Pennod 19 Hansh

-Subtitles

-Subtitles

-

-Subtitles

-Today's an important day for me.

-It's my cheat day which means

-no gym and no healthy eating.

-But I still fancy a challenge.

-10,000 calories?

-Let's fucking do this.

-Good morning, everyone.

-It's 8.00am in Ammanford.

-A very early start to the system.

-But I need it because

-I'm going to eat 10,000 calories.

-OK. It's almost 9.00am.

-I need something for the journey...

-..so I've chosen something healthy

-- an orange.

-This orange is 950 calories.

-The first Terry's Chocolate Orange.

-I'm in Hannah's Diner.

-In front of me are 2,750 calories.

-Three rashers of bacon, beans,

-black pudding, hash browns, eggs...

-..and three King Kong fingers.

-Of course, I need something sweet.

-Two large pancakes

-and a shot of Jagerbomb.

-I'm not going to waste any time.

-Into the egg it goes, like so.

-The best way

-of eating a breakfast...

-..is to have a bite

-from everything on the plate...

-..to create

-a mini orgasm in the mouth.

-I like my bacon very hard,

-like my morning boners.

-I hear the pancakes calling me.

-A sweet waterfall

-flowing so sexily.

-Breakfast is done

-without even touching the sides.

-7,000 calories to go.

-It's lunchtime. This is 3,700

-calories. It's time to demolish it.

-I've come to Cafe 37 in Salisbury

-Road, Cardiff, to bury this bastard.

-This burger

-is called 24 Hour Burger.

-A double cheeseburger with bacon

-and cheese, chilli on the side...

-..a mountain of chips.

-They think you leave here

-not wanting to eat for 24 hours.

-They're joking. The burger's

-drowning under all the chilli.

-I can taste the calories.

-I've almost finished lunch.

-I'm getting worried

-about the gym tomorrow.

-That's it. Lunch done.

-This is how many calories

-I'm up to now.

-Off we go.

-Toblerone.

-Not the small one.

-Not the medium one.

-The biggest one you can buy.

-In this, there are 1,900 calories.

-I've arrived at my favourite place.

-Good old KFC.

-Now, the last supper. I've combined

-McDonald's and KFC in one.

-McFuckingKFC.

-Double Down burger from KFC.

-No bread. No fucking about.

-500 calories.

-Chicken nuggets

-are falling on the floor. Twat.

-Fur.

-Twenty nuggets, Big Mac meal,

-piece of piss.

-Happy Meal, Double Down.

-It's now time

-to look at the calculator.

-3,150 calories.

-That adds up to...

-That's not fucking right.

-Fucking 11,250.

-I can't believe it.

-That was piss easy.

-12 hours later...

-Here we are...

-..the bench.

-100kg.

-# I went on a trip

-to South West Wales

-# Fishing with the girlfriend

-in Whitland

-# On the road, I met a stranger

-# A local man, this is what he said

-# How are you? How's it going

-# Jesus Christ, it's cold

-# I asked him if he spoke Welsh

-# He said

-# He said

-

-# Aye

-# I took that as a no

-and then I left

-# I went on a trip

-to North West Wales

-# Fishing with the girlfriend

-in Felinheli

-# On the road, I met a stranger

-# A local man, this is what he said

-# Alright, mate? How's it hanging

-# 'acking hell, it's freezing

-# I asked him if he spoke Welsh

-# He said

-# He said

-

-# Sure

-# I took that as a no

-and then I left

-# Both of us went eastwards, had

-a pint in a pub in Newport, Gwent

-# At the bar

-was an angry man in a tracksuit

-# A local man, this is what he said

-# Alright, butt? 'ow's it goin'?

-What you talkin' that shit for? #

-Hello! I'm in Cwmbran today

-to show you some of Cwmbran.

-Or Cwmbraaaaaan

-as it says on the sign.

-Esyllt Ethni-Jones presents: Wales

-Cwmbran was named after the river

-Bran which flows through Cwmbran.

-The river was named after some bloke

-found a dead crow in the river.

-Eurgh! A crow, dead, in a river.

-Cwmbran is a new town.

-Not new town as in Newtown

-but a new town, Cwmbran.

-The town was built in seven days

-in 1949 by Danny Gabbidon...

-..to give the Western world

-a supply of biscuits.

-Talking about biscuits,

-a biscuit factory.

-At this factory, they make Jelly

-Dodgems and Chocolate Coach Tyres.

-Over 1,000 people work here from 9

-'til 5 making nothing but biscuits.

-Over 400 million Chocolate

-Coach Tyres are made a year...

-..not to mention the Jelly Dodgems.

-See you later!

-# Cwmbran

-# Cwmbran #

-Here's where the popular TV series

-C'mon Midffild was filmed.

-Remember George telling Wali to stop

-eating eggs and trumping on the bus?

-Classic Cwmbran humour!

-Cwmbran was what inspired Huw

-Chiswell to write Parti'r Ysbrydion.

-# Boogedy, boogedy, boogedy,

-boogedy, boo #

-For you autograph hunters

-and celeb spotters...

-..loads of famous people

-come from Cwmbran...

-..like Robot Wars series two

-winners, Kim and Michael...

-..and Helen from Big Brother.

-Hold me back because

-I'm going to smash the barriers...

-..and knock Robot Wars Kim

-to the ground to get a selfie.

-This is

-the national Cwmbran stadium.

-Here's where the locals come

-to run off...

-..the 400 million Chocolate

-Coach Tyres they eat every year.

-At this modern, luxurious stadium,

-you can enjoy all sorts of sports...

-..like conkers, fetch the ratchet,

-extreme tiddlywinkling...

-..try the goose, tenpin mowing,

-sunshine Dan and kick a cock.

-The local kick a cock team...

-..is top of the Rola Cola Kick a

-Cock Cardiff and Wales Championship.

-Champions!

-Birth rate's down though.

-Too much cock kicking.

-There's more than

-just dangerous sports in Cwmbran.

-There's a shopping centre,

-boating lake, bingo...

-..Zoopadoopa,

-Cheeky Monkeys and Bowlplex.

-But my favourite

-is the trampoline office.

-Like this.

-There we are then, Cwmbran.

-Howdy, partner!

-Let us know if you've ever been

-to Cwmbran in the comments.

-I'm off to see how far

-I can kick cock.

-In the United Kingdom...

-..over 85% of us

-use social media every day.

-Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat.

-Everyone uses them.

-Have you ever thought what happens

-to your accounts after you die?

-8,000 Facebook users die every day.

-Grim.

-Grim.

-

-Yeah. I know.

-One day, there'll be more dead

-people on Facebook and Twitter...

-..than living ones.

-So the big pile of unused accounts

-will increase every year.

-What will happen to all the photos

-of your pets in decades to come?

-Photos of your gran's birthday.

-Photos of your gran's birthday.

-

-Crap holiday photos.

-Well, on Facebook...

-..you can name someone

-as a Legacy Contact.

-They'll be able to turn your account

-into a memorial page.

-A digital grave.

-Grim.

-There's one company...

-..keen on helping you leave

-your mark on the digital world.

-Even after you've died?

-A bit creepy.

-Say hello to DeadSocial.

-Your digital undertakers.

-The company offers to look after

-your online accounts...

-..and chooses when to post stuff...

-..and chooses when to post stuff...

-

-..after you've died.

-Is this recording now?

-DeadSocial is an end-of-life

-planning tool and resource hub.

-The tool

-that it's most well known for...

-..is being able to send out your

-goodbye messages to your loved ones.

-It could be your partner,

-your children etc. once you've died.

-Once they've created a profile,

-they're able to create...

-..either one or a series

-of goodbye messages...

-..videos, texts and/or images.

-It's then the user's responsibility

-to assign a digital executor.

-My digital executors

-are my two brothers.

-They're unable to view

-or edit any of my messages.

-What they are able to do

-is to click on a button...

-..and my goodbye messages

-are sent out to my loved ones.

-It's a little creepy on the surface.

-We're just trying to highlight

-to people...

-..that no matter

-how you use the Internet...

-..which platforms you use, at least

-be aware that once you do die...

-..your digital footprint

-will inform your digital legacy.

-There are things we can all do

-to help address that.

-That's it - visit DeadSocial

-and write whatever you want.

-You won't be around

-to deal with the backlash.

-.

-Subtitles

-Subtitles

-

-Subtitles

-I'm back in my spiritual home -

-Twthill looking over Caernarfon.

-It's lunchtime and I'm going to make

-a bomber of a steak sandwich.

-Fire and smoke

-For the sandwich, I'm going to use

-the best ribeye steaks. Welsh Black.

-Good marbling, good fat.

-That's where all the flavour is.

-Let the steak come to room

-temperature, or Twthill temperature.

-I'm going to season it...

-..with some olive oil

-and Christopher's sexy rub.

-If I told you what's in it,

-I'd have to kill you.

-It's a blend of spices I like.

-You just have to sexy rub the meat.

-Massage it. Give it some love.

-This is one massage where you know

-there'll be a happy ending!

-Fucking hell!

-It's been marinated

-so just leave it.

-My bomber of a sandwich

-will be on a ciabatta.

-Olive oil.

-Then it goes on the charcoal.

-These charcoals are very hot.

-They've only been on

-for half a minute. Lovely.

-There's nothing worse than a soggy

-sandwich, so toast it every time.

-To pimp up the ciabatta,

-I like to add some garlic.

-It's so simple and amazing.

-Just rub the garlic.

-It's not a bomber of a sandwich

-without a sexy sauce.

-I like a little horseradish,

-wholegrain mustard...

-..and mayonnaise.

-Mix it.

-That's it - the easiest sauce in the

-world. But it'll be fucking lovely.

-On go the steaks.

-It's important to respect the first

-contact of the meat with the grill.

-Don't move it about.

-Add a little more flavour -

-keep them juicy.

-It's ready to come off to rest.

-The crust looks amazing.

-I love a little onion

-in my steak sandwich.

-Again, really simple.

-Spring onions, olive oil.

-They only need a few minutes.

-The smell of spring onions charring

-is amazing.

-You have to try it.

-They're ready.

-The steak's ready. The ciabatta,

-onions and sauce are ready.

-There's one thing left to do -

-soften the cheese.

-We have award-winning Welsh cheese -

-Black Bomber and Beechwood Smoked.

-It'll go lovely with the steak.

-I'll soften them on the barbecue.

-So I'll just grate it

-and put it on the fire.

-The cheese is softening well.

-You know me - I like a bit of spice.

-Chilli cheese steak sandwich.

-What better?

-The steaks have been resting for

-ten minutes. Time to cut into them.

-I can slice through it like butter.

-Medium rare. Perfect.

-Here, I have liquid gold.

-It's amazing.

-I'm going to add the juice

-of a lemon and a little olive oil.

-Time to plate up

-the best sandwich in the world.

-The sauce goes on first.

-The steak looks so amazing.

-Onions.

-The cheese has softened.

-I like to roll it up.

-On the steak it goes.

-I'll put the dressing

-over the salad.

-I'll give it a little toss.

-I finish off with the watercress...

-..before putting a cap

-on the sandwich.

-There we are -

-a bomber of a sandwich on Twthill.

-Steak, cheese, ciabatta, salad,

-amazing dressing...

-..and Christopher's special sauce.

-Tuck in hard.

-Wow!

-That's a bomber of a sandwich.

-The steak is unreal.

-It's a rollercoaster of flavours

-in my mouth.

-This is the sandwich

-you need in your life. Trust me.

-Nice one. Do you want some steak?

-Roxy fucking loves it.

-Maybe if I was in jail or something.

-Yes.

-They'd give you that in jail.

-They'd give you that in jail.

-

-It would make jail better.

-What games are on it?

-What games are on it?

-

-I used to have one.

-Super Mario.

-Thanks!

-Thanks!

-

-Cartridge.

-I had a smaller version.

-I had a smaller version.

-

-I didn't have this one.

-It was invented in 1989 by Nintendo

-Are we playing on it now?

-This way round.

-The quality's awful.

-People actually played this.

-How do you jump?

-How do you jump?

-

-That one.

-The B button doesn't do anything?

-The B button doesn't do anything?

-

-No.

-Just A.

-Just A.

-

-Isn't that a bit stupid?

-Is there more than one level?

-Is there more than one level?

-

-It's one level? No, there are loads.

-Over 18 million copies

-of Super Mario Land were sold

-My mum broke her leg.

-She broke it badly.

-She had to go to hospital.

-Every time the subject comes up,

-she tells me she completed Mario.

-You can't save it.

-You have to do it all

-in one sitting.

-Shout out to your mum.

-Shout out to your mum.

-

-Meinir.

-Done, Meins!

-I was given loads of games

-by my dodgy uncle.

-You've just called him dodgy

-on telly.

-He knows.

-I've probably sat on my arse

-long enough to complete it.

-Batteries.

-I could complete it but it would be

-so that I could say I completed it.

-It wouldn't be for enjoyment.

-If the game came out now...

-..and they said there were

-four shades of grey on it...

-..there's a limited battery life,

-there are 80 levels...

-..and you can't save it,

-people wouldn't buy it.

-You don't have to test the product!

-No, I was just saying!

-In this day and age.

-In the 1990s,

-it would've been exciting.

-That's the point I was making.

-7 types of GameBoy

-have been released

-Maybe if I was in jail or something.

-Yes.

-Over 200 million have been sold.

-They'd give you that in jail.

-They'd give you that in jail.

-

-It'd be easy to smuggle in.

-How do you know?!

-I just know.

-I have two lives left.

-I have two lives left.

-

-You get lives?

-He's figured it out already.

-There are people who are really good

-at FIFA and Call of Duty.

-There must be 30-year-olds

-who've played GameBoy loads.

-Once you've completed it,

-you've completed it.

-A bloke died

-after playing Call of Duty too long.

-That wouldn't happen with this.

-That wouldn't happen with this.

-

-You can't complete FIFA.

-At least this is safe.

-At least this is safe.

-

-You could chuck it.

-This is a very dense picture.

-It's full of meaning.

-A dog and cat kissing.

-Does it convey sex...

-..between different races,

-between different types of people...

-..between different genders?

-Things we think we've overcome.

-Now we've reached a time...

-..where things aren't quite right

-between cats and dogs.

-We see in America...

-..Trump and the right wing

-against the left wing...

-..and racism rearing its head.

-In Britain, Brexit,

-anti-immigration and all sorts.

-This is all conveyed

-in this simple image.

-The dog being kissed by the cat.

-It's a good picture.

-It's not easy to take a picture

-that's sharp in the front...

-..which fades out of focus

-in the background.

-A special camera's needed.

-I'm not very good at such things.

-I'm sure if my brother-in-law,

-Jeremy, took photographs...

-..he doesn't, but if he did...

-..it would be the type of picture

-he'd take.

-He'd get his hands

-on the best camera.

-He'd research

-into the best cameras...

-..to get that type of effect.

-Of course, it's not his thing.

-When it is his thing,

-he takes it to the extreme.

-He has one of those Hummer vans now.

-He travels around the country.

-He maps everything out.

-Prepares and researches.

-S4C Subtitles by Testun Cyf.

-.