Pennod 2 Dim Byd

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-Subtitles

-Cut!

-Right. As you see,

-Dim Byd is back for a new series.

-The exciting news is

-they're making a Hollywood version.

-All the stars will be in it.

-Pink, your part is played

-by Catherine Zeta Jones.

-Oh, wow!

-Green. Rhys Ifans

-is playing your part.

-Isn't he Llyr's brother?

-And Red. They've even

-cast a Welshman to play you.

-Who?

-That Gruffydd bloke from the South.

-Ioan Gruffudd! I love Ioan Gruffudd!

-Hornblower, Fantastic Four.

-What else has he done?

-Not Ioan Gruffudd. Ifan Gruffydd.

-Ah.

-Fine.

-OK.

-Hello. I'm Idwal.

-One, two, three!

-# No! #

-I name this ship Betsy George.

-RHYS PRIEST LAND - THE HISTORY

-OF WELSH PRIESTS IN HOLLYWOOD

-Ryan Wignall's shot is wide.

-Mike Pearson finds James Owen...

-..Andy Jones passes to Wade...

-..Wade to Ashley Williams...

-A supply teacher believes they

-don't get the respect they deserve.

-Don't get me wrong.

-I love my job in Glan Y Mor school.

-People don't appreciate how we

-stem the tide of the workload.

-There are times

-when I'm up to my neck in it.

-If we subtract the dry pressure

-to look at the energy...

-..we get a figure of 261.

-FATHER MAXIMILLIAN AND KEN YEAH?

-Welcome back. My next guest

-has had a hugely successful year.

-Yes, Angharad.

-What is it about you, Father

-Maximillian? People just love you.

-It's not my place to say, Angharad.

-You're a familiar face

-on our television screens.

-You started out as a pop singer.

-Yes.

-Like many who appear

-on the channel...

-..I started as a singer.

-It was a way

-to get my foot in the door...

-..with regards to television work.

-I decided to concentrate on TV work.

-I didn't bother so much

-with the singing.

-We have a clip

-of the good old days here.

-# I'm Father Maximillian

-# Like a bullet from a gun,

-I'll blow your mind

-# I've something to say, my tongue

-is so sharp, it's gonna slice you

-# I'm Max

-# Yes, Father Max

-# I'm Max, Father Max

-# Yo!

-# Watching TV makes me mad,

-it's obscene the **** on S4C

-# Everything looks tacky, I live

-in the ghetto not the countryside

-# Jobs for the boys, funny

-handshakes and bed-hopping

-# I won't lick arse or break my word

-# You won't catch me

-on the sofa with Angharad Mair #

-It's nice to hear that one again.

-It's nice to hear that one again.

-

-Yes.

-Tell me, what's next for Father Max?

-To tell you the truth,

-it's Max Factor.

-It will start before long.

-What's the idea behind Max Factor?

-What's the idea behind Max Factor?

-

-The idea?

-What's it about?

-Well... I don't want

-to spoil the surprise for you.

-Thanks for now, Father Maximillian.

-Thanks for now, Father Maximillian.

-

-No problem, Angharad.

-Good luck with Max Factor.

-Special spectacles for hens.

-It's a pointless programme.

-There are lots of snobs here.

-There are snobs everywhere.

-We try not to call them snobs

-since we found out they're snobs.

-This one's ideal. There's room

-for the dog in the back.

-Coco has dragged

-Chuckles to a local garage...

-..in the hope of persuading

-her husband to buy a new car.

-I don't want an automatic.

-I don't want an automatic.

-

-Chuckles isn't showing any interest.

-There's nothing here but rubbish.

-We've walked round for an hour.

-There's nothing here. Let's go

-somewhere else. It's useless here.

-Chucks! What about this one?

-Oh.

-The unlikely bunch

-became vigilantes.

-The heroes shared a trait

-that made communication difficult.

-Eh?

-If no-one else can help you and

-you can understand what they say...

-..consider hiring the Eh-Team.

-Eh?

-Eh?

-It's a mistake and I won't

-do it again. He's got to go.

-Whoa!

-Whoa!

-

-Put the gun down.

-You put it down.

-Hang on.

-I'm not pointing my gun at anyone.

-No-one is pointing a gun at me.

-Point your gun at me.

-No-one is pointing a gun at me.

-You point at him.

-You point at him.

-Point your gun at him!

-Yes. That's OK.

-OK?

-OK?

-

-Everyone happy?

-Put your gun down.

-Put your gun down.

-

-You put your gun down.

-Ah... eh... ah?

-It's good in the back of the

-Mitsubishi Open-Top Pick-Up truck.

-I used to see a girl

-from Ruthin Choir.

-She always sang the scales

-when we made love.

-"Do you mind me singing?" she'd say.

-"Sol-fa, so good," I said.

-Listen to this.

-Excuse us for speaking Welsh,

-won't you?

-THE FAMILY AND SIR NASTY

-Ifan comes on in his place.

-Oh, good grief!

-What was that? A red card.

-There's no need to be funny.

-There's no need to be funny.

-

-Grow up.

-Hiya.

-Have you got high blood pressure?

-Yes.

-I'll have high blood pressure.

-Anything else?

-Diabetes.

-Diabetes.

-

-Type 1 or 2?

-2, please.

-Anything else?

-Anything else?

-

-What do you fancy?

-Migraine, high cholesterol and acne.

-Oh, and heart disease.

-That's 12.80.

-Do you want to give me

-a heart attack?

-Big or small?

-Big, please.

-Big, please.

-

-Good call.

-SUPER SIZE ME - A DRAMA ABOUT

-JUNK FOOD AFFECTING RELATIONSHIPS

-Cefn Gwlad has been

-a popular S4C series for 25 years.

-We had the chance to go behind

-the scenes to talk to the crew.

-I'm Siwan Haf. I direct Cefn Gwlad.

-We're in Llwynbrain Farm

-in Cardigan.

-OK, Dai?

-OK, Dai?

-

-What's that, love?

-What's it like to work

-with a star like Dai Jones?

-Dai Jones is a national treasure.

-He's always professional.

-He'll talk to anyone about anything.

-What's your name again?

-Emrys.

-That's Welsh, innit?

-That's Welsh, innit?

-

-Yes, Welsh.

-Yeah, yeah, lovely day.

-He is one of Wales's

-most familiar faces...

-..and is a seasoned presenter.

-But Dai Jones's career

-began by accident.

-I had a call from this Welsh

-television group, S4C...

-..about forty years ago,

-asking me to present.

-I thought, 'God, present what?'

-It was this Cefn Gwlad, you see.

-I thought,

-'I'll give it a butchers.'

-It's a nice little earner.

-Is it a problem

-that Dai doesn't speak Welsh?

-Gordon Bennett!

-It isn't a problem.

-The viewers don't notice.

-There are two pointing at Sion.

-You point at Aled.

-There's no-one pointing at him.

-What's happening to the tractor now?

-What's happening to the tractor now?

-

-I can tell you this much.

-The Eisteddfod highlight

-is the Speed Ceremony.

-The Archdruid

-makes the final preparations.

-And here they go.

-And here they go.

-

-FANFARE

-The Chief Bard gallops on stage.

-He won the Chair.

-I've seen speed ceremonies

-in my time.

-This has to be one of the speediest

-I've ever seen.

-Is there peace? Sit.

-Things could get messy here.

-It's the Flower Dance.

-The girls perform

-the task heroically.

-There's only the Chairing Song left.

-Will they make it?

-WHERE IS GOBLIN?

-WHERE IS GOBLIN?

-WHERE IS GOBLIN?

-I say, "You didn't do it."

-Why are you pointing your gun at me?

-I'm saving you.

-You're just pointing at anyone.

-That makes sense.

-That makes sense.

-

-He's threatening you.

-When they're filming

-in rural Wales...

-..Dai finds it hard

-to conceal his city ways.

-All this shit, you know.

-Give me London any day.

-Well, you know. It was a bit

-of a difference, weren't it?

-I mean, I was a Londoner, weren't I?

-Aftershave, Brylcreem,

-everything like that.

-Then I came to all this muck.

-Muck everywhere.

-There's an old saying innit.

-Where there's muck, there's money.

-And action.

-The filming day ends. But this is

-only the first part of the process.

-Blah, blah, blah, blah. See ya.

-We've had a good day.

-We'll go back to the office, where

-Gavin will put it all together.

-I'm Gavin. I'm the Cefn Gwlad

-sound recordist. I use Pro Tools 8.

-BREAKING GLASS

-The Englishman kicks

-his ball through my window.

-It's the Speed Ceremony.

-Was it fast enough?

-Everyone waits eagerly

-for the verdict.

-I declare...

-Yes, they've done it!

-APPLAUSE

-They rejoice on stage,

-as you can see, and deservedly so.

-Shoes.

-Shoes.

-Leather shoes.

-Time now for a cuppa

-or crap in the break.

-Why are you standing on my side?

-You should be there. Move.

-You should be there. Move.

-

-That's where I was.

-The moment you see that, OK?

-The moment you see that, OK?

-

-Oh, like that.

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-Subtitles

-Subtitles

-

-Subtitles

-No circus is complete without...

-SIDE 1 ON PRECIPICE

-WHISTLES

-CYNAN THE BARBARIAN AND FENCING

-Aberdaron

-This One

-What do I care about Wales?

-With money in my pocket

-It's just an odd chance

-All criticism over

-All she is on a map

-is a sliver of earth

-I'll tell you now what kind

-of farming we've got here.

-Because Dai doesn't speak Welsh, we

-bring the tapes of his voice here.

-We dub it into Welsh.

-Nerys does the dub.

-She's used to it. We have fun.

-OK, let's go for it.

-Right, one moment,

-from "Well, Emrys"?

-I get the script,

-which is translated from English.

-I come to the studio.

-I watch the English

-version a few times.

-Then I try to fit in

-the Welsh version.

-OK, ready.

-Action.

-DAI JONES'S VOICE

-DAI JONES'S VOICE

-

-Well, Emrys, you have a fine place.

-What kind of farming do you do?

-Brilliant. Spot on.

-BEHIND THE SCREEN - A GLIMPSE

-AT HOW TV PROGRAMMES ARE MADE.

-That's it, I'm going.

-That's it, I'm going.

-

-Sit down! We'll sort this out.

-It's that fool's fault, saying we're

-doing a programme called Max Factor.

-I had no choice! Angharad Mair put

-me on the spot. I blurted it out.

-Have you seen all the people

-queuing to be on it?

-The whole village!

-I know, you clown!

-I'm going.

-Sit down!

-So what do we do?

-So what do we do?

-

-I don't know!

-Oh!

-I'm the presenter.

-It's your job to find the format.

-If we don't come up with a programme

-called Max Factor, it'll be ta-ta.

-Stop messing and think of something!

-Excuse me, Max,

-since it's Max Factor...

-..what about a kind of talent show?

-That's it. Like the X Factor.

-That's it. Like the X Factor.

-

-Are you mad?

-That's copying an English idea.

-I'm going.

-I'm going.

-

-Sit down!

-I realize that's not why people

-fought to get the channel.

-But we have no choice.

-Alright, I'll give it one go.

-If it doesn't work, I'm off.

-If it doesn't work, I'm off.

-

-Fair enough.

-At last.

-At last.

-

-Come on, or he'll change his mind.

-Which one of these

-no hopers is first?

-MUMBLED LYRICS

-# If you liked it, oh oh oh #

-You know what? They aren't bad.

-No.

-# Oh oh oh #

-What's wrong,

-you nitwit and stinking lemon?

-You plonker, you pug-ugly berk.

-I'm Crinc.

-What's wrong, you damn scallywag?

-Go, you ugly nincompoop.

-Looking for something to do

-half-term? Visit Awkward Park.

-With over 50 rules in more than

-200 acres of confusing fields...

-..it'll be a memorable day in one

-of Wales's most frustrating parks.

-Can you cope with the one-way

-system and height restrictions...

-..or rules about

-bringing your own food?

-The pompous Awkward Park staff...

-..will make sure

-every moment here is memorable...

-..from the time you book to the

-time a ride closes, as you arrive.

-Come to Awkward Park, where

-everything is too much trouble.

-Awkward Park accepts cash only.

-Closed Monday to Friday.

-Do I look funny?

-No.

-I've had this car for ten days.

-Chuckles is back with

-the car dealer. He isn't happy.

-Do you want someone to look at it?

-When I open the bonnet...

-..I told you I want water

-to spray in my face.

-I had to have a word.

-He sold me a dud.

-I've had the car for two weeks.

-No door has fallen off.

-Who heard of a clown car without

-doors falling off? It's a joke.

-Gwyneth!

-Gwyneth.

-Listen.

-I wanted a word about the other day.

-I know what you'll say.

-In my opinion...

-..I did the right thing.

-It's not about your opinion.

-It's about obeying rules.

-We have rules in the hospital.

-It's my job to make sure

-staff obey them.

-My work is saving lives.

-No-one understands that

-better than I do.

-But you can't make crazy decisions.

-What if it means the difference

-between life and death?

-Has your child had

-the chicken pox vaccination?

-Oh.

-Eight four five,

-six zero seven, six one, eight one.

-The influenza jab

-is free for over 60s.

-In case of an emergency,

-break the glass.

-# The anvil and stools #

-These are the prizes.

-A range of drinks, a jar

-of coffee, a food hamper...

-..salt and pepper, a set of glasses

-and a hot water bottle.

-REFLECTION AND LOOK WHO IT IS

-I'm Nia Parry.

-This is what

-I've brought to the mirror...

-..a hinge.

-A hinge.

-I had a lot of trouble

-with "Wannwyl".

-Everyone remembers Dai Jones

-Llanilar saying "Wannwyl".

-I wanted to get the emphasis right.

-DAI JONES'S VOICE

-

-Goodness me.

-Can you hear it?

-Goodness me.

-Once I got that,

-I could add things, like...

-Goodness me,

-you have a fine place here.

-Once you have that,

-you can play around with it.

-Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

-See ya.

-How many "blahs"

-were there? Eight?

-Yes, seven or eight.

-OK.

-I can do something.

-OK.

-I'll play it for you.

-Great, thanks.

-Action.

-DAI JONES'S VOICE

-

-Here's another character.

-There were many in rural Wales.

-We look forward to your company on

-the next Cefn Gwlad. Good evening.

-Brilliant.

-That's why they pay you so much.

-SCREAMS AND LAUGHTER

-Soon on S4C, Find The Format.

-Is it about music?

-An exciting panel game

-where teams of celebs...

-..try to find a format

-for a new game for celebs.

-Does it have something

-to do with sport?

-Find A Format, soon on S4...

-Poop, shit, bugger, bra.

-Battery or knackered.

-Battery or knackered.

-

-I agree, Aled Samuel is a berk.

-RACING COMMENTARY

-They're ready on the track.

-# They leave the gate,

-the race is on a plate

-# Marquis takes the lead,

-it's early yet

-# Rigoletto has a chance #

-MR WIGLI AND HIS FRIENDS

-Yo. I'm Dave Wigli.

-The main mofo.

-This is a trip about the time I

-saved the mother****ers in the hood.

-I was skanking down in the ghetto,

-minding my **** business.

-I heard there was a hardcore

-scene in the Senedd.

-I went to see what the score was.

-Big Dave Elis-Thomas was there.

-He looked as if the shit

-had hit the fan on him.

-I said yo to my old mate.

-"Yo, Wigli. Big brain

-spin going down.

-"The key is stuck in the door

-of the ***ing Senedd.

-"If I can't get in,

-I can't do my work...

-"..making sure that

-Wales's voice is heard in Europe."

-I took some time out.

-I came up with a plan.

-"Get out of my ****ing way!"

-I told Dafydd El.

-I pushed him out of the way.

-I got hold of the key.

-Then I started

-to wiggle and wiggle...

-..and ***ing wiggle.

-Then, the key was loose

-and the door opened wide open.

-"Jamming," said my old friend

-Elis-Thomas. "Let's go to work."

-The skank's lesson...

-..if a door is in the way,

-drop the bass and do it.

-WHERE IS GOBLIN?

-WHERE IS GOBLIN?

-WHERE IS GOBLIN?

-WHERE IS GOBLIN?

-Our first programme

-draws to a close. I've...

-THE FAMILY AND SIR NASTY

-SNORES

-TOOTING CAR HORN

-Chuckles, I'm sure that's our car.

-TOOTING CAR HORN

-What did you think?

-Dai Jones.

-Did you see Father Max?

-Do you think it was

-the real Angharad Mair?

-I didn't think so either.

-It sounded like her though.

-Will you watch next week?

-S4C Subtitles by Gwead

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