25/05/2012 TOTP2

Greetings, pop-pickers. Mark Radcliffe here,

with more musical bugs caught in the butterfly net of pop.

I've no idea what's happened here.

It's supposed to be KC and the Sunshine Band.

A particularly disgruntled KC is there,

but where are the Sunshine Band?

A problem at immigration, perhaps?

# Everybody wants you

# Everybody wants your love

# I'd just like to make you mine

# All mine

# Na na, na na, na na na na Na, na, na

# Baby, give it up, give it up

# Baby, give it up

# Na na, na na, na na na na Na, na, na

# Baby, give it up, give it up

# Baby, give it up

# Everybody sees you

# Everybody looks and stares

# I'd just like to make you mine

# All mine

# Na na, na na, na na na na Na, na, na

# Baby, give it up, give it up

# Baby, give it up

# Na na, na na, na na na na Na, na, na

# Baby, give it up, give it up

# Baby, give it up

# Give it up

# Give it up

# Na na, na na, na na na na Na, na, na

# Baby, give it up, give it up

# Baby, give it up

# Na na, na na, na na na na Na, na, na

# Baby give it up, give it up

# Baby, give it up

# Can you give it Can you give it, give it up?

# Come on, baby, I need your love

# Give it up, baby, give it up

# Do you know I want it, baby?

# Come on, baby, I want your love

# Give it up, baby, give it up

# Give it up, some of your love

# Come on and play the game of love

# Give it up, baby, give it up

# Can I touch you Can I love you? #

Very strange. As is this.

Grown adults still remember being spooked by this as kids,

and can remember exactly where they were when they saw it.

So can I. At home watching Top of the Pops, obviously. D'uh!

# Zoo time is she and you time

# The mammals are your favourite type

# And you want her tonight

# Heartbeat, increasing heartbeat

# You hear the thunder of stampeding rhinos

# Elephants and tacky tigers

# This town ain't big enough for the both of us

# And it ain't me who's going to leave

# Flying, domestic flying

# And when the stewardess is near

# Do not show any fear

# Heartbeat, increasing heartbeat

# You are a khaki-coloured bombardier

# It's Hiroshima that you're nearing

# This town ain't big enough for both of us

# And it ain't me who's going to leave

# Daily, except for Sunday

# You dawdle into the cafe

# Where you meet her each day

# Heartbeat, increasing heartbeat

# As 20 cannibals have hold of you

# They need their protein Just like you do

# This town ain't big enough for the both of us

# And it ain't me who's going to leave

# A-oo-oo-ooh!

# Shower, another shower

# You've got to look your best for her and be clean everywhere

# Heartbeat, increasing heartbeat

# The rain is pouring on the foreign town

# The bullets cannot cut you down

# This town ain't big enough for the both of us. #

Should have been characters in Little Britain, shouldn't they?

Everything But The Girl next, named after a furniture shop in Hull,

but then all our high streets were different back then,

weren't they, Mary Portas?

# I step off the train

# I'm walking down your street again

# And past your door

# But you don't live there anymore

# It's years since you've been there

# Now you've disappeared somewhere

# Like outer space

# You've found some better place And I miss you

# Like the deserts miss the rain

# And I miss you, oh

# Like the deserts miss the rain

# Could you be dead?

# You always were two steps ahead

# Of everyone

# We'd walk behind while you would run

# I look up at your house

# And I can almost hear you shout down to me

# Where I always used to be

# And I miss you

# Like the deserts miss the rain And I miss you

# Like the deserts miss the rain

# Back on the train

# I ask why did I come again?

# Can I confess?

# I've been hanging round your old address

# And the years have proved

# To offer nothing since you moved

# You're long gone

# But I can't move on

# And I miss you

# Oh-ho Like the deserts miss the rain

# And I miss you, yeah

# Like the deserts miss the rain Yeah, I miss you

# I step off the train

# I'm walking down your street again

# Past your door

# I guess you don't live there any more

# It's years since you've been there

# And now you've disappeared somewhere

# Like outer space

# You've found some better place And I miss you

# Like the deserts miss the rain

# And I miss you, yeah... #

OK, let's have a lingering close-up of dreamboat Cliff, now.

Yum! Bit pallid though, isn't he?

Fortunately he's been positioned under a sun-lamp

and had a lovely bronze tinge by the end of the show.

# Came to nothing at all, my love

# When I woke up to find

# You were no longer mine

# All my love

# Thrown away after all this time

# Now there's no place for me

# In the future, you see

# I don't understand you

# I've done all I can do

# Tell me, how could I give you more

# More than all my love

# All my love

# Came to nothing at all, my love

# When I woke up to find

# You were no longer mine

# All my love

# Thrown away after all this time

# Now there's no place for me

# In the future, you see

# I don't understand you

# I've done all I can do

# Tell me how could I give you more

# More than all my love

# Thrown away after all this time

# Now there's no place for me

# In the future, you see

# I don't understand you

# I've done all I can do

# Tell me, how could I give you more? #

Yes, high octane thrills there(!)

Ooh, a classic now from Cockney Rebel. A taciturn bunch,

but eventually bassist George Ford's good humour

proves infectious and Steve is made to smile.

# You've done it all

# You've broken every code

-# And pulled the rebel to the floor

-Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba

# Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba

# You spoilt the game

# No matter what you say

# For only metal, what a bore

-# Ooh, la-la-la

-Blue eyes, blue eyes

-# Ooh, la-la-la

-How can you tell so many lies?

# Oh-oh Come up and see me

# Make me smile

# I'll do what you want

# Running wild

# There's nothing left

# All gone and run away

# Maybe you'll tarry for a little while

# Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba

# There's nothing left

# My faith in everything

# I know what faith is And what it's worth

-# Resist, resist

-Ooh, la-la-la

# It's from yourself you have to hide, oh-oh

# Come up and see me

# Make me smile

# I'll do what you want

# Running wild. #

Guitar!

# There ain't no more

# You've taken everything

-# From my belief in Mother Earth

-Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba

# Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba

# And spoilt the game

# And my faith in everything

# Now, I know what faith is again

# And what it's worth

-# Ooh, la-la-la

-Away, away

# And don't say maybe you'll try, oh-oh

# To come up and see me

# Make me smile, oh-oh

# I'll do what you want

# Running wild

# Ooh, la-la-la

# Ooh, la-la-la

# Ooh-ah

# Come up and see me Make me smile

# I'll do what you want Running wild. #

Yes, the guitar solo, hilarious apparently.

But why was there a plumber on piano?

OK, anniversary time now.

30 years ago, The Jam were number one with this

and celebrated by hiring a lab technician to play tambourine.

And you keep seeing Paul's chewing gum here.

You don't want that, do you?

# Better stop dreaming of the quiet life

# Cos it's the one we'll never know

# And quit running for the runaway bus

# Cos those rosy days are few

# And stop apologising

# For the things you've never done

# Cos time is short and life is cruel

# But it's up to us to change

# This town called malice

# Rows and rows of disused milk floats stand dying in the dairy yard

# And a hundred lonely housewives

# Clutch empty milk bottles to their hearts

# Hanging out their old love letters on the line to dry

# It's enough to make you stop believing

# When tears come fast and furious

# In a town called malice

# Yeah-ea-eah!

# Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba

# Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba

# Whoah, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba

# Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba

# Struggle after struggle, year after year

# The atmosphere's a fine blend of ice

# I'm almost stone-cold dead

# In a town called malice

# Oo-ooh, yeah!

# A whole street's belief

# In Sunday's roast beef

# Gets dashed against the Co-op

# To either cut down on beer or the kids' new gear

# It's a big decision in a town called malice

# Oo-ooh, yeah!

# Ooh. #

With a collar that inspired Harry Hill's shirts and an audience

not quite big enough to go all the way round her, Gloria Gaynor.

And look for the girl in the white hat with her arms folded.

Boy, is she underwhelmed.

# Now if you feel that you can't go on

# Because all of your hope is gone

# And your life is filled with confusion

# And happiness is just an illusion

# And your world around is tumblin' down

# Darling, reach out

# Reach out, for me

# I'll be there

# To love and comfort you

# I'll be there

# With a love that'll see you through

# Say if you're lost and about to give up

# Cos your best just ain't good enough

# When you feel the world has gone cold

# And you're drifting out on your own

# When you need a hand to hold

# Darling, reach out, oh

# Reach out for me

# I'll be there

-# To love and comfort you

-# Oh, take me, baby

# I'll be there

# With a love that'll see you through

# I'll be there

# To love and comfort you

# I'll be there

# With a love that'll see you through

# I can tell the way you hang your head

# You're without love

# Now you're afraid

# And through your tears you look around

# But there's no peace of mind to be found

# I know what you're thinking

# You're without love, and now you're alone

# Baby, reach out, oh

# Reach out for me

# I'll be there

# To love and comfort you. #

And the classics just keep on coming.

Something Inside So Strong.

Maybe the coat hanger's still in the back of his jacket,

judging by the fit of it.

# The higher you build your barriers

# The taller I become

# The farther you take my rights away

# The faster I will run

# You can deny me

# You can decide to turn your face away

# No matter, cos there's

# Something inside so strong

# I know that I can make it

# Though you're doing me wrong, so wrong

# You thought that my pride was gone, oh, no

# There's something inside so strong

# Oh-oh-oh, something inside so strong

# The more you refuse to hear my voice

# O-way-O-way-O-way-oh

# The louder I will sing

# You hide behind walls of Jericho

# O-way-O-way-O-way-oh

# Your lies will come tumbling

# Deny my place in time

# You squander wealth that's mine

# My light will shine so brightly

# It will blind you, because there's

# Something inside so strong

# I know that I can make it

# Though you're doing me wrong, so wrong

# You thought that my pride was gone, oh no

# There's something inside so strong

# Oh-oh-oh, something inside so strong

# Brothers and sisters

# When they insist we're just not good enough

# Well, we know better

# Just look 'em in the eyes and say

# We're gonna do it anyway

# We're gonna do it anyway

# We're gonna do it anyway

# We're gonna do it anyway

# Because there's something inside so strong

# I know that I can make it

# Though you're doing me wrong, so wrong

# You thought that my pride was gone, oh no. #

Next up, it's Dizzee Rascal with a holiday checklist.

This was when he was after Judith Chalmers' job.

When TV bosses wanted holiday shows to have a more urban feel.

# Yo, yo, get your passport and your bikini

# You need a holiday, come see me

# I know you're tired Of the same old scenery

# And I could change all that so easily

# Don't worry about a thing, girl, take a chance

# I'll take you to the south of France, like Cannes

# If anybody can, I can Or we can go shopping in Milan

# I just hope you understand I hope you see clear

# It really don't matter how far or near

# Cos there's no distance that could stop my persistence

# It's just a few days in the year Plus, I got clout

# So let's ride out We ain't gotta fly

# We can just drive out

# We can have a rave up or we can hide out

# I don't tell nobody Let them find out

# If you ain't doing nothing Let's fly away

# Drive away, get away We can go to the club, or hide away

# We can do what you want to, baby

# If you ain't doing nothing Let's fly away

# Drive away, take a holiday We can do what you want or hide away

# We can do what you want to, baby

# I know you're really busy And I know you've got plans

# But are you really too busy for a sun tan?

# I ain't talking about walking down the high street

# I'm talking about laying on a bright white beach

# With a pina colada Or whatever you'd rather

# White wine, that's fine Just give me a lager

# Then after, we'll take a truck To the night spot

-# The hot spot, the top spot

-Party around the clock

# And when we get there It's strictly VIP

# No need for ID, security know me

# No waiting in line No high entry fee

# Don't worry about nothing When you're beside

# I'll get you lively, loosen you up

# Have a bit of champagne It'll boost you up

# I want to move you up I want to take you away

# So in other words, darling What do you say?

# If you ain't doing nothing Let's fly away, drive away

# Get away We can go to the club or hide away

# We can do what you want to, baby

# If you ain't doing nothing Let's fly away, drive away

# Take a holiday We can go to the club or hide away

# We can do what you want to, baby...

-# OK

-Do what you want to, baby

# Give it to her

# Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah

# Yeah, yeah, yeah, give it to her

# Ahhhhhhhh!

# Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce Come on, come on

# Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce

-# Come on, come on

-# Do what you want to

# Do what you want to Do what you want to, baby

# Bounce, bounce, come on Hey, ho, hey, ho

# Hey, ho, hey, ho

-# Hey

-# Do what you want to

-# Hey

-# Do what you want to. #

Right, some classic punk now,

from the cherished and much-missed Poly Styrene.

And don't worry about that sax.

It was supposed to sound like that. That's what punk was all about.

# I clambered over mounds and mounds

# Of polystyrene foam

# Then fell into a swimming pool

# Filled with fairy snow

# And watched the world turn

# Day-glo, you know, you know

# The world turned day-glo, you know

# Uh-oh

# I wrenched the nylon curtains back

# As far as they would go

# Then peered through perspex window panes

# At the acrylic road

# And watched the world turn

# Day-glo, you know, you know

# The world turned day-glo, you know

# Uh-oh

# I drove my polypropylene car

# On wheels of sponge

# Then pulled into a Wimpy bar

# To have a rubber bun

# And watched the world turn

# Day-glo, you know, you know

# The world turned day-glo, you know

# Uh-oh

# The world turn day-glo, you know, you know

# The world turned day-glo, you know

# Uh-oh

# The X-rays were penetrating

# Through the latex breeze

# Synthetic fibre see-through leaves

# Fell from the rayon trees

# The day the world turned day-glo, you know, you know

# The world turned day-glo, you know, you know

# The world turned day-glo, you know, you know

# The world turned day-glo, you know. #

Wow, groovy camera effects, guys.

Here's Robert Palmer now,

in a new jacket off the market he's keen to show off.

And is that Robert Lindsay as Citizen Smith?

# Some guys have all the luck

# Some guys get all the fun

# Some guys have all the luck

# All the luck, woo-hoo

# What you going to do when your luck begins to run?

# Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

# Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

# Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

# Ooh, such a lucky dog

# It's good luck, push it

# I get turned on by everything you do to me

# Don't say you shouldn't do that

# Push your hard luck hard, push it

# Ow, to take a kiss from Lady Luck tonight

# Oh, yeah, I want to so much

# Ooh, the way it feels when you find out

# There's a pearl in it

# Girl, the way it feels when you get it

# Some guys have all the luck

# Some guys get all the fun

# I get to hear you talk, see you walk

# Ooh, take me in your arms and let your luck begin to run

# I touch you, all right

# I thought my luck had held until you fingered me

# We make a right impression when you hold me tight

# Wait for a break, my lucky charm

# Things are looking up all right, all right

# Ow, to taste the lips of Lady Luck tonight

# Oh, yeah, I want to so much

# Ooh, the way it feels when you find out

# There's a pearl in it

# Girl, the way you squeal when you get it

# Some guys have all the luck

# Some guys get all the breaks

# I get to roll my dice, ain't it nice

# Ooh, take me in your kitchen and we'll play

# For higher stakes

# Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

# Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

# Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

# Some guys have all the luck

# Some guys get all the fun

# I get to hear you talk, see you walk. #

The Mike Baldwin of pop, Robert Palmer.

UB40 now.

"I am the one in ten," sings Ali Campbell. Liar!

There's only eight of them.

Including a young Jim McDonald from Coronation Street on sax.

# I am the one in ten

# A number on a list

# I am the one in ten

# Even though I don't exist

# Nobody knows me

# But I'm always there

# A statistic, a reminder

# Of a world that doesn't care

# My arms enfold the dole queue

# Malnutrition dulls my hair

# My eyes are black and lifeless

# With an underprivileged stare

# I'm the beggar on the corner

# Will no-one spare a dime?

# I'm the child that never learns to read

# Cos no-one spared the time

# I am the one in ten

# A number on a list

# I am the one in ten

# Even though I don't exist

# Nobody knows me

# But I'm always there

# A statistic, a reminder

# Of a world that doesn't care

# I'm the murderer, the victim

# And the licence with a gun

# I'm a sad and bruised old lady

# In an alley in a slum

# I'm a middle-aged businessman

# With chronic heart disease

# I'm another teenage suicide

-# In a street that has no trees

-# I am the one in ten

# A number on a list

# I am the one in ten

# Even though I don't exist

# Nobody knows me

# But I'm always there

# A statistic, a reminder

# Of a world that doesn't care

# I'm a starving Third World mother

# A refugee without a home

# I'm a housewife hooked on Valium

# I'm a pensioner alone

# I'm a cancer-ridden spectre

# That's covering the earth

# I'm another hungry baby

# I'm an accident of birth

# I am the one in ten

# A number on a list

# I am the one in ten

# Even though I don't exist

# Nobody knows me

# But I'm always there

# A statistic, a reminder

# Of a world that doesn't care

# I am the one in ten

# A number on a list. #

UB40. A statistical reminder of a world that doesn't care.

Yeah, whatever! Wonderful single from All Saints next.

Big fans of the band Madness, hence the trousers.

Baggy. Baggy Trousers? Oh, suit yourself.

# I've crossed the deserts for miles

# Swam water for time

# Searching places to find

# A piece of something to call mine

# I'm coming, I'm coming

-# A piece of something to call mine

-# I'm coming

# Coming closer to you

# Went along many moors

# Walked through many doors

# The place where I want to be

-# Is the place I can call mine

-# I'm coming, I'm coming

-# Is the place I can call mine

-# I'm coming

# I'm coming, coming closer to you

# I'm moving, I'm coming

# Can you hear what I hear?

# It's calling you, my dear

-# Out of reach

-# Out of reach

# Take me to my beach

# I can hear it, calling you

# I'm coming, not drowning

# Swimming closer to you

# Never been here before

# I'm intrigued, I'm unsure

# I'm searching for more

# I've got something that's all mine

# I've got something that's all mine

# Take me somewhere I can breathe

# I've got so much to see

# This is where I want to be

# In a place I can call mine

# In a place I can call mine

# I'm moving, I'm coming

# Can you hear what I hear?

# It's calling you, my dear

-# Out of reach

-# Out of reach

# Take me to my beach

# I can hear it, calling you

# I'm coming, not drowning

# Swimming closer to you

# I'm moving, I'm coming

# Can you hear what I hear?

# It's calling you, my dear

-# Out of reach

-# Out of reach

# Take me to my beach

# I can hear it, calling you

# I'm coming, not drowning

# Swimming closer to you

# I'm moving, I'm coming

# Can you hear what I hear?

# It's calling you, my dear

# Out of reach # Out of reach

# Bring me to my beach

# I can hear it calling you

# I'm coming, not drowning. #

Girls, you've got four yeses.

And now here's a self-help group of recovering mullet addicts,

doing their best to look relaxed

underneath some half-dismantled decorator's scaffolding.

# Welcome to your life

# There's no turning back

# Even while we sleep

# We will find you

# Acting on your best behaviour

# Turn your back on Mother Nature

# Everybody wants to rule the world

# It's my own design

# It's my own remorse

# Help me to decide

# Help me make the most of freedom and of pleasure

# Nothing ever lasts forever

# Everybody wants to rule the world

# There's a room where the light won't find you

# Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down

# When they do I'll be right behind you

# So glad we've almost made it

# So sad they had to fade it

# Everybody wants to rule the world

# I can't stand this indecision

# Married with a lack of vision

# Everybody wants to rule the world

# Say that you'll never, never, never, never need it

# One headline, why believe it?

# Everybody wants to rule the world

# All for freedom and for pleasure

# Nothing ever lasts forever

# Everybody wants to rule the world. #

Neneh Cherry now, with two entertainers

who got lost en route to a five-year-old's birthday party.

Oh, dear! And to make matters worse, all Neneh's gramophones have broken.

Let's hope that engineer at the back mends one before the song ends.

# Who's that gigolo on the street?

# With his hands in his pockets and his crocodile feet

# Hanging off the kerb, looking all disturbed

# At the boys from home, they all came running

# They were making noise, manhandling toys

# That's the girls on the block with the nasty curls

# Wearing padded bras sucking beers through straws

# Dropping down their drawers, where did you get yours?

-# Gigolo

-# Huh, sucka?

# Gigolo

-# Gigolo

-# Huh, sucka?

# Who's looking good today?

# Who's looking good in every way?

# No style rookie

# You better watch, don't mess with me

# No money man can win my love

# It's sweetness that I'm thinking of

# We always hang in a buffalo stance

# We do the dive every time we dance

# I'll give you love, baby, not romance

# I'll make a move nothing left to chance

# So don't you get fresh with me

# Get funky

-# Yeah, Timmy

-# Tell it like it is

# So you wanted money but you know it's never funny

# When your shoe's worn through and there's a rumble in your tummy

# But you had to have style get a gold tooth smile

# Put a girl on the corner so you can make a pile

# Committed a crime and went inside

# It was coming your way but you had to survive

# When you lost your babe, you lost the race

# Now you're looking at me to take her place

# Who's looking good today?

# Who's looking good in every way?

# No style rookie

# You better watch, don't mess with me

# No money man can win my love

# It's sweetness that I'm thinking of

# We always hang in a buffalo stance

# We do the dive every time we dance

# I'll give you love, baby, not romance

# I'll make a move, nothing left to chance

# So don't you get fresh with me

# Smokin', not cokin'

# Get funky, sax

# Looking good, hanging with the wild bunch

# Looking good in a buffalo stance

# Looking good when it comes to the crunch

# Looking good's a state of mind

# State of mind, don't look behind you

# State of mind, or you'll be dead

# State of mind, may I remind you

-# Bomb the bass

-# Rock this place

# What is he like? What's he like anyway?

# Yo, man, what do you expect?

# The guy's a gigolo, man

# You know what I mean?

# No money man can win my love

# It's sweetness that I'm thinking of

# We always hang in a buffalo stance

# We do the dive every time we dance

# I'll give you love, baby, not romance

# I'll make a move, nothing left to chance

# So don't you get fresh with me

# Wind on my face, sound in my ears

# Water from my eyes, and you on my mind

# As I sink, diving down deep, deeper into your soul

# No money man can win my love

# It's sweetness that I'm thinking of

# No money man can win my love. #

Why would you hang in a buffalo stance?

Be rather ungainly, wouldn't it? I stick to buffalo mozzarella meself.

Something new, and rather lovely from irish singer-songwriter

Lisa Hannigan now.

She's on the dodgems, I think. Seems to be enjoying it.

# What'll I do without you around?

# My words wont pun, My pennies won't pound

# Oh and my frisbee flies To the ground

# What'll I do without you?

# What'll I say without you to talk to?

# No one to serve Or volley the ball to

# You write the words But I miss the volume

# What'll I say without you?

# Oh, I don't know what to do with myself

# Now that I'm here and you're gone

# Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

# Hey-ah-ah-ah-ah-eh

# Hey-oh-oh-oh-oh-hey

# Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

# Hey-ah-ah-ah-ah-eh

# Hey-oh-oh-oh-oh-hey

# What'll I do when you've gone away?

# My ball wont pin, My records won't play

# And all of my hours limp into days

# What'll I do without you?

# What'll I do now that you're gone?

# My boat won't row, My bus doesn't come

# I have the fingers, You've got the thumb,

# What'll I do without you?

# Oh I don't know what to do with myself

Now that I'm here and you're gone

# Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

# Hey-ah-ah-ah-ah-eh

# Hey-oh-oh-oh-oh-hey

# Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

# Hey-ah-ah-ah-ah-eh

# Hey-oh-oh-oh-oh-hey

# What'll I do without you around?

# My words won't pun, My pennies won't pound

# Oh and my frisbee flies To the ground

# What'll I do without you?

# Ooh-ooh-ooh

# Without you

# Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

# Hey-ah-ah-ah-ah-eh

# Hey-oh-oh-oh-oh-hey

# Without you

# Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

# Hey-ah-ah-ah-ah-eh

# Hey-oh-oh-oh-oh-hey

# Without you

# Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

# Hey-ah-ah-ah-ah-eh

# Hey-oh-oh-oh-oh-hey

# Without you

# Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

# Hey-ah-ah-ah-ah-eh... #

And then she was sick.

Utterly charming, Lisa Hannigan.

All Saints trouser idols Madness, now,

styling inspired by the Thompson twins off Tintin,

and there's a male striptease going on here, for reasons that elude me.

# Papers in the morning Bowler hat on head

# Walking to the bus stop He's longing for his bed

# Waiting with his neighbours In the rush-hour queue

# Got to get the first bus So much for him to do

# He's got to hurry Got to get his seat

# Can't miss his place Got to rest his feet

# Ten more minutes till he gets there

# The crossword's nearly done It's getting so hard these days

# Not nearly so much fun

# His mind wanders to the office His telephone, desk and chair

# He's been happy with the company They've treated him real fair

# Think of seven letters begin and end in C

# Like a big American car But misspelt with a D

# I wish this bus'd get a move on Driver's taking his time

# I just don't know I'll be late

# Oh dear, what will the boss say?

# Pull yourself together now Don't get in a state

# Don't you worry, there's no hurry

# It's a lovely day Could all be going your way

# Take the doc's advice Let up, enjoy your life

# Listen to what they say It's not a game they play

# Never get there at this rate He's caught up in a jam

# There's a meeting this morning It's just his luck, oh damn

# His hand dives in his pocket For his handkerchief

# Pearls of sweat on his bowler His pulse-beat seems so brief

# Eyes fall on his wrist-watch the seconds pass real slow

# Gasping for the hot air but the chest pain, it won't go

# Tried to ask for help But can't seem to speak a word

# Words are whispered frantically But don't seem to be heard

# What about the wife and kids? They all depend on me

# We're so sorry We told you not to hurry

# Now it's just too late You've got a certain date

# We thought we made it clear We all voiced our inner fears

# We left it up to you There's nothing we can do

# Don't you worry, There's no hurry... #

A big number one from Chesney Hawkes next.

And I remember at the time, if you wanted to look like him,

Blue Peter showed you how to make his hair

from Fairy Liquid bottles and sticky-backed plastic.

# Call me, call me by my name

# Or call me by number

# Just put me through

# I'll still be doing it

# The way I do it

# And yet you try to make me forget

# Who I really am

# Don't tell me, I'd know best

# I'm not the same as all the rest

# I am the one and only

# Nobody I'd rather be

# I am the one and only

# You can't take that away from me

# I've been a player

# In the crowd scene

# A flicker on the big screen

# My soul embraces

# One more in a million faces

# High hopes and aspirations

# Ideas above my station

# Maybe, but all this time I've tried

# To walk with dignity and pride

# I am the one and only

# Nobody I'd rather be

# I am the one and only

# You can't take that away from me

# I can't wear this uniform

# Without some compromises

# Because you'll find out

# That we come

# In different shapes and sizes

# No one can be myself like I can

# For this job, I'm the best man

# And while this may be true

# You are the one and only you

# I am the one and only

# Nobody I'd rather be

# I am the one and only... #

The glamorous coiffure of Chesney Hawkes,

and by way of contrast, with haircuts by the council

here comes Graham Fellowes as Jilted John,

with a selection of guitarists from the local drop-in centre,

and singing one of Gordon Brown's favourites...

# I've been going out with a girl

# Her name is Julie

# But last night she said to me

# When we were watching telly... #

This is what she said.

# She said, listen, John, I love you

# But there's this bloke I fancy

# I don't want to two-time you

# So it's the end for you and me

# Who's this bloke? I asked her

# Gordon, she replied

# Not that puff

# I said dismayed

# Yes, but he's no puff, she cried. #

He's more a man than you'll ever be.

Here we go, two, three, four.

# I was so upset that I cried All the way to the chip shop

# When I came out there was Gordon standing at the bus stop

# And guess who was with him?

# Yeah, Julie, And they were both laughing at me

# Oh, she is cruel and heartless

# To pack me for Gordon

# Just cos he's better looking Than me

# Just cos he's cool and trendy

# But I know he's a moron

# Gordon is a moron

# Gordon is a moron

# Gordon is a moron

# Here we go, two, three, four

# She's a..., and he's a creep She is a tart,

# He's very cheap

# She is a..., he thinks he's tough

# She is a..., he is a puff

# Yeah, yeah, it's not fair

# Yeah, yeah, it's not fair

# I'm so upset

# I'm so upset

# I'm so upset

# Yeah, yeah

# I ought to smash his face in

# Yeah, yeah, it's not fair

# But he's much bigger than me, ain't he?

# I know, I'll get my mate Barry to flatten him... #

Last one from Coolio, in a Gangsta's Paradise,

in a lovely colourful chunky-kit cardigan,

judging by that chubby bloke. It must be chilly there, eh?

See ya next time,

# Cos I've been blastin' and laughin' so long that

# Even my mama thinks that my mind is gone

# But I ain't never crossed a man that didn't deserve it

# Me, be treated like a punk, You know that's unheard of

# You better watch how you talkin' and where you walkin'

# Or you and your homies might be lined in chalk

# I really hate to trip, but I gotta loc'

# As they grew I see myself in the pistol smoke

# Fool, I'm the kinda G the little homies wanna be like

# On my knees in the night sayin' prayers in the street light

# Been spending most their lives

# Living in the gangsta's paradise

# Been spending most their lives

# Living in the gangsta's paradise

# Keep spending most our lives

# Living in the gangsta's paradise

# Keep spending most our lives

# Living in the gangsta's paradise

# They got the situation, They got me facin'

# I can't live a normal life

# I was raised by the strip

# So I gotta be down with the hood team

# Too much television-watchin' got me chasin' dreams

# I'm an educated fool with money on my mind

# MAC-11 in my hand and a gleam in my eye

# I'm a loc'ed out gangsta, Set-trippin banger

# And my homies is down, So don't arouse my anger,

# Fool, death ain't nuthin' but a heartbeat away

# I'm livin' life do-or-die-a, What can I say?

# I'm 23 now, But will I live to see 24?

# The way things are goin' I don't know

# Tell me why are we,

# So blind to see

# That the ones we hurt are you and me?

# Been spending most their lives

# Living in the gangsta's paradise

# Been spending most their lives

# Living in the gangsta's paradise

# Keep spending most our lives

# Living in the gangsta's paradise

# Keep spending most our lives

# Living in the gangsta's paradise

# Power and the money, Money and the power

# Minute after minute, Hour after hour

# Everybody's runnin' but half of them ain't lookin

# What's goin on in the kitchen? But I don't know what's cookin'

# They say I got ta learn, but nobody's here to teach me

# If they can't understand it, how can they reach me?

# I guess they can't, I guess they won't

# I guess they front

# That's why I got my hand on the pump, fool

# Been spending most our lives

# Living in the gangsta's paradise

# Been spending most their lives

# Living in the gangsta's paradise

# Keep spending most our lives

# Living in the gangsta's paradise

# Keep spending most our lives

# Living in the gangsta's paradise

# Gangsta's paradise... #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd