12/08/2016 EastEnders

My alarm didn't go off, Mum!

Ah, you were sleeping like a baby. I didn't want to wake you.

-I'm a grown man, Mum!

-I've made you protein pancakes.

-I haven't got time. Where's my...?

-Oh, don't worry.

I sent Shaki to open up. He'll do anything for his big brother.

All right, I gave him 20 quid.

Oh, yep, 20 quid. Course you did. Right, I'm going.

Kushy, wait.

I need to tell you something.

It's Shabnam.

Where is he?

Er, he's sleeping off the jet lag.

Listen, uh,

thanks so much for this, yeah?

-Barely room to swing a cat at ours.

-Yeah.

Did he say anything last night?

Erm, that he's here with mates

and he thought he'd stop off and visit.

He's supposed to be in Miami. Michelle's worried sick.

I'll tell you what - when he wakes up,

I'll try and find out what he knows.

It's times like this I just wish Mum was still here.

Go on, you get yourself back on the stall.

I'll speak to Sharon, let her know what's going on. But...

It'll be all right.

Just leave it with me, yeah?

Thanks, Ian.

-See you later.

-See ya.

Right, soon as he wakes up,

we sit him down and talk to him.

SHE SIGHS

Do you really think you should get involved?

It's for Michelle.

Whatever it is he thinks he knows, we need to get him to drop it.

Yeah, but you can't really blame him for coming all this way.

I mean, if you'd got that phone call, you'd be on the first...

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

-Morning, love. Sleep well?

-Yeah, thanks.

-Yeah?

I'll tell you what - how about I knock you up a full English breakfast,

and then you can tell us all about your travels?

Er, maybe later. Yeah.

Um, what number is Auntie Sharon's house?

I thought I'd go over there now and just say hello.

Why Leeds?

She got a new job up there.

Found Jade a good school.

She and a work colleague,

a girl called, erm...Almass,

they're going together.

HE SIGHS You OK?

Yeah. She's moving on.

It's good for her.

Mas is talking about going too.

SHE SIGHS

Still, least we've got each other.

And don't worry - I'm not going anywhere.

I am going to go to work.

Kushy, what about your pancakes?

You've got to eat!

Blimey, we've only just had breakfast! What's all this?

Just a little something extra to show how much I appreciate you putting me up.

Nothing to do with last night?

You're not in some sort of trouble with Claudette, are you?

Course not!

Me and Patrick had a laugh in salsa.

She's just jealous.

Why? Claudette is way out of his league.

LAUGHTER

What are all these knives about, anyway?

Oh, er... I picked a few bits up from the Vic earlier.

-SHE CHUCKLES

-My own personal collection.

Couldn't manage without them.

Didn't you just have a little dress on?

Oh, it didn't look right.

What are you talking about? You looked gorgeous.

-What, and I don't now?

-I'm not saying that.

It's just - it's not your usual get-up...

I just wanted to be comfy today. We've got a lot on.

Oh, careful!

Oh, sorry.

You will be able to get this buffet done by lunchtime, won't you?

Oh. Oh, I've completely forgot!

It's been in the diary for weeks!

Yeah, I'm sorry, Linda, but I can't seem to find anything.

It was all here yesterday!

CLATTERING

Oi. Oi!

-She can't cope, Mick.

-Leave her alone, babe.

-She's trying her best.

-How long's she worked here?

It's like she can't find her way round the kitchen!

Look, the East London Landladies will be arriving soon,

and do you know how much fuss I made about hosting this Rio Games lunch?

What's it going to look like if we can't even manage a few sarnies?!

-Oh, hey.

-Hi.

Um, just taking Kushy his breakfast.

He, erm, slept right through his alarm.

Good of you.

Look, I'm, erm...

I'm sorry again if I came across a bit heavy last night.

PHONE RINGS I didn't mean...

I'm really sorry, I'm going to have to take this.

Shabnam! I've been trying to call you...

You know, Pearl's being really stroppy

about waking up this morning.

Don't know where she gets that from.

Have you seen how many people signed up for tonight?!

SHE CHUCKLES

-# Love is in the air

-DOORBELL RINGS

# Everywhere you look around... #

-I'll go and get that.

-# Love is in the air... #

SHE HUMS

# Love is in the air... #

Oh, Carly, Nicola...

Hello, Mike!

Mm.

Hey, Patrick!

Pearl is looking forward to spending some time with her grandpops,

as Mama Cupid has got a lot of work to do.

Sorry, but that is why I came over.

I can't babysit.

Ah, hot date, is it?

HE SIGHS

Dot, I mean -

she's asked me round for dinner.

She can't get enough of you!

No, no, maybe it's just two old friends getting together?

Mm, I don't know, she was so insistent, man.

Ha! You see, I was right yesterday.

Love IS in the air. And Dot wants a piece of the action.

Kim, please, please, please. Have some respect, now.

Well, if you're not interested, you should tell her.

You know, you shouldn't string her along.

Yeah, yeah.

You don't want to break her heart, you know?

Not at her age, anyway.

HE LAUGHS

INDISTINCT

-DONNA:

-Do you fancy a drink tonight?

Not even living there.

Mum?

Mum?

I'll take that as a no, then.

Make sure you tell your mates

if the specials ain't on, they ain't interested.

-OK.

-Got it?

-Yeah, got it.

This market gets worse every day.

You can spot the filth a mile off.

Whatever happened to earning a clean living, eh?

Seems some people still haven't got the message.

You win.

No more payments.

It's over.

It had better be.

If I catch you within spitting distance of Pam and Les...

I think you've got a customer.

Hello, love.

Yeah, these are lovely.

How many would you like?

Mark! What a lovely surprise!

Good to see you, Auntie Sharon.

It's good to see you again. Come on through.

Phil's upstairs.

No, it's all right. He's agreed to drop it.

Really?

I'd make you a cuppa, but we've got to go out, I'm afraid.

Oh, well, in that case, why don't you pop over to ours later,

we can have a proper catch up?

-I'll get Martin to come over as well.

-Yeah, great.

-Sharon?

-You ready?

Don't want to be late for your appointment.

Phil?

Who's asking?

Mark.

Mark Fowler?

You called me.

That can't be right, Mark.

Nah.

No, I don't think so.

-Let's go.

-You told me something...

About my dad.

Tim? Phil's never met him.

Mum said it was a lie.

-Is it?

-Look, there must be some confusion.

Please, Phil. If you know something, then...

I don't know what you're talking about.

You must remember the call?

Why is Michelle's kid in my house calling me a liar?

What's he supposed to have said, darling?

Doesn't matter.

You know where the door is.

He's not been well, Mark.

I'll catch you later.

Come on, you.

Eh, that's not the face of someone

who's had a night of unbridled passion.

Mind you, we are talking about Masood.

Nothing happened.

He's talking about moving to Leeds.

-You what?

-Yeah.

To be with Shabnam. She's got a new job up there.

What, so he's going up there for good?

Well, he's thinking about it, at least.

I feel such an idiot.

He thought I wanted a relationship.

Oh, come here. Forget Mas.

There is a whole sea of men out there

for you to have fun with.

What, in Walford? SHE SCOFFS

We're landlocked.

Here...

You know what you need?

You need to go fishing.

-Lock and key party?

-Mm.

-I thought you weren't keen.

-Yeah, I know.

But Kim's promised me free booze,

so we might as well get plastered on her, eh?

What do you reckon?

Bruv, you just got properly checked out!

Not interested.

What? She was fit!

What am I going to do? Am I going to bring her home to you and Mum?

What is wrong with you?

-Mum's doing my head in.

-Ugh, tell me about it.

Look, I love her, yeah? But this morning, she asked me

if I wanted my toast cut into squares or triangles.

Hey!

Don't forget the lock and key party tonight at The Albert.

My bruv was just saying that he wants to meet some hot women.

Oh, you're done with your mystery woman?

Well, in that case, you should definitely come tonight.

The more totty the better, know what I mean?

Mas. Mas!

Mas!

I heard about Leeds.

Oh, yeah - Shabnam said she was going to call you, but, er...

Oh, it's OK. It's OK.

I heard you were going as well, and I wanted to say good luck.

Well, I'm not going after all.

-Oh?

-No - she says she's too old

to have a parent breathing down her neck.

I'd better get on with my work.

-Kush.

-Mm?

How about unlocking all of those fantasies?

Hot women guaranteed.

Hey, D! You haven't forgotten about tonight, have you?

No, as long as it's still free.

It's free.

Well, I'll see you later.

Bit of fluff...

Thanks very much, Hannah. See you tomorrow.

See you.

Where's Mark?

Bex is showing him round.

Hopefully, now that he's seen the state of Phil, he'll drop this.

Have you ever thought it might not be such a bad idea if he knows?

What, that his father's a bankrupt thug?!

I know how you all feel about Grant, Ian, but underneath it all,

he's a broken, grieving man.

Yeah, exactly.

He's not candidate for father of the year, is he?

This is for the best.

Best for who?

Who's side are you on? Grant's?

This isn't about sides, Ian.

Mark is an innocent in all of this.

He doesn't deserve to be lied to.

Oh, I'm afraid we haven't got any of Babe's specials today.

But we do have a wide selection of other lunch options...

Nah, you're all right.

Why is everyone suddenly asking for Babe's specials?!

You know what punters are like. They're unpredictable.

Oh, that's all we need. I can't cope with this today, Mick.

Babe, Babe.

Now's not a good time, darling.

I just came to bring these back.

Must've packed them up by mistake.

Thought Abi might need them.

Well, give us them here, then.

Mind if I take them in myself?

I think I owe the girl an apology.

Make it quick.

Well, lunch won't be too long, ladies.

-Oh, lovely. Can't wait.

-Good, I'm starving.

-Ha, so am I!

Found these knives amongst my things.

Thought you might be missing them.

Abi, love...

I never meant for things to get out of hand.

I wanted to help you keep Ben, but...

I should never have stuck my nose in.

I'm sorry.

I see you're doing the potatoes the way I taught you.

Just don't forget to scuff them in the pan a little.

Makes them nice and crispy when you roast them.

Hold up, hold up. Um...

So, funny thing -

today, while we're up to our eyes with this Games lunch,

half of Walford, erm,

have been asking about your grub.

-Have they?

-Mm.

Now, I don't want L stressed. Not with the trial next week.

Course not.

Anything I can do to help?

Well, if you can bang out a few of your specials in an hour, then yes.

Course!

What are you waiting for? Go and whack your apron on.

I know what you're going to say -

it's just really going to help us out.

What about Abi?

Abi's a big girl.

We can't just forget what she did! She almost ruined Lee and Whitney!

It's just for today. That's all it is, OK?

She's going to help Abi with the rush.

And let's remind that little landlady mob

which landlady serves up the best grub, yes?

Just for today.

Well, you should come over and spend some time with Lily and Arthur.

You'd love to get to know your cousin, wouldn't you?

Yeah, I'd like that.

Sharon's running a bit late.

Is Phil coming too?

Erm, I doubt it.

Isn't he sober now?

Supposedly.

Then why was he heading to the hospital?

I mean, he must still be pretty bad.

Does he forget stuff?

You know what? We should go into town later.

Er, I'm actually feeling a bit spaced.

You know, I'm probably still on US time.

I might go for a walk. Clear my head.

We'll come with you, won't we, Stace?

-Yeah.

-Like a walk.

I'll go by myself, if that's all right.

Mark, Mark, hold up, hold up.

You're going to try and find Phil, aren't you?

You said he phoned.

All right, what was it that he said to you?

Look, Phil...

Phil's a volatile man, OK?

I mean, he made Sharon and Ben's life hell when he was drinking.

I mean, he nearly killed his daughter.

So what is it that he said to you?

He said my dad's not my real dad.

What?

Why would he say a thing like that?

I mean, unless it's one of his twisted games.

I mean, look - Tim... Tim's your dad.

OK? I remember when him and Michelle phoned up

to say that she was expecting.

HE SIGHS

Mark, we're your family, OK?

Martin, Stacey and the kids,

me, Jane, my mum, Steven.

Come on. Come back in.

MUSIC PLAYS

Oi, this stuff is really expensive, OK?

How come there's none left?

I don't know. Why don't you use the bottle Mum got you?

The one that smells like Dad.

Yeah, well, I'm going to have to now, aren't I?

-Where are you going, anyway?

-Albert.

-I knew it!

-I am only going to support Kim, all right?

-Yeah, all right, all right.

-You never know.

He may meet the girl of his dreams.

Yeah, or end up with some total freak. SHE LAUGHS

HE SIGHS

Am I seeing things?

You got amnesia, Mick?

-She's just helping us out.

-Are we really that desperate?

She's been grafting all afternoon,

so please, Mum, don't.

Is everything all right?

It's next week.

It's on her nut.

OK.

Did she say anything?

No, but I can tell.

So she don't need no more hassle.

And neither do you, OK?

Thank you.

-All right.

-Oh, great. Thank you.

-There you go.

Lovely, thank you.

Dot wants to know if you're around later?

Er, no, I'm not, I'm working.

Wow, they look amazing!

Yeah, well, I wish I could say I'd made 'em.

-Abi, love! Service, please.

-You are joking? What about...

Well, she said she wanted to bury the hatchet.

Probably in my back.

Be careful, yeah?

Abi, love.

You've shown real maturity, putting everything behind you.

After all, we're a great team, aren't we? Eh?

SHE CHUCKLES

Table six.

Mick and Linda have got enough on their plate

without you playing your silly games.

I'm not playing games.

You don't fool me.

I know what you did to Abi.

Don't you think there are bigger things to think about right now?

I know it's an important time.

That's why I want to help.

You, Mick, Linda, the kids -

you mean the world to me.

You're an embarrassment to us.

Haven't you messed up enough times?

We're family.

We need to be united.

I'll ease the pressure here,

and you, Mick and Linda focus on getting through Dean's trial.

Us Carters, we're stronger together.

OK, so remember, every lock has a key,

so you're guaranteed a date tonight.

SHE GIGGLES Enjoy!

Hey. Lager, please.

Yeah, uh...

Mm.

Interesting scent, that. Vintage.

Just the man! Mr Kushy!

-There you go.

-OK.

SHE GIGGLES

Hey, D! Over here!

Vincent, large red.

Make that two, Vincent.

Oh! I didn't know you were out tonight?

Likewise.

You smell lovely, darling.

Thank you.

Just the man.

HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

No, I'm just A man, not THE man.

-One of many men.

-Let me take this.

-No, no, no, no.

I'm going to keep it on, thanks.

Dorothy, um...

Look, I need to tell you something.

Oh, you look just like Jim when he's lost on the horses.

-Dorothy, I...

-And he'd bring me a sticky finger to distract me.

Yeah, but I am not Jim!

Dorothy Branning -

I mean, you are a very attractive woman.

You're kind, you're wise...

Patrick...

Let me finish now, man.

I-I'm sorry, Dorothy,

but I just can't fulfil your desires,

other than being your friend.

Sticky finger?

We're, uh, celebrating Grandad's birthday.

Oh...

I mean, why do they always assume

you want more than just a bit of fun?

Yeah. Well, what about finding this bloke to unlock, then?

Oh, I have tried everyone.

-WHISPERING:

-Carmel. Carmel, what about him?

I must've missed him.

Yeah. Well, go on over.

-I'll get the drinks in, yeah?

-Oh, all right, then.

Can I get two red wines, please?

Oh.

Shame, ain't it?

Young, attractive, great figures.

I know what I like.

CARMEL GROANS

I give up.

Ugh, I can't even get a blind date!

What about you, Kushy?

No, me neither. Nothing.

Oh, wow, look.

-Here, Kim.

-Yeah?

Your matches.

They are spot on.

SHE LAUGHS

Mama Cupid strikes again!

LAUGHTER

I'll tell you what, I'm going to go outside, sit down.

Getting hot in here.

No, of course.

Yeah, I'll give you a call tomorrow.

All right. Yeah, bye, Chelle. Bye.

This is a mess.

HE SIGHS

That's it, it's all sorted. He's flying home tomorrow.

He's not stupid, Ian.

When Mark finds out the truth, he won't only hate you,

he'll hate the whole family.

It'll feel like... It'll feel like some sort of conspiracy!

It's for his own good.

You really believe that?

FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING

Not interrupting, am I?

No. No, of course not.

Look, can I get you anything? Beer?

No, I'm all right, thanks.

Look, erm, I've been thinking.

And you're right.

Half my family's here and I never get to see you,

so I figured I'd stay for a few more weeks.

If that's cool?

Mum's gone home.

To Craig.

That flaming cat!

Yeah, try living with the pair of them.

Sorry about Shabnam.

She deserves to be happy.

Yeah, she does.

So do you.

Not if I keep making really, really bad decisions.

Oh, please. I've got a platinum award in them.

Yeah, but Shabnam's got it sorted, you know?

New city, new job.

You wouldn't catch her at some dodgy singles night,

not actually wanting to speak to anyone apart from...

Want another?

Might as well, as long as they're still on Kim.

Yeah. Yeah, why not?

Thanks.

Ah, drinking alone?

Well, Craig's waiting for me.

Oh, right.

Erm, listen, I'm sorry if I was off a bit earlier.

Oh, it's fine.

-It's just, plans have changed, and...

-Yeah, I know.

-Kush told me you're not going now.

-Mm.

I can understand why you wanted to, though.

I mean, it's not as if there's anyone keeping you here.

No real commitment to anyone.

Apart from Kamil.

-Thanks.

-No, right.

Apart from, er, Kamil.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

I don't suppose, er,

you'd fancy some human company tonight?

Mm...I'm not sure that I need it.

-Oh.

-Yeah.

Actually, Craig's quite the conversationalist,

for a cat.

I can't believe he thought that she fancied him!

Oh, come on.

It's got to be hard, being on your own at their age.

You want a rum, Patrick?

Yes, but make it a double shot, please.

And for your good lady?

Tomato juice. No ice.

Coming up.

Dot, I apologise.

Oh, it was a simple misunderstanding.

-I just thought that you were missing Jim...

-Yes.

Patrick, there's nothing I'd love more than to have Jim back,

but the fact is, he ain't coming back.

So I just have to get on with it.

And so should you.

Yeah, I'll drink to that.

I kind of felt like Kim was my pimp.

THEY LAUGH

Oh!

Well, you were definitely her best cut of meat on that cattle market.

Is that what people think of me, is it?

That I'm some kind of playboy?

Hey. Hey, is that why you just wanted to be mates?

-Well...

-Ah!

You know, you haven't exactly been short of women, have you?

I told you, didn't I?

-It was just bad decisions.

-Mm.

And, um...

I need to stop making them.

Well, if you figure out how,

bottle it, cos I'll be first in line.

Here she is.

We've made a bomb today thanks to you.

Paying people off.

Pleasure! Thanks, ladies.

SHE SIGHS Sweet?

I thought them two would never leave.

They loved it! And Geraldine from The Feathers texted.

She'd heard on the grapevine about the food -

she wanted to know how much we paid our chef!

Happy to help, Linda.

Maybe, er, you could do a couple of shifts next week.

You know, help out with the lunchtime rush.

-I'd love to!

-Yeah, just a couple.

Back in a minute.

You enjoyed that.

We ran out of some of the ingredients.

Had to substitute with what we had lying around.

Oh, you can give the old pervert and his missus a message.

Changed my mind.

I expect my money next week.

No excuses.

SHE EXHALES

No more bad decisions?

Starting now.