18/12/2015 EastEnders

What...what do you mean - I've got another family?

How long have you known?

Since soon after it started.

How...how did you find out?

Well, he told me.

Came home one day and said, "There's something you should know."

For most of the years that I was married to him,

I had to share your dad with another woman.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

But if we ain't getting married, I can't go back in there and pretend everything's fine.

Here you go.

He wrote you letters. You, Sean...

His...other children.

He wanted you to know everything.

Have photos and things of each other.

He thought that if he wrote everything down,

then in the future, he wouldn't be able to back out of telling you.

He said...

He said it was your right.

-Er, I should go.

-Just stay.

Did you see the letters?

He said he'd put them in a safe place.

For when you'd be 21. He showed me the key

and said that if anything happened I should give it to you.

-So why didn't you?

-He died, Stacey. There was no key.

Sean must have taken it off him and kept it,

although he had no right!

So Sean went and emptied the box?

Did Sean know? All that time?

I don't even know where Sean is.

I don't even know if he knows now.

I don't know if he knew what the key opened,

I don't know if he knew where the safety deposit box was kept.

I don't know even know if he used the key - I never told him.

But it's empty.

If Sean did find it...

-..then he must have left the letters where they where.

-You don't know that.

Then why would he give you the key?

So if it wasn't Sean...

..why is...why is the box empty?

Maybe...his other woman had a key.

Maybe she went and emptied it.

-Well, I might catch the bouquet!

-Oh, shame you can't catch, though!

-I might wrestle you for it!

-Oh, yeah?

-Ooh!

THEY LAUGH

-You're not having trifle?

-No. I'm going to go down the cash and carry.

You love my trifle.

I know. I just...

There's a problem with the Christmas order, so...

You've got to tell him.

Don't tell me you're becoming Muslims too?

THEY LAUGH

You know I've been going to see Mum?

Now's not really a good time, Teen.

Well, I want her to come to the wedding.

-She is family.

-Really? What, after last Christmas?

I just think it would be good for her to get out, you know, and to see all of us again.

I can't do this.

How could he do that to you? And me?

Don't be angry with him.

How do you just lie like that?

Everyone lies. Little ones.

-Not about stuff like that, Mum.

-You don't know what he was thinking.

He had another family! And he never thought to say?

Like your mum just said, I think he was planning to when you were 21.

Oh, right - and that makes it all right, does it? What he did?

It's not easy, Stacey. Living with me.

Mum - he was brilliant!

No, he wasn't. He found it really hard.

Having someone else - well, it... it comforted him.

He was married to you!

I think...

..he just wanted somewhere... where everything was normal.

And living with me, normal doesn't come visiting very often.

Why did you never tell ME?

Because...

Because I just wanted to forget about it!

Because...

Because I loved him, because he was my life!

How do you think I felt?

Mum!

I can't believe I never knew.

You were only 11 when he died.

Um, he used to go on building jobs.

Up north somewhere. Blackpool.

But he was with her?

Sometimes days, sometimes weeks.

I used to wake up all excited and see if his boots were in the hall.

Once he went for a whole month, almost.

I told you he was in Germany.

SHE SOBS

-Was he married to this other woman?

-No. I don't think so.

But he had kids with her?

He said once that she was pregnant.

And?

And I said I didn't want to know.

-Did he have one? Or two?

-Oh, I don't know.

-You said he wrote letters...

-I don't know!

-So you knew, Mum!

You knew there was a chance I had a brother or sister!

This is all about the wedding, isn't it?

The truth, Linda. You're overwhelmed, aren't you?

I'm... I'm fine.

I knew this would happen if I took a back seat.

Well, you don't have to worry any more.

I'm going to have plenty of time once my nativity's over.

You can leave it all to me.

I... Sorry.

Mum, please! I just want to talk to you.

DOOR UNLOCKS

CHRISTMAS POP SONG ON CAR RADIO

ENGINE STARTS

SHE GASPS

Please.

Don't go.

Stay with me.

Why didn't you tell me, Mum?

Even after he died?

You were so little.

And I was your mum.

Well, sometimes.

-On a good day I was your mum.

-You were always my mum.

You always will be.

Oh, well! You don't get to choose that one in life, do you?

I just wanted you to remember him as your hero, as the loving family man.

Because he really loved you.

He really did.

Did you ever meet her?

No.

Not really.

She came to the house once.

After the funeral. Months after the funeral.

-I sent her away.

-Why?

-Cos I didn't want to see her. I didn't want YOU seeing her!

I mean, why did she come?

Well...

Looking for answers, I guess.

We weren't the only ones that lost him.

-Why aren't you angry, Mum?

-Oh!

-Where does anger get you?

-I know, but...

It was a long, long time ago.

And...well, you've got to look forward, haven't you?

There's always another new day.

And...

..I shut it all away.

I was really good at pretending it didn't happen.

I thought...

..I really thought...

..it was all in the past.

Oh!

SHE SNIFFS

Who's the man following me?

That was a bit weird, weren't it?

Your mother's just worried about the wedding. And you being Muslim.

-I'm not becoming a Muslim, Nan!

-It's going to be fine.

I just seen them, anyway. They said they'd got to pop to the cash and carry. Got to sort something out.

What? What are they doing in their room, then?

I always used to think about our wedding day, you know?

Like, what it would be like.

I'd have on a right sharp whistle.

And you'd have a beautiful dress.

And I always thought it would be in that church, you know.

You know, the one where we used to

have little carol concerts at school.

And I'd be standing there.

Waiting.

And then I'd turn around.

And there you are.

The most beautiful girl in the world.

Shirley, um...

she'd be driving the DJ mad about whacking on The Clash.

Your mother in her ear hole.

Tina off her nut, you know, chucking cake across the room.

Eh.

I always pictured flamingos.

Flamingos?

Flocks of them. They'd be on the lawns.

What? Serving canapes?

And I'd have my Lady Di dress on.

The one I thought was going to be amazing.

And the choir from Love Actually would be singing.

And you'd have a white uniform.

Like An Officer and a Gentleman.

So why ain't we doing it?

Why don't we all have a mince pie?

-I brought those sandwiches.

-You OK?

Mum, you can't just walk away.

I just want to know who he is.

-Later, Stacey.

-No, that's how all this started.

I told you that some man was following me

and you got that key out of your bag. So who is he, Mum?

-I don't know.

-But you said he'd sent you letters.

-Yes.

I tore them up and threw them away.

And they kept on coming. Cos he was dig-dig-digging.

This was supposed to be my time, Stacey.

It was supposed to be my new life.

Finally, after all these years, something that makes me happy.

Someone new who loves me. But all these questions!

-But he came to see you.

-And I wouldn't let him in.

I said she was out. But I think he saw her behind the curtains.

-Our house, Stacey! I mean he had no right!

-But who is he?

He wrote to you here.

What? He knows where she lives?

Last time I came to visit, it was lying there, his handwriting.

-What did it say?

-I don't know. I threw it away.

He's probably an heir hunter.

-After money or something.

-There is no money!

If he shows up again, you should call the police.

He's related to me, isn't he?

I don't know.

And I don't want to know.

I think...

I'd like to go home, please.

He's my brother.

KNOCK ON DOOR Yeah?

You OK?

-Yeah, yeah.

-Yeah, we're fine.

This ain't about what I said at the table, is it?

No! No, course not.

OK. I'm just reading about it.

I just want to understand Tam a bit better.

Yeah, I know, and I'm really proud of you. We both are.

OK.

I know I haven't got anything for the wedding yet,

but we can go shopping if you like.

Just no dresses, obviously.

Yeah. That'd be lovely.

I thought you were supposed to go cash and carry

-to sort out that order?

-Erm...

We forgot the card and then we got talking.

OK.

All right, well, Nan's gone to her rehearsals, Tam's back at work

so I'm going to take Ollie out

-and Whit and Lee are giving Tracy a break, so...

-Thank you.

All right. See you later.

See you later, baby.

I'm sorry.

Whatever it is...

..I'm not going anywhere.

Whatever's going on in your head,

I'm here.

You're the love of my life, Mick.

I love you so much.

So why?

I just don't love myself.

Cheers.

Martin, you need to take good care of her now.

I mean really, really good care.

Jean, I promise you,

I'm not going to be like Brian.

Right?

I...

I want to be that perfect bride...

..for you.

Not the flamingos, but...

..standing there...

..beautiful.

And I can't.

I can't have everyone looking at me.

That's what I'm scared of.

Why?

Please don't be angry with me.

There's something I haven't told you.

When my dad died,

I was so young.

Everything was falling apart.

I mean, nothing felt real.

It was all just...

happening.

And I was just there,

in the middle of it.

I mean, I know you were there and Mum was there.

I'm not blaming you, right?

That's not what this is about.

I used to make myself sick...

..after eating.

Sounds silly, doesn't it?

Every meal.

Every time.

It was only for a few months.

Until I fell pregnant with Lee.

I didn't know why I was doing it.

It didn't make any sense.

It just...

I don't know.

It made me feel good.

How?

And now, with the pressure of the wedding,

the thought of standing there

in the big white dress...

I don't know why.

It's got me feeling the same way...

..doing the same thing.

And I'm so scared.

I'm sorry.

You just did what you thought was best.

I knew it would come out eventually.

Secrets always do.

-What's all this?

-In a minute.

I'll see you very soon, bump.

You're very lucky to have such special, loving parents.

ENGINE TURNS OVER

See you, Ollie. Take care.

What's happened?

I've got a brother.

A brother that I never knew I had.

You're beautiful.

You are beautiful.

People would kill to have your figure.

It's not that.

So what is it?

A little baby bump? Cos you ain't got one.

-I've got more of a Derby than you have!

-No.

Is it about him?

Dean?

I'm sorry.

I thought you was getting through it.

I am.

I am.

There's, erm...

There's a downstairs Linda

and there's an upstairs Linda.

And there always has been.

Yeah, I know, but...

But now...

Now that's more than ever.

I can put on the make-up,

slip into the clothes, put on a smile...

..but I don't want to be that person when I marry you.

I want to marry you

as me.

But I can't.

Please.

Please. Just...

Just talk to me.

Please talk to me.

I hate my body.

I hate myself.

I can't stand there in front of our friends and family.

Sometimes,

I don't let myself eat anything.

And...

And then my body hurts.

And that's me doing that.

Me.

And then...

And then the hunger takes over, and I...

I eat anything, anything I can get my hands on.

I don't even taste it.

And then I make myself sick.

It's like something's telling me to do it.

And I can't stop. I don't want to stop.

It's the only thing that makes me feel better.

I don't know why.

I don't. I'm sorry.

I know none of this is making any sense.

It don't even make sense to me.

I just want to feel normal.

Are you going to track them down?

Are your dad's other family...

Do you think they'd really want to see me?

If one of them's already trying...

Do you think that's fair? To inflict myself on someone else?

You've got a brother!

You might have more. You might have a sister.

I ain't going to be what they imagine, am I?

You don't know that.

-Martin, I'm a mess.

-No, you're not.

I've spent half of Lily's life being on the run.

Yeah, but now you're here, and...

And you're well and...

..I love you.

We're having a baby.

No matter what happens,

I promise

I'm not going anywhere.

Anyone out there would be lucky to have you as a sister.

They're your flesh and blood, Stace.

I used to think you could walk away from that, but you can't,

and you mustn't.

Yeah, well, there ain't a way of tracing them down now, is there?

I mean, the box was empty,

the bank ain't going to tell me who else's name was on that list, so...

Well, I'll just have to wait, won't I?

He will come back. He'll...

He'll be looking for me.

DOOR OPENS

I was going to bring it through to you.

Are you mad at me?

How could I ever be mad at you?

For not telling you before.

For letting you think you was the problem.

We've always said no secrets.

Yeah, well...

..it's not always easy, is it?

Saying things.

I knew.

After your dad died...

..me and your mum, we knew you had a problem with food.

You knew?

We just didn't want to confront it because...

..we didn't know what to do.

You talked about it?

Well,

we didn't want to say anything because...

we didn't want to make it worse, and...

you and me, we were kids.

And then you got pregnant

and, like you said, then the food thing, it stopped,

and we was just like so...

Just, like, so relieved.

But I noticed.

And I should have noticed again.

-I'm good at hiding things, ain't I?

-No.

I should have seen it.

The signs were there,

and I should've noticed.

I've just had my head

-wrapped up with everything else.

-None of this is your fault.

You've always been there, no matter what I've been going through.

And that makes all the difference.

Are you sure we're not intruding?

Well, I can't let all this food go to waste, can I?

I mean, you two, you're as good as family.

I should probably get back to the stall, really.

Oh, no, Pam said that she was fine covering.

There you go.

Let's get this Christmas started. Come on.

Oh, I'd better put them away before Lily gets back.

Let me give you a hand, yeah?

-Look at that!

-Mm. Nice.

You're not being fair on him.

He's going into this with his eyes closed.

-Right? We are playing him for an idiot.

-That's not fair.

What we are doing,

lying...

..we're just like your dad.

We'll get you some help.

Like, you know,

proper help.

And it doesn't matter about the wedding.

I get it.

Honestly, I do.

We just carry on as we are. We're just...

living in naughty sin.

Because ever since I was a kid...

..and I was in and out of care...

..my dad on the lash...

..all I ever really wanted was just a bit of stability,

you know?

Just like a... Just a family.

And you give me that.

You've given me that.

Every day...

..is my dream day.

I...

I can do this.

You don't have to.

I know, but...

..as long as you're by my side.

Wouldn't be much of a wedding if I wasn't.

So...

..flamingos with canapes?

Flamingos with canapes.

I cannot do what he did

and take my secrets to the grave. We can't let history repeat itself.

We've spoken about this.

I can't just step back and deny my own child.

# So here it is Merry Christmas... #

Martin!

I want to come clean.

What? And destroy everything?

Lose your best mate? Lose your wife?

I am willing to take that risk...

..for my son.

It's time to tell them the truth.