John Bishop's Sport Relief Hell Sport Relief

John Bishop is a comedian, not an athlete. He is about to take on a

unique challenge for Sport Relief. John is going to be the first

person ever to cycle... And wrote, run 295 miles between two of the

world's most famous cities. He will be Cycling the gruelling one London

85 miles from Paris to Calais. Rowing 26 back-breaking miles

across the English Channel and winning three marathons back-to-

back from Dover to London, all in just five days. I massively under

estimated this. A mass of the! The end result is worth having, I am

not prepared to stop. This is the story of John's extraordinary

journey. I will put �1 million he will finish this. The even the

waltzes are joining in. He is raising a lot of money by putting

himself through hell. A top man, doing a great thing. He is still my

dad, but he is like a national hero now. He will change so many lives.

The biggest problem for me is I have come out and there is a degree

of enthusiasm, to be honest with you, I was not expecting. I am in

London and as I am stood here facing 3,500 cock knees, trying to

pick my words carefully up is because the only words in my head

was "calm down". John Bishop is a 45-year-old comedian from Liverpool.

On the road for much of the year and constantly in demand. Success

came late for John after he made a radical decision to change his life.

Six years ago I was still doing a normal job. My whole life has

changed dramatically. I work for pharmaceutical company in the sales

and marketing department. I was doing the corporate life and doing

a bit of stand-up. I thought, if I don't do it, then I am not doing it

because I am married with three kids and a mortgage and everything

else. I am going to end up blaming my own kids for me not taking a

chance. I thought that is not the way to be because I will be in my

50 saying I could have done something, but I did not. Doing

stand-up comedy is the most joyful thing I have ever done in my life.

As regards to the comedy, that came out of the blue. He seems to hold

an audience. It is like he is sitting in a pub with his mates. I

don't know how he does it. I could not stand up and do a speech at a

family gathering. I don't know where he gets it from. It must be

the milkman. Growing up I was the youngest of four, growing up on a

council estate where there wasn't a lot of money. I wasn't able to have

the opportunity to do stuff. So when it comes to having a challenge

placed in front of me, it is a test of who you are as a person. Off on

a big adventure. This will be a true test of character and an

experience he will never forget. There is no going back, the point

of no return. What ever happens now This morning, John, is setting off

on his epic journey between does two of the world's most iconic

cities. It will take him five days to get home. I am anxious to get

going to be honest. I have to make sure I don't fail or end up in the

corner crying and sucking my thumb. Which I feel like doing! For world

champion cyclist, Chris Boardman is keeping John Company for the first

20 kilometres of his ride. He knows how hard the next 24 hours of going

to be, even if John doesn't. John is doing the equivalent of one of

the longest Tour de France stages. The weight of expectation on John

is massive. He will go by bike from Paris to Calais, then rode the

Channel, and in the UK will run three marathons in as many days to

get to the finish line. The people of Britain are following his every

move. He is oping to raise over a million pounds. But this to work,

he needs as much publicity as he can get. It starts now, 8:15am,

Monday morning. Good morning to Mr John Bishop. Good morning, how are

you? Here you are ready to cycle 185 miles in a date. Are we

starting you laugh? A apparently you are going to start me off. It

is time to get on my bike. He is putting on his glasses. Are you

ready? I am ready. You week of Health as Sport Relief starts in

It is manned isn't it. You are quite balanced on a bike. Being

able to go round the art a tree on foot was brilliant. Now I just

carry on to Calais. Good luck with that. Thanks for making the effort.

Have fun on your right. Chris, you are a start. Where is my police

gone? The last civilian. Chris has got John off to a great start. He

is in good spirits, even though he hasn't quite got the hang of his

Act some man just called me an idiot in French. I was trying to

balance like experienced riders do. The problem is, my thoughts is in

the clips, and if you lose your balance and you cannot get it out

quickly enough. That has dented my ego. I am glad Chris Boardman was

not here to see that. It would have been embarrassing. Let's get the

miles on. It is only 10:30am and John will be on his bike until

midnight at the earliest. If he is late into Calais, he will miss the

tide that will help carry the boat to Dover and that will be over

before it begins all John's training is for this.

He has to dig deep to keep going. Someone to talk to to break it up a

little bit. But, what can you do? John is putting himself through

this to help save lives. Sport Relief asked him to go to Sierra

Leone in Africa to see where the money is going. I might come here

today and just be so overwhelmed, I feel it is to bigger thing to put

right. It maybe I come away from this and say, it won't make any

difference at all. This is the only children's hospital in Sierra Leone.

It is fighting to keep children alive. Many die of malaria,

pneumonia and diarrhoea. All of which are preventable and treatable.

John is hoping to raise enough money to vaccinate a quarter of a

million children. On the way in, I did not know what to expect. You

think you have seen a lot in your life, but when you come to

somewhere like this. This is the raw end of what Sport Relief is.

This country has one of the worst child mortality rates in the world.

In Sierra Leone, diseases that are easily treated in the UK are

killers. You can only imagine what it feels like to know some of the

children in here are possibly not going to make it. On the morning

John was at the hospital, three children passed away from

preventable diseases. This little girl died from the effects of

diarrhoea. It is the hardest thing a mother could ever have to face.

The sound came out of her mum. Only a parent who has lost can make that

sound. This is here every single day, 365 days of the year. These

people are living it. When you see that, you just think anything,

anything that changes its and moves it up a little bit has to be a good

thing. I think I have come here at the right time. The training was

getting difficult, trying to train when it is freezing cold and then

all of a sudden you come in and you realise it makes it such a

difference. And it gives you a little bit of impetus. This trip to

Serie A owner was the focus John needed to us day training. Even

though it was the last thing he wanted to do. It is 7:30am, the

kids are getting up and I have got to go for an hour and a half runs.

The dog does not want to do it. That is exactly what I feel like.

His arduous regime has been planned by his coach, Professor Greg Whyte,

an expert in endurance training who will be supporting him all the way

to the finish line. He is pensive, it is about success and completing

the challenge. It has to be successful. So, to attend he has

got a lot of pressure on him. you tomorrow. Greg has devised a

three-month plan to get John fit. His first priority is to build up

his stamina by getting him running. Greg start him on 10 kilometre runs

which quickly build sou one, for Marathon. This is officially the

furthest on the longest I have ever ran in my life. I am not even being

chased. 27 miles, over a marathon. I am absolutely battered. I wish I

had something funny to say. He does look tired this morning, but he was

in bed by 8pm last night. He was falling asleep up the table. He is

ticking off his little homework. I am doing this, I am doing that.

the time he has finished, John will have run the distance between

Edinburgh and London, cycled the length of Britain and rode the

length of the Thames. When he rose across the Channel he will be

helped by Denise Lewis. I am not a great swimmer, I might drown.

Freddie Flintoff. It is a particularly enjoyable, I am not

sure Steve Redgrave likes it. Davina McCall. Oh my God, it is a

canoe. They have all done some individual training but have only

John knows it will be a mental and a physical battle. In my head, I

can do it. If I put it altogether I can't. I'm breaking it down. It

might be that half-way through it I just give up. But, all right, I

have got nothing left. I won't give up. That is the one thing I know I

won't do. I won't give up. There might be nothing left. I might not

be able to do it. John has been cycle on his own for the -- cycling

on his own for the last 80 miles. He is beginning to tire. Right now,

what he needs is some moral support. Let's make him a proper Scouser! I

know you are just an ordinary lad from Liverpool, but will you hurry

up so we can get to Calais? These are John's mates. They have helped

him with his training and have come to the half-way point in France to

push him on to Calais. There he is. APPLAUSE I'm glad to see you. This

is great. The whole set-up. Is this our tent or has someone been

murdered?! LAUGHTER The time is 6.10pm. We set off at 9.00am. We

have to do the same again, plus probably some time. As he slows, we

are looking at 2.00am. He has to be up at 6.00am to get in the boat and

row across the Channel. It is a mind game now. It will get tougher

Change your gear, John. Nice and steady. In spite of his friends'

best efforts, John has fallen an hour-and-a-half behind schedule. He

can't afford to be late at the coast as time and tide wait for no

John arrives at his last pit-stop before Calais. Tightening in his

back and neck muscles mean he is in constant pain. What time is it?

1.30am. How long have we been on the bike? We got on at 9.00am so we

have been on for 12, 13, 14, 15- and-a-half, 16-and-a-half hours.

We've got at least... We have two- and-a-half hours to go. It's good,

it is looking good. 25 miles away in Calais, John's welcoming

committee is waiting for him. Davina, Denise and Freddie all have

to be up at the crack of dawn, but they want to be there when John

# There's only one Johnny Bishop! # Never thought I would hear you lot

sing my name! The longest day in my life by a mile. It's been the

longest day in my life by a mile. There's still no sign of him. I'm

in two minds whether to wait or go to bed. I have to be fresh. He must

have had an horrific day. After a gruelling 18 hours on his bike,

John arrives in Calais at 4.00am, two hours before his alarm call.

I've only done 20% of the challenge! I have underestimated

this, massively. Today was hard. I'm absolutely goosed. I've had an

hour's kip. This is ridiculous. all John had in reserve was his

"power nap", he would be in big trouble. To stand a chance of

getting back to England before nightfall, he will need a little

help from his friends. I think the sense of responsibility, his bike

ride was much longer than anticipated. He is going to be

exhausted, tired, so it is like - I will be rowing for two people today

- that is my job! It is quite daunting. I'm not frightened. I

know I have trained hard. I have never been in a boat for more than

two-and-a-half hours at a stretch. It will be seven hours. I'm a bit

daunted. I want to get started. I have just been sat here. I want to

get in the boat and get home! and his crew now face an arduous

26-mile row across the English Channel. There are only four of

them in a boat designed for six and there are no pit-stops in the sea.

The Channel tides go up-and-down so if they go off course, they could

end up landing anywhere on the east coast of England. The good news is

that after last night's rain, the weather is dry and the sea is still

but John's not convinced. Apparently, this is meant to be

calm. Sleep-deprived and nauseous, John is relying on his fresh-faced

mates and cox, Mike Gilbert, who has rowed the Channel twice before.

Let's get this show on the road! just a little - listen up. You have

�285,000 in the bag! CHEERING don't have to do it now! Let's go

back! LAUGHTER �285,000! OK, come forward, standby to give way and

It is going to get choppy now. Really concentrate. There and away.

And there. And away. There. And These four are rowing rookies, but

they are in safe hands. The coastal authorities know what they are

doing and they have mike on the rudder. They are following his

every instruction, which includes swapping position in the boat every

hour. Sounds easy? Not so much for John in the state he is in. You all

right? We are six miles in, the one that I am worried about is John.

One hour's sleep and he is in the boat. He's looking a little bit

ropey. I think we might have broken him. Everybody OK? You are doing an

awesome job! You are flying. JB, how are you feeling?

hallucinating. Not surprised. talking to a dolphin! You are doing

awesome. Keep it going. As the team row hard for home, John's brain is

struggling to tell his body what to Easy. John's deteriorating rapidly.

Lack of sleep means his co- ordination has gone and even the

basics are getting too difficult for him. Freddie signals for help.

We are half-way across with John starting to flag badly. Worried

about the sleep deprivation. Energy levels are incredibly low. Even

Freddie is concerned about him. I'm a bit worried. He is not John

Bishop. I will try and give him some drugs to see if that is going

to work for him. If they can't give John the boost he needs to keep

going, Greg may be forced to take All the rowers can hope for is that

the high-energy supplements kick in and make him work as a team to help

Still with me, John? Mr Bishop, Sir. The power bars and painkillers

start to take effect. From somewhere, John finds the energy he

needs to keep on track for Dover. Thanks to the support of Mike the

cox and his friends, the end is in If the singing has not woken John

up, there is something on the horizon that will! It is not

looking good, this. Not looking too healthy. What shall we do? That is

enormous! Let's row! That's improved my energy levels seeing

After eight exhausting hours at sea, the team finally make it into

harbour. CHEERING I can hear people screaming. APPLAUSE They have rowed

26 back-breaking miles to get home and this leg of the challenge

nearly broke John. I don't know how he did the last

bit. Amazing. He really is. I can't believe he has three marathons to

do as well. It is great, to come home and get a reception. But just

in the middle, if I hadn't been with those three, I couldn't have

Finally, at 8.00pm, John arrives at his hotel. Before he can get much-

needed sleep, he needs an ice bath to repair any muscle damage he's

suffered since he started the challenge. We will go ten minutes,

OK? Today was tough. I definitely hit the wall today, no doubt about

it. The seeing double was scary. You look at your oar when you are

rowing and I was trying to pick one of the two! Mike the cox was

pulling me through and I got through it. I was quite emotional

at the end, to have shared that experience. I will never ever do

that again. None of us will. And then when we got in, there was a

crowd there, it was such a surprise. John is not even halfway through

his challenge. Ahead, perhaps the hardest bit yet. Three marathons in

as many days. How are you feeling? Tell-tale signs of a bit of a kit

and pains. I am shattered. Ouch. Now it is just a case of getting

going isn't it? In the last 48 hours, John has had just seven

hours sleep, and his body is showing signs of work. The doctor

places take which she will hope will help the flow of blood and

reduce the swelling. Thanks a million. Helping John set the pace

and drum up support in his first marathon is Comedy Dave from Radio

One. Now at last on home turf and the

British public are turning out to get behind him. Thanks very much.

The nice thing about here is hopefully, what will help you is

you will have people coming out on the street and it makes a big

difference. It really does give you a lift. It is just the boost John

needs. He is a Super man, and doing a wonderful thing to raise this

money. Absolutely amazing. It is harder to win that all day, my

shoulders will be knackered. Over the next three days, John will 182

miles to London and that is more than a marathon a day. Today's run

will take him through Ken's, over the North Downs to Faversham.

you OK? Thought it was all over then. That is what is good about

Sport Relief, that is the most exercise she has done in the number

of years. 6.5 miles from Dover and Comedy Dave hands the pacemaking

baton over to Dermot O'Leary. to see you. POW brilliance is

that?! -- how brilliant it is that. Unlike Dermot, John is a relatively

new face on television. His transformation from sales manager

to stand up came at a difficult time in his marriage to Melanie.

Melanie, we split up for two years. I had the kids every weekend. So,

Monday night's we just depressing. I bet. I went to a comedy club

because I thought it was something I could do on my own on a Monday. I

had no interest in comedy whatsoever. The man said, it is �4

to get in, will three of you put your name down to have a go?

Fortunately we got back together and I said to her, if I do enough

gigs, we can break even. John was fortunate enough to be in a

position to be able to change his life for the better. On his trip to

Africa earlier this year, he met a little girl who also want to change.

Kadiatu lives in Sierra Leone's bigger sum. Her home is right next

to a river and as there is barely any running water or sanitation,

people are forced to use it as a toilet. Can you explain where we

You can see why. Can you imagine asking your 11-year-old daughter to

go to the toilet into the river? The money Sport Relief has raised

has already paid for new taps providing clean, safe drinking

water, but so much more needs to be done. There is still no real sewage

system, so 600 people have to share each toilet. What are your worries

for the future? What are the things you worry about? You lost your

sister? Millions of children die unnecessarily every year from

water-borne diseases. Just come here for 10 minutes. Just stand

with Kadiatu and tell me you don't want to do something about it.

Sport Relief is helping to deliver clean water, vaccinations and

better education for kids here. What do you want to be when you

grow up? A lawyer? You want to be a I said, what do you want to be when

you grow up and she said a lawyer. I wanted to start crying. No one

wants a handout, they just want a Thanks everyone. John, this is

where I leave you. Dermot's stint is up and leaves John to run the

final 11 miles of his first marathon alone. He is a guy who

laughs at his unique way. That is a stand-up, compares it to his own

life. His focus is extraordinary. Gentlemen from the BBC has asked me

to give you this. Is this real? This is the total. Can you see

that? �600,000. It has blown me out of the water. 27 gruelling miles

are finally over and at the finish line in Faversham, the crowds are

out in force. He might be shattered, but the

crowds have kept him going. I think the generosity of spirit of the

English people. In France, I was isolated and we did a lot of it in

the dark. And obviously on the Channel there is no one there. In

some respects I am blown away by how many people even know what is

going on. John's biggest supporter is his wife, Melanie. She has been

closely following his progress so far on the internet. It has been

really upsetting. I watch the rowing today and I was crying.

has come down sooner than planned It is day number four, and it could

not be off to a worse start for johns. He has had a terrible night

at a time when he really needs his rest. I was very sick last night.

Apparently what happens, your body, if you over exercise, your body

reacts and refuses food. Still exhausted and with an empty stomach,

he starts his long-running day. From Faversham to Gravesend.

# Bishop but we love you #. John needs all of the help he can

get, so he has asked his wife to run with him for the first leg.

do you feel? Wrath. OK. Have you ever ran together at home? You used

to be really competitive. You did. No, you did. The three miles in and

we are having a domestic. John and Mel met at university and have been

married for 19 years. What is the secret, John? Spend a lot of time

away from home. Go on tour a lot. Mel has given him an early lift,

but three hours in, John is struggling to keep any sort of pace.

Thank you. Come on. I know you are struggling, John, but you have just

got to keep going haven't you? at that. Thank you. What he has

been doing has been amazing and we are 100% behind him. We have been

sponsoring him, so we wanted to cheer him on as he runs along the

road. Thank you. He hasn't eaten to luck -- since last night and even

that he could not keep down. His energy levels are utterly depleted.

No one knows him better than Mel, and she has never seen him in such

a bad way. Thank you. Thank you. is struggling. Really, really

struggling now. I find it quite upsetting. I have seen him tired

and very stressed, but this is something... It is complete

exhaustion. He is asleep. It is not a great place to be, and he has

still got over half a marathon to do. He is absolutely dead on his

feet. But he has got to keep going, he does not have a choice. It is

going to be tough for him. John's priority is food and not sleep. He

needs to load up on cards to get through the next 13 miles. But the

rice and bread he is having for lunch are proving difficult to

stomach. -- carbs. With only a few mouthfuls of food inside him, John

sets off again. Thank you. somehow, and with the support of

the people of Kent, he carries on. Thank you. He looks knackered, to

be honest. I wouldn't want to be doing it. Would you? No way.

for the money. It is not just the great British public who are

turning a to cheer him on. He has no idea I have come to run

with him today. You are doing really well. What are you doing

here?! Ready? I will run with youth. You are my favourites dancer, johns.

-- Scouser. John is now nearly halfway through his final ones. The

carnival spirit has given him a new lease of life. With eight miles,

John makes Eddie talk to Sir Joseph Williamson's School in Chatham.

They raise �28,000 last Sport Relief, which they hope to beat at

this time. It is amazing how much money he has raised. It is also

work Chris Moyles hands over FF2 Skinner to keep John on track.

can do another 40 miles, and then do another five miles on vapour. I

think he is on Weber. John makes his living by making people laugh,

but it is getting harder and harder to smile. The road is full of

people cheering and nobody wants to see you in bits. It takes it away

from them. I don't go to have to # Life goes on

# Day after day... # # Every way... #

# So ferry # Across the Mersey. #

Against all the odds, John completes his second marathon.

want to see he is all right. He's He's raised loads of money. Proud

of him. Hopefully, he will make it. He is fantastic. He is doing an

amazing job. We love him. It is all for a really good cause. Chris

Moyles is a leg! And Frank Skinner. Straight in there. Oh. My whole

body is hurting. My feet, the shins, the front of my shins, hamstrings -

everything. If anyone's got any doubts about how cold this is,

those ducks were yellow when I put It is the last day of John's five-

day Sport Relief Challenge. So far, he's travelled over 260 miles under

his own steam. Today, he is facing his final marathon and he is

running on empty. Oh (BLEEP)... Yards from the start, it is obvious

he is suffering. I know (BLEEP)... Cheers, mate. All right, mate. My

right shin. Oh. John's got stabbing pains in his right leg, but he

manages to stagger on, knowing the next pit-stop is only a few miles

away. Thanks, mate. Good luck. Thank you. Argh! Oh. Thanks. Thank

HORN SOUNDS Cheers, mate. John finds something deep inside to keep

going. The support he is getting from the public is driving him on,

even though he is in agony. Morning! Morning! APPLAUSE Thank

you. Thank you. Thanks. Thank you. 20 quid. How brilliant is that? It

does give you a lift, a lift like you wouldn't imagine to be honest.

HORNS SOUND Cheers, mate. John's still got virtually a whole

marathon to run on his damaged leg - the result of four days of

extraordinary physical endurance. At the next stop, Greg calls for an

emergency physio session. John's condition is causing real concern.

Argh! That's it! Right there. is not happy with what he has found

and he is worried John may be doing himself lasting damage. One of the

things we are worried about is whether there's a hairline fracture

in the bone, the shin bone itself. That can happen with stress, the

amount of stress that he has undertaken in that leg. That is

very bad news. That is quite a serious injury. It could stop him.

Argh! We are looking after him. We are making sure that he remains

safe, his health remains safe, however if this continues to get

worse, we will have to talk to him about it. John's exhausted. Greg

treats his strained muscles, abrasions and blisters, straps his

leg up and gives John whatever he needs to keep going, including some

moral support. John's brother Eddie and Robbie Savage have turned up to

run the next leg with him. I'm not into comedians, but he is brilliant.

He has my sense of humour, which is very funny! LAUGHTER But a

completely different dress sense! Look at the shorts! He is in a lot

of pain. He's a winner. He will do As John approaches Greenwich Park,

his two youngest sons give him the lift he will need. We will run

through the park to support him, talk to him while we are running.

Hopefully, we will not just talk about school. Dad's in red! I know,

I can see him. Let's go. How have you been? It's been an interesting

week. It's all right. It's all right, mate. Good to see you,

Oh. Argh! He is doing something like this for kids he's never met

before and he is like putting himself through utter pain. You

have seen his leg, all bruised. He just keeps on going. Come on, John!

Come on, Robbie! APPLAUSE At the final pit-stop, John's eldest son,

Joe, is there to meet him. How are you? This is the last chance the

medics have to examine John's leg. I don't think the bone is broken.

That is just causing pressure. Argh! Yeah, yeah. YEAH! They are

doing everything they can to keep him moving. I don't think it is as

bad as it could be. No-one seems to be agreeing with me. LAUGHTER When

he finishes, he will need an x-ray, but for now he is given the go-

ahead to carry on. As he slowly makes his way into London, John

barely has the energy to run let John limps towards the finish line.

His achievements are monumental by anyone's standards. So proud of him.

I think going out to Sierra Leone, seeing what the money does, that

spurred him on to do it. It will make a difference. Him doing this

will make it all worthwhile for other people. Staggering the

support. Staggering. It will be what helps him. Thank you. I'm so

proud of him. So proud of him. John finally has the finish line in

his sights. He is like a national hero. He's done so much and he will

change so many lives and save so many lives as well. Mixed emotions.

Dead proud and dead worried about him. He hasn't half gone through it,

Apology for the loss of subtitles for 63 seconds

John Bishop, everybody! Have you any idea how much you have raised

for Sport Relief? I haven't. No idea. I have got the official

figure right here. Want to hear it? I have to say that's blown me away!

This week's over. It's done with. It will be forgotten. That money is

going to change lives and it is going to change the lives of people

that we don't know, people we haven't met and what's going to

happen is they are going to have a better life and then they will

contribute to all of us having a better life. On their behalf, I

have got to thank you. APPLAUSE absolutely, yeah, just relieved

that he is here now and he will be all right. CHEERING I can't thank

people enough for the goodwill. People were patting me on the back,

people were cheering me. But also they are the people who saw me, the

people who were 300, 400, 500, 1,000 miles away who thought, "I am

now motivated enough to pick up my phone and send a text" or to join

the Sport Relief Mile. They are the people that I thank. If I had done

all of this and they hadn't done their bit, then it would have been

worthless. I thank them. You can still do your bit tonight. It is

really easy. Text the word "HELP" to 70005 and you will be donating

�5 to Sport Relief. All the money will be added to John's total to