The Rich Time Traveller's Guide to Elizabethan England

Imagine everything that's ever happened.

The whole of history.

Imagine you could go to any place at any time

and see what the people then saw, understand what they thought

and appreciate what they felt.

What would that tell you about the human race?

And how would that make you feel about the world you live in today?

So much of what we know now goes directly back

to England's Golden Age, the reign of Queen Elizabeth I.

A time when England embraced the whole world.

It's a period bursting with icons - Shakespeare,

the Spanish Armada...

..the Virgin Queen herself.

Who wouldn't want to travel back in time and see it first hand?

But if you did, what you would need most would be a visitor's handbook.

Who are these strange people?

So like us, but also so different.

What are their rules, their customs and attitudes?

I have spent years piecing these together so you don't have to.

Let me plunge you into a world of splendour

and magnificent achievements but also of uncertainty and doubt,

where simple survival was an art in itself.

A world of plague, violence and superstition...

..but also of beauty and wisdom.

I'll show you this fascinating period as if it's all around you.

The sickness and the suffering as well as the power and the glory.

Because this is Elizabethan England.

So far your travels through 16th century England

have shown you what conditions are like at the very bottom of the social ladder.

It's not a pretty picture.

Populated by vagrants and criminals, the blind and the infirm,

this is a world of distress, disease and deprivation.

Life is undeniably tough.

It's also often painful and alarmingly short.

As a time traveller, you might be forgiven for deciding not to return

to this particular destination.

That would be a shame, however,

because Elizabethan England has a great deal more to offer you.

This time, far from suffering the hardships of poverty,

you'll share in the luxury and privileges of society's elite.

Take almost any painting from Elizabethan England and what do you see?

Royal courtiers dressed in silk and velvet?

Magnificent jewels and ostentatious ruffs?

Extravagant feasts and joyous dancing?

These artworks always depict the lives of the very rich. Why?

Because only they can afford such luxuries as paintings.

When you first glance at these faces,

what you see are expressions of serene confidence,

borne of a lifetime of privilege, wealth and power.

Look a little deeper into those placid eyes, however,

and you may begin to see something else.

Is that doubt? Uncertainty? Do you see...fear?

These are dangerous days, uncertain times, and it's worth remembering

that those who have the most also have the most to lose.

But let's not dwell on such matters for the time being.

Instead let's focus on the fine things in life that the wealthy enjoy.

And where better to start

than at one of the Queen's most magnificent palaces.

Here, you'll find it's all about keeping up appearances

and no-one knows this better than the Queen herself.

Previously a favourite of her father, Henry VIII,

Hampton Court is just one of the 20 palaces

inherited by the young Queen.

Of these, she gives seven away,

and now spends an average of £4,000 per year maintaining the remainder.

To put things in perspective, at the time of your visit,

a whole year's labour earns the average worker just five pounds.

The prime reason for the Queen maintaining

Hampton Court Palace is for it to be a museum to her father's greatness.

It is still packed with his possessions,

which visitors from the continent come to see.

But bear in mind, if you want to be among their number,

you'll have to get a letter of introduction.

Since you have no shortage of money,

securing such an invitation will be relatively easy.

But to be accepted into this world,

you must clearly signal your place in the strict hierarchy of Elizabethan society.

Servants, visitors, royal courtiers.

Virtually every level of society is represented here.

You won't have any difficulty telling them apart.

Everyone's status is denoted by their clothes.

Exactly what you wear will depend on when you are here.

Get your dates wrong, even by as little as a year or two,

and you risk ridicule or rejection.

Courtiers travelling abroad carry the latest trends

back from the continent,

either in person or by sending fashion dolls

dressed in miniature outfits.

According to dramatist Thomas Dekker,

this fuels an eclectic mix of styles.

"The Englishman's dress is like a traitor's body that has been

"hanged, drawn and quartered.

"His codpiece is in Denmark,

"the collar of his doublet in France, the narrow sleeve in Italy,

"the short waist hangs over a butcher's stall in Utrecht."

But if there's no such thing as a "typical" outfit,

then just where do you start?

The Queen, just by virtue of being a woman,

encourages a more feminine look, even for men.

Gone are the enormous shoulder pads and oversized cod-pieces of Henry VIII's court.

As for ladies, you must never reveal your bare arms or legs in public.

That sort of behaviour is quite strictly for the lower classes.

But when it comes to cleavage, it's quite another matter.

Queen Elizabeth, at the age of 63,

is happy to display her entire bosom, as the wide-eyed

and open-mouthed French ambassador Andre Hurault notes in 1597.

Fashions become steadily more lavish as the Queen's reign progresses,

much to the disapproval of the Puritans.

One of the harshest critics of these excesses is the writer Philip Stubbes.

His most famous work, The Anatomy of Abuses,

is nothing short of 144 pages of ranting

against the fripperies of his fellow Englishmen.

"By wearing of apparel more gorgeous, sumptuous

"and precious than our state,

"calling or condition of life requireth,

"we are puffed up into pride and induced to think of ourselves

"more than we ought, being but vile earth and miserable sinners.

"Neither the Libertines nor the Epicures,

"nor yet the vilest Atheists that ever lived

"exceeded this people in pride."

For a wealthy traveller like you,

"gorgeous apparel" is an absolute must,

and one of the best examples of this is the ruff.

At the beginning of the Elizabethan period,

both men and women start showing the collars of their smocks

and shirts over the tops of their tunics.

As this becomes the fashion,

it grows into a separate garment which is easier to wash.

Starch allows it to grow even bigger,

until by the 1580s it uses a full six yards of linen

and requires a circular board to support it.

If you really want to show off, vibrant colour is another

very effective way of demonstrating your wealth.

It is the law that only the aristocracy

and landed gentry are able to wear certain fabrics such as cloth of gold or cloth of silver,

red and blue velvet, embroidery and silk.

To create a bright crimson colour,

you need cochineal insects from Central America.

Obtaining a single ounce of purple dye

requires around 30,000 Mediterranean whelks,

so dressing flamboyantly certainly doesn't come cheap.

But a word of caution, in the early part of her reign,

Elizabeth's dress sense is much more to the Puritans' liking.

She often wears stark black and white,

which represent constancy and purity.

Together these symbolise eternal virginity,

an image she is keen to project.

So it might not be a good idea to turn up at court and risk

upstaging the Queen by wearing a cloak of bright red cochineal.

Fortunately, since you will be in a royal palace,

you will be able to check how you look in a mirror,

which until recently has been a rarity almost anywhere else.

Yet again, however, the Puritan Philip Stubbes strongly disapproves.

Charming!

Assuming you remain undeterred by such scathing verbal attacks,

you will be keen to try out your carefully-chosen outfit to see

if it makes the correct impression in the presence of royalty.

But as Hampton Court is not one of the Queen's favourite residences,

most of the time you will find that she's absent.

Unless she is staying at one of her other palaces,

there's a good chance you have arrived

while the Queen is away on one of her famous Royal Progresses.

On no fewer than two dozen occasions during her reign,

the entire royal court packs up and takes to the road.

Tapestries and paintings are removed from the walls and put into storage,

along with the silverware and other valuables,

while a core staff keeps the palace clean,

aired and ready for her return.

These outings are a major undertaking,

requiring between 300 and 400 carts and wagons

and up to 2,400 horses.

In the words of one court observer:

"Nothing save war is more disruptive to the orderly

"well-being of court life than a Royal Progress."

But progresses form a vital part of Elizabeth's queenship.

They allow people to see her in the flesh and even to meet her.

She in turn can become acquainted with her subjects.

Some of her courtiers are quietly amused by the Queen claiming to be

personally familiar with thousands of members of the landed gentry.

But she really does know quite a lot of them,

largely because of these progresses.

It's another example of Tudor visual propaganda,

in which the Queen herself becomes a living portrait.

She doesn't travel far, however,

since she only visits parts of the country in which she is popular.

She won't set foot in the pro-Catholic north, for example.

But if you wish to catch up with the Royal Progress,

you will have to think about transport.

How do the rich and powerful get around?

Elizabethans are a surprisingly mobile lot,

and that also applies to the country's many poor people,

although they rarely travel more than a few miles,

and almost always on foot.

As a member of the gentry, you wouldn't dream of travelling

in such a dangerous, dirty and vulgar way.

What you want is a set of wheels.

Coaches have soared in popularity as a result

of the Protestant Revolution.

Gentlemen and their families coming back from the continent

have brought with them the customs of places like Antwerp

where there are 500 coaches on the streets of the city.

The greater number of coaches in England means that the price drops,

allowing even the lower reaches of the gentry to travel in this way.

In the 1570s, for instance, you can pick up a second-hand coach

for around eight pounds with a team of four horses

thrown in for an extra ten pounds.

For the budget traveller, you can even hire one

for 16 shillings per day, plus food for the coachman.

But don't forget to allow for horse-feed, which can easily

cost more than meals for yourself and your servants.

Compared to a simple cart or horse,

four-wheeled coaches offer relative luxury and comfort.

This makes them popular among ladies wishing to take advantage

of the privacy in which to exchange gossip,

or indeed "gentlemen" wishing to take advantage of ladies.

If you wish to be seen as a real gentleman however,

you should leave this rather effeminate form of transport

to the fair sex, and ride alongside on your horse.

Of course, the ability of coaches to offer greater comfort and speed

is hugely dependent on one thing, the state of England's roads.

These roads were intended for feet and hooves,

not thousands of iron-rimmed wooden wheels.

The clergyman William Harrison puts his finger on the problem

in his celebrated Description of England.

Surprisingly, another potential obstacle

for your coach and horses is the bridge.

Many are wooden and in a poor state of repair.

One look at some of them and you might fear you are taking your life in your hands.

But even a sturdy and well-maintained stone bridge

can still mean the end of the road for your coach trip.

Some bridges, particularly those in rural areas,

are as narrow as four foot, which is fine

if you're just riding a horse or driving a flock of sheep to market.

But if you're travelling by coach it's quite another matter,

especially if your coachman has tethered his horses in pairs

as opposed to the old method of all in a line.

As a coach traveller, however, you face another hazard

far more sinister than any muddy road or wonky bridge.

The highwayman.

If the word "highwayman" conjures up images

of 18th century scoundrels like Dick Turpin, think again.

Between 1567 and 1602 in Essex alone,

there are 60 court cases relating to the theft of over £1,000 worth

of money and jewellery, all of it stolen on the highways.

And just like their 18th century counterparts,

these highway robbers are often much more than common thieves.

Take, for example, the notorious Gamaliel Ratsey,

son of a Lincolnshire gentleman and something of a Robin Hood figure.

He sports a grotesque mask, is generous to the poor,

and has a wicked sense of humour.

Not content with removing your possessions,

he may well steal your dignity as well.

He has been known to lecture a troupe of actors on their art

while taking their valuables.

If you are a Cambridge scholar, he might force you to recite

a piece of classical literature during your ordeal.

On another occasion,

having robbed two wealthy wool merchants near Stamford,

he mockingly knights them "Sir Walter Woolsack" and "Sir Samuel Sheepskin".

If you do have the misfortune to run into the likes of Ratsey or his cohorts, what can you expect?

You'll probably hear them before you see them

as they communicate using owl noises.

When you do see a group of armed ruffians ahead of you,

you'll turn to find another group cutting off your retreat.

When they rob you, they won't just take your money.

They'll take your clothes and horses, too.

Some robbers will kill you on the spot,

but Ratsey's gang will normally tie you up in the forest

in such a way that you can work yourself loose after an hour or so.

Then you can make your way to the nearest inn or town...

in your underclothes.

Even if you are spared such an ordeal, you will no doubt

be relieved to arrive at a place of relative safety, such as an inn.

As a wealthy traveller, you might stay at an inn, but only as a matter of necessity.

It's unlikely that the dubious pleasures on offer will attract you.

What's more, even the most respectable establishments

might harbour thieves and other unsavoury characters.

They aren't places for refined gentlemen to stay, still less their ladies.

You'll feel much more at home if you arrange a stay at the house of a gentleman.

And in Elizabethan times,

there's a rapidly increasing number to choose from.

Hundreds of these handsome manor houses spring up

during the Queen's reign, as more and more people

succumb to a wave of construction fever.

"Every man almost is a builder...

"..and he that hath bought any small parcel of ground,

"be it never so little,

"will not be quiet till he has pulled down the old house

"(if any were there standing) and set up a new after his own devising."

Most people would agree that a manor house like this is truly grand.

But while it's clearly an expensive place, it's important to realise

it's not the nobility building houses like this, it's the gentry.

So who are the gentry?

In the strict hierarchy of Elizabethan society,

the gentry are ranked below the level of aristocracy

but above anyone who has to get their hands dirty to earn a living.

They generate their income by letting out land.

But just how much do you need to earn to make the grade?

At the top end of the scale,

a successful lawyer who has wisely invested in a country estate

can expect to pocket in excess of £3,000 per year, as much as an earl.

Many so-called "gentlemen" worth considerably less than this

compensate by pointing to their family coat of arms.

This speaks of an ancestry steeped in the honour and chivalry

of knighthood, and allows them to refer to themselves as "esquire".

But if you want to join them, don't do what some would-be

gentlemen do, and simply make one up.

England doesn't have a police force yet,

but there's a lot of policing going on.

And in this case, officials called "heralds"

scour the counties searching for bogus claims.

You might ask, "Why do so many people want to mimic the gentry?"

There are many reasons, most of them to do with status and local influence.

But the important thing to recognise is that the gentry as a whole

really do run the country.

Think about it financially.

In the year 1600, the income of all the earls,

barons and other members of the nobility combined

amounts to around £220,000.

The income of the gentry is at least ten times that amount,

possibly even 20.

But there is more to their power than just money.

The gentry don't just control the rural people around them,

their tenants and servants and so forth.

They practically own and run the whole country.

From the ranks of the gentry the magistrates and sheriffs are drawn,

and almost every official in central and local government.

With no national army in place, it is the gentry who are appointed

to be deputy lieutenants in every county,

overseeing and controlling the militia.

In Parliament, too, it is the gentry who are elected

to fill the House of Commons.

As Sir Walter Raleigh says,

"The gentry are the garrisons of good order throughout the realm."

So forget your 21st century ideas of democracy and equality.

Elizabethans believe that only in the eyes of God

on Judgement Day are all men and women equal.

Before that, if you want to become an MP or a clergyman,

you will need the support of a gentleman

to open a few doors for you.

A word of advice on greeting.

When a man comes to a house, if the door is opened by a lady,

then the correct etiquette is for him to take her by the arm

and kiss her smack on the lips,

even if she is the wife of the master of the house.

This is just good, gentlemanly behaviour,

but you might want to give it a miss when the plague is in town.

Naturally, the interiors of these manor houses have

more in common with the palaces and stately homes to which they aspire

than with the cramped and squalid homes of the poor.

Look around and you'll see the signs of the owner's wealth and status.

The carved wood, perhaps a portrait or two

and maybe even a mirror.

You'll also find carpets,

but they are laid across the tops of tables and over chests.

Only the exceptionally wealthy ever put them on the floor.

It is quite common to find an arsenal of weapons here, too.

Enough pikes, swords, shields and plate armour

to equip the local amateur militia,

should the call to arms suddenly ring out.

Another clear sign that you are in the house of a gentleman

is the presence of servants.

From just one or two in a modest household

to 20 or more in a wealthier one.

Every manservant will cost you about two pounds per year,

and every female domestic helper about half that,

although in households like this,

it's not unusual for an employer to "overlook" payment

for several months and sometimes for several years.

And notice I use the word "household", not family.

The household is this larger group, which includes the servants,

who are expected to be loyal.

This means that servants have to prioritise employers' interests

over those of their own kin.

Don't be too shocked if you catch the master of the house

beating his servants, he may do this with impunity.

He may also beat his wife

and is positively expected to beat his children.

Not to do so is seen as quite irresponsible.

As long as he stops short of actually killing anyone,

he will escape retribution.

Technically, it IS illegal for a man to kill his servants,

but since all that's required as a defence

is to say that he didn't mean to take a life,

prosecutions for this are exceedingly rare.

And violence is not the only manner in which your host

may take advantage of his authority.

Likewise, it is perfectly normal for the master of the household

to expect to receive sexual favours from his female servants.

The girl in such a situation is in a terrible predicament.

Refuse and she faces dismissal,

but give in and she risks disease and pregnancy.

And when pregnancy is discovered, she'll probably be dismissed anyway.

You get a good sense of how engrained such misogyny is

from a 1599 case in Norwich.

The mayor's court decrees that an 18-year-old maidservant,

Katherine Vardine, should be dismissed from her master's service

because HE has syphilis.

It is simply assumed that he will take advantage of her and infect her.

Whether or not such bawdy privileges are extended to you as a guest,

you will doubtless still be keen to get a good night's sleep,

which brings us to the bedchamber.

The first thing you must do waking up in the house of a gentleman

is to attend to your personal hygiene.

Cleanliness is an important part of culture and sophistication,

and the rich will expect you to do something about any bodily odours you might have.

The obvious answer is to have a bath.

However, the Elizabethans do not share our obsession with soap and water.

In fact, they believe that unclean water can make you unwell,

by entering the pores of your skin, and in that, they're not far wrong.

Even something as simple as water is subject to hierarchy.

Rainwater collected from the roof is pure,

since it comes directly from God.

But this is a luxury reserved for washing the parts of the body that show.

Since anything else, such as river water, may indeed carry

infection and disease, you should follow the example

of your fellow Elizabethans and avoid immersing yourself in it.

So just how do you keep yourself clean in the house of a gentleman?

The key to 16th century personal hygiene is not water but linen.

In his book of Naturall and Artificial Directions,

the lawyer William Vaughan advises:

Linen towels called "rubbers" are used to rub your skin

and even your hair clean.

Shirts, smocks and other undergarments,

which soak up sweat and catch dirt, are changed daily.

As you can see, you keep yourself clean by washing not your body but your clothes.

The rich also make liberal use of perfumes and pomades

to improve the smell of their clothes, bodies and hair.

And while eradicating your bodily odours,

you mustn't forget to take care of your breath.

In the absence of dental floss, you might use a toothpick

made of wood, bone or the quill of a feather.

There are no toothbrushes, so instead you'll

clean your teeth with a tooth cloth,

which is a strip of linen.

As for freshening your breath, you might chew cumin seeds or aniseed.

Either of these is probably going to be more advisable than doing

what some physicians recommend, which is

washing your mouth out with white wine followed by

spirit of vitriol.

Spirit of vitriol, by the way, is sulphuric acid.

A fragrant aroma is not just important for social reasons.

Elizabethans firmly believe that foul-smelling air,

like dirty water, carries illness into the body.

The understanding is that your body contains four humours -

blood, phlegm, black bile

and yellow bile, or choler.

Noxious smells and stagnant water

create miasmas,

which upset the balance of these humours in your body.

So too much black bile makes you melancholy,

too much yellow bile makes you choleric,

and too much blood makes you sanguine.

All this is the legacy

of an ancient Roman physician called Galen

and it is believed unquestioningly by physician and patient alike.

By the same token, goodness and purity flow into your body

the same way, so if you are given a bath during your stay, it is

likely to be full of herbs and medicines to treat an illness.

This helps to explain one of the most famous

and misunderstood lines about Queen Elizabeth -

that she takes a bath every month, whether she needs it or not.

The need actually relates to illness -

you take a bath for medical reasons.

So the Venetian ambassador who writes this isn't

saying that the Queen is unclean.

He's saying that she bathes regularly -

even when she's not ill.

According to 16th century medical wisdom, however,

many things can cause an imbalance of your humours.

The movements of the stars, the will of God,

and witchcraft are all just as likely a diagnosis.

Your modern knowledge of basic healthcare

means you may be able to avoid some illnesses,

like dysentery, typhus and scurvy.

But the very nature of diseases is different from what you know,

and changing all the time.

Take syphilis, for example.

In 1500, this can kill you rapidly - perhaps in as little as two weeks.

Two decades on and you can expect to live for 20 years with

the disease, suffering all the time and going mad at the end, of course.

And it's not just diseases that are different.

The cures and the people who administer them will be

equally unfamiliar to you.

More often than not, if you do fall ill,

it won't be a doctor that you see.

Your first line of defence is likely to be local older women

and gentlewomen, whose knowledge is increasing with

the ability to read medical books.

If you require an operation, don't be too alarmed if you discover

that it is carried out by the same man who recently cut your hair.

So-called "barber-surgeons" actually have quite a strong

understanding of anatomy,

since physical injuries from arrows,

swords and even guns

are relatively common.

And, thanks to the barber-surgeons Act of 1540,

those based in London can practice on the corpses of four

executed criminals selected by them every year.

The bad news is that concepts such as germs

and sterilisation are still centuries away, so even after

a successful operation, you are quite likely to die of infection.

It's also worth mentioning that

professional medical help doesn't come cheap.

In the year 1600, you can expect

to pay around 13 shillings

for a course of treatment -

that's more than a month's wages for the average worker.

Even if you CAN afford 13 shillings,

the advice you get might not be any better.

Some physicians have been known to prescribe powdered Egyptian mummy

or the skull of a man killed in war.

Frankly, the best medical advice I can give you is...

don't get sick!

With so many manor houses being built by the gentry,

you might be surprised to find that this construction boom

does not extend upwards to the nobility.

In fact, during Elizabeth's reign,

not a single new stately home is built by the aristocracy.

You are more likely to find them living in the medieval houses

and castles built by their ancestors.

Why?

Obviously, a castle is a fairly effective status symbol,

but that may not be the only reason.

Old money is inherited,

so it belongs to whole families, not individuals,

and is often tied up in loans

or other financial arrangements.

As a result, many noblemen

simply can't afford

the luxury of tearing down their

old houses and building new ones,

especially when a house fit for a nobleman would at least have

to equal something like this...

The great houses built during Elizabeth I's reign

are among the finest that England will ever see, and the aesthetic

near-perfection of Hardwick Hall is arguably the greatest of them all.

The first thing that will strike you on seeing this house is just

how much glass there is on display.

"Hardwick Hall, more glass than wall," as the saying goes.

But that could be said of every stately home

built in England at this time.

Although having your own glazier keeps the cost of glass down

to about ten pence per square foot,

the price quickly mounts up.

Of the £5,000 or so it costs to build a house like this,

glass alone can account for more than £300,

not including the stone frames, the shutters and the fittings.

So, if the nobility can't afford such a hefty price tag,

who is footing the bill for these magnificent

and hugely expensive stately homes?

The answer lies in where the money comes from -

not from inheritance, but through the efforts

and ingenuity of a new breed of rich men.

They are merchants, civil servants and lawyers,

who have made fortunes by investing prudently or maximising

the advantages of their official positions.

They include men like Sir William Cecil,

who spends about £2,000 every year

on his building projects, which include

Burghley House in Lincolnshire and Theobalds in Hertfordshire.

Another example is Sir Francis Willoughby,

who funds the construction of Wollaton Hall by exploiting

the coal mines on his manors, and almost bankrupts himself

in his pursuit of architectural magnificence.

Hardwick Hall itself is also the result of new money,

built by Bess of Hardwick, a lady who was born a mere commoner.

The architecture of these great houses signifies a profound

change in social attitude,

a new-found confidence that was lacking when the castles

of the nobility were built.

The castle of a medieval knight was designed primarily for defence,

with thick stone walls and small windows

which kept out attackers,

but they also kept out light.

The house of an Elizabethan courtier, in contrast,

is all about seeing and being seen.

This is even reflected in the very layout of the building.

For the first time, you'll find grand houses are built

without a central courtyard.

They look outward, not inward.

In the Long Gallery, which is SO long

it is often used for casual strolls in poor weather,

you'll find many portraits of the Queen and other great figures -

a clear announcement that your host is well connected.

Every detail of a great house is designed to demonstrate

the wealth and sophistication of its owner.

But this need to show off can have both positive

and negative consequences.

The positive ones are obvious - national as well as local prestige,

perhaps leading to a position at court.

The negative ones are the sheer expense -

the cost of building the house in the first place,

of equipping it and maintaining all the servants.

Ultimately, success might lead to the privilege -

the financially ruinous privilege -

of entertaining the Queen herself.

When the Queen pays a visit to the Cambridgeshire home

of Lord North in 1577,

she arrives accompanied

by about 2,000 people.

The total cost of the two day visit

is £642, four shillings and tuppence.

And this doesn't include a present for the Queen of a jewel worth £120.

Lord North's expenses include decorating the rooms,

putting up a temporary banqueting house,

and building several temporary kitchens.

There are candles and torches to buy,

and extra pewterware

must be hired from London.

Just doing the dishes costs the equivalent of

a worker's wages for three months.

To give you an idea of the scale of preparation required,

just take a look at the grocery list.

..made into pasties.

And so the list goes on.

And when you consider that a single cow is the equivalent

of an average worker's wages for six months,

then you can see that a royal visit is a mixed blessing

for the host who has to foot the bill.

Vegetables and roots are relegated to a mere footnote,

and while you may find apples, cherries and plums on the table,

you might also find that that is exactly where they stay.

In his hugely influential book,

the Castel of Helth, Sir Thomas Elyot explains.

"All fruits are noyful to man and do engender ill humours."

Clearly, there may be little to tempt you if you're a vegetarian.

Note that, whoever you are, and however much money you have,

you won't always be able to eat meat just when you fancy it.

Even in the house of a nobleman,

if you tuck into a beef pie or a venison pasty on a fish day,

you risk a hefty fine or a spell in the stocks.

And to wash all this food down?

As you've seen, water is far too risky.

Besides, Elizabethans prefer something a little stronger.

In just two days, Lord North's household

and the Royal Court get through

2,500 gallons of beer,

but not much of it is drunk by the aristocrats.

Wine serves as a status symbol,

especially as it has to be imported through London or Bristol,

and then transported around the country at great cost.

Even so, Lord North's vintners order

runs to six gallons of hippocras, which is a spiced wine,

20 gallons of sack,

63 gallons of white wine

and 378 gallons of claret.

For two days.

Naturally, status dictates where you will sit.

Depending on your place in the hierarchy, you may not even dine in

the same room as the Queen,

but have to settle for a place in the hall.

In any case, you will need to learn a little Elizabethan etiquette,

and the Boke of Nurture or Schoole of Good Manners by Hugh Rhodes

is a reliable guide to polite behaviour.

Many rules of the table seem like common sense to us -

wash your hands before you partake,

don't eat before your social superiors

and if you do need to spit or blow your nose,

don't do it across the table -

tread it out discretely on the floor.

But other, more general matters of courtesy

might catch you off your guard.

For example, it is customary to take your hat off

when somebody urinates in your company.

Servants are even expected to doff their caps

when their master's horse passes water in the street.

As the feast draws to a close, the dances begin,

and it's time to join the Queen.

A gentleman who wishes to ask a lady to dance should

take off his hat with his left hand, and offer his right to lead her out.

Ladies may ask gentlemen to dance.

And note that it is bad manners to refuse.

Increasingly, the fashion is for faster,

more modern dances such as a galliard.

For this, the couple often separate,

so they can each show off their dancing skills with hops,

half-steps, fast steps, twists, side-steps and leaps.

I suggest you take lessons - it's not something you can improvise!

The Queen herself dances galliards to keep fit,

but probably not a variation called "la volta",

where the gentleman lifts the lady by placing his left hand on her far hip

and his right hand at the bottom of her corset, between her legs.

Naturally, such vulgar displays of intimacy do not go down well

with Puritans like Philip Stubbes.

If you are worried about embarrassing yourself in front

of a great lord or lady, spare a thought for the Earl of Oxford.

One day, when bowing down in front of the Queen, he breaks wind.

Mortified, he leaves court immediately

and doesn't return for seven years.

When he finally does meet the Queen again, she greets him

with the words, "My lord, I had quite forgotten the fart."

The Queen may well have a sense of humour,

but you cross her at your peril.

With such luxury and privilege at your disposal,

you may think you have it made, but beware.

With a few careless words,

all this could be lost, along with your life.

While you are busy ingratiating yourself in the presence

of royalty, your servants may be enjoying

the company of strangers at a nearby inn or tavern.

Which is fine, except there is more to worry about here than

just daylight robbery or a dodgy pint of ale.

While your servants may believe they are just having a casual chat

with their newly made acquaintances, perhaps mentioning your name,

their words may soon find their way back to the Queen's secretary,

courtesy of his spy network.

As a member of society's elite,

careless words are your Achilles heel.

There are infiltrators everywhere, even in your own household,

eavesdropping on your every word

and reporting back to the Queen's chief advisor, Sir William Cecil.

When Sir Francis Walsingham becomes the Queen's spymaster in 1573,

this network spreads throughout England, Europe

and even as far afield as Turkey.

What are they listening for?

Any hint of treason, disloyalty or sedition.

Now, most of us enjoy a good grumble,

especially over a drink or two.

But the spy's task is to report all statements of disloyalty

and disaffection to the authorities.

Thus the stakes are very high.

In 1587 a smith in Hatfield Peverel is sentenced to death

and hanged just for saying that King Edward VI is still alive.

But why go to such lengths? Why the paranoia?

It's because the Queen has no shortage of enemies.

There are those who despise her on religious grounds,

especially certain Northerners, who actively seek rebellion.

Adversaries from overseas.

MPs who feel threatened by her.

But basically they all fall into two groups - Puritans and Catholics.

Without a doubt, the most feared group is the Catholics.

Whereas the Puritans represent a merely religious challenge,

the Catholics carry the additional threats of invasion by Spain

and the assassination of the Queen so she can be replaced

on the throne by her Catholic cousin, Mary Queen of Scots.

One of our modern assumptions is that at the very moment

Elizabeth becomes Queen in 1558,

England suddenly ceases to be a Catholic territory, and that's that.

During the early part of her reign, such matters are far

from certain, and yet you may find yourself forced to choose sides.

But picking the winning team is easier said than done.

In the 1580s there is an attempt on the Queen's life almost every year.

If just one of these were to prove successful,

Elizabethan England would come to a sudden close.

One of these schemes in particular shows the lengths to which

plotters will go,

and the effectiveness of this Elizabethan secret service.

In 1586, a group of conspirators led by a young Catholic gentleman

called Anthony Babington hatch a plot to kill the Queen.

Their plan is to assassinate her and with the help of a

Spanish invasion, to put Mary Queen of Scots on the throne instead.

Babington smuggles coded letters in and out of Mary's prison,

using waterproof wallets inside ale barrels.

Walsingham's spies intercept these letters and break the code,

but they don't raise the alarm immediately.

Instead they put the letters back in the barrels,

so that Babington and his friends don't realise the game is up.

It's a brilliant move.

Not only do the conspirators incriminate themselves further,

they also unwittingly deliver proof to Walsingham

that Mary herself is complicit.

Eventually, no fewer than 14 of the conspirators are caught.

They are sentenced to death and so is the Scottish queen.

Assassination plots and treason are mainly of concern to you,

the cream of society.

The poor are far too busy simply trying to survive.

It follows, therefore, that such treachery should be dealt with

by a suitably superior form of justice.

Star Chamber is an elite court,

made up of members of the Privy Council.

So called because it meets in the Star Chamber

in the Palace of Westminster.

The mere mention of its name is enough to strike fear into the heart

and you'd better pray you are never summoned to appear before it.

Star Chamber does not have to abide by the legal system

when judging you.

It can proceed on rumour alone.

And there is no jury - every single councillor present is a judge.

Worse still, they can punish you by just about any means

they see fit - imprisonment in the Tower, whipping or branding,

cutting off your ears or hands or slitting your nose.

For many people, the term "medieval" is practically a byword for torture.

But in fact, English medieval kings almost never engaged in this

form of brutality.

It is the Elizabethans who pioneered state-authorised torture.

So if it is decided that YOU need a spot of attitude adjustment,

what exactly can you expect to endure?

A first-hand account by English Catholic Edward Rishton

lists no fewer than seven separate methods of torture,

from incarceration in a tiny dungeon too small to stand up in,

to a stretch on the dreaded rack.

Father John Gerard, one of the very few Jesuits

to survive being tortured, is taken to the Tower in 1597.

He describes in horrifying detail what it is like to have

iron rings fastened around his wrists, to be hoisted on chains

and suspended by his arms for hours.

He then falls unconscious due to the unbearable pain

and is lowered to the ground until he comes to,

just for the whole process to begin again.

Even if, like Father Gerard, you DO survive your ordeal,

chances are this is only the appetiser.

If you find yourself being escorted across London

at Her Majesty's pleasure, then the main course is still to come,

served up with relish by the executioner.

Public executions are a means of demonstrating government power

and social control - as well as removing some enemies of the state.

For the masses, they are also hugely popular

as forms of entertainment.

The most common method of dispatching the guilty is

a simple hanging, the standard punishment

for everything from theft to witchcraft.

As a nobleman you might be able to avoid this by petitioning

the Queen, to allow you to have your head cut off instead.

But these methods of execution are positively humane

compared to the one reserved for traitors.

The unbelievably grisly sight of someone being

hanged, drawn and quartered is arguably the most infamous

and graphic demonstration of the appetite for cruelty.

To the delight of a cheering crowd, the convicted traitor

is drawn to the gallows on a hurdle, which is a kind of sledge.

He is then hanged until his face turns purple.

But before he dies, he is cut down

and the next stage of the ordeal begins.

Still alive, his intestines are cut out,

but his major tubes are sewn up, so he can witness his own entrails

being burned on a specially prepared fire in front of him.

Finally, his head is cut off and sent to London Bridge,

and the rest of his body is cut into quarters,

each one with a limb still attached.

This is the fate that awaits the 14 conspirators

foiled by the Queen's network of spies.

Babington and six others are dispatched in this horrific manner.

But their screams of agony are so terrible

that the crowd eventually starts to sympathise with them.

When word of this is sent to the Queen,

she demonstrates her mercy by allowing the remaining seven

to be hanged fully to death before their intestines are removed.

These executions serve as a stark reminder that at a moment's notice,

even the most privileged may lose their riches,

their power and their lives.

The Queen's position is equally uncertain.

If just one of the plots against her succeeds,

it will be her head on the block.

And remember that all the wealthy are vulnerable to such a fate,

whoever you are and wherever you come from.

For the rich and the powerful, nothing in life is certain.

As we have seen, more and more men are making their own fortunes.

Society is changing.

New wealth is being created,

and with it come new opportunities for success and status.

As your stay among the wealthy draws to a close, you may come to realise

that what you are witnessing around you

are the first small steps towards

the freedoms and opportunities that we all enjoy today.

For the first time, it is possible for someone outside

the ranks of the nobility to rise to the top of society

through enterprise and endeavour

rather than as a consequence of birth.

These social changes go hand in hand with progress in science,

exploration, literature and the arts,

and these too find new consumers and new producers.

The aspiring middle classes have arrived.

Next time, you'll join craftsmen, architects and merchants

striving to forge a better, more prosperous future.

You'll also meet the scientists, writers and explorers

whose ideas and achievements

have made them household names to this day.

What they all share is a desire to better their lives.

And through their success they change the world.

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