Compilation The Hairy Bikers Home for Christmas

Christmas - we love this time of year.

Yeah, wrapping presents, decorating the tree and generally making merry.

And nothing beats a bit of Christmas home cooking

shared with family and friends.

Delicious festive food for all occasions,

packed with flavour and full of love.

Ding dong merrily on high.

And we'll be joined by some familiar faces

to get us all into the festive spirit.

Oh, my goodness!

That is preposterously wonderful.

-Merry Christmas.

-Merry Christmas.

We'll also find out how to make someone's day

with delicious home-made foodie gifts.

So, hang up your stockings, tweak your tinsel,

turn on your fairy lights and relax.

-Together:

-We're home for Christmas!

It's Christmas Day.

The presents are wrapped, the house is decorated and the tree is lit.

Now, for a cook, it's the perfect time to show off.

Everybody's looking forward to your Christmas dinner so, what do you do?

Pull out all the stops.

Christmas makes memories

and with our suggestions for a spectacular lunch,

the family will be talking about it for generations.

We're making delicious stuffed turkey legs and breast.

And a last-minute Christmas cake that will wow your visitors.

We're joined by Reverend Kate Bottley,

television's favourite vicar,

and Jon Culshaw and it turns into a bit of a houseful.

Welcome to the Trump Hairy Bikers' steakhouse and cake-making store.

This is fantastic. You would not believe

how great this cake is going to be. It's a great cake.

But first, how about replacing a classic mince pie

with our version of an Austrian Linzer torte,

made with home-made mincemeat, home-made marzipan

and finished off with brandy cream?

-I'll get on and make the marzipan.

-And I'm going to zest two oranges.

Thank you.

Marzipan is dead simple.

It basically consists of icing sugar, caster sugar,

ground almonds, some almond extract, lemon juice and two eggs.

And, basically, you mould it all together

till you have a block of marzipan.

So, for the sweet mincemeat,

it's quite important that you do it in advance,

because what you want to do is let all of those flavours mature.

Two weeks, you're laughing.

-We've argued about mince pies, haven't we, over the years?

-We have.

I like them sealed, perfect little rondelles of loveliness.

I, however, like them gushing out the top, a bit messy.

-All those sticky brown bits, yeah.

-Lovely.

But you know, Kingy, in the 17th century,

Oliver Cromwell declared the eating of mincemeat

on Christmas Day illegal. And it still is to this day

so, every time you have your mince pie on Christmas Day,

you're breaking the law.

Right, I now need to extract the juice.

To the icing sugar, some ground almonds and some caster sugar.

Oh, it's lovely this, because you're now starting to get

all of those lovely Christmas flavours through and smells.

-Wait till I get my almond extract out.

-Oh!

Now, into the bowl, break two eggs.

I'm going to give that a quick whizz.

-Almond extract.

-Oh.

And about a teaspoon of lemon.

I pour the egg, the extract and the lemon juice into here.

-It's as simple as that.

-Indeed.

Now, in any good mincemeat, you need a Bramley apple

and what we're going to do is we're going to dice this nice and finely,

so then we've got our plethora of ingredients

ready to go into the pan.

Start to form this together.

Now, I've just been squeezing this

and it's become, well, a ball of marzipan.

It's not really that smooth yet so, you put it onto a board

and, just like bread dough, we just knead that.

When you bake bread, you use flour to stop the dough sticking.

I've got my sifter full of icing sugar

and I'm using that in the same way.

-And look at that.

-Ah, beautiful.

Marzipan, all made with my own fair hands.

Cover that in clingfilm,

put that in the refrigerator till we're ready to use it.

For the mincemeat, put raisins, sultanas, dried figs,

sour cherries and candied orange into a pan.

Add orange juice, the zest, sherry and brandy.

Bring to the boil, stir and leave for an hour.

Add the apples, almonds, cinnamon, cardamom, nutmeg,

brown sugar and suet.

Heat gently until the suet has melted.

Cool and spoon into jars.

-Mincemeat!

-Yes, two weeks ago, we did it, cos we're organised.

Right, so, let's make our Linzer torte.

The secret to the pastry is the almonds and butter.

It's a devil to roll out but we'll get on with it

and we'll chill it down.

For the pastry, whizz flour, almonds, caster sugar, and butter.

Add a pinch of salt and one egg and whizz again.

Wrap the pastry in clingfilm and chill. There we go.

The almond pastry is done

and this is the traditional part of a Linzer torte.

The Linzer torte, indeed, is possibly thought to be

the world's oldest cake, pie or flan. Into the fridge.

Now, fortunately, because we're organised,

we have some chilled pastry and some chilled marzipan to work with.

Here we go, mate.

I want about a third of this

cos I want to make like little ribbons for the top.

While Dave's doing that, quick top tip.

I'm going to roll the marzipan out for the base of Dave's flan tin.

The best way to do it is between two sheets of greaseproof paper.

Now, while Si's rolling out the marzipan,

I'm lining the tin with pastry.

Now I'm not bothering greasing the tin cos I'm confident

there's that much fat and grease in the pastry

that, in fact, it's not going to stick.

But you know, Christmas is a time of indulgence

and the most indulgent thing about this is we put that disc of marzipan

into the base of the tart.

That is a beautifully lined tart tin

with our Linzer torte almond pastry.

This...

is just about to go in the bottom.

-How lovely is that?

-Whoa!

And then put this beautiful, beautiful home-made mincemeat,

sweet mincemeat and fill that beautiful pastry in.

Ooh!

I'm just keeping this pastry as cold as I can.

-There we go.

-Lovely.

-Do a lovely twist like that.

And care has to be taken because it's Christmas

and it's got to be perfect.

And one of the keywords of Christmas is "decorations".

-Are you a balls or tinsel man?

-Balls.

-Well, I'm tinsel, mate.

-Balls and stars.

-No, tinsel.

I like them cheap with Christmas decorations.

I am the one who'd have the Santa on a rope

climbing up the outside of his house.

How any places have we been to where we've seen those though

and, I've got to tell you, the people that do it,

your electricity bills must be insane

but I've got to say it looks great for the rest of us

and we have a right giggle. So, thank you.

-Yeah, it makes the world a happier, brighter place.

-It definitely does.

Look at that. Like candy canes of joy.

-So, we go this way.

-Oh!

I'm nearly finished here but I think you'll find,

ladies and gentlemen, that the finished effect

on one's Linzer torte is truly worth the effort.

-That is lovely, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-And, just a little tip here.

Don't go too heavy-handed when you're glazing your Linzer torte

because it's very, very delicate pastry, this.

Let's pop this now into a preheated oven,

180 degrees Celsius, for half an hour,

until your little bands of gold are bands of gold.

See you later, Linzer tater.

-Brandy cream, dear heart?

-Why not.

Some whipped cream, some brandy and some icing sugar

to stop the whole thing splitting.

Look at that. Well, it's an old trick, but it's a good'un.

I tell you what, Si,

the whole street is going to smell of Christmas now.

It certainly is.

-That's beautiful.

-Isn't it just?

-Oh, Mr King!

-Right.

Ooh.

There we go.

A lovely slice.

-Oh, yeah.

-It seems a shame to spoil it.

-I don't know where to start.

Ooh.

This one's an absolute keeper. It's a mad invention but it works.

Linzer torte, the perfect alternative to mince pies.

The other great thing about our Linzer torte is it makes

a wonderful gift to give to your friends when you go round to visit.

Now, home cook Vanessa Dennett has another wonderful creation.

It's a Christmas wreath with a difference,

which would also make a great present for anyone's home.

I think that the meringue wreath,

although it might seem harder to wrap up and give as a present,

so many of us have so much stuff and so little time,

that taking something that can actually make

a beautiful centrepiece for the table and be enjoyed there and then

is a really lovely way to give somebody a Christmas gift.

I always will choose older eggs, rather than very, very fresh eggs

because, as the whites age,

they become a little bit thinner and runnier

and they actually beat up better and hold the air well.

It's also important to say at this point

that all your equipment must be absolutely spotlessly clean,

just to ensure that there is no grease or fat,

as that will affect the way in which the whites beat

and we want them lovely and fluffy and full of air.

You can add a little bit of vinegar and cornflour

mixed together to a paste

and it just helps the inside of the meringue keep

a little bit of chewy stickiness, which we like in our family anyway.

I just drew around a plate so that I've got a good circular shape

and, using a couple of spoons, I just will transfer the mixture.

Then I will run the back of the spoon

around the top of the mix to make an indentation

because that's where I'm going to put my cream in afterwards.

Once it's cooked, you can then let it cool

and you can put it away for two or three weeks quite happily

before you get it out to dress it.

So, it's really practical, at a busy time of year, to put together.

So, when you do want to come to eat it,

I'm going to take some double cream...

..blackberries and raspberries and pomegranate seeds,

because I think they really look sort of Christmassy

and jewel-like and they'll be really pretty on the table.

And then I've got some mint leaves

that I'm just going to sort of place around the wreath,

just to give it a bit of greenery, like a real Christmas wreath.

I think it's a beautiful dish to take somewhere,

if you've been asked to take a dessert with you.

Somehow, meringue is a real celebratory food.

In our family, at least, I think there's rarely a party

without some sort of meringue dish

so, for me, it always feels like a festive food.

Well, it is the big day and, for me, there is nothing better than turkey.

And I don't think there's anybody better to share that turkey with us

-than the Reverend Kate Bottley. Hey-hey.

-Hey!

Welcome to our little world of Christmas joy!

-It's so festive and gorgeous.

-It's like you!

-Look at you!

Well, I did like to make an effort.

-I tell you what, Reverend, you look fantastic.

-Thank you very much.

And it's great for the big day that...

We all haven't got to forget what it's about.

-It's a Christian festival.

-It is a Christian festival.

I think the thing is about Christmas Day, it's about family,

-it's about friends and it's about food, isn't it?

-Yeah.

And it's about getting together and everyone just seems

a little bit nicer to each other on Christmas Day.

Well, until about four o'clock in the afternoon,

when they all fall out over Monopoly.

Do you actually get Christmas Day off?

I work Christmas Day morning, of course,

and Christmas Eve's really busy.

Do you take mass on Christmas Day morning?

Yeah, Christmas morning. We have champagne though in the cup,

-on Christmas Day mass.

-You rebel!

I know, right! And I always wear my 'jamas under my robes,

so that at the end of the service,

I can whip my robes off and get straight home,

get on the cooking and get on a nice glass of something as well.

Well, it is the big day and, for me, there is nothing better than turkey.

We're making delicious stuffed turkey legs and breast.

It's a way of doing the turkey a bit on the posh.

-But it's worth giving this a go.

-What's not to love?

-First the stuffing.

-Yes!

-Some say, including me, it's the best bit.

-I love the stuffing!

-Right, I'm going to crumble chestnuts.

We've sauteed some onions in some butter

and they're cooled, ready to go into the stuffing as well.

So, I'm going to put those in now. Right, I'm going to peel a pear.

You know, your parishioners, since you're now quite famous...

In fact, you're not quite famous, you ARE famous.

-What do your parishioners think?

-I love my local church.

I work at a place called St Saviour's

and they're a beautiful bunch of people.

I'll give you an example of what they think now.

We got a new kitchen at church recently

and they wanted a celebrity to open it.

They didn't have to ask out, did they? They just got me to do it.

-Whoa!

-There's a plaque on the church kitchen that says,

"Opened by the Reverend Kate Bottley".

Ee, look at that.

-You've done that before, haven't you?

-A couple of times.

Were you always religious?

Did the Church always have a place in your heart?

No, do you know, it's a terrible story really.

I wasn't brought up going to church.

I was christened as a baby, like lots of people are,

but we never went.

-And then I saw a boy at school that I quite liked the look of.

-Yes.

And he happened to be the vicar's son. So, I started going to church.

I only went for a snog and I ended up with a dog collar!

THEY LAUGH

-Completely true. I married him, obviously. I married him.

-Aw.

-Aw.

But, yeah, our eyes met across a crowded communion rail.

I tell you what, that's good.

I'm going to add this lovely chopped Conference pear, like so.

In the bowl, we've got some sausage meat,

we've got some crumbled chestnuts,

we've got a beautiful chopped Conference pear,

we've got some thyme and we've got some onions, sauteed in butter.

And now, you've got a couple of dried apricots.

To this, some allspice.

Whenever you waft that over, it's Christmas.

-Oh, I feel so festive.

-It's great, isn't it?

We just need It's A Wonderful Life on the telly now and we're all set.

-Oh, don't!

-That's my favourite, yeah.

And the zest of a lemon.

I've got some nutmeg here and just freshly grated.

Right, well, it's now get your hands in it and mix it up.

Some salt and some pepper

and give it its final little stir.

And now is the time that we need to get stuffed.

I mean, Kate, people first got to know you on Gogglebox.

-How did it come about?

-It was an amazing thing.

I do lots of weddings. I love doing weddings.

-Yes.

-It's one of the great joys of my job.

And I had a lovely couple called Gary and Tracy

who came to see me, who wanted something just a bit different,

so I suggested that we did a flash mob, a dance.

So, I pronounce them husband and wife and then the music starts

and I start dancing, they start dancing,

and they put that on YouTube, so their friends

who weren't at the wedding could see it and that got ten million hits...

-Wow!

-Wow!

-..on YouTube.

-Wow!

-Oh, it was so awkward.

I remember when it went viral and I had to phone the Bishop

and say, "I'm really sorry, but I've done something."

And he went, "Oh, what is it now?"

But it was brilliant and from that, Gogglebox saw that

and decided to ask us to be on it.

I've got to say, David and I are massive fans and you do a great job.

-Thank you, that's incredibly kind.

-On that note, more tea, Vicar?

-I knew you were going to say that!

-I couldn't resist it!

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

-Oh!

-But tea is another one of your passions, isn't it, Kate?

I love a good brew and that's just about the right colour, that.

-That's it, see.

-Like ink.

-It would take paint off, that!

-Right, mate.

-Right, so, this is the leg,

-which has been boned and flattened.

-So, put our stuffing in.

-How's that, mate?

-That looks fabulous!

Now what you do is you take that side and roll it over.

Take that side and roll it over. Use the skin like that.

Now, slip it underneath, I'll keep my hand there and hope for the best.

It's like a turkey TARDIS.

There's more on the inside than there is on the outside.

Little mini joint number one.

-Lovely!

-Now onto the breast, and this one's a bit of a sandwich.

-Much easier. Let's have lots of stuffing.

-Absolutely!

-Bit more stuffing?

-Oh, yes. Lovely.

-In.

-Right.

Look at that!

What's the worst Christmas present you've ever had?

Ooh, that's a good question!

The worst Christmas present I ever got, I think was some wet wipes.

THEY LAUGH

To be fair, it was from a parishioner

and I don't think she really knew what they were.

But the best thing I ever saw on a Christmas stall -

well, the worst but also the best thing -

was we had kind of a Christmas bring-and-buy sale at church

and one of the older ladies brought what she thought was a purse,

-a Rudolph purse, she thought it was, with a little red nose on it.

-Yes.

-It was posing pouch...

-Oh, no!

..that she'd picked up from somewhere and she brought that

-and it went on the Christmas bring-and-buy stall.

-Oh, no!

-No!

-Oh!

-And we decided not to explain to her

-that it wasn't what she thought it was.

-Oh, no!

In fact, the last parish I was in was a country parish

and the first day that I was in parish,

there was a knock on the door and it was one of the local farmers

and he went, "New vicar?" And I said, "Yeah."

And he handed me this carrier bag and I opened the carrier bag

and in the carrier bag was a rabbit with its skin on

and he sort of looked at me to see if I'd flinch

and I went, "Oh, thanks ever so much.

"When I've done it do you want me to bring you some stew or something?"

And he went, " Aye."

And apparently, he went straight into the pub in the village

and went, "She'll be all right here."

THEY LAUGH Oh, brilliant!

It was like a test.

My last parishes that were rural, you know, you'd open the front door

and there'd be a brace of pheasants or a big bag of potatoes.

-Those were your Christmas gifts.

-But how lovely.

-Shall we make some stuffing balls?

-Yes, let's.

It's very nice having two people cooking for me.

It's usually me that does this.

-Yeah, but you deserve it, cos you're great.

-Ah, thanks.

Yeah, I'm just trying to get brownie points from God.

I need all the help I can get.

-I'll try and put a word in.

-Would you mind?

-Yeah, of course.

You know, it must be really busy for you on Christmas Day, is it?

To be honest with you, on Christmas Day,

we like to get the service done as quickly as we possibly can

so it's communion, carols, bit of a sermon,

and let's get out of there.

Cos everybody wants to get home,

everybody wants to go back to their dinner,

so we have a couple of carols, the kids bring their toys to show,

we have communion together and it's lovely, but it is under an hour.

This way of cooking turkey could be the one for you.

I think that, because I normally have to get up really early

on Christmas day to make sure that my Christmas is ready,

so that I can get to church and stuff

but, I don't think this takes very long.

You can prep this on Christmas Eve

because that will only need to go in the oven now for 45 to 50 minutes

and then it's done. And it's guaranteed super juicy.

-I'll just put...

-Ooh, you naughty man!

On the breast, just to keep that as moist as we can possibly make it.

Christmas Day is that day where you can be a little bit naughty

-with what you eat though, can't you?

-Oh, yes.

-Definitely.

For perfect roast potatoes,

peel the potatoes, bring to the boil

and simmer for just a few minutes.

Drain and shake in the pan or colander to roughen the edges.

Sprinkle with polenta, salt and pepper.

Carefully pour the potatoes into a roasting tin

with sizzling fat and roast until golden.

The turkey's roasted and it's been resting for about 20 minutes,

so I think we can make the gravy.

Oh, yes! First, strain the juices.

The fat and that really rich stock there, I'm going to use

to make my roux. So, I've got the flour.

I put it in there cos I want to cook the flouriness out of it.

Now, some of the turkey stock that we have here,

I'm just going to put on the bottom of this tin

and we want all of that into our gravy.

Pour all of that in.

Useful. I want to work this roux into the gravy

and start adding the stock.

Right, bread sauce is on. I want to reheat the sprouts and pancetta.

Beautiful.

On Christmas Day, do you allow the others to come in the kitchen

-and help?

-I do, but they have to do as they're told.

And it's the only time of year that the hostess trolley gets used,

-of course.

-The hostess trolley!

Is it still alive in Yorkshire?

Just about. The hostess trolley. I love a hostess trolley.

Do you have any kind of unique Christmas traditions

at your house, Kate?

Well, we don't open the presents until after dinner.

You have to wait, but you are allowed to open one present

-when you get in from church on Christmas Eve.

-Wow.

So, you're allowed to open one present

and you can take that present to church with you in the morning

to show everybody, which is fine, if you're getting something

that you can show, but I got underwear last year

and that didn't work at all.

THEY LAUGH

The other tradition we have is

you know when you have your nativity scene

-with your little statues in?

-Yes.

-You can't put the baby Jesus in his manger until Christmas Day.

-Oh, no.

So he has to hide in the fruit bowl until Christmas Day.

-And some salt.

-And every year, I make all my own Christmas cards.

-I make about 250 Christmas cards.

-Do you?

-Really?

-Yeah.

And once you've started that tradition

of making your own Christmas cards, you can't stop,

because people say to you all through the year,

"We're looking forward to your card."

So, you've kind of made a rod for your own back there really.

You definitely have. You don't make life easy for yourself, do you?

-So is Christmas your favourite time of the year?

-Yeah.

-Do you prefer it to Easter?

-No, I can't say I prefer it to Easter.

Easter is an amazing time as well, but I do love,

especially after Christmas Day, when you've done the church,

and you've done the dinner and that sitting down.

There's that moment, on Christmas Day afternoon,

-where you go, "Aaah...", like that.

-Yes.

-I love that.

In fact, I can already feel it, I can already feel

that that moment is coming.

And it's that moment when you just go, "That's it.

"We can all settle down now in front of the fire.

"We've eaten, we've had something to drink, we've done church,

"there's a little bit of time off."

The only time that doesn't work is if Boxing Day is a Sunday

cos then you have to go back out on the Sunday morning to church.

-Of course.

-I think your Christmas dinner

is about to come a little bit early this year. Right.

-Roasties.

-The best bit.

Beautiful, Mr Myers.

And the beauty of this is you can have some of the breast meat

and some of the leg meat. No bones, no sinew, nothing nasty.

-What would you like?

-I'll have a bit of both, please, yeah.

I knew you were going to say that. KATE LAUGHS

There we go. Let me do one more.

-How are we doing so far, Kate?

-That's great.

That's a good Yorkshire portion of meat there.

See, that's why I wasn't going anywhere near any southern portions,

-you know. Oh, no!

-This is such a treat,

having someone else cooking Christmas dinner for me.

Now, as is Christmas tradition in the King and Myers' household,

you put the gravy on yourself.

-And then can I keep the rest to dip my bread in later?

-Yeah.

-Shall we say grace?

-Ah, I'd love to.

-Go on, then.

For friends, family and food, we are thankful and grateful.

God bless us, each and every one, and a Merry Christmas, all.

-Merry Christmas.

-Merry Christmas and cheers.

-Cheers.

Now, if I bless the whole thing, we have to drink it all.

-Once it's consecrated, you have to finish it.

-Crack on, Kate.

THEY LAUGH

-Right, please dig in, Kate.

-Are you sure?

-Yes, of course.

-We want to know what you think about the turkey.

-Right, OK.

The gravy's not bad either, is it?

It's really good. Are you going to have some?

-Oh, come on, right.

-Let's have a go.

Come on, dig in. I'll fight you for it.

I'll fight you for that dark meat.

-I'll cut that, Kate, then you can have a go.

-Well done.

-Thank you.

-Happy?

-It's a meal fit for Jesus himself, I would say.

Stuffed rolled turkey breast and legs,

a spectacular way to celebrate Christmas.

For me, the best presents are home-made ones.

You know, chutneys and jams.

But Jo Ingleby has got a great alternative to those -

a Spanish-inspired gift called membrillo.

You don't have to be Spanish to enjoy membrillo

at Christmas, absolutely not.

So, it looks a bit like jelly.

It's quite a dark red winey colour

and it's traditionally served with cheeses,

particularly with Manchego cheese, which is everywhere in Spain.

It's got the flavour, just the subtle flavour of quince,

which is quite aromatic,

and it's using fresh quinces, which are quite an unusual fruit.

They grow in England, so you can use fresh ones if you have them,

or you get the really big fat quinces from Middle Eastern shops.

So, my own Christmas twist to this is to add

an ingredient that they wouldn't use in Spain,

but it brings a kind of Mexican feel to your membrillo,

so that's using a dried chipotle chilli,

which is actually a jalapeno chilli that's been smoked and dried,

so it's got a lovely rich smoky flavour.

I'm not trying to make spicy membrillo here,

I just want that kind of background flavour of smokiness.

Oh, that really smells of Christmas.

It's kind of open fires and a little bit of warmth.

It's quite a cosy feeling as well when you eat it.

If you want to get a really, really pristine, perfect membrillo,

you can then pass your puree through a sieve,

or you can just leave it a little bit rustic.

Today I'm going with the rustic.

You will probably have a slightly speckled look to your membrillo,

but that's fine. It's still going to taste delicious.

Even on a low temperature, your membrillo will start to splutter,

so just be aware of that.

I tend to have a lid on standby that can go on top of the saucepan,

just so that you don't get splashed when you're cooking

cos, if you do, it is very, very hot.

There's something really magical about quinces.

When you cook them, especially when you cook them slowly,

they start to change colour,

and the longer you leave it, the darker it gets.

So, once the magical wine colour has appeared, you're basically done.

It needs to be in a cool place and it should set overnight.

I've done mine with some cellophane

and also some decorative tissue paper.

I'm going to give this to everybody this Christmas,

so all friends and family are going to get some membrillo

and they'll probably get some cheese to go along with it.

Our brilliant guest today, well, he was expected,

but he may have brought some unexpected guests with him.

-Jon Culshaw.

-Hello, nice to see you.

-Merry Christmas, Jon.

-Merry Christmas.

-Merry Christmas to you too.

-So, do you like Christmas?

It's a wonderful time of year.

I always call it the time of year

when you restore your factory settings.

I love to go home, shut the door and, for two weeks

or whatever the amount of time, just do nothing.

-Just do nothing.

-We've got a bit of a surprise for you

because what we're going to do

is we're actually going to make a Christmas cake.

Don't you have to make your Christmas cakes in September, Si?

No, not with this one, Dave! You see what he did there?

It was good that, wasn't it?

Not with this one because it's a relatively quick one.

First thing I'm going to do is I'm going to zest an orange,

a lemon and a lime.

I am going to cream together some butter and some sugar.

That's splendid, isn't it? Look at all that butter and sugar -

-the greatest things in this world.

-Ever.

Getting the aroma now, that sugary buttery aroma.

I'm going to add four eggs.

What was Christmas like when you were a child, Jon?

It was wonderful. It was just very...

I remember the Kays catalogue. Do you remember the Kays catalogue?

-Yes.

-And you sort of sensed that there was potential here,

-you may receive some of these things at Christmas.

-It's on its way.

Santa's coming, yeah. And what traditions do you maintain?

I always have a tradition whereby from Christmas Eve

to New Year's Day, you're allowed to have chocolates for breakfast.

THEY LAUGH Brilliant!

I just love the sense of doing absolutely nothing.

I love that time of the day, you know, the late afternoon,

winter sunsets, when the stars start to come out.

And it's wonderful to get out into that.

Now, I'm going to add our spices.

So, we have cinnamon, mace, allspice,

nutmeg and cloves, and a little bit of cardamom.

-There we go.

-Ah, splendid.

And then we're going to take the juice of an orange and the flour.

And then we add some ground almonds.

And this little beauty.

This is orange blossom water.

-Have a smell. It just gives...

-Ooh.

If you don't want to cook with it, you can dab it behind your ears.

Exactly. And that's the basic mix.

-But there isn't that much of it, is there?

-No.

And that's the thing with Christmas cake. This is what you want in it.

Basically, I've got the zest of my orange, my lemon and my lime.

That's quite nice, isn't it?

That's all your five a day in one glorious cake mix.

You've got 15 in this one, Jon!

And I've got some dried apricots, currants...

..raisins...

..and sultanas.

The inevitable glace cherries, orange and lemon candied peel.

And now, this is something we always do with fruit cake, dried pineapple.

And our nut of choice for this cake is cashew nuts.

So, we give this a stir and then, again,

to continue with our almost kind of tropical theme,

using 100ml of white rum.

Oh, yes! When did you start to do impressions then, Jon?

I think it was probably,

a big part of it was watching Mike Yarwood's Christmas shows.

-Yes.

-Of course, yeah.

It was wonderful watching Mike

and the wonderful, ingenious thing about Mike,

-is he was the first big-time TV impressionist.

-Yes.

And the way he was so smart

to understand the multi-cameras and the split screens.

-AS MIKE YARWOOD:

-We're here. Now, we're over on this camera.

-And he just had that so smart.

-Yes.

-AS PATRICK MOORE:

-And probably a repeat of The Sky At Night

with Sir Patrick Moore,

who I found very, very captivating, very, very fascinating indeed,

speaking very, very quickly

and one eye open slightly more than the other.

LAUGHTER

So, I think that probably teed things off as well.

There's something about what you do and how you deliver it

is absolutely hilarious and it is so precise though.

Do you watch videos of people and then look at yourself in the mirror?

-How does it evolve?

-It's... You do watch videos over and over again.

You download a clip onto the tablet

and just watch it over and over again.

If you listen over and over again to something...

-AS OZZY OSBOURNE:

-And you have it locked in your mind.

I'm imagining Ozzy Osbourne now.

You know, that sort of little wobble that he does.

It sort of puts you in a good mood, you know.

You just see the people and play it out there.

Is there a science to it, do you think?

Yeah, I think you're looking for the aspects of someone's voice

or their mannerisms which are funny.

You want to know which bits to exaggerate to find the humour.

You want to look for the little nuances and foibles

that perhaps people don't realise they've noticed.

And then you get a lovely element of surprise with that.

-AS BRIAN COX:

-One of my favourites is Professor Brian Cox,

who has this very specific delivery.

Sometimes a word has a time like that

to explain the concepts

and our cake is very much like the laws of physics

which bind the galaxy together.

If the fruit over there represents the stars and planets

and the planet-forming regions,

then this represents the dark matter and dark energy

that will bind the galaxy together, in there.

LAUGHTER

It's like being with Coxy, isn't it? It's bizarre!

-We've got a houseful!

-But it's your mannerisms as well though.

It just draws you straight in. It's fabulous.

-AS DONALD TRUMP:

-Yes, I think the greatest one of those

is probably the Donald. It's probably the Donald.

Welcome to the Trump Hairy Bikers' steakhouse and cake-making store.

This is fantastic. You will not believe

how great this cake is going to be. It's a great cake.

It's so fantastic. It's absolutely great.

He has mannerisms like that.

-Look at that. That's quite glorious.

-It is, look at the colours.

And now, we're just go to fold it in.

On cookery programmes, they always say prepare your cake tin.

We've done this, but we want to show you how. It's a normal cake tin.

We've greased the bottom with some butter

and cut a disc of baking parchment that fits the bottom of that tin.

-Oh, yeah.

-Now it needs what I liken to a chef's hat

and what it does is it stops the top of the cake from burning,

cos this cake is going to be in the oven for about three hours.

I have to say, this is a heavy mix. There we go.

Now, this needs to go into a preheated oven

at 180 degrees Celsius for one hour.

After the hour, turn it down to 150 degrees Celsius.

See you later.

So, Jon, when do you exchange presents?

I think we have lunch and then just sort of sit back

in that beautiful zonked-out state.

I think that's one of life's little luxuries. I feel like that now.

Well, funny, because this is the perfect time then,

because we've got a little something for you.

Thank you, I'm very touched, I'm very touched.

Thank you for coming on the show.

I'm opening the paper very carefully, so it can be reused.

-Are you one of those?

-Yes.

-You are not! Oh, Jon!

-Oh, no!

-Come on, man!

-Oh!

-AS PATRICK MOORE:

-There we are.

Now, that is quite, quite magnificent.

Christmas, of course, the height of the astronomy season.

And through those, yes, very, very marvellous.

We can see the Pleiades quite clearly.

Very faint with the naked eye but put the binoculars on them

and you will see the richness of it. Quite magnificent.

-It's well known, Jon, that you have a love of astronomy.

-Yes.

When you're with Brian Cox on the programmes,

-do you find yourself inadvertently impersonating him?

-At times.

-AS BRIAN COX:

-I think he finds it quite fascinating

to see the vocal patterns that we have.

There was one time, he said, "I see you do this with your hand.

"I've stopped doing it now."

Of all your impressions, which one is it you think brought you to fame?

-AS WILLIAM HAGUE:

-I suppose it might have been William Hague.

That was quite notorious, yes.

I was working with Steve Penk, at the time, over on Capital Radio,

and we were talking about a new William Hague impression

and talking, "Well, we might as well phone Downing Street."

So, Steve got the number of the Cabinet Office

from Directory Enquiries, just like that.

The idea of the joke was meant to be Hague would say...

-AS HAGUE:

-Yes, could I speak to the Prime Minister?

And someone would say, "No, go away Stop wasting our time."

-AS HAGUE:

-Well, am I not important enough? This is an outrage!

But the very helpful lady said, "Yes, who is it, please?"

-AS HAGUE:

-Yes, it's William Hague.

"Just a moment, we'll fetch the Prime Minister."

-He appeared on the line.

-AS TONY BLAIR:

-Yes, hello. Ha-ha-ha.

He had that unmistakable sort of voice, you know,

always with a grin there. And I think what's important is...

Your body language stiffens

and your face becomes a little bit like the Joker

and then your body language sort of takes on the form of C-3PO.

Ha-ha-ha.

In the press, at the time, Blair had always said...

-AS BLAIR:

-Let's be informal, just call me Tony.

But William Hague wouldn't go along with that.

-AS HAGUE:

-Rather sardonically, addressed him as "Prime Minister".

-So, when on this call, I said...

-AS HAGUE:

-You all right, Tony?

-AS BLAIR:

-He knew something was up,

-but he played along good-naturedly.

-Gosh.

-It's about time we did the cake and took it out of the oven.

-Ooh.

-I think so.

-Should we?

-Yeah, come on.

-I can't wait to see that.

-AS PATRICK MOORE:

-Let's have a look. It's looking in good form.

Excellent. It's looking in very good form from here.

-Ta-da!

-Oh, look!

-The cake is in the house.

-Because it's Christmas, we have to make an effort, don't we?

-We do.

We do. What we've got in here is apricot jam.

We're going to melt it down and then...

We're going to apply marzipan.

-Flip your cake and put the marzipan on that side.

-Flat surface.

This is our apricot jam, nice and liquid.

This is the glue that's going to stick our wonderful marzipan

to our lovely Christmas cake.

And all you do is that. There we go.

And there is our cake, ready to receive its lovely winter coat.

We've bought ready-rolled marzipan.

-I think it's going to work, dude.

-Look at that.

-It is.

We just mould that down with your hands. Look how smooth that is.

We'll cut this round here.

Mr King, make it beautiful.

Oh, it's beginning to sizzle.

-AS OBI-WAN KENOBI:

-The force will be with you always.

-Thank you, Jon.

Now, over here, we've got all manner of decorations.

We've got the ubiquitous sprig of holly. That's a good bit.

-Oh, nice.

-That'll do. We're just going to use those

as like almost Christmas decorations on the cake.

-Shall we start with this?

-Yeah.

Just push it in, so it stays in place.

Put that there.

Ah, that's nice, Dave, just that, actually. It looks lovely.

Because it is a spiced Christmas cake,

-so we want to give that idea of spice.

-Yeah.

Just to finish, that little coronet. Do you think that's enough, Si?

I certainly, certainly do.

-Yes.

-It's a work of art, that.

Well, that is our last-minute spiced Christmas cake, Jon.

That is wonderful. What a work of art that is.

-Well, it's as much for eating as decoration.

-Absolutely.

-Go on, Kingy, let's have a slice.

-Are we allowed to now?

-Yes, we are.

-I've been waiting for this.

-Let's go here.

Got just the right amount of resistance, hasn't it, the cake?

-It's sort of fights back a little bit.

-OK.

-Oh, my goodness.

-Look at that.

-Oh, it's a good looker.

-Right, come on let's go.

-May I?

My mother used to say it was almost too nice to cut.

THEY LAUGH

-What do you reckon?

-Mmm.

-Good?

-Oh!

-Mmm.

-Mmm.

-AS TRUMP:

-I think this is a wonderful cake. It's so beautiful.

It was so wonderful to witness how you made it.

And the marzipan, I'm going to use it

as my hair for when it's raining,

and that's going to be something tasty.

You would not believe how great that cake is. It's a great cake.

It's fantastic. I love how you did that. That is fantastic.

Last-minute Christmas cake. Rich, fruity and spectacular.

-Cheers, Jon.

-Jon, a very merry Christmas.

-Merry Christmas to you.

-Cheers.

-Thank you for having me.

-Merry Christmas.

-Merry Christmas.