Pennod 19 Hansh


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Pennod 19

Tiwns, comedi a lleisiau ffres. Blas o gynnwys arlein @hanshs4c. Tunes, comedy and fresh faces. A taste of online content @hanshs4c.


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-Today's an important day for me.

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-It's my cheat day which means

-no gym and no healthy eating.

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-But I still fancy a challenge.

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-10,000 calories?

-Let's fucking do this.

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-Good morning, everyone.

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-It's 8.00am in Ammanford.

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-A very early start to the system.

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-But I need it because

-I'm going to eat 10,000 calories.

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-OK. It's almost 9.00am.

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-I need something for the journey...

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-..so I've chosen something healthy

-- an orange.

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-This orange is 950 calories.

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-The first Terry's Chocolate Orange.

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-I'm in Hannah's Diner.

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-In front of me are 2,750 calories.

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-Three rashers of bacon, beans,

-black pudding, hash browns, eggs...

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-..and three King Kong fingers.

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-Of course, I need something sweet.

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-Two large pancakes

-and a shot of Jagerbomb.

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-I'm not going to waste any time.

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-Into the egg it goes, like so.

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-The best way

-of eating a breakfast...

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-..is to have a bite

-from everything on the plate...

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-..to create

-a mini orgasm in the mouth.

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-I like my bacon very hard,

-like my morning boners.

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-I hear the pancakes calling me.

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-A sweet waterfall

-flowing so sexily.

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-Breakfast is done

-without even touching the sides.

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-7,000 calories to go.

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-It's lunchtime. This is 3,700

-calories. It's time to demolish it.

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-I've come to Cafe 37 in Salisbury

-Road, Cardiff, to bury this bastard.

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-This burger

-is called 24 Hour Burger.

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-A double cheeseburger with bacon

-and cheese, chilli on the side...

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-..a mountain of chips.

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-They think you leave here

-not wanting to eat for 24 hours.

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-They're joking. The burger's

-drowning under all the chilli.

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-I can taste the calories.

-I've almost finished lunch.

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-I'm getting worried

-about the gym tomorrow.

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-That's it. Lunch done.

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-This is how many calories

-I'm up to now.

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-Off we go.

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-Toblerone.

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-Not the small one.

-Not the medium one.

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-The biggest one you can buy.

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-In this, there are 1,900 calories.

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-I've arrived at my favourite place.

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-Good old KFC.

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-Now, the last supper. I've combined

-McDonald's and KFC in one.

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-McFuckingKFC.

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-Double Down burger from KFC.

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-No bread. No fucking about.

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-500 calories.

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-Chicken nuggets

-are falling on the floor. Twat.

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-Fur.

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-Twenty nuggets, Big Mac meal,

-piece of piss.

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-Happy Meal, Double Down.

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-It's now time

-to look at the calculator.

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-3,150 calories.

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-That adds up to...

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-That's not fucking right.

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-Fucking 11,250.

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-I can't believe it.

-That was piss easy.

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-12 hours later...

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-Here we are...

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-..the bench.

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-100kg.

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-# I went on a trip

-to South West Wales

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-# Fishing with the girlfriend

-in Whitland

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-# On the road, I met a stranger

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-# A local man, this is what he said

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-# How are you? How's it going

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-# Jesus Christ, it's cold

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-# I asked him if he spoke Welsh

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-# He said

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-# He said

-

-# Aye

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-# I took that as a no

-and then I left

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-# I went on a trip

-to North West Wales

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-# Fishing with the girlfriend

-in Felinheli

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-# On the road, I met a stranger

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-# A local man, this is what he said

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-# Alright, mate? How's it hanging

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-# 'acking hell, it's freezing

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-# I asked him if he spoke Welsh

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-# He said

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-# He said

-

-# Sure

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-# I took that as a no

-and then I left

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-# Both of us went eastwards, had

-a pint in a pub in Newport, Gwent

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-# At the bar

-was an angry man in a tracksuit

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-# A local man, this is what he said

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-# Alright, butt? 'ow's it goin'?

-What you talkin' that shit for? #

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-Hello! I'm in Cwmbran today

-to show you some of Cwmbran.

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-Or Cwmbraaaaaan

-as it says on the sign.

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-Esyllt Ethni-Jones presents: Wales

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-Cwmbran was named after the river

-Bran which flows through Cwmbran.

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-The river was named after some bloke

-found a dead crow in the river.

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-Eurgh! A crow, dead, in a river.

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-Cwmbran is a new town.

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-Not new town as in Newtown

-but a new town, Cwmbran.

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-The town was built in seven days

-in 1949 by Danny Gabbidon...

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-..to give the Western world

-a supply of biscuits.

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-Talking about biscuits,

-a biscuit factory.

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-At this factory, they make Jelly

-Dodgems and Chocolate Coach Tyres.

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-Over 1,000 people work here from 9

-'til 5 making nothing but biscuits.

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-Over 400 million Chocolate

-Coach Tyres are made a year...

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-..not to mention the Jelly Dodgems.

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-See you later!

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-# Cwmbran

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-# Cwmbran #

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-Here's where the popular TV series

-C'mon Midffild was filmed.

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-Remember George telling Wali to stop

-eating eggs and trumping on the bus?

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-Classic Cwmbran humour!

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-Cwmbran was what inspired Huw

-Chiswell to write Parti'r Ysbrydion.

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-# Boogedy, boogedy, boogedy,

-boogedy, boo #

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-For you autograph hunters

-and celeb spotters...

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-..loads of famous people

-come from Cwmbran...

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-..like Robot Wars series two

-winners, Kim and Michael...

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-..and Helen from Big Brother.

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-Hold me back because

-I'm going to smash the barriers...

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-..and knock Robot Wars Kim

-to the ground to get a selfie.

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-This is

-the national Cwmbran stadium.

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-Here's where the locals come

-to run off...

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-..the 400 million Chocolate

-Coach Tyres they eat every year.

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-At this modern, luxurious stadium,

-you can enjoy all sorts of sports...

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-..like conkers, fetch the ratchet,

-extreme tiddlywinkling...

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-..try the goose, tenpin mowing,

-sunshine Dan and kick a cock.

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-The local kick a cock team...

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-..is top of the Rola Cola Kick a

-Cock Cardiff and Wales Championship.

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-Champions!

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-Birth rate's down though.

-Too much cock kicking.

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-There's more than

-just dangerous sports in Cwmbran.

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-There's a shopping centre,

-boating lake, bingo...

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-..Zoopadoopa,

-Cheeky Monkeys and Bowlplex.

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-But my favourite

-is the trampoline office.

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-Like this.

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-There we are then, Cwmbran.

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-Howdy, partner!

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-Let us know if you've ever been

-to Cwmbran in the comments.

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-I'm off to see how far

-I can kick cock.

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-In the United Kingdom...

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-..over 85% of us

-use social media every day.

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-Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat.

-Everyone uses them.

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-Have you ever thought what happens

-to your accounts after you die?

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-8,000 Facebook users die every day.

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-Grim.

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-Grim.

-

-Yeah. I know.

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-One day, there'll be more dead

-people on Facebook and Twitter...

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-..than living ones.

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-So the big pile of unused accounts

-will increase every year.

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-What will happen to all the photos

-of your pets in decades to come?

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-Photos of your gran's birthday.

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-Photos of your gran's birthday.

-

-Crap holiday photos.

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-Well, on Facebook...

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-..you can name someone

-as a Legacy Contact.

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-They'll be able to turn your account

-into a memorial page.

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-A digital grave.

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-Grim.

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-There's one company...

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-..keen on helping you leave

-your mark on the digital world.

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-Even after you've died?

-A bit creepy.

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-Say hello to DeadSocial.

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-Your digital undertakers.

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-The company offers to look after

-your online accounts...

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-..and chooses when to post stuff...

0:11:350:11:37

-..and chooses when to post stuff...

-

-..after you've died.

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-Is this recording now?

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-DeadSocial is an end-of-life

-planning tool and resource hub.

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-The tool

-that it's most well known for...

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-..is being able to send out your

-goodbye messages to your loved ones.

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-It could be your partner,

-your children etc. once you've died.

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-Once they've created a profile,

-they're able to create...

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-..either one or a series

-of goodbye messages...

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-..videos, texts and/or images.

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-It's then the user's responsibility

-to assign a digital executor.

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-My digital executors

-are my two brothers.

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-They're unable to view

-or edit any of my messages.

0:12:170:12:20

-What they are able to do

-is to click on a button...

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-..and my goodbye messages

-are sent out to my loved ones.

0:12:240:12:28

-It's a little creepy on the surface.

0:12:280:12:30

-We're just trying to highlight

-to people...

0:12:310:12:34

-..that no matter

-how you use the Internet...

0:12:340:12:37

-..which platforms you use, at least

-be aware that once you do die...

0:12:370:12:42

-..your digital footprint

-will inform your digital legacy.

0:12:420:12:47

-There are things we can all do

-to help address that.

0:12:470:12:52

-That's it - visit DeadSocial

-and write whatever you want.

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-You won't be around

-to deal with the backlash.

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-.

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-Subtitles

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-Subtitles

-

-Subtitles

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-I'm back in my spiritual home -

-Twthill looking over Caernarfon.

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-It's lunchtime and I'm going to make

-a bomber of a steak sandwich.

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-Fire and smoke

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-For the sandwich, I'm going to use

-the best ribeye steaks. Welsh Black.

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-Good marbling, good fat.

-That's where all the flavour is.

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-Let the steak come to room

-temperature, or Twthill temperature.

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-I'm going to season it...

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-..with some olive oil

-and Christopher's sexy rub.

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-If I told you what's in it,

-I'd have to kill you.

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-It's a blend of spices I like.

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-You just have to sexy rub the meat.

-Massage it. Give it some love.

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-This is one massage where you know

-there'll be a happy ending!

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-Fucking hell!

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-It's been marinated

-so just leave it.

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-My bomber of a sandwich

-will be on a ciabatta.

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-Olive oil.

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-Then it goes on the charcoal.

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-These charcoals are very hot.

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-They've only been on

-for half a minute. Lovely.

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-There's nothing worse than a soggy

-sandwich, so toast it every time.

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-To pimp up the ciabatta,

-I like to add some garlic.

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-It's so simple and amazing.

-Just rub the garlic.

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-It's not a bomber of a sandwich

-without a sexy sauce.

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-I like a little horseradish,

-wholegrain mustard...

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-..and mayonnaise.

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-Mix it.

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-That's it - the easiest sauce in the

-world. But it'll be fucking lovely.

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-On go the steaks.

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-It's important to respect the first

-contact of the meat with the grill.

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-Don't move it about.

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-Add a little more flavour -

-keep them juicy.

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-It's ready to come off to rest.

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-The crust looks amazing.

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-I love a little onion

-in my steak sandwich.

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-Again, really simple.

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-Spring onions, olive oil.

-They only need a few minutes.

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-The smell of spring onions charring

-is amazing.

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-You have to try it.

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-They're ready.

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-The steak's ready. The ciabatta,

-onions and sauce are ready.

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-There's one thing left to do -

-soften the cheese.

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-We have award-winning Welsh cheese -

-Black Bomber and Beechwood Smoked.

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-It'll go lovely with the steak.

-I'll soften them on the barbecue.

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-So I'll just grate it

-and put it on the fire.

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-The cheese is softening well.

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-You know me - I like a bit of spice.

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-Chilli cheese steak sandwich.

-What better?

0:16:070:16:10

-The steaks have been resting for

-ten minutes. Time to cut into them.

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-I can slice through it like butter.

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-Medium rare. Perfect.

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-Here, I have liquid gold.

-It's amazing.

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-I'm going to add the juice

-of a lemon and a little olive oil.

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-Time to plate up

-the best sandwich in the world.

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-The sauce goes on first.

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-The steak looks so amazing.

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-Onions.

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-The cheese has softened.

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-I like to roll it up.

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-On the steak it goes.

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-I'll put the dressing

-over the salad.

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-I'll give it a little toss.

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-I finish off with the watercress...

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-..before putting a cap

-on the sandwich.

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-There we are -

-a bomber of a sandwich on Twthill.

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-Steak, cheese, ciabatta, salad,

-amazing dressing...

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-..and Christopher's special sauce.

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-Tuck in hard.

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-Wow!

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-That's a bomber of a sandwich.

-The steak is unreal.

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-It's a rollercoaster of flavours

-in my mouth.

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-This is the sandwich

-you need in your life. Trust me.

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-Nice one. Do you want some steak?

0:17:410:17:44

-Roxy fucking loves it.

0:17:450:17:46

-Maybe if I was in jail or something.

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-Yes.

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-They'd give you that in jail.

0:17:590:18:00

-They'd give you that in jail.

-

-It would make jail better.

0:18:000:18:01

-What games are on it?

0:18:130:18:14

-What games are on it?

-

-I used to have one.

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-Super Mario.

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-Thanks!

0:18:180:18:19

-Thanks!

-

-Cartridge.

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-I had a smaller version.

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-I had a smaller version.

-

-I didn't have this one.

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-It was invented in 1989 by Nintendo

0:18:240:18:27

-Are we playing on it now?

0:18:270:18:29

-This way round.

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-The quality's awful.

0:18:340:18:36

-People actually played this.

0:18:370:18:38

-How do you jump?

0:18:390:18:40

-How do you jump?

-

-That one.

0:18:400:18:41

-The B button doesn't do anything?

0:18:420:18:43

-The B button doesn't do anything?

-

-No.

0:18:430:18:44

-Just A.

0:18:440:18:45

-Just A.

-

-Isn't that a bit stupid?

0:18:450:18:47

-Is there more than one level?

0:18:470:18:48

-Is there more than one level?

-

-It's one level? No, there are loads.

0:18:480:18:50

-Over 18 million copies

-of Super Mario Land were sold

0:18:510:18:55

-My mum broke her leg.

0:18:550:18:57

-She broke it badly.

-She had to go to hospital.

0:18:580:19:01

-Every time the subject comes up,

-she tells me she completed Mario.

0:19:010:19:06

-You can't save it.

0:19:070:19:09

-You have to do it all

-in one sitting.

0:19:090:19:11

-Shout out to your mum.

0:19:120:19:14

-Shout out to your mum.

-

-Meinir.

0:19:140:19:15

-Done, Meins!

0:19:150:19:16

-I was given loads of games

-by my dodgy uncle.

0:19:170:19:20

-You've just called him dodgy

-on telly.

0:19:210:19:24

-He knows.

0:19:240:19:25

-I've probably sat on my arse

-long enough to complete it.

0:19:270:19:32

-Batteries.

0:19:330:19:35

-I could complete it but it would be

-so that I could say I completed it.

0:19:350:19:39

-It wouldn't be for enjoyment.

0:19:390:19:41

-If the game came out now...

0:19:420:19:43

-..and they said there were

-four shades of grey on it...

0:19:440:19:47

-..there's a limited battery life,

-there are 80 levels...

0:19:470:19:51

-..and you can't save it,

-people wouldn't buy it.

0:19:510:19:54

-You don't have to test the product!

0:19:540:19:57

-No, I was just saying!

0:19:570:19:59

-In this day and age.

0:19:590:20:01

-In the 1990s,

-it would've been exciting.

0:20:010:20:04

-That's the point I was making.

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-7 types of GameBoy

-have been released

0:20:060:20:09

-Maybe if I was in jail or something.

0:20:090:20:11

-Yes.

0:20:120:20:13

-Over 200 million have been sold.

0:20:140:20:16

-They'd give you that in jail.

0:20:160:20:17

-They'd give you that in jail.

-

-It'd be easy to smuggle in.

0:20:170:20:20

-How do you know?!

0:20:200:20:22

-I just know.

0:20:220:20:24

-I have two lives left.

0:20:260:20:27

-I have two lives left.

-

-You get lives?

0:20:270:20:29

-He's figured it out already.

0:20:290:20:31

-There are people who are really good

-at FIFA and Call of Duty.

0:20:310:20:35

-There must be 30-year-olds

-who've played GameBoy loads.

0:20:350:20:41

-Once you've completed it,

-you've completed it.

0:20:410:20:44

-A bloke died

-after playing Call of Duty too long.

0:20:440:20:47

-That wouldn't happen with this.

0:20:480:20:49

-That wouldn't happen with this.

-

-You can't complete FIFA.

0:20:490:20:51

-At least this is safe.

0:20:510:20:53

-At least this is safe.

-

-You could chuck it.

0:20:530:20:55

-This is a very dense picture.

0:21:160:21:19

-It's full of meaning.

0:21:190:21:22

-A dog and cat kissing.

0:21:240:21:26

-Does it convey sex...

0:21:270:21:31

-..between different races,

-between different types of people...

0:21:320:21:37

-..between different genders?

0:21:370:21:39

-Things we think we've overcome.

0:21:400:21:44

-Now we've reached a time...

0:21:450:21:48

-..where things aren't quite right

-between cats and dogs.

0:21:480:21:52

-We see in America...

0:21:530:21:55

-..Trump and the right wing

-against the left wing...

0:21:560:22:02

-..and racism rearing its head.

0:22:020:22:05

-In Britain, Brexit,

-anti-immigration and all sorts.

0:22:050:22:10

-This is all conveyed

-in this simple image.

0:22:100:22:15

-The dog being kissed by the cat.

0:22:160:22:19

-It's a good picture.

0:22:270:22:29

-It's not easy to take a picture

-that's sharp in the front...

0:22:300:22:35

-..which fades out of focus

-in the background.

0:22:360:22:40

-A special camera's needed.

0:22:400:22:42

-I'm not very good at such things.

0:22:420:22:44

-I'm sure if my brother-in-law,

-Jeremy, took photographs...

0:22:450:22:49

-..he doesn't, but if he did...

0:22:490:22:51

-..it would be the type of picture

-he'd take.

0:22:520:22:55

-He'd get his hands

-on the best camera.

0:22:550:22:57

-He'd research

-into the best cameras...

0:22:580:23:02

-..to get that type of effect.

0:23:030:23:07

-Of course, it's not his thing.

0:23:070:23:10

-When it is his thing,

-he takes it to the extreme.

0:23:110:23:15

-He has one of those Hummer vans now.

0:23:170:23:20

-He travels around the country.

0:23:200:23:23

-He maps everything out.

-Prepares and researches.

0:23:240:23:28

-S4C Subtitles by Testun Cyf.

0:23:480:23:50

-.

0:23:500:23:51

Tiwns, comedi a lleisiau ffres. Blas o gynnwys arlein @hanshs4c. Tunes, comedy and fresh faces. A taste of online content @hanshs4c.