The Ugly Pageant Bottersnikes & Gumbles


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The Ugly Pageant

Animated series. After being captured by the Snikes and put in the mattress mine, Tink, Bounce and Willi bicker about whose escape plan is the best.


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LOUD EATING

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Mm.

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Mattress flakes. Disgusting.

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Huh?

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Oh! You two!

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I need more snacks!

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But I was just about to have my mid-mid-mid-late morning nap.

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Shut up! If you can't be bothered fetching more stuff,

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catch Gumbles to fetch it for you.

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NOW!

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Now...

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Ah!

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GROANING

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Whoa-ho! Striiike!

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Actually, Tink...

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A little to the left next time.

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You mean...the right?

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That's what I said.

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An obliterator from the Tinkinator.

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Ready to admit defeat?

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Not likely.

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Ahhh!

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Competition update please, Willi?

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You bungeed further than Bounce at drop-off point.

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Bounce podium-ed more times around the Gumbletree.

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-So I guess...

-Huh.

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Ah! Winning at body bowling will put me into the lead.

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-Take that, Bounce.

-She's going to smash you.

-Never.

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-Ooh!

-Whoa-ho!

-Whoa!

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Great, we've got to go all the way to the Gumbletree.

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Why's that, Snorg?

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Because, Glob, Gumbles don't just fall out of the sky.

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-Whoa!

-Oh!

-Ahhh!

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LOUD CRASH

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Ah! You're going to wish you hadn't done that.

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-Quick, to the right.

-Huh?

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Gotcha, you little weasels.

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-THEY SHIVER

-Ah...

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I mean left.

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Ugh.

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Here's an idea, Tink, learn your left from your right.

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What do you mean? I totally know my left from my right.

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Quiet! Fill this with stuffing or you'll get spanged.

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Start over there on the right.

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HE COUGHS

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-ECHOES:

-Oh...

-Huh?

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Oh. Uh-oh...

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Oh...

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Yaaah!

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Oh.

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SHE GASPS

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What's wrong?

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You must be the ugliest Snike on Snike Hill.

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Oi! I'm the ugliest Snike on Snike Hill.

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In fact, why don't we have a little contest to prove it?

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Chank.

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-Arrange an ugly pageant.

-What an atrociously ingenious idea.

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And whom shall be the judge?

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Somebody clever.

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Oh.

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Trustworthy.

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Oh.

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And completely unbiased.

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Me!

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Huh.

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Will you just stop? It was not my fault we got caught.

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-It was your idea to body bowl so close to Snike Hill.

-Urgh!

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Let's just agree to disagree.

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I'm not agreeing with anything you say ever again.

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Look where it gets me.

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Why can't they ever just...?

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Whoa! Oh!

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Ugh.

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HE GROANS AND COUGHS

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'What's the hold up?'

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(Bottersnikes.)

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'Ready, Your Grumpsness.'

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CLEARS THROAT MICROPHONE BUZZES

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Welcome to the ugly pageant.

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'We'll be finding out which of these Snikes

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'is more hideous than the rest.'

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Ha!

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Our first contestant is Snorg...

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..who is as thoroughly useless as our second contestant,

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Gubbo.

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Raaar!

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Keep moving, Buttershrimp.

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Next up, we have Weathersnike, who predicts she will be crowned winner.

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Hee-hee. Ugh.

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But as none of her predictions ever come true, I wouldn't count on it.

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How come this sniffless little worm isn't taking part?

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Because I'm too important.

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You mean you're not ugly enough. Ha-ha!

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Smiggles is...

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HE SNORES

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..Smiggles.

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FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS

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Uh.

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And our final contestant is Glob,

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who has been known to get lost trying to find his own tail.

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Oh? Uh...

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It always runs away!

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Ha! This is the most pitiful, un-repulsive bunch of Bottersnikes

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I've ever seen.

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I'll need to use the might of the royal brain to pick a winner.

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And the royal brain work on an empty tummy.

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So fetch me a snack!

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Bounce, Tink, you'll never guess what I found.

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Oh, yeah. What?

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Um, nothing.

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This is nothing. Dig faster.

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Or I'll put Gumbles on the menu instead.

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And don't even think about trying to escape.

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Us? Try to escape? As if.

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Rrrrrr.

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-So, here's the escape plan.

-Guys...

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You've got to see this.

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-Step one...

-Nuh-uh.

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This time, I'm going to come up with an escape plan.

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-Both of you, listen.

-Ha!

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-You come up with an escape plan?

-What's funny about that?

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It's just not what you...you do.

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-I'm the ideas Gumble.

-Hello. I found a secret tunnel.

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Willi says unimportant stuff about tunnels. And you...

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You're not even listening, are you?

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Fine. Then I'll see myself out.

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-Enjoy your stay.

-..ideas Gumble.

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Uh!

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I'll show those two.

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A little further and I'm out of here.

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-WILLI GROANS

-Baaaaarp!

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Or maybe not.

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Baaaaaaarp!

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Hm. Hardly stinky at all.

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Baaaaaarp!

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Hm. Almost floral.

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Gyah.

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BAAAAAAAAARRP!

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THEY GASP

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Humph. The best of a barely whiffy bunch...

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Glob wins the smelliest burp round.

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Yay!

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Chank, on with the waxiest ears round.

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Ah!

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GROANING

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Minuscule.

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GROANING

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Gubbo wins the waxiest ear round.

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-But Glob hasn't had a go.

-Suck it up, loser.

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-Oh!

-Ha-ha-ha-ha.

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SHOUTS AND GRUMBLING

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I guess Bounce and Tink aren't that bad.

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Hmm. Now I feel bad for leaving them.

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Enough!

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I've made my final decision.

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The winner of the ugly pageant is...

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..me!

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But, Your Vileness, you're the judge.

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You're not even a contestulant.

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I know that, you fools.

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But none of you hold a candle to my regal repulsiveness.

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And I do love cheating ever so much. Ha-ha-ha!

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Now, make a trophy to celebrate my gloriously disgusting victory,

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while I have my ugly sleep.

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HE SNORES

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What a fix!

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Ugliest Snike? Stinkiest cheat.

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Shut up with your moaning!

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I'm the ugliest Snike, and what I say goes.

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Ah! The ugliest Snike.

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So...how do I look?

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-Ridiculous.

-You won't be saying that

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when I stroll out of here without a second glance. Um...

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Let me know how that goes.

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Meanwhile, I'll be using these to bounce past the Snikes.

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BOING!

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Huh. Oh!

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Ha-ha-ha! Awesome plan.

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It was better than yours, cos I'm better than you at...

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Oh, let me think.

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..everything.

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-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah.

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Then let's settle it once and for all.

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-Somehow.

-I've got a competition for you.

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If you're interested.

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-Why didn't you tell us about this place sooner?

-Who knows?

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Careful, keep to the right.

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Oof!

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OK. I might have a slight problem with left and right.

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THEY STRAIN

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HE SNORES

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SNORING CONTINUES

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Huh?

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LOUD SNORING

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Hmm.

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Ready?

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DRILLING

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HE STRAINS

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Huh?

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Oh...

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Hee-hee. Finished, Your Revoltingness.

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Oh, about time.

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THEY GASP

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What are you gawping at?

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How fantastically ugly I am?

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You're... You're...

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-SHE RETCHES

-..gorgeous.

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Oh. Oh...

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OH!

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HE SNIFFS

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Ugh! Ew!

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And you smell... Urgh.

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..delightful.

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Argh! Who did this?!

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-No!

-No, no.

-Wasn't me.

-Wasn't me.

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Raaaar!

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Arrghhhhh!

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THEY SCREAM

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I know that I'm the ideas Gumble,

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but that was a nifty escape plan, Willi.

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Playing us off against each other.

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Show us that as long as we beat the Bottersnikes,

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it doesn't matter who the best Gumble is.

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Oh. Yeah. That was totally the plan. Though...

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helping us to escape does sort of make me the best Gumble.

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In your face, wompbags!

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Woooo!

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He-he-he-he!

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-BOTH:

-I don't know where he gets it from.

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THEY LAUGH

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After being captured by the Snikes and put in the mattress mine, Tink, Bounce and Willi bicker about whose escape plan is the best. Above them, the Bottersnikes hold a pageant to crown the ugliest Snike on Snike Hill.