Episode 1 Ronnie's Animal Crackers

As a nation, we are just potty about our pets.

Lunchtime.

We are unashamedly animal crackers and I'm just the same.

What do you think about that?

But you'd be amazed at the sometimes baffling lengths

we go to for our pets.

-ALL:

-Hi.

Oh, Bertie, that was silly, wasn't it?

The time...

Oh, that's lovely. Yay!

..the money...

-She looks like a princess.

-She does.

..not to mention the love.

Oh, yes, that's nice.

So, join me as I enter the extraordinary

and often bizarre world of our pedigree pals.

Hello.

DOG BARKS

This week, Charlie, a stressed and troubled dachshund, is about

to find out if he can be helped by a trip to a dog yoga class.

You can laugh all you want,

but try it once and then see how you feel afterwards.

Ohhhhhh.

Goodness me.

Breeder Sharon has everything riding

on her next generation of show ponies.

Fingers crossed we'll do well. She's looking good.

And I struggle with my new rescue dog Baz,

who has a traumatic past and may face a rocky road to feeling better.

-No, he won't like that.

-No, he won't like that.

Even I wouldn't like that.

I've always loved having dogs and for over 70 years now,

I've had at least one at home.

I'm what you'd call a traditional pet owner,

but recently I've discovered some rather bizarre pet trends afoot.

Believe it or not, these are all poodles

competing in a controversial new dog show from America.

Now, wait for this.

It's called "creative grooming"

and it's where dogs are given these bizarre makeovers.

For some reason, it's a craze that's catching on here, as you'll see when

we follow the two hottest contenders in the British competition.

Oh, hi, Barney.

First up is poodle Barney in Bedfordshire.

Come on, big boy.

He's got no idea what he's just walked into.

Top drawer groomer Tanya is about to give him

the most ridiculous hairdo of his life.

Creative grooming is basically creating art on the living canvas that is a dog.

If you say so.

Does that feel really nice?

The beauty of it is it's short-lived.

If it goes wrong or if you don't like it, you can clip it off,

the hair grows back and you can start again.

Day-to-day, Tanya just gets to do a rather boring wash,

cut and blow dry on dogs. Entering the English creative groomer

competition is the one chance she gets to show her real talent.

I'm undecided whether it's going to be flat or three dimensional.

Tanya has been planning for the competition for months,

and she's come up with a bonkers and frighteningly ambitious plan.

The theme for this year, because everybody needs a theme,

is Salvador Dali.

Oh, you couldn't be more surreal.

I'm a huge fan of his.

A little bit of genius, a little bit of madness, a little bit of fun,

all thrown together and I've never seen it done before.

Dali's face on either shoulder.

The floppy clock is going to be hugely 90 degree flat and very, very

much prominent, sitting proud of the hip and coming down that back leg.

Yeah.

I was a bit stupid doing this design.

-I think you can do it.

-BOTH LAUGH

Between you and me, I don't think Barney's much of a fine art buff.

But Barney faces some stiff competition, because he's up

against Bella from Northamptonshire, owned by groomer Sue.

So strong is Sue's desire to beat her rival Tanya,

that she's called in a ringer.

Hello.

Her friend Laurie, who's a champion creative groomer from the States

and it looks like she's no stranger to hair dye.

Hi, baby girl. What are you doing?

So, what outlandish and daringly difficult design awaits our Bella?

Good girl.

It's going to be woodland and butterfly garden.

Woodland and butterfly garden. OK.

I am still deciding whether I want the fairy or not.

The fairy's actually the centrepiece of it.

Your eye goes straight to the fairy.

Yeah, but do you make it a fairy or do you make it a butterfly?

A butterfly's a lot easier than a fairy.

It'll be a showstopper if we can pull it off.

I don't think Bella's bothered whether it's a fairy or a butterfly.

Last year, Sue stole the show

when she transformed Bella into the octopoodle.

Sue's rival Tanya knows she and Barney will have to

up their game if they stand any chance of winning.

This is about as good as it gets.

It was absolutely flawless.

We want to do better.

We want to beat Sue.

It is brilliant.

You'd like it, Umber.

Do you want to be an octopoodle, too?

It'll be tough.

It looks like it's going to be scissors at dawn.

Now, us Brits have always led the way

when it comes to breeding thoroughbred horses.

Keep going, thank you.

But now the bar has just been raised,

or should I say lowered, because these adorable

creatures are actually fully grown miniature horses.

# Crazy horses

# Crazy horses... #

But as we're about to find out, breeding them is not a simple task.

We're in Hampshire at the stud farm of Sharon and Derek.

They turned to breeding miniature horses after Sharon's riding

career was tragically cut short.

I had a riding injury many years ago

and I can't ride in competition any more,

so we found we could scale down the operation to these little people.

Since then, she's devoted her life to their breeding and showing.

They take up far less space, far less time every day.

-They don't cost as much.

-No, nowhere near.

They don't cost as much to buy as a big horse.

They don't cost as much to keep, nowhere near as much.

It's the breeding season and today young stud DC

is being brought out to mate with Maggie.

HORSE GRUNTS

DC is an old hand at this and, my goodness me, as you can see,

he's already getting a little bit frisky.

There's a good boy.

HORSE NEIGHS

When he does this, it's called flehmen,

and he's basically smelling her, and then he runs that smell over

an organ called Jacobson's organ in the roof of his mouth,

and that smell will tell him whether or not

she is actually properly in season.

Maggie must be in season,

otherwise she wouldn't put up with all of DC's hot-blooded commotion.

HORSE GRUNTS

Good girl. Good girl, Maggie.

Hey, hey.

HORSE GRUNTS

Well done, Maggie. That's a good girl, Maggie.

-Good boy.

-You can't hurry love.

This is Maggie's first ever date

and DC needs to take things a little bit slower.

You're not ready yet, you plonker.

You're being a very good girl, Maggie, aren't you?

-Is it worth persevering with?

-We'll try for a minute or two.

Come on.

Nature will take its course in good time, if DC calms down.

But if not, there are others warming up on the studs' bench.

If she's going to stay a successful breeder,

Sharon's fortunes will rest on her younger horses.

Horses like eight-month-old Ella,

who's having her winter coat shaved off.

Oh, you're a good little Ella Bella.

Oh - as you can see, she's a bit of a little madam.

She's a typical toddler.

She's got the attention span of a gnat.

She'll do something for a minute and then she'll change her mind.

In a few days, Ella will have to be on her best behaviour

because she's being groomed for her first competition,

but the young ones can be temperamental.

The worst I've ever had happen with them

is they'll throw a complete toddler tantrum, stand up

and flip themselves over backwards, and then just lay there on the

floor and throw their legs about.

And literally, exactly like you'd see a toddler in the supermarket aisle -

"I don't want to do this any more, Mummy."

And I've had one or two do that in the past and it's very embarrassing.

Well, she's groomed and looking good for the show, but will Ella

behave and prove she has the potential to be a future star?

As a nation of animal lovers, it's dogs that steal our hearts

the most, with almost a quarter of all families having one at home.

My wife Anne and I are no exception.

Since we've been married, which is nearly 50 years,

-we've had dogs all the time.

-All the time.

-All the time.

At least one.

-Oh, at least one, sometimes two, but mainly one, yes.

-Yes.

They're lovely things to have, creatures to be with.

They are the family.

Oh, look, Daisy.

And Ben.

-No, I think that's Buster.

-Is that Buster?

They look so alike, don't they?

Yeah. I mean, that is a divine picture.

-I know. Look at them.

-I mean, it's just...

These two darlings. They were darlings.

-And we called them Rags and Muffin - Ragamuffin.

-Yes.

And they were divine, and we lost one quite early and the other one

lived for a long time, but we lost Muffin five or six months ago.

I was heartbroken after we lost Muffin.

There was a huge gap in our lives and I was determined to replace him.

# How much is that doggy in the window?

# The one with the waggly tail

# How much...? #

We couldn't manage puppies.

Cor, I'm 82 for heaven's sake, so I recently went to

a centre for rescue dogs, where we got a lovely cross breed called Baz.

Come on, my darling.

And here he is.

Come and meet these people, my precious. Oh, yes.

-Oh, no, he won't like that.

-No, he won't like that.

-No, he won't like that.

-Even I wouldn't like that.

Come here, precious.

But Baz has a problem - he seems damaged.

Nothing's known about Baz's past

before he ended up at the rescue centre, but I have a horrible

feeling he's been subjected to some truly horrid treatment.

He's quite skittish, very wary of me,

and prone to growling at strangers.

I want to do all I can to make him feel more at ease

and create a loving bond with me.

-Oh, he's very, very jumpy.

-Yes.

I've called in Candy, who's a dog behaviour expert, to see

if she can help us understand him and bring him out of his shell.

-Oh.

-Oh, look at that.

Oh, you like that sausage, don't you, darling? Is it sausage?

-It is, I'm afraid.

-Yes, darling.

You've got to be a little bit careful about stroking him

-when he's growling...

-Ah, that's interesting.

You know, he's doing behaviour that you don't want to encourage.

It's very normal for owners with new dogs,

if the dog shows a little bit of anxiety around visitors, but don't

reassure him to the point where he's being rewarded for being fearful.

-Ah, right.

-That's interesting.

-He'll keep on doing it.

Yes, he's going to be a fabulous dog.

I just want him to accept people more easily.

'I really want Baz to become the same sort of happy

'companion my other dogs have been, but when Candy and I take him

'out into the garden, the problem is all too apparent.'

-Do you want to call him?

-Here.

'Baz only feels safe when Anne is around.'

Where is your mummy?

Right, come on, let's see if we can find her.

Let's see if we can find her. Come on.

Where are you, Anne?

-Oh...

-Oh, he's so much happier when you're there though.

-Yes.

I mean, it's a good thing to have the attachment to you,

-but you don't want to make it an over-attachment.

-No.

-No, no.

Pass on some of the care to Ronnie.

Well, we know that, yes. Sharing the care would be good.

I'll do his food one day and you do his food the next, yes.

Yes, absolutely, darling.

And when people do come, if you have a lead on him and then sometimes...

Why is that?

Just so that he's given a bit more guidance, cos at the moment

if you let him just go up to people, he's saying,

"I don't know what to do.

"I'm going to investigate. I might not like you.

"I might snap at you. I might growl at you", as he did today.

Yes. I know what you mean.

-Come on, my lovely.

-Yes, yes, yes.

-Yes, my lovely.

-He's definitely a mummy's boy, isn't he?

-Oh, yes.

-See the difference in his reaction now.

-Yes.

He's smiling again. His tail's wagging.

This is clearly just the start of a long, tough process to get Baz

settled, but in the coming weeks I'm determined to make him

happy whatever it takes.

Meanwhile, we're back with poodles Barney and Bella,

as their creative groomers get started.

It's Tanya's surreal Dali design versus Sue's fairy garden.

So, why don't we put a toadstool there?

It's a sort of barking mad topiary for dogs.

One slip and Dali's famous floppy clock could be gone for a burton.

These three blobby looking things here are ants.

Tanya began experimenting doing dog hairdos when she was just 15,

so she well knows the perils of the job.

We're often asked, "What's the difference between being

"a dog groomer and a hairdresser?"

You can't compare the two.

I've yet to see a hairdresser who will happily groom a person

who's moving around on the chair, poops, pees everywhere

and has no problem passing wind in your face when you get to that end.

Moving on. It's time to start adding some

of the special non-toxic colouring.

-A lot of people say "Oh, my gosh! Would you do this to yourself?"

-Yep.

Yeah. I do.

It's going to take them

each about 30 hours of painstaking grooming over several days

before these exceptionally difficult designs will be ready.

I mean, I can't help wondering what the dogs,

Barney and Bella, feel about it all.

A poodle needs grooming, so whilst you're doing normal grooming, you

may as well do something a little bit different at the same time.

She's just enjoying the fuss.

There's so much time involved that you build up a special bond,

and I think the majority of creative groomers would

say their creative dogs have the best bonds with them.

It's a stronger bond than even the show dogs with show owners.

It's so intensive when you're doing this work.

Well, it's anyone's guess who will come out best there.

Now, two-thirds of owners say they give their pets the same

care as their children,

but some go to extraordinary lengths to make sure their pet is contented.

DOG BARKS

This is Charlie, a three-year-old dachshund, who lives in London.

Like my Baz, he's a rescue dog and I'm afraid Charlie's got a problem -

he's extremely anxious and stressed.

He barks all the time

and his owner Alexandra can't bear to leave him on his own.

I usually feel very guilty going to the gym and leaving him

at home for an hour, knowing that he's been at home all day.

Hello.

Alexandra is determined for him to be happier.

Obviously, I love him. I love him as my brother, as my best friend.

I want to help him with his problems, with his anxiety.

DOG BARKS

Oh, he is a bit troubled, isn't he?

Today, Alexandra is taking him somewhere where she hopes

he'll find some peace. Now, wait for this.

She's taking him to the latest extraordinary fad

that's taking hold - it's doga...or dog yoga.

I'm not making this up.

I'm hoping that doga will help Charlie relax.

He is very, very unsettled.

Yoga helps humans with overcoming such problems,

I'm hoping it will help him.

Running the yoga class today is Robbie,

a two-year-old bichon toy breed...

You use your ocean breath - deep breathing.

..with a little bit of help from his owner Marnie.

If you slow down your breathing

and you hold your dog close to your chest, your dog can feel that.

It just works.

I'm crazy and you can call me barking mad,

but the thing is that I'm absolutely convinced about what I'm doing.

Ohhhhhhhh.

You can laugh all you want,

but try it once and then see how you feel afterwards.

All the other dogs in the class are starting to get in the mood,

but Charlie's still not feeling at ease.

Lift through the haunch and extend through the spine and ahhhhh.

-DOG BARKS

-Oh, Charlie.

DOG BARKS

Charlie seemed to be very much there and present in the class,

and I could see quite a strong bond to his owner,

and maybe potentially even a little bit too attached.

And keep your eyes closed.

Just curl up. Imagine you're going to sleep.

DOG BARKS

The other dogs are unable to find their inner peace

with Charlie so agitated.

Just a little half breath.

DOG BARKS

His yapping is ruining the mood.

So, as a last measure, Marnie is forced to step in.

Inhale.

Oh, hello, we might be witnessing a miracle.

WOMEN EXHALE DEEPLY

What I was so surprised was that Charlie allowed me

to work with him and he didn't flip, he didn't look at his mummy.

So, he allowed me to do a bit of massaging, a bit of work together.

Charlie seems to settle down.

Ahhhhhh.

It's nice to see Charlie looking more relaxed.

There was a moment where he could really surrender

and found his little yoga spot,

and he calmed down and it was without Mummy and it was without me.

He just found his own space

and that will have a huge effect on his wellbeing.

After months of fear-fuelled stress,

Charlie seems to have finally found a moment of inner peace.

There's still a lot of work, of course,

but having these few moments seeing him completely enjoying

himself is fantastic, and I hope I will achieve much more of it.

His entire life will be much, much calmer. It's great.

I can't see Baz and me doing this though.

I've never looked my best in a leotard.

It's high noon in Hampshire for Ella the temperamental mini horse.

And with so much at stake today,

Sharon's even dusted down her lucky Texan cowgirl outfit.

I am actually feeling quite nervous this morning,

but fingers crossed we'll do well. She's looking good.

This is the biggest small horse show this side of Basingstoke.

It's Ella's first competition and Sharon's first chance

to see what the future holds for her next generation of horses.

I'm very competitive. I go in there wanting to win.

But success today all rests on Ella's little shoulders.

I know, it's very exciting.

Although it looks like she's about to throw her toys out of the pram.

HORSE NEIGHS

It's very exciting, I know.

This is not a good time to misbehave,

as Sharon leads Ella round the ring.

She's actually settled down much more now she's come in here,

but fingers crossed. We'll see.

She's still leaning on me a lot for comfort, but we'll get there.

Diane, who's been judging for over nine years, is watching every move.

What we're looking for in the miniature horse is that it's

true to its type, it is nicely put together,

the length of neck to the body, and that it's moving correctly.

So far so good.

-How old exactly?

-She's eight months.

She's keeping it together.

Ella is actually very free in her walk and trot,

which for a young one is very, very nice,

-and that's probably going to be a big asset for her.

-Good girl.

It's so lovely to see how well this little horse is behaving.

Trot for me.

But the final judgment is down to Diane.

OK, thank you.

She's made up her mind.

Here comes the winner's rosette.

Come on, Ella.

Wait. No, the winner is a little star.

-A slightly more mature horse owned by Carol.

-What a good girl.

Oh, you're going to love this, aren't you?

-This is going to go straight in the mouth.

-Well done.

Oh, well. So, who's getting second?

-Well done.

-Hello...

-Thank you.

-You did very well.

..the runner-up prize is going to Ella.

You were very well behaved.

You listen to that and remember that comment.

Looks like the future's bright for these two.

What a clever girl. Yes, you are.

Absolutely over the moon with her, I really, really am.

I think Sharon and little Ella

will be walking tall back to the paddock today.

It's the day of the totally bonkers creative grooming competition.

And Barney the poodle's in first with Tanya,

but he's keeping his design under wraps.

My goodness, Sue's already in the hall

and just look what's happened to Bella.

Bella, she thinks this is great fun.

She's loving the attention.

She's got more and more perked up as the colour's been going on.

Her arch-rival Tanya's design on Barney is finally unveiled.

Hopefully, Barney's feeling fab.

Pretty chilled out.

You don't care, do you, dude? You just don't care.

It's taken weeks of preparation to get this far,

but now it's crunch time.

Right, so guys, you've got an hour

and a half to complete your trim before the judging commences.

You may start now. Good luck, everybody.

The pressure is on to do the last minute

bit of titivating and sprucing up.

Oh, it's all very intense, isn't it?

They're all being judged on creativity

and how intricate their scissor work is.

I'm going to beat Tanya today. No, I have no idea.

It looks like I'm in for a good challenge this year.

-In your dreams.

-I'm being polite.

I do have to concentrate, because I've only got 25 minutes left

to go...and that's really not enough.

All the while, they're being closely scrutinised by Hannah the judge,

who's had 20 years experience of grooming dogs herself.

I am actually looking at how the groomer is handling the dog

and how they behave and everything.

I mean, these dogs here are absolutely superb.

The clock is ticking.

Do we know how much time's left?

Not much.

OK, guys, you have 15 minutes to finish your dog.

In the closing moments, Tanya has a disaster.

Dali's face is looking a bit more surreal than I think she intended.

Because Barney moved when we were spraying the stencil on...

basically it went everywhere but where it was supposed to,

so I didn't have a clear Dali face, so I'm not doing the other side.

Oh, dear. Time's run out on the floppy clock for Tanya.

Done.

Put your scissors down.

Now it's all done and dusted, I could just sit here crying my eyes out.

Cor. I wish I'd finished.

There's so much still to do, but...

I could just cry.

It's not as transformational as my normal work,

but I'm pleased with what I've done.

It's almost time for the final judgment,

and the groomers pull out all the stops to gain

an edge on their rivals, even transforming themselves.

This one's come as a wizard, I think.

I've had to really take everything on board

and my decision wasn't made until the very end,

but I have chosen my winner and it's very, very close.

So, is the winner Candy,

the Maltese terrier with the Wizard of Oz design,

or is it Bella's fairy garden from Sue in her party wig,

or will it be Barney with Tanya's Dali design?

And the winner is Bella and Sue.

So, Sue becomes the English Creative Grooming Stylist 2013.

Can I touch it?

But who will be in second place?

And our second place goes to...

It's Candy and the wizard...

..and Tanya and Barney come third.

-Absolutely beautiful.

-Thank you.

Just very, very ambitious.

I know. A bit too ambitious.

I won, which I'm very happy about...

..but I never speak much afterwards.

Hasta la vista, baby. I'll be back.

Perhaps I should say that no animals were

harmed during the making of this programme, although those

poodles there might have lost their dignity just a little bit.

Well, for now, it's goodnight from me.

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