27/09/2012 EastEnders

So...is he staying?

I don't know.

Just woke up and there he was.

Who's the card for?

My, uh...

My pen pal on death row.

Right.

Yeah, no-one understands him but me.

So what are you up to today?

Nothing.

Morning. I'm looking for Mr Tamwar Masood?

Why?

Adam Beecroft, on behalf of Arcourt Lending.

I'm Mr Masood.

Perhaps we could have a quick chat?

About your last three payments? We seem to be missing them.

Now's not a good time.

-It'll only take 20 minutes or so.

-I can't right now.

-I'll be back in the area about two, three maybe. Around then suit?

-Syed?

It's just a sales thing I arranged.

What are you doing in first thing?

I'm sure you can find some use for me. After two's good.

I'll be back some time around then.

ALICE LAUGHS

-He didn't!

-He did, he did!

All right?

What's he doing here?

Dad's got me and him tickets for the dogs today.

Yeah, special treat. Booked ages ago.

If I'd known you were doing something for Alice's day off...

Maybe we can go and see Mum this weekend?

It's Mum's birthday today.

-I'm sorry, Dad.

-It's all right.

Ah. You're working today.

No, I'm not. I'm down to work this morning.

No. Youth Disco this afternoon? You said you'd look after it.

Please tell me you've started.

I am so sorry, Sharon, I completely forgot.

I can't cancel it now, Joey.

Look, I tell you what, decorate the club. Round the kids up.

Do a good job and I'll let you off the evening shift, OK?

We can go see Mum this evening instead. She knows you care, Joe.

But does she know YOU care, Alice? You're not even talking to her.

This was the one day she was supposed to feel special.

That's a rotten shame, isn't it?

-Don't talk about my mum like that.

-No, I wasn't. I...

Right, I'll tell you what we'll do.

You do the kiddies' disco.

I'll pick you up afterwards, zoom you down to your mother's.

You have a nice visit, give me a ring.

I'll come and pick you up and zoom you back.

We'll get the bus.

The offer was there, Joe. Don't pretend it wasn't.

We'll get no time if we get the bus.

It's only your mother I'm thinking of.

Please, Joey. It's only a lift. We can play I Spy.

All right. OK. Pick us up after work.

You never said it was your mum's birthday.

Well, that's that, then.

-Is Michael here?

-Yeah, he said he'd be back in a minute.

Would you do me a favour and make sure he gets them?

-What, in case he thinks Nigella dropped by?

-Very funny,

It's just a little joke we had from, like, a mates' night in.

OK.

Hold on, excuse me,

is it not possible for me to spend a night with a bloke as mates?

What are you? 13?

No, no, I believe you, babe.

-Good.

-Nothing happened.

But those lame tasty treats say he's got you right where he wants you.

Come on, Lauren, I have to fill the place. 4pm. You'd be helping me out.

It's an under-18s disco. Not even Abi's that tragic.

-Can I have a cup of tea?

-Luce, you're coming, ain't you?

I'll see what I feel like.

Since when did you care what people think?

-Yeah, but I'll know what I've done.

-You've sunk lower.

-I definitely haven't.

-Lauren, I have seen the photos. The emo days.

OK. Well, if some kid pings my bra strap,

that's it, I'm burning myself alive.

Right, Vic first? Or shall we just neck some vodka

-then cry for no reason for old time's sake?

-You are coming then?

I haven't decided yet.

OK, one condition. I'll go, but we've all got to go out after.

I can't. I'm visiting Mum, aren't I?

No! You're meeting Mama Joey!

OK, tell her that the niece she's never met says hi.

Oh, sorry, I just...

I assumed that you'd be going, too.

Why? I'm not after anything serious.

What are you feeding Phil for?

It's only a couple of rashers and a bit of egg and...

Yeah, but if you feed him, he'll stay.

PHIL GARGLES

Oh, fry-up. Lovely.

-No! It's not for you.

-Hey, Greedy Jeanie! Give Phil some food!

The decorator's coming to give us a quote.

Well, I know you've got loads on

-so I mean, if you want to leave that to me, that's fine.

-No.

OK.

-Ketchup?

-Yes.

Thank you.

So what's this sales meeting about?

Advertising space.

We spent the advertising budget.

-Yeah, I know.

-So why are we meeting him?

I'm just hearing him out, Tam.

Hello? Ah!

Look who just sprinted his postal round

just so he could spend a precious day

working with the son he so loves and respects.

Course, I begged AJ to spend the day with me

but you know, he just loves family time.

Yeah, it's like...crack to me.

There's no better fun than spontaneous fun.

OK, listen up.

You need to cherish any moment that you have with each other,

cos you never know when death might strike. Right?

OK, so have a nice day, I love you, bye!

So, uh...

Let's do as the lady says. Let's have some spontaneous fun!

MUSIC: "Bonkers" by Dizzee Rascal

-Boo!

-Who is it?

It means so much to him that you're letting him drive us.

-Thank you. thank you.

-Yes, well, I'm doing it for Mum, all right?

Even if I can't get time off, promise me you'll still go, yeah?

Well...I know how much it means to you to get the time off

so you've got two little helpers to make sure this is a success.

Listen to that!

-That's just talking, that is. And I can't understand a word he says.

-No.

Come on, Joe, it's not for my sake, it's for your mother's.

The quicker you get done here, the quicker we can get down there.

You don't want her spending her birthday on her own, do you?

I can't go if you're not there, Joey. You know how bad things are.

All right. Stick these up.

Oh, wagwan super-sexy buff ting. Finally reeling Michael in, yeah?

And going with the hot new dress. I like it, I like it.

People are talking about me?

No. No, no.

-No. No, no way.

-Good.

Not recently.

So they're talking about me? No more than usual.

I've only heard about you and AJ, not Michael, so...

-Oh, this is great!

-Hey! Roxy, Roxy.

-What?

-Roxy, listen. Just...

Don't let Michael take advantage, all right? I'll see you at home.

-Look at Tamwar, he's melting into a little puddle.

-Sorry, what?

Syed, what is the matter with you?

-Nothing.

-FYI. Suits at 12 o'clock.

Forget Brick Lane. This is where it's at. East End, family run. Lovely.

Table for three, please.

Aw, bless them, they're keeping it real with the little people

who paid for their incompetence.

I might do something incompetent in their food.

Like, what is it? Like... Ow!

Can you two stop mucking around?!

All right, we were only joking.

-Are your pants too tight?

-We've synchronised cycles.

-I know it's not snappy time.

-This isn't going to work.

The hand of death could strike at any time!

-Ha!

-Just go home!

I'll tell Mum we had a lovely day.

Sorry, gents, I'll be with you in a minute, yeah?

MUSIC: "Read All About It" by Professor Green and Emeli Sande

I feel the best way forward from here

is for you to look like you're helping.

Oh, no. These are the kind of things that need a woman's touch.

You're not going to impress him by sitting around all day.

Dad,

don't get your hopes up too much, yeah?

It's all right, sweetheart.

I've got a secret weapon.

Now, I was going to save these for the drive later...

For old time's sake.

We got through bags of these on that trip to Southend.

Was that the imaginary trip, Derek, or...?

Come on, Joe, you remember.

You sitting on my lap, steering.

-Me working the pedals.

-Did you?

-No.

I tell you what, sweetheart,

why don't you go and get your glad rags on, eh?

Have fun.

I know there's things

you don't like to admit in front of your sister, Joe.

But you do remember.

I had a Triumph stag. Eh?

You was proud as punch when you saw it.

It was yellow.

That's right!

It was a pretty cool car, weren't it? It was like a...

What was that comic I used to read? Like the superhero's car.

Driving down the front, beeping at the girls.

Your mum laughing...

We did use to laugh, me and your mum.

We had fun that day.

It was all right, yeah.

Never...

Never got the chance to drive the old Triumph Stag for real, though, did I?

Only the lucky few do.

Shame, innit?

I mean, I always wanted to.

Could be fun, eh?

You leave it to your old man.

Kamil let lose on a trading floor

would literally lose less money than these lot, and he's two.

-And they never tip.

-The merger's been agreed,

just not announced. I'd say, conservatively speaking, 30% on the first day.

Just throw what you can at it, all right?

Here you go.

That's for Professor Kamil's MENSA membership.

Thank you, it was lovely.

-Look, I can handle this.

-I've got some good ideas.

Tam, we know you're smart. You're not a negotiator.

Adam...

Hi, wooden spoon, I've been expecting you.

You so want to meet his mum.

No, I don't.

-Mmm, you do.

-No, I don't.

Well, it would've been nice to have been asked, though, wouldn't it?

Look, I like him more than he likes me.

So can we just skip to the part where you pass out and shut up?

Oh, sor-ry!

Well, I was only saying that if you want things to be more serious,

then why don't you just tell him?

Please, Lauren, I'm not one of those needy, pathetic girls.

Right, well, how's he meant to know?

I don't want him to know.

Right, so you're just waiting for Joey to wake up one morning

and decide that he wants more?

Yeah.

Look, you are giving Joey

all the benefits with, like, none of the hassle.

Why on earth would he want more?

Missing the mortgage payment, it was an oversight.

The last three?

It's in our interest to find a solution.

Let's say we extend the deadline.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

The mortgage balance in ten days?

Ten days? I can't find nine grand in ten days!

OK, we can arrange a chat about a new debt repayment plan.

No. No, look, I'll shift some funds around.

I'd rather we drew up a plan together.

What do you know about running a business, eh?

Look, this is how it works.

You invest money, you wait for a return.

Don't you understand the basic principles?

Who's bankrupting their family? You or me?

Nine grand. Ten days.

Cheers, mate. I'll get back to you on the colours, yeah?

Quote done, then?

So I, um, picked these up.

So that you could take them home.

You know, you can chose all the colours you want. From...home.

No.

Dad dropped back home all excited.

He told you to work on me, didn't he?

Why do you always think he's up to something?

Because I know him, Al.

-Well, you're right, he is up to something.

-Hmm?

He's gone up to Dagenham to sort out some big surprise for you.

Really?

If you're leading him on to hurt him, I'll be so angry at you, Joey.

I'm not leading him on, Al, all right?

MUSIC: "Morning Star" by N-Dubz

I'll just go for a little wee-wee, then.

I'm going with you to your mum's. I want to meet her.

You...

You are so...

Joey!

Come on then, you finished? Want to go back on?

No? OK.

You don't want to go back on at all?

All right?

Thanks for the cakes. They were nice.

They were brightly coloured, weren't they?

It was just a joke.

-OK.

-She kept you up all night again, didn't she?

Yeah. Yeah, she did.

How do people do it?

Can you come over?

-No.

-Why?

-No. No, it's not a good idea.

-Why?

Cos people are talking about you and me.

And this bothers you?

So that's settled, then.

You're going with your mum's psycho ex but you won't go with me?

Oh, come on, you know it's not...

No! Don't tell me. Family problems?

What, and you don't think I have family problems?

And the George Street flat, and the caff.

But do I shut you out? No, OK? I don't.

So let's just...talk about it.

Let's talk about us.

Of course I was going to invite you, Luce.

But, you know, you've got so many problems.

I ain't going to drag you down with mine, am I?

You deserve somebody

who's going to treat you like the special girl you are.

ALICE GIGGLES

I swear, if that foetus winks at me one more time,

I'm calling child protection. On myself.

How embarrassing.

Oh, yes, yes. Cos we looked so cool before he turned up, didn't we(?)

All right, sweetheart? Hi, Lauren.

Look, I'm telling you mate,

a bloke is going to be parking a stolen vehicle outside the R&R club

in about a half hour.

Yeah, well, he's got form and he said he's going to do it, so...

That's all I'm going to say, mate, all right? Bye.

Well, I just promised Alice a twirl.

And then, sir, your carriage awaits.

Nice one, Derek.

Well, do help yourself to a coca colada, won't you?

Scarlett says she wants her daddy.

Did she really?

Yeah.

Michael, are you using me?

Yeah, you know.

We had our little, "There, there, don't cry" bonding thing

and now you think I'm your nanny, don't you?

Where's that come from? Let me get this right.

You think I'm using you for sex and as a nanny simultaneously?

That sounds really wrong.

-Yeah, it does.

-I just...

I dunno, people are just making me paranoid.

Well, just because you're paranoid

doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

That was a joke!

DOOR OPENS

Did I leave something on the table?

No, I didn't find anything.

Any chance I can have a whiskey?

We're closed.

Come on, I'm gasping.

That looks stressful.

You've no idea.

Do you want to run it by me?

Come on. Who am I going to tell?

MUSIC: "Young" by Tulisa

Joey! Ian's got Denny

-so I can take over now. Go see your mum, yeah?

-Thanks.

-I'm losing the will to live.

-It's not that bad.

Can you listen to yourself, please?

A bit of good wholesome fun would do you good.

-You want to take a leaf out of your cousin's book.

-Right, ready?

Here, Joe, tell Alice about our trip to Southend.

-No.

-See?

You do remember some good stuff!

Tell you what,

why don't you buy yourself a Shirley Temple on me?

-Joey!

-Hmm?

What happened with Lucy? I need to know before I face her.

Lucy wants to meet my mother.

Yeah. See, I think that might have been my advice.

-It's all right. She decided to take it, didn't she?

-Can we talk?

Not now.

Evening, officer. You all right?

Oh, that reminds me, I've got something for you, Joe.

Oh, what's the matter? Don't you like it?

Sharon needs me to stay on.

What? Since when?

Dad's gone to all the trouble, Joey. It's just a ride in the car.

-I knew you'd do this.

-No, it's all right, sweetheart.

You don't have to go.

-It's Mum's birthday.

-Well, yeah.

-At least one of us should be there.

They can't blame you for one bad deal. It happens.

Yeah, well, I only just got back in the family.

Not because of what happened with the business.

It's...other stuff.

Me... It's personal stuff.

I know, it should be so easy to be someone they can be proud of.

And I'm a good dad. I work hard.

I'm right here, in the family, every day.

I don't even like what I do.

Well, sometimes you've got to take a chance on what makes you happy.

Oh, yeah. Well, I've tried that.

I lost everything.

I nearly died just to be happy.

Who are you doing this for?

My mum and dad have worked away their lives for me.

It sounds like you've told them the truth

about bigger things in the past.

Hasn't stopped them loving you, has it?

Some people aren't that lucky.

I know.

Tell them the truth about this.

What's the worst that can happen?

DOOR OPENS, CLOSES

I was just, um...

just getting some clingfilm for Jean.

Mum was always good at this stuff.

Um...

Maybe a nice beige.

No.

-Maybe a nice white?

-No!

-OK...

Maybe...maybe you should get off home and sleep on it? Or...

or we wait until Alfie and Kat come back and can see what they say?

I ain't going anywhere till the decorating's done.

I don't understand, what's happened?

-Don't worry, Ma. I'm going to fix it.

-Fix what, Syed?

Syed? Spit it out.

Tamwar's tried so hard...

..but the debt's worse than we thought.

Why couldn't he just have got into Oxford?

And become a successful academic

so we could all stop pretending he's any kind of business man?

Why is his wife still not by his side? She had the business brains.

He must never find out how bad this is.

It would destroy him.

I don't believe it.

Me!

I don't believe it.

I've raised a...

a grass.

You raised nobody, Derek.

You really don't get it, do you, eh?

I'm smarter than you!

And I look someone in the eye when I do them harm.

I don't particularly care what a wife beater thinks of me.

You loved the bones of me once!

What, after one week in Southend with my...?

What goes on in that sick head?

You were sitting here on my lap. We were laughing.

-It's not real! It never happened!

-Let me tell you something!

-Go on!

Let me tell you something!

It takes dedication to hate someone, son.

You think it's clever for a young bloke with a beautiful girlfriend

to spend his days plotting and planning stupid little schemes?

You think it's clever for a young man to miss his mother's birthday?

I'm only going to tell you this because you're my son.

If you can't fill your head with anything but hating me,

you are going to end up a very disturbed, lonely little man.

Putting your foot down to Joey went well, then?

Yep.

You're sure he didn't mind you going all Beyonce on him?

Why? What did he say?

Nothing.

-A pint, please, mate.

-Sure.

He just wants you to back off a bit.

Hard day?

-Yeah, well, it's Mum's birthday today, so...

-Oh, nice.

I hope you spoilt her rotten.

Look, I don't want to meet your mum, OK?

I don't want the commitment.

Let's just keep things cas, yeah?

Drink?

I'm busy.

Look, she really likes you, you know.

Don't muck her about.

I won't.

I'm...

I'm not like that, Lauren.

OK.

MUSIC: "Try a Little Tenderness"

The nest egg

that I put aside...

It's £1,000 for Tamwar.

£5,000 for Kamil.

-It's all in the savings account.

-No way.

-They need never know.

-Mum, listen to me...

-Syed, if the business goes under, we all go under.

I can't work my way through that again.

Please.

Syed, take it.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd