Episode 6 Floyd on Fish

Ah, dear gastronauts, what a splendid sight.

A pilchard boat, drifting, red sails in the sunset.

This proud remnant of an industry which once supported thousands has become a victim of apathy.

Or do I mean progress?

As a boy, the first fish I caught and cooked was a wild trout,

on a Somerset May morning, so I can't get excited about trout farms.

Tanks of sullen fish waiting for the supermarket's order make me sad,

because, these days, the trout is the crutch of the lazy restaurateur.

On the Rover Mole, Caroline Bower's recipe for trout is intriguing -

IF you read the right newspaper.

It has to be a tabloid!

Has to be? Definitely. Not The Times? If you've got the TIME, you could...

We don't have the time for The Times.

Come and look at the trout so we can show people at home the ingredients -

fresh trout from Caroline's farm outside,

sea salt, for seasoning it in a moment,

a little lemon juice as well, and - surprise surprise -

the prime ingredient -

one of Mr Murdoch's poorer efforts. OK. You're the expert.

What are we going to do?

Put the fish like that in the newspaper.

Put some sea salt in the cavity, as we call it... Its tummy.

I'm not going to do anything to it - no butter, no other ingredients.

I'm going to make it up into a neat parcel.

Can you make Christmas trees out of newspaper?! You could try!

I bet you were good at handicrafts.

Girl guides. I've always wanted to cook with them!

Come on, this is the important bit, you halfwit!

This is the essential preparation process.

You soak it till it's really wet.

Not dripping, but... I'll give it a shake in a minute.

Get off the drips.

OK. That's ready.

Ready for what? To go in the oven.

We don't eat it out of raw newspaper? You'll see!

OK. Have a drink. It's much more fun. Cheers.

Great.

Mouthful of salt helps it go down. Not bad wine, actually.

You nearly forgot the salt! I did. Got overexcited.

It's the wine!

And then repeat procedure... Repeat the procedure with the tap.

Do this one. OK.

Give it a shake.

Now they go in the oven like that. Excellent.

Can any fish be cooked in this way? Any whole fish with a skin.

You'll see why. It's terrific for some sea fish

which tend to make the house smelly. Mm-hm.

The smell stays inside the paper.

A smashing tip for those of you that like to eat fish,

but can't stand the smell, gutless lot that you are.

It does actually make the house stink

when you're cooking herring or something. Don't you mind...

Surely, the good thing about food are the smells that go with it?

The good thing about farming is the smell of the dung and all that.

Isn't that part of life? I don't know.

When you wake up in the morning and you come downstairs

and the kitchen stinks of sort of...

I mean, you're here on your lovely farm.

You've got goats and geese and chickens and sheep

and things like that.

I'd rather have dung than stale herring smell.

You're not a disillusioned romantic, are you? Anyway,

into the oven with those.

Allow me, madam. I am a gentleman, after all.

Thank you. I like to open an oven for a lady.

What's happening to them now? It's a hot oven,

and they'll take about 20 minutes,

but you know they're cooked when the newspaper's dry.

It's foolproof! And odourless. And odourless. Fine.

Stay there for a second, and bring the other ones out.

We're running short on time - the pubs'll be open a minute -

and we've done something this programme vowed never to do -

we have some already ready in the oven.

Bring them and we'll go and eat. Two beautiful newspaper trout,

courtesy of Caroline - we're going to eat them now.

I'm bound to make a pig's ear of this. Am I doing it right? Yes.

The outside bits you can be brutal, it's just the last layer...

I can't be brutal to food!

The last layer you have to be careful.

Because the object now is to use the paper to peel the skin away. Right.

It should take the skin with it.

It won't have newsprint over it?

No, cos it all comes away with the newspaper.

You've done yours beautifully.

It does work! If I can do it... In case I make a pig's ear...

But on the other hand...

With a masterly stroke of genius... There you go.

Turn it over with a swift...

With a swift plop, like that? Yeah.

I haven't done it too well.

Actually, I've done quite well, haven't I?

Those who don't like heads, there's a unique moment to hack the head off.

Shall I take your gubbins? Lovely!

Great! Have some lemon. Good.

I'll taste it "au naturel" first,

cos since it's been cooked with all the flavours kept in,

the true flavour should come out. That's right.

But, without wishing to cause any offence,

trout farms seem to be springing up in such profligation,

we're almost at the point of "Last trout farm before the motorway."

But you think yours are the best

and this will be proof of the pudding. Why are yours so good?

I think a lot of it depends on the water.

We use a river that comes straight down from Exmoor,

and therefore it runs over granite and is very clean...

..and it has a lot of mineral salts in it.

Also the fish get an enormous turnover of water.

They're not sitting in, sort of a muddy pond, like that,

they're just, um... having a turnover...

Have some salad. No, thank you. That fish is too good.

Look me in the eye, Clive. I'd like to make a sincere gesture.

This fish is absolutely brilliant - I recommend this way of cooking it.

It's the nicest trout I've ever had. Splendid. Do you enjoy cooking?

I HATE cooking! I'm always having to cook and I don't like it at all.

That's why this is a super recipe. It's so easy to do!

When I have people for lunch, I do it like this the night before

and in the morning, I just cut it open and I've got cold...

Usually I use a big one... Cold and pink and lovely for a buffet,

put cucumber and stuff on it. Make it look like scales.

It's easy for a lunch party. You just make a salad.

You don't have to fiddle about on the day.

It's a very good source of protein

which is now at as low a price as any other source of protein.

It's less expensive than most meat.

It's no longer the luxury dish it was. That's right.

It'd be nice to keep the luxury image -

people think they should have it for parties.

In honesty, it's less expensive than any white fish or meat.

What can be done to help sell more?

Education, I suppose. People have to be taught that it's not only

a good source of protein, but also a delicious meal,

and an inexpensive one. Time and again, people on these programmes,

education and the lack of it comes up.

What is wrong with the Brits?

Why don't they eat fish? Maybe we just all moan a lot!

I don't know. People are very hidebound

in the type of food that they eat.

More than they ought to be. A boring old lot?

You said it(!)

Well, you think so, or not? Um, no.

When people discover new foods and how easy it is to eat them,

and cook them, then I think they do change.

But I think they've got to do a bit more changing.

So there you are, my little red herrings.

Like the lady said, sharpen up a bit.

Anyway, We set sail from Newlyn with Frank and Phil towards the "Bloodpit",

a centuries-old fishing ground so-named out of respect for tons of pilchards that met their maker here.

We too would drift and haul nets by hand.

But we'd be aided by a magic box called a fishfinder,

though I doubt these boys need it.

Floyd on Fish takes life seriously.

When we came... CHATTING

Can you be quiet a minute, please?

Sorry - just while I get this piece out to the punters at home.

They're all landlubbers!

Cos we wanted good pilchards, we came to Newlyn

which, 30 years or more ago, was a hub of the pilchard industry,

which supported thousands of families in canneries,

hundreds of men on boats catching the stuff.

There were so many boats, that at night,

their lights twinkling looked like floating villages.

So we came to Newlyn and what did we find? A tin of Japanese pilchards!

Well, I believe in these fishermen,

I'm going to heave this bloody rubbish over the side.

MEN SING SEA SHANTY

What a shame the bobbing red sails of the pilchard boats are no more.

Replaced by huge trawlers that suck the ocean,

not only of Cornwall's proud heritage, but its fish too.

And with a shameful disregard for tomorrow.

There's a romantic sight - red sails in the sunset.

It's what pilchard fishing's all about.

Eating, too, cos it's great fun.

The French and Italians all gloat over their sardines

charcoal grill them, and they catch pilchards, too,

put them in spicy tomato sauce and call them escabeche of pilchards.

When we go on holiday, we say "Oh, good - escabeche of pilchard."

Will they eat a pilchard? Will they hell! But when we've caught some,

if you were here now you'd enjoy it - the sky, the light,

these blokes cracking jokes.

They'll tell us the tale in a moment.

'But as night fell, Frank and Phil exchanged anxious glances.

'There was a woman on board.

'Frank was muttering darkly about her black net.

'Trying to ease the atmosphere, I asked Frank how to cook a pilchard.'

Never ate a pilchard in me life.

Best way, my dear, to eat they, I tell you this,

is to scroll them. Put them in the sun.

And that dries them. They're 'ansome, then.

No good to... I know you're a cook,

but our way is marinate them or scroll them.

Are you allowed to drink on boats?

Well... Phil is a teetotaller, but... You're not, are you?

Some might say. I ain't a teetotaller.

Fancy a drop? Warm us up a bit.

Damn you, that's a drop of good stuff.

Hold the label away from the camera...!

Good job it's... I got the name for a drop...

Good drop of stuff it is too.

Very nice. Like a pub. Do you want any? No, I just had my tea.

Birds are quiet here.

Are we going to catch any? Yes, always have faith.

Have you ever not caught anything?

Don't think we've ever hauled pilchard nets without ANYTHING.

We've had three ton the last two nights. Really?

We should be in a very good...

How much longer do we wait to pull them in? 15-20 minutes.

So altogether that has been about three hours, I suppose,

from start... From start to finish.

We come out and we got to look where we're going to drift to.

It's a lovely night though, isn't it? It's a smashing night.

A good night for a murder.

Well, you could murder one of that lot.

If we do catch any, who is going to buy them?

Who are you going to sell them to.

Jousters. The people who go around with little carts selling to the doors.

Really? That still happens? Oh, yes, there are a lot of jousters about.

People can still buy a fresh pilchard of the jouster? Yes.

And the rest, where do they go? The canning factory?

No, we fish for a salter. He does salt them in and send them to Italy.

Italy, that's blinking marvellous. In Bristol, for example,

where I live, I couldn't get a pilchard from one year to the next,

but the Italians can get them. It doesn't seem quite fair to me.

I think going back to 30 years ago,

95 per cent of the pilchards went to Italy, didn't they?

All of them. Just a few to America which went to the Italian immigrants that was there.

All of them went to Genoa and all of these places.

You see different markings, now they put on the ends of the barrels.

And also they used to... Every seller used to do his own fish.

They used to huddle them them.

Huddle them? What does that mean?

They used to put them in a little rick,

salt them out of a tank and it was called huddled. Huddled.

You see old pictures of them in old magazines, you know?

But they've played a great part in the fishing industry of Cornwall.

They were the foundations of all the fishing.

MALE VOICE CHOIR SINGS: # And shall Trelawney live?

# Or shall Trelawney die?

# Here's twenty thousand Cornish men

# Will know the reason why! #

My friends here have been heaving this net in for the last 20 minutes -

one pilchard so far - hope I was right to throw the Japanese stuff!

Plenty of time, lots of faith and we will get lots more.

We will still have a good dinner by the end of tonight,

look at them, aren't they pretty?

Handsome, I think the word is. Handsome, lovely.

'Another half hour, another huge length of net.

'And nothing.

'Spirits were low, and it wasn't just the cold night.

'Something WAS wrong. We'd run out of whisky.'

We're trying to get some good luck into all of this,

and they tell me they won't sing, I've got to sing the Cornish anthem.

I don't know what it is, just tell me the words again.

The Cornish anthem is Trelawny.

Trelawny. What are the words, fish and tin...?

Oh, that's the other one that you sing.

# Fish and tin and copper, boys.

Fish and tin and copper, boys...

# And Tre- and Pol- and Pen-

Right. What's the tune?

Well, I...

I haven't got no orchestra or...

But it's something like:

# Fish and tin and copper, boys

# Tre- and Pol- and Pen-

# Heave the rope, me babbies hard

# Get them buggers in. #

That's about the best I can do.

Well, that'll do. That'll do for the time.

They think we're all drunk out here. No, we haven't had a drop all day.

No, you can't organise when you want them...

I'd have been here last week, for... And, another thing.

We could have a Jonah aboard. A Jonah? Yes.

Two maidens, here.

And that's... Oh, I see.

It's the women's fault. Well...

The gulls are coming.

They're saying, "Haul my feed up!"

No, you can't lie. The last time we shored here, we had two-tonne.

There we are.

And here we are now, with what you call a black net.

A black net. Oh, dear. Black net, black night.

So, I'm afraid, my gastronauts, we're going to be rather hungry,

because after five hours of hard work,

we've got just a black net -

which in the trade means zero.

And for our pains, we've got just four pilchards.

I wish I hadn't thrown that tin over the side!

OK, this is fabulous.

The best and freshest pilchards you've seen.

Not exactly a luxurious resort, or splendid table(!)

But after the day I've had, I don't give a damn!

I won't tell you how to cook them - if you don't know how to grill one,

then you know nothing. 'Scuse me a sec.

Mmm.

Those are absolutely fantastic. Although they're brilliant,

I still think the final score is Newlyn - 3, Japan - 27.

# No sex, no drugs No wine, no women

# No fun, no sin, no you No wonder it's dark

# Everyone around me is a total stranger

# Everyone avoids me like a cyclone ranger

# Everyone

# That's why I'm turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese

# I really think so

# Turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese

# I really think so... #

Now for something different.

But if raw fish turns you off, I suggest you switch off.

I'm confused and tongue-tied over the Japanese greeting I have to use as we enter this restaurant,

never mind pronouncing the owner's name, which I THINK is Jakaka.

'Jakaka, Jakaka...' Ah, Jakaka, konnichiwa. Konnichiwa.

This is my friend, Fred,

who's come from Plymouth with this fresh fish for you, look.

My goodness! Absolutely live crayfish. Splendid.

And a bass...a fresh sole,

fresh mackerel...

live crabs... They ARE alive? Yes.

And some fresh brill.

We've come a long way and are ravenous - can we cook some now? Yes!

Lead on to the kitchen! OK.

Jakaka, this is absolutely beautiful.

The colours, textures, and look -

bet there aren't many people who've seen a fish head on their plate.

Most people wouldn't like to...

I'm sure, but it looks wonderful!

Have you finished slicing the fish? Yes.

Sit down, serve us a drink and tell us how and what you've prepared.

Thousands of people'll be fascinated and you're the only expert.

Fred caught the fish, I love eating fish,

but you know everything about it.

What have we got here? Sake... Which we must drink.

Pour a little for Fred.

This'll make things a lot easier.

It's a hot wine, Fred...

which is brilliant with the fish.

That's superb, thank you.

Very good health. Kampai.

Now - what shall we start with?

Mackerel? Yes. You've got us there? What've you got here?

This finely chopped... That is fresh ginger, ground.

And chives on top, is it? Yes.

So a bit of that and dip it into the soy sauce...

Oh, I say! That's beautiful!

What do you think, Fred?

What are your mates gonna think of you eating raw mackerel?

What are your mates gonna think of you eating raw mackerel?

Well, I'll have a few presents of raw mackerel(!)

Right - so can I have a bit of that?

That is so very nice. I LOVE the fresh ginger.

The mackerel need something refreshing, so...

The chives and ginger together is nice.

Now, this beautiful flower here...

This fan shape. Got that? Mm-hm.

That is so beautiful. This fish on the outside is...

Thinly-sliced plaice.

Tell me about this... Yes, that is green mustard.

Japanese green mustard.

What's it made from? Just put in the soya sauce and mixed.

Is that hot? Yes, hot. Like radish.

Mm! Like green horseradish.

That's an interesting variation, isn't it? And raw cucumber.

Can I hold it? I'm so hungry.

Excuse me for being a pig. Sorry, Fred.

That is salmon trout... Salmon trout there. Yes.

Freshwater? Mmm. Beautiful too.

I wonder how many people realise that this isn't only very beautiful,

very delicious to eat, but it's very, very good for you.

I've been told off for speaking with my mouth full. Sorry, Mum.

Now, over here, equally delicious,

what have we got there?

This is squid with seaweed.

The seaweed is inside? Yes. It's rolled, stuffed squid with seaweed?

What about this, here? This is squid also,

with Japanese chrysanthemum leaves and flowers.

So we actually eat the flower and leaves of a Japanese chrysanthemum.

This is a first for me - never done that before.

Oh, boy. Try it, Fred.

That's delicious! It's a bit like... (What's it like?)

A little bit like spinach with a sweeter taste of something else...

The flower itself... It's the flower. Mmm. Nice.

How're you doing with your sake? It IS nice.

If in doubt, have a drop of sake.

Are you going to have some too? Yes. Thank you.

The whole thing about eating Japanese food is not just the food,

but the presentation, look at these trays...

There are rules of etiquette, aren't there?

I shouldn't serve sake myself, should I? You wait I serve you.

I'm sorry about that. Anyway, Kampai. Kampai.

'Great stuff, sake. And Fred's enjoying himself,

'though the mackerel looks a bit hacked off(!)

'Japanese food's all about style, an economy of elegance.

'The understated perfection called "shibui".

'But no matter how pretty the dishes look, they only work with FRESH fish,

'and I mean FRESH, not frozen.'

You might think, by the way that Jakaka drinks her drink

and eats her food and serves us so politely,

that she was better brought up. In fact she was brought up DIFFERENTLY.

It's also worth noting that the Japanese don't have hors d'oeuvres.

All their food is "hors d'oeuvres-like".

So if you cook this food at home

you don't need to do starter, main course and middle,

just start and crack on in.

That's what we want to do. Will you cook for us now?

Firstly, tell us what's in here, by way of ingredients.

That is king prawn... King prawns here...

And fresh halibut? Yes.

Fresh salmon. Fresh bass.

Fresh mackerel. Vegetables. And scallop. And scallops.

We've got bean sprouts, carrot, notice how they're cut,

peppers, aubergines,

potato at the back. And here we have the teppanyaki.

Teppanyaki means grilled on a hot plate.

I'm going to put a bit of vegetable oil for start.

Onto this plate which is, by now, very, very hot.

Don't start with a cold plate.

Things won't cook - the technique is one of very rapid coking.

How are you feeling, Fred?

Beautiful. This is different to what we've been used to.

You ate the raw fish quite happily

but you're looking forward to the cooked stuff? Yeah, I am.

It's gonna be great. King prawns are one of my favourites.

And in case you think that Fred and I are chauvinistic pigs,

taking advantage of the elegant hospitality of Jakaka,

remember that Japanese hospitality and customs are different from ours.

Had I been her husband, I'd probably help fillet the fish, chop the veg.

We'd share the role of preparing a meal which makes it harmonious.

Something which our chaps, at home on a Sunday morning

could make life more amusing by making cocktails, mustard sauce,

fresh, not packet, helping the wife produce a super meal - the kind we're having here.

What do you reckon, Fred? It's all going pretty good, isn't it?

Certainly is. It's really different.

I wonder, if you'd said to somebody 20 years ago,

that today in 1984, England would be covered in Chinese restaurants,

people would've laughed at you.

I bet the same thing happens with Japanese food, and soon, five years,

there'll be a Japanese restaurant in every town in the country.

With high protein and low cholesterol, it's not only healthy, it's absolutely delicious. Yummy.

Just look at that, sizzling away.

MUSIC: Instrumental from "Peaches" by The Stranglers

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd