Episode 3 The Great Sport Relief Bake Off

Two inscrutable judges, three formidable challenges,

four charitable celebrities and the icing on the cake...

we've also got icing - on cakes.

Welcome to The Great Sport Relief Bake Off.

-WHIRRING

-Oh, my God.

-16 Great British celebrities...

-Phew!

..from sport, comedy, entertainment and politics...

A lot of blue in your recipe, Sam.

..brave the Bake Off tent.

The most I've concentrated since GCSE maths.

Fighting to raise money for Sport Relief.

Hopefully, our bakers will inspire people at home to have a go.

This time...

I think this has died.

..a footballing star

and a journalism legend

take on not one but two pop music sensations...

Oh, no.

-..squaring up for three tough challenges...

-The pressure.

-..all hoping to stun judges Mary and Paul.

-Paul has a beard, doesn't he?

I know they're not bakers,

but I'm still going to judge them as if they were.

And Clare Balding is in Kenya,

finding out about the impact Sport Relief is making there.

So who will clinch the Sport Relief Star Baker apron?

Get out of the tent!

Today's fresh Sport Relief bakers are...

..BBC World Affairs Editor John Simpson.

In the past,

I have slept all through quite a heavy artillery bombardment.

-GUNSHOTS

-They're firing pretty close to here.

And last night, I was up at three o'clock.

I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night.

Former England midfielder

and current football pundit Jermaine Jenas.

It's the worst game of football I've watched all year.

But does he know the score when it comes to baking?

I'm not allergic to being in the kitchen,

but Paul can be quite tough with his comments.

But looking forward to seeing Mary, definitely.

I mean, she's a legend in her own right.

Ex-Spice Girl Geri Horner.

# Get your act together We could be just fine... #

..hoping she can bake what the judges want,

what they really, really want.

# So tell me what you want What you really, really want... #

I don't think Mary or Paul are going to say, "Mmm."

I'm just hoping they don't go, "Eurgh!"

And taking Geri on in the battle of the '90s pop stars,

singer Louise Redknapp.

# ..make me feel naked

# Undressing me with your eyes... #

I don't think I've baked a cake since I was about 14.

All I'm looking for is that it's edible.

It's like before a big match, huh?

I'm standing like this, like I'm ready to sing the anthem.

-Is this more scary?

-Way more.

Hello, bakers, welcome to The Great Sport Relief Bake Off.

We kick off, as always, with the Signature Challenge, and today,

Mary and Paul would like you to make for us savoury free-form tarts.

Now, by "free-form", we do not mean we want interpretive dance

as you bake - it just means no tins.

You have two hours so, for the first time, on your marks,

get set, bake for Sport Relief.

-Panic stations already.

-It's scary getting started.

-Yeah.

The celebrity bakers must make a family sized tart using any

type of pastry or dough - except for the shop-bought variety.

I haven't cooked pastry since I was about, I don't know, nine.

One teaspoon.

God knows what the outcome will be.

Overall on the savoury tart challenge,

the bases must be nice and crispy, well baked, no soggy bottoms.

The top must be full of flavour.

This is the Signature Challenge and it will show us

whether they can bake or whether they cannot bake.

I'm trying to get my pastry out of the way pretty sharp, because it

needs to chill and it's the element that I am most worried about.

Bosh.

Jermaine is making a speedy shortcrust base.

That way?

-CLUNK

-Oh.

But Louise and Geri have both chosen flaky pastry, which relies

on keeping pieces of butter intact to form layers in the oven.

I've been told the trick is that you mustn't let the butter get too hot.

It's so cold.

Also, not to put it in the food processor -

something to do with the gluten,

the way it reacts. I didn't know that.

I think that might be all right.

It says, in Pashto - so somebody tells me -

that it's saffron,

special produce of Afghanistan, and I got it two or three days ago.

I've no idea how much to put in.

John is using his exotic ingredients to liven up a yeasted dough.

There. That's rather encouraging now.

Invented with his nine-year-old son Rafe in mind,

John's topping his saffron dough with tomato sauce, bacon,

salami, courgettes, pine nuts,

pesto, cheese and chilli.

So, John, when you've done all that, what are you going to do?

Then I'm going to stick it, uh, in the oven...

-No, I'm not, I'm going to let it kind of snooze for a bit.

-Prove.

-Prove.

-I like "snooze", it's good. Yes, let it snooze, yes, go on.

Then I'm going to put all this rubbish on top.

Be honest - would you rather be dodging grenade launchers right now?

500 times, yes.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Bosh, get in there.

-Have you already done your pastry?

-Done, Lou. Pastry is done, mate.

Oh, no, how have you done that?

-Don't know how it's going to come out, though.

-I'm still grating.

I don't know how it will come out, we'll see.

You'll be done in ten minutes.

-What are you going to do?

-I've got stuff to do, mate.

While Louise and Geri are perfecting their pastry,

Jermaine's already working on spicing things up in the tent.

This is a marinade for the jerk chicken - it's the hot stuff.

Whoa, don't need that in there.

Minus the blade, Jermaine's making a jerk chicken galette,

garnished with spinach and garden peas.

My mum used to make this for me, my aunties,

I used to go round to their house when I was younger

and Caribbean food was massive within my family.

Tell us about the actual marinade.

Well, it's a mixture of some nutmeg, some cinnamon, chilli powder

and some allspice to give it

that Caribbean twist, you know? Then put them together.

-You know what you're doing today, don't you?

-Seems to.

So, normally, by now, it's sticking together.

But today, it's not sticking together.

Oh, to be a good baker.

Know what you're doing.

If she can get it together,

Louise's tart will be a tribute to her summer holidays in Majorca.

She's using spinach, tomatoes and goats' cheese

to top a flaky pastry square.

Are you going to roll it and fold it in layers a bit?

No, I was just going to roll it

and then I was going to blind cook it, so my mum said.

-Are you going to fold it at all? No?

-I was just going to roll it out...

(I think they think you should fold it.)

You know when we say things like that? It's a hint.

-What we're actually saying is...

-So what do you mean?

Fold it and then roll it out?

Put a bit of weight in there.

And then if you just push those edges in.

-It is starting to look a bit like Ireland now.

-Fold to the middle.

-Well done.

-Then that way.

-Like an expert.

-And roll again?

Go on, then.

-You guys...

-I think we've said enough now, Mary.

-No. Please don't leave me.

-No, I think we've done enough.

-That's more than enough.

-I'm sweating.

-Hello, Geri.

-Hi.

-Now, tell us all about your tart.

I'm calling it Geri's Happy Mess

and I've just picked ingredients that are very simple, that I like.

Like Louise, Geri is also going for Mediterranean flavours.

She's using roasted peppers and olives,

which are favourites of her Spanish mama.

There are two pounds here - is this bribery money for Paul?

Well, the pound coin is to remind me about thickness.

And so go for that.

-Oh.

-I don't think I can bribe you, can I?

Well, it's certainly going to take more than two quid.

The pressure!

Oh, God. It's enormous.

It's half time and with just one hour to go, once chilled or proved,

the bases should be spread large enough to feed a family.

The good thing is, I've got two to try and roll out.

I mean, it's a bit lumpy, but what can you do?

Apparently, this is to let air out.

Geri and Louise are blind baking their pastries to avoid

the dreaded soggy bottoms.

OK.

You're in the laps of the gods when it comes to pastry,

if you're not a regular baker.

But even pastry helped by the hand of God will fall foul

of the judges without a tasty combination of toppings.

-Can you open this, please?

-Yes, yes.

-Thank you. How is it going, all right?

-No. How are you...?

I don't know, I suddenly just forgot that it needs to go in the oven.

So now I'm going to pour all the gunk in. Argh.

Part of me wants to put a load of the sauce on,

because it's a lovely sauce, but you have to be careful,

because it can basically make your pastry soaking wet.

Give it a good old layer of...

I happen to loathe tomatoes.

Is it meant to look like that?

Looks all right to me.

This is just a sort of topping made up of little bits of...

Well, everything that I could find, really.

There's chilli in there. There's nothing I've left out, is there?

Ner, ner, ner, ner.

I'm doing an egg glaze, which just makes a really nice finish.

30 minutes left, bakers, 30 minutes. Half an hour to go.

Fingers crossed on that one.

Jerk chicken galette on the way.

There we go.

Well, we'll see what emerges.

God alone knows.

I'm making two tarts. I don't know what one...

What one's going to be any good.

Have you ever wanted to throw goat's cheese at someone really badly?

-Cos this moment is it.

-You all right, Lou?

OK.

And breathe.

-All right, Jermaine.

-How are you, man?

Now, I'm not supposed to show any favouritism,

but your jerk chicken is the one I'm looking forward to most.

Until I saw these peas. What is the plan for those?

It's going to be hot

and I was just taking Mary Berry into consideration with

a bit of lime, a bit of peas, just cool it down a little bit, you know?

I'll spend the first five minutes picking peas out

of any dish that peas are in.

Ladies and gentlemen, you have 15 minutes to go.

15 minutes left, bakers.

I think it's starting to tan.

I have no idea what's happening in there.

BBC cutbacks. No chairs in this Bake Off tent.

-We sit on the floor.

-Yeah.

-Do you bake much at home?

-No, never.

-Never?

-Ever.

-This is just...

I don't go in the kitchen for more than about half an hour.

And even then just to find the wine.

Yeah, normally. The gin and tonic.

I'm just going to put it on like that for a bit.

My vegetables look like they're burning

and the pastry looks too soft.

Which is worse - undercooked or overcooked?

I'm rocking. I'm doing that pasting thing...

Pacing.

No, aw, I just want it to be edible.

What will happen to me, anything? Do I get banished from the tent?

"Get out of the tent!"

Can anybody tell me how long I've got?

Are you just going to start playing the music and then I'm finished?

MUSIC STARTS

Right. That one...

Patience. Patience, patience.

It's kind of leaking a bit, but...

Well...I've seen worse.

That's... That a lot of food.

Looks tasty, though.

I'm going to go with this one.

And I'm just wondering if I can just take a couple of bits off this one.

One minute to go, bakers.

You have one minute left.

Take the burnt bits off.

Ta-da!

Bakers, time is up.

That is time up. You are out of time.

Please leave your free-form tarts

at the end of the counter and step away.

Overall, it looks, um...

-MARY COUGHS

-..artistic.

-Ha-ha!

I think what you've got is the focaccia in a tray.

We wanted it free-form. Technically, that's not free-form.

-Oh?

-So it's been formed by the tray.

But we asked you for family size and you've certainly done a family size.

-Well, I've...

-For a very hungry family!

A family of about 12, yes, yes.

I think one of the problems is the dough is quite raw.

Oh, look, yes, it... That's horrible.

I think the saffron has given it a lovely colour.

That's like saying how beautiful that baby's hands are,

-isn't it? Um...

-ED LAUGHS

OTHERS LAUGH

The saffron's quite potent.

-I put it...

-And you've got chilli on there as well?

-Yeah, chilli.

Ooh, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! ED AND PAUL LAUGH

I really like the outside.

It just, to me, needed a sort of

shine or a glaze.

-It's crispy enough. This was a shortcrust, wasn't it?

-Yeah.

It's certainly family size.

It looks OK underneath.

It feels like a good pastry.

You've really got a good flavour there.

It's not too hot.

The pastry has a lovely texture.

I know what you're trying to go for on the jerk chicken.

-The problem is with it - it's too dry.

-Yeah.

Cos the pastry...is dry.

But I think it's something we've never had before

and it just needs a bit more moisture.

You've got a nice lot of filling. You're lucky it didn't fall off.

-It really needed a little bit of an edge to it.

-Yeah.

Perfect for a very small family...

-LOUISE LAUGHS

-..that aren't too hungry.

-Yeah!

Um, I think we should cut into it.

I can feel, as I'm cutting it, it's crispy.

-No, it is definitely baked. It's got a strong colour underneath.

-Oh, OK.

OK...

I love your choice of topping. All the things that we all enjoy,

and it does make me think of summer.

The pastry itself's flaky. The flavours are good on the top.

I just think, for me, it was too small.

-Just a bit small!

-Are you not just a little bit greedy?

Possibly!

As you look at that, that looks fantastic.

-Really?!

-Yes. The way that you brushed it has highlighted it,

given it a gorgeous colour.

I'm going to be particularly nasty

and take it straight down the middle.

-Look at that.

-It's got a lovely colour underneath.

Geri...

-that is beautiful.

-Really?

-Mmm!

-It's flaky pastry.

-GERI LAUGHS

-It looks amazing. It tastes good.

And, for once in a few years of Sports Relief,

I cannot complain about it.

-You're joking?!

-No.

-I'm in for a second slice.

Really?!

I was gobsmacked! I was absolutely gobsmacked!

'My tart was rubbish!'

And it would've been a bit ludicrous if they'd said,

"Oh, yes, it's really nice, well done," you know.

'Yeah, I find singing in front of people

'was a lot easier than baking,'

when you've got Mary and Paul coming to judge you.

Well, with the technical, I'll just make sure

I read the ingredients thoroughly, take my time,

and, hopefully, I know what to do.

All right, then, bakers, it's now time for the Technical Challenge.

And this one is one of Mary's.

So, Mary, do you have any last-minute words of advice?

It will take longer to bake than you think it will.

Sage words. Right, we're going to be judging this blind, so, er,

-off the two of you pop.

-Good luck.

They're gone! Let's talk about them!

Right, our Technical Challenge today -

you'll all be working off the same recipe

and it is a chocolate tray bake.

However, this being Sport Relief, we're going

to balance out the gluttonous chocolate with healthy beetroot!

You have one hour and 45 minutes to prepare this,

so on your marks, get set,

bake for Sport Relief.

It doesn't tell you how long to cook it.

-JOHN LAUGHS LOUISE:

-Doesn't it?

-You guess!

Listen, I'm still...

I'm still confused whether you grease the paper or the tin!

-JOHN:

-I'm so glad you asked that. These instructions are fascinating.

They're clearly written by the kind of people that write

the instructions to Japanese electrical devices.

Caster sugar.

-GERI:

-You know, for me, this is a challenge

to see if I can follow instructions

and interpret them, like, to the letter, so...

Cos, like, my concentration is always a little bit...

OK, "Three tablespoons of white wine vinegar."

SHE SIGHS

So, Mary, why have you chosen these chocolate and beetroot tray bakes?

It's a fairly easy chocolate cake and we've added beetroot to it.

So the mixture is quite runny.

That means it's going to take a lot longer to cook

and we haven't actually told them how long to bake it for.

Hang on a minute! You're always telling me

how cruel I am taking things out of a Technical Challenge.

That's a pretty basic thing that you've taken out there.

Right, less talk, more eat.

-Let's see if we can try this beetroot.

-Good!

-I love cream cheese frosting.

-So do I.

That cake is baked to perfection.

And, if they start messing around at the beginning,

rather than just cracking on with it, they'll run out of time.

"Pulse the beetroot in the food processor." Let's get going, man.

For this first step, the bakers have been given ready-cooked beetroot,

so it should be a simple enough start.

-LID THUDS

-Oops! Oh...

As long as the bakers can recognise the cooked beetroot from the raw.

God! "Pulse the beetroot in a food processor."

I've got... Surely that's right.

Surely I've got to put that in there. No?

OK, I'll bung a couple in.

How do you cook beetroot? Put it in the oven?

-SHE GASPS

-Oh...

So, I've just realised that, in the beetroot heart, it's raw beetroot.

So, obviously, in the 250g, it's cooked beetroot.

That was about to be disastrous.

OK, pulse - here we go. Watch out for your hats.

Oh? It doesn't seem to be... Perhaps it's not plugged in.

No, it is.

Anyone got any idea what textures they're supposed to be?

That's not a puree, is it? That's definitely not a puree.

-I think it's buttermilk.

-HE SNIFFS

"Add the buttermilk to the pureed beetroot and mix to combine."

I've no idea how long....

-PROCESSOR STARTS

-..so we just instinctively...

Oh, I was meant to add the buttermilk after.

Oh, well, too late now. Too late now!

"Measure all the dry ingredients, except the baking powder,

"and mix them together." Right.

Good Lord, that's 250 exactly. All right...

Traditionally in cake baking, white sugar is often

treated as a wet ingredient and added with the liquids.

Oh, no, I've messed up already, I think.

Well, first, it says, "Measure out all the dry ingredients,

"except the baking powder, and mix them together,"

so dry ingredients is the cocoa, sugar's a dry ingredient,

and so is obviously the flour. But in the next step, it says,

"In the stand mixer, beat the butter and sugar together."

So where's the sugar?

I don't know how you soften butter.

Maybe with your fingers...

Well, that's certainly soft-ER.

Well, I know that sugar's not a dry ingredient any more, yeah?

It went to the official adjudicator and they corrected it and, er...

-And have you had to start again?

-Yeah.

THEY LAUGH

-We'll get there!

-Yeah.

Er, "Mix them together in a stand mixer,"

which I suppose is this thing.

It doesn't say it's a stand mixer, but it's standing and it's a mixer.

"Gradually beat in the eggs, followed by half the dry mix

"and half the beetroot mix."

The bakers need to fully combine all the ingredients,

but over-mixing will knock the air out and result in a dense cake.

Well, I'd like to impress Mary with a good bake, so...

fingers crossed.

Oh, look!

Look at me! I look like there's been a murder!

"A little water clears us of this deed."

Macbeth. Actually, Lady Macbeth, I think.

I bet she was a good cook.

OK, bakers, we have one hour to go! There's an hour left!

Now, remember, Mary said it'll take longer to bake than you think,

so you might want to think about

getting it in the oven as soon as you can.

-JERMAINE:

-You can tell I'm a bit of a perfectionist, can't you?

-JOHN:

-Ugh! God, that's disgusting!

Look at this! Ugh!

I've seen nicer-looking lava coming down the hill at me.

Ugh-ah!

With no baking time given,

it's down to the novice bakers to work out when the cake is ready.

Well, I'm going to see - has anybody else got theirs in?

Oh, and don't bang!

Don't bang the door,

cos, apparently, that can make it go flat.

Well, it's in there.

I mean, I might just set it for half an hour,

25 minutes, half hour, and just see.

It's in. Got to move on with the next thing.

Which is...

..icing. Right, let's go.

"Beat the cream cheese and the butter." OK.

So which one's the cream cheese?

Oh...

-All right.

-You're going to have to be my taster.

What do you think? I've no idea how this kind of icing is meant to be.

-Is it meant to be thicker?

-I think it's supposed to be

a little bit smoother, would be the only pointer I would give.

-Yeah, it's a bit lumpy, isn't it?

-Yeah.

Oh, God!

-Is yours lumpy, Jermaine?

-Yeah.

I'm trying to get it out!

Just take all your frustration out on that!

"It's never going to not be lumpy enough!

-"It's never going to not be lumpy enough!"

-Oh, quick!

If I have a jog on the spot!

-It's looking like it's coming along nicely.

-Yeah, it's my first cake.

Are we happy that we know, er... We know how to check

-its readiness?

-Sh, that's our secret. Don't let anyone see that.

-Oh, no-one else has got one?

-No, no.

-So you brought that in yourself?

Yeah, yeah, it's my own personal cake checker.

No, it's not done.

I think it's still a bit liquid.

-Maybe...

-Maybe just give it a little longer, eh?

-Yeah.

I reckon...

-Right...

-How long's it been in?

-25.

So reset. I'm going to give it five, then check it again.

Oh...

As well as a cake that's not raw,

Mary and Paul would like each piece decorated

with a thin slice of beetroot that's heart-shaped and candied.

"Boil the water and sugar and add the beetroot hearts

"and simmer until the hearts are soft and translucent."

200g caster sugar and 200ml of water.

What's a millilitre when it's at home?

I'm kind of pounds, shillings and pence.

Get out!

OK and I've got two more to get. Ten...

There's a fine knack to candying the beetroot.

Over-boiling could mean bleeding hearts,

while stirring will cause crystallisation and hardheartedness!

-GERI:

-..11, 12.

-You've just discovered your cutter?

-Yes.

-Your love heart cutter?

Ah, yeah, you've gone for beetroot Pac-Man?

-Well, they're hearts!

-Yeah.

They're also quite, er, quite thick.

-I'm sure they'll say...

-Do you think it's too late to give it another go?

Well, I've used up all the beetroot.

-The two beetroots.

-Yeah, but look, you've still got some here, look

-Yeah, but...

-And it's wafer thin.

-Oh, I see!

-What do you think?

-I could have a bash at it, couldn't I?

Not translucent yet, them, are they?

I think I'll have to ramp them up for the last bit.

Bakers, you have 15 minutes to go. 15 minutes left.

Oh, she's going tea towel instead of oven glove!

THEY LAUGH Your rookie mistake!

-Tea towel instead of oven glove.

-Oh, don't!

I can't even think straight! I don't know what...

I've just done a little test.

I might just do one more, because, where I tested it...

-What's the score, Jermaine?

-I think I'm going to take it out.

-It's starting to brown...

-Yeah.

-..quite considerably.

I reckon it's got to cool as well before I put...

-Yeah, before you put icing on?

-If I chuck that on...

-It'll melt into it.

Oh, I don't know. And the stuff's so gunky!

No, this is not going to work, is it? Er... Ah!

"Pour the mixture into the cake... until the cake...

"Into the tin... Leave it to cool."

Oh, I see, yes. Oh, well.

I'm not too bad at being parachuted into a place

and finding out what's happened and turning out

a really good two minutes 45 on the news that night,

but possibly, making cake's not my...huge...forte.

Come on, J!

Oh!

Oh, no.

I've just done it too quick, haven't I?

Hey-ya!

Right, so...wait for a bit before we ice.

"Spread icing onto the cake." Right, let's go for it.

Do you know, all I know is my husband will be watching this,

just going, "See? Useless! Useless in the kitchen!"

Oh, dear! What the frig's happened over here?

Oh, no! I've messed up me bloody hearts.

-Up!

-Hey!

-It's like that scene in ER, where they move them off the...

onto the gurney, onto the bed! JOHN LAUGHS

-And three!

-Except I think this one's died!

-Yeah.

-I think...

-Do you think, if I spread it across, it would do it?

I think, if I got the defibrillator...

THEY LAUGH

How many bits are you meant to do? 12?

So, four...

It's all about maths, I think, sometimes.

6, 12, 18, 24.

That's not enough.

No, no, no, no, what am I doing? It's a third.

SHE SIGHS LOUDLY

God!

I think that...

-That sounds burned to me!

-Are they...are they...?

-Are they slightly overdone?

-I think so.

John's are more sort of like boiled slices of beetroot,

whereas yours are like... are more fried.

One minute, bakers! One minute to go! You have one minute left!

I'm actually embarrassed!

Oh, this is awful! Do you want to swap?

-Dare ya!

-SHE GIGGLES

Time is up. Bakers, your time is now up.

Please bring your bakes forward

and place them with the corresponding photograph.

'Four chocolate and beetroot tray bakes have crossed the finish line.'

Right, shall we start with these, Mary?

All different sizes.

Obviously, the beetroot's bled into the icing as well, hasn't it?

It looks baked, actually.

-There's quite a few lumps of beetroot in here.

-Yeah.

It's a good flavour, it is cooked.

The problem is they're all different sizes.

Uniformity is what it's all about.

Right, moving onto these, Mary. Pretty much the same size?

Appearance-wise, they look pretty good.

The cream cheese is beautifully flavoured.

-I think they're very good.

-The texture's quite light,

-which is good...

-Mmm.

-..so you've got a nice rise from it.

OK, moving on to number three.

They're quite uniform. The sponge looks OK.

The icing tastes good.

The actual decoration has crystallised,

but at least it's not bleeding all over the place.

The flavour's there. But again, the texture's not there,

because of the way that it's been blended together.

Right, moving on to the last one.

We've got some rather strange hearts, with a little nip in them,

-some of them.

-They look like butterflies.

They have been iced while the cake was a little bit warm,

so it's begun to run a bit.

And they're also different sizes.

The flavour's OK. The flavour's not bad at all.

It's very dense, the cake, and that's because

it's literally been beaten to death,

-so it's lost its height.

-SOME LAUGHTER

-But...

-You didn't mean that as a compliment, did you?

-No.

-Beaten to death isn't a good thing for a cake?

-No, it's not.

But the flavour's OK and it is baked, which is a good thing.

'Mary and Paul must rank the bakes from last place to pole position.'

OK, in fourth place is...

this one. Whose is this?

John.

-Did you put the icing on when it was hot?

-Yeah.

-OK.

-I didn't know... I didn't know you weren't supposed to.

They're edible. Perfectly edible. The uniformity is a problem.

And in third place...

-Mine.

-..Louise. The icing is a little bit haphazard and

we've got quite a bit of bleeding

-from the hearts.

-Yes.

In second place is this one.

Whose is this?

Well done. I mean, these are much better.

Nice uniformity. It needed to be lighter.

And in first place is this one.

-JOHN AND JERMAINE: Yay!

-That's mine.

-Well done, Geri.

Aw, thank you! Wow!

Geri, we had even slices, beautifully baked

and the hearts have not bled.

I think my biggest competition is Jermaine. 100%!

Cos he's Mr Precision.'

I think my chances of winning it are still good.

It's just, like, it's all depending on the Showstopper.

Absolutely learned one thing, which is

that you don't put icing on a hot cake just out of the oven.

If somebody had told me I would not come last in a cake challenge,

I would've been very happy, so thank God for John!

Sport Relief helps people in the UK

and around the world whose lives are incredibly difficult.

Clare Balding has been to see

how your generosity can make a massive difference.

Every two minutes in Africa, a child dies of malaria,

so by the end of this film, at least one child will be dead

from a disease that we can help prevent at very little cost.

I've come to Ahero Hospital in Kisumu,

where more children are being treated for malaria

than any other disease.

And, this morning, a doctor found ten-year-old Justin

on the side of the road, having collapsed with malaria.

It's very crucial to have come to the hospital,

because this patient could have lost his life.

It's very common.

It's common.

It's so common that more than 400,000 people are dying

from malaria every year, most of them children.

And two-year-old Alex has been admitted

seven times in the last seven months.

HE CRIES

Alex doesn't sleep under a net, because I don't have one.

If I have that net, maybe he'll be protected.

What will be the long-term effect on Alex?

This hospital is under-resourced

and overwhelmed by the amount of malaria admissions.

And two-year-old Nicholas is another in a long line

of sick children suffering from malaria.

Nicholas is very sick. He is sleeping and he is crying.

His body is very hot.

So...

The suffering is unbearable but we can help,

because this is the answer and a mosquito net costs £2.50.

You can buy two of them for £5.

So, please, give what you can,

because this will make the difference.

'Day two in the tent

'and there's just one more hurdle for the Sport Relief bakers to jump

'in a bid to break away from the pack and claim the Star Baker apron.'

Folks, as we go into Showstopper day,

I think it's fair to say we have a clear leader.

I think Geri has done very well in both challenges.

The tart was amazing. She came first in the Technical.

So, actually, at the moment, I would say Geri's in pole position.

Jermaine's done exceptionally well. Second in the Technical.

I think Louise - her one-portion tart wasn't quite big enough.

After Geri and Jermaine and Louise,

it's quite a big drop off, then, to fourth place.

-LAUGHTER

-It falls off a cliff.

It falls off a cliff, wouldn't you say, Mary?

John, he is totally out of his comfort zone.

At the moment, it's between Jermaine and Geri.

I mean, having said that, if those two have a catastrophic day,

and then Louise comes through with something...

But I think John has got to play for family pride today.

Hello there, bakers. Now, welcome to the Showstopper Challenge.

And, for the Showstopper Challenge today, we want you to prepare

a biscuit scene depicting your favourite sporting moment.

It could be Roger Bannister's four-minute mile.

It could be Torvill and Dean's Bolero.

It could be the time Paul Hollywood

absolutely crushed the 1997 North East Sausage Roll Eating Competition!

It could be whatever you want, but it must contain at least 12 biscuits,

there must be a 3D element.

You have 3½ hours to do this.

On your marks, get set and, for the final time,

bake for Sport Relief.

To create a recognisable scene out of biscuits,

the bakers need a recipe that will stand up to the competition

and not crumble under pressure.

I've been told you've got to be really precise with these.

I don't know why.

Mine not to ask the reason why or whatever the expression is.

I've seriously put myself to the test today,

but you're only in the tent once and, er,

I wanted to go out with a bang, so hopefully it's a good one.

I was so stressed when I got home, thinking,

"I can't do this tomorrow. I can't go!"

I mean, I'm sure this doesn't happen to Mary Berry, does it?

And that she has to get it all out of there with her fingers.

SHE SIGHS DEEPLY

I'm really excited to see what they're going to produce,

because it's very difficult to make a biscuit stand up, for a start!

It's going to be extremely difficult for them

to portray everything they want to within the realms of a few hours.

But it can be done.

I'm sure.

(I can't do a bad job today. I just can't.)

I'm making a ginger biscuit, er,

based on Greg Rutherford's gold Olympic long jump.

And he's ginger! I think you can get a bit of stick for being ginger!

Geri's ginger spice mix will be turned

into long-jumping gingerbread men standing on a track of brown sugar

in front of a crowd of biscuit faces.

That looks quite dark. What have you got in there?

Treacle, maple syrup, cinnamon, ginger.

-So it's ironic that you're using ginger spice?

-Yeah.

Yes, exactly. I thought I was being funny.

If they can't tell that it's a tennis court,

I would think that both I and they ought to think again.

John's hopefully obvious tennis court is a nod

to Andy Murray's Wimbledon win.

He's using a heavily spiced South African soetkoekie recipe

to create the lawn, net and balls

and decorating them with water icing.

This is a recipe from my wife's family.

Um, she comes from South Africa and her family were

in the Great Trek in 1830-something or another. This was what they made

to keep themselves, you know, sustained on their journey.

-Are you trying to bribe the judges?

-Of course!

A bottle of champagne to anybody that says this is nice.

I swear, using this rolling pin is like an arm workout!

I'm sweating!

Jamie doesn't even know he's going to be a biscuit,

cos he's not in the country at the minute, so he'll be like...

"What did you bake?" "You."

Unbeknownst to her football player husband,

Louise is recreating one of his matches,

with a fondant-covered butter biscuit pitch,

a crowd made of sprinkles

and football shirts standing on the field.

I thought this was the easiest way to sort of represent a player,

without doing arms, legs and a head,

which I think would be pretty challenging for me.

Oops! It needs a bit of flour.

I'm... Well, I'm going to try and construct Wembley Stadium.

I've never actually completed it, so this'll be a first if I complete it.

I've done half of the stadium and then just kind of stopped, but...

So we'll see.

To celebrate his days playing for England,

Jermaine's creating a gingerbread model of Wembley Stadium.

He's icing it with a Swiss meringue

and making a sugary version

of the famous arch.

I can't promise anything, but I'm going to have an attempt

-at some spun sugar for the arch over the top.

-Wow.

This sounds like an exercise in, not just baking,

but architecture and engineering. JERMAINE LAUGHS

-This is a full-on public works project.

-It's a mission, yeah.

You are being so ambitious!

Geri's absolutely leading,

so, if I want to win, then, er, this needs to go well.

Oh, come on, you horrible little thing!

HE SIGHS

With a minimum of 12 biscuits to produce, most of the bakers

will need to perfectly time several different-sized biscuits

in the oven.

I imagine the small things should go lower.

The big things... And I put that on the wrong way round! Jolly good(!)

But Jermaine is baking his large pieces in turn,

which ensures each biscuit is evenly baked,

but is a time-consuming method.

I'm going to put that in for...

Well, about seven or eight minutes, but we'll see...how it comes out.

The bakers are into the second half

and, while their biscuits are going for gold,

everyone except Jermaine can prepare for their decoration and displays.

-JOHN:

-The recipe just says, "Make the icing".

You know, very good, but, er, a bit...

A bit vague for somebody of my little knowledge.

TIMER BEEPS

I think that's done.

Just give that one one more minute. That one seems thicker.

We're going to have a lumpy pitch - what I'm going for, though.

Make it harder for the players.

SHE SIGHS

I've just got to be brave with it.

Ah!

Oh, it's gone!

See, this is the problem with it.

No biggie - we do it again.

-Ow!

-TIMER BEEPS

That's the magic one cookie left!

I'm going to keep knocking out the batteries and making sure that...

I just need to get enough pieces just to build it.

Bakers, you have one hour to go. An hour left.

One hour to go.

I'm afraid this is going to be a major disaster.

My hand is shaking. I'm like that.

-JERMAINE:

-I'm at the stage where I need to start kind of decorating.

This is where it could all go wrong.

It needs... It needs to come together for me.

Jermaine's whisking egg whites with icing sugar over hot water

to make a soft meringue,

which should create a glossy and stable alternative to icing.

Oh, God!

I'm not happy with it. I'm going to start again.

Something's just telling me it's not... That's not coming back.

Paul has a beard, doesn't he?

And it's white, isn't it? And a 'tache? OK.

He's either going to be flattered or horrified.

SHE LAUGHS

This isn't a proper pen. It's a liquorice pen.

You don't know if that'd go down well, do you?

A marker pen with Paul and Mary?

I just broke a leg.

Here's how sad it is - I have to find a drawing of a football pitch,

cos I forget where the lines go!

Is there a line down the middle? There is, isn't there?

Just keep going.

It's getting thicker. Once this gets done, I can kick on a little bit.

Kicking on a bit comes in the form of construction work.

Hopefully, they should stand up into the icing.

Hopefully.

But only for those who've already managed to ice their biscuits.

Shiny. Looks decent. Let's go with that.

I've got too much to do to be too fussy about it.

-HE SIGHS

-That took a lot longer

than I thought it was going to take, if I'm honest.

-John, you don't look very happy.

-No.

-Are you all right?

-I'm just trying to think how to...

No, no, I mean, it's...an utter...

-utter disaster.

-I see a biscuit base and I see some circular biscuits,

that I presume are going to be tennis balls. Listen!

Nobody remembers who wins! No-one!

So I really wouldn't stress.

I think stress is about all that's left.

ED LAUGHS

Ah! Get off!

It's not time to panic, J, it's time to be cool.

I'm trying to make a space for him and wedge him in.

The million-dollar question, Jermaine - are you going to finish on time?

Er, I'll finish, but I'm not going

to get the spun sugar done, unfortunately. I can't...

I just haven't got enough time.

-Do you want to take part in the structural...?

-I can't do much.

Top man.

It seems architecturally sound.

-It should be all right.

-I wouldn't let my kids play in it.

-That'll do.

ED IMITATES A CHEERING CROWD, JERMAINE LAUGHS

"And the crowd goes wild."

You sure you don't want to do the spun sugar, just for fun?

-Just for the sport.

-All right, let's go for it. Let's go for it.

There are no spares left. OK.

Number one broke his arm, two broke his leg.

This is it, OK?

SHE LAUGHS

-Louise...

-You've gotta walk gently!

-I'm sorry!

-You've gotta walk gently!

This looks magnificent!

-Aw!

-And with a... Watched by a crowd of literally hundreds and thousands.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten,

11, 12, 13, 14. OK, so it's enough.

Five minutes to go, everybody. You have five more minutes.

If you're not done yet, you're...running out of time.

-Do you want me to hold it up while you put the...?

-Yes, please.

-Have you ever seen a crapper...?

-THEY LAUGH

You need another one, another one from the other side...

-LOUISE:

-Guys, everything all right?

-Anyone need any help or anything?

-Er, yeah...

I like how collaborative this whole effort's become.

I don't know how I'm going to get it to stay there.

CORK POPS, JERMAINE CRIES OUT

Bakers, time is now up!

Step away from your bakes. Step away.

Geri, you've already stepped away from your own bake.

You must now step away from John's as well.

Geri, the time has come. Please bring up your Showstopper.

Do you recognise anybody in the audience?

Is that, er, evil Emperor Ming?

Are you serious? Is that meant to be me?

LAUGHTER

Er...

I think, overall, I think the idea was sound enough,

but it looks like a beach with a castle in the middle,

and Greg's sort of landing in it.

Every single biscuit is the same thickness.

Now, that snapped very well.

LOUD SNAP AND CRUNCHING

That is a crisp, well-flavoured biscuit.

-It's a great biscuit.

-Yeah.

It tastes good, it's a bit simple, but I think you've done well.

Well, John, I'm all for bribing the judges...

-Yes, absolutely.

-..first of all.

BISCUIT CRUNCHES

-It's crispy!

-Is it meant to be crispy?

-You say...

-Do you like crispy biscuits?

-You're supposed to say,

-"It's supposed to be!"

-Oh, yes, it's supposed to be! What else do I say?

-Can I have a taste?

-Yeah.

It is absolutely scrumptious! It's really, really...

I don't know how you achieved it!

Are there any...? Is there a spice in there, of some kind?

Oh, yeah, lots and lots of spices.

It's a really nice biscuit.

It looks hideous!

-JOHN SNORTS

-But it tastes beautiful!

-Well done, John.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

-GERI:

-Yay!

I think the whole thing looks very, very good.

I think it looks very professional. You've shown us the skill of piping,

to do the outline and the centre line.

I think that's brilliant, the crowd.

-I mean, thousands to watch Liverpool!

-Quite normal.

I'll take Jamie as well. There you go.

We've got a very nice bake on the shirts.

SOFT CRUNCHING

Well, the shirts are crispy, buttery.

The flavour is coming through well.

It's a nice break on it, as well. It's a good snap.

The base is a little bit soft.

OK.

It's more cakey.

I think, overall, it looks good, it's effective,

it's well thought through, and the bakes are near enough perfect.

Fab, OK, thank you.

And finally, Jermaine.

-THUD!

-Oh...

Jermaine, you were immensely ambitious.

-We asked for 12 pieces...

-Yeah.

-..and we haven't got 12 pieces.

-No.

I think that it just needs more detail.

-LOUD SNAP

-Very crispy!

Yes, it's a real snap, that is, which is what we want.

The flavour's beautiful.

You probably needed another three hours to finish the job properly.

So, at the end of yesterday, there was a clear leader.

How do we feel the field is looking now?

I think Geri's done OK. I think it was a bit simple, if I'm honest.

But it was effective and the result

was a very good biscuit, and she had the right amount.

There's a couple of people that's joined Geri, I think.

Jermaine, with those different techniques, has come up

and Louise has done really well.

I thought her Showstopper was amazing!

Jermaine, you know, he was so full of all different skills,

and I was expecting something really magnificent.

It didn't really work out too well.

I would say that Louise's is probably the best Showstopper

here today. I was quite shocked, actually, how good it did look.

John's biscuit actually tasted great. Looked awful, tasted great.

So, when you look at everybody overall at the moment,

you've gotta put Geri in contention.

I think you can put Louise in contention

and I think, for me, Jermaine has to be there as well, because of

all those extra techniques he brought into the Showstopper.

You've clearly got a lot to think about.

I think we're going to have to chat, aren't we?

Bakers, very well done. The time now has come to announce the Star Baker.

Her faultless Technical bake

and her stupendous tart have made today's Sport Relief Star Baker

Geri! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

'Geri did really well over the three challenges, actually.'

The Signature Bake, which was the savoury tart,

was one of the best ones I've seen on Bake Off overall.

Not just in Sport Relief Bake Off, but in the whole Bake Off!

I think Geri really surprised herself,

because she hadn't got confidence, but gradually, it built.

My husband is always making fun of my cooking, so...

He's... I can't wait just to tell him!

-JERMAINE:

-'I think Geri deserved to win in the end.

'I think she was the most consistent from start to finish,'

with her Showstopper - it came out, it looked crisp and clean

and it looked like Greg.

-LOUISE:

-'I like the decorating of the baking,'

more than the actual baking,

or the eating of the mixture - that's quite fun as well.

-JOHN:

-'If you can't bake, but you've got friends who can,'

then get the friends to rally round and do something for Sport Relief.

I think that would be really, really good.

If all this has inspired you to get baking for Sport Relief, go to...

There you'll find some brilliant fundraising ideas

and also details on where to get one of these pretty natty aprons!

And also where to get the Sport Relief recipe book.

And if all that sounds too stressful, you could always just buy some cakes.