27/08/2014 The One Show

Baker. And Alex Jones. We are going back to school with a couple of

actors who can teach you about comedy. We asked them to bring in a

couple of old photographs. One of them, " couldn't be bothered". The

other one did, and wasn't he cute. Catherine Tate and David Walliams.

You didn't just ring in one photo rushed to market I was as to bring

in a few. Not like you, Catherine. I don't have any, and I could not get

to my mum's. Why would you have photos of yourself as a child? I

just have them. We have one way you have grown into your face is a bit

more. Awkward teenager. Beautiful! I have had a lot of work done since

then. What will you like at school then, David? Quite annoying. I did

not like being taught, I wanted to entertain people. It was more of a

social thing for you? I think the teachers found me annoying. I was

very shy, I think we would have hated each other. Where you front or

back of the class? Was that a euphemism. I don't think I was a

loudmouth. You were very shy rushed to mark when did you come out of

your shell? I am asking all of your questions! When I was about 16. This

is your second series of the ships clock -- sitcom set in a school.

Without the teacher, we would not have got into university. Without Mr

Maguire, my school day would have been traumatic. Without my music

teacher, I would not be the musician I am now. The teacher drummed into

us, the person doesn't make the school, the school makes the person.

You can achieve your goals. I became the first person in the school's

history to make it to Oxford University and my sister became the

first person in the school's history to do medicine. We did a song, by

Jessie J, money, money, money... They discriminate or a degree. He

was an exceptional teacher. He went above and beyond for the students.

My junior school was in a small village outside Leeds. Corpus

Christi high school was brutal. Lots of bullying. Mrs Maguire was my form

teacher. She saw that I was slightly a fish out of water in the class and

she saw there was something in me. It was a crucial way of making me

feel at home. I will never forget the moment she had been stabbed by

one of her pupils in a classroom. It made me think about the lives she

had touched over the years. Aside from playing music, I am not the

most confident person. Before I met my teacher, I was reluctant to play

the guitar. He was one of the first people to give me some positive

account he said, I am not going to let you stop considering music has a

career, because you are too good. Since I left school I have been

recording and doing big shows all over the north-east with some

popular local groups, which would not have been feasible if it wasn't

for the confidence boost my teacher gave to me. I just want to say,

thanks a lot for helping me to come out of my shell and give me the

confidence to share my music with everybody and be the musician I am

today. Mrs Maguire, I want to thank you for being a great teacher you

were and giving so much to ceremony people over the years. Thank you so

much, you have really changed our lives. For me, it was the form

tutor. David, you have been back to your school? Yes, I met Keith

Shipton who was my English teacher. He spotted something in me and

offered me a part in the school play. A boy had dropped out. Do

explain? We were making a documentary. I played the Queen in

an upper and he spotted something in me that he thought I would be good

to play the Queen. Is that you? There I am. The act hasn't changed.

What was your vivid memory of a school play, Catherine? My most

vivid memory is of the only one I did! I did a couple, arsenic and old

Lace. That sounds serious for a school play? It is a comedy. I

played a drunk, male teacher in a play called up our town. Again, the

act not changed much. Friday sees the start of the second series of

Big School, how have things changed since last time? Not very much. R ?

does, they danced around each other romantically and I have got a big

crush on Catherine's character but we can never seem to get it

together. Philip Glenister is the games master and he is always

getting in the way of our loves. Here you are talking about a date

that never was. You could have known the town had two Bella Italia 's. I

gave you the address. But you could have got it wrong. But I didn't get

it wrong. Did you enjoy your meal? Of course I didn't, I hate eating

alone. So do I, it was very reasonably priced. We should go

again. Same restaurants or separate ones? The same one this time. I went

to Bella Italia about two weeks ago. You play the French teacher. The

weird thing is, you do speak fluent French in real life but you have had

to dump it down because this teacher is not very good? She is not very

good. Is it true? I can speak a bit of French. I was good at languages.

She has never been to France. It is not a requirement. She is not a very

good teacher. She thinks people should be up to speed and she is not

teaching to a crowd of kids who want to be taught anything, let alone

French. We know you will be watching this show together and you are

looking forward to hearing how the programme is going to be introduced

on BBC One? It makes it exciting. Listen to this. This is Philip, the

BBC One continuity announcer. A little bird told me you like hearing

the announcements before your programmes. I will be introducing

Big School on Friday but I need help on working out what to say. The

school holidays are almost over, now on BBC One, you know what that

means? It is time to go back to school, Big School. I would be

happier if you mentioned my name. Friday night comedy now on BBC One,

if only my school had been as funny as this one, it is the new term at

ex-school. , again no name. Now on BBC One, the return of David

Walliams' Big School. They might accuse me of being teacher's pats,

but this is the best show on television and my favourite teacher

is definitely missed Church. No mention of Catherine? We know

they'll is definitely watching, so you want option number three? Philip

Glenister is in the Casa and you have written a part but someone on

Britain's got talent. Yes, Jack Carol. He is a superstar. One day he

will be bigger than Peter K. Literally? Yes, if he keeps eating

at the rate he does. No, he is such a talent and a lovely guy and a

really good actor. He giggles a lot on set. So am I, so it was a real

problem. What episode is he in? We know what one it is because the

announcer man will say, Jack Carol's ex-school. Big School

returns on Friday. You are famous for transforming yourselves into

some of the most memorable comedy ? does on television. The lady. Emily

Howard in Little Britain. Here's Giles with the story of a remarkable

character called William Mera Lees. 90 years ago, law enforcement

required big names -- big men who were fast on their feet. But one

pint-size month became a giant of the force. In Leith during the tough

interwar years, a policeman's lot was seldom happy. You had to be as

hard as the villains you chased and the number one requirement was an

imposing his equality. A pipe at six inches, William Mera Lees was four

inches below the regulation height. He became a master of disguise and

dressed as an old lady, a porter and even it is said, as a baby in order

to arrest criminals. He was shot at, busted safe crackers and napped

burglars. He inches, William Mera Lees was four

inches below the retired as... Locally some had their doubts about

some of his stories. We know he was born in poverty in Leith in nine --

1888. He left school at 18. Months into the job his sleeve fought in a

winding mechanism and lost four of the fingers on his left hand.

Refusing to be defined by his disability, he returned and masted a

two-handed drill. But even more remarkable with the eight times he

dived into the icy waters to save the lives of workers who had fallen

in. He was asked to show his mugshot of unwanted man around town and

displayed would have it, one of the first people he should too was the

villain but he chased him and he had his first cholera. From then on,

nothing could stop him. His height and flair for the theatrical meant

that he surprised the denizens of the underworld in unexpected

clothes. He dressed as real web Porter and arrested a suspected

German spy. And he pretended to be an old lady to foil a gang. But his

mastery was the time he dressed as a baby and waited in a pram for a

mugger. Willie soon became nationally famous as the pocket

sized detective with the battleship reputation. Unconventional but

charismatic, he raised the eyebrows of superiors and he had the respect

of the officers that he rose through the ranks to lead. He will be

honoured with the ultimate accolade. There is no table of his

appearance, but he did start in an amateur film that followed him on a

very peculiar afternoon. His granddaughter, Margaret, has fond

memories of her grandad's exploits but she has never seen this footage.

Here is your grandfather. This is the first time I have seen him in a

film. There he is, singing to the penguins. He was quite flamboyant?

He would do anything to catch the criminal. He was honest,

hard-working and unconventional. Frightened of anything? He said the

one thing that he feared was dying alone. So we made sure he did not.

Policing today is largely unrecognisable from the time when

William Merrilees was waging war. But even if you take some of his

stories with a pinch of salt, he was undoubtedly a small hero who made a

huge difference. What a character! There is a film and that! We were

having that conversation. Very short actor. His motivation was catching

criminals but when it comes to you, where do they come from? Listen up!

Do you start with the voice? Catchphrase? He cannot start with

the catchphrase. But the voice, I suppose. The mannerisms are a very

big part of it? Especially with Nan? That comes from observing people and

stealing stuff from various people. As long as they do not know it is

them! And people tend not to know as long as you change your hairstyle! I

had a character that's it you were not believe what has happened to me!

I know that person and she says that. Because she has long, dark

hair, she has no idea! Unbelievable! People see themselves physically

rather than with their mannerisms. Little Britain started on the radio?

Some of it was people we had observed, some of it was from the

imagination and we were differently, Matt Lucas is very instinctive so he

would just get the voice like Vicky pollard. And he would write those

sketches. We would have a situation where the man in love with his

friend's grandmother, that sick and disturbing one. Quite disturbing. It

comes from different places but it is great if you meet someone and you

can steal their life and ruin it! Interesting that Britain has become

a nation of ratepayers. But big businesses and the public sector are

not paying small companies on time either. And Dom Littlewood will join

us afterwards for a small business masterclass. Britain has been

accused of developing a culture in which it has become acceptable for

larger companies to take their time paying smaller ones. The problem is

so bad that in the last Queen's Speech, the government promised to

do something. Although this has been welcomed by small businesses, there

are those who argue the government should start closer to home when

talking -- looking into tackling this. A recent survey found that on

average, a small business is waiting for ?38,000 in overdue payments. It

also claimed that on average, ?50,000 with tip that small-business

into administration, so a lot of businesses are only ?12,000 from

folding. Trudy and her husband run a first aid training company in

Worcestershire and they work on private and public contracts across

the country. They are currently owed ?12,000 in overdue payments. About

10% of the annual turnover. 50% of this is from public sector

contracts. The only thing that kept us in business was the good working

relationship we have with the bank manager and my worry from that point

of view is if this manager we worked with moves away and we get someone

else, we may not have that level of understanding and should be get into

another situation, it could kill us. Julie was to show me how she

spends her time chasing payments, from both public and private

contracts. Is anyone available in the accounts department? It should

have been paid some time ago. Nobody available? OK. Thank you. She is on

holiday? I am aware of that. Apparently he is not available.

Neither is she. You were the last hope. This is the fourth time I have

called about this. Could you leave a note? Goodbye. Have you ever come

close to jacking this in? Yes, but you think, why should I? I will not

have this taken away. When a government department or council

pays a large firm, those companies often employ smaller ones to carry

out the work. When complete, the smaller business invoices them and,

in theory, should get paid. But the larger firms are not paying up and

they are accused of using that money to fund their own business. Leaving

the subcontractor for months. Even when there is no middle man, the

effect can be the same. Andrew is Chief Executive of a high-tech

radical manufacturing firm. 100 is days... The total value is ?507,000.

-- 106 days. Andrew tells me he could employ three more office

staff, three salespeople and one more warehouse worker for the year

with that. This has the potential to increase turnover by around ?1.5

million. This is a significant amount when the turnover last year

was ?3 million. If you have not got a bank that will back you and with

orders on the books, and no cash in the bank, you will go bust. Andrew

has been working with ministers and the industry to introduce an agreed

business standard that requires companies to pay bills on time.

Companies that do not comply may not be able to apply for a government

contract is in future. Dominic Littlewood is here. Is this a big

problem? It is massive. If you take into account how many businesses

there are, 5 million, 3 million, 60%, must wait up to six months for

payment. Some of them have been stretched even longer and that

forces a log into administration and they are forced into overdrafts or

they might not be able to pay their own suppliers. That is a massive

effect. Both companies spent ten hours every week chasing invoices.

That is just wasted time. The government is trying to step in to

help smaller companies. What are they planning? In 2008 the

introduced the Prompt Payment Code but it was wondering and of those

businesses, less than 1700 actually signed up and the top companies,

only 74 of them actually did so. What is happening is in November,

they are bringing in legislation. This is a huge leap forward but it

is not the answer. It is forcing public contracts to be paid within

30 days, or those people who have not paid will be fined. 8% every day

plus inflation. Hopefully this will have an effect. Thank you. George is

investigating a flying menace that can spoil the summer's day. Emerging

from the underground lair, and insect army of vast proportions.

Billions of ants emerging across the entire country. Covering patios,

scaling the walls. Crawling up from pavements. In the last few years it

has become known to many as flying and day. But what triggers these

normally unobtrusive insects to sprout wings? And doesn't really

happen for just one day every year? -- does it. Two years ago, Rebecca

set out to find some answers. Before this research began, what did we

know about this? It was very anecdotal, we did not know if it was

only one day around the country and what triggers it. So far, the study

has confirmed that this always occurs on a warm, humid day at the

height of summer. Most times when people look into ant colonies, they

will only see wingless workers. Exactly, throughout the year, when

West ants and as an adult, it will be foraging food for the colony.

Overworking and predation means it will only live for about one month.

The Queen could live for ten years. Having her own colony. For most of

the year, the offspring are worker females, until the summer. Then she

produces immature queens and meals, both of which have wings and their

job is not to provide food but to multiply. These immature virgin

queens have only one chance to make. And that is flying and day. If all

of the ants in the area leave on the same day, this has positive effects.

Firstly, the chance of meeting and made from another nest. It also

causes a glut, overwhelming any predators. The men usually live for

only one day after mating. The females will lose their wings and by

making just once on the day, she will be able to start on colony.

That is on the strength of just one mating. With one male. And they can

continue laying eggs for about ten years. Producing hundreds of

thousands of eggs, just from that one time. Rebecca's team have

discovered that although this is a national event, it does not only

happen once every summer. In fact, there were four different pics. This

year, there has already been two of them and quite possibly more to

come. Flying ants might not be everybody's cup of tea but this is a

crucial part of their life cycle and it is not going to stop any time

soon. But thanks to the conspicuous nature, and the reaction they

generate, were beginning to get the information that science needs to

unravel the mystery. Company that has made things clearer. That is all

we have got time for. We have been through a lot! Thank you to David

Walliams and Katherine Tate, Big School starts on Friday at 9:30pm on

BBC One. Tomorrow, we will go through the keyhole with Keith

Lemon. Anything could happen! Goodbye.

Have somebody play bagpipe at the airport to welcome you? Possible.

Whichever car you like, with Wi-Fi inside? Possible.

Can I get you a pink elephant? I'll try!

See, the Indian philosophy dictates that