Episode 2 Holiday of My Lifetime with Len Goodman

'Childhood holidays - oh, the anticipation seemed endless.

'The holiday itself, well, it was over too quickly.

'So, in this series, I'm going to be reliving those wonderful times

'with some much-loved famous faces.'

This is a memory I will treasure.

'Every day, I'll be arranging a few surprises to transport them

'back in time.'

Please. No?

-Come on, Len.

-Yeah.

'We'll relive the fun...'

THEY LAUGH Oh!

Ah! No! No!

'..the games... HE GROANS

'..and the food of years gone by...'

That's my boyhood in a bowl. Oh!

"My boyhood in a bowl." THEY LAUGH

'..to find out how those holidays around the UK helped shape

'the people we know so well today.'

Tap dancing!

LEN YELLS

'So buckle up for Holiday Of My Lifetime.'

-Close your eyes.

-Yep.

-And here we go.

Today's holiday guest is a man who's been entertaining us

on screen and off since the 1970s.

He was born in Birmingham in 1945.

Oh, here he is as a wee nipper!

Oh, he's got the face for entertainment.

He's one of Britain's funniest men.

And like me, he hasn't got a bad voice either.

You may remember him - oh, and his funky moped - on Top Of The Pops.

Vroom, vroom, go on. HE LAUGHS

And he's also turned his hand to acting,

starring onstage and in sitcoms.

Now, come on, you don't have to be a DETECTIVE

to know who we're talking about.

Have you got it yet? Of course you have.

Today's guest is top comedian, actor, one of me best mates

and one of your five a day, it's Jasper Carrott.

Hey, hey!

And I'm off to meet him in this vintage coach,

just like the one he would've gone on his holidays in all those years ago.

Jasper! Oh, Jasper, Lenny's coming for you!

Jasper Carrott grew up in Acocks Green, Birmingham,

where he lived with his older brother, Roy,

his dad, Alan, who was an electrical engineer,

and his mom, Claris,

who worked three different cleaning jobs just to make ends meet.

Today, Jasper has a career in comedy that spans five decades.

But his showbiz break came in 1969 as the compere

of The Boggery Folk Club in Birmingham,

thanks of course to his flair for comedy,

which eventually led to his first TV special in 1976 -

A Half Hour Mislaid With Jasper Carrott.

Needless to say, it's been followed by countless others,

as well as five series of The Detectives,

a British Comedy award for lifetime achievement

and even an OBE from dear old Liz.

So, if anyone deserves a wee holiday, well, it's him.

I hope he has the exact change.

Ho-ho. Hey, hey! Jasper!

Things are so bad, you're down to...

-..coach driving. Good to see you.

-What do you reckon on this?

-It's a knockout, isn't it?

-A classic.

-A jet.

-Just like yourself - built for speed...

-And a classic.

..and still going strong.

So now, where are we off to?

-Are you ready for this?

-Yeah, I am.

-OK.

-Is it the Algarve?

-No.

-Right.

-Another guess?

-Benidorm.

-No!

Barry Island!

Oh, South Wales. Ta-da!

-And what's the year?

-1958.

-'58.

-Same time as this coach.

-Exactly, 1958.

And that was the same year that the first... Guess what - film.

-Carry On film.

-Really?

-Yes.

1958, first-ever Carry On film. Matron?

-Let's go.

-Thank you.

-LEN LAUGHS

Thanks to its beaches and funfair, Barry Island has been

a popular tourist destination since the late 1890s.

And you'll find this gem, along with its population of 50,000 people,

in the Vale of Glamorgan, South Wales.

Recently made famous again by TV series Gavin & Stacey,

the island was originally named after a Welsh saint

who drowned in the nearby Bristol Channel.

Still, Jasper had a ball here back in '58.

So today, we're going to recreate that holiday.

Every holiday begins with a journey.

But while Jasper's dad was fiercely proud of his Austin 7,

it really wouldn't have survived the drive to Barry,

which is why the Carrotts took the coach instead.

-As a kid, I only ever had three holidays.

-Right.

Two were here in Barry Island and one in Dawlish.

-My mum and dad weren't very rich, so a holiday was a real treat.

-Yeah.

You were a proper working-class family, I suppose.

Very much so, yeah.

But my dad had got some deal going,

-cos he was a wheeler-dealer, you know.

-Where was you coming from?

We came from Birmingham.

And then you go to Cheltenham, which is the big hub

where all the coaches met in the '50s.

-And then you changed coaches.

-Right.

-And hopefully you got the right one.

-Yeah.

-And then they take you down to Barry Island.

-Right.

-So how long...? It must've been a longish journey.

-About three days.

Yeah, at least!

-The holiday was virtually over!

-Yeah.

You got there and you had a night

and then you got back in the coach to get back to Cheltenham.

-So what did you get up to on the journey?

-Well, cos it was...

I mean, in those days, you didn't have, you know,

1pods and twitterfaces, so I was an avid reader.

-And I loved the Just William books.

-Oh, yeah!

-Yeah.

I used to go to the library and borrow about half a dozen, you know.

-Yeah.

-Well, nick them, really.

-Yeah.

-And then... I'd read on the bus, yeah.

-He was a boy, old Just William, wasn't he?

-Oh, fantastic.

In case you get bored with me chatting away...

-JASPER SNORES Yeah, exactly.

-What?

I thought you might be interested in a book.

JASPER LAUGHS

William's Television Show.

That is fantastic.

Where did you get that?

-I've got my sources.

-Hang on a moment.

-That's not yours.

This is a very wealthy book. This is very, very expensive.

-LEN LAUGHS

-Sorry.

I'll have that back, thank you.

You're not... Yeah, I know your game.

You can never trust the Brummies, I tell you. Ha-ha!

'While Jasper was busy pocketing Just William books,

'here is what else was going on in the world back in 1958.'

It was the year work began on the M1, Britain's first full-length motorway.

Meanwhile, on Grosvenor Square in Westminster,

Britain was introduced to its first-ever parking metre.

Cost per hour - sixpence. What a liberty!

We also saw the debuts of two classic telly shows -

Blue Peter and the legendary Grandstand.

But this was also the year we sadly mourned the death

of 23 people in the Munich air disaster,

among them members of Manchester United football team.

And as for music, well,

we were listening to the velvet tones of Perry Como.

# Magic moments

# When two hearts are caring

# Magic... #

Not only did Magic Moments spend eight weeks at number one,

it also became Perry's biggest and most successful UK hit of all time.

Oh, what a year!

Especially for young Jasper Carrott,

when he finally arrived in Barry.

Ho-ho!

Oh, yes!

I remember the view.

-This is all brand-new.

-Of course.

-But that is the beach that we were on.

-Yeah.

And just a short walk from here, the family's accommodation for the week.

-What was it called, Glan-y-Mor?

-Glan-y-Mor.

-Glan-y-Mor.

-It's Welsh, I don't know...

-I know the Y stands for and.

-Yeah.

-You work it out.

-Glen and moor.

Glen and moor.

-Glan... McGlanny... Glan could be Welsh for...

-Glen?

Glenn. And mor could be for Patrick.

-Yeah!

-Patrick Moore. Patrick for Irish.

-Yeah.

Yeah, Glenn and Irish.

There you are. We've sussed that out straightaway.

While the name sounds all windswept and interesting,

Glan-y-Mor was in actual fact a humble YMCA.

# It's fun to stay at the YMCA

-LEN HUMS ALONG

-# It's fun to stay at the YMCA... #

But 57 years on, well, the old girl's been demolished.

RECORD SCRATCHES, MUSIC STOPS Even so, the memories live on.

I've pulled a few strings for you

and if we hop back on the chair-a-bang...

-We call it the chair-a-bang, right?

-The Charabanc.

-Charabanc.

# Sharra, sharra, sharra Bang, bang, bang. #

-You remember?

-Yes, of course I do.

So we'll get back on the charabanc

and I'm going to take you to meet someone who knows all about you,

your table manners and the YMCA.

So let's jump on and we'll go and have a look.

It's an actor, isn't it? It's an actor.

You wait and see who it is.

'Oh, yes! Next up - cue the music - the YMCA.'

# Ooh, ah, ah!

# It's fun to stay at the YMCA

-# It's fun to stay at the YMCA

-Yeah, yeah, yeah... #

Glan-y-Mor first opened its doors in 1933.

And by the late '50s, the people running the show

were Cledwyn and Rose Gimblett.

And I've only gone and tracked down their daughter!

Ho-ho!

-You must be Sandra.

-Yes, I am. Hello.

-Len, nice to meet you.

-And you too.

-And Jasper.

-Hello, hello.

-Can I come under there?

-Yes, you can.

-Yes, you can.

-Not you.

-No, I'll stand in the rain, that's all right.

It's big enough for all of us.

-See, Sandra and I are old friends.

-Course you are.

-We go back 50-odd years.

-Yes. Very, very old friends, yes.

-Now, Sandra, as I understand it, your mum and dad...

-Yes.

-..ran the YMCA that Jasper went to in '58.

-Yes.

-Is that right?

-Yes.

-Yeah.

And what does Glan-y-Mor mean?

-Near the sea.

-We weren't far wrong.

-No.

-You'd look out, you'd have the beach and the lap pool.

-Yeah.

-The

-funfair. The funfair at Barry Island. Everything.

-Yeah.

-Everything you wanted was here.

-Yeah.

Demolished in 1980,

Glan-y-Mor has been replaced with residential properties.

But back in the day, it provided full board for more than 200 people.

A double room cost five pound, 17 shillings.

Woohoo! What a bargain.

Dad put good food on the table.

We had, like, breakfast, we had a three-course lunch

and we had an evening meal.

But you had to be on time for meals or else your dad...

-If you were late, you paid a fine.

-Yes.

And somebody would go round with a fine box

and you'd put a penny or two pence, or a tuppence, in there,

and that would be like our charity thing.

Blimey, that's a bit strict.

Still, there was plenty to smile about - snooker,

table tennis, even fancy dress competitions.

That's a little photograph of a fancy dress.

-That was in the ballroom, wasn't it?

-Yes.

-That's me, actually.

-Is that right?

Daddy's girl, rolling little cars along the floor.

Every child had a present on Friday evening.

If they entered the fancy dress, they all had a prize.

-Well, let me say, Sandra, it's been a joy to meet you.

-And you too.

-And thank you so much for your time.

-OK, thank you.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

-I knew Jasper would do that.

-Nice to see you again.

He can't help himself. JASPER LAUGHS

-Every opportunity.

-I know!

-At our age, Len, every opportunity.

Let me tell you this, you think this is where the excitement ends,

kissing Sandra, but no, there's more.

-So, Sandra, we'll see you again.

-Yes, OK.

-Thank you once again.

-All right. Thank you.

-Bye.

-Bye-bye.

-Good to see you.

'I almost didn't give her the umbrella back!

'As for me and Jasper, we're going to relive a few of those YMCA

'traditions, like playing snooker and competing for best fancy dress.'

I see you, especially like that with your jeans and that,

-I see you as a cowboy.

-Right.

-So if you come over here...

My reputation in this business is rapidly going downhill,

-you know that?

-Well, of course it is.

-Thank you(!)

-And what do we do with these?

-Well, you're a cowboy, you work it out.

Because I'm a Roman gladiator, of course.

'I reckon I'm going to be victorious. Oh, yes!

'Tell you what, play the music.'

MUSIC: Bad To The Bone by George Thorogood & The Destroyers

Oh, no! Oh! Oh!

-Have you gone left-handed?

-It's no problem when you're a genius.

You're multilingual.

I...I learned it off Cliff Thorburn.

When you were growing up, who were the people on TV or stage

or screen that inspired you?

I suppose all my influences were American.

I remember watching the Smothers Brothers on television.

And the BBC brought them over for 13 shows.

And they played twice, they did two shows.

And I thought they were hysterical.

Nobody else rated them at all and the BBC took it off.

And I realised then I'd got a sort of a, you know,

-a different way of looking at humour.

-Yeah.

And I think they inspired me to look at comedy in a different way.

-Yeah.

-And then that's when I got into Tom Lehrer.

Big time, big time.

Tom Lehrer was a pianist and a mathematician,

but what made him popular was his song parodies,

something a young Jasper took great inspiration from.

So I used to write funny songs and then do funny chat.

-Yeah.

-One of my first routines was about Butlins.

I used to do this thing about...

The guards used to come round the chalets every night, 12 midnight,

going, bang, bang, bang... "Hello, have you got a girl in there?

"No, no, honest, there's no girl in here."

-"Hang on, we'll get you one."

-LEN LAUGHS

And the whole routine on Butlins, yeah.

And that's where I learned to become a raconteur.

'And five decades later, Jasper's still going strong,

'though he's not much of a snooker player.'

What's that over there on the window?

-What are you on about?

-No, look, in the corner there.

-Where?

-Just over there.

-Yeah?

Yeah.

-Oh, no, it's nothing. It was a shadow.

-Oh, OK.

What?!

That's eight. JASPER LAUGHS

'Now, what a lot of people don't know about my friend here is

'that as well as not being much of a snooker player...'

It takes a lot of skill to miss those.

'..he was also quite shocking at retail in his younger years, too.'

I went straight into a department store

called the Beehive.

And without a doubt,

Are You Being Served? was written about the Beehive.

I swear it. I was there for three years.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-What department were you in?

I had to work in all the departments.

Did you work in ladies' underwear?

We should form a comedy duo.

The only comedy duo with two straight men.

THEY LAUGH

-Right, now look, to finish this off...

-Yeah.

-If you get that into that middle hole, I'll give you the game.

-OK.

That's it.

-Yeah!

-Oh, get in there!

Yes. Thank you.

Food is a big part of any holiday.

And in Jasper's case, every meal was courtesy of the YMCA.

And while the building is gone, here in Barry, the institution lives on.

We're here, we've just washed our hands,

I thought a little bit of cooking.

-Yeah. Follow me.

-Are you mad?

-No.

I've heard you're a fine cook. Ainsley Harriott told me...

JASPER LAUGHS ..you're a fine chef.

'Now, once Carrott works out how to use his apron...'

-No, I think your head goes through it.

-OK.

We're going to have trouble here, I can see that.

'..we're going to create some of that YMCA nosh

'he was so passionate about.'

-It was nirvana. It was heaven.

-So, you got your breakfast...

-Oh...

Well, and you had a choice!

You know, you could have scrambled egg or fried. Ooph!

It was...it was utopia.

And then beans and sausage... Black pudding!

-First time I'd ever had black pudding. It was awful.

-Yeah.

But, you know, what the heck.

And then you got, you know, a three-course lunch,

a three-course evening meal.

-And you got sweets after every course, apart for breakfast.

-Yeah.

Sweets, desserts, you know, puddings.

-Yeah?

-Oh, yes.

-Now what?

Pie. We're going to make ourselves a nice steak and potato pie.

-And you are in charge...

-Yes?

-..of the crust.

-OK.

-Isn't that what they call it?

Look at this, Len.

Not yet, not yet. See, you don't know how to cook.

-I don't know how to cook.

-No, you don't know how to cook.

You've got to get it all out.

-NOW you put it on.

-A bit of that.

-Yeah.

Were you a bachelor at any time?

I make the best spaghetti Bolognese that's ever been made.

-What I'm not strong on...

-Is piecrust.

-..is pastry!

THEY LAUGH

-No.

-No, it's coming, it's coming. What we should've done...

Is sanded it.

-Look what I've done - no knife, nothing.

-Brilliant. Brilliant.

And then it goes on top of here.

-That way round?

-Yes, this way round. Look, see?

Now, what I need is your false teeth, cos I want to crimp.

'Oi, cheeky!'

You're doing that wrong.

I know what my nan did... Is you go round it like that.

You go around it like that, me ol' sausage.

'Then prod it with a fork... And Bob's your uncle!'

My mum used everything that came out of the top.

It was like a blackbird whistling.

Yeah?

Was it a good home your mum was in?

LEN LAUGHS

BOTH CHORTLE

Now...

Straight in the oven at gas mark four.

'Cook for about 40 minutes and, all going to plan,

'this will be just like taking a bite out of 1958.'

Say the magic words.

Alakazam!

Open Sesame!

Brilliant. Hang on a moment.

'OK, slight confession to make.'

This is one we made earlier...

LEN LAUGHS

Now, to be honest...

-OK, I know our one isn't fully baked.

-No.

-But it's there or thereabouts, isn't it?

-It's not far off.

'Even so, let's eat the one the professionals made,

'as I think Jasper is trying to tell me he's hungry.'

Aaah!

I'm trying to walk like a waitress.

Now, look... Eh?

-You do a good impression of Julie Walters.

-Oh, thank, yeah.

'Oh, yes, no end to my talents(!)'

-I tell you what, you make a good commis chef.

-Thank you very much.

-We're going to induct you into the pudding club.

-Oh, thank you!

Not a problem.

If you fancy getting your adrenaline pumping, you can

always roll on up to the Barry Island Pleasure Park.

This is the dodgems, not the bumpems.

-I am a friend of Lewis Hamilton.

-Oh, yes.

-Lewis Hamilton is my friend.

-John Surtees.

-Oh, well, it's about your age group.

-Stirling Moss...

-No bumping, right?

-No bumping.

'Offering everything from the carousel to the dodgems,

'there's no denying this funfair brings out the big kid in us all.'

Whey-hey!

'The park was established in 1929,

'and soon after, was wowing summer crowds

'of up to 250,000 people a day.

'No wonder that way back in 1958

'you couldn't keep a young Jasper Carrott away.'

-Right. Now I've got my hat.

-Yes...

Come on, boys and girls, roll up.

Here we go. Everyone a winner.

Come on - hook a duck, win a prize.

Hey, you look a nice young lad, would you like to have a go?

Len, there's got to be better ways of earning a living.

THEY LAUGH

-Here we go. Now, look...

-I have to stick this...

-You've got to hook...

-Yeah?

-Oh, hold on. Hook a duck.

-Hook a duck.

'Trust me, it's a lot more complicated than it sounds.'

This could take a bit of time.

This time. No.

LEN LAUGHS

THEY CHEER

-Well done.

-Now, I don't want the duck.

No, no, no. But you've won a prize.

-What is it? I bet it's a Rubik's Cube.

-No, it is not.

What did you win in '58?

A toothbrush.

Thank you.

THEY LAUGH

-Brilliant, you've done your research, eh?

-Oh, yes.

Good one. Good one.

Indeed I have, which is how I also know that Jasper's

big, big break in comedy finally came in 1978.

I was about six or seven years in the folk clubs, developing

loads and loads of material, about three hours of material.

And then Michael Grade discovered me.

-He came to see me work in Stratford Shakespeare Theatre.

-Right.

-And the support act...

-Was?

-Victoria Wood.

-Oh, wonderful!

-Victoria Wood was the support act.

-Right.

And that's when he gave me

a chance to do a pilot for London Weekend,

which was successful.

-I did another five and it went out. And the rest...

-The rest is history.

-..is history, yeah.

-Well, talking of history,

-I've got to get my leg over here.

-Have you got the Zimmer frame?

Careful. Oh, no! Don't! Oh!

'As for our next stop, the Memo Arts Centre,

'which hosts everything from Shakespeare to comedy,

'making it a good place to ask Jasper about his return to stand-up

'after an absence of 13 years.'

End of the '90s, early 2000, I gave it up cos I just was bored.

-Right.

-And I wasn't getting any satisfaction.

And I didn't see any rhyme or reason why I should go back on.

But my very best friend is Bev Bevan from Electric Light Orchestra,

he's a drummer, and he said,

"Come on, let's go and do a few shows. We've never toured

"in all the time we've been best friends.

"Let's go and do a few shows before we run out of time,"

really, you know.

So I said OK. So we did 20.

-Yeah.

-And it was really successful.

And I can't quite believe it still,

but suddenly, I got back all that enthusiasm for stand-up.

And I didn't have to do 2.5 hours, which is what I used to do,

I just had to do two half-hours because we'd do it with the music.

-Yeah.

-And I was having the time of my life.

-Now listen...

-Mm-hm.

Shh.

I'm not sure how long Strictly will last, Holiday Of My Lifetime,

so on and so on.

-I'm going to need another iron in the fire.

-Yes.

So what I was hoping to do now was to do a little bit

of sort of stand-up...

-Yes.

-..comedic gags and stuff here.

-OK.

And then maybe, you know, you could critique it, tell me

if I'm going wrong. I'm sure you'll say I'm not.

-I think I've run out of time, Len.

-No, no, come on. Let me squeeze...

-One.

-Three.

-One. One. All right, two. Two maximum.

Three. JASPER LAUGHS

'Ladies and gentlemen, live from Barry's Memo Centre, it's the one,

'the only...Len Goodman.'

-Did you hear about the... YELLS:

-You suck!

LAUGHING: Too early, too early!

Think you're funny?!

Do you get that? Did you ever get all that?

That's what you've got to put up with, yeah.

Did you hear about the constipated bullfighter

who couldn't pass a doble?

Mm-hm. Next!

-I've done...

-No, not another joke, next.

-Next act.

-I've got another joke coming.

Oh, I've...hurt me back carrying water.

JASPER LAUGHS It was Evian.

It was an 'eavy 'un!

Yeah, Evian.

-As in it was a heavy water.

-Evian.

-Yeah, OK.

-And 'eavy 'un. Yeah, Evian.

My third joke... I left the last one till the end.

If I go in any type of paint shop,

I just can't help crying, I get so emulsional.

Um...

Emulsional.

Len, this Strictly Come Dancing, it's not going to end soon,

-is it?

-I hope not,

on that reaction!

THEY LAUGH

'So the bad news - my career in comedy is over before it began.

'But the good news - it's finally brightened up.'

-All the best, cheers.

-Lovely day. Thank you, Len.

-It's been a nice day.

-Super. And the weather's turned out great.

Look at it.

Now, I've got to ask you

because I've been dying to ask you and I'm not...

The Detectives.

-Ah.

-Robert Powell.

-Yes.

How was that, acting with him and working with him?

We got on like a house on fire.

It was probably one of the most enjoyable times of my career.

-Really?

-Yeah.

And the wonderful George Sewell, who was the superintendent.

George was brilliant.

And we had a terrific crew.

Yeah, the thing is, when you look back over your career,

you have done so many different things.

Is there anything left that, you know, you think, "Do you know,

"I wouldn't mind doing...?"

-Honestly, truthfully?

-Honestly.

Strictly Come Dancing.

No! I know that's a lie.

I know that's a lie!

'While I won't be marking Jasper's dance card any time soon,

'I've loved sharing his holiday here on Barry.

'Oh, yes, what a holiday it's been!'

-Listen, it's been so nice.

-Yes.

-And I want you to remember it.

Cos, you know, once you get to a certain age,

-things do slip your mind.

-Such as?

Well, you could forget about our lovely time in Barry Island. Where?

-I've never been to Barry Island.

-Is that where we are?

-Yeah.

-So...

-So...

Just to keep your memories refreshed,

here's a scrapbook of our time together.

And you're on the front.

'Oh, yes, there's lots of photos of yours truly, plus a few of Jasper,

'so he can relive our special day any time he feels like a laugh.

'But that's not his only souvenir.'

-Glan-y-Mor.

-Oh, crikey!

-YMCA.

-Holiday centre.

-Thank you very much.

-And thank you very much.

I shall put it under my pillow.

-And every time I go to bed, I'll think of you.

-Thank you.

-It's all right.

-There you go.

Well, put them all back in their box. And once again...

-..I'm going to have a man hug because I've enjoyed it.

-Good man.

Good man I am.

'So as we run for our bus, it is tatty-bye from Barry.'