30/11/2017 This Week

Tonight on this week's

Blind Date, who will end up

with whom on the This Week sofa?

Blind Date, who will end up

Viv Groskop is hoping

she will find a Prince Charming.

If I kiss you, will you

turn into Andrew Neil?

Nobel scientist Andre Geim

is worried about the

spectre of rejection.

Oh, my heart is broken

by the divorce with Europe.

So what?

C'est la vie.

Lucky dude Giles Brandreth doesn't

know who he'll end up

with but he's hoping it will get

hot, hot, hot.

Can you tell?

I'm channelling my

inner Prince Harry.

I'm in the mood for love.

Ladies and gentlemen,

it's the This Week Blind Date,

and a lorra lorra laughs with me,

your host, Andrew Neil.

APPLAUSE

Evenin' all.

Welcome to This Week.

A week in which we celebrate

the engagement of Prince

Harry to Angela Merkel.

At least I think that's who it was -

I was in a tunnel when the news

flash came through so the car radio

was a wee bit crackly.

I must say I never thought

she was Harry's type.

Or that he harboured President

Macron's penchant for older women.

But she is German, so at least

they have something in common.

Conveniently, for the royal family,

she's also a Protestant.

And if this is what it takes to get

the Brexit negotiations back

on track then we should be grateful

for Harry's sense of patriotic duty.

Some might even call

it self-sacrifice.

Now I appreciate it's normally

the bride's parents who stump up

the dowry and that £40 billion

is a big chunk of change.

But we live in modern times

and if it requires the groom's

parents to write the cheque to make

this union happen, then so be it.

I just hope Mr Merkel

is taking it well.

And that the monarchy

knows what it's doing.

In the past, when a royal has wanted

to marry a divorcee,

it's caused all sorts

of constitutional crises.

I understand Angela is planning

to become a British citizen.

Which will be a first

for a German Chancellor.

Who said Brexit would drive

us apart from Europe?

This has all the makings

of a reverse take over,

and for once we really will be

at the heart of Europe.

Speaking of those you couldn't give

away for love or money,

I'm joined on the sofa tonight

by what you might like to think

of as the Harry and Angela of late

night political chat,

I speak, of course, of Liz

#fourpercent Kendall,

and Michael #choochoo Portillo.

Your moment of the week, Michael?

Chris Grayling, Secretary of State

for Transport has suggested we might

reopen some lines closed by Doctor

Beeching. Excuse the pun, but I

thought this was a lot of puff and

extremely unlikely that there would

be a railway between Oxford and

Cambridge before the mid 2020s, but

it indicates there is a lot of

nostalgia about railways which is

dangerous for the Conservatives,

because there is nostalgia for

nationalisation of the railways,

which Jeremy Corbyn is cashing in

on. I would like to remind people

that the railways were dirty, quite

dangerous, many accidents when

nationalised, characterised by

curling white bread sandwiches.

There is no reason to be nostalgic

about nationalised railways.

They

ran on white bread sandwiches?

It

was an earlier logical device!

Liz,

your moment of the week.

Diameter

beyond happy today.

What has

happened?

We have won a seven year

long campaign to keep a children's

heart surgery unit in the East

Midlands. It has been a huge effort

by everybody. We were so nervous

about the result but we were a great

team, worked with different MPs from

different parties, all of the

doctors, nurses, members of the

public, campaign groups. What struck

me about it was that sometimes good

things in politics happen and you

can make a difference.

A good news

moment of the week.

Take heart.

I

do.

Don't get carried away.

It's been a dark, damp,

driech November but suddenly this

week the Government put on its sunny

face, with talk of a breakthrough

in the Brexit negotiations,

especially the divorce bill which,

if agreed, would pave

the way to the next

round of talks early next year.

So has all the gloom and doom

about the talks been overdone?

Is there life after

Brexit after all?

Or should we still be

in the slough of despond

over our future prospects.

Andre Geim is a Russian-born

Anglo-Dutch scientist,

joint winner of the Nobel prize

for his ground-breaking work

on graphene, a material even

harder than the resolve

of Tory Eurosceptics.

And he's a worried man.

This is his take of the week.

Are we about to plunge

into disaster?

In the short term, the only

way is surely down.

Since the referendum,

neither emotions, nor

the uncertainty surrounding

Brexit have receded.

What shocks me, as a scientist,

is the absence of elementary logic

on both sides of the debate.

There has been no pause to take

stock, just a zombie

march to the cliff edge.

I admire the bravery of those

who are ready to encounter any

economic pain to see Britain out,

what about the rest of us?

In science, we take meticulous

efforts to prepare our experiments,

however revolutionary

they promise to be.

We would never try a new medicine

on humans without making sure

that it works on frogs.

Wouldn't we all prefer the exit

experiment to be tried

first somewhere else?

Even if the divorce bill

and Irish border conundrum

were sorted out today,

it's only a start for a long

and delicate operation.

British and European

science, and our economies,

are like conjoined twins.

So interconnected they are,

it would require time and best

surgeons to disentangle

those blood vessels.

Instead, we were told everything

would be quick and painless,

and lately a butcher has

been called in.

Bye-bye, Europe.

OK, looking straight out.

At first in three, two, one, bungee.

For good or bad or completely mad,

we are going to take

a plunge very soon.

I do hope that Brexit

will be less traumatic.

Still, it's inevitable to be

in an awkward position.

Industrial strategy or not,

we will be exposed to all elements

of world trade and at the mercy

of 27 governments.

But negative consequences

of a cliff edge Brexit will be

felt for many years.

Brexit is not going to be

a smooth landing for many

sectors of our economy.

Doing it again...

No, too tired.

Science is one of them,

very vulnerable long-term.

The government cannot possibly cover

for the lost European funding.

The money will surely go

to more immediate causes.

No deal will be catastrophic.

Our Premier League sides will then

be relegated into a Second Division.

Brain drain is most certain.

People will just walk away.

Our thanks to the UK Bungee Club.

And one, two, three, bungee.

Andre has joined me now.

Are you going to leave the UK

because of Brexit?

No, never thought

about this. Journalists should not

believe what is written in the

newspapers.

But you said there would

be a brain drain.

There will be but

mostly young people looking for

better opportunities.

If you are not

going, what makes you sure?

I am no

longer young.

You are one of our top

scientists. If you are staying,

surely there is hope.

There is

always hope, it dies last.

The

government has given assurances on

scientific funding, they have

launched an industrial strategy. R

and D is at the centre of that.

Isn't that encouraging?

Yes, but

history tells us that when something

dramatic happens, there are always

more immediate causes. The NHS,

unemployment and so worn, which we

can all expect as an outcome of the

Brexit, and if there is a clip edge

exit, I think the government would

not be in a position to hold to

those promises. It is easy to give a

promise, it is harder to find money.

That is certainly true with

politicians. Will there be a brain

drain?

We have been on a 40 year

experiment and the British have not

like to be experience of the

experiment. We have tested,

analysed, did used, reached a

conclusion. All of this has been to

apply a scientific methodology. I

rather doubt it, but I am not an

expert in the field, but it seems

logical that when we leave the

European Union we will have more

freedom to decide how to spend our

money than we have now. Your thesis

seems to be that the great benefit

of the European Union is that it

forces member states to spend money

on stuff they would not otherwise

spend money on. I reject that. I

think the countries that are

accountable democratic lead to a

population and electorate are better

able to make proper decisions about

what benefits and what is necessary

for their population.

You completely

miss read me. I agree with your

thesis. My only objection is to make

a disordered Brexit. People voted,

and I think the wish has to be

granted. I voted myself against

Brexit. But I accept the new

reality. And for politicians, U-turn

might be a swear word, but for

scientists, it is just an indication

of flexibility. So I am flexible, I

am accepting the new reality. The

new reality, we have to take for

granted what it is now.

You don't

want a second referendum?

I don't.

It would be completely damaging.

Society would be even more

polarised. And Tony Blair and

companies should stop antagonising,

and other parts of Britain. And

another part of Britain should not

behave like, you know, looters who

believe, OK, we won, so we can take

you for breakfast essentially.

A

brave man that used Brexit and

breakfast in the same phrase. I have

mixed them up several times. I am

impressed with that. On the

disorderly exit, which has been a

fear throughout the negotiations,

but maybe after this week unless

they fear. There is a sense that

perhaps things are going more

towards an agreement now.

That is

true insofar as the government has

moved on the bill that it has to pay

for its responsibilities. I wonder

what we are getting back for that

money, other than a worse ultimate

deal in terms of future trading

relationship. It is vital we don't

have that disorderly Brexit. Because

for businesses, lots of them are

making decisions in the next

quarter, in terms of where they

invest and where their people need

to be. What I was interested in was

what you said about longer term

problems, for example on scientific

research. My universities, the

government has said they will fund

existing commitment, but they are

finding partnerships for future

projects, they are not getting

involved in so many. Over the long

term, that is a real issue, both for

the knowledge we bring to this

country and our ability to take that

knowledge and turn it into business

ideas and practice.

But our

universities have partnership with

lots of non-EU universities as well.

What would stop a university having

a partnership with a Uber --

European University, whether we are

in or out of the EU?

Nothing would

stop it. As I said in the

documentary, it is a complex body,

conjoined twins, essentially. You

can't just, as some current

politicians think, you shake hands,

have a pint in a pub, OK, right a

memorandum of understanding and

everything settles down. You run

this programme. You know if you were

forced to move from this flaw to

another floor, it's a disaster for

your programme. You probably would

retire rather than take this one. It

requires time.

Not quite the right

analogy.

Everyone who runs a

business knows how disastrous all

kinds of changes, especially for

companies working on the margins.

You really need time. And no one

forces us to take a step to make

this cliff edge jump. We need to go

step-by-step.

And a transitional

agreement. I very much hope that

happens. If it fits with Theresa

May's Florence speech, that will be

remaining in the single market

customs union under the ECJ for the

transitional period. That's where

the big political row...

My

understanding is that all of the

above is likely.

Let's hope.

For the

transitional period.

That is what

the period is.

The Brexiteers are

happy to keep those in place for the

next few years.

There are lots of...

I've been urging the Tories nolet to

worry about the money. I was struck

that when the larger bill was

announced some die-hard right-wing

Tories got up and said if this is

the price of our freedom and

possibly the price of free trade

within the European Union it's worth

doing.

What is it buying us in terms

of a future trade deal?

The money is

not going to be settled until we

know what we are buying.

We are not

going to agree a future trade deal

in the next year. That's impossible.

And we are not going to agree the

money either. The European Union has

lots of great virtues, but funnily

enough universities is not amongst

the top of its virtues. If you look

at the listings of the universities

in the world by quality, you have

got MIT and Harvard and UCLA and

Berkeley and Stanford and Oxford and

Cambridge and you've got imperial

and the University of London and you

don't have continental universities

in that list. If our future is that

we have to team up with MIT and

UCLA, I am happy.

In the league

table of the top 30 universities in

the world, there is not a single EU

university.

Except for those in the

UK.

Except for the British ones?

This kind of table, these kind of

tables, they are always a little bit

biassed. You if you go to

Switzerland and look for the

ranking, ETH comes first.

Switzerland is in the top but last

time I looked it was not a member of

the EU.

I love in Holland, you will

find a rating where all seven

universities in the Netherlands are

top of the world so we are living

in...

But these aren't British,

these are back to the most

authorities if one is Chinese.

Chinese OK is the best of the best

physics department in the world, is

Manchester, physics Department of

The world there in Manchester.

So

they do take the tables seriously.

I'm taking with a very big pinch of

salt this.

I bet you Manchester

doesn't do that.

Yes.

Are you less

gloomy? Do you think a deal is going

to be done?

I've always thought a

deal was going to be done and I've

always thought that the European

Union negotiators would behave in

the way that they have. They were

not the people who finally would

take the decision, that would be

taken by elected politicians like

Macron and Merkel. Eventually at the

59th minute of the 11th hour, there

would be a deal and the elements of

the deal are perfectly easy, we are

almost agreedon on citizens' rights.

The Northern Ireland border...

That

is completely artificial.

It is not!

All right, I'll spend a moment on

that if you like.

A brief moment.

At

the moment...

Why don't I get to

spend a moment on that?

When we

leave the European Union we are

wholly compliant with all EU

regulations.

So Ireland is making a

fuss about nothing.

If the European

Union decides it wants to block

goods from Britain then it, the

European Union, will have to put up

a border, we have no interest in

doing so and we have made that

clear.

I love the way that somehow

people of your view, Michael, are

suddenly blaming the EU for a

problem entirely of Theresa May's

own making. Brexit was...

It was

made by the British people and you

used to say you respected the

decision.

I do.

It's dropped off

your script now.

I've never changed

my view. I accept that. I hope we

come back to this Northern Ireland

issue because I think there is a

fundamental misunderstanding about

the Good Friday Agreement, about the

fears of a real border reappearing

and what that means to people in the

Republic of Ireland.

The only

people...

Hold on.

We are not coming

back to, this you have had your say,

the viewers will make up their

minds. Professor?

As the

representative of the greatist

physics department in the world,

what are you

In Europe.

Sorry, Europe will do.

I'm British now.

What are you

working on now?

I'm spending a lot

of time to try to think about what

is happening about Brexit and, if

Michael had a go at scientists in

the UK when Europe let me go, have a

go at politicians in Britain as

well, OK. There was indeed votes to

leave but this vote didn't say we

have to jump, bungee jump or jump

from the cliff. So there could be in

science we make a stop and see

consequences of the stop, then the

next step and consequences, so why,

any reason with politicians, OK,

pragmatic politicians will say let's

leave Europe, first step and see

what happens. If we like it, we can

leave single market. A few years

later, if we like it, we can even

leave customs here. If we like it,

we can go OK to the moon if we like

it, no-one said us immediately that

we have to dig out a tunnel and make

the British channel bigger than it

is. So nothing stops us to make a

transition. Except for the fear from

Brexiteers and this pushing and

antagonising.

We have to leave it

there. Delighted that Manchester's

next project is to go to the moon.

You heard it here first on This

Week. Thank you for coming on the

show. Be careful with the jumps.

It's late.

Sleeping Beauty late.

Yes, concerns were

expressed this week that,

Yes, concerns were

expressed this week that,

Yes, concerns were

expressed this week that,

in the post-Weinstein world,

handsome princes kissing

unconscious girls, even if said

girl is an imaginary

princess, should not be promoted

among the young and impressionable.

So let's get this right.

You're worried about Sleeping Beauty

being kissed by a prince

but you haven't a word to say

about Snow White's incarceration

with seven vertically-challenged

miners with dodgy hipster beards?

Not one of them CRB checked.

"Elf and safety gone mad", indeed.

One man who isn't afraid

to talk about love,

fairytale engagements,

and princesses, is writer

and former Conservative MP

Gyles Daubeney Brandreth.

Who'll be putting l'amour

under the spotlight.

Be still my beating heart!

And if you'd like to send me

one of your inimitable

electronic billet-doux, well,

you can pontificate,

expostulate, proclaim, exclaim,

declaim and whinge on the usual

Tweeter, tittle-tattle,

jibber-jabber cyber sounding boards.

Not to mention the Fleecebook, and,

God help us, the Snapnumpty.

Go on, knock yourselves out!

No, really, knock yourselves out!

Now, I have to tell you,

for the past day or so,

Michael's been even more

unbearable than usual.

Running round the office shouting

"woo-woo", then "choo-choo",

followed by an excitable

"chuff-chuff".

And all because the government

is thinking of re-opening

old railway lines axed over 50 years

ago by Michael's favourite bogey

man, the nasty Dr Beeching.

At one stage he started

assembling his scale model

of the disused Bristol

to Portishead line

to round the entire studio.

Until the producer found his pills

and put him back on his medication.

Yes, it was understandably

big news for Choo Choo.

But I think one or two other

things have been going on.

Here's Viv Groskop's roundup

of the political week.

Once upon a time in a far away land,

Cinderella was slaving away

while everyone else was out

on the lash.

Again.

Clean the kitchen Cinderella,

scrub the floor Cinderella,

buy Blue Nun Cinderella,

do the Round-up Cinderella

while they go off to some

big posh Royal ball.

Typical.

DOORBELL RINGS. What now?

What is it now?

Look, fairy dust is a nightmare

to clean off steps,

can you just go away,

please, I don't want

whatever you are selling.

The Defence Secretary began

the Parliamentary week

with his first outing

at the despatch box.

Get out of it.

He probably doesn't want to be

a bother, unlike some.

The honourable lady may wish to rush

into things and actually just demand

and demand and demand.

What I want to do is to make sure

that we have the arguments ready,

understand the threats that this

country faces and make

sure that we deliver

for our Armed Forces.

That is what the focus

is going to be.

I have many conversations,

Mr Speaker, with the Chancellor,

I'm looking forward

to many, many more.

I don't need This Week

to take me to the Royal ball,

I just need to find a Royal

of my own.

That'll show them.

Although he's going to need his own

horse, the trains are rubbish

in this part of the kingdom.

But Chris Grayling is

planning a shake-up.

Privatisation brought

a revolution to our railways.

That's why there are

twice as many passengers

as there were 20 years ago.

But now is the time,

Mr Speaker, for evolution

to build on that success.

Joining up track and train,

expanding the network,

modernising the customer experience,

opening the railway

for new innovation.

As every girl knows,

if you want to snog a Royal,

you've got to roast a chicken,

so I'd better get cooking.

# Just whistle while you work.

# And cheerfully together

we can tidy up the place.

# So hum a merry tune.

# It won't take long when there's

a song to help you set the pace.

# Whistle while you work.

# Just hum a merry tune.

# Just do your best

and take a rest.

# And sing yourself a song.

I don't understand what I did wrong.

They left me the This Week family

recipe and I followed

it to the letter.

They've gone all David Davis on me,

whole sections of this

have been redacted.

Don't they trust me or something?

As well as redacting the impact bit

of the Brexit impact assessments,

the government wants to keep

the size of the Brexit

divorce bill under wraps.

# Whistle while you work.

Has a figure been

agreed with the EU?

Look, we are still in negotiations

with the European Union and I'm very

clear that I want us to move

together on to the next stage.

But MPs raised concerns about

the size of the rumoured settlement.

The 60%-odd people of Wellingborough

who voted to leave would want

to know what we were doing

with £60 billion, they would want

it spent on the NHS,

social care and defence,

they would not want it given

to the European Union.

Even if the money is agreed,

the EU is clear that no progress

will be made on trade talks

until questions over the Irish

border are resolved.

# Rub a dub dub.

Labour MP Kate Hoey criticised

the Irish government's stance,

warning the republic they'd have

to pay for a hard border.

We are not the ones who're

going to be putting up

the physical border.

If this ends up with a no-deal,

we won't be putting up the border,

they'll have to pay for it

because it doesn't need to happen.

With Mrs May away in

the Middle East, Damian Green filled

in at PMQs facing Emily Thornberry

across the despatch box.

She brought up the investigation

into his conduct by saying

she wasn't going to go there,

before focussing on the

ongoing cost of Brexit.

What does it say about

the Government's priorities that

last week's budget could only find

£350 million to help the cash

strapped stretched to the limit NHS

and was able to find 11 times that

amount to spend on a no-deal Brexit.

Isn't that the very definition

of a government fiddling away

while the rest of the country burns.

In last week's Budget where my right

honourable friend the Chancellor

promised £6.3 billion extra

for the NHS, more patients treated,

more operations carried out by more

doctors and more nurses.

When she says at the end

that the government is wasting

£3 billion on preparing for Brexit,

we now know that the Labour Party

doesn't think it's worth

preparing for Brexit.

They do though think it's worth

preparing for a run on the pound.

That's all you need

to know about Labour.

# It's in his kiss.

Maybe not.

Meanwhile, the special

relationship hit a rocky patch.

Donald Trump retweeted

anti-Muslim videos posted

by a British far right group,

drawing criticism from the Prime

Minister and Cabinet colleagues.

The fact that we work together does

not mean that we are afraid to say

when we think the United States have

got it wrong and to be very clear

with them and I'm very clear that,

retweeting from Britain First

was the wrong thing to do.

The type of organisation

that he appeared to be promoting

in his retweet is wholly unwelcome,

full of hate and we will

continue to call that out.

But hell hath no fury

like a Donald scorned.

He hit back on Twitter, telling

Theresa May that she should focus

on terrorism in her own country,

rather than criticising him.

The threat is real,

and that is what the President

is talking about, and is focussed

on, he's dealing

with the real threats.

Those are real no matter

how you look at it.

I'm not hanging around waiting

for some dozy Royal,

Prince Charming or not.

I'd better go before

it's pumpkin-o'clock,

I'll just have to go on my own.

Taxi!

You again!

Hang on, you are a fairy godmother,

can you get me to the ball?

She did make it to the ball.

Michael, this government has been

living a hand to mouth existence

since the election result went so

badly wrong for the Tories. Our

things changing a bit? The Budget

did not screw things up, which was

the only bar the Tories had really

set. We might well, as we were

saying, be on the brink of a deal on

Brexit money. Is the government

looking more stable?

Yes, I think

so. In the last few moments we have

got past the last hour of November

and I had predicted that the Prime

Minister would be gone by the end of

November, I predicted that around

the time of the election.

I was

going to bring that up.

She has

survived, and talk of replacing her

has died down for the good reason

that no one can think of who should

replace her. Also, they have focused

a bit on the fact that an election

in the Tory party might take a

couple of months and we can't be

hanging around waiting to know who

will be Prime Minister while we have

Brexit negotiations. I set the not

very high bar for the Budget that it

had not been a disaster, and it has

not been. It has not blown up or

fallen apart. We now have the

limited prospect of a deal on

Europe. We think the budget money is

probably agreed, and the

Conservative Party has not blown up

over the issue. There have been

critics but it has not blown up. So

there is more tranquillity and

stability than for a while.

I think

it is surfaced rankle at you.

Because the long-term problem that

the Conservatives face is,

throughout the Brexit referendum

they were very much trawling on a

part of the population who are less

socially Liberal, not in big cities,

less diverse. Most of the vote was

from older people, more pro-Brexit

and socially Conservative. As a

party, I don't think they know where

they want to go and in the long term

that is a problem.

But the mood in

the Tories now is that the long-term

will have to look after itself. They

are just grateful to get through the

winter. Will they get through the

winter?

I don't see any prospect at

the moment of Theresa May going, for

the same reason as Michael. But if

you don't deal with long-term

problems in your party...

These are

not your worries. These are Tory

worries.

I am actually worried

because they are not bringing the

country together after Brexit.

By

the way, it is not clear that Liz

once Jeremy Corbyn any more than I

do, in fairness.

We have our own

problems.

What are they? I didn't

realise!

I would like to see us

doing better in the polls. We are

doing very well among young people

in the cities and not in coastal

towns and industrial areas. Both

parties face those problems.

If

there is not going to be another

snap election, which would be forced

on the Tories, if that is not going

to happen, it is a fluid situation

so we can't be sure.

Who knows what

might happen?

True, but if that is

less likely, how should Labour play

the winter?

We have to focus on what

the concerns of the public are.

Still those issues about people not

being able to get on the housing

ladder, worries about universal

credit, the state of the NHS and

social care. I would like to see us

focusing on better education. You

had the social mode the commission

report this week saying that poor

kids are doing much worse in coastal

areas, Midlands...

Outside London

and the south-east.

The challenge

for all parties is to focus on what

matters to the public and bring a

divided country together.

Those

probably should be the Labour

tactics. We did not mention the

royal wedding, which has also taken

some steam out of the political

situation.

Because it changed the

news agenda?

Absolutely, and makes

people feel a bit better. We are

talking about Brexit but a lot of

people are dying for a conversation

that is not about Brexit.

Let me

come onto one. On a scale of one to

ten, how extraordinary is the

current state of presidential- Prime

Minister real relations?

Which way

is your scale? Nine. It is very

extraordinary. By the way, again, I

think this is helping Theresa May.

Most British people are pleased she

has been tough with the President on

these tweets. I can't imagine many

British people think the way he is

behaving is presidential. The bad

humour with which he tweets...

The

repugnance you. Not just bad humour.

Bad humour is what happened next

when he attacked Mrs May.

That was

remarkable. To retweet Britain First

was breathtaking to begin with. But

then when the British government

point out that this was not exactly

a bright thing to do, he tweets an

attack on the Prime Minister. I

mean, that is unprecedented by any

definition of that word.

He is not

playing by those rules.

He is

unprecedented in all sorts of ways.

I think it is part of a strategy. As

long as you are talking about him

and the issues he wants to focus on,

it is a bit like Nigel Farage in

front of that poster in the Brexit

referendum. There was a row about

it, but he got people talking about

the things he wanted to talk about.

He is breaking those rules.

Leaving

him aside, I think she has hit the

right tone with him. We are a long

way from where we were when she

visited.

It will be tough to do a

trade deal with the US after this.

It won't help.

Much of our

relationship with the United States

is not to do with the President. The

stuff around security and

intelligence will just chant on.

There is talk he is going to get rid

of his Secretary of State. Rex

Tillerson could be for the high

jump.

One reason we think that is

going to happen is that he has been

tweeting against him for some time.

It is also because Rex Tillerson is

reported to have called Trump a

moron.

Think about the serious stuff

we face at the moment.

Exactly. And

that is the State Department White

House. Is the President Trump visit

now fatally undermined?

I think it

will be in the longest possible long

grass. I cannot see that Theresa May

would want that happening.

You got

that feeling today, didn't you? My

understanding is that the visit had

a ready been downgraded from a state

visit to a working visit. And all

the indications from the British

government today were, can we not

talk about this, can we let it go?

It would be acutely embarrassing to

the Prime Minister to have a visit

from the President, I think. It does

put us in the unfortunate position

that the President of the United

States has visited other European

countries and not pass, but there

you are.

It is a tragedy when we

have so much to share with the vast

majority of American people.

But it

is unmanageable at the moment for

the British government.

It is.

All but the most hardened

republicans must have been a little

relieved this week when,

for a few brief moments,

the media stopped talking

about the Brexit break-up in favour

of a royal engagement.

How spirits rose when we saw

Prince Harry and US TV star turned

German Chancellor Angela Markle,

holding hands in the grounds

of a twinkly Kensington Palace -

savouring their moment of intimacy

bar for the massed ranks

of snappers, pap's,

hacks and hangers on.

Harry said he knew Angela

was "the one" from "the very

first time" they met.

But that he would have to rethink

what he would now wear

at fancy dress parties.

Ain't love grand?

Which is why we're putting it

in this week's spotlight.

So Harry and Meghan

are getting hitched.

I knew she was the one

the very first time we met.

Is this royal love story

the blissful distraction

we need in turbulent times?

We are in a climate

where we are surrounded

by a lot of bad news.

It's a real joy to have a bit

of good news for once.

But can the good news do even more

and help Britain move

on from its EU break-up?

THE SPEAKER:

Mr Boris Johnson?

The union that will make

the Royal Family even more global

and Britain more global

than ever before.

So in Brexit Britain,

does love lead the way?

Warm fuzzy Brexiteer Michael Gove

says animals deserve TLC too.

We can ensure we deliver,

not just for you, the voter,

but also for the animals

that we love as well.

Surely love can also

survive a marital bust-up.

Months after Amir Khan

claimed their marriage was over,

the boxer's wife spoke

affectionately about his performance

on I'm A Celebrity.

On TV is what, you know,

you really see of him and he's just

that humble sweet guy.

Has there ever been

a woman Prime Minister?

Are you joking?

Oh, Margaret Thatcher.

And can you still have a soft spot

for someone even if you don't have

that much in common?

I'm no natural fan of Theresa May,

but apart from the fact that I think

she's quite an attractive woman

for her age.

Like Kevin, Gyles Brandreth

wears his heart on his sleeve

so is love an underrated weapon?

May I touch your knee?

In a politician's armoury.

And Gyles is with us now.

I am excited to be with you.

I am

trying to get over Kevin Maguire's

remark.

Amazing, isn't it? Will he

be resigning?

So, love is in the

air.

Love is not just in the air,

but love conquers all. The news of

the royal engagement of Prince Harry

to Meghan Markle is good on two

fronts. On the feel-good front and

the political front. On the

feel-good front, the most popular

pantomime always is Cinderella. The

most popular British movie made

since the war, topping many of the

polls, is four weddings and a

funeral, followed by Love, actually.

The most popular novel by an English

author is often held to be Pride And

Prejudice. Love makes us feel good'

will together made us feel good. It

actually does a physical thing to

you. It makes you feel good.

With

that little wiggle at the same time.

We are all wanting to do it now.

Love is in the air for one

transatlantic relationship between

Harry and Meghan Markle but there is

no love between Donald and Theresa

May.

Of course not. We have a new

special relationship. In the past we

have enjoyed special relationships.

Some of us loved the bromance

between Tony Blair and George Bush

Junior. We liked seeing it. They

dressed together, walked together,

it was lovely to see the pictures of

them.

They took us to war together.

A boy thing, but they did it. Before

that, we had Margaret Thatcher and

Ronald Reagan. There was an erotic

charge in the air when they were

together. I understand nothing

happened, except a great deal

happen. None of that is possible

now. We have this man tweeting

insults to Theresa May and that is

not a good thing. But we do need an

international relationship with the

United States of America and we have

Meghan Markle providing that of

Prince Harry. In that want to vote

-- wonderful interview, two things

happen. Prince Harry spoke about it

being in the stars. The reason for

that is that his father realised

when he met Meghan Markle, that

she's -- shares a birthday with

Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother,

Prince Charles' favourite person in

the world. So his son is marrying

someone born on the same staff. That

is the first excitement. The second

excitement...

I can hardly word.

Well, Meghan Markle mentioned the

Commonwealth. You are familiar with

the word CHOGM macro. -- CHOGM. The

Commonwealth Heads of Government

Meeting. It is happening here next

year and there is anxiety in certain

quarters that when the Queen goes,

in the fullness of time, the

Commonwealth may want a different

kind of leader. Naturally, the Queen

would like to have a British leader

for it, in the shape of her son,

Prince Charles.

I thought you were

going to say Meghan Markle.

No, she

will be travelling to Commonwealth

countries over the next couple of

years.

She will be knackered.

She is

young, vigorous and she knows what

she is doing. I'm a little sad that

we talked about Brexit earlier

because it would have been nice to

have some viewers at this point. We

may have lost the audience.

Well,

any that we did have will certainly

have gone by now.

The message is

extraordinary. This wedding is the

sweetest thing to hit this country

and it is doing what Queen Victoria

used to do. She had these children

and grandchildren establish

themselves across Europe. Europe is

now possibly over for a little bit,

so the new generation, we will

reinvent ourselves with the

Commonwealth thanks to Prince Harry,

who will just look as he looked.

Have you ever seen such love.

Gyles,

are you available to be the leader

of the Conservative Party? We are

transfixed.

Where did that come

from?

I don't know where any of this

has come from.

I will tell you where

it comes from, the reason this is

good news, it is about hope and the

future. One thing the Conservative

Party have not been doing is giving

us the Shining Castle on the Hill,

the hope, the aspiration. We see two

young people clearly in love. She is

obviously intelligent. They are

looking to the future, and we think,

yes, this is a good thing at every

level. So that is the news of the

week by any standards.

And that is

the programme almost finished.

Uplifting.

Love conquers all. It

always has, it always will.

That's your lot for

tonight, but not for us.

Inspired by news that civil servants

involved in the Brexit negotiations

have taken up self-defence classes,

we're off to a late night martial

arts class at Loulou's.

Bring it on, Brussels bureaucrats!

We've taken down the club ping-pong

table and replaced it

with William Hague's old judo mat.

Michael will display a few SAS

Kung Fu moves and show Liz how to do

a Giant Haystacks flying body slam.

"He who dares flings," eh Michael?

Probably less "crouching tiger",

more "creaking pussy cat".

Not so much Bruce Lee,

more Peggy Lee.

Me?

My interests lie more

in Blue Nun than Black Belts.

Nighty-night, don't let Chechen

leader and Putin puppet,

Ramzan Kadyrov, who says he's

dreaming of standing

down and spending more

time at the gym, bite!

# When I'm feelin' lonely

# Someone telephone me

# It's gettin' hard to pass my time

# Take me outta dying

# Watch me while I'm flyin'

# Baby, it's a waste of time

# I need a man,

perhaps a man like you

# I need a man, to make

my dreams come true

# Say that you will find him

# Creeping up behind him

# Moving round the town all day

# Well, I'm underestimated

# Highly underrated

# Can there be another way?

# I need a man,

perhaps a man like you

# I need a man...#