Pennod 2 Caryl


Pennod 2

Mwy o gomedi gan Caryl Parry Jones a'i thim o actorion. Comedy in the company of Caryl Parry Jones and her team of actors. You're sure to recognise someone you know among the ch...


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-Plug it in, Oswyn.

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-There's no room. Too many wires.

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-Pull out the bandit plug.

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-Nobody plays the bandit anyway.

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-Not since my brother

-won 1 million on it.

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-No way!

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-No way!

-

-Yes way.

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-Plug it in!

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-FEEDBACK

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-You're listening to Radio Briliynt

-with Oswyn DJ Lwmp...

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-..and me, Alwyn, AKA Dr Dre.

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-# DJ Lwmp and Dr Dre

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-# The best DJs ever, OK?

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-# Listen to every word we say

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-# No way

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-# No way

-

-# Yes way

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-# DJ Lwmp

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-# DJ Lwmp

-

-# And Dr Dre #

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-And now,

-we'll be back after the break...

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-..when we'll go to the toilet and

-buy crisps and things like that.

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-We'll be back after the news.

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-We'll be right back,

-after these messages.

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-Cheers!

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-We're celebrating

-with elderflower champagne.

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-What are we celebrating?

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-Jojo's efforts to build an awning.

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-He's been at it all morning.

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-# Building an awning #

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-Congratulations, Jojo.

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-Nobody can erect a pole

-quite like Jojo.

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-****!

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-Hello, boys and girls!

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-A warm welcome awaits you in Bwrlwm.

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-Today, we're in the hurly-burly

-of the holiday season.

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-Join us in our lively chat.

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-Welcome to...

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-..Bwrlwm.

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-Today's subject

-gives us great pleasure.

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-I'm Sioned Grug.

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-I'm Esyllt Rhyd Rhychiog.

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-And I'm Gwenan Bonc.

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-The three of us

-love to go on holiday.

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-Do you remember Majorca

-two years ago, girls?

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-How could we forget?

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-Yes. Thank God for pinot grigio.

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-We had gallons of the stuff

-in that bar in Puerto Pollensa.

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-Do you remember?

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-What else could we do?

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-Esyllt sang # A guardian angel #

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-She was stood on a table!

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-Gwenan, you were with that bloke

-from Birkenhead.

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-What was his name?

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-What was his name?

-

-Terry.

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-We didn't see Gwenan

-for the rest of the holiday.

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-She was with that Terry

-all the time.

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-Time after time.

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-One night.

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-Two, at least!

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-One.

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-Cameron, it's good to see you.

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-You too Dot, obviously.

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-We usually meet after a game.

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-It's very different to see you off

-the field when you're not wearing...

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-Well, off the field anyway.

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-For once, we won't talk about

-your international duties.

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-Obviously, Dot, rugby has been

-good to me over the years.

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-I felt I should give something back,

-so I set up...

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-..The Cameron Jenkins Summer School

-For Kids Who Play Rugby...

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-..And Want To Play In The Summer

-With Cameron Jenkins.

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-Basically, it's a summer school...

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-..for kids who want to play rugby

-in the summer with Cameron Jenkins.

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-Veloria, I got a phone call

-last week.

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-What phone call?

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-What phone call?

-

-You know - THE phone call.

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-It comes every school holiday.

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-Rob and I get THE phone call

-from Carys and Geth.

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-"Mam, the two of us

-have got to work next week."

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-"Can you and Dadi

-take the children?"

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-I know exactly what you mean, Pam.

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-I got the same phone call

-from Annabelle...

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-..right in the middle

-of my pedicure.

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-She's always got work, spa days

-and charity lunches to go to.

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-And who's got to look after Oliver

-and Freya, the little ones?

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-Grandma, of course.

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-I said, "Bella, you know

-I love those children to bits...

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-..but your father and I

-have got a life too, you know."

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-Exactly, Veloria.

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-We love having them with us.

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-We had such fun the other day.

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-Rob had a brainwave.

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-He has them sometimes, fair play.

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-We carried the table we had in the

-garage to the middle of the garden.

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-We put a blanket on top of it

-and a rug under it.

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-Well! The children have had picnics

-and played spaceships and pirates.

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-They've even pretended

-it was a cave.

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-Veloria, they had a whale of a time.

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-We did exactly the same thing

-with our grandchildren.

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-Well, not with the table obviously.

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-I can't carry tables with my...

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-We searched on the internet

-and a man's coming over tomorrow...

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-..to build a tree house

-for the little ones.

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-There's a sycamore in the garden,

-dating back to 1847...

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-..so there's plenty of room there.

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-We decided to go for the

-deluxe model - buy cheap, buy twice.

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-It makes perfect economic sense.

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-It's fully furnished, it has the

-internet so they can play games...

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-..a flat screen TV,

-a fully-stocked fridge...

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-..air conditioning,

-in case they get overheated...

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-..and central heating,

-in case the little ones get cold.

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-And for 500 extra per day...

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-..a nanny.

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-Well, it leaves Geoff and me

-free to do our own thing.

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-You know - his business meetings

-and my luncheons.

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-I think we're quids in.

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-Do you know what Oliver,

-the little one, said to me?

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-He said...

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-.."Grandma, thank you."

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-He's so grateful.

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-They're not spoilt at all.

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-As we're immersed in nature...

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-..we need nothing

-other than what surrounds us.

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-Brr! It's getting cold.

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-How's the fire coming along, Jojo?

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-Jojo is back in the cave.

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-Patience, Jojo!

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-Seriously, when will the fire

-be lit?

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-It's nippy here.

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-Try doing this, Valerie.

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-This will soon warm you up.

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-****!

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-HE SNORES

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-Previously, on Rhyl...

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-In a world where no world exists,

-the world exists again.

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-The alive are still alive...

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-..and the dead who were

-the living dead are now dead.

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-The world

-is in the hands of the living.

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-If you catch my drift.

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-We say ta-ta

-to the last Rowndarownd today.

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-Yay!

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-The world as we know it

-is back to normal.

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-Not really.

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-We're the only ones left on the

-planet and there's no stuff here.

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-The real world had theme parks

-and Poundstretchers and telly.

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-Does anyone want to share something

-about the brother we're burying?

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-Should we sing a hymn?

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-Good point, Marina.

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-Who knows a hymn?

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-Me. I know one.

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-# We are all

-Jesus Christ's children #

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-I don't know any more.

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-I don't know any more.

-

-I know one.

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-# When you walk through a storm

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-# Hold your head up high #

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-That's all I've got.

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-Dixie?

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-Um.

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-# In the navy

-You can sail the seven seas

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-# In the navy. Amen #

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-I've got to go and organize

-a surprise wake. Laters.

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-A surprise wake?

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-Never mind all that.

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-Our holidays are superb

-and certainly worth the effort.

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-What about the rest of the time?

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-Esyllt?

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-The trip the boys and I had to

-Disney World when they were young...

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-..was brilliant.

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-You're not serious?

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-You're not serious?

-

-Absolutely.

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-We loved it.

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-It was sunny, there was plenty to do

-and the people were nice.

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-But they're Americans!

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-The service was unbelievable.

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-We had a brilliant time

-and I'd go again in a heartbeat.

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-I remember coming to the end

-of Space Mountain.

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-I was wearing a boob tube

-and it had come right down.

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-Mary and Martha were hanging out

-for everyone to see!

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-The attendant

-nearly had a heart attack!

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-Tell us more about your plans.

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-The idea is for children

-to come to us for six weeks...

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-..or however long

-the holidays are...

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-..and they learn

-everything they need to know...

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-..to become an international player.

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-It sounds great.

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-Things like goal kicking

-and sidestepping?

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-No.

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-No?

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-No, I thought I'd teach them

-what they need to know...

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-..if they're really going to succeed

-in the world of rugby.

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-Like what?

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-Like what?

-

-Fighting.

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-Has this programme finished?

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-No, there's more after the adverts.

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-Wicked! I love adverts.

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-This is my new aftershave,

-obviously.

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-And that's what it's called too -

-Obviously.

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-If you're a man, use it.

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-If you're a woman, smell it.

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-Splash it all over.

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-If I take a woman out for some chips

-or to go to the pictures...

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-..I have a little splash.

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-Here...

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-..and there.

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-Obviously by Cameron Jenkins.

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-.

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-Subtitles

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-Subtitles

-

-Subtitles

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-Obviously, by Cameron Jenkins.

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-Welcome back from me, Alwyn

-AKA Dr Dre...

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-..and me, DJ Lwmp.

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-And now, here's Oswyn Harvey

-with the news.

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-That's not my name.

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-No, but it sound like

-someone who reads the news.

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-Go on - read the news.

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-The news. The news.

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-With Oswyn Harvey.

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-I haven't got any news.

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-Sorry about that. We can now cross

-to Oswyn Harvey with the news.

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-This morning,

-I went to the post office.

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-Nain wanted some drawing pins

-but they don't sell them.

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-I had to go to Penygroes

-to fetch them.

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-It was raining...

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-..and someone splashed me with their

-car and I got mud on my glasses.

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-I was blind

-for the rest of the walk home.

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-Nain told me to wipe my glasses

-and I wasn't blind any more.

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-I found some drawing pins

-in the garage.

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-There you go -

-the news and the weather.

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-Let's move on

-and have a serious discussion...

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-..about a problem

-which we don't take seriously.

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-Solo holidays.

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-Holidays for people

-who are single...

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-..or divorced.

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-Gwenan.

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-Gwenan.

-

-What?

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-Well, how does it feel to see

-your friends and their families...

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-..going off

-on a jolly old holiday...

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-..while you, as I once wrote

-in a dramatic presentation are...

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-.."Lonely in the world,

-with no loved one or partner"?

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-It's not a problem.

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-Don't be daft!

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-It really isn't.

-I have lots of variety.

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-Sometimes, I visit hot countries

-with my friends...

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-..and at other times, I go

-on city breaks with my relatives.

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-I've even been on a walking weekend

-with Robert, my ex-husband.

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-I like to visit museums

-and exhibitions.

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-I love travelling on my own.

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-I meet new people all the time.

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-I spend days and evenings

-getting to know them better...

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-..and I understand

-everything about their lives.

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-See what I mean?

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-I'd recommend it to anyone.

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-The freedom is incredible.

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-Is that what they call it?

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-At the end of the day...

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-..if you can't punch in the scrum

-without the ref seeing you at it...

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-..you're going to get sent off.

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-That's the first thing

-I'd teach them.

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-I'm speechless, Cameron.

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-I'm speechless, Cameron.

-

-I know. It's brilliant.

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-I'll also teach them how to react

-if you are sent off.

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-Make it clear

-the ref made a mistake.

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-Oh, and scrummaging.

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-It's important to teach them

-about the new laws.

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-I won't mention the new laws.

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-I'll teach them

-to put the idea in the ref's head...

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-..that the opposition can't

-scrummage and it's all their fault.

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-Who helped you plan this course?

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-Bamps.

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-Rules?

-There are far too many in rugby.

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-There are a thousand rules

-just for the scrum.

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-In the old days, all we had was...

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-..one, two, three, fight!

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-Get the ball away.

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-What do you have today?

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-Crouch, pause. Bind, pause.

-Set, pause. Engage, pause.

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-Stand up, pause. Sit down, pause.

-Crouch again, pause.

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-Back to the start, pause.

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-C**p! They look like they're doing

-the hokey-cokey.

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-And what do you get at the end

-of all that? Another penalty.

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-Of course, top of my list

-is the National Eisteddfod.

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-Nothing beats

-the caravan site community.

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-What do you see there?

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-Our famous stars' children

-zooming past on their bikes.

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-The little rascals!

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-I once bumped into

-a shirtless Eurig Salisbury.

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-He was on his way to the showers.

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-Drinking like a fish

-with Angharad Mair.

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-I've been in her caravan

-countless times.

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-I've shared a sausage

-with Gwyneth Glyn...

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-..and eaten crepes with Twm Morus.

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-Heaven on earth!

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-It gets the creative juices flowing.

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-Mererid Hopwood and I wrote together

-one night at the Meifod Eisteddfod.

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-We were awash in barbecue sauce

-and pinot grigio.

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-We wrote until morning

-In the awning.

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-I wrote that line, not Mererid.

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-Brilliant!

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-In other news, my brother

-drank 400 pints of lager...

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-..on Robin Pwmp's stag do

-last Saturday.

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-And he swam the Atlantic Ocean,

-just for a laugh.

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-No way.

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-No way.

-

-Yes way.

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-He was at Anti Witch's house

-playing rounders with our cousins.

0:18:150:18:19

-He's not allowed to bowl

-because he's too powerful.

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-Anyway, a massive asteroid

-started to crash towards earth.

0:18:230:18:28

-Just as it was ten feet

-from Anti Witch's house...

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-..my brother jumped,

-with his rounders bat...

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-..and he smacked the asteroid

-back into space.

0:18:350:18:39

-He saved the world from exploding

-and he didn't even damage the bat.

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-And that's the news.

0:18:450:18:47

-This business with the yellow cards

-and the sin bin?

0:18:540:18:58

-There was no such thing

-in the old days.

0:18:580:19:01

-These days,

-hold the ball too long - penalty.

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-Do it again - bin.

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-Lie on the ball - penalty.

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-Do it too many times - bin.

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-Hold onto an opponent - penalty.

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-Do it again - bin.

0:19:140:19:15

-C**p!

0:19:150:19:17

-In my playing days, if you

-held onto the ball too long...

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-..we stamped on you.

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-Surprise!

0:19:260:19:27

-Oh!

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-Fair play, Dixie.

0:19:290:19:30

-He'd have really loved this.

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-We'll have to make a toast.

0:19:330:19:36

-We'll have to make a toast.

-

-I've had breakfast.

0:19:360:19:37

-Anyway, down to brass tacks.

0:19:390:19:41

-What did this Rowndarownd leave

-in his will?

0:19:410:19:44

-Nothing.

0:19:450:19:46

-What's the point of making a will?

0:19:460:19:48

-What's the point of making a will?

-

-He didn't make one.

0:19:480:19:50

-What's the point of dying then?

0:19:500:19:52

-After everything I did for him!

0:19:530:19:57

-You didn't do anything for him.

0:19:580:20:00

-In fact, you killed him.

0:20:000:20:02

-In fact, you killed him.

-

-Oh, yeah.

0:20:020:20:03

-Anyway, you lot will be landed

-when I pop my clogs.

0:20:030:20:07

-I've got so much stuff.

0:20:070:20:08

-I haven't got anything.

0:20:100:20:12

-Oh, except for a day pass

-to the Sun Centre.

0:20:120:20:15

-Skill!

-Bagsy that when you're brown bread.

0:20:160:20:19

-I've been saving my money

-in the TSB in Rhyl for ages.

0:20:190:20:23

-But, after the apocalypse,

-I moved it somewhere safe.

0:20:250:20:28

-Where?

0:20:300:20:31

-Where?

-

-The safe.

0:20:310:20:33

-Nice one.

0:20:330:20:34

-How much did you save?

0:20:340:20:36

-Can we see it?

0:20:370:20:39

-No way!

0:20:390:20:41

-Oh, go on, Gaz.

0:20:410:20:43

-I haven't seen money for ages.

0:20:430:20:45

-I haven't seen money for ages.

-

-I haven't seen money either.

0:20:450:20:47

-OK. Just for a split second,

-alright?

0:20:480:20:51

-This is turning into

-an exciting day.

0:20:510:20:53

-Ready?

0:20:570:20:59

-Oh, no! We'll have to wait until

-next week to find out who stole it.

0:21:000:21:06

-How long is a week?

0:21:060:21:08

-How long is a week?

-

-Ages.

0:21:080:21:10

-And now, on Radio Briliynt, me and

-my brother's favourite Welsh band.

0:21:180:21:23

-The O's.

0:21:250:21:27

-Here they are, with the song O.

0:21:280:21:30

-# It's hard for us to find a word

0:21:380:21:40

-# But our favourite letter is

0:21:410:21:43

-# O-o o-o o, o o-o-o

0:21:430:21:46

-# O-o o-o o, o o-o-o

0:21:460:21:49

-# And if you're in a Welsh band

0:21:500:21:52

-# One thing you've got to say is

0:21:530:21:55

-# O-o o-o o, o o-o-o

0:21:560:21:58

-# O-o o-o o, o o-o-o

0:21:590:22:01

-# O, o, o, o, o

0:22:020:22:07

-# A and I and E

0:22:080:22:10

-# W and Y are OK

0:22:110:22:13

-# But o-o o, o-o, o o-o-o

0:22:140:22:17

-# Better than the other vowels

0:22:180:22:20

-# Better than every other letter

0:22:200:22:22

-# O-o o, o-o, o o-o-o

-O-o-o o-o o o-o

0:22:240:22:28

-# Why would we need long words?

0:22:360:22:38

-# All we need is a good hook

0:22:380:22:40

-# O-o o-o o, o o-o-o

0:22:410:22:44

-# O-o o-o o, o o-o-o

0:22:440:22:47

-# Just when you thought

0:22:480:22:50

-# O had gone for good,

-Back it comes, hey!

0:22:510:22:53

-# O-o o-o o, o o-o-o

0:22:540:22:56

-# O-o o-o o, o o-o-o

0:22:570:22:59

-# O, o, o, o, o

0:23:000:23:05

-# C and B are no-go

0:23:060:23:08

-# No consonant

0:23:090:23:11

-# But o-o o, o-o, o o-o-o

0:23:120:23:15

-# Always does the job

0:23:160:23:18

-# Form your lips in an o and go

0:23:180:23:21

-# O-o o, o-o, o o-o-o

-O-o-o o-o o o-o

0:23:210:23:26

-# O-o o, o-o, o o-o-o

-O-o-o o-o o o-o #

0:23:270:23:33

-S4C subtitles by Eirlys A Jones

0:23:480:23:51

-.

0:23:510:23:51

Mwy o gomedi gan Caryl Parry Jones a'i thim o actorion. Comedy in the company of Caryl Parry Jones and her team of actors. You're sure to recognise someone you know among the characters!