Episode 1 Instant Restaurant

Two rival amateur cooks are temporarily turning their homes into restaurants.

-I would not have eaten that.

-I'm pretty confident, unless a huge catastrophe happens.

They have just one day and a budget of up to £200.

Pretty scary, actually.

20 strangers will be judging the results,

and it'll be entirely up to them how much or how little they pay.

That pudding was stunning.

The main course...

was a no-no, I'm afraid.

So, can either of our cooks deliver the goods or, more importantly, make any money?

Hello and welcome to Instant Restaurant,

the show that turns home cooks into budding restaurateurs

for one night only and where the diners judge the results and decide how much they want to pay.

So, will either of our cooks make a profit?

30-year-old foodie Mathilde Ville works in PR.

I'm in love with French food, and that's why we're opening

a French bistro restaurant tonight in Wimbledon.

The menu will be based on French dishes from different regions of France.

Mathilde moved to London from Paris a year ago to join her fiance,

bringing with her a passion for food she learned from her mother.

It's a way for me to express my creativity, and I really enjoy it.

She'll be cooking against 31-year-old local-radio DJ, Paul Hayes.

I'm going to be cooking a fusion of French and Italian.

Hopefully, the food is going to be top notch and will bowl people over.

And while Mathilde learned in France, Paul found food in South West London.

Well, it started when I did a cooking course in Fulham, and since that course,

I just couldn't stop cooking. It sort of really did inspire me, and I think it surprised me so much that

what I did was edible and actually really nice and tasty.

I've never cooked for that many people, though, so this is going to be a completely new experience.

But it isn't just about the food.

Part of the challenge is for the cooks and helpers to transform their homes into unique restaurants,

where the subtle ambience might just make the difference between a profit or a loss.

Mathilde's instant restaurant concept is classic French chic.

Our main idea was to create a high-end Parisian bistro ambience.

So I guess with the chairs and the way the table is set and

with the different posters hanging on the walls, I think that the whole atmosphere is going to work well.

To bolster the French ambience, she's drafted in

Belgian fiance David and his friend Elliot...from South Wales.

I've already tasted some of these, so I know they're very good.

Mathilde and I really like

the whole idea behind not just the food but the presentation,

making sure that things look good.

And whenever we have people, an evening at ours, we like to make them

feel special and that they actually are going to have a good evening out.

And if that's not enough, Mathilde has a French fancy planned for later.

We're going to have a little surprise tonight, but I don't want to tell you more about it now.

Meanwhile, Paul is taking a massive gamble and blown £100,

half of his budget, not on food but on sand,

a lot of sand. He's turning his Wimbledon front room

-into Treasure Island.

-We're making a beach

in the sitting room. So we've got a blue tarpaulin, which is going

to hopefully look like the sea, and then this bit will be the beach bit.

Paul's second in command is his friend and work colleague Andrew,

who will also be maitre d' as soon as he's pumped up the parrots.

Paul's quite a calm person, but he does get stressed if there's a lot happening at once.

I don't know if he realises how much

there's going to be happening at once when I'm running in the kitchen every five minutes.

But this isn't just a beach.

As well as parrots, there's gold and jewels and a treasure chest that doubles as a wine cooler!

Ladies and gentlemen, meet your hosts for this evening.

Jack Sparrow?

Not really Johnny Depp, is it, particularly?

Oh, this is going to be a nightmare, cooking in this!

THEY LAUGH

Something tells me we're in for an interesting evening.

To make this a fair food fight, we've given both cooks an allowance of up to £200.

However, after going nuts on pirate costumes and sand,

Paul's chipped in another 56 quid of his own,

meaning he needs to take over £25 a head just to break even.

Mathilde, however, is delivering French chic on a bargain-basement budget.

She's asked for just £90 so, in order for her to break even,

only needs £9 per diner.

The hat might have to come off right this minute, actually, but don't worry, it will go back on.

-Oh!

-So it's a battle between English eccentricity and classic French sophistication.

We're going to do it. We're going to succeed.

We're going to impress everybody!

Whoo!

Each instant restaurant will be judged by ten strangers drawn from different walks of life.

The only things they have in common are that they all live locally,

they've all brought their wallets and they're all really hungry.

Very good to meet you.

Mathilde. Nice to meet you.

If either Mathilde or Paul fail to impress, they could be heading for a loss.

Hi, I'm Mathilde. Nice to meet you.

In the dining room, Elliot's poised, ready to greet the guests.

Welcome to Mathilde's Cuisine.

Please come in. Seat yourselves where you feel most comfortable.

They do, obediently and quietly, possibly a little too quietly.

I was expecting it to be less formal.

But it feels a lot more formal at the moment.

I'm sure we'll liven up with a couple more wines.

So much for the demure French dining experience.

Elliot, crack the wine open, will you?

Over at Paul's, the pirates are on parade. Are you going to be all right waitering in that?

Well, I can't see, I've lost 50% of my vision.

Maybe you should take the eye patch off if you're waitering,

because otherwise... I don't want you falling over the tables, mate.

Maybe a little less swashbuckling, Andrew!

Hello! Good evening.

Welcome to Pirates' Lodge.

-Do come in.

-Fantastic. Thank you.

If you'd just like to come round...

Yeah, fab. The layout's brilliant.

-Skull and crossbones.

-A bit like a smugglers' cove. I suppose that's what it's supposed to be.

It's offering a really good concept.

Well, Paul's pirate theme seems to have gone down well.

Maybe the gamble will pay off, and hopefully Mathilde's guests

will start to relax now the wine's flowing.

But for now it's all about the menu, so bring on the starters.

Mathilde's choice of starter is between a courgettienne or parcel of tomatoes and mozzarella, and

aubergine caviar, sun-dried tomatoes and Parmesan cream farine -

layered aubergines, tomatoes and a creamy sauce.

These dishes are really sophisticated, and

I think they are going to be a good introduction to what the evening is going to be for the guest.

Wow!

That looks quite scary.

The kind of place I like to eat, actually, but maybe take along a translation book as well.

Mathilde began her first starter, the courgettiene,

seven hours before the diners arrived.

That's forward planning for you.

I need to, what we say, "blanchir", in French,

so it's basically just to cook for a few minutes and then put the courgette with the tomatoes and

the Mozzarella in a ramekin and set aside in the fridge for a few hours.

The first time I made it, it was quite bland,

so I've been working on it for a few times now.

I think this one will be actually the best I have ever made.

Let's hope so after all that effort.

And Mathilde has been no less organised with her second starter,

the aubergine farine, which is prepared in advance with just the sauce left to cook to order.

That's Parmesan cream, so I'm mixing Parmesan with creme fraiche.

Pre-prepared aubergine pulp is layered

with cherry tomatoes cooked in balsamic vinegar,

before the cooled Parmesan creme is drizzled over the top.

I'm pretty confident, unless a huge catastrophe happens, but it shouldn't be the case!

So all's going well in the kitchen.

But a catastrophe may still be on the cards, as Mathilde's waiting team seem to be letting her down.

I'm sorry about that.

And in the privacy of the diners' den, it hasn't gone unnoticed.

The waiters got confused with the starters.

They were giving what I ordered to my daughter

and what my daughter ordered to me, and in two other cases beside me.

-That's the old guy's.

-That's the old guy's?

-Yeah.

Finally, everyone gets what they ordered, even the old guy.

Please enjoy the rest of your meal.

But was the food worth the wait?

That's really nice.

It's really nice. It's a really, really nice combination,

and I'm really surprised at how well it works.

So it's nice, lovely. I had the aubergine as a starter.

And initially, when it arrived, I wasn't sure about how it would taste,

but actually it tasted far better than it looked.

It's very difficult to cook aubergines and don't make them get really soggy.

This is perfect.

It's cooked, but it's not soggy.

-It's really tasty.

-It wasn't seasoned quite as much as I would personally season my food.

A little bit of salt and pepper, I guess, that's it.

It seems that despite the service hiccups, Mathilde's starters have gone down pretty well.

Everybody seems very happy about it.

That's very good news. It's a very good start.

From the gentle ambience of Mathilde's instant restaurant, we pop back to Parrot Lodge,

where the pirate party's swinging along with a yo-ho-ho and a bottle of...Chardonnay?!

So, what cut-throat canapes has Paul got up his big leather sleeve?

Well, for his starters, there's sauteed squid with garlic and chilli,

or chicken liver pate, made from free-range chickens.

The squid is always one of my favourite starters. Really simple but very tasty.

And of course in this case, they were specifically plucked from the waters around Treasure Island.

So, they sound very interesting starters.

And quite adventurous, actually.

And I know that squid can be difficult to cook, and pate is not easy either.

In complete contrast to super-organised Mathilde,

-Paul's approach has been a little more...casual.

-Yeah, that should be fine.

That's perfect. Thank you.

By lunchtime, Mathilde had been in the kitchen for several hours, while Paul was still shopping.

I'll feel a lot better when one of the starters

is in the fridge and ready to be served with some toast.

When Paul finally made it into his kitchen, the restaurant was only a few hours from opening.

I'm kind of fusing two recipes together and also just putting in

whatever the hell I think would work, and I'm sure they have orange.

This with brandy, I'm sure it'll be nice. I mean, those flavours I'm sure will be great. So...

But I've got to stop cooking it now, otherwise it's not going to be pink in the middle.

-So that'll do on that.

-A sprinkle of orange zest, a glug of brandy, a pot of cream and a dash of luck.

Paul's recipe for success?

Chuck it all in and hope for the best.

I think this is looking OK.

I'm just going to do the lot, actually. It looks about right.

Ooh, I'm not sure, Paul.

Yeah, no, That should be about right. Well, I guess we'll find out in a minute. Let's do the whizzing.

It's looking very soupy.

Is it meant to look soupy?

It's a very light colour.

Yes, it is a bit, but what's it taste like?

It's very...

orangey and very creamy.

I think that's OK. I think that's all right.

With the right texture, because that's obviously not the texture it'll be...

It is a little bit sickly, maybe, I don't know.

"A little bit sickly"? Ooh, that doesn't sound promising.

Paul's other starter, sauteed squid with garlic and chilli, is cooked to order.

So while his diners work up an appetite out in Pirate Paradise, he's sweating it out in the galley.

The squid's just gone in now with the chilli and garlic,

although it's slightly different to the way I...

It seems to be quite watery for some reason.

That bit was OK. It needs a little more chilli, I think.

It needs a bit more taste.

So while Paul quickly adds more taste, Andrew waits for the starters.

Three chicken liver pates, three normal ones, one without toast, and two more squid, please.

-I need a glass of wine.

-Yeah?

Not sure hitting the bottle's the best idea, though I suppose he is a pirate.

Finally, the first starters are plated up and ready to go. Almost.

-Does this look all right?

-Yeah, yeah, but everyone's here now, so they're all waiting for their food.

Yes, well, I'm trying to cook it.

Pretty scary. Pretty scary, actually.

Oh, well, at least Andrew seems to know what he's doing.

This is one thing I know nothing about is waiting or serving people, so...

-Yeah.

-Andrew, the three squids are done, if you want to take them out.

The first rule of waiting? Make sure the customers don't.

-Oh, yeah, and make sure you set the table properly.

-Cheers.

Thank you very much for the napkin.

There was a few mistakes - no side plate, no butter knife, no napkin, no condiments.

Well, at least he remembered to bring the food out,

although in the case of the pate, maybe he shouldn't have bothered.

It's all right.

-Nothing, really.

-Nothing at all? Not even a bit sickly?

It was very bland.

It never had no flavour at all to it.

It was just a creamy paste.

It did absolutely nothing for me.

Oh, dear. Let's hope the squid goes down better.

I had the squid, and I thought it was very, very good.

It wasn't overcooked, it wasn't undercooked,

and it was very, very good. As good as I've had in very good restaurants.

High praise, indeed. So Andrew carries the good news and some empty plates back to the kitchen.

The starters went down well, Paul.

Great. That's amazing.

Are you happy with that? Does it help you along?

Yeah, that's really amazing!

Yeah, that's really, really amazing to hear, actually.

The water's going down well, and they're all serving their own wine.

The water? What kind of a pirate party is this?

Amazing, as Paul would say.

I think he's quite happy that his diners have actually turned up and seem to be enjoying themselves.

Meanwhile, everything is going perfectly to plan for Mathilde,

but you know what they say about the best-laid plans.

-On to the main courses, and at Mathilde's Cuisine...

-Still smiles on faces!

..there's turkey paupiettes -

that's stuffed turkey steaks to you and me -

with a mushroom sauce, or trout papillote,

trout cooked in a parcel with almonds and sauteed leeks.

The trout are one of my favourite dishes,

and it comes from the centre of France, in Loire, where I grew up.

I wouldn't know a paupiette from a papillote, I must say.

It's all French to me.

I'm going to make eight paupiettes, just to leave a good choice to people, and I'm going for

six trouts. I think it was a good balance between both.

Naturally, Mathilde prepared her turkey paupiettes

hours in advance by beating them flat and removing the gristly bits.

I'm just making sure that the paupiette is not too thick,

otherwise it would be too filling for the guests.

She then stuffed each fillet with bacon,

mushrooms, garlic and parsley before making the paupiette, or parcel.

As turkey can be dry, Mathilde then slow-cooked them

in a sauce of wild and button mushrooms, garlic and creme fraiche.

The turkey has spent at least a good two hours or three hours

in the oven with all the juice.

And when I took the pot out of the oven, there was no juice left.

So it means that the turkey has absorbed all the juice, and so,

basically, it's not going to be dry.

Well, that's her theory, but we'll just have to wait and see what the diners make of it.

Mathilde's spent over £20 on her other main course, a French classic, trout with almonds.

I chose trout because I wanted to give the choice to people between fish and meat.

And I know that I also wanted to choose a product of the season.

Each fish is stuffed with fried shallots, tomatoes, dill and

a squeeze of lemon juice before being wrapped in a foil parcel.

I am also going to use a bit of white wine

just to help the trout not to get too dry.

With a scattering of browned almonds, the trout will be baked fresh for any diner who orders it.

The trout is stuffed with shallots, tomatoes and dill.

-The trout has been boned?

-Yes, definitely.

Oh, now, I'm not sure, but I can't actually remember seeing Mathilde fishing any bones out.

Are there any in there?

It's difficult to tell without having a mouthful.

Good job there's those slow-cooked and succulent turkey paupiettes to fall back on.

I'm jealous, already.

They seem to like the look of it

but the proof of the paupiettes and papillotes is in the eating.

It's really nice. But I thought it was going to be de-boned.

I thought they'd have taken the bones out.

So I'm having to kind of put my fingers in my mouth every two seconds to pull one out.

-Oh, and she's not the only one.

-My friend who I was with, Rory, he said, "I'll have the fish."

I said I'd have the mushroom one.

But other people around the table had the fish on the understanding it didn't have bones in it.

It's not a problem fish having bones in it, It's perfectly understandable, acceptable,

but having been told that beforehand, maybe I wouldn't have dived in and had a mouthful of bones.

Ooh, sounds like he has a bone to pick.

And when the fish is sent back to the kitchen, so has Mathilde.

One person had actually asked when we started

presenting the menu if the fish had been de-boned, and I said yes at that time.

So I told him I was sorry about that.

He was fine, but of course it isn't always pleasant.

Fortunately, super-cool Mathilde picks her way calmly through the crisis.

No, I understand that for some people it's not easy to deal with the bones,

and I appreciate that.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

And with the fish bones in the bin, it's time to talk turkey.

Personally, I thought it was a bit dry. I wasn't the greatest fan of it.

And it really did need the mushroom sauce to add to it.

I had to ask for extra sauce, because it did get a little bit dry.

The sauce that came with it, for me, wasn't enough.

Someone is asking for some extra mushroom sauce, because they love

the sauce with the rice and with the paupiette of turkey.

Oh, bless him, I don't think he's realised that they're ordering extra because the turkey's dry.

It's an honour for the cook to be asked for more sauce.

So I'm very happy, actually.

Unaware of the dry turkey debacle,

Mathilde puts in an appearance to apologise for the bony fish.

If only they'd notice her.

..and the person they spoke to, I was sitting behind.

-That's my claim to fame.

-Hello.

I just wanted to check if everything was all right.

And I heard that some people had a bit of issue with the bones,

so I'm sorry that the fish came with ones, but

-I'm happy to hear that everything is going all right.

-Very tasty.

Thank you so much. Well, I'm so happy you're enjoying it,

and I'm going to go back to my kitchen to make sure that everything will be ready for dessert.

Thank you.

Well, either everyone's being terribly polite

or they've developed a sudden taste for dry turkey and fish bones.

Wonder if they'll remain as courteous when the cabaret arrives.

Over at Paul's, the grog's still flowing and the good times rolling,

but will the diners still be laughing after Paul's next culinary offerings?

For his mains, he's serving up a choice of wild mushroom risotto

or pan-fried sea bass served with chickpeas and a sauce of tomatoes, garlic and capers.

Risotto is a classic and pretty much everybody loves it, so that, hopefully, should be nice and safe.

With the sea bass, it was actually a dish I had in Florence for the first time and

it really blew me away, so I'm pretty sure that will go down well.

So, the risotto can be very hard to get right,

but I love the option of the sea bass with the tomato and the caper.

For me, that's a perfect pirate dish.

The risotto, I need to get going, really.

Hopefully, there's a method in his madness, but Paul's leaving everything to the last minute.

Again.

LAUGHTER

Well, they're having fun, aren't they?

That's the idea.

For the risotto, Paul's fried onion with garlic and added rice.

Er, right, this is really sticking, Paul.

For perfect risotto, the stock should be added slowly.

Or if you're Paul, in one great mugful.

And I'll keep that boiling away.

Right, I'm going to

keep those going. They've got to take 20 minutes.

They're dried mushrooms, so they've got to take 20 minutes.

So while the mushrooms soak, Paul gets cracking on the sauce for the sea bass.

That's tinned tomatoes, capers and garlic all nonchalantly

-thrown together in true Paul style in a bubbling pan.

-I think it's OK.

The garlic got a bit burnt. And I'm now tipping it all over the side.

I chose it because I had it in Florence and it was really delicious with the sauce and the chickpeas.

I really liked that combination.

But I haven't actually cooked it, no.

But I feel comfortable enough with it,

but it's all timing. Oh, my God, the mushrooms take 20 minutes to just boil!

What was I going to do just then?

All right, so two of these are ready to go out pretty soon.

Where's the plate? I don't know where to put anything!

-It's so annoying.

-It's all here.

There's a fly on that one.

Where am I supposed to put it?

With the sea bass fillets beautifully cooked,

Paul then smothers them in a thick layer of tomato sauce.

Tell me how many more sea bass I need to do in a minute.

It's chaos in the kitchen, but Andrew's somehow managing to keep his cool front of house.

The service has been great. The pirates are walking around.

It's been really good. He's been really attentive to things.

Let's hope that Paul's sea bass will earn equally glowing reviews, if any of the diners can find it.

The sauce doesn't go well with the sea bass.

The main course? A bit disappointed.

The flavour of the tomato sauce overpowered the sea bass.

You can't really taste the sea bass.

And the presentation

is really not up to restaurant standard.

The main course...is a no-no, I'm afraid.

He really did spoil the fish.

What he had done was presented the fish with tomato sauce splattered on top.

That's how it came.

The presentation wasn't good.

Oh, dear. And the bad news is that the sea bass orders are flooding in

-and they all have to be cooked to order at the last minute.

-Six more.

-Six more sea bass?

-Yeah.

-Right. Let's get those done.

-We need to get this risotto.

If I can get a sea bass and a risotto now... The people are waiting for their next...

-I've served two people, so I need to serve the other two.

-Right, well, I...

-That looks really good. Great, we're there. So we're there. So how many more sea bass?

-Six more.

Maybe the risotto will save the day. You never know.

-Lovely!

-Thank you very much.

-Lovely. Very, very lovely. Thank you.

The flavours were wonderful. Lots of white wine in there coming through.

Enjoyed it, and it filled me up just right, just the right amount.

Yeah, I thoroughly enjoyed mine.

I don't think there was a bad thing to say.

In fact, the risotto looks so good, it's given one diner food for thought.

-Would that be quite rude if I changed my order?

-Oh, you'd like to try the risotto?

-If it's possible, yes.

-OK, yeah, let me take this for you.

One of our guests has returned the sea bass and said he'd quite like to try the risotto.

So it's not looking good.

But luckily, we've got a fair bit of risotto, so I'm happy to take one out to him.

-One risotto, sir.

-Thank you very much. Thank you.

-The risotto is lovely.

-And it isn't long before others follow suit.

Has he cooked my sea bass, or may I have the risotto?

Right, we want another risotto.

Someone else has changed their order, because they think that the risotto looks so good.

-Seriously.

-You can't do that in restaurants.

Actually, Paul, they can.

I just I saw the way it came out.

I think I was expected a whole fish and then bit on the side, really.

Sea bass is just a really lovely fish.

And I also saw the reaction of some of my guests.

No, I think the presentation's fine. This is exactly how I had it in Florence.

It couldn't be more authentic Italian, because it is exactly the same in presentation,

that's for sure. And I'd imagine taste.

I mean, I could have done with more time

for the garlic to just maybe simmer away gently, rather than hammering it.

So, some diners ordered fish and wish they hadn't,

some liked the risotto, others ordered fish then changed their minds,

and some are just still waiting.

Coming to the time where the main course should be out.

Yeah. Definitely.

From the first course to the second course, I'd say 30 minutes,

which is, I would say, too long.

Well, long enough.

-It is utter chaos. I just can't cope.

-I've taken it to people most likely to complain first.

-Oh, that's a good idea.

-Taste it. There's two more sea bass there ready to go.

I need a sea bass and a risotto, then I need...

Hang on, wait, wait. When you've plated up, you can mop the floor.

Yeah. OK.

If we just keep it away from the fish a little more like that...

Having persuaded Paul to ease up on the sauce, Andrew finally gets the last of the orders out.

-Or has he?

-Actually, I'd like to taste the new version!

He's presented the sea bass in a very different way which is much

nicer this way, where he hasn't covered the sea bass in the sauce.

We had some feedback...

LAUGHTER

Well, it looks nicer, but what does it taste like?

A fish knife would be good.

'The fish was very well done. Very nicely cooked.'

But the chickpeas did nothing for the dish.

Tomatoes were just tinned tomatoes with capers.

Are you all right?

The fish isn't going down well. We've had two complaints from a different table now.

-Saying what?

-That the sauce is bland and the chickpeas are uncooked.

I said I'd feed it back, but obviously there's not much we can do.

No, there's nothing we can do. The mushroom risotto was a good plan, by the sound of it,

but the difficulty with the sea bass is that that is how I had it,

and that's how I like it, so it's maybe a personal taste, I don't know.

Well, not a great course for either of our cooks -

sea bass drowning in sauce, plates being sent back to the kitchen, fish bones and dry turkey.

So there's all to play for as we head into desserts.

In an attempt to claw her way back to her perfectionist best, Mathilde's offering up

a pastry-free apple tarte tatin

or a spiced chocolate moelleux, which is a sort of gooey, chocolatey muffin.

Everybody loves when I make this fresh chocolate moelleux

and I love to see people's faces every time they scoop up the moelleux

and they see the chocolate coming out.

They sound very luxurious, but I'm quite surprised there's no cheeseboard on there, being French.

True to form, Mathilde began her apple tarte tatin just after lunch

by heating butter, sugar and spices in a pan to create a caramel sauce.

It's a long process, because you have to let the apples cook

with the caramel,

so it takes quite a while to get ready. That's why I'm starting now.

Sliced apples were added then the heat turned up to bring out the flavours of cinnamon and nutmeg

as the slices softened and turned a light caramel colour.

I'm going to cook it without the pie,

which means that I'm just going to use those tins

and put the apple and cook it like this in the oven and then I'm going to turn it around to serve it.

Mathilde's second dessert, the chocolate moelleux,

is made of chocolate, eggs, sugar and butter with a hint of chilli.

I'm going to put the moelleux chocolate in the oven,

because to stay moelleux it doesn't have to cook too long.

So that's why I'm doing that right before the dessert.

So far, the dining experience chez Mathilde

has been a rather formal one, but that's all about to change, as a big surprise is about to be served up.

-'Allo 'allo!

-Is he French?

-Bonsoir, tout le monde.

Bonsoir, monsieur.

Monsieur. Actually, you know me.

I am a famous man on ze French TV.

You know, like Bob...

Bob...

Bob Carolgees.

I am the French Bob Carolgees.

That's as in Bob Carolgees and Spit The Dog, circa 1980.

I also would like to recite for you a few words from my act.

No spitting dog, thankfully, but there is a poem written by Mathilde.

I wonder if it's a long poem...

Yep, it's a long one.

Ooh, not quite sure if they're bowled over or bewildered.

Let's just hope the desserts lose nothing in translation.

It's not big enough. I'd like a big one of these. It looks delicious.

-Wow, look at that.

-Mm, this is nice!

You wish you'd had this.

I asked for the cream before I'd actually tasted it,

because I thought it was going to be sweet, but it's a really nice combination of flavours.

So I'm really please with it.

It's absolutely beautiful.

A sensation. That was a sensation.

A chocolate sensation.

Everybody who had the apple I think was a bit envious.

That pudding was stunning.

-Absolutely stunning.

-It was to die for.

I had some serious food envy over the chocolate pudding, but mine was really delicious. It was good.

Well done, Mathilde, you may have just made up for that French bloke.

Meanwhile, over at Pirate Lodge, the pirates' party is still

going strong, and Paul's about to throw caution to the wind. Again.

He's blown a mighty £60, a quarter of his budget, on a cheeseboard.

But he has every confidence

in the French and Italian temptations on offer.

Let's just hope someone orders it.

Or there's Paul's fluffy lemon surprise.

I love cheese, so for the cheeseboard I've picked out three of my

favourites, brie de meaux, pecorino and la Lorraine, which I think will complement each other really well.

And then for the fluffy lemon dessert, hopefully it will just be really lovely, light and zingy.

The cheeseboard is a perfect alternative for pirates

who want to enjoy a nice dessert, and I like the creativity

behind the fluffy lemon dessert, because I love the fact that you don't know what's going to happen.

Now, Paul began his fluffy lemon surprise

three hours before the diners arrived.

I've cooked things before, but I suppose you always have a rough idea

of what they're supposed to taste like and look like,

but I just can't see what I'm supposed to be doing with this at all.

For his lemon surprise, Paul's aiming for a confection of evaporated milk, lemon juice

and just enough gelatine to bind it all together.

I was literally just about to chuck this out,

and I've just read the back and it says four leaves sets approximately one pint.

And I've used 12 leaves,

because I put the whole lot in.

And that, obviously, is about a pint.

So I think I should probably chuck some of that out and then put some more water in.

Or just start again, maybe.

-Well, no, I haven't got any more gelatine leaves.

-You used the whole pack?

-Yeah.

Whatever this is, it's going to have to do.

That is a joke.

It's as much of a disaster as I thought it was going to be.

It's not good. I'm embarrassed about it.

-Look, that does rescue it slightly. Don't you think?

-No, not really.

I think Paul's worrying too much, because it says clearly on the menu fluffy lemon surprise,

or something like that, and it's fluffy, it's lemon

and I would be surprised.

They'll be surprised.

Maybe the cheeseboard can save the day.

Is there any way,

do you think, that you could persuade people to have the cheeseboard?

-What, over the...

-Over whatever you could call that.

Yeah, certainly.

I'll say that the cheeseboard today is exceptional.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

This is the part where potentially we could lose money because of how much I spent on the cheese.

OK, can I take some dessert orders now.

-I'd love some cheese, please.

-I can really recommend the cheeseboard.

It's a selection of local cheeses from a local delicatessen

and grapes and quince, so I recommend the cheeseboard to anyone.

Brilliant, Andrew, but they're continental cheeses.

Is that "Absolutely you should have that"?

-No, no, no!

-Is the lemon dessert home-made.

It is, yes.

Can I have the cheeseboard, please?

LAUGHTER

Can I have the fluffy lemon desert, please?

Make it a couple of them, please.

Sadly, despite Andrew's best efforts,

only four diners want the cheese and six want his fluffy lemon surprise.

-Everyone wants a lemon.

-Yeah...

Oh, I can hardly bear to watch.

-Good?

-Very lemony.

It's a bit like lemon-flavoured tapioca or something.

-They really want the fluffy lemon.

-What, have they seen it?!

-Yeah.

Why would you want to eat that?

I'll take these out.

That quote, I'm going to sleep tonight with that

quote ringing round in my head, "They really want the fluffy lemon"!

I finished it. It was OK.

It was a mixture of... I don't know.

The texture was quite weird. Sort of... Oh, I don't know, it's hard to describe.

Just a bit different, actually. It was a pleasant surprise, shall we say?

I actually wanted the lemon dessert, but unfortunately, chef had run out, so I had the cheeseboard.

I tasted the young lady's on the other table. It was very nice.

So I missed out there, but the cheeseboard was very good.

Whatever, even if they like that fluffy lemon dessert,

I would never, ever, ever be proud of that dessert, because that looked awful.

I would not have eaten that.

I wouldn't have eaten it.

So, it doesn't matter what they say, I won't be happy with that, ever, ever, ever.

Fluffy lemon is a no-go area for me from now on.

Well, fluffy lemon may be a no-go area for Paul, but his diners seemed to lap it up.

Mathilde's diners seem delighted by their desserts,

though, to be fair, they were probably still in shock following the...entertainment.

So, have Paul and Mathilde done enough to make a profit?

Well, it's up to the diners to decide how much they're prepared

to pay for their instant restaurant experience, and neither cook has any idea of how much that might be.

Having spent just £90 on her French-themed instant restaurant,

Mathilde only needs £9 a head to break even.

So, how did the diners rate their evening?

It was an absolutely excellent evening.

The food, the company, the service was first-class.

Even though it was great, it is still very simple, the food was really simple.

I felt the main course was a bit dry.

Difficult to do turkey, though. And I kind of would have liked some sort of other vegetable perhaps with it.

How much would you say they put down?

-20, 25?

-I'd happily have given £25 for the experience that they have just come away with.

Paul's spent all of his £200 allowance and £56 of his own money,

so he needs nearly £26 from each diner to make a profit.

But will they think the pirate extravaganza was worth it?

I think he did a really, really good effort.

He really, really thought about everyone.

I did pay for the atmosphere, the service.

You know, when you walked in, everything was set up in this amazing kind of atmosphere.

It was a good theme, a good concept. We had a really good time.

I just hope that people will appreciate the effort of the sand.

Heaven knows what they are doing over the road.

But I can almost put money on the fact, I'd put the rest of the budget on the fact they haven't got sand!

So, guys, you survived.

-Yeah, we did it.

-Just about!

Do you feel like that about it, Paul? Do you feel like "just about"?

It was just... I have never, ever known pressure like that, ever.

-There were moments where I think I just froze.

-And what about the pirate theme?

Where did that come from?

I just thought something fun might be quite nice.

But again, I'm not sure if that was the best idea, looking back. I mean, it was fun.

It was a good move to get your partner to take the eye patch off.

I was so worried that he was going to try to do this with one eye!

Actually, cooking in the pirate outfit really added to the stress, because it was so hot.

Mathilde, you were the complete opposite, very calm, controlled, organised.

It went quite well.

I'm quite happy about the way things went that day, because I don't like

pressure and I didn't want to be under pressure, so I made sure that

everything was going to be well organised.

And what about your entertainer?

Where did you find him?

In a street somewhere in Paris(!)

I'd never have guessed(!)

Did you get any feedback from your guests on him?

The minute he came into the living room, there was a huge silence

and everybody was wondering what was going on, but,

I mean, from what I heard, everybody seemed quite happy about it and they seemed to have had a nice moment.

Well, I think now would a good time for you both to hear how much money, if any, you made.

-Are you ready for this, Mathilde?

-Yeah.

OK, now, you spent £89.17.

Your diners donated £252,

which means you made a profit of £162.83.

-That's brilliant.

-Look at that. That's all yours from your cooking.

Thank you. Thank you.

Paul, have faith.

-Paul, you spent quite a lot.

-Yeah.

You spent £255.68.

How much are pirate outfits?

Quite expensive.

Your diners donated 190,

which means you owe someone £65.68.

-Yeah, that doesn't surprise me.

-Does it not?

No. I think it was the cheese. I spent too much on the cheese.

Maybe next time, if there is a next time, no cheese and no pirates.

But I think you did brilliantly, really brilliantly, both of you.

So thank you so much.

-Thank you.

-And good luck if you ever do it again.

-Thank you!

And I'll see you next time on Instant Restaurant.

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