Episode 2 The Big C & Me

There's a community of people in Britain that's growing every day.

It's big - there are 2.5 million of us.

'Breathe in and hold your breath.'

You may know some of us. Perhaps you're a member yourself.

-We all have cancer.

-There is no right or wrong of living with it.

Life has got to carry on.

That's the thing, you see - life has got to carry on, isn't it?

That's right.

There are 2.5 million of us living with cancer

and nearly 1,000 more join us every day.

-The biopsies show breast cancer.

-I thought they would.

-I'm sorry for being so blunt.

-It's all right.

But don't make the mistake of thinking a diagnosis is

-always a death sentence.

-All right, Dana? Are you better now? I am.

I feel better now.

Now, for the first time, at least half of us will survive...

I'm no way on the way out, not for a long way. No.

No, I'm not going anywhere yet.

..but then again, about half of us won't.

I said to the wife, "Do you think I'm going to die?"

And she told me, "Don't be so bleeding stupid!

"You're going to be here for ages!"

God, I love you. Give us a kiss.

Shut up, stupid!

It's time to ditch the hushed tones, the awkwardness.

Just to let you know that the steroid that we give,

when it's going in, it can give you a bit of a prickly bottom.

Oh, I see what you mean.

We want to share what it's really like to live with cancer.

You want to shout at people and say, "Well, can't you just stop

"because my world has stopped?"

None of us have chosen to be here, but still, welcome to our world.

-Take your time.

-I'm not going in that thing, I can tell you!

We're going in here.

Most of us discover we have cancer by walking down a corridor

-and into a little white room.

-Have a seat in that one, OK?

I don't know who wants to go right next to your mum.

83-year-old June has come to St James's Hospital in Leeds

-with her three daughters.

-Tell me your story. How did all this start?

It's about six weeks ago now, isn't it?

I walked in one Tuesday morning, and I just saw in the corner,

-she was glowing in the corner.

-So then what happened?

Well, these two took me to the doctor's, didn't they?

-Straight to the doctor's.

-Yep.

-They found the cancer at the same time.

-So your pancreas - do you know what your pancreas does?

-Yes, it...

-I don't know, really. No, I'm not right sure.

-It produces insulin.

So, yeah, it makes insulin.

-You're all complicated inside, I do know that!

-You're absolutely right.

It makes the digestive juices that you digest your food with.

If you're normally fit and well,

we'd be looking at an operation, and the operation is probably

the biggest operation that you can have in the entire world.

Yes, I know that.

It will be a big hit but it's the only chance of cure.

When we're confronted with cancer, we all have different things

to weigh up, but one factor is always our age.

-You miss Mikey? Yeah?

-They all do.

Nine-year-old Mikey was rushed to the John Radcliffe Hospital

in Oxford for emergency brain surgery three weeks ago.

This is the first time his brothers and sisters have seen him

-since the operation.

-So what have you been up to today, then?

-Nothing much.

-Nothing much? He's looking a bit better.

-Yeah, and he's walking better.

-Yeah.

Um, right. So, my name's Caroline

and I'm a children's nurse from the Great Western Hospital...

Back in Wiltshire, Mikey's class has begun the autumn term without him.

I work with people with brain tumours

and any sort of cancer in children, OK?

And that's how I've got to know Mikey.

So in the summer holidays, Mikey got poorly

and he ended up in hospital, having a really big operation.

Does everyone know what's wrong with him? Can anyone tell me? Yeah?

-Did he have a brain tumour?

-He's got a brain tumour, yeah.

So they found a lump inside his head and did a big operation to

take as much as possible away, and then,

he has to start some treatment.

It's really, really rare, getting a brain tumour.

It's just something that's happened to Mikey

and you'll probably never see it happen to another child ever.

With his seven brothers and sisters to look after at home,

Mikey's mum and dad are taking it in turns to stay with him in hospital.

This time, it's his dad's turn to make the 50-mile journey back

to their village.

Bye, Mikey. All right?

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

-Bye, Mikey. Be good, won't you?

-Yeah.

-It won't be long before you're with us again.

-You'll be home soon.

-Yeah?

-Yeah?

-Come on, then.

-Bye.

-Bye.

Come on, then.

-Shall we talk about plan B?

-Yes. Please.

-So plan B...

-Plan B, yes?

-Plan B's chemo. So chemo will never cure it.

-No.

Won't get rid of it but it will slow it down

and you're looking at sort of 11, 12 months plus, OK?

The side effects or the complication rate is not...

-Is that instead of the operation?

-Instead of an operation.

I don't want that. I don't want that. I want that.

-You want to have it out?

-It's my body. I want that.

If I do the operation, 50% of patients, it'll come back.

-Don't come back?

-It will come back.

-It will come back?

50% will come back in one year.

If we don't do anything and it's not spread anywhere,

then you're looking at less than 12 months.

It physically felt like somebody punched you in the stomach

and your breath's gone.

When he said that, I heard what he said, but as soon as he left,

I looked at you, didn't I, and said, "Did I hear right? Did he say that?

"Did he actually say she wouldn't have long?"

I don't know what to do now. Have to think about that.

-You'll make the right decision.

-I'll make the right decision.

It's a lot to think about.

From the moment of diagnosis,

the race is on to find the right treatment.

-You'll have days where you feel, like, oh! It feels terrible.

-Yeah.

You've got to go through some, haven't you, to get the end result?

-Of course, yeah. As they say, no pain, no gain.

-Well, that's true.

Never a truer word spoken, is there?

Right, so I'm going to do your anti-sickness and your steroids in a mo.

-Do you get the prickling sensation from your steroids?

-No.

-Prickly bottom?

-No, I don't.

-No?

-Have I been missing out on something?

-Possibly!

And as we face each decision, it's those around us that keep us

on track.

I think it's your kids that carry you through

because you really want to be there for them

and you want to see them growing up.

I think my kids have been my biggest strength all through this.

Yeah? Look at you, grinning there!

That's the best sleep I've had in ages.

-The best sleep you've had in ages?

-Yeah.

-Is it?

And I've always known him as active and mobile and running around.

Then he was being sick,

he had headaches and he was walking as though he was drunk,

and they told us that he had a brain tumour,

which was a bit hard to even contemplate.

He's going to have a big one and he'll have a little one.

Mikey's dad, Peter,

has given up his job as a part-time gardener to look after the family.

It's the first time he and Mary have been apart in 20 years.

We knew we were going to be together the rest of our lives.

There was no ifs or buts about it.

We thought, what can we do to keep this bond together?

Why don't we have some children?

Eight was the number that we quoted when we first got together, yeah.

Quite enjoyed it, really, yeah, being a dad. Ha-ha!

Mm.

Mikey? Are you all right?

Mikey's cancer is rare and aggressive.

The recommended treatment is likely to take its toll.

And his parents have had to make the tough decision for it to go ahead.

By signing it, you still feel, "Did you make the right decision?"

I mean, that's how I feel.

Because, I mean, the outcome was if we didn't sign the consent form,

obviously, we'd lose him, he would die.

He's going to have chemotherapy

-and he will start that later on this afternoon.

-OK.

And it will be every two or three weeks in one of our beds,

-for two or three days.

-Right, OK.

And then in about four or five weeks' time, as well as that,

-he's going to have radiotherapy.

-Right.

The chemotherapy does have side-effects, so...

Yeah, they did say his hair's going to fall out.

And then another big side-effect is that occasionally,

the treatment itself could result in such a serious infection

-that he could actually die.

-Right, OK.

But what we do know, and I know that you know this,

-is he does need the treatment.

-Yes, I know.

-You're all onboard with that?

-We're well aware, yeah.

She's putting on a brave face.

Deep inside, I expect she really feels like me.

I mean, I still do have it in my mind that we might lose Mikey.

Um...but Mary says that she doesn't want to go there.

CHILDREN SING

It still sometimes feels like it's a dream.

Yeah. We've shed a few tears, I'll tell you.

CHILDREN CHAT

But now he's started, um...his chemo,

we just want to think along the lines that he is going to recover.

Yeah. Yep.

I know that this is a very aggressive tumour

and I know we've got a, you know, a big uphill struggle to beat it.

To date, you know, his chances of cure aren't good.

They're in the order of, um...20-30%.

So that's his chances of being cured, assuming that you can

give him the treatment that we've currently recommended

for this type of tumour.

Right, there we have it.

Amazing, isn't it? Huh!

Between rounds of chemotherapy, Mikey is allowed home.

-Hello, Mikey!

-This is his first time back in a month.

There you go, little buddy. You all right?

Hello, Phoebe!

-EXCITED CHATTER

-Hello!

-Hello!

Yay!

This is Mikey's bead of courage. It's got his name on.

And each of these represent each treatment he has,

every sleepover he has.

-Hello? Where's he gone, then?

-Toilet.

-Ah, right.

Oh, right.

Then there was a decision

which of the brothers and sisters should know.

-And the only ones we really have told is...

-The older ones know.

Because they understand what's going on.

-The younger ones just know that he's not been well.

-Yeah.

That he's a poorly little boy.

-We've told the older ones that he could die.

-Yeah.

-That must have been a really difficult conversation.

-Yeah.

It was a shock, wasn't it, my darling?

-HE SOBS

-Hey.

CHILDREN CHAT

I think he's a strong boy. I think he can pull through.

He'll get through this, I think. Yeah.

News of Mikey's diagnosis has travelled fast in his small village.

Gifts and kind words have quickly followed.

The village raised that for me.

Dad's going to put it on my bed and, um...I'm going to sleep on it.

Because this one's got springs poking out.

Starting treatment means handing over control of our bodies.

-Try and relax. I know it's dead difficult.

-I can't.

-I really do try, but...

-I know it's really hard.

There's nothing for it but to wait

for any side-effects to come knocking.

Nine months afterwards, after I'd had my op?

They gave us Viagra and it didn't work.

So...I was actually seeing the specialist, he said,

"You'll have to go to my erection clinic." I said, "You what?!"

You go into a room with a nurse and she's explaining all this

and you've got no trousers on and you're thinking, "Yeah.

"I don't fancy that needle stuck in there, thank you very much."

The one that's always near the top of the watch list is losing our hair.

While your hair's coming out, everything will drop into it,

instead of it going all over you and on your pillow.

Because I've just got visions of it just starting to come out

and I'll be bald.

She said she was having an afro, as well, at one point!

We do them, as well, if you want to try that on?

-I wouldn't mind, actually, you know.

-You want to?

-Yeah.

THEY LAUGH

All she needs on now is her disco pants

and she'll be doing her Saturday Night Fever!

The first thing you need to do is grab hold of that back section there.

OK, can you do that?

That's it.

Two months ago, 17-year-old Phoebe had a large tumour removed,

along with the kidney it was attached to.

I was, at that point, clinging on to the hope of, yes,

OK, I'll have my kidney out,

but people have that all the time, people survive with one kidney.

That's fine because it will only be a couple of weeks of pain

after the operation and then I'll be fine.

You'll probably feel the difference. It'll grip a bit better.

She now needs further treatment to stop the cancer coming back.

And this includes chemotherapy.

It really, really upset me when I found out.

It felt like things couldn't really get much worse

because she started going through the side-effects,

such as loss of fertility, loss of hair and, um...

It just felt like someone was punching me repeatedly.

So, whereabouts are you with your treatment? Have you started?

Yeah. I had two days of it.

Phoebe was, up until the summer of this year, six months ago,

or less, she was just a perfectly normal, happy,

high-achieving teenager.

Now we're looking down the barrel of that dreaded cancer word.

The consultant said that their aim is Phoebe being cured long-term.

They have only spoken in positive terms.

Yeah, they've only spoken in positive terms.

Try not to brush it too much at the moment

in case you get more in the hairbrush than you would hope for.

Right.

Phoebe will have eight months of chemotherapy in the teenage unit

at the Royal Marsden Hospital in Surrey.

But it's possible that chemotherapy alone will not be enough

to guarantee that any rogue cancer cells are killed.

-Hi.

-Dr Henry Mandeville. Very nice to meet you.

-Nice to meet you.

-Hello, hello. Nice to meet you.

-Hi there.

She's come today with her mum and boyfriend to discuss her options.

From the operation that you had, we believe the surgeons hopefully have

removed everything, but it's just weighing up the risks of

there being microscopic cells there that we can't see.

And that would be the reason for giving radiotherapy in addition.

I was just on my bed at the Royal Marsden

and just feeling like I wanted to escape.

The other component is there is another form of radiotherapy,

proton radiotherapy,

which currently, there's not proton radiotherapy in the UK,

but we have funding through the NHS to support proton therapy abroad.

Proton radiotherapy is highly targeted, which means far less damage

to surrounding organs than traditional radiotherapy.

The argument for protons is that it should have

a lower risk of long-term effects.

As Phoebe's tumour was growing towards her heart,

it's vitally important to minimise any risk.

But it'll mean spending nine weeks in America receiving treatment.

Then the decision really comes down to you, Phoebe, and to your family.

Phoebe needs to choose between having conventional radiotherapy

and proton radiotherapy, which is a relatively new form of treatment

and where the long-term effects aren't yet fully known.

It was just so shocking because I just thought,

well, if it's not treatment that you can get in England,

is that a bit sort of...?

I mean, I knew that it would be legitimate and everything,

but it just sounded a bit...

It perhaps wasn't very reassuring for me.

Kent has been put in the stocks because, effectively,

because he's King Lear's messenger.

Do you understand it?

I'm trying to.

While she undergoes treatment,

Phoebe's trying to continue her schoolwork.

Before this, I placed my identity a lot on school.

It's definitely taken away quite a lot of my identity,

so I've set myself the aim of

completing my English A level this year.

She is still willing to work.

I think if I was in her situation,

I would not even consider doing an A level.

-Could you hold this?

-Yeah, sure. Do you want me to...?

No, no, no. Just hold that.

Shortly before her diagnosis, she and Alex had got together.

Now, as the length of her treatment's become apparent,

he's delayed starting university to be with her.

He wanted to spend time with me this year,

helping me get through treatment.

It's really amazing, especially considering that

before I got my diagnosis,

we had only been together for about two months.

So it's pretty incredible!

No-one wants to make life or death decisions,

but cancer forces us to do just that.

Should it be this treatment, that treatment, or no treatment at all?

I was determined I wanted the operation, but when he said

there's no guarantee it won't come back in a year,

I thought, well, why go through all that just for that?

-Have you been to school?

-Yeah.

I go to school on Wednesday and I go to nursery on Tuesday.

Oh, do you?

You know, I were going over and over it again.

It was just nattering me.

And I knew I had to make my mind up one way or the other.

And I don't want the operation and I don't want chemo.

It was really hard to hear that...there was no hope

and that, actually, she wasn't going to go down any of them avenues.

-But it was almost a massive relief.

-Mm.

She can have a very dignified, quiet end,

-can't she, with us with her?

-Mm.

Which we don't wish to think about, really, but we have to, don't we?

Why be poorly when you can have quality of life? That's what I want.

So, you know, I just want to see my family and carry on.

I'm not looking on the black side.

-# La-la! #

-Yeah!

-1990.

-Sarah, yeah, Sarah.

SHE CHUCKLES

'It's lovely. I love my family.

'I've got three daughters, eight grandchildren,

'17 great-grandchildren.'

They're lovely, them. I haven't seen them for a long while.

'Yeah, we are close, yeah, yeah.'

This is me. Me and my spouse.

50 years together and he died at home.

He died in my arms in the bathroom.

He had a heart attack.

'My nana is, I don't know, she's just a really special person.'

She's very... I don't know anyone else like her, let's put it that way.

That's Sarah having a bath. She was a lovely baby, was Sarah.

'We were close before, definitely,

'but it's definitely developed even more in the last ten years.'

-You've got my necklace on, haven't you, love?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-I love this necklace.

-Yeah, it's a lovely necklace, is that.

I'm glad you're wearing it.

She's courting. I don't know when they're getting married,

but I says, "I want to be living when you two get married, so don't wait too long."

SHE LAUGHS

Everybody dies, but we know Mum has not got as long as she would like.

And I said, "You know, Mum,

-"you need to cram in everything you want to do."

-Have a bucket list.

Have a bucket list, have something going on.

We'll have to get our heads together, Mum, and think.

-Leave it to you.

-No, no, it's got to be your wish list.

-I don't want to go to Morecambe, that's for sure.

-Right, OK.

Because there's nothing at Morecambe.

What's the first thing that comes to your mind?

-Ballet.

-There you go.

-The ballet.

-Ballet comes first to mind.

-Maybe we should take...

-Seaside next.

Maybe we should take you to London to see, um... At Covent Garden.

-See what?

-See the Royal Ballet.

Oh, I'd love to go. I'd love to see the Royal Ballet.

I'm going to get spoilt, aren't I?

We're all someone's mother, father, son, daughter, friend.

-I've always come with him.

-Do you not find it boring?

Well, I usually bring a paper or something like that to do

and I think about things.

-So, are you happy with that one?

-Yeah.

-You look lovely.

-Yeah, it does, doesn't it? Do you think so?

-Yeah.

-It looks nice.

-It really suits you.

-It does suit me, doesn't it?

-That's what you need, your family around you.

-Yeah.

-That's what daughters are here for, aren't they?

-Aw!

I said to her, "I couldn't have got through it without you. Everybody."

Because it's a big journey, isn't it?

-Course it is, course it is.

-And you're frightened.

-Course.

-Aw, don't cry. You're getting me off now.

-I'm sorry!

MACHINES BEEP

As long as they get my husband better, it doesn't matter.

You all right, Mikey?

'Today, he's back on the chemotherapy.'

HE EXHALES

Then there'll be a lot more of this, with his hair falling out.

It started to a couple of days ago.

It's a shame, he had lovely hair. But there you go.

But ten days' later, Mikey's chemotherapy

is having more of an impact than just hair loss.

Oh, dear.

You're going to be a very, very brave boy, yeah?

His temperature was dangerously high

and he's been rushed to paediatric critical care.

MACHINE BEEPS

I don't like it in here cos of all the noise.

Screaming and shouting.

Crying.

To see a child suffer like that, you know, it is a bit daunting

and when it's your own child and you realise, you know,

the pain that they suffer, it's not nice.

He urgently needs to continue his treatment

to prevent any further growth of the tumour,

but fluid from around his brain

is collecting in pockets under his scalp.

This and his high temperature has forced them to delay treatment.

I'll swap these ones around, Mikey.

-Oh, there's Mummy back.

-Hello, Mum.

I...

..feel anxious about his treatment.

We're only four weeks into his chemotherapy

and already we're hitting some quite significant problems.

They're not unexpected problems.

Do you want to pop the new one on?

-Good morning!

-Morning!

So, when we had a look at this yesterday, it was big, it was soft.

'The problem that he's got with this abnormal collection of spinal fluid

'at the back of his neck needs addressing

'and this has been drained several times.'

-We've been through this before, haven't we?

-Yeah, he's been so good.

You've been brave every single time.

Of course, that then makes me anxious

that we're maybe ending up with some delays in his treatment.

'I know that it's in his best interests

'that he has his radiotherapy'

as soon after his initial diagnosis as possible.

Keep your eyes open, keep looking at me.

Keep smiling. You're doing brilliant.

-How you going, Mike?

-Fine.

-Yeah?

That's a good boy.

Phoebe has decided that proton radiotherapy is the right thing

for her, and she, Alex and her mum are on their way to Florida.

Until proton radiotherapy arrives in the UK in 2018,

the NHS pays for some patients and their families

to travel abroad for treatment.

I think that chime thing

is when people have finished their treatment, they ring the bell.

-That's really lovely.

-Yeah.

-Aw!

Would it be better with the wig off?

-Actually, yes, it would, yeah.

-OK.

-Yeah, yeah.

You actually fooled me there, that's a pretty good one.

I didn't even know that.

Yeah, we want as consistent as we can be.

Phoebe will have daily bursts of proton radiation

around the site of the original tumour,

in the hope of eradicating any remaining cancer cells

with as little collateral damage as possible.

You know, it's so lovely for her that you're here

because otherwise she'd have no-one her age.

-It'd just be Mum! It's really tough.

-Mmm.

After I was first diagnosed,

I kept on saying to myself, "I'm not going to let this affect me,"

and obviously, you know, that's completely naive.

It affects you and so there's, yeah,

a slow transition into realising that naivety.

"My name is Phoebe and welcome to my blog.

"I've been procrastinating doing something like this

"for a ridiculously long time.

"At first, I just wanted to forget everything.

"I couldn't conceive of a day where I would want to reminisce

"and harken back to my time in intensive care,

"but that was six months ago now and a lot has changed."

-TEARFULLY:

-I think writing the blog,

it's bringing back all of these memories and so...

Cos I didn't kind of... I just bottled it all up at the time.

I don't really know what to do about hair.

Why do you think you've suddenly started thinking about

whether to cut it off, though?

Because I was just looking in the mirror at the proton centre today

when I was in the changing rooms and I just thought,

"It's not kind of a bald look,

"but it's not a look where I'm a girl with kind of nice hair.

"It's just kind of weird wispy bits,"

so I was just thinking, maybe I should just be one or the other.

Goodbye, sweet hair!

Yes, I'm ready.

Ready?

-Just do it.

-Just do it?

-OK.

OK.

Oh...

A lot of people, when they heard that I was carrying on with

the English A-level, were saying, "Oh, that's absolutely amazing.

"You should be so proud of yourself,"

and so it was quite a difficult thing for me to do, to accept

that this was something that was affecting me and I couldn't do it.

I guess it just feels like an injustice

when kind of, with all of the work stuff,

and maybe that's why I'm feeling like this because...

Sorry.

Tell me if you want me to stop filming.

I'm so proud of you.

You're my strong girl.

I hadn't really thought it would matter,

but it's just a bit shocking.

Yeah.

I was going to meet my friend in Manchester

and I got on the train and saw a lady with a shaved head

and I remember sitting there - I'll never forget that moment -

and thinking, "Oh, if I have to have chemo, I'm going to lose this."

Yeah, your hair, yeah. God!

-And I just thought, "Oh, you're overreacting."

-All right.

-Can you just hold on to the front there?

-Yeah, yeah.

Is it too curly for you?

No, it's not too curly cos my hair can be really, really curly.

I prefer the straight one.

What do you mean, you prefer the straight one?

-Do you ever have your hair straight?

-Yeah.

-Hang on a minute...

Remember that time when you had your hair done

and I really fancied you and it was straight?

That was a good night, wasn't it?

What you trying to say, "I don't fancy you now"?

Of course I fancy you!

It's nearly nine months since June decided not to have treatment.

Stunning! Look at that, eh?

She was given up to a year to live.

I made my own decision and I made the right one.

I'm doing all right, love, I'm doing all right.

And I'm going out a bit now.

# The sun has got his hat on Hip-hip-hip-hooray

# The sun has got his hat on and he's going out to play... #

SHE LAUGHS

-Five hours and the curtains'll be raising.

-Mmm. Yeah, it'll be lovely.

'I've always wanted to go to Covent Garden

'and I've only been to one ballet.

'I've never been able to afford to go.

'So I've had my wish, haven't I?

'I'm going to enjoy the time I've got left.'

BEEPING

We've had a wonderful marriage, haven't we, really?

-We have, we've been very lucky.

-We've been in many places.

-We've been, really, nearly all round the world.

-Twice.

-Twice!

If you can do it today, do it.

Don't wait until tomorrow

because you never know what's round the corner.

If you'd asked me 11 years ago when I'd first got cancer,

would I be able to climb Machu Picchu,

I would have said no, you know.

But I did it, you know?

I was on chemo at the time and people were saying,

"You can't go to Peru. You can't go to Brazil.

"You'll get all sorts of infections," you know?

And I went to the Amazon jungle, you know, lived in the Amazon.

I did, you know... Amazing things I've done, you know.

-Are we in this one?

-Yeah, I'll help you down the steps.

-You got a tissue? Everybody got a tissue?

-Got one.

You got a tissue, Sarah?

APPLAUSE

CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

'I remember in the performance kind of glancing at her and seeing her.'

She was just mesmerised.

It's brilliant, isn't it? It's brilliant.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Oh, fantastic!

-Oh, that were beautiful. Beautiful.

-That were lovely.

-It's been far more emotional watching you in there!

-Thanks, love.

-Thank you.

Oh, dear.

-You enjoyed it?

-Oh, I enjoyed it, love. I could watch it again.

I could watch it all again.

Another one of my goals gone, thanks to you.

-Be a good mummy.

-I will.

Last night after the performance, June took a turn for the worse.

I were all right when I was sat down,

but it were when I got up, my legs were like jelly.

They're just like jelly.

I would have fallen if everybody hadn't have helped me

cos my legs just wouldn't go.

-Yesterday was a little bit of a worry for us, Mum.

-I know, love.

-We were very concerned about you.

-I understand.

'It was really quite... You know, we were worried about her.'

We were devastated. We thought that this would be... We're on...

You know, we're already on that journey, kind of thing.

I know we're on the journey, but on that final kind of journey.

-Oh, Sandra, don't.

-Things are changing, Mum.

-Things ARE changing.

-No, they're not.

Not changing like you think they are.

You don't cry as easily as you get older. I used to cry at everything.

Mikey has recovered his strength

and has begun the final stage of his treatment -

a daily dose of radiotherapy for five weeks.

So, after a fairly rocky start,

he is now midway into his radiotherapy

and we're also being able to give chemotherapy alongside that

and he's tolerating his treatment now very well.

Do you want your beads?

MUSIC: If You're Happy And You Know It

Because he's doing so well, Mikey's able to spend more time at home.

Ha-wa!

'Well, we are looking ahead to the day we're called in

'and they say it's good news, the treatment's worked.'

That's what we hope.

Here you are, put this on your lap.

After four months of treatment,

Mikey's able to go into school for half a day to see his friends.

-Have you got your pencil case?

-Yeah.

-Are you ready to go?

-No!

-Just a bit unnerving, I suspect, isn't it?

-You a bit nervous?

-No.

-No?

-Yeah, I am.

-You are a bit. You'll be fine.

-I've never been to school like this.

Bye!

Yep.

-Hello!

-Hello!

-What have you been doing?

-Nothing much, really.

-I bet it's been boring in hospital.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Are you feeling well?

-Yeah.

A couple of the children have brought you something.

-Thank you.

-I've brought you a card I made.

-Thank you.

Thank you.

Careful you don't whack your fingers, Mikey!

-Grrr!

-Aaah!

You caught my hand.

-Have you missed everyone in school?

-Yeah.

-We've missed you.

-Shall I tell you what we've got to come?

-Yes, please.

We've got, I think, two lots of Christmas puddings are coming,

but obviously there's, you know, ten of them, isn't there,

so I think it's...

Everybody obviously learnt about Mikey and, you know,

"What can we do? What can we do?"

And it's really difficult

and I think people want to do something

and it's just really hard to know what to do,

but, obviously, coming up to Christmas, a hamper

seemed like an obvious thing to do and everybody wants to help.

-It's Mrs Cardy.

-Is it?

-Is it Miss Cardy?

-Yeah, and Karen.

Yeah, but they're not coming here, are they?

-They are.

-Are they?

-Come on, then. Mikey, come on.

No, just open the door.

Hiya!

-Oh, my goodness!

-We had a bit of a whipround.

LAUGHTER

A few trips to do!

Sneak peek! A sneak peek!

-Ooh!

-What do you think, Mikey?

-A sneaky peek!

-A sneaky peek?

There's an awful lot to sneaky peek at.

-Anything you like the look of in here?

-Yeah!

-Thank you.

I'm so overwhelmed...

Do you know what, I think

it's just a very small thing that we could do when times are a bit tough.

-Thanks a lot!

-Aw!

Just to make life a little bit easier for you.

-It's so kind of everybody.

-Everybody wanted to help.

I hope it just makes things a little easier.

-Tell everybody, thank you.

-We will, of course we will. We will.

It's five days since June returned from London.

-Hello?

-Hi!

-Hello, love.

-You all right, Mum?

-So, Nana...

-What?

-I've got something to tell you.

-What? Go on, tell me.

-Wait a minute.

Oh, blooming heck! What's up with him? Hell!

What the heck's up with him?

Oh, congratulations, love! Oh!

-Next step's the wedding.

-Yeah.

-I'm really pleased for you, love.

I am, it's lovely. Lovely solitaire.

It's a nice surprise, is that, today, though.

He knows I want to be at your wedding.

I'm not planning on going anywhere. I'm staying here as long as I can.

You won't get rid of me yet.

Oh, that's lovely.

It's the final day of Phoebe's proton radiotherapy in Florida.

TUBULAR BELLS CHIME

She can now return home to England

to complete her final cycle of chemotherapy.

I really like that colour.

-That blue is really nice, I think. It would suit you.

-Yeah.

"Cancer is random and it isn't put there to teach us anything.

"There is no answer to the 'why me?' question -

"just as valid, in reality, to ask, 'Why not me?'

"So there is no moral to the story.

"There are just the events as they happened

"and that's what I'm going to write about."

-OK.

-So, I think you just go like that...

-Style me!

-Like that and over there.

-Careful!

-I'm trying.

Like, that over there and that round the back, like that.

-Don't poke my eyes!

-I'm trying not to.

Whatever I'd gone through, we'd gone through as a couple.

I've never - fortunately, thanks to you -

-never had to go through it on my own.

-Mmm.

I mean, I shudder sometimes and think,

"Could I have gone through it on my own?" And I think, "No."

When Mikey was diagnosed, he was given a 20-30% chance of cure.

His treatment's now coming to an end and he's coping well,

but the time's approaching for the first guide

on how these odds are playing out.

-He needs another scan of his head.

-Yes, sure.

So, it will be very important when he has the scan to say,

you know, "Is there anything there?"

If the tumour comes back, that would be a very serious situation.

-Mm-hmm, yeah.

-And I think we would really have

a very honest conversation about what the situation is

and what his chances of being cured and I can tell you now

that if this comes back,

this particularly horrid sort of tumour, you know,

the chances of him being cured long term are really, really slim.

He doesn't really want to think that it's not going to work.

No, but I think once you know it's something bad,

you've got to have hope.

Hmm.

I don't actually fancy telling Mikey the worst-case scenario, not yet.

Look at all these big buildings over here.

There, that big building there.

There's that big screen up there, look.

-Whoa!

-Massive, isn't it?

While Mikey's future remains uncertain,

Mary's taking the opportunity

to do some things with him he's never done before.

-Wow! Wow, look at this.

-It's Big Ben!

-It's Big Ben!

It's up there, look.

Look at the big wheel. There we go.

It's massive, isn't it? Thank you.

Whereabouts shall we go, Mikey?

Want to sit here?

Yeah, shall we see what we can see? Look over there.

-Have a good look round.

-That's the whole of London?

Yeah, it's the whole of London.

Waterloo Bridge...

It's wonderful, really.

Yeah, it's nice to spend that extra time together.

It just meant something, you know, so, so special.

-RECORDED VOICE:

-Please stand in the photo areas

as indicated by the footprints on the capsule floor

and remember to smile.

Whoo!

No!

But, you know, I'm glad I spent the time with him, really.

I think for your parents, it's awful, yeah,

cos my parents are in their 80s and quite fit and healthy

so they've got the prospect of, you know, seeing me die.

Yeah, that's the worst. That's the worst thing, really.

It's now nearly a year since June turned down treatment

and she's recently had to spend a few days in hospital.

'That week, I'd been sick every night, you know, sick as a dog.

'I had two blood transfusions, I had plasma. I had all sorts.

'I'm not in any pain at all. No, I'm not in any pain.

'The tumour is growing. Mine's moving now over my stomach.'

I don't know which way it's going, but you just use your imagination.

As long as it doesn't come up my throat.

And the doctor says, "You've been lucky to have a year."

Oh, dear, Mavis. We haven't much money...

-BOTH:

-But we do see life.

-Have another piece if you want, Mavis, there's plenty.

-No.

-No, I've had enough, June.

-Are you slimming?

-No.

I thought you might be!

THEY LAUGH

We've been friends 76 years, yeah.

I've seen her deteriorate, yeah, yeah.

You will go down all at once.

Yeah, I know I will. Thank you, Mavis(!)

"All at once"! She's cheerful, isn't she? I know that, I know that.

I know just how I'll go, love.

I know all about it, but I don't want to dwell on it.

I don't want to dwell on it, Mavis.

No. But I'm looking forward to this wedding.

-I hope I'm all right for the wedding.

-When is it?

-It's in spring.

-We don't fall out, do we?

-Not very often, no.

Well, nothing's ever perfect.

Sometimes, Frieda tries to mollycoddle me,

but we rub along very well together.

-BEEPING

-Is that my beep?

-I think it is.

-Oh, good.

That means I'm nearly at the end of my treatments.

Even after treatment,

our relationship with cancer is never over.

Phoebe's recovered enough to think about returning to school.

How are you? How is everything?

-We've missed you so much.

-I've missed you too.

Yeah, it feels great.

I mean, gosh, I don't really know where to start.

'To kind of be going back into it, it feels almost like going

'back in time slightly,'

so, yeah, it is exciting.

It's going to be so weird going back to school.

But nice.

'I think the proton beam was definitely the right decision.

'They wouldn't have suggested it'

if they thought it was going to be exactly the same

as the thing that they could give at the Marsden.

'She's been willing to admit when she's annoyed.'

She's been able to laugh. She's been able to find a happy period.

She's been able to thank her mum for all the work that she's done

and appreciate all the people around her and, of course,

she's been pissed off and suffered with it,

but she's been one of those people

who simply goes about it in the best way for them

and I'm really proud of her for that.

I think this experience has really bonded us, actually, and, you know,

without this experience, we would just be such a different couple.

I think cancer has become a large part of my life

and I think just slowly beginning to push it out of my life will be...

I mean, not completely, but just creating some room slowly

to push it away, to get some other stuff in there.

Mikey's come for the critical scan

to see what effect his treatment's had.

This is the Darth Vader moment.

'Well, we're not building up our hopes

'until we've actually heard the result of the scan.

'We'll celebrate a bit if it's what we're all longing to hear.'

Waiting on tenterhooks at the moment.

In North Yorkshire,

it's the day everyone's been hoping June will live to see.

I think once the decision for no treatment was made,

she stuck to her guns.

It said it were going to be nice today.

I'm right pleased cos what it were like yesterday, all that snow...

'It's something that I never thought was going to happen.'

I'm just feeling so relieved that she's actually...there.

Isn't it lovely? Yeah, lovely.

-Will I do?

-You'll do!

I think this is the most nerve-racking part, eh?

Fine.

So, I mean, I know what you want to know is the scan result

that you've had and I'm sorry you've had to wait a little bit,

but I've got the scan result

-and it's, erm, it's fine.

-Good.

You don't have to expect bad news.

-So we cannot see any definite tumour on the scan.

-Right, good.

-Which is great.

-Yeah.

-Which is absolutely great.

-It is, yeah.

-Yay!

-You know, it's really good news.

-Yeah, it is.

In terms of monitoring Mikey,

he's actually going to need monitoring for ever,

but, considering the conversations you had right at the beginning,

it's great to be sitting here and, you know,

let's press on forward with lots of positivity.

Yeah, yeah.

Sounding good. That's what we wanted to hear.

That's a weight off my mind, that. A hell of a weight.

Mikey!

Mikey!

-Come on, then, this way.

-Mikey!

-Mikey! Give us a hug, then.

Mikey!

Hey, Mikey! Congratulations!

Congratulations!

Cancer strips us bare and confronts us

with the harshest decisions.

We're thankful medicine gives us a chance,

but weighing our lives in our hands is tough.

-Right, that's all his beads for being down there this week.

-Yep.

-And that is the final one.

-Aw!

-For end of treatment.

In the end, it's our families and our friends, our communities,

that help us to get through it.

When this goes on, I want everybody, right, to give Mikey a big cheer.

THEY CHEER

'It's a complete and utter miracle, isn't it,

'what the specialists have done.'

And we're glad we've got our little boy, you know, still.

I mean, whether a person has the will to fight cancers

and that, I don't really know, but because we're a large family

and we've got the love of each other and that, it's helped us to cope.

'Nobody lives for ever and, I mean, if you've had a good life,

'you should be thankful for what you've had.

'I've a good family so I've a lot to be thankful for and,'

you know, I've had 84 good years.

Would you like to kiss your bride?

APPLAUSE

Oh, I paid for my funeral years ago, you know, cos a friend,

she said to me one day, "I've just paid for my funeral."

I said, "Ooh, you are morbid." She says, "No, it's plain common sense.

"They're going up every year."

Come on, give us a kiss, love.

I'm not frightened of death. No, I'm not frightened of it.

I've got a bit of a health issue. Prostate cancer. Yeah.

Everything's been ripped away from you - all the stability,

all the scaffolding you have

and now you're on this little rocky road now.

-Be good. Be strong. Be...

-No time to reflect, babe.

Can you see those two lions there?

We're doing normal things in a world where we know it isn't normal

because obviously Mark is so well

and we don't understand how we could be told he's terminal.

Dare I ask how things are with God at the moment?

You know, I was angry. "I've done this once.

"Why are you asking me to do this again?"

Everybody down there have all got perfect health, just walking about.

I just want to be down there, you know?

I want to be back in that thing we call life.

Are you or someone you know living with cancer?

The Open University has produced a free booklet about how you can

make a difference to the lives of people affected by cancer.

To order your free copy, please call 0300 303 2465

or go to bbc.co.uk/bigc and follow the links to the Open University.