Pennod 5 Hansh


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Pennod 5

Tiwns, comedi a lleisiau ffres. Blas o gynnwys arlein @hanshs4c. Tunes, comedy and fresh faces. A taste of online content @hanshs4c.


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-Samuel, come to put talc on this.

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-Alright, ponies?

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-Welcome to Bry's Box.

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-Channel 5 is finished,

-ancient history...

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-..like cassettes, minidiscs,

-VHS and the Soviet Union.

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-It's like a swamp down here.

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-I've been headhunted.

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-They even gave me a new laptop,

-after that mix-up.

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-They want everything back?

-And the laptop?

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-As the English say, adapt or die.

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-I need new ideas

-to freshen things up.

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-Right, Geraint?

-"Right, mate."

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-A fucking puppet?

-Who'll watch that shit?

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-"OK?"

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-What's on TV now?

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-Here we are, Y Dyn Gwyllt.

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-A Porthmadog man

-survives in the wild.

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-He's had enough practice,

-coming from Porthmadog.

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-I could have done that gig.

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-I understand survival.

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-I've got Bear Grylls on series link.

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-This survival business

-is a piece of piss, really.

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-Here are some tips

-for central heating dodgers.

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-Bry's Survival Tips

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-Communication is vital.

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-In case you get lost,

-before you set off...

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-..tell someone where you're going

-and how long for.

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-Mam? I'm off now.

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-I'm going hiking

-in the Brecon Beacons.

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-I'll be three days.

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-If I'm not back then,

-phone the police.

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-Shut up, I'm watching

-Coronation Street!

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-Pack carefully.

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-Take responsibility.

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-When you face the elements,

-you need the correct equipment.

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-Right, sleeping bag.

-Toss it over, Samuel.

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-I need a good sleep.

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-I've got a full day

-of pointless hiking tomorrow.

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-What the fuck is this?

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-Samuel, did you pack?

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-Out in the wild,

-be prepared to kill to survive.

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-There's a rabbit over there.

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-For you, it's cute.

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-For me, it's sustenance.

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-Fuck, it's gone!

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-Did you catch it? Twat.

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-I'm starving now, Samuel.

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-Do you know what to do

-if you're stung by nettles?

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-No?

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-Wherever the sting is, piss on it.

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-Isn't that for a jellyfish sting?

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-Is it?

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-Oh, God!

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-That explains the strange looks

-at the garden centre.

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-July's the best month

-at the cinema in ages.

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-Seriously, there's loads happening,

-and here it is.

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-Remember Christopher Nolan,

-who made the Batman trilogy?

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-He's finished with Batman

-and moved on to Dunkirk...

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-..one of the biggies

-in the world of battles...

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-..up there with Bosworth,

-Usk and Bryn Glas.

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-There's very little dialogue.

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-The action sequences are bonkers,

-as is the cast.

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-Tom Hardy, Mark Rylance,

-Cillian Murphy...

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-..and, er,

-Harry Styles from One Direction.

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-It's a heavy film, not one to watch

-while eating nachos and M&Ms.

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-If you're hungry,

-watch Spiderman Homecoming instead.

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-This washes away the bad taste

-of Tobey Maguire's shite efforts.

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-This time, Spiderman Tom Holland

-faces two great Marvel evils.

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-School, and Michael Keaton.

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-Holland had a go at the role

-in Captain America Civil War.

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-That's in the background as Spidey

-becomes a YouTube sensation in this.

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-The film is pretty hilarious,

-and fairly small-scale, actually.

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-It focuses on creating a character

-that we already actually know.

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-The familiar backstory

-lets the film be a proper laugh.

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-It's class, I think.

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-Before I talk about

-one of the year's best films...

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-..a quick mention of Castlevania,

-coming up on Netflix.

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-It's not an easy sell

-for normies like you.

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-An animated series based on

-an old video game about Dracula.

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-Actually, that sounds amazing,

-and it really is!

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-Everyone loves House Of Cards

-and Orange Is The New Black.

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-Seriously, give Castlevania

-a chance. It's awesome.

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-Now, I'm going to go ape-shit

-for War For The Planet Of The Apes.

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-Do you see what I did? Ape-shit?

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-I'm in a quandary because I want

-to say how much I loved it...

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-..but I don't want to overhype it

-and give you mental expectations.

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-I went in a little bit excited

-and came out an absolute wreck.

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-The film is unlike

-almost any blockbuster I've seen.

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-The last time

-I enjoyed one as much...

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-..was when Christian Bale hammered

-Heath Ledger in Gotham City.

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-Forget that hype.

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-Please go to see

-War For The Planet Of The Apes.

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-If you don't like it,

-we can't be mates any more.

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-Hello. I'm here in Mach today

-to show you some Mach.

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-Or Machynlleth,

-as it says on the sign.

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-Esyllt Ethni-Jones

-presents colon Wales.

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-Machynlleth is famous

-for these white spots.

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-Many people think

-that they are UFO markings.

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-It's a testament

-to Machynlleth's community spirit...

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-..that locals ignore them

-and drive over them every day.

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-You can easily spot tourists,

-because they drive around them!

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-Look!

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-This is where they create

-alternative technology...

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-..like Gwenno Saunders,

-Pencadlys and Plyci.

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-Techno! Classic.

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-This is Machynlleth's famous bridge

-across the river Dyfrig...

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-..named after Dyfrig Topper,

-star of Darren Drws Nesa.

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-This is the first-ever

-underwater bridge in Western Europe.

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-It's submerged 98.3% of the time.

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-Typically, today,

-it's above water!

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-Just my luck!

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-Work on building this clock

-began at around 2.45pm in 1988.

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-But that's not definite, because

-they had no clock previously...

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-..and watches were unfashionable.

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-If it was 1,000 feet taller...

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-..it would be higher

-than the Eiffel Tower.

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-Quite a feat.

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-Machynlleth was close to the heart

-of the terrorist Owain Glyndwr.

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-He liked it so much

-that he had a holiday home here.

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-Owain Glyndwr was that king

-who fought the English in the 60s.

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-He had loads of kids who all hated

-caravans and loved Bryn Fon.

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-So, there you go.

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-Machynlleth.

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-Let us know

-if you've ever been to Machynlleth.

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-I'm going to remove that sheep's

-teeth to make a necklace.

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-It's festival season.

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-Apparently, at Glastonbury,

-they tested the quality of drugs.

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-Maes B doesn't,

-and I think they should.

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-Come on,

-bring your drugs to be tested.

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-Drugs testing, official service.

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-I'll test a bit of anything.

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-Weed, coke, blow, smack.

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-M-Kat, whatever that is,

-I'll test it.

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-What have you got?

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-Good cut, proper Heisenberg.

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-Fucking hell,

-this is like red diesel!

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-Whoo! Here we go! That passes.

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-Pills, eh?

-Antihistamine or ibuprofen?

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-No, they're fake, sorry.

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-Is it getting hot?

-Fuck me, it's hot here now!

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-Water!

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-Drugs tested?

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-It's puff, puff, give,

-not puff puff puff puff puff puff.

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-I don't understand all the fuss.

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-I know he speaks Welsh.

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-This is crap, son.

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-I'm a huge fan of Stormzy and Aloma.

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-Good stuff.

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-This is plain flour!

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-I want Mam!

-Mam-gu was right - don't do drugs.

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-Well done, Eisteddfod-goers.

-Five stars.

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-I could compete in the ensemble.

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-.

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-Subtitles

-

-Subtitles

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-It's a lovely day

-to find Cardiff's best pudding.

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-I'm at Coco Gelato

-on Woodville Road.

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-It's the student quarter

-and the choice is immense.

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-Waffles and crepes? A bit crap.

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-Freaky shakes...

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-..and superb sundaes.

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-Thank you.

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-The Willy Wonka,

-an Everest of ice cream.

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-Whipped cream.

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-Chocolate brownies,

-Twix, Mars, Snickers...

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-..and pretzels

-to keep them all in.

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-I've also ordered a diet Coke...

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-..to keep the calories down.

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-The cream is like eating a cloud.

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-Have a break, have a Kit-Kat? No.

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-Good work, Coco Gelato.

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-A range of ice cream

-to fill a swimming pool.

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-But not enough love went into this.

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-I'm giving it 4 out of 5.

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-This is Barker Gelato

-in the city centre.

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-They specialize in ice cream,

-and I'm going to smash it.

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-All.

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-Thank you very much.

0:12:170:12:18

-Thank you very much.

-

-OK, no problem.

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-This is a gelato burger.

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-A scoop each of Snickers,

-Oreos and caramel ice cream...

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-..with Nutella dressing.

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-It's so naughty.

0:12:330:12:34

-You, behave!

0:12:350:12:36

-The Nutella's choking me,

-and I'm struggling.

0:12:360:12:39

-I can taste the nuts

-in the Snickers...

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-..but they aren't as sweet as mine.

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-I don't know what to say.

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-That was the baddest burger ever.

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-I'm giving it...

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-Well, I have to give

-Barker Gelato 5 out of 5.

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-Before you say anything,

-no, I'm not in a strip club.

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-This is Kaspa's,

-the king of desserts.

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-I'm having a blue waffle...

0:13:090:13:11

-No, I mean a waffle.

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-Oh wow, look at that!

0:13:140:13:15

-Amazing. Thank you so much!

0:13:150:13:18

-It's like someone's head.

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-I won't be home for supper.

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-Two waffles having a 69, with

-white chocolate and strawberries...

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-..and chocolate ice cream,

-and banoffee and Nutella.

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-Again, you need a healthy drink.

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-A protein shake.

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-You need a chainsaw

-to cut into this.

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-The bananas, chocolate

-and caramel are all sweet.

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-It's sweeter than Mam-gu.

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-I must admit,

-it's too much, even for me.

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-I'm giving it 3 out of 5.

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-A bit dry, but still nice.

0:14:000:14:02

-Now, excuse me.

0:14:030:14:05

-I'm gasping for a shit.

0:14:070:14:08

-The winner is clear.

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-Barker Gelato.

0:14:120:14:13

-That's it from me.

0:14:140:14:15

-Thanks for seriously

-fucking up my fitness.

0:14:150:14:18

-# Drawn

0:14:590:15:00

-# Towards the wilderness

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-# To avoid the daily injuries

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-# Drawn towards the wilderness

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-# To escape

-from all the obstructions

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-# Avoiding, letting go with the wind

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-# The feeling,

-the time with no meaning

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-# Either to take it as a loss

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-# Or to leave it to one side

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-# Starting after the mistake

0:16:010:16:05

-# Starting after the mistake

0:16:060:16:10

-# Watching the metaphor in place

0:16:160:16:19

-# Watching the metaphor in place

0:16:190:16:22

-# Watching the metaphor in place

0:16:230:16:26

-# Watching the metaphor in place

0:16:270:16:30

-# Itching to leave

0:16:380:16:45

-# Itching to leave

0:16:460:16:53

-# Moving towards the wilderness

0:16:530:16:56

-# Moving towards the wilderness

0:16:570:17:00

-# Moving towards the wilderness

0:17:010:17:04

-# Moving towards the wilderness #

0:17:040:17:08

-Hey, all.

-Today, we're discussing tea.

0:17:380:17:41

-Rosie Lee, char or a cuppa.

0:17:410:17:43

-There's loads of choice nowadays,

-with thousands of varieties.

0:17:440:17:49

-Today, we're conducting

-a blind taste test...

0:17:490:17:52

-..to see how well

-people know their tea.

0:17:530:17:56

-How will I know where the mug is?

0:17:580:18:00

-Where is it?

0:18:010:18:02

-This is sweet.

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-This is sweet.

-

-Hot water?

0:18:090:18:10

-I don't know.

0:18:110:18:12

-Liquorice?

0:18:120:18:13

-It's really sweet. Liquorice?

0:18:140:18:17

-Bloody hell, that's hot.

0:18:180:18:19

-Bloody hell, that's hot.

-

-It tastes a bit like liquorice.

0:18:190:18:21

-It smells like mint.

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-It tastes like dishwater.

0:18:230:18:27

-Is this what liquorice tastes like?

0:18:270:18:30

-This smells different.

0:18:300:18:32

-Peach?

0:18:330:18:34

-Orange?

0:18:340:18:35

-Ugh!

0:18:360:18:37

-Some kind of fruit? Apple?

0:18:370:18:40

-Is it Earl Grey?

0:18:400:18:42

-Grape?

0:18:420:18:43

-Some kind of leaf?

0:18:430:18:45

-Some kind of leaf?

-

-It has a fruity aroma.

0:18:450:18:46

-But it tastes like dirt.

0:18:460:18:50

-Is it green tea?

0:18:500:18:51

-Is this green?

0:18:520:18:53

-Green tea?

0:18:540:18:55

-Yes!

0:18:550:18:56

-Green tea. The classic.

0:18:580:19:00

-Oh wow. Petrol?

0:19:000:19:02

-They all smell horrible,

-to be honest.

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-It smells...

0:19:050:19:07

-..minty.

0:19:080:19:09

-Earl Grey?

0:19:090:19:11

-Earl Grey?

-

-Dandelion? I've never had it.

0:19:110:19:13

-It's a bit

-like dandelion and burdock.

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-This smells as if someone

-hasn't washed the cup properly...

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-..and there's still

-Fairy Liquid in it.

0:19:220:19:25

-Chamomile tea?

0:19:260:19:27

-Chamomile tea?

-

-Is this a fruity one?

0:19:270:19:29

-Grass?

0:19:290:19:30

-Is it normal tea?

0:19:310:19:32

-Is it normal tea?

-

-It's like a Sunday roast.

0:19:320:19:34

-Gravy?

0:19:340:19:35

-Is it gravy?

0:19:360:19:37

-Um...

0:19:370:19:39

-They all taste the same.

0:19:400:19:41

-They all taste the same.

-

-It smells a bit odd.

0:19:410:19:43

-There are hints of caramel.

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-Bread.

0:19:460:19:47

-Ordinary tea?

0:19:480:19:49

-Dock leaves.

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-Is it citrusy?

0:19:520:19:53

-This tastes synthetic,

-rather than natural.

0:19:540:19:59

-I can't taste anything.

0:19:590:20:02

-Is it a fruit tea?

0:20:020:20:04

-Foxglove.

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-Tea in a can?

0:20:060:20:07

-Is this normal tea?

0:20:120:20:13

-Oh!

0:20:130:20:14

-Well, there we are.

0:20:150:20:17

-There are clearly

-some silly teas out there.

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-Especially this shit.

0:20:210:20:23

-Ugh!

0:20:240:20:25

-Liquid tea! Ugh!

0:20:250:20:27

-Until next time.

0:20:280:20:29

-Guys?

0:20:320:20:33

-Hello?

0:20:340:20:35

-Hello?

0:20:360:20:37

-Where have you all gone?

0:20:380:20:40

-Today, I'm interviewing

-cruise ship singer Heledd Watkins.

0:20:480:20:52

-Welcome.

0:20:520:20:53

-You can clap.

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-Hiya, Gar!

0:20:590:21:00

-How's it going?

0:21:010:21:02

-How's it going?

-

-Fine, and you?

0:21:020:21:03

-Good, thanks.

0:21:030:21:04

-You look lovely.

0:21:040:21:05

-You look OK.

0:21:060:21:07

-Thanks.

0:21:070:21:08

-You sing and play with HMS Morris.

0:21:080:21:10

-You sing and play with HMS Morris.

-

-Yes.

0:21:100:21:11

-What does Heledd mean?

0:21:120:21:13

-Heledd was a princess

-in the sixth century.

0:21:140:21:19

-Never heard of her. Hel-edd.

0:21:190:21:21

-Heledd.

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-Heledd.

0:21:230:21:24

-How do you say it? Heledd?

0:21:240:21:27

-It sounds nice when you say it.

0:21:270:21:29

-It sounds nice when you say it.

-

-Heledd.

0:21:290:21:30

-OK, Heledd?

0:21:300:21:31

-How would you describe your music?

0:21:310:21:34

-How would you describe your music?

-

-Um...

0:21:340:21:35

-It's a little bit psychedelic...

0:21:360:21:40

-..and a little bit poppy...

0:21:400:21:43

-..and interesting.

0:21:440:21:47

-Interesting?

0:21:480:21:50

-Go on.

0:21:500:21:51

-Do you think so?

0:21:510:21:52

-And...

0:21:530:21:54

-..full of synthesizers

-and guitars and drums and stuff.

0:21:540:22:00

-Are you fairly pretentious?

0:22:000:22:02

-Yes, it has been said.

0:22:020:22:04

-Heledd.

0:22:040:22:05

-There aren't many girls

-on the scene.

0:22:050:22:08

-No, not enough.

0:22:080:22:10

-Is it important for you...

0:22:100:22:12

-..as a role model for young

-female singers and guitarists...

0:22:120:22:17

-..to encourage

-equal opportunities for women?

0:22:170:22:20

-Yes, it's very important.

0:22:200:22:24

-Heledd, are you a fan

-of Fleur de Lys?

0:22:240:22:27

-They're alright, yes.

0:22:270:22:29

-Are you a groupie?

0:22:300:22:32

-I'm a big Fleur de Lys groupie.

0:22:320:22:34

-I'm a big Fleur de Lys groupie.

-

-They're class.

0:22:340:22:35

-Are you a fan?

0:22:350:22:36

-Are you a fan?

-

-They're better than Bandana.

0:22:360:22:38

-Thanks. You can go now.

0:22:400:22:41

-Thanks. You can go now.

-

-Oh, thank you, Gareth.

0:22:410:22:43

-Ta-ra.

0:22:440:22:45

-Oh, you can clap.

0:22:460:22:48

-She wasn't a great interviewee.

0:22:530:22:55

-S4C Subtitles by Testun Cyf.

0:23:140:23:16

-.

0:23:160:23:16

Tiwns, comedi a lleisiau ffres. Blas o gynnwys arlein @hanshs4c. Tunes, comedy and fresh faces. A taste of online content @hanshs4c.