Pennod 2 Dim Byd


Pennod 2

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Transcript


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-Subtitles

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-Subtitles

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-Cut!

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-Right. As you see,

-Dim Byd is back for a new series.

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-The exciting news is

-they're making a Hollywood version.

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-All the stars will be in it.

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-Pink, your part is played

-by Catherine Zeta Jones.

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-Oh, wow!

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-Green. Rhys Ifans

-is playing your part.

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-Isn't he Llyr's brother?

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-And Red. They've even

-cast a Welshman to play you.

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-Who?

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-That Gruffydd bloke from the South.

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-Ioan Gruffudd! I love Ioan Gruffudd!

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-Hornblower, Fantastic Four.

-What else has he done?

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-Not Ioan Gruffudd. Ifan Gruffydd.

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-Ah.

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-Fine.

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-OK.

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-Hello. I'm Idwal.

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-One, two, three!

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-# No! #

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-I name this ship Betsy George.

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-RHYS PRIEST LAND - THE HISTORY

-OF WELSH PRIESTS IN HOLLYWOOD

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-Ryan Wignall's shot is wide.

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-Mike Pearson finds James Owen...

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-..Andy Jones passes to Wade...

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-..Wade to Ashley Williams...

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-A supply teacher believes they

-don't get the respect they deserve.

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-Don't get me wrong.

-I love my job in Glan Y Mor school.

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-People don't appreciate how we

-stem the tide of the workload.

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-There are times

-when I'm up to my neck in it.

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-If we subtract the dry pressure

-to look at the energy...

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-..we get a figure of 261.

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-FATHER MAXIMILLIAN AND KEN YEAH?

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-Welcome back. My next guest

-has had a hugely successful year.

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-Yes, Angharad.

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-What is it about you, Father

-Maximillian? People just love you.

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-It's not my place to say, Angharad.

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-You're a familiar face

-on our television screens.

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-You started out as a pop singer.

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-Yes.

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-Like many who appear

-on the channel...

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-..I started as a singer.

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-It was a way

-to get my foot in the door...

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-..with regards to television work.

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-I decided to concentrate on TV work.

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-I didn't bother so much

-with the singing.

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-We have a clip

-of the good old days here.

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-# I'm Father Maximillian

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-# Like a bullet from a gun,

-I'll blow your mind

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-# I've something to say, my tongue

-is so sharp, it's gonna slice you

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-# I'm Max

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-# Yes, Father Max

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-# I'm Max, Father Max

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-# Yo!

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-# Watching TV makes me mad,

-it's obscene the **** on S4C

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-# Everything looks tacky, I live

-in the ghetto not the countryside

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-# Jobs for the boys, funny

-handshakes and bed-hopping

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-# I won't lick arse or break my word

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-# You won't catch me

-on the sofa with Angharad Mair #

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-It's nice to hear that one again.

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-It's nice to hear that one again.

-

-Yes.

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-Tell me, what's next for Father Max?

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-To tell you the truth,

-it's Max Factor.

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-It will start before long.

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-What's the idea behind Max Factor?

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-What's the idea behind Max Factor?

-

-The idea?

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-What's it about?

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-Well... I don't want

-to spoil the surprise for you.

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-Thanks for now, Father Maximillian.

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-Thanks for now, Father Maximillian.

-

-No problem, Angharad.

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-Good luck with Max Factor.

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-Special spectacles for hens.

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-It's a pointless programme.

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-There are lots of snobs here.

-There are snobs everywhere.

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-We try not to call them snobs

-since we found out they're snobs.

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-This one's ideal. There's room

-for the dog in the back.

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-Coco has dragged

-Chuckles to a local garage...

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-..in the hope of persuading

-her husband to buy a new car.

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-I don't want an automatic.

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-I don't want an automatic.

-

-Chuckles isn't showing any interest.

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-There's nothing here but rubbish.

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-We've walked round for an hour.

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-There's nothing here. Let's go

-somewhere else. It's useless here.

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-Chucks! What about this one?

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-Oh.

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-The unlikely bunch

-became vigilantes.

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-The heroes shared a trait

-that made communication difficult.

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-Eh?

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-If no-one else can help you and

-you can understand what they say...

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-..consider hiring the Eh-Team.

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-Eh?

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-Eh?

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-It's a mistake and I won't

-do it again. He's got to go.

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-Whoa!

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-Whoa!

-

-Put the gun down.

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-You put it down.

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-Hang on.

-I'm not pointing my gun at anyone.

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-No-one is pointing a gun at me.

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-Point your gun at me.

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-No-one is pointing a gun at me.

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-You point at him.

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-You point at him.

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-Point your gun at him!

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-Yes. That's OK.

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-OK?

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-OK?

-

-Everyone happy?

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-Put your gun down.

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-Put your gun down.

-

-You put your gun down.

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-Ah... eh... ah?

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-It's good in the back of the

-Mitsubishi Open-Top Pick-Up truck.

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-I used to see a girl

-from Ruthin Choir.

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-She always sang the scales

-when we made love.

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-"Do you mind me singing?" she'd say.

-"Sol-fa, so good," I said.

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-Listen to this.

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-Excuse us for speaking Welsh,

-won't you?

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-THE FAMILY AND SIR NASTY

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-Ifan comes on in his place.

-Oh, good grief!

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-What was that? A red card.

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-There's no need to be funny.

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-There's no need to be funny.

-

-Grow up.

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-Hiya.

-Have you got high blood pressure?

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-Yes.

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-I'll have high blood pressure.

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-Anything else?

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-Diabetes.

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-Diabetes.

-

-Type 1 or 2?

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-2, please.

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-Anything else?

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-Anything else?

-

-What do you fancy?

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-Migraine, high cholesterol and acne.

-Oh, and heart disease.

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-That's 12.80.

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-Do you want to give me

-a heart attack?

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-Big or small?

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-Big, please.

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-Big, please.

-

-Good call.

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-SUPER SIZE ME - A DRAMA ABOUT

-JUNK FOOD AFFECTING RELATIONSHIPS

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-Cefn Gwlad has been

-a popular S4C series for 25 years.

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-We had the chance to go behind

-the scenes to talk to the crew.

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-I'm Siwan Haf. I direct Cefn Gwlad.

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-We're in Llwynbrain Farm

-in Cardigan.

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-OK, Dai?

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-OK, Dai?

-

-What's that, love?

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-What's it like to work

-with a star like Dai Jones?

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-Dai Jones is a national treasure.

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-He's always professional.

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-He'll talk to anyone about anything.

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-What's your name again?

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-Emrys.

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-That's Welsh, innit?

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-That's Welsh, innit?

-

-Yes, Welsh.

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-Yeah, yeah, lovely day.

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-He is one of Wales's

-most familiar faces...

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-..and is a seasoned presenter.

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-But Dai Jones's career

-began by accident.

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-I had a call from this Welsh

-television group, S4C...

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-..about forty years ago,

-asking me to present.

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-I thought, 'God, present what?'

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-It was this Cefn Gwlad, you see.

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-I thought,

-'I'll give it a butchers.'

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-It's a nice little earner.

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-Is it a problem

-that Dai doesn't speak Welsh?

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-Gordon Bennett!

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-It isn't a problem.

-The viewers don't notice.

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-There are two pointing at Sion.

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-You point at Aled.

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-There's no-one pointing at him.

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-What's happening to the tractor now?

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-What's happening to the tractor now?

-

-I can tell you this much.

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-The Eisteddfod highlight

-is the Speed Ceremony.

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-The Archdruid

-makes the final preparations.

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-And here they go.

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-And here they go.

-

-FANFARE

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-The Chief Bard gallops on stage.

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-He won the Chair.

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-I've seen speed ceremonies

-in my time.

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-This has to be one of the speediest

-I've ever seen.

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-Is there peace? Sit.

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-Things could get messy here.

-It's the Flower Dance.

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-The girls perform

-the task heroically.

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-There's only the Chairing Song left.

-Will they make it?

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-WHERE IS GOBLIN?

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-WHERE IS GOBLIN?

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-WHERE IS GOBLIN?

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-I say, "You didn't do it."

-Why are you pointing your gun at me?

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-I'm saving you.

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-You're just pointing at anyone.

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-That makes sense.

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-That makes sense.

-

-He's threatening you.

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-When they're filming

-in rural Wales...

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-..Dai finds it hard

-to conceal his city ways.

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-All this shit, you know.

-Give me London any day.

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-Well, you know. It was a bit

-of a difference, weren't it?

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-I mean, I was a Londoner, weren't I?

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-Aftershave, Brylcreem,

-everything like that.

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-Then I came to all this muck.

-Muck everywhere.

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-There's an old saying innit.

-Where there's muck, there's money.

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-And action.

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-The filming day ends. But this is

-only the first part of the process.

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-Blah, blah, blah, blah. See ya.

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-We've had a good day.

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-We'll go back to the office, where

-Gavin will put it all together.

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-I'm Gavin. I'm the Cefn Gwlad

-sound recordist. I use Pro Tools 8.

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-BREAKING GLASS

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-The Englishman kicks

-his ball through my window.

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-It's the Speed Ceremony.

-Was it fast enough?

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-Everyone waits eagerly

-for the verdict.

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-I declare...

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-Yes, they've done it!

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-APPLAUSE

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-They rejoice on stage,

-as you can see, and deservedly so.

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-Shoes.

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-Shoes.

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-Leather shoes.

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-Time now for a cuppa

-or crap in the break.

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-Why are you standing on my side?

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-You should be there. Move.

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-You should be there. Move.

-

-That's where I was.

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-The moment you see that, OK?

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-The moment you see that, OK?

-

-Oh, like that.

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-.

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-Subtitles

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-Subtitles

-

-Subtitles

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-No circus is complete without...

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-SIDE 1 ON PRECIPICE

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-WHISTLES

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-CYNAN THE BARBARIAN AND FENCING

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-Aberdaron

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-This One

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-What do I care about Wales?

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-With money in my pocket

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-It's just an odd chance

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-All criticism over

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-All she is on a map

-is a sliver of earth

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-I'll tell you now what kind

-of farming we've got here.

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-Because Dai doesn't speak Welsh, we

-bring the tapes of his voice here.

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-We dub it into Welsh.

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-Nerys does the dub.

-She's used to it. We have fun.

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-OK, let's go for it.

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-Right, one moment,

-from "Well, Emrys"?

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-I get the script,

-which is translated from English.

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-I come to the studio.

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-I watch the English

-version a few times.

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-Then I try to fit in

-the Welsh version.

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-OK, ready.

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-Action.

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-DAI JONES'S VOICE

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-DAI JONES'S VOICE

-

-Well, Emrys, you have a fine place.

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-What kind of farming do you do?

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-Brilliant. Spot on.

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-BEHIND THE SCREEN - A GLIMPSE

-AT HOW TV PROGRAMMES ARE MADE.

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-That's it, I'm going.

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-That's it, I'm going.

-

-Sit down! We'll sort this out.

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-It's that fool's fault, saying we're

-doing a programme called Max Factor.

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-I had no choice! Angharad Mair put

-me on the spot. I blurted it out.

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-Have you seen all the people

-queuing to be on it?

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-The whole village!

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-I know, you clown!

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-I'm going.

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-Sit down!

0:14:430:14:44

-So what do we do?

0:14:440:14:45

-So what do we do?

-

-I don't know!

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-Oh!

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-I'm the presenter.

-It's your job to find the format.

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-If we don't come up with a programme

-called Max Factor, it'll be ta-ta.

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-Stop messing and think of something!

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-Excuse me, Max,

-since it's Max Factor...

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-..what about a kind of talent show?

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-That's it. Like the X Factor.

0:15:070:15:09

-That's it. Like the X Factor.

-

-Are you mad?

0:15:090:15:10

-That's copying an English idea.

0:15:100:15:12

-I'm going.

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-I'm going.

-

-Sit down!

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-I realize that's not why people

-fought to get the channel.

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-But we have no choice.

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-Alright, I'll give it one go.

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-If it doesn't work, I'm off.

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-If it doesn't work, I'm off.

-

-Fair enough.

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-At last.

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-At last.

-

-Come on, or he'll change his mind.

0:15:270:15:29

-Which one of these

-no hopers is first?

0:15:300:15:33

-MUMBLED LYRICS

0:15:340:15:36

-# If you liked it, oh oh oh #

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-You know what? They aren't bad.

0:15:400:15:43

-No.

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-# Oh oh oh #

0:15:440:15:46

-What's wrong,

-you nitwit and stinking lemon?

0:15:490:15:53

-You plonker, you pug-ugly berk.

0:15:530:15:56

-I'm Crinc.

0:15:570:15:58

-What's wrong, you damn scallywag?

-Go, you ugly nincompoop.

0:15:590:16:03

-Looking for something to do

-half-term? Visit Awkward Park.

0:16:040:16:08

-With over 50 rules in more than

-200 acres of confusing fields...

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-..it'll be a memorable day in one

-of Wales's most frustrating parks.

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-Can you cope with the one-way

-system and height restrictions...

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-..or rules about

-bringing your own food?

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-The pompous Awkward Park staff...

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-..will make sure

-every moment here is memorable...

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-..from the time you book to the

-time a ride closes, as you arrive.

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-Come to Awkward Park, where

-everything is too much trouble.

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-Awkward Park accepts cash only.

-Closed Monday to Friday.

0:16:440:16:48

-Do I look funny?

0:16:490:16:50

-No.

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-I've had this car for ten days.

0:16:520:16:54

-Chuckles is back with

-the car dealer. He isn't happy.

0:16:540:16:59

-Do you want someone to look at it?

0:16:590:17:01

-When I open the bonnet...

0:17:010:17:03

-..I told you I want water

-to spray in my face.

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-I had to have a word.

-He sold me a dud.

0:17:080:17:10

-I've had the car for two weeks.

-No door has fallen off.

0:17:100:17:14

-Who heard of a clown car without

-doors falling off? It's a joke.

0:17:140:17:19

-Gwyneth!

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-Gwyneth.

0:17:210:17:22

-Listen.

0:17:220:17:23

-I wanted a word about the other day.

0:17:250:17:28

-I know what you'll say.

0:17:290:17:31

-In my opinion...

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-..I did the right thing.

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-It's not about your opinion.

0:17:400:17:42

-It's about obeying rules.

0:17:420:17:44

-We have rules in the hospital.

0:17:440:17:47

-It's my job to make sure

-staff obey them.

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-My work is saving lives.

0:17:510:17:53

-No-one understands that

-better than I do.

0:17:550:17:59

-But you can't make crazy decisions.

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-What if it means the difference

-between life and death?

0:18:020:18:07

-Has your child had

-the chicken pox vaccination?

0:18:100:18:14

-Oh.

0:18:160:18:17

-Eight four five,

-six zero seven, six one, eight one.

0:18:170:18:22

-The influenza jab

-is free for over 60s.

0:18:220:18:26

-In case of an emergency,

-break the glass.

0:18:300:18:34

-# The anvil and stools #

0:18:350:18:39

-These are the prizes.

0:18:400:18:41

-A range of drinks, a jar

-of coffee, a food hamper...

0:18:410:18:45

-..salt and pepper, a set of glasses

-and a hot water bottle.

0:18:450:18:50

-REFLECTION AND LOOK WHO IT IS

0:18:500:18:52

-I'm Nia Parry.

0:18:520:18:53

-This is what

-I've brought to the mirror...

0:18:530:18:57

-..a hinge.

0:18:570:18:58

-A hinge.

0:19:010:19:02

-I had a lot of trouble

-with "Wannwyl".

0:19:040:19:08

-Everyone remembers Dai Jones

-Llanilar saying "Wannwyl".

0:19:080:19:12

-I wanted to get the emphasis right.

0:19:120:19:15

-DAI JONES'S VOICE

-

-Goodness me.

0:19:160:19:18

-Can you hear it?

0:19:180:19:19

-Goodness me.

0:19:190:19:20

-Once I got that,

-I could add things, like...

0:19:210:19:25

-Goodness me,

-you have a fine place here.

0:19:260:19:30

-Once you have that,

-you can play around with it.

0:19:310:19:34

-Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

0:19:340:19:37

-See ya.

0:19:390:19:40

-How many "blahs"

-were there? Eight?

0:19:400:19:43

-Yes, seven or eight.

0:19:430:19:45

-OK.

0:19:450:19:47

-I can do something.

0:19:470:19:48

-OK.

0:19:480:19:49

-I'll play it for you.

0:19:490:19:51

-Great, thanks.

0:19:510:19:52

-Action.

0:19:530:19:54

-DAI JONES'S VOICE

-

-Here's another character.

0:19:540:19:56

-There were many in rural Wales.

0:19:570:19:59

-We look forward to your company on

-the next Cefn Gwlad. Good evening.

0:19:590:20:05

-Brilliant.

-That's why they pay you so much.

0:20:050:20:09

-SCREAMS AND LAUGHTER

0:20:090:20:11

-Soon on S4C, Find The Format.

0:20:120:20:14

-Is it about music?

0:20:150:20:16

-An exciting panel game

-where teams of celebs...

0:20:170:20:20

-..try to find a format

-for a new game for celebs.

0:20:200:20:24

-Does it have something

-to do with sport?

0:20:240:20:27

-Find A Format, soon on S4...

0:20:270:20:31

-Poop, shit, bugger, bra.

0:20:310:20:33

-Battery or knackered.

0:20:330:20:34

-Battery or knackered.

-

-I agree, Aled Samuel is a berk.

0:20:340:20:37

-RACING COMMENTARY

0:20:370:20:39

-They're ready on the track.

0:20:400:20:42

-# They leave the gate,

-the race is on a plate

0:20:420:20:45

-# Marquis takes the lead,

-it's early yet

0:20:450:20:48

-# Rigoletto has a chance #

0:20:480:20:50

-MR WIGLI AND HIS FRIENDS

0:20:500:20:53

-Yo. I'm Dave Wigli.

0:20:550:20:57

-The main mofo.

0:20:570:20:58

-This is a trip about the time I

-saved the mother****ers in the hood.

0:20:580:21:03

-I was skanking down in the ghetto,

-minding my **** business.

0:21:030:21:08

-I heard there was a hardcore

-scene in the Senedd.

0:21:080:21:11

-I went to see what the score was.

-Big Dave Elis-Thomas was there.

0:21:110:21:16

-He looked as if the shit

-had hit the fan on him.

0:21:160:21:20

-I said yo to my old mate.

0:21:210:21:23

-"Yo, Wigli. Big brain

-spin going down.

0:21:230:21:27

-"The key is stuck in the door

-of the ***ing Senedd.

0:21:270:21:30

-"If I can't get in,

-I can't do my work...

0:21:310:21:33

-"..making sure that

-Wales's voice is heard in Europe."

0:21:340:21:38

-I took some time out.

0:21:380:21:40

-I came up with a plan.

0:21:400:21:42

-"Get out of my ****ing way!"

-I told Dafydd El.

0:21:420:21:45

-I pushed him out of the way.

0:21:450:21:48

-I got hold of the key.

0:21:480:21:50

-Then I started

-to wiggle and wiggle...

0:21:500:21:53

-..and ***ing wiggle.

0:21:540:21:56

-Then, the key was loose

-and the door opened wide open.

0:21:570:22:01

-"Jamming," said my old friend

-Elis-Thomas. "Let's go to work."

0:22:010:22:05

-The skank's lesson...

0:22:060:22:07

-..if a door is in the way,

-drop the bass and do it.

0:22:070:22:11

-WHERE IS GOBLIN?

0:22:110:22:15

-WHERE IS GOBLIN?

0:22:170:22:19

-WHERE IS GOBLIN?

0:22:200:22:23

-WHERE IS GOBLIN?

0:22:260:22:28

-Our first programme

-draws to a close. I've...

0:22:280:22:32

-THE FAMILY AND SIR NASTY

0:22:320:22:34

-SNORES

0:22:340:22:36

-TOOTING CAR HORN

0:22:370:22:39

-Chuckles, I'm sure that's our car.

0:22:390:22:41

-TOOTING CAR HORN

0:22:420:22:44

-What did you think?

0:22:510:22:53

-Dai Jones.

0:22:540:22:55

-Did you see Father Max?

0:22:550:22:57

-Do you think it was

-the real Angharad Mair?

0:23:000:23:04

-I didn't think so either.

0:23:040:23:06

-It sounded like her though.

0:23:060:23:08

-Will you watch next week?

0:23:080:23:10

-S4C Subtitles by Gwead

0:23:130:23:15

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0:23:150:23:15

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