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Pennod 4

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-Hello, listeners! Welcome to...

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-# DJ Lwmp and Dr Dre

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-# The best DJs ever, OK?

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-# Listen to every word we say

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-# No way

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-# No way

-

-# Yes way

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-# DJ Lwmp

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-# DJ Lwmp

-

-# And Dr Dre #

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-Today, the sports

-with Oswyn ap Myrddin.

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-That's not my name.

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-It's your sports name.

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-This is the sports in our area,

-with Oswyn ap Myrddin.

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-Hello, listeners. Today...

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-# Duh-duh duh duh-ruh

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-# Duh-duh duh duh-ruh

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-# Duh-duh duh duh-ruh, sports #

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-That's our new sports jingle.

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-Hello! These are the sports

-that are happening around town.

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-On Friday, Alwyn... Dr Dre and I

-will be playing frisbee...

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-..in the field behind Nain's house.

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-But if it's raining,

-we'll just do something else.

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-My brother can throw a frisbee

-right around the world.

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-Here's what he does.

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-He throws it, like that...

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-..then he waits for about two hours

-for it to come back again.

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-Sometimes, the frisbee's got snow

-or leaves on it.

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-Leaves from the jungle.

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-No way.

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-No way.

-

-Yes way.

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-One time, he threw it like that...

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-..and it took ages to come back

-because it was so heavy.

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-What was on it?

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-What was on it?

-

-An elephant.

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-# But true love

-Is stronger than steel

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-# It endures

-Until death do you part #

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-Hello, lads and lasses!

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-Today on Bwrlwm,

-we natter about nuptials.

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-Welcome to Bwrlwm.

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-I'm joined, as ever,

-by Esyllt Rhyd Rhychiog.

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-How are you, Esyllt?

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-How are you, Esyllt?

-

-Hello.

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-And Gwenan Bonc.

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-And how are you, Gwenan?

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-I'm fine.

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-I hope today's programme

-isn't too painful for you...

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-..with you being a divorcee.

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-Not at all.

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-I'm looking forward to it.

-I love a good wedding.

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-Today, Mother Nature

-has decided to water her garden.

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-She's got to get her bush wet

-from time to time.

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-Isn't that right, Jojo?

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-Abso-****ing-lutely.

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-That's what keeps

-the circle of life turning.

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-It's too wet for me and Jojo

-to venture out into the fresh air...

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-..in search of adventure.

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-On days like this,

-we must keep ourselves entertained.

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-What shall we do?

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-Get as drunk as ******* skunks.

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-No. Let's play a game.

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-A game called Who Am I?

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-Oh.

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-Well, Pam, how was it?

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-Did you have a good time?

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-Oh, Veloria!

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-It was absolutely lovely.

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-It was the best holiday

-we've ever had.

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-No word of a lie.

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-I'd always fancied a barge holiday,

-so off we went to North Wales.

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-We did Llangollen and Cheshire.

-You know what I mean.

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-It was beautiful.

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-Rob loved to do the steering

-and I helped out with the locks.

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-Oh, I was so relaxed, Veloria.

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-It rained a lot of the time but we

-did have a couple of beautiful days.

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-We stopped in pubs along the way.

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-Even then, when it rained we just

-dropped anchor and snuggled up.

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-We had a cup of tea

-and we played a game of cards.

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-We've booked the same holiday

-next year.

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-After you mentioned it,

-I was quite envious, Pam.

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-I mentioned it to Geoff and he

-booked a water-based holiday for us.

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-On the canals?

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-On the canals?

-

-No, a yacht in Puerto Banus.

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-Oh, Pam! What an experience.

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-I said to James, the skipper...

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-.."I shall never holiday

-on dry land again."

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-Just like you,

-I was directing James...

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-..and telling him

-which way to steer the yacht.

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-I'd say, "That looks like

-a very nice cove over there."

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-"Anchor up, Jim lad!"

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-It wasn't cheap but we shared it

-with some of Geoff's clients.

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-A corporate brainstorming week,

-or something.

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-The chef!

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-Oh, the chef was a five-star

-culinary genius.

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-By the time you've paid for

-five-star accommodation...

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-..restaurants, wine,

-cars and flights...

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-..if you totted it all up,

-the yacht was an absolute steal.

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-Simple economics.

-That's all it is, Pam.

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-Geoff was so impressed,

-when we got home...

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-..the first thing he did was get

-on the internet to buy a yacht.

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-I said, "Geoff, what are you doing?

-Do you think we're made of money?"

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-I'll have a rummage in Jojo's pile.

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-Who am I?

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-Pamela Anderson.

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-Oh, Jojo!

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-That's not how you play this game.

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-I must ask questions and you must

-answer me with yes or no.

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-You can only answer yes or no.

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-Why don't you

-have a rummage in my pile?

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-Oh.

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-Close your eyes.

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-Off you go.

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-Do I have massive melons?

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-No.

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-Do I look cracking in a bikini?

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-No.

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-Do I have long legs

-and a firm booty?

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-Oh, Jojo! You're not

-playing this game properly.

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-You haven't even asked

-whether you're a man or a woman.

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-Am I a man or a woman?

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-Jojo, one or the other!

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-Am I a woman?

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-Am I a woman?

-

-No.

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-Am I Llywelyn The Last...

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-..again?

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-Oh!

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-These supermarkets

-are all ****** rubbish.

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-They're too big.

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-You park your car and walk

-about 50 miles to the entrance.

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-By that time, you've forgotten what

-you ***** wanted in the first place.

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-And the things they sell? Well!

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-Years ago, we had Eynon's shop

-at bottom of the hill.

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-They sold four things - bacon,

-bread, butter and cigarettes.

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-That's all we needed.

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-Plus, we put everything

-on the slate.

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-There's no such thing as a slate

-in these supermarkets.

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-They sell too many things.

-That's why.

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-Mobile phones, DVDs, pants,

-low profile tyres...

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-..Epilators and toasters.

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-They sell car insurance

-and no wonder.

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-You need a ******* 4x4 to get you

-around the damn place.

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-You buy potatoes in one place...

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-..then you need a flask and a picnic

-to get you to the kitchen roll.

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-****!

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-I sent Cameron there

-for half a pound of butter...

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-..and he come home with a 50 inch TV

-and a two man tent.

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-Let's start with Esyllt.

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-She's an old hand

-at arts and crafts.

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-When we were at school...

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-..not everyone shone in singing,

-poetry, composing and performing...

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-..like me.

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-Poor Esyllt was in the art room...

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-..messing around with paint brushes

-and wire all the time.

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-Esyllt?

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-Weddings have become very expensive.

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-You can do countless things yourself

-to make your big day special.

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-For example, you can decorate jars

-with muslin and lace...

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-..and put flowers from your garden

-in them.

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-Or why not put tea lights

-in old wine glasses?

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-I thought you, of everyone, would

-put them to better use than that!

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-Table decorations.

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-Or why not use an old tin bucket

-or an old milk churn, like that?

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-Fill them with flowers or

-tie colourful ribbon around them.

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-Or, if you don't want your wedding

-to look like a cowshed...

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-..festooned

-with Christmas decorations...

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-..get married in a posh hotel,

-just like I did.

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-It was worth every single penny.

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-We're entertaining ourselves

-because it's raining outside.

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-Val has decided we should play

-hide-and-seek.

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-Val is hiding.

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-Where could she be?

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-Oh! Where is she?

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-And then there's the tills.

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-Do you know who serves on the tills?

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-Nobody!

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-All you get is some beeping machine.

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-Half the reason to go to the shop

-is to chat to the checkout woman.

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-She asks you

-if you're having a good day...

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-..and you tell her you came in to

-buy things they don't ****** sell...

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-..and it's too hot

-or it's raining too much.

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-You can't do that in a supermarket

-because they sell everything...

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-..and there's nobody to talk to.

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-You can't talk to machines,

-or they ask you to leave.

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-****!

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-So...

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-.

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-Subtitles

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-Subtitles

-

-Subtitles

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-As I've said before,

-it's good to get a new Wales kit.

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-It's also important to support

-the regions and the small clubs.

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-Grass roots.

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-It's good to hear who small clubs'

-sponsors are in the regions...

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-..and how they can help me.

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-Help them... sorry. The clubs.

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-I help the village where I grew up.

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-Off we go!

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-Take a look

-at who's sponsoring them this year.

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-Bont Mini Diggers...

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-..and Byron's Mobile Toilet?

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-Who are they?

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-Hang on a minute!

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-I know what this is.

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-I saw one on Emmerdale years ago.

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-Two lines.

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-Positive.

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-New life!

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-Whose is it?

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-In a life where life it scarce, the

-shoots of a new life are precious.

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-But life is a mystery and some lives

-are a bigger mystery than others.

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-In that mystery lies the

-green shoots of precious life.

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-Life, after all, is a mystery.

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-Oh, sorry! I've just said all that.

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-So somebody's up the duff.

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-These hot flushes,

-night sweats and mood swings...

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-..are driving me blinking bonkers.

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-Phew!

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-Which leaves Marina.

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-Ah! Just the person

-I wanted to talk to.

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-Marina, what's all this?

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-Mascara? Please say it's mascara.

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-No, it's not mascara.

-It's a pregnancy kit.

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-It can't be Rosie's,

-so it must be yours.

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-This pink mark means

-you're going to have a baby.

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-No way!

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-That's amazing!

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-What shall I call him or her?

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-Well, if it's a boy,

-it's got to be Arfon.

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-What if it's a girl?

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-Kim Kardashian.

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-No - Beyonce.

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-Rihanna.

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-Jordan.

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-Kerry Katona.

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-Taegan, Raegan, Vegan.

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-Well, Gwenan,

-unless it's too painful for you...

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-..with you being, you know,

-what you are...

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-..do you have any suggestions?

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-One of the things which gave me

-most pleasure on my wedding day...

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-The sex, guaranteed!

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-..was the service itself.

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-The readings, the music

-and the decorations in the chapel.

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-You married in a chapel,

-even though... you know?

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-What, Sioned?

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-It's nothing to me. Go ahead.

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-Things may have not worked out

-as I'd hoped they would...

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-..but I still look back at that hour

-in the chapel with great fondness.

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-Robert feels the same.

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-That's marvellous.

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-We chose lyrics of songs

-which were special to us...

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-..and asked our best friends

-to read them.

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-My sister sang a lovely version...

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-My sister sang a lovely version...

-

-Leave it there!

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-We don't want our viewers

-to take tips from you.

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-We all know how everything

-turned out, don't we?

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-If you want

-a wonderful wedding service...

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-..you're welcome to copy mine.

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-I walked down the aisle

-to the Welsh air, Penyberth.

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-It was played on a harp.

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-Then, Tudur Dylan,

-my very good college friend...

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-..wrote a poem especially for me

-with the title Sioned...

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-..which my recitation party

-performed.

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-I then had a vocal presentation...

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-..on the subject The Future

-and they were absolutely brilliant.

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-Weren't they? Eh?

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-Yeah, look.

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-Look.

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-I know you're only doing your job

-as my agent...

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-..but I'm not happy

-about these sponsors.

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-Bont Mini Diggers.

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-Byron's Mobile Toilet?

-What's that about?

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-What is it?

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-Sucks up what?

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-Pumps out...?

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-Ugh!

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-Dixie!

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-Dixie!

-

-I didn't nick it!

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-I want a word with you

-about something you've done.

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-Oh! Breaking your calculator?

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-Oh! Breaking your calculator?

-

-No.

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-Using your hair gel?

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-Using your hair gel?

-

-No.

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-Drinking your vinegar?

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-Why did you drink vinegar?

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-Why did you drink vinegar?

-

-Because the oil had run out.

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-Dixie, Marina is pregnant

-and one of us is the father.

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-It isn't me.

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-Rosie?

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-Rosie isn't a man.

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-Rosie isn't a man.

-

-Shut up!

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-No, which leaves you.

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-Leaves me what?

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-Leaves me what?

-

-Dixie, you're the father.

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-No way! Cool.

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-If it's a boy, Rio Ferdinand.

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-If it's a girl, Buzz Lightyear.

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-What shall we do about it?

0:17:440:17:46

-Well, I know

-what I'm going to do about it.

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-Marina, will you marry me?

0:17:500:17:52

-OK.

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-Hang on! Hang on!

0:17:540:17:55

-Nobody's marrying anybody!

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-Oh, what? I want some stuff.

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-We've got get married.

-She's Keith Cheggers.

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-I've been looking for that.

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-It's well cool.

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-It's a magic pen and if you **** on

-it mid flow, it changes colour.

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-Oh, right.

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-That means

-nobody's going to have a baby.

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-Oh! Gutted.

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-Can we still get married?

-It'd be a right laugh.

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-Please, Rosie?

0:18:280:18:30

-No, you can't get married

-because you're her brother...

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-..and she's your sister.

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-Wow! What a coincidence.

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-What? How do you know that?

0:18:400:18:42

-Because I'm...

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-..your mother.

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-That's a massive shame.

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-Rosie would've made

-an amazing granddad.

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-To Be Continued...

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-Then, I sang my wedding

-adaptations...

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-..of songs

-from Cwmni Theatr Maldwyn musicals.

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-I then said my personal vows

-before moving on to the formal ones.

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-If I remember rightly,

-they went like this.

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-This I vow to thee,

-Peter Ivanhoe Jones...

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-Is that Pij's real name?

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-Ivanhoe!

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-..in the presence of Wales,

-fellow man and Christ.

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-THEY GIGGLE

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-In our golden hours...

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-..you can celebrate my victories

-and talents.

0:19:400:19:43

-In our darkest hours,

-you can support me...

0:19:440:19:47

-..and encourage me to persevere.

0:19:470:19:50

-In our hours together,

-you can carry my harp...

0:19:520:19:56

-..be an ear

-for all my musical compositions...

0:19:560:20:00

-..and shepherd me to my rehearsals.

0:20:000:20:03

-For that reason, I shall marry you.

0:20:040:20:07

-And that is my promise to you.

0:20:070:20:09

-Thank you very much.

0:20:090:20:10

-He must be nuts!

0:20:120:20:13

-Pij, run for your life!

0:20:140:20:16

-Go on! Run!

0:20:160:20:18

-For further details, go to

-[email protected]/trabodau

0:20:180:20:25

-What's wrong with you two?

0:20:250:20:27

-Siantelle,

-the new Welsh crossover artist.

0:20:330:20:37

-She turns classic pop songs

-into classical classics.

0:20:380:20:42

-# Into the cafe I go

0:20:440:20:45

-# Sausage, beans and chips, wahey

0:20:460:20:50

-# Into the cafe I go

0:20:540:20:55

-# Sausage, beans and chips, wahey #

0:20:560:21:02

-And in her unique,

-crossoverish way...

0:21:030:21:06

-..Siantelle pays tribute

-to our nation's heroes.

0:21:060:21:11

-# Hey, Mr Urdd

-In your red, white and green

0:21:140:21:19

-# There's fun to be had everywhere

-In your company

0:21:190:21:25

-# Hey, Mr Urdd

-Come for a walk along the roads

0:21:250:21:30

-# We'll sing a song

-For the youth of Wales #

0:21:310:21:37

-Siantelle, the new star

-in the classical firmament.

0:21:430:21:47

-Oh wowee, there's nobody

-quite like Siantelle.

0:21:470:21:52

-# Some people dig graves

-Some people write poems

0:21:530:21:56

-# Some people buy Spanish cucumbers

0:21:570:21:59

-# Some people shave gooseberries

-Because they can't stand lice

0:21:590:22:04

-# Oh, wowee. Do sit down

0:22:060:22:08

-# Somebody stole my nose

0:22:080:22:11

-# Oh, wowee. Do sit down

0:22:120:22:13

-# Somebody stole my nose #

0:22:140:22:17

-Relax with Siantelle...

0:22:170:22:19

-..as she guides us, crossoveresque,

-to the natural world.

0:22:190:22:23

-# Yellow bird

-Up high in banana tree

0:22:240:22:30

-# Yellow bird

-Up high in banana tree

0:22:310:22:37

-# You can fly away

-In the sky away

0:22:370:22:41

-# You can fly away

-In the sky away

0:22:410:22:44

-# You can fly away

-In the sky away

0:22:450:22:47

-# You're more lucky than me #

0:22:480:22:51

-The eagerly anticipated album

-by Siantelle.

0:22:520:22:55

-Borders crossed, genres crossed,

-fingers crossed you'll buy it.

0:22:550:23:01

-# I am Rapsgaliwn,

-The best rapper of all times

0:23:030:23:07

-# Everything I say always rhymes

0:23:070:23:10

-# Wonderful. Talented.

-So don't you forget

0:23:100:23:14

-# I'm here to stay.

-You ain't seen nothing yet #

0:23:140:23:18

-S4C subtitles by Eirlys A Jones

0:23:360:23:38

-.

0:23:380:23:38

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