The Great History Quiz: The Tudors

APPLAUSE

Hello and welcome to the Great History Quiz.

The show where we give you, the viewer, the chance to

pit your wits against some of the country's most respected historians.

Between them, these people have got 16 university degrees,

they've written 18 books

and contributed over 200 hours of television.

So good luck.

Today's show is dedicated to that notorious dynasty, the Tudors,

who ruled the country from 1485 to 1603.

A turbulent period that changed the face of British history forever.

Along the way, we will taste some Tudor dishes,

encounter some Tudor artefacts

and reveal some dubious medical advice and we will also

unearth some deadly secrets.

But first, let's meet our teams.

Captaining the team on my right, we have the broadcaster

and chief curator at Historic Royal Palaces, Dr Lucy Worsley.

APPLAUSE

Lucy, would you like to do the honours

and introduce your fellow historians?

Thanks, Kirsty, I've got all the bases covered in my excellent

team tonight.

To my right, I've got Professor Kate Williams and, to my left,

Greg Jenner, who is the head nerd at Horrible Histories.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

And captain of the opposing team tonight is the historian

and broadcaster Dan Snow.

Dan, please do the honours.

Right, well, I'm going to be fine cos I've got two doctors of history.

To my right, I've got Dr Anna Whitelock

who specialises in high politics

and then Jonathan Foyle on my left who specialises in tall buildings.

APPLAUSE

But before we begin, let me introduce you to the Tudor timeline.

It begins with the fall of Richard III

at the Battle of Bosworth in 1485

and it ends with the death of Elizabeth in 1603.

By the time we are done, the timeline will be furnished with

all the characters and events that made this such a colourful period.

So let's remind ourselves of the monarchs' places on the timeline.

It all began with Henry VII,

who came to the throne in 1485.

Henry VIII in 1509.

Then we have his son Edward VI in 1547.

Then his daughter Mary I in 1553

and, finally, Elizabeth I in 1558 whose reign closed the Tudor period

in 1603.

But now on with the quiz - Round 1.

And let's meet the cast.

DRUMS BEAT

APPLAUSE

So in this round, we're going to enter

a gallery of movers and shakers from the Tudor courts.

Teams, I'm going to show you four portraits, each will be accompanied

by a biographical statement with some crucial information missing.

All you have to do is identify who the portrait depicts - you get

two points for that - and fill in the blank of that statement for another.

So, Lucy, your team are up first, please walk into our Tudor gallery.

APPLAUSE

So, Lucy's team is starting with the top left portrait.

Can you tell me, then, who that is?

It's Thomas Cromwell, Earl of Essex.

Of course, the man who managed to get Henry married to Anne.

So, you are quite right, of course, it is Thomas Cromwell.

And the question that goes then with this portrait is -

Catherine Howard.

Oh, you didn't hesitate at all. For another point, absolutely.

Tell us a little bit then,

Kate, about what it was that happened to Catherine Howard.

Thomas Cromwell fell from favour because he tried to get Henry

married to Anne of Cleves and Anne of Cleves was not to Henry's liking.

Instead, he preferred her lady-in-waiting,

the beautiful, young Catherine Howard

but unfortunately she was discovered as having committed, he said,

adultery, with his favourite courtier, Thomas Culpeper.

And that was the beginning of her downfall, so she was executed.

Let's move on then to your second portrait, just move one along

on that top row and tell me who we are looking at now.

I think we are looking at Thomas Cranmer.

The marvellous architect of the Reformation.

And curiously, he was Catherine Parr's uncle so you realise

how incestuous it was at the court, that he was this great architect

of the Reformation and then the uncle of Henry VIII's last wife.

So Thomas Cranmer was Archbishop of Canterbury.

Oh, that would be, erm,

-Anne Boleyn.

-Anne Boleyn.

Indeed, it was Anne Boleyn and why might he have been so upset?

He was the family chaplain to the Boleyn family, I think,

and they brought him in to the court so he had more or less

climbed on their coat-tails and so her death was quite sad,

-I think, for him.

-A bad day.

-Bad day, yeah, definitely.

You don't get a point for that, I was just interested.

LAUGHTER

We'll move on now to your third portrait.

Are we, team, looking at Sir Francis Walsingham?

-So, he was the spy master to Elizabeth.

-He looks like a good

spy master to me, you know, MI6 have nothing on him.

It's the fact he's almost completely in shadow.

-LUCY LAUGHS

-Yes!

You're quite right, it is Francis Walsingham.

Walsingham was Elizabeth's spy master.

-A Catholic?

-LAUGHTER

He did not say that. He said...

there is nothing more dangerous than security.

-Let's go on, then, to your fourth portrait.

-Yeah, Wolsey.

-Cardinal Wolsey.

-Absolutely.

-Looking strong.

The words that are often used about him are like

-a spider in a web of power.

-A familiar, a god?

-Ipse rex - the King himself.

-Oh, the king himself.

-Wow.

OK, that is the end of your round, thank you very much.

APPLAUSE

I can feel a little bit of nerves from Dan's team now,

cos they did so well.

Dan, if you and your team would enter the gallery.

APPLAUSE

Right, Dan's team then, starting with the top left portrait,

can you tell me who we are looking at?

Well, it is either the early Tudor all-star champion swimmer...

Or Henry FitzRoy.

-Could be.

-Is that Henry FitzRoy?

Henry FitzRoy, Duke of Richmond, bastard son of Henry VIII, I think.

And he's got one of the most flamboyant tombs of Tudor England

in Framlingham church in Suffolk.

You are quite right, absolutely, Henry FitzRoy.

-Oh, Catherine of Aragon.

-Catherine of Aragon.

-Oh, yes.

Catherine of Aragon. LAUGHTER

OK, let's go on to your second portrait.

Who are we looking at here?

I'm feeling good about this one, I think it is a young,

fairly handsome Philip of Spain.

Well, I don't know what your category for handsome is,

but you're certainly right on that - Philip II of Spain, you're right.

As an old man, he really started to fall apart.

You're quite right, Dan, Philip II of Spain.

Ah, he proposed to his former sister-in-law Elizabeth I,

needing to maintain the alliance with England.

It wasn't a love match, this one?

No, he didn't want to make the proposal

and it was suggested that it would be a good idea to him

and he kind of crossed his fingers and hoped she'd say no

-and in fact she did say no...

-Right.

-..but England was such

a prize at the time, that he was prepared to consider it

to maintain that all-important Anglo-Spanish alliance.

Let's go on to your third portrait then, who's this?

That is tricky.

-Thomas Seymour.

-I think it is Seymour.

And I think you're absolutely spot on with that.

The King was Edward VI.

-Erm...

-Oh, it's, his, erm, his brother.

-He would have called...

-Yeah, Edward Seymour.

-You got there, Anna.

-His brother was the Lord Protector, Edward Seymour.

-Yeah.

And what was it that Thomas had been arrested for?

Just give me a little bit of context.

-Did he shoot the King's dog?

-LAUGHTER

-Well, I don't think that is what he was arrested for.

-I know,

but I think he shot his puppy.

Well, he was attempting to break into King Edward VI's apartments

and you're right, he shot his spaniel in all the confusion.

And he of course is the infamous character who apparently had

romps with the young Princess Elizabeth when she was 13, 14

-so he was a character of dubious moral virtue, I think.

-He looks it.

Let's go on to your fourth then.

I like this lady a lot, she is Elizabeth of York...

-Absolutely.

-..which is where it all began.

-Her and Henry VII.

-She spawned the Tudors.

They got it on and here we are today.

LAUGHTER

I think Henry VII gets too much credit for it.

I mean, she gave birth to the whole dynasty really.

OK, let me give you a follow-up question for a point.

-Bed?

-LAUGHTER

I'm going to need something more than that for the point!

Would it be Nonsuch Palace or would it be Greenwich?

Nonsuch didn't happen yet.

It's Richmond, it's Westminster or Greenwich,

are the main three palaces.

Which are we going to go for?

-If we know, can we say?

-I'd go Greenwich.

Greenwich.

Well, you're wrong, you won't get a point but...

It's the Tower of London.

It is the Tower of London.

You did very well, Dan's team, do take your seats.

APPLAUSE

Thank you to both of our teams and after that round of revelations,

Lucy's team has 10 and Dan's team has 11 points.

APPLAUSE

So now it is on to the Artefacts Round.

DRUMS BEAT

APPLAUSE

Henry VIII's ill-fated warship the Mary Rose

sank off the coast of Portsmouth in 1545.

Its contents and crew remained on the seabed for over 400 years

before it was raised in 1982.

On loan from the Mary Rose Museum, under the watchful eye

of the collection specialist Simon Weir,

are several items that were salvaged from this unique Tudor time capsule.

Teams, I'm going to ask you to identify the artefacts' original use,

that's going to give you one point,

and then I'm going to ask you a follow-up question for another point.

So, Lucy's team, your treasures are there,

let's go and take a look at them, from the Mary Rose.

APPLAUSE

So, Kate, you are up first and because they're so precious,

I'm going to ask Simon please to come in

and just help you take a closer look.

Oh, yes, would you turn it for me, Simon? Thank you.

So, Kate, what do you think you are looking at here?

Well, it looks a bit like it's some sort of Tudor toasting fork maybe,

that you could put your sandwich in there and it looks a bit

like it is styled in the sense of a dragon or a snake

because you've got two little indentations here that look like

little eyes and, obviously, we know that the Mary Rose... You know,

19,000 objects, a lot of those retrieved were weaponry

because it was a warship but at the same time it was a home

and a community and a workplace, so I think maybe,

cross my fingers for toasting fork, something to do with cooking.

Right. I'm going to ask your team-mates to come in and see

-if they can help you out, because it is not a toasting fork.

-Oh, no.

-Charming as that idea is.

-Help me, team-mates, help me!

-Anybody?

I think I know what this is, I think it's called a linstock.

I think you put the match in it and you use that to light the cannon,

if I remember rightly.

Greg, you're spot on, it is called a linstock.

APPLAUSE

It is so beautifully carved.

It is beautifully carved, you can see how ornate it is there,

and as you say, it is like a dragon's head.

Kate, on this follow-up question, you can confer.

Running a Navy the size of the English fleet

was, as you can imagine, a very expensive business.

In 1567, what means was established to help generate additional funds?

There is a Tudor lottery, there is a national lottery.

A national lottery. There was also a devaluation of the coinage.

I'm going to pop in and tell you that he's got that right.

LAUGHTER

Greg has got the point.

There were 400,000 tickets available

and I'm told that ticket holders were also promised freedom from

arrest from all crimes,

other than murder, felonies, piracy or treason.

-But the immunity only lasted a week.

-Those are the good crimes!

LAUGHTER

But what a week! What an amazing week!

Lucy, by contrast, you've got something very small and delicate.

I'm going to ask Simon to come round to lift it up

so you can have a closer look at it.

And once you have had a good look,

tell us what you think you are looking at from the Mary Rose.

I think it is a little bobbin for making lace or something like that.

So you would attach... You'd use it to weight down thread,

is that correct?

That is a very charming thought

and it couldn't be further from the truth.

I've not been looking at the little spoon, it is a little salt spoon.

Simon, in fact, you tell us what it is and what it was used for.

-This is an ear scoop.

-Yes.

You spotted the little scoop on the end there,

so that would just lift out the ear wax.

-Fantastic.

-Excessive ear wax solution?

-Yeah.

So it's an ear scoop for scooping out the wax

and then that wax would delightfully be used for what particular purpose?

-They could use it on...

-Greasing the cannon?

-..greasing bow strings.

Yes, the archers used it for the...

So archers could use it. Or for threads, this sort of thing.

I've just remembered that Henry VIII gave Anne Boleyn

a golden ear scoop as a present during their courtship

and the message in that case was, Anne, I want to be in your ears.

LAUGHTER

So, just hold the thought of this earwax being used by the archers.

The question I want to ask you,

what was outlawed in the Act of 1541 as being detrimental to the proper

and lawful pursuit of archery?

Football.

Actually football and everything else.

Anything that was much fun at all. What do you know about that?

This is the hypocrisy from Henry

cos we know he owned the world's first pair of football boots.

He loved football. He played football.

And the reason that all these things were banned, all these games,

and tennis and dice and quoits and everything was

because they wanted people to concentrate on the archery.

-And military service.

-Yes.

-And you were meant to do it until you were 60.

-Between 17 and 60.

17 and 60 you were meant to be fit enough to be able to fight in the

Navy or the Army if need be.

So, Simon I'm going to ask you to come round now

and let's take a look at Greg's artefact from the Mary Rose.

Let's take a closer look at this and, Greg, can you identify this?

-What are we looking at?

-It's got to be a syringe.

It's got to be medical, hasn't it? It's got to be a syringe.

Sailors had a fairly dodgy reputation for

when they got into port and they found the ladies

and I think quite often they contracted illnesses

and those illnesses were downstairs illnesses and they needed a cure.

And I think... This is a horrible thing to say.

I think this is a urethra syringe,

it basically pumps mercury up a gentleman's John Thomas.

LAUGHTER

So delicately put. You are so right.

It is a urethral syringe. And this treatment with mercury,

do you have any idea what phrase it gave birth to in the language?

You spend an evening...

-"Five minutes with Venus..."

-That's it.

-BOTH:

-"..and a lifetime with mercury."

-That's right. That's what it was.

-Yeah.

So syphilis was called the Italian disease in France.

It was called the Polish disease in Russia.

It was called the Spanish disease in the Netherlands,

the Christian disease in Turkey, and the British disease in Tahiti.

-What was it known as in England?

-The French disease.

-Of course it was.

-Especially on the Mary Rose, the enemy.

-The French disease.

-Yes.

And the French thought that the English disease was flagellation.

LAUGHTER

You don't get a point for that but I am fascinated.

I must ask you more about that later.

-OK, thank you very much, Lucy's team. You can have a seat.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

Dan's team, if you can come up now.

APPLAUSE

So, Anna, we go to you first.

And as you know you can look but you can't touch.

I'm going to ask Simon to come in again and just lift up

-Anna's artefact and let her have a closer look. Any ideas, Anna?

-No.

-Not immediately. OK, so it's wooden...

-Yeah, it's made from wood.

-..with different sections in...

-Markings, yeah.

..with some markings.

Is it some kind of primitive kind of calendar...?

Well, it is numbers related but not to do with calendars.

OK, I'm going to open this up to your whole team.

Dan, you're looking as if you might have a bit of a clue here.

Is it a navigation aid?

-You didn't have a clue.

-I didn't...

-LAUGHTER

-He was just wondering.

-I'm going to tell you what it is.

It's called a tally stick and essentially it was a receipt system

that was used and the notches recorded transactions.

So it was used for administering rations.

So there would be a stick on either side. Isn't that right, Simon?

-Absolutely.

-And it would be notched across. And if it matched up with the rations

-that were given to you.

-That's it.

-How would I ever have got that?

-Here's your follow-up question.

I wonder how you're going to get this then.

In 1596 Sir Hugh Plat persistently campaigned for the adoption

of which new foodstuff to be included in naval rations?

It's quite late so would it be some sort of potato thing

-going on or would it be some citrus-y thing?

-It could be...

-It's even more sophisticated.

-It's not sugar...

OK, more sophisticated than potatoes(!)

-JONATHAN:

-Cocoa.

-Wowee(!)

-Chocolate.

-That's my cooking maxing out...

-South American by this time, chocolate.

-It's carbohydrate-based.

-OK, carbohydrate-based.

-JONATHAN:

-Pain au chocolat.

-I think I'm going to have to tell you.

I think you're going to have to tell us.

-It was pasta.

-Pasta.

-Yeah.

-Wow.

This is the earliest published reference to pasta in English,

it was in Plat's work of 1594 and his campaign was in fact successful in at

least one case because records show Sir Francis Drake commissioned Plat

to make a large quantity of pasta for at least one of his voyages.

Right, let's move on then, Dan, to your artefact.

Something a little bit more substantial.

-Simon is going to lift it so that you can examine it well...

-Thank you.

..and tell us what you think this is and what it was used for.

Well, I think it's a very light piece of artillery

and you would put some... You would ram a charge home,

you'd ram some gunpowder home, you'd put a projectile in,

and then you'd put a little bit of gunpowder on there,

and then you'd prick that so that the gunpowder goes through to the

big charge, light it there and, bang, you can shoot at the French.

And would you manage to have a name? You could confer.

Tudor artillery, terrifying, because every single cannon had a completely different name.

It's going to be something obvious like a handgun.

You get the point. It's called hailshot

-and it was cube-shaped shots. Is that right, Simon?

-That's right.

It would be used this way.

This is the wooden stock which is the handle that fits in the end.

They could rest this on the side of the deck

and it would fire a couple of dozen iron dies.

That's what's so amazing on the Mary Rose.

You get cannon and gunpowder weapons,

but you've also got loads of longbowmen.

-So you've got those medieval and early modern worlds colliding.

-Exactly.

I'm going to give you a follow-up question

cos we're thinking about artillery, we're thinking about firearms.

What's the connection between firearms

and James Stewart the half-brother of Mary, Queen of Scots?

Well, didn't he blow himself up?

He was a huge firearms enthusiast and he...

-Is this the right James Stewart?

-I think you're right. Go on.

There's so many James Stewarts who ended badly but I think he was

next to his favourite cannon and it blew up and killed him.

Yeah. I only wish that that were the case cos it's a very good story.

LAUGHTER

In 1570, his was the first recorded assassination with a firearm.

OK.

It was up in Linlithgow this happened.

Used to be quite a rough place, Linlithgow. Not any longer.

You didn't get your points but well done for guessing.

Let's move on then to Jonathan. And, Simon, if you come forward,

lift this up for Jonathan and the rest of us to have a little look at.

-JONATHAN:

-If you could turn that around, Simon, thank you.

-There we go.

-So it's a beautifully made thing, isn't it? Very precise.

And it has a little cut at this end which looks like a reed.

But at the far end,

it seems that it was supposed to be attached to something else.

So I'm going to guess that's a reed for some kind of hornpipe.

Well, I'll tell you what, Jonathan,

you can use it as a hornpipe if you want but I certainly wouldn't.

-ANNA:

-I think I know what. Is it an enema pipe?

-It is an enema pipe.

-No!

LAUGHTER

And do you know, Anna, what it might have had attached to the end?

That was well spotted by you.

-And that sort of...

-What kind of a tune can you get out of that?

-ANNA:

-No. I wouldn't... I don't really want to think...

It was... Am I right, Simon, it was a pig's bladder?

That's right. It would have had a pig's bladder fitted at this end

where they would have put the liquid

and then that would be inserted you know where. And, yes,

for treating constipation or stomach problems or whatever.

Everybody in the audience is sitting a little higher in their seats.

LAUGHTER

-ANNA:

-What's crazy is like that actually was there.

You just don't know where that's been, quite literally.

Why do you think Simon is wearing gloves?

-ANNA:

-Exactly.

So I want to ask you your follow-up question for an extra bonus point.

Which product, introduced into England in Tudor times,

was later administered via enemas?

-Tobacco.

-ANNA:

-Tobacco, yeah. That's it.

-Tobacco.

-They thought tobacco could cure all kinds of things.

You're absolutely right.

Among them, do you know what they thought it could cure?

-Cancer...

-Yeah.

-..lockjaw...

-Constipation.

-Constipation. Everything.

Heavy breathing.

LAUGHTER

Clears the airways.

You get a point for that.

-Tobacco enema.

-Well done.

-Dan's team, thank you very much.

APPLAUSE

So, Simon, I'm going to ask you now to please bring on our bonus artefact

for both teams to have a look at.

It's from Henry VIII's flagship, the Mary Rose.

It is the magnificent ship's bell,

which is the centrepiece of the collection

and it would, normally, only be seen inside the case at the museum.

So we are very fortunate to be seeing it here today.

So, as I say, for an extra point, on your buzzers, teams.

Can you tell me why this was the most significant find

for Mary Rose archaeologists?

BUZZER Dan's team. And it's Dan buzzing.

Cos it was conclusive evidence that it was, in fact, the Mary Rose?

You're absolutely right. So you get the point for that and...

Tell me more about that. What was it particularly about this bell?

Er, well, the bell had certain markings on it

that meant that it could only be

connected with the Mary Rose.

LAUGHTER

So it was engraved in Flemish

and the engraving reads,

"I was made in the year 1510."

And there was only one other ship that was made in that same year.

Might you know what that ship was?

Was it called the Henry Grace a Dieu?

Was it the Phoenix Pomegranate?

-It was the Peter Pomegranate.

-Peter Pomegranate!

-Whoa!

Yes, and so, purely by deduction

and of looking at the bell, and knowing that the Pomegranate

-hadn't sunk, because I think it sailed until 1558...

-Yep.

-..they knew this must be the Mary Rose.

-This must be the Mary Rose.

So thank you very much indeed to Simon from the Mary Rose Museum.

We do very much appreciate you bringing in these artefacts.

APPLAUSE

Well, after that round, I can reveal

that Lucy's team has 15 points

and Dan's team has 15 points, too.

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

LAUGHTER

So it's on to our next round and that is going to be...

all about medicine.

APPLAUSE

In this round, our historians will be tested on Tudor diseases

and their remedies via a peculiar branch of folk medicine,

known as the doctrine of signatures.

The Tudors bought into the idea that

if a plant resembled a part of the anatomy,

then it could cure that body part if things went wrong.

This notion dated back to the Ancient Greeks

and it wasn't always as mad as it sounds.

For instance, when it came to ginger,

due to its resemblance to the stomach,

it was thought to cure digestive complaints.

Luckily for them, it did.

However, shepherd's purse was thought to aid blood circulation

and perhaps you can maybe even hazard a guess at what orchid bulbs

were used to treat. LAUGHTER

Lucy's team, you are going to be using the doctrine of signatures

to answer questions on the medical history of Henry VIII.

And you have, in front of you, some Tudor remedies.

I want you to tell me which of Henry's many health problems

these could have been used to treat, according to the doctrine.

And, Lucy, I'm going to ask you, first of all,

to look at the furthest away remedy.

CLICKING

And tell me a little bit about this.

Which of Henry's ailments might it have been used to treat?

Bearing in mind what body part it looks like.

Well, I think these are walnuts.

They are walnuts, yes.

-So, considering Henry had malaria, leg ulcers.

-Yep.

-Gout?

-And smallpox, gout.

-Allegedly, syphilis, some say.

-Allegedly, syphilis.

-Is it a brain or is it the male member?

-Oh!

Well, he falls off his horse.

-Yeah, so it looks a bit like a brain inside a cranium.

-So he fell off

-his horse, didn't he, in 1536?

-And was in a coma for...

-BOTH:

-..two hours.

And, after that, people thought, perhaps he'd been unconscious

for two hours and it had slightly changed the make-up of his brain.

And he did suffer terrible headaches

after his first jousting incident in 1524.

So I think now people began to wonder, had his character changed?

There were some historians who think that what happened to Henry

during 1536 - the quick way he turned against Anne Boleyn -

is due to the fact that he fell off his horse

and his brain had some kind of injury.

Yes, you're absolutely right. I mean, the walnut looks like a brain

and this was used to treat these headaches

-that Henry suffered from.

-Fantastic.

-Mm.

-And, as you say,

after the jousting incident.

You've got your point for that, then, Lucy's team.

I want to ask you your follow-up question. Again, for a point.

Henry changed the laws on insanity in 1542,

in order to facilitate the execution of which...?

Jane Boleyn. So...

He did so, because this was Jane Boleyn, who was the waiting woman

of Catherine Howard and she was also the sister-in-law of Anne Boleyn.

And there was damning evidence that she facilitated

Catherine Howard's affairs.

And Catherine Howard approached the block with great dignity,

but Jane Boleyn, in the run-up to being executed,

she went completely mad. She had a nervous breakdown.

And so Henry had to change the law that made it possible to execute

people who were mad, for the first time ever, and that's what he did.

Kate, that was a wonderfully fulsome answer.

I think it deserves a round of applause. Well done.

APPLAUSE

Now let's go on to your second question.

And I see you already do have your gloves on, which is just as well,

because this is... It is highly poisonous,

-what we are about to ask you to look at here.

-Oh, my goodness.

Unsurprisingly, probably, for Tudor medicine.

Just have a little examination of that and, again,

bear in mind that it relates to the body part that it would be used

to treat the problem of.

Oh, he was constipated, wasn't he?

And he's constipated, so these are

small king droppings, aren't they?

Somebody up there knows what it is.

LAUGHTER

It's called pileworts...

-Oh, no!

-Is it?

-Oh!

-..or a celandine root, yes.

-Ah, fantastic.

-And it was to treat His Majesty's piles.

Is that what piles look like?

LAUGHTER

-Don't play the innocent with me, Lucy Worsley.

-I wouldn't know!

What would the piles have been down to, Greg,

in terms of his diet and so on?

-Well, I mean, he eats an enormous amount of meat.

-Yes.

Something like 5,500 calories a day.

Which is too many calories.

-Don't do that.

-LAUGHTER

And really no fibre at all, because vegetables are seen

as something for poor people and there is really no...

Well, he eats vegetables, but he eats them cooked and boiled.

-And not much fruit.

-And you don't eat the fruit raw, because it's

-thought to cause plague.

-He's on the Atkins diet.

-LAUGHTER

-Yeah, exactly. It's all meat.

And he also, of course, rides a horse a lot.

In the Middle Ages, bum diseases were very common for knights.

-LAUGHTER

-A really, really common problem.

In the Crusades in the 14th century, a lot of doctors were specialists

in bottom surgery.

I think we've probably worn the subject out now.

I could do hours on this. It's fine. Bottoms are my thing.

So let me just give you a follow-up question

on the celandine roots, also known as pileworts.

Which position at court, held by Sir William Compton, Sir Henry Norris

and Sir Anthony Denny, during the reign of Henry VIII,

would have given them an intimate knowledge

of Henry's haemorrhoids?

-That would be the groom of the stool.

-Mm.

The groom of the stool's job was to help his master

use the royal chamber pot.

And it was a very privileged position.

You're quite right. You got your point. You wanted to come in, Greg?

Also, he had a very important medical job

in that he would be inspecting the king's droppings and also his urine,

because Tudor medicine is based on Hippocratic medicine,

which is Ancient Greek medicine.

And urine, the colour of your urine, the consistency of your faeces

would tell people immediately if the King was ill.

And then, of course, they would be able to call in the doctors and say,

the King is looking a little bit splatty today.

LAUGHTER AND GROANING

Lucy's team, that's quite enough. And thank you very much.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

So, Dan's team, it is your turn.

Dan, do get your gloves on and prepare for...

-You pick that one up.

-..the doctrine of signatures.

-It looks a bit scary.

To answer questions on the medical history of Elizabeth I.

Oh.

So let's take a look, first of all, at the plant.

-This one?

-Oh.

-Yeah.

It's called henbane.

Which of Elizabeth ailments might this cure have been used to treat?

And, remember, you are looking to the plant itself

to supply you with a clue

and this is also poisonous, so I'm very glad you've got gloves on.

-Oh.

-Erm... Hm.

-So she had poor eyesight, her teeth had all fallen out from sugar.

-Yep.

-Is it a tooth...?

-Yes, you're quite right. It is. It's tooth decay.

-Tooth decay. Really?

-She loved sweet food.

She was a real picker when it came to

all the plates of food that would come in

and she would turn her nose up at most of them,

except the sweet things.

And so she had black teeth and then teeth that fell out.

And, on one occasion, she was in such pain, there was felt the need

to pull out the tooth and she was so scared

and she had this elderly bishop, who had to sort of stand in her place

and show her that it didn't hurt

when this tooth was pulled out.

And he was like, "Course it doesn't hurt". And then she had it done

and it was the only tooth she'd ever have pulled out.

-Round of applause. That's the right answer.

-Well done.

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

So your follow-up question, for another point on this is,

in Tudor England, teeth would have been removed by a barber surgeon.

Who were the barber surgeons and what qualifications did

they need in order to operate?

Well, I think the qualification they needed was they needed a big...

-Mallet.

-..knife. A mallet.

-LAUGHTER

They had to own the kit.

Yeah, they were dentist-cum-surgeon-cum-barber.

Quite literally barber surgeons. So they would do everything

and they were less qualified than doctors were,

but more qualified, as such,

than those apothecaries who would make up medicines.

-You're quite...

-At least they were quite practical.

-They were.

They could actually get a limb off.

They would amputate, pull your teeth out.

You're quite right. There was no qualification needed at all and,

to this day, the reason we call surgeons Mr or Miss,

rather than Doctor, dates back to Tudor times.

And the red pole, with the white bandage that we still have today?

-Yeah. Outside the barber's shops.

-Strikes fear into you.

Let's move on then to your next so-called cure.

You will know, of course,

that this is a pomegranate, not poisonous at all.

So the question that goes with this cure is

which disease, contracted by Elizabeth in 1562,

would pomegranate juice have been used to treat?

Interesting, isn't it? Cos the pomegranate, traditionally,

had been a symbol of fertility, because the seeds talk about...

you know, children.

-You see this with Catherine of Aragon.

-It was her personal symbol,

-wasn't it? Catherine of Aragon's?

-Yeah, it was. But...

-She gets a bout of smallpox early on, doesn't she?

-It was 1562,

-October, she was ill with smallpox.

-Hm.

-So, if it's smallpox...?

-But Kirsty's not giving it away.

-She was confined at Hampton Court.

No, I absolutely will say that smallpox is right.

You've got your point,

but can you put it in some sort of historical context?

It was a really scary moment. This is just four years into her reign

and, of course, she's not married and she doesn't have an heir.

And, for a time, it really does look as though she's going to die.

It's actually a long-standing problem,

because if you look back to her father, Henry VIII,

he spent his youth at Eltham Palace on the outskirts of London

when sweating sickness and other ailments came in as plagues

into the city.

So her sister, Mary, had a nursery palace

two days' ride away near Chelmsford.

So they kept the children at a safe distance from these urban plagues.

And, tell me, in terms of Elizabeth herself,

how could these visible smallpox scars

-have damaged her image as the Virgin Queen?

-Ah.

And this is for a point, this question.

-They looked a lot like syphilis sores.

-That's it.

-They looked like the Great Pox scars. They were similar.

-Yeah.

And also this whole idea of this perfect complexion.

The idea that the queen has to sort of represent purity

and this sort of...as a sign of strength.

And she covered herself in make-up.

Yes, and she kept a very tight rein on her image.

There is one particularly interesting portrait

that seems to have slipped through the net.

I believe we can see the image here.

Well, the interesting thing about Elizabeth is, because, of course,

she is unmarried, remains unmarried, and doesn't have an heir,

the future is really, really precarious and uncertain.

No one knows who's going to succeed her.

And you get to a point during her reign where, really,

they had to maintain the fiction that she's young,

to try and reassure everyone that she'll never get old,

because there's no one waiting in the wings.

And so she controls her image and, in fact,

there's a sort of carefully controlled face pattern

that's inserted into portraits towards the end of her reign,

so that, basically, her face doesn't show that it's ageing.

And this one is, apparently, a portrait

that slipped through the net and does show a rather ageing Elizabeth.

Dan's team, fascinating stuff. Thank you very much.

APPLAUSE

So, after that round,

Lucy's team have 18 points

and Dan's team have got 19 points.

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

Moving on now to our next round,

which takes on the subject of entertainment.

In the Tudor period, music had an important role in public life.

News was spread chiefly via songs, so nothing like today.

The peddlers of this news were often unsavoury characters,

criminals and downright liars.

Again, nothing like today. LAUGHTER

You're about to hear two Tudor ballads,

performed live here in the studio.

Listen carefully, teams, to the lyrics,

as I am going to be quizzing you on them later.

Now please do welcome to the stage,

to perform the first ballad,

Zico Shaker and Jill Kemp.

APPLAUSE

MUSIC: The Death of Queen Jane

# Queen Jane was in labour

# Full six weeks and more

# And the women were weary

# And fain would give o'er

# O' women, O' women

# As women ye be

# Rip open my two sides

# And save my baby

# King Henry came to her

# And sate at her bed

# What ails my fair lady

# Her eyes look so red?

# She wept and she wail'd

# Till she fell in a swoond,

# They open'd her two sides

# And the baby was found

# The baby was christened

# With joy and much mirth

# Whilst poor Queen Jane's body

# Lay cold under earth. #

APPLAUSE

That was exquisite. Zico and Jill, thank you very much indeed.

Teams, I do hope that you were listening closely.

This is a buzzer round.

So tell me what the subject was...

BUZZER ..of that ballad. Jonathan?

It's Jane Seymour's birth of the future Edward VI.

Yes. That is absolutely correct.

And performed during that birth was...?

A Caesarean section.

Well, no, the ballad

is actually anti-Henrician propaganda,

because there wasn't a Caesarean section performed.

We're coming to that. LAUGHTER

No, but you're quite right and we will come onto that.

-OK.

-But the answer to the question about what the ballad was

-is absolutely correct.

-OK.

And you, Dan's team and Jonathan, will get the point.

Thank you very much. We'll take that point.

It was thought to be Catholic propaganda, because...?

Because Henry had sacrificed the wife for the heir.

Because she died so quickly after the birth.

And the rumour mill suggested that,

when Henry was asked if he should save Jane or the baby,

the rumourmonger said he said,

"The child, by all means, for other wives could easily be found."

Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't marry Henry, he will kill you.

Exactly.

For all that extra information, I'm going to give you a bonus point.

-Yes!

-Because you did fill in some of the blanks.

-LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-Whoo!

Let's then go to a follow-up question

and I'm going to give this to Dan's team,

because you did get the right answer.

-We did.

-So you have a go at the follow-up question.

Jane Seymour wasn't the only wife of Henry VIII's to die

following complications in childbirth.

Can you tell me who the other was?

She didn't die.

I'm not going to give you much time.

Hang on. Wait a second.

I don't have to wait a second, you know?

Oh, that's true. You don't.

-Died...?

-Oh, it must be Catherine Parr.

-Oh!

-You just...you squeaked it in there.

-Of course.

-After Henry's death.

-That's a good trick question there.

It wasn't during Henry's reign. That's what we were thinking.

She went on and married someone else after Henry.

-She married her...

-Thomas Seymour.

-Exactly.

She married Thomas Seymour, who we had earlier.

You have got the point. APPLAUSE

Now, please welcome back Zico and Jill

to perform our second ballad.

APPLAUSE

SHE PLAYS

# Who keeps Saint Angell gates?

# Where lieth our Holy Father say?

# I muse that no man waits

# Nor comes to meet me on the way

# Sir Pope, I say, if you be near

# Bow down to me your listening ear

# Come forth, bestir you then apace

# For I have news to tell Your Grace

# Stay not, come on

# That I from here were shortly gone

# Hark well, hear me

# What tidings I have brought to thee

# The Bull so lately sent

# To England by your holy grace

# John Felton may repent

# For setting of the same in place

# For he upon a goodly zeal

# He bare unto your common weal

# Has ventured life to pleasure you

# And now is hanged, I tell you true

# Wherefore, sir Pope

# In England have you lost your hope

# Curse on, spare not

# Your knights are like to turn to pot. #

APPLAUSE

Stepping back in time, listening to that.

Zico and Jill, thank you very much indeed.

So teams, again, fingers on buzzers.

What event... BUZZER

So, um, Dan.

-I think I've made a mistake.

-LAUGHTER

-I think your competitive spirit is getting the better of you...

-OK.

..and you did come in too early.

It would only be fair for me to finish the question, Dan,

since you didn't let me. What event of 1570 does that ballad refer to?

-Is that...?

-Oh, that's when all the subjects of Elizabeth

-were told they no longer had to be obedient to her.

-Excommunication.

So finally, Elizabeth's subjects could do as they wish,

and that really spawned a real upsurge in plots against her.

That particular ballad, though. I'm looking for a particular name,

-and neither team is able to give it to me.

-The Papal Bull of Excommunication of 1570.

Yes, relating to the death of...?

-We heard his name in the song!

-John Fenton.

-Well, nearly. John Felton.

-Felton.

Well done, you got there. So a clap for that, and the points.

APPLAUSE

My follow-up question, then, and I almost think it's only fair

to make this a buzzer question,

because you both sort of got it right but got just enough of it wrong.

So let me leave this open to both of you.

Pope Sixtus V renewed the Bull or the Document of Excommunication

against Elizabeth in 1588.

What incident that occurred

in 1587...? Anna. BUZZER

-Mary, Queen of Scots' execution.

-Absolutely right, yes,

and a point for that. You get it.

APPLAUSE

So after that round, Lucy's team have 19 points,

Dan's team have 23 points.

APPLAUSE

Now we're going to go on to our penultimate round

and this is all about food.

So from the gluttony of Henry VIII

to the extravagant banquets of Elizabeth I,

food played a very important role in Tudor life and in politics.

So teams, it is time now to test your taste buds

as well as your knowledge.

The Tudor dishes that you're about to sample

have been created by a Hampton Court food historian -

please welcome Mark Hawtree.

APPLAUSE

Hello.

So, Mark, thank you and welcome.

We will come to all of your expert knowledge in just a moment.

First of all, we're going to go to Lucy's team,

and, Mark, I would ask you initially

to reveal the dish that Lucy's team

are going to try to tell us a little bit about.

There they are. Now, take a taste.

OK.

Shall we go for the nipple?

Do they just look like giant boobs to you?

-Or small boobs, actually.

-A plate of mammaries.

Henry VII did like...

Too much information, Greg!

-What do you make of the taste?

-Um...

It's not very nice.

-GREG:

-Oh, I like it!

Is it lavender, or violet? It tastes like Turkish Delight.

I think it's rose.

Mark, I'm going to ask for your description of what it is

that is being eaten here. And actually our historians

-sort of touched on it at the beginning.

-Eating some boobs.

The comedy boob, yeah. Very robust sense of humour, the Tudors.

Er, it's called Spanish Pap,

-which then links in with the boob joke again.

-Right.

It's cream, sweetened with sugar,

flavoured with rose-water, and thickened with rice flour.

Tell me a little bit more about this, then, Mark.

Why...you say Spanish Paps, a crude name, why were they given that name?

The Pap because of the breast, also because of the texture.

For baby food...

The name "pap" for baby food goes back hundreds of years.

They wanted to have a go at the Spanish, really, did they?

They're possibly having a go at the Spanish.

One theory is that it looks like a papal hat.

Well, it's having a go at the Pap-acy, isn't it? The Papacy.

Yeah, but I personally think it's just comedy boob.

So Lucy's team, out of all this, apart from trying the dish,

I'm going to give you a question.

Your question is, what distinction was made

between Mary I and Philip II of Spain

in their place settings during their marriage feast?

When a woman marries a man, he's her master,

so they were afraid that Britain,

in a union, they're going to be controlled by Spain,

so they're signifying at the wedding banquet...

So presumably they're not next to each other,

or she's much higher than him?

She's seated much higher and he's much lower?

You're right in terms of the historical context,

-but the actual...

-He's under the table...

He's not under the table. Do any others in your team have an idea?

Lucy, Greg?

-Anna is straining at the leash here.

-Anna is straining at the leash,

so I'm going to open it to the other side.

I think gold and silver plates.

-You're spot on.

-Ooh!

Explain to us who had the gold and who had the silver.

So it was a problem of precedence and who was in the superior position

and, yes, Mary had the gold plate and Philip had the silver plate.

That's it. Absolutely right.

APPLAUSE

Mark, I will ask you now to come round and unveil the dish

-that Dan's team is about to take a look at...

-Need longer arms for this.

-..and indeed sample.

-You get the short straw.

Now, dig in.

Here we go, Kirsty, let me...

-Thank you so much.

-Don't want you missing out.

Really kind of you. I have to ask the questions, though,

-so...

-I think you would have been better with the paps.

-I'm intrigued.

-What are you tasting?

-Fish. Haddock.

-Fish.

It's kind of like cold kedgeree.

Or like egg fried rice served up a week later.

You like it! Jonathan's going for it.

-Mark, how long did it take you to make this?

-Oh, yeah, no offence!

It's fine!

No, I'm not going to sulk at all.

I do have questions to ask you, so stay here.

What is that our team's tasting?

You're eating a blancmange of fish.

Fishy blancmange.

It's all right!

By my standards, anyway.

One of those things - when we say "blancmange"

you're instantly taken back to the pink milk jelly of schooldays.

But blancmange is just white food - "blanc manger".

-Of course.

-Why was white food particularly attractive?

It's considered to be easier to digest.

And what have you put into it, in terms of flavourings,

-aside from the fish?

-It's rice boiled until it bursts,

and then mixed with almond milk,

er, mashed fish, and flavoured with

a little bit of sugar and some ginger.

I can taste the ginger, yeah.

-And do you like it, or...?

-It needs a microwave, but...

LAUGHTER

Keeping the dish in mind, then,

what food-related law - this is your question, for one point -

what food-related law in 1563

directly benefitted the Navy Royal?

-Oh, well...you had to serve fish on a...

-Well, not just on a Friday,

there were certain days you had to eat fish.

It was Friday plus another day, wasn't it?

Cos then more fishermen, more trained seamen for the fleet,

that could be called up, mobilised in times of war.

You're absolutely right, and it was introduced on Wednesdays

as well as Fridays and Saturdays.

And in order to sort of...not circumvent it, but honour the law,

what other things were included under the guise of "fish"

that they were allowed to eat?

Well, you know in the Middle Ages

they thought that barnacle geese were a type of fish

because they grew from barnacles...

-Yes. And this was included, you're right, barnacle goose.

-Yeah.

-And also puffins.

-Beaver.

-And beavers, yes, you're quite right.

And whale, also, was included.

Now, Mark has made a special drink. The cups are almost full.

Jonathan, your cup is still to be filled.

And you have prepared something called what for us?

This is a white hippocras.

White hippocras. And what's that made up from?

-This one is...

-Smells wonderful!

..a Rhenish wine, with long pepper, grains of paradise,

er, flour of canel, ginger, sugar, and cinnamon.

It's very delicious.

You're supposed to be impartial! You weren't eating the food, but...

I can always drink a drink - I'm a Scotswoman, after all!

LAUGHTER

I'm going to ask you, Mark,

this very beautiful thing, which I almost don't...

I mean, it's so delicate and gorgeous I almost don't want to touch it.

It looks like we should have some cherries on it,

but in fact this would have been used as a drinking vessel?

It's a tatser.

Can you fill it up? And I'm going to ask Dan, because I don't want you

to mess up your beautiful shirt, but I don't mind if Dan messes up his.

This is where I throw it over everybody, isn't it?

So this would have been used to drink from. And Dan, do be careful,

but I want you to have a go at drinking from this.

-This tatser, as you said it was called.

-OK.

Now, it does look as if it was made from very fine and ancient porcelain.

-Yeah.

-Mark, you tell me what it's made of,

-tell everybody. It's extraordinary.

-That one's actually made from sugar.

-What?!

-Careful you don't tip it!

But yeah, that's actually made from sugar.

Are you going to...? Can we break some off?

Oh, my God!

That's amazing!

-Is it...?

-Yeah!

Christmas in the Snow household will never be the same.

Drink and eat at the same time!

It's like an archaeological object now, isn't it?

I imagine made with moulds, but terrifically difficult to make.

-Yes.

-Oh, thanks! He's just proved how hard it is to drink out of.

Sorry!

-Did he spill it?

-All over me.

LAUGHTER

What's this one made out of?

I have to say to you, it has been

fascinating, delightful and intriguing. Thank you very much

for bringing all this historical food and drink along.

APPLAUSE

Now, as our final part of our Tudor feast,

I want to introduce you to a very special guest.

And here he is. This is Whiskey.

Now, Whiskey, for a bonus question, can you tell me

what this little animal would have been used for in a Tudor kitchen?

-Can I answer?

-You can answer.

We don't have buzzers, but you can certainly answer.

IMITATES BUZZER

Tell me about Whiskey.

Whiskey is supposed to be the last surviving spit dog,

which is a kind of dog that was bred

to have a long body and short little legs,

so it would run about in a little wheel

and it would stop you having to turn the spit manually.

You're absolutely right, turn the spit with the meat on it.

He's the Turnspit Dog. Well done.

APPLAUSE

There is nothing about Whiskey, the little Turnspit Dog,

that is not interesting.

You already have secured your point, but can you, or can anybody,

tell me what might have been done -

of really unspeakable cruelty, I have to say -

to make little Whiskey run faster on his wheel?

Did it involve the enema pipe?

It didn't involve the enema pipe!

Was there fire put under the wheel, to make him run?

Yeah, they would throw coals onto the wheel to make him run faster,

because his little paws were hot.

Turnspit dogs apparently were used as feet-warmers in church on a Sunday.

What a life they had!

Well, thank you all for being so very game.

After that round we can reveal that Lucy's team have 20 points

and Dan's team have 25 points.

APPLAUSE

Now it's time to play our final round.

So finally, having spent a while looking at how the Tudors lived,

it seems entirely appropriate that our last round

is about how they died.

This is a quickfire round, with questions worth a point.

Equally, teams, I should tell you that an incorrect answer

will result in you being deducted a point.

Greg looks really happy at that.

So fingers on buzzers, teams,

and let's play The Last Word.

Which monarch said, "When I am dead and opened,

"you shall find..." BUZZER

Mary I.

That's right. "You shall find Calais lying on my heart."

One point to you. Which Elizabethan playwright was stabbed to death

in a pub in Deptford... BELL

That was Christopher Marlowe.

It was Christopher Marlowe, it was in a row over a bill.

Who said that he believed the mercy of Christ

would "pardon me all my sins,

"yea, though they were greater than can be," on his deathbed?

I'll move on - that was Henry VIII.

According to popular tradition,

which Elizabethan statesman died from pneumonia

during an experiment... BELL

-Francis Bacon.

-It was Francis Bacon. What was the experiment?

He was stuffing a chicken with snow.

He WAS stuffing a chicken with snow!

Whose death was described as "mildly, like a lamb,

"easily, like a..." BUZZER

-Elizabeth I.

-That's right. It was mild like a lamb,

"easily, like a ripe apple from the tree."

Whose body and severed head was placed in an old arrow chest

immediately after her execution in 1536?

BELL

-That would be Anne Boleyn.

-It was Anne Boleyn.

"Most gracious prince, I cry for mercy, mercy, mercy."

-It's not working! It is.

-BELL

Thomas Cromwell.

It was Thomas Cromwell.

Written to Henry VIII, was the end of that question.

Whose wife, named Elizabeth, is said to have carried his severed head

in a bag... BELL

-Raleigh.

-It was Walter Raleigh.

Carried his severed head in a bag for 29 years.

Who was the chief mourner

at the funeral of Henry's widow Catherine Parr?

BELL

-Was it Elizabeth?

-No, it wasn't.

-It was Lady Jane Grey, you lose a point.

-Sorry.

For which monarch were two funeral services held,

one Protestant, the other Catholic?

BUZZER What's your answer?

-Edward VI.

-It was Edward VI. Next question. How was Richard Roose,

the cook of the Bishop of Rochester, executed?

BELL

Boiled alive.

He was boiled alive for two hours, apparently.

Which Tudor statesman...

END OF ROUND KLAXON

Well, that sound signals the end of the round

and indeed, the end of the quiz.

I can tell you that Lucy's team have 25 points

and Dan's team have 28 points!

APPLAUSE

So Dan's team get the silver Tudor groats,

and I'm afraid that Lucy's team, it's off to the Tower for you,

where else?

The only thing left to do, then,

is to pay one last visit to our Tudor timeline.

Here it is. Full of the people and events that have made this

one of the most remarkable periods in British history.

Thank you to our wonderful historians, Lucy, Greg and Kate,

and Dan, Jonathan and Anna.

APPLAUSE

I'd like to thank all of you for watching,

and in the words of that great Elizabethan, William Shakespeare,

put out the light...

and then put out the light. Goodnight.