Pennod 5 Hansh

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-Samuel, come to put talc on this.

-Alright, ponies?

-Welcome to Bry's Box.

-Channel 5 is finished,

-ancient history...

-..like cassettes, minidiscs,

-VHS and the Soviet Union.

-It's like a swamp down here.

-I've been headhunted.

-They even gave me a new laptop,

-after that mix-up.

-They want everything back?

-And the laptop?

-As the English say, adapt or die.

-I need new ideas

-to freshen things up.

-Right, Geraint?

-"Right, mate."

-A fucking puppet?

-Who'll watch that shit?

-"OK?"

-What's on TV now?

-Here we are, Y Dyn Gwyllt.

-A Porthmadog man

-survives in the wild.

-He's had enough practice,

-coming from Porthmadog.

-I could have done that gig.

-I understand survival.

-I've got Bear Grylls on series link.

-This survival business

-is a piece of piss, really.

-Here are some tips

-for central heating dodgers.

-Bry's Survival Tips

-Communication is vital.

-In case you get lost,

-before you set off...

-..tell someone where you're going

-and how long for.

-Mam? I'm off now.

-I'm going hiking

-in the Brecon Beacons.

-I'll be three days.

-If I'm not back then,

-phone the police.

-Shut up, I'm watching

-Coronation Street!

-Pack carefully.

-Take responsibility.

-When you face the elements,

-you need the correct equipment.

-Right, sleeping bag.

-Toss it over, Samuel.

-I need a good sleep.

-I've got a full day

-of pointless hiking tomorrow.

-What the fuck is this?

-Samuel, did you pack?

-Out in the wild,

-be prepared to kill to survive.

-There's a rabbit over there.

-For you, it's cute.

-For me, it's sustenance.

-Fuck, it's gone!

-Did you catch it? Twat.

-I'm starving now, Samuel.

-Do you know what to do

-if you're stung by nettles?

-No?

-Wherever the sting is, piss on it.

-Isn't that for a jellyfish sting?

-Is it?

-Oh, God!

-That explains the strange looks

-at the garden centre.

-July's the best month

-at the cinema in ages.

-Seriously, there's loads happening,

-and here it is.

-Remember Christopher Nolan,

-who made the Batman trilogy?

-He's finished with Batman

-and moved on to Dunkirk...

-..one of the biggies

-in the world of battles...

-..up there with Bosworth,

-Usk and Bryn Glas.

-There's very little dialogue.

-The action sequences are bonkers,

-as is the cast.

-Tom Hardy, Mark Rylance,

-Cillian Murphy...

-..and, er,

-Harry Styles from One Direction.

-It's a heavy film, not one to watch

-while eating nachos and M&Ms.

-If you're hungry,

-watch Spiderman Homecoming instead.

-This washes away the bad taste

-of Tobey Maguire's shite efforts.

-This time, Spiderman Tom Holland

-faces two great Marvel evils.

-School, and Michael Keaton.

-Holland had a go at the role

-in Captain America Civil War.

-That's in the background as Spidey

-becomes a YouTube sensation in this.

-The film is pretty hilarious,

-and fairly small-scale, actually.

-It focuses on creating a character

-that we already actually know.

-The familiar backstory

-lets the film be a proper laugh.

-It's class, I think.

-Before I talk about

-one of the year's best films...

-..a quick mention of Castlevania,

-coming up on Netflix.

-It's not an easy sell

-for normies like you.

-An animated series based on

-an old video game about Dracula.

-Actually, that sounds amazing,

-and it really is!

-Everyone loves House Of Cards

-and Orange Is The New Black.

-Seriously, give Castlevania

-a chance. It's awesome.

-Now, I'm going to go ape-shit

-for War For The Planet Of The Apes.

-Do you see what I did? Ape-shit?

-I'm in a quandary because I want

-to say how much I loved it...

-..but I don't want to overhype it

-and give you mental expectations.

-I went in a little bit excited

-and came out an absolute wreck.

-The film is unlike

-almost any blockbuster I've seen.

-The last time

-I enjoyed one as much...

-..was when Christian Bale hammered

-Heath Ledger in Gotham City.

-Forget that hype.

-Please go to see

-War For The Planet Of The Apes.

-If you don't like it,

-we can't be mates any more.

-Hello. I'm here in Mach today

-to show you some Mach.

-Or Machynlleth,

-as it says on the sign.

-Esyllt Ethni-Jones

-presents colon Wales.

-Machynlleth is famous

-for these white spots.

-Many people think

-that they are UFO markings.

-It's a testament

-to Machynlleth's community spirit...

-..that locals ignore them

-and drive over them every day.

-You can easily spot tourists,

-because they drive around them!

-Look!

-This is where they create

-alternative technology...

-..like Gwenno Saunders,

-Pencadlys and Plyci.

-Techno! Classic.

-This is Machynlleth's famous bridge

-across the river Dyfrig...

-..named after Dyfrig Topper,

-star of Darren Drws Nesa.

-This is the first-ever

-underwater bridge in Western Europe.

-It's submerged 98.3% of the time.

-Typically, today,

-it's above water!

-Just my luck!

-Work on building this clock

-began at around 2.45pm in 1988.

-But that's not definite, because

-they had no clock previously...

-..and watches were unfashionable.

-If it was 1,000 feet taller...

-..it would be higher

-than the Eiffel Tower.

-Quite a feat.

-Machynlleth was close to the heart

-of the terrorist Owain Glyndwr.

-He liked it so much

-that he had a holiday home here.

-Owain Glyndwr was that king

-who fought the English in the 60s.

-He had loads of kids who all hated

-caravans and loved Bryn Fon.

-So, there you go.

-Machynlleth.

-Let us know

-if you've ever been to Machynlleth.

-I'm going to remove that sheep's

-teeth to make a necklace.

-It's festival season.

-Apparently, at Glastonbury,

-they tested the quality of drugs.

-Maes B doesn't,

-and I think they should.

-Come on,

-bring your drugs to be tested.

-Drugs testing, official service.

-I'll test a bit of anything.

-Weed, coke, blow, smack.

-M-Kat, whatever that is,

-I'll test it.

-What have you got?

-Good cut, proper Heisenberg.

-Fucking hell,

-this is like red diesel!

-Whoo! Here we go! That passes.

-Pills, eh?

-Antihistamine or ibuprofen?

-No, they're fake, sorry.

-Is it getting hot?

-Fuck me, it's hot here now!

-Water!

-Drugs tested?

-It's puff, puff, give,

-not puff puff puff puff puff puff.

-I don't understand all the fuss.

-I know he speaks Welsh.

-This is crap, son.

-I'm a huge fan of Stormzy and Aloma.

-Good stuff.

-This is plain flour!

-I want Mam!

-Mam-gu was right - don't do drugs.

-Well done, Eisteddfod-goers.

-Five stars.

-I could compete in the ensemble.

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-It's a lovely day

-to find Cardiff's best pudding.

-I'm at Coco Gelato

-on Woodville Road.

-It's the student quarter

-and the choice is immense.

-Waffles and crepes? A bit crap.

-Freaky shakes...

-..and superb sundaes.

-Thank you.

-The Willy Wonka,

-an Everest of ice cream.

-Whipped cream.

-Chocolate brownies,

-Twix, Mars, Snickers...

-..and pretzels

-to keep them all in.

-I've also ordered a diet Coke...

-..to keep the calories down.

-The cream is like eating a cloud.

-Have a break, have a Kit-Kat? No.

-Good work, Coco Gelato.

-A range of ice cream

-to fill a swimming pool.

-But not enough love went into this.

-I'm giving it 4 out of 5.

-This is Barker Gelato

-in the city centre.

-They specialize in ice cream,

-and I'm going to smash it.

-All.

-Thank you very much.

-Thank you very much.

-

-OK, no problem.

-This is a gelato burger.

-A scoop each of Snickers,

-Oreos and caramel ice cream...

-..with Nutella dressing.

-It's so naughty.

-You, behave!

-The Nutella's choking me,

-and I'm struggling.

-I can taste the nuts

-in the Snickers...

-..but they aren't as sweet as mine.

-I don't know what to say.

-That was the baddest burger ever.

-I'm giving it...

-Well, I have to give

-Barker Gelato 5 out of 5.

-Before you say anything,

-no, I'm not in a strip club.

-This is Kaspa's,

-the king of desserts.

-I'm having a blue waffle...

-No, I mean a waffle.

-Oh wow, look at that!

-Amazing. Thank you so much!

-It's like someone's head.

-I won't be home for supper.

-Two waffles having a 69, with

-white chocolate and strawberries...

-..and chocolate ice cream,

-and banoffee and Nutella.

-Again, you need a healthy drink.

-A protein shake.

-You need a chainsaw

-to cut into this.

-The bananas, chocolate

-and caramel are all sweet.

-It's sweeter than Mam-gu.

-I must admit,

-it's too much, even for me.

-I'm giving it 3 out of 5.

-A bit dry, but still nice.

-Now, excuse me.

-I'm gasping for a shit.

-The winner is clear.

-Barker Gelato.

-That's it from me.

-Thanks for seriously

-fucking up my fitness.

-# Drawn

-# Towards the wilderness

-# To avoid the daily injuries

-# Drawn towards the wilderness

-# To escape

-from all the obstructions

-# Avoiding, letting go with the wind

-# The feeling,

-the time with no meaning

-# Either to take it as a loss

-# Or to leave it to one side

-# Starting after the mistake

-# Starting after the mistake

-# Watching the metaphor in place

-# Watching the metaphor in place

-# Watching the metaphor in place

-# Watching the metaphor in place

-# Itching to leave

-# Itching to leave

-# Moving towards the wilderness

-# Moving towards the wilderness

-# Moving towards the wilderness

-# Moving towards the wilderness #

-Hey, all.

-Today, we're discussing tea.

-Rosie Lee, char or a cuppa.

-There's loads of choice nowadays,

-with thousands of varieties.

-Today, we're conducting

-a blind taste test...

-..to see how well

-people know their tea.

-How will I know where the mug is?

-Where is it?

-This is sweet.

-This is sweet.

-

-Hot water?

-I don't know.

-Liquorice?

-It's really sweet. Liquorice?

-Bloody hell, that's hot.

-Bloody hell, that's hot.

-

-It tastes a bit like liquorice.

-It smells like mint.

-It tastes like dishwater.

-Is this what liquorice tastes like?

-This smells different.

-Peach?

-Orange?

-Ugh!

-Some kind of fruit? Apple?

-Is it Earl Grey?

-Grape?

-Some kind of leaf?

-Some kind of leaf?

-

-It has a fruity aroma.

-But it tastes like dirt.

-Is it green tea?

-Is this green?

-Green tea?

-Yes!

-Green tea. The classic.

-Oh wow. Petrol?

-They all smell horrible,

-to be honest.

-It smells...

-..minty.

-Earl Grey?

-Earl Grey?

-

-Dandelion? I've never had it.

-It's a bit

-like dandelion and burdock.

-This smells as if someone

-hasn't washed the cup properly...

-..and there's still

-Fairy Liquid in it.

-Chamomile tea?

-Chamomile tea?

-

-Is this a fruity one?

-Grass?

-Is it normal tea?

-Is it normal tea?

-

-It's like a Sunday roast.

-Gravy?

-Is it gravy?

-Um...

-They all taste the same.

-They all taste the same.

-

-It smells a bit odd.

-There are hints of caramel.

-Bread.

-Ordinary tea?

-Dock leaves.

-Is it citrusy?

-This tastes synthetic,

-rather than natural.

-I can't taste anything.

-Is it a fruit tea?

-Foxglove.

-Tea in a can?

-Is this normal tea?

-Oh!

-Well, there we are.

-There are clearly

-some silly teas out there.

-Especially this shit.

-Ugh!

-Liquid tea! Ugh!

-Until next time.

-Guys?

-Hello?

-Hello?

-Where have you all gone?

-Today, I'm interviewing

-cruise ship singer Heledd Watkins.

-Welcome.

-You can clap.

-Hiya, Gar!

-How's it going?

-How's it going?

-

-Fine, and you?

-Good, thanks.

-You look lovely.

-You look OK.

-Thanks.

-You sing and play with HMS Morris.

-You sing and play with HMS Morris.

-

-Yes.

-What does Heledd mean?

-Heledd was a princess

-in the sixth century.

-Never heard of her. Hel-edd.

-Heledd.

-Heledd.

-How do you say it? Heledd?

-It sounds nice when you say it.

-It sounds nice when you say it.

-

-Heledd.

-OK, Heledd?

-How would you describe your music?

-How would you describe your music?

-

-Um...

-It's a little bit psychedelic...

-..and a little bit poppy...

-..and interesting.

-Interesting?

-Go on.

-Do you think so?

-And...

-..full of synthesizers

-and guitars and drums and stuff.

-Are you fairly pretentious?

-Yes, it has been said.

-Heledd.

-There aren't many girls

-on the scene.

-No, not enough.

-Is it important for you...

-..as a role model for young

-female singers and guitarists...

-..to encourage

-equal opportunities for women?

-Yes, it's very important.

-Heledd, are you a fan

-of Fleur de Lys?

-They're alright, yes.

-Are you a groupie?

-I'm a big Fleur de Lys groupie.

-I'm a big Fleur de Lys groupie.

-

-They're class.

-Are you a fan?

-Are you a fan?

-

-They're better than Bandana.

-Thanks. You can go now.

-Thanks. You can go now.

-

-Oh, thank you, Gareth.

-Ta-ra.

-Oh, you can clap.

-She wasn't a great interviewee.

-S4C Subtitles by Testun Cyf.

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