19/03/2017 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites

Good morning. We have a whole host of chefs cooking up some real treats

for you this morning, from red wine souffle to lamb cooked on hay.

So please sit back and enjoy today's line-up

of Saturday Kitchen Best Bites.

Welcome to the show. Now, over the next 90 minutes,

we have some of the country's top chefs cooking mind-blowing food

for a whole host of celebrities,

ready and waiting, with their knives and forks at the ready.

Coming up on today's show, James Martin cooks up a tamarind and

coconut lamb and vegetable stir-fry for the vivacious Vic Reeves.

Will Holland dangerously attempts a souffle on live television.

The souffle is flavoured with a full-bodied red wine to pack in

the flavour, and he makes a mixed berry salad to accompany it.

Stay tuned to see if it works.

James Tanner knocks up a gnocchi dish

that you're bound to go quackers for.

The gnocchi is flavoured with fragrant wild garlic

and served up with a sweet honeyed duck breast - delicious.

And taking up the omelette challenge this week is

the amazing Rachel Allen and the masterful Michel Roux.

And then it's over to Tom Kitchin, who is cooking a lamb dish

that makes use of an old-fashioned way of cooking, with hay.

He places a rack of lamb on to a bed of hay, covers and bakes

in the oven, which gives a lovely earthy, smoky flavour.

Trust me, it's a great dish.

And finally, singer Liz McClarnon faces her food heaven or food hell.

Did she get her food heaven?

Seared tuna with a panzanella-style salad, or her food hell,

glazed grapefruit salad with salmon and sea bream?

You can find out what she got at the end of the show.

But first, it's over to Sabrina Ghayour,

who's here and celebrated our 400th show.

Renowned for her Persian and Middle Eastern flavour dishes,

she didn't disappoint with this tasty citrus-spiced salmon.

-Right, let's get cooking and kicking things off...

-Don't go!

It's a celebration dish from Sabrina Ghayour.

What are you going to be cooking, then, Sabrina?

What are we going to be making?

-OK, so we've got a classic dish of Persian New Year.

-Yeah?

It's all about spring, so there's going to be lots of herbs,

it's called sabzi polo, which is a herb aromatic rice.

That? And you want me to put it in there?

Yeah, the salmon, if you can put that in the oven,

-we're going to try and cook that to real time.

-Yes.

We're going to serve it with a really lovely citrus

and spiced-perfumed salmon, which is dead simple.

-We've got some rose petals...

-Rose petals?

Rose petals, that's all about, you know, Persia, aromatic, romantic...

My granny used to have these in her bath.

LAUGHTER

She did. It was in a little dish, next to a toilet roll warmer.

-Your granny was clearly bang on trend.

-Yeah.

-Do you know what a toilet roll warmer was?

-Yeah.

-Did you have those in Persia?

-No.

SHE LAUGHS

-Oh...

-You know the toilet roll warmer?

With the Barbie doll that was cut in half, stuck on top?

-Stop about your toilet...

-You mean the crocheted one?

Yeah, the crocheted one. Have you had one, as well?

Well, no, we had the Spanish one. Way-hey! Fancy.

LAUGHTER

-And you haven't been to Butlins.

-No, the furthest she got...

-Oh, no!

-Right...

-So, that was kind of part and parcel of the...

SHE LAUGHS

-You need it to stop first.

-It's perfume, yeah, fantastic.

So get the rose petals in, need to grind them up.

If you can kindly chop all of those and slice the spring onions...

-All of this?

-All of that.

We're literally going to get it into the water that we cook the rice in.

-Right.

-Which sounds a bit of a shame, but that's how we do it,

Iranian-style. We get the herbs in with the rice as it parboils.

So, we've got... What have we got in here?

Parsley, chives, coriander, dill?

Parsley, chives, coriander, dill, spring onions. Very...

-There's a lot of herbs in here.

-Where is the strainer?

Here we go, lovely.

Just strain off this rice that's been soaking.

-So this is for... This is for the New Year that you celebrate.

-Yes.

-When exactly was it?

-It was actually last night at 10.45.

Sounds a weird time,

-but it coincides with the spring equinox.

-Right.

And we work with a solar calendar, so it's...

-I was up quite late last night, basically!

-Right.

But it's a really lovely time.

It's all about family and feasting and celebration, and it's...

-It's all about a lot of herbs, by the looks of all this lot.

-Yeah!

Well, it's because they signify spring,

so it's the green that really kind of ties in

with the spring beautifully, and in some regions they use this

beautiful spring garlic, which is really lovely.

And then we have this little area here,

that is... This is our classic table for... It's called the haft seen,

-which translated...

-What?

-..haft seen, which means it's seven S.

And you have to have different things that in Persian

language actually start with S.

So you got hyacinths, apple, garlic, sumac, coins, wheatgrass, eggs,

something called senjed, I don't know what it is in English, and a...

-What's that?

-Senjed.

-What does that mean? What is it?

-I couldn't tell you, actually!

-SHE LAUGHS

It's some kind of dry berry. And then you have saman,

which is a flour-based paste.

And they all signify, like, new life and rebirth and fortune,

so it's a nice time of year.

-That reminds me, my grass needs cutting at home.

-Yeah!

You're going to have a wheatgrass shot at the end of it, as well.

So, in here I've got rose petals and then I'm going to put in

some dried lime powder, which is lovely, gives you a bit of pucker.

-Dried lime powder?

-Yeah, so the little dried limes,

kind of like the preserved lemons, but the dried version.

I've got sumac, which is also quite citrussy, cumin and cinnamon.

Sumac, you'll be able to get that in the supermarket,

but I don't know about the dried lime powder.

You can just use a little bit of a squeeze of lime or you can use

dried mango powder, which you get in Asian shops.

But most Middle Eastern shops now, you know, stock everything you need

-and even big supermarkets have import sections now.

-Right.

OK, you want to get zest in so you can give everything

a really nice citrussy flavour without the acid.

This behemoth of an orange, it's the size of a melon.

-Right, so this is not a paste?

-No, it's not a paste.

-You just want an abundance of herbs.

-OK.

It just really gives it a lovely flavour and normally I do

stuff with spicing, and this is really gentle,

-and traditionally goes with a smoked fish.

-This goes in here with...

It does, it does.

Sounds a bit weird, cos of course you do lose some of the oils,

that Western-style cooking say would be a good thing to hold on,

but it's how you do it.

I don't want to mess with Iranian people and change tradition.

So what rice have you got? What rice is that?

Basmati. We only ever cook basmati rice...only.

Do you wash it or not? You don't need to wash it?

-Yeah, you don't, I don't.

-For this...

-For this we've soaked it, basically. Which is traditional.

-Yeah.

But you don't have to. In a pinch, you don't have to.

It certainly does improve it a little bit but, you know,

life isn't like that today, so you do what you can.

-Spring onions go in there, as well.

-Yeah. Spring onions in, as well.

Gives it a nice little oniony flavour.

-On the table, or do you want me to move it?

-No, you can move it now.

And these are the berries that... We don't know what they are?

Yeah, you should eat one.

SHE LAUGHS

-Go on.

-It's a laugh!

-Right.

What do they taste of? Are they dry?

Yeah, they're very dry, they're very, very dry. They all...

Everything has a different meaning.

-Please don't ask me what all of the meanings represent.

-Right.

-Oh, God, this is going to be funny.

-Do you put these in dishes, or...

-No, they're only ever used for this, as far as I'm...

-Is it?

It's a little bit similar to jojoba.

It is like a date, isn't it?

-SHE LAUGHS

-Well.

-Well.

SHE LAUGHS

-I can see why you've put it in.

-It's better off on the table.

I've got my sieve over here. You want me to drain this?

Yes, please. Drain it, you need to rinse it off cold.

You want to take all the starch off, cos we don't want the rice

to clump together, we want it to cook to be beautiful singular grains.

-Right.

-And then all I'm doing is literally slapping that marinade...

straight onto the fish.

Like that.

Sabrina, have you tried one of these?

-Sorry?

-Have you tried one of these?

-Have I tried one of those?

-Yeah.

-No!

Has... You said the word moreish. ..ever been used in a sentence?

SHE LAUGHS

-Powdery, maybe?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Dry, a little bit. What do these signify?

Um... Yeah, I was hoping you wouldn't ask me that.

-You're not welcome in this house.

-LAUGHTER

-Have one of these and get out.

-It's actually a laxative. Yeah?

Yeah, sorry, did we not mention that?

-He's...

-Exactly!

I won't be with you for most of the show.

-Can I...

-Right.

So I'm moving this out the way.

Going to get some oil into a pan.

Yeah. So you rinse in cold water.

Yes, you rinse it in cold water and then I'm going to layer it back

into a pan, going to put your favourite ingredient in there.

-Butter, butter.

-Right.

So you cook this in... All you do is bring this to the

-boil, you don't need to do anything with it?

-No, no, you do.

What we want to do is, normally we're going to rinse it off cold.

-So it would be cold...

-Yeah. Yeah.

Rinse it off cold and you want to strain it really, really well.

-OK.

-OK?

And then you're going to...

-Can you season this for me, just with salt, please?

-Yeah.

Want to make a crust and usually in

-a deeper pan, but we're...

-Do it when you put it in.

-Go for it.

-Season that?

-Yeah.

-OK.

-Great. Thank you.

Then we're going to pile it, we want to steam-cook it,

-so we're not going to use tonnes for this, obviously.

-Right.

And then we're going to pile it back in there and then we have

a lid to cover it.

Cos that's really what creates the steam.

What's the idea of all the butter?

It's going to give you a beautiful crust, called tah-dig,

-which means bottom of the pan and it's the bit you fight over.

-OK.

-OK?

Most important thing is not to compress this.

Nonstick pan, I take it, is quite crucial?

Nonstick pan is ideal. If not, you can just scrunch up

some oven paper and stick it on the bottom.

And then I'm going to stick

holes in it, just to give it more of an opportunity to steam.

And I'm going to transfer a lid on,

wrap a cloth around a lid, just to kind of preserve the steam.

So how long would you cook that for?

You've got to be quite careful with this.

Yeah, you've got to be quite careful and be quite gentle with the cooking time,

so aggressive gas heat doesn't really work.

Ideally, if you have a diffuser, those perforated metal plates

with a wooden handle, to break the tension between the heated...

-A diffuser?

-Yeah. Much like hair dryer, like...

-Aah!

-SHE LAUGHS

-You've lost me.

-You don't have to worry...

-You've lost me, go on.

Basically we're going to flip it, that's the most important thing,

and there's, like, prayer usually involved in this element of it.

-OK, we're ready with the fish, anyway.

-Yes, fantastic.

OK, so...

One, two, three...

Aah!

-Well, the tah-dig turned out well(!)

-That worked, didn't it?!

-It's all right, don't worry.

-Well, the tah-dig turned out well,

so I'm happy about that.

-OK, so, this is the crusty bit.

-Right.

You can tell this is live...

There's quite a bit of the crusty bit on the floor, as well.

I know, I just thought...

I just thought I'd do what I do in the omelette challenge, normally.

-Right.

-I normally trash the place with eggs!

But I'm actually really impressed about the crust.

-Are you?

-It's really, really well done!

A little bit more practice in turning it out,

it probably needs, more than anything!

Yeah, well - deeper pan, deeper pan. My habit.

We only do massive portions -

so, we do, like, two kilos of rice for four people. There you go.

-Well, that was just timed perfect, that broken bit, wasn't it?

-Yes!

Yeah, it's just the perfect place for the salmon.

-No, that's perfect - it serves four people and a dog.

-Yeah!

LAUGHTER

-Brilliant.

-So, give us the name of this, then.

OK, this WAS sabzi polo mahi, which is a herbed rice

with citrus spice-perfumed salmon.

400 shows and we're still practising.

Apparently you need a wedge of lemon, as well, to go with it.

-There you go.

-Actually, this is probably...

Before, it was the full-fat version and now it's got less.

It's, like, essentially, a low-fat version of it!

-You get to dive into that.

-There you go.

Tell us what you think of that.

This is what everyone, every Iranian, is eating around the world.

-Yeah.

-I had it last night.

-I can see that you guys are not partial on this.

-Have one, James.

-I've eaten one.

-Did you?

-Yeah.

-I never saw you.

There's not... There's not a great...

Not that! I'm not... I'm discussing this, not that.

There's not a great deal to it, is there?

That'd also work for the rice, wouldn't it?

There's not a great deal to it that's not on the floor!

That's just had about seven minutes, that's all you want, yeah?

Er, yeah - you can give it a little bit longer.

-Yeah.

-Yeah. It depends on the size of the fillet.

-That salmon's beautiful.

-Yeah?

-Mm!

That rice looks so delicious

I would have quite happily eaten it off the floor. Maybe not.

Anyway, coming up,

James cooks tamarind and coconut lamb and vegetable stir-fry

for Vic Reeves - but first it's over to Rick Stein,

who is in a race against the tide -

and watch out, Rick, your feet are getting wet.

It's a bit frustrating, staying in hotels on holiday

in places like Italy, India or Thailand.

I mean, you go to markets

and you see all the beautiful fresh fish and vegetables

and you just want to take them back and cook with them -

but at least you can learn so much just walking around the market

and talking to the traders.

Well, you probably don't know what this is -

it's actually morning glory, and it's used for stir-fries,

just like we use spinach or pak choi,

but, here, morning glory - brilliant.

Look at these! I love these.

These are called snake beans,

and I think you're starting to get these in England now.

I was quite interested, because there's this really good dish I did

in the last book called Thai fishcakes,

and I had this letter from Australia saying,

"You don't know your Thai fishcakes -

"they don't have beans in them."

Well, I've just had some in the market, and they do. Hah!

So, here, look. Look at these.

Again, we're just beginning to get those in England.

Now, these are pea aubergines,

and they're a vital ingredient of a green curry -

either a chicken or a fish green curry.

They're slightly bitter.

I thought they were peas, of course, when I first tasted them,

but they're not. They're absolutely ideal for any Thai curries.

Here. There's no English name for these.

They're like garlic chives.

They're called cha um - excuse my pronunciation -

and they use them in little omelettes,

and they've just got a faintly onion, faintly garlicky taste.

I think the Australians call these yellow chives -

but we need these in England. We really do!

I'm sure you'll know what these are.

They're kaffir lime leaves - or in Thai - bai makrut.

How's that?

Bai means "leaves" and makrut means "kaffir lime".

No, look at that. I bet you don't know what that is.

You certainly wouldn't until you tried it.

It tastes like coriander,

and it's called bai chi pharong,

which means "foreign".

Now, over here...

I expect you know what that is,

cos that is turning up in England now -

it's called kha in Thai, or galangal,

and it used to be very popular in England, in medieval England,

but it's died out, but it's coming back now,

and this is another rhizome called lesser ginger,

and over here we've got some shredded,

and you can just go and buy ginger all shredded,

or this, which is the lesser ginger.

Tastes like ginger, but much more lemony and not quite so strong.

Very, very popular in lots of dishes over here.

Look at these.

They're called rat's ears, rat ears.

See? Squeak, squeak, squeak!

Again, very useful in stir-fries.

Look at this odd-looking purple paste.

Now, that's shrimp paste, that's made from dried shrimps.

Oh, I don't think I can actually tell you what it SMELLS like -

you wouldn't want to know! And this is red curry paste.

If you're making a red curry,

you come to the market, you buy your paste dead easy.

Now, in the days before chillies arrived in Thailand -

cos, in fact, chillies came from Mexico,

via Portugal, to South-East Asia,

this is what they used for heat - just peppercorns.

But, of course, what they use now...

are these. Now, these are bird's eye chillies,

and these are right up...

number nine or ten on the heat scale,

called the Scoville scale.

Really, really hot.

You get little bowls of those

just in a little bit of fish sauce and lime juice

to eat with all your food. Great.

I love the heat and tropical scents of Thailand,

but I must say it's great to get back

to the purity of light and the quietness of Cornwall...

..but I still like to cook Thai food in Cornwall.

I wonder if they'd like to cook Cornish pasties in Thailand.

I don't think so, somehow.

But we're dead lucky in England.

I mean, you can buy the ingredients for most Thai dishes

in any supermarket.

Well, this is a John Dory.

Pretty impressive-looking beast, don't you think?

Some people say it's ugly.

I think it just... Well, it may look a bit glum,

but not ugly.

Amazingly, a lot of people call it...

In a lot of countries, it's called the St Peter fish,

and that's supposed to be the thumbprint of St Peter.

In fact, they're actually a round fish -

but look more like a flat fish,

but they swim towards their prey like that...

..and they can't be seen.

God, imagine if that was sort of coming at you,

you'd know about it pretty...

Weurgh! OK.

Anyway, the great thing about John Dory

is that they're very firm, it makes really good steaks.

A good, firm, meaty fish.

Very dense fish, so you'd really have to cook it

for quite a long time to get the heat through it.

And ideal for this dish, which I'm now going to cook,

which we got from Thailand again, from Hua Hin,

and it's hard fried fish with a red curry sauce.

First of all, get my pan nice and hot,

and while I get that hot,

I just want to talk about the red curry paste

I'm going to make the sauce with.

Now, they're all - red curry pastes, they're all from Thailand,

and all subtly different.

In this case, we've got turmeric, we've got cumin,

we've got coriander, shallots, garlic, a little bit of paprika,

ginger, red chillies,

Chalky's favourite fish paste, called belacan, that smells so much,

and lemon grass.

So, I've wazzed that all up in a mortar and pestle

to produce that lovely red curry paste,

and I'll just put a little bit of oil in this pan,

and fry the curry paste hard.

Just let that fry till quite a lot of the moisture's been driven off.

And now some coconut milk.

About... Just under half a pint, I suppose.

Stir that around.

Now, some brown sugar

and some fish sauce - couple of tablespoons of fish sauce,

and just leave that to simmer away gently.

There's only one more ingredient to add at the end of that,

fresh lime juice.

It's much better if you can just put freshly squeezed lime juice

in a sauce like that -

right at the end, it really lifts the flavour. Fantastic.

OK, that's nice and thickened up.

Now, I've only got the one burner,

so I've got to put the wok with the oil on the top of there.

Just take my stands over.

There we go. And on with the wok.

I don't know if you've noticed, behind me,

but it happened in another programme I did before, but...

actually, it takes quite a long time doing these sort of things outdoors,

because what happens is, you get helicopters coming over,

then you get a little sort of biplane, you know, whizzing across,

then somebody starts a strimmer in the lawn over there,

and you have to go and say, "Look, please cut it off,"

and then there's an outdoor... you know, little motorboat

with an outboard motor,

and all these times you have to stop and wait,

and meanwhile the blinking tide's coming in,

and I'm just beginning to get my feet wet, but here we go.

First one...

then the other...and that's going to take about two minutes,

so while they're cooking,

I'm just going to finish off the sauce,

which is now nicely reduced,

and just going to add a little bit of lime juice, there,

fresh lime juice, as I said.

That'll give it a real zing.

OK, I think we're just about there with the fish.

See, it's all nice and crisped up now, so that's good.

Nicely fried -

and there's the other one, butterflied out.

That looks great.

And now just to finish the dish.

If you can't get John Dory like that,

a steak of cod or monkfish would do.

And now some sauce - it's lovely and fragrant and sour and hot,

but, above all, fresh-tasting,

and a good sprinkle of chopped coriander - just roughly chopped.

And that's it. OK?

Do you mind if I go now?

-WATER SPLASHES

-Thanks!

"Twas brillig and the slithy toves

"Did gyre and gimble in the wabe."

That always makes me think of that time between dreaming and waking

when you're never quite sure where you are.

When we're making these programmes, we're always thinking about recipes.

Poor old Dave, he has these dreams where food is all tumbled together

in strange foreign places.

Well, it's only a dream, but I was in the walled city in Hong Kong,

and there was wires...

You know, there's something about other people's dreams,

-they're so boring, Dave.

-There were wires everywhere,

rats running around the place,

and I was undercover, cooking for these gangsters.

I was doing these fish balls, you know?

Fish balls with the flavour of basil and lemon zest.

-What, in Hong Kong?

-Yeah.

What, basil and lemon zest?

Well, yeah - I mean, I know it doesn't sound like Hong Kong, but...

-Dream, innit, I suppose?

-It was a dream.

-You want me to cook it?

-Yeah.

-See what it tastes like.

-Ugh!

Anything for a quiet life.

Well, there's one thing you CAN say about dreams -

if you've got something on your mind,

you know, inevitably, you're going to dream about it.

When we're making these programmes, food is seriously on our mind,

all the time we're thinking about food,

so I can sort of understand Dave,

so I just thought, what a good idea

to try out what he was dreaming about,

and see if dreams can bring out the most wonderful dishes,

the most wonderful stories.

So, first of all, he said some fish,

so we'll start off with a bit of cod, I think.

Just cut that up a little bit.

And now prawns. Now, he said they should go in with the fish.

I'm a bit disappointed about that,

because, you know, I like the texture of prawns -

but in the spirit of science, we'll do exactly what he said.

Now an egg.

The eggs that bind.

That'll do. Just a little bit of a blend with the fish and the prawns.

So, one egg, I think, will do. In that goes.

That'll be great.

So I'll just empty that out into this bowl -

and in goes the crab meat,

and just fold that in nicely.

Now, he said a bit of breadcrumbs,

so we'll just put about a couple of handfuls of that in,

just to bind it up, to make it easy to mould out.

And now for the flavourings.

What was it? Lemon. Lemon zest first of all.

This is obviously a bit of an Italian-cum-Chinese dish.

The Italian - the lemon zest and the basil,

the Chinese - well, the balls,

cos they go in for lots of sort of fish balls.

So he must've been in a right old turmoil in his bed.

Poor old Dave!

So, mix those in. OK.

That looks about right.

Just try a little bit...

Don't do that if you don't like raw fish - but I do.

Actually, that's tasting pretty good.

Maybe this has got some potential.

I mean, you know what dreams are like normally. Forget it.

You know, sort of "in-your-dreams" pasta.

OK, I'll just do about six of these.

I can't be bothered, cos I just want to get on and cook this

and see what it's like.

So, we can start making the sauce now.

First of all, some olive oil...

and then some garlic.

There we are. Nice lot of garlic -

and some onion.

Plenty of onion...

and just stir that around a bit, just to get it nice and...

Translucent's the word.

And then some nice chopped tomato,

and we'll use fresh tomatoes here.

About 15, 20 of them. Stir them round.

And now some herbs. Now, we'll have some bay leaves.

Nice, fresh bay leaves - about four of them, I suppose...

and some fresh thyme.

Couple of sprigs. That's good.

Now I think we'll have some vinegar.

I like a good slug of red wine vinegar in something like this.

Did he say wine? No, I don't think he did.

Bit of salt...

and plenty of pepper...

..and we just leave that to simmer away.

So, that's been going for about 20 minutes now

and, look, it's nice and reduced, and looking absolutely lovely.

So, I'm just going to force this sauce through the conical strainer

with the back of a ladle, pushing everything through.

Quite nice big holes in this conical strainer,

so a lot of it goes through.

Only this sort of really rough debris stays behind.

Just put that back on the heat now

and just poach off these balls in it.

Look at that - look at the lovely coating on them, there.

They'll poach in about three, four, five minutes.

Not much longer.

I've just got a big pot of water here.

Remember, lots and lots of water when you cook pasta.

This time, tagliatelle. Cooked it for 9 to 10 minutes.

Well-salted water.

Then just take that colander

and pour all the pasta into a nice big bowl,

ready to put on the fish balls and the sauce...

and now I think we'll just put four balls on this one.

It's not a six-ball dish, this.

I'll just finish this off with a little...

what we call a chiffonade of basil.

Look at that - lovely green basil,

and a good, generous pinch of Parmesan.

I'm getting quite excited, I really am, about this.

It looks good. I mean, you know, why not?

You have meatballs and pasta.

If they're well made, like these are, of course,

and pasta perfectly cooked, al dente, why not fish balls?

Well, this came out of a conversation about a dream,

and, well, I think you've heard what I think about people's dreams -

boring!

But I've never tasted this before.

Let's just see.

Excuse this - there's bits of pasta hanging everywhere.

Hey!

It's all right.

Well, that's one way to create new recipes.

There are so many great Eastern dishes that you can try at home,

and I've got another one to show you right now

from my recent trip - it's a coconut tamarind lamb stir-fry.

It uses...basically this lovely loin of lamb that we have here,

which is kind of the same as a sirloin of beef, really.

Obviously it's a smaller piece -

but I'm going to stir-fry that with tamarind,

which we've got in there, coconut milk,

some mizuna leaves, which is different -

you can get these from supermarkets now,

these little mizuna leaves.

Different... Try it

Grow it at home, Vic, as well.

Very different to rocket -

not as peppery, but a different sort of taste, I think, really good.

-It's a weak rocket?

-Yes, it is like a weak rocket,

but I think it's a great, great herb, that.

Then we've got some cabbage,

all manner of things to put into a stir-fry.

Basically, thinly slice our lamb and stir-fry that together,

and then take it out and let it rest,

and then stir-fry the rest of the stuff.

I think that I cooked this this week.

-Did you?

-Yeah. On Monday or Tuesday, I think.

Cos you do all of the cooking at home, don't you?

Yeah. Well, not all of it.

No, Nancy cooked last night.

-Right.

-She made a cowboy pie, which was very good.

Right!

A cowboy pie?

-Minced beef.

-Minced beef, OK.

-Beans, haricot beans.

All right, OK.

Bit of that in there,

and we throw all that lot in.

We stir-fry this very, very hot.

That's probably a bit too hot!

We just get a bit of colour on that...

and that's off.

-So, Vic Reeves, this is your life.

-Yes, please.

-Born James Moir.

-Yeah.

Father, grandfather, same name, same birthday.

-Yes.

-How weird is that?

-Yes, I know. All from Leeds.

-All from Leeds.

-Failed all exams at school, apart from art.

-That's right,

but that was in 1975, and the whole nation failed.

-It was...

-What do you mean...

-No, it was!

I mean, the amount of work I put into my history, geography,

and I should have won. I should have been...

A crown should have been awarded to me,

the amount of work I put into that.

-I got a grade 5.

-Fast-forward ten years,

the same thing was happening -

-in 1988 I failed cookery at school...

-Yeah.

..and the only exam that I passed was art -

but passing just art was enough qualification

to get you in an art college, be a mechanic or be a chef.

Yeah, that's all I wanted to do.

-Yeah!

-I ended up being a mechanic.

I wanted to go to art school -

but questions were raised that year,

-let me tell you, in Parliament.

-In Parliament!

-That's nicely done.

-So, why did you pursue art as a career, then?

-Cos you're doing it now.

-Well, I'm doing it now...

-You've had all these exhibitions.

-..but, like, when I grew up,

the thing to do was to get a job,

and get something that was going to last for a while.

-So, my dad said to go and work in a factory.

-Yeah.

So, I did for about four years,

and decided that this isn't what I want to do,

I'm not going to spend the rest of my life doing this, so I fled.

-Right.

-Without finishing the apprenticeship.

We might have come from the same sort of area in Yorkshire,

cos I was told when I was a kid that you couldn't pursue art as a career,

that was the only exam that I passed,

cos all the wealthy artists were all dead.

-Well, my dad said...

-You had to get a proper job.

-Yeah, exactly.

-Yeah.

He said, "Do you know any artists who have been successful?"

So, I said "Well, Andy Warhol,"

he said, "Pfft, look at him!"

-David Hockney.

-Yeah!

So, it wasn't really the done thing. It was, "Go and get a job,"

but my dad did say later on,

he wished he'd said, "Yeah, go to art school."

Which I did do eventually.

But comedy came about - you were a group of kids messing around.

-Is that where you fell in love with it?

-Yeah.

Yes, we messed about.

There were five of us, five mates, called the Fashionable Five.

We were a kind of a musical group, but more of an, um...

an adventure group!

-Adventure group!

-We used to have fun.

-Right.

-That's what it was all about.

-Right.

-You know, having fun as a teen.

How did you break away from that and then go into stand-up?

Cos you started off with a one-man tour, didn't you?

Well, it wasn't a tour - it wasn't really stand-up, either.

I left art school,

I kind of put on what I considered to be a bit of performance art

-on a stage in a pub in south London.

-Right!

The Goldsmiths Tavern - and it was...

-I called it Vic Reeves' Big Night Out.

-Right.

So... It was different every week. It wasn't really stand-up -

-it wasn't a routine.

-Yeah.

It was just like, "Let's have fun."

Wasn't that where you met Bob?

Yeah, he was in the audience. People say he was heckling,

but I don't think Bob's ever heckled in his life.

He was just there, as a mate - a mate of a mate,

and I said to him,

"Here, do you fancy coming on the stage next week

"and saying these lines?"

I think he had to give me a cheque

for all the marvellous work I'd done for some charity,

which was a big con.

That was all... I said, "Here, you bring this massive cheque on,

"and I'll boast about it."

How did TV come about from that, then? Putting the two together?

Well, we went from there to the Albany Empire,

which is a bigger theatre, which held about 350 people,

and we did the same thing.

-We had a show which was about three hours long...

-Right.

-..of very...mixed content...

-Right!

..and it was different every week.

So, I put on six, and then a lot of people turned up,

and then there was a gap,

and then another series of six of these live shows,

and word got out, and people were coming from all around the country,

-so word got out...

-Yeah.

..and then Jonathan Ross was down,

-and then Jools Holland, you know.

-Yeah.

It was kind of... You know, word got about,

and then eventually there was Channel 4 and Alan Yentob...

So, Michael Grade and Alan Yentob

were in the audience one night,

and they both wanted us to do a...

That's sort of the total mix of stuff,

that you never know what's going to happen,

has followed you - you know, Shooting Stars,

-Vic and Bob...

-It was unbounded enthusiasm.

As a guest, you really haven't got a clue what's about to happen.

Well, you've been a guest,

and we don't let anyone know what's happening.

A lot of these panel shows, they let people know what's up,

-and give them, almost, lines to read...

-Yeah.

but on our show you haven't a clue what's going to happen.

You definitely haven't got a clue -

but that spirit's still there with the new thing you're doing now...

-The...

-..and the kids, but adults can watch it, as well.

The Ministry Of Curious Stuff.

Tell us how that came about, then.

I did a book about two years ago

called Vic Reeves' Vast Encyclopaedia Of World Knowledge,

which was full of semi-truths, and it kind of...

So, someone at the Beeb said,

"Shall we make a TV show out of this for kids?"

-Yeah.

-That's how it started.

Then it developed into what it is now,

which is...I'm the minister of this government department

who finds out information from the kids

and then explains it via the gift of sketches and nonsense.

With the help of other people - cos you've got Dan Skinner, as well.

Yeah. Dan Skinner, who's Angelos in Shooting Stars.

-Yeah.

-He's playing Captain Length-Width.

He's brilliant in it, I have to say.

He's great. We've got a good kind of rapport thing.

-It's quite an old-fashioned type of comedy...

-Yeah.

..that we do in it. I mean, it's good for adults -

it's good for kids, but it's good for adults.

It's quite an old-fashioned cross-talk, '50s radio style.

This is for CBBC, is it?

-CBBC?

-It's CBBC, yeah. On, um...

Well, actually, it's repeated, it's on Sundays at nine o'clock.

So, tomorrow morning, just after now.

Just after now, there you go!

Right, I've got everything in there.

The lamb's gone back in, we've got the tamarind,

the coconut milk, everything's gone back in there.

Now, as well as all that, like I said, you're an author,

the artist, with all of your shows, and doing your bits and pieces -

but you're starting your comedy show. Tell us about that.

-Is it one-man stand-up, or...

-Well, we're going to do...

We haven't done a live tour for, I think, 15 years,

probably more than 15 years,

so we're going to try some stuff out in Leeds

at the Leeds City Varieties in March.

-We're going to do three days there and try some stuff out.

-Right.

I was thinking we would try different - old characters...

something old, something new -

but I was thinking for merchandise,

I've been doing quite a bit of pottery recently,

-I might...

-You're making your own range?

-..make some mugs,

and instead of merchandise selling T-shirts and that,

I fancy having a craft stall.

-So, like, have handmade mugs.

-Yeah, that's a good idea.

-Macrame hats.

-Yeah!

You could sell some of your chutneys.

Yeah, that'd be quite good!

There we go.

There we go, we've got the lamb there,

-and best of luck with that.

-That looks good.

What's that you've put it on?

Banana leaf.

That local ingredient to Yorkshire(!)

Could you eat that?

No. I wouldn't eat it.

They normally wrap it up and cook fish in it.

This looks like one I made earlier this week,

but let's see if you can do any better.

-Oh, look at that. That's nice.

-Lamb's still pink, see?

I'll have a bit of that, and that..

You cook it and literally put it back in after...

I love tamarind.

It's quite minty.

Yep.

It's got quite an English thing going on about it as well,

-with that mint...

-It is cooked by a Yorkshireman, yeah.

The only thing English in there's the lamb and the mint,

but other than that it's not far off.

So there you go.

A GCSE in art will get you into cooking or comedy apparently -

why wouldn't it?

Now, today we're taking a look back at some of the tastiest recipes

from the Saturday Kitchen archives,

and we have barely scratched the surface, so don't go anywhere.

Up next, Will Holland, who decided to keep it simple

and cook a souffle.

Welcome back, Mr Will Holland.

-Hello, hello.

-Now, souffle - this is the souffle,

you've just made these two minutes ago.

I've just made those. We're going to put them straight in

and then do the whole process so there's not any sort of...

In the oven. 350 centigrade, 170 Fahrenheit,

gas mark 4, eight minutes.

-Eight minutes.

-And I'm going to put the timer on.

-Get the timer on.

-And don't open the oven door.

-That's it.

Don't keep going over there and checking if they're all right.

Right, what I'm doing first of all, cos I need to get this going,

is sugar and water.

We're just going to make a syrup.

So you're quite confident in these sort of souffles?

I think the thing is there's a lot of kind of...

You know, people at home

are a little bit scared about it, basically,

and there's no need to be scared,

and that's what I'm going to show you today.

Why are you looking nervous? JAMES LAUGHS

-Famous last words.

-Right, we're going to use the softened butter.

-Explain to us what the syrup is, then.

-The syrup's in here.

We're going to get that to...

-If we're getting technical, we're going to take it to 121.

-Yeah.

-Which is soft ball on the sugar thermometer.

-Which is soft ball.

But to you, me, and everyone at home,

we're going to boil it until it's syrupy.

On a sugar thermometer, you'll have 121 degrees.

-Sugar and water boils more than boiling water.

-Right.

Boiling water stops at 100 - you put sugar in it,

it'll continue to heat up to 160, 170 degrees.

-OK.

-And it's 121. On the sugar thermometer it's soft ball.

So that's one part of the base

that's going there, the syrup, James,

and then in here, I've got cornflour...

-Yep.

-..and red wine.

Often when you're making souffles, you'd make it out of a custard base,

but this is the first time I've seen it with...

Well, cornflour, you can do it with creme pat, or creme patissiere.

Yeah, there's two ways, as you said,

the custard base and then there's this version,

which is cornflour.

So all I've done is mixed cornflour and red wine.

And because I want it to be

a really, really intense red wine flavour,

-I've gone for a red wine with plenty of oomph.

-Oomph.

So, something big. Rioja, Merlot.

-Shiraz...

-Like a good Saint Emilion, something like that?

Saint Emilion, something that's just...

Something that's big and plenty of... Packs a good punch.

Right, when you're doing the souffle moulds for Will here,

what you do is you basically take the butter

and you make the lines up the side of the dish.

They're supposed to make the souffle rise up the side of the dish.

Yeah. Onwards and upwards.

-So...

-Rather than just rub butter...

I really, really think it's mumbo-jumbo, that kind of thing.

Mumbo-jumbo? Why don't you make one upwards, one downwards,

see which one is going to rise more, you know, because...

It's a Michelin belief. They want you to believe that kind of thing,

-Michelin-star establishments.

-Oh, I see.

-Anyway...

I've done it how you wanted it.

-Up the side.

-That's it. Do it my way.

You can do it how you want.

So when the sugar gets to that kind of nice syrupy consistency,

I'm going to take it out the pan to stop it at that temperature.

I've got our egg whites here.

These again are the packet, pasteurised egg whites.

Yeah, we're going to use pasteurised so that Jodie can enjoy the souffle.

-I don't want to give you...

-How exciting. Thank you.

..partially cooked eggs.

Whip these up, no sugar yet,

I'm going to add those a little bit later.

-What have we got going on in there?

-The cornflour and the red wine mix.

Just need to bring it to the boil,

and you can see how thick it comes, very, very quickly.

It's only been on there for a minute and a half, two minutes.

You need to keep whisking this,

particularly with the cornflour in it.

Yeah, we don't want it to be lumpy.

As soon as it's...

-This is Rioja we've used in there.

-OK.

-Going to pour that in.

-Soon as it comes to the boil,

out it comes, you can see how thick it is.

Get all of that out,

and then get the whisk in there again

and just whisk the syrup and the red wine mix together.

That's it, that's the finished base, it's as simple as that.

Now, tell us about Ludlow - amazing place,

famous for wonderful antique shops, great food...

Of course. The foodie hotspot.

It's a very, very famous place for food.

I'm just going to pop this in the fridge.

I'm going to throw in my sugar.

Get this done as quick as possible.

Because when we make the souffle, it needs to be cold.

But, yeah, Ludlow, it's a fantastic food destination.

There's great restaurants,

but it's also the kind of... The culture and town of food,

you know, the butcher's and the baker's,

and we've got a fantastic food festival

that happens every year in September.

-Yeah, which you're doing, of course.

-Well, I'm not doing it.

It's been going for a lot longer than I've been in town, but it's...

I think it's its 17th year this year, which is just incredible.

So, for each souffle... I'm just going to give that a quick whisk.

-Have you got another whisk?

-Yeah, I've got a whisk.

-I'll use this one.

Another one.

It's really important that the base is cold when you make the souffle.

Would you like a Kenny Atkinson whisk or a normal whisk?

You said that, not me.

Kenny won't be watching anyway.

Right.

Cos it sets up, it's basically turned into a jelly.

-So that's what we want. So, a couple of tablespoons per souffle.

-Yeah.

-Ludlow, it's famous for, obviously, Shaun Hill.

-Shaun Hill.

Merchant House, that kind of thing.

Shaun Hill was the pioneer,

he was the original,

and I'm just there to...

fly the flag.

But it is great.

So many great produce, or so many great suppliers of great produce,

literally within the area.

Yeah, it's a rich area

for all things lovely.

At the moment someone's actually rearing suckling pigs for me,

so I've got a farmer that's actually...

I go and the pigs have already got my name on them

as they're running around the yard.

I don't think they know it!

-They're all called Will.

-Yeah, exactly.

They've got a tag on there.

So you're whisking this with a whisk.

I always do souffle like this,

but often a lot of people mainly use the spatula and fold it in.

-It's much quicker this way.

-Listen, this is... This is...

I don't want to say it's a foolproof recipe - yet.

-Right. Yet.

-But you can be...

-Doesn't look like at the moment it is.

-But you can be pretty...

-Pretty...brutal with it.

-Robust with it.

-So use the whisk.

-It's the cornflour that's...

Yeah, the cornflour's nice and hard. Did you sugar those as well?

Yes, they've been sugared.

Excellent. So I'm just going to grab a spoon.

But, yeah, instead of using...

Don't be afraid about getting your arm in there

and just really, really incorporating

the meringue, essentially, and the base.

Now, you make these before service, don't you?

So if you're doing a dinner party...

Yeah, these are brilliant for at home.

Because of the cornflour it's quite a sturdy mix,

so you don't have to make it and cook them straightaway.

You can make them a good couple of hours before.

And just pop them in the fridge?

Yeah, put them in the fridge.

So you've got your dessert ready to go, basically.

And soon as it's pudding time, pop them in the oven,

eight minutes or so.

Now, you've got to be careful not to...

You press it round the edges with a palette knife, don't you, really?

Yeah, I'll show you. I'll just get this other one in there as well.

But that's the one key bit with it, is not to...

Any area of the ramekin that's not got butter and sugar on it,

that's where it'll stick.

-That's why you got me to do it, and blame me.

-Yeah, that's it.

It was the poorly buttered moulds, wasn't it?

That'll the one!

But use a palette knife

and just smooth it off like that.

Now, I know you're a keen cook, Jodie.

Ever tried making a souffle for a dinner party?

Erm...

Oh, God, it's very dangerous, isn't it, souffle for a dinner party?

And especially with the old AGA.

But I've got someone at home that's a fantastic cook,

called Rachael, and she did a cheese souffle the other day

-and it was brilliant.

-Was it?

Yeah. So I do love them. But I'm a roast girl.

-I can do a roast for a dinner party.

-Sounds good to me.

But, yeah, souffle - I'd get a bit nervous.

You've got 30 seconds left, Will,

so you can show us how to finish those off.

You've just gone round the edge.

All I've done is wipe my thumb around the edge,

and the temptation is not to...

Not to lick your thumb at that stage.

-And that just stops the souffle mix from sticking to the edge.

-Right.

Now, you just pop them in the fridge as they are now?

In the fridge as they are,

and then they can go in the oven when you're ready.

And what you've done for me, James,

is just make this small berry salad.

It's really nice, like you said,

with all the fruits coming out of your garden.

-Yep.

-Yeah, we've just got a bit of creme fraiche,

some mint chopped through it,

and I put a little squeeze of lemon in there as well,

the lemon really brings out the flavour. And then...

-Do you want to get them out?

-And a little bit of basil as well.

-You get them out and I'll lift it onto the plate.

-Dun-dun-dun!

-Yeah!

-The moment of truth.

-So there you go.

-Right, that's it, bang on.

-I heard the eight minutes.

-Eight minutes.

-They look good.

They look pretty good to me, don't they, those?

-They look pretty, pretty good.

-Look at those.

-Look at that.

-There you go.

-Going to just burn our little fingers...

-Hot hands!

There we go. I'm happy with that.

So it's a good job they did work,

because you've brought something with you

that's very special this morning, whose birthday it is.

Yeah. It's my mum's birthday today, I've brought her as a special guest,

so not only have I made a souffle live on telly,

I've also brought my mum because it's her birthday.

Happy birthday, Mum!

She didn't want to be on camera, but happy birthday.

Your boy did good. Remind us what that is again.

Red wine souffle with berries and creme fraiche.

How chuffed do you look. Look at that. You lucky thing.

That one's for Galton!

He's pretty good at this game. There you go.

-I'll bring this other one over.

-They're all works of art.

-I feel ashamed to... Both of us.

-You can dive in, it's pasteurised eggs.

-Silvena, there you go. Dive into that one.

-This is gorgeous.

Someone tried it yesterday and they said it was like eating

-hot red wine marshmallow. So, if you imagine that...

-Oh, my word!

-Beautiful.

-It's not as good as the meringue, though, really.

-Of course, never, never.

-Come on, Jodie, which one?

-20 quid, give me a drink with that.

-Do you know what I mean?

That is seriously good.

I was wondering what the wine is going to be like,

-but it has a delicious sourness to it.

-Yes, because...

It's incredible, the acidity,

and how beautifully it works with the egg white.

It's not as good as the meringue, but it's all right.

There you go. A foolproof souffle recipe but don't hold me to that.

Now over to the man, the myth, the legend.

Of course, there's only one man we could be talking about.

It's the fantastic Keith Floyd. Take it away, Keith.

Despite global critical acclaim and financial success

of our little programme, the BBC still adopt

a very parsimonious attitude towards our budget.

And I still have to beg,

borrow or even steal a kitchen for my little cooking sketches.

So, I sent one of my researchers out, and I said, "Get me a typical

"Texan home, you know, something modest, something quite ordinary."

Well, he was a Texan, so he came up with this.

He thought this was quite ordinary.

The chap who owns it is only a multimillionaire.

But what is Texas all about?

It's about Apaches, vigilantes, longhorn cattle,

Lone Ranger, Rin Tin Tin,

politics slightly to the right of Vlad the Impaler.

Also, it's about chandeliers, dining tables, and clothes.

As you see, I haven't changed my image a jot.

America hasn't affected me one little bit.

I mean, note the pigskin jacket, note the snakeskin boots,

note the little medallion. But it's only rock and roll.

Anyway, we're in the kitchen, so let's go and do some business.

Here what we're going to do is what they all do in Texas,

is grill some steak and make a barbecue sauce.

And have a little slurp.

First of all, straight to business on the ingredients for

a Texan barbecue sauce.

Butter, pepper, onions,

Worcester-CESTER-SHIRE sauce,

malt vinegar, lemon juice, Tabasco,

sugar, water, garlic, and catsup.

All I have to do, cos it is terribly simple,

although very, very important because they don't take

any prisoners here in Texas - if they want a steak,

they want it tasting really good.

And, because of the Mexican influence,

they like things a little bit spicy. Right.

So, first things first, in with the tomato catsup, as we call it here.

As I say, America hasn't affected me in any way whatsoever, y'all.

It's all going perfectly well.

Quite a dash of Worcester-CESTER-SHIRE sauce.

Stir that in.

I can see some of you gastronauts at home wondering

what has happened to our dear Floyd? Tomato ketchup? Worcester sauce?

And now wine vinegar into all of this?

Anyway, this is Texas and we're going for it.

Right, a load of chopped onions into there.

Like that. No problems.

A cup of lemon juice, freshly squeezed, of course.

Dash of Tabasco. There we are.

You could use this for stripping the paint off things,

I wouldn't be surprised. And a load of sugar. Put in there.

And some garlic into there, like that. A knob of butter.

Did I put the pepper in? We put some butter in, then the pepper.

Say, half a teaspoonful. Like that.

Stir it around, whack it on the gas, and wasn't that a brilliant thing.

Do you know, that was a whole take right from the top of those

stairs right into the kitchen. It's the sort of thing that most

television cookery programmes don't do, and even quite a lot of

feature films can't get right. Anyway, what I deserve

is a little drinkette

So, what do you drink when you're in Texas? You drink margaritas.

Margaritas are demon little things.

And when you've been walking up and down stairs like I have

all morning trying to get one take right, you deserve one.

It's very simple. You take some triple sec,

and you pour quite a lot of it, as much as you feel like, into...

Goodness me, this is Texas,

and they've got these mean little pourers on the top.

Right, you poor triple sec into your little hand-blown jug, like that.

And equal quantities of tequila, which is made from the...

agave plant. I always thought it came from cactus, but never mind.

So, equal quantities of that.

This is looking good. Ha-ha!

Yes, that smells quite good. Then...

limes.

Real, real limes, painstakingly and lovingly crushed,

so you have them like that. Limes into there.

And, then, icicles and icicles. Twice as nice as ricicles.

A load of ice goes into that.

Now, we've got an expert in the crew here on these margaritas.

She, in fact, is the world champion drinker of them,

and she says there should be no sugar in them.

Some people say there should be a little.

So, you know, Tex-Mex, let's whack... Is that the salt or sugar?

That's the sugar. A little bit of sugar in there.

A little stir around. OK.

Then, have you ever wondered, and here's a useful thing

for entertaining at home, and I know you all have these dinner parties

on Saturday night, how do they get

the salt around the top of the glass for a perfect Margarita?

Do you know how they do? Over here, Clive.

They dip the glass into some lime juice like that,

then they whack it over to where the salt is,

carefully placed on the thing there, twiddle it around,

and it's full of salt,

which is essential for a Margarita.

Another essential thing...

..is to taste it. Because if it ain't good enough to cook with,

it ain't good enough to drink.

Welcome to Texas.

COW MOOS

# I feel tears wellin' up Cold and deep inside

# Like my heart's sprung a big break

# And a stab of loneliness is sharp and painful

# That I may never shake

# You might say that I was takin' it harder

# Oh, she wrote me off with a call

# But don't you wager that I'll hide the sorrow

# I might break right down and bawl

# Now the race is on

# And here comes pride up the backstretch

# Heartaches... #

I don't want your lonely mansion with a tear in every room,

all I want is the love you promised beneath the haloed moon.

So the song goes.

Before I visited the Lone Star State,

my only experience of Texas came in a bottle.

And I thought of millionaires by the yard, long-legged women,

and gold-plated Cadillacs.

In fact, after the fall in the price of oil,

Texas looks a little ragged, sort of unfinished.

OK, so it's too easy to criticise.

Nevertheless, the countryside is barren and in stark contrast

to its tremendous international image of wealth.

These derelict shacks are all that remain of somebody's dreams,

people who came to find their fortune in God's little acre.

Steinbeck, curious, of course,

would now have just shifted a few states.

# Now the race is on

# And here comes pride up the backstretch

# Heartaches are goin' to the inside... #

There is tremendous pride in this state.

Texans think of it as another country.

And these dancers aren't wearing fancy dress -

high-heeled cowboy boots and Stetsons are worn with honour,

like a knight's sword,

only to be taken off in the sanctuary of your own home.

# I guess it looks like heartache

# And the winner loses all. #

So, just to recap on the sauce, it's tomato ketchup,

Worcester sauce, lemon juice, drop of water, garlic, onions, butter,

Tabasco sauce, and a bit of pepper bubbling away there very nicely.

The sort of thing Americans really like on their steaks.

But the other thing Americans like, they have a thought for the day.

And I was wandering around the kitchen waiting to do this take

and I found it. February 11th, which it is, 1989, it says,

"Oh, great father, never let me judge another man

"until I have walked in his moccasins for two weeks."

It's an Indian prayer, it's to think about, isn't it? Anyway, steaks.

This is a cookery programme, after all, not the morning prayer.

There is a Texas steak.

It probably only weighs about, I don't know, 16-20 ounces,

something like that. They like them big around here.

It just goes whack onto the grill. One...

..two...

..and...three.

It's a very good thing. You'll have read, all of you who are

interested in those kinds of things,

the problems in the paper about American beef,

where they inject it with steroids and all kinds of things, there's

all kinds of battles going on, you know, agricultural wars and stuff.

Texas would like to point out,

through me, that they are not part of that.

They do not do these funny things to their beef.

And their beef, they reckon, is pretty good.

And wouldn't the Ministry of Agriculture in America

pay heed to that. So, anyway, there we are.

That's the political lecture for today, over we go. There.

If only I could get some stars on those stripes,

I'd have a real American steak.

Well, I suppose it should be ladies first, but a man wearing

a hat at a dinner table has a certain authority, doesn't he?

Larry and Shelley Beard lost handmade shirts

in the property crash just two years ago.

But, unlike Britain, there's no great stigma in going bankrupt.

You just pick yourself up,