29/12/2016 EastEnders


29/12/2016

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Transcript


LineFromTo

Na-na, na-na!

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What a touch, eh? Half a day.

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I've got nothing to wear.

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I've got a packet of mince pies where my waist should be.

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Why don't you show off your Christmas puddings instead?

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Oi!

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PHONE BEEPS

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Oh, yeah, having a thing with the milkman, are you?

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It's Max. Do you know what?

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I was thinking I might invite him to the traders' do tonight.

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Why?

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Well, I'm just a bit worried about him - Jack's told him to stay away

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from the wedding and he's taken it to heart.

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Plus Lauren's waitressing so, you know, might perk him up a bit.

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Yes. Just a bit weird, ain't it?

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I mean, it's a Christmas do for the traders.

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Yeah? I'm going.

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Yeah, but you're my plus-one.

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Yeah, he's mine.

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-Ready?

-Right, OK.

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-What's this?

-No probs.

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Right, see you later.

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Bye.

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Ready? Nee-oh!

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Well, there you go. Just this once, mind you.

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Are you feeding him sardines?

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Oh, she's just a nuisance.

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I mean, I was going to have them for my lunch, and she jumps up on

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the table and sticks her nose in the bowl before I could cover it up.

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I tell you what - I'll take him to work.

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-See if he's been microchipped.

-Microchipped?

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Oh, and I'm going to get some confetti for the wedding.

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Do you want some?

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Did you say microchipped?

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Well, if he's got responsible owners, he'll be registered.

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I am so excited for Ronnie and Jack's wedding.

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It's in this classy hotel with a pool and everything.

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I'll pack my bikini(!)

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Come on, you.

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Now, you be a good girl, won't you?

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There we go.

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There you go. Otherwise she'll be jumping out.

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Have a good day.

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I did a virtual tour of the high street last night.

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And there's a couple of, like, nice little boutique shops

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and a couple of all right looking restaurants.

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I'm so relieved. I've been worrying about where the kids are going to hang out at the weekends(!)

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OK, I know it's not about me,

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it's about the kids and schools and parks and all of that stuff...

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but it's just nice to know that Ongar isn't the back end of beyond.

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Do you still think it's a good idea?

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Yeah. Why?

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-Don't you?

-No, I just...

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I don't want to cause issues between you and Jack

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when he eventually finds out.

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He'll be OK.

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But it wouldn't hurt to give him a little nudge.

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How do you mean?

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Well, you could be a bit, you know, more helpful, thoughtful.

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Well, that's me all over!

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All right. Fine.

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I'm so excited.

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I mean, this is us moving forward - one big, happy,

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freaky modern family.

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I'm the freaky in that sentence, aren't I?

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And I don't want anything to get in the way of that.

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Think you should start taking those vitamins today.

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Don't even know if I'm pregnant yet.

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Then take a test.

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It's only been a couple of days.

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Then use one of those rapid response ones.

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Yeah. Maybe tomorrow.

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Do you even want to be pregnant?

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Course I do.

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You can't even look at me.

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Whit?

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Can you blame me?

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I can't get it out of my head, Lee, OK?

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You knew that Ollie was asleep upstairs.

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And your mum and dad had been working really hard...

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Whit, please. All right? I explained.

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You said it was all right.

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No, it ain't. It keeps going round and round.

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And all so that you could fit in?

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That's the sort of excuse that a schoolkid would use,

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not a grown man.

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I thought you had more backbone.

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It's not a good time, OK? I've got my review today.

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And there's no way I'm getting extended.

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Do you really think that's such a bad thing?

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You'd find other work.

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DOOR SLAMS

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Lee, hold up. How many tickets you sold for New Year?

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Er, dunno. Couple.

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Well, liven yourself up, yeah?

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I don't want to add bankruptcy to your mum's list of worries.

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Oh, here he is, look, the old milk nut.

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Oi, you, a word.

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Yeah, the rent? Sorry, mate. I'll set up a direct debit today.

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-PHONE RINGS

-Yeah, you do that, eh?

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Penny?

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Oh, I look like a hypothermia victim!

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Then what? Cos we've tried everything, Ron.

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What about that one I got you?

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What, my Christmas present?

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Yes, I'll get you another one.

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All right, darling. Let me ask Ron.

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And I'll speak to you later, yeah? All right, love.

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Bye.

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What's happened?

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Penny. She can't make it this weekend,

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-she's got a hospital appointment that's come up in Paris.

-Oh.

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Rox.

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-Jack.

-That's a shame, isn't it?

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Yeah, Selina's been wanting her to see this consultant for ages, so...

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I said I'd go and meet 'em for lunch in Covent Garden instead.

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Why don't I come too?

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Can pick up the wedding favours on the way.

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What, drag the kids halfway through London?

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Well, Roxy could look after them.

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Yeah. No, I'd love to help.

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Ah, you're OK.

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Oh, come on, Jack.

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It'd be really nice for Penny to see you both.

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And, well, it seems like the perfect opportunity.

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Oi, oi. I am still her mother, yeah?

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We'd be really grateful, wouldn't we, Jack?

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Yeah. Thanks.

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Come on!

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Look what I've got left over for tonight.

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You're all right, ta.

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And even if I was on the pull, I don't need props, thank you.

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Donna...you'll have some.

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What, so he doesn't need it, but I do?

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No, I didn't mean it like that.

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No, thanks. There's no talent on this market anyway.

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Heard that. Thank you.

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What about Shrimpy?

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What about him?

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-Oi!

-Sorry, sorry, I'm late for work!

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I think that's a sign, don't you?

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-Back again?

-Don't get paranoid, Ian.

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His daughters live here and his brother's getting married tomorrow.

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-He ain't invited apparently.

-How come?

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Jack's got more sense than the rest of us?

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Ian, maybe he was being straight the other night.

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And maybe he got abducted by aliens and had a personality transplant.

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-Ian!

-He's been texting Stacey at the crack of dawn.

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She's inviting him to this do tonight.

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I won't have no freeloaders, I've done an exact spend per head.

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Morning.

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Morning.

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COIN CLATTERS

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COIN CLATTERS

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(Please, please!)

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Come on, come on, work! Come on!

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Is there a problem?

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It won't take my money! Stupid thing's broken!

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All right, all right, you need to calm down.

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I'm late for work and your stupid machine's going to get me the sack!

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What? Do you think I was going to...?

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I weren't going to hit you.

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OK. Give me your money. Give me the coin.

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How much have you put in?

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Two quid.

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There you go, love.

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We all have our bad days.

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Thanks... Sorry.

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It's my go, you've had yours!

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My episodes are short. Yours last for ages!

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Give it back!

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Hey! Excuse me! No, no, no. Give it to me.

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You've had enough TV. It's going off.

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What are we supposed to do instead?

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Well, I don't know.

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It's not like you got a lump of coal for Christmas, is it?

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I know what we can do, we can play hide-and-seek.

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But you've got to count to 100.

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OK, it'll be fun. Go on, then!

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One, two, three, four...

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40 minutes late. Do you think that's acceptable?

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-Today of all days.

-I know, I know,

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but the tubes were down and then there was traffic and...

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You're boring me, Lee.

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Got your review this afternoon. Unless you put some serious numbers

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on that board today, you won't have to worry about the commute any more.

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(Good luck.)

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RINGING TONE

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Good morning, madam. My name's Lee and I'm calling from ELGE.

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I hope you had a lovely Christmas...

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Oh, reckon I could get used to you waiting on me.

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Finally, my vocation all along.

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Wish I knew why he was back.

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Maybe he just fancied reconnecting with family. Same as me.

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Now there's a thought - you could go and chat to him.

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-Sound him out.

-Me? I don't know him from Adam.

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No, but that's a good thing, ain't it? He might slip up.

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I've just been in the cafe!

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Yeah, well, maybe I fancy a bacon roll.

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Brown sauce.

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Bacon roll, please.

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It'll be about five minutes.

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No worries.

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-Hiya.

-Hi, darling. I'll catch you later.

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All right.

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Hello.

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Oh. You all right?

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Michelle.

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-Erm, yeah. Max.

-Martin's sister.

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Yeah, yeah, I gathered.

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So, I hear we've got something in common.

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Both wanderers returned. Funny being back.

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Smells the same. Even my old house.

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Must have gone through countless renovations,

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but something in its bones smells the same.

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Truth is, I'm a bit bored.

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Everyone else has got work, chores, all that day-to-day stuff.

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But when you're visiting you're sort of in limbo, don't you think?

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Well, I dunno, I've got a job.

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Must be nice seeing the old faces.

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Stacey? I hear she's a good friend.

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So what else do you hear?

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Nothing much.

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Can tell you fancy yourself rotten, but then I got that from "hello".

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So, do you have any plans then, now you're back?

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Erm, no. Not really. Stopped making plans when I went inside.

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I'm a sort of a take-it-as-it-comes sort of a guy now.

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And what about you?

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What about me?

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Well, you've obviously stayed long enough to get bored.

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Something stopping you from going home?

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No, not especially.

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And come to think of it, how comes we ain't met before?

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I've been round here about ten years.

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A visit from you is like hen's teeth.

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I've left it too long.

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And I shouldn't have said that, about being bored. It's rubbish.

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I love being here. My family.

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That's all there is to it.

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Teas are ready, Max.

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Anyway, nice to meet you. I'll let you get on.

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Yeah.

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Cheers.

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No. No, no, no, no, it's not a scam, it's completely legit.

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If you just bear with me for one second, it won't take long,

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I'll talk really fast, I promise...

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LINE GOES DEAD

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Boom!

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Nice one, Oz. Dial it down though, yeah?

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Sir.

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Where are you going?

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Just to get a coffee.

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No breaks until you've made a sale.

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Come on. Right now.

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I'll try.

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No try. Just do it.

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LINE RINGS

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He must have said something?

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Here, Martin, look at this!

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Heaven knows how I'm going to get it into the hospital!

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Nice one, mate.

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Does my hair look all right?

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Only it wouldn't lie down flat this morning

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and it is the day I'm going to get into the Walford Gazette.

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You look great, Derek. Don't he, Martin?

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Come on, let's show everybody else.

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Did he mention Stace?

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-Sorry, Martin, but I think you should leave him alone.

-Is this Max?

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You want a scab to heal, you don't go picking.

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It's all right for her to say, she's not in the firing line.

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I'm not looking forward to telling Phil.

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Why?

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Oh, it's nothing.

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No, come on, Sharon. I'm on your side.

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'Andrew, my son, he deals with my gas and electricity bills.

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'And he's got me one of those packages... Maybe it's with you?'

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No, Mrs Kirby, it's not.

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And that's why you're on our list, because we think that

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we could provide you with a much cheaper deal.

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'List? I'm on a list? Ain't that an invasion of privacy?'

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No, no, no. It's not an invasion of privacy.

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In fact, you could tell me to get lost

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-right now if you wanted to.

-HIS BOSS CLEARS HIS THROAT

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What I'm trying to say is, that I'm just

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a normal bloke just trying to help you out.

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In fact, I set my own nan up with ELGE because I want her to

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have the very best and that's what we do.

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'Really?

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'I'd love to see the look on Andrew's face

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'if I told him I'd found a better deal than him.

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'He treats me like a very stupid child sometimes.

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'I'm afraid being old isn't much fun.'

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Oh, Mrs Kirby, don't say that. You sound like loads of fun.

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'I've had my day!

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'Now, erm, why don't you tell me what I need to do?'

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Great. Do you have your card details at hand, by any chance?

0:17:270:17:31

'Well, just a minute...'

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Amy? Ricky? Where are you?

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It's the fourth game we've played, I'm not playing any more.

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SHE SIGHS

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GIGGLING

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I gotcha!

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Ricky! What the hell are you...?! Give me that!

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-Ricky! Ricky!

-You're mean. I'm calling Daddy!

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No, wait. Come here, come here.

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Stop it, stop it, stop it.

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Look, I'm sorry I scared you. OK? Listen, you scared me.

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You know that's Ronnie's wedding dress.

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I want to speak to Daddy and you can't stop me!

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OK, no, no, no, let's just calm down, let's just calm down.

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I tell you what, I've got an idea.

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How would you like some of your stocking chocolate?

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Yeah? Yeah? That's a good idea, isn't it?

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Yeah. So, you give me that and you and Amy can go upstairs.

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Didn't know you had it in you.

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Weren't that hard.

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Shame you've just gone and cost that little old lady her weekly pension.

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Eh?

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Well, she's in a contract, she'll have to pay to switch.

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I mean, cost her more than what we're saving her.

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Shock'll probably kill her. Congratulations.

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Lee, a word in my office, please.

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Hiya.

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Sharon?

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Hi, look, I'm sorry to bother you.

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But I've come to a decision.

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Oh, yeah?

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Yeah. Max. Look, we can't keep hiding it from him.

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Phil needs to know he's back.

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I'll come with you.

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So, your review...

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Yeah, before we get into that, I just need to say something.

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That lady, Mrs Kirby, we need to let her out of her contract.

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What, and lose a customer?

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She didn't know it was going to cost her.

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I made her think she'd save money.

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It's up to the customer to check their existing contract.

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We can only give them the information that we have.

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Nothing you told her was incorrect.

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She trusted me. I think she liked me.

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Lee, I asked you here to tell you that you have...

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..passed your probationary review.

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But if you keep talking, I can easily change my mind.

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And when I say passed, I mean by the skin of your teeth.

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And you can thank your lucky stars that your team-mates were fired

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cos we can't afford to lose manpower.

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However, let's think of 2017 as a fresh start for Lee Carter.

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Hmm? Man up.

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Feel the adrenaline pump through your veins, and who knows,

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you might even be competing with Oz.

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Thank you... Thank you very much.

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STACEY AND MAX GIGGLE

0:21:070:21:09

You all right?

0:21:210:21:23

Tell Martin, go on - it's hilarious.

0:21:230:21:25

Nah, nah, nah, it's all right. I mean, she's nice, I like her.

0:21:250:21:28

Your sister's been flirting with him. She's a dark horse.

0:21:280:21:32

Michelle's married.

0:21:320:21:34

You been here all afternoon?

0:21:360:21:37

Well, it made sense, seeing as he's coming tonight.

0:21:390:21:42

Erm...yeah, I've got a couple of things to get on with.

0:21:440:21:48

So I'll see you there.

0:21:480:21:50

Thanks for the invite, Martin. Appreciate it.

0:21:540:21:56

Yeah.

0:21:560:21:58

See you later.

0:21:580:21:59

What is your problem?

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DOOR OPENS

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Roxy. Oi, Rox...

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What?

0:22:170:22:19

Where're the kids?

0:22:190:22:20

What?

0:22:200:22:21

The small humans we left you in charge of. Where are they?

0:22:210:22:24

They're here, obviously.

0:22:240:22:26

Amy!

0:22:260:22:28

Did it go OK?

0:22:280:22:29

Yeah, went really well. We played hide-and-seek.

0:22:290:22:31

Messed around with Christmas presents.

0:22:310:22:34

We had a laugh, actually.

0:22:340:22:35

Ricky's just been sick.

0:22:350:22:37

What? Why didn't you tell me?

0:22:370:22:40

Mummy said we could eat all our Christmas chocolates and then

0:22:400:22:44

he went a funny colour.

0:22:440:22:46

I did not say "all".

0:22:460:22:47

You know what, you should've been keeping an eye on them.

0:22:470:22:49

But don't worry, I'll go and sort it out.

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Come on, you.

0:22:520:22:53

Roxy.

0:22:560:22:58

Oi! You're supposed to be making it easier, not harder.

0:22:580:23:03

You're right. I'm a lost cause.

0:23:030:23:06

-DOOR OPENS

-Is that you, Abi?

0:23:110:23:13

-Oh!

-There's no microchip.

0:23:150:23:17

Oh, Ethel. Well, I don't suppose we can get rid of you.

0:23:170:23:22

We'll have to have you a while longer, won't we, eh?

0:23:220:23:26

He's going to get a complex if you keep calling him that.

0:23:260:23:29

There.

0:23:330:23:34

Heard you were back.

0:23:410:23:42

Charming(!)

0:23:440:23:45

Yeah, well, you know me.

0:23:450:23:46

What's the matter with you?

0:23:490:23:51

Your stuck-up brother, that's what.

0:23:510:23:53

Should be me going to that.

0:23:550:23:57

You know, I spent most of the year slaving on that flipping stall.

0:23:570:24:01

So what's stopping you?

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Ain't invited.

0:24:030:24:05

Since when did you ever wait for an invitation? I'm going.

0:24:050:24:10

-How come?

-Martin and Stacey.

0:24:110:24:13

You should come with me. Never know, might be fun.

0:24:140:24:17

Yeah. All right.

0:24:190:24:21

Apparently instead of playing hide-and-seek,

0:24:250:24:29

they were messing about with my wedding dress.

0:24:290:24:32

Why would she let them do that?

0:24:320:24:35

They convinced her to count to 100 before she went to look for them.

0:24:350:24:39

She tried her best.

0:24:390:24:41

Yeah, well, hardly saying something, is it?

0:24:410:24:44

And to be honest, I'm looking forward to cutting those ties.

0:24:440:24:47

'You don't trust him?'

0:24:520:24:53

Why would I? He don't leave you alone, Stace.

0:24:530:24:56

I thought we spoke about this,

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Martin, on our wedding day. You said that my past was part of

0:24:570:25:00

-who I am, and you wouldn't hold it against me.

-And I'm not.

0:25:000:25:03

You are!

0:25:030:25:04

It's not even about that!

0:25:040:25:06

So what is it about, then?

0:25:060:25:07

Ian and Jane are my family and I'm worried about them.

0:25:080:25:12

Why?

0:25:120:25:13

Max is the one who's been banged up for something he didn't do.

0:25:130:25:16

He's the one who can't sleep without having nightmares.

0:25:160:25:19

He's the one who's trying to rebuild his life from scratch!

0:25:190:25:21

Exactly. And if it were me, I'd be livid.

0:25:210:25:25

I wouldn't be able to walk around playing nice

0:25:250:25:28

in front of the people who let me go down.

0:25:280:25:30

Well, maybe he's bigger than you.

0:25:300:25:32

You know what, even if this whole forgiveness malarkey is for real,

0:25:340:25:38

you just don't know what could tip him over.

0:25:380:25:41

Tip him over? Meaning?

0:25:420:25:46

Doesn't matter.

0:25:480:25:49

No, it does matter, Martin. It does matter.

0:25:490:25:51

Talk to me.

0:25:510:25:52

Look, I have literally just found this out.

0:25:540:25:56

I'm not saying I agree with what's happened,

0:25:560:25:59

but it just makes it more important that we're on our guard.

0:25:590:26:02

What?

0:26:030:26:04

Phil Mitchell...

0:26:080:26:10

..paid a juror to find Max guilty.

0:26:120:26:15

And I'm telling you now, if he found that out,

0:26:150:26:17

he wouldn't be all Mr Peace And Love.

0:26:170:26:19

HE SNIFFS

0:26:320:26:34

Have you...? Have you been...?

0:26:450:26:48

I was in the toilet washing my face, all right?

0:26:480:26:51

Nah, I'm getting a picture of this.

0:26:510:26:54

Lee Carter, a little crybaby girl.

0:26:540:26:56

At least I've got a heart!

0:26:580:27:00

You think you've got a heart?

0:27:000:27:02

Yeah, yeah. I've got friends.

0:27:020:27:03

I've got family. I've got a wife.

0:27:030:27:05

Mate, mate, mate.

0:27:050:27:06

Do you think you'd have any of those things if you were upfront

0:27:060:27:09

about what a spineless rat you actually are?

0:27:090:27:12

You know, I said to the boys, I said, nah, he ain't gonna do it.

0:27:120:27:15

He ain't going to sell his family out. He's too nice.

0:27:150:27:18

I stuck up for you.

0:27:180:27:20

But oh, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, you let yourself down.

0:27:200:27:24

And no amount of slobbering into a hanky's going to change that.

0:27:240:27:28

Oh, yeah, and that wife of yours...

0:27:310:27:35

That lovely, soft peach of a wife.

0:27:360:27:38

One whiff of a real man, she'll be gone.

0:27:400:27:42

Anyway, I'm going to get the stairs. New Year's resolution, an' all.

0:27:510:27:56

Chin up.

0:27:560:27:57

HE YELLS

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HE BREATHES HEAVILY

0:29:410:29:44

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