Pennod 4 Dim Byd

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-Ugh!

-Cut!

-Who did that?

-Who did that?

-

-What's wrong now?

-Red farted again.

-Sorry.

-It's disgusting.

-It's disgusting.

-

-I've said sorry.

-He ate his Gran or something.

-He ate his Gran or something.

-

-Pink, he can't help it.

-I'm lactose intolerant.

-OK, Pink. Calm down.

-You've no idea, Pink.

-It's a pain in the arse.

-BARZ. The adventures of

-seven technical colours at work.

-Good evening and welcome

-to another half hour of...

-..total mania.

-# I love to sing #

-GOD KNOWS AND NOW LORD'S TALKING

-Dad!

-Dad!

-Oh, my God. Dad!

-Do you have to do that now?

-Yes. I've loads to do today.

-But you have all eternity

-to do that.

-I'm in the middle of a game.

-Not the shooting game, I hope.

-I've told you before.

-It's on the fridge, Rule Number 6,

-Thou Shalt Not Kill.

-It's not a shooting game.

-It's Minecraft.

-It's old fashioned, isn't it?

-What have you got to do?

-Build a world.

-That's not how I'd build a world.

-That's not how I'd build a world.

-

-That's you.

-The guest editor of the new look

-Papur Bro is Shepa K Dog.

-He came from the Bronx to put

-the "bro" in the local paper.

-Elsie The Bitch has all

-the gossip from the 'hood...

-..weddings, birthdays

-drive-by shootings...

-..quizzes, recipes

-and Junior Gangsters Corner.

-Snake Hips Mavis

-knows the latest drug deals.

-If your hips are up to it,

-shake your booties to...

-This is the first day

-of the rest of our lives, boys.

-Go!

-Hold on.

-Hold on.

-

-What's wrong?

-Go!

-No, not that one.

-Try that one.

-The tables were covered

-with white, starched tablecloths.

-I did it on the table

-in front of everyone...

-..knowing full well

-I was a little devil.

-Aled, what are your

-first impressions?

-I've only had a quick glance,

-but wow.

-There is something about this

-that pulls at one's heart strings.

-Challenging, from the first word

-to the last word.

-Let's have a look at the work.

-"Some people need to look

-at themslvs b4 judging others.

-"Get a life, for god's sake."

-Powerful words, Aled.

-Amazing.

-You have to read the sentence.

-There's music here. Listen to this.

-"Some people need to look

-at themslvs b4 judging others.

-"Get a life, for god's sake."

-It makes one think, Beethoven.

-I've nothing against Southwalians,

-but I can't understand them talk.

-Cluck cluck cluck cluck.

-Cluck cluck cluck cluck.

-Don't sit there sulking, Max.

-Don't sit there sulking, Max.

-

-I'm not sulking.

-The boys are trying to think

-of a new format for Max Factor.

-All you do is sit there

-with a face like thunder.

-I'm telling you, that's the one!

-If the programme

-has to be called Max Factor....

-..it's our only option.

-You're right. I'll tell Max.

-Good.

-Give me strength.

-Max, the boys have been thinking.

-We think we've got something.

-Max Factor is a make-up band.

-Why don't you road test

-make-up all over Wales?

-Wear make-up?!

-Wear make-up?!

-

-We've no other ideas.

-We'll have to try it.

-Then she said, "I'm under

-no obligation to sell you it.

-"You're not even from Bala." "Fine,"

-I said. "I'll go somewhere else."

-I can't believe

-I agreed to do this programme.

-A man in make-up. What next?

-I'm telling you, Euros. I'll be glad

-when this programme is finished.

-Max, there's a problem

-with the make-up idea.

-Now what?

-Product placement.

-Gwyneth looked into it.

-We can't say Max Factor without

-naming other make-up companies.

-If I want to say Max Factor,

-I have to say L'Oreal too.

-And Avon.

-We have to pull the plug on it.

-It's back to the drawing board.

-Go away, you and your bad news.

-Nice one, Max. Anyway, where was I?

-So I said, "Because I'm not from

-Bala, I can't buy your tea towels?"

-I'm Cefin Roberts.

-What I've brought to the mirror

-is Caradog Prichard's hacksaw.

-Caradog Prichard's hacksaw.

-It says push.

-I've locked it worse now.

-I've locked it worse now.

-

-Locked it worse?!

-It isn't open, is it?

-It isn't open, is it?

-

-I've made it worse.

-Look after your stuff!

-It's mayhem again this morning

-to get the family ready.

-Where's the car key?

-Where's the car key?

-

-Pete, your honker is here.

-Where's the car key?

-Where's the car key?

-

-You're not taking the car?

-I have to go to work.

-I have to go to work.

-

-How will I take the kids to school?

-Chucks, sort it. Ta-ra.

-Coco has taken the car...

-..so Chuckles finds another way to

-get the children to school on time.

-Head.

-Are you ready?

-Are you ready?

-

-I forgot my lunchbox.

-Hold it.

-Are you OK?

-Are you OK?

-

-Yes.

-Right. Three, two, one.

-Behave yourself!

-Behave yourself!

-Right Chester, you next.

-Have you been in a hunt?

-No, never. Have you?

-No, never. Have you?

-

-No.

-On with the game.

-On with the game.

-

-And biscuits.

-I'm here in Market Road, Canton,

-to surprise June.

-MR WIGLI AND FRIENDS

-Yo, Dave Wigli, the big Kahuna,

-top bandit, the main mo-fo.

-Check out this skank.

-I was on my way

-to the House Of Lords...

-..to crack a deal

-with the goons in Westminster.

-Who jumped out of the crib but

-the head honcho, Dave Cameron...

-..aka The Big Cheese.

-He'd packed enough champagne

-to sink the Mimosa.

-"Hey, Wigli. Word up. Clear

-off my patch, homeboy," he said.

-He pushed me against

-the goon HQ wall.

-"No comprende, Cameron," I said.

-"**** off, you and your goons.

-"Stick your capitalist manifesto."

-With that, I wiggled and wiggled

-and ***ing wiggled.

-The next thing the bubbles in

-the champagne burst, big style.

-Total fizz-out, drenched.

-Laughing stock plus one on demand.

-Next thing,

-I'm out of there, one happy Wigli.

-One sneaked Cameron. Result.

-The moral of the story?

-Put the Kahuna in a corner,

-guaranteed deadly.

-Then we come to "themslvs."

-There's an "e" missing.

-This girl knows what she's doing.

-She has taken the "e" out...

-..forcing the reader to take notice.

-Then we go straight to ourselves.

-You think it's a misspelling...

-..but it's totally intentional.

-..who pens a few sheep

-in a gap of cloud

-Docking mangles, chipping

-the green skin from the yellow bones

-With a half-witted

-grin of satisfaction

-Or churning the crude earth

-to a stiff sea of clouds

-That glint in the wind

-I've no idea. You choose.

-I've no idea. You choose.

-

-Shall we say Catrin?

-Let's see who was

-talking through their hat.

-Yes,

-Dyl Mei was talking through his hat.

-You lose ten points.

-On we go. Wear your hats.

-Something has been in here.

-Is there something on the floor?

-Let's try to shoot it.

-Let's try to shoot it.

-

-Whoa!

-We should think twice

-before phoning 999...

-..said the minister for Conwy...

-..as the waiting list in Wales

-grew out of all proportion.

-Statistics show too many people

-are using the emergency services.

-Before phoning, I would urge

-the public to think carefully...

-..whether they need the service.

-We've had 15 weddings...

-..six christenings

-and twelve funerals this week.

-What's the rush?

-It's completely nuts.

-WHERE IS GOBLIN?

-WHERE IS GOBLIN?

-WHERE IS GOBLIN?

-WHERE IS GOBLIN?

-Seriously now, lads.

-If we don't come up

-with an idea for Max Factor...

-..we'll be out on the street.

-I did have one idea.

-He's getting old.

-Why don't we find a new Max?

-Hey, like The Apprentice.

-Max could go on Heno

-with the new Max...

-..and talk to Angharad Mair.

-Or Elin Fflur.

-She's pretty.

-She's pretty.

-

-And nice.

-It's surprising, what Ammanford

-people do with false teeth.

-Maybe, one day,

-I'll be a big, strong man.

-GOD KNOWS AND NOW LORD'S TALKING

-How do I get a diamond pick-axe?

-KNOCKS ON DOOR

-Hello!

-Hello!

-Help!

-Help!

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-The lads are feeling the strain.

-The meals are getting cold!

-Evans reaches for the mango chutney.

-Last is Griffiths, who came second

-in last year's Snowdon Madras.

-We need more natural humour on S4C.

-Horny!

-It's babyish, childish

-and not at all funny.

-I like the dishwasher's sound.

-I'll have a lesson in flying

-this special helicopter.

-Rhodri makes a splash when he has

-wakeboarding lessons in Pen Llyn.

-And I, Kelvin off Rownd A Rownd...

-..have a unique chance to clean

-Portaloos in a major music festival.

-About 130,000 people go to

-the Glastonbury Festival every year.

-But where they do

-their business? Recently...

-Let's compare this work

-with her former pieces.

-There are several pieces.

-The one I like most is "Have You

-Got The Number For Ysbyty Gwynedd."

-In it, she examines illness.

-She says "Have You Got

-The Number For Ysbyty Gwynedd."

-Not Jack, but you. That is, you.

-FACEBOOK OF THE YEAR.

-The best literary works

-on social network pages.

-TV FOOTBALL COMMENTARY

-Unlucky.

-Sorry, lads. Where is the toilet?

-Sorry, lads. Where is the toilet?

-

-Go through that door.

-Turn left, by the pool table.

-Turn left, by the pool table.

-

-It'll take ages that way.

-Through the lounge, pass the darts

-board, right by the fruit machine.

-Why pass the darts board?

-Go to the jukebox then turn left,

-where the cigarette machine was.

-You can't go that way any more.

-You can't go that way any more.

-

-They've put a table there.

-Elin,

-it's a privilege to announce...

-..the first winner

-of Maximillian's Son is...

-..him.

-From now on, he'll do my work.

-I'm sure that is a privilege.

-Did you enjoy the experience?

-Did you enjoy the experience?

-

-I enjoyed it a great deal, thanks.

-You're looking forward

-to succeeding Father Maximillian.

-Yes, Miss Fflur.

-Poop, shit, bugger, bra.

-That was it, trouble.

-I like Aled Sam.

-He makes the programme, in my mind.

-SURPRISE SURPRISE

-AND WELL HELLO PEOPLE

-At the finishing line,

-it could go three ways!

-Rice, chips or half and half.

-Griffiths takes it, smashing

-the record and a few poppadoms.

-THE FARM KITCHEN AND LANGUAGE SEWER

-Tiramisu reminds me

-of the hay harvest.

-My grandfather, Jac Huws Bach, made

-a hell of a tiramisu for the lads.

-I'm going to put a twist

-on Taid's recipe.

-I call it Saigon Cinnamon Tiramisu.

-First, put half

-a cup of strong coffee...

-..a quarter cup of sugar...

-..and two teaspoons of Saigon

-cinnamon, in a saucepan.

-Boil the mixture.

-BLEEP

-BLEEP

-

-Take it off the heat to cool.

-Where is the ***ing vanilla extract?

-Add the vanilla extract

-to half a cup of sugar.

-BLEEP

-Add three-quarters of a cup

-of cream to the mascarpone cheese.

-It's me.

-Now, you need 14 sponge fingers.

-Oh, ****! Thanks for that.

-If you can't find any...

-Bloody fat sow.

-..you can adapt.

-Right, lads. I need something else.

-Dip seven of them

-in the coffee mixture...

-..and put in

-an eight-inch baking tin.

-Put half the mascarpone mix on top.

-Then add fresh raspberries.

-Cover the rest of the sponge fingers

-or your choice of biscuits...

-..with the coffee mixture.

-There we are.

-And finally,

-some cocoa powder on top.

-Jac Huws Bach and the lads

-would love a piece of this.

-Might as well put the last

-jammy dodger in the middle.

-What do you think?

-SLICE OF LOAF AND I DON'T KNOW GOD

-This programme

-is a taster of the series.

-I hope you all enjoy it.

-Here's a little

-of what you can expect on...

-With 6,000 toilets on site...

-..it takes a bit of elbow grease.

-I should have worn gloves.

-No, that would take ages.

-You'd have to go

-through the beer garden.

-That's a point.

-Gwil is the man.

-Gwil!

-How would you go to the toilet?

-What, from here?

-Pass that music thing.

-Then turn left and pass

-the cigarette machine.

-You can't now, Gwil.

-There's a table there.

-Why have they put a table there?

-So how do I go to the bog?

-That's what we said.

-You have to pass the darts board

-and turn left by the fruit machine.

-Or pass the pool table

-in the lounge.

-What a bother!

-She becomes very philosophical.

-How many comments

-will this piece receive?

-Well, I'd say...

-..from the standpoint of Likes...

-..who knows?

-It will certainly be in

-the high twenties, or maybe higher.

-I hope people will read this...

-..and read it again

-two, three or four times...

-..in order to absorb this message...

-..and then, hopefully,

-push that small Like button.

-Aled, thank you.

-Aled, thank you.

-

-Thank...

-New for spring...

-..a leisurely drama following

-negligent local hospital staff.

-BLEEPS

-Is Dr Davies bothered

-that Mrs Evans's ECG machine bleeps?

-Can Nurse Jones be bothered

-to take Mrs Bayton's temperature?

-Can Dr Ayub finish his Twix

-before the answering machine?

-Experience all the heedlessness as

-idle doctors come to the rescue...

-..in their own time.

-Casually, whenever, on S4C.

-These are fine

-if you want to mess about.

-SLURPS

-Remember I'm going out tonight.

-Where? You didn't tell me!

-The cinema with Margaret.

-I did tell you, if you'd listen.

-Who is Margaret?

-Who is Margaret?

-

-What do you mean, who is Margaret?!

-PHONE

-Six double two.

-Hold the line.

-Hello.

-Hi, Wil. Are you OK?

-That'll be great.

-We'll see you

-in the Castle at 7.00pm.

-We'll share a taxi. It's cheaper.

-OK. Ta-ta.

-Here you are.

-Who was that?

-Wil, from Morfa.

-You didn't say he was going.

-You didn't say he was going.

-

-We're just sharing a taxi.

-What's the big deal?

-What's the big deal?

-

-It isn't!

-LITTLE HOUSE. Gwydion thinks

-that Cadi has a secret.

-That was a marvellous save.

-Owen has the ball midfield.

-It lands at Darren Thomas's feet.

-PHONE

-Oh!

-Hiya.

-No, I won't be home for supper.

-What?

-Have you looked on the mantelpiece?

-59 minute - GOAL!

-She phoned last night.

-I don't know. Ten o'clock.

-I must go.

-Ta-ra. Talk to you later.

-Williams with a cross.

-It's close...

-# Fun and laughs,

-a hat on my head and a strong gun #

-I liked Cefin Roberts's performance.

-Oh, well. I can't be

-perfect at everything.

-You'd better keep your feet

-on dry land from now on!

-You're right, Sian, but I had fun.

-You looked as if

-you had fun cleaning bogs.

-It was very interesting.

-It was hard work, but worth it.

-That's it for now.

-Next week, I'll be

-on the red carpet...

-..in the latest film

-premiere in Leicester Square.

-Ooh!

-Rhods will be underground

-and in the air...

-..on a huge trampoline

-in Blaenau Ffestiniog.

-Off I go!

-Aah!

-I, Kelvin off Rownd A Rownd, will

-have a rare chance to spend a day...

-..with Wales's busiest

-dog poo warden, in Holyhead.

-Are they usually this size?

-Until then, goodbye.

-Who is the man, pure of love

-GRUNTS AND GROANS

-Suffering for Wales

-A fiery, soulful man, from

-Llywelyn The Great's ancient lineage

-His heart quakes as he...

-Yes, I remember.

-I'd go that way with Dad in

-the old days, when he wanted a pee.

-Things have changed, Gwil.

-Sandra, which way would you

-go to the toilet from here?

-Turn right by the fruit machine.

-To the right?

-Yes.

-Hold on.

-You're looking for the Gents.

-I thought you meant the Ladies.

-That's where the Ladies is.

-That's where the Ladies is.

-

-Not the Gents.

-LAUGHTER

-Mr Wigli was class tonight.

-Mr Wigli was class tonight.

-

-And f*** wiggling!

-I didn't understand Papur Bro.

-I didn't understand Papur Bro.

-

-It's BRO like in yo Bro.

-Oh! Get it, duh!

-Facebook Of The Year was funny too.

-Not bad. Who was

-the bloke with Lisa Gwilym?

-Dunno.

-Dunno.

-

-Me neither.

-S4C Subtitles by Gwead

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