The Final Score Sport Relief

Welcome to Sport Relief: The Final Score.

You were amazing this year.

You ran, you cycled, you swam.

I mean, you really went the extra mile,

and together you raised a massive...

..which is just unbelievable.

And, for that, we want to say a massive thank-you.

The weekend kicked off at the Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park,

and it all went a little bit like this.

APPLAUSE, CHEERING

Hello, Sport Relief 2016!

Welcome to the show.

And Hugh Dennis is down!

Dainty step.

-Hello, Mr Wiggins.

-Get off!

You've actually never looked lovelier.

It's a ten!

Every middle-aged man across the country,

you can donate to stand where I am.

I will run 27 marathons in 27 days.

We love you, Eddie, and keep going!

That was just horrendous.

What a night!

Goodbye, Doris.

Look, I did not kill the chicken.

Thank you!

It really was quite something.

And, today, we're going to show you

some of the highlights of that great weekend,

give you some really good news, and meet some fantastic fundraisers.

Let's start with the Sainsbury's Sport Relief Games,

where tens of thousands of you signed up

and did yourselves double proud.

Over to the hosts on the day, Matt Baker and Alex Jones.

-MATT:

-Four, three, two, one.

# One way or another

# I'm gonna find you

# I'm gonna get you, get you... #

Well, hello and welcome to the Sport Relief Game Show

-with Matt Baker...

-And Alex Jones.

-We're just going to rumba.

-Rumba?

Slowly rumba down.

This lady is celebrating her birthday.

I'm sure you got involved, didn't you?

I certainly did.

Thousands of you took time out of your busy lives to visit

one of the 600 Sport Relief events taking place around the UK.

Haven't gotten very much training,

cos actually, we only entered yesterday.

And this lovely lady, Hege,

her husband and three boys

stepped up to run six miles around the Olympic Park,

despite her facing a battle with cancer.

What I really wanted was a family event, and we had that.

I'm really, really excited!

It was just fun, so we just took our time and just enjoyed it.

We raised over £3,000, which is very good.

We can't stop! We need to do this. Bye!

My diagnosis wasn't that lucky.

It was...

Nearly at the end of my life.

But I'm still here, still smiling,

and I'm jolly well going to keep going.

Definitely doing OK.

Yeah.

So well done, all of you.

Especially Hege.

The money you helped raise will change lives,

both here in the UK and abroad.

It was a terrific weekend of sporting effort,

and now we're going to show you some of the highlights of that great weekend,

give you some really good news, and meet some fantastic fundraisers.

Sound sweet?

Well, let's crack on.

Coming up, we'll show you how your donations

have transformed the lives of a family I met earlier this year.

We salute a marathon man, Eddie Izzard,

who ran an incredible 27 marathons in 27 days.

You'll see how your money is literally helping people right now,

right here in the UK...

It got really bad.

I started to isolate myself,

lock myself in the house, just be on my own.

..we witness Luther's home life...

What's wrong with you?! Move!

..and Michael Crawford shows he's still got it...

I've had a bit of trouble, Betty.

..43 years after Some Mothers Do Have 'Em

graced our screens.

We all make mistakes, don't we?

So all that's coming up, but first,

Jack Whitehall wanted to do his bit for Sport Relief, too.

And, if you're an English football fan,

I think you might wish he'd got his way.

Helped on by Cavani, and there's no flag here.

It's Luis Suarez.

And Luis Suarez has socked it in!

So there you go,

Luis Suarez putting the final nail in England's World Cup coffin

in Brazil in 2014, but will they fare any better in the Euros...?

Ugh. I can't take it any more.

Why can't we just win?

It's not all about winning, Jack.

In the 1984 Los Angeles Olympic Games,

I came away with a silver medal, and I came home a national hero.

Boom, boom, boom!

Yeah, you're right, Kris.

It is the taking part that counts.

-Fancy a drink?

-Mine's a Tia Maria.

Yo, barman, can we get some drinks, please?

Coming right up, bro.

KP. What are you doing here?

Well, I got sacked from my last job,

and it ain't looking too pretty at the moment. They don't want me back.

Anyway, why are you so down? What's up?

Oh, it's the football.

Why can't England win something?

Well, we won the Ashes.

No, I mean something that people actually care about.

Look, mate, if you want the England footy team to be as successful

as the England cricket team, you've got to use foreigners.

We used players from literally anywhere.

Ben Stokes, born in New Zealand.

Geraint Jones, born in Papua New Guinea.

I happen to come from South Africa.

Shut up.

But you're as English as fish and chips!

What happened to your accent?

As soon as I touched down on English soil, it disappeared,

just like that. Gone.

I'm a Cockney now, guvnor.

Come to think of it,

Simon Jones from Wales, hell of a player.

Oh, my gosh. That's it!

That's how we're going to win Euro 2016!

We'll steal from the Welsh!

KP, you are a genius player.

I'm getting a flight to Madrid.

Economy, obviously, as this is Sport Relief.

G-Bale, G-Bizzle, Baleo, my Old Baley.

-Bale and Pace.

-What do you want?

I want England to win the Euros and, to do that,

I'm going to enlist the help of the best player in Europe.

So, can you introduce me to Cristiano Ronaldo?

I'm joking. I want you to play for England.

I'm sorry, but I've got to go training.

What I'm trying to tell you

is that you can't waste all that talent playing for Wales,

like Ryan Giggs did, and Robbie Sav...

Well, like Ryan Giggs did.

You're playing with part-timers,

footballers that are working down the supermarket during the week,

cobblers and milkmen.

You're Gareth Bale.

Think how many more goals you'd score

if you were being set up by Sterling and the Roondog.

Also, you play with Rooney,

those puppies aren't going to look so bad, are they?

If you come play for England, you're going to have to drop that.

This is my trademark celebration.

It's the trademark of a 12-year-old girl at a One Direction concert.

You're also going to have to sort out that hair.

-It's a joke.

-You're a joke.

How many times have I got to tell you?

I will never, ever play football for England.

You know what, Gareth?

When you left Spurs, you became a hero of mine.

But I'm done with you, mate.

You are dead to me, Gareth Bale.

Look, there's a very easy way to get me to play for your team.

How?

Support Wales.

Can't do any worse than England.

Support Wales?

Gareth,

I am a proud Englishman.

Support Wales!

I've never heard anything more preposterous in my life.

Three lions on a shirt, mate.

That's me.

Gareth? I was only joking!

MUSIC: I Need A Hero by Bonnie Tyler

# Ah, ah

# Where have all the good men gone

# And where are all the gods?

# Where's the streetwise Hercules

# To fight the rising odds?

# Isn't there a white knight

# Upon a fiery steed... #

HE READS WELSH OFF BOARD

HE HISSES

What's wrong with you, boy?

Ow!

Is this absolutely necessary?

Oh, you want to be Welsh, or what?

# Ah, ah

# Doo doo doo doo

# Doo doo doo doo

# Ah ah. #

THEY SING IN HARMONY

Abso-bloody-lutely.

Now for one of our fundraising champions.

Eight-year-old Maddy had seen the plight of refugees around the world on television.

She wanted to do something to help,

so she took on a very personal challenge.

I decided to get my bike and

cycle round to everybody in my class's house,

to raise money.

Which was a good idea until we realised quite how far it was.

Maddy's friends were scattered across St Albans in Hertfordshire,

so she'd need a support team - or her fit dad, Matt.

I was a little concerned.

I thought it was slightly mad at first,

but then she sat down with Matt

and spent many hours working out the logistics of it all.

We set off about ten o'clock in the morning from outside the house,

and went through the first few houses for about two hours.

I cycled all the way,

and my dad ran alongside me all the way.

And we got some funny messages from people saying,

"Don't let your dad slow you down."

And then we did the last leg,

which was about another three hours, in the afternoon.

And my friends were quite supportive, and they...

And they cheered me on and gave me cakes and little snacks like that.

The fact that there were people lining the streets throughout,

and beeping their horns,

and literally giving us money as we went round was quite uplifting.

I cycled about 18 miles.

I stopped at 27 houses

and raised more than £2,500.

It was very tricky to keep going,

and you always have the worry that you might have to stop

and abandon your trip.

I definitely suffered more than she did.

Definitely.

Well, he did quite well.

She just wanted to do something,

and I suppose that's what made me feel really proud,

that it came from her.

The motivation was her wanting to help other people,

and, yeah, so, proud mum.

Bang on, Maddie. Well done.

And thanks to the efforts of people like you,

lives are being changed both here in the UK

and in the world's poorest countries.

Earlier this year, I was asked to go to Sierra Leone

to see exactly why your donations are so crucial.

And what I saw there

broke my heart.

But thanks to your donations...

..things are changing.

This is Bomeh dump in Sierra Leone.

And I have never seen anything like it in my life.

Lost for words.

Usman is five years old,

and he works on this rubbish dump every single day.

In fact, he has never known a life outside of it,

because Usman and his family actually live on the dump.

The kid is finding plastics, rubber, and the dad will sell it.

What can he do with the money?

The money?

They buy food so the little one will survive.

The money, the father used to buy food

for them to survive, to live on.

You have to eat.

I want to leave this dump site.

I want to live a better life.

Hassan, do you think that will ever happen for you?

HE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE

He is not even thinking if that will ever happen

for him in his lifetime.

Thanks to your donations,

things have changed for Hassan and his family.

They're no longer living on the dump.

Your donations have provided them with a home.

They now live in relative safety.

And they now have hope.

Hassan has a business grant

that allows him to find work away from the dump,

enabling him to provide for his family.

His children have been enrolled into school for the first time.

They've been able to leave their toxic life on the dump.

Their future is completely different.

And it's all thanks to your generosity.

Thank you!

Thank you.

I can't even begin to explain how it makes me feel,

seeing Hassan and his family off that dump.

He said he didn't think it would happen in his lifetime.

But thanks to your generosity, it has.

Now, whilst you were fundraising at home,

three brave celebrities were challenging themselves

to complete some truly impressive challenges.

First up, Jo Brand walked 135 miles coast-to-coast,

Humber to Liverpool, and it was tough.

I'm doing this on behalf of all the portly, middle-aged women in the country

who need to get up off their bums and live a bit longer.

I'm really fit,

in both senses of the word.

The top of my leg's hurting.

I'm just living with it.

Deputy mayor. Hello, deputy mayor.

She won't walk with me. She's asked me to come,

-and then basically, she's blanking me.

-Sorry.

-She's in pain.

-Ow!

She's tired. And she's got a very long way to go.

I can do another day without crying.

Hey, Jo! Do you want this?

I'd love it!

It's not raining yet.

Woohoo!

What is this all about?

Thank you.

How are you?

And I'm absolutely exhausted.

It was so fantastic to walk across a massive swathe of the country...

Congratulations, Jo!

..and see just how generous people are.

Next up, Radio 1 DJ Greg James,

who invented something known as the Gregathlon.

Five triathlons in five cities in five days.

It's so not normal to do this.

I'm panicking.

I'm numb.

Aah!

CHEERING

So this is day two.

We are currently driving to the location in Cardiff.

The undercarriage is going!

HE GASPS

Aaah!

Day three, Glasgow.

Let's go. Stand up!

That was just horrendous.

Sheffield, famous for being built on seven hills.

Looking forward to those.

Here I am, I'm doing the swim and I'm doing the run today,

so it's nice to help out a mate.

One more swim.

Let's just hope it goes slightly better than Glasgow.

I don't know how the legs are still going, but they are.

Ten miles, and then we're done.

Five triathlons in five days in five cities.

And finally, Eddie Izzard defied the impossible

by battling the South African elements

to run an incredible 27 marathons

in 27 days.

Why 27 marathons?

Nelson Mandela was in prison for 27 years.

So I thought, "I will run 27 marathons in 27 days."

MUSIC: Runnin' (Lose It All) by Naughty Boy ft Beyonce

# Runnin', runnin', runnin', runnin'

# Runnin', runnin', runnin', runnin'... #

Thank you.

# Ain't runnin' from myself no more

# Together we'll win it all... #

It's 39, baby.

Illness left him with the extraordinary challenge

of having to complete two marathons on the final day,

enabling him to finish live on air during the Sport Relief Games show.

-And we've got some exciting news, haven't we?

-Yeah.

Because we think we can cross live to South Africa

to speak to Eddie Izzard now.

One marathon this morning.

This is my second marathon.

I'm trying to finish.

I'm trying to finish.

-Come on! Here he comes!

-Come on, Eddie!

-Go on, Eddie, go on, Eddie.

This is absolutely fantastic, that we've got these pictures now.

Do you know what?

After doing two marathons today, and 27,

to finish with two flights of stairs, that just seems too painful,

but this is it!

# Runnin', runnin'

# Ain't runnin' from myself no more... #

He's done it!

APPLAUSE

Amazing!

Eddie, you're live on BBC One.

Well done.

Tell us, how on earth did you make it?

Together, they raised an incredible

£4,938,558.

Wow. Thanks to them, and thanks to you for your support.

It truly changes lives.

Here in the UK, your money is helping people like Fortu,

who has mental health problems.

Depression just comes to you.

It doesn't ask you, "Do you want to feel depressed today?

"It is Tuesday, let's feel depressed."

That is not the way goes.

She is now being offered support for a project that your donations fund.

Sean's dad and soul mate died suddenly last year,

leaving him angry and withdrawn.

I didn't really talk to my mum about, like, how I felt.

I felt upset and...

..sad.

But a project funded by you has helped him deal with emotions

and the pain of losing a loved one at such a young age.

Sean is now excelling in sport,

and he has aimed to do a race in memory of his dad,

so, good luck, boy.

Your Sport Relief donations have helped more than 1,000 projects

here in the UK, and those are just two of them.

Now we've seen the epic lengths that Jo Brand,

Greg James and Eddie Izzard went to to raise money.

Of course, some celebrities

didn't want to do quite such a big challenge.

You can't blame them, really.

So they opted for the slightly easier option, but one we all loved.

The Clash of the Titans.

'Tonight, we have two teams,

'and one of them is going to be crowned

'Clash of the Titans champions 2016.'

Flintoff, eat my dust.

What is the secret?

You've just got to pedal fast, haven't you?

Rowing, just splashing about in the water, isn't it?

'And we have a fall. And Hugh Dennis is down.

'And it's the sprint for the line this time.

'And Freddie Flintoff is a two-time winner.'

Next up, we've got synchronised swimming.

'For Team Redgrave, Will Young!'

I am the merman of the synchronised swimming world.

And judge number three?

8!

It's a clean sweep of 8s!

'Ladies and gentlemen, Russell Kane!'

I'm going to control the water. I wouldn't be surprised

if I grew fins or webbing during the performance.

It's a 10!

It's a 10.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

This is an interesting one.

It requires athleticism.

It requires sporting prowess.

Good tumbling skills, and look at the control with the ball.

Real expressive performance here.

Loads of expression.

And a bit of skill as well.

Great work with the hoop.

Wow, how ambitious is that?

Look at the tears here. Freddie, that was an emotional performance.

I just thought that transmitted to the judges.

I'll be honest with you, I put my heart, soul,

everything into that.

It's a 10!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

We are about to see two prime cuts of human man go head-to-head.

The big man from Bolton in blue.

The masterful man McFly there.

He's got that Strictly Come Dancing footwork.

He got the point!

See the small man wins against the bigger man.

Team Flintoff with a 1-point lead

going into the final event in the team triathlon.

This is event is so short, you just do not hold back.

It's all about pure speed.

He is leading for Team Flintoff.

They are off!

Flintoff on the left-hand side.

And it is Dan Snow on the right-hand side.

Look at the effort here.

Fantastic effort from Freddie Flintoff.

But coming back is Snow.

Snow is coming back very fast indeed.

Can he make it? On the far side, get your head down, Dan Snow.

Five metres to go, and it looks like it may well be Freddie Flintoff is

going to win, what a fantastic race it was, and so close in the end.

Really well done to all the Titans there.

Although it is going to take me quite some time to get over

Omid with his hoop in the gymnastics.

Know what I mean?

Another highlight of the night was when Idris Elba gave us a one-off,

very special episode of Luther.

MUSIC: LUTHER THEME

Look, have you called forensics?

Yeah. All right, look...

Hold on, I've got a call.

Mummy? You all right?

Yeah, no, I know. Cousin Adam is running, I know.

100 metres, yeah. I'm coming.

Yeah, yeah, I'm coming.

I'm coming, all right?

No, I'll be there in like a minute.

All right, then, Mummy.

All right. OK, yeah.

No, no, I'm coming!

I promise, yeah. Like in a minute.

All right? Bye, Mummy.

Bye. Bye.

All right, listen, change of plans.

I've got to go somewhere and I'll be there in a minute.

What you mean, how long is a minute?

It's longer than a jiffy!

Hello?

I'm here.

# Ring, ring, ring and it's shut down

# Ring, ring, ring and it's shut down. #

-What you got there, fam?

-It's a chicken.

Well, right, bruv?

It's dead.

I am a detective.

I'm trained to see that sort of stuff.

-Hey, cuz.

-You need to see this.

Well, it's dead, bruv.

Looks like it's been decapitated, innards removed, feet cut off.

Possibly to prevent identification.

You mean...? It's been...

-Murdered.

-Oh, boys, lads...

-Murdered?

Come on. Every I come home you do this.

What's going on, John, bruv?

Well, technically, you are right. It has been murdered.

Not only that, its feathers have been pulled,

trussed up with an elastic band.

Looks like some kind of fetish killing.

-Exactly what I was thinking.

-Where did you find it, fam?

It was at a supermarket, all right?

-What about forensics?

-Forensics?

Mate, it was in the free-range section.

-I just took it home.

-Bruv, come on!

Rule number one, you never remove the body from the scene of the crime

until forensics have finished.

You know this, bruv!

Everybody knows that!

-What are you doing?

-Everybody knows that.

-You seen this, cuz?

-Yeah...

It's like between a bantamweight and a featherweight.

Good muscle tone.

Good core stability. Must have been doing its plank work.

Knocked out in the tenth round.

-What's up, cuz?

-Suspicious death.

Again? Right, I'm telling Mummy.

No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Why are you telling Mummy? Don't tell Mummy.

Don't tell Mummy nothing.

I've been backing you for the longest time, bruv.

You can't keep bringing murdered things into the house!

What's wrong with you?

Move!

(Just kill me. Whoa!)

-Don't move it!

-He's moving it again!

What's the matter with him?

On your head, mate? Do you want to start on this, yeah?

It's got no head on it, fam. How's it going to get up for headers?

Look, you cut off the feet, it's got no feet.

How's it going to pass the ball round the midfield?

Must be a Chelsea player, bruv.

Would someone please cook the chicken!

-Whoa, whoa, whoa.

-What are you shouting for?

What are you going mad for, bruv? What's wrong with you?

John!

I told you!

Is this true? Did you bring the body of a homicide victim into my house?

Mummy, it was a misunderstanding.

Bruv, what were you thinking?

I was just thinking, "Put an onion up its bum

"and then stick it in the oven!"

Oh, Jesus!

Eight, nine, out!

She's out of here. That's it. Done.

John, look at me.

I'm your brother.

I love you.

We all love you, bruv.

Look at me.

I am looking at you.

Sometimes it's hard to tell.

You do that thing with your eyes.

What thing?

Like you just smelled a fart.

What has happened to you, John?

Where's your humanity?

Look, all I did was buy a chicken.

Now, someone else killed it, I don't know who.

But people kill chickens for other people.

It's a business. It's called a butcher's.

But that don't make it right, though, do it, John?

-Your prints are all over it.

-Of course my prints are all over it,

because I picked it up to see how big it was for all of us.

Mummy, what is the problem?

-It's just a chicken.

-It might just be a chicken to you, bruv,

but it's someone's fam, someone's cuz, someone's bruv!

Look, I did not kill the chicken.

It was dead when I bought it.

SHE SUCKS HER TEETH

100 metres is on in a minute.

-Cousin Adam is running.

-OK, OK.

Come on, Mum, he ain't never going to win.

-Usain's in the line-up.

-Louis, stop showing off and put on some clothes!

I ain't showing off. Just doing my thing.

Where's your tie, man?

Hey, who needs a tie when you've got abs like mine?

PHONE RINGS

Luther.

In a bit of a pickle,

are we, John?

HE SIGHS

Alice.

Intimidated by close family members

driven by deep-seated feelings of jealousy who just want to destroy

both you and your reputation?

She says hi.

They just want to be you, John.

Running around, solving major crimes,

while still having time for the odd casual fling.

Alice, you are not being fair, all right? My family want the best for me.

Well, just say the word,

and poof, they're all gone.

No, no, no, don't you kill 'em.

(It's all right.)

THEY SIGH

I've got to go. My cousin is running the 100 metres against Usain Bolt.

He hasn't got a chance, though.

We'll see.

Look, John, bruv, we can work this out.

I mean, we got off on the wrong foot, that's all, cuz.

I mean, we are all fam, cuz.

-Bruv.

-Yeah, I mean, murder, torture, evidence, guilt,

these are all just words.

Meaningless. Inconsequential.

Vapid, really, vapid.

-That's a word, vapid.

-As long as you still love your mother.

-I love you, Mummy.

-That's my boy!

All right. Mum, Mum.

Mum, Mum!

-The coat.

-OK.

-STEVE CRAM:

-Only five British men still have gone under ten seconds...

-I have the chicken, I have the chicken.

-Yay!

-Yes!

-Woo hoo!

'Well, the latest news on the Olympic 100 metre heats is that

'Usain Bolt has mysteriously disappeared, and will not be competing.'

-Oh.

-You're no champion if you don't beat me.

I will get you.

All right. Let's get rid of the evidence.

Who wants a leg?

Mummy, leg.

Cut it off.

-Good luck.

-Oh!

Just watch, yeah. Just watch.

MUSIC: LUTHER THEME

Whilst Luther was disposing of the evidence,

a group from Unite students took to two wheels,

raising a huge amount of money for Sport Relief.

We cycled 1,052 miles through Scotland and England.

Such a big achievement, doing it all in one.

I hadn't really done much long riding before that.

So this was a big challenge for me.

You've got to give it a go. It's really worthy and, you know,

you get to the end and it's just such a good atmosphere with all the guys.

A different person struggled for different reasons every day.

It became all about finishing.

If we finished a day in two groups, you'd find that the first group

hadn't gone into the hotel to get warm.

They'd be outside waiting for the second group to arrive.

But actually, a few cities we were going through,

stopping at traffic lights.

We were all there in our bright blue jackets, big group of 12 of us.

And people are saying, "What are you doing?"

We said, "We're raising money for Sport Relief."

People started handing us coins and notes, and throwing them in our back pockets of our jerseys.

We challenged ourselves to raise £1 for every mile that we cycled.

All our friends and family got right behind us,

really supported us and we smashed it and raised an amazing £50,000.

We had snow, we had rain, we had sleet.

I've done other challenges in the past,

but this was by far much bigger and better.

I can sum this trip up in three words - camaraderie, inspirational,

and a little bit emotional.

I felt relief once I crossed the line.

I look back now, there's not a day that I don't think about it.

I still miss it. I'd still be...

-Sorry.

-He's crying.

Do you want a hug?

No, it was life-changing.

It really was.

Ah, what a legend.

Well done, mate. And thanks to every single one of you who raised money.

That money has already changed the lives of two little boys I met earlier this year.

They wanted to become lawyers when I first met them.

And that looked like an impossible dream.

This is Marbella slum in Freetown.

It's a bustling community, and home to thousands of people.

But when the Ebola epidemic hit,

this once vibrant place changed overnight.

With people living so close to each other and in overcrowded homes,

the deadly virus spread quickly.

Mama!

People became really scared.

They were suspicious and even afraid of clinics and treatment centres.

The ones who suffered most were children.

I see why something like Ebola would hit a place like this.

How can you avoid it with this?

It's petrifying.

12-year-old Mohammed and his little brother Musa

witnessed some terrible things.

As the only two surviving members of their entire family,

they saw relative after relative be taken off to a treatment centre,

never to see them again.

With so many of their family having died from the virus,

other people within the community

became suspicious that the boys may have it, too.

Although they did catch Ebola, the boys survived,

now they're back at home and being supported by their mum's best friend.

Why can't you go to school now?

If you think about it, just two children.

All they want to do is go to school.

They just want to go to school and learn and better themselves,

and they can't. They can't do it.

They haven't got that option. That's it, end of.

Now, thanks to your donations,

these two boys have a future ahead of them.

Their lives were shattered when both their parents died from Ebola.

Now, they're living with the family of their mum's best friend and

they're back in school. And they're thriving.

Your money has bought books,

school uniforms and paid for the school fees for these two young boys.

Hopefully to allow them a future that they never dreamt possible.

And that's why we need your support.

That's why we are so grateful.

Thank you.

Now, without a doubt,

one of the biggest highlights of Sport Relief this year was when

Michael Crawford agreed to put his beret back on and cause carnage in a

one-off special. So sit back and enjoy another chance to see it.

THEME MUSIC PLAYS

PHONE RINGS

I'd better pull over, I don't want to have an accident.

Hello, this is Mr Frank Spencer speaking.

I am he. Who may I ask is calling?

You know it's me, it says my name.

Oh, yes!

Am I up your end too?

Frank.

Where are you? You were supposed to be here half an hour ago!

You're going to miss our daughter's big race.

Don't worry. I'll be there.

I've just got to pop in to get Jessica some good luck flowers.

Well, be quick.

Don't fluster me, Betty.

You know how easily flustered I get lately.

What with me going through the change.

Men don't go through the change, Frank.

Well, how else would you explain my recent erotic behaviour?

I think you mean erratic, Frank.

And will you please just hurry up?

Stop!

Stop!

Betty! Help!

Oh. Get out the way!

The brakes don't work! Oh!

HORNS BLARE

CRASH!

Oh!

Your windbag's just gone off.

Do you know how much this car is worth?

Well, this one wasn't cheap.

It's in better condition, too.

Are you serious?

Indeed I were.

And might I suggest

that you take your driving a little more seriously in future?

I'm guessing you don't know what I do for a living?

You may have a new car and fancy yourself as king of the road,

but you're no Jenson Mutton.

As my mother always said, "Mirror, signal, manoeuvre."

You know it is a must.

If you can't drive without making a fuss,

then give up your car and get on a bus!

MUSIC: Bicycle Race by Queen

# I want to ride my... #

Jessica!

Jessica!

Um, me?

No, not you.

Sorry.

Big fan, though!

Jessica Spencer!

Ah...

Ooh.

What am I like?

Hi, Mum! Where's Dad?

He's not here.

But I'm sure he'll get here, one way or another!

Excuse me, madam.

Would it be possible to borrow your helmet?

In the interests of health and safety,

I'm concerned about my cranium.

Thank you.

I promise I'll get it back to you.

Do you live locally?

Do you have a place of work?

Have you just arrived in our country?

-I work in London.

-Oh, good!

Then you haven't got far to go.

You hardly need a bike.

I'm Boris Johnson.

Oh.

Have you heard of me?

No.

It's been nice chatting, but I must dash.

As my mother always said...

I've forgotten that, too.

But I'm sure she was right.

Goodbye, Doris!

So if you'll just tell Ringo that I won't be able to get there.

BICYCLE BELL Get out, get out!

Oh, sorry!

Bloody kids!

BICYCLE BELL Excuse me!

Hey, watch out!

Arsene, can you believe that?

I can't comment. I didn't see.

Ooh!

CRASHING, SIREN

Betty!

PHONE RINGS Help!

Hello?

This is Mr Frank Spencer speaking.

Frank, where are you?

All the signs are upside down!

Bonelemary.

I think I might be in France, Betty.

Frank, Jessica's race starts in one minute.

You just have to get your skates on.

Oh.

Excuse me!

MUSIC: Keep On Running by Spencer Davis Group

# Keep on hiding...

# One fine day I'm gonna be the one... #

Whoa!

Here we go again!

# I'm gonna be your man

# Keep on running... #

Argh!

Well, we're nearing the end of this world record hour attempt

from Sir Bradley Wiggins, Chris, and it is truly unbelievable from him.

He's absolutely flying.

-ALARM

-If he can keep this up the record is on.

-COMMENTATOR:

-Just three laps away from the record.

What on earth is going on here?

Get out the way!

Oh, look! Dad's here.

What is he like?

-SIR CHRIS HOY:

-Well, somehow despite the unscheduled interruption,

Sir Brad is still on for the record.

He's got one lap to go, he's almost there.

Hello, Mr Wiggins.

Get off.

It's Sir.

Hello, Mr Wiggins.

Sir.

How is he holding on?

FRANK SCREAMS

No! Have you seen Jessica Spencer?

No, I haven't. Get off.

I think I'm having a hot flush.

FRANK SCREAMS

Oh, there they are!

-Here, Betty!

-Truly unbelievable!

FRANK SCREAMS

-Ooh!

-Ooh!

New balls, please.

Excuse me!

I'm a married man.

Now what's happening here?

Get out the way! Get out the way!

Oh!

CLARE BALDING: That is an absolute disaster for Bradley Wiggins.

Coach Dave Brailsford has got to be fuming.

-Did I win?

-I've never seen anything like this before.

'I can't believe after 42 years'

that I'm actually bringing Frank back.

But it is such a great cause that it was irresistible.

The first thing he said to me was, "Look,

"I will only do this if I'm able to do all my own stunts."

And for a man who's in his early 70s, it's absolutely incredible.

Everything we do is a little risky.

But I don't get scared doing it.

-Now that's good.

-Because then I'd have too much fear and I wouldn't

-be able to do it at all.

-Oh, and all the way up.

Look at that. 'It's an honour to be working with a living legend.'

Try one more.

Let's just hope he's still living at the end of the day!

Action!

The bus scene is very much an homage

to a very famous scene back in the '70s.

I've got some change this time.

-I can't do it any faster than that. That's fast.

-No, no, no, that's it.

-We can do one more.

-Let's try one more.

Well, we had so many wonderful people that joined us,

not least of which was Paul McCartney,

who was a friend from way, way back.

So if you just tell Ringo...

Get out!

Wow! Ow!

-Sorry!

-Bloody kids!

Absolute privilege to do something with Michael Crawford,

-he's been a hero of mine.

-Do you live locally?

Do you have a place of work?

LAUGHTER

Have you just arrived in our country?

How are you, all right?

'The last big stunt of the sketch is with Sir Bradley Wiggins,

'which took a lot of training to get right.'

-Action!

-Hello, Mr Wiggins.

It's Sir.

He's a great sport, and we did about seven laps,

and that's it till the night now.

I don't know who was more scared,

me towing him, a 74-year-old man along,

or him holding on to me a week before the world championship.

I'm ready!

Wha...

Frank!

We had such an amazing team.

And when we finally got it, there were tears in everyone's eyes,

and it was just the most wonderful moment.

It was really wonderful.

Yeah.

I think it's fair to say the man's a legend.

74 and still doing his own stunts.

A huge thank you to you, Michael, and also thank you to this next lot,

who decided to play a five-a-side football match

which lasted for an epic 57 hours.

Yeah!

By the time the battle of the five-a-sides was over,

228 teams and over 1,100 players had taken part.

Danny Jones, Josh Cuthbert

and Rachel Riley joined the two captains

in completing a mammoth, nonstop 12 hour stint.

The weather was against them.

The match was played through rain, sleet, high winds,

with just a moment of sunshine.

Team Shearer won,

and the Premier League turned every £1 donated into a fiver.

That money has gone to crucial projects, both here at home

and around the world.

And whilst they were battling the weather,

a group of pensioners were battling the Scottish hills.

MUSIC: Self Preservation Society by Quincy Jones

I knew this was not a gentle walk,

and I protested as loudly as I could.

It's just a slight gradient, and then back into the pub.

The weather wasn't too bad.

I mean, we did get a few flurries of snow.

This is Scotland, after all.

It was about 5,000 plus feet climb.

That's basically it.

But it didn't kind of work out like that, did it?

-No.

-No.

-LAUGHTER

Six hills, 14 miles.

Vertical.

-Vertical...

-Yeah, walks.

Yeah. Sub-zero temperatures.

-Yeah.

-Snow.

-Snow.

-Mountain rescue.

-Yeah.

We only lost a couple, didn't we?

LAUGHTER

I may be some time!

I enjoyed myself.

No-one else did, but I enjoyed myself.

LAUGHTER

The full distance was about 14 miles.

Erm, with about 5,500 feet of climb.

I did feel that somebody had taken

my legs and neatly tied a bow behind my head with them.

And so, I was feeling a bit peculiar.

The target was £500, initially.

Because we're from a kind of folk scene background,

so no-one's got any money.

It ticks all the boxes.

It raises money, it keeps us off the streets.

THEY LAUGH

It did help a lot, having a superstar in the climbing team,

and also Barbara Dickson.

LAUGHTER

Just you wait, Henry Higgins!

We raised £4,000 for Sport Relief.

We set out to raise £500.

Erm, so exceeded all our expectations.

There is a theory that a lot of people were

actually putting money in because they never thought they'd see us again.

Everyone chatted all the way, people I'd never met before.

Seven hours, not a minute silent.

One of the best days of my life.

Absolutely outstanding.

Now, you don't have to be a singing superstar

to get involved with raising money for all these good causes.

Just like all the people we've seen, you too can get involved

and do your bit to improve lives of people in the UK

and around the world.

Coming up in 2017, we've got a brand-new Red Nose Day.

These lot are getting ready to make their laugh matter,

and you can too.

Sponsored challenges, baking, dancing, or dressing up.

Join the fundraising crusade and get involved.

Sign up now at...

This year, we've faced the biggest refugee crisis of our time,

with an unprecedented amount of people fleeing natural disasters

and war.

Families have been torn apart and children are far from home.

Greg James went to Jordan to see what life was like for the refugees.

So this is my first time in a refugee camp,

and the thing that struck me the most,

and immediately when I got here, is how desolate the landscape is.

This is a desert.

It's really isolated, it's really cold.

Azraq refugee camp has been Aya,

her daughter Alia and son Sami's home for nearly a year now,

after they fled Homs in Syria.

How did your life change when the crisis started?

There are so many stories here of loved ones killed,

homes destroyed and lives devastated.

Ordinary people going about their daily lives

who have lost everything.

Now, we can't turn back the clock.

What's happened has happened and the journeys these families have been on

up to this point, they're done.

We are where we are and they are where they are.

But what we can do is help them from this point onwards,

and believe me, they need help.

Your donations have improved the living conditions of the refugees

in those camps.

Your generosity has given people roofs over their heads,

given people hope, happiness and opportunity.

Sport Relief 2016 was another record-breaking year.

We cannot thank you enough.

Here to play us out is James Bay

with his beautiful performance of the Sport Relief single, Running.

# When my heart

# Is ready to burst

# When the world

# Spins in reverse

# I'll keep running

# To the place where I belong

# When you go...

# To turn down the light

# And no-one's there

# To hold you in the night

# I'll keep running...

# To the place where I belong

# When you think...

# You're on your own

# I'm still coming home

# And when our picture

# Fades in the sun

# And all the colours

# Blur into one

# I'll keep running...

# To the place where I belong

# When you think

# You're on your own

# I'm still coming home

# When your hope...

# Gets blinded

# When you fold...

# With the cards

# No...

# I'll never stop fighting

# To get to where you are

# Wherever we go

# Whenever we go

# Wherever we go

# Oh...

# Wherever we go

# Wherever we go

# Wherever we go...

# When the lights...

# Have faded to black

# And only stars

# Are guiding me back

# I'll keep on running

# To the place where I belong

# When you think

# You're on your own

# I'm still coming home

# When you think

# You're on your own

# I'm still coming home. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE