just mum and dad and the two of you?

-Yes, it was.

Dad died when I was 18, but really he wasn't at home very much.

Was mum a baker? Did she do any puddings?

Trifle, she used to do. That was very good.

Lots and lots of custard and sponge fingers and stuff like that.

I've never made a trifle, funnily enough. I don't know why.

There's nothing traditional about this trifle.

And making it couldn't be easier.

No layers here, just some homemade lemon curd,

some limoncello and your classic sponge fingers.

It's an assembly job.

It's almost like making an Airfix kit that you can eat.

Like those cocktails, all those sand sculptures.

-It's layers, isn't it?

-Layers.

And you've got to have bits on top. People try to simplify trifle. That was the whole point of it.

It was showing off with all little sweet mix on top.

Remember when whipping cream not to overdo it as it will separate.

A great tip is to chill your mixing bowl. This helps thicken the cream.

And then you're free to decorate.

Do you know that joke about Terry Wogan?

"What is it about me that makes it all look like a piece of cake?

"Hundreds and thousands, that's what it is!"

We've got pistachios...

-what's this here?

-Violets.

-Violets?

-Crystallised violets.

God, where do you get those? There's one shop in Rajasthan...

So Rory, was it a happy childhood?

We felt loved and it was harmonious.

Dad got cancer when I was about 12 or 13, I think.

You just assume he'll be treated.

And my brother and I were home, the phone rang and he answered it,

and I knew from the look on his face that dad had died in the night.

I wonder what it would have been like to have a father, just to be there,

to see what happened to this child that he put through school.

You know, what happened.

I know that you went to public school, but were you a swotty teenager?

Erm... I was certainly a spotty teenager, I can remember that!

My nickname was Acne Jock, that was good, isn't it?

Public school imagination!

-Great start in life.

-What shall we call him?

I mean, food in those days, certainly in our house, was actually fuel.

I can remember at school there was a matron and you'd ask every day

at about 11 o'clock and you'd say, what's for lunch?

And she'd say, "Soup, meat and puddin'."

Were meal times fun?

I know I wasn't allowed to speak at the table.

I can remember once, I loved sauces.

I would happily just grab anything going, bread, potato, whatever.

And take the bread around and chase all the gravy around the table.

And I remember doing that once and my mum looked at me and said, "It's very French, darling."

-So your big Sunday roast...

-Yes,

-..are we talking a big joint of beef or chicken?

-Well, it would vary.

I'm still fond of all of them.

That is the family meal for me even now, with children young...

-Meat on the bone?

-Yeah, absolutely.

This is a ricotta, parsley and chive stuffed turkey.

This Christmas

we had the whole family down to us, so it was great. We were in charge.

And I got to do Christmas Day.

For weeks I was thinking, God, this turkey's gotta be right.

And I would lie awake at night thinking about which way up to put the turkey?

-Cos that's a whole school of thought.

-Exactly.

-With lemon, with onion...

And also, it always gets a massage the Nigel Slater way with the roast potatoes very important.

And then the turkey, with herbs and butter and ricotta under the skin.

The benefits to pushing your stuffing under the skin of your bird

rather than inside it, is that it will cook more quickly.

Also this way the stuffing is closer to the actual meat.

The quicker any bird cooks,

the juicier it will taste.

You can plan, everything's fine, 11 o'clock's OK,

you've got the radio on...

It always ends in a massive scrum with ten minutes to go.

because you've got to get...

Everything at once and everything's got to be hot.

It's a great experience. It is a family lunch.

Add fresh bay leaves and a lemon.

With some roasties, bread sauce and vegetables,

this is Rory's Bremner's Taste of Family.

Can I carve?

Yeah, absolutely.

Two years ago I was asked to do some turkey awards.

There were all these awards for these amazingly imaginative things that people had done with turkey.

The creative cook - just tie their hands behind their back!

I haven't seen square breasts since my first date.

-AS JULIAN CLARY: And what do you shove inside it?

-A lemon.

-Just a lemon?

-Just a lemon.

So in those early years, who did you find was the easiest to impersonate?

Yes, Kenneth Williams...

the Kenneth Williams classic.

AS KENNETH WILLIAMS: Oh, matron!

That and Leslie Phillips.

I always think Alan Clark. You know, when Alan Clark became an MP he was like, I say, what's your name?

Nurse Bell? Ding-dong!

What sort of friend do you think you are?

I hope I'm kind and generous to friends, I hope.

I've tracked down a friend of yours. And they've got a message for you.

MUSIC: "Money" by Pink Floyd

Is that a hint? The music?

It's Nick!

My God!

For Rory, I'm making a spiced prawn and rice dish.

My God!

I thought it might be rather nice to cook something

that's related to one of the best times we had together.

We were both invited to the Bahrain Grand Prix.

The great thing about going motor racing with Rory is that

he can actually do a better impression of Jackie Stewart than Jackie Stewart can.

He does have the most incredible ability to just be these other people.

You'll suddenly be with George Bush.

I mean, I think it is interesting that he can actually

make the hackles rise on a number of politicians.

I think that's actually a great compliment to him.

He's very good company and he's certainly not going to pick fights with your other friends.

What's he got there?

What?!

Everything that went into that, from the memory...

so special.

-Also, there's some Turkish coffee for you as well.

-Oh, fabulous.

It's brilliant. What's he put in here?

This is just so kind.

Thank you, Nick.

-Rory, tell me a little bit about your wife.

-Tessa? Oh, my goodness!

Oh, where to start really?

She's incredibly talented.

She's a sculptor. We met in an art gallery.

I first noticed her eyes. They were the first thing that I noticed.

-Was this love at first sight?

-I think... Yes. If not, it was pretty close to it.

-I thought, who is that?

-I've got a message for you.

Here we go! She's going to divorce me on screen.

I'm cooking lamb tagine.

It was quite well publicised

in the press that we had quite a fleeting romance.

Yes, we probably were engaged within about a month.

One of the things I did just before we got together,

I went off to Morocco, to get my head round

the idea of being with somebody who was actually in the public eye

and whether I could cope with it all.

I went back to his flat.

And he said, "I'm going to cook you a tagine." Then he asked me to put the oven on.

I opened the oven door and found all the instructions still in their bag in the oven!

So I realised that he'd lived in the flat four years but the cooker hadn't been used!

I put a large chunk of garlic in it, Rory. I'm very sorry.

That'll stop you kissing someone.

People say to me, "Is he like this at home?

"Is he always doing impressions, being funny?"

He won't go round doing impressions, apart from

my children and I both love the Frank Spencers and the Mr Beans.

I fear, Rory, that mine is not going to be as good as yours.

How you knew what a pickled lemon was, God only knows.

But you did a fantastic job and it's always been known to us as the tagine of love.

That's why I'm cooking it, because I want to give it back to you.

But when Rory made this, it was definitely very loving.

So I'm hoping that

he gets the same cosy, warm feeling as I did when I first had it.

There you are, Ror, your tagine of love.

How lovely!

Oh, it's even in the...!

Goodness me!

Tagine of love.

An absolute triumph. This has been brilliantly, brilliantly done.

I've never had tagine that's actually truly, truly light.

-And this has just changed everything for me actually.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-There you go!

Still to come on A Taste Of My Life,

co-satirist and friend, John Fortune displays his skills as a chef.

The yellow bits are called the yolk and the white bits are called the white.

Chris Tarrant hurls Rory and me into the kitchen to make his favourite fish pie.

AS KEITH FLOYD: This is wine pie and we're going to flavour it with fish. No, don't BLEEP.

He's not the star, the food's the star.

And Rory sums up his life over a final feast

of roast pork and mussels in lime.

It's like a fisherman. There's always more fish.

But there's always another... another Gordon Brown.

In the mid-1980s, Rory got his big break, appearing in chat show Wogan.

This kick-started a career that has now spanned nearly 30 years.

A wealth of celebrities then. When I was a kid there were certain

people that, even if you were absolutely useless at impressions, as I was, that you could do.

The only one I could do was a dalek.

-That's still good. They're back.

-Pretty much they are.

I used to do Richie Benaud a lot, where you'd just look slightly askance, not exactly at the camera.

But at a strange angle. I used to go in coaches

to cricket matches or to rugby games doing Bill McLaren, of course, the Scottish rugby commentator.

They'll be dancing in the streets of Drumnadrochit tonight, I tell you.

I'd be doing Billy Connolly and stuff like that.

AS BILLY CONNOLLY: Him as 007.

So it was, "The name's Connolly, Sean Connolly!" Aye, those ones.

Rory has since gone on to team up with leading satirists, John Bird and John Fortune.

When did you first work with the Johns?

I think it was 1990, when we were at the BBC still.

They're intelligent, they understand and they work things out.

But they also have a great sense of the absurd and sense of humour. And the two come together.

I tracked down a friend of yours who's got a message.

What's this?

Oh!

RORY LAUGHS

-Well, here are some eggs.

-How wonderful!

As most professional cooks know,

when you have a plastic box,

the essential thing before you start cooking, is to open it.

So what I'm going to do is take a knife - there's a knife -

destroy the box...

People say, "What a sweet, lovely man", but he really, really is.

And it is...

-a truffle.

-Oh my goodness.

I'm amazed at the generosity of whoever's doing this.

A pig or a dog has dug this up.

This is probably the most sophisticated thing technically I'm going to do,

which is...

..breaking the eggs.

The yellow bits are called the yolk,

and the white bits are called...

the white.

If I were Nigella,

you'd also see the fuchsia colour of my silk negligee.

Yes, he loves food.

He will ring me up and say,

"Do you chop coriander or do you tear it?"

Where did I put the truffle?

What?

Oh yes, here it is. Don't lose the truffle.

Anyway Rory, time is money and truffles are money.

And television is money. So, that's it - voila!

And hope you enjoy it, Rory.

-How delicious. My goodness...

-That's for you.

Oh, goodness me, that is so good.

Somebody told me that you're actually quite a fan of lobsters?

Yes, I enjoy lobster when it's properly done.

Sometimes it can be a bit rubbery actually.

But I think I associate it with probably in France about 10 or 15 years ago,

having a really good lobster thermidor. And...

I get confused. Thermidor is a lobster thing and a humidor is what you keep cigars in, is that right?

-It is.

-Has anybody made a lobster humidor?

Some ground rules on lobster.

Allow one pound per person.

Be warned - lobsters over two pounds in weight can be tough.

And why not save your shells to make a lobster bisque?

Also, you tend to think about the slightly meatier flesh,

but the coral in the claws is delicious as well.

Completely. I think you've got to tear it to bits.

Well, it's texture, isn't it?

It's texture, but it's also that thing that it's the actual tactile

winkling away and getting every little morsel.

For the thermidor sauce I'm using wine.

But you can use brandy or sherry.

For the classic thermidor flavour, always add a dab of mustard.

Having made your bechamel, add a little paprika.

Making lobster may be fiddly, but it's well worth it.

Once you've sprinkled your parmesan, it's off to the grill for five minutes before serving.

Last year for the first and probably only time in my life,

Jackie Stewart said, "Would you like to come to Monaco

"for the Grand Prix?"

He took us to dinner at the Hotel de Paris and he had this surprise up his sleeve.

They produced a beautiful Grand Marnier souffle

which they'd been doing since the year dot.

The word souffle literally means "puffed up" in French.

They can be sweet or savoury.

And they can be served cold or hot.

For this hot alcohol-infused souffle,

it's the cooked proteins of the eggs that hold it together.

A successful souffle should be almost double its original volume.

And it was just so light

and just infused with this beautiful Grand Marnier.

And you just thought, that is...

that is, if we're talking about luxury experiences, exotic,

that was just very, very special.

Just before we make the trifle and then going back to turkey...

-How are you coping with all these courses?

-I always think if you turn up at George Bush's house

to eat and he'd say, "We're gonna start with the tiramasu."

"I beg your pardon?" "We're gonna start with the tiramasu."

You say, "Can't we work our way through the courses?" Cos that's how it is in Iraq.

He says, "You're gonna have democracy."

And you think, democracy is the end product of years of organic growth.

"No, Iraq you're gonna have the tiramasu. So shall we try the souffle?"

Quite boozy.

My God!

It is too but it's delicious.

You've got a strange ability to, in a heartbeat, change from one person to the next.

AS JAMIE OLIVER: Funny old girl, cooking. Starts out easy,

get some ingredients, a couple of mushrooms, a few herbs, lovely jubbly.

Bung 'em in the programme, bit of a spin round the old scooter,

slide down the staircase, bish-bosh, count the dosh.

Do you find there's a sort of pressure to perform and people expect you to do certain things?

I think I probably feel it in my private life more than my sort of television stuff.

You think people want you to be entertaining.

I feel under more pressure sitting next to somebody at dinner not to let them down.

Your face is falling! I don't want to let them down sitting beside them and then they'll say,

"Oh, we enjoy the shows on television but oh God, he's so dull."

-What are you like under pressure?

-Pretty good I think.

-I live under pressure.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-I like pressure.

-I've caught up with a victim of yours.

I'm not very good under pressure at all.

In fact, I tend to leave the room, switch off the television...

Where's the knob?

No, cos I... Oh, God!

I'm about to be completely skewered.

Well, he's done me in his own way forever.

Frankly, it's not very good.

What's happening now is all the BLEEP impressionists

don't do impressions of me at all.

They do impressions of Rory Bremner being me. He keeps going, "Ha, ha!

-"Tee-hee!"

-He does it all the time.

Why? I'm a very intelligent man. Why would I go, "Tee-hee-hee!

"Ha, Chris Tarrant here! Tee-hee!" So, here's the challenge, Bremner.

Cook fish pie, one of my favourite dishes, in the style of me,

and don't you dare tee or hee once!

I bet you can't do it. Tee-hee!

-But he does do tee-hee.

-He does.

-Of course he does.

-Yes, tee-hee!

AS CHRIS TARRANT: Yes, er, brother, tee-hee...

He... So tee-hee to you, Chris.

We're going to enjoy this.

Ingredients of a fish pie. Are we going to start with A, potato?

Could it be B, fish? Is it C, butter?

Or... hee-hee!

No, I didn't say tee-hee. Or could it be D, white wine?

We start with C, potatoes.

I can't do Chris Tarrant now. I can do Antony. I'm going to cut these up quite small.

And I'm going to boil those.

What does a bay leaf do?

Oh, bay leaf - it's one of those ingredients that you don't think does anything.

-And what it does do you can't put your finger on.

-So, a bit like the Government.

-A wee drop of white wine.

-OK.

HE MUMBLES LIKE ANTONY WORRALL THOMPSON

We've got the mussels... parsley is chopped.

I've got some extra milk here.

Potatoes are boiling.

What was the first cookery programme that you watched?

Sort of Fanny Cradock.

-She was mad, wasn't she?

-She was mad and I was

actually quite scared of her, so I only saw bits of it.

-Brilliant.

-Oh, God!

AS AINSLEY HARRIOTT: Mussels out of the shell.

What am I like, eh? What am I like?

Get the whole thing...

Do you cook for the kids and the family?

Erm, yes.

Not as much as I'd like to.

And they're very happy with dad being a famous person?

Yeah, except they once saw a picture of Tony Blair on a newspaper,

and they said, "Oh look, it's daddy!"

What have I forgotten?

The fish!

Boiling away nicely.

Fantastic. That does look and smell delicious.

Would Mr Floyd like that?

AS KEITH FLOYD: You've got some nice wine. I saw you put half a glass in there.

Come on, be generous.

MUMBLES

You have half bottles, don't you? There we go,

right, OK. We'll make wine pie and we're gonna flavour it with fish.

There we go. Come on. There we go, that's it.

No, don't BLEEP around with him.

He's not the star, the food's the star. On that. Fantastic. Right, where's the mash?

Mr Tarrant has chosen

-a lovely recipe but one of the...

-He certainly has.

We haven't had one "tee-hee" at all.

-We've achieved a fish pie.

-Without phoning a friend.

AS CHRIS TARRANT: Without going for a 50/50.

There you go, one fish pie. Hee-hee.

Yes, very good. Well done, Slater.

Well done, Tarrant.

I should think mussels hold heat like nothing else.

Water! Where's water?

-So hot.

-Volcanic.

-Volcanic.

So what better time for Rory Bremner's final feast?

-Rory, your final feast?

-Yes, it's quite a lot of stuff actually.

I threw out lots of ideas and I'm not sure they'll go together.

So we've got mussels, yes?

Yeah. With coconut and lemongrass?

And coriander, I think.

I went to a restaurant once in the Borders in Galashiels

and they did really delicious mussels done in some coconut and lemongrass.

CORK POPS That sounded good!

I said, "What's the recipe?" And they said, "Oh, no, no, we're not going to tell you."

When buying your mussels they should be shiny, unbroken and closed.

At the most, cook for just two to three minutes.

But the centrepiece of Rory's feast is roast pork.

You've got crackling on top. Are you a crackling man?

I love crackling, but people have different ways of doing it.

Somebody said you pour boiling water over it two or three times

and walk round the house backwards.

There are different techniques. How do you do it?

If the pig's lived outdoors, he's got tough skin and it'll all go lovely and crackly.

And if he's been a sad little pig living indoors, he's not going to

have nice thick skin. You are very self critical.

I once saw you live and you were very critical about yourself, and we had a wonderful time.

Everyone was rolling around and you were questioning things.

There are three shows. There's the show that you think you've done.

Nights when you think it went really well and the audience hasn't been there

and you're not connected.

And there are nights when you're annoyed with yourself but the audience has really enjoyed it.

A fabulous accompaniment to this loin of pork is a piquant chilli jam.

It's a bit like being on a trampoline.

If an audience is really supportive,

you can take bigger risks, you can go off the script a bit more.

You spend 10 years, 15 years, 20 years working like mad, and then

you realise that there are other things in your life which are equally important.

Right now the children are very, very important and seeing them grow up

and seeing them learn new words or new things or new experiences.

And that's every bit as valid.

But with work I just want to do my best.

That's the extent that I'm ambitious. I'm not ambitious in the sense of where I want to be next.

I'm ambitious in the sense of wanting to do whatever I do absolutely

to the best of my ability.

It's like a fisherman. There's always more fish out there.

There's always another... another Gordon Brown,

another George Bush around the corner. You never know.

-Have you enjoyed yourself?

-I've absolutely loved it. I really have.

Really. I've enjoyed your company.

This has just been a joy to do.

Rory, thank you very, very much for being a guest on A Taste Of My Life.

-It's been a huge pleasure. Thank you.

-Thank you.

-Tee-hee!

He got there in the end. Tee-hee!

-You are in such trouble now.

-I don't think so.

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