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# When I am down and, oh, my soul, so weary
# When troubles come and my heart burdened be
# Then I am still and wait here in the silence
# Until you come and sit awhile with me
# You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
# You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
# I am strong when I am on your shoulders
# You raise me up to more than I can be
# You raise me up to more than I can be
# You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
# You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
# I am strong when I am on your shoulders
# You raise me up to more than I can be
# You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
# You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
# I am strong when I am on your shoulders
# You raise me up to more than I can be
Coming live from the Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park, this is Sport Relief
2016. Please welcome your hosts, David Walliams and Gary Lineker.
An EPIC start to the night and a big thank you to our Sport Relief choirs
That has definitely set the tone for the huge night
This year we have totally supersized Sport Relief.
That's right, this show just gets better with age.
Sport Relief is BACK, and we are coming to you live
And not only are we here in the Copper Box Arena,
but we have also taken over Lee Valley VeloPark
AND the London Aquatics Centre, for the return of...
Tonight, Olympic hero Sir Steve Redgrave
is going head-to-head with cricketing legend
Andrew Freddie Flintoff, captaining two teams,
taking on five colossal sporting challenges.
And we'll be going to Dan Walker at the VeloPark
and Ore Oduba at the Aquatics centre, to meet the teams soon.
..we have the biggest and best night of entertainment EVER
Coming up tonight on Sport Relief, after 40 years, Frank Spencer comes
back to your screens in Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em. You have ruined my car,
you idiot. Idriss LBF stars in May special edition of Luther. -- Idris
Elba. It's dead. Peter Crouch takes a trip to Little Britain. I've got
you a place with the lionesses. I haven't got a lady. I've got someone
that can help you with that. Jack Whitehall pays a visit to the
world's most expensive footballer. I want England to win the you rose and
to do that I'm going to enlist the help of the best player in Europe.
Can you introduce me to Cristiano Ronaldo? And two... Just splashing
about in the water, isn't it? All of this and much more coming up tonight
on Sport Relief 2016. That is one full evening
of entertainment! Just look at how many famous
faces are contributing I've got this, Gary,
I know who they all are. From Strictly Come
Dancing, Tess Daly! AND of course TV
detective Hercule Poirot. What he really means is,
amongst our galaxy of stars, John Bishop, Davina McCall and Idris
Elba. We really should have put
some pictures up. But best of all, we have the return
of one of Britain's After nearly 40 years away,
he's back tonight - It's the return of Michael Crawford
as Frank Spencer, in a very special Now of course, the reason
we're all here tonight is to change people's
lives for the better - both here in the UK and in
the world's poorest countries. Since we started Sport Relief 14
years ago, you've helped us Here are some of the amazing
things you've made happen. Sport has the power
to change the world. It has the power to unite people
in a way that little else does. Sport can create hope where once
there was only despair. For the last 14 years,
Sport Relief and you, the British public, have been
working together to change lives Half of your donations fund
projects here in the UK. The other half go to the poorest
countries in the world. In Kenya, we are supporting
a project that uses football to teach leadership
skills and teamwork. And it inspires children
to get an education. For young people with disabilities
in the UK, sport can unlock a whole It makes me feel confident
and I make new friends. Your money supports street
children across the world, giving them a safe place to sleep,
and, through sport, the chance In Bangladesh, drowning in floods
is a major cause of death in children, so Sport Relief
taught children to swim Here at home, a lot of older people
can face loneliness and depression. Sport Relief supported this project,
where sport makes them feel part Across the world, your donations
are inspiring people to get active I want to be the best
boxer in the world. That's not a bad reason
to support something, is it? This is your chance to be part
of something amazing. So please, help us to do even
more and be as generous The money you give tonight will find
all kinds of great work at home and across the world. We wanted to start
with that film because we completely believe in the power and passion of
sport to change lives. It is Sport Relief, after role.
And it would be great if you could be part of tonight's
There are three main ways you can do this and it couldn't be easier.
You can head over to bbc.co.uk/sportrelief
Or you can give over the phone by calling 03457 910 910.
Standard geographic charges from landlines and mobiles
Alternatively, you can donate ten pounds by texting YES to 70010.
Texts will cost ?10 plus your standard network message charge
and 100% of your donation will go to Sport Relief.
You must be 16 or over and please ask the bill payer's permission.
For full terms and conditions and more information go
AND you can also take your money into most banks and building
when you call tonight and our operator asks if we can
claim Gift Aid on your donation, if you are a UK taxpayer,
It means the taxman gives us an extra 25p for every
It doesn't cost you a penny extra, so please make sure you say yes.
Now let's go over to the VeloPark and meet the two
teams who are ready to go head to head in...
Good evening and welcome to the Lee Valley VeloPark! Tonight, we have
two teams and one of them is going to be crowned Clash of the Titans
champions 2016. Are we ready to meet the teams? I think they are. That is
an. First up, Team Flintoff. I am Freddie Flintoff and I played a bit
of cricket in my time. I have been in the Titans before. We lost, but I
have been promoted to captain. Redemption for me would be showing I
can captain the team successfully. Sir Steve Redgrave, how can he wrote
for so many years? It is just splashing in the water isn't it?
This time, I've got to win. I have assembled the perfect team. Harry
Judd, strictly in it to win it. Maddy Hill, Queen of Albert Square,
who will reign supreme in the rhythmic gymnastics. Mark Wright,
ready to show Team Redgrave the only way is winning. Sophie Raworth, she
is set to make headlines on the Velodrome track. Russell Kane, is
sporting prowess is no laughing matter. And Darren Gough. He will
bowl the competition out of the park. I really don't like losing.
Sir Steve, savour those Olympic medals because you are not going to
win anything tonight. Come on, let's meet Team Flintoff first, starting
with Darren Gough! Sophie Raworth! Russell Kane! Harry Judd! Maddy
Hill! Mark Wright! And they are led by their captain, Mr Freddie
Flintoff! Welcome, Team Flintoff. Are we ready
to meet their opponents, ladies and gentlemen? I think that is yes as
well. There is Team Redgrave. My name is Steve Redgrave and are used
to do a bit of rowing. I am a five times Olympic gold medallist, not
bad. Once a sportsman, always a sportsman. Once you have a
competitive edge, you never lose it. The only reason I'm involved is to
win. As captain, I'm expecting big things. I will push my team to their
limits. For Team Redgrave, Will Young, the performer who has
promised to deliver in the pool. Hugh Dennis, he won't be outnumbered
in the Velodrome. Kate Garraway, prepare to be wowed in rhythmic
gymnastics. Clara Amfo oh, the DJ who is ready to hit the track. Paddy
McGuinness will take out the competition in the wrestling. Ahmed
Jelly, a funny guy with serious talent. Dan Snow, ready to make
Titans history. At watch out for some drama tonight with Tankika
Empson. I know Freddie is competitive but I want to win it
more. Flintoff, eat my dust! Please give it up for Team Redgrave,
Will Young, Kate Garraway, Hugh Dennis, Tamika, Paddy McGuinness,
Dan Snow, Claire and folk, Omid, and team captain, Sir Steve Redgrave.
Welcome to Team Redgrave and Team Flintoff. Let's speak to the
captains, Freddie, you did this two years ago and lost. How do you make
sure this team get it right this year? We have a good team, we've got
rid of John Bishop, he was terrible. We have mixed abilities, good at
different siblings, and I think we will be all right. Batting victory
tonight? I wouldn't say that, but we are quietly confident. Team Flintoff
talking himself is up. Steve Redgrave, iconic sports stars, every
one of them. A team of champions? We do have a team of champions. When
Seb Coe handed on the baton two years ago, they have been in
training, fighting to go, desperate to be out there. Both teams have
been joined by special guests tonight. Each with the royal seal of
approval. Hi everyone, I'm thrilled to introduce two athletes who
represented Team GB in the first-ever Invictus Games in London
2014. On Team Flintoff, Mike Goody, champion in the pool. On Team
Redgrave, Paul Vice, gold medal winner in the cycling. May the best
man win. Give a massive welcome, representing Team Flintoff, Mike
Goody, and the Team Redgrave, Paul Vice.
Great to see you. Get in your positions. Everybody has a big night
ahead. My goodness. The teams are complete, this is how it will go,
four events with points up for grabs. All the points are crucial
for the fifth and final event, the team triathlon, where points will be
converted into seconds. The team with the most points at the end will
have a head start going into the final event of the evening. The
winner of that will be crowned Clash of the Titus 's champions ready 16.
As everybody got that? Good. The first event is the cycling in
elimination race will stop don't go anywhere, we will test the pedal
power of our two captains. Don't miss it.
Make sure you don't miss the first exciting event -
it's the Cycling Elimination Race - and it's coming very soon.
Tonight, we're joining together to change lives both here in the UK
and in some of the world's poorest countries.
In our first film, Marvin and Rochelle Humes go to Kenya
She's a daughter, she's a big sister -
Like most children her age, every evening, she does her homework.
But life for Fenny is very different from that of other
Since her dad died two years ago and her mum
became sick, every morning Fenny does all of the housework and gets
Despite everything, this brave young girl is determined to give herself
This is a fantastic hoodie that you are wearing.
He is pleased that someone is still wearing it!
Fenny's mum and little sister are HIV-positive.
The medication they have to take is aggressive,
Providing food for the whole family is up to Fenny.
Fenny does what she can to care for them.
How tough is it being the one that has to look after your
It is difficult, sometimes I can't go to school.
How much money would you make, Fenny?
Fenny, how is your mum's health at the moment?
Without your help, nothing is going to change.
Fenny's family will continue to rely on her, and life
But there is a project here which can help
So please do something for someone who
you will never meet but who desperately needs your help.
If Fenny's family had enough food to let them
take their medication, then Fenny wouldn't have to go
to work and could get to school every day.
And that's how she can change their future.
Just ?30 buys nutritional food for a month for a person
You can donate online by visiting bbc.co.uk/sportrelief.
Or you can give over the phone by calling 03457 910 910.
Now, if you've just tuned in - no, this is not my father,
or my grand father, this is Gary Lineker.
Who tells me that, in the olden days, he used to be a footballer.
And this is David Walliams, who claims he used to be a comedian.
As ever, schools across the country have been fundraising
for Sport Relief, and this year more of you than EVER have got involved.
Your efforts are truly out of this world.
And one shining example is St Andrew's C of E Primary in
So to say thank you, Radio 1's Gemma Cairney and England
striker Harry Kane dropped in to surprise some
If there's one thing you can rely on in life, it's that every single year
during Sport Relief, some of the most hard-working and dedicated
fundraisers are the thousands of schoolchildren across the country.
We are here today at Saint Andrews school with a very special guest,
England and Tottenham striker, Harry Kane. Are you ready to do this?
Let's do it. Warm welcome to Harry Kane. CHEERING
Hello everyone, I want to say a big well done and for all the money you
have raised the Sport Relief. What team do you prefer, Totten or
Arsenal? Tough question, both of them are just as good. In schools
all across the UK all the hard-working young people have
raised an incredible amount for Sport Relief, going above and
beyond, and we give you a huge thank you. To all the amazing schools,
pupils, teachers, grandparents, parents, everyone who has spent time
raising money for Sport Relief. Just one thing left to say. Thank you!
Thank you to Gemma and Harry and a big thank you to the thousands
of kids and teachers across the UK for your tremendous fund raising
Now we've got so much more still to come tonight,
including the return of the legend that is Frank Spencer
On nights like this, we always say, you can change lives. Here's the
truth. I'm about to experience
something truly magical. This little boy here has
literally just been born. Thanks to your support,
he's about to have some Thanks to the work from an amazing
project here and these drops he's being given, he now has the chance
of a life totally HIV free. This is truly life-changing work
and your donations are a huge So, thank you from the
bottom of our hearts. Your donations make sure those
new born babies get those drops Texts will cost ?10 plus your
standard network message charge. Now, it's time for the first Clash
of the Titans event of the evening, And Gary, just as a quick heads
up, they're not racing on Penny Farthings like
when you were a boy. I know, thank you David,
they're on racing bikes. In fact, there's a good cycling
shop near you. Is there?
Yeah. It's right next
to the doughnut shop. You're kind of showing off now Gary
and it's not very attractive. And to start with, it's
the Cycling Elimination race. Over to Dan Walker and our teams
at the VeloPark. Hello and welcome back to the
VeloPark. This lot are ready for the first event in the clash of the
titans 2016. Just to remind you, this is the elimination race. The
person at the back is just as important as the person at the
front. Three members from each team will be taking part, including the
two team captains. Let's find out who has been selected and what they
are in for. The cycling elimination, hello, old friend. 2014, this race
was tactical and aggressive. Maybe a bit too aggressive. How on earth has
he stayed on his bike? He hasn't now. The sprint laps are the key,
when you hear the bell it's time to go. Whoever finishes last, gets
eliminated. When there are three riders left, it's a race to the
finishing line. Freddie won this race last time, and that must give
Team Flintoff the edge. I'm pretty competitive so will be as physical
and competitive as Freddie wants me to be. Team Flintoff, we've got
this. Have you now? You are going to have to get past my team first. You
just have to go as fast as you possibly can. We will ride stronger,
harder, and faster. To win, ready, steady... Catch Freddie.
Let's get a word with the captains. Freddie Flintoff is here, everybody.
You won this event two years ago. What is the secret? I don't think
there is a secret except for peddling faster. I think the
standard is higher this year. These guys look all right. You are up
against a man with five Olympic golds in five consecutive Olympic
Games, Sir Steve Redgrave. We know you have got the lungs but have you
got the legs? I have certainly got the heart but I'm not sure I put the
endurance. I'm looking forward to it. I think it will be a great
crack. I hope we don't do what Freddie did last year and fall off.
I will let you get ready. Our special Stuttgart -- that the
introduce you to our special starter for tonight, who has walked 145
miles for Sport Relief, Jo Brand! Jo, talk us through your job. It is
a big one. I've got to fire the starting pistol without injuring
myself or anybody else. How much practice have you read? 14 seconds.
So this could be messy. Step back! What could possibly go wrong? Jo
will start the race. Here are our commentating team. We have a perfect
commentating position, up in the rafters looking straight down on the
finishing line. Rob and I were here for the World Championships a couple
of years ago but that feels like it was merely an hors d'oeuvre. Let's
take a look at the line-up for the elimination race. Six riders in the
field. As you can see, both captains are in this one, looking to lay down
an early marker. Before the race gets underway, we will have a warm
up lap just to give the race a rolling start. They must stay
bunched until they pass the start line. Every other lap, the bell
goes, the riders will sprint and the last rider over the line is
eliminated until three riders remain, with Hugh Dennis at the
moment. When we get down to the last three, which may or may not involve
Hugh, when the bell rings, the remaining riders will sprint to the
finish. There is the man who won the finish last time, Freddie Flintoff.
It was a commentary highlight for me. I saw him go down and he picked
himself up and knocked him for six. He took the victory. Who is going to
take it today? Jo Brand is ready with the starter's gun, and the
first event in Clash of the Titans 2016 is underway. Three points
available for the winner, two points for second place, for third. The
remaining three riders will not score at all. Hugh Dennis is trying
to make sure he stays out of trouble early on. This is a man with some
cycling experience. He has written on a Tour in France on two occasions
in the past and he is looking to make sure you can stay in the race a
bit longer. You can see how hard he is trying. He is taking it out from
the front. This is to make sure he doesn't get himself in trouble, but
it looks like Steve Redgrave is in the hot seat at the moment. Already
close, as they go over the line. We have a four love. Hugh Dennis is
down. -- we have a fall. Hugh Dennis hit the deck at the end of the first
sprint. I can't quite believe it. Just a touch of wheels. It was his
own team-mate who just squeezed him out. Momentarily, they will
neutralise the race. Confirmation that Harry Judd won't be McFlying it
around the track any more. He was the first rider to go. Hugh Dennis
will not be re-starting as a result of the crash a few moments ago. We
are down to four. Here we go. Mark Wright, Freddie Flintoff, Dan Snow
and Sir Steve Redgrave. Two riders left from each team. And now we are
underway. What about the tactics here? Freddie
Flintoff going right to the start and trying to dominate. In a race
like this, do you take the front and try to take control or do you risk
it from the back? You get the risk of getting out of line. At the
moment, it is Sir Steve Redgrave who is caught at the back on the inside.
Steve Redgrave found himself boxed in last time and it looks as though
he is almost riding into one of his opponents again. Flintoff leads them
over the line, and Mark Wright is the man to go. He has been feeling
unwell today and we were not sure if he would come back out for the
restart, but he gave it a go. For Mark Wright, the only way is back to
Essex. That is a shocker, but true. The bell goes, and it is the sprint
to the line. It looks like Flintoff has got it all the way. Absolutely
plumping down the back straight. Looked at him go. He was
head-to-head two years ago but I think he is going to win. Freddie
Flintoff is a two times winner in Clash of the Titans elimination
race. He won it at a canter. Undefeated. The undefeated Freddie
Flintoff. Here it is again, rob. He left the others trailing. Dan Snow
just trying to get in the wheel of Freddie but unfortunately for Steve
Redgrave, he was trying to go round the long wait and that was the hard
way, but unfortunately for the blues it was Freddie Flintoff all the way.
Freddie Flintoff takes the win with room to spare. Dan Snow second and
Sir Steve Redgrave third. Let's grab a word with our top
three. What was it like? I enjoyed it. It is hard, especially when you
are unfit. The young man got us. A big kick, powerful legs. There are
two blues in the top three, Dan Snow. Freddie said you were the
danger men, and you came through. He was talking me up. That was a hell
of a kick, he pounced. Freddie Flintoff is undefeated on the track.
You have done it again. I thought it was going to get harder. On the last
lap, I am just going to go for it and see what happens. I thought
Steve would be breathing down my neck but he should stick to his
rowing, shouldn't he? Good news is that Steve Dennis -- Hugh Dennis is
OK. Freddie Flintoff I think, had been
training for that one, and it was a decisive victory for the cricketing
legend. Three points 14 Flintoff, but Dan Snow and Sir Steve Redgrave
both on the board for their team. One events down. Next up,
synchronised swimming with Russell Kane taking on Will Young. It is not
a dream. Porsche Hugh Dennis, but well done, Freddie.
OK, it's time to take a look at the leaderboard for the very
After the first event, Team Flintoff as three points and Tim Redgrave
also have three points. It is all to play for.
Of course, it's not going to surprise you that on Sport Relief
we are pretty keen on sport and really hope that you will be
When the Sport Relief weekend is over, if you need more
inspiration on how to get involved in loads of different sports then
And you're certainly going to be inspired
To tell you all about a wonderful woman called Margaret,
I'd like you to meet a wonderful lady called Margaret. She is going
to tell you a love story. When I met Mike I knew that was
definitely something special. We used to spend a lot
of time walking. Yeah, if we were sitting anywhere,
his arm would go round my shoulder. I was in love with him
and expected him to be I spent quite a bit of time
on my own with the children. He used to work up in town
and he'd come home. I'd have his dinner ready and then
he'd go down to a local pub Very hard for Mike and I to have any
time together, really. We had big plans when
we were both retired. It was our time and we still had
a lot of living to do. I got the phone call to say,
"You must come to the hospital." By the time I got there,
it was too late. Where do you go when your soulmate,
partner, lover is gone? I wanted to finish it
all and join Mike. I used to go shopping and walk
over a bridge and look, but then I'd think of the car
driver that would hit me I knew that I needed
to talk to somebody. Just when she needed it
most, Margaret found the Bereavement Centre,
a project supported by Sport Relief. It's a place she can go when it
feels like there's nowhere else. I still get the pain of losing Mike,
but it's brought together people that have gone through
exactly the same. The Bereavement Centre
have saved my life. It is easy to think that, just
because somebody is older, they can cope with the loss of a loved one
more easily, but that just isn't true. Why should age make any
difference? In this country around a million older people are chronically
lonely. One in four feel they have nobody to go to for help or support.
Tonight, you can help change things. Tonight, you can make a difference.
Please call us. Thank you. Loneliness and loss are desperate
things to have to cope with. ?25 pays for a counselling session
for a bereaved person to help them If you can, please do help us
to continue supporting You can see what a difference
that project has made. You can donate online
at bbc.co.uk/sportrelief or you can Texts will cost ?10 plus your
standard network message charge and 100% of your donation
will go to Sport Relief. You must be 16 or over and please
ask the bill payer's permission. For full terms and conditons
and more information If you could donate,
we would be very grateful. Now, if you're a fan
of The One Show - and I know I am, I have the Blu-ray box set at home -
you'll have followed the inspiring journey of the courageous crew
who survived Hell On High Seas. # You light the skies above
# You and me, we can write on a star # If you stay with me, girl we can
rule the world # Yeah, you and me we can ride on a
star... Everybody has pulled together. I think everyone will go
home with a huge sense of accomplishment.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome two of our heroic
Hell on High Seas challengers - Alex Jones and Angellica Bell.
Took is through the dramatic scenes on daily two. We were in a bit of a
quandary as to whether to keep sailing, because we had to avoid a
force ten storm. It was Armageddon! We made the decision to go into
Plymouth, but on the way in, we were on watch in the middle of the night,
drenched, choppy seas, in the middle of the night and wanting to go home.
Why did you make me do this? Sorry about that. It was like the world
was going to end at that point. What was it like to be on board? On board
was kind of OK apart from the really grim bits, the middle of the night
when the waves are dashing over. Down below deck, where you didn't
see very much, you were being woken up every few hours to go on deck.
You'd have to get dressed like this... And then you try to pull
your trousers on. The boat is at an angle. It's not just putting your
clothes on, we had so many layers. Thermals, a rubber seal over your
neck. Is it true the boys were more sick than the girls? That is true.
Alex and I were the only two who didn't get seasick. CHEERING
It must have felt amazing when you finally got home and got off the
thing will stop when we got what when we got into the Thames, it was
karma, but it didn't seem real we would be back on terra firma. There
were such difficult conditions on the boat for so long. It was
emotional to see our friends and family. We shed some tears. It was
amazing and emotional, but what's more amazing, that was five days for
us. All of you out there, watching at home, what's amazing is that they
got behind it once again and go native. That's the thing. -- and
donated. We can reveal that the total raised, including ?150,000
from BT who supported the challenge, is a whopping 1,000,060.
Are you going to keep that money or give it to Sport Relief? We will
give it to Sport Relief! Good for you. That makes it worth it.
Now, for you, Alex, your Sport Relief doesn't end
This Sunday, myself, Matt Baker and John Inverdale
will be taking the Sport Relief baton all the way to
Join us on Sunday as people all over the nation do themselves proud for
Sport Relief. We live from the Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park as a whole
host of people join us for the culmination of the Sport Relief we
can. We will test those famous faces with challenges. And we will bring
you the action from across the country as thousands of you walk,
run, swim or cycle yourselves proud to raise cash and change people's
lives. That's live on Sunday. Ooo Betty! Fancy dress optional.
And it's not too late if you want to take part in any
Thousands of you have already signed up.
If you haven't, it's going to be a brilliant day,
so whoever you are, wherever you are, what are you waiting for?
For details of how to take part, head to the website
Now, you'll already know that Ebola is one of the most
Sierra Leone was one of the worst affected countries.
Thankfully the country was declared Ebola free at the end of last year.
But it left a trail of despair in its wake, as EastEnders actor
This is a slum in Freetown, it's a bustling community
But when the Ebola epidemic hit, this once vibrant
With people living so close to one another, in already overcrowded
homes, the deadly virus spread quickly.
People were suspicious and afraid of treatment centres.
And it didn't take long for rumours to start.
As ever, in all of this, the ones who suffer most are children.
I see why something like Ebola would hit a place like this.
12-year-old Mohammed and his little brother Mousa
As the only two surviving members of their entire family,
they saw relative after relative being taken off to a treatment
Why did you not want to go to the treatment centre?
With so many family members having died from the virus,
others in the community were suspicious that the boys may
Having contracted and yet survived Ebola, the boys are back at home
and are now supported by their mum's best friend.
She does what she can, but there's no money.
After everything they've been through, now they've even
Mohammed and Mousa still live in the same building
They just want to go to school and learn and better themselves
There's no option there. No school.
They're talking about being lawyers and stuff, you know.
They've got brains to use and they want to nourish that brain
and they want to do something with themselves and they can't.
Every child on this planet deserves or should go to school.
It's about giving them an opportunity to just live,
to just live, live a life and have enjoyable, magical moments,
I think we should try to let those boys, and others like them,
But for that, they need a good education.
?70 pays for a whole year at secondary school.
The children of Sierra Leone desperately need our support.
You've been so brilliant in the past.
Could you, would you, help us once more?
Please donate by going online at bbc.co.uk/sportrelief or call
Or you can text the word YES to 70010 to donate ?10.
Texts will cost ?10 plus your standard network
Right, it's time for the first Sport Relief sketch of the night.
And surprise surprise - you're dressed as a woman.
With some very special guests, it's the return of Little Britain.
TOM BAKER: Football is one of Britain's most popular pastimes.
In his office, sports agent Mickey Perm is trying
to strike a deal for one of his footballers.
I don't play football myself, because sadly, I don't have a foot.
I've got one for you. Kevin Keegan.
Ah, Crouchy, my favourite new client.
I'd get you back in the England team, didn't I?
Well, your numero uno agent has only gone and done it.
I can't wait to be back with the boys.
Hold on. It's not exactly with the boys.
It's with the ladies. The ladies?
I've got you a place with the Lionesses.
I've got someone who can help you with that.
My name is Emily Howard, and I am a lady.
She is going to teach you how to behave like a lady.
I must say, I was rather surprised when I heard
In my mind, ladies should play ladies' games, like cribbage
Crouchy, do you want to play for England again or not?
TOM JONES: # Well, she's all you'd ever want
# She's the kind I'd like to flaunt And take to dinner
# Well, she always knows her place She's got style, she's got grace
# Whoa-oh-oh She's a lady
# But she's never in the way Always something nice to say
# I can leave her on her own Knowing she's OK alone
# Whoa-oh-oh She's a lady
# She knows what I'm about She can take what I dish out
# But she knows me through and through
# And she knows just what to do and how to please me... #
Are you sure that they'll believe that I'm a lady?
What do you think you're playing at?
I think you might have rather given the game away.
You can give me the outfit back later.
Massive thank yous to the hilarious Micky Flanagan, David Seaman,
The Lionesses, their manager Mark Sampson.
And of course, a huge thank you
It's just, you said we were going to dress up for this bit.
I did say that, but then I thought - dressing as a woman to get laughs
But you've made a career out of it. Exactly.
You have actually never look to more lovely. So, moving on...
Ladies and gentlemen, The beautiful Gary-Ella Lineker.
Right, still to come tonight - Luther, as you've never
Nusic from the incredibly talented James Bay.
And we're only moments away from the second instalment of Clash
of the Titans, as Russell Kane and Will Young take to the pool
Right, time for a thank you, and this one goes to BT,
who have once again been brilliant supporters of Sport Relief.
They've been donating money from calls made
to the Speaking Clock on their Chat for Change Day.
I know a thing or two about dedication and hard work. And some
other people who know a thing or two about that are the good people at
BT. Since the start they have been involved in Sport Relief. The people
who man the phones at Sport Relief are all volunteers, giving up their
free time to take your donations. No matter how big or how small, those
donations make a difference. They helped us raise money for those who
needed each year. That is an amazing achievement. The staff are also
massively behind it and have a mission for their staff to travel to
the moon and back by recording their steps. We could not do it without
you. So there is really only one thing to say. Thank you!
APPLAUSE I couldn't have said it
better myself, thank you! And we can reveal that
their brilliant efforts have raised Now, those of you who follow
EastEnders will remember the deeply moving storyline about Stacey
and her struggle with extreme Here's Lacey Turner -
the actress who plays Stacey - to explain that for many women,
this condition is all too real. Giving birth to a child should be
a truly wonderful time in a woman's life and one of life's
most joyful experiences. But, sadly, as I have learnt
in my role as Stacey, The truth is that every year,
here in the UK, around 70,000 women won't find that becoming a mother
is the fairy-tale they dreamed of. I can't keep Arthur safe
every minute on my own. 70,000 women won't find
the sleepless nights and constant care a baby needs
plain old exhausting. They'll find it much
worse than that. They will become ill
with postnatal depression. In more extreme cases like Stacey's,
more than 1,400 women will suffer from the more severe
version of the illness, This is truly frightening,
for them and for their families. Arthur is not yours.
He is God's. Stacey, why would they
want to take Arthur? He's outside.
He's waiting. Sadly, like with so many mental
illnesses, women are scared They think they should
feel a certain way. They're new mothers, after all -
why does it seem that everyone else It's thought that the real number
of sufferers is higher, but that women are too scared
to come forward and talk about it. They're scared of what people
will say and they're scared I believe it's
absolutely real for you. And I think it must be tiring
and extremely stressful. If you think you're suffering
from postnatal depression, the best thing you can do is tell
someone you're feeling overwhelmed. Talk to a doctor or health
visitor or a friend. After Arthur was born,
I heard his voice. He only talked to you
after Arthur was born? Sport Relief is supporting
the maternal mental health alliance to raise awareness of the importance
of this issue, as well as projects which aim to support mums,
dads and their families to recover from maternal mental
health and move forwards. I think we're going to
need a clean outfit. We want you to know you're not
alone, you have nothing You can be treated and
things can get better. Help us to continue to support women
and families, who are suffering unnecessarily at what should be one
of the happiest times To donate please call
or go to the website. The stigma around illnesses
like post-natal depression hasn't gone away yet, but things
are slowly getting better. ?30 could enable an isolated mum
who is experiencing post-natal depression to attend a session
to help start the road to recovery. Please help us to support those mums
at the time they really need it, by donating online at
bbc.co.uk/sportrelief or you can Texts will cost ?10 plus your
standard network message charge and 100% of your donation
will go to Sport Relief. You must be 16 or over and please
ask the bill payer's permission. For full terms and
conditions and more information go to
bbc.co.uk/sportrelief. It's time for the
synchronised Swimming. We'd be good at synchronised
swimming, Gary. It's OK, I'll sort something out.
Anyway, it's time for... You're not going to say
Clash Of The Titans No, it's time for
Splash of the Titans! Welcome to the London Aquatics
Centre. And boy, have we got a treat for you tonightif you were watching
earlier, you will have seen that clash of the Titans is tight. Team
Redgrave and Team Flintoff tied at three apiece after the first event
of the evening, the Elimination Cycling. But of course it can all
change, because next up, we have got synchronised swimming! Let's speak
to a lady who knows all we need to know about it. Where are you? I am
right above you. Welcome to what is going to be a fantastic evening. We
have got two very different routines from two very different performers.
On Team Flintoff, it is comedian Russell Kane. And for Team Redgrave,
we have our very own top idol Willie Young! And they will be performing
alongside five incredibly talented girls from acrobatics. Each
performance will be scored by three professional synchro judges, with
each judge awarding a score out of ten. The routine with the highest
score will get maximum points for their team. Back to you, Ore. We
will be finding out just what Will and Russell will be unleashing on
the world. I still do not know how to put this on. Your watery stage
awaits you. Yes, I am the mer-man of the synchronised swimming world.
Russell Kane, let me talk to you bit. This place is steeped in
history, from 2012. Are you to undo all that legacy? No, I am really
composed, apart from my locker key, as I get a bit tense if I am away
from my possessions. I would not be surprised if I grew fins or wedding
during the performance. My goodness me! We are all set. Ladies and
gentlemen, what you are about to see, you will not be able to unsee.
It is definitely getting a bit clammy in here! Ladies and
gentlemen, are we ready for our first performance of the evening? We
have got loyalty with us. For Team Redgrave, Will Young!
I am here for Sport Relief to do synchronised swimming. I feel it is
my destiny. Hello! Hi, what do you think? Almost looking the part. You
look like you are going scuba-diving, more than synchronised
swimming. I can dance, sort of. I can swim. Can I do them both? I will
find out. The worst thing that can happen on the night is that I could
drown. I would be upset. Go slowly to start with. Really hard! They
make it look very easy. It is not easy. It is quite exhausting on the
body, even though it is a short routine. Why didn't I do something
like cycling, that would be easier?! I feel like I am in a Vegas show.
The thing is, nobody remembers second place. We are here to win.
MUSIC: "Dance Of The Sugar Plum Fairies"
COMMENTATOR: A brand-new challenge for Will Young tonight, drawing on
all his performance skills to create a scene from Norway. Lovely cadence,
great synchronisation. It is all about keeping in time with the
music, synchronising with your team-mates. And look at that leg
kick under the water, which is what is keeping them afloat. Straight
legs. This is the hardest part for Will chuggers keeping vertical and
upright. He is trying to fight off the acrobatics girls. Time for the
big lift... Fantastic presentation from Will Young! Dynamic performance
from the Pop Idol winner. A man who knows all about stage and screen as
well. Let's have a look at some of the highlights. Beautiful dive. He
loves swimming, loved diving as a boy, he was telling me earlier on.
Look how well he is synchronised with the girls from Aquabatics. Real
sense of drama about this routine. Good height on the lift. I think the
judges will have enjoyed that. Something quite sensational. Will
Young, you have done this since birth, right?! Yes!
These girls are amazing. I can't actually talk. You don't need to.
Because the judges' scores are in. It's a clean sweep of 8s. 24 Will
Young. I'm happy with that. I couldn't actually add that up. I'm
pleased you added it up as well! The doubt in your face made me doubt
myself. You don't need to do maths, you're a beautiful synchronised
swimmer. Off you go! APPLAUSE
Well earned rest. We're not done just yet. It's time for act two,
who's ready for Russell Kane? For team Flintoff, it's Russell Kane.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I'm normally a stand-up comedian and presenter. Today I'm learning
synchronised swimming. Teach me a move, I can do it double jointed.
Yes, you may find it quite difficult. Oh, yeah. How am I going
to remember the moves? You just have to do it over and over again. It's
actually a very athletic sport. I'm just going to go for it.
I could well easily just be floating in the water like an idiot,
surrounded by great girls. It could be worse, really couldn't it?
Actually I might just do that. I think in words because it's my job,
so to remember physical moves doesn't come natural Troy me. If I
can't -- natural to me. If I can't be elegant in the water, I think
strike. Quick movement, bold, masculine shapes. That's my strategy
on the night. COMMENTATOR: Russell, if you
remember him performing to Beyonce in 2012, here he is tapping into his
inner diva yet again. He's no stranger to twerking. Quite hard to
do under water, though. So lots and lots of cheeky, diva moves that you
will see during this routine. Good movement of the legs under water.
Just keeping themselves afloat by using arms and legs. Strong moves
from Russell. Lots of diva attitude. We want to
see lots of flirting with the crowd. We're going to go for the lift here.
The girls can't touch the bottom of the pool.
Again, trying to get those legs synchronised. Not quite as pointed
as they could have been. The trade mark Russell Kane thumb move to
finish. Applause from his opponent. APPLAUSE He wouldn't tell me which
pussy cat doll he wanted to be. I felt there was a bit of Nicole in
there. Here we go. At the start of the routine, getting into position
quickly. He's got to be synchronised with the girls, as we said, and with
the music. That was the lift. Yeah, we saw some good hand moves. There
-- moves there. We will see what the judges made of that. Will he have
done enough to beat team Redgrave? Here he comes, ladies and gentleman.
Don't you do that again before telling me how you a synchronised
swimmer you are. 24 is the score to beat. Here we go.
That means you need just seven to win this battle.
It's a 10! How about that. 28 Russell, how are you feeling? I'm
feeling amazing. Thank you very much. The irony of synchronised
swimming is it takes a lot of balls to do this. I've got respect for
these girls. They are amazing. What a team, what a guy, what a
performance - what an outfit! What does that do for the scores. Great
performance by Russell and Will. Team Flintoff get the two points.
Thank you very much to Russell and his team. Thank you very much to
Will Young and his team! To the Aquabatics and the judges. So much
still to come from Clash Of The Titans. Join us later to see how our
teams get rhythmic. See you soon. # Somewhere beyond the sea
# Somewhere... Let's have a look at how that event
has changed the leaderboard... This is what you'll
be remembered for. So, after the second
event of the night... Team Flintoff is in the lead. It's
going to be a close one. How did you talk me into this? I can talk you
into a lot of things! APPLAUSE There is something I'm
particularly excited about tonight, returning to our screens for the
first time in nearly 40 years is one of the greatest comedy characters of
all time - not him! - Frank is back. And that's coming up
a little later tonight. And bringing you brilliant
entertainment like that is all part Here is a man who knows only too
well how important ... Sorry, that's Danny's bit. I
carried on. You didn't go to Sierra Leone. You were at home while he
went! I would have done if you'd have invited me. All right, you dug
yourself a hole, just shut up. Sport Relief asked me to go
to Sierra Leone, I'll admit I was scared of what I'd see.
But I'll tell you something - it's an amazing country.
And I have never seen anything like it in my life.
At this very moment I'm embarrassed to be a human being.
How it gets to this stage where children are running
There's a kid over there, he's got flip-flops on.
There's glass, there's fires and he's just got flip-flops on.
And he works on this rubbish dump every single day.
In fact, he's never known a life outside of it.
Because Usman and his family actually live on the dump.
The money, I buy food for them so we can survive.
The money, the father buys food for them to survive.
TRANSLATION: I want to leave this dump site.
Hassan, do you think it will ever happen for you?
TRANSLATION: He's not really thinking if that will ever happen
for him in his lifetime. The powers that be, whoever
they are, forget about all that, we can actually come together
as human beings and help Just from sitting where you are now,
the difference you can make I know they seem
a million miles away. You can make such a difference
from such a little thing. So please, get these people out
of this, this just ain't right. We've got to come together
and make this happen. If you've never done it before,
make this the first time you've It seems just too massive a problem
to do anything doesn't it? But I'm here to promise
you, it's not. We're working with a project
who take little kids like Osman ?70 pays for a whole
year of education. I'm not asking you to
pay the whole 70 quid. I'm at the Olympic Park on Sunday,
come and run a mile with me, do whatever you've got to do. Just,
it's horrendous. Please give what you can. Thank you.
APPLAUSE I bet that most of you watching now
will have your phone sitting right there next to you,
so please pick it up, type the word YES and send
it to 70010 and help It's that simple, and it
will be the most important Texts will cost ?10 plus your
standard network message charge. OK, we've got off to a brilliant
start and, although the night is still very young, I think it's
time we announced our first total, I certainly do, man off Match of the
Day. Tonight you have raised
a phenomenal... Wow, wow, wow! Thank you so much
everybody. That is an amazing amount of money. We cannot thank you
enough. I know, I know, we'd love to present
for longer, but sadly Gary's curfew at the old folks home
is fast approaching. I don't actually have to be back
until nine o'clock. Ladies and gentlemen,
the brilliant, the talented, CHEERING AND
APPLAUSE Ladies and gentlemen,
the childish, the irritating, pain in the bum that
is Mr David Walliams! CHEERING AND
APPLAUSE Coming up, we have
Strictly's Tess Daly Bez from the Happy Mondays,
and telly favourite Lorraine Kelly Let's take a look at what else
is in store for you tonight. Still to come... Franke Spencer is
back in Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em. Jack Whitehall meets Gareth Bale.
And there is a royal visit in the clash of the titans. All, much more
coming up here tonight on Sport Relief. Ladies and gentlemen, please
welcome your amazing hosts, Davina McCall, Claudia Winkleman and John
Bishop! Thank you! Good evening, and what a
fantastic night of Sport Relief we have had so four. Look at you with
those on! I love it! And a massive thank you to Gary and David, like an
old married couple, weren't they? Now, John, this is a very modern
marriage you have got here, a Claudia and Davina sandwich. You are
feeling quite lucky right now? I am, and every middle-aged man across the
country, you can donate to stand where I am. So, we have got some
unbelievable treats coming up in the next hour.
More from the Titans as they take on Rhythmic Gymnastics,
and of course, the return of the one and only Michael Crawford
It's true that everyone here has got a touch of what we like to call
Take a look over there, even Crookie on camera one has
Time now for one of my all time Sport Relief heroes.
I mean, the endurance they have shown. That is obviously me. The wit
they have. I think that is still me. It is not about me, it is about the
kids. And they look very beautiful - in clothes.
It's the incredible, funny, and beautiful,
He has completed 24 marathons out of 27 in South Africa.
Welcome to South Africa. Why 27 marathons. Nelson Mandela was in
prison for 27 years so I thought I would run 27 marathons in 27 days.
Thank you. I am dehydrating. And that is where
the problem lies. Spraying me, spraying me like crazy! I am a
determined to it and I just want to keep going. Cheers, everyone! Just
keep it in here and drive forward, and I can get this done.
And Eddie's in Cape Town right now after doing his 24th marathon.
Hi, how are you? Eddie, it is Davina, it is so lovely to see you.
Where are you? I am in Cape Town, South Africa, at the moment. It is
two hours later than where you are. We have got table mounted behind us,
wonderful city. And Robben Island, where Nelson Mandela spent 18 years,
I am trying to run the 27 marathons in 27 days as a salute to Nelson
Mandela. This is where we are at the moment. Eddie, it is John. I am just
saying that in case you did not recognise the voice. Eddie, how are
you getting on with the heat? The heat took me a part, actually. I am
just resting my feet. Tim, my physio, has saved my life. He is
basically bandaging that back together. I have got in the event
going in this foot. The nails are going well, though. Loving the
nails! Yes, they are not working very well but... I was just saying,
the heat is amazing, it is up to 35 degrees. It is very difficult to run
in this heat. We are absolutely in awe off you. What are you thinking
about when you run, is it particular projects? I am thinking about
stopping, actually! So, every time I stop... Because I have no days off,
this is the thing. I have already spent one day in hospital so that I
actually have to do a double marathon on the Sunday. This is what
is really tricky. I have done my 24th marathon, but it is on day 25.
I am kind of thinking about that. That is going to be tricky. Eddie,
it is so lovely to see you smiling. We wish you the very, very Asta. And
keep going! Thank you! So, Eddie, we are now going to tell you how much
you have raised. We can now reveal that the total so far is...
Well done, Eddie! Thank you very much. You are finishing on Sunday,
right? Yes, two marathons on Sunday. That has got to be worth a million,
hasn't it?! Please keep supporting him.
Please keep supporting him and keep donating
And you can follow Eddie's incredible challenge every step
So if Eddie's superhuman feats have inspired you,
then you can't miss the Sport Relief Games Show
at 1.15pm on Sunday on BBC One, where you can see Eddie
Having said that, he is doing two that day, he might be a bit late.
And you can still sign up to take part in the Sport Relief games right
here in Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park on Sunday.
Bake Off - here are some of the best bits.
Welcome to the great Sport Relief Bake Off. No wonder it is Sport
Relief, I am knackered! Eight bananas. Eight bananas? Out of all
four of us, who do you reckon has got the best kitchen? Downing
Street... ? One of the best kitchens this year.
Thank you to everyone that took part.
It is time now to find out how much the Great
Sport Relief Bake Off has "self-raised".
OK, we can now reveal that The Great Sport Relief Bake Off
Thank you so much to all the Bake Off contestants
and everyone who donated over the series.
A few years ago, I went to Sierra Leone
I saw some pretty terrible things there,
and that was before Ebola struck that country.
It has left a trail of devestation in its wake, as you'll see
Hidden away in a remote part of Sierra Leone,
is a village that has been decimated by the Ebola
It was the adult population who buried the dead, with many of them
then dying from Ebola themselves, themselves, leaving
a once-thriving village desolate. In the shadow of empty houses,
entire families have been wiped out. Traumatised and broken children,
find themselves in the care of grandparents
overwhelmed by grief. Or worse, some find
themselves orphaned with no-one to care
for them at all. No-one knew what was causing
the sickness and it spread All over the village,
children became carers. They saw things no child
should ever have to see. As if witnessing the deaths
of their mums and dads wasn't enough, when the horror
of the epidemic passed, the stigma that remained has left
them outcast from society. With these children at their most
vulnerable, many of them There is a single project
that is helping children here and it's funded
by money raised by you. they provide essential
bereavement counselling. And most importantly,
they can show children like Aminarta please call... ... Or go online.
Thank you. Well, it's just so hard
to know what to say. If the worst happened
and our children didn't have us, then hopefully there
would be people to step in. Well, there would be,
but because of Ebola, well, you've seen, there's
no one apart from some grandparents,
who are grieving themselves, Please help us to
continue doing that. Here now with her beautiful
song Wings is Birdy, and she has kindly asked that
if you could, you phone and donate CHEERING AND
APPLAUSE Thank you so much, Birdy,
and thank you if you donated Time now for a big thank
you to everyone involved in the epic Battle of the Five-A-Sides
and in particular, Alan Shearer, Robbie Savage and
the Premier League. If Jurgen Klopp is watching, just
take a look at this goal I scored! The partnership between the Premier
League and Sport Relief has been amazing since it began in 2002. It
continues to go from strength to strength.
COMMENTATOR: What a goal! Oh! What a screamer! The Premier League has
organised an epic five-a-side match, the biggest ever. Myself and the one
and only Allan Shearer are captains. You might see some of this later
from the legend that is Alan Shearer. 57 hours nonstop, some of
football's biggest names, celebrities and members of the
public are taking their part in Sport Relief. It's a great effort
from the Premier League, combining with the legends out there today.
They've put their bodies on the line for Sport Relief. I'm feeling
dreadful, I've got to admit. By the time the battle of the five-a-sides
was over 228 teams and over 1100 players had taken part. Helped out
by three heroes who played 12 hours of football nonstop, Danny, Josh and
Rachel, we absolute them. The match was played through rain, sleet,
snow, high winds and a moment of sunshine.
COMMENTATOR: That's lovely. Team Shearer won and the Premier League
turned every ?1 raised into a crisp fiver, the tollal over ?500,000. The
money raised will fund crucial projects at home and across the
world. One great project that the money goes to is the Premier
League's Enterprise Progaem. -- programme. It helps young people
learn about business and how to get a start in life, using Premier
League clubs as the back drop. Clubs up and down the country have got
behind this brilliant programme. The money raised has gone to help work
with kids around the world, including project like Magic Bus in
India. This project uses football as the catalyst for teaching young
people life skills and building their confidence to help them find
jobs. But it's not just India, there's great work being done in
Zambia. This programme educates young women about being safe. In
Brazil, they tackle social problems by providing school children with
access to sport and education. These are just some examples of the
fantastic work being done by the Premier League and Sport Relief
around the world. So, we just want to say a massive thank you to the
Premier League, the clubs, the players, and crucially, the fans for
their incredible support. It makes such a dirns. Thanks.
APPLAUSE I think some of them
are still thawing out from that. OK, it's time to reveal
the Premier League total. Thank you so, so much. That's
wonderful. APPLAUSE Very well done. Back to you
John. Earlier in the show we saw Danny
talk about his experience when he went to Sierra Leone and he saw kids
living on a dump sight. It was easy to see how moved Danny was. It's an
overwhelming thing. Four years ago I went to Kenya. I saw exactly the
same thing. I was moved the same way. But things do change. This film
shows you what a difference can you make.
Last time I came to Enya, I went to this dump -- came to Kenya, I went
to this dump site in Nairobi. Ten-year-old Margaret had never
lived anywhere else. Along with her grandmother, she spent every day
searching through the rubbish to scrape together an existence. What's
the best thing you've ever found. Rice, as food. Rice? Rice. That's
the best thing you've ever found? Yeah. The best thing. Back then, it
seemed there was no way out. Thanks to your generosity, their lives have
changed beyond compare. I went back to Kenya to see the change for
myself. Young Margaret is now going to school, where she's finally
getting a good education and making friends. What's the best thing about
going to school? It's great, that's brilliant. Your
grandmother has a new house. Shall we go and see your grandma? Hello.
Look at you! You look brilliant. Thank you very much. Now grandma
Margaret has even started her own business. What do you sell? Is that
for a phone? Yes, credit. 20 shillings. The difference between
where they were then and where they are now, it's incredible. This is a
very, very important photograph. It's all changed now.
No more. No more days like this. No more. Life better. Let's look to the
future. Yeah, thank you. I'm lappy. -- I'm happy. Thank you. I'm so glad
we're able to help. You changed this sadness into joy. You changed the
sorrow and loss into hope. That's what your donations do. You change
lives. Your donations mean that we can help more families like this.
Please give what you can. Thank you.
We can't take everyone to the dump sites. I know if you went and saw
and smelt and felt what me and Danny have done, you'd be as moved as we
were. You can't see it and just walk away. We can't take you there, but
we can show you it and we can show you the difference that you can make
right now. In a place like Kenya it costs ?150 to send young Margaret to
school for a year. That's changed her life ?150 - and I promise that
your money will make a massive difference. Thank you
Let's take a moment to thank our volunteers who are answering the
phones. Still to come, a clash of the tightan encounter and the
unmissable return of Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em. I know it's your
favourite. She's been holding me like this all day. Don't say
anything that rhymes with Crawford. We have music from James Bay! Yeah,
yeah. But before all of that, it is time for crime. Now, we all know
detective John luger is a twisted and tormented soul. And he's
extremely hot! But, yeah. They're like, oh, yeah. Have you ever
thought about his life off duty? I mean does he see his mum. Does he
even have a family? Does he have a resident's parking permit? It's my
first question. Let's find out as we meet the Luthers.
MUSIC: Paradise Circus by Massive Attack
Well, look, I'll... Hold on. No, hold on, I've got a call.
Yeah, I know, I know, Cousin Adam's running in a 100m, yeah.
No, no, no, I'll be there in like a minute!
I promise, yeah. Like in a minute, all right?
I've got to go somewhere. I'll be there in a minute.
What do you mean, how long's a minute?
I am a detective. I'm trained to see that sort of stuff.
Feet cut off, possibly to prevent identification.
Every time I come home you do this. What's going on, John, bruv?
Well, technically, you're right, it has been murdered.
Not only that, its feathers have been pulled,
trussed up with an elastic band. Looks like
some kind of fetish killing. Exactly what I was thinking.
Where did you find it, fam? It was at a supermarket, all right?
Mate, it was in the free-range section. I just took it home.
you never remove the body from the scene of the crime
What are you doing? Everybody knows that!
Yeah. He, er...looks like between a bantamweight and a featherweight.
You know, good muscle tone, good core stability -
must have been doing his plank work, and knocked out in the 10th round.
No, no, no, no, no! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Why are you telling Mummy? Don't tell Mummy nothing.
I've been backing you for the longest time, bruv.
You can't keep bringing murdered tings into the house!
Don't move it! He's moving it again! What's the matter with him?
On your head, mate. Do you want to start on this, yeah?
Look, you cut off the feet, it's got no feet.
How's it going to pass the ball round the midfield?
Would someone please COOK THE CHICKEN?!
What you going mad for, bruv? What's wrong with you?
Is this true? Did you bring the body of a homicide victim into my house?
Mummy, there's a misunderstanding here.
I was just thinking, put an onion up its bum and stick it in the oven!
Out, she's out of here, that's it. Done.
Sometimes it's hard to tell, you do that thing with your eyes.
What thing? Like you just smelled a fart.
Someone else killed it, I don't know who.
People kill chickens for other people, it's a business.
But that don't make it right, do it, John?
Your prints are all over it. Of course my prints are all over it!
Because I picked it up to see how big it was for all of us.
Mummy, what is the problem? It's just a chicken!
It might just be a chicken to you, bruv,
but it's someone's fam, someone's cuz, someone's bruv.
Look, I did not kill the chicken, it was dead when I bought it.
100m is on in a minute. Cousin Adam's running!
OK, OK, good. Oh, come on, Mum, he ain't never going to win.
Usain is in the line-up. Lewis, stop showing off
and put on some clothes! I ain't showing off!
Hey, who needs a tie when you've got abs like mine, mate?
driven by deep-seated feelings of jealousy
who just want to destroy both you and your reputation?
while still having time for the odd casual fling.
Alice, you're not being fair, all right?
WHISPERS: It's all right, it's all right.
Look, I've got to go. My cousin's running the 100m against Usain Bolt.
Look, John, bruv, we can work this out.
I mean, we got off on the wrong foot, that's all, cuz!
Yeah, I mean, murder, torture, evidence, guilt, justice -
As long as you still love your mother, eh?
COMMENTATOR: Only five British men have gone under ten seconds...
Well, the latest news on the Olympic 100m heats
is that Usain Bolt has mysteriously disappeared
You're no champion if you don't beat me.
All right. Let's get rid of the evidence.
MUSIC: Paradise Circus by Massive Attack
Great to get him, but then again, I suppose he only has to work
for 9.75 seconds every four years, so he's got time on his hands.
You look like a new Addington bear. I am not taking it off!
It's thank you time again - to the wonderful people at British
England cricket hero Michael Vaughan shared the love.
We have been bowled over by the amazing work BA staff and customers
have done for Sport Relief this year. They have been fundraising for
12 months. The least I could do was give them a tour of my second home.
These guys are part of the engineering team which has done a
cycle around Brighton, raising more than ?7,000. This is the Heathrow
customer service team, which raised over ?43,000. They have been stood
out here for an hour in the pouring rain. This lot crossed 13 bridges
along the River Thames, raising more than ?3000. That is not all. All you
amazing customers and staff have been slogging away, raising an
incredible amount of money for Sport Relief. All of the staff at BA, and
all of you lot off on your holidays, we could not have done it without
you. Let's have a look at how
much they've raised. It is a massive...! Well done,
British Airways! Thank you so much, that is the most amazing amount.
Still to come, more from Clash of the Titans, music from James Bay
and the exclusive that is Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em.
This year Sport Relief has launched a brilliant
Together, we will be working with them over the next five years
to help fight malaria and improve health.
Tonight, GSK will be donating a fantastic ?3 million.
With your support, we've already made a huge difference in the fight
against malaria, but there is so much more to do.
Malaria still kills a child every two minutes, but with your help,
This is the intensive care unit of this hospital in Uganda. Caroline
has come here with her daughter. Her daughter is just three months old.
She is struggling to breathe. Caroline has just been told that her
daughter has malaria. And she not the only one. Most of the children
on this ward also have malaria. As daylight fades, all Caroline and the
other mothers can do is hope. Overnight, Caroline stays by
Prossie's side. But by morning, Prossie's condition has worsened.
She is slipping in and out of consciousness. And is painfully
weak. With resources so stretched, it is up to Caroline to feed her
daughter through a tube. Prossie is now sharing her bed with another
baby. Little Patricia has just been brought in. She has severe malaria,
too. And her mother also has to do what she can to help. Two mothers,
two babies. Both fighting for life. Suddenly, Patricia isn't breathing.
The doctor can't find a heartbeat. Medical staff are hopeful Prossie
has turned a corner. But there is still a long way to go. Malaria is a
preventable and curable disease if caught in time. We urgently need
your donations tonight. Please call... Or go to...
I have been to a malaria clinics, and you never forget it. Since we
have run that film, two children have died of malaria.
A fiver could save two children's lives.
You can use your phone to save lives.
You can use your laptop to save lives.
I know we keep asking, but these children keep dying.
Standard geographic charges from landlines
But what mostly applies is your love reaching out.
Clash of the Titans now, and it's Team Rhythmic Gymnastics.
I just can't get enough of that lycra.
John, you're a dab hand with the ribbon, aren't you?
We have, in the Redgrave corner, Kate Garraway, Omid Djalili,
And in the Flintoff corner, Darren Gough, Maddy Hill
and the captain himself, Freddie Flintoff.
We will grab a word with these two in a minute, because they are
getting ready for the team triathlon. Let's remind you of the
team standings at the moment. It is looking good for Team Flintoff. Team
Redgrave just behind. Sophie, your team, in control. They are all
happy, they look like they are smiling. What is the feeling like in
the red team? Well, it is quite close, isn't it? Freddie is very
cool, calm, confident. But he is a bit take it or leave it. But when he
got out on the track, that last lap, you can see that just determined
that we should win. And Clara, your team is struggling at the moment.
This lot think you are mentally frail. First things first, I would
not call it struggling. We are only one point behind and I think we are
mentally strong, aren't we?! So, yes. We have got this! Who is ready
for another event? Let's do this. This is couple interesting one. It
requires athleticism, it requires sporting prowess. And you have got
to be good with your hands. Is is big, this is rhythmic gymnastics.
Good job I am not taking part, I nearly fell over! And the selection
process was brutal. Let's see who is going to come out. Rhythmic
gymnastics is the ultimate test of strength, coordination, and most
importantly, teamwork. As captain I am giving myself the ribbon. This is
an event I want to win. It tests everything about you. Coming from
EastEnders, obviously, I am going to put quite a bit of drama into this
performance. Watch this space. I have always been good with a ball.
So the ball is my weapon. Let's get it on, Redgrave. Sir Steve Redgrave
has assembled a pool in the squad of the very best in gymnastics. Hooping
is my life, I was hooping champion when I was seven years old. A lot of
people like to think of me as a UK Beyonce, with a ribbon. This is
serious. It is rhythmic gymnastics! I've seen the rehearsal. I can
assure you, you're about to see things you will never see again.
Whether you'd like to see them again is something completely separate.
Guiding us through this event, let's hand to our commentary team,
Christine and Craig. We are at the top of the velodrome and ready to
see a gymnastic competition like nothing else. Gymnastic fans, forget
the Olympic Games. The action is right here. The competition is
hotting up. Let's look at the teams. We have a team of professional
judges to assess the teams. They will score each team out of ten.
There's three judges, so the teams are looking for a maximum of 30
marks. Back to you Dan for the action.
Let's bring out the first team then, go wild for Team Flintoff!
# Live and let die # Darren Gough, Maddy Hill and the
captain, Freddie Flintoff! There we can see Darren with the ball looking
confident. Maddy has the hoop and the team captain, interesting,
Freddie Flintoff, taking the ribbon onto the floor.
They move straight to their positions, salute to the judges.
# So important to interpret the music here.
# Turn around # Plenty of drama sewn into the
performance. Good tumbling skills and look at the control with the
ball. Have to show mastery with the apparatus. That he does. Loads of
expression and a bit of skill as well. The hoop has to keep moving at
all times. The gymnast has to be at one with this apparatus. She's
really telling the story and how about this - elegance personified,
selling the routine with his face. Wow! Bit of artistic gymnastics as
well, head spring. You have to keep the apparatus moving all the time.
So important to finish in time with the music. And with the apparatus.
Are they going to make it? Just about.
CHEERING That was some special performance.
Look at that bromance there, the concentration, such a flamboyant
routine there. Slightly concerned about the fluidity of the routine.
Superb control of the hoop there and then you can see such ball control.
This is the difficult part. Look at the catch. Highest difficulty. Bit
of acrobatic skills. Not normally something you'd want to see in slow
mo. Look at the tears here. That was an emotional performance. Very
emotional. I hope that transmitted to the judgeds. I put my heart,
soul, everything into that. It's probably difficult for you to talk,
isn't it? Yeah, it is. Let's move on. You know all about selling a
story. What a story. What a love story that was. It was a story of
unrequited love. I'm still not quite over it. We're all on the brink of
tears at the moment. What do you think Bonnie Tyler would have made
this afternoon? Proper love story. I haven't seen Fred for a few years,
so it was the perfect song. The scores are in:
The red team are unhappy with the eight. What a performance, 26 Mr
Flintoff. It is out of ten isn't it? Yes, it is! We're happy with that.
That judge on the end knows nowt. Who's she? Is she a last minute
replacement. I will not be giving you her name. That is enough from
you. Shall we get our second team out. Here we go. It's Team Redgrave!
Tameka Empson, Omid Djalili and Kate Garraway. Kate with the ball, Omid
with the hoop and Tameka, we expect something special with the ribbon
there. They've a lot to do. 26 is the target to beat.
Resplendent in blue, so elegant in their presentation to the judges.
Very carefully choreographed start here.
Have to make sure there's no knots. Expressive from the start.
Synchronisation. # Her name was lola, she was a show
girl # Beautiful foot work, right on the
toes. Keeping the ribbon working all the time. Real expressive
performance here. Oh, fantastic splits! Great work with the hoop.
Keep it moving all the time. Boomerang, wow! How ambitious is
that. Fantastic work! The elegance of the ball. Lovely ball etic work.
-- balletic work. Secure handling. Good transfer from gymnast to
gymnast. They just need a big finish now.
Here it comes! Whoa, what style! What a very dramatic and original
performance there. Stacked with difficulty and full of originality
from start to finish. Even a bit of comedy thrown in there.
Just look at this, the control there. Showing great confidence in
the dance move. This, for me, was superb control. Very difficult to
control the ribbon. Up and down. And just watch this for something
different. The blue team absolutely loved that. You were at one with the
hoop. They say you play the Olympic velodrome twice in your career, once
on the way up, once on the way down. It's great to be back. You let the
ribbon live out there. That was the mantra of the day - let the ribbon
live. I'm glad you at home enjoyed that as well. Praise God. Have you
done enough to win? I think more than enough, don't you? Let's find
out from the judges. The scores are in:
Not another one is it? It's a ten! Seven to win.
Is it going to be a full house. It's a ten! A full house. The blue team
celebrates and team Redgrave are going bananas. Let's get
confirmation of what happened out there on the floor.
What a sensational result for team Redgrave. Maximum score, giving them
two points. Unfortunately a 26, team Flintoff settle for one. Dan, back
to you. We have got freestyle wrestling on
the way. Harry Judd will take on Paddy McGuinness, do not go
anywhere! Team Flintoff has six points, team
Redgrave also has six points. It's down to the wire for the fourth
event, the one we've all been waiting for, wrestling.
More from the VeloPark later on BBC Two,
when we'll see mankind's finest specimens Harry Judd
Two men all muscular and sweaty, writhing around together
CHEERING Who's want to see that? Both of us and everybody else.
OK, now, Sainsbury's has been selling all the official
Sport Relief merchandise, and everyone has been fundraising
So, former world champion hurdler and Wales's finest Colin Jackson
The last few seconds before a race feels like an eternity. All that
dedication and hard work comes down to this moment, millimetres can
separate gold and silver. Since the start of Sport Relief, Sainsbury's
has been a huge contender in the race to raise as much money as they
can for Sport Relief. People from stores all across the country have
been doing their bit to raise cash. Their staff have put on a
magnificent display by taking part in events up and down the country,
which has added to the huge Sport Relief total. They are also
supporting the Sport Relief Games bringing the entire nation together
to get active and raise huge amounts of cash. Down the home straight,
this is where all the hard work and preparation pays off allowing you,
the amazing customers, to fill your baskets with the official Sport
Relief merchandise - T-shirts, wristbands, pin badges, sweat bands
and these little guys. Money raised from these items have had a massive
impact across the globe. So, to all the wonderful people who work at
Sainsbury's and their fantastic customers, there's only one thing
left to say - thank you! Thank you so much Colin.
We love you Sainsbury's. Let's have a look at how
much they have raised. Honestly, thank you. I don't mind
paying for me plastic bags now. That is amazing.
You have all been at it. The country has gone Sport Relief mad. It's
brilliant. Thank you. When Ebola hit Sierra Leone,
parents were scared to take their children to hospital
in case they caught it. One of the outcomes of that terrible
situation was that cases of malnutrition increased,
and many children died of it. The Ebola crisis is over,
but sadly malnutrition The film you're about
to see is upsetting. People in Sierra Leone have faced
an unimaginable year in which Ebola But the truth is, ten
times that number of children under five die every
year from other causes. One of the most easily
preventable is malnutrition. This is the malnutrition ward
in the only children's hospital One-year-old Edward and his mum
arrived two days ago. As well as being severely
malnourished, Edward is extremely dehydrated and needs
to take on fluids. But his little body is so weak,
everything is a struggle. Malnutrition is not only a
preventable, but also a treatable But that relies on getting a sick
child to hospital in time. Like so many other children here,
Emmanuel's condition is a severe, because his mum could not
get him to hospital sooner. And it made the health problems in
Sierra Leone so much worse. But even before Ebola,
far too often, children were arriving at hospital
already dangerously ill. Already weakened by a lack
of nutrients, he also has pneumonia. For Edward and his mum,
life is extremely tough. Their reality, as for so many,
is an endless cycle Ultimately, this is the main cause
of malnutrition in under-fives. Through Sport Relief,
your money can educate parents on the importance of
getting to hospital And give these children
the chance they Please call... Or go online. Thank
you. It is awful. Malnutrition. It feels so helpless.
But what you can do is help to make sure mothers spot the warning signs
and get to hospital before it is too late.
Your donations can help us get the right nutrients to children
Edward's death could have been prevented.
Please, please help us to help others before it is too late
The moment we've all been waiting for -
the return of one of Britain's best-loved comedy characters.
Last time this was on TV was 1978 - Rod Stewart was number one,
Liverpool had recently won yet another European Cup, and Davina...
Well, Davina was 23. Betty! Actually, that was good.
None of this will be making much sense to the youngsters -
by which I mean people under 35 - but believe me this guy was Miranda,
Mr Bean and Mrs Brown all rolled into one hilarious man in a beret.
Kids, parents, and grandparents, don't try this at home,
but if you do, get sponsored for Sport Relief.
It is time for Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em!
I had better pull over. I do not want to have an accident. Hello?
This is Mr Fresco and is speaking. I am he. Who may I ask is calling? It
is me, Betty, your wife. You know it is me, it says my name. Oh, yes,! Am
I up your end as well? Where are you? You were such post to be here
half an hour ago. You're going to miss our daughter's big race. Don't
worry, I will be there. I have just got to pop in and get Jessica some
flowers. Oh, be quick. Don't fluster me, Betty. You know how flustered I
get lately, what with me going through the change. Men don't go
through the change, Frank. Well how else would you explain my recent
erotic behaviour? I think you mean erratic, Frank. They will you please
just hurry up? Stop! Stop! Betty! Help! Get out the
way! I can't stop! Get out the way! The brakes don't work!
You have ruined my car. You idiot! Excuse me, young man. An angry
motorist is a bad motorist. You clearly have not been driving very
long, or will she would have more consideration for a man on a
bicycle. What are you doing on the roof of a car, on a bicycle? Well,
if they had a proper cycle lane, I would not be up here! Your windbag
has just gone off. Do you know how much this car is worth? Well, this
one was not cheap. It is in better condition, too. Are you serious?
Indeed I were. And might I suggest that you take your driving a bit
more seriously in future. I am guessing you do not know what I do
for a living. You may have a new car and fancy yourself as king of the
road, but you are no Jenson Mutton. As my mother always said, Mira,
signal, manoeuvre. You know it is a must. If you can't drive without a
fuss, then give up your car, and get on a bus.
# I want to ride my bicycle... Oh! Unbelievable! I know! My daughter is
in one of those races. That is where I am going now. No, you can't ride
that in here. Well, it wasn't easy. You should get a ramp put in. How
much are these? 4.90 nine. Thank you. Don't worry, keep the change!
Jessica! Me? Not you! Sorry. Jessica Spencer!
Oh, what am I like? Hi, mum. Where is dad? He is not here. But I'm sure
he get here one way or another. Well, I had better get warmed up.
Yes. Good luck, Jessica! Bye! Excuse me, madam... Would it be
possible to borrow your helmet? In the interests of health and safety,
I am concerned about my cranium. Thank you. I promise I will get it
back to you. Do you live locally? Do you have a place of work? Have you
just arrived in our country? I work in London. Oh, good. Then you have
not got far to go. You hardly need a bike! I am Boris Johnson. Have you
heard of me? Oh! No. But it does ring a tinkle. I am going through
the change, though. It has been nice chatting, but I moustache. As my
mother always said... I have forgotten that, too. But I am sure
she was right! Goodbye, Doris! So, if you will just tell Ringo, I
won't be able to get there. Sorry! Bloody kids! Watch out! Can you
believe that? I can't comment, I didn't see it. First, i.e., David
Walliams, swam the channel. Then I swam the Thames. That is why it is a
great honour for me to unveil this statue of myself. Thank you very
much. Betty! Help! Hello? This is Mr
Fresco Spencer speaking. Who may I ask is calling? Frank, where are
you? I don't know, I have had a bit of trouble, Betty. All the signs are
upside down. I think I might be in France, Betty. Frank the race starts
in one minute. You have to get your skates on. Excuse me!
# Keep on running... Here we go again!
I've got some change this time. Congratulations, by the way.
Congratulations, Jessica! Great race! I did not win. They should
have told me which way round to go. The important thing is, you
realised. Yes. And it only took me three laps. What am I like?! Dad
didn't make it, then. No, sorry, love. But I am sure he did his best
to get here on time. We are nearing the end of this world
record attempt from Sir Bradley Wiggins. And it is truly
unbelievable from him. He is absolutely flying. If he can keep
this up, the record is on. Just three laps away from the record, Sir
Bradley is going to break it yet again! What on earth is going on
here? What is he like? Somehow, despite the unscheduled
interruption, Sir Brad is still on for the record. One lap to go, he is
almost there. Get off! Hello, Mr Wiggins, sir. I have never
seen anything like it! COMMENTATOR: How is he holding on?!
Have you seen Jessica Spencer? Who? No, I haven't. Have you seen Betty
Spencer, then? No, I haven't, get off! I think I am having a hot
flush. I will give you a bloody hot flush, get off! Here they are!
COMMENTATOR: Truly unbelievable! New balls, please. Excuse me, I am a
married man! COMMENTATOR: What is happening
here?! Out the way! That is an absolute disaster for Bradley
Wiggins... Coach David Brailsford has got to be fuming. I have never
seen anything like this before. I am in shock.
Jessica I'm so sorry I missed your race. It's OK, dad. It's just a
shame you didn't hear everyone shouting my name. I'm so proud.
Although I always think, if you haven't got anything nice to say,
you shouldn't say anything at Autumn I bought you a present. I left it
with Mr Wiggins. Mr Wiggins! Why are we stopping here? Because I really
need to get to the hospital. Sorry there's another incidents. Thank
you, Mr Wiggins. Oh, no. Take him away.
All things considered, I think it's been a really lovely day. Not for
Bradley Wiggins. I'm sorry I didn't win, dad. I just wanted you to be
proud of me. We're always proud of you. Even when I done a whoopcy on
the carpet. Did you? I don't remember that. Mind you, I'm going
through the change. I keep forgetting what I forgotten. Oh,
Frank. Oh, look! There's Doris: Hello again.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Thanks to everyone who took part in that truly special sketch.
You can see the full version of behind the scenes shortly
Plus, we'll be joined by Michael Crawford,
who will be here in person, on this very stage, when we switch
We're staggered by the support you've shown us tonight. You have
the power to change lives. I know some of the films we show you is
upsetting. This one certainly is. But we need to show you what we need
to change. We need to change this. Malaria, that's not a problem
we have to deal with at home. And it's getting
better, slightly, but In Africa, malaria claims the life
of a child every two minutes. The simplest way to prevent this
happening is for children to sleep And yet in Sierra Leone,
less than half of children under It is not good to see babies coming
here with these cases. Some, when they come,
they are very sick, really sick. It is like - malaria,
severe malaria, severe malaria, severe malaria,
severe malaria. Day after day, week
after week, month after month, this will keep going on,
year after year after year. Seven-month-old Mariatu has been
brought in by her mum. For a baby this young,
contracting this terrible Once malaria has
taken hold, there are And she has developed painful
ulcers in her mouth. It means she is unable
to breast-feed and has become But the sores in her mouth
make it hard for little Without food, she is
becoming weaker and weaker. For so many of the mothers in this
ward, the reason why they are here at all
is simply down to poverty. With barely enough money for food,
for Mariatu, it means there was no Malaria is still one of the biggest
causes of death in children under And yet every day,
these beds fill up with With every breath, this little girl
is fighting for her life. And with every moment
that passes, all her A fiver for two nets,
that's all it is. Don't be the one that
don't make the call. All you've got to do
is pick up that blower. Please, honestly, it is
the right thing to do. I'm meant to say a few words here,
but that says it all. Just please, this is real life. Just do whatever
you can. Thank you, Danny. Here with the official
Sport Relief single Running, # When you go,
to turn down the light # No-one's here to
hold you in the night # When you think you're
on your own # When our picture
fades in the sun # And all the colors blur
into one # When you think you're
on your own # Only stars are guiding me
back # When you think you're
on your own # When you think you're
on your own CHEERING AND
APPLAUSE It's almost time for us
to switch over to BBC Two, where you can see the brilliant
Smithy, and Michael Crawford And we have the huge
wrestling spectacular - You've been donating like crazy
tonight. We are so grateful. Let's find out how much has been raised so
far tonight. The total raised so far tonight
is... A staggering... Picture of the
velodrome... That is amazing! Thank you. Thank
you. Thank you for your incredible generous donations. Thank you so
much. Here's a look at what is still to come: Still to come, Smithy
outlines his plans to revolutionise football. I Smithy announce my
campaign to become the next president of Fifa. Find out what
happened when Jack Whitehall met Gareth Bale. You play with Rooney,
those puppies aren't going it look so bad are they? And Paddy
McGuinness and Harry Judd wrestle in the Clash Of The Titans. I have been
in that position with Harry before, but what a stag night that was All
that and more still to come. We're seconds from leaving BBC One, but
the fun and games don't stop her. No way Jose Mourinho, who you'll'
actually see. Switch over now to BBC Two. We have more sport, more
comedy, more lycra. Yes! Bye-bye everybody! Goodbye BBC One.