Episode 3 The Big C & Me

There's a community of people in Britain that's growing every day.

It's big. There are two-and-a-half million of us.

Breathe in and hold your breath.

You may know some of us.

Perhaps you're a member yourself.

We all have cancer.

There is no right or wrong of living with it.

Life has got to carry on.

That's the thing, you see?

Life has got to carry on, hasn't it?

That's right.

There are two-and-a-half million of us living with cancer,

and nearly 1,000 more join us every day.

The biopsies show breast cancer.

I thought they would.

I'm sorry for being so blunt.

It's all right.

But don't make the mistake of thinking a diagnosis

is always a death sentence.

All right, dear, now? Are you better now?

I am. I feel better now.

Now, for the first time, at least half of us will survive.

I'm no way on the way out, not for a long way. No.

No, I'm not going anywhere yet.

But then again, about half of us won't.

I said to the wife, "Do you think I'm going to die?"

And she told me, "Don't be so bleedin' stupid.

"You're going to be here for ages."

But I love you.

Give us a kiss.

Shut up, stupid.

It's time to ditch the hushed tones, the awkwardness.

Just to let you know that the steroid that we give,

when it's going in, it can give you a bit of a prickly bottom.

Oh, I see what you mean.

We want to share what it's really like to live with cancer.

You want to shout at people and say,

"Well, can't you just stop? Because my world has stopped."

None of us have chosen to be here,

but, still, welcome to our world.

-Bum in. Swing your feet up.

-Thank you.

-Marvellous.

It's just another day in one of the many chemotherapy units

around the country.

It's still dripping.

-Hmm?

-It's still dripping.

MACHINE BEEPS

You've been off your food.

-Yeah, I've lost over a stone in weight.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

And I can't... This is it.

I've got to put it back on, they said.

But I'm only little - I shouldn't have to put it all back on.

Yeah, you look fine to me from here.

I'll tell you what I was told years ago,

when I was first diagnosed with it,

helps with getting your appetite going - sherry.

-Sherry? Yeah?

-Yeah, yeah.

-Sherry.

-Yeah, because it's 45.

-Sherry?

Yeah, I saw that years ago.

-I'm not a drinker, you see. That's my trouble.

-Yeah. Yeah.

That's where you've gone wrong.

Yeah, that's where you've gone wrong.

That's why you're in here - you've not been drinking enough.

-So you've got a little boy?

-Yeah.

-Oh, bless him.

-Just two... Just two and a bit years old.

Oh, gosh, I remember... Mine is 20 now.

Two and a bit and mine's 20, crikey!

-Oh, I'm here...

-So, you're...

I'm here every week.

-Are you?

-Touch wood, it's doing good.

Good. Yeah. I've got another three rounds of this oxaliplatin.

Yeah.

But, for me, like, they've told me it's a terminal diagnosis.

There are some things you never want to hear from your doctor,

but, inevitably, loads of people do.

-Let's get you dressed, shall we, James?

-Yes.

Let's get the T-shirt off.

Oh...

You going to be a nightmare for me? Yes, you are.

-MARK CHUCKLES

-Sit up.

When Mark was 27, he was diagnosed with stage four bowel cancer.

Right leg.

Five years of treatment has kept him alive

but he knows the clock is ticking.

'I really want James to know that I am

'a dad who is in love with his son, even though I might not be there.'

-Shall we get going to nursery, James?

-Yeah.

Do your zip up.

All right, let's go. 'He's two and a quarter years old

'and he knows who I am and he loves me to bits,

'but, at the moment, I know he's too young to remember me

'when he's older.'

I don't know when I'm going to die so I want to make a journal

to say, you know,

"I know I can't be there with you,

"but I wanted to be part of your life."

When he gets married or things like that.

You know, "I want you to know that I've thought about those things that

"I won't be able to celebrate with you, those days...

"..but I am there."

But, in the short term, I want to be there for his first day of school.

MARK'S VOICE BREAKS

And that's my main...

HE INHALES

..my main focus in the next three years, if...

You know, I'm hoping not to die in that timescale.

My main focus is to be there on my son's first day of school.

But whether Mark makes that day depends on the spread of his cancer.

He's come with his wife Kerrie to find out his latest results.

-KERRIE:

-'We don't know what they're going to say

'so we can't prepare ourselves for the outcome.

'They could give us the worst news possible -

'that it's spread even further.'

Mark Bridges, please.

-Hello, Mark.

-Hello.

-Hello. Come on in.

-Hiya.

-Hello, nice to see you.

-Nice to see you. Have a sit down.

Thank you.

Right, how are you doing?

I'm very well, actually.

-I really can't complain in the last couple of weeks.

-Yeah.

-It's been really...

-It's been good.

-It's been, well, quite good, and I've not been sick.

-OK.

And it's been great because I've been able to spend time

with my family and that, which has meant a lot to me, so, yeah.

-So, you've got your scan.

-Yeah.

-You can see it's quite a long report.

-Yeah, it is.

I think that... I think, reading through it,

essentially it looks like things are stable.

There are no new areas in the chest, in the lungs.

and the areas that are there

are roughly the same size as they were before.

-So it's not come back to my liver or anything like that?

-No.

-Bowel?

-No, no.

Just remained stable in my lungs and hasn't come back anywhere else.

I was waiting for a "but" on your list.

-Yeah.

-I know, that's what I was waiting for.

-No. Yeah.

-That's kind of a positive thing, I think. Do you?

-Yeah.

-Brilliant, really. Brilliant.

-Well done.

-Thank you very much.

-Thank you very much.

-OK.

-Good to see you.

Thank you. Thanks very much.

Come on, then, James.

Kick to Daddy. Yeah.

I was always expecting growth of the tumours I had,

so, just to know that I'm not deteriorating

at a really rapid rate,

that's what was the best feeling, knowing that this has, kind of,

stabilised and I'm exactly the same as I was three months ago.

And in terms of the rest of my life, how long I've got to live,

it just makes me think, "Yeah, it's going to be longer."

-MARK LAUGHS

-You silly-billy.

You're a silly sausage, aren't you?

You can't get away from the fact that cancer is bad news.

There was a time when it was the worst news in the world.

When you're first diagnosed, you think,

-"That's it. End of story." Don't you?

-Yeah. Yeah.

-That's...

-That's just the start of the journey.

Yeah, of course it is. Yeah.

But the pendulum is swinging the other way

and, thanks to early diagnosis and advances in treatment,

some cancers aren't quite as bad as you might think.

So, which one have you got? Which cancer have you got?

-Cervix.

-Cervix, yeah.

You'll be all right.

I'm still here after 15 years. I think...

-Just keep going.

-Keep going.

Claire, I'll see you a bit later.

50-year-old Steve from South East London

is a self-employed painter and decorator.

It's very competitive, my job.

There's so many people to take your place, really.

You can't take your foot off the gas, as it were.

You've got to be on the pulse, really.

I do put myself under a lot of pressure.

Steve got his cancer diagnosis three weeks ago.

Now, with an operation on the cards,

he's under pressure to get all his remaining work wrapped up.

-How are you doing, mate? Are you all right, son?

-Not bad. You?

Yeah, sweet, yeah.

-This is Les, by the way - my main man.

-Hi. All right?

All right, what are we doing, then?

Les, let's just hit this lid. Hit this lid. Hit this area.

Only because it's nice and clean, and I ain't intruding on anybody.

How long have you known Steve?

I've known Steve a long time, a long, long time.

-30 years, that long?

-STEVE EXHALES

I think I see Steve more than his wife sees him,

because I'm with him every day.

-I work with him every day.

-LES LAUGHS

He's always working too hard, Steve.

He works hard, hard all the time, and Saturdays, Sundays....

And I always say, "Steve, you've got to slow down, mate.

"It's too much."

-Les, you know that job around the corner?

-Yeah.

-I might have to go there tomorrow, or you, or us.

-Yeah.

Because we arranged it before, didn't we?

Ben, how are you? You're not flying?

Yeah, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, thanks for that job anyway, by the way. I did...

I was going to price it, but I've got a bit...

I've got a bit of... I've got a bit of a health issue.

Prostate cancer.

Yeah.

Basically, I'm getting it removed in five weeks.

I'd like it to be earlier,

but, you know, I've got to get this bit of work done and then...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so...

Yeah, it's put me out of the ball game for a little while.

Yeah, take care, Ben. Cheers, mate. Bye.

Bye-bye.

Les, I've been cleaning my vinyl all weekend,

so you can have it when I pass away.

Yeah. I've got a nice little cleaning thing.

What about the van keys? Can I have the van keys?

Yeah, I've got you insured on it now,

so you ain't go to worry about that.

You don't know what to say.

It's like someone tells you that and you don't know what to say.

You know what I mean?

To hear that from a friend, you're thinking, "What?"

It's scary. It's very scary.

Do you know what I mean? It makes you think.

But I still want his record collection, though.

Definitely taken the wind out of my sails, really.

You know, I'm a bit more of a serious Steve now -

not as jolly or happy-go-lucky any more.

Only found in men, the prostate gland

is tucked behind the bladder and secretes seminal fluid.

Steve's needs to come out but it's a tricky operation in a tricky place.

Oh, I could do without it, really.

I was having a right good old time with life -

bringing my kids up and paying my mortgage.

I was having a good old time.

And it's likely he's going to have to live with the common side effects

of impotence and incontinence for a while.

I'm a worrier.

Everybody says I'm a worrier but my worry is my business.

I don't want to stop working cos, you know, that's going to be...

that's going to affect my income.

The surgery will also put work on hold for two months,

which is going to have an impact on all of Steve's family.

Unfortunately, we didn't have any mortgage insurance -

critical illness insurance -

for our mortgage, so that wasn't an option,

but having a mortgage holiday was, so that takes a bit of pressure off.

We'll see. We just have to work something out.

Keep things to a minimum,

keep things sensible,

and go with what we've got.

All right, H? Henry? Austin?

-How are you doing? You all right?

-Yeah, good.

Let's have a touch, then.

Deep down, yeah, he's... He's...

He's... Yeah, he's a bit worried.

It's just a strange, strange time.

THEY LAUGH

-VOICE BREAKING:

-It makes me happy to see them playing. Yeah.

Erm, they always love having their dad around, playing,

you know, going out there.

So, yeah. Sorry, a bit emotional there.

Erm...

Well, you can see, you know, you can see how much they love it -

a bit of attention from Dad.

Oh, class A!

He'll be back out there before you know it, hopefully.

Hopefully.

Oof!

Sorry!

As science continues to push the boundaries of treatment,

the death sentence that cancer once handed out to us

has been reduced to life.

Darling, I'm very impressed with your aubergine cooking.

-HE SCRAPES THE PAN

-That's jolly good.

You're a star - A1 aubergine cook.

Six years ago, Katy underwent treatment for a malignant melanoma -

a notoriously unpredictable skin cancer.

Two months ago, the cancer returned.

It did make me cry

because I thought, "Hey, I've got to six years.

"You told me I only needed to get to five and I've done an extra year."

And I really thought I was out of this.

I really thought I was out of this.

I mean, only a few months before, we'd been...

You'd actually been called, hadn't you, with the all clear?

Well, no, I mean, a year ago.

-Hmm.

-Yeah.

-June last year.

-It was a year.

-Oh, June last year, yes.

-June last year.

Because I always remember you saying things like,

"Oh, it's going to be five years all clear.

"Then it's ten years all clear."

In my mind it was like, "You've got through it. You're all clear."

-"Does that make sense?"

-Yeah. Yeah.

A couple weeks after Katy discovered the second melanoma,

it was successfully removed,

and scans now confirm that she is cancer-free.

This time, Katy was lucky, her melanoma was still operable,

but there is a 50-50 chance that it will return again

and she may not be so fortunate next time.

When you've had a cancer come back the second time

and it's come back in a place

that they didn't expect it to come back, you know,

at a time they didn't expect it to come back,

you lose trust in your own body.

But now, a lifeline has been thrown out -

Katy has been given the chance to join a clinical trial,

testing a new kind of drug treatment known as immunotherapy

that, if successful, will prevent the cancer ever returning,

but there are risks.

When you first called me and said, "I've been offered this trial,"

and you listed some of the side effects to me, and I instantly...

I didn't say it to you, but my instant reaction was,

"No, you can't do this. Those side effects are too scary.

"They've operated. They've removed it. It was successful.

"Why would you bother?

"Why would you pump drugs into you that you don't need?"

And it was only until you truly explained to me that,

if you didn't do anything and you sat back and did nothing,

actually you'd always be thinking, "What if?"

And I, you know, make no bones about it with you,

because you're all adults, that I am nervous about it, obviously.

And I'm going to see how it goes,

and that's saying two fingers to cancer,

and I am carrying on, mate.

-Hello, everybody!

-Hello!

-How are you?

-Thanks so much.

-I'm very well.

-Nice to see you.

-And you.

-Woohoo!

-So beautiful.

-OK.

-Woohoo!

-Amazing.

It does look quite different.

To see it reborn into a new creation,

and for a new marriage,

is just something that's quite special.

-Crazy.

-Hmm.

The day before Katy discovered the melanoma had returned,

her 18-year-old daughter Harriet announced her engagement.

SHE CHUCKLES

Amazing, just remembering, you know, there's mine and Peter's dates

of 11 August, 1990,

and obviously we've just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary.

"H and A, 5 September 2015."

It's so cool.

And there's room for more!

Yeah, I look at it and see the 25 years that Peter and I

have been married and wonder how many more years I will have.

It is so amazing.

My baby, no longer.

When you have had cancer, although we all try and beat it,

sometimes some of us win and some of us don't,

so I think there's that feeling of

"I've got a big journey ahead of me, and will I cope?"

SHE SOBS AND LAUGHS

-MACHINE BEEPS

-Anything exciting on your sandwiches?

I can't tell you.

You can't tell me?

I can, but the wife doesn't know. It's Spam.

Spam?

No, I like Spam!

I bought a tin yesterday, and she said, "What's that?"

I said, "It's for my butties for when I'm in the hospital tomorrow."

Spam and brown sauce - fantastic.

Are you getting about and still doing stuff?

-Yeah, I go swimming.

-Yeah?

I go swimming and a bit of running.

-Yeah?

-A lot of walking, yeah.

So you're quite healthy.

I used to look like Tom Daley.

-Giraffes.

-Can you count how many there are, James?

-JAMES BABBLES

-Mummy.

Can you count the giraffes?

-Mummy!

-Shall we go and see the okapi?

I think we should probably go. Come on.

-Let's go around the corner.

-Come on, then.

With the good news of his last results,

Mark's on a reduced course of chemotherapy for a while.

Fewer drugs mean fewer side effects,

allowing him and Kerrie the chance to hide from his cancer for a while.

It's just a nice relief not to be looked at as,

"Oh, poor you," you know?

-And, "How are you?"

-And, "How are you?"

It's not "How are you?", it's "How are YOU?"

And you think, "Oh, yeah, I'd forgot for a second, but thanks."

Can you see those two lions, there?

It's just nice to, kind of, be that normal family.

I think we crave it so much.

And I can't even imagine that you wouldn't be here. You know?

-I know.

-It just...

-I am the same.

-It doesn't make any sense.

It's beyond... You know, it's incomprehensible to me.

-Right, are you listening?

-Yes, dear.

You're going to the fourth floor.

You go through the main entrance and it's on the right,

in the green section. OK?

Have you written it down?

Yes, it's written down.

Eight weeks after his diagnosis, Steve is on his way

to Guy's Hospital to have his prostate removed.

He really hasn't been about much.

He's worked pretty much every day.

I mean, he's obviously got it conscious in his mind that

he's going to be off for four to six weeks, perhaps.

So, you know, he's self-employed.

You've got... I've put some water in there, as well.

Yeah, I'm worried. Yeah, I'm worried.

I'm not scared because...

I'm not... I won't get scared cos I've got to be the man.

It's not a sexist thing,

it's just an approach whereby I need to be strong,

and I am to a degree,

but I feel a bit more vulnerable.

I'm a little more vulnerable now.

All the things have been ripped away from me -

all the stability, all the scaffolding you have -

and now you're on this, like, little rocky road now.

'I don't know where I'm going yet, you know?'

OK, don't drive your mum... Do your homework.

Do all the stuff that you need to do, OK? Promise?

-Say, "I promise, Dad."

-I promise, Dad.

Only because you love me.

You be good, yeah?

I expect you to be the governor. You're the man of the house.

-You look after everything, all right?

-Dad.

Be good, be strong. Be...

No time to reflect, then, is there?

Oh, there's never any time, is there?

Life's just one big rush -

a series of emotions, and then it's gone,

and it's back to work.

All right, I've got to go and get my prostate out.

-SHE SNIFFLES

-Can you ring me as soon as you...?

Of course, I'll ring you when I get there.

I'll give you an hour-to-hour, sort of, running commentary, all right?

-OK, I love you all. Be good. Be good.

-Yeah. Bye.

-Love you. Bye.

-See you. See you.

Be strong!

-I'm always strong.

-THEY LAUGH

I want to understand it as being, "Oh, it's curable,"

cos everybody says, "It's curable and you're going to be all right."

I want it to be that.

-How are you?

-I'm all right, Steve. How are you?

Not too bad, a bit anxious, but here we go.

-That's understandable.

-Game on.

-So, you've been through everything?

-Mmm.

Yeah, I've been through all the whole process, the procedures and...

And what's happened about work?

Are you managing to sort things out or...?

Yeah, sure, yeah, all the jobs are finished,

and all the targets met.

I've got some staff carrying our basic contracts that are ongoing

so it's all dealt with. No pressure.

When are you hoping to get back to work?

As soon as possible, really.

-In six to eight weeks, you should be OK.

-That's good, yeah.

And when you compare it to how long it used to be from open surgery,

where people'd be three or four months

-before they'd be able to...

-Wow. Incredible.

That's the advantage of this type of surgery.

-Yeah, a couple of months, yeah.

-OK.

-Good?

-Yeah.

-I'll see you later.

-Cheers.

Over the last ten years,

advances in the treatment of prostate cancer have seen

some of the greatest improvements in survival rates of any cancer.

-Ready for us to start?

-All right, now.

So, this is the camera, which has got a very bright light on it,

and what we're doing is we're just marking out the abdominal cavity

to where we want to put the incisions before.

The robotic-assisted keyhole surgery he is having is less traumatic

on the body than conventional surgery, and will hopefully keep

the complications of impotence and incontinence to a minimum.

Afro-Caribbean people have a narrow pelvis

that makes it slightly trickier

because the space that you've got to operate in is reduced.

He's also very muscular, and so, you know,

that just makes it slightly more difficult

from the point of view of getting the dissection.

The important thing to do is just take your time

and make sure that it goes right.

He went down to the operation at about 3, I think,

3 o'clock and, erm...

Erm...

He's still in there now, so, erm, at 7:10,

so, erm...

So I'm here, waiting, just to hear, hopefully, that he's come out soon.

It's quite frightening to think of him being out for all that time.

MACHINE BEEPS

All right, there it is,

so now we're going to put the prostate in the bag.

He's been in there for five hours nearly, now,

which doesn't seem right,

so I think I'll start to worry a bit soon.

There's the bag,

and gently coming out is the prostate in the bag,

and we're going to send it off to pathology.

Oh, hi, Claire. It's Mr Popert here.

Hi, how are you?

Are you anxious? I'm sure.

No, it's all gone fine. He's just waking up now.

The main thing is that everything came out fine.

Everything's gone back fine.

He should bounce back really very quickly.

Hopefully we'll be able to get him up tomorrow.

He should be able to have breakfast tomorrow morning,

and, you know, we'll start thinking about getting him home

either tomorrow or the day after.

We'll see how he goes.

OK, bye.

Thanks so much, bye-bye.

Oh, God.

I'm starting to get the shakes.

There's this sense of, just, "Whoosh!"

My body's gone into a bit of shock.

It's 10:35 now and I need to get the train home.

It'll take me an hour, so I need to get back to the boys now.

It's been a long day.

There was one little incident where the doctor said,

"Keep fit and well."

-Yeah.

-So me and the wife went to a snorkelling class

-and I'd only just started the chemo that week.

-Mmm.

Well, the thing was that the swimming pool environment

with the damp atmosphere -

even in the changing rooms, the steamy atmosphere -

-it's a breeding...

-It's almost a breeding ground for it.

-Yeah.

By Saturday tea-time, my temperature had gone up to 38.3.

The doctor was a bit annoyed. "What are you doing?"

I said, "Hang on, you told me to keep fit and well,

"and that's why we're doing it."

-Didn't say, "Don't go swimming."

-We didn't say you can't.

-Because of that environment.

-Yeah.

Will you be glad once all of this is over,

and you can get back to those things?

-Yeah, I'm going back to it.

-Yeah?

I've got this 14-inch scar on my back

that I'm going to tell the kids was a shark attack.

-SHE LAUGHS

-Can't waste it, can you?

No matter what the doctors or the stats say, there are always

going to be times when we think the cancer's got the better of us.

Who wouldn't?

CHOIR SINGS

Alistair, will you take Harriet to be your wife?

Will you love her,

comfort her,

honour and protect her?

'Harriet got engaged on a Monday,

'and I got the diagnosis on the Tuesday,

'so she's looking for a new life as a married woman,'

and I was looking to a life

that I thought was going to be very cut short.

Harriet and Alistair have given their consent,

and made their marriage vows to each other.

'One of the things about cancer is you want to shout at people

'and say, "Well, can't you just stop?"

' "Because my world has stopped."

'And you can become selfish,

'and I think I have become a bit selfish at times.'

And so possibly it's been hard for her

to walk what should be a really, really happy journey,

interspersed with her mother,

who is not happy about what's happening to her.

I therefore proclaim that they are husband and wife,

those whom God has joined together.

ORGAN PLAYS

Two days after seeing her daughter marry, Katy's en route to London

with a friend to start the immunotherapy trial.

I can feel myself, the knot getting bigger in my tummy...

-The closer we get?

-The closer we get.

-KATY LAUGHS

It's just purely the fact that you don't know

how your body will react to something that is a trial.

Cancer drug research has always moved forward

on the back of human trials, but they're unpredictable

and there's always an element of risk.

For Katy, it's a leap in the dark.

These drugs may save her

but they may also prove debilitating and toxic.

It's a horrible choice to face.

-Hi, Katy.

-Hi.

-Emily Grayson.

-Hello, Emily.

I'm Louise. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you both. How was the wedding?

-Oh, it was wonderful.

-Yeah, yeah. The weather's gorgeous.

-I know, amazing.

-Yeah?

-Amazing. We were very blessed.

So I've got the consent form here.

One thing that's important to mention is this is a trial.

Yeah, quite.

We're always here to answer questions

and, if you want to stop the trial,

you can withdraw your consent at any point, OK?

-That's important to mention.

-Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

The big stumbling block for this trial, for me,

has been the infusions and the worry of actually having it.

Obviously, if things get too bad and the toxicity is too bad,

-then I would...

-Come off trial, yeah.

You would either say to me, "That's enough, enough,"

-and we'll come off trial. Fine. OK.

-OK?

-Yeah, no problem.

I think it's that fear of the unknown,

but, once you start, people tend to feel a lot more reassured.

Oh, I'm sorry. Obviously there was something that...

No, it's not you.

-KATY SOBS

-It's not you. Don't worry.

It's just that fear of... It is the fear of the unknown.

Katy signed the paperwork, committing to a year's trial,

but there are still a few hours to kill before her first treatment.

I really hoped that I would be able to be more controlled,

and I'm not.

You know, when you're faced with the toxicities...

SHE TAKES A DEEP BREATH

..and the damage to somebody who feels really healthy and well,

now it feels wrong.

I may have signed lots of consent forms

but I haven't actually taken that first step until I have...

until I go this afternoon,

and so there's still a little bit of my head that says,

"You can run away. You can run away from this. You don't need to do it."

Katy may never know if these drugs work.

Maybe her cancer's never destined to come back,

but cancer forces you to weigh up the odds,

and right now this trial gives her the best possible chance

of staying cancer-free,

but, for others, the cost of treatment may be too high.

I'm happy as I am at the moment.

I don't want to be incapacitated through drugs,

and through medication, when I could...not be.

For three months,

Mark has been enjoying a reduced dose of chemotherapy

but, in 24 hours,

the results of his latest scan will determine what comes next.

With the results tomorrow, it's...

It's pretty big cos, I mean,

I may well end up saying that I don't want to follow

the course of treatment they offer me.

Yeah, I don't want to be living a life where

I can't even get out of bed through tiredness.

I don't want that to be my life.

I'd rather have a life where I can live a normal life

up to the point where the cancer takes over my body.

We've agreed that it's all about quality of life now,

so, if he doesn't want to have any more chemotherapy,

I said I'd support him, no matter what.

-Thank you.

-Come on in and have a seat.

-OK.

-Cheers.

-All right?

Now, Dr Brown will be with you shortly.

-OK.

-OK, thank you.

-MARK SIGHS

-Are you all right?

-Yeah.

Are you nervous?

Yeah, I'm feeling a bit nervous.

I am.

-Hello.

-Hello.

Hi, nice to see you.

-Nice to see you.

-Yeah.

-Are you all right?

-Hi.

I've not seen you in a while. How are you doing?

Yeah, good, thank you. You?

So, how's it going?

I've been all right. I had a cold, which turned into a sinus infection.

-Yeah, I had antibiotics from the GP last week for that...

-OK, OK.

-..and, yeah, that's gone, so...

-OK.

-So, we've got your scan results, haven't we?

-Yes.

-So that was the main purpose of today, really.

-Hopefully, yeah.

And that's starting to show that things are starting to worsen again.

Right.

That obviously means that the treatment that you've had

for the last three months isn't helping as much as we'd want.

-Hmm.

-So we need to think about, where are we going?

And we chatted a little bit about this last time

because I know you were a bit concerned

-about coping with...

-Well, I know.

It has been weighing on my mind, this very conversation,

-and what I would say, really.

-Yeah, yeah.

Because, you know, you've just told me that

-and now my immediate reaction is, "Yeah, I want oxaliplatin."

-Yeah.

But, up to this very point, I've been saying that I don't want it.

-Yeah.

-But now you've just said that, I'm like, "Bring it on," again.

I don't know, it's just a real, complete...

I've just literally had a complete reversal in my mind

-about what I want to do, but...

-Mmm.

Because last time you were saying, in terms of quality of life....

It's really difficult.

-The quality of life is just not there on oxaliplatin.

-If...

-Mmm.

That's it. I mean, if he had oxaliplatin,

what are we talking about in terms of length of life

-is that going to give him?

-What's it actually going to do?

Is it...? Are we talking, it could shrink it?

-It's looking...

-Or just stabilise it?

-I think, realistically,

any switch of chemo would be looking just to try and see

if it could stabilise things again,

but, in terms of how long,

I don't know whether it's going to be six months, nine months,

a year, 15 months, 18 months.

-Mmm.

-That's...

OK, well, I think that's it, really.

I mean, I'll probably just see you next week with the final decision.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

-Cheers, then, thank you.

-Thank you very much.

-Yeah.

-Cheers.

Oh, I'll leave that with you.

-Thank you.

-Cool. Yeah.

Here we go, eh?

Yep.

Food for thought, isn't it?

Mmm.

Yeah.

It got stuck in there!

-Is it stuck?

-Yeah.

Why is it stuck? It's not stuck.

All finished.

Finished! Can you get some more water?

'Our timescales, they have reduced now.'

'Just the future taken away that bit more.'

I'm going to be a widow.

I'm not even 30.

I suppose I just feel, because I've got a son,

and I know I'm going to be on my own,

I've got to get prepared,

and how can you prepare for something like that?

"Ah-ah-achoo! Jonny sneezed, and popped straight out of the tree..."

My worry is I'm on my own.

Who's going to drop James off at school? Who's going pick him up?

How can I do that and work a nine-to-five job?

It's very upsetting for me because I'm not going to be leaving

a great financial legacy or anything like that for my family,

so I know that Kerrie will have a difficult time when I'm dead.

-MAN ON TV:

-At night, he's asked to do many things...

I do feel guilty - just talking about life after Mark

-is huge guilt.

-But I don't feel...

I don't feel, like, that I don't want to hear it.

I feel like it's great.

I think it's good - healthy - for Kerrie to talk about it.

I really want to encourage that she does move on from me

because I just want James to have the best opportunities in life.

Now, I know you're never going to replace me, but...

Well, that's it, that's what you're saying is...

-I know.

-..what I've got to do.

-Erm...

-Difficult, isn't it?

Yeah.

We're on two different paths now.

His is focusing on his treatment and mentally getting through it,

and mine is to make a future for me and James.

-STEVE SIGHS

-Oh, right,

what else have I got to remember?

Erm...

It's been three weeks since Steve had his prostate removed

and, like so many men, he's getting used to some of the less dignified

aspects of prostate surgery.

Oh! She's got cold hands, as well. That's the worst thing.

She's got cold hands.

Go out for a jog first.

Get some blood pumping around your body.

Take your hand away.

-Ah!

-Pinching in!

-She loves sticking needles in me.

-I don't, actually.

-What are they for? Do you know what they're for?

-Blood thinning.

After the operation, you're more susceptible to blood clots,

hence these stockings that I have to wear, as well,

all the time.

Besides the stockings, he's also got to wear incontinence pads.

Is that bothering you?

Not really, as long as I've got them on right, you can't really see them.

Just when it leaks and you're in public

and you're having a conversation and you...

"I've got to go! I've got to go!"

That reminds me, time I've got to get my nappy bag ready!

CAR DOOR CLOSES AND ENGINE RUMBLES

Look at these boys. Look at their reaction.

They're going, "What the hell?" Look.

How are you doing?

Are you all right?

-How are you doing, son? Are you all right?

-All right, mate?

-Yeah.

Although he's not fit enough for work, being self-employed

means he can't let any job slip through his fingers.

-TOOL BUZZES

-So we're going to start

hardboarding the end today...

Oh, right, OK.

..so it's ready for skimming on Monday.

This room will be plastered and dried

in maybe two, three weeks, really,

so I've got to be in this room in three weeks,

fighting fit and just ready to get it done, really.

-STEVE GRUNTS

-Oh, I can't do that yet.

Whatever happens, I've got to be here.

But just a few days after his return to the building site,

Steve is rushed into hospital.

It was just like a mass of blood in the toilet.

It was really awful, and it was really, really painful.

I was in tears.

The worst pain I've had in my life, really.

It didn't stop. It lasted for about 40 minutes.

It was intense, it was.

-Hello.

-Hello.

Yeah, nice to see you.

Nice to see you again.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Is it OK if I...?

-Certainly, yeah.

-Certainly, that's fine.

-Just for a second.

-Yeah.

So, you've had some bleeding?

Yeah, one of the worst pains of my life,

and I just can't think why it happened, really,

I'm still trying to think...

-Well, I've pulled your reports across from there...

-Yeah, yeah.

-..and there was a proven urine infection in the urine...

-Yeah.

..and I wonder whether that made the bladder

a little bit, sort of, red and inflamed.

Obviously, the urine's now gone back to a normal colour.

-Yeah, yeah.

-We've got the flush off.

-Yeah.

-So, the plan would be,

we're going to just give you a once-over with a CT scan

and just check there's no other blood around in the system...

-Right. OK.

-..which I'm not expecting but I think we should check that.

-OK.

-OK, nice to see you.

-Yeah, thanks.

I'll come back to see you when we've got the results of the scan.

Yeah, thanks, Doctor. Thanks for all your effort. Cheers. Thank you.

-STEVE SIGHS

-I know it sounds a bit sad,

but it's just those...

Everybody down there, all got perfect health, just walking about.

I just want to be down there, you know?

I want to be back in that thing we call life, you know?

-Good morning.

-Hello, how are you this morning?

I'm very well, thank you. And you, Steve?

-What would you like this morning?

-The usual, please.

Along with dealing with her cancer,

Katy's also getting used to student life.

A year ago, she gave up her career as a research scientist

to follow a calling to train as a priest.

It's the start of her second year at college.

I have had people say to me, "Well, how can you have a faith?

"How can you believe in a God that would allow cancer?"

What so many people are trying to do is put God in a box and define him.

You can't define God - he's a mystery.

And... And I think...

SHE TAKES A DEEP BREATH

Yeah, it's very, very tricky.

Come in.

-Hi, Katy.

-Hello, Robert.

-Good to see you.

-And you.

-Are you all right?

-Yes, I'm fine.

-Great.

OK, come and sit. Come and sit.

Thank you.

So, how is it going, Katy?

It's going OK.

-Is it?

-I think, just about.

Just about.

Yeah, so I'm...

-I think it's been harder than I thought it was going to be...

-Yeah.

..but, on the other hand, your advice to come back was...

It definitely feels like the right advice.

But one of the most difficult things I've found about coming back

is this double-identity thing.

-So, Katy Garner, ordinand at Cuddesdon...

-Yeah.

-..Katy Garner receiving treatment at the Marsden...

-Yeah.

-..and I'm struggling a bit with knowing how to blend the two.

-Sure.

Dare I ask how things are with God at the moment?

-KATY LAUGHS

-Well, I mean, you know, God...

There are moments -

and I'm sure you wouldn't be surprised to hear this - when I...

-I wonder whether I believe in God...

-Yeah.

..because of all the issues that are tied up with,

you know, if he is a loving and powerful God,

how can he let this sort of thing happen?

Actually, Katy, this is a new and horrible and very difficult

and complicating factor,

-but the journey that you're on goes on.

-Yeah.

All right, speak to you in a bit. Bye.

That was my little lad.

Was he wondering where you are?

He's like, "When are you coming home?"

I said, "Well, I'm still having chemo."

"Well, how long are you going to be?"

I said, "Why?"

He said, "Cos I really miss you...

"and I want to play on my Xbox,

"I can't set it up!" Oh...

-It's our 48th wedding anniversary on Monday.

-Good grief.

Oh, congratulations!

We've had a wonderful marriage, haven't we?

We have. We've been very lucky.

We've got to keep him going for another two years,

-whatever happens.

-We're planning our 50th as well, yes.

With the further spread of his cancer in the summer,

Mark did decide to continue treatment,

but now it's no longer having any effect,

and his options have run out.

There is nothing left to hold his cancer back.

Now, as I'm not having any active treatments, it could be two months.

It could be up to ten months I have to live,

-or anywhere in between, really.

-On average, I think...

-On average, he said four-and-a-half months.

-Four.

So that was, kind of, two months ago.

-Erm...

-And he's still here.

I'm still here now.

Have you put in place everything that you need to put in place?

I have written down my passwords.

-I think...

-No, there's not much else to do, really.

There's not much else.

She knows my preferences regarding the ceremony, in terms of

-it being a non-religious and atheist ceremony.

-Non-religious.

Erm, but there's no... We haven't got any arrangements.

We've got our will - that's in place.

There you go! You've got it.

I want to see James's first day of school,

-but I think that's a bit far away, probably, now.

-Yeah.

But we're still happy.

We know what's on the horizon.

And we still have arguments like a normal...

Yeah, she's still arguing with me.

I still argue.

-And...

-And we're happy. We're happy for now.

-Which is hard.

I think people find that hard, as well, because of all this news.

When they see us, you know,

they'd probably think that we'd just be like... You know?

And we joke about things, you know, where people would probably think,

"Oh, I wouldn't joke about that.

"Oh, are you saying that in front of us?"

I'm like, "Well, you know,

"that's just life."

But it's the highs and lows,

isn't it, of everybody's life, you know?

Nobody is just permanently sad.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-We're doing all right.

Les? Les?

Lesley? Jim?

Jim, put Les on, can you?

-See you later, Henry, I'll give you a ring.

-OK.

All right, can you do that?

You know, I'm sorry, mate,

but she's taken the day off to be at home today.

It was just one day and I'm back tomorrow.

I'm just at Guy's today. OK?

Ready, Claire?

Steve has recovered from his emergency stay in hospital

and has returned to work, but today he's on his way back in

to get the results of his eight-week checkup.

I'm going in there with my head held high, thinking and wishing

and praying to God that it goes the right way.

This is the first stage of getting my life back to normal.

It's not just about getting rid of cancer,

it's about getting my life back to normal,

cos my life's not been right since...

Whoa, well, since I got diagnosed, really.

One of the important results is the PSA test,

a blood test that can indicate whether cancer is present.

-Hi.

-Hi, come in.

-Do you want to sit down here?

-All right.

Ohh.

Right, the results of the tissue that was removed

showed that the disease was confined to the prostate,

but we would then expect the PSA blood test

-to fall to a very low level.

-Hmm.

Now, at six weeks, eight weeks after surgery,

we would expect the PSA to be undetectable,

-but the PSA value is 0.8.

-Right.

Now, that's higher than I would be comfortable with.

The possibility, as we would have to think,

is could there be any evidence of prostate cancer cells elsewhere?

So that's not really a good reading, fundamentally, then, Doctor,

-really, is it?

-It's not a good reading, but it's...

-No, no.

It happens occasionally.

We have to take that and we'll have to see where we will go from here.

Thank you very much.

I bet you feel exhausted now, do you?

I'm exhausted.

Yeah.

Ah, just these bloody deadlines.

-Work deadlines?

-No...

-Oh, these deadlines?

No, I can't normally...

-I just want to get out of here.

-They say that all the time, though.

Even Mum's eye, she's got three appointments just to get...

I'm not talking about your mum's eye, I'm talking about me.

-I'm talking about...

-I know, I know.

..having to come back here, time after time.

I just want to get out of here, to be honest with you.

I just want to get out of this place,

cos it's not a good day today, really.

It's not gone the way I wanted it to go.

I don't want to get all upset or...

I just want to get out of here.

We all face setbacks - they're part and parcel of dealing with cancer -

but, at times, they can be overwhelming.

After four months on the trial,

Katy has begun to experience the severe side effects she'd feared.

I can do it.

KATY GROANS

This has been incredibly tough.

It's really hard taking drugs that give you side effects.

So they want you on the trial?

So they still want me to stay on the trial.

And do you want to be on the trial?

Well, I think I still want to be on it at the moment.

You know, obviously,

if I got the same reaction with this weird muscle and neck

and impossible pain again,

I suspect they would probably take me off it anyway.

Oh, this bread is so hard to eat!

-Why?

-Because it's...

Because of your jaw?

It's at my jaw.

Several months later, with even more severe side effects,

Katy's now off the trial,

but remains hopeful that the drugs have boosted her system enough

to prevent any re-occurrence of her cancer.

'One of the good things about having a reaction like this

'is the fact that you're having a drug'

that's obviously having an effect.

And if it's having an effect on your immune system like that

you hope that it's having an effect on anything else

that's to do with your cancer cells, if I've got any.

All right.

-Don't be too long.

-I won't.

And don't do too much.

I won't, never do. See you later, Claire. Take care.

Love you.

Steve is finally back to work.

There's a point where you've got to say, "Right, enough's enough.

"I've got to get on now."

No matter what the pains are, or the rehab time is.

Just, you know...

I've got the call to go now, so here we are.

Monday morning, you know.

I suppose it is a degree of pressure to go back, you know.

He's very, very fatigued.

The bladder incontinence is beginning to...

..stress him out now cos it's really awkward.

My nappy collection there, sorry.

I didn't really want to show that, but there you go!

That's me. I've got to use six of those a day.

Only cos, like what I said earlier,

I'm not actually thinking about it, I just want to...

need to be probably off another two day...another two weeks, really,

sit down and work the bladder.

But, you know, needs must.

People need things finished, so here we go.

Here we go. Here we go.

-All right, Steve?

-Progress, look at that. Look.

Do you remember that?

Wow. Can you remember this?

I can feel it coming together!

-HE CHUCKLES

-All right, let's crack on, then.

-Stay on the ground!

-Yeah, right.

Yeah? Make sure you stay on the ground!

Don't overdo it. Your mates care about you.

Yeah.

-I like it when he says that!

-LES LAUGHS

Makes me feel important.

Steve's...

I told him to go in, watch the tennis, put his feet up.

Anything, but...it's just Steve, isn't it?

He needs to take it really easy, I told him.

He thinks he's better but he's not.

Look, see that? "Hire-A-Loo."

That's where I'm going to be shortly, changing my nappy.

Ideally, if I'd...

..probably studied a bit harder at school

I may be in a nice swanky toilet with tiles and flushing systems,

but no, I'm on a building site.

I don't want to be in this position, I just want to be normal,

like I used to be.

It's been nearly four months since Steve's operation,

and he's on his way back to hospital for his latest results.

Would you be alarmed if I start kicking chairs and stuff?

-What, today?

-Yeah.

-SHE LAUGHS

What do you mean?

-Why do you say that?

-I don't know, I just feel like kicking chairs today.

No, no...

I don't know. It would be a big relief if there's no...

if this comes clear.

That'd be a big relief.

But if not, it's like, eurgh, back to...

back to...

not depression, but...

..knowing there's more procedures to go on, really.

Come in, sit yourselves down.

First things first. How are you?

Yeah, not bad.

Still a bit incontinent.

Well, still incontinent.

But generally feeling... a bit back to normal now.

I mean, that's good and I think that should all settle down.

Yeah, yeah.

The other thing is the PSA blood test.

-Yeah.

-So...

-that's come down.

-OK.

So, when we met last time, you know, it was at 0.8.

It's now down at 0.43.

So, at the moment there's absolutely no indication to go forward

with any kind of radiotherapy treatment...

-Ah, that's good news.

-..or hormonal treatment.

And the reassuring thing is the PSA is falling, it's not going up.

-So we just have to keep going with that.

-Yeah.

-That's great.

OK, so if you just give that to the lady at the desk.

I really do appreciate that.

-Thank you. Thank you very much.

-I really needed that.

Ahh! That's a great relief, that, Claire, isn't it? Give us a hug!

SHE CHUCKLES

Oh, dear.

All right, dear, now? Are you better now?

I am. I feel better now.

Mmm.

Right, we can...

..go and have a cup of tea now.

HE EXHALES

-That's good news!

-That is very good news, yeah.

With these results, Steve can now relax,

but he will continue to be monitored for any changes.

I'm just an everyday guy,

with an everyday family,

and they've just made it become sort of back to my everyday life again.

And they're just incredible, really, for that.

It's a good day.

Claire, I've got nothing in me now!

All right, I can crack on now.

Hello? You all right?

Hello. How are you?

-Steve.

-Yeah?

-You going to tell them?

-What?

-What?

-What?

-What?

What happened? No, nothing.

Just went to the hospital and I got an "all clear".

Yes! Yes! All clear? Does that mean he doesn't have cancer any more?

-Yeah, yeah.

-Is it all clear?

-Yes, all clear!

He'll go back in December for a check then.

THEY LAUGH

-So brave.

-Well, what do you think of that, then?

For too long, cancer has been kept behind closed doors,

surrounded by fear.

-You hear all the horror stories, don't you?

-Yeah, you do.

A bloke down the road, "Oh, he's died of cancer."

-Everybody hears about it.

-Yeah.

Yeah, but they don't hear about the other ten people who's fine

and say, "Oh, I had a bit of that."

But as more and more of us join the community,

those awkward conversations have got to stop.

Don't feel sorry for me cos it's not the end of the world.

People do cope with it.

We've all got to learn to live with cancer.

Tom, one more and you're done!

-Yes, hopefully that'll be the end of it, yeah.

-Excellent.

Can't believe my last one's in three weeks.

I'll put the...

bunting out and everything for the last one!

THEY LAUGH

-Back in work, three weeks!

-No!

-Yeah.

Can't wait! Oh, can't wait!

Are you, or someone you know, living with cancer?

The Open University has produced a free booklet about

how you can make a difference to the lives of people affected by cancer.

To order your free copy,

please call 0300 303 2465

or go to bbc.co.uk/bigc

and follow the links to The Open University.