02/02/2012 EastEnders

MOBILE PHONE BEEPS

Oi, Patrick's not back yet.

-No?

-No.

-We had a close call last night.

BANGING AT DOOR

So, er, where do you stand on breakfast in bed?

Oh, it's the best thing ever!

-Good, cos me and little George slaved over this.

-Where is he?

-He's outside, having a fag break.

-Eh?

Michael, come in.

If they're not out they must have been charged.

That's good, innit? I mean about Derek, not Patrick.

You think he can't reach you from prison? You've got to leave.

You can't wait round here like a pair of mugs. I called you a taxi.

He'll rinse the business if we go! He's just going to have to wait for his money.

-This isn't about the money any more, Tyler.

-What IS it about?

Do you know what? I can't remember the last time someone brought me breakfast in bed.

By the time we're married you'll have had so much of it,

all you'll be thinking about is the crumbs and what a nuisance it is to clear 'em up!

Have you figured out how you're going to tell everyone yet?

-Shirley's going to have kittens!

-Yeah! Yeah, I hadn't thought about that bit!

We could do it together. Get everyone down the pub, do it properly.

Yeah. Yeah.

I only popped in for a quiet drink. You two are bad news.

At least you ain't got to get three kids off to school.

-What time did we go to bed?

-When you stormed off in a strop!

KNOCK AT DOOR

Just after I asked you what was it like being locked in the bog with Tyler Moon.

He's so fine, he's so fine, he's so fine he blows my mind!

-Stop it! I didn't enjoy it!

-"Stop it! I didn't enjoy it!"

Look at you - the big eyes!

Hey, Whit.

Um... Look...it's unforgivable what I called you.

-Just slipped off the tongue, did it?

-You know, if it was Robert Pattinson or something,

I wouldn't have even batted an eyelid. Like Wretch 32, no sweat - but him...?

Look...I shouldn't have called you that, OK. It's not me. And it ain't you.

You're some type of, you know, intergalactic superstar princess, and no less.

All right. Um...

Look, sorry to disturb your morning, ladies.

What kind of foolishness is that?

Oi, no, you don't! Sit down.

-He's got to work a lot harder than that. ..These kids have got no game, have they?

-No attack.

There goes plan A.

DOOR CLOSES

Patrick, you're out!

They questioned me, early this morning. Man, I haven't slept a wink.

-Have you been charged with anything?

-No, no. They couldn't prove intent.

-Was it you who called the police?

-What, you think someone's grassed?

Maybe they've been watching him, the Old Bill. Thought he was planning something.

That's what I said, but Derek wasn't convinced.

He wants to meet the both of you down at the club. Now.

He expects us to just go down there and hand ourselves over?

Don't look at me. It's suicide.

-Maybe you should leave.

-That's what I've been telling them.

No... No, we'll go round.

-Ty...

-Well, I ain't got nothing to hide.

This ends today.

Don't you think that's going overboard?

Doesn't do any harm to look smart. I've done yours an' all. You two are going to look glamorous.

-What's this?

-Wedding invite samples.

Don't sound TOO happy.

Well, I mean, it just don't stop! I mean, there's napkin samples and colour co-ordinated thingamajigs,

-stretching out to the end of time.

-Thought you liked all that stuff?

-It's just so weddingy.

You should go for a themed wedding. Like Harry Potter or something.

Dad, you'd look so funny in those glasses!

I do not want to look funny on my wedding day, thank you.

All right! I don't know why you're bothering. Talk about excitement bypass.

If you really insist on this lunacy, don't drag me into it, all right? I was not involved.

That figures.

BUZZING

Patrick!

My brother in arms.

HE LAUGHS

You their representative, are you, hmm?

You never really know someone until you've done time with them. Isn't that right?

Take a seat, boys.

We have much to discuss.

-You want us to be nice to him?

-Ben?

The one who's trying to put Phil away? Not some other Ben?

He's family. Look, he don't realise it yet, but he needs support.

Inside him there's a good little boy in there.

-And you think that'll make him withdraw his testimony?

-Any better ideas?

-Kill him with kindness? Won't be easy.

-You're supposed to be his mate!

-I was thinking more about you!

We've got to get him talking to Phil. Make him feel like a Mitchell, or he'll change his name to Beale.

He wouldn't do that. Would he?

Bacon butty, please, Marie. Eat in.

Take away, actually.

Ben. We're having a family get-together later if you fancy it?

It already looks like you're having one.

Come on, Ben, it'll be a laugh.

-Why? You ain't there?

-Lola'd be pleased to see you.

Do you know what, forget about it.

-Oi! We just need to talk, Ben.

-No, you can do your talking in court.

In front of the judge, the jury, the gallery, all of us and your dad staring at you.

Looking forward to that?

Now I've got this probation officer, and he's got a terrible itch.

And no matter how much he scratches it, it won't go away.

And do you know what that itch is?

It's me.

He wants me back inside.

Now, he says he's got my best interests at heart.

-Sounds like a nightmare.

-You're not wrong, Tyler, you're not wrong. The slightest hint of trouble...

I knock out a bit of dodgy gear, I park on a double yellow line,

he's going to be all over me, cos he wants to scratch that itch.

Sorry we didn't show. It's just, Fatboy reckons Tyler's after his missus.

Shut up, Anthony!

Now, somebody grassed me, said I'm doing a job on the cables.

Well, HE thinks it's Christmas.

Look, we didn't grass.

He's watching me like a hawk.

I'm going to have to suspend activities.

Whoever grassed me is costing me a lot of money.

-Are you deaf or something? It weren't us.

-Ty, just...

I'm just...

You two never showed up.

So, I can be forgiven for assuming that you're guilty.

Let me tell you something, man.

You know the problem with you people? You never learn.

"You people"?

Criminals. I mean, you could let this go.

You know the boys and them can't pay. And you nearly ended up in prison.

If only you could see the bigger picture. But you can't.

You people can't. Cos it's all in the genes.

You're just criminals, man.

You kept your mouth shut last night, so I'm going to let you have that.

You're a good boy, really.

You really want to know who went to the police last night?

It was this BOY...right here.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Morning, Ma.

-Where have you been?

-At my girl's.

Keep your voice down - Dot'll be offended.

But Aunty Dot's happy for me.

She's old-fashioned. She doesn't believe in that sort of thing before marriage.

Listen, come down the pub later, will you?

I've got a surprise.

Morning!

You don't usually do your nails.

Why are you so cheerful?

The wonderfulness of life.

Why, what's happened?

Well, actually, Shirl, me and Andrew...

No! I promised I'd wait.

-Oh, I don't want to know anyway. It'd just probably wind me up.

-Oh.

I don't know what it is, it's just... Something snaps inside.

-Every time I see him I...

-Who are we talking about?

-Ben!

All this being nice to him, it ain't working out.

So that's where you come in.

Fact is, you're probably the only one left he trusts now.

So it's down to you.

-Do you think this is some kind of game?!

-You were putting their lives in danger! I had to do something!

You would never grass. You're old school.

-And your lot never...

-Don't you touch him!

-Get off him!

-Oi, oi, oi!

Now, you two owe me four grand.

Well, now it's double. And I'm going to take your business

and I'm going to take your van as collateral.

When you pay me, you can have them back.

-You can't do that.

-I already have. Now get out there, and get me my money.

And you...

Your loyalty is misplaced...

boy.

Get me my dough!

-You all right?

-What did you do that for?!

I was only trying to help.

How did the police find out anyway? It weren't me, I was locked in the gym, I told you.

Yeah? Who by?

Ooh, I see Anthony broke out of jail then.

I thought you were having a lie-in?

Yeah, well, it's harder to sleep when you're not there.

I know, baby. What I said to you yesterday, I'm sorry.

It was disgusting.

Just let me know what's happening.

Um, are your brothers OK?

Hey, gorgeous girl!

Hello! How do you fancy a hot chocolate with Mummy?

-No, I'm taking her for one later.

-Course you are.

-I've spoken to her about it!

-I want to do something with her!

-You can, when it's your turn to visit.

-Oi, oi, oi, hold on a minute.

-You can save the bully-boy tactics.

-I ain't bullying you. They're the terms. You ask permission.

-Hello, Amy!

-You are loving this, aren't you?

-No, I'm not.

-You are.

-You should have stayed a copper - you could push people around all day.

-Um, I wanted to talk to you.

-Amy's been having problems at nursery.

-What sort of problems?

Scratching. Pulling hair. Things like that.

Look, I think she's trying to tell you something.

Next time you argue, remember that there is three of you.

-Who do you think you're talking to?

-Kids pick up on things.

-Do you know the first thing about being a mother?!

-She might have a point.

Why don't you drag her to court with you? You can slag me off to kingdom come?

It's a nice little family fit-up job?

I was talking about both of you! Fine, carry on. We'll pick up the pieces at the nursery.

I think I'm rubbing off on you.

You love that dress, don't you?

No. Not any more.

You don't need a new one. You look amazing!

No, Ian. It's jinxed.

This whole thing is jinxed! You two are like the Bermuda Triangle of matrimony.

Thank you, Lucy.

-Well, I'm just saying, maybe it's not for you.

-That is why I think we need a new one.

You know, a fresh start. It's like...

everyone's going to be talking about us behind our backs and making fun. Ain't they, Lucy?

So let's show 'em. This time it's going to be better than the first.

-Hold on. "Better" sounds more expensive.

-That is the whole point!

-Is throwing money at it the best idea if you're not sure people are coming?

-If he spends, they will.

Look, I want everyone to know how much I love you.

So, let's blitz them with glamour. New dress. New everything.

We'll show 'em. They can laugh, but we have got the fairytale.

-OK.

-OK?

-Really?!

-Yeah! Look, let's just spend it like we mean it, OK?

I am fed up with people thinking this isn't real.

Oh, I'm so excited!

Oh, I love you!

-Michael, what's the bag for?

-I'm going to go away, I need a couple of days.

-My head's full. I need a break.

-From what? Me?

-No, not from you. I would never...

-Tell me. This has got something to do with Derek, hasn't it?

Yeah. He's not the hero you think he is.

Well, tell me, all right?

I work with him. If there is stuff that I need to know...

-You dirty grass!

-Can you just excuse me, just for a minute, please?

-Have you not listened to a word I just said?

-You rang the Old Bill.

-While I was locked in there!

-Where's the proof?

-You wanted us to do a runner so he'd think we grassed.

-You didn't go to the police about Derek again?!

-I didn't grass,

and even if I did, you were willing to let Anthony risk his life!

Has Derek got you on a job?

Oh, will somebody just answer me?!

-Yes, he has, all right!

-Right!

-We owe him money. And we're working for him to pay it off.

-See how that makes me the bad guy?

-How much?

-No, you're not getting involved!

-If she wants to help, it's got nothing to do with you.

-She's only helping cos you're my brothers.

-Taking her money's no different from taking mine.

-Not as far as I'm concerned.

You owe us. If you hadn't grassed Derek up, he wouldn't have doubled the money. Eight grand.

Are you mental?! YOU got involved with him!

You're the one that can't pay the debt. How am I responsible for that?!

All I get for wanting to save my brother is you coming in here making unsubstantiated allegations,

him doing my window, in front of my missus! I don't owe you nothing!

Get out!

Cheers. Thanks a lot. Come on.

So...

you're just going cut them off?

Yeah.

See, you think money can buy you everything, even a family.

And it can't, you know.

Cos if they want a meal ticket, they're on their own.

-You off to school?

-Got nothing better to do.

-Do you need to go to the toilet or something?

-No. I'm just a bit nervous.

What, with me? Don't be silly, Hev.

Well... I was wondering if you'd come down the Vic later.

What, so I can sit there while Shirley smiles

and Billy tells me I'm the son he's never had?

No.

Well, yes.

-I'm not interested.

-Well, I'm not getting involved.

-What then?

Don't let on to anyone, will you, but me and Andrew, we're going to be announcing our engagement.

No! Oh, Hev, that's amazing!

Nothing good's happened in such a long time.

Everyone else who gets married gets to shout about it. It would mean a lot to me if you were there.

Can't shout to an empty room, can I?

Please?

That's it? Right.

Yeah, 22nd it is, then.

No, it's all I've ever wanted - a freezing-cold wedding(!)

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Yeah. ..OK, yeah, that's great! Thank you so much! Bye!

We've got a date! March 22nd!

My Wedding, the Sequel!

-I'm thrilled.

-Well, you can help me plan it if you like.

I'm sure your dad would pay you.

-You're all right.

-You can't spend the rest of your life working in a chippy.

And planning your wedding is such a step up, is it?

Well, at least you wouldn't smell so bad at the end of your shift.

At least come to the pub later, help us celebrate. We'd love to have you there.

I wish she'd talk to Fatboy like that.

Well, we deserved it, didn't we?

Something's up.

Normally Amy would have eaten all that. She loves fish fingers.

Come on, Amy, come and eat your fish fingers.

-Maybe she's feeling it. I know

-I

-am.

I mean, this time next week...

If I was a judge, it'd be open and shut. Wouldn't even get to court.

Listen, if you need any help... Now I ain't got Ricky to clean up after,

I've got so much time on my hands, I don't know what to do with meself!

But you're rushed off your feet.

I could handle it. Bring her over any time. The kids would love it.

Someone to muck about with. You're not on your own.

Hi, is that Sophie?

Hi, Sophie, it's Amy Mitchell's mum.

Yes, that one.

Well, you said I could call you any time.

I want to make a complaint, actually, about...

about one of your employees.

Whitney Dean.

-It'll be all right.

-I feel like I'm hijacking Shirley's get-together.

Shirley wouldn't have a get-together if it weren't for you.

Living with the Moon brothers wearing you out?

-They were in here asking for money.

-If I'd been paying my way they wouldn't be short.

-Boss, if you're having troubles, then take some of my shifts.

-Really?

This is hard work, you know!

-Kat and Alfie ain't human as far as I'm concerned. You'd be doing me a favour.

-Thank you, son, thanks!

That's really, um...

nice.

Will you sit down? Here, you're not wearing that!

It's my engagement ring!

But people'll think I'm a cheapskate. I'm going to get you a proper diamond.

-I don't know how you managed it, but thank you.

-Well, he's not here yet.

Yeah, I am.

HE YELLS

He weren't lying. The van ain't there.

All because I was trying to keep this place going.

-Maybe we SHOULD get out.

-What, leave?

It's either that or sit around owing Derek money. What's left for us now, bruv?

Cheers.

What?

Nothing.

So, Ben, what's it like living with Mandy?

-I bet she's a right handful.

-Nah, she's all right.

-I'd ask if you've seen her coming out the shower but that's wasted on you.

-Your room's how you left it.

-Anyway, Hev, ain't you got something to say?

-Actually, I'd like to raise a glass.

-Ben, the place, it ain't the same without you.

-Yeah, Billy's no good on the games console.

I do my best! They're well hard, them computer games.

If I wanted to know what it was like to be in a real war, I'd have joined the Army.

Don't knock it! You need all the exercise you can get.

You don't want all the headlines, come the summer.

"Olympic torchbearer collapses after five yards with cramp."

-The torch gets extinguished and the Games get called off!

-All right! I'm doing training here and there.

-So, Hev...

-Don't you miss all this, Ben?

-Being surrounded by people that love you?

-Ian loves me.

Ian?!

Ian Beale sold his heart years ago for a couple of extra quid.

He doesn't know how to love anybody.

-What, and you lot do?

-Yeah!

There's nothing wrong with my ticker, OK?

You think I don't know what all this is about? All this happy family rubbish?

You don't miss me. I turn your stomach.

-You probably gave Billy a fiver just to tag along.

-Oi, oi!

Do you really think a drink and a pat on the back's going to make me change my mind?

I'm going to waltz to prison, give Dad a hug just cos you ain't cleared out my room?! Bunch of mugs.

Come back here a minute. Just sit down.

Go on, Hev.

IAN: Ladies and gentlemen! Can I have your attention? Just a quick announcement.

We've got a date, we've got a venue -

the wedding's back on!

-APPLAUSE

-That is a marriage that ain't going to work.

You think mine and Andrew's will?

Hev!

HE LAUGHS

Michael.

Drink?

To what do I owe this pleasure?

I want...

..you...

to leave my brothers alone.

And why would I want to do that?

My best friend's getting married.

My best mate, she's getting married!

I know!

Oh, Hev, I'm so happy for you!

Yeah, so am I.

Look, I'm sorry if it was the wrong time to say,

but I just wanted you to know.

Are you kidding?! You've made my day! You got a ring?

24-carat plastic.

It's stunning. When did he ask you?

Yesterday.

Hev, you are going to look so beautiful in your wedding dress!

Come on.

I want to show you off to everybody! Come on!

Ladies and gentleman, the beautiful bride-to-be!

-APPLAUSE

-To the other happy couple!

-Bubbly on the house!

Ray, you are too good to be true!

Heather, give me a hug!

I'm so emotional!

-Hev, Hev, I hope I'll be invited to the hen do!

-OK!

I'm so happy for you, Hev. Give us a hug. We're going to make it so special.

Have I missed something?

Your son just announced his engagement!

Man, you kept that quiet!

Bride buddies!

Come on, Andrew, more bubbly!

Have you thought about a date yet?

Not really. I mean, we talked about spring maybe, but...

Spring wedding's a great idea.

-And Dad was talking about a cancellation at the church in March, if you're interested.

-Yeah?

I think it's...the 22nd.

Oh!

ALL: Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

CHEERING

HE PANTS

Old school, eh?

We're quits.

Nah, we're not quits.

As much as I enjoyed it.

And I'm not quits with whoever grassed me up.

They're lucky to be alive.

The reason we're quits...

..is your missus.

She repaid me an hour ago.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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