Episode 5 Michael McIntyre's Big Show


Episode 5

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Transcript


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Coming up on tonight's show...

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Football pundit Robbie Savage braves Celebrity Send To All.

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We've got mind magic from Colin Cloud.

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There's a sensational performance from the beautiful

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Katherine Jenkins

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and who will be our Unexpected Star of the show?

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Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Big Show!

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Please welcome your host, Michael McIntyre!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Oh!

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What? What?

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Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,

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and welcome to my Big Show!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Oh, yes.

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We actually have a fantastic show for you this evening.

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Are you up for that? Oh, good lord.

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There'll be big star performances, big laughs and big surprises!

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Oh, yes!

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We will also be playing my favourite game of them all,

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Celebrity Send To All.

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Oh, yes.

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And of course, one person will be getting the biggest surprise

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of their life when they become our latest Unexpected Star of the show.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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How are we? Are you all right at the top?

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Let's say hi to you - how are you?

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CHEERING

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Yeah. I was actually going to ask, who's got binoculars on their seat?

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CHEERING

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It's not a good sign, is it?

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LAUGHTER

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Some people see better than other people.

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You can see who sees better than other people if they have glasses or don't have glasses.

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I have contact lenses. I'm short-sighted. Some people are long-sighted.

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Well, short-sighted means you struggle to see in the distance.

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That, I think, is better. That's my one.

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Long-sighted people, they can see fine,

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actually quite well in the distance, but they can't see in their face.

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They need glasses to read. So right in front of their face.

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That must be very frustrating,

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because they can see fine over there.

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How have they lived their lives? Do people come up to them, like,

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"I don't know you. Get out of my face. What are you doing? Seriously, why?

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"Go on, keep walking. Get away from me. I do not know you.

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"Go on, off you go. No, keep going.

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"Sorry, stop. I do know you. Come back.

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"It's just that I'm long-sighted."

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LAUGHTER

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I've literally had the same prescription for my glasses

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my whole life. I'm minus 3.25. And when I need glasses,

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I break them, or new contact lenses, I just get the same prescription.

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Haven't been back to the optician since I was a kid.

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I just go with that, because it works, know what I mean?

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It works. Also, I don't want to go to the optician.

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I don't know what it's like nowadays,

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but I remember it being so, so boring, so confusing.

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I didn't know quite what was going on.

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They would show you, like, a green circle and a red circle.

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And they'd give you this lens, which was the same on both sides -

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you could see it was the same - and they'd go,

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"Just focus on the green circle and the red circle.

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"Is it clearer one or two? Is it clearer one or two?

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"One, two. One, two."

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LAUGHTER

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"I'm sorry, I don't know what you're asking me.

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"I'm trying so hard to help you.

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"It's the same. I think it's the same."

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"Just focus on the green circle and the red circle.

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"Is it clearer one or two?"

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"I don't know. Shall we say one and move on with our lives?"

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LAUGHTER

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The only bit that was remotely fun is the letters.

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You know, with the eye chart for the letters.

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So they have a big letter and then they have rows of smaller letters.

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The big one is just there to start you off, you know.

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To get you into it, you know, to give you some confidence.

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Everyone can see that one. It's very rare...

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That one's there to test you're literate.

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"I don't do letters, can I have animals?"

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So they put that one there to just get you into it,

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and most people start off with confidence. "H," they go.

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"Yeah, I'm off! Let's go. Let's do this.

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"H! Am I right or am I right?"

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LAUGHTER

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"OK, I'm seeing V, G,

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"I'm getting a Q. I'm thinking B."

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You feel really good about yourself as you race through them.

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"Yeah, Y. These are the easy ones, baby. I'm onto this."

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And then when you get to one you can't see... You can't see it.

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This is the key moment of the eye test.

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This is the reason you booked the eye test.

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It's the reason the optician trained in optometry.

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So that you could at this moment go,

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"Oh!" No, not "O". That probably confuses things.

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LAUGHTER

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You go, "Stop! I can't see.

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"Help. I can't see that one.

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"Please can you help me now? That's why I'm here.

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"I could see the one before, which I think was an F,

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"but this one, I'm completely in the dark.

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"Will you give me glasses and help me?

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"Help me, please. Only you can help me.

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"It's why I've come to you in this home of vision.

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"Help me now."

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Oh, but we don't do that.

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No, we choose to guess the letter.

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LAUGHTER

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Which completely defeats the purpose.

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It's not a game show. You don't win the glasses.

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LAUGHTER

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But you're there, sort of straining, going, "Er... T?"

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There's no point in straining!

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Just relax. It's not like you're going to get it right and go,

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"It turns out, darling, I don't need glasses.

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"I just need to squint and lean for the rest of my life.

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"If I lean like that, I can see everything so much better.

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"I got it. I got T, and I didn't even know it was a T!

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"I'll drive, I'll drive, it should be fine."

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LAUGHTER

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It must've happened in history that someone has accidentally

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guessed all the letters correctly.

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"You tell me they're letters in front of me? OK, well, let's say B.

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"Shall we say, er, X?

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"And the final - is there one more, you say?

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"OK, let's go for G." "You have 20/20 vision."

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"Really? Who said that?

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"Is there somebody else in the room with me?"

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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OK, ladies and gentlemen, it is now time

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for me to play my favourite game of them all -

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why, it's Celebrity Send To All!

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Yay!

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This is where I take someone's mobile phone

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and send a text of my choosing to all their contacts,

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and then we see what hilarious replies they get. So let's see

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who's in our royal Send To All box this week.

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Why, it's football pundit and former Welsh international football star -

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it's Robbie Savage!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Yes! Ha-ha!

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My man.

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-How are you?

-Fine, thank you. You?

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-Yeah.

-Good.

-So who are you here with, Robbie?

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My friends Jake and Bill.

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-Jake and Bill. They're just - they're your mates?

-Yes.

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OK, good. So, listen, you're on BT Sport,

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Match of the Day - are you enjoying that?

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-5 Live.

-5 Live. And who do you actually support?

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I support Wrexham.

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You support Wrexham? What, seriously?

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Well, that's where I'm from.

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We shouldn't forget that in your heyday

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you were an incredible footballer yourself.

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Played for Manchester United, played for Leicester, played for Wales.

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Let's have a look at your highlights.

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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I've got to say, I look all right, actually.

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First of all, thank you so much for being here.

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I'm very grateful for you putting yourself through this.

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Can I just confirm that you've not told anybody

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-to expect a text from you?

-No.

-So nobody's expecting a text.

-No.

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OK, ladies and gentlemen, big round of applause. What a great sport.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Robbie Savage is here. I'm really grateful to you.

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So if you'd like to place your mobile telephone

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into this contraption, the cushion there, I'm going to get it down,

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but just for a bit of fun, I'm going to practise some of my own

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footballing skills as the phone comes down.

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So I'm just going to keep heading it. Just throw it back to my head

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and I'll see how I do. All right, here we go.

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MUSIC: Match Of The Day Theme

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This is going really well!

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Wow.

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Ladies and gentlemen, I am now in possession

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of Robbie Savage's mobile phone!

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CHEERING

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Thank you, Robbie.

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Brilliant.

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All right, so I'm going to plug it into this huge phone.

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Should pop up. Yay, there it is!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Who are these beautiful people? This is your wife and children?

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-Yes.

-All right, so let's see what's on this phone.

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All the classics, I can already see them. Sky Go, yes, why not?

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BBC Sport.

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Erm, what's Z Meditations?

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Bah...

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PING

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LAUGHTER

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What, is that it?

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-SOOTHING VOICE FROM PHONE:

-Find a quiet and comfortable place

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where you can sit down and meditate.

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-You can also lie down.

-LAUGHTER

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But it's important not to fall asleep.

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Now close your eyes and breathe gently.

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-Was that it? I just find a comfortable place?

-Yeah.

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PING

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Find a quiet and comfortable place...

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I've done that!

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..where you can sit down and meditate.

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You can also lie down. But it's important not to fall asleep.

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LAUGHTER

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Now, close your eyes

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and breathe gently.

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Robbie, why have you got this?!

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No idea! I don't know.

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-You don't remember getting this?

-No.

-Don't pretend! You're just embarrassed in front of...

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As you're sitting down,

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pay attention to your body's reaction to the chair,

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-the temperature...

-What? Temperature?

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-..the pressure...

-The pressure?

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-..and the texture.

-The texture?

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The texture of what?

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LAUGHTER

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Is this some creepy seduction thing?

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LAUGHTER

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All right, Robbie, I really have no idea what's going on in your life...

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During meditation

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-it's normal to feel itchy...

-Itchy?

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..discomfort, or even slight pains.

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-LAUGHTER

-So use this opportunity

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and focus on the reaction of your body

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and settle in to a comfortable position.

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LAUGHTER

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Robbie, this is the most unexpected thing I've ever found.

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All right, let's have a quick look at your photos.

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Oh, it's you with your... You've got very cool-looking -

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are they twins? Are the boys twins?

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No, Charlie and Freddie. He's 12 and Freddie's nine.

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So they're not twins.

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LAUGHTER

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Er, what? OK, that's you pointing at your nose.

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Um...

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Do you only take photos of yourself?

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LAUGHTER

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Oh, for God's sake. What's going...

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Where are you here, Robster?

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I was in, um, Greece.

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Is that the colour of the court, or did you fall over a lot?

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LAUGHTER

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OK.

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What's going on here? Is this a before and after?

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Yes, I was on a diet.

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And why have you got the iPhone backpack?

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LAUGHTER

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OK, that's you back in Greece. There's more iPhoning,

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That's you, your own face.

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There's your kids. There's a vanity...

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There's a level of vanity. What the...?

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LAUGHTER

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WHOOPING AND WOLF WHISTLES

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Do you meditate and look at pictures of yourself?

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This is during the itchy section of the meditation.

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"It is normal to feel itchy due to meditation."

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So, right, let's get into your texts here.

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The text I'm going to send is...

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"I had a really weird

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"dream last night..."

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Oh...

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"..that me and you..."

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Oh, no.

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"..were presenting Match Of The Day

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"together,

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"naked."

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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"What do you think

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"it means?"

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LAUGHTER

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How would you sign a text, Robbie?

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I'd put a kiss.

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-One kiss?

-Yeah.

-OK, let's just go through this text.

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"I had a really weird dream last night that me and you

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"were presenting Match Of The Day together naked.

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"What do you think it means?"

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Let's send that to everybody in Robbie's phone. ROBBIE GROANS

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Shall we do it? CHEERING

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And...

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that has gone!

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Yay!

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Ladies and gentlemen, a huge hand

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for the vainest meditator on earth -

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it's Robbie Savage!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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We'll be finding who's texted back later on in the show.

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Pass me the ball, I'm going to... C'mon, let's have it.

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God, look at the pressure, yeah. Instant control.

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LAUGHTER AND WHOOPING

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Oh, oh, oh, he's still going. He's still...

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Oh, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

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Wah! Wah!

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Whoa, whoa!

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SHOUTS AND WHISTLES FROM AUDIENCE

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Not bad!

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Whoo!

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OK, my next guest is a mind magician.

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-AUDIENCE:

-Oooooh!

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He is known as the real life Sherlock Holmes.

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-AUDIENCE:

-Oooooh!

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Prepare to be amazed, ladies and gentlemen, by the wonderful...

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Mr Colin Cloud is here! Colin Cloud!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Are you well?

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CHEERING

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Good. Can I ask you all now, please,

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to stand up for me on your feet?

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Thank you, thank you, thank you.

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So now that you are all standing,

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listen very carefully.

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I want you all now to think of a simple colour, any colour.

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And if you are thinking of red,

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sit back down.

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Good, if you are still standing, think of a simple shape.

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And if you are thinking of a circle, sit back down.

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If you are sitting down right now, you'll be pleased to know

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the way that you think is what's called "normal".

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LAUGHTER

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If, on the other hand, you are still standing,

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you'll be pleased to know you're harder to influence

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and cannot think of colours or shapes very quickly.

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LAUGHTER

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With this in mind, then, I wonder if you can help with this.

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Er... Lady right here,

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in the white dress with the black spots.

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-Yes, you. What's your name?

-Oh, Claudette.

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-Claudette.

-Yeah.

-Claudette, you remain standing.

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Everyone else sit back down. OK.

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-Claudette?

-Yes?

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-We have never met before?

-Never.

-Genuinely never met,

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and you have no idea exactly what I'm about to do to you.

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Good! Do me a favour - not out loud, in your head, right now,

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think about the name of the very first person you ever kissed.

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Don't say their name, think of it.

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And please Claudette a huge round of applause

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as she makes her way up to the stage. Claudette, up you come.

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APPLAUSE

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Hi, Claudette. I will not embarrass you, OK, Claudette?

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Come right this way.

0:16:080:16:10

Now, Claudette, thank you so much for helping.

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Claudette, can I ask you please to hold two hands straight out

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in front of you like this?

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We'll avoid the microphone for a second. Good.

0:16:170:16:19

Imagine there is a computer keyboard right there,

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and now imagine you are typing. So don't move your fingers,

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but imagine you are typing this person's first name.

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Just the first name, OK?

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Think about where it took place as well.

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Perfect. And in your mind, imagine typing the first letter,

0:16:320:16:35

just the first letter, OK?

0:16:350:16:37

Good. Imagine typing the second letter.

0:16:370:16:39

Good. And the next le... Is the third letter an S?

0:16:390:16:43

-Yes.

-Yes, good, OK. Still warming up, still warming up.

0:16:430:16:46

Just think... I want you to keep your eyes open,

0:16:460:16:48

but pout your lips like you're about to kiss this person.

0:16:480:16:51

Do this...

0:16:510:16:52

LAUGHTER

0:16:520:16:54

Very natural.

0:16:570:16:58

Keeping look at me. Just pout, just pout.

0:16:580:17:00

Stay right there. Stay there, stay there.

0:17:000:17:03

HE SNIFFS

0:17:030:17:04

Were you eating pizza before you came here?

0:17:050:17:08

-Yeah!

-Yes! Right.

0:17:080:17:09

-LAUGHTER

-OK.

0:17:090:17:11

You can put your hands back down.

0:17:110:17:12

I think, if I'm right... In your mind, count the number of letters

0:17:120:17:16

in this person's name. Don't say it, think it. Do you have it?

0:17:160:17:19

Just the first name. Got it?

0:17:190:17:21

So weird - you thought four but you counted there are five.

0:17:210:17:23

Five letters, yeah? OK.

0:17:230:17:25

Next time don't move your fingers, OK? That, er...

0:17:250:17:28

Dead giveaway.

0:17:280:17:29

If I'm right, then the kiss, it must've taken place outside,

0:17:290:17:32

from the way that you were picturing it. Yes?

0:17:320:17:34

I was going to say under something, like an archway

0:17:340:17:36

-but not quite an archway.

-Yeah.

-Yes?

0:17:360:17:38

-Were you imagining maybe this was under a bridge?

-Yes!

0:17:380:17:40

Yes! Is that what you were thinking? OK, but these guys might just think

0:17:400:17:43

you're playing along, so I'm going to have to show them first, OK?

0:17:430:17:46

In a loud voice - please don't say this -

0:17:460:17:48

into that microphone, Claudette, tell us what is the first name

0:17:480:17:51

of the person you had your first kiss with?

0:17:510:17:53

Into that microphone, nice and loud and clear.

0:17:530:17:55

Basil.

0:17:550:17:57

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Basil indeed, Claudette!

0:17:570:17:59

Thank you so much. Wonderful.

0:17:590:18:01

You can head back to your seat down here, OK?

0:18:010:18:04

Thank you again, Claudette.

0:18:040:18:05

Thank you very much for your time.

0:18:090:18:11

Ladies and gentlemen, Colin Cloud!

0:18:130:18:15

Colin Cloud!

0:18:150:18:16

Colin! Obviously I can't let you go without us talking,

0:18:180:18:21

-because I've never seen you perform before.

-Yes.

0:18:210:18:23

-And that's blown my mind.

-Good.

0:18:230:18:25

Cos I also kissed Basil under a bridge.

0:18:250:18:28

LAUGHTER

0:18:280:18:29

So is there any chance you could do something with me?

0:18:290:18:33

CHEERING

0:18:330:18:35

Er... Pull up two hands like this.

0:18:350:18:37

-Imagine you were...

-Don't do the one where you say I've just had pizza,

0:18:370:18:40

cos that's always.

0:18:400:18:41

LAUGHTER

0:18:410:18:43

LAUGHTER

0:18:440:18:46

Crisps. But, er...

0:18:470:18:48

HE SNIFFS

0:18:480:18:50

Hummus crisps.

0:18:500:18:52

What the... How would you know that?

0:18:520:18:53

Yes?

0:18:530:18:55

Ladies and gentlemen, absolutely sensational -

0:18:550:18:57

the mind-blowing Colin Cloud. What about that?

0:18:570:19:01

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:19:010:19:03

Claudette, what happened to Basil?

0:19:050:19:07

Basil's watching this at home.

0:19:090:19:11

LAUGHTER

0:19:110:19:12

Can you imagine Basil? He's probably still under the bridge.

0:19:120:19:15

"She said she'd be back in five minutes. I'm still here!"

0:19:150:19:19

Oh. And what about now - are you married and everything?

0:19:190:19:22

No.

0:19:220:19:23

Basil!

0:19:230:19:24

LAUGHTER

0:19:240:19:26

I'll make an appeal for you.

0:19:260:19:28

Basil, if you're watching, please get in touch with the show.

0:19:280:19:32

I have Claudette here.

0:19:320:19:34

She's single, she's available, she had a pizza earlier,

0:19:340:19:37

and she wants to meet with you.

0:19:370:19:39

That's all the information I know, Claudette.

0:19:390:19:42

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:19:420:19:43

Come on, Basil!

0:19:430:19:45

Oh, it'd be so fun! Oh.

0:19:450:19:47

We have an incredible show for you tonight,

0:19:490:19:51

packed with top-notch, wonderful entertainment.

0:19:510:19:54

But I would like to tell you that one of the stars of tonight's show

0:19:540:19:58

doesn't even know they're going to be on the show tonight.

0:19:580:20:02

-AUDIENCE:

-Oooooh!

0:20:020:20:04

That's because one member of the public will become

0:20:040:20:07

our Unexpected Star of the show!

0:20:070:20:10

CHEERING

0:20:100:20:11

This is Laura Thornton.

0:20:120:20:15

There she is. She's a florist, and she runs a small shop

0:20:150:20:18

in Gloucestershire with her husband John.

0:20:180:20:21

And this is her actually hard at work being a florist.

0:20:210:20:24

Laura thinks she's coming to the theatre tonight

0:20:240:20:27

to deliver a bouquet of flowers.

0:20:270:20:31

But that's not why she's coming here at all.

0:20:310:20:34

I know there's more to Laura than meets the eye.

0:20:340:20:37

She dreams, ladies and gentlemen, of being a singer,

0:20:370:20:40

and tonight we're going to give her that chance to perform

0:20:400:20:44

on this very stage for you tonight.

0:20:440:20:46

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:20:460:20:47

Now, Laura's brother Stephen has helped set this up,

0:20:490:20:52

and apparently Stephen's in the audience. Stephen, where are you?

0:20:520:20:55

Stevo! Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for Stephen.

0:20:550:20:58

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Yes.

0:20:580:21:00

-Stephen, how lovely to meet you.

-How you doing? You all right?

0:21:020:21:04

I'm very good. Tell us a bit about Laura.

0:21:040:21:06

Tell us about her work as a florist.

0:21:060:21:08

So she's been humbly working away as a florist in the Cotswolds

0:21:080:21:11

for a number of years now. She's also been singing

0:21:110:21:13

-a little bit on the side as well.

-OK.

0:21:130:21:15

She's been doing lots of little gigs in pubs and local clubs

0:21:150:21:18

-and things around there.

-Right.

0:21:180:21:19

She's got some good old influences as well -

0:21:190:21:21

she likes Ella Fitzgerald,

0:21:210:21:24

Elkie Brooks, Randy Crawford,

0:21:240:21:25

and, you know, more recently, Adele, Paloma Faith...

0:21:250:21:30

-Brilliant.

-But she cannot imagine...

0:21:300:21:31

I feel like you're giving me a Christmas list. I'll do my best!

0:21:310:21:34

-It's her passion?

-Yes, absolutely.

0:21:340:21:36

But she's a florist and she thinks she's coming here tonight

0:21:360:21:39

-to deliver this wedding bouquet.

-Yeah.

0:21:390:21:41

-And would you say she has a good voice?

-I think she's incredible, yeah.

0:21:410:21:44

-What's the largest audience she's performed in front of before?

-Probably about 35 people.

0:21:440:21:48

-35 people.

-So, yeah.

-LAUGHTER

0:21:480:21:50

That's amazing. Well, we've got 2,500 people in here tonight.

0:21:500:21:53

Let's see how that goes. Let's hear it for Stephen.

0:21:530:21:55

Thank you so much. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:21:550:21:58

Wow. Wow!

0:21:580:22:00

35 people.

0:22:000:22:02

This is going to be a step up.

0:22:020:22:04

All right, well, Laura is on her way at this very moment.

0:22:050:22:10

It's going to be the biggest surprise of her life,

0:22:100:22:12

and of course, if she agrees, she will then be fulfilling

0:22:120:22:15

her dream in a truly amazing, show stopping performance

0:22:150:22:18

at the end of the show. But right now she's on her way to the theatre

0:22:180:22:21

with a bunch of flowers, completely oblivious

0:22:210:22:24

to how that's going to play out.

0:22:240:22:25

OK, right.

0:22:250:22:27

Sorry, I should tell you, just between us,

0:22:270:22:30

that when I introduce an act

0:22:300:22:32

I have to do it from a position.

0:22:320:22:34

So I just... I feel the need to say that,

0:22:340:22:36

cos otherwise you would've thought

0:22:360:22:38

that was an odd thing, that I suddenly...

0:22:380:22:40

LAUGHTER

0:22:400:22:41

I have a mark on the...

0:22:410:22:42

Cos sometimes I can't find it, and I look for it,

0:22:420:22:45

and I don't want you thinking, "He's just gone mad."

0:22:450:22:48

Every once in a while I'll just suddenly go...

0:22:480:22:50

LAUGHTER

0:22:500:22:52

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:22:540:22:56

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest

0:22:560:22:59

is a Welsh classical singing sensation.

0:22:590:23:02

Here with the song she is singing in honour

0:23:020:23:05

of the British armed forces,

0:23:050:23:07

it's the divine Katherine Jenkins.

0:23:070:23:09

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:23:090:23:11

# I

0:23:170:23:20

# I wish you could swim

0:23:200:23:24

# Like the dolphins

0:23:260:23:30

# Like dolphins can swim

0:23:300:23:34

# No, nothing

0:23:360:23:39

# Nothing will keep us together

0:23:390:23:45

# We can beat them

0:23:450:23:50

# For ever and ever

0:23:500:23:55

# We can be heroes

0:23:550:23:59

# Just for one day

0:23:590:24:05

# Guns, they shot above our heads

0:24:070:24:14

# And we kissed

0:24:160:24:19

# As though nothing could fail

0:24:190:24:24

# No, nothing

0:24:260:24:28

# Nothing will drive them away

0:24:280:24:34

# We can beat them

0:24:350:24:39

# Forever and ever

0:24:390:24:44

# We can be heroes

0:24:450:24:49

# Just for one day

0:24:490:24:54

# We can be heroes

0:24:550:24:59

# Just for one day

0:24:590:25:03

-# We can be heroes

-Just for one day

0:25:040:25:14

# We can be heroes

0:25:150:25:20

# Just for one day

0:25:200:25:23

-# We can be heroes

-Just for one day

0:25:230:25:33

# We can be heroes

0:25:350:25:40

# Just for one day

0:25:420:25:46

# Just for one day

0:25:470:25:51

# Just for one day. #

0:25:520:25:58

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:26:000:26:03

Oh! Katherine Jenkins, what about that?

0:26:080:26:12

Oh, darling.

0:26:120:26:14

Amazing.

0:26:140:26:16

Beautiful, fantastic.

0:26:160:26:18

Now, tell me about - this song is going to be on an album

0:26:180:26:21

-for the Queen.

-An album that, er... I guess in honour of the Queen.

0:26:210:26:24

It's her 90th birthday this year.

0:26:240:26:26

-That was really... That last note is quite sensational.

-Thank you.

0:26:260:26:29

-How do you keep your voice like that?

-I don't know.

0:26:290:26:32

-Lots of water.

-I loved it where you ramped up for it.

0:26:320:26:35

HE SINGS A HIGH NOTE

0:26:350:26:36

-It was amazing.

-You're really good!

0:26:360:26:38

What about when the doctor goes, "Say 'ah'"?

0:26:380:26:40

Do you like to mess with them a little bit? "Say 'ah'."

0:26:400:26:42

HE SINGS A HIGH NOTE

0:26:420:26:43

LAUGHTER

0:26:430:26:45

SHE SINGS A HIGH NOTE

0:26:450:26:46

That was absolutely fantastic. That was really beautiful.

0:26:460:26:49

-Thank you for having me.

-One more time.

-Thank you.

0:26:490:26:51

Wonderful Katherine Jenkins. Go on, Katherine. Amazing.

0:26:510:26:55

# Just for one day. #

0:26:580:27:01

There's still so much to come on the show, ladies and gentlemen.

0:27:030:27:06

Texts have been flying in on Robbie Savage's phone.

0:27:060:27:09

He's here playing Send To All.

0:27:090:27:11

And I can tell you that from the whole series so far, Robbie,

0:27:110:27:16

we have not had a response like we've had to this dream text.

0:27:160:27:20

I don't even know how long it's going to take to get through them.

0:27:200:27:23

There's over 60 texts.

0:27:230:27:25

I haven't seen them, I've just heard...

0:27:250:27:28

I've heard about a couple.

0:27:280:27:29

It's gold. You don't want to miss that, OK?

0:27:290:27:31

All right, Laura, our florist from Gloucestershire -

0:27:330:27:37

well, she's in the building, OK?

0:27:370:27:39

She's in an office right now downstairs,

0:27:390:27:41

where I think we can see live footage of her waiting.

0:27:410:27:44

There she is. That is Laura.

0:27:440:27:47

And is that her husband John? Is that right, Steve?

0:27:470:27:50

That's her husband John, who looks really cool, I have to say.

0:27:500:27:53

LAUGHTER

0:27:530:27:54

It's so funny, this, cos he knows he's actually going to be on TV

0:27:540:27:58

and he's gone for this all silk outfit.

0:27:580:28:01

LAUGHTER

0:28:010:28:02

Unbelievable. To be honest,

0:28:030:28:05

she looks a bit glamorous as well, Steve!

0:28:050:28:08

She thinks she's coming for dinner later on,

0:28:080:28:10

-so she's dressed up a bit as well.

-Oh, she's dressed for...

0:28:100:28:12

And does John think he's having dinner with Il Divo?

0:28:120:28:15

LAUGHTER

0:28:150:28:17

OK. Oh, she's grabbing her...

0:28:170:28:19

Oh, she's preparing them. They look very good.

0:28:190:28:21

That's the bouquet. She's here to deliver those.

0:28:210:28:24

All right, now, because her husband John,

0:28:240:28:27

or "Jean", as he probably prefers to be called tonight...

0:28:270:28:30

LAUGHTER

0:28:300:28:32

..is with her - and it's not his moment at all, is it, Steve?

0:28:320:28:36

On the way up,

0:28:360:28:37

he's apparently going to have to excuse himself and go to the loo

0:28:370:28:42

so that he's not part of this moment.

0:28:420:28:44

So there's quite a lot that has to fall into place.

0:28:440:28:46

So John has to go to the loo,

0:28:460:28:48

and then she will be alone to walk up here,

0:28:480:28:50

and I think she's been told to knock on the door.

0:28:500:28:52

You really have to be quiet, cos them I'm going to go...

0:28:520:28:55

they'll take my mic down so it doesn't sound like

0:28:550:28:57

I've got the best voice projection.

0:28:570:28:59

BOOMING: "Come in!"

0:28:590:29:01

If I say something silly, don't laugh.

0:29:020:29:04

Cos I'm tempted to go, "Enter!"

0:29:040:29:07

Or something, but don't laugh. Don't laugh.

0:29:070:29:09

LAUGHTER

0:29:090:29:11

Or, "Give me a minute! Give me a minute!"

0:29:110:29:13

LAUGHTER

0:29:130:29:15

So get your laughing out of your system now, all right?

0:29:150:29:17

OK, are we ready, ladies and gentlemen?

0:29:170:29:19

Are we ready to get Laura up here? CHEERING

0:29:190:29:22

All right, total silence. Let's do this, and of course,

0:29:220:29:25

when she does come through the door,

0:29:250:29:27

give her the maximum, the maximum moment possible.

0:29:270:29:30

WHISPERING: Let's bring her up. Let's do this. OK.

0:29:300:29:32

-Hello, gang.

-Hi, there.

0:29:320:29:34

He's ready for you. Alex is ready.

0:29:340:29:36

-Do you want to... Which one's yours?

-This one.

-Them ones?

0:29:360:29:38

-This one's mine.

-Come along, yeah.

0:29:380:29:40

Is there anywhere I can use the toilet?

0:29:400:29:42

Oh, yeah, of course. It's on the way anyway.

0:29:420:29:44

I should've shown you on the way in, shouldn't I?

0:29:440:29:46

If you just want to go there and go to the toilet,

0:29:480:29:50

if we just crack on up, I'll come back for you, if that's all right?

0:29:500:29:53

-Yeah, OK.

-Yeah, I'll be a few seconds.

-OK. Thanks.

0:29:530:29:56

Is it for a bride or for the groom, or...?

0:29:560:29:58

-The bride.

-I don't know anything about flowers, you can tell.

0:29:580:30:01

-Definitely not for the groom!

-Not for the groom, OK.

0:30:010:30:04

So if you just go down at the end of the corridor, that's his office.

0:30:080:30:11

-OK.

-Just give it a knock and wait there for him.

0:30:110:30:13

-I'll go and get your friend.

-OK.

0:30:130:30:15

Come in.

0:30:210:30:22

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:30:230:30:26

INAUDIBLE

0:30:280:30:30

It's Laura!

0:30:360:30:37

Ladies and gentlemen, Laura Thornton's here!

0:30:400:30:42

Oh, good lord.

0:30:460:30:48

Laura, darling, how are you?

0:30:480:30:51

A little bit terrified.

0:30:520:30:54

LAUGHTER

0:30:540:30:56

Oh, my God. Laura, you've already noticed your brother Steve

0:30:560:30:59

over there, who has helped set you up tonight.

0:30:590:31:02

You're on my show, Laura, as the Unexpected Star of the show!

0:31:020:31:06

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:31:060:31:08

Now, Laura, would you like to explain

0:31:100:31:12

why you think you're here tonight?

0:31:120:31:15

I thought I was delivering a wedding bouquet.

0:31:150:31:17

What's actually happening, Laura, is we understand

0:31:170:31:20

that as well as being a florist, you have a passion.

0:31:200:31:22

-What might that be?

-Oh, singing.

0:31:220:31:24

-Do you think it might be singing?

-Oh, my God.

0:31:240:31:27

-Do you enjoy singing?

-What have you done?

0:31:270:31:29

LAUGHTER

0:31:290:31:31

-What have you done?

-How much do you enjoy singing, Laura?

0:31:310:31:33

-I... I quite enjoy singing.

-Yeah?

0:31:330:31:35

LAUGHTER

0:31:350:31:37

OK, well, tonight, with the help of Steve,

0:31:370:31:40

and of course your gorgeous husband John...

0:31:400:31:43

who's still in the toilet, unfortunately.

0:31:430:31:45

LAUGHTER

0:31:450:31:48

Oh, there he is!

0:31:480:31:49

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:31:490:31:51

He said when we were getting ready tonight...

0:31:510:31:53

-And now you know why.

-Yeah, now I know.

0:31:530:31:56

And he made some interesting decisions. So, um...

0:31:560:31:59

-So this is the plan - we're going to take you backstage.

-Yeah.

0:31:590:32:02

And we're going to rehearse with you,

0:32:020:32:05

and you're going to take part in a very big singing performance

0:32:050:32:08

at the end of tonight's show. WHOOPING FROM AUDIENCE

0:32:080:32:10

-OK.

-If you're up for that. What do you think, Laura?

0:32:100:32:13

-Are you up for that?

-I think I've got to be up for it.

-I think she is!

0:32:130:32:16

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:32:160:32:18

And just to say that all of us here,

0:32:190:32:21

we're all rooting for you, aren't we? We're all rooting for Laura.

0:32:210:32:24

Fantastic. Ladies and gentlemen, Laura,

0:32:240:32:27

our Unexpected Star of the show!

0:32:270:32:30

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:32:300:32:32

She was really freaked out.

0:32:410:32:43

LAUGHTER She was really freaked out.

0:32:430:32:45

These are beautiful.

0:32:450:32:47

Ah. I'm going to give them to you, Claudette.

0:32:480:32:52

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:32:520:32:54

Only, darling, if you promise me

0:32:570:33:00

that when you marry Basil,

0:33:000:33:03

you'll be holding these as you walk down the aisle.

0:33:030:33:07

Basil, she's ready, she's got the...

0:33:070:33:09

Just bring the rings and it's on! It's on, Baz!

0:33:090:33:11

I feel... I'm slightly...

0:33:130:33:14

Basil's at home with his wife and she's going, "You dare, Baz!

0:33:140:33:19

"I'll have you, Baz!"

0:33:220:33:24

Right, Robbie Savage, ladies and gentlemen,

0:33:280:33:31

let's hear it for a wonderful sport, Robbie Savage!

0:33:310:33:34

I have your phone here.

0:33:340:33:35

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:33:350:33:37

Earlier tonight, I put a text into Robbie's phone, and the text was...

0:33:370:33:42

"I had a really weird dream last night

0:33:420:33:45

"that me and you were presenting Match of the Day together naked.

0:33:450:33:48

"What do you think it means?"

0:33:480:33:51

Well, that got sent into your phone

0:33:510:33:53

and amazingly, I think everybody you've ever known has texted back.

0:33:530:33:57

Let's see. Al Shearer.

0:33:590:34:01

I presume that's England sensation and legend Alan Shearer?

0:34:010:34:05

OK. He just put, "You're a weirdo, that's what."

0:34:050:34:08

LAUGHTER

0:34:080:34:11

Who's AP?

0:34:160:34:17

Sir AP McCoy.

0:34:170:34:18

AP McCoy? So he's just gone with,

0:34:180:34:21

"I hope you meant to send that to Gabby Logan and not me."

0:34:210:34:24

Let's see. This is from F Flintoff,

0:34:290:34:32

which I presume is the great England Ashes legend himself,

0:34:320:34:36

he's gone with, "The weirdest part..."

0:34:360:34:39

This is brilliant!

0:34:390:34:41

"The weirdest part isn't me, or being naked,

0:34:430:34:46

"it's you actually presenting Match of the Day!"

0:34:460:34:49

LAUGHTER

0:34:490:34:52

Who's Quags?

0:34:580:34:59

-One of my best friends from Wales.

-One of your best friends from Wales.

0:34:590:35:03

"Hello, Geez. Trust the family are well, mate. Interesting one.

0:35:030:35:07

"To dream of a close friend can mean you missing him.

0:35:070:35:10

"There are various meanings for being naked..."

0:35:100:35:14

He's obviously Googled this!

0:35:140:35:15

No, it says here,

0:35:170:35:18

"Let me look it up and do some research on it, Geez.

0:35:180:35:21

"You on Match of the Day I can understand...",

0:35:230:35:26

This is amazing!

0:35:260:35:27

"Me, I'm no-one, which makes it intriguing.

0:35:270:35:31

"Let me have a look at it."

0:35:310:35:33

"Have you dreamed of me or being naked before?"

0:35:330:35:36

Then he's texted back...

0:35:390:35:41

"Geez, some research suggests that being naked is an insecurity thing

0:35:410:35:47

"and you feel you are not in control.

0:35:470:35:50

"Is all OK with the family and the job?"

0:35:500:35:54

Quagy!

0:35:560:35:58

He's gone and done his research!

0:35:590:36:01

Oh, Quags is a good friend.

0:36:030:36:05

Oh, Phillip Rocco. Who's Phillip Rocco?

0:36:050:36:07

Um...

0:36:070:36:09

I bought a watch off him.

0:36:090:36:10

Phillip Rocco is a burglar?

0:36:160:36:18

-You bought a watch off him?!

-Yeah.

0:36:210:36:24

He's just said, "Tough one, this."

0:36:240:36:26

Oh, and he's started with great emojis of the thinking person.

0:36:260:36:30

He's gone for five thoughts. "Tough one this.

0:36:300:36:33

"I think it means you're possibly overworking.

0:36:330:36:35

"I've just asked my missus what she thinks it means

0:36:350:36:38

"and she was more gutted that it wasn't her

0:36:380:36:40

"presenting Match of the Day naked with you!

0:36:400:36:43

"PS, was we completely naked?

0:36:440:36:47

"Or were we wearing watches?"

0:36:480:36:50

LAUGHTER

0:36:500:36:52

That's a great text!

0:36:520:36:54

Harry, who's Harry?

0:36:580:37:00

Harry Judd, I done Strictly with Harry.

0:37:000:37:03

Oh, Harry Judd.

0:37:030:37:04

"It means you're dreaming about me naked...again!"

0:37:040:37:07

Um, this is quite funny.

0:37:080:37:10

We've actually got one from former head of the BBC, Danny Cohen.

0:37:100:37:13

Danny Cohen, of course, knows all about this gag,

0:37:130:37:17

he hasn't twigged at all!

0:37:170:37:19

"I'm very worried about this message."

0:37:190:37:21

And then he put, "Very worried."

0:37:210:37:23

"You must be missing me. Shall we have lunch sometime?"

0:37:240:37:27

I'm gonna text him back, "Only if you're naked!"

0:37:290:37:32

LAUGHTER

0:37:320:37:34

I'm sending that. That's gone.

0:37:360:37:38

Oh, good one from Ian Wright.

0:37:400:37:42

Ian Wright! Ian writes just three words,

0:37:420:37:45

"You fancy me".

0:37:450:37:46

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:37:460:37:50

You fancy me!

0:37:520:37:54

OK...

0:37:540:37:55

Oh, my God, he's got back to me. Danny Cohen just got back to me!

0:37:550:38:00

"Very troubling."

0:38:000:38:02

He's so troubled.

0:38:050:38:07

I'm naked now.

0:38:090:38:11

Can I FaceTime you?

0:38:150:38:17

Can I FaceTime you?

0:38:200:38:22

Oh, my God, it's got those dots that say he's thinking of his response!

0:38:220:38:26

Oh, no, he's got back. Danny Cohen's just got back.

0:38:300:38:32

He's said, "I'm calling the police."!

0:38:320:38:35

LAUGHTER

0:38:350:38:37

Ladies and gentlemen, that was absolutely fantastic, Robbie Savage!

0:38:400:38:44

Thank you, Robbie. That was really good fun. That was awesome!

0:38:440:38:47

Go on, Robbie!

0:38:470:38:49

CHEERING

0:38:490:38:51

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the performance

0:38:510:38:55

of our Unexpected Star of the Show!

0:38:550:38:58

Earlier tonight, Laura, a florist from Gloucestershire,

0:39:010:39:06

came to the theatre thinking she was simply delivering some flowers

0:39:060:39:10

as part of her work,

0:39:100:39:11

but little did she know she was set up by her brother Steve,

0:39:110:39:16

and her husband John, so that she can perform on this very stage,

0:39:160:39:20

and sing to you tonight to make her dream come true.

0:39:200:39:23

She's been rehearsing like mad backstage,

0:39:230:39:25

and it's time for her to take centre stage.

0:39:250:39:28

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest has sold millions of flowers...

0:39:280:39:33

In fact, there isn't an artist worldwide who's sold more CDs...

0:39:330:39:39

Sorry, seeds.

0:39:390:39:40

From jasmine to jazz, she's top of the poppies,

0:39:420:39:45

it's our singing florist, Laura!

0:39:450:39:47

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:39:470:39:50

# It's too darn hot

0:40:090:40:10

# It's too darn hot

0:40:110:40:13

# I'd like to sup with my baby tonight

0:40:140:40:19

# Refill my cup with my baby tonight

0:40:200:40:24

# I'd like to sup with my baby tonight

0:40:260:40:29

# Refill my cup with my baby tonight

0:40:290:40:32

# But, brother, we'll only get fighting tonight

0:40:320:40:35

# Cos it's too darn hot

0:40:350:40:37

# It's too darn hot

0:40:380:40:39

# It's too darn hot

0:40:410:40:43

# I'd like to coo with my baby tonight

0:40:440:40:48

# And pitch the woo with my baby tonight

0:40:490:40:54

# I'd like to coo with my baby tonight

0:40:550:40:58

# And pitch the woo with my baby tonight

0:40:580:41:01

# But, brother, we'll only get fighting tonight

0:41:010:41:04

# Cos it's too darn hot

0:41:040:41:06

# According to the Kinsey Report

0:41:070:41:10

# Every average man I know

0:41:100:41:13

# Much prefers to woo his lovie at night

0:41:130:41:16

# When the temperature is low

0:41:160:41:18

# And when the thermometer goes way up

0:41:190:41:21

# And the weather is sizzling hot

0:41:210:41:24

# Mister pants for romance says not

0:41:240:41:28

# Cos it's too, too, too darn hot

0:41:280:41:32

# It's too darn hot

0:41:320:41:36

# It's too darn hot

0:41:360:41:41

# It's too darn hot

0:41:420:41:46

# It's too darn hot

0:41:480:41:52

# It's too

0:41:540:41:57

# Darn

0:41:570:42:00

# Hot! #

0:42:000:42:09

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:42:120:42:17

Thank you so much.

0:42:170:42:19

It's Laura, ladies and gentlemen!

0:42:220:42:25

Brilliant, well done, congratulations.

0:42:270:42:29

That was sensational.

0:42:290:42:31

Oh, what about that? Come on, Laura!

0:42:310:42:33

Wow! Wow.

0:42:330:42:35

These are for you, thank you so much.

0:42:350:42:38

-How did that feel?

-Fantastic.

0:42:380:42:40

-Was that amazing?

-Amazing, amazing. I loved it, thank you so much.

0:42:400:42:43

I'll never ever forget this, thank you.

0:42:430:42:45

Thank you, well done.

0:42:450:42:47

Thank you, thank you for coming. You were sensational.

0:42:470:42:50

One more time please for our singing florist Laura.

0:42:500:42:53

There we go.

0:42:530:42:54

CHEERING

0:42:540:42:55

Too darn hot!

0:42:550:42:57

If you know somebody you'd like to nominate

0:43:030:43:05

to be an Unexpected Star of the Show for the next series...

0:43:050:43:09

..or in fact, want to nominate someone for any surprise...

0:43:100:43:14

We can now go live to your house.

0:43:140:43:16

Shut up!

0:43:160:43:18

Please go to:

0:43:210:43:23

Join me next week for the last Big Show of the series.

0:43:260:43:30

One more person will be getting the shock of their life

0:43:300:43:33

to become our Unexpected Star of the Show,

0:43:330:43:35

another brave celebrity will be playing "Send To All",

0:43:350:43:38

and we'll have loads more unmissable star performances and audience fun.

0:43:380:43:42

Until then, thank you very much.

0:43:420:43:44

Good night! Bravo!

0:43:440:43:45

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