31/12/2017 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites

It's New Year's Eve and we have a great line-up for you today,

with plenty of sweet treats before you give them all up

for New Year's resolutions.

So grab your party poppers, crack open the buck's fizz

and enjoy another serving of Saturday Kitchen Best Bites.

Welcome to the show. Now, for the next hour and a half,

we'll be bringing you more classics than a DJ at midnight

as we dig through the Saturday Kitchen archives.

Coming up, James Martin makes comedian Stephen K Amos

a semolina and honey cake, served with double cream.

Catherine Fulvio is here making Sicilian street food

with an Irish twist.

She roasts pork loin with chilli, orange zest and parsley

before making saffron rice risotto balls

with a melting mozzarella middle.

Our favourite Scot, Nick Nairn, is here with the perfect pudding.

He makes steamed marmalade pudding,

served with vanilla and Drambuie custard.

It's England versus France in the Saturday Kitchen Omelette Challenge,

as Ben Tish takes on Daniel Galmiche. Then it's over to

one half of the Hairy Bikers,

as Dave Myers tantalises us with his turbot.

He poaches the turbot before covering

with a lemon and kelp crust,

served on a bed of truffled mushrooms

with crispy Hasselback potatoes

and a white wine and broad bean sauce.

And, finally, Saturday Kitchen favourite Nigella Lawson

faces her food heaven or her food hell.

Will she get her food heaven, a chestnut and chocolate tart

made with sweet chestnuts, dark chocolate and a splash of rum?

Or her food hell, soya milk pancakes with roasted apples, pears

and walnuts in a vanilla syrup?

Two lovely-looking desserts, but which one does she get?

You're going to have to keep watching to find out.

But first up, New Zealander Nic Watt

is showing off British lamb at its very best.

-Welcome back.

-Thank you, thank you.

So, Nic, Mediterranean. Why the Mediterranean, then?

-Cos you spent years studying Japanese food.

-Absolutely.

You're still doing that, but...?

Still doing the Japanese, but with the influence now of Aurelia,

tapping into the flavours of the Mediterranean.

And the philosophy of what we're serving is the same.

We have the very best tuna sashimi or salmon sashimi,

-just served like that.

-Yeah.

Aurelia, we have the very best jamon Iberico

-or the very best San Daniele, just served beautifully.

-Sounds good.

So this is one of the dishes that you've looked at on your travels?

-Absolutely.

-What is it, then?

-So I've got a beautiful lamb leg.

The important part is we're going to stud it with some rosemary,

-some garlic and some anchovies.

-Yeah.

And just allow all those flavours to get in there while it roasts slowly.

-This would be English lamb, yeah?

-Yes, it is.

Don't want any of that New Zealand stuff!

Not when you're all the way over here.

But if you're in New Zealand, it's the best. It's the best.

-Fed off all those beautiful salt marshes.

-Yeah.

So what I'm doing is I'm just studding...

Well, I'm just starting to spike the leg, about every inch.

Now, this is the salt marsh lamb that you're using there.

Why do you think this is so good?

It's fed off the salt pastures, and why is it so good?

It's as close as you can get to New Zealand lamb all the way over here.

LAUGHTER

No, seriously, it's fed off the New Zealand pasture...

-New Zealand pastures? Off the salt...

-New Zealand pastures!

Yeah, yeah. Off the salt pastures.

-And the flavour comes in to the lamb, without question.

-Yeah.

So nice, big chunks of garlic into there.

Right, I've got some garlic chips here, which I'm going to fry.

-You want these frying off.

-Yeah,

-I want them fried off nice and golden.

-Right.

And they'll just... It'll soften the flavour,

but still give you that nice little garlic note...

-Right.

-..coming through.

-And, as well as that, you're going

-to do these sort of little potato things.

-Yeah.

-Tell us, what am I making?

-You're making an almond croqueta.

So it's going to be the starch or the veg to go with...

CLATTERING Don't worry, carry on.

..with the meal.

And the important part is to get some roasted potatoes first,

-so you get that lovely dry, roasted potato.

-Yeah.

And instead of breadcrumbing them or coating them,

we'll coat them in a lovely almond crust.

Right.

So what I've got here, the rosemary's going in.

And the important part is to really get it every inch apart,

because then when you carve the meat,

-which we're going to do this...

-Yeah.

..every slice is getting the nice component

of rosemary, garlic and anchovy.

So tell us about the new restaurant, then.

So you've been open, what, a couple of months now?

-No, not even. It's four weeks.

-Right.

-Four weeks now.

It's in Mayfair, and it's a beautiful location we've taken over.

-Split over two floors.

-Yeah.

There's a... Upstairs, there's a charcuterie bar and salad bar,

where we're slicing all the fresh hams, all the fresh octopus

-and peppers, etc, all sliced up there.

-Right.

-Then you go downstairs, and what we have is an open kitchen...

-Yep.

..as we do in the Rokas.

But it has a rotisserie, which is something which is new.

Because you've got the old robata grill at Roka, haven't you?

Absolutely. The important part of the rotisserie, though,

is this one here... When you go into so many restaurants,

you see like a lonely quail spinning round.

This rotisserie, you'll see like this -

you'll see a whole beautiful leg of lamb spinning round.

-We'll see whole five-bone ribs of beef spinning round.

-Right.

And they take about an hour and a half to two hours to cook,

and then they're beautiful and soft.

Here we go. It's studded up.

A little bit of salt and pepper.

So the reason why we've baked the potatoes

is just to keep them nice and dry?

-You want a nice, dry potato. Exactly.

-Right.

I'm going to just pop this into an oven, about 350.

I suppose you could do this with...

Could you do this with shoulder and cook it for longer, I suppose?

You could do it with shoulder.

The only thing is, if you do it with shoulder,

it's not going to carve as nicely as a nice lamb leg like this.

And you want it to be nice and carvable.

So next, we're going to go for the salmoriglio sauce.

Which... Some capers.

-You don't want these?

-No. No, no, no.

LAUGHTER

Jacket potato skins. You can't waste them. Lovely.

Actually, potato skins roasted in the oven with garlic

-and rosemary, absolutely beautiful.

-Brilliant.

-Right, that's enough, yeah?

-Yes, perfect, perfect.

-Perfect.

These are these little garlic chips.

So what I'm doing here, I'm just picking down the oregano.

Now this... This salmoriglio sauce is a South American version,

-pretty much, of a salsa verde.

-Right.

-So, you know, you can use...

Here, I've got oregano, mint, a classic combination with lamb,

and some parsley. Parsley's just to stretch those flavours out.

Mint is to give that nice sort of, er...minty note.

-Minty note, yeah.

-Minty note.

Right, so in here you've got the egg yolk, a little bit of nutmeg?

-Yeah, a little bit of nutmeg.

-Yeah.

-And you just want to add in a little bit of sliced parsley.

-Right, OK.

Just a touch.

Now, what's this about you opening a Peruvian restaurant as well?

-What's that I've heard?

-Yes.

The next one on the cards is a Peruvian restaurant.

It's going to be called Coya.

He only does this to get a free holiday to do a bit of research -

that's why it is, isn't it?

I'm off to Peru, to Lima, Peru in the next first two weeks of January.

-For food research.

-Right.

-And, er...

-What's in Peru?

-What's in Peru?

Well, the beauty about this restaurant

is it's going to have a...

..ceviche bar and tiradito bar. So you go out there and sit up there

and have freshly-cut ceviche and tiradito.

-And we'll have a big, open wood grill.

-Right.

So we're going to tap into the flavours of South America

with the wood grills and the ceviches and the tiraditos.

And just... You know, I think that the South American

and Peruvian food movement is coming to the global scene.

-This is going to be in London as well?

-This is going to be in London.

Yeah, absolutely.

-So I've got this in there.

-I've mixed this up.

-Got all my herbs.

You want flour, egg and the crumb in here, don't you?

I'm going to move that down there.

-There you go.

-Yeah, it's got to be paneed into little... Little balls.

Got the flour.

Bit of egg.

-Yes.

-There you go. And then the crumbs.

-Instead of the crumbs, you're going to use some almonds.

-Yes.

-Right.

But we want the almonds crushed up.

-Want me to crush the almonds for you? Give them a crunch up?

-Go on.

There you go. So what's this you're making here, then?

-Tell us about this.

-This is the salmoriglio.

-BLENDER WHIRS

-There were go.

Salmoriglio sauce. This is...

I'm going to make quite a rough, rough style pesto.

And we'll use this to serve on the side and drizzle over the top.

Couldn't you have brought ready-crushed almonds?

I could have, but I wanted something for you to do.

-There we go, right.

-It gives it that handmade feel.

-Yeah!

Right, flour.

-A little bit of these.

-Here we go.

-About the size of that?

-Perfect.

-There we go.

Perfect, perfect. And we want to make this quite...

-quite thin, I want to stretch it out.

-How many do you want?

-I think, realistically, we need five, don't we?

-Five?! Right, OK.

-Shall we go for three?

-Right, that's fine. No problem.

OK, so in we go. Finish it with a little bit of...

BLENDER WHIRS

Now, sometimes you would baste that, wouldn't you,

-over the top of the lamb while it's cooking?

-Yes, absolutely.

-Yeah.

It just gives it that beautiful finishing touch.

What you're going to do is just finish it over the top?

-Yes.

-Right.

-So we've got flour...

-Get that in there.

..egg...

..and the crumb.

And these want to go in the fryer.

-They don't have to be all the same size, do they?

-No, no, no.

-Good job.

-This is home-made, handmade.

-It's lucky, cos they're not!

-Right.

-Put that in there.

Do that, I'm going to go over here.

So it's a bit like a salsa verde, yeah?

It's very much a salsa verde. That's exactly what it is.

And what I'm really tapping into is the oregano,

I wanted the nice flavours to come in there.

Right.

We've got our...

Where's our one that's cooked? Our lamb.

The one that's cooked is coming out in just a second.

I'm just grabbing some mint tops.

Have you got a favourite cuisine, Nic, that you like to cook?

Cos you've got such a big repertoire.

I know you're really into your food,

but is there anything that really stands out for you?

-My two favourite cuisines are definitely Spanish and Japanese.

-OK.

And I think that's why I really like this Mediterranean,

what I'm doing, because I think that they're similar.

It's all about enhancing...

..enhancing the flavour, enhancing the ingredient, you know,

-keeping it simple.

-Yeah.

-Well, the great thing about Spain,

and we talked about it about a month ago with Rick Stein as well,

it's the great larder they have, the great ingredients.

You know, it's not just great seafood, they've got pork,

-they got everything.

-OK. Yeah, got that.

Check that out. You can just leave that as it is, if you want.

You could serve it like that.

-Yeah, bring it over.

-I'll eat it as it is.

If you could take that straight to the table, that would be perfect.

I don't know what you lot are having, but I'm quite happy.

-Just bring it over.

-Yeah.

-OK, so nice crusty sides.

-Yeah.

-Smells great.

-Ooh!

Hey! They look good.

There we go.

And we're getting all that anchovy

and garlic flavour straight in there.

Let's bring that round.

-You liking the look of this?

-Liking the look of it.

-That'll do. That'll do for now.

-Oh, no, no, no.

-That's enough.

One more, one more. Just for good luck.

-Right. And we've got these things.

-I'm going to put this here.

And these colour so much quicker

cos you've got the almonds in there, yeah?

-Yeah.

-There you go.

-A little bit of salmoriglio sauce.

-Yeah?

And a little bit on the side for dipping the croquetas in.

Like that.

That, like that.

And you know I told you to make five,

-I'm probably just going to put three on.

-See? I knew that was coming.

-And there we have it.

-What about my garlic chips?

-Don't you want them either?

-Oh, yeah. Pardon me, pardon me.

Phew, that was close.

-And there we have it, round two.

-What is it again?

It's our lamb leg with salmoriglio sauce and almond croquetas.

He's pretty good.

It looks lovely. You can take that over there.

Meanwhile, I'll just finish off this piece of meat over here.

-Lovely.

-Thank you very much. The smells are...

-I tell you what, it looks great, doesn't it, that?

-Yeah.

-It smells incredible.

-Look, it's lovely.

I would say, could you do it with anything else,

but you wouldn't want anything else for that, would you, really?

-Nice and simple.

-Roll VT, I might be some time.

-Yeah!

Tell us what you think.

But would you leave it to rest before you carved it.

-Would you say that's the best thing?

-Yeah. Roast it,

leave it to rest for about 20 minutes,

and then what's nice, what we did here, we flashed it back in the oven

-to bring that heat back into it.

-Yeah. And then carve it.

That is sensational. The crust, and that sauce is beautiful.

A sensational dish from Nic there,

and what a great way to transform your Sunday lunch.

Now, coming up, Stephen K Amos enjoys semolina and honey cake.

But, first, it's over to Rick Stein,

who's joining the French Foreign Legion.

I'm over halfway now on my journey from Bordeaux on the Atlantic,

all the way to Marseille on the Mediterranean.

Home for the last four weeks has been my plodding old barge,

which I have to say I'm getting quite fond of.

Castelnaudary is the home of France's most popular

and cherished precooked meal, the cassoulet.

So, in a little house by the side of the canal,

and with great trepidation, I cooked my own version,

and very pleased with it I was too.

Practically every restaurant here has its own recipe,

but Castelnaudary is famous

for another legendary French institution,

the Legion des Etrangre,

or the French Foreign Legion.

THEY SING A MARCHING SONG

Napoleon said that an army marches on its stomach,

and I was quite interested in the French Foreign Legion's food,

because there are so many nationalities involved

that mealtimes for the chefs must be a nightmare.

But they cook simple French dishes.

In the officers' mess,

they're making haricots vert wrapped in bacon.

Then a salad of gesiers, which are a confit of duck gizzards.

That doesn't sound very nice, but they're lovely.

Then, in the legionnaires' canteen, it was pasta with duck.

Well, as you can imagine,

it was extremely difficult to get in here - lots of red tape.

I'm so glad we got here because I just really like the food.

I'm very hungry, as it happens, and I could eat this.

They've got a tomato salad with Provencal herbs,

they've got duck confit and macaroni and a nice mushroom sauce,

and some little amounts of Coca-Cola,

cos it's the army, you see?

But just look around. I mean, it's just sensational.

Like, these pictures here, they just sort of...

They're so evocative, and I'm sure it's all part of belonging.

You know, I'm just so enthusiastic about the French Foreign Legion.

Ever since I was a boy at prep school, reading Beau Geste,

I've still got that enthusiasm.

And I'm here - I can't believe it!

THEY SING A MARCHING SONG

I've just stood in front of that column marching towards us

singing so slowly and marching so slowly.

I mean, the whole thing is about this sense of esprit,

but this one was incredibly moving and it's odd, really,

because it's so sort of mournful.

It's like a sort of troop of monks singing some dark Jesuit song.

But there's something also incredibly menacing about it

and you can't sort of explain it,

but you can feel the way that it bonds men together.

These men have joined for all sorts of reasons.

They've left their families and friends,

like Chief Sgt Andy Robeson.

I joined for adventure.

Nearly 18 summers ago, I took the ferry.

I already spoke French at the time and I decided, yes, let's have a go.

I fancied a working holiday in the South of France

and this was one of the easiest ways to go about it.

-That's the truth.

-But what about...

-What did your parents think, though?

-I didn't tell them at the time.

The only guy who knew was my best friend, a guy called Tony.

I hope he's out there and I hope that he sees this.

Erm...

It was one of those things

that I just had to do.

My family found out about it later.

Tony decided to leave

and he eventually let the cat out of the bag.

My parents began to worry where I'd got to, why it was

I'd disappeared from the face of the planet, so he let them know.

And my dad wrote to me.

I was in Chad at the time.

He wrote me a letter addressed to Legionnaire Robeson,

French Foreign Legion, South of France

and it reached me in Chad in Africa.

And he explained that it was no big deal, they knew what I was up to

and they wished me the best of luck and I never looked back.

That's the way it's always been.

Well, this is a lamb tagine in memory of that fantastic day

at Castelnaudary and the French Foreign Legion.

There's 139 different nationalities in the French Foreign Legion.

It's amazing.

But actually it's the North African association that interests me most.

Funnily enough, I was talking to the chef at the Foreign Legion,

a guy called Big Mac, would you believe?

He's actually Burmese. We couldn't film him.

He didn't want to be filmed because his family is still in Burma.

I didn't ask any more questions than that, but I asked him

whether they cook couscous in tagines

and he said, "Yeah, quite often.

"Lamb, fish, vegetarian, you name it."

But it's really the lamb one that I go for most, I think,

because that's the sort of thing one associates with Morocco

and Algeria and that sort of thing.

So, this is lamb shank and you can get your butcher

to cut it into manageable sized pieces for you.

I'm browning them using olive oil which gives them a lovely colour.

It's always important to do this to any meat used in a stew

and, after all, a tagine is just a stew.

The point is that caramelising the exterior of the meat

vastly improves the flavour and the colour of the finished dish.

Into the same pan, I'm frying off a paste I made earlier

of garlic, ginger, shallots, red chillies, white peppercorns,

coriander stalks and salt.

Next, two teaspoons of ras el hanout -

that's a pungent mix of spices used all over North Africa.

Then add chunky pieces of carrot, onions and a little more olive oil

and coat everything with the paste.

And then in with some more potatoes, both ordinary and sweet...

..three to four sliced tomatoes and a handful of dried apricots.

To accentuate the sweetness, a good tablespoon of honey,

typical of so many North African recipes.

Finally, back in with the meat and a pint or so of stock.

Chicken will be fine.

I actually sent somebody out to get me a tagine, er...

As you can see, you couldn't fit

more than about one hungry person's portion in there.

It's a bit like sort of Spinal Tap.

You know, the film where they had this sort of backdrop of Stonehenge

but somebody had got the measurements wrong

and it was like 17 inches rather than 17 feet?

That's a proper piece of equipment,

but this will do just as well.

Three to four bay leaves and a little salt

and we're going to let that cook away gently

until you're ready for it.

Now, this is traditionally eaten with couscous,

which is coarsely ground durum wheat or semolina.

Semolina means semi-milled.

It's the same stuff that's used to make pasta.

You just add boiling water and when it's all soaked up,

coat it in a little melted butter and a splash of olive oil,

so that it doesn't clump up, and that's ready to go.

I think Big Mac and the rest of those tough Legionnaires

would enjoy my version of the tagine,

and it'll certainly always remind me of my day with them.

Virtually anything can be cooked in a tagine,

but it seems as though this sweet and savoury combination

has particularly captured the European imagination,

largely thanks to Arab tradesmen

who brought it to Europe in medieval times.

Going back to the barge, our skipper, Lee,

has spent nearly 30 years living in France

and he's utterly amazed by the rise of TV chefs.

A couple of journalists came to visit me all the way

from Australia, which totally bemused our esteemed Capitaine.

We don't have TV chefs in France

apart from people that give you recipes on the telly.

They stand up there like Fanny Cradock used to

when I was a kid in England.

But they've never done anything else apart from stand behind the counter

with things they've prepared earlier, so I'm not quite sure...

The revolution - I've been here 27 years -

I don't know what the revolution in TV cheffing is all about,

but it's probably to do with...

When I go to England, I see in the supermarkets all these

lovely instant TV dinners and all that sort of stuff.

I think English people would far rather vicariously live cooking

through someone of the TV chef ilk cooking it for them

and they could watch it, then they go to the supermarket

and buy it with his name on, perhaps.

I'll be happy to go and test some of Rick's TV dinners

when he brings out his own range.

Well, I haven't brought out any TV dinners yet and I'd like to go

on record by saying there's not enough money to entice me to do it!

-PHONE RINGS

-Hello?

-Hello.

-How much?

-£20,000?

-That'll do nicely.

As always, wonderful stuff from Rick.

Tagines aren't the only great dish to come from that part of the world.

There are also some delicious sweet things you can try.

I'm going to show you a great dish that I've come across,

which is a honey and semolina cake. Very, very simple.

It's got no eggs in it. It's quite a dense cake,

but it tastes wonderful when you soak it in this liquor at the end.

So, first thing, we've got

some sugar, flour, obviously, we've got some orange zest -

that will become important when you do the syrup -

some semolina, a little bit of baking powder,

some almonds, butter and milk.

Mix the whole thing together and then we're going to top it with

a syrup made out of water, a little bit of honey, and this stuff...

..orange blossom water. What does that remind you of?

It used to be potpourri.

You know, actually, I've got to say, this funny-smelling thing

and semolina - the last time I ever heard the word semolina was 1986.

-Thanks! Thanks, Stephen.

-I'm just intrigued

-that you're going to make a cake.

-I'm bigging up this dish.

But anyway, we'll just throw it all in...

But your childhood, spent travelling around London

-in various different places.

-Yes.

Your parents were thought to be sort of property developers,

but you thought otherwise as kids, didn't you?

Yeah, we thought we were in the witness protection programme.

It's true, cos they used to buy and sell houses and I had loads of

different primary schools, loads of different mates and, erm...

But it was quite fun though, because I come from quite a big family,

and there's about, ooh... There's seven... About? I should know!

About? Six and a half?

There are seven children in total and I'm joint third,

-because I'm a twin. I've got a twin sister.

-But, I mean, was that...?

I mean, your childhood, was it a fight when you were growing up?

Was that why you went into comedy,

to try and be the best and the loudest person in the family?

Well, you had to be kind of noticed somehow and, you know,

it was quite easy to get lost within such a big family,

that I used to do kind of really silly things like, you know,

whirling, twirling on the spot, seeing how fast I could go.

Jumping off the stairs one step at a time,

seeing how far I could get.

Erm, I won the last one,

cos I pushed my brother off the top of the stairs,

which led to other games - who could cry the loudest,

-who could hide from Mum the longest.

-Yeah.

My sister won in '87, cos we've not seen her since.

We used to have a game.

We used to have a fishing rod and they attach it to something

at the top of the stairs and it would slowly come down the stairs,

bounce down, like a cuddly toy, and you'd have to guess what it was.

Until my sister decided to put my mother's Parker chair and pushed it

to the top of the stairs and it went straight through the front door.

I was really impressed with that one. I guessed what it was though.

You don't want to try that one at home. But, anyway, right...

I can't top that story. Can't top it at all.

We weren't allowed to go upstairs.

-You weren't allowed?

-Yeah, that's how strict my parents were.

But, I mean, talking of comedy... Cos it wasn't until, what,

2001, when you were at the Edinburgh festival?

It seems most of the comedians we know about now,

the Edinburgh festival is a key thing.

-It's still a key thing for you, isn't it?

-It's a very key thing.

This is probably my 11th year going up to Edinburgh.

Because you get a chance to kind of experiment and do, like,

more than a 20-minute set

that you'd normally do in a regular club. You do an hour's show.

And it's a level playing field, cos people come and see you

or they don't, your posters are everywhere, and I just have a laugh.

I love the Scottish people, cos the Scottish people,

they say it like it is.

They don't mess about. I was in a fish and chip shop in Edinburgh...

-Surprise, surprise!

-Eating up there

is a very, very difficult thing to do

because you're there working every single night.

You don't get time to cook anything.

So I went into a fast food shop. Fish and chips.

I said to the woman, "Excuse me, love. Is that cod or haddock?"

She went, "Fish."

You can't really fight with that, can you?

-Can't really fight with that one, can you, really?

-No.

I would say predominantly up north -

being a Yorkshireman, I like my fish and chips -

if fish has got skin on, it's haddock.

And if you ask for fish and chips up north,

it's predominantly haddock, whereas down south, it's cod.

-Right.

-There you go. That's the difference.

-So do I...?

-I'll give you a recipe, you'll cook it yourself.

When it's battered, you can't tell.

You can. Flip it over to see the skin on it.

And if it's got a line running down the centre of the skin,

-then it's haddock.

-Ah!

-There you go.

-I'm going to do that next time.

And also, you can get deep-fried Mars Bars up north.

-You can get a lot of things.

-What's all that about?

-I don't know what that's all about.

-Are we at war?

Yeah, I don't know. Look at this. This is our new tin.

It's a new year, and we've got a new tin.

Unfortunately, we haven't got a new spatula,

cos this thing is useless.

LAUGHTER

-This is...

-You just don't know your own strength, James.

No, this is the department

that we've got looking for new and innovative items.

Look. This is just brilliant, innit? We get a new tin... Look at that.

You've just taken me back to my childhood as well,

cos I'm looking at that bowl and something inside me

wants to put my finger round it and lick it.

-Is it nice?

-Ooh, you'll be sorry.

-Yeah, it is.

There's no eggs in it, so you'll be fine.

And what we do is just literally spoon that over the top of there.

But, I mean, talking about Edinburgh,

but you've gone quite a lot to the other side of the globe. Melbourne.

Yes. Melbourne, Australia. I go to Australia quite a bit.

Melbourne Comedy Festival is quite a big one on the calendar.

It's every, kind of, March

and thankfully the audiences kind of get me,

so when I did... When I released my DVD at the end of, er...

-..November last year, we filmed it in Sydney, in Australia.

-Right.

It's quite nice. Very exciting.

What is it about the Aussies and British comedy, then?

Or do you have to adapt it to their comedy or not?

Do you know what? People always say to me, "Oh, aren't they different?"

But the point is they speak English.

-It's our language that we lent them.

-Well, kind of.

Well, they kind of messed it up a little bit, but essentially we speak

the same language and once you can do that, then you're halfway there.

And the Aussies, like the Scots, they like to laugh at themselves.

-AUSTRALIAN ACCENT:

-They don't take things too seriously.

-You can laugh at them right in their faces.

-Sounds good to me.

And sometimes, they don't even get it!

Right, this goes in the oven. 350 degrees Fahrenheit.

That's about 170 degrees Centigrade.

It wants to go in for about 30-40 minutes

and we end up with what we've got here.

Now, before you actually serve that, what you need to do is soak it,

and we're going to soak it in a syrup of water, some honey...

LOUD BUBBLING That's quite a hot pan, actually.

In fact, I've probably got no water left at this rate.

In a hot pan, and then some of this orange blossom water.

But a small amount. Whoa! That's it.

-No more than that. There you go.

-Is that...? Is it alcoholic?

No. It's just really, really strong.

-Oh.

-My granny used to put it on...

You know the toilet roll cover with the Barbie doll on the top?

-No.

-You didn't have one of those?!

-No.

The old knitted toilet roll cover, to keep it warm?

-No.

-My granny thought of everything. She's thought of everything.

But anyway, you've got a tour coming up. Tell us about your tour.

I have got a massive tour coming up.

I'm going to go all over the country.

-60-odd dates, innit, this thing?

-75.

-75?!

-We're doing 75 dates.

We started some of it early, towards the end of last year,

and we're finishing the rest off

and we end up at the Hammersmith Apollo in February

and hopefully we'll do another DVD then.

-Exciting.

-Another DVD. Cos they're hugely popular at Christmas time,

-aren't they, these DVDs?

-Well, do you know,

I think because of all the kind of horrible things, negativities

happening around the world, people do generally want a bit of release.

And what better way to find some release than through laughter?

So what's your tour all about then? What's the theme of it?

-It's called The Feel-Good Factor.

-Right.

-Yeah?

And basically I want people to leave all of their problems at the door,

to know that they can come and see my gig

and laugh solidly for two hours.

I've got no rhyme, no reason, no axe to grind, no secret agenda.

It's just laughs. And we all like a laugh, don't we?

We do like a laugh, absolutely.

We might get one when you taste this, but dive into there.

With a bit of cream over the top.

-Just a little bit of cream.

-That's lovely.

Tell me what you think of this.

-It's semolina.

-Semolina, right.

I know you've probably had semolina, like you said, ages ago.

-But not in cake form.

-Taste it in the cake. I think it's all right.

-With that syrup.

-It looks stunning. Come on.

Some here?

-Sounds good.

-That's really good.

There were certainly no jokes there from Stephen

when it came to that cake.

Now, we've still got plenty more to come

on today's Saturday Kitchen Best Bites

and now it's over to Catherine Fulvio,

who's serving up an Irish and Sicilian fusion.

-Welcome back.

-Oh, thank you very much.

Welcome back, exactly. So, what are you going to do for us?

-What are you going to make?

-So, we're doing a kind of

-Sicilian-Irish dish.

-OK.

And we're going to roast off some pork with the lovely flavours

of Sicily here and you're going to make some arancina for me.

-They're those little rice balls.

-Arancina?

-Arancina.

-OK.

-Cos they're like oranges.

-They're like oranges.

That's how they get the title.

The flavour comes from a little bit of saffron rice, then, does it?

That's right. So you're just wetting the saffron there

-and you're going to pop it in the saucepan with the arborio rice.

-OK.

And a bit more water goes in.

And the rice then needs to be cooked through and then cooled

-so that we can shape it.

-OK, that's that one.

-So we leave that and then it just cooks gently now in there.

-Yeah.

-And then these are, like, sort of deep-fried?

-They are. They are.

And you know what, James? They're actually street food in Sicily.

-Street food?

-Yeah. So, like, I'm kind of taking a little twist.

-I think the Sicilians might kill me for this one.

-Right.

-But I'm actually serving it as part of the main course.

-OK.

And normally in Sicily -

we're just putting a little bit of mozzarella in them today -

but normally in Sicily you would have a little bit of ragout

with some peas inside or you would have some ham and mozzarella.

-OK.

-So, you're putting a bit of grated Parmesan in there.

People are watching this going, "Why Italy for an Irish lady? Why?"

Well, actually, my husband is from Palermo.

-That's a good enough reason, then, isn't it, really?

-Yeah.

And everybody says, "Oh, where did you meet? Was it really romantic?

"Were you in Venice on a gondola?"

And then I have to tell the awful truth -

we were in a pub in Dublin when we met.

But we go to Sicily a huge amount,

obviously all my husband's relatives are there,

and it's lovely. It's lovely to have the mix of Ireland with Sicily

because we've got such great ingredients in Ireland

and a lot of ingredients that you would use in Sicilian cooking

grow very, very well in Ireland anyway.

Now, Ian mentioned Dublin there.

-You've been there a few times before.

-Oh, yeah.

So, I mean, fantastic, fantastic part of the world.

-Great ingredients, that's the key to Ireland, I think.

-Yes, it is.

-Wonderful ingredients.

-Yeah.

We said, and I think I've said this to you before,

it's all about the grass.

You know, the animals are outside all the time.

For us, we get rain fairly frequently,

with a bit of mix of sunshine, and it just results in a really,

really nice atmosphere for food production.

I'm making these little saffron... I think I'm doing it right.

-You've got mozzarella in the middle.

-Yeah.

I find if you get a bit of egg white on your hand

and then put a little bit of the rice through a measuring spoon,

then make a dip, get the mozzarella and then put another ladle on top.

But you probably already...

I haven't got a clue what you just said.

-It's Irish...

-Did you follow that?

-Not at all.

I haven't got an absolute clue...

You told me to speak slowly. You told me to speak slowly.

-Egg white in my hand?

-Yeah, egg white your hand. Yeah, it does help.

-Egg white in my hand, right.

-Yeah.

A spoon... Oh, you've already taken that out, OK, so make a dip.

Right, I'll show you.

And then I'll get the meat on. Now, here we go.

OK, so you get your rice on, in your hand like this, OK?

Right, you make a little well like this.

You get a bit... Oh, you have some mozzarella there like that, you see?

And then another little bit of this on top

and it can slide off and it just sits on top like that.

Force it together, like so.

And then... Yeah, you did it.

-Is that all right?

-I'll let you have that one.

Too much washing-up, Catherine, you see. That's the thing.

-Anyway...

-So, I'm just coating the pork in all these lovely flavours.

I have orange zest, I have chilli,

I have garlic and I have flat leaf parsley.

It's so typical in Sicily to have orange with pork

because, of course, pork as I said to you is a New Year dish

but oranges are in season at that time as well.

-So, flour first, then egg white.

-Yes.

-And then the breadcrumbs.

-Yeah.

And then fry them.

-Meanwhile, you've just chopped a little bit of chilli.

-I know!

-It's what you call delegation, James.

-Is that what it is?

Yeah, that's what it is.

Now, let's just clean up a little bit

-and then I'm going to make a little salsa as well.

-Yeah.

So, tell us about the New Year, then, for you and Ireland.

-This year...

-Anything new to look forward to next year?

Er, yes, yeah, well, we're expanding our cookery school,

so that's going to be great fun.

We're bringing on a lot more classes.

I'm working on the next cookbook,

which is fantastic.

It hardly seems like the last cookbook was just done

-when you start the next one.

-Your cook school,

is it residential as well or what?

Yes, people will come over and they'll stay with us.

So, it's all a hands-on experience.

-Right.

-So it gives people a good chance to really...

..really learn,

because I think when you're actually doing things yourself

-that's how you learn most, isn't it?

-Yeah.

Right, so we've got a little bit of the chard in there.

You want some salt?

-Thank you.

-Pepper?

-Yes, please.

Now, you're making a little salsa there, so what's in the salsa?

I'm going to put dates in there and I'm going to put some orange juice,

some lovely extra virgin olive oil...

flat leaf parsley and pomegranate.

Right, there's your little "street food" that we've got there.

I'm assuming they're all right, are they?

-Yeah.

-Is that all right?

-Yeah.

Right, you want this just not frying, just literally...

-Yeah, just wilt it down, please.

-OK.

-Like that as well.

-So, with the dates, instead of dates, of course,

you could use figs - would be really nice in this.

There's our orange juice gone in.

Get a little bit of flat leaf parsley in.

Little bit of salt and pepper.

So you don't always have to have a hot sauce with, erm...

-With a pork dish or a meat dish.

-Yeah.

Something like a cold salsa can actually be really refreshing,

especially when there's so many other flavours going on.

Pomegranates - hardly Irish.

Oh, well, now... You wouldn't know what I grow in my back garden.

-I had figs this year. I was very impressed.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-Pomegranates, though?

-No, no.

-No.

-That's pushing it a lot.

There you go.

-Is that enough?

-That's plenty, thank you, James.

-OK.

Lovely red colour on that now. Really, really nice.

So, dates, orange juice, little bit of oil you want in there?

-Yeah, extra virgin olive oil in there.

-OK. There you go.

-Just a touch.

-That's lovely. Another little bit I think.

-Bit more?

-Yeah, yeah. There we go.

-I'll bring the pork over

-cos this is ready.

-Perfect.

How long's this had in the oven, then? What temperature?

The pork is about 35, 40 minutes depending on the level of doneness

-and the size of the pork, obviously.

-Right.

-There you go.

-Thank you very much, James. We'll get our plate out.

Are you happy with your arancina?

Well, I think I've got it right. I'm not quite sure.

I've never made them before but I'm pretty sure that's it, isn't it?

Yeah, it is. Really, really nice.

Let me get a knife out just to get the meat carved up.

So the meat's been resting for a little while.

What we're going to do, James, is...

-We'll put three little bits there.

-Three little bits.

-Yeah.

Kind of like there, there and there.

And by the way, if you're making those arancini, you should really

make a few of them because they're so nice as snacks the next day.

Kids love them.

Cos it's like finger food as well.

-Kind of centre that maybe a little bit, kind of like that.

-Sorry.

-Where's the other one?

-There.

-That's it.

-There!

-And then we get our little...

-Oh, one on each?

-One on each.

-Thank you very much, James.

-OK.

-That's lovely.

One on each one.

Very nice. And then we get our meat in between, like so.

There we go.

Our last bit of meat at the end.

So is this a traditional dish or is this something...?

No, this is my twist on it

because normally you'd have your meat course and it really would just

be the meat, so this is definitely a kind of a blend of everything.

-Yeah. And then you've got the salsa over the top as well?

-Salsa, yeah.

And, you know,

again, the salsa is kind of my version of all the ingredients

that are very popular, like dried fruits are very popular

to serve after your main course and after your fruit course.

Looks very festive with those pomegranates on it.

There we go, James.

-I think we did all right.

-Happy with that?

-Very happy with it.

So, tell us the name of the dish.

This here is your roast pork with lovely Sicilian mini arancina

and a gorgeous date and pomegranate salsa.

Looks really good. See what it tastes like, then, shall we?

-Three gentlemen over here.

-Ooh, look at that.

I'll pop that one in the middle and you get to dive into that one.

There's three balls and there's five of us.

Three balls, one each. One each.

-Have a dive into that.

-This is Irish fusion, is it?

It's definitely Irish fusion. The chard is Irish and the garlic.

But like you say, you can make those risottos easily in advance.

-Great stuff over Christmas.

-They're absolutely lovely.

And you can put other flavours in there as well, you know.

I was trying to stick with slightly traditional...

Those little arancina are just so practical.

He's not going to share.

No, he's not going to share, he's straight in there.

This is not a gentleman, look...

-Any good? Any good?

-Mm. Very good.

Like cheese balls.

LAUGHTER

A great dish from Catherine there,

which seemed to go down very well with the boys in the studio.

Next up, Keith Floyd is taking a trip to the Orkney Islands.

It's incredible that this journey has ended.

This is the last programme!

# Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

# Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! #

It's the last programme!

And my ship, the HMS Gastronaut, rusted, rotten,

abandoned by the BBC!

No money left. Beached here on the Orkneys,

where, over the next half hour, on this splendid island,

I will end up well and truly in the soup.

To begin, I thought I'd cook an Orcadian chunky fish soup -

a simple affair made with fresh halibut, salmon, scallops and sole.

But as the cooking process is so simple,

a trip round these wonderful islands

is essential to create an appetite and to give a sense of place.

And here there are more standing stones and ancient monuments

than in any other place of its size in Northern Europe.

Here they came from unknown Stone Age peoples to the Picts,

Celtic monks, Norsemen, Vikings and Scots of all types,

from religious refugees to cattle thieves.

Even shipwrecked Spaniards from the Armada sought refuge here.

And in both World Wars, Scapa Flow was the main base

for the British home fleet,

with the rusting remains of sunken cargo boats

deliberately placed at strategic points

to impede the German submarines.

Orosius, the famous Roman travel writer was dead right

in his fifth-century guide to Northern Europe when he said

this place is brilliant for fresh scallops and wild flowers,

especially in May.

-LOUD WHISTLE

-Ha! Yes!

Well, I hope you enjoyed that.

They are beautiful, aren't they, these islands?

It's little wonder the Orcadians

don't really want to be thought of as Scottish.

They're very proud of this place.

Anyway, while you've been away, I've been cooking away busily here.

My soup's been simmering delicately away.

And let me remind you of precisely how I cooked it.

First of all, I chopped up some onions,

fried them in a little bit of butter,

added some vermouth and some white wine, then some fish stock.

Then I thickened it with some stuff called beurre manie -

flour and butter - then added cream,

stirred it round, simmered it for a bit. It's delicious.

Add my bits of fish. In my case, scallops, salmon, turbot...

All these wonderfully expensive things, but that's because

we like to exploit the BBC mini-breaks to the maximum.

You, of course, don't have to go to those lengths at home.

You could use things, simple fish like cod and conger eel,

for example, and still have a very fine dish indeed.

I think it's time just to taste, to see how it is getting on.

It's very delicious, but it needs a little salt.

I think it's always worthwhile adding the flavouring

to delicate things like this at the end.

You get the best and the freshest flavour. And, incidentally,

you've probably seen this. My director wanted me to make a joke.

You know the joke about "I don't think this horse will work again."

I thought that was a fairly tasteless thing.

-This is, in fact, fish stock.

-HORSE SNORTS

I'm going to add a bit more to my soup now

because it's a bit too thick for my liking

so we'll add a little bit of that, stir that in. And I think

it is absolutely ready to go. A quick slurp for me...

That's better. A silk handkerchief

to wipe the drips off my thing with.

And let's have a taste. See what we think. Orcadian fish soup.

It's heavenly.

It doesn't need to be smothered with chopped parsley

or fresh herbs or things like that.

The subtle flavours of the fish from this wonderful, cool, cold sea

around these islands is unimpaired.

It's beautiful, it's delicious.

And so it's off to meet a man from Hoy.

And I'm pleased to say that the road

was relatively otter-free that morning

and there weren't any serious hold-ups.

David Hutchinson used to be, in another life,

a television cameraman, restaurateur, nurse and writer,

but he turned his back on the bright lights of Kirkwall

and by painfully gathering driftwood and flotsam,

he set about restoring a tumbled-down croft in the search

for a more meaningful existence

and the serious business of making crab soup

or partan bree, as the Scots would have it.

In his designer kitchen, largely made from discarded fish-boxes,

he explained.

Making the soup is a doddle.

A chunk of butter in the pot, melt it...

-You didn't rise to me calling this a Scottish soup at all.

-No, no, no.

Because it's very much an Orcadian thing.

In the old days, of course, you see, the people who lived

in the little crofts, they only had about five hectares of land,

which was enough to grow crop for the cattle and a little meal.

And they all had little fishing boats and they went out in the bay

and they all fished for lobsters,

which, as you know, are very much sought-after and expensive.

And often they used to pull up crabs in their lobster-pots

and they threw them away.

But when times were hard,

they always resorted to the sea again, to gather crabs.

And then, of course, by cooking it in a little butter and some milk...

So the milk goes in at this stage.

Yes, well... You can add it all at the same time.

Now, a lot of people used to make it

with the meat from the back, which is brown

but sometimes, you can put white in.

It doesn't really matter. The brown just gives it a nice colour

but I often think that the meat

from the back of the crab has got much more flavour.

-So, in it goes too.

-What, the whole lot?

-The whole lot.

If you're going to make soup, you've got to do it on a grand scale.

-Could you chuck that...?

-Indeed, indeed.

-Thank you.

-I tell you what, our crew will be well-fed today.

-Yes.

-For the first time in a week.

-And, of course, the great secret

with this soup is that you just simmer it

because it's been cooked already.

What's the difference between an Orcadian...?

-I mean, it's all Scotland, isn't it?

-No! Certainly not.

You'd never get an Orcadian worth his salt admitting to be a Scot.

We're a North Atlantic people. Our origins are Scandinavian.

And a lot of people who come up to Orkney express great surprise

that we don't speak Gaelic here,

which is the native language of Scotland.

And Orcadians, too, when they go to concert parties

of people who come up from the south,

and you get some splendid figure strolling onto the stage in a kilt

and Highland dress

and then he starts warbling away in a foreign language.

It's as alien to Orcadians as Mandarin Chinese or Greek.

And all these wonderful, stirring songs

about marching through the heather and Granny's Heiland Hame -

there's no such thing as Granny's Heiland Hame any more.

It was bulldozed down years ago and turned into time-share flats,

which are full of Germans or Arabs.

Do I detect a hint of bitterness there?

No, surely not! David's a man who wants for nothing.

He even brews, among other things,

his own electricity with the aid of a propeller on his roof.

But back to this brilliant soup.

Once the cooked crab has been

thoroughly warmed through in the milk, you add some fresh cream

and thicken it with about four generous handfuls of oatmeal,

which makes a thick, nutritious and body-building meal.

And it takes about five minutes to make.

But don't serve it as a starter for some delicate little dinner party.

It's truly a meal in itself!

So, David, in the words of the old song,

-you cooked it so I'll serve it.

-Very good.

It does look splendid.

It does look splendid. Here, get your...

-Thank you.

-..eating tackle around that, as they say.

-What do you reckon?

-Oh, yes.

-Can I tell you something funny?

-Mm?

I haven't made this soup for six years.

-You haven't made it for six years?!

-I haven't made it for six years.

I used to make it every day in the restaurant

and I was so sick of making it.

But that's the first time in six years

-and it's turned out dead right.

-Brilliant. It's supreme.

I've got to tell you something which is quite extraordinary.

You know I didn't meet you...

This is not a set-up shot, you know what I mean?

I arrive in these places and working off the researcher's notes...

And I expected to find, the way the researcher wrote about you -

lovely lady I'm sure she is -

he's a kind of a superannuated beach bum who built his house

out of driftwood and stuff like that

and I was expecting to find some laid-back kind of hippie.

And, in fact, you're a very...

You're not that, you haven't opted out.

You've opted in, haven't you, somehow?

Well, there's an old saying of my grandmother

that the harder you run away from something in life,

you often end up by getting nearer to it.

It's rather like having a row with one of your best friends

and you go around all day trying to avoid them

and you keep meeting them. So I don't think I've run away.

In fact, when I came to live here, it was a lovely, quiet place

but now we've got the roll-on, roll-off ferry, we have bus tours

and things like that, so it's not the quiet and remote place

that is used to be. It's all changed.

Thank you.

Just in case, by the way, anybody from the tax office is watching,

the schooner here is not my yacht. I've borrowed it for the day.

But what a fabulous place to be against the backdrop of cliffs

and the light of the Orkney Islands. Absolutely fabulous.

But my diving chums are going to plunge over and raid the seabed

for lobsters and crayfish and ling and fabulous things.

But I've been to sea before and I don't believe them.

They may come back with nothing.

So I've taken the precaution of preparing a traditional soup here,

the Scotch broth. Now, look down here, Richard, if you see.

I've got some mutton bones

simmering away in water to make the wonderful basic stock.

I've got the obligatory dried pulses -

pearl barley, peas, lentils and stuff like that,

chopped onions and then a variety of root vegetables -

leeks, carrots, turnips and celery.

All of that simmers for about two hours down in the galley

or until they come back with something really nice to eat.

OK, lads! Over the side!

The plumage is certainly very fetching,

but I'm not sure how long they do stay in season.

Anyway, I've made it quite clear -

don't bother to come back if you don't catch anything!

HE SCREAMS

These guys were on holiday diving on wrecks,

a perfectly harmless and fascinating pastime.

And although I had asked them to get me a bit of fish for the pot,

they weren't in the business of plundering the birthright

of the regular fishermen, OK?

So while they were at it,

I put ashore on Shapinsay to start thumping my tub about one

of my favourite things which is the production of British cheeses,

something that, as far as I can tell, doesn't get

the sort of support that, say, the French give to their farmers.

It's usually the director who decides where we go

and what we do on these programmes, but when it comes to cheese,

I stick my oar in.

I love cheese, I love British cheese.

We don't see enough of real farmhouse British cheese

in our supermarkets and shops and so when we came to Orkney,

we couldn't miss visiting Minnie Russell

who makes Orkney cheese.

Not only Orkney cheese,

but the cheese that even the locals say is the best on the islands here.

So, Minnie, take me into the cream room,

if we can get through this contraption. What's this thing for?

We had to put it on to frighten the sparrows away.

They came in and pecked the cheese so badly we lost about six cheeses

-one night with them.

-Naughty little sparrows, aren't they?

-Yes.

-Can we go in, anyway?

-Yes.

-Now, Richard,

I know you're a bit of a sparrow yourself,

but this isn't to put you off.

You come in and follow us in if I don't knock everything over.

So... These are the cheeses.

Come in, have a lovely little look at that.

That is one woman's work,

you know, from a few cows on a cold, windswept island.

And why are they all different colours and different shapes

-and so on?

-That's...

They're mature. That one there, that's a beauty.

Can you hold that right up for Richard to see?

Because Richard doesn't know what we're talking about.

That's a beautiful, mature cheese. And the best...

It's not been good weather lately for drying them, but they're...

Some of them, that's...

-So, how old would this one be, this mature one?

-Maybe three weeks.

-Maybe three weeks?

-Yes.

-Show me a very young one, perhaps.

Oh...

They're all... Well, that one's a bit younger.

It's just not dry yet, you understand?

Right, so that you'd like to keep for a week or so

-before you sell it?

-Yes, yes.

-Before we sell it, yes.

-What do you have this oatmeal for?

I found this here. What's this for?

We rub them with oatmeal before we mix them so it's more authentic.

They used to keep them, you know,

in the old days they kept them in the meal.

-Right.

-And I think people seem to like it.

-Can we taste one of these?

-Yes.

-Which one can we taste?

Well, I've got this one. I think it looks quite...

Richard, can you get right in on this?

There's a lovely cheese being cut in half here.

Oh, doesn't that look beautiful?

That is fabulous. That is very...

-What sort of cows do you have for this?

-We have about five.

-Would you like a bit?

-Oh, I'd love a bit. Yes, please.

That one's not as dry as I thought it was, but never mind.

I think it'll be quite...

It's very... It sounds obvious to say...

It's very difficult to say things like this -

it's very cheesy, it's very creamy,

but it also smells and tastes of the sea,

which is not surprising. I mean, the sea's only yards away

and the wind blows over the pastures here

and gives this cheese, like other British cheeses,

its stamp of regional identity.

But back to our intrepid aquanauts,

like faithful hounds panting from the hunt,

bearing all sorts of gifts.

A plump crayfish. Jolly tasty, they are.

I might cook that but let's see what else they've got.

A huge lobster. A seven-pound lobster.

What's that? An inch a year or a pound every decade?

It's an enormous beast.

And a sack of scallops the size of carthorses' feet.

I know this sounds uncharacteristically pious of me

but we couldn't bring ourselves to cook this.

Anyway, the pot wasn't big enough. The divers didn't want to,

the director didn't want to, this is the last programme,

and it's too fine a beast to sacrifice for a trivial

television programme, so it's going back to live and to breed.

Would have tasted really good as well.

HE PRETENDS TO SOB

The things we do for Greenpeace!

For our nautical cooking sketch number one,

they've given me this spacious galley.

Poor old Richard is hiding there in a bunk

and you couldn't swing a seal in this place.

Anyway, I made the soup, you remember,

the Scotch broth with the chopped carrots, leeks, onions,

pearl barley, dried peas and beans and mutton and stuff like that,

and a rich and warming brew it is, too.

I think that would cheer up any diver who's

been about 50 fathoms deep in the freezing cold North Atlantic water.

We'll get rid of that, if I may... Thank you very much.

..and get on with the job in hand.

They pulled us up beautiful scallops, lovely crayfish,

in fact a feast of stuff here.

A feast or famine, as always on a Floyd programme.

But what I've decided to do in this very tiny space, with the ship

wobbling all over the place, is to cook the captain

a fillet of fresh crayfish.

That is the freshest crayfish you will ever get to taste.

And in a London restaurant,

that piece alone would probably cost you 18 quid.

However, it is possible it would taste a little better than

mine's going to do. Did I hear myself say that? Of course not.

We pop that in, Richard, if we may, into some melted butter,

Whack the gas up.

The good thing about these... Are you slipping, dear?

The good thing about these programmes is

we never rehearse them. I mean, you couldn't possibly rehearse

in a space this size.

Into that we add a little chopped bacon,

while the gas gets up frying speed.

Little pieces of chopped bacon

and some little pieces of...

..red pepper, plucked from the mast, from the window boxes.

Or the porthole boxes, I think they were grown in.

Let that sizzle around for a moment or two.

I must say this. Sometimes we get letters from people saying,

"You don't really explain exactly what you're doing," you know,

but it is difficult on a small ship to give precise cookery lessons.

The point is, if I can make a delicious meal under these

conditions here, you've got no problems at all at home.

Right, while that's sizzling away, earlier,

as they say in the trade, I made myself a little bit of

fish stock from some crayfish legs and some white wine. OK?

I shall need that in a moment. In fact, I'm going to need that now.

So, Richard, we'll have a little close-up here, if I may.

Pour my stock into there.

And let that sizzle for a few moments,

keep a close eye on that and, by the magic of television,

we'll rejoin that in a second at a stage further on.

That's excellent. That's been cooking, in fact,

in real-time for about five or six minutes.

Just to go over my fish stock again,

I merely chopped up some onions, added some white wine

and some water and a few crayfish legs

and let it simmer for about 45 minutes

until it was quite well reduced.

I happen to have crayfish legs. You could have used a fish head

if you had one. They didn't happen to catch any whole fish today.

There we are, that's the situation at the moment. Down on that.

A little bit of juice, red peppers, chopped bacon

and the crayfish, which is going to be slightly undercooked

cos it's so delicate you mustn't overcook it.

Now we add some chopped leeks, which have already been cooked.

Just cooked in salted boiling water and chopped quite fine.

Stir those in.

Whack the gas up to maximum now. It's always difficult.

I mean, this is a tiny, little galley.

Got a good stove but I'm not familiar with it.

And then we simply take the piece of fish out now to let that rest so

it doesn't overcook, put it on the plate while we finish off the sauce.

Gas down to minimum again. Help.

Very difficult.

There we are. And a little drop of good Orkney cream.

Into there, comme ca.

Stir it around, check for seasoning,

which I will do in a second.

Mm!

That is extremely delicious.

A little bit of pepper.

And pure extravagance.