Showing Off The Hairy Bikers Home for Christmas

Christmas. We LOVE this time of year.

Yeah. Wrapping presents, decorating the tree,

and generally making merry.

And nothing beats a bit of Christmas home cooking

shared with family and friends.

Delicious, festive food for all occasions.

Packed with flavour and full of love.

Ding-dong merrily on high.

And we'll be joined by some familiar faces to get us all

-into the festive spirit.

-Oh, my goodness!

This is preposterously wonderful.

-Merry Christmas.

-Merry Christmas.

We'll also find out how to make someone's day

with delicious home-made foodie gifts.

So, hang up your stockings, tweak your tinsel...

..turn on your fairy lights, and relax.

We're home for Christmas.

Today is all about the star of the show.

Adding a little bit of style and finesse to your Christmas.

That'll be me, then.

No, dude, no, I was talking about the food.

And that means lobster mac and cheese.

An impressive Mont Blanc chestnut dessert.

And we are joined by an absolute star, Russell Grant.

It was all too much for my tights,

which gradually crept down my legs

-and ended up round my ankles.

-Oh, no!

But first, we're going to show off with turkey and Brussels sprouts.

They're not two ingredients you think you can show off with, though,

-are they?

-Oh, but you can.

-Oh, yes.

-I'm going to do a Turkey Saltimbocca.

It's a wonderful Italian dish.

I'm going to serve that with home-made game chips.

And I am going to take the Brussels sprout to the culinary heights

-it deserves.

-Now, look.

These things, you can take your fingers off.

I am a coward so, basically, yes,

I'm going to waste half the potatoes.

I will put it in the fridge and probably mash it later.

So, basically, I cut my potato in half.

When the potato gets down to about there, I shall stop.

Now, for a game chip, you run it first that way,

turn it round...that way.

And what's popped out the other side?

Look at that!

Little chequerboard crisps. That's a game chip.

Put those in water.

We fry them off later.

Turkey escalopes. There they are, in all their glory.

What we're going to do is we're going to beat those out.

So...leave on one piece of clingfilm, folded over, and then...

..you beat it out.

Now, you want it about...

..half a centimetre in thickness.

We'll dry these off now. Just put these on the paper.

They're beautiful, look! You take the turkey escalope.

We cut some nice strips. This is a nice size.

BANGING

SI CHUCKLES

Sorry, dude!

We're going to fry this in butter and olive oil.

This is the one that lives next door that you're banging on the wall!

"Will you cut that out?!"

"I'm knocking out my Saltimbocca!

"It's Christmas! Leave us alone!"

"What's Saltimbocca done to you?!"

Now, first take the fillet,

and just cover it in flour.

Now, the flour is simply seasoned with salt and pepper.

Just take that. Now.

Just take a piece of Parma ham.

Now, put it on there, like so.

I'm going to wrap it round to secure the sage leaf to the turkey fillet.

Don't overcrowd the pan.

While he's doing that, I've got some marsala...

..and some cranberry.

Just going to soak that together...

..in the pan, so those cranberries plump up all lovely.

Now, these don't take long. So, I'll turn this over.

And you can see... Look at that.

-Aw, how lovely!

-A lovely colour.

The butter gives it a nice colour, too.

I'm just going to put some bacon in the frying pan here,

and just render the fat out.

Look at these! These are done now.

Don't they look nice with that little band

of Parma ham

on that lovely crispy sage leaf?

We put them

in an oven to keep warm.

Actually, keeping them in a warm oven, say 100 degrees Celsius,

it's not going to hurt them, they're just going to relax.

Your mum was a massive Christmas show-off.

-She was, wasn't she?

-She was.

Look, she absolutely loved Christmas.

And we all loved

being round Mam at Christmas

because it was her favourite time of the year.

And what's great about mams, the world over,

is they express their love and affection, certainly ours did, Dave,

through food. And just the joyous nature of celebrating

what is a time to have all the family together.

You know, a big, Christian festival.

And it's lovely.

Look at that! Good, aren't they?

Ah, yes! How lovely!

I'm looking forward to Russell Grant coming in.

I am, too - he's a nice man.

He'll tell you your stars, you know.

I met him first when he used to be the astrologer on Breakfast TV with

-Selina Scott.

-Crumbs, that's a while ago.

We must be about the same age.

So, we were very, very, very young men at that time.

-Of course.

-He was good,

but everybody talks about astrology with him.

So, just take that out, set aside.

Right, I'm going to take our marsala and cranberry off the heat

and leave to cool. I'm going to start to saute off the sprouts.

Some seasoning at this point.

Now...

Ah, lovely! Right.

And now... Now we've got the heat through it,

we're just going to put a little bit of water.

It's a technique called braising,

which is basically, the steam pushes through all the veggies,

and that's you. Lovely!

Now, the game chips, I can make them in advance because basically they're

just posh crisps.

We just cook them off in batches.

Just pop them in hot fat.

Right, I'm just going to add a little more water.

And then...

..I add the pecans.

We're going to keep them whole. They're toasted.

What we want... Look at the colours starting to come together now.

-That's it.

-And then I'm popping the pancetta back into the pan to warm

-through.

-That looks Christmassy, Si.

It does, doesn't it? We take our cranberries that are now beautifully

cooled and plumped. We're just going to, again, just warm it through.

And we turn the heat off.

Right, mate, listen. I'm ready.

Just take a little bit of the salad.

A drizzle on the top never goes amiss.

One, two...

-..three, I think.

-Lovely.

And the game chips really are a little garnish.

-Shall we?

-Yes.

Oh, I can't wait to taste this salad, man!

That is exceptionally good.

If it was bad, we'd tell you.

-Yeah.

-But it really isn't.

No.

Turkey Saltimbocca with game chips

and a delicious sprout and bacon salad.

Very fancy, and truly delicious.

What's not to love about Christmas

and exchanging home-made presents with your loved ones?!

Vanessa Dennett shows us how to make a great

Christmas gift to get us into the spirit.

I came across the Dala horses when I lived in Sweden for a little bit.

They're very pretty, sort of intricate patterns,

and a very traditional Swedish design.

It's quite important not to over-beat the butter and sugar

at this stage because otherwise the cookies can spread

when you bake them.

So, just gently, I'm going to make just a very basic vanilla biscuit.

You could add grated orange,

or maybe a little bit of mixed spice to make a more Christmassy mixture.

And then I'm going to wrap it in clingfilm and put it in the fridge

for a good hour.

With a rolling pin and these two guides

under the ends of my rolling pin,

I'm going to roll out and ensure I have a really firm, even,

flat dough to cut the biscuits out of.

I've got to keep a firm eye on them

to make sure they're just a beautiful,

sort of goldeny colour around the edges but definitely no further.

I will make up a batch of royal icing.

I will then split the icing into two batches because I'm going to keep

some white and I'm going to colour half the icing mixture red.

And, at that point, I'm then going to split the mixture again because

I need different consistencies of the red icing to outline

and then fill the biscuits.

It is a little bit fiddly. But there are techniques.

The main thing I would say is have a practise on a piece of grease-proof

paper first. But, perhaps the best trick, or tip I could give you,

is to hold the nozzle,

or the end of the piping bag just a little bit away from the cookie,

so that you're almost laying the line of piping on to the biscuit.

So, when the outline is a little bit dry,

then you can put the slightly runnier mix into the middle.

Once the base icing - the red I've chosen to do for Christmas -

is thoroughly dry, you can design your pattern.

I've done a very simple pattern with a little sort of bridle and saddle

for the horse with little dots decorated around.

And this is the fun bit. This is creative.

You get to design your own Dala horse.

And I think they just make a really lovely present to give to somebody,

even as a single biscuit.

If you just pop one into a cellophane bag,

once the icing is well and truly dry, pop a ribbon round the top,

I think they'd make a really lovely gift for a teacher, or a neighbour,

or somebody you want to say thank you to.

They're not expensive to make,

but they do take time and effort and, really,

that's the thought that goes into it that I think people appreciate.

We've got the nation's favourite star man, Russell Grant.

-Russell Grant's in the house with us.

-You boys are too good to me.

Not at all. Lovely to see you.

-Thank you so much for coming.

-Thank you for inviting me.

Thank you for coming. We all love Christmas.

What's Christmas to you, Russell?

I was head choirboy at St Mary's Church in Harefield.

So, it was all about carol singing the weeks before,

around the village,

with the most wonderful vicar, the Reverend Connor,

who used to wear shorts, even in winter.

So, he looked like a kind of David Bellamy.

And, before you knew it, it was Christmas.

And that was Christmas Day with my grandmothers and all my family.

-Do you like to show off at Christmas?

-Only when I'm on stage.

Not round the house because all my family are show-offs.

Well, we're going to show off for you.

-Love it!

-I think this is possibly one of the most show-offy dishes

we've ever done. It's a dish that's beloved

by oligarchs and footballers alike. What are we going to do, Si?

A lobster mac and cheese.

With a brandy-flambeed lobster resting on the top.

-Lovely!

-So, look at these.

We've blanched these beautiful lobster tails off.

What I'm going to do is remove the meat and give Dave the shells.

So, I'm going to start to make the sauce.

I need some butter

and some olive oil to stop the butter burning.

And I start by sweating down some bacon...

-..and some onion.

-What is it, Russell,

that you particularly love about Christmas?

On the BBC, the King's College Carols.

That is a must.

In much the same way that, at New Year, I want the music from Vienna.

Yes, the Vienna Boys' Choir.

I love all of that.

-It's gorgeous.

-You see, long before I was an astrologer,

I was at stage school and I did many, many shows like

The Fenn Street Gang, Doctor In The House, On The Buses.

-Oh, yes, of course!

-And so I was acting

and doing all of these amazing things.

I was in the West End with Tommy Steele in Hans Andersen,

and I was in Tom Brown's School Days at the Cambridge Theatre

in the West End. So, my life is about music and dance.

Music, dance and performing.

Yes. Yes.

And panto... My first panto.

Now, this is for the older viewers,

so I'm not including you boys in this.

-Oh, he's a lovely fella!

-1969 was with Ivor Emmanuel.

-Wow!

-Land Of Song.

And I was at the New Theatre, Cardiff, in 1969.

-Right.

-And I played Alan-a-Dale.

And I had tights that were far too big.

And I went forward, and the big hit of the day, which I was singing,

with Wayne Warlow and his orchestra...

See how much I remember!

It was all too much for my tights,

which gradually crept down my legs and ended up round my ankles.

-Oh, no!

-But the 1st Llantwit Major Girl Guides loved it!

And I got so many fan letters from the 1st Llantwit Major Girl Guides

saying, "Oh, it is you with the wrinkly tights."

-Ah, how nice!

-And that's what I remember most about that.

Now, I've just taken the beautiful...

..lobster tail meat out.

I'm going to set that aside for a minute,

and then I'm passing them over to my mate.

Oh, aye! The last thing we want to do is to waste the shells.

So, what I'm going to do is make a lobster stock with some white wine,

which is going to add to the sauce.

We just bubble through some white wine,

leave it to simmer away for a few minutes.

These onions are sweating down nicely.

Whole milk. I'm going to put that in a pan

and I'm going to infuse this whole milk,

which is going to form the basis of our mac sauce.

I'm going to put a bay leaf in...

..and then sliced onion.

And it's a great time of year, Christmas, for showing off,

-isn't it?

-It is. It is.

-We love it.

What better way to show off than to do pantomime?

You're doing one this year, aren't you?

-I am doing one and I'm Captain Hook. Aargh!

-You are SO Captain Hook.

-Oh, thank you.

-I played Roger the cabin boy in my Peter Pan.

-LAUGHTER

-Brilliant!

-Yes.

Well, I'd better give this milk a stir.

Right. I'd better get on with this.

Look, already, that wine is starting to cloud up.

And that's all flavour from those lobster shells.

Come and have a smell of this, Russell, look.

Just have a whiff. You can smell the onion infusing.

It's too divine. Would you please hurry up?

I will. Sorry. We were chatting.

You're a really interesting fella.

The smells are wafting over here and it's quite delicious.

Oh, it's going to get better.

My onion has sweated to a point of apathy.

I'm just going to grate a couple of cloves of garlic in there and some

-thyme leaves.

-I love the word "apathy" given to an onion.

An apathetic onion.

We've had many years' describing an onion now!

I'm never, ever going to forget that one, Dave.

So, we've got the garlic in there, some thyme leaves are going in.

I love garlic so much.

-Oh, good.

-Good for the heart and soul.

-And it's warm, isn't it?

-Oh, love it.

-You all right with a bit of spice, Russell?

-Yeah, bung it all in.

Some English mustard powder, and some cayenne pepper.

Again, English mustard, when you put it in a cheese sauce,

it just gives the cheese a kick up the backside.

-That's your Welsh rarebit, isn't it?

-Yes, it is.

-Caerphilly cheese.

-Absolutely.

-And mustard.

-Lovely!

-My roux here, I'm going to turn the gas off...

..and I'm going to put in the flour.

I'm just making a very basic roux.

It's a great one to keep for a party because...

If you told people you were doing, you know, a lobster macaroni cheese,

it's like, "Oh, you naughty person."

-Two of my favourite things together.

-A nice, big green salad.

-I'd forget the salad.

-THEY CHUCKLE

But I love this bit.

This is macaroni. It's been cooked as per the instructions

on the packet. We've taken care to drain it well.

Cos if you leave water on the macaroni,

you're going to get a very runny sauce,

And all this care we're putting in

to making such a thick, luxurious sauce, will be lost.

The milk's infusing,

the lobster shells are just resting in the wine, and the roux,

the engine room of the sauce, is done.

I think we should have a nice cup of tea now.

What was the young Russell Grant like? Were you a live wire?

No. Loved solitude.

So, I used to go into my room and I used to colour.

I used to love the arts.

If I'd got any presents that were colouring pens, crayons...

-Well, talking...

-I loved all that.

Talking of presents, Russell,

Dave and I have got you something for Christmas.

You're very kind.

-That's the one.

-Oh, that's it.

-That's it. Sorry.

-Oh, no, no,

I was just looking down the bottom of the toe.

I was seeing what was down the toe.

Here goes, then. Oh!

It's a Scalextric.

-They were never as "boy racer" as that in my age.

-I know!

It was the one present that was shared between my brother and I -

my brother, Gary.

But we barely got on it because

my dad and my uncles were playing with it.

Do you think your dad wanted it for himself?

I don't know. I think it might have been a bit of that, but

it didn't last very long.

A brief existence and a very, very unhappy ending.

What other toys did you have, Russell?

I had model aeroplane kits.

Oh, they were great, weren't they?

Where you could make Hurricanes and Spitfires.

But the bit I wanted to get to very quickly

was putting on the transfers.

Yes. Wasn't that joyous, the transfers?

I loved that. Because I was so impatient to get to that bit,

I never stuck the thing very well together.

There were huge blobs of glue everywhere.

So, you didn't paint all the parts first like you're meant to?

Oh, are you? Is that what you're meant to do?

Now you tell me, at 66.

-Virgo, you see.

-You see, you'd have done it perfectly, wouldn't you?

Oh, yes. I used to have them still on the clip for the right colours

and then... razor-blade cut them all.

Oh, you're so wonderfully Virgo. See, I'm so Aquarian.

I was totally impatient and intolerant of the thing.

-Let's go on to the main event, shall we?

-Lovely!

What do you eat at Christmas, Russell?

Now, these days...

..it's not as home-made as it should be.

Because of panto. There's no time to shop.

I go around my brother's.

-Oh, lovely!

-My brother is a really good cook.

-Is he a turkey man?

-He is a turkey man but always my mother loves beef,

so there's beef on the side as well.

But my grandmother used to do ox tongue, which she made herself.

And used to put weights on it...

-Yes.

-..to stop it talking...

-Yes.

-And to stop it getting away.

So, we had fresh ox tongue.

What was your...? What was the wonder of Christmas like for you,

with your grandparents, with your two grandmas?

That must have been a really special time for you.

Oh, it was just amazing! Incredibly so.

Being together, and the tremendous love

and comfort

and protectiveness

and the security that you felt.

-Yes.

-You felt that things would never change.

Christmases change because, of course, with pantomime,

your family become the cast.

-Yes.

-And I've been so lucky over the years in having

a tremendous friendship with so many people who I've worked with.

So, you'd have Secret Santa, on stage between the shows.

-Oh, lovely!

-So, Christmas became another family -

an extended family of friends.

-Yes.

-Should we?

-I think we shall.

So, strain the lobster tails and the wine into a bowl.

That's very precious.

And I do the same with the milk.

So, we're just straining the milk

-and separating the onion and the bay leaf.

-Now it's time to get saucy.

First off, I'm going to work that milk into my roux.

If it goes super-lumpy, we can always take a whisk to it.

The flavours in this are going to be fantastic.

We've got the bacon, we've got the onions.

We've got the cayenne pepper, we've got the mustard.

-But then we've got the lobster-infused white wine.

-Lovely.

Oh, matron! And then we've got Gruyere and Parmesan.

Matron! Now, that sauce looks absolutely delicious to me.

It's getting there.

At the moment we could still lay bricks with it

-but we're working on it.

-I don't mind that, though. I like thick...

It's like gravy. I like really thick gravy.

-I do, too.

-But it should come by the spoonful, not the slice.

Now, we're looking for the consistency of very thick cream.

When we get the cheese in, it's going to be even thicker.

One of my downfalls is cream.

-Ooh, I know.

-I love cream.

Ohh, that looks gorgeous.

Keep working that till we start to cook the flour out.

What was your favourite pressie?

By mum and dad bought me a book,

which was the Encyclopaedia of Geography,

-which I still have.

-Wow.

And, to this day, I still love history and geography.

In fact, I've had about 70-odd bestsellers in my time with books.

And that came from that encyclopaedia I got

when I was six years old.

-Wow!

-What was it, Russell, when you opened that geography book,

what was it that fired your imagination?

The maps. It turned me into an anorak at a very early age.

In fact, I now have a collection of over 10,000 maps.

-You collect maps?

-Yeah.

How fabulous!

Now it's time for the extra treat,

which is the white wine in which the lobster shells have been boiled.

It's a really good, old-fashioned lobster stock.

So, without the aid of a whisk,

our lumpy sauce is looking pretty decent.

-It is, Dave.

-Show-off!

Now, you've got to put the cheese in there.

We're going to reserve some of the cheese to put on the top

with a crumb topping. So, say, maybe,

this is the Gruyere,

Parmesan cheese.

That goes in. It's essential for all good sauce.

Now, we'll get the cheese mixed in with the sauce, then taste it,

then season. Cos there's a lot of salt in the cheese

and we don't want to over-salt the sauce.

Now, while Dave is doing that,

I've cut the lobster tails

and you want them at about that sort of size.

What board games and TV did you watch

when you were a little lad with all the family at Christmas?

Well, my nan, Nanny Lily, was tremendous with those compendiums.

-Yes.

-Oh, the compendium!

-You know, when you got 50 different games.

-I forgot about those, yeah!

-That was good value.

-And she used to cheat like mad.

And I loved her for it because we all knew, she didn't think we did,

but we knew, and we used to put our ha'pennies down

to see who could win snakes and ladders.

-Yes.

-Ludo.

-Oh, yes!

-All of these, and bingo.

-Of course.

-Imagine three people trying to play bingo!

But she also used to like the horse racing, so we would have to get

our ha'pennies out again.

But she was lovely because she used to give us the ha'pennies

that she could win back!

-THEY CHUCKLE

-Aw, brilliant!

-Aw, that's great!

Well, this cheese sauce is more of a fondue now, which is what we want.

Ooh, another one of my favourites, fondue.

Again, Christmas, isn't it?

What is not to love? Oh-ho!

-We need to taste, Mr King.

-Yes, Mr Myers.

Carry on. It is epic.

Oh, you can taste the lobster.

Dude, I think that's perfect.

Are you keeping this to yourselves or are you spreading that around?

No, you get the...!

When you are showing off, we don't want to waste that maximum impact.

There is magic on your plate.

You are going to have a beautifully served portion.

Well, it just smells divine.

Now...

..the hero needs to enter the pan.

Put the fish in the pool.

-Look at that.

-It is extraordinary how much flavour has come

from the shells into that wine and into our sauce.

Let's put half the macaroni in, then the sauce,

then half the macaroni.

While Dave is doing that, what I am going to do is mix

the remaining cheese that Dave has left over,

so that is our Gruyere and Parmesan, with the breadcrumbs.

I am going to chop some basil through it.

And that is our topping.

Now look.

Look at that sauce.

Oh, Dave, that just looks like...wicked.

It IS wicked.

-It's very naughty.

-Fantastic.

Look at that consistency.

It just looks...wonderful.

Right, crummy up.

This may look like quite a lot of crumbs but...

..it is worth it. It is going to brown, it is going to crisp.

Let's just dot it with a bit of butter. Now, look at that.

Just pop that into a preheated oven, about 180 degrees Celsius,

about half an hour, really until it is just golden.

But we are showing off.

HE CHUCKLES

We don't want you to have to wait half an hour.

-No.

-We made two!

You are both delightful!

But the showing off is about to get worse.

You can't have this quite yet.

Oh, no. You may have noticed the lobster tail left over.

Oh, I see! I did notice that, yeah.

So what we are going to do, we are going...

..to flambe this lobster tail.

So we need a little bit of butter.

The secret of flambe is the heat of the pan.

So, we take our beautiful lobster tail.

And lobster and butter - that is another marriage made in heaven,

isn't it? Look at that.

Now, we just let that sizzle.

-Look at that!

-And off we go.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

It's a touch of silver service.

Lovely. Simpson's-in-the-Strand.

I love that, when they bring the trolley to the table

and make the crepes Suzette - it is all about showing off.

-Oh, Mr King.

-There we go.

Take that off the heat.

-And then...

-Oh, Mr King.

This is called style.

-Now look.

-Oh...

That is what we want, we don't want it runny or dribbly.

That is laced with lobster.

Oh, look.

Excuse my fingers, they're clean.

-There we go.

-It is hedonistic.

It certainly is. There we go.

-Look at that.

-There is plenty for seconds.

-There is your lobster mac and cheese.

-Are you going to have some?

-Yes.

-You first.

-I'm diving in, look.

Here goes. Merry Christmas.

-Merry Christmas.

-Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Russell.

It's wonderful. Oh, the creaminess has come through the sauce.

Go on, get stuck into your lobster. Go on, give it a...

Happy?

I've just been filming in Italy and they have a word about good food.

Perfetto.

Lobster mac and cheese.

An elegant dish that will definitely impress your guests.

If you have always wanted to impress your friends with a home-made

Christmas pressie, now is the time.

Lisa Cadd has a super-delicious gift idea

which oozes style and a little bit of festive luxury.

What I am making is some Christmassy spiced truffles.

They are really delicious, they make a perfect gift and

they are also nice to eat too.

I don't think Christmas is Christmas without truffles.

It's a real simple thing to make as well, and actually tastes better.

These, rather than using cream,

use, like, a syrup and you could use just fresh spices,

but I just used a mulled wine spice bag.

Just bring it up to the boil and then you just let it steep overnight

and let it sit there and brew

all those lovely, delicious Christmas flavours.

And you can customise your own truffles.

You can put in whatever flavours you like.

Once you understand how to make the base,

you can go in so many different directions.

So, if you prefer something like rum or whisky or Amaretto,

you could put those in.

It smells delicious.

And all those mild spices with the chocolate, it's a great combination.

I'm going to give that a try.

It's great.

Or if you wanted to make them non-alcoholic, you could just use

some cardamom, some cinnamon, more spicy ones,

whatever you fancy, really.

And then you can decide what you're going to roll

the chocolate truffles in.

You could use cocoa, you could use little chocolate strands.

I found some really beautiful kind of bronze sugar rocks.

They look beautiful, real kind of Christmassy colours as well.

What's not to like?

Who would not want to receive a box of those for Christmas?

Truffles, chocolate, spices.

I've got lots of friends who would

like to receive those, and I would like to get some, too.

-Cheers. Cheers, Russell, Merry Christmas.

-Merry Christmas.

-There is something so Christmassy about sherry.

-Oh, there is, it's lovely.

-I wonder why I don't drink more of it throughout the year.

-Well, we'll have to work on that.

Your New Year resolution.

Drink more sherry.

This dessert will undo you, Russell.

It's a positive show-stopping masterpiece.

-It is a show-off dessert.

-A Mont Blanc,

which is the dessert of all desserts.

-White Mountain.

-But if I think, if you are going to show off,

-you need to aim for the sky.

-You do.

If it all goes horribly wrong, it won't be a Mont Blanc.

No, it will be like a Christmas Eton Mess.

-What about where I live? Mount Snowdon.

-Yes, that would do.

-Monte Snowdonia.

-If it sinks.

It won't sink!

The Mont Blanc starts off with a round base.

This is really the foothills of the mountain.

First off, we start with four egg whites.

You don't want any yolk into that white.

The yolk will stop it forming a meringue.

That goes into Mr King's magic bowl.

And now what we do, we start to whip it.

And as we are whipping it, we add a spoonful at a time...of sugar.

Just a spoonful.

Let it work in.

This is looking amazing.

How do you know when it is done?

Because it will start to sheen.

Let's have a look...

-I can see it.

-Can you see it?

It almost looks as though it is made of plastic.

Yeah, it looks like my hair conditioner.

It's like hair conditioner.

Brilliant. But even with the meringue, Russell,

we are taking it that one stage further.

-We're going to do a chocolate meringue.

-Never had that in my life.

Maybe the vinegar will settle it down a bit.

-We're all right, aren't we?

-Yes.

What's up?

-Can you still breathe?

-Yes! HE COUGHS QUIETLY

He's got what's known as the cocoa cough.

The great Russian writer!

-Let's get the vinegar in.

-If we get the vinegar in,

it might settle the dust.

-Go on, mate.

-And now the chocolate.

This is just grated chocolate.

-Beautiful.

-I am a chocoholic.

-This one's for you.

-Lovely.

How did you know all of this? Did you have some kind of

premonition that you've chosen all of the foods that I love?

It's all in the stars, Russell.

Wow, I thought I was a closed book, but I am definitely open.

I'm a Virgo.

What would that tell you about my personality?

Well, Virgos are normally,

or usually, very clean, very tidy,

but if they are messy,

it doesn't matter because THEY know where everything is.

It's true.

Sticklers for hygiene and cleanliness.

Can be slightly hypochondriac and have to get...

..take pills for whatever they think they've got.

But genuinely I would have always,

any PAs I've had or secretaries have been generally Virgos.

-Oh.

-Because they are great at organising others,

if not themselves.

Yes, get on with it!

-What are you, Kingy?

-I'm a Libran.

Oh, are you? Well, of course, kind,

thoughtful and very artistic,

as you are about to prove with this great

lump of meringue.

First off, we take four little blobs, not a big one!

This is a top tip. Everybody's got fan ovens these days.

The meringue should be light, light as a feather.

It's on paper, you put it in the oven, you turn the oven on,

and what happens? Whoof, on the roof.

So we stick the paper down.

I just take four little blobs of meringue.

Now we are seeing your Virgo side.

-Absolutely.

-So what else are Librans like, Russell?

Well, it is one of the signs of love.

It's a sign of relationship,

they work much better in a couple rather than on their own.

So it is very good that you are doing this together.

They don't really like to do much on their own.

Normally, if they go shopping, they like to take someone with them.

Yes, I never know what to buy.

Well, indecision, of course, is another one of those.

-Oh, yes!

-I am terrible.

Indecision is...

He can't make his mind up whether he can make his mind up or not.

So what I've done is I have drawn a line around here which determines

the extent I wish that meringue to spread.

Go on, thank you.

That is holding together beautifully.

Now, I've got the oven preheated to 200 Celsius.

That's because we want to give this meringue a quick hit of heat,

but the moment I put the meringue in, I'll turn it down to 150

and leave it there for an hour and a quarter.

And now down to 150.

But again, Russell, we are show-offs.

Ooh!

It doesn't look like Snowdon anymore.

No, it has spread a bit. That's fine.

One of the meadows around Snowdon.

Look at the colour. It looks a bit like a cowpat at the minute.

-Exactly what I meant!

-No, don't worry!

Now we put this on to our plinth because we are showing off.

You only have our plinth on your showing-off days.

-Oh, yes.

-I only bought it cos you were coming.

-Oh, you are kind.

-Well, we are good to you.

So we need to build this chestnut cream up like that in the middle.

Now, marrons glaces, they are crystallised chestnuts,

they are really popular in France at Christmas, they are everywhere.

I have got

about a litre of cream, double cream.

This, we want as firm as we can get it without it falling apart

because it has got to form the core of the mountain.

How would you like your marrons glaces?

Oh, that's very good, just crumbled.

IN A POSH VOICE: Are you happy with that?

You see, when you are showing off, you put a posh accent on, don't you?

-Your telephone voice.

-As a Libran, of course,

this is something that you would do quite naturally, Si.

-Yes, I do.

-I call it the Hyacinth Bucket

and it comes out now and again.

I am going to put some icing sugar into the cream.

It's always better to turn the mixer off before you put

the icing sugar in or you end up like Frosty the Snowman!

And a teaspoon of vanilla extract.

Always use extract, never essence.

-Oh, what's the difference?

-Extract is made from proper vanilla.

Essence is like a chemical flavouring

and it is not half as good.

Now we give it some beans.

Now, look...

We stop before it becomes butter.

That is perfect, I am going to borrow a bit of that

-and put it under there.

-As a Virgo,

you are also a perfectionist, you know, Dave,

so it's got to be just right.

As my wife says, "You SAY you are a perfectionist."

But you know you are in your own sweet way.

-I know I am right.

-He is never wrong.

-Well, this is me-WRANG!

-Hey-hey!

Oh...I got that.

Catch up, Russ!

I was a bit like Margo Leadbetter in The Good Life.

"Oh, Jerry."

So the marrons glaces goes into the cream and we fold it in.

-Wonderful.

-We need to start about a centimetre in, don't we?

Yes.

This looks very much like Snowdon.

I recognise that summit.

You need a little cafe on the top.

You do, or a goat.

Sheep. We are in Wales.

Oh, yes, that's true.

That's looking fine.

Now, the trick is with a Mont Blanc or a Mount Snowdon,

you have to pipe chestnut puree around the outside.

Who's going to turn and who's going to pipe?

I think we should go halfie-halfies.

-All right. Shall I...?

-You kick off and then I'll finish off.

All right, then.

So we start off...

I've got a star nozzle on, and this is very traditional.

-OK.

-Look at that.

When you reach the end of your ring...

Come on!

What do you mean, "Come on"? I'm keeping it the same speed!

-Oh, the nerves.

-Have you not got one you made earlier?

-No.

-So you are going to do this to the top.

Can I go and do something?

Just settle in and relax.

Can I go and do my laundry whilst you're doing this?

No, we need your moral support.

Anyway, it's Christmas. Stop putting us off.

I am wearing your moral support.

I think you've got time to go and watch Ben-Hur.

I tell you what, make yourself useful,

you turn it while Dave is piping.

-All right, then.

-Oh, Gawd. Right.

Oh, that's it. Oh, you have a steady turn.

You are better than him.

Look at that.

You jerked, Kingy, you stopped and started.

-Shut your face.

-Well, you did.

Look at that. It's going brilliantly now.

It is. Look at that.

-Now, Mr King.

-Hello.

-Over to you.

-Right.

-Look at that!

-We're nearly at the summit.

-Right.

-Are you ready?

Yes.

Russell, which would you say out of us two has the best star sign

in order to make the Mont Blanc?

Oh, goodness.

Well, neither of you, really.

It would be a Capricorn

if I'm dealing with mountains.

-Hold on.

-Oh, it's gone belly-up.

Hold on. You see, you put us off when you...

What do you mean, "neither of us"?!

Why a Capricorn?

Because that's the sign of the mountain goat.

Oh!

-Oh!

-Ready?

Hold on. Yeah, go.

So, Taurus would make good steak.

-Yeah.

-Pisces would make good seafood.

-A bit quicker.

Aries would make good lamb.

-And stop there, Russell.

-You could also do a little swirl around,

couldn't you? Oh, Kingy, look at that.

Go on, take it as far as you can, mate.

Oh, look at that.

-Lovely.

-Not bad.

Now, put a bit on my finger, my friend.

I just want to see what it tastes like naked.

The same as it tastes like with your clothes on.

-Hey-hey!

-He'd be great in pantomime, wouldn't he?

I think we should all do one together.

I know. He won't do it.

-You could play the ugly sisters.

-Why would you?

-And I could play your stepmother.

-You miss Christmas!

It's really difficult doing the ugly sisters.

But you two would be ideal because you've already got a head start.

-Thanks.

-I used to like you.

-Time for the chocolate rubble.

-Thank God for that.

Cos you can't have a mountain without snow on the roof.

No, absolutely.

I'm making snow.

Right. And I want a light whip on this one.

Yeah, so it cascades down the...

..pinnacle of our Mont Blanc.

All right. Now...

You know, like they always have Mount Fuji as, like, that...?

It's not Mount Fuji.

This is beautiful.

Look at that. And now, Mr King.

-Oh, look.

-Russell Grant,

this is your Mont Blanc/Mount Snowdon

with a touch of Fuji thrown in.

Thank you very much.

Thank you for coming and spending some time with us.

Thank you for having me. I've loved every minute of it.

Now, Si, this could be very difficult to carve, I imagine.

So now it's your turn to show off.

Oh, you devil.

Right. Well, we have to be confident with this.

Look at this. Oh, my goodness.

-Didn't he do well?

-He did VERY well.

-Are we going to dive in?

-Yep.

-Yeah.

It's divine.

It's great cooking for you!

It is just a lovely balanced concoction...

..confection of flavours.

Our show-off Mont Blanc chestnut dessert.

If puddings could speak, this one would say, "Woo, look at me!"

-Merry Christmas to all of you.

-Merry Christmas to you.

-And absent friends.

-And a happy New Year.

-Merry Christmas!

-Merry Christmas!