Burgundy Floyd on France

MONKS SING IN LATIN No, it's not Songs Of Praise! This is Situ Abbey

in France's most prestigious wine-growing area. If these monks,

or rather their predecessors, hadn't settled here to tend the vines,

Burgundy now would be pretty dry! Strangely enough, the monks were

forbidden to drink the stuff. They were probably knocking lumps out of

the Benedictine monks down the road! You know, the ones that make that

nice liqueur! You've got to admire these chaps.

They make light and creamy cheese, named Situ after the monastery, from

the milk of Charolais cows. And they're entirely self-sufficient. In

fact, my grandmother would approve totally of their attitudes. Early to

bed, early to rise. If it wasn't for the fact that women are sadly

banned, I wouldn't mind spending a few weeks here myself to cleanse my

very weary soul. Here's my producer making an

unusually dignified exit to The Dog And Ferret!

I thought the best way to see Burgundy was from a boat on the

River Saone, which flows through this lush land. The Saone is a very

important river and not as wide as the Orinoco or as long as the

Mississippi, but the French are very proud of it! I forget how long it

is. Anyway, this isn't a geography lesson. Oh, look, there's my

900-foot floating kitchen going by! Burgundy food falls broadly into two

categories - one where it's stewed in red wine, and one where it's

sauted and turned into a mustard sauce. I'm doing the latter, mustard

sauce. Very simple. Clive, come down here! Usual routine. Two escalopes

of veal, some choice Dijon mustard, some unsalted butter, some wonderful

thick double cream - quite rare in France - and all finished off with

this wonderful Marc de Bourgogne. It's strong alcohol made from the

residue of the wine-pressing. This is for a very important guy who's

coming to lunch and who's now looking very bored on the bow of

this barge! So...stay with this frying pan! We put a bit of butter

in there and hopefully, because I'm not familiar with the equipment

here, we'll have the butter melting away there properly. One escalope of

veal in. Did you get that? Another escalope of veal in. Fingers in.

Turn it over the second it's got a little bit sealed. Season it with a

little pepper. Exactly like that. Never add salt to meat, by the way,

until it's sealed, otherwise it brings the juices out and spoils it.

Look out of the window if you're bored! You'll see beautiful

countryside, maidens cavorting on the banks of the canals...!

TO THE TUNE OF ALOUETTE: # Floyd's busy down below In the galley

cooking veau # Out ze window, Looking out ze window...

Now, when you buy mustard, you can buy any kind you like, but for

cooking with mustard, use the pale yellow one. Always add it to the

sauce at the end because if you make it too hot it takes away the mustard

flavour. Now, cos this is a Frenchman, he likes his meat

slightly under-done. Turn that again like that. Now this is going to

wreck your camera! A little Marc de Bourgogne goes in there like that.

The meat goes onto there... Let the juice of the meat reduce a little

bit, stir in some cream. Two of those should be fine. Let's put

three in. They'll probably be editing this down later, because

they can't afford the film to actually cook a dish from beginning

to end! Stay on that, Clive, while I get some pepper to put in there.

Maximum heat, let it bubble. I'll have a swig of wine meantime.

Another glass of Beaujolais. Thicken this excellent sauce with some

excellent unsalted butter. Melt that in like that. All this is quite

boring, as I say. Feel free to have a walk across the water... That's

lovely now. Then about this much mustard. You can always look up a

book - preferably one of mine - to see precisely how much to use.

That's it. It's glistening yellow. It's golden, it's mustard. It says

Dijon, it says Burgundy. Pop it over there like that. Simplicity itself!

The last time I cooked on a boat, it was a trawler in a gale! Anyway,

there we are. Escalope de veau a la moutarde du Dijon. Je vous souhaite

bonne sante et bon appetit. And so to lunch, and a short, meaningful

lesson on Burgundy wine from Jean-Michel Lafonte. Those monks,

when they established their monastery, they received a small

piece of land to produce their wines they needed for their mass. When

they arrived at their vineyard, they had a religious attitude, which is

based, like any religious attitude, on respect. They decided to respect

the soil and the CHARACTER of the soil. So they chose particular vines

which were suitable...? Absolutely. Little by little, they have made a

selection of the plants - the Chardonnay plant for producing the

white wine and the Pinot Noir plant to prodcue the red wine. Did monks

drink wine to enjoy themselves or merely to celebrate Jesus Christ and

mass? Well, I think both. They were really using the wine for the mass

and really enjoying the wine by themselves! But this Cotes de Nuit

is very rich and soft and fruity, isn't it? What makes the difference

to wine? Wine is made BY people FOR the people and in a group of people

you have some great ones and some funny ones. And wine reflects the

life of the whole region. Fortunately, some people produce

good stuff like this - pretty rich, giving a lot of aromas - and a wine

which looks nice. Because remember, if you don't like it when you see

it, you won't enjoy it. Like a woman!? Exactly. Exactly.

Now the bit you've all been waiting for - the arty bit. There are two

reasons for this. One, Clive still hasn't won an award for his amazing

photography. And two, the director's really into this strange music which

is completely above me! I'd rather have the Dave Clark Five any day.

However, it is the first day of the recolte, or harvest, And whether you

like it or not, Clive is now going to indulge himself in some dead

Moodie shots of people picking grapes. Then, in a minute, I shall

give you three salient facts on Burgundy wine. OK, up with the

music, please. OK, fade the music again. Right,

fact one, what 'ave the Romans ever done for us? I mean, what have the

Romans ever done?! Well, they planted the first wines in Burgundy

and Bordeaux, it says here. Number two, the prime grape of the Burgundy

area is the Pinot Noir or the black Pinot. Number three, Napoleon, on

his European mini-breaks, wouldn't leave home without a wagon-load of

Chambertin. He loved it so much, he made his army salute the vineyard

every time they passed. I think I said that right. And, number four, I

like it very much. THEME FROM "MIDNIGHT COWBOY". OK,

leave out the cowboy jokes. We take this all very seriously! But look!

Is this Paris, Texas or is this Paris, Texas!? On one hand, the

French must be one of the most civilised countries and on the

other, they build junk like this in the middle of what should be a

national park! I think I'll take the high road! Here, in the command

module, I've a brilliant view of the vines that produce the superb wine

of this golden coast. But if this is the gold coast,

where's the sea? Well, it was here. Oh, look, another nice little wine

out there! The sea was here about a million years ago but it receded,

leaving this fertile valley. On my right hand side, wines are about

twice as expensive as 25 yards away! Well, yes, I'm arrogant, yes, I

drink a lot, but I don't know much about Burgundy wines. Hugh Johnson,

John Arlott, Jancis Robinson - buy books, research it as much as you

like. But the best way to find out about Burgundy wine is to drive

along, stopping for the odd glass. And I'm going to invent a new game

called Vinopoly. Every time you land on an Appellation Controlee plot you

get a super glass of wine! Oh, what's this village called? Missed

it! Never mind. Imagine throwing sixes and drinking your way through

a wonderful part of France. Anyway, I'm rabbiting on and I've got some

real work to do. My producer has invited a few of my yet-to-be-made

friends to lunch, about 35 of them! Coq au vin is to Burgundy what a

Cornish pasty is to Cornwall. It is the national dish of this region.

I've had two or three while I've been here and it hasn't been all

that good. My avowed aim today is to make the best coq au vin there is.

Anyway, let's see the ingredients. The most important thing, my

darlings, 70 pieces of chicken! Free-range chicken raised by a

farmer. We have some mushrooms - champignons de Paris. We have bay

leaves and thyme, parsley, garlic, salted, smoked bacon which I'll cut

up into cubes, carrots, onions, and last but absolutely not least,

Gevrey Chambertin, one of the finest Burgundy wines. Now, I've got to

chop up all these into little bits. Clive, I'm under supreme pressure to

chop things up into small cubes. But to help myself, I've done a bit of

that already. Have a look. I've chopped up the bacon, carrots and

onion and they're frying away. Quite happy about that? Nice and golden

brown. Now I've got to dust these pieces of chicken in flour. Just a

tiny bit. I have to put a little salt on... A little bit of pepper.

And it goes into the pot. Hundreds of those go into the pot! Now, this

is where I can't explain exactly what we're doing. You go for a walk

round the fields. See how they're picking the grapes, working up the

appetite. I must do it properly! See you!

TO THE TUNE OF "LOUISE": # Gevrey Chambertin Is the name of the vin #

Please understand It's the best in the land # Grape on ze vine Will

soon turn to wine # And we'll drink, drink, drink it # Food without some

wine Means the sun does not shine # But never mind Everything will be

fine # We have a hunch That zis little lunch # Will be vraiment tres

bon # We have a hunch That zis little lunch # Will be vraiment tres

bon. # Ah, yes, here's one of my new chums, Rene L'Eclair.

I know he looks a bit like a player in a Clint Eastwood movie but he

makes great wine, and in the old-fashioned way. Like all true

creative geniuses, people like me and my prodcuer, he's very

passionate for his wine. And also, the ladies that pick the grapes. In

fact, his wife told me with a bit of a smile, he married her not only for

love, but also for the few hectares of wine that she owned! They're a

philosophical lot, aren't they, the French!

I'm glad, or at least I hope you enjoyed that little romp around the

wine fields! We've had a power cut! I've got half of the coq au vin

cooking on the other side of the road. I'm just going to finish it

off with the last little drop of beautiful Gevrey Chambertin, the

rich Burgundy wine that goes into this fabulous dish. Just, if I may,

to recap - here it is, doesn't it look nice? I fried the chicken with

smoked bacon and mushrooms and onions and pieces of carrot. I put

it into this big casserole and the electricity went, so I fried half

the chicken across the road and brought it back. Then I poured in

the red wine, added bay leaves, thyme, salt, pepper, garlic and

Gevrey Chambertin... ..which is damn good! But these chaps are about to

charge through the fields any moment now. If you thought kir was white

wine with blackcurrant liqueur in, you can be wrong! Gevrey Chambertin

with blackcurrant is superb and is still called kir!

It's twelve o'clock and I'd had a dickens of a morning, trying to get

this coq au vin together, so I thought I'd go in and give them a

few words of excuse.' Monsieurs, dames, si je peux vous silencier...

Ferme ta gueule la-bas! Bon! Je voudrais faire mes excuses pour ce

repas degueulasse. Nous avions un coupage d'electricite pendant le

truc! Je suis pas habitue de cuisiner pour 35 personnes! J'espere

que dans votre petits enveloppes de paie au fin de recolte, il sera un

petit supplement pour vous payer d'avoir supporte la merde que j'ai

faite aujourd'hui! Je vous souhaite une bonne recolte et une bonne

semaine ou dix jours. Merci beaucoup.

'My fears were totally groundless! 'They destroyed the tuna and tomato

salad, 'they whacked away the celeriac, 'they tucked into the coq

au vin, 'and the gratin of potatoes was swooped away! 'In fact, they

enjoyed it so much, and Rene was so happy, he invited me for a very

special drink. We thought that subtitles would be a

bit naff here so I'm going to translate what he's saying as we're

going along. First of all, he's telling me to go in ahead of him.

And he's got 110,000 bottles here. I just said, I suppose you could hang

one on here in a major way with this lot, but he said, yes, only with a

couple of really attractive women, no? '76 wine. Ah, here's some stuff.

1980. Should be very good indeed. Bien sur. This is the life... I had

a really good time here, I have to tell you that. I can feel as if it

was only yesterday. Il doit etre un peu frais, trop

frais pour...? Non, non. I'm asking him, do you think it's a bit too

cool to drink the wine this way? He says, no, this business of heating

wine up to room temperature's a bit of a nonsense. And in fact, had a

good reason to exist in that way if you lived in a very, very cold

chateau. But otherwise, it really spoils the wine to warm it. On

approchait la bouteille de le chiminee pour la faire chambree...

Et aujourd'hui, bon, souvent on a des... On a des pieces tres, tres

chaudes. That was me saying "gosh, this is really good." Mmm. Un tres

bon nez. Tros chambre, ca sent moins bon. Yes, and if it's too warm, too

"chambre-ed" it just wouldn't be up to standard like that.

Do you sell this around the place? La, il y a deux ans, Reagan a fait

une reunion avec Mitterand... Oui. Et ils ont servi au cours du repas

une moins de 80. De vous? De la maison L'Eclair. There's something

which is quite good. There's one thing that me and President Reagan

have got in common, is Gevrey Chambertin, made by Rene L'Eclair,

because when one of the French prime ministers went over for a little

entente cordiale, the best way to do it was with his wine. I think that's

quite amazing! C'est super-bon, ca. Oui. C'est vraiment bon.

This is Dijon, 'the power base of dukes in former times, 'and now the

capital of the region. If you think, in the next bit, that I'm a bit

grumpy, you're right! I'm cooking for 15 brilliant chefs and I'm

petrified!' Actually, I have a problem as the meal's been brought

forward by about an hour and I have 15 chefs of very high denomination

waiting. I'm trying to make a cream sauce to go with this ham. I've

reduced some shallots and juniper berries in vinegar and I added those

to some flour and butter and veal stock. Now I'm going to whack in a

bottle of white wine. I'll let that simmer away till that thickens and

becomes a very special sauce. I'll shift it to a higher gas. Another

sauce I've got to make, which is worrying the chefs here, is using

the wonderful Gevrey Chambertin. I have to reduce that to almost

nothing to go with my fillets of fish, which I will cook later. The

man from the tourist office who organised this little party asked to

have the meal at four o'clock and it won't be ready till five! I'm quite

genuinely a little bit worried. They're gathering round in their

dark suits and tinted glasses like vultures sitting on a telegraph

wire! I was so busy cooking that I didn't

have time to go into the dining room. If I'd known this lot were

there, I wouldn't have carried on!' At least that's all right. That's

the special piquant sauce for the ham that might be raw!

And that's that wine that cost nearly ?20 a bottle just evaporating

away to nothing to make a sauce for fillets of fresh perch. I've just

invented it and I don't even know if it's going to work! If it doesn't,

I'm going home to Mother! # I started out on Burgundy. But

soon hit the harder stuff! # My friends said they'd stand behind me

when the game got rough # But the joke was on me. There was no-one

there to bluff! # I'm going back to New York City. I do believe I've had

enough! These guys just walk in, dip their

fingers in and say nothing! There must be some imperceptible sign they

make between themselves that means you're a total jerk! FLOYD HUMS

CHEERFULLY. Can you get me a small ladle from up

there, anybody? Il faut que je nappe avec la sauce. Je vais mettre ca,

moi. For those of you not interested in the drama of the situation, 'and

who still think this is a cookery programme, 'I poached the perch in

white wine with a knob of butter and bay leaf. For the sauce, I reduced

some chopped shallots and red wine 'and whisked in some butter. Then I

waited in the kitchen for the news. The waiter came back - thumbs up! I

was so relieved! Whoever you are, a footballer, Nigel Mansell or a

cooking genius, 'you need to know what the punters think about it!

Then the French TV turned up, with the press and radio, 'and I gave an

elegant interview in French and English for the six o'clock news.' #

So what is zee verdict? # How do they feel? What do they think of zis

wonderful meal? # What do they say? Could it be, "Zut alors!"? # As they

taste this fine cooking And cry "Encore!"

So they can have a small rest now while I carve the ham. When I first

came into the kitchen, they stood away from me, 'but now "Clark Kent"

has become my new friend! He'll even talk to me as if I was a cook! I had

that ham soaking in my bath last night 'to get the salt out of it,

then I poached it for four hours. It should've been five, but it's OK.

Then there's the piquant sauce.' You all wish it was Christmas and you

had to carve the turkey(!) Well, you come here one day and carve boiled

ham for 18 very superior gastronauts and you won't complain again! Want

me to take it all the way through? Yeah. Il me demande de le prendre,

malheureusement! Highly amusing, isn't it? Ou ils

sont? Any cookery programme in Britain

cannot top this, I bet you! Look at them - 17 of France's best chefs,

particularly from the Dijon area. Je regrette de vous faire attendre,

mais le jambon a pris quatre heures a cuire. Je commence a vous servir,

juste un petit morceau. To see these great chefs - one has the Legion

d'Honneur - tucking happily into this very lusty meal, 'confirms my

belief that the best meals are the traditional ones. Burgundy cooking

is firmly based in a sophisticated background 'so no-one would dare to

muck about with it, despite modern trends.

Now it's prize-giving time.' APPLAUSE.

Merci, monsieur. I don't really want to put it on because it's got all

the signatures of some of the best chefs in France and certainly the

best in Dijon. But just for once, I'll show off for a second!

ALL CHEFS: # La, la, la, la-la-la-la la # La, la, la, la, la, La, la, la,

la-la-la-la, la # La-la-la, la-la-la, la, la, la!

Why are you the only person who is wearing your hat that way? Parce que

je suis comme Napoleon! LAUGHTER.