Romance Not Going Out


Romance

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# We're not going out

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# Not staying in

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# Just hanging around With my head in a spin

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# But there is no need to scream and shout

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# We're not going out

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# We are not going out. #

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Yeah, OK, understood. Thanks, Geoffrey.

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'Hang on.'

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Are you talking to me whilst you're in the bathroom?

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-Yeah.

-'Good God.

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'What are you wearing?'

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This conversation's taken a bit of a turn.

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'Lee, are you speaking to me naked?'

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I don't know. I can't see you.

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Who's that?

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It's your dad.

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Sorry, I've got to go, Geoffrey,

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Lucy wants to use the bathroom to kill a pig.

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Bye-bye.

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-Did you want to speak to him?

-Not in the bathroom, no.

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Why did you bring him in here?

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You know he's not actually inside the magic speaking box, don't you?

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It's not that odd, using the phone in the bathroom.

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Well, not for a man who goes to the toilet when he's in a phone box.

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Next time my dad calls, can you take it in the living room?

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Have a bit of dignity.

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You have got to be kidding me.

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What's the problem?

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I'm still here?

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And?

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Just think there should be a bit of mystery surrounding this thing.

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What do you want me to do,

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reach round and whip out a bunch of flowers?

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Why are you suddenly so bothered?

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-I sometimes go to the toilet when you're in the shower.

-Do you?

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Don't look so shocked. You go to the toilet while you're in the shower!

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-If it's bothering you so much, leave.

-I'm cleaning my teeth.

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-Well, use the kitchen sink.

-You use the kitchen sink!

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OK!

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Er, excuse me?

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Could you close the door, please?

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Unbelievable!

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-There's your orange juice.

-Has it got bits in?

-No.

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I want bits in.

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There. Now it's got bits in.

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I'm off to work.

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Those rockets aren't going to fire themselves, are they, Molly?

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You don't have to keep pretending you're an astronaut, Daddy.

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We love you, whatever you do.

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I sell cars.

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That's rubbish!

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-Right, I'm going.

-OK, see you later.

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Is that it?

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-What?

-Well, aren't you going to miss me?

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I don't know. Are you going to leave?

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You could say goodbye to me properly.

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Wow. But not in front of the kids. We'll traumatise them.

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What's your problem this morning?

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I'll tell you my problem.

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Where's the intimacy gone in our relationship?

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I just did a great big wee in front of you. That's fairly intimate.

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It's not very romantic, is it?

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Well, I'm sorry that I don't go to the toilet romantically enough.

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Maybe next time I'll sit there playing the harp.

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After all, you sometimes sound like you're in there with a tuba.

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Look, it's not just the toilet thing. It's romance in general.

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Do you know that since we've had the kids,

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-we haven't had a single night away, just the two of us?

-So?

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-That's your choice, just as much as mine.

-No, it's not.

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Do you remember what I asked for on my last birthday?

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Oh, not this again.

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The Orient Express is very expensive!

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We did the next best thing.

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The next best thing to the Orient Express is not Pizza Express!

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And you know it's not just about the money.

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OK, so I don't like leaving the kids with other people.

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I want to be near them in case they need me.

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Mummy, there's a burnt bit on my toast.

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Well, phone social services!

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All right, what about tonight? Me and you

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go out for something to eat. I'll find us a nice restaurant.

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Sounds nice.

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But...?

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Well, if we go out, we only have to come back.

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And we're already here.

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All that dressing up, choosing a restaurant...

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Yeah, it's not easy, is it? Putting clothes on and eating.

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Maybe we should just stay at home in our pants

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and suck on a damp flannel.

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OK, we'll stay at home, but we're doing it properly.

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I'll cook us dinner.

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We don't watch television, and we don't eat until the kids are in bed.

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OK, if you insist.

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If I insist?

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I'm not asking you to dress as a lollipop lady

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and spank me with the sign!

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-It's supposed to be romantic.

-OK.

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-So I'm saying yes, fine, OK?

-Great.

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-Well, I'll look forward to it, then.

-Well then, so will I.

-Fine.

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Are you two getting divorced?

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Just eat your orange juice.

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Coming, ready or not!

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Are they hiding in the cupboard under the stairs?

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No, they're not in the cupboard under the stairs.

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Are they hiding under the kitchen table?

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No, they're not hiding under the kitchen table.

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Where can they be?

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Maybe I should look behind the curtains.

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No, they're not behind the curtains.

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We are behind the curtains!

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I meant under the carpet.

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Come on.

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Charlie's been sick at Beavers.

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Don't worry, son, I once sneezed at an otter.

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Oh, why's it so gloomy in here?

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I was going for an ambience.

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Is the ambulance for me?

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Not an ambulance, an ambience.

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It means when you're trying to create...an ambience.

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Oh!

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Oh, so that's where they are. I had no idea!

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We did tell you.

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Oh, that was your voice, was it? I'll cancel the priest.

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Let's get them to bed.

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-I can't help tonight, can I? I'm cooking, remember?

-Yeah...

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-OK, I'll sort the kids out.

-What are you doing?

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-Just grabbing a banana. I'm starving.

-Well, don't grab a banana.

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-It will spoil your dinner.

-Why, is that what we're having?

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Molly, you know when you do that

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and it's not your birthday, a fairy dies?

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MOLLY WAILS

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Come on, kids. Daddy's busy.

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I'm just trying to create an atmosphere.

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Well, I'm hungry and the kids are upset, so well done.

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Mission accomplished.

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ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS

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Oh. You've changed.

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No big deal. Same pants.

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They must be due their annual service soon.

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-Oh, looks lovely.

-Thanks.

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It's a Jamie Oliver thing.

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I was going to do Heston,

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but I didn't have a hydrovacuated testicular spatula.

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It's a Moroccan lamb dish.

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Made with loads of different spices and cooked in a sauce made from...

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Made from chicken beaks and cats' faces.

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Oh, sounds lovely.

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Are you texting?

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No.

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Yes, you are. You're on the phone.

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I know, but I'm not texting. I was on Tinder!

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I'm just looking up Charlie's symptoms.

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Well, whilst you're on the NHS website,

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you might want to look up the medical effects of having

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a lamb tagine force-fed down your oesophagus.

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Charlie will be fine.

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Come on, it's supposed to be a romantic meal.

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-Took me ages to do this cooking.

-Thanks.

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And I do appreciate you going to the same effort I go to every night.

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In fact, if this is the effect it has,

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I should go to the toilet in front of you more often!

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It wasn't just the toilet thing.

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I just worry sometimes that we're not concentrating on each other

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as much as we should be.

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Is this you asking me for more sex?

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No.

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-Well, were you about to suggest...?

-No.

-It's not about sex.

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It's about me and you not forgetting to be romantic with each other,

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like we are being now.

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Look, Lee, I really appreciate everything you've done tonight.

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And it's sweet that you're so concerned about us, but,

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honestly, we're doing fine!

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I love you.

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Along with the kids, you're the most important thing in my life,

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and I don't take that for granted, ever.

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And I certainly don't think I've lost the romance.

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Are you sure?

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I'm sure.

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OK.

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Happy anniversary.

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Well, aren't you going to open it?

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It's not today, is it?

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Oh, I think it is.

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Well, you're obviously overwhelmed. I'll open it for you.

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Are you sure it isn't tomorrow?

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Oh, no, tomorrow is a different special day altogether.

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It's the one-day anniversary of the that day you forgot our anniversary.

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Look, it's that special vintage hourglass

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we saw in that antiques shop.

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Well, I haven't really forgotten our anniversary.

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Oh, so?

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I'll give you three minutes to think of something.

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Well, maybe there's a present waiting for you to unwrap

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when we get upstairs.

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-Oh? An actual present?

-Could be.

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Or do you mean me taking your clothes off, because unless you've

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got some Debenhams vouchers tucked under there, that doesn't count!

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Is this why you've been acting odd all day?

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Going on about the lack of romance?

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Oh, Lucy, forget about it. It doesn't matter.

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This is just a silly little something to say that the

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sands of time are like my love for you.

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Always flowing.

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And if at times our love has the appearance of ebbing away,

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you just have to put a little bit of effort in and very soon

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you can turn things round and see the love flowing once again.

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I hate you!

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-How's Charlie?

-He's completely fine this morning.

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Oh, good. Looks like I'm the only ill one in the house.

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Why, what's up with you?

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Well, I'm obviously lovesick, aren't I?

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Oh.

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Look, Lee, I'm really sorry, OK?

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Oh, it's fine. Don't worry about it. Forgive and forget.

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I'll do the forgiving, you do the...

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-It's a joke.

-It's just, I've got so much on with the kids at the moment.

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-There's so many things I need to remember.

-Exactly.

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And you do a great job.

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You remembered your cousin's birthday last week.

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You remembered Halloween and you remembered St George's Day,

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and you remembered Pancake Day

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and you remembered Charlie's teacher's birthday

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and you remembered your mum and dad's anniversary.

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And you even remembered the date

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that Starbucks brought back the pumpkin spiced latte.

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You remember all the important dates.

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Everything except our wedding anniversary, yeah?

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Yeah, but only because I've got a very clever method for remembering it.

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Every year, it falls on exactly the same day that we got married.

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The most important day of my life.

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So you are annoyed.

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It's not your fault, it's mine.

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For being an overly sensitive, achingly romantic,

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soppy old softie pants with a heart full of love to give.

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I'm going to be late.

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Bye.

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I mean...

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Bye, darling, have a great day!

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Oh, careful. It's not our anniversary today.

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That was yesterday.

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Hello?

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-CHILDREN:

-Surprise!

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# Happy birthday to you

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# Happy birthday to you... #

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-It's not my birthday.

-It's the only thing they can do.

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# Happy birthday to you! #

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Oh, no, you ruined my ambience.

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Wow, this is fantastic!

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And we got you one or two little gifts.

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Oh, look, you got me all my favourite things.

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Chocolates, biscuits, selection of French cheeses,...

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There isn't any cheese.

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Oh, my mistake, it's just because I love cheese,

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-so I presumed that you'd just...

-I'll get you some cheese tomorrow!

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-Oh! Now I'm the one feeling bad.

-Why?

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Well, if I hadn't been a silly old romantic

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and remembered our anniversary,

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you wouldn't be doing all of this because you're wracked with guilt.

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I see.

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Kids, go and play upstairs.

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Uh-oh!

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-How long, then?

-What?

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How long are you going to put me on the naughty step for this?

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Four-year-olds get four minutes, six-year-olds get six minutes,

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what do I get?

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Nobody deserves that amount of punishment.

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It really doesn't make any difference what I do

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or what I get for you now, does it?

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I'd still quite like the cheese.

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No chance. What's the point?

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I'll always be the one who forgot,

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-and we'll remember that every year, won't we?

-Well, I will.

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The terrible old wife who forgot our seventh wedding anniversary.

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Eighth.

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You know what, Lee?

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So what if I forgot our poxy anniversary?

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I think this year was copper. 14th is poxy.

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-What is one little mistake against hundreds?

-Like what?

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Like last year's anniversary and that wonderful,

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romantic set of pans?

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I thought that was a very romantic gesture, actually.

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And all because the lady loves Tefal.

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They weren't just a set of pans,

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they were nonstick heat-resistant thermostat pans.

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Oh, I didn't realise.

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I thought they were your ordinary, run-of-the-mill misogynistic ones.

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Handed to me with those loving words,

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"What are you going to cook in these, then?"

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If I remember rightly, there were other romantic gestures

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I made that day that were thrown back in my face.

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Lee, climbing into bed drunk

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and climbing on top of me while I'm asleep,

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shouting, "Wake up, Lucy, it's that time of year again!"

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does not constitute romance!

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Well, neither do the words, "Get off me,"

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"You stink of Bailey's" and,

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"Have you still got the receipt for those pans?"

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KNOCK ON DOOR

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-Hello.

-We just popped round to wish you a happy wedding anniversary.

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I know it was yesterday

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but we didn't want to disturb you on your special day.

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Oh, how nice of you to remember.

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-Actually, we're not staying.

-Just on my way out, anyway.

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Well, I suppose we do have time for a quick cup of tea.

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The romance has gone in our relationship.

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Oh, don't be like that. I've just bought you a muffin.

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Anyway, it's not all bad. Congratulations on your anniversary.

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Have you not been listening? She forgot about it.

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And that is why I'm congratulating you.

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I could live off a moral victory like that for months.

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-It's not a victory, though, is it?

-Course it is.

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You remembered, she forgot. 1-0 to you.

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Why do you constantly see marriage as

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a war of attrition between two completely opposing sides?

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I don't. I see mine as a simple war between good and evil.

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I just thought, as the kids get older,

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you'd get more time to spend together.

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Yep, that's another problem.

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Seriously, though, you've been married longer than me.

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Is it normal for this to happen?

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Of course it's normal. Relax.

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At the moment, it might feel like the romance is fading a bit but,

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a few years down the line,

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you'll realise that it wasn't fading at all.

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It was stone-cold dead.

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Did I detect an atmosphere between you and Lee as we came in?

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I don't really want to talk about it.

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I thought your marriage might be in trouble,

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but I didn't want to get my hopes up.

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So, what's up?

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Well, Lee's got it into his head that there's not enough

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romance between us.

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Romance? Pfft, what does that mean?

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-I'll fetch you a dictionary, Geoffrey.

-I know what it means.

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And you've got a gift subscription to Good Housekeeping Magazine

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to prove it.

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Look, I'm sure it's nothing serious. It was your anniversary yesterday.

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-You celebrated that, didn't you?

-Course we did.

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-We had a lovely dinner at home.

-Oh, yes.

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And I bet I can guess who was the one slaving over the oven all day.

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Well, just a bit of simple cooking.

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It's not that difficult, is it?

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Course it is. It takes time and effort.

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It shows a person is considerate, thoughtful and loving.

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Oh, hush now!

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Your dad's right. These things really matter.

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If want my advice on how to put some spice back into your marriage...

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Oh, please don't, Mum.

0:16:400:16:41

I don't really want to think of your marriage as having spice in it.

0:16:410:16:44

It's a lot easier for me to think of it as a plain omelette.

0:16:440:16:49

Spend more time together.

0:16:490:16:50

That's easy for you to say. You're not married to Lee.

0:16:500:16:54

We do spend time together. Every day.

0:16:540:16:56

-We're raising three kids.

-Exactly.

0:16:560:16:59

That's why you should have the occasional night away

0:16:590:17:01

from the children.

0:17:010:17:02

-That's what Lee said, actually.

-He's right.

0:17:020:17:05

Remember when you were five, that caravan holiday in Dorset?

0:17:050:17:08

-I think I do remember it.

-I don't.

0:17:080:17:10

You went with your grandparents. Geoffrey and I were in Paris.

0:17:100:17:15

You remember that, don't you, Geoffrey?

0:17:150:17:17

I certainly do.

0:17:170:17:18

Most pleasant.

0:17:200:17:21

You know we'd be delighted to stay over and look after the children.

0:17:250:17:28

You can even do your speciality dish for them, can't you, Geoffrey?

0:17:280:17:32

Of course. My toad-in-the-hole was the talk of the regiment.

0:17:320:17:35

I love these pans, by the way.

0:17:350:17:37

Oh, surprise!

0:17:480:17:51

Bit of a heartless way to say you're leaving me.

0:17:510:17:54

-Do you remember asking for a particular present?

-You haven't.

0:17:540:17:57

I have!

0:17:570:17:59

Are those suitcases full of French cheese?!

0:17:590:18:00

Better than that.

0:18:000:18:03

Orient Express tickets?

0:18:030:18:05

Well, not quite, we're not made of money,

0:18:050:18:07

but it's still a fancy train and we get to sleep on it.

0:18:070:18:09

You're taking me?

0:18:090:18:10

No, Lee, I'm taking my secret lesbian lover.

0:18:100:18:13

I won't need a ticket, then. I'll be hiding in the wardrobe.

0:18:130:18:16

-I thought you were getting a bit fed up with me lately.

-I am.

0:18:170:18:19

-That's why we're going.

-I should have had an affair.

0:18:190:18:21

-We could've gone to Disneyland!

-Well, come on, then, get changed.

0:18:210:18:24

What, we're going tonight? What about the kids?

0:18:240:18:26

-Mum and Dad said they'd look after them.

-The poor sods.

0:18:260:18:28

No, they were happy to babysit, actually.

0:18:280:18:30

I meant the kids.

0:18:300:18:32

At least getting them to sleep will be easy.

0:18:320:18:34

Half an hour with your dad and they'll take themselves off to bed!

0:18:340:18:36

Well, those surprises keep coming, don't they?

0:18:410:18:44

It's the first train I've been on where there is

0:18:530:18:55

no chewing gum stuck under the seat.

0:18:550:18:56

Never mind. You'll just have to buy your own, like everyone else.

0:18:560:19:00

-This is really posh.

-I know! Look.

0:19:000:19:02

Even the salt pot's got the name of the train written on it.

0:19:020:19:05

Quick, pass me my handbag.

0:19:050:19:08

You're not nicking a salt pot.

0:19:080:19:10

Well, guess who's not going to be allowed to lick his plate, then.

0:19:100:19:13

You're not my real dad.

0:19:170:19:18

Thanks, Lucy. This is so...

0:19:190:19:22

Romantic?

0:19:220:19:23

-Exactly.

-Well, trains are romantic places, aren't they?

0:19:230:19:26

Think of all those films. Doctor Zhivago, Brief Encounter...

0:19:260:19:30

The Taking Of Pelham 123.

0:19:300:19:33

-I'm not sure that's romantic.

-It was for me.

0:19:330:19:36

I watched it with my first girlfriend, Michaela Bradbury.

0:19:360:19:39

We were on our sofa, and halfway through the film,

0:19:390:19:41

she turned to me and asked if I'd ever properly felt a woman before.

0:19:410:19:44

And I hadn't. So I leaned over and...

0:19:440:19:46

-I've misjudged this anecdote, haven't I?

-Never mind.

0:19:460:19:49

Tell me what happened next,

0:19:490:19:51

and I can tell you all about what I got up to with Andrew Kingsley.

0:19:510:19:54

-Is he an old school boyfriend?

-No, he's our postman.

0:19:540:19:56

I hope this makes up for forgetting our anniversary.

0:19:580:20:02

What anniversary?

0:20:020:20:04

Good answer.

0:20:040:20:05

And I hope you're not missing the kids too much.

0:20:050:20:07

-What kids?

-Good answer.

0:20:070:20:09

I'm enjoying being with just you. It's nice.

0:20:090:20:13

Just having quality time with a husband I love and cherish...

0:20:130:20:16

-Do you want to phone them?

-Yes, please!

0:20:160:20:18

Hey, why don't I order us a bottle of champagne

0:20:210:20:24

to take back to the cabin?

0:20:240:20:26

Oh, you won't hear me complaining.

0:20:260:20:27

But we might hear you...moaning.

0:20:270:20:30

Why? Is it really expensive?

0:20:300:20:32

Oh!

0:20:340:20:35

-'Lucy!'

-Hi, Dad, just me.

0:20:400:20:42

Tell me where you are and I'll come and collect you.

0:20:420:20:45

No need for that.

0:20:450:20:46

It's all going very well, actually. How are the children?

0:20:460:20:49

'All tucked up in bed,'

0:20:490:20:50

fast asleep.

0:20:500:20:52

Thanks, Dad. Looks like it all turned out all right in the end.

0:20:520:20:56

Even if some idiot did forget our anniversary.

0:20:560:20:58

You shouldn't be too hard on him about that.

0:20:580:21:00

No, it was me. I'm the one who forgot.

0:21:000:21:02

You as well?

0:21:020:21:04

'Quite the pair, aren't you?'

0:21:040:21:06

What do you mean?

0:21:060:21:08

Well, I rang him up, the morning of your anniversary, to remind him.

0:21:080:21:11

'Yeah, he was in the bathroom at the time and he hadn't got a clue.'

0:21:140:21:18

What?!

0:21:180:21:19

So, you see, you're both idiots.

0:21:190:21:21

OK, then, Dad, thanks. See you later. Bye.

0:21:210:21:26

I ordered the champagne.

0:21:280:21:30

Oh, damn, I meant to ask Dad something. Oh, never mind.

0:21:300:21:33

I'll ask you instead.

0:21:330:21:34

Why did Dad ring the other morning?

0:21:340:21:38

What?

0:21:380:21:39

You remember. You were speaking to Dad on the phone in the bathroom.

0:21:390:21:43

On the morning of our anniversary.

0:21:430:21:45

I can't remember now.

0:21:450:21:47

Come on. You're always the one who remembers everything.

0:21:470:21:50

Remember?

0:21:500:21:51

Oh, yes, that's it. He had trouble with his crossword.

0:21:520:21:56

Yeah, racehorse, won the Grand National, 1981.

0:21:570:22:00

Devious little bastard.

0:22:000:22:02

I said Aldaniti.

0:22:040:22:05

You forgot our anniversary, too.

0:22:080:22:10

-No, I didn't.

-Yes, you did.

0:22:100:22:12

I cooked you a meal and bought you a present.

0:22:120:22:14

Yeah, 12 hours later, but there were no presents in the morning

0:22:140:22:17

because you hadn't got me anything in the morning.

0:22:170:22:19

You'd forgotten all about it until my dad reminded you.

0:22:190:22:22

Oh, what does it matter how I remembered?

0:22:220:22:23

I could have put it in the diary or put a little alert on my phone.

0:22:230:22:26

I just happened to go with the system of having your dad ring me

0:22:260:22:29

completely out of the blue.

0:22:290:22:30

I'm still the romantic one in this relationship.

0:22:300:22:32

OK...what colour eyes have I got?

0:22:320:22:35

Oh, don't be so stupid.

0:22:370:22:38

What colour are they?

0:22:380:22:40

Come on.

0:22:430:22:45

What, both of them?

0:22:450:22:47

You don't know, do you?

0:22:490:22:50

-Can I phone your dad?

-What colour are they?

0:22:500:22:53

-They are...

-Yes?

0:22:540:22:56

I've always seen them as the colour of the spring skies

0:22:570:23:00

in that moment just after dawn.

0:23:000:23:02

They're green, Lee! I've got green eyes.

0:23:020:23:05

They're going red at the moment. All right, what colour are my eyes?

0:23:050:23:09

All right, I messed that up.

0:23:120:23:14

-You tricked me into taking you away.

-Tricked you?

0:23:140:23:16

This is supposed to be a romantic trip.

0:23:160:23:18

A guilt trip is what it is.

0:23:180:23:20

Only because you are guilty, because you forgot our anniversary.

0:23:200:23:23

-She forgot our anniversary.

-So did he!

0:23:230:23:26

OK, so maybe I was a little bit dishonest.

0:23:260:23:27

-But I did it for a good reason.

-What good reason?

0:23:270:23:30

So that me and you could spend some romantic quality time together

0:23:300:23:33

which, if you hadn't noticed, is exactly what we're doing now!

0:23:330:23:35

Oh, yeah, because you're a great big romantic, you are, aren't you?

0:23:350:23:38

And by the way, Barry White, I forgot to say thank you for

0:23:380:23:41

the anniversary present of an egg timer.

0:23:410:23:43

That was a vintage hourglass.

0:23:430:23:45

It was a second-hand egg timer

0:23:450:23:46

for timing the eggs I'm meant to boil in your crappy pans.

0:23:460:23:50

They are good, solid pans.

0:23:510:23:52

Tefal!

0:23:520:23:54

That's another thing. It's all very well,

0:23:540:23:56

you getting all squeamish about me peeing in front of you.

0:23:560:23:59

She does that, as well.

0:23:590:24:00

But that's as nothing compared to the nonstop belching and

0:24:000:24:02

farting you've been doing since the day we met.

0:24:020:24:05

You can stop listening now.

0:24:050:24:08

Well, where the hell does it all come from?

0:24:080:24:10

I'm surprised people haven't started fracking you!

0:24:100:24:12

OK, so I'm a bit gassy. Shoot me!

0:24:140:24:17

Shoot you?

0:24:170:24:19

You'll take out half the carriage!

0:24:190:24:21

Your problem is not that we lost the romance.

0:24:220:24:25

Your problem is that I started stooping to your level.

0:24:250:24:29

KNOCK ON DOOR

0:24:580:25:01

Yes?

0:25:070:25:08

Hello, madam. My name's Jenkins.

0:25:080:25:12

-Your husband asked me to deliver these.

-Did he?

0:25:120:25:14

Yes, by means of an apology.

0:25:140:25:17

Apparently he's been acting like the perfect buffoon.

0:25:170:25:19

Is that right?

0:25:190:25:21

What did he do?

0:25:210:25:22

He lied about remembering your anniversary.

0:25:220:25:25

Anything else?

0:25:250:25:27

You know.

0:25:270:25:28

Yeah, I know. Does he?

0:25:280:25:30

Is it the pans?

0:25:320:25:33

It's not the pans.

0:25:330:25:35

Is it for making his lovely wife feel guilty

0:25:360:25:38

and manipulating the situation?

0:25:380:25:40

Even though he, of all people, knows how easy it is to forget?

0:25:400:25:44

Especially if you're busy being a full-time mum

0:25:440:25:46

to three beautiful children?

0:25:460:25:48

And the pans.

0:25:490:25:50

Would you like us to eject him from the train, madam?

0:25:520:25:54

No. Wait until it's going a bit faster.

0:25:540:25:58

Well, can I at least come in

0:25:590:26:00

before the steward realises that I've nicked this?

0:26:000:26:03

Hell of a meal, wasn't it?

0:26:060:26:08

We may have lost the romance a bit,

0:26:080:26:09

but you can't say we've lost the passion.

0:26:090:26:11

Yeah, it was pretty passionate.

0:26:110:26:14

Sorry, Lucy. Really.

0:26:140:26:16

Happy anniversary.

0:26:170:26:18

You know who I blame? Your dad.

0:26:230:26:25

If he hadn't remembered, none of this would have happened.

0:26:250:26:28

So...

0:26:280:26:30

-what now?

-Well...

0:26:300:26:32

..that depends, Jenkins.

0:26:330:26:36

Did my husband ask you to do anything else while you were here?

0:26:360:26:39

Actually, there was some other business he asked

0:26:390:26:41

me to attend to, madam.

0:26:410:26:42

-Other business, Jenkins?

-Yes, madam.

0:26:420:26:45

Of a romantic nature.

0:26:450:26:47

Well, I hope you're going to be thorough, Jenkins.

0:26:470:26:50

Well, I... Can I just check -

0:26:500:26:52

-we're talking about sex, right?

-Yes.

-Right.

0:26:520:26:54

Let's just say I undertake my duties extremely rrrigorously.

0:26:560:27:00

Well, can you just give me a moment

0:27:000:27:02

to slip into something more comfortable?

0:27:020:27:05

Of course, madam.

0:27:050:27:06

Drinks are ready when you are, madam.

0:27:140:27:16

Very good, Jenkins.

0:27:160:27:17

I'll be with you in a minute.

0:27:170:27:19

Oh, for god's sake. At least lift the seat!

0:27:250:27:28

# We're not going out

0:27:340:27:37

# Not staying in

0:27:370:27:39

# Just hanging around with my head in a spin

0:27:390:27:42

# But there is no need to scream and shout

0:27:420:27:45

# We're not going out

0:27:450:27:47

# We are not going out. #

0:27:470:27:50

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