Episode 2 The Great Sport Relief Bake Off

Sue has passed me the Battenberg

and Mel has lent me her book of baking puns,

without which I probably wouldn't be able to tell you

that behind me in the tent

are four celebs BREADYING to DOUGH battle for charity.

Welcome to the Great Sport Relief Bake Off.

'16 of Britain's most sporting celebrities...'

-I can't see a thing!

-'..have agreed to enter the Bake Off Arena.'

I don't know what that is in there.

'..in a bid to raise money for Sport Relief...'

-Bosh. Get in there.

-'..and inspire you to do the same.'

Get those cake tins out that you haven't used for ages and make a cake.

It's actually ripping. It's ripping.

'This time, Denise Lewis will be meeting people in the UK

'whose lives have been transformed by your generosity.

-'And four game celebrities...'

-Oh, dear.

-Now, there we go.

-'..do battle over three challenges...'

I've lost it completely.

'..braving Paul and Mary's judgment...'

What I'd really like to see is something that's beautiful.

Something I've never seen before.

Baking powder, Tabasco and obviously, vodka.

Something...edible.

That's actually disgusting.

'..while vying for the title of Sport Relief Star Baker.

Oooh!

ORIGINAL MUSIC COMPOSED BY TOM HOWE

'Today's Sport Relief bakers are...

'Writer and broadcaster, Victoria Coren-Mitchell.

'She comes to the tent armed with

'a prize-winning poker face to rival Paul's.'

'The entire poker world calling for a deuce.

'It's a win! Vicky Coren has done it!'

I'm not really in favour of sport.

So, when they said they were going to do Bake Off for Sport Relief,

so it is raising money for Sport Relief,

but in a high fat, high carb way, I thought, OK, I'm in.

'Professional footballer and manager turned sports presenter,

'Chris Kamara.'

We're off to Fratton Park, where there's been a red card -

but for who, Chris Kamara?

I don't know Jeff, has there?

According to our sources, Anthony Vanden Borre has been sent off.

No, you're right. I saw him go off and I thought they were bringing a sub on, Jeff!

LAUGHTER

My wife said I have to curtsy when I see Mary, so... Not so much Paul!

She's royalty, isn't she? So, I'm looking forward to it.

I'm really looking forward to it.

'Singer, dancer and actress Kimberley Walsh.

'She climbed Kilimanjaro for Comic Relief in 2009.'

I can't believe I'm actually in the real Bake Off tent.

I'm just praying that it doesn't go horribly wrong!

'And former Shadow Chancellor and Twitter sensation, Ed Balls.

'He's a massive footie fan, who's not bad on the pitch.'

Since our children were little, I've always done birthday cakes.

The innovation on the decoration -

the use of Curly Wurlys and liquorice allsorts

is what I've always been good at,

but the actual cake itself - always a bit hit-and-miss.

Welcome to the Bake Off tent and your Signature Challenge.

Now, for this, Paul and Mary would like you to bake

24 identical American-style muffins.

And they can be sweet, they can be savoury,

they can be filled with whatever you like.

You have 1 hour and 45 minutes to bake your muffins.

Good luck. On your marks, get set...

Bake for Sport Relief!

I've never really made muffins, apart from my practice attempts.

I don't really know what you do.

They tasted OK, but they didn't rise.

So, that's the challenge this time.

Our kids often buy a chocolate muffin on the train

and don't eat it all, because it's sort of dry.

These are really moist.

The muffin is all about height, falling over slightly from the case.

So, you want that case filled - and filled properly -

and let it dome and crack on the top.

That's what makes a great muffin.

We have asked them for 24 muffins of a uniform shape.

No good hiding little ones underneath.

I'm not using any electric mixers in this.

I think this doesn't need big, heavy mixing.

'Our bakers start by combining their wet ingredients, then add the dry,

'taking care not to overmix the two, or the muffins will be tough.'

I'm just about to lay some bricks!

Ha-ha-ha!

This is the concrete mix!

-So...

-Hi, Mary. Please excuse me.

-Do you mind?!

-Sorry!

-It's perfectly all right!

-I'm just about to take it out.

Can you tell me about your muffins, please?

I'm doing banana and sultana muffins.

Nice to see you using black bananas too,

because with the over ripe ones, you get more flavour inside your muffin.

Chris is also adding sultanas and cinnamon to his muffins.

He's played football for 11 clubs, scoring 86 goals,

but these muffins are his first foray into baking.

Have you ever made them before?

Yes, I've had three goes. First one was a disaster.

Second one was OK.

The third one, I got the seal of approval from my two sons.

Tell us the top.

Has it got a crack across it, or is it gently rounded?

-Depends on what day I was cooking it.

-The final lot?

The final lot, some of them had some cracks across the top.

Yoghurt. Into the banana.

I've made this one a couple of times.

I think cooking with banana is really nice.

Ed Balls has got the same recipe as mine.

The cinnamon goes really well.

Can I lift that up?

No, going to have to carry on with it this way.

I am making strawberry cheesecake streusel muffins.

-Good gracious me! How lovely.

-She says!

Kimberley's baking forte is elaborate cakes.

Now, she's attempting to bring some creativity to her muffins,

with their cream cheese centre

and crunchy brown sugar and cinnamon topping.

So, where did this idea come from? Is it a family recipe?

It's a recipe that I found a couple of years ago

and I thought, I'm going to try those, they sound really good

and then I had a baby and I didn't have much time to bake after that.

Wonderful smell coming from there.

I was thinking strawberries, cheesecake? Muffins?

-Surely, they're going to taste all right?

-They smell incredible.

-Well, good luck then, Kimberley.

-Thanks, guys.

-Thank you.

I'm making the cheesecake filling, as that takes a little bit of time,

because I'm layering them up.

So, I need to be a little bit ahead of these guys, I think.

'Victoria is the only baker making a savoury muffin.'

I'm basically just putting in the things you'd put in a Bloody Mary.

How much Tabasco is that? Three spoons?

I'll put a bit more in. When in doubt, add more.

Baking powder, Tabasco - put it in.

And obviously, vodka.

Victoria's plan is to make her favourite hangover cure as a muffin,

with Worcester sauce, Tabasco and celery salt all combined with vodka.

Sounds delicious.

Have you ever had an alcoholic muffin?

-Not yet.

-When I made them before,

they weren't as horrible as you'd think.

So, you turn up, you know, early morning,

after a long night of poker and you can make yourself a little muffin.

That's what I'm going to do.

Tell us all about your mixture.

-Got 4 eggs, 250 vegetable oil, 400g sugar.

-Right.

-About eight bananas.

-Eight bananas?

-Eight bananas.

-I love that he knows his stats.

-And...I know!

LAUGHTER

Our ex-Shadow Chancellor can count, but can he bake?

With his banana and raisin-packed muffins,

Ed's hoping Mary and Paul will think so.

I'm going to turn it into a Sport Relief football match.

So, it's going to be Norwich City versus Chelsea.

Yvette said to me, why don't you pipe the numbers?

-Show off your piping.

-I've never, ever piped in my life...

-You get points for piping. I know that.

-..until yesterday.

It's guesswork that they're all going to be evil.

"Evil"? It's guesswork they're all going to be equal.

Because I've got the cheesecake mixture in there,

they need to go in at a really high heat first.

And then, turn it down for a bit longer,

just to make sure that's cooked.

They are in.

Thank goodness, they're in the oven.

That's actually...disgusting.

Oh, my God. Oh, dear!

I think I already put the vodka in, but I'm just going to put some more.

There we go. The commonest mistake with muffins, you overmix them.

I thought the commonest mistake was to use lurid pink food colouring?

You've got a green Play-Doh in your hand. What is that?

I'm waiting for my muffins to cook, I've got to have something to do.

LAUGHTER

I'm making a fondant icing pitch.

The fun's the decoration, isn't it?

(Check him out.)

Oh, he's making a tennis court.

What can I do?

I've only got a bit of icing sugar to go on at the end.

Trying to do some coloured buttercream

to ice the top of the muffins.

Good luck to Ed. He's obviously been baking all his life.

You know what these politicians are like -

they have so much time on their hands.

Whereas us working class people have had so much work to do in our lives.

-Ha-ha-ha!

-You're just standing around. Do some work!

Do some work! Standing around!

-I'm not slagging you off, honest!

-LAUGHTER

'Getting the perfect bake on the muffins

'is about hitting the sweet spot -

'when they're risen and springy to the touch, but still moist.'

TIMER BEEPS Done.

Oh, dear. They don't look like that.

I think they're fine. I'm not going to worry about them.

That's as good as I could have hoped for.

Muffin men and women, you have half an hour left.

It's a fine whiff coming out of there, I have to say.

Wouldn't want to stand here much longer,

-with the old vodka fumes heading out.

-I'm taking them out.

And what will happen to them once they come out, that's it?

I've got to add lemons and celery.

-OK.

-This is what I'm thinking - most people don't want muffins.

Where are you putting the lemons and celery, sorry?

-So, I'm going to...

-Garnishing?

Garnishing, yeah. I'm going to put the celery into the muffins.

-For health.

-For health, yes! Exactly. In honour of Sport Relief.

Yellow is for Norwich. Blue for Chelsea.

Trusted skewer.

I think I'm going to let them cool for a bit, first.

I think they're done, actually.

They look quite like how they are meant to look.

They're quite rustic.

That's the batch when I found I hadn't made enough mixture.

Trim a bit off the top of the case.

-That is actually brilliant.

-Do it.

Bakers, you've got ten minutes.

Ten minutes before Paul and Mary will be examining your muffin tops.

Maybe the icing of numbers is a mistake.

Just not sure whether it's possible for them to cool in time.

I'm going to do buttercream without doing the numbers.

I think the numbers is too hard.

-My piece de resistance!

-Such a delicacy.

I think you've managed identical muffins.

Is everyone finished?

I'm just going to pop some of the smaller ones, you know, below.

-I'm trying to lay out my formations.

-Going 4-4-2. Where's the ref?

-That's the ref.

-That's the ref.

-And that's the

-ball. OK.

And that's it, your time is up. Step away from your muffins.

Ed.

'To score top marks with Mary and Paul,

'the muffins should be well-risen,

'beautifully flavoured and neither tough nor soggy.'

They're all even-sized, which is quite something.

They've got a little crack on the top.

-We'll just have to see how they taste.

-Thanks, Mary.

-Quite little, aren't they?

-They are.

-They're mini ones.

-Mini muffins.

They taste like paint.

Paint?

I think that is slightly cruel.

They taste all right to me.

I've never tasted paint, to be honest. That could be a compliment.

Banana, sometimes, when it's in a mix,

can actually smell a bit like paint and taste a bit like paint.

-Not that I've eaten paint.

-Oh, I know what you mean.

I think the issue is here, the texture. It's too chewy.

-And it's probably down to just overmixing it, that's all.

-OK.

It's got the texture of that.

-It tasted like gloss.

-Thanks, mate.

-Thank you!

I think you should be congratulated,

because not only have you done your football pitch piped,

you've also piped these lovely swirls on top.

Let's have a look.

It's quite nice inside. It's got a nice texture.

The banana isn't half hitting you,

which is exactly what they should do.

The actual moisture content in the muffin is good.

The banana flavour is coming through really well.

Good distribution of the fruit inside there, as well.

-And actually, it's a pretty good muffin.

-Thank you.

Looking at them, they have sunk...

Yeah, they have sunk, some of them.

..and that could be because the cream cheese is runny,

-therefore they couldn't support the muffin.

-Yeah.

-They are underbaked, underneath.

-Yeah.

-Just.

-OK.

-But the flavour is fantastic.

-Oh, good.

The strawberries come through.

The little bit of spice in there is spot on.

-Oh, thank you.

-Well done.

-Thanks, guys.

-Gorgeous. I'll have that other bit there.

-It's absolutely delicious.

How did you manage...

..to get the muffins quite like that?

We thought that if we trimmed down the case, you might not notice.

This looks too good.

I think they're such fun.

They're a beautiful colour,

but for my taste, I'm not really enjoying them.

It tastes like a Bloody Mary.

It does! I have to say, I'm now getting Worcester sauce.

You've actually managed to create a Bloody Mary in a muffin.

-Thank you very much.

-And I confess, I've never had a Bloody Mary.

-What?

-I've never had a Bloody Mary. No, I haven't.

-Never?

I've had almost everything else, but I've never had a Bloody Mary.

Well, you have now.

Well, erm... I'm not going to take to it.

I'm quite disappointed,

because I hoped to dazzle Mary with my muffins.

You know, who doesn't?

And I really didn't do that.

But it was all right, Paul said it sort of worked -

which is, you know, high praise.

Paul actually said that the flavours were fantastic.

So, to hear him say that actually, was quite amazing.

Only way is up for me.

I'm rock bottom at this moment in time,

so I can only go onwards and upwards.

If people join in with Sport Relief,

do a bit of baking, help us to raise money, we can make a big difference.

Money raised by Sport Relief

goes to help thousands of people turn their lives around -

not just abroad, but also in the UK.

Denise Lewis has been to find out why your support is so crucial.

We met when Hughie was 15 and I was 16.

We worked at the Co-Op.

He was the grocery boy and I worked in the office.

He was really handsome.

Beautiful blue eyes, really handsome when I first met him.

Then we got married and we had the two children

and we've been together ever since.

Six years ago, after experiencing sudden signs of memory loss,

Linda's husband Hughie was diagnosed with dementia at the age of 59.

I can remember the day -

the actual day I realised there was something wrong with Hughie.

And I can see him now, standing in the kitchen

and he didn't know his left from his right.

Our life just went down a different road all together.

It's hard to think what he was,

to what he is now.

Really, it's heart breaking

and there's nothing anybody can do about it.

That make you sad?

Very sad.

The fact that you've been together for so long...

Since we were 15.

51 year, we've been together.

How old are we now? I don't know how old we are.

-How old are we?

-You're 66 and I'm 67.

Right, so we've been together...?

-51 year.

-51 year.

Best friend.

Do you remember much about the diagnosis?

No.

That's not clear for you?

No.

It's trying to remember, that's the difficult part.

It's just...in the past.

It's in the past.

Sometimes, you have good days. Sometimes, you have bad days.

But there's no way that I could walk out that door -

because Hughie's got dementia -

and leave him and I wouldn't.

I'll be here and I'll look after him as long as I can.

'There are currently 850,000 people in the UK with dementia

'and while there is no cure,

'it is vitally important to maintain a good quality of life

'and remain part of the community.'

And this Sport Relief funded project does just that.

It provides a wide range of activities

for people with dementia and their carers.

'As well as meeting people in the same position,

'they also interact with children,

'helping break down the barriers attached to dementia.'

Hughie has not stopped beaming.

He loves music. He loves meeting people.

This is what dementia has taken away from him.

So, having the opportunity to be here today and each week

makes him feel alive.

How have you enjoyed the afternoon?

It's one of the nicest days I've had for a long, long time.

I've met all those people, so it's been a really good day out for me.

The brilliant thing is, it costs less than £10 a week

for someone like Hughie, living with dementia,

to come to somewhere like this.

It's been a lifeline for him and his wife Linda.

So please, please, give generously.

'None of us know what life holds for us or our loved ones,

'and there are so many people across the UK that need your help tonight.'

'For the bakers' Technical Challenge,

'Paul has taken inspiration from a favourite half-time snack

'at football grounds across the country.'

Right, bakers - it's now time for your Technical Challenge.

So, none of you have any idea what you're going to be asked to bake.

Now, today's recipe is one of Paul's.

Paul, have you got any advice for the bakers?

-Read the recipe carefully.

-Thank you.

Well, it's going to be judged blind, so Paul and Mary, goodbye.

Good luck.

Right. Paul and Mary would like you to bake a tray of football pies.

Now, this is four hearty, double crust pies,

made of shortcrust pastry, filled with mincemeat, onions and peas.

And on the top, they'd like to see a football design.

You have two hours. On your marks, get set...

Bake for Sport Relief.

SHE GROANS

How is minced meat and peas baking?

This will be the first pie I've ever cooked.

I've eaten pies at football matches.

The balti pies at West Brom, they're the nicest.

I would have been more comfortable with some fairy cakes

or a Victoria sponge, but never mind.

A pie at the football tastes a special, particular way.

It's quite hard to capture that at home,

so I'll do my best.

These pies, traditionally, are eaten on a football match,

normally north of the border, granted.

And you know that if you had a bake sale, they would go like hot cakes.

-They'd go like hot pies.

-Hot pies!

OK, Mary - so, choose your pie.

So tempting. I love the football design.

But it's all about how thin the pastry is and if we cut this open...

You see how thin the top is? How thin the base is and the walls?

All equal. All consistent.

This has got a beautiful, well-seasoned filling.

To be honest with you, it reminds me of going to Anfield

and having a good pie.

I know you support Everton, Mary, but...

I'm quite sure there are pies at Everton too.

I haven't been to Goodison Park, but I'm sure they have.

'The first challenge is to lightly rub together

'the fat and the flour to form breadcrumbs.'

For heaven's sake!

I always make shortcrust pastry in a food mixer.

Not usually THIS food mixer!

Ah, look at you with your baker's hands.

I know what I'm doing with my hands

and I'm not sure I know what I'm doing with a mixer.

Old-fashioned. It's how my mum taught me.

Next, it says to add the two egg yolks and a small splash of water.

When it says "a small splash", what does that mean?

About... Like that.

Don't want to get it too wet.

My mum used to make a meat and potato pie.

She used to knock together pastry, so...

I should have paid a bit more attention really, shouldn't I?

"Bring the pastry gently together".

So, that's it together, the pastry.

"Tip the pastry onto a work surface."

"..And gently knead."

I suppose just till it sort of, forms one piece, maybe?

I presume that's kneading.

It's very, very easy to overdo the kneading.

So, I'm going to try and not do that.

I think that's probably enough for me.

I don't think I want more than that.

Clingfilm.

Is that clingfilm?

I don't know!

What can I put it in?

'Wrapping and chilling the pastry for as long as possible

'will make it easier to roll out.'

Oh, my God. Wrap and chill.

Now, I'm going to do the mince.

If you've got a pie, you want a bit of chunk to it.

I don't think it needs to be too diced.

I'm going to need a key ingredient.

Now, there we go. Right.

They really make my eyes water.

The only way to do it is with sunglasses.

I read somewhere that if you chop onions underwater,

then your eyes don't stream -

but how can you chop things underwater? You can't.

So, I'm going to add my meat, get that browned.

Cooked mince before, yeah. I'm not completely useless.

'The perfect football pie should have a rich, well-seasoned filling.'

That's the beef stock.

One tablespoon of tomato puree. Done.

Bit of Worcester sauce.

Turn down the heat to simmer, season and leave to cook.

I'm actually going to let it do for 25 minutes,

even a little bit longer.

I'm going to start preparing my pastry cases.

So, this will be a first? First pastry?

First pastry, ever.

I'm not sure whether it's looking good or looking bad,

because I don't know, you see?

"Divide into quarters for the four pies and then half each quarter".

I don't think it's great if the pastry's too thick.

Do you want thick pastry or thin pastry? I don't know, so...

I'm going medium.

It says, "overhanging pastry",

so I'm going to try and get it overhanging.

It's not enough.

Is there anything else I could use? Oh, there is.

Now, I've found the rolling pin, a new invention.

Now, I've got some overhang.

'Ed's the only one pre-baking his pastry case.'

Do a quick blind bake for just five minutes.

'Double crust pies are rarely blind baked,

'as the bottom and the top of the pie need to cook at the same rate.'

It doesn't say to bake them blind!

I'm now unhappy, because I bet it's better to do that.

The case has got to work.

If you put this into a soft case...

So, I decided to blind bake.

"Score a design on the top of the pastry

"to make it look like a football."

I do all the cooking at home.

My husband is grateful to have food put in front of him.

He doesn't demand that it also resembles the Taj Mahal.

The innovative thing might be actually to make some hexagons.

I'm not a massive football fanatic,

so I'm trying to remember what they're like.

"Crimp the edges of the pastry by pinching the edge

"with your forefinger and thumb."

I don't know if this is right. That's how I read it, though.

Tuck it in, maybe? I don't know.

Oh, Chris...

LAUGHTER

What have you done?

This is not going to look anything like a football.

I mean, no doubt,

Ed Balls is going to score an entire fixture onto the top with,

"Oh, that's Peter Beardsley and his well-known boots."

Looks like the nuclear sign, doesn't it? The sort of...radioactive.

It does, a bit.

Moving away now,

cos you're looking rather dangerous with that knife there, Ed.

Right, I'm going to go in.

'The method states the pies should be baked for 30 to 40 minutes,

'leaving it to the bakers to judge exactly when they're ready.'

Whatever comes out of that oven is what I'm serving.

Do you know what?

They actually don't look too bad.

Don't they look great? From a distance.

From here, they look tremendous.

LAUGHTER

Oh, it's a penalty.

Norwich City versus West Ham.

Oh, he tried for the legs!

The pie's bubbling. There's a bit of spillage.

I'm not convinced a pie this small is 40 minutes.

I mean, the meat's already cooked. I'm going to take them out, I think.

Ooh!

Oh, the smell!

Oh, I'd be very happy to eat that pie.

To be honest, they look done,

but I'm going to leave them for the full time,

because I had a soggy bottom with my muffins.

They're very pale.

They're looking like they need about two hours longer in the oven.

Oh! I know what they've done.

-They've put egg yolk on top of their pies, haven't they?

-SHE GASPS

-If I do it now...

-Sorry, bakers, you have ten minutes left.

-Ten minutes to finish these pies.

-You've got time.

Quick, quick. You need to whack this on quickly.

Yes, I'm doing it. I'm doing it. I'm doing it.

There we go. They're on, on, on.

-And whack it back in. You're not losing too much heat.

-There we go.

I'm such an idiot. Such an idiot.

I've bought worse-looking ones.

How do I get them onto that thing over there?

I'll just have to shovel them on.

Right, I'm putting it up to 200. Up to 200.

Bakers, you now have three minutes on these pies. Three minutes.

No, I'm going up more. It won't go higher.

It won't go higher!

It's like a game of chicken. I'm not crumbling.

Sport Relief bakers, you now have one minute.

-Are you going to say when it's 30 seconds?

-No, I'm not.

-No?

Oh, dear.

Right, guys - the time is now up.

It's time to play the long ball game.

I want you to heft those pies up

and place them behind the picture of your good fair selves.

No dribbling, please.

'Paul and Mary are looking for a crisp pastry,

'browned nicely underneath, with a gorgeous mince beef filling.'

Yeah, I think if we start over here...

We've got a sort of football on the top, haven't we?

Exactly.

It's a little bit soggy, but it's thin.

I think it's just about done, if I'm honest.

It could be a little browner, but it's nice, thin pastry.

And it's filled right to the top.

-A little bit more seasoning.

-I think you're right.

I think it does need a little bit more seasoning,

but it's a nice-looking pie and there is an attempt at forking it,

even though they haven't crimped it round the outside.

-I think it's a good pie.

-OK.

So, this one has got a... Well, I'd say, a rugby ball on the top

rather than a football.

I think what we need to do is have a look underneath this one.

If it decides to come out.

There you go!

It's got a nice colour. Nice and brown.

It's nice and thin. Lid's not bad.

It's well-filled. It's under-seasoned.

You've got to try it as you cook it,

cos that's the thing that's going to go in the pie.

Right, shall we move onto these? I do like the football on that one.

There is an attempt to make a pattern on the top.

-And actually, a nice bake on it as well.

-That's a beautiful bake.

Let's have a look and see what the contents are like.

It's thin on the bottom. It's well-filled.

Mmm.

That's a better-tasting filling, actually.

Moving onto the last one. What is this decoration on the top?

-It's little footballs.

-Is that what it is?

-Underdone.

-It's a little bit underdone underneath.

Let's have a quick look inside.

That's just collapsed, because it's quite soggy underneath.

If it had been cooked a little bit longer,

the pastry would have become stronger

and it would have supported the pie.

But because it's underbaked, the wet filling is pushing it out.

It needed more seasoning, I think, as well.

OK, let's look at the others.

'Mary and Paul check all the pies,

'before ranking the bakers from last to first.'

-In fourth place...

-That's me.

-In third position is this one.

-It's mine.

And in second place is this one.

Who's that?

-Very good.

-And in first place is this one.

-APPLAUSE

-I'm very pleased.

That was the closest-looking one to my pie

and the taste of that was beautiful. Well done indeed.

APPLAUSE

If you watch the programme and you quite like cooking,

the fantasy is that Mary Berry will take a forkful and smile

and say she enjoyed it -

which she did with the pie. So, I'm really chuffed.

I came third from coming fourth this morning -

and tomorrow's another day, so I could be second tomorrow.

Or even first.

I just feel like the time in that kitchen just gets swallowed up,

so I'm worried that I might have

bitten off more than I can chew tomorrow.

I'm just going to have to get my skates on.

No messing around.

Because Victoria's so competitive and she's done so well,

I'm going to have to see if I can beat her tomorrow.

But I'm not competitive. Promise.

No. Not really. Not at all.

'It's the second day in the Sport Relief tent

'and the bakers are preparing to enter the starting blocks

'for their final challenge.'

So, let's talk pies. Let's talk muffins.

Who's in contention for Star Baker?

I think Kimberley's been the most consistent.

I think she did really well on her muffins.

I thought her pie was actually very good.

So, she's the one really at the moment in a very strong position.

Ed Balls made the most fantastic sultana and banana muffins,

but of course, he dropped down in the Technical, because of his pie -

the pastry wasn't done underneath.

-Chris really hasn't done any baking before...

-No.

..and he produced a jolly good pie. I mean, he'd never made pastry before.

I mean, I think that's quite something.

I think Victoria has done well.

She started with the Bloody Mary muffins,

which actually tasted very good. The texture was a little bit chewy,

but she did come first in the Technical,

so she's really stepped it up.

My main worry is that Victoria can't bake anything that hasn't got Worcester sauce in it.

She'll have difficulty including Worcester sauce in the Showstopper.

Welcome back to the tent, guys.

Now, today's the day you get to show us what you're really made of,

especially if you're made of sponge cake, because it's Showstopper time.

And Paul and Mary would like you to bake an extreme sports layer cake.

Now, this has to represent an extreme sport that you do yourself,

or you'd like to do yourself.

It has to be three layers... Whoa! ..or more...

and filled with a filling of your choice,

as long as it's extremely tasty.

You have three and a half hours to ride this bake.

On your marks, get set...

Bake for Sport Relief!

These Showstoppers are a chance for our bakers to recreate in sponge

the danger and skill of such nerve-shredding sports as skydiving or ice climbing.

I'm a geek, so I'm going for one of the few sports

where I believe you can have a kettle and the internet.

Yesterday was a warm up, so today is the real thing.

This is all for Sport Relief

and to base it around an extreme sport,

it's just a little bit of fun,

but it's a great way to see their creativity come out.

It's their chance to show us what they can do.

If they've got any sense, they get on and make the cake,

bake the cake as soon as they can,

because it has to be cold before icing and filling.

'The starting point for all the Showstoppers is a sponge cake,

'which three of the bakers have given their own particular twist.'

Rather than butter and sugar, I'm doing double cream and sugar.

Because I'm sort of building a stretcher,

I don't want it to become too light.

So, I'm just doing it with this whisk.

There's a small risk involved in my recipe today.

I want it to look like the sea and taste slightly of the sea.

So, I've put salt in it.

This is a yoghurt cake. They do tend to be quite moist.

Because I'm going to decorate it and stuff,

it's obviously really important that it's sturdy.

'Chris is hoping to master the classic Victoria sponge.'

I'm making layer cakes, strawberry and jam.

My own recipe from my lovely wife.

-Morning, Chris.

-Morning, Mary.

Chris, that's a very big smile, to start off with.

What's the vision?

The vision is the sea. Body boarding.

I will be on the body board, on top of there.

Chris's strawberry extreme body boarding cake

is inspired by a family holiday to Hawaii.

His fondant body boarder will ride blue buttercream waves

on top of three layers of sponge,

filled with jam and fresh strawberries.

I'm just about to put my sponge in, to begin with.

Did you put everything in the bowl together?

Because it hasn't quite mixed there, there are little lumps.

When I did my thing yesterday, I mixed all the air out of it,

so I was very careful to undermix it this time around.

Have you done this before?

Er, this is my third attempt.

Did you manage to fill the tin?

-LAUGHTER

-Er...

Well, that's as full as it's going to get.

It's like your pastry - there wasn't quite enough.

Minimalistic, that's what I am.

Teaspoon.

Teaspoon.

Teaspoon.

Three teaspoons of vanilla.

It tastes good. Got quite a lot of vanilla in, actually.

It'll be fine.

I've spilt salt. This is terrible, terrible, terrible!

I'm a very superstitious person.

Quickly, put it in the cake before I can spill anymore.

-Oh, a lot going on here.

-Stuff's happening here. Look at this.

Tell us all about it.

I'm trying to make a chocolate sea sponge.

The extreme sport is?

Round the world sailing.

OK.

I understand that Chris is also doing a cake that looks like the sea,

but mine will also taste of the sea.

Yummy.

Once again, Victoria is sailing close to the wind

with her choice of flavours.

Her chocolate sea sponge will be spiked with sea salt,

covered with salted caramel buttercream

and topped with a chocolate sponge yacht.

Chocolate and salt can work quite well.

It works well in caramel because it's so sweet.

Where's the sweetness going to come from?

There is a slightly caramel base to the icing,

-but there's a huge amount of sugar.

-Lovely. Thank you.

-Thank you.

'The risk of multiple sponges is that they can bake unevenly.

'Swapping their oven positions once they start to brown

'is a good way of avoiding this.'

What have you decided to do for your Showstopper?

Lemon and blueberry yoghurt cake

and then, I'm going to decorate it like Mount Kilimanjaro,

to bring back all those terrifying memories of when I did it for Sport Relief!

Kimberley is recreating her valiant 5,895 metre climb up Mount Kilimanjaro

in lemon cake, layered with blueberry mascarpone cream

and decorated with fondant animals and tiny climbers.

The top of the mountain is going to have the snow,

like it does with royal icing

and then I'm going to use a bit of spray paint to create my desert

and then fondant silhouettes to make you think that you're in Tanzania.

-It's a lot of skill.

-Yeah. It's challenging.

But you've done well, because they're in the oven.

They're in. They're in. I think I've done all right.

Right, what have you decided to do for your Showstopper?

I'm doing a ski jump cake.

-A ski jump cake?

-A ski jump cake.

-OK.

That's my base and these are my three structures.

So hopefully, there will be a base up here and a ramp and a jump.

And I'm going to try and make a man to ski jump.

Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards.

Eddie the Eagle.

Ed's hoping to bring Eddie's have-a-go attitude

to the creation of his ski jump cake,

building the jump from double cream

and vanilla sponge topped with fondant snow.

Are you putting icing over the whole lot?

I've got a fondant slope and a fondant landing stage

and I'm going to buttercream around and up the side and up the back.

So, it will look a bit snowy. But I sort of think my...

I think this should actually be a sport.

-Well, it's either going to be good or bad.

-I quite fancy that.

-The danger is the structure...sags.

-Leaping into fondant.

That's what I'm worried about, but fingers crossed.

'While the sponges are baking,

'the bakers start to prepare their fillings and icings.'

This is a sort of caramel base for the icing.

I'm going to whisk up butter and icing sugar and add this to it.

The main thing - lots of salt.

My grandma came from Central Europe

and everything was full of paprika and spice.

I'm a big adder of strongly-tasting things.

I'm using the buttercream for the icing on the cake.

I'm going to put the colouring in and make it blue like the sea.

This cake is based in Hawaii, of course. Capital of surfing.

'The bakers now have an hour and 40 minutes left on the clock.'

They're fine, but still a bit wobbly. Need a bit longer.

I'm so happy, yeah.

I think they're looking all right.

I'm just going to leave them in for like another five minutes,

just to make sure.

Because I don't want them to be underbaked.

I wanted them to be quite low, but slightly higher than that.

Never mind.

So, that's fine. So, they're cooked.

Because I, bizarrely, won the Technical Challenge...

Victoria won the Technical Challenge.

-She wants to make sure she won it.

-I won the Technical Challenge.

-How did you get on, Ed?

-I came last. She won. Chris did well.

-Sorry, I didn't quite...you what?

-I came last and Victoria won.

-Last? Last, was it?

It's not that I'm bitter(!) LAUGHTER

'Ed, Chris and Kimberley are all using fondant models

'as part of their decoration.

'But it's a tricky skill to master.'

It's supposed to be a giraffe.

I'm making a surfboard at the moment.

Problem I've got is, it keeps getting stuck to my board.

I'm not sure whether I need to put some icing sugar, but then,

if I put some icing sugar down, it's going to go a little bit white

-and I want it to stay...

-Yeah, but it's all right.

You can wet it a bit or dust it off.

-Aw, thanks, Kimberley.

-It's all right.

She's knows I'm not a threat.

-LAUGHTER

-Aw, don't say that!

'The best way to make a fondant model

'is to break it down into its separate elements,

'rather than sculpt the shape as a whole.'

This is Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards.

Got pink gloves, black ski boots...

He's going to stand at the top of my slope on a pair of chocolate skis.

'A realistic human body

'is probably the hardest sort of model to perfect.'

That's me.

That's me on my body board.

Oh, that leg's a bit thicker than the other.

I'm an expert body boarder, as you can see.

I better make myself nice and slim now, hadn't I?

That's going to be the shape of my mountain.

Let me start to build it up.

Break bits off, to try and get it as high as I can.

So, I just want to lie this on really loosely.

There's not so much finesse to it.

It's just got to look like there's snow on top of a mountain.

I might not have a cake, but I have a mountain.

Bakers, you have one hour left on your Showstopper bakes.

I only need about ten minutes.

My icing is not very complicated.

I'm really thinking, maybe I'll make the boat the Titanic sinking

into the middle of the cake.

I should get on and do this half,

while I'm waiting for the others to cool.

This is blueberry mascarpone cream.

Does it look really wonky?

On the plus side, the icing is brilliant. So salty.

Just to be sure.

I'm just going to sprinkle some, just for the crunch.

The crunch of the sea.

All the other two bakes that I did

never came anywhere near as high as that.

So now, I'm sort of like thinking, have I got enough icing sugar?

Oh, dear.

Is this the sort of creation you do for your kids?

-Yeah.

-For birthdays? Yeah?

-Yeah. Exactly.

-What else have you done?

-Cake-wise?

-I've done...

-That's brilliant!

Pirate ship, cheeseburger...

A few weeks ago, iPad.

-Um, I tried to do...

-Have they got a real iPad, as well?

She said she wanted an iPad for her birthday, so I made one.

So you made one out of cake!

I mean, Chris's body boarding, it's basically...

It's barely an extreme sport.

He's just paddling, he's paddling in the shallows.

Whereas this is deep open water. You wait till I add the sharks.

The top's fine. It's getting the icing on the sides.

Has your wife given you any tips?

She says, "Don't make a fool of yourself."

You've done that already, you might as well forget it.

I mean, I think you need a bit of a turn here now,

-because we've got a bare wall.

-Oh, we have, haven't we? I didn't see that.

You might want to do the back of your cake as well as the front.

You know at school, when you used to suck your ink pen and it leaked?

That's the look we're getting here.

Yes!

I'm having trouble with him. His legs keep falling off.

I'm absolutely useless at trying to do stuff like this.

I keep trying to wedge him up

and as soon as I wedge him up, he falls apart.

It doesn't look anything like a boat at all!

Oh, dear.

I'm just doing the bottom of the cake,

which is going to become the desert, hopefully.

Slightly leaning. But it's not too bad.

That's the take off.

Change of plan, put the body board on first.

I can't get him off the bleeding thing without him breaking up.

That will have to be it.

It's shocking, innit?

He's been out at sea a long time,

so he might be unconscious at this moment in time.

It's a Showstopper, all right!

It's pretty solid.

Looks a bit more mountainous now.

Sharks and jellyfish.

Do we know what colour jellyfish are?

Let's hope red and yellow.

-Like that.

-That's how boats go.

-Yay!

Good. That's as good as it's ever going to be.

That's brilliant. It's brilliant.

-Thank you.

-Put my clouds on.

I've finished with time to spare,

but that feels like I've done a slightly rubbish cake.

Bakers, you have 15 minutes.

That's 15 minutes left to put the finishing touches

to your extreme sports layer cakes.

I'm going to make the runway for the ski jumper to ski down.

They're making us feel guilty now, aren't they?

I'm just going to puff the icing out a bit.

I mean, really, it's just gilding the lily.

Little tiny Cheryl, little tiny you.

I'll make a little Gary Barlow to go with you.

-Oh, Gary's head!

-It's hard, isn't it?

That's the trouble with Gary, he's got such a big head.

-It just will not fit on his bod. Oh, look there he is.

-It's so hard.

-IMITATES GARY BARLOW:

-Let's get up this bloody mountain. There we go.

-He's just sitting and waiting at the bottom.

-Thank you.

I'm going to make an Olympic logo.

I had some fruit Polos earlier.

You start off wanting to be tidy

and it gets to a point where you just totally lose it.

I've lost it completely.

-NEWCASTLE ACCENT:

-Eee, well done, Kimberley - I'm at the top of the mountain.

-That's Cheryl.

-Yeah, that was a good accent.

Bakers, your time is up.

Fingers off your cake now, please. Kimberley.

And you can all now go for a nice cup of tea.

KIMBERLEY, WILL YOU GET YER FINGERS OFF YER CAKE?!

Come on then, Tanzanian beauty.

Blimey!

The sea is wonderful- the green and the blue -

and you've got the real movement of the sea without any piping,

just working away with your knife.

The actual main cake, I love.

When you move onto the top and the boat, it's a bit simplistic.

It's a life raft.

It looks like a little rowing boat. It's all about the flavour on this.

You've gone for a slightly over-salted cake.

What?

I've come across some salt.

-Oh, no.

-The, er...

What you've managed to do is create a chocolate cake

which is quite overly salty, in my opinion.

The buttercream, you've salted as well, so what you're getting

is a whole salt sensation, which is what you wanted...

but it's a cake.

For me, it's actually the buttercream filling that's very salty.

Sort of hits you.

If you had a couple of pints with it, you'd be absolutely fine.

LAUGHTER

Look at his little legs!

Come on, Paul.

It looks like ET has just rammed his face into that cake.

Floppy legs, floppy arms...

You're almost asleep on that, aren't you?

Fine looking cake, I'll tell you that much.

It's looks beautifully baked. Lovely and pale underneath.

Just done perfectly.

Chris, that is a fantastic sponge.

In fact, one of the best ones we've had this year.

-APPLAUSE

-Ya beauty!

I think the only thing that ruins it...

-..Is me.

-..is you.

-LAUGHTER

Ed, I think you've done a magnificent, bold ski slope.

I love your little skier. Looks just ready to go.

Dear old Eddie.

I was concerned, with the two batches of sponge,

that this was going to be dissimilar to the actual slope,

but they're not, they're identical.

It has got lots of flavour and the buttercream tastes delicious.

I think you've done really well with it. Really well with it.

It's interesting, the double cream -

it's made the cake a lighter colour and it's a beautiful texture.

I shall be trying that.

I think it's a very professional-looking cake.

The composition of it is excellent.

We asked you for a Showstopper. We have got a Showstopper.

-Thank you.

-The whole effect is very exciting. It's meticulous.

You've attended to every detail.

The cake is delicious. I like the yoghurt in it.

A yoghurt cake is lovely. It's always very moist.

-The blueberry could be stronger.

-OK.

You could put much more in there, to really give it a kick.

The sponge with the yoghurt in there makes them quite dense.

It's almost like a Madeira - and a Madeira is a great cake for building this sort of structure.

It's strong. So, it's well thought-out and actually well-baked.

Because the flavour with the buttercream

and then, the sugar paste on the outside in both cakes -

and the lemon is gorgeous.

Do you know, for Sport Relief today, we've had four different cakes

and all of them have been baked beautifully

and they all have a lovely texture.

APPLAUSE

So today, when we came into the tent,

there were three bakers in contention,

but has Chris swum his way back in with his marvellous sponge?

I must admit - Chris, he has stepped up again.

I don't think he's quite come into contention for Star Baker.

When you look at the rest of the group,

I think Victoria let herself down slightly with this cake.

-I think she slipped out of contention for Star Baker.

-OK.

Kimberley's cake looked very polished

and it is executed beautifully.

Ed today... I thought he did really well.

I think that is a great cake.

For an amateur to make a cake like that,

that's well thought through and well-baked -

and the cake did taste very good.

Bakers.

Congratulations, you've created some wonderful cakes in the tent.

Some absolutely fabulous bakes, if I might say so -

and I hope you've inspired the nation to go out

and whisk up some wonderful creations for Sport Relief.

But now, the time has come when I, an ex-Star Baker,

has to hand over the apron of glory to another.

I am delighted to announce that Star Baker goes to

someone who started with a little bit of a sinking feeling,

but has since risen to huge heights for Sport Relief.

-Kimberley, you are Star Baker!

-APPLAUSE

Well done.

-The pinny.

-Well done.

It was really good fun. Thank you so much.

Yay!

I'm so happy to be Star Baker.

I'm such a big fan of the programme, that to actually win...

Yeah, it's a really good feeling.

There's signs there of a great baker.

I mean, I would even say,

go and get the application form filled in for this year's Bake Off.

-Thank you.

-You did brilliantly.

I think possibly, sweet baking isn't for me.

I think I should just stick to meat pies.

-Enjoyed it?

-I've had a great time.

I've always made these rather wild, flamboyant dad's cakes

and that's what I did today and maybe there's a few dads out there

who will think, "This year, I'll have a go".

The best sponge ever!

I know, he never gives out things like that!

Absolutely - I know it's a cliche - over the moon.

Baking a cake...is easy.

A bake sale is an excellent way of raising money for Sport Relief

and if Chris can do it, having never made a cake before,

so can everybody else.

So, if by any chance you've been inspired to do

a little bit of baking for Sport Relief, I suggest you go to...

..for some fantastic fundraising ideas

and also, you can get details of the Sport Relief Bake Off Recipe Book.

You may also wish to be purchasing one of these lovely pinnys

and look like a professional baker -

or just a wet fool, like me.