08/03/2018 This Week

Tonight on This Week,

thank God for Wonder Woman.

# All the world is waiting for

you and the power you possess...#

She's the only one who can

save this excuse for a TV

show from going under.

Only a woman can sort out the mess

that is This Week, but don't

worry, Andrew, I've got this week's

political roundup fired up and

ready to go.

But what about Europe?

And I don't mean Brexit.

Why is the centre in meltdown

across the Continent?

Why is the centre left in meltdown

across the Continent?

I'm not sure anyone can

save the European left.

Not even Wonder Woman.

Now, where did I put

my superhero powers?

And can, or should,

anyone save us from

political grandstanding?

These bubbles, they

are very old media, a

bit like This Week.

We've got the internet now.

EVIL LAUGHTER

Thanks, Phill.

I think we'll leave it to the women.

Evenin' all.

Welcome to This Week,

a week in which the evidence mounted

that the Russian state

or its surrogates had indeed

attempted to assassinate a former

Russian spy now living in Salisbury,

jeopardising the lives

of his daughter and a British

bobby in the process.

The British reaction

was to stop Prince William

from going to the World Cup.

Sources tell me this alone has

reduced President Putin

to a quivering wreck.

He's refusing to leave his bedroom

and the white flag could soon be

flying over the Kremlin.

That'll teach him.

Don't mess with the Brits.

Or you won't get to meet

Meghan Markle next.

Back in Blighty, the Maybot had

a visit from her new best friend,

the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia.

The British are keen to portray him

as a moderniser, which is only fair.

As long as you don't

mind him turning Yemen

into the Saudi's Vietnam,

with attendant atrocities

and humanitarian disasters

and reports that beheadings

in his kingdom have doubled

since he was designated reforming

heir apparent last June.

I suppose it depends

what you mean by reform.

Some of Jezza's soulmates

on the Labour left boasted

that they had joined the protests

against his visit.

Strangely, I've yet to see them

outside the Russian,

Syrian or Iranian embassies.

But we all know they've committed no

atrocities in battle and all three

are exemplary when it comes

to human rights.

Or maybe I just missed them and

they're outside the embassies now.

In Brussels, Michel Barnier,

the Commission's chief Brexit

negotiator, revealed the EU's

bargaining position

for the next round of talks.

After a year of warning the Brits

that they could not cherry pick,

he proceeded to cherry pick

with a gusto that matched

Jack Cherry McCherrypicker,

the year he won the Cherry Picker

of the Year competition.

Even some of the British media

realised it was just

a bargaining position.

Speaking of those you wouldn't pick

to wash your socks, much less pick

and peel your cherries,

I'm joined on the sofa tonight

by two veterans of Cold War spying,

without whose services this country

would be a much safer place.

I speak, of course,

of Michael #choochoo Portillo

and Caroline #twinkletoes Flint.

Welcome. Your moment of the week?

Surrounded by steelworkers,

President of Donald Trump put

tariffs on imports of steel into the

United States, fulfilling a very

important pledge he had made to the

rust belt in the United States. Some

people immediately said this is bad

news for Brexit because we were

counting on making free trade deals

with the United States, which has

gone into protectionist mode. But

Donald Trump was denounced by Donald

Tusk, President of the European

Council, for putting on tariffs.

That is significant because tariffs

are the wrong thing to do, of

course, although the European Union

shelters behind tariffs inside its

customs union and single market. But

I think it will be hard for the

European Union to end up in a

situation where it applies tariffs

to the UK when it has so evidently

committed itself against tariffs

being applied by the United States.

Another factor in the grand Brexit

tobacco. Caroline.

My moment was

when my adult daughter and I joined

women for the March for women up to

Trafalgar Square, following the

route of suffragettes some 100 odd

years ago. It was special because it

was my daughter, but also it was the

first march I have not been

responsible for dragging my daughter

onto. It was her choice this time.

And it was quite a nice moment.

Very

well.

The Great Financial Crash of 2008

was a genuine crisis of capitalism.

Caused by cavalier capitalists

in banking and finance,

its painful consequences

were inflicted across the board

on plain folk who'd done nothing

to deserve being its victims.

So who would have thought,

a decade later, that the main

political casualty of the crash

would be not the mainstream right,

home of politicians most

associated with capitalism,

markets and deregulation,

but the mainstream left?

Yet almost everywhere

we look across Europe,

traditional social democratic

parties are in ragged retreat,

some facing extinction.

Reduced to a rump in Greece,

France and Holland.

Their worst result for

70 years in Germany.

Marginalised in Italy.

Struggling even in social

democracy's Scandinavian heartlands.

And it's not just

a Continental thing.

In Britain, Labour's social

democrats have had to cede power

to leadership of a more Marxist hue.

In America, the centre-left

Democrats couldn't even beat

Donald Trump, the epitome

of buccaneering capitalism.

So what's going on here?

We turned to Slovenian philosopher

extraordinaire, Slavoj Zizek.

This is his Take of the Week.

I'm Chef Slavoj, here to introduce

you to my Italian kitchen.

you to my Italian kitchen. Today,

capitalism is clearly entering its

final crisis. This is not a leftist

nightmare or dream. Long progressive

corporate figures like Elon musk and

Bill Gates know it. But there is no

organised left to offer a viable or

turn to, or a vision of life after

capitalism. So all we get is just a

protracted decay. The great German

thinker Walter Benjamin said, in

thinker Walter Benjamin said, in the

1930s, that every rise of fascism is

the sign of a failed revolution. And

I think this holds today more than

ever.

ever. The radical left proved its

inability in Greece, where the

government ended up as the most

faithful enabler of the austerities

policies. The latest election

results in Italy, as well as the

fragile coalition in Germany, also

demonstrate that the moderate social

Democratic left is just gradually

flattening.

flattening. Now, a new opposition is

replacing the traditional polarity

of the moderate left and moderate

right. It's the opposition between

Liberal

Liberal establishment and the

right-wing populism as a reaction to

it. The explosive rise of populism

all around Europe simply fills in

the void of the left's failure.

the void of the left's failure. We

are of us caught in a vicious cycle

which I think can be broken only by

a new, reinvented left, and

unfortunately we all know what lies

ahead in this new left will not

appear. A new authoritarian

capitalism which is now spreading

all around the globe, from Trump to

Putin, from Turkey to China.

Putin, from Turkey to China. Our

social muscles are already acting.

There are protests all around. But

will they reinvigorate our nerves, a

new leftist vision, or will they

remain just a blind contracting

movement?

Thanks to Divertimenti Cookery

School on the Brompton Road for use

of their beautiful kitchen.

We're sorry Slavoj forgot

to do the washing up.

But he is with us now. Welcome back.

Michael, listening to that, I still

didn't get an explanation, I don't

know whether you did, of why it is

the mainstream left that has taken a

hit since the financial crash,

rather than the mainstream right.

I

think both have taken a hit. Mrs

Merkel did pretty badly last German

election. Macron replaced a

right-wing party in France. That

party has virtually disappeared for

the time being. In Italy...

He has

actually replaced the Socialists in

France, who took a much bigger hit.

Both sides took a hit, that is my

point. In Spain, the right is in

power at the moment but there are

now four main parties where there

used to be two. I do think it was

right to say that there is a

division between the populist right

and the elites, the Liberal elites.

That is because the Liberal elites

are distant, haughty, detached from

real people's issues. And one of the

main factors, which has illustrated

that aloofness, has been immigration

policy, where I think really the

left has had nothing to say. But

immigration has been, in the case of

Mrs Merkel, also extremely damaging

to the right. We have mentioned this

before. What we are seeing is a

breakdown of the old order in which

traditional parties of left and

right have suffered.

Mainstream left

and right have suffered but

mainstream social Democrat parties

have suffered more. We have a

Conservative Prime Minister in

Britain, a centrist President in

France, we are going to have a

centre-right Chancellor in Germany.

None of the above applies to the

Social Democrats. Why?

It is

fascinating. I can remember not long

after the crash being at a party of

European Socialists. I think there

was a sense among sister parties

that this would be a great moment.

And it didn't work out like that. If

you look at France, our sister party

vote in France is down to 6%, in

Holland it is 6%. I think the SPD in

Germany is 6%. Why is that

happening? I think it is a

combination of things. It is about

elites. There is an anti-elitism

coming from the far right, and

actually some of the more far left

parties that have emerged across

Europe. But again, I think it is

also about us, my sister party not

being able to provide the answers of

how to deal with globalisation, with

immigration, how do we deal with the

fact that there have been changes in

class identity as well? For all

those reasons and many more, we

haven't reaped the benefit of a

major collapse that was the

responsibility of the banks.

If the

Social Democrats have failed and the

neo- Marxist left has failed, and

you give Greece as the example of

that, who is going to reinvent the

left?

First, I am not saying it will

necessarily happen. Maybe it will

not. Again, as I said, in the short

film, the problem for me is that if

nothing happens we are caught in a

very sad, deadly cycle, where we are

all moving towards this, and this is

the saddest phenomenon to date, this

gradual rise...

In what way is

Britain going towards that? You said

we are all moving, but Britain is

not, France is not, France is a

government renowned for moderation.

In Europe, we still hold it somehow.

But it is the European social

democracy as we are talking about.

Look at China, for the first time,

democracy as we like it in Europe is

losing.

You say that, that is the

dire consequence, but you cannot

tell us who will reinvent the left?

If it sounds strange, for someone

from the left, which I am, miracles

happen. Who would have thought in

the United States that something

like Bernie Sanders could have

happened?

He lost.

He lost, but the

movement remained. He got it because

what we should mention, in what

sense, what Michael mentioned, some

kind of a strange class struggle is

coming back. I think the big event

in the United States was the speed

between Steve Bannon and Trump.

But

that is on the right. I'm trying to

get to the bottom of this widespread

retreat of social democracy. Social

democracy was at the heart of

rebuilding post-war Europe. Social

Democratic parties in Scandinavia.

Different problem.

But in your view,

if 50 Shades Of Left have failed,

why were the 51st work? And Bernie

Sanders was not reinventing the

left. Bernie Sanders was introducing

the left for the first time into

America. There was nothing new about

that.

With both of you, the problem

not only of the mainstream liberal

centre, even of the left, it was

hidden away, avoiding certain issues

and so on. That was the scandal,

that the writer stole the popular

opinion a large extent. Let me

briefly answer your central

question. I think that the issues

that we are facing today, you can

even not call what I am expected to

happen the left...

But do you

understand, not just in this country

but across Europe, working class

people who traditionally would vote

for the sister parties of the Labour

Party in the UK, they moved away

from that to right-wing parties

because they felt, for one reason or

another, that Europe's inability to

get hold of immigration, some other

things we have seen in terms of the

refugee crisis, writ large, when

Angela Merkel announced...

Angela Merkel announced...

Let us

hear from Michael. We know what the

analysis is. Whether we go from

here? I put this to you, Caroline.

The one social Democratic Party, at

least from a social democratic

tradition, in Europe, the one social

Democratic Party, at least from a

social democratic tradition, in

Europe, that are still doing well,

is the British Labour Party. And

that is the one that has moved most

of the left.

Yes, you are right. But

I think part of that...

Isn't that a

solution?

Part of it is. What the

traditional voters like about what

Labour are saying is about tackling

some other things we didn't tackle

before about globalisation, about

how we have to have a rebalanced

economy, talking about how we

address some of the issues about the

fact that we have had, since the

crash, people's wages kept down,

there is a peel there. -- appeal. We

also had to talk about immigration.

Hold on, the French Socialists did

not move to the left, they did to

begin, but they moved back to the

centre and almost got wiped out. The

German social Democrats did not move

to the left and got the worst vote

since the 1940s. The Italians, they

moved in a Blairite direction and

they were marginalised. The lesson

is quite clear. It is not your

lesson?

The contrast between Britain

and the rest of the European Union

would suggest to me that, in the

European Union, we have had a

trade-off between parties of the

left, that used to satisfy working

class voters, the working class vote

has now moved to the extreme right.

Some of it moved to the right in

this country as well, in the case of

Ukip. After Brexit, the question of

immigration appeared to be answered.

I'm not saying it was answered, but

it appeared to be, because Brexit

was the solution. Suddenly, the

right-wing party disappeared

altogether. I also take the view

that Labour is not going to win the

next election because it has moved

too far to the left. Just to make

one other point, you say where is

the revival of the left going to

come from? The revival of anything

can come from leadership. If you

have an outstanding personality,

Macron has done this to an extent,

he has emerged from nowhere and

taken over France.

From the centre?

From the centre. Angela Merkel's day

has come and gone. But there is an

astonishing lack of charismatic

leadership potential in Europe.

Trump, whatever you think of him, he

is a charismatic leader that came

from nowhere and has taken over.

I

think the problem is very big here.

I agree with both of you, there are

central issues of immigration. In

the politically correct left, you

are simply prohibited to mention

them. I know this, for my book

Against The Double Blackmail, the

suffering of the immigrant, I tried

to approach this. If you want to

solve this problem, first you should

not just play this for humanitarian

game, open our hearts and accept

them. Let's confront the real

problem of cultural differences and

so on and act pre-emptively. We are

tolerating the Civil War in Yemen

and so on, and this is the breeding

ground for a new wave of immigrants,

and so on, and so on. If this

doesn't change, it will have a point

as well. What I am saying is that

the left, the majority of the left,

like the European traditional social

Democrats, people feel it, they

really don't have a consistent clear

vision of what to do. It is a big

problem. It is not an easy problem.

What to do? Obviously the old state

socialism will not work. This

radical leftist dreams, of some

direct democracy, local councils,

no. I am here kind of as a state

philosopher. We will need to cope

with the economy and so on. A large

form of international coordination

to solve this problem and so on. I

am not talking about the

continuation of the same left. The

reason I have minimal hope is that,

sooner or later, this problem is

pressing honours, ecology,

immigration, international order,

financial chaos. -- pressing on

others. Even by genetics, who will

control it? Are we aware what is

happening in China, where the state

already has plans to coordinate the

bio genetics of the population to

keep them quiet? The only answer to

this is from what I call the left.

Nothing to do with the old communist

left or whatever. But I kind of

organised confronting of this. Just

computing...

We have to leave that

come on Chinese biological policy.

We don't have time to get into that.

Don't underestimate it.

I am still

trying to work out the future of

European socialism.

Social democracy

as we know it, something...

That is

it!

The British Labour Party...

We

do know that. Sorry, we have to move

on. We have other guests.

I'm sorry,

OK.

It's late.

Emma Watson late.

Yes, the fragrant Hermione

of Harry Potter fame caused

a Twitter storm this week

over her Time's Up fake

tattoo, which she proudly

displayed at the Oscars.

The problem was that,

shock, horror, the artwork

on her arm was missing an apostrophe

before the "s".

The grammar police

went into a frenzy.

English teachers fainted.

Tattoo parlours went into lockdown

to escape public wrath.

Me?

I see a career opportunity.

I've offered my services

as a tattoo proof-reader.

Someone we feel sure is never short

of apostrophes and punctuation,

a master of pauses, clauses

and applauses, is comedian,

poet and podcaster Phill Jupitus,

who'll be putting grandstanding

in the Spotlight.

And if you'd like to get up to some

nocturnal grandstanding

with your usual unfathomable musings

on the Tweeter, the Fleecebook,

and Snapnumpty, my strong

advice is, don't bother.

The world's oldest known message

in a bottle was found

washed up on a beach this

week, after 132 years.

That's about how long we'll take

to get round to your

social media drivelling.

French President Emmanuel Macron

is under attack from the usual

health police busybodies

for defending every French person's

right to drink wine twice a day,

at lunch and dinner.

That's our kinda president!

Though we understand

Jean Claude Juncker has been

on the phone to the Elysee Palace

from Brussels to complain

that he didn't include breakfast.

President Trump, on the other hand,

doesn't drink at all.

Maybe he's too busy tweeting.

Though this week he's

being surprisingly silent

on the suspected Russian involvement

in the attempted assassination

of a foreign agent who

sold secrets to MI6.

Now I wonder why that is.

Maybe his phone battery is dead.

Anyway, these are dark times,

when we're all in need of a hero.

So here's our very own Wonder Woman,

Viv Groskop, with her

roundup of the week.

PHONE RINGS

This Week needs help.

We all know that.

I can't work miracles,

but let me see what I can do.

# Wonder Woman!

# Wonder Woman!

# All the world is waiting for you

# And the power you possess.

# In your satin tights,

fighting for your rights...

What a challenge I face.

I've got to sort out Brexit,

fix the housing situation

and, on top of all that,

This Week have put me in Michael's

favourite fancy dress outfit.

It's a good job I've got

superhero resilience.

I bet Theresa May wishes she had

some superpowers as she attempts

to push through Brexit

with a divided country and party.

That said, her big speech last week

was well received and she returned

to the House of Commons

with a surprising confidence.

We are close to agreement

on the terms of a time-limited

implimentation period to give

governments, businesses and citizens

on both sides time to prepare

for our new relationship.

And I am confident we can

resolve our remaining

differences in the days ahead.

Now we must focus on our

future relationship.

A new relationship that respects

the result of the referendum,

provides an enduring solution,

protects people's jobs and security,

is consistent with the kind

of country we want to be

and strengthens our union

of nations and people.

I sympathise with Theresa May.

Fighting the forces

of negativity is hard work.

And this week her European

friends revealed their lack

of optimism as they published

their draft negotiation guidelines.

Our agreement will not make trade

within the UK and the EU

frictionless or smoother.

It will make it more complicated

and costly than today for all of us.

This is the essence of Brexit.

A pick and mix approach

for a non-member state

is out of the question.

I wonder what it could mean?

Spreadsheet Phil made it clear

that the Government wants to protect

the city and could reject any trade

deal that doesn't include

financial services.

We do not expect the same

relationship we have today

across all areas of activity

in financial services.

Trade-offs should be expected.

And the industry will change.

But we should ensure that the future

partnership strengthens European

stability and prosperity rather

than weakening it.

He's looking to a TTIP type deal.

You know, TTIP, after three years -

well - three and a half years

of negotiation, collapsed.

But, in addition to that,

what TTIP did, it actually took

powers away from Parliament and gave

it to corporate lawyers.

So, this flies in the face

of everything people voted

for in the referendum.

This is not the way to go.

# Wonder Woman!

# Get us out from

under, Wonder Woman!

The Saudi prince's visit

to the UK has caused

a few raised eyebrows.

It came as no surprise

in Westminster that Jeremy Corbyn,

a passionate critic of the regime,

used PMQs to make it clear

he thought it was wrong

to roll out the red carpet.

However, Theresa May successfully

maintained the party line.

Mr Speaker, it cannot be right

that her government is colluding

in what the United Nations says

is evidence of war crimes.

Will the Prime Minister

used her meeting today

Will the Prime Minister

use her meeting today

with the prince to halt the arms

supplies and demand an immediate

ceasefire in Yemen?

We are all concerned

about the appalling humanitarian

situation in Yemen, and the effect

it is having on people,

particularly affect it is having

on women and children.

When I went to Saudi Arabia

in December, I met with the crowned

prince, I raised with him to end

the need to open the port

of Hodeidah to humanitarian

and commercial supplies.

I am pleased to say that

Saudi Arabia and then did just that.

This vindicates the engagement

that we have with Saudi Arabia to be

able to sit down with them.

Is that Captain America,

the human pinnacle of perfection

I can see in the distance?

Oh, it's just clumsy old Boris.

And when the Foreign Secretary had

to address parliament

on the sensitive issue

of the poisoning of a former

Kremlin double agent,

he seemed unsure whether to go

for broke or exercise

diplomatic restraint.

While it would be wrong

to prejudge the investigation,

I can reassure the house that should

evidence emerged that implies

state responsibility,

then Her Majesty's Government

will respond appropriately.

Russia, I'm afraid, is now

come in many respects,

a malign and disruptive force.

Thinking ahead to the World Cup

this July, this summer,

I think it will be very difficult

to imagine that UK representation

of that event could go

ahead in the normal way.

Where is my Lasso of Truth?

TRANSLATION:

These people have been

used by the foreign media

for an anti-Russian campaign.

It is a traditional campaign,

the tradition is to make things up.

We can only see it as a provocation.

Whoops, I probably shouldn't have

done that, seeing as we need

all the bricks and mortar

we can get.

There was certainly no shortage

of these when the Prime Minister

delivered her warning to developers

not to restrict the housing

supply this week.

Now, where is that woman who looks

as if she's struck up a chimney?

Now, where is that woman who looks

as if she's stuck up a chimney?

But it's also time for builders

and developers to step

up and do their bit.

The bonuses paid to the heads

of some of our biggest developers

are based not on the number

of homes they built,

but on their profits or share price.

In a market where lower supply

equals higher prices,

that creates a perverse incentive,

one that does not encourage them

to build the homes we need.

# Wonder Woman!

Right, This Week.

I've completed my challenge.

I'm off to Loulou's to raise a toast

to International Women's Day.

Are you coming, Andrew and Michael?

Drinks are on you!

# Wonder Woman! #

Michael, Russia, if it is Russia or

its surrogates behind this event in

Salisbury. Do we have many options?

I don't think we have the many. I

don't want to join the blame against

Boris Johnson for not saying more at

the moment. It is striking this week

we discovered for sure that about a

year ago the half brother of the

North Korean leader was poisoned by

that regime.

That was at the

airport.

Only after a year of

investigation which has proved

beyond any doubt that the North

Korean regime was responsible as the

United States taken action against

North Korea. The proper position for

the British is to say this needs to

be proved beyond doubt. I suppose it

is plausible that could be another

regime seeking to discredit the

Russian regime. The one comfort I

take from this is I ask what would

be the motive of the Russians to do

this. Revenge seems an insufficient

motive. It seems to me it is a very

public and the brutal attempt at the

execution of a former spy, with

complete disregard to public safety

and the safety of his family. In

fact, it seems members of his family

may have suffered the same fate. Why

has this been done? Think it is

possibly that the Russians are

sending a message to people who are

active in the field today. In other

words, it may be that Britain is

scoring some important successes

against Russian intelligence right

now, and it is intended to put

people on guard, whether they are

British agents, or Russians who have

been turned, that they will be

pursued.

We can get you.

They will

be pursued to death, and their

families will be annihilated as

well. That is not a cheerful

thought, but it makes me think

Britain must be scoring some

successes, for such a terrible

warning to be sent to us.

We will

probably never know that. Caroline,

options?

I agree with everything

Michael said, but if it is found to

be the case that this is a Russian

state-sponsored attempted murder,

maybe murder, if people don't

survive. Thankfully the police

officer seems to be doing better

today. Then we have to look at the

number of options. There are issues

around diplomatic ties, issues about

economic sanctions. I know there are

lots of people in London from Russia

who don't necessarily agree with

Putin, but there are also a number

of other situations where there may

be government officials who owned

properties or have assets here. We

should look at those. But I think it

is difficult, all this.

is difficult, all this. Because on

so many fronts Putin is laying out a

very clear narrative to his people

about what he is about and what he

thinks Russia should be about today.

We heard that in his speech about

nuclear weapons a few days ago.

Actually, part of it is, just what

do you do about the problem called

Russia?

While we are both being

cautious, we have to recognise that

weakness is punished by the

Russians.

They got away with

Litvinenko.

Completely. I have never

been satisfied that the death of

Boris Berezovsky was not suspicious.

He was found hanged. I was never

satisfied with the investigation

into that. We just had a decision by

the Olympic Committee that the

Russians will be readmitted to

sport, even though there has been

state-sponsored doping of their

athletes. If all we are ever going

to do is slap them on the wrist, we

can expect a very vigorous

continuance of their policy.

They

spot weakness and exploit it. Saudi

Arabia. Do we have an alternative to

engaging?

With Saudi Arabia? We have

to engage with Saudi Arabia and it

is a complicated relationship.

Theresa May was right on Wednesday

when she said that our relationship

with them in terms of information

has probably helped save lives in

the UK but it is also a very

difficult relationship, because

there is no doubt the bombing

tactics they have taken in Yemen,

everybody would agree they have been

beyond what was necessary, to say

the least. As you said earlier,

there is a new crown prince. In

June, women will be able to drive

and there are other things happening

for women which I welcome, but there

have been double the number of

beheadings and since he has been in

charge and he is not a Democrat as

we would think of those things.

They

are in short supply in Saudi Arabia.

Well, exactly. They are having to

face out to the world because they

don't want to rely on oil any more.

70% of their population are under 30

and there are just not the jobs

there. So is there an opportunity to

speak some home truths but also take

advantage of the fact that they are

having to look out to the world more

than before, and he is up for that?

In doing so, there is an opportunity

to lay down some home truths about

what we believe is acceptable or

not.

It is apparently a very special

relationship with Saudi Arabia. 18

Saudis were involved in killing 3000

people in New York City on 9/11 and

the response was to attack Iraq. I

think Saudi Arabia is responsible

for building mosques with the aim of

promoting Wahab Riaz throughout

Europe.

Including in this country.

That is at least an indirect threat

to our security. And in the Balkans,

in Bosnia, for example. These things

not only go unpunished but actually

unremarked. Why is it such a special

relationship, because of the

intelligence, because we cannot

countenance the collapse of the

regime because of the chaos it would

create in an oil producing state,

and because of our relationship on

defence. So this is complicated.

Very briefly, the last Labour

government under Robin Cook 's

bowels to an ethical foreign policy.

It didn't go anywhere. But if you

are going to have an ethical foreign

policy as to be all embracing and

you would have to cut off not only

Saudi Arabia but a number of nations

in the Middle East, Russia, China,

which has the worst possible record

on the death penalty. If the death

penalty issue or criterion, you

would have to cut of the United

States as well.

Michel Barnier, his

negotiating position, what do you

make of it?

What is clear is that

for all the talk about cherrypicking

and what have you, at the end of the

day there will be cherrypicking,

both from the EU side and the UK

side. I do not think outside of the

EU, the Norway option, the Canada

option, all of that is about

cherrypicking to an extent, what

fits in to keep relationships

strong. And I do think that with

more detail now being talked about,

I think there is more of a sense of

urgency about how big the challenge

is. It's enormous. On trade, on the

Public Accounts Committee this week,

something like 800 trade agreements

we are tied to within the EU that we

will have to think about how we

negotiate them going forward. I

think, hopefully, and I hope this

sincerely, that we start seeing some

detail and get some sense that there

is some momentum for want of a

better word, behind this. But I

think there is a lot of talk on both

sides.

When you cut through the talk

and look at the positions, you can

see the makings of a deal.

I have

always thought that. When you

referred to cherrypicking at the

beginning of the programme, from the

EU point of you, that was a

reference, was it, to the fact that

they say we might be able to do a

deal on free trade but it will not

include financial services?

What

they are saying, their position to

start the gauche nations, they are

saying we will have free trades in

goods where we run a massive surplus

with you, but not in services where

you run a massive surplus with us.

And we want complete access to your

fishing waters. But you can't have

access to European financial

services. These are the kind of

opening... The problem is that so

much of this coverage seems to think

that is the European position and

that is how it will end up, whereas

it is just the opening gambit.

It is

the opening gambit. But I think the

EU is more successful at putting out

an opening gambit than we are. As

you implied, think the British media

is extremely gullible at

interpreting every opening gambit of

theirs as being a defeat in the

making for us, which is not the case

at all. There is strength to the

British position.

It's been a week when the air has

been thick with public figures

rushing to attach themselves

to worthy causes.

From International Woman's Day,

to poverty, to rough sleeping,

to healthy eating, to #metoo,

all manner of celebrities,

from Oscar winners down,

have been vocal in letting us know

that they really care about more

than lots of dosh and a free

designer frock for the red carpet.

Indeed these days it seems to be

part of an actor's job spec that it

involves letting us all know how

they feel about the latest

pressing issue du jour.

Commendable concern for society's

ills or as fake as the tattoos

they wash off when the cameras

have moved on?

Tonight we're putting political

grandstanding in the Spotlight.

MUSIC:

Theme from BBC Grandstand.

It's that time of year again

when Hollywood celebrities grace us

with their wardrobes

and their politics.

Yes, it's Oscars week.

On this year's red carpet,

outrage was all the rage.

Frances McDormand took

a rousing roll call.

Meryl, if you do it,

everybody else will.

Come on.

The film-makers, the

producers, the directors.

I have two words to leave you with

tonight, ladies and gentlemen.

Inclusion rider.

But was Emma Watson's fake tattoo

upstanding or just grandstanding?

Even Theresa May didn't

miss an opportunity

to show she's woke, too.

First of all, can I thank

the Right Honourable Gentleman

for telling me that it is

International Women's Day tomorrow.

I think that is what's

called mansplaining.

And was MP Philip Davies

grandstanding or being deliberately

provocative when he attempted

to stand up for men in a serious

debate about misogyny?

I just wondered whether or not

we could take it as read, therefore,

that she thought misandry should

also be a hate crime

in exactly the same way?

It is precisely because of the power

imbalance in society

that is disproportionately affecting

women in a negative way.

Meanwhile, obesity warrior

Jamie Oliver says the middle-class

elites have got to stop

grandstanding when it

comes to overeating.

It's kind of like one

brilliant idea can fix this.

It doesn't work.

Believe you me, it doesn't work.

Are we all missing out

on the real progressive issues?

Prince Charles asks when did married

women start using their maiden name?

I thought to myself some time ago,

who is Cheryl Tweedy?

I suddenly realised that

I knew the Cheryl bit.

I have missed out on the Tweedy.

Comedian Phill Jupitus

hates grandstanding.

But tough, Phill, get

on your soapbox and grandstand

with the rest of us.

And Phill is here now.

Are we seeing more grandstanding?

When people get that platform, there

are a number of things at work.

Firstly, the number of advisers that

people have, saying, you will have

this opportunity, particularly

people who are active, consider

themselves, you know, socially aware

and active. It's very, very tempting

when you know you are going to have

something like the Oscars, with

millions of people watching, and you

are going to have the opportunity to

say something, or do something and

make some sort of gesture. It's so

tempting for them to do it.

It has

become endemic. There was a British

actress who made a statement years

ago about the Palestinians, Vanessa

Redgrave. And that was quite a

surprise. It was controversial.

The

early days of it.

She was alone when

she did that, it was not common. Now

almost everybody has to. And they do

it knowing that the audience in

front of them is entirely on their

side. It's not a brave thing to do.

The interesting thing about Francis

McDormand was that thing about the

inclusion rider.

I didn't know about

that. I think there were people who

saw that who will be going into the

industry that will not even be aware

that was an option. Something like

that, I actually thought was quite

clever. It was very minimal. But

what you have to remember about

grandstanding is that they are in

showbiz, and so an element of what

they do is about changing the energy

of an audience and making them think

in a certain way. And also

projecting an image of themselves. I

never like grandstanding in music,

in rock, stadium rock. That's where

I don't like it, because it's

that... You almost get the sense

there is an element of a mess I

annex complex that has crept in.

Imagine if we did this show live

every night to 80,000 people that

were going, Portillo, Portillo.

That

would be five.

It would be

wonderful!

It would, but how can it

not get into your head and start

making you think, I can control

these people, they will do my will.

The assumption that if you can act

play guitar, you are qualified to

make big, broad political

statements, that this is somehow

empowering you to do this, qualify

you to do this.

Is it wearing thin?

Because of social media, everybody

has the platform to express that

view. In the 80s, people with

guitars and microphones, they were

doing that.

doing that.

It has been more of an

American thing. When you look at the

film stars coming out strongly for

the Democrats and compared with big

names that we have here, we

sometimes have TV people with their

own celebrity. When you have Jessica

Lange, Robert De Niro, these are big

stars coming out. But I suppose I

look at somebody like... Take

somebody like Leonardo DiCaprio, you

don't hear much about it but he does

a huge amount putting personal

wealth into environmental causes.

But he is not up there all the time

talking about it.

We are running out

of time, for reasons which people

who were with us from the start will

understand.

I love him.

What are you

up to now?

I am on a tour, I am

doing two gigs, I could do with

shifting some tickets, I am doing

shows in Manchester and Poole.

And

no grandstanding?

He is talking to

that taxi driver now! What a drive

that is.

Let's hope it is not a long

one.

That's your lot for tonight,

folks, but not for us.

We're off to Loulou's,

for a late-night poetry

reading by the Chancellor.

Because, ever since he admitted

Dr Seuss's Cat in the Hat

was his favourite book,

Spreadsheet Phil has been inspired

to set next Tuesday's

Spring Statement to rhyme.

And we've managed to obtain

an exclusive extract.

Are you sitting comfortably?

Then I'll begin.

"For we looked and we saw,

that incredible chap,

"the Treasury's main man,

the Cat in the Hat.

"And in his red box,

he had ideas a-cobbled,

"which he wanted to use in case

the economy wobbled.

"Oh, might there be answers

on pensions and care?

"Austerity eased,

a society more fair?

"Less tax on green eggs,

investment in ham?

"Or would it, or could it,

be a horrible scam?"

Nighty-night.

Don't let the Michael's

mud bath bite.

Oh, shorts off.

And the attendants are

strict disciplinarians.

THEY SPEAK CZECH

I'm telling her

that it's very, very good.

Actually, there is a fearful

smell of rotten eggs,

and underneath me there's all this

really sticky, muddy stuff.

Look at that.

But it feels soft and it's meant

to do you lots of good.

Good for the skin, good

for the bones, good for the joints.

I'm really pleased I'm here.

A lady wearing rubber

boots and rubber gloves.

This does not look like good news.

I'm now lying in very warm mud

and the lady with the rubber gloves

has begun fairly intimate massage

using warm mud.

And, as they say in the movie

business, it's a wrap.