Episode 2 Ronnie's Animal Crackers

As a nation, we are just potty about our pets.

Lunchtime!

We are unashamedly animal crackers, and I'm just the same.

What do you think about that?

But you'd be amazed at the sometimes baffling lengths

we go to for our pets.

ALL: Hi!

Ooh, Bertie, that was silly, wasn't it?

The time...

Oh, that's lovely. Yay!

..the money...

She looks like a princess.

She does.

..not to mention the love.

Ooh, yes, is that nice?

So, join me as I enter the extraordinary

and often bizarre world of our pedigree pals.

Hello!

Come on, darling!

This week, a cat breeder with 40 cats at home

has kittens battling in their first competition.

This one should be one of my very big hopes,

because she is absolutely faultless.

The unbelievable lengths some people will go to, to pamper their pooch.

He's really enjoying it.

And I try to win the love of my new dog, Baz,

who's still an anxious little soul.

So, that's the process.

The process is that Anne does the calling, you do the treating.

Yes.

Most pet owners are happy enough with either dogs or cats

but, as we're about to see, one couple keeps pets

that are a little more rare and exotic!

We start in the Cotswolds,

quintessentially English countryside.

The rolling hills,

stone cottages, a babbling brook...

the camels.

CAMEL ROARS

Come on, Mr Bertie Boo, come on.

Meet Bertie. He's a two-year-old Bactrian camel.

There's a good boy.

That's the type with two humps.

Watch he doesn't kick out when you're doing this,

cos he'll reach you there.

No, I'm being very careful, Joe, believe me.

Bertie is the latest addition to Joe and Rebecca's family.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...don't be silly.

I love animals and I love working with animals,

I can't imagine doing anything else.

My second name's Fossett so we were Fossett's Circus.

I mean, we were the biggest in the country at one time,

and we've had camels ever since I can remember.

I've grown up with camels.

My best friend was a chimpanzee when I was about five, I suppose.

Her name was Pamela.

She was an absolutely wonderful, wonderful animal...

Well, that's why I married Rebecca because they were quite similar.

Same smile!

Thank you, Joe!

Joe and Rebecca left the travelling life of the circus behind

to start a family 14 years ago,

but they've fallen in love with camels so much,

they couldn't bear to be apart and now keep six of them on their farm.

Don't be a silly billy, don't be a silly billy...

Easy, easy, easy. There's a good lad.

Like every member of the human and animal family,

Bertie has to earn his keep, but he can't go to work

with his winter coat still moulting.

So Joe is trying to brush off the falling hair.

But Bertie seems to have...

Bertie!

..the hump.

And there's not just Bertie to watch out for.

Waffle, the family dachshund, is also full of spirit.

Waffle, get out of the way, go on.

Waffle, go away, you'll get kicked as well.

I think he'll be a fantastic camel.

I mean, he's a really nice character,

but I think he'll always be a bit of a handful.

He's a bit like the children, isn't he?

-He's an adolescent, just doesn't get spots.

-I don't think he's as bad

as the children, but he's not far away!

There's a good baby. There's a good... Oh! Bertie!

That was silly, wasn't it? That was a bit silly, wasn't it?

He may not be as badly behaved as their kids...

Come on, Bertie, have a carrot instead of dashing around. Come on.

..but Bertie certainly resembles a truculent teenager.

-Oh, you don't like carrots? All right, well, I don't mind.

-Whoa.

Cor, you're going to knock me over now, are you, Bertie?

-Knock me over, that's a good idea.

-Bertie, easy.

And we've got to slowly get him so we can handle him now because

if we leave it for another 12 months it'll be almost impossible.

I mean, you know, he'll be a big male camel and he'll be dangerous.

In a few weeks, Bertie is going to be starting his first job.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa...

-Bertie. Come on. There's a good boy.

Don't be a silly, don't be a silly billy.

There's a good boy, Bertie. Come on, Bertie.

Steady, steady, steady, steady, steady.

He'll be doing a bit of camel work experience,

joining other camels on a trek.

But first, Joe and Rebecca want to be sure

he can conduct himself with deportment.

The secret to training any animal - the nicer you are to an animal,

the easier it'll be, and the better result you will get.

Go on, Bertie. There's a good boy.

And whatever you do with training an animal in any way,

it's got to be fun.

Come on, Boppidee.

There we go.

-Oh! He doesn't seem to like carrots.

-Do you not like carrots?

They're joined by five-year-old hoofer Kazak,

to show Bertie how to trek along nicely.

Go on, Bertie, go on, Kazak. Go on, Kazak.

Well behaved so far.

HE CLICKS TONGUE

-Whoa! That's the wrong way.

-Whoa! Oh!

That's what I expected.

Oh, Bertie.

Bertie!

Looks like Bertie's had enough for one day!

Who's a good boy?

But the clock is ticking to get him trained,

ready to meet the public on the big trek.

I'm not entirely happy with him.

I wouldn't trust him,

the way he was kicking and the way he ran through the tape.

I'm not happy with this at all.

I think we might be pushing our luck a little bit.

He'll be OK.

I have great faith in you, Bertie, I do

because you're a good boy underneath.

You're just a bit young and silly, aren't you?

Now meet a champion breeder, who's not afraid of a bit of controversy.

This is pensioner Marlene, from Gloucestershire.

MUSIC: "The Lovecats" by The Cure

OK, all in now! All in!

Come on, darling.

Marlene's love of cats started with a gift of a kitten from her mum

when she was seven.

Good kids, lunchtime.

Now, 60 years later, cats are this former secretary's life.

Oh, there you are, darling.

Because, get this, she now shares her home with 40 of them.

Cheetah!

You've had yours.

This is their house.

Um...

I think people would think that anyone that had 40 cats is

absolutely mad, but, of course, it's not unusual in breeding circles.

Come on, darlings.

I'm their slave and I do admit that.

Marlene used to get by with just 26 cats...

..until Mum left her another 14 in her will,

and thankfully, the money to look after them.

You're my number one boy, aren't you? Yes, course you are.

I know each one individually.

They're not just a group of cats that have to be fed.

Every one of them has their name and if they were outside of the door,

and the door was closed, I would probably know them by their meow.

CAT MEOWS

Here's yours.

But some of Marlene's cats have caused controversy

in the cat breeding world.

Tiny little knot there.

CAT MEOWS

Oh, I know but you mustn't have any knots in you, darling.

This is Dezzy, one of Marlene's champion show cats.

Although he's got a lovely nature,

there's something about Dezzy that Marlene isn't as keen on.

I certainly don't like his look at all.

-CAT MEOWS

-I know.

The controversial issue is Dezzy's short nose.

Persian show cats have been bred with shorter and shorter noses

over the years, but Marlene disagrees

with the trend for short noses.

The short-nosed cats became popular about 20 years ago

and the problem is that along with these noses come health problems.

Sometimes the nostrils are almost like pinholes which makes it

very difficult for the poor things to breathe.

This short nose trend means Marlene's longer-nosed cats

are getting snubbed by the judges at cat shows.

The traditional Persian is seldom seen on the show bench.

They are saying, we don't want that sort on the show bench any more.

MUSIC: "What's New Pussycat?" by Tom Jones

But Marlene's fighting a determined one-woman battle

to try to turn that tide.

And she might have bred a breakthrough.

These two darling kittens are brother and sister

Panda Bear and Mystic Pearl.

She thinks their noses are a halfway house between the short

and the long.

These two are Marlene's best shots at winning

a competition on her terms.

In a few days she's entering them into their first show.

This one should be one of my very big hopes,

because she is absolutely faultless.

She has a very lovely face, a super rounded skull

but I think some of the judges would

possibly prefer kittens with...

a shorter nose than she has.

Her little brother Panda Bear may stand the best chance.

He does have the, what they call, the modern look and...

..he has got a shorter nose than his sister,

but a lot of them like him are quite attractive.

I think his chances should be great.

Marlene's been fighting this particular battle for 15 years,

and the two siblings are her best and last-ditch attempt at success.

We'll find out later how they get on.

In the meantime, let's meet another breeder

who has high pedigree animals of a very different hue.

To Derbyshire now...

Come on! Come on, girl.

..and the home of some very special and unusual French bulldogs

that have been bred by the former dog groomer Corin.

Once you've had a French bulldog, you are absolutely smitten with them.

They're funny little characters,

they're known as the clown dogs of the dog world.

You're just never bored. They keep you entertained all day long.

It's great exercise for me as well, trying to keep up with them so.

Woo! Don't catch your dog like that!

Now, this little chap is Milo, a champion breeding male,

who's already fathered three litters.

And love is in the air because Milo has fallen head over heels

for a young beauty called River.

Dogs can pick up the scent of a female from three miles away

and River is sending Milo into an absolute frenzy.

MUSIC: "Puppy Love" by Donny Osmond

Come in, then.

This is a real love story.

Milo, from the moment that he saw River when she was a puppy,

absolutely besotted with her.

He follows her round, he's totally lovesick

and he's got eyes only for her.

She is take it or leave it, she puts him in his place.

DOGS YELP

I think she thinks he's an absolute fool to be honest,

but he is absolutely in love with her.

And in case you were worried this was going to end as

another tragic story of unrequited love,

Milo, it seems, might just get his girl after all.

We are actually, this year, going to consummate their relationship

because he is going to be, hopefully,

daddy to her babies, which is quite exciting.

Now, there's something unique

and very valuable about Milo's puppies, and that's their colour.

They may look dark grey, but in the breeding world

they're called blues.

Now, Milo is the dad of this blue Frenchie.

She's one year old, and has 17 show champions

in her pedigree bloodline, making her bulldog aristocracy.

This is Joules, she's an absolute diva.

She absolutely loves being bathed and pampered

and she's really my little princess, she's one of my favourites

but don't tell the others.

Um...you know, she loves all the fuss.

Joules is a bit of a hometown celebrity who gets invited to

all manner of local events but like most celebrities,

she's a bit of a prima donna.

Because she's a little diva... Put Mummy's shower cap on your head.

That's better.

Good girl.

Hello, everybody. This is Joules.

Today, Joules has been invited to a meet and greet at a local nursery.

Oh, look.

Now, here the children don't seem to be at all phased

at the frankly bizarre sight of a blue dog in a pink hoodie.

Oh! What does she look like now?

-She looks like a rabbit.

-She does!

Children absolutely adore her, they just flock to her, you know,

and it's just fun to see, it's great to see.

Do you want to give her a treat?

-Yay!

-All give her treats again.

She's a diva, an absolute diva. She's stubborn.

If I ask her to do something, if she doesn't want to do it she won't do it.

She looks like a princess!

She does!

My wife Anne and I have always loved our dogs.

Six weeks after our last schnauzer, Muffin, died,

we took on a rescue dog called Baz.

But Baz arrived traumatised by his past experiences,

and I'm sorry to say he's still very wary of me.

Dogs have always been my dogs

because I go out on the course with them walking and golfing.

So he's the first one that hasn't been.

He's very, very attached to Anne.

'I am determined to find a way to reassure Baz

'he can be safe with me too.'

Here's our Bazzio.

'So, I've invited dog trainer Chris to our local park for some advice.'

So, I've brought along a training line,

so it just gives Baz a little bit more freedom.

'Baz might need a moment or two to get used to this.'

Oh, you're a good boy.

'Today, we are going to work on getting Baz happy

'to come back to me if I call him.'

The idea is with the recall, we're going to get Anne to call,

and you to do the reward.

So it's a bit of a double...

Oh, right.

But you're the provider of the nice stuff

and Anne's the one that asks him to come over.

-Yes.

-Yes.

OK, Anne, see if you can call him over, and again, Ron,

if you just throw him another little treat.

Come here, darling. Come on.

-Come on...

-That's it.

Excellent. Perfect, lovely. Brilliant. So, that's the process.

The process is that Anne does the calling, you do the treating.

Yes.

Come on, my lovely.

Yes, yes, yes, here's a treat. Treat, treat.

Treat, treat.

-OK, excellent.

-Very good.

-Treat, treat.

That's it. Excellent.

OK, and Ron, if you throw him a treat. Lovely. Perfect.

Let's just try that once more, just to make... That's it, excellent.

-Come on, my lovely.

-He's on his way back...

-Nearly.

-Look, look, darling. Ooh!

Perfect, brilliant. And Ron, you give him a treat.

'Baz does seem to be making some progress,

'but he's still nervous about me, despite my Scooby snacks.'

Very good boy!

He nearly prefers picking the treats up from the ground, doesn't he?

Yes, my lovely.

Here, darling.

-Oh, throw it on the path.

-Yay!

That's brilliant.

'I'm realising it's all about taking baby steps,

'but Chris has given me hope that I can some day get Baz

'to respond to me like my other dogs have.'

I think Ronnie's really good because he's very, very patient.

With Baz, it's all about taking things very, very slowly,

not having high expectations and making sure that everything is very

reward-based, so lots of positive associations, but not to rush him.

I do feel as though you've got somewhere with him.

Oh, yes, and you are very confident and know your onions.

-You do know...

-Thank you! Thank you.

Back to the Cotswolds to catch up on how Bertie is getting on

on his first trek.

Come on, Bertie. Come on.

And hello! Who is looking dapper and dignified?

What a good boy you are, Bertie.

Bertie's coming on awfully well.

As you can see, he's a lot better than he was last time,

but, after saying that, I mean, there's still a long way to go.

Do you want a carrot?

Would you like a carrot? Nice and gently.

He's even eating his vegetables.

Good boy.

Now we've got a new thing for Bertie.

I'm camel whispering, and I get a flag and I wipe it all over Bertie...

Where are you going...?

Wipe it all over Bertie, round his legs and things...

Bertie, where are you going? Come here.

Come here, Bertie. Come here, poppet.

In the future, Bertie will need to take a rider on his back,

but camels are notoriously difficult to train

and Joe takes it slowly, getting him used to having his flanks touched.

Now, Mr Bertie, this is a blanket.

I don't think you've seen a blanket before.

Do you want to have a look?

Have a look, poppet. Have a look.

It's only like the flag.

Another carrot, Bertie?

Have a carrot, there's a good boy.

There's a good boy.

There's a good boy, Bertie.

So far, so good.

Bertie seems like he's taking it all in his stride.

I think he's ready for the Camel Trail.

Bertie's tagging along with two more mature camels on the trek.

Joe can't risk him with a child yet.

It'll be hard enough to get him to walk in a straight line.

Do you want another carrot? Have a carrot, Bertie.

Here we go.

It could take another 12 months to train Bertie to take a rider.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on...

Fingers crossed we see some promising signs today.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Come on. Come on.

No, no, no, no, no. This way.

Well, I'm very pleased with that.

Up until now he's going very well.

You can never speak too soon though...

but he's a lot better than I expected.

Oh, look, something's missing.

Oh. Stop! Stop! His rug's fallen off!

I'm going to attempt to pick it up again.

Good boy, Bertie. Good boy. Now, nice and steady.

Nice and steady.

Whoa, Bertie.

Whoa, Bertie. He's a bit tense about that.

Come on, Bertie, catch your friends.

Rug crisis averted...

but Bertie seems a little bit agitated now.

Steady. Steady.

He's starting to pull me now.

To pull me around. He's, uh...

Come on. Good boy.

Steady.

-Steady.

-One last bit of argy-bargy,

but they're on the home straight now.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa.

We're not going to do this rushing. No, keep going.

Turning the circle. I'm too close to you.

I was quite pleased with that for the first trek.

I think he'll be a good trekking camel

and he was quite chilled out there really.

I'm really, really pleased.

Good boy.

And he certainly does like carrots.

Makes it a lot easier.

Back with Joules, the blue Frenchie.

Corin has brought her to Surrey for a special treat.

Joules has been invited to a doggie birthday party

and so Corin's arranged for her to have a pedicure for dogs...

otherwise known as a pawdicure.

A pawdicure is a nontoxic, um...

Just the colour on their nails for dogs.

This stuff just washes off.

If you get it in a puddle and you're going for a red carpet night,

you've had it. It will wash off.

A little bit of pampering for your pooch is great for them.

As you can see, she is really enjoying it.

That's what happens in here.

The dogs usually go to sleep and chill out.

-It's just wonderful.

-It has that effect, doesn't it?

-I know, it does, yeah.

-Can you do it on me?

-Yeah!

THEY LAUGH

And now here's the birthday girl,

a miniature Yorkie that belongs to Kelly, one of the salon owners.

This is my Halloween outfit for girls.

It's got lots of lace and diamond blings round the collar.

You can never have too much bling in your life.

This cupcake here is designed for people that don't want to

look at unsightly bottoms of their doggies.

And the way it works is it's on a bit of string, you put that string

over the doggie's tail, like so...

and as you pull it down into position,

you can then gently pull on this toggle...

..and voila, problem solved.

MUSIC: "Don't Cha" by The Pussycat Dolls

The other party guests have arrived at the salon,

and it's time to get dolled up.

Now, I've nothing against a nice frock, but...

not on dogs.

The dogs are taken outside for the party.

Goodness knows what they make of it all.

Who makes cakes just for dogs?

But wait until you see this...

..it's the party girl, Zephyr, in cake form.

Now, I know that dressing up your pet is not everyone's cup of tea,

and it's not something I would ever do,

but Corin is adamant the dogs enjoy it too.

Dogs like to have fun as well, and it makes people smile.

There's no harm done there.

As long as it's not harming the dog at all,

then I don't see any problems with that at all.

Come on, babies.

Finally, it's the day of reckoning for Marlene and her two kittens.

Your first show day today.

She's brought them to the Somerset and Cambria Cat Show.

Will Marlene's fight against short noses win the day?

It's make or break time.

Little Mysti.

First, like all cats entered into the show,

they have to be checked by a vet.

There's Panda. I know... There's a good boy.

Good, he can go back to bed.

In the show hall, 400 cats are being got ready.

On average, there are three shows like this every weekend in the UK,

with some owners travelling hundreds of miles to compete.

I still enjoy coming and I enjoy showing babies.

But in the bi-coloured Persian kitten category, there is

only one other kitten that has been entered against Panda Bear.

He is called Fred Perry...

and he's got a short nose.

This kitten hasn't got an extreme short nose...

and neither has he got a long nose, so he should be acceptable

to the majority of judges,

but we will just have to see.

It really depends on the judge.

Some of them still go - the shorter the nose to them, the better.

Bye-bye, darling. Good luck, then.

Mystic Pearl has no competition at all in her blue kitten category,

but if she is not considered up to scratch,

the judges can still choose not to award a prize.

My thoughts really are that she's the old-fashioned type.

The judges that are judging today

like the shorter, higher nose,

they're usually between the eyes.

OK, Mysti, good luck. Bye, darling.

So, it's the waiting game now. Time for coffee.

Once Marlene's gone, the judges start their deliberation.

MUSIC: "Cool for Cats" by Squeeze

Panda Bear is first.

Coat. It's a kitten coat, isn't it?

So, it's not at its best at the moment, but well prepared.

Not a bad little nose, hasn't it?

It needs to go back a bit,

and I think when you've finished teething, that will go back.

What do they think about his rival, Fred Perry?

Much better than the other one, isn't it?

Because that one is a bit bulbous.

This one is flatter.

If I was a betting man, I'd say it's not looking good for Panda Bear.

Waiting outside the show hall,

Marlene's big fear is that the judges could withhold giving

an award if they don't think her kittens are up to standard.

I get rather keyed up when I'm waiting for results...

because you never know what is going to happen.

Sometimes I'm overconfident,

I think I have something really super...

and I go to the board and I have had withholds on some

really super cats, and then I am a very, very unhappy person.

It's Mystic Pearl's turn to be judged in her class of one.

Real sweetie.

That's a lovely bite, isn't it? Absolutely dead level.

Beautiful to see.

Nice pale coat.

What are we...? She's 14 weeks, 15 weeks.

-There's loads of movement in that face.

-Yeah.

-Yeah? I think so.

-I think she gets the ticket, doesn't she?

-Yeah.

Does what it says on the can. Brilliant, lovely.

I am not an expert, but considering there's no other entry,

I'd say she stands a good chance of winning this category.

The judges have made their decisions and the rosettes are dished out.

Mystic Pearl does get a first, no surprises there,

but Panda Bear, as feared, loses out and comes second to Fred Perry.

His owner is thrilled.

-Well done!

-Igglepiggle, Igglepiggle!

It's his first show today.

We prefer the more shorter nose, the higher... That's what,

really, as breeders, we're wanting, without it being a restricted nose.

The more sort of open face like that, they call that the

old-fashioned Persian. That's like the old English Persian.

-Hi. Congratulations.

-Thank you very much.

OK. Panda. Panda.

Aww, good boy.

There you go. There. It's yours.

Oh, you've been very clever.

Mystic Pearl's hollow victory aside,

Marlene's hopes of success with her Persians seem dashed.

She feels these kittens will never be champions.

As show cats, I couldn't...

..I couldn't say definitely that they would win,

and therefore it's better for them to go to very, very loving homes,

to people who don't want to show them.

Well, I can tell you, those two adorable kittens have now

gone together to a new home as family pets.

For now, it's goodnight from me.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd