07/03/2016 EastEnders

LINDA CHUCKLES

-He'll have better handwriting than me soon.

-Thank you, Ollie.

That's very sweet.

Well, your mum ain't done bad, has she, boy?

I'm taking notes for Father's Day.

I don't know what she does, but whatever she's doing is right.

Yeah. Son and daughter who can't be in the same room together.

-Mother of the Year, ain't I(?)

-Oh, as if.

She'll be round with a card later.

We'll be lucky if we see her at all, Mick.

I mean, even Johnny's managed a card and a phone call this morning.

Well, he's missing his mum. I mean, the boy's in Rome.

Yeah, and Nancy's next-door but she might as well be over there with him.

Look, listen, why don't you go next-door, whack on a film,

put on the handbrake?

I'm going to give you the Mother's Day that you deserve. I promise, OK?

OK.

Right, boy. Listen, listen.

Listen.

We have got to get this sorted. You know that, don't you?

Ain't it a lovely day for it?

Well, for Mother's Day, I mean.

I'm stuck in here all morning, but Billy's doing a lunch later, so...

It is a lovely day for card shops and florists and maybe even for you.

But for me, it's just a normal Sunday.

Ooh, sorry. Ian's gone well over the top.

Change?

Keep it!

-MOBILE RINGS DENISE:

-There's a good boy. Eat it all up.

Do you want some juice?

They changed the kitchen rota. It has to be today.

I don't get the car till tomorrow.

I trust you. You'll think of something.

-Say she won't come? She's got her own family.

-Jordan, son...

Listen to me. We are her family.

You understand? You remember what we talked about?

Apart from you and JJ, there's nothing for her in Walford.

We belong together, as a family.

-Right?

-I know, I know...

Look, I'll... I'll try.

Are you going to have a bit more cereal now? Bit more cereal?

That's it.

My mother and Tina, they're manning the bar today,

so it's just down to you two.

I told you, I've got plans this afternoon, Mick. I booked it off.

You'll be finished by two.

All right, all right. There's a bottle of spice in it for you.

Well, I'm going to need goose fat for the roasties.

What is it with you? You're obsessed with gooses!

First of all, the plural is "geese". Second of all, if you hadn't

lost your bottle at Christmas, I'd be up to me elbows in it.

-OK, I'll get you it. Deal?

-Deal.

-Right, sweet. Now, all you got to go

and do is flutter your eyelashes at Thelma and get the afternoon off.

Wait, wait, wait. What about Nancy?

Leave her to me. Just go and get fluttering. All right?

Oh... I don't know what to say! I've got nothing prepared.

Er...

-I mean, the joy of motherhood...

-PHONE VIBRATES

I mean, that's a reward in itself, but...

I suppose you can't put joy on a mantelpiece, can you?

Oh, come on! It's getting embarrassing, you know?

Trophy...

Mum, these are for you.

From myself and Donna.

Oh!

They're... They're lovely!

They're lovely, darling!

Thank you.

Nice little gaff, this, isn't it?

Lovely location.

There's a boozer next-door.

Apparently, the geezer that runs it is a raving little sort.

What do you want?

Well, we're having a Mother's Day lunch at home

and I just want you there...

-Really?

-It's Mother's Day.

It's Mother's Day, Nance.

If I'm sat round a table with him, then there'll just be arguments.

I'm more than happy for him to play the favourite child,

I just don't want to be around him at the moment, to be honest, Pop.

Here you are. That's for Mum.

All right.

Fine.

-Ta-ta.

-See you later.

Mum.

Mum?

1.30 is fine.

Yeah. Thank you.

Doesn't look like much now, but, um...we're getting there.

-Yeah.

-Who was that?

Oh, er...

I've booked Beale's for lunch for the family. Um...

-Could you ask Kim to tell Denise?

-Beale's?

-I thought I was cooking lunch for us four.

-It's an occasion, Vincent.

We should celebrate as a family! Besides,

we could all do with getting out of the house for a couple of hours.

All right.

Just as long as you're OK.

I'm fine.

Now, I'm meeting the girls for coffee.

Fine. I'll see you there later.

You never know - Nancy might change her mind later.

Oh, yeah. Cos backing down runs in this family, doesn't it(?)

I'm going to take it up to her.

You're welcome to come and have a bit of dinner with us.

Oh, I'm going to give Tina a hand when she gets back from seeing Mum.

And, well, I ain't exactly Mother's Day material, am I?

No, no.

Well...

you won't want that, then.

Here you are.

It's just a few words.

Mick...

It might be just a bit of paper to you, but it means the world to me.

Thank you.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Oh, my days. Sorry.

That was Kim. Apparently, we've got some family lunch thing to go to.

What? Today?

-I don't think we can...

-Oh, come on. Come on.

Chelsea's in Spain, Libby's on holiday.

It'd mean a lot to me if you and little JJ could come with me.

-You're family now.

-Are we?

Yes, of course you are.

I know that it's hard on you, it being Mother's Day...

..but I'm here if you need me, cos that's what family does.

I just...

-wish things had been different, you know?

-Yeah, I know. So do I.

Listen, can you watch JJ this morning? My mate needs a favour.

Yeah, no problem.

-But you will be back for this family thing, though, right?

-Yes, yes.

I'll come back for you, especially for you.

You've had a touch, ain't you?

What, is Thelma going soft or something?

What's the matter?

It's Thelma. She's...

I don't know how to put this. She's handsy, Dad.

-What you talking about? What, is she clumping you?

-No, no.

Nothing like that. She's handsy, you know?

Ha-Handsy. It's a nightmare.

I can't pull a pint without her on me case, brushing up against me

and making comments.

She keeps asking me if the Army'd let me keep the uniform.

It's relentless.

It's harassment.

It ain't funny, Dad.

I can't give the job the elbow now, after everything that's gone on.

-I need the money. I'm skint. What am I going to do?

-All right, all right.

Calm down. Calm down.

Knock it on the head.

Just, um...

take over Nancy's old shifts.

Yeah, she's going to be over the moon with that, ain't she?

Well, just keep it low. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

I've, um...

got a little surprise up me sleeve.

Yeah?

You'll melt.

Listen, I know we said tomorrow, but I need the car today.

Come on, man. Look, I'm desperate. Please!

CAR STEREO PLAYS

2001? This is mad.

All your little drawings.

And your little notes and your cards, ever since you was a baba.

I've always been creative.

Well...

You say "creative". That's a bit pony, that one.

-Not a lot of effort there, is there?

-Not really. Oh. Oh...

Now, this one. This one...

This one caused murders.

All right?

So, I come in one night.

I was late, I'd been at the football,

I was boozed up, all right?

Your mum's already got the hump. She's in bed. I'm bang in trouble.

Go into the kitchen and it's just like a mess.

It's like paper everywhere...

And I thought, "I know what I'll do.

"I'll have a little tidy up for her,

"so that way less agg in the morning."

-Mm. Good move.

-Yeah. All right, so I've cracked right on.

Cleared the table, took the bins out, the lot.

Slipped into bed, sweet as.

But little did I know it wasn't mess.

It was, um...

-paperwork.

-Ooh.

-Yeah, insurance forms, bank statements...

-Oh.

-Receipts.

She'd been at it all day.

All set up for her to file it in the morning

and in amongst all that was this soppy little card

that you'd made her that week in school.

So she gets up, World War III, not over the paperwork -

she's got me outside, going through a week's worth

of pub waste to find this soppy little card.

Hour and a half, Nance.

Hungover.

I've had a tear-up with the dustmen...

So, even though you don't make her these cards any more,

you're always going to be her little girl.

And mine.

So, come and have a bit of lunch with us, baby.

All right.

KIM AND VINCENT CHATTER

Come on, son. Look lively.

Can't have you late for your first day in the kitchen, can we?

No.

No, we can't.

MOBILE RINGS

Where are you?

I won't be long.

-OK. Well, look. Why don't we just meet you over there?

-No, no, no.

Just wait for me, please.

-I'll be ten minutes.

-Yeah, all right. Hurry up, though.

SHE SIGHS

KNOCK AT DOOR

Afternoon.

Here you go. Sorted.

Might as well set a place for Johnny, too. Then I can be faced with all my absent children.

Shall I give her a ring?

-No, if she can't be civil, that ain't your fault.

-She'll be here.

Just relax. Be calm.

-If you're not going to clear it away, then I will.

-Sorry I'm late.

Sit down, baby.

There we go.

That's it.

I've heard some stories in my time, but pleading poverty,

living in a house like this?

You should have seen it when I lived here as a boy.

My old dear got embarrassed bringing punters home.

Why don't we sit down, have a drink together? Like old times?

I've had my drink.

Now I want my money.

Oh, you don't have to be like this, Gavin. We were friends.

We got history together, you and me.

History. Is that what you call it?

I'm not here to stroll down memory lane. You owe me, Claudette.

And I'm not leaving empty-handed.

You don't have to.

There are other ways to pay debts.

Please don't tell me you've tracked down another ex.

Oh, look. We all have our moments, don't we, us mums?

The "why me"s. But you can't look at him

and not feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

And you know when he grows up? He's going to spoil you rotten,

so you'd better start getting used to it.

Sometimes, you just have to see the trees in the woods, you know?

Right. Billy and the kids are making bangers and mash and there is

plenty to go around, so you are going to come home with me, right?

Oh. Word to the wise, though.

I've had enough of my Billy's bangers in my time to

lower my expectations.

(I suggest you do the same.)

You really are weird, aren't you?

THEY LAUGH

CAR STEREO PLAYS

We are out of daffodils, Nan!

-Can I push?

-You can push.

Asleep again, yeah?

You confuse them with too much effort.

Really?

..I don't know, I think that's what knocks them out.

Tomato sauce on a roast like that?

I remember one year, all I got off these two was a lucky dip

and a pair of socks.

-I rest my case.

-It ain't a competition, Mick.

-Competition?

-It's a one-horse race, darling.

-Don't be so ungrateful.

You wouldn't be complaining if you'd won the lucky dip, would you?

Exactly. And last year,

you did bring home a rather special Father's Day present, didn't you?

-What are you on about?

-OLLIE WHIMPERS

He's not a present. You can't count him.

Don't you worry, darling. You're Mummy's little present.

All I'm saying is you can't move the goalposts, all right?

I'm talking about equality.

You've got a couple of months to get them tiny little brains whirring.

Actually, you could do with new pants.

-You've worn the W off your West Ham ones.

-That's a good idea. Silk ones.

-They slip off easier.

-Mick! Not at the table!

What?

I bet it's nice being at the Rat and not getting underwear updates.

Yeah, yeah. I guess.

Bound to be a spit and sawdust pub, that Rat.. Just like its landlady.

You've done yourself a favour chucking that job in.

I'm sorry. What?

Have you quit?

Yeah, he's coming back to work in a proper pub, ain't you, boy?

Are you joking?

Is that the time? I'd best be going.

She said he ain't going to be long.

Mum's not answering her phone.

Well, I'm not going to wait any more.

Listen, if she is too busy with one of her 400 foster kids,

that's not our problem.

-No offence.

-None taken.

Another bottle of Chabbalay, please, Vincent.

-Mumma's thirsty.

-What you call it?

-That.

Take it easy? He's nicked my job, chucked it in

-and now he's doing the same thing.

-It wasn't like that.

-Well, what was

-it like? Tell me.

-Listen, listen. It sounds ridiculous.

But old Thelma, she was reefing him up, all right?

I shouldn't laugh at it, but you was on the stall, I thought

-I'd give him his old job back.

-Thelma?

-You don't get this, do you?

None of you get this. You only took that job so I couldn't have it.

-You knew what it meant to me.

-If it makes you happy,

-I'll go back to the fish stall.

-You know what you could do?

You could take my job with Donna and then chuck that in after a week.

-Please, Nance.

-This is really getting petty now.

-Oh, right on cue.

He steals my jobs, she cops off with my dad. You're a proper dream team

-couple(!)

-Don't talk to her like that.

-I'll talk to her how I like.

Mick, will you do something?

Happy Mother's Day, baby.

-Well done, Nance.

-Me?! This is you! This is blatantly you!

Yeah, yeah, because I'm clearly the only problem here.

You are the problem! You know you're the problem!

-That's 3.80, please.

-Don't I get any family discount?

Here you are.

You all right, Mick?

Give us a bang on that, Bust...

Oi! I just paid for that!

I ain't paying again.

-PAM:

-Best Mother's Day I've had in years.

Thank goodness for the modern man.

-Enjoy!

-I'll get the teas in.

-Ooh! Yes!

You're a saucy old bird, ain't you?

Whenever you want to catch up, you've got my number,

but you can't stay.

Ooh, someone has a high opinion of themselves, don't they?

Am I supposed to feel special?

Hang on.

Let's have a look.

I mean, come on.

You've been through our little mob like a hot knife through butter,

ain't you?

Eric, obviously. We all knew about that.

Ted, maybe.

Den on more than one occasion, I bet.

I'm supposed to be out of pocket when you used to give it away?

I don't think so, do you?

He weren't a bad bloke, your Henry.

Harmless.

Takes a cold heart to kill a man like that.

Tell me,

how did you do it?

I normally find a bottle of vodka does the job.

I thought I'd cracked it.

We was having a laugh.

It was normal.

I really wanted to give her today.

She needs it.

Looks like you did, too.

Dean's gone.

So what is there to argue about?

Like a poxy job, an old motor?

Seriously, I just... I just cannot get my nut around it.

If it's grinding me down, what is it doing to her?

We're never going to be in each other's pockets, me and your wife.

But she's a good mum.

And she's got you.

This is like water off a duck's back for the two of you.

They're adults, Mick.

You've got plenty of years of aggro with Ollie.

Save your strength for that.

Room for one more?

JJ?

Denise?

Where have you been?

Come on, don't be shy. I'll start you off.

It's Christmas Eve, 1981. You send Henry round to Eric for his money.

He comes home empty-handed and you weren't a happy bunny, was you?

You're enjoying this, aren't you?

You're sick!

Now, let's not get personal.

I'm just intrigued, that's all.

How did you do it?

Self-defence, was it?

Maybe I poisoned him.

Whatever's happened in the past stays in the past.

-OK?

-Yeah, until a purse goes missing.

Look, Mum, he comes here out of nowhere,

lumbers you with some kid no-one even knew existed.

Oi, his name's JJ!

And how many times have I got to apologise?

-I said I'm sorry, all right?

-Listen, Libby. Listen.

I know this kid and that's not him any more.

Now, I'm chuffed you've come to see me,

I really am, but as far as I'm concerned, this is family.

OK?

OK?

Now, go and grab a shower and we'll meet you over there.

I'm going to put these in some water and then we go.

I'll meet you outside, yeah?

Yeah.

JJ!

JJ, we're going!

This is stupid, just let him go!

This is proper typical of you, ain't it?

Things get a little bit hard and you just walk away!

I ain't even surprised the Army got rid of you!

Well, I ain't surprised Tam got rid of you!

-Well done, you string!

-That is enough now!

You think you're so much like Dad, don't you?

-But you are nothing like him!

-What's wrong with you?

I spoke to Mum.

She was already a bottle of Prosecco down, by the sound of her.

It's all right for some, isn't it?

I did me best. I'm sorry, baby.

You know, technically, we do outnumber them.

What?

Well, there's three of us and only two of them.

A proper mum, dad and nan would fancy them odds, wouldn't they?

If the three of us can still be sat here together after everything...

If we can't go back in there and sort this family out, who can?

I'm game if you are.

Can I finish my drink, though, first?

-It's Ollie. There's been an accident.

-What?

-Quick.

Jordan?

What are you doing?

-Just trust me. It's a surprise for Mother's Day.

-A surprise?

-Yeah.

-Whose car is that? What are you doing?

-We're going, all of us.

-Going where? What are you talking about?

-Please, just trust me. We have to go now, yeah?

-Jordan, I tell you,

I'm not going anywhere till you tell me what's going on.

Dad's breaking out of prison. And we're picking him up.

Nothing special.

Does the job, though.

You've had your drink and your fun. Now, get out!

I'd say "fun" was pushing it a bit, but I can take a hint.

Right, then. About my money...

I'll be in touch.

-You can't just...

-I can't just what?

Let's say...

..a couple of grand on what you owe for wasting my time today.

-You what?

-You ain't dealing with no Henry Hubbard here, girl.

I always get what's coming to me.

-No!

-HE CRIES OUT