Pennod 24 Hansh


Pennod 24

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-# Lying in a manger,

-which is some sort of cot

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-# Baby Jesus is in a stable,

-there was no room at the hotel

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-# A shepherd and Joseph

-and Mary were on a donkey

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-# And a star on a tree

-and a lump of Christmas turkey

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-# Santa brought presents

-riding a reindeer

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-# No Xbox or chocolate

-just gold, frankincense and myrrh #

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-Merry Christmas.

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-From Gareth the orangutan.

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-On Hansh.

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-Oh! Follow me on Twitter.

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-And Snapchat.

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-And SoundCloud.

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-But not Facebook. I'm not on it.

-But like Hansh's Facebook.

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-Merry Christmas.

-and a Happy New Year.

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-Ta-ra!

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-It's Christmas. Christmas

-isn't Christmas without turkey.

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-I'm going to show you how I pimp up

-my turkey, Chris Roberts style.

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-Ho, ho, ho.

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-Fire and smoke

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-Warning: Strong language

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-Spatchcock. That means removing

-the spine and opening it up.

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-It increases the surface area,

-so you can get a crispy skin.

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-I love crispy skin on a turkey.

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-It also helps to cook the white meat

-and the dark meat evenly.

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-It's a great way of cooking.

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-The same thing the other side.

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-That's a spatchcock. It's ready for

-the smoker apart from the sexy rub.

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-I'm going to season both sides.

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-Olive oil all over it.

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-Spice all over it.

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-I won't tell you what's in it -

-it's my secret ingredient.

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-You can experiment

-with the spices you like.

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-Salt.

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-That's it. Sexy rubbed turkey

-spatchcock ready to be smoked.

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-What better.

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-I have the big baby today.

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-I love my smoker.

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-I love it.

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-I've put in

-some charcoal and cherry wood.

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-In it goes.

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-I love that sizzle.

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-This will cook for an hour

-to an hour and a quarter...

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-..between 300 and 350 Fahrenheit.

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-I got her face with a snowball!

-You can have turkey later.

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-The turkey's on the go. You can't

-have turkey without cranberry sauce.

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-It makes Christmas for me.

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-They're amazing together,

-like John and Alun.

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-I'm making my cranberry sauce

-from fresh.

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-Don't be lazy, it's Christmas.

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-I add soft brown sugar.

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-It looks like a lot

-but fresh cranberries are sour.

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-You want the sweetness to go

-with the acidity of the cranberries.

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-Wait for it to start bubbling.

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-You can't have cranberry sauce

-without good booze.

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-Port tastes of Christmas for me.

-It's amazing.

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-It's bubbling up like lava.

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-In go the cranberries. These are

-fresh. You could use frozen ones.

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-I also like to add lemon zest...

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-..and the juice of a lemon too,

-making sure I catch the pips.

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-Clementines

-remind me of Christmas too.

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-If you could smell

-what I'm smelling.

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-Christmas in a pan.

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-To add some more flavour,

-I'll add two star anise.

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-Cinnamon sticks too. Just roll them

-to activate the flavours.

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-You know me by now.

-I like a kick in everything.

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-In my cranberry sauce,

-I'm going to add a chilli.

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-Let it cook down until you can hear

-the cranberries popping.

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-That's when you know they're ready.

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-Like my hero, Keith Floyd, said...

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-.."If the booze

-isn't good enough to drink...

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-"..it's not good enough

-to cook with."

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-Cheers. Merry Christmas.

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-It's Christmas. That's lovely.

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-That's juicy.

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-It only took an hour to cook.

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-I must have a taste.

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-Ho, ho, ho!

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-Fucking amazing.

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-Fuck having

-ten box of Lynx Africa...

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-..and the same socks from

-the same people year after year.

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-That's Christmas for me -

-turkey with cranberry sauce.

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-Merry Christmas.

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-Let's see what Roxy thinks.

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-Do you like it?

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-You see a girl walking in and they

-assume you're someone's girlfriend.

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-It's laughable

-but it shouldn't happen.

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-The last year has been mental.

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-It started

-after we did our Maida Vale session.

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-Since then, it's been gig after gig.

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-It's a year since we released

-our first single.

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-I don't know what's happened.

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-I met Heledd two years ago December.

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-As if!

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-Surely not!

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-Last year, we played in Gwdihw

-with Mellt...

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-..for Decidedly Presents.

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-D'you know?

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-That was a year ago.

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-During our first gig,

-she came up to us drunk and said...

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-.."If you want a drummer,

-I'm a drummer."

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-We said, "Sound." That was it!

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-Oh, my God.

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-Hello?

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-OK. OK. Cool.

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-Nice one.

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-Give me a bell when you're here.

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-Bye.

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-She's such a drip.

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-She's not. She's very on it.

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-I've been working for Clwb Ifor Bach

-for about a month.

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-It's really exciting. We try

-to put on as many gigs as we can.

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-I was asked to DJ in Femme

-in Carmarthen.

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-It was something

-that Adwaith started...

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-..to celebrate Welsh women's music.

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-What have you forgotten?

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-What have you forgotten?

-

-The banner.

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-It's in the house.

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-It's in the house.

-

-Do you want me to go and get it?

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-This is our second Femme gig.

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-It's a way of promoting

-female musicians in the Welsh scene.

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-In gig line-ups,

-it's the same bands all the time.

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-All-male bands.

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-It's boring.

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-It's something very alpha male.

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-We've been waiting for this

-for a while.

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-A night of female artists...

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-..shouldn't be all that important.

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-There've never been so many women.

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-But they've taken the lead

-and decided to put on a night.

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-Women used to sing and that's it.

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-The blokes did the rest.

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-Now, we're learning to record

-and perform...

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-..and to understand how things work.

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-But also to get recognition for it.

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-You've been doing it for...

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-Fiddling about!

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-But it just wasn't being recognized.

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-There's more...

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-The world has moved on a touch.

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-There's a recognition

-that everyone creates.

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-I've had a lot of stick about it.

-People saying, "What's the point?

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-"Men and women should be equal,

-so you should have equal gigs."

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-That's the goal.

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-But that's not the situation now.

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-We're trying to change it

-so we can do it.

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-Most line-ups are all-male.

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-So, what's the point?

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-We're all very different, especially

-when it comes to our style.

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-If you think about it too much...

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-..it takes away the coolness

-of having an image.

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-I hate it when people say, "What's

-it like being in a band with girls?"

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-We play music. That's all we do.

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-If there were four men in a band...

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-..you wouldn't think,

-"They're an all-male band."

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-Femme in itself

-is something very important to have.

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-There are so many more women around

-making music.

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-Adwaith have done something

-really special.

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-I think there might be a time where

-we have to do this more often...

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-..before things become more equal.

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-# Do you remember

-when you used to fancy... #

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-What we want is just to be a band,

-not a girl band.

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-# Ooh-ooh #

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-Thank you.

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-Hey, you guys!

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-Thank you for coming.

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-.

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-Subtitles

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-Subtitles

-

-Subtitles

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-Bry's tips to survive

-the work Christmas party.

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-Don't hold the bloody party

-in the office.

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-It saves cash, but, dear Lord,

-you're asking for trouble.

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-Samuel, look at the sly one

-I'm leaving for Gwilym accounts.

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-The best Secret Santa you'll get.

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-When you're drinking, try to keep

-away from the serious issues.

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-What did you say, Gwilym? Promotion?

-I'm not sure about that.

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-I'm coming round to Brexit.

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-Get over it, Snowflake.

-You're holding Britain back!

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-Hitler. He wasn't all bad.

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-I'd frack the fucking lot.

-Every nook and cranny.

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-Especially in North Wales.

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-Wylfa B. 100% in favour.

-It's only Anglesey.

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-However much you drink...

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-..try not to bitch about

-the people you don't like in work.

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-I've heard the new bloke in HR

-is a bit of a twat.

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-He votes Tory

-and stinks like a sack of dead cats.

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-Ah, Gwilym! Gwilym accounts.

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-Absolute...

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-Terrible human being.

-Poor excuse of a man. Dickhead.

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-Gwilym! Alright?

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-Everyone OK in accounts?

-Good boy. Keep up the good work.

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-Good boy.

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-A lot of people

-try to dodge Christmas parties.

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-They're twats.

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-You have to go. Show your face.

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-Don't leave too early either.

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-You're off now, are you?

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-Oh, alright. Playing golf

-tomorrow morning, are you?

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-Fair play.

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-Good now. Bye. Ta-ra.

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-Fucking twat.

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-Right penis.

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-If there's a buffet,

-show some restraint.

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-Some decorum.

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-The same's true

-if there's a free bar.

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-Try to be cool about it.

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-Good spread. Yes, free bar!

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-What time does the free bar close?

-We've only got six hours.

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-This'll be nice tomorrow.

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-Get me 15 pints of lager and

-a whisky. The most expensive one.

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-I'll go home

-to put them in the fridge.

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-Come on.

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-Berian, the fat bastard.

-That was the last cake!

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-If there's no free bar, management

-should buy you one drink at least.

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-If they don't, they're twats.

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-If you do get one, be thankful.

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-What the fuck is this piss?

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-Don't talk shop.

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-No-one likes the boring person

-who talks about work in a party.

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-We need a consultation

-and cooperation...

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-..in order to prioritize

-moving forwards with the project.

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-If you get stuck

-with that boring person...

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-..be careful

-you don't leave abruptly...

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-..too obviously.

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-..effectively to move forwards...

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-Yeah, OK!

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-I need a shit. Don't follow me.

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-Don't expect people to work

-the following day. Madness!

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-Recipe for disaster.

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-Even Stalin gave a day off

-to people after a Christmas party.

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-Well, probably.

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-People will be hung-over.

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-VOMITING

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-How are you, Miss Williams?

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-Party? No, not my scene.

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-Boozing? No, I don't drink.

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-Teetotal.

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-Vomiting? Just now? No!

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-That's how I shit.

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-Or they'll still be pissed.

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-How much? It's a good price?

-Pounds? 250,000?

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-Whatever they are, get me some.

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-Right, welcome to you all.

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-The first item on the agenda

-this morning...

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-..him, for getting his cock out

-last night!

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-Deuawdau Rhys Meirion?

-Fucking cancel it!

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-For God's sake, take care

-when texting and using social media.

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-Even when chatting the next morning.

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-Be discreet

-about your own indiscretions...

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-..and other people's indiscretions.

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-"Shagging that one from reception."

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-Yeah, yeah. There you are.

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-I drank so much Guinness

-last night...

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-..I've been farting flat out.

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-I shat myself.

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-My pants resembles

-a newborn's nappy. Send.

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-Fuck! No! Not reply all!

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-Honesty isn't the best policy

-every time.

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-Yes. That's spunk, bound to be.

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-Glenys, sorry for dunking my balls

-in the biscuit tin.

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-It's not acceptable.

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-Didn't you know? There we are, then.

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-Custard creams?

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-Good choice, Glenys.

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-Yes, I shat myself

-and I slept in a barn.

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-But you know me,

-I don't miss a day's work.

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-No, you won't see him today.

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-Too ashamed probably.

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-He was caught giving a blow job

-to the bloke from the post room.

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-You son works in the post room.

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-Trefor, let's have a word

-about that important project.

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-Well, there you are.

-Merry Christmas.

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-Right, Pot Noodle and a wank.

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-350g plain flour, 125g butter

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-175g dark brown sugar,

-2tsp ground ginger

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-1tsp cinnamon

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-1 egg

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-4tbsp golden syrup

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-Fridge for 30 minutes

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-150C 20 minutes

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-200g icing sugar, 1tsp water

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-# Christmas Eve

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-# Everyone's fast asleep

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-# Not a word, not a peep

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-# Anywhere on the street

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-# Santa's busy emptying his sack

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-# To the children of the world

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-# But this year there won't be

-any smiles in our house

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-# Oh, Jesus Christ

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-# Everyone's pissed

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-# Liz is talking shit

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-# Until ten past three

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-# Oh, Jesus Christ

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-# Don't feel sad

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-# At least there's lager

-in the house

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-# Footsteps can be heard

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-# On the roof at midnight

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-# But the next morning

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-# Something is up

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-# A burglar has been

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-# And the presents have gone

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-# They've emptied the house

-apart from Arfon Wyn CDs

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-# Oh, Jesus Christ

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-# I feel sad

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-# Mami's choking on a mince pie

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-# Oh, Jesus Christ

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-# Everyone's pissed

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-# Dadi's in jail

-for drink and drive #

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-Merry Christmas.

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-Christmas!

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-Lights!

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-Christmas lights!

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-Lights Christmas?

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-Every Christmas, people

-celebrate the annual festival by...

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-..eating special food only available

-during the annual festival.

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-Turkey!

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-Wearing traditional

-Christmas jumpers. Rad!

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-And offering a gift to Elin

-as a message of goodwill.

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-But, of course,

-the true meaning of Christmas...

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-..is running up to the attic to get

-lights to tart up your house.

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-Enough bulbs

-to make Blackpool blush.

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-As Christmas

-falls at the end of December...

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-..here's an excuse to look at...

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-..the best bulbs, strobes

-and plastic deer in North Wales.

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-Look at those lights!

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-Here's a good effort

-from the land of deer.

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-Believe it or not,

-these aren't real deer.

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-They've all been created

-in the back of the house...

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-..in a place similar

-to Santa's toy workshop.

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-Just that they're not toys

-but wooden deer...

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-..stood in the front garden

-in a sea of lights.

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-This is a nice house.

-Jesus is in his manger.

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-There are snowballs

-projected on the wall.

0:21:340:21:36

-What this house teaches us

-is that there are decorations...

0:21:370:21:41

-..now inside the home!

0:21:410:21:44

-Here's Christmas

-for Santa and the Elvis-es!

0:21:460:21:51

-A tree full of Elvis baubles.

-An Elvis stocking.

0:21:510:21:56

-Everything Elvis-related

-you can imagine.

0:21:560:21:59

-To crown it all, Graceland!

0:21:590:22:01

-The King's mansion

-gets a big thumbs-up from me!

0:22:020:22:05

-The entire collection guarantees...

0:22:050:22:08

-..there won't be a Blue Christmas

-in this house this Christmas.

0:22:080:22:13

-Here's a proper wonderland.

0:22:130:22:17

-An electricity

-and Christmas masterpiece...

0:22:180:22:21

-..puked over an innocent house

-in the most tasteful way.

0:22:210:22:25

-Look how every inch of

-the white walls has been covered...

0:22:250:22:30

-..from the drains

-to the guttering...

0:22:300:22:32

-..with symbols

-of the Welsh Christmas.

0:22:320:22:35

-Apparently, there are

-so many lights across America...

0:22:360:22:40

-..the lights can be seen from space!

0:22:400:22:42

-Calm down!

0:22:420:22:44

-Bloody hell! Phone Las Vegas because

-someone's stolen their bulbs.

0:22:450:22:49

-Here are

-the Christmas lights champions.

0:22:500:22:53

-My favourite

-from this mad collection...

0:22:530:22:56

-..is the firework star.

0:22:560:22:59

-Imagine the electricity bill!

0:23:000:23:02

-Fun fact for you, kids,

-a set of 20 large bulb lights...

0:23:030:23:06

-..used over Christmas

-costs around 11.26.

0:23:070:23:10

-On the other hand, similar

-new, swish LED lights only cost 16p.

0:23:110:23:17

-So it's better to use LED.

0:23:170:23:20

-There we are, my golden,

-post-electrical friends.

0:23:200:23:24

-I'll bid farewell by wishing you...

0:23:240:23:26

-..a merry, colourful

-and bright Christmas to you all.

0:23:260:23:30

-S4C Subtitles by Testun Cyf.

0:23:450:23:47

-.

0:23:470:23:47

Tiwns, comedi a lleisiau ffres. Blas o gynnwys arlein @hanshs4c. Tunes, comedy and fresh faces. A taste of online content @hanshs4c.


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